"Merry-Go-Mind: Misery, Mirth, and Mania" (Trigger Warning: Madness & Mental Disorders.) JJ #75

[@TheLastSyphen]

It is a shame how text is so simple such that I cannot convey through it what I would say if I were talking to you in person I am cursed with the ability of foresight, I can see that I am heading where you went and I can barely do anything about it. I am just here overloading myself in classwork so that I can feel proud when it is finished because I feel no pride in myself or any of the work I have done. I see my friends going through it who I know aren't as mentally fortified as I am, leading me to know that when I crash it will only be worse. To say I am a yes-man, would probably be an understatement, I can't let myself disappoint anyone. Adding in a toxic perfectionist mindset and you get a horrible mix. I wish I could stop, but my mind alone when not doing work is not a fun place in the slightest. Only within the last few months have I been able to distance myself from my schoolwork, but with nothing left that satisfies me, I am left with my mind, which makes me want to run back to work. While I do not have a metal disorder (at least that I know of) I still understand that. We who are already... damaged, are closer to life. Closer to it and understanding what *Life* is. I do think and hope for both of our recoveries. All of us can pull ourselves back up. And all can find ourselves. Sorry for dumping this. This video just hit me in the feels and was truly the most relatable thing I have taken in in months. But I thank you for bringing it out so I can feel it once more. To say this touched me is an understatement, this blasted through me in the way I needed something to. You are right. You will get through this. And so will I. At the slightest, we know a bit more about ourself. And at the greatest, we change to a stronger, greater person.