Michael Scott Once Said… Your Favourite Michael Quotes | The Office | Comedy Bites

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We'd put a Michael Scott quote here but choosing a favourite is like picking our favourite child.
Here's all of YOUR favourite Michael Scott quotes, as chosen by the Comedy Bites community tab? Reckon we've missed one out? Go comment on our post! 👉 bit.ly/MichaelScottOnceSaid
From "The Office": an American television mockumentary sitcom broadcast on NBC. Created as an adaptation by Greg Daniels of the British series of the same name, it is a mockumentary that follows the day-to-day lives of the employees of the Scranton, Pennsylvania branch of Dunder Mifflin, a fictional paper supply company. The series stars Steve Carell as Michael Scott, John Krasinski as Jim Halpert, Jenna Fischer as Pam Beesley and Rainn Wilson as Dwight Schrute.
The Office streaming now on Peacock: bit.ly/2RJSyNS
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[@ComedyBites]

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[@rednaxela69]

How could they leave out “well well well, how the turn tables...”

[@OmmieFerguson]

YEEEEESSSSS. I needed that one

[@Linda-lu2jy]

MHM

[@1theofficefan835]

HOW COULD THEY?!

[@fancyfrog297]

I wanted that too 😔

[@mrdeeganjr8661]

I use that phrase all the time

[@dwightk.schrute3721]

"Dont be an idiot" changed my life.

[@Joeyczhu]

KISS. Keep it simple, stupid

[@hedgehogcuber6848]

@@Joeyczhu Hurts my feelings every time

[@giada2918]

Whenever I'm about to do something, I think: " would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do NOT do that thing.

[@husaynbootwala1729]

Identity theft is not a joke jim, millions of families suffer every year.

[@juicebloom]

kiss!

[@hotdamndan9892]

"I'm an early bird and night owl. So I am wise, and... I have worms." Still one of the underrated M. Scott quotes.

[@deepsharma8591]

Early bird gets the bird

[@heysup7014]

I'm your 666th like

[@vsezaye]

Who's your worm guy?

[@kaitlynmiller1833]

@@heysup7014

[@malhar073]

What does i have worms means? Can anyone explain that quote

[@comedyhub9679]

"Tell David to call me ASAP as possible" 😂😂

[@stigv5474]

Not that funny tbh

[@comedyhub9679]

@@stigv5474 It is when Michael says it

[@SahibpreetKaur]

hahahaha good one

[@yaseenkallayi425]

smh my head

[@murcielagoXO]

David: "Hello sweetie!" Michael: "This is not sweetie this is MICHAEL SCOTT!"

[@keshavvaidhya8082]

"Little kid lover, in that way people will know exactly where my priorities are" - Michael

[@Iambored4039]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Lucas_188]

My favourite line

[@youreverydaysaltyiowastate5602]

“😳” - Ryan

[@lailas-in-space]

"As a doctor, you would not tell a patient that they have cancer"

[@kryptonian1371]

Lmao

[@drlecter3608]

that one is genius 😂

[@lailas-in-space]

@@drlecter3608 yup

[@hastwper6682]

Downsizing

[@Clonesoldier501]

@@hastwper6682 that pfp xD

[@hellofin02]

"STANLEY, STANLEY, BARACK IS PRESIDENT!!! YOU ARE BLACK STANLEY!!" cracks me up everytime

[@elenajoseph6630]

that entire cold open gets me every time 🤣🤣🤣

[@juansecatella1705]

One of my favourites is after Michael tells Pam about him and her mom: *"That could have gone one of two ways. But I never expected her to get upset."*

[@jaxeden]

This is so funny I missed it when watching… Every line is so intentional

[@lailas-in-space]

I wanna know what he expected to happen. He probably expected her to accept him as his new father XD

[@Mario-xx7jn]

“I don’t care if you’re gay or straight or overweight just get into the conference room.”

[@Y20XTongvaLand]

Lmao

[@shabnammother962]

"And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do"

[@virtualbro8571]

Me always 😂😂😂

[@abeydou4372]

"You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take" - Wayne Gretzky - Michael Scott

[@owencreatescontent7073]

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” - Wayne Gretzky - Michael Scott - Abeydou

[@thetruth9803]

@@owencreatescontent7073 "fk off" - TheTruth

[@michaelpp5125]

@@thetruth9803 “hey guys” - me :)

[@yashgupta7150]

Best quote !

[@averagestreamer5854]

Is it just me, but “fool me twice, strike three” actually is a good one to live by?

[@leannna]

I swear there was a song with a lyric similar to that

[@sofiag6005]

​@@leannna yeah, I think the song is "no time to die" by billie eilish guess it's that part of the lyrics: "fool me once, fool me twice" or I'm just completely wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@televal5204]

@@sofiag6005 not only that, Rainn Wilson went to Billies house and questioned her about The Office trivia to see if she were really a big fan

[@televal5204]

@@sofiag6005 but the actual song they may be referring to is "fool my once, strike one, fool me twice, strike three" by Rosematter

[@aryanbharadwaj2286]

@@leannna fool me one time, shame on you. fool me two times, can't put the blame on you- j.cole

[@akw1819]

“Why are you the way that you are? Honestly every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not... that way. I hate... so much... about the things you choose to be”

[@wansamekharumnuid925]

"There is no such thing as an appropriate joke ...that’s why it’s a joke" - Michael Scott

[@jocelyncorrea835]

Jan:”I guess I underestimated you” Michael: “Okay well maybe next time you will estimate me”

[@MarfaDarf]

''I would never say it to her face, but she is a wonderful person and a gifted artist.'' - Michael Scott

[@thibautisserant]

Oscar : "Why would not say that to her face ?!"

[@theartofpixels]

“The worst thing about prison was the dementors”

[@spectre6275]

"And you my friend would be the belle of the ball, don't drop the soap don't drop the soap"

[@LakerGold24-8]

"Yeah, well thank you, Andy. Tanks."

[@sweettea527]

You mean like Harry Potter?

[@arjavmehta4655]

There are no movies in prison

[@mavejames9338]

Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject so you know you are getting the best possible information.

[@coffeestain8147]

I think he misspelled wedding to welding 😭

[@shaymitchell3689]

*”I need two men on this. That what she said. No time! But she did. NO TIME!”*

[@creedbratton382]

this one should come in a shell 😂😂😂

[@laestrella9727]

Love that one.. delivery was perfect

[@AverytheCubanAmerican]

"I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other" *Sweet home Electric City*

[@paveldemchenko6752]

Every parents dream

[@denisesoria3115]

I SEE YOU IN EVERY VIDEO COMMENT SECTION WE HAVE LIKE EVERYTHING THE SAME LIKING

[@AnasKhan-mi1yx]

Scranton what !!!

[@emrysheidi]

@@AnasKhan-mi1yx the electric city

[@ammarkhan6883]

Whoever wrote Michael Scott dialogues is a genius 👌

[@belleliu7921]

you know the actor for mose wrote it right? his name is michael shurr. freaking legend

[@The-Dudeee]

@@belleliu7921 I did not know that. Thank you.

[@belleliu7921]

@@The-Dudeee the actors for Ryan and Kelly are also 2 of the main writers. which i find so hilariously ironic because they are 2 of the dumber characters in the show haha

[@Synapticgamingchannel]

@@belleliu7921 also paul lieberstein aka toby is a writer, amazing how they involved in acting

[@parryyotter]

@@belleliu7921 The writers split episodes between them and then after writing would make edits. So all the writers wrote for Michael, not just Mike Schur.

[@kodywalker1058]

“There is nothing more insulting to a great salesman than having to listen to a bad salesman. It’s like a great basketball player having to listen to a bad basketball player.”

[@rp71284]

"This wine has an oaky afterbirth"

[@MF_JONES]

I hate, hate being left out. Whether it's not being picked for a team... or being picked for a team and then showing up and realizing the team doesn't exist. Or that the sport doesn't exist. I should've known... "Poop ball?"

[@drlecter3608]

lmao!

[@coffeestain8147]

😂😂😂

[@whyeeolivia]

this one 😂

[@annalise9]

Yes!! 🙌🏼😸💩

[@deedL3]

lmaooo i feel so bad for him but it's too funny

[@deveshbhambhani8896]

"A good manager doesn't fire people, he hires people. People, Ryan. And people will never go out of business."

[@xox0143]

This is actually some I really cherish

[@halyketarrant]

“I’m not a bad guy! I’m a good guy... who runs over women with his car.”

[@LakerGold24-8]

The outtakes of Steve trying to get that line out are almost funnier than the actual line. You can tell how funny it is by how hard he tries to say it and not break. Best show ever created besides BrBa

[@nitinchauhan365]

"Dwight,you ignorant SL*T" is by far the best Michael Scott quote I've heard

[@ale942009]

"well, jan has this schoolgirl fantasy...i just...i feel uncomfortable wearing the dress."

[@emailforyoutube1105]

"I am so impressed with the potential you see in me" Michael G. Scott

[@samuraisiammgaming4482]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@shiprasingh6360]

"Powerpoints are the peacocks of the world. All show, no meat." My forever favorite quote.

[@bree7973]

"No rest for the sick." Now every time I'm sick, I live by that quote. *Edit: My other favorite thing Michael has said was "My mom always used to say that average people are the most special people in the world. And that's why God made so many of them." Most underrated quote from Michael Scott/His mom*

[@chrismccaffrey8256]

Please rest when you're sick :)

[@sofielamy]

That's actually a nice concept to accept mediocrity and that there's nothing wrong with it.

[@waldensiansylph4869]

It’s originally from Abraham Lincoln, in slightly different words. He said he had a dream where a man was commenting that he looked too common/ average to be president. He quipped “the Lord prefers common looking people. That’s why he made so many of us”. Bookworm here 😅

[@artinthewater]

“Desperate situations yield the quickest results” is actually one of the smartest things I’ve ever heard

[@myloveisgod]

"But, you know, I’m not gonna cry over it. I did that in the car on the way home."

[@lucadellamaddalena44]

Apparently in the medicine community negative means good, which makes absolutely no sense. In the real world community, that would be chaos

[@SomeOrdinaryMan]

Underrated quote "Well, got almost everybody, so...Holly's my family now. She's my family, and the babies that I make with her will be my children. The people that you work with are just, when you get down to it, your very best friends. They say on your deathbed, you never wish you spent more time at the office, but I will. Got to be a lot better than a deathbed. I actually don't understand deathbeds. I mean, who would buy that?"

[@srock1165]

i'll just leave this here 0:00 "an improversation" 0:10 "afraid of how much they love me" 0:32 "you guy are 2 metals...gold medals" 0:54 "i'm a little stitious" 1:09 "idc if he murdered his entire family" 1:17 "WELL I HATED IT A LOT!" 1:50 "don't ever, for any reason..." 2:28 "i have cause- it is be cause i hate him" 2:45 "it's every parents dream" 2:57 "but fool me twice, strike three" 3:14 "if a baby were president" 4:04 "an office is for not dying" 4:19 "happy bday jesus- sry ur party's so lame" 4:33 "STANLEY BARACK IS PRESIDENT!" 4:42 "you don't arrest a guy delivering drugs from one guy to another" 4:56 "the worst thing about prison was the dementaws" 5:18 🎶 first i was afraid i was petrified 🎶 5:30 "he's divorced so he's really not a part of his family" 5:41 "whomever's name is toby" 5:58 "i'm gonna start dating her even harder" 6:11 "this office is like a dragon" 6:17 "i'd shoot toby twice" 6:24 "should've burned this place down when i had the chance" 6:35 "and who is jesus's dad?" 6:43 "so sue me- no, don't sue me" 7:03 "come on, i need this!" 7:15 "i'm optimistic because everyday i get a little more desperate" 7:32 "think. think with your head, Pam"

[@joeb5958]

Oscar: “So you can give that dollar back to mommy and daddy, but guess what? Next summer…” Michael: “I’ll be six.”

[@arturoperez3826]

This one is so underrated I LOVE IT!

[@abbyhoffman253]

I would give literally anything in order to watch the office for the first time again

[@virtualbro8571]

Include me too

[@hastwper6682]

Have your cousin hit your head with baseball bat , worked for me but only for the first time .

[@Iambored4039]

@@hastwper6682 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@cam0987]

I still haven't completed it.

[@x1dl]

I’ve never seen it i guess i should

[@cir0plus]

"of all the idiots, in all the idiot villages, of all the idiot worlds, you stand alone"

[@lem.9120]

when was that?

[@aayushkr3524]

"I saved a life today...my own"

[@mavejames9338]

am i a hero?

[@LakerGold24-8]

@@mavejames9338 I really can't say but yes.

[@virtualbro8571]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@coffeestain8147]

😂😂😂

[@LoicReviews]

I never realised that Michael basically did a typo and searched for "welding" lmaooo

[@traderparkboy4274]

Golden moment

[@michaelvillasis1264]

"This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell out of here."

[@pollianylima13]

He had no arms or legs. He couldn't see, hear, or speak. This is how he led a nation. -Michael Scott

[@cfn2661]

“WHERE ARE THE TURTLESSSSSSS”

[@batgurrl]

I want people to be afraid of how much they love me actually sums up Michael’s psyche perfectly .❤️

[@kdgadi]

That phyllis wedding quote is so underrated! I lost it when he said "gold medals" the first time I lost it.

[@virtualbro8571]

I didn't get it.... please help me

[@pakshalbagrecha9074]

@@virtualbro8571 he said (looked up) the defination of welding instead of wedding, and then medals istead of metals. Ans it's just the he could say it like something very touchy, when he doesn't even know what he is saying...

[@NicoleCzarnecki]

@@pakshalbagrecha9074 , actually, “wedding” does have a definition related to welding.

[@cozycasasmr4510]

Ikr its so clever the medals vs metals part, I wish I knew who wrote that specific line

[@youreverydaysaltyiowastate5602]

“The most important part of a speech is the opening line” - Michael Scott

[@levifromthehood]

Let's be honest, Season 1-7 is a huge Michael Scott once said moment. You can only love this guy.

[@gulz4u]

Some of these are actually full of wisdom. ❤️

[@manuk2803]

😂😂😂 yeahh

[@phillipwalk3r]

The first one though-

[@darkfire170]

That’s what she said

[@giada2918]

Tbh I'm not a native speaker and I always thought that the "fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice, strike three" was legit a thing bc it kinda makes sense lol

[@gulz4u]

@@giada2918 Yeah. That does make sense actually 😁

[@addisonwurth6541]

“we’re not gonna die of radon, we’re gonna die of boredom”

[@leahjoy6422]

Toby: Radon is a silent killer Michael: You're the silent killer Toby (whispering): You'll see

[@foundmee]

This is so underrated 🤣🤣

[@AkshatSharma-uz7im]

@@leahjoy6422 and the strangler was born!

[@nitishvishwanathhatapaki]

"I Would Never Call Him That If I Knew. You Don't Call Retarded People Retards, It's Bad Taste. You Call Your Friends Retards When They Are Acting Retarded. And I Consider Oscar A Friend." -M. Scott

[@harshmudliar3737]

You didn't pick my favourite from the CPR scene: " If we come across someone with no arms and legs, do we bother resuscitating them? .......... Pam's reaction too is hilarious 😂😂😂😂

[@SupremeLeaderKimJong-un]

As a fellow philosopher, Michael Scott only speaks the language of the gods

[@LifeOfExo]

Hey it's u again

[@gradymeier2020]

Love you Kim 😘

[@ronaldbanks-mw2ou]

1:59 the absolute funniest sentence ever, from anyone that's anywhere at anytime whatsoever for any reason in anyway

[@pixelknight1295]

"they took away my parking space but they can't take away my pride"

[@mavejames9338]

I learned a while back that if I do not text 911, people do not return my calls. Um, but people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened.

[@thezealot4159]

"everyone deserves a second second chance"

[@patarikisoterion9899]

“I hate so much about the things you choose to be”- Michael Scott

[@annabanna123]

“It’s going to be huge. We’re going to have KZbin come out and film it.”

[@michaeldunkle9071]

“Oh it’s just a social club, like the French Revolution .”

[@Abbekej]

"An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max.... An office is a place where dreams come true."

[@distinctivenobody]

I love the format of this clip. The lead up to the quote where you might not know what it is and the revelation with the imposed comment is *chef's kiss. Do more of these please!

[@myeahonline]

Right? Out-of-context is funny too, but giving the backstory to the line really puts Michael’s character into perspective.

[@artiegoodman5571]

"I want people to be afraid of how much they love me"

[@Jayzone702]

Michael really confused wedding and welding. God the writers on this show were amazing

[@danielmorales4496]

"Fax?, Why don't you just bring it over on a dinosaur"

[@darroosay]

“No Dwight. Respect. R E S-svee-T find out what it means to me!”

[@matthewposton3243]

6:07 Well that could’ve gone one of two ways…but I did not expect Pam to get upset

[@Centidentgaming-y7e]

Pam: "Be Quiet My Mother is coming" Michael: "That's what she Said...No...wait...

[@cohendoyle2893]

"I will divide and count to it" -Michael Scott

[@TheGeekMonster]

3:05 I just noticed the certificate on the wall behind Michael is for owning a watch, not for anything work-related LOL.

[@Dandylion567]

The part at 5:28 is actually so incredibly clever because he went from one song about staying alive to another about being able to survive. It's the definition of "he's a little confused, but he's got the spirit."

[@sivum6919]

“I am ready to get hurt again”

[@AbdurRahman-ml3zm]

Toby is in HR so technically he's not in part of our family, And also he's devorced so he isn't a part of his family too This one got me always 🤣😂🤣😂

[@MeloKing]

“That baby’s gonna have a lot of hair”

[@mskrisemilie]

The best thing about his show is the facial expressions/mannerisms. Hands down.

[@MuraGX]

Michael: “…This chat. Two men, one white, one latina.”

[@emailforyoutube1105]

"Who let the lemonhead inside....you are a waste of time and you should give up"

[@RoshanSingh-hq8il]

He never fails to put a smile on my face "That's what she said"

[@ousmanediakhaby8339]

1:54 a perfect example of Michael starting a sentence without knowing how it's gonna end

[@Yora21]

As one of my teachers one said to me "First thinking, then talking."

[@walter6636]

it's from the same scene

[@thectheb]

"I understand nothing" Me after any class

[@TheGeekMonster]

I demand a second version of Michael Scott quotes.

[@beatmymeat8233]

"you don't deserve her" one of my favorites and "that's what she said"

[@sherlock3134]

I wish there was a dictionary full of words and phrases that Michael misquoted

[@BiasedSportsFan]

That would probably be the only dictionary I would ever use lol

[@lrzhi]

“RESPECT. R E S ... - PeeSvEee-~T… find out what it means to me”

[@vsezaye]

Jimothy

[@Dan_-]

Spiderface.

[@sarah-angelhopa6347]

my all time favourite is his phrases of “yessh” & “yeppers” 😂😂

[@Shubham-xh9ry]

"Am I a hero? I really can't say but yes"

[@SithArbiter1157]

Dwight: Don't do it, Michael! Michael: (whispers) It's a million dollar sale...

[@fulcrumswacademy8892]

Can't believe they didn't include the fan favorite, "ohhhh how the turn tables,..."

[@alexander1995s]

"Why are you.. the way that you are?" My all-time favorite Michael Scott quote

[@luisleiva2504]

0:33 Michael confused Wedding with welding xD

[@scottbandy5875]

“Too much change is not a good thing! Ask the climate.”

[@scottryan1989]

The Toby not part of his family quote is pure genius 😂😂

[@T_Dubbs]

*Y O U H A V E N O I D E A H O W H I G H I C A N F L Y*

[@zack4527]

At 5:20 I never realized that the window was boarded up because Michael threw a printer through it in the last episode

[@wangari_wa_kamau]

"I declare bankruptcy!"

[@CarlyGayJepsen]

“I don’t care if Ryan murdered his entire family, he’s like a son to me” this way such a clever joke I didn’t get it at first LMFAOOOOOOO

[@hostileapple1768]

6:17 is the best one by far 😂😂😂

[@asterixace2076]

"I am an early bird and a night owl, which means i'm wise..... And I have worms"

[@kai_21]

“Yeah, I’m trying to lure these kids into my booth. But, uh, kids are very wary of being lured these days. Thank you Dateline.”

[@babs-bofficial4928]

"We can not let the pedophile win again" That’s my favorite line by him lol 😂

[@isabellamorfitt841]

Michael’s kids are lucky to have him as a father