How to Become Jewish | Modi Stand Up Comedy

[@ModiLive]

Watch Modi's full special, "Know Your Audience"! kzbin.info/www/bejne/n4GpZHqhgNqDjMU

[@amazingman74]

Free Palestine 🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸

[@roychassay7016]

​@@amazingman74gai kakn afn yam. KUSH Mir in tuchus. Ven der putz shteht, licht der sechel in drerd. Now take all your Pallywanker BS and go shove it where the sun don't shine. Who knows? You might even enjoy it.

[@johnhouston8791]

😊😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😊😅 0: 0:43 0:43 0:43 0:43 0:43 0:43 0:43 0:43 0:44 25 0:25

[@katesvensen2261]

I decided that I was a Jewish soul at 9 years old. It took ten years to convert. Well worth the wait!

[@JJ-mn8md]

Congratulations! Hope to be part of the tribe someday ❤

[@homodeus8713]

I did at 11. Still haven’t converted but nobody can tell me I’m not.

[@svietka202]

wow❤ mazal tov

[@jennyteresia]

That is so lovely! ❤

[@shaharbob3167]

❤

[@suzannes5244]

I’m not Jewish but I was born raised and live in NYC and I must say I do get 95% of these jokes and honestly Modi is super talented and insanely funny. I look at his videos almost everyday and laugh my head off. 👍🏼 Modi magic

[@BZB1900]

Sometimes, you don't have to be in the group to identify a good comedic talent, friend!

[@jamesmcinnis208]

"Honestly"

[@Jayne-z8p]

​@@jamesmcinnis208 Yes, she said honestly . Why repeat it?

[@jamesmcinnis208]

@@Jayne-z8p Why, indeed.

[@Jayne-z8p]

@jamesmcinnis208 Why not? Just cut the crap

[@philipmawford9635]

My first flight was from London to New York with El Al - and I loved it and when the plane landed everyone sang Hallelujah.

[@sammyo2583]

I flew with them to from Hong Kong to Tel Aviv. On arrival, Out tour guide asked ...how was your flight…I said the seats were really close together, and they never offered us any water, he replied…now you know how they make their money

[@TheDiplomat456]

No hallelujah, evenu shalom alechem 🎉

[@rosajimenez7777]

Yes! It happened to me too! It was awesome

[@cbfarber5064]

Not Hatikvah?

[@joankelly5625]

That's because they were glad they made it.

[@theoutspokenhumanist]

So funny. So true. At 17 in 1970's London, I learned that my mother's family were Jewish but had stopped practicing or being identified as such in the 1940's. I wanted to be a Jew so i went to my local Rabbi and told him. His answer; "No you don't." 😂 It took numerous meeting before he even gave me a study programme beyond the Torah.

[@pyrogeeknews]

If your mother’s whole family was Jewish, that makes you Jewish. But, I doubt this is true, or you probably would have known that.

[@pyrogeeknews]

If this was actually true, you wouldn’t need a conversation, because you’d already be Jewish.

[@penelope8712]

Great!

[@AmethystEyes]

Welcome to the club! Or better yet, welcome back!

[@skwarubwa7083]

Your mother's family were Jewish? If your mother's mother was born Jewish then you didn't need to convert at all. The rabbi should have told if your mum's a Jew, then so are you.

[@debramelendi8220]

As a Christian, growing up in Kensington, Brooklyn - I UNDERSTAND THIS!!!

[@KaterinaBorisovna]

It was awesome! And so accurate! 😂 Thanks for subtitle. With love from Latvia!

[@Nathbath]

I am a French convert and this really cracked me up 🤣🤣🤣. I flew to Tel Aviv from France before converting, but I used Lufthansa, middle seat, economy, surrounded by a nice Israeli woman, and an old Jew who stopped talking to me when I answered him I was not Jewish. I don't know if I qualify according to your criteria 😅. Anyway, thanks for "this burst of Mashiach energy" 😊😊😊

[@GladiatoreXD]

You are damned

[@alecdeull8487]

Absolutely brilliant, as always. 😂😂😂

[@ilanafrank8342]

The mumbled Hebrew prayer as if it were Arabic was a nice shoutout to Sasha Baron Cohen 🙂

[@GerhardMittermayr]

Hebrew and Arabic are both Semitic languages, educate Yourself

[@Jayne-z8p]

@@GerhardMittermayr So? And what of it? That's common knowledge so educate yourself about nitpicking, ya negative nincompoop 🙄

[@lelaklajman-kx5vu]

Make mountains out of molehills much?

[@lorisullivan327]

Given those questions, I’m Jewish 🤣🩵 Modi - you are hilarious 💫👏🏻

[@ladyofreign1296]

A year? It took me 4 years to convert. It was worth it. Best thing I have ever done is join the Jewish people.

[@shmerelize]

Welcome to the family. Until you're Jewish, we discourage. Once you convert, we welcome you wholeheartedly.

[@gerryburntwood9617]

Genocidal committing thieves you mean?

[@TheShays]

El-Al : Best Pilots, Best Security, Best on board defense systems, Best bringing in Jews stranded all over the world for free, also Best EGO, Best Unfriendly, Best Doing you a favor that they exist. We love Them 🇮🇱

[@HillelAlon]

❤

[@nornje]

He is the most powerful rabbi. Thank you so much!

[@christinadacruz420]

Modi is a new find for me, hilarious.

[@AlexanderDaiboch]

Dude I gotta start my workout but I can't stop watching 😂😂😂

[@GermanConquistador08]

"The chicken is tax-deductible now you're catching on!" - GENIUS!

[@honeybadgerisme]

😂❤-deserves pinned!

[@RicardaBetzing]

... at which point I totally lost it - and boy was I glad the clip was over so I wouldn't miss any more wisdom... or have to go back and replay which I did anyway 😏

[@omeritzics]

In Israel most of us do kapparot with money

[@philliparieff7862]

most hilarious line "whoever's not potchkeying with the Kinderlach that day"

[@bikerrich1200]

wicked

[@melsmarsh]

As a convert myself I’m dead 😂

[@Theorphan81]

Loving watching these as a gentlile with my Jewish wife!

[@vonroretz3307]

Gentile? You’re pagan ?

[@BZB1900]

I am happy to hear you two are enjoying yourself.

[@moniquejysong]

“Looking for a piece of bread we hid” 😂

[@racheld2459]

Yeah! I’m still laughing out loud over that one! 😂

[@natashka1982]

It always amazed me that people want to become one of us.

[@tofuguru941]

Why?

[@gerryburntwood9617]

Given how many non Semitic Khazar Jews were going concerts, and now steal a Semitic peoples land in Palestine ,

[@Ujithekuji]

😂 don't kid yourself. They don't 😂😅

[@gerryburntwood9617]

@@natashka1982 why would anyone like to become the modern Nazeera?

[@natashka1982]

@tofuguru941 who the fk wants to be hated by all lol Whites, blacks, arabs

[@michaelg8193]

I am a secular Dutchman and just like some Jewish Humor. It was funny for sure. Nothing beats Jewish humor. But English humour is a close second.

[@BunnyWatson-k1w]

I am not Jewish but this guy is hilarious.

[@llllllllllll878]

I second your comment!

[@annesilverblade]

Honestly? as an Israeli just willingly flying El Al is already worthy of being accepted into Judaism

[@zlauriault]

An airline that actually has to fly with missile prevention on board in case of being shot at by psychos...

[@Drnaynay]

Okay, so you don't have to fly with the airline with the best-trained pilots and crew, the most advanced ground and on-board security, and extra features that you can't even know about. The only airline that won't leave its planes unattended at any airport, that guarantees kosher food, and no Shabbat travel. That has air-space that it can't fly over, so fuel costs are automatically higher. I could keep going, but you either get it or you don't.

[@SHope-rq1hc]

I am jewish with Israeli family so of course I am biased, BUT as someone who is terrified of flying, El Al is the only plane I feel safe on. Obnoxious group of passengers, BUT safer than safe :)

[@inatwho]

😂

[@Lori_L]

​@Drnaynay i finally got to go to Israel and i wouldn't fly any other airline. It was wonderful!

[@jonathanpetteys7383]

A perfect time to bring back Jewish humor,but wait,it never went away!

[@DannyKTurns]

Holy shit he described my first flight to Israel with 100% accuracy

[@BZB1900]

You gotta love the "Ruach" on an El Al flight. Sometimes, I feel like I am already in Israel the second I walk into the terminal!

[@yakov95000]

The Passover and Kaparot jokes,I’m dead 😂😂😂

[@JazmineContreras-g8j]

I used to work for ElAl for 6 years- I’ve been an honorary Jew ever since - I absolutely love Jews and Israel. Shout out to Mira and Susan at JFK

[@JohnSmith-ll9no]

“We are the most tolerant nation”. That was the key

[@fali6723]

Honestly, The world has to tolerate them by force

[@nancetardiff339]

That was the best joke yeah

[@gemmalee3032]

and does not recruit.

[@Soul_Survivor2]

With the most moral army too now being judge as maniacal genociders. Be careful now, as new status international criminal is being picked up by countries upholding the ICC

[@gokhanakay8446]

Definitely joke.

[@sargab2942]

Man you got me crying laughing 🤣

[@anamariaguadayol2335]

💙 I haven't laughed so hard in a long time!

[@mussaali5239]

I like 👍 Modi! Incredible talented.

[@jessicamizuwasa2259]

We don't even know why we are looking for the eggs...

[@jmc8847]

You are absolutely a FABULOUS COMEDIAN!👍👍👍👏👏👏👏❤❤❤❤❤

[@yaelsmileysimckes2662]

He's even funnier live!!!😂

[@marcaskew61]

Funny..BUT WRONG about Jews as the only non-converting religious group in the world...Hindus also have no interest in converting others to their religious beliefs and practises. That's why I respect Jews and Hindus!

[@נטלישלי-ז4מ]

Also Druze. And that’s all I believe

[@נטלישלי-ז4מ]

But it’s not only about recruiting. The tora says all people created in the image of god and all nations are acceptable, not infidels or going to hell or anything, the only thing is to keep the 7 commandments of the sins of Noah.

[@blinkybli8326]

I think it's only Christianity and Islam that proselytize but that makes up more than half the religious people in the world.

[@gerryburntwood9617]

@@נטלישלי-ז4מI thought there were 10 commandments, you know thousands shall not steal( Palestinian land) and thousands shall not kill committing genocide upon Palestinians!

[@katrinaa3607]

Orthodox Christians too, especially “cradle” ones. Like “Hi. I want to be orthodox!” Response (whyyy?” Raise eyebrow. But seriously, we’re happy at new people but they have to go through studies. It used to be 3 years (if I remember correctly), then it got down to 1 year. I think it’s now 6 months in the USA. Communism did a number on our numbers. Bah.

[@michelehanlon2586]

“ potching with the kindala” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@yonatanhuber9464]

Im an Israeli Jewish and I LOLed so hard

[@Evergreenandmyrtle]

This guy’s my new favorite.😂❤

[@tomasznasiowski5075]

Love Jewish sense of humour, cheers from Poland

[@threestarproductions2130]

So glad I was born Jewish, because I could not do that flight! 😂

[@הללקימל-ח4כ]

חחח אבל בא, שלא נתחיל לחכות יהודים אמריקאים שמנסים לדבר בעברית... נראה לי שאם נעשה תחרות מה נשמע יותר גרוע, האמריקאים יפסידו😅 אוהב אותך מודי❤️

[@Deborah10000]

Brilliant!

[@bonnielawrence8748]

Hysterical 😂😂😂❤❤❤

[@Judys_Jewish_Music]

Easter Egg Hunt vs. Passover Bedikas Chametz

[@isabelamacavei8418]

The Rabbi's first question: what's the name of your mother? Second: your maternal grandmother Third: do you have papers?

[@humbertogatica6420]

Ha ha ha. "We are not recruiting" Brilliant

[@ExtraMundane-x4q]

I'm beside myself! Yep we're "judgy" with each other the most...no loshen horah...what do we do?...run to do this immediately...I can't say who but did you hear so and so did so and to so and so "if you know what I mean?"

[@iamannyrosario]

I’ve never watched you before Modi. You’re very funny. Also, 1.5 years into my conversion process… Gimme the ticket. I’ll take the ticket. I’d rather the ticket.

[@walterbenjamin1386]

Brilliant! I wish I knew more Yiddish

[@alanfuchs3743]

#jamie he took the show to another level!!😄😄😄

[@noeliaperez915]

My first LHR-TLV flight was the night one with El Al. The back, close to the WCs was another pilgrim point: few paxs praying. My neighbour was a middle age Jewish man looking at my glass of wine getting filled every 5 minutes. I slept like a baby!

[@betsykeating5268]

Genius thatsimple

[@eulaliabentaieb5897]

So good😂

[@Tuli-m7q]

“Forgrozel your payis” I’m chasidish!!!!!😂😂😂

[@edsacks]

Try saying this at Columbia University!

[@judithkleimann2465]

Don't !!

[@Rosefire]

I'm all for tax-deductible chickens 😆

[@DavidShalhevet]

Too funny - too good!

[@jamesMartinelli-x2t]

Victim and empowered at the same time.

[@BZB1900]

Very astute fact to point out, Mr. Martinelli! Wishing you well!

[@jamesMartinelli-x2t]

@@BZB1900 Anti- Semitism used to be that you hated Jews now it means that ONE Jew in the whole world hates you.

[@rdgist]

Given those conditions, I qualify! 😂 ❤ from 🇨🇦

[@leefrankel4191]

I think we’re related. You sound like someone from my family, and your facial expressions… don’t ask!

[@larryt4884]

To become Jewish you have to understand that January 1st is the anniversary of Jesus' circumcision.😂

[@BZB1900]

My mom told me that years ago. So few people make that connection.

[@ToudaHell]

So that's why Jan 7th is Epiphany. His foreskin went to heaven that day. 😂

[@Sophia-qy2xo]

Modi! You are the best!

[@charlenecorrado7505]

Hysterical!

[@EstherBarber-v5l]

You’ve got to love Jewish humour there’s nothing like it. Modi you do it so well. Kol hakovod

[@adnanhonic5157]

'We are the most tolerant nation in the world...ehm...WE ARE' 😄

[@shulamitfin]

Absolutely hilarious and so true!

[@danielpearl923]

had to subscribe because: laughing.

[@milanagut3933]

Love it

[@MrKrazyKK]

Brilliant .. most of what you said about Jews is applicable to Hindus as well. Hinduism is not recruiting either 😊

[@tehilarosenbaum2299]

גאוני!!!😂😂😂

[@אסתרשובל-ג7ג]

A SELF HUMOR IS IMPORTANT. NOT DISPISE

[@CADAVREFILMS]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@J-CBertrand-tp6bg]

No thanks 😮‼️I don’t want to have my schmekel clipped😂😂‼️

[@vickisotomayorleroy6147]

I should have been a Stand Up Comedian! Try being Jewish and Mexican! It ain’t easy!!!!!

[@user-dn6fw1ss1c]

I've done that exact El Al flight, all while being kicked by a baby. Scarred for life.

[@marcellowoodford4048]

I thought that a Segway was a kind of Bike!

[@pavel0900]

LOL 😆

[@soniamorales9077]

I love this buy.

[@jesusislord9758]

Only the Lord can convert. No pastor, priest, rabbi, etc can convert.

[@jeaniedenton-smith1041]

Omg SO TRUE!!! I'm in the conversion process to Orthodox Judaism! He's HILARIOUS!!!

[@mousemd]

It is so sad 😞 Because of the dispersion, many don't practice anymore, or they keep the Holy Days and add some things from the country they live in. Like the Chanukah Bush and giving gifts. I know more as a convert than they do. Converts have to learn things, or they can't be considered Converts.

[@DotheImpossible-n5t]

This guy is hilarious. True, but hilarious.

[@ohmypaper]

04:23 I once took a flight from New York to Europe with a hundred of Hasidic Orthodox Jews. The flight was long and extremely loud. And by the time of landing the plane was full of litter and waste of all sorts. The empty packaging and food waste was everywhere. I couldn’t believe it. And then they just stood up and left the plane. That moment I knew I saw people who didn’t give a shit about anyone and anything but themselves 😂 PS. I felt really sorry about the flight attendants who had to collect and clean all that huge pile of garbage.

[@OsotastyLordKC]

They knew some goy would clean up their mess, and if anyone tried to scold them for making the mess, they would just somehow relate it back to a holocaust struggle and say your antisemitic .... They might even file a lawsuit ....

[@OsotastyLordKC]

They knew some goy would clean up their mess, and if anyone tried to scold them for making the mess, they would just somehow relate it back to a holocaust struggle and say your antisemitic .... They might even file a lawsuit ....

[@BZB1900]

An Anti-Semite always looks for something to criticize. Hence the reason for your low brow comment.

[@SuperAllears]

Yep, now you know......

[@BZB1900]

FY, SFB.

[@lisanidog8178]

Never heard the chicken thing. Must be because I’m Reform. My family barely practiced.

[@ayeletn.5107]

Maybe your custom was to use cash instead of chickens.

[@lisanidog8178]

Cash. You don’t get much change with chickens. 🤣

[@bh0931]

@@lisanidog8178 but you get eggs. U get eggs.

[@joannakuyt1512]

This morning I woke up snotty, achy, and now I am drinking a Polar seltzer and having 💩💩.

[@christinadacruz420]

Hilarious!

[@olgag2713]

😂😂😂

[@hildamaine8319]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😅

[@DavidBirman]

So great!

[@BGTuyau]

"You don't have to be Jewish ... ." [n.b.: This from a philosemite.]

[@BZB1900]

I enjoy the humor from other groups as well!

[@Noiconnotag]

Hey, do you happen to have any family members from Tzfat? kinda crazy but you look like someone I worked with in Israel, he was originally from Tzfat.

[@stephenfisher7114]

He is amusing though he gives his audience nothing to challenge their world view,

[@AntonAdelson]

He forgot circumcision:)

[@natashka1982]

Most non Jews in US are circumcized.

[@lornafw]

Source of this statistic 😅😅😅😅​@@natashka1982

[@rivetal]

🤣🤣🤣

[@DoctorQuackenbush]

You forgot to add that the Hasid will want you to don tefillin

[@chanaselwyn9265]

Those are different chassidim, and they dont have long payos.

[@SmashMaster]

He forgot the most important condition: go through el al condescending security!!!

[@TamaraNewton]

Well, according to Modi, if I wasn't already Jewish, I satisfied the requirement! The middle seat is the worst!

[@DonLevey-j7b]

The chocolate Easter egg hunt - where little children crawl around on the lawn on their hands and knees looking for small roundish brown pellets dropped by a rabbit. Um...