How to Become Jewish | Modi Stand Up Comedy

[@ModiLive]

Watch Modi's full special, "Know Your Audience"! kzbin.info/www/bejne/n4GpZHqhgNqDjMU

[@amazingman74]

Free Palestine 🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸

[@roychassay7016]

​@@amazingman74gai kakn afn yam. KUSH Mir in tuchus. Ven der putz shteht, licht der sechel in drerd. Now take all your Pallywanker BS and go shove it where the sun don't shine. Who knows? You might even enjoy it.

[@suzannes5244]

I’m not Jewish but I was born raised and live in NYC and I must say I do get 95% of these jokes and honestly Modi is super talented and insanely funny. I look at his videos almost everyday and laugh my head off. 👍🏼 Modi magic

[@katesvensen2261]

I decided that I was a Jewish soul at 9 years old. It took ten years to convert. Well worth the wait!

[@JJ-mn8md]

Congratulations! Hope to be part of the tribe someday ❤

[@homodeus8713]

I did at 11. Still haven’t converted but nobody can tell me I’m not.

[@svietka202]

wow❤ mazal tov

[@jennyteresia]

That is so lovely! ❤

[@shaharbob3167]

❤

[@theoutspokenhumanist]

So funny. So true. At 17 in 1970's London, I learned that my mother's family were Jewish but had stopped practicing or being identified as such in the 1940's. I wanted to be a Jew so i went to my local Rabbi and told him. His answer; "No you don't." 😂 It took numerous meeting before he even gave me a study programme beyond the Torah.

[@pyrogeeknews]

If your mother’s whole family was Jewish, that makes you Jewish. But, I doubt this is true, or you probably would have known that.

[@pyrogeeknews]

If this was actually true, you wouldn’t need a conversation, because you’d already be Jewish.

[@penelope8712]

Great!

[@AmethystEyes]

Welcome to the club! Or better yet, welcome back!

[@skwarubwa7083]

Your mother's family were Jewish? If your mother's mother was born Jewish then you didn't need to convert at all. The rabbi should have told if your mum's a Jew, then so are you.

[@philipmawford9635]

My first flight was from London to New York with El Al - and I loved it and when the plane landed everyone sang Hallelujah.

[@sammyo2583]

I flew with them to from Hong Kong to Tel Aviv. On arrival, Out tour guide asked ...how was your flight…I said the seats were really close together, and they never offered us any water, he replied…now you know how they make their money

[@TheDiplomat456]

No hallelujah, evenu shalom alechem 🎉

[@lorisullivan327]

Given those questions, I’m Jewish 🤣🩵 Modi - you are hilarious 💫👏🏻

[@Nathbath]

I am a French convert and this really cracked me up 🤣🤣🤣. I flew to Tel Aviv from France before converting, but I used Lufthansa, middle seat, economy, surrounded by a nice Israeli woman, and an old Jew who stopped talking to me when I answered him I was not Jewish. I don't know if I qualify according to your criteria 😅. Anyway, thanks for "this burst of Mashiach energy" 😊😊😊

[@ilanafrank8342]

The mumbled Hebrew prayer as if it were Arabic was a nice shoutout to Sasha Baron Cohen 🙂

[@philliparieff7862]

most hilarious line "whoever's not potchkeying with the Kinderlach that day"

[@bikerrich1200]

wicked

[@KaterinaBorisovna]

It was awesome! And so accurate! 😂 Thanks for subtitle. With love from Latvia!

[@alecdeull8487]

Absolutely brilliant, as always. 😂😂😂

[@TheShays]

El-Al : Best Pilots, Best Security, Best on board defense systems, Best bringing in Jews stranded all over the world for free, also Best EGO, Best Unfriendly, Best Doing you a favor that they exist. We love Them 🇮🇱

[@HillelAlon]

❤

[@annesilverblade]

Honestly? as an Israeli just willingly flying El Al is already worthy of being accepted into Judaism

[@zlauriault]

An airline that actually has to fly with missile prevention on board in case of being shot at by psychos...

[@Drnaynay]

Okay, so you don't have to fly with the airline with the best-trained pilots and crew, the most advanced ground and on-board security, and extra features that you can't even know about. The only airline that won't leave its planes unattended at any airport, that guarantees kosher food, and no Shabbat travel. That has air-space that it can't fly over, so fuel costs are automatically higher. I could keep going, but you either get it or you don't.

[@SHope-rq1hc]

I am jewish with Israeli family so of course I am biased, BUT as someone who is terrified of flying, El Al is the only plane I feel safe on. Obnoxious group of passengers, BUT safer than safe :)

[@inatwho]

😂

[@Lori_L]

​@Drnaynay i finally got to go to Israel and i wouldn't fly any other airline. It was wonderful!

[@GermanConquistador08]

"The chicken is tax-deductible now you're catching on!" - GENIUS!

[@honeybadgerisme]

😂❤-deserves pinned!

[@RicardaBetzing]

... at which point I totally lost it - and boy was I glad the clip was over so I wouldn't miss any more wisdom... or have to go back and replay which I did anyway 😏

[@onerainiday]

A cookie you wouldn't give your dog.😂😂😂

[@yakov95000]

The Passover and Kaparot jokes,I’m dead 😂😂😂

[@Theorphan81]

Loving watching these as a gentlile with my Jewish wife!

[@vonroretz3307]

Gentile? You’re pagan ?

[@natashka1982]

It always amazed me that people want to become one of us.

[@tofuguru941]

Why?

[@melsmarsh]

As a convert myself I’m dead 😂

[@debramelendi8220]

As a Christian, growing up in Kensington, Brooklyn - I UNDERSTAND THIS!!!

[@AlexanderDaiboch]

Dude I gotta start my workout but I can't stop watching 😂😂😂

[@DannyKTurns]

Holy shit he described my first flight to Israel with 100% accuracy

[@threestarproductions2130]

So glad I was born Jewish, because I could not do that flight! 😂

[@christinadacruz420]

Modi is a new find for me, hilarious.

[@ladyofreign1296]

A year? It took me 4 years to convert. It was worth it. Best thing I have ever done is join the Jewish people.

[@shmerelize]

Welcome to the family. Until you're Jewish, we discourage. Once you convert, we welcome you wholeheartedly.

[@moniquejysong]

“Looking for a piece of bread we hid” 😂

[@racheld2459]

Yeah! I’m still laughing out loud over that one! 😂

[@jessicamizuwasa2259]

We don't even know why we are looking for the eggs...

[@sargab2942]

Man you got me crying laughing 🤣

[@JohnSmith-ll9no]

“We are the most tolerant nation”. That was the key

[@fali6723]

Honestly, The world has to tolerate them by force

[@nancetardiff339]

That was the best joke yeah

[@gemmalee3032]

and does not recruit.

[@Soul_Survivor2]

With the most moral army too now being judge as maniacal genociders. Be careful now, as new status international criminal is being picked up by countries upholding the ICC

[@marcaskew61]

Funny..BUT WRONG about Jews as the only non-converting religious group in the world...Hindus also have no interest in converting others to their religious beliefs and practises. That's why I respect Jews and Hindus!

[@נטלישלי-ז4מ]

Also Druze. And that’s all I believe

[@נטלישלי-ז4מ]

But it’s not only about recruiting. The tora says all people created in the image of god and all nations are acceptable, not infidels or going to hell or anything, the only thing is to keep the 7 commandments of the sins of Noah.

[@blinkybli8326]

I think it's only Christianity and Islam that proselytize but that makes up more than half the religious people in the world.

[@הללקימל-ח4כ]

חחח אבל בא, שלא נתחיל לחכות יהודים אמריקאים שמנסים לדבר בעברית... נראה לי שאם נעשה תחרות מה נשמע יותר גרוע, האמריקאים יפסידו😅 אוהב אותך מודי❤️

[@BunnyWatson-k1w]

I am not Jewish but this guy is hilarious.

[@onerainiday]

❤❤❤ May the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob continue to bless Israel and our beloved Jewish brothers and sisters throughout the world. 🇮🇱✡️🇮🇱✡️

[@jmc8847]

You are absolutely a FABULOUS COMEDIAN!👍👍👍👏👏👏👏❤❤❤❤❤

[@yonatanhuber9464]

Im an Israeli Jewish and I LOLed so hard

[@Deborah10000]

Brilliant!

[@yaelsmileysimckes2662]

He's even funnier live!!!😂

[@anamariaguadayol2335]

💙 I haven't laughed so hard in a long time!

[@larryt4884]

To become Jewish you have to understand that January 1st is the anniversary of Jesus' circumcision.😂

[@edsacks]

Try saying this at Columbia University!

[@julieshaffer3957]

I'm beside myself! Yep we're "judgy" with each other the most...no loshen horah...what do we do?...run to do this immediately...I can't say who but did you hear so and so did so and to so and so "if you know what I mean?"

[@ohmypaper]

04:23 I once took a flight from New York to Europe with a hundred of Hasidic Orthodox Jews. The flight was long and extremely loud. And by the time of landing the plane was full of litter and waste of all sorts. The empty packaging and food waste was everywhere. I couldn’t believe it. And then they just stood up and left the plane. That moment I knew I saw people who didn’t give a shit about anyone and anything but themselves 😂 PS. I felt really sorry about the flight attendants who had to collect and clean all that huge pile of garbage.

[@bonnielawrence8748]

Hysterical 😂😂😂❤❤❤

[@Judys_Jewish_Music]

Easter Egg Hunt vs. Passover Bedikas Chametz

[@betsykeating5268]

Genius thatsimple

[@DavidShalhevet]

Too funny - too good!

[@leefrankel4191]

I think we’re related. You sound like someone from my family, and your facial expressions… don’t ask!

[@eulaliabentaieb5897]

So good😂

[@jonathanpetteys7383]

A perfect time to bring back Jewish humor,but wait,it never went away!

[@danielpearl923]

had to subscribe because: laughing.

[@אסתרשובל-ג7ג]

A SELF HUMOR IS IMPORTANT. NOT DISPISE

[@joannakuyt1512]

This morning I woke up snotty, achy, and now I am drinking a Polar seltzer and having 💩💩.

[@UnderAttack-x1s]

This guy is hilarious. True, but hilarious.

[@BGTuyau]

"You don't have to be Jewish ... ." [n.b.: This from a philosemite.]

[@jeaniedenton-smith1041]

Omg SO TRUE!!! I'm in the conversion process to Orthodox Judaism! He's HILARIOUS!!!

[@AntonAdelson]

He forgot circumcision:)

[@natashka1982]

Most non Jews in US are circumcized.

[@lornafw]

Source of this statistic 😅😅😅😅​@@natashka1982

[@jhssuthrnmama]

You actually have to almost a year of classes to join the Catholic Church, but 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@melsmarsh]

My grandmother and mother went Roman Catholic and they were finished in days.

[@JoeBollig-u4e]

@@melsmarshit used to be called the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults, but now it’s OCIA. It takes months to a year - with rare exceptions for unusual situations. Look it up.

[@stupidhandle545]

@@melsmarsh There can be exceptions made on a case-by-case basis.

[@melsmarsh]

@@stupidhandle545 Not sure if you are a priest or something, but literally all the Catholic interfaith stuff I've done (I did it for years) said if anyone wanted to be Catholic, they could be done that day.

[@jamesMartinelli-x2t]

Victim and empowered at the same time.

[@DavidBirman]

So great!

[@MrKrazyKK]

Brilliant .. most of what you said about Jews is applicable to Hindus as well. Hinduism is not recruiting either 😊

[@Noiconnotag]

Hey, do you happen to have any family members from Tzfat? kinda crazy but you look like someone I worked with in Israel, he was originally from Tzfat.

[@CADAVREFILMS]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@soniamorales9077]

I love this buy.

[@pavel0900]

LOL 😆

[@J-CBertrand-tp6bg]

No thanks 😮‼️I don’t want to have my schmekel clipped😂😂‼️

[@lisanidog8178]

Never heard the chicken thing. Must be because I’m Reform. My family barely practiced.

[@milanagut3933]

Love it

[@hman1025]

Who up fekrazeling they payos

[@MegaAlhaqiqa]

I’m Christian and very proud

[@_it.mr_7146]

עשית את המבטא הישראלי מושלם בחלק של הטיסה

[@MichaelRe-c7q]

As a person with Jewish lineage if you make Jewish jokes you'll get banned from SNL 😂 It is funny how Judaism does not recruit.

[@pamelafletchersturt823]

This guy is really funny but the chicken part made me really sad. Compassionate Jews have replaced the live chickens with bags of coins to swing over their heads instead, and then they donate the coins to charity.

[@Islamophobiaisalie]

I agree. He misrepresents all of the Jews I know. I don’t find him funny at all.

[@renag9475]

The chicken is itself donated to charity - the recipient doesn't even need to go to the store.

[@אורהשבתאיטוביה]

It's sad, you're right. It's even pagan, which is why many rabbis have asked to stop this custom and instead ask to donate money to the poor.

[@pamelafletchersturt823]

@renag9475-the chicken being donated to charity has zero effect on the terrible suffering of the chicken, in the conditions she is raised, the conditions of the transport to the site of the ceremony, the conditions she is kept in while awaiting being held by her feet and swung violently around in the air, which is at best, painful and terrifying, and at worst, causes injury, the conditions of her transport to the home of her eventual killers, and the method of her killing. The suffering of chickens (and other animals) applies to any subjected to factory farming in general also, even the chickens who are not used in ceremonies. Even the less awful smaller farms engage in cruelty, separating babies from mothers, flock or herd members from each other, and of course still either transporting and slaughtering, or slaughtering on the farm, usually before the animal has reached even a a quarter of his or her natural life span. So i am not singling out or picking on Jewish people as being necessarily any worse than humans in general. I urge humans to live a life free of the infliction of fear and pain and violence on any living individual, be they non human or human, by being vegan, and educating themselves about other ways they can avoid hurting anyone, and then living their lives accordingly.

[@pamelafletchersturt823]

​@@אורהשבתאיטוביהThank you for understanding!

[@שיראלשגב-ע5ט]

פותח את ידיך יואו פיפי😂

[@deltonlomatai2309]

I thought all I had to do was go two rounds with Goldberg in the octagon?

[@vadimf8301]

What's wrong with El-Al?

[@mousemd]

It is so sad 😞 Because of the dispersion, many don't practice anymore, or they keep the Holy Days and add some things from the country they live in. Like the Chanukah Bush and giving gifts. I know more as a convert than they do. Converts have to learn things, or they can't be considered Converts.

[@hildamaine8319]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😅

[@olgag2713]

😂😂😂

[@Haseeebo]

Lions are Still Carnivorous. Apperantly when it takes over, they go straight to vegan! Idk how I feel about a vegan lion just yet..

[@rivetal]

🤣🤣🤣

[@dabrah70il]

😂🇮🇱😁😁🤣🤣😎I am dying for peeing!

[@beckys5461]

I will help with the Payot.

[@stephaniejohnston7403]

I have enjoyed your work, and the “Muslim prison” bit was beneath you.

[@Yaarahpartridge8847]

Why?? Many become Muslim in prison.

[@louisdewit4429]

No. It’s reality here in Europe. Most unfortunate but true. And the judges are all left wing and political correct so don’t blame them.

[@mashenka6189]

Nope . It was accurate

[@YeSureWhatever]

I don't think it was about Muslims being criminal. I understood it to be a reference to the trend in prisons of inmates converting to Islam.

[@Judys_Jewish_Music]

🙌🏻🙌🏻😂😂😂

[@adrianaproudcatholic]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I have a mom that I bet 1 million dollar that she is a Jew . The old type with so old concepts that want to force you to be her and have her believes . And try to say I think different . Her grandma was German from Berlin . And she has this thing that I asked to be born and my life belongs to her and I must obey ! Or else . Hollywood in the past , as far as I know never aloud a movie so funny as “The life of Motti”. And the hypocrisy on movies , tvs about Latinos, Blacks and others . If you want to be respected , respect . Anyway, thanks God you are from another generation and normal ! You could make a list what pass Anti semitism. I learned in a hard way what is Anti Catholicism with this old lunatics paid anti Jews that are Jews . You are very funny . Love it .

[@KaleemLmar]

Payback time baby.

[@lindawatkin9667]

This is NOT funny!

[@zaradaneshvar3904]

❤❤❤

[@stefanwild326]

[@JiveTurkey1618]

Haha

[@Yahoo_Finan]

😂

[@katiethepro]

❤

[@huysuzariel9896]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋

[@TMCLEC]

😋😂

[@aeronmarvelous3393]

He isn’t funny.

[@hussainali7345]

Most tolerant nation? Lol…

[@rogermetzger7335]

This world would be a MUCH better place if more people could find a way to view their own ethnicity or religious beleifs, practices and prohibitions as others view them and not be so (expletive deleted) defensive about people making jokes about them! According to my parents, my grandparents were from five different ethnic backgrounds, none of them Hebrew. My parents read stories to my siblings and me from the Hebrew Bible and from the Gospels. By the late 1950s or sometime in the ‘60s, my own study had brought me to to point of thinking of “Hebrew” as a reference to ethnicity and the words, “Israelite” and “Jewish” as references to having the faith of the Hebrew patriarchs, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob/Israel. As regarding other religious traditions, I find Judaism interesting from an historic perspective (along with just about everything else about history). I have no interest in following Judaism or other religious traditions but I think of myself as Jewish because I think of my personal religious beliefs, practices and prohibitions as very similar to those of the Hebrew patriarchs. The major exception is that I don’t sacrifice animals. I like to tell people about my religious beliefs - and particularly how I came to adopt them - but I have no sense of being called to convert of convince anybody about anything - only to provide alternatives for people when the come to a point in their lives when they begin questioning some aspects of what they have been taught.

[@felicitynefdt9926]

You're not all the same nation. Only Israeli Jews are the same nation.

[@iamnormal8648]

2:49 Congratulations for recognizing Catholicism is different from Christianity.

[@johncarney6576]

Catholicism is the original Christianity. Of course Catholics are Christians.

[@MsFlowerblue]

Again outstanding ignorance. Is there any history actually taught in the US.