Monologue: John Malkovich Reads 'Twas the Night Before Christmas - SNL

For this Christmas episode of SNL, host John Malkovich reads 'Twas the Night Before Christmas to a group of kids, and gets real as he offers his own dark and cynical commentary on the story. [Season 34, 2008]
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[@themikewalker2]

One of the best opening monologues of all time!

[@meinerHeld]

really?

[@roonil3931]

seth meyers wrote it!

[@tomhill9066]

Look up the Norm McDonald monologue

[@Ophelia_Pain]

It is! I want him to do Easter Bunny.

[@tobybartlett]

@@Ophelia_Pain Genius.

[@AnonymousAnonymous-sz5hg]

“Itchy Itchy” is the greatest line

[@Braingrandchild]

I reference this line literally weekly

[@jackduff7194]

I’m preferential to “We used to suck on pennies. And it was a delight.

[@Silly4567]

I crack up every time

[@toriallen8874]

@@Braingrandchildsame! Any time I have an itch, that’s what I say 😂

[@PeterPlazowki_emperorsofrandom]

bill hader does a terrifyingly accurate impression of john malkovich

[@hollandoates2573]

I just watched that clip and I agree.

[@Grsz11]

Holy shit this is Bill Hader?

[@Spirosaur]

I love the fact that it is believable enough some people have to ask

[@MrBruh281]

@@Grsz11 LMFAO

[@canaisyoung3601]

@@Grsz11 No. It's the real deal.

[@vincenttavani6380]

This guy does a great John Malkovich impression

[@BeamBalance]

I love that this is just 6 straight minutes of John Malkovich being a buzzkill. 🤣

[@stellablue1271]

Love him. He’s my favorite actor of all time. He is naturally my favorite kind of humor

[@janetlieb2507]

💙💙💙💙

[@mvader7188]

In the line of fire. Should've won an Oscar.

[@AliceBrazilLlamas]

I absolutely love the voice of John Malkovich! I can listen to it all day everyday! 😍

[@tbecker403]

I love his voice, too. Surprisingly, he actually hates it; his description of how he hears himself is pretty damn funny.

[@jdez10]

His dead pan face look and rapport with the kids is priceless. Lol

[@elimunch8196]

My favorite SNL monologue of all time

[@josepheferrall]

Eligamer 50 i

[@roonil3931]

seth meyers!

[@ajaybhathire]

Only he and Christopher Walken can read and make a Christmas story or creepy and funny together

[@JustLikeHeaven77]

The Steve Martin Christmas story is hilarious.

[@ElectrickSoundz]

All

[@coryc1904]

Anyone can.

[@Ophelia_Pain]

Hope is what we cling to when we have Nothing else.

[@byronic-heroine]

I've never heard anything more accurate.

[@alexthompson9516]

" ..and I'm talking, I mean, PERFECTLY legal."

[@ridikipicklepeckinpuff583]

This is it. This is the best Christmas sketch ever. It's absurdist and bizarre and I love it so.

[@A-G-A-G]

You underestimate steve buscemies Christmas ornaments skit

[@michelenichele294]

@@A-G-A-G Just went to watch Steve’s Christmas ornaments sketch and sorry to say that, while I’m a huge fan and admirer of Steve, the sketch they wrote for him pales in comparison to The Night Before Christmas sketch they wrote for John.

[@cesareaugusto9677]

John Malkovich would make an interesting Ebenezer Scrooge

[@knightofnyiuh]

Why he hasn't yet, only he would know.

[@pamackers7645]

Yes, for sure, I think he nailed it 🥴 lol 🇨🇦

[@TheJasonsvideos]

Crazy how the kids are not reacting, but just listening!

[@jacekszychowski4919]

I think they were told before the shoot that their toes would be cut should they move 😉

[@sadem1045]

The kids did an amazing job

[@whitesnake1439]

Best skit ever, genius delivery.

[@coolgirlraquel]

He’s wearing the Lennie pants and shoes lmao

[@ilangilang7185]

I am just so fond of him.

[@abhilasha6006]

His voice ❤

[@Jazzmine1]

This is a really under-appreciated skit of SNL. I laugh so hard everytime 🤣 this is how I am with my nieces and nephews 🤣

[@Laateedoe]

I remember when this aired!! Probably my all time favorite SNL episode to ever exist! It's sooooo good. And this monologue is just so perfect.

[@DucatiQueen]

I could just listen to him talk .....all night !

[@stephen_]

D90Girl he does the audiobook for breakfast of champions it’s amazing

[@taylorgoetz7604]

EG

[@ethanpintar5454]

John Malkovich is the American Christoph Waltz

[@Vitriol-Divergent]

John Malkovitch might be my spirit animal.

[@ashleymillican3809]

His accent is so weird 😂 "Sant" Nick

[@kai49245]

I heard his voice once described as, “A reedy, faintly orgasmic drawl.”

[@إيماندارم-ط5ظ]

The bowl of Hall’s Mentholyptus!!!!!

[@jc6594]

Happy 65th Birthday John Malkovich

[@TheZAnders84]

I watch this every Christmas season. 😂😂😂

[@zekesteed4185]

John’s reference to penny candy made me laugh out loud.

[@rayyana.8538]

What a delightful Christmas story telling.....the kids are clearly just shocked from all the happiness....lol

[@ManuelOliveiraGarcia]

I've been a child for the last 36 years and never heard about the toes story in Portugal :-D

[@bottlethrower1544]

Favorite actor

[@janetlieb2507]

💙💙💙💙

[@k9boio569]

1:45 iTcHy iTcHy :>

[@danielm3192]

Malkovich is awesome! 🎄😂

[@msblackpinkie6866]

I've never seen this before. It's brilliant!!!

[@PoeticProse7]

Never gets old!

[@Vulpes_Ailurus]

I love John Malkovich.

[@janetlieb2507]

💙💙💙

[@robertlehnert4148]

Some of those kids are still in therapy...

[@constantdvdcollector]

Malkovich is one of the guys who can be both wacky yet deadpan at the same time. I haven't seen much of his films. I loved him in the RED films and The Man in the Iron Mask, but have yet to see Being John Malkovich. Oh, and he's awesome in Penguins of Madagascar!

[@cforsterichikawa5638]

I’d love to see these kids now with John Malkovich reading again.

[@gotangirlie]

Absolutely wonderful !!! Don't you just love him .. xxx

[@noneofmybusiness9895]

My favourite part of Christmas is listening to this while enjoying a rum and eggnog!! Hahaha

[@taylerhayes660]

This has to be one of the Best monologues in history🤣 loveJohn Malkovich; just brilliant 💗🎉

[@tyrant-den884]

"In the hopes that St. Nicholas, soon would be there." I should hope so, St Nicholas day was the 8th, he is running late.

[@georgethompson3763]

Actually, it's on december 6.

[@rayyana.8538]

lmao

[@chiefscheider]

John does a brief Elmer Fudd impression 2:10

[@college54114]

This opening monologue has stayed with me ever since the night I watched it live for the first time!

[@JoeBoomerMusic]

Greatest Christmas lesson of all time.

[@MsPsychomama]

He's mesmerizing.

[@phillipsparkes6]

This will never not be funny

[@davidbreen6335]

John Malkovich is just brilliant

[@cirenrose]

needs more views KEEP VIEWINGS GUYS CAUSE JOHN MALKOVICH IS A LEGEND !!!!

[@josediogo3281]

Just to be clear: I'm portuguese and that stick of butter/toe stealing thing is not true. I've never heard it before. We do call him Pai Natal, though.

[@john_dillermand]

Pai Natal is coming, and he's going to feast on all your toes..

[@adithalee8660]

This is so old school and funny. Just like the 60s-80s kind of grandpa. Could probably explain why alot of our group is into conspiracy theories.

[@titaniamengyun]

That stage transition was smoother than Malkovitch’s (beautiful) bald spot

[@ellerybragdon8547]

I love this man so much.

[@567HeyPandaBoo]

"I put my jammies on all by myself, mommy!"

[@connoroverall580]

Cyrus The Virus.

[@mtapp113]

"...unless children leave him a stick of butter, he steals one of their toes."

[@amymoore5033]

This skit is gold.

[@claires1177]

" I'm filled with holiday cheer"

[@tobybartlett]

Who’s here in 2020 because we need a laugh since crying is getting repetitive?

[@nelsonabreu9227]

I grew up in Portugal and never heard about leaving stick of butter for Pai Natal (Father Christmas) to prevent losing a toe… but I do love me some portuguese bread and Azores butter lol

[@michelenichele294]

I’m thinking he made it up.🤥 (To freak the kids out 😮)

[@aliciareynolds3342]

“Itchy itchy”😂

[@samanthab1923]

Always remembered this as one of the best 😂

[@michelenichele294]

It’s not Christmas without John’s ‘T’was the Night Before Christmas.🎄

[@MW-rv7ks]

What a classic! The ONLY other person that could have done that sketch justice would be Christopher Walken.🤣

[@nvrules27]

“Itchy itchy” fucking kills me every single goddamn time

[@wmassey683]

John Malkovich is the kind of guy that would probably give you coughdrops for Halloween lol

[@jda8176]

It's that time of year again, don't forget the sticks of butter!

[@Atheria444]

I saw this again on TV last night and laughed all over again. I adore John Malkovich!

[@RagingChicken]

i love this

[@mabusestestament]

"Did you just call me Lotte?"

[@Distorted80]

Thanks Steve Carell!

[@strangedazey546]

Omg, I was crying. John Malkovich is one of very favorite people. 😍

[@gabone324]

We used to suck on pennies and it was delightful!

[@letsgovcu]

And all thru the house.

[@keepcalmsavehyrule]

I’ve been waiting for this! 😍

[@saijenkins3416]

Imagine if he acted like this in Of mice and of men. Then that broken neck wouldn't seem so (accidental )😁

[@DemonWarp65]

This sketch speaks to my soul!

[@LOLmusics]

Thank you Dr. Mallory lol

[@zekesteed4185]

Who else was waiting for him to say, “Bah. Humbug!”?

[@wolfjedisamuel]

Not sure who I like most to read me a Christmas story, John Malkovich or Liam Neeson?

[@tobybartlett]

Liam Neeson reading the Christmas version of the famous Taken quote: “If you are looking for candy, I can tell you I don't have any. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career... as St. Nick, skills that make me a delight for kids and even you. If you let my reindeer go, that'll be the end of it. Merry Christmas!”

[@JustLikeHeaven77]

The Steve Martin Christmas story is hilarious.

[@marinapavlova8183]

Thank You 🙏 Marry Christmas 🎄 to You and SNL❤️This is Too Funny!🤗Can not stop saying Thank You Always ❤️

[@Grsz11]

This is simultaneously hilarious and uncanny.

[@lisaleone2296]

This cracks me up so much

[@natalieleonard5876]

This is how I feel teaching generation Z students

[@leppyleppy6210]

This is how generation Z students feel being taught by you

[@20ASilva]

borg.

[@notthere83]

That home invasion law actually seems like a really good idea. What else should you do with someone who invades your home? Shew them away like a spider?

[@Ophelia_Pain]

Thus needs to happen again.

[@Gradhmhor27]

I think this is the first time I’ve seen an actor who doesn’t need to rely on cue cards on SNL.

[@GenX21Chris_2cents]

Happy Birthday to John.12-9-53.Illinois

[@Vickyvee97]

He looks like he's high ASF! One more, he looks and acts like Grandma murphy from Fallout 4.

[@mainmaam]

Love it!!

[@wynstansmom829]

Happy Christmas Eve to everyone! and to Yvette, a special story because you know...it's that darn time of the year.

[@ibrar8044]

So I watched the SNL documentary by James Franco and then I watched this monologue. Kudos to the cast for the amount of effort put in each episode.

[@FERNANDOGONZALEZ-pb6re]

Whenever life takes a daily colossal DUMP on me,I resort to either J.Malkovich/ C.Walken to cheer me up. Both of their comedic works should be placed infinitely on display at the Smithsonian along with the best wax figures money can buy, along with prerecorded greetings. They are national treasures. If not,may Pai Natal come get your toes.

[@Ophelia_Pain]

My favorite

[@madnietzschean]

Hope is what reality leaves us to cling to,when it leaves us nothing ekse...😅

[@Kowasi]

Pie Natal took all Mr. Malkovich's toes, I'd wager…

[@janetlieb2507]

L💙ve you John!!💙💙💙

[@ankyd4446]

1:44, 2:01, 2:27, 3:39, 4:20, 5:28