MONTESSORI AT HOME: Floor Bed Sleep Tips for Tired Parents

[@crystalgale15]

Thank you for acknowledging that co-sleeping is normal with other cultures. A lot of people in social media attacks us for that. I am Asian and I grew up in a country that majority of the time kids co-sleep with their parents until they are in their pre teens because lots of families can't afford big houses so not every kid can get a room of their own.

[@laartje24]

Not trying to attack you, genuinely curious, because I believe we can learn a lot from different cultures. How do you keep young babies save when co sleeping from dangers as getting stuck under the blanked or a pillow, or getting stuck between the parents?

[@crystalgale15]

@@laartje24 i am not sure about other countries, but the idea of SIDS is not that common in the Philippines. We don't have many cases of babies dying from SIDS or suffocation even though 90% of the population co-sleeps with their infants. That being said, i can only speak for myself, my family and my friends who I talk to regarding this. If for example, we know dad moves around the bed a lot or is a deep sleeper, we make sure baby is on the other side of the bed and mom is the barrier so dad can't unconsciously crush the baby. Parents (at least those that i know) also make sure they don't drink alcohol and smoke so that they are more aware of the baby. I have read alcohol and smoking has some relation with Sids risk. You can research online how to make co-sleeping safer too if you are interested. Personally, i am such a light sleeper and i don't move when asleep so i am confident sleeping beside my baby. But still, i made sure the mattress we sleep on is firm, there's no pillows or blankets on the bed and my baby is wearing an Owlet monitor the whole time until he turned 1 yo. Just in case his vitals drops, i will know immediately and it will wake me up. I just made sire he won't suffocate on anything so no stuffies etc. And making sure temperature in the room is between 19-22C as suggested by his pedia. 😊

[@laartje24]

@@crystalgale15 Thanks for sharing, that was really interesting to read. I am definitely gonna look into it some more.

[@crystalgale15]

@@laartje24 thank you so much too for being open minded about it. 💙

[@oppsendless3814]

@@crystalgale15 Unfortunately, when a baby dies from asphyxiation the baby looks like it is just sleeping. There is no movement or sign it is struggling. It's heartbreaking so being a light sleeper won't help. Also, an Owlet is not recommended by the AAP because it gives parents a false sense of security, reports false readings, misses actual signs of distress, and also has been shown to hurt babies. I get how nice it is to cosleep and how much more convenient it is. Consistently following ABCs of safe sleep was one of the hardest things I had to do with my newborn. Also, SIDS is not reported the same way in other countries the way it is in the USA so it may appear to be less common. I wish all the tired mamas good luck and safe sleep for all.

[@brickbrow]

Hi Ashley! I just wanted to say THANK YOU. I have an 8mo who is suddenly protesting ALL sleep. Hadn't slept for more than 45 min total in 4 days (she's also crawling, pulling up, etc.). Yesterday, I had to drive her for 2 hours just to let her body rest in the restraints of her car seat BUT I came back to listen to this video while we drove. Last night she passed out in her bed from shear exhaustion but THIS morning I put to use your advice. We read 3 books in the living room, walked into a lit bedroom, gave her the pacifier, laid her down gently (floor bed), big kiss, went to her door, turned to look at her intentionally, shut of the light, and I planned to give her 10 minutes before I went back in. She protested for 4-5 min and was OUT in 6 min. She's even waked up a bit and laid back down (that has never happened). I AM FLABBERGASTED. Usually she protests for a good hour, climbing over me constantly. I think MY body actually became a distraction for her at some point. This is the first free 20 minutes I've had in almost 2 months. THANK YOU! We will continue to work on it and experiment. Your blog is incredibly helpful!

[@zachaument]

A new study coming out says that children who struggle to sleep, especially babies, often aren’t receiving enough light during waking hours. Babies who got bright indirect light (not unlike a plant, haha) between naps and were given a dark place to sleep, slept 70% better. This reinforces the Montessori idea of getting outside. I am not a parent, but the idea to take a child who is melting down, out of the context makes sense from my understanding of how people experience place. I’ll try it for sure.

[@Luckyforus686]

I loved your kind opening 💕 There’s all kinds of families. Just refreshing to hear this

[@partialartsblackbelt8384]

Both my sons ended up on the floor until they were 3 and 4 lol. I’d also add in terms of safety to either leave a gap between the bed and the wall or use a pool noodle under the sheet by the wall because even older toddlers that can move have suffocated between walls and beds (not just referring to floor beds). Also, crawl around the room and see what dangers you find. I found the caps on the springs behind doors were loose enough to remove and pose a choking hazard. So I took them off and put a stick on rubber grip or felt chair pad on the door where the spring hits.

[@AmeliaUnleashed]

Thanks very timely video for us and our 8 month old! My husband and I are first time parents and new to Montessori. Son has been in the floor bed since he was 5/6 months old and it’s been really nice for him and us. BUT now that he’s crawling we are finding more disruptions in his sleep. This video is encouraging to know that we’re doing okay and to persevere!

[@niquepedia]

Hi! Any update on how you got to keep your baby in the bed. Currently going through the phase where it’s getting harder for my baby to stay in bed and while I want to just let her independently sleep on her own accord, she doesn’t like it when I leave the room…. So I’m stuck in her room for almost more than an hour sometimes, wrestling her back to her bed and we’re just both frustrated!!! Any tips would be great!!!!

[@AmeliaUnleashed]

@@niquepedia How old is your baby? Ours is 15 months now and sleeps well in his floor bed still. I hope my anecdote will encourage you that what you are going through is absolutely normal and will change with time. When he’s not ready to sleep yet he will crawl out and go to the door and sometimes it’s a battle to try and get him sleepy, sometimes I’ll nurse him more (something I have a temporary luxury to do but will come to an end soon) or I’ll realize that he didn’t get enough playtime or enough stimulation before nap which I’ll note for next time. We don’t make this mistake as much anymore. People tell me that this is normal especially for boys, they just don’t want to miss anything! The nice (and there are so many!) thing about a floor bed is that when he does wake up and needs some affection and cuddles my husband or have the option to crawl into bed and do that, which is happening a lot right now. When he wakes up he has the option to play with his toys and books for a bit before coming to the door which buys us some time on occasion too. Another long term beauty of the floor bed is that this is the only bed, so no transition in the future and making that change later is harder. So in sum, we keep our baby in bed by getting him nice and sleepy, routines help. For nap our routine is lunch, bath, dressed lots of playing then reading, prayer, sleepsack, sound machine and nursing. He knows what to expect and most of the time works right away but every now and then we will struggle and just let him out to play longer and try again later 🤷‍♀️ The key is to be flexible, they change everyday. Just keep your routine roughly the same!

[@esm1421]

İ really miss hapa vlogs❤ i miss Kylie and Mia, even Mike’s jokes. İ felt like i was part of yours family. Your vlogs motiveted me so much

[@esm1421]

Can you do vlogs where you show how they play or do acitvities whitout showing their faces😢😢

[@vtang2008]

I completely understand Ashley’a decision and know she’s doing what’s best for her family, but I dearly miss the vlogs too!

[@Laurabee0817]

Same here! I got so many great ideas for activities or games to play with my toddler from those vlogs, and also just feeling like I could relate to them 😢

[@bakerbrewz]

Thanks for putting together this video. I appreciate how conscious you are of other parenting and sleep styles there are and giving room for that. It was really insightful to hear how you transitioned your children to floor beds and just ultimately taking your time with the transition.

[@emilyelectrocution]

Hi Ashley! I know you’re only doing montessori content now but will you still be doing a what I got the girls for Christmas haul? I look forward to it every year! It’s a great source to see what other montessori parents buy their children for the holidays!

[@jll7624]

Hope your feeling better! Exited to see new content

[@HapaFamily]

I am (mostly, haha)! Thank you! :)

[@johndoe6032]

I feel like this video is setting unrealistic expectations about children being super-consistent in their sleep with a routine. I think people need to realize that even if you do everything right and follow a consistent process, your child still may not be consistent in their sleep. My wife and I have kept the same nap and sleep routines since our daughter was an infant, and at over 3 years old now, she has never been consistent with her sleeping. She will have periods of time where she will consistently fall asleep for naps and bedtimes, but there are also periods of time when she never naps and takes over an hour to fall asleep at bed time. Also, her wake up time change fluctuate by an hour or more despite falling asleep at the same time. She will also have periods where she wakes up multiple times a night and needs a little comfort, and then for no apparent reason she will sleep through the night without a problem. And to make things more crazy, all of these issues happen randomly with no connection to each other. And this is the same case with family and friends who have kids. As a parent, you have to just be prepared to roll with these changes and accept they will happen. Being consistent with your schedule and process will help, but it will not ensure your child is the perfect sleeper and napper you want. So don't beat yourself up about it or think there's something wrong with your kid if they don't ever or consistently get to the point of sleeping well all the time.

[@HapaFamily]

I absolutely agree with what you've said here, and I promise that in no way did I intend to make anyone feel like a solid routine is the end-all be-all answer to solve a child's sleep issues. ;) Every child is different--and every DAY is different at times--not just in their sleeping habits, but for basically anything else (eating, toileting, play, all of it!). But that's the beauty of the Montessori approach... as long as you're looking to your child for THEIR cues, you can respond as needed. You did hit on the nail on the head with one of the points I was trying to make with this video--that having an established routine certainly helps! A child who has no semblance of a routine of any kind will be much less able to find their way to sleep, as their basic needs for security are likely not being effectively met. But even with a routine in place, things won’t always be predictable. Such is life. 😝 As I said at the beginning, I'm not professing my suggestions to be the "silver bullet" answer to everyone's problems... they are simply some ideas to try that other families have found super helpful. Please take from this video what you will, and leave behind anything you feel won't serve you. ☺️

[@Dana-mb1hd]

John Doe-Thank you for normalizing what I’ve been going thru with my toddlers sleep!

[@katzinkakat8106]

Exactly the same over here. My older child is 3,5 and my younger almost 12 months old. We (sometimes my husband, sometimes I, depending if the younger one is already asleep, because she nurses herself to sleep most of the time) always stay in the room until they are asleep, if we left earlier, there would be crying and that's ok and totally normal and healthy! Stone age baby would have died if it had been left alone in the dark. "A couple of minutes" is a VERY long time for a child (baby still, at 10 months!), just consider how often you are asked "are we there yet?" on a short trip to the supermarket (for example). We try leaving the room from time to time, while our child is listening to a story (there is a very cool app called "Aumio" in our country, really helped us to shorten the time our child need to fall asleep!) and say things like "I'll wipe the kitchen table and be right back" or "I'll unload the washing machine and be right back" and sometimes when we come back sleeping is already happening. But the door is always open so our child can hear us und we can hear what's going on and if we are needed or being called. Waiting a couple of minutes before reentering the room signals - in my opinion - that you don't take the child's fear seriously and that doesn't align with respectful parenting.

[@Dana-mb1hd]

@@katzinkakat8106 💖 as a first time mama your comment was helpful and helps me feel not so alone thank you

[@anapunkt4418]

Please everyone, don’t let your kids cry alone! Even for short times! The only thing they learn is, That they weren‘t heard and maybe they stop, just because they learned no one is caring about them. And please! Do what your heart says! Mostly it doesn’t stand a crying baby.

[@brickbrow]

I think she was fair in addressing exactly this. Each mom knows her baby’s different cries. I’m going to respond to a tired protest cry different than a meltdown cry.

[@yainkainmjbangura4086]

It's so normal for co-sleeping in our culture especially in Africa where co- sleep is all we know 😄

[@buzzi2k]

Thank you so much - I could have written this question in!!

[@teannabergeron2473]

I needed this thank you

[@braydenm715]

Very good tips. And as gentle as possible if you’re wanting to achieve the child napping on their own. I’m curious what others would suggest that doesn’t involve your child crying for a few minutes which you specified numerous times

[@Dana-mb1hd]

Ashley I NEEDED this video I can’t THANK you enough 💖🙏💖🙏

[@TâmNguyễn-h7f]

Thank hapa. video is a good

[@faithschooling_shalemsheki8670]

Thank you for this video! It inspired confidence in me to try this method with my 10m old. But i wonder what can i do as a nursing mum? We are so used to nursing to sleep. I work in the day and it has caused terrible naps with my other caretakers . He doesnt have good milk in take in the day hence i try to compensate with night feeds still. What happens if he wakes up to nurse middle of the night and ends up falling asleep?

[@anna-katehowell9852]

Hi Ashley! This was a great video. I'd be interested to see how a floor bed situation works for twins (or babies very close in age) OR when the floor bed aged child shares a bedroom with an older sibling, like school aged. How do you keep a toddler/preschooler out of big brother/sister's "stuff" (say the older kid is like 5-10 years old) if they share a room? I'd actually love a video on room-sharing in general for Montessori kids.

[@AmmaraSHAH773377]

This sounds interesting. I want to wait a bit to ask my detailed question because there's so much i need to prepare for with the baby due in 3 months and all 3 of us then sharing a room My toddler already knows that for the first 3 months baby will be beside me in bed in a basket but then idk what I'm going to do... there's nonroom for 2 floor beds in our bedroom and i have no idea what the other option would be because i don't feel safe with co sleeping. Unless my Toddler moves in to the bed with me permanently until we can move into a bigger space or empty out an entire room which my mum offers but i know it is over cluttered in that room with a computer. Not an option.

[@HapaFamily]

I honestly don't think there's all that much different in what you would do for twins, other than to simply adjust your expectations that they may end up in each other's beds at times, haha! Or that they will get up and play together for longer than would, say, a single child by themself. But otherwise, the practical "how-to"s and everything would remain the same. With enough time and practice, they will get it! :) And then, as far as having a younger child in a room with an older, second-plane child--also totally doable! You would just need to consider how to best prepare the bedroom environment such that the older kid has their own special space (out of reach of the younger child) where they can keep their special things--maybe a shelf higher up on the wall? A box stored on a higher shelf in the closet? Their own separate dressers/wardrobes? I'm sure there are lots of creative ways to do this based on the individual setup, just have to spend some time thinking about what the options are. :)

[@seekingtruthandcompassion1707]

Would live to see twins in floor bed same room ! Havnt ended up transitioning ascantfind something that works with them both

[@simply_linka]

@@seekingtruthandcompassion1707 see channel "The Hidden Gem". Gemma is a mom of triplets, and they had a shared floor bed 🙂

[@erikacornet9594]

oo this is so interesting! I love your video's! I don't have children myself yet, but I will probably use a lot of the techniques you are using.

[@vanessapelletier3415]

Hi Ashley, I was wondering if you could talk about pacifiers for babies and the Montessori philosophy. I'm 5 months pregnant with my first and looking to implement Montessori philosophy as much as possible

[@corinneg5152]

I needed this video! Thank you 😊

[@soulmatesis1]

Miss you! Do we close the door during this process? Son has been on floor bed 7 months and he is one this month!

[@bugalowSK]

Still loving your videos! But I miss grocery halls, cooking! Can we bring it on 🙂?

[@t.t.9081]

What is the average or approximate time frame in your experience for them to ‘eventually get it’ when referencing going to sleep on their own. ?

[@ladybugflv]

Honestly, in my community, we are the only family, except for another family of friends, that decided to let the baby sleep alone in their room. She does not fall asleep by herself, nor did we try to sleep train, she almost always naps on the boob and in the evening we cuddle after nursing. But I still feel guilty we do not co-sleep, which I envisioned while pregnant. I simply cannot sleep with her in the same bed. I used a side crib until she turned 6 months, then switched to a floor bed. Never used the same bed, I slept by her side, in my bed, for the first three months. Then I realized I would wake her up when she barely fussed, while entering another sleep cycle, thinking she needed nursing. After leaving her alone, we both got a lot more rest. Except for sleep regressions, which were the worst. I honestly do not think she will accept sleeping in her room when she gets older, I think she will want to sneak in our bed, but we will see, now she has a gate, which she has learned to open and during the night she sometimes opens it to reach the hallway. She is now 13 mo.

[@raychelmcbride8965]

Tips - starts around 5:00 min. 1. Practice - solid nap time and bed time routine (finish the routine and leave the room) 2. Be consistent - the routine doesn’t have to be long 3. Let your child explore once you leave the room or give them a few minutes if they fuss by the door. 4. Trust your child - Lead them back to the bed if they cry but it’s ok for them to fall asleep anywhere in the room. 5. Have confidence - that you can do it and your child can do it. 6. Consider a gradual release if the child is really struggling 7. Be Patient 8. If the child is uncontrollable or over-tired take then out of the room and try the nap again in 30 minutes. This should be a rare occurrence. 9. Shut the door or experiment with a pressure mounted baby gate in the doorway

[@TOPkeyFishyKyu]

I know you don't mean it that way, but honestly one of the worst things to do is come into the comments of a video that someone has worked on for hours and try to summarize it into a comment so that people don't get the full story and don't actually watch the video. If you need something quick or something to read, Instagram or blogs are a better option.

[@mandymaharaj2010]

Please don't do this, it's really disrespectful to a creator that has poured time and energy into creating a video.

[@raychelmcbride8965]

@@mandymaharaj2010 didn’t mean to be disrespectful- just trying to save mommas some time that may be watching during a kiddos nap.

[@raychelmcbride8965]

@@TOPkeyFishyKyu definitely not the goal, but thanks for letting me know 👍🏽

[@sarahhedrick9277]

I appreciate you leaving a summary! I've watched the video twice now and appreciate being able to go back to a list!

[@LoveYourGround]

Any tips on Montessori with two young kids in the same room? We're planning to have a second baby in a couple years (just had our first) and I'd love to be able to prepare for that in our small house.

[@breanahiggins7036]

My son always did great with me putting him in his bed and walking away. Even with the floor bed. But by the time he turned 18 months he’d get up out of his bed and walk out and play or cry. We tried getting him to sleep in his room and even changed his mattress. That worked but for like a week. Then he got up again. He’s 2 years and 2 months now and it’s gotten harder for him to even sleep in his bed. I have to sleep there with him or sit on the side of the bed. He still comes to our room in the middle of the night to sleep with us. I will try to be consistent with these tips to see if I missed something.

[@teannabergeron2473]

I relate to this so much . What worked with my 2.5 year old was to sit beside the bed and slowly back out . She now sleeps through the night

[@babycakes8434]

You need the ball blocker on the knob, so your child doesn't get out and stay in the room.

[@breanahiggins7036]

@@babycakes8434 I don’t want to keep him from being able to leave his room, especially if he needs something or is afraid. He is 3 now and stays in his room most of the night. Maybe around 2 hours before we wake up he may come to sleep in our room. We had a lot of changes so this is great for us. Slowly but surely but at the same time, I’m treasuring these moments.

[@jomoon1240]

I turned my sons bedroom door into a dutch door so i could open the top to see if he was at the door so i wouldnt hurt him since hell sleep at the door a ton

[@claudiasuellensousa]

Hi Ashley. How challenging it is floor bed for babies twins?

[@buzzi2k]

Hi Ashely, thanks so much for doing this even though you're nervous about sharing about sleep in the internet! We have this far stayed in the room with our 11mo and did a gradual retreat about a month ago which was working really well but it suddenly all went backwards again! She's discovered how to pull up and stand, so every time we put her down she's climbing the wall, me, the door and getting more and more wound up until we pick her up and calm her.... Any advice?

[@ssblush9910]

Our current challenge is that our 15 month old keeps getting out of her bed and plays or crawls around the room for hours and won't go to sleep. Eventually when she's had enough and is extremely overtired she will start screaming behind the door. Have tried intervening and leading her back to bed multiple times but she will just cry and get back out of bed again..not sure if anyone else is experiencing the same 😢

[@jbdjessa2]

With floor beds, is it safe to darken the room for sleep?

[@HapaFamily]

Yes! We always use room darkening curtains. :)

[@jbdjessa2]

@@HapaFamily okay, awesome, still so much learning for me with this method. I appreciate the response. I guess with baby having freedom to wonder around, I was wondering if this could make it more difficult for them to stay safe.

[@HapaFamily]

As long as the room is 100% safe for baby to explore -- furniture mounted to the wall, blind cords tied up and out of the way, outlets covered, nothing dangerous to knock over, no strangulation/suffocation hazards left out, that sort of thing -- then the darkness should otherwise not be an issue whatsoever. :)

[@marianoszklanny6580]

You mean 100% dark? If the toddler can't see at all, what's the benefit of having a floor bed? Or you use a dim nighight? Thanks!

[@nadiaoh4322]

I have question about sleep training second child. We sleep trained our first child and it's amazing once it settled in. But with second I'm not sure how to go about it. We dont have enough rooms to give each kid room of their own and don't want to interfere first child's sleep during training period of second by putting them in same room. Second is only 4m and sleeps in my room but not in same bed currently but eventually want to get both kids in one room.

[@simply_linka]

Do you have any tips for parents of older children? My 4,5 yo won't go to bed without me or my husband. We have to stay there until she's asleep. She says she's afraid of being alone. Even with little lights or favourite toy she won't stay alone.

[@anapunkt4418]

Be there, stay there, give her what seh needs, until she doesnt anymore.

[@naorivas]

What if the kiddo is older and has started to leave their room repeatedly?

[@KapuaKuheana]

i think this model can still work if she’s 2.5 years old and walks out of the room crying & looking for you right? haha 😅 i’m just thinking at what point do you stay and comfort them for a bit if they’re really struggling.

[@chrisoulalakkas7935]

Accept. Forgive. Move on.

[@AC-xu7gc]

what you are describing is essentially sleep training, cry it out.. I would have appreciated not finding out at the 11th minute of the video...!

[@Marigold776]

Not the first video which supports sleep training. Disappointing as I want to learn more about Montessori but don’t feel my values and style or parenting align with hers.

[@essentoilylexi]

The montessori approach kinda supports the concept of sleep training in general. I read a few books before having my son and I knew i didn't align with that. So it's one of those things that you take what you resegnate with and leave the rest. I love the montessori approach in many aspects but I am a co-sleeping, bed sharing, nursing to sleep mama and I don't feel bad about it! hehe. Hope this helps. Hapa Fam definitely puts out some amazing and helpful information though when it comes to all things montessori, so I really appreciate that!!

[@josie9583]

​@Marigold776 I used to love her until she became very political. I wouldve preferred it to be kept neutral. Still she gives some very good advice.

[@brickbrow]

Awfully rude for a bunch of viewers who get FREE content.

[@AC-xu7gc]

@@brickbrow I'm sure she's well aware that cry it out is a controversial method to teach children to sleep alone. Many will say it's emotional neglect. I don't see why if content is free one cannot disagree wih it. In fact I haven't actually even argued anything, just said that I would have appreciated the title to include cry it out/sleep training, for clarity. Being an influencer comes with responsabilities too!

[@o0laieta0o]

We've been cosleeping for all 15 months because he's been constantly sick and I couldn't leave him alone, but he sleeps by himself at daycare. I really don't know how to transfer him to sleeping alone. We take naps on the weekends on his floor bed so it's definetely a familiar space but if I leave he gets a meltdown... What should I do? 🥲

[@HapaFamily]

You can certainly try the "gradual release" method that I mentioned toward the end of the video (which I did with Kylie at 19 months). :)

[@o0laieta0o]

@@HapaFamily I tried a couple times but he just comes sit in my lap lol. I guess I just need to be consistent

[@HapaFamily]

If he gets up and into your lap, you can gently lead him back to bed and offer a reassuring kiss/pat on the back as you let him know that it's time for rest... then resume your position. Even if you need to do this 5 times in a row (or more), consistency goes a long way! :)

[@anapunkt4418]

Stay with him, he needs you!!!