Reacting to Your Parenting Assumptions About Me (& Dan)

[@SamWest96]

I feel a little frustrated by the assumption regarding feminism. I'm a housewife and mostly stay at home mum (part time job out of necessity) as well as future homeschooler, completely out of choice. As a feminist, i hold space for ALL women, including those of us who enjoy a more traditional role.

[@aisling.m]

Exactly that! I feel like feminism only allows one path - following a career. If you choose staying home, because that's what you genuinely want to (!) do, it automatically means you're opressed...

[@justathumb]

not only space, RESPECT. there always seems to be a tendency for the pendulum to swing too far - in fighting for women's rights to choose, it's diminished the incredible value and contribution of mothers. as someone who underestimated it myself as something "average", ive been blown away by how difficult motherhood is, harder than anything else ive EVER done. im only getting through it with daycare and going back to work! full-time mothers have my utmost respect and admiration.

[@rebecca3157]

Amen! Same here

[@powderandpaint14]

Yes, feminism is about women having the option to make whatever choices are right for them and their family.

[@SamWest96]

@@justathumb I appreciate this response. I couldn't believe how much I've loved every aspect of sah-motherhood. Truly it's filled me up in a way I've never felt before, and I drag myself to work counting the hours until I get to be mum again. I love how different we all are, and you're right, we all deserve respect

[@aksez2u]

Hannah, I really love that you don't know what most trendy parenting styles are. I love that you are going with your instincts and feel very little guilt about your choices. Even if you aren't a super "laid back" person you've managed to be a pretty happy, relaxed mom!

[@meals1459]

My therapist explained that a united family structure is crucial for little ones. As an example, grandma: “mum says you can’t have chocolate but I’ll let you”. As well meaning this is, it’s actually causing a conflict for the child in who they should trust in their family’s structure. It doesn’t matter if the grandparents disagree or don’t understand, their place is to respect the parent’s boundaries. Just made me think of this when you were discussing how you and Dan are a united front on how you guys are parenting ❤️

[@louisacoote2337]

Growing up, if my mum said no to me doing something, there was no point going to see my dad and ask him, because he would ask what my mum said and that that was his answer too. Never understood the “Ask your mum/dad” as, like you said, parents ( and grandpar3nts, aunts, uncles…) should be on the same page.

[@amarshall5407]

One of the best suggestions I got on the “constantly saying no phase” was to look at what you were saying no to and decide if you could safely teach them how to do it. We taught my 15 month old at the time how to safely plug things in because she was obsessed and honestly after we taught her she almost completely lost interest in pulling them out. We also taught both our kids how to safely slide down the stairs at 9 months cause they wouldn’t be stopped from going up.

[@morehannah]

Ooooh love that approach!

[@lozzorganic]

@@morehannah I also heard you mention big little feelings! Their course addresses all this stuff as well and we’re in the same stage trying to set up our habits and the way we want to respond before we reach that stage! Totally agree on teaching them to do thing safely and the loss of interest - my son has been the same

[@louisacoote2337]

@@lozzorganic For older children, I like to try and reformulate the no as a positive statement ( I work in childcare). Eg instead of saying “No running in the crèche/house” I say “We walk in the crèche/house” or “Do you remember the rules of how to behave in the house? I think you have forgotten one of them” or will walk myself and tell the child “This is how we move around in the crèche once we’re not crawling/can stand up by ourselves”.

[@rribbonss]

I think I watch too many of your videos because I already knew which assumptions were wrong 😂

[@thenopedetective]

I always initially think "eh, I'm not going to be a parent, I'll skip this one" but then I'm always glad I watched! Parents make up so much of society it's nice to get the inside perspective since I'll never experience it myself. Keeps me more compassionate too, since sometimes childfree spaces can be a bit anti child.

[@elizabethroyerjohnson4992]

Really appreciate the reflection on work/feminism/childcare splitting - I decided to quit my job to go part time freelance to spend more time with my baby, and my husband still works full time, and sometimes I get very in my head about how we’re splitting childcare and whether it’s feminist, etc. But this was a helpful reminder that like, we do the best we can with the situation you have! And ultimately I’m happy with our choices and wouldn’t want it to be different, despite the trade-offs.

[@aksez2u]

Things will change over time, too. When the children are older, it might be the husband who signs the kids up for sports, helps coach the team, takes them fishing, etc. That's what happened in our family.

[@elizabethroyerjohnson4992]

@@aksez2u That makes a lot of sense!

[@thenopedetective]

Yes, feminism is so much about being about to choose and have social structures that facilitate this! So, in many cases it makes more sense for the mom to take time off, but this is often because of the larger social environments in how women enter and are treated in the workplace. If an action can be feminist or not feminist (which I'm not convinced is possible) I'd ask "Does this suit my life?" "Does this reduce access or means for other women?" (Or black women, or NB folks - not just thinking of the white hetero sort of reduced access) and "If this is better for me, but only because social structures have made this this the easiest path, is there any power I have to have and share power with other people who need support?" So, parenting at home is basically yes it works better, no it doesn't take from anyone, and right now it's not a place of significant power but maybe depending on a woman's workplace there could be a bit of advocacy or speaking up if there isn't similar access to parental time off for everyone. A stay at home mom isn't putting feminism back, unless it's those trad wives saying abortion should be illegal and women shouldn't work and men should be big macho providers 😅. I'm sure you're doing great!

[@elizabethroyerjohnson4992]

@@thenopedetective yeah totally agree re: the structures of power and think this is well said!

[@JaffaCakeGecko]

The man in a hetero couple taking the bins out may be heteronormative, yes, but my thought is its caused by the bin design - bins are quite tall and bin bags are long, so the shorter person in a relationship (typically a woman in a hetero couple) has to lift the bin bag up higher so it doesnt drag on the ground, and they have to use more upper body strength to do so compared to someone taller who can hold the bag lower and expend less strength. If the patriarchy gave us rubbish bins (pun intended), then its only fair that the men have to empty them! I deeply respect all lesbians who take the bin out, those are the real queens

[@morehannah]

Haha love this reasoning!

[@meteorrejector]

ur so real for this

[@ZairaBandy]

But many things are really meant to be done by men or at least a very strong person.

[@etee6065]

I always get a bit prickly when people bring up sleep training! We did a gentle, timed crying method (we listened to her cry “types” as well and knew when she was tired vs distressed) and it really saved us at a point where I hadn’t had more than 2 hours sleep in a row since she’d been born 7 months before. It brought her down to 2 wakes in a night which honestly was a godsend and she didn’t sleep through till she was 1! When I have shared my experience, other mums are so fast to call it cruel (or other unhelpful things) and I’m always taken aback by it! I appreciate that you can see both sides and have made a decision that right now works best for your family because really that’s all that matters! ❤

[@hannahk1306]

I think the "cruel" version is just letting baby cry indefinitely without thinking about *why* they're crying. It sounds like you did it properly though, but (like with most things) some people fail to see the nuance.

[@belorama8]

Agreed! People categorically condemn sleep training because they don't realize that sleep training is NOT just putting your baby down unprepared whenever you want, and then leaving them to cry no matter what. Sleep training is having a bed time routine. Sleep training is utilizing sleep aids like white noise or pacifiers or music boxes. Sleep training is anticipating and meeting all of their needs, and calming them before trying to put them to bed. It's taking 30 seconds and some deep breaths to calm yourself before you get up when your baby wakes you up in the middle of the night. Sometimes it's sitting in the dark room after putting them down. And it's often not about the parents' independence or need for sleep! It's about patiently supporting your baby as they learn to put themselves to sleep. There are a lot of approaches, some more gentle than others, but there is nothing cruel about supporting your child picking up skills when they're ready.

[@amyisbored27]

I’ve seen the half crunchy mums be described as scrunchy. Breastfeeding, co sleeping, second hand clothes but also vaccines, some screen time and not bothered about organic food or only getting plastic toys. I feel like I fit into that perfectly Also with the food thing try not to stress out about it too much. I had so much weaning stress and guilt, I found it so hard to go from 24/7 breastfeeding to being a 3 meals a day private chef and my son was so fussy and not eating much until just after his first birthday. Then he went through a growth spurt and just got so hungry, now he eats almost anything. Doesn’t love most fruit and veg on its own but eats banana pancakes, berry porridge, savoury vegetable muffins and occasionally just eats giant spoonfuls or sweet corn and peas. He’ll get there eventually it just takes time!

[@aksez2u]

"Scrunchy" just sounds like somewhere on the "normal parenting" spectrum, whatever that is.

[@surlespasdondine]

@@aksez2u yes that sounds like normal parenting.

[@beccagracey7837]

I'm 27 and not planning to have children for a while, but I have watched your channel since I was a teenager and I love learning from you. I like to think that this will help me prepare for the future! Thanks Hannah 😊

[@cariiinen]

Love your pragmatic and confident approach to parenting. :) I have found that being relaxed is the most helpful for bonding and being present with my child. So that means doing lots of things to look after myself and my relationships - no guilt here.

[@katfoster845]

I don't have kids (yet), but I'm the oldest sibling. Apparently I was a champion sleeper and mum thought she had it made. I'd sleep through just about anything including firework displays and nap anywhere. Parenting was easy, she thought. What sleep deprivation? Then she had my sister. Who refused point blank to sleep in a cot, moses basket, pushchair or anywhere but on mum. And she was really fussy about sleep routines. Mum didn't intend to co sleep, but it happened because that was the only way the baby didn't scream the house down all night. So yeah. You can have kids who are just absolute nightmares when it comes to bedtime and just do whatever works and gets them to sleep.

[@myacot]

Hannah please do more baby-related videos! I enjoyed it a lot and curious about more topics.

[@lalaillustrator6295]

Love your new thumbnails! Feels very playful☺️💕🧡

[@treefrog1018]

As a nanny, I would say Hannah and Dan are definitely not crunchy parents. 😂

[@isabellapeytonbelden1680]

I'm just so happy that I haven't seen anyone come at you for co-sleeping. It's a tough topic due to the risk. But every parent is taking risks whether or not they see those risks. Every parent is just trying to do what they believe is best for their kid. I firmly believe that co-sleeping can be done with safety in mind. Nothing will ever be 100% safe, but as long as you research and take precautions, there are pros to co-sleep. When my partner and I have a kid, I'm leaning towards co-sleeping because of what the research says about bonding. So yeah, go Hannah for co-sleeping and doing what you and Dan believe is best for Rowan, I'm sure they will be an amazing person because of that.

[@Sam-pm9vy]

It’s sadly rare for people to realise just how often they default to “he” for toys etc and to make a specific effort not to do that. Of all the gendering in the world, I really wish we could have a societal shift in this

[@ciara1045]

i know this is true for most people but my most loved teddy for most of my childhood (i got them when I was 7) i could never decide whether it was a 'boy' or a 'girl' so their pronouns switched constantly - now i love that I had a gender fluid teddy before it was even a conversation lol

[@ZaydaFleming]

Jumping into this one within 5 min of the video being public! Woot!

[@rollingwaves1290]

you really truly seem very chill about parenting! as someone who doesn't have children yet and is a bit (at times a lot) apprehensive about the whole thing - what would you say contributed the most to you being quite calm, relaxed and not overthinking?

[@WildBuckaroo2]

Honestly seting up a savings account for your kid is a great idea. I come from a big family with lots of cousins, and my mum saved aside all of the money (bar a little for spends during the year) for birthday cards etc. I didn't have access to it until I was 18 but i still have not touched it and having a rainy day fund really has helped my confidence with money as an adult. Especially compared to my peers who were given full access to any money they were given as a kid and spend it on tat, but now have no savings to fall on as they move into the adult world. I am so so so grateful for them making that decision for me

[@hannahk1306]

Yes, me and my brother had money boxes which we'd take to the bank to deposit when they were full. We also didn't get pocket money, if we wanted something we had a discussion about whether we could buy it (e.g. not suitable, poor quality, too expensive, etc). By the time I went to uni, I had a relatively healthy savings account to dip into if needed (instead of an overdraft) and a better appreciation of what to spend money on than some of my peers. There was even one person in my first year flat who wasn't allowed his own student finance because his parents didn't trust him not to spend it all. Instead, his parents would give him a budgeted amount each week for food shopping and I think an amount for socialising as well. Every week, without fail, he'd try to spend as much of his food budget as possible and do things like buy really cheap poor quality food so he could afford equally cheap poor quality alcohol in his food shop. So 100% agree with you that it's so important to teach kids the value of money and saving up when they're little.

[@paultravis3249]

You are doing a great job as a parent and as a couple. Rowan is luck to have you and Dan as his parents.

[@milkymilkshake244]

Loved this ❤

[@kennethjoneification]

I relate to you so so much. Like, my responses would have been identical to yours 😅 I love this content

[@CHEEKYSTEPHY]

Hannah bluey is life!! 🙌

[@mushirahabib442]

Have you looked into baby-led weaning and shared responsibilities around food? It seems to be the best way to expose babies to the most variety of food and raise an intuitive eater.

[@victtayl]

Yes! And repeated exposure. It can take 20 exposures to a new food before they’ll actually put it in their mouth. Exposure and variety is key. And no pressure :) they eat what they want from the selection of healthy food you choose to provide.

[@maisacietto5082]

I don’t have kids but your parenting videos are quite fun!

[@beatrice1775]

Yay for Ms Rachel - she is a life saver for us!!

[@beatrice1775]

Also sleep training really is fantastic!

[@Sk8ynat]

I totally get the mental conflict around sleep training. I think we ended up reading about a whole bunch of different sleep training methods and picking different aspects of each of them that we felt comfortable with. Eventually something worked and her sleep got a lot better (especially getting her to sleep quickly, that was a game changer). Eventually something will work and it'll be amazing! And then Rowan will change and it won't work anymore and then you'll find something else that works.

[@shannonalexandra160]

Hey! Love your videos-and just general personality tbh! 😂 ❤ I have a question: Why don’t you like private schools? Honestly I’m not a fan either but by your answer it sounds like you feel a little stronger about it. I think it’s an interesting conversation to have :)

[@emmynoether9540]

8:16 very interesting, thanks for the update on parenting and gender/sex of the baby topic.

[@NataliaDryganets]

Interesting thought about naming toys "he" because it's default in English. It's certainly not the case in my native language (Russian) as every noun has a gender, so for example a bear, a wolf, a bunny, a tiger would probably be "he", but a dog, a cat, a fox - "she". It doesn't help with gender equality though.)

[@cariiinen]

Same in French. :)

[@rosie2152]

So many of these resonated with me, I think my baby is 4 months or so younger than yours, so I kinda feel like you gave me a little bit of a preview with some of the things. I heard about bluey from one of your videos and both me and my partner have spent our respective leaves watching daily episodes... ours only really loves the theme song, but he really really loves it... fingers crossed he gets more into the episodes... do you have the birthday cake book from the duck cake episode? It's possibly the best cake book ever made!

[@morehannah]

Rowan also just loves the theme song and hoping he’ll actually like the episodes 😂😂😂 I don’t think I’ve seen that episode!!

[@laurenschenck5355]

SO EXCITED!!🌞🏝️💛💛💛🏝️🩵🌞🌞🩵💛💛⛱️⛱️⛱️⛱️⛱️🌞🩵🏝️💛💛🏝️🩵🌞🌞🌞🩵🏝️💛💛🌞🌞🌞⛱️⛱️⛱️⛱️🌞🩵🩵🏝️💛💛💛🏝️🌞🌞🌞🩵🏝️💛🏝️🌞🌞⛱️⛱️⛱️⛱️⛱️🩵🏝️🏝️💛💛🏝️🩵🩵🌞

[@caitlin329]

As a way to maybe feel better about saying 'no', you could sometimes do the redirecting thing and turn it into a positive. There's also the benefit of explaining why it's 'no'. E.g. that'll break, it's dangerous etc. Can be better as kids get older (I have to use this with visiting children at work a lot)

[@diplomog]

Thanks

[@eringrasse7512]

YESSS, THE CHECKERED JUMPSUIT! I love your intentionality around mixing up toy pronouns! You're so right that defaulting to he/him--as well as the general assumption that everyone/everything fits neatly into the gender binary--is an unfortunately insidious part of how much of society operates. What a lovely gift you're giving Rowan by showing him how expansive the world is ❤

[@madi32]

We didn't sleep train (there's studies about the cry it out method that I find to be horrifying) and we still got two peaceful sleepers in the end. It took between one and two years with each but I prefer that over scared babies essentially playing dead.

[@powderandpaint14]

Sleep training absolutely doesn't necessarily involve the cry it out method at all anymore.

[@laurenschenck5355]

Such a great video and love these videos⛱️🏝️🏝️🏝️⛱️🩵🌞🌞🌞🌞🩵⛱️💛💛🏝️🏝️⛱️🩵🌞🌞🌞🩵⛱️🏝️🏝️🏝️🏝️🏝️💛⛱️🩵🌞🌞🩵💛🏝️🏝️🏝️🏝️💛💛🩵🩵⛱️💛🏝️🏝️🏝️🏝️🏝️💛⛱️🩵🌞🌞🌞🌞⛱️🏝️

[@selmar5161]

Been watching you for years and years and admiring your curiosity, openness, self esteem and courage. They are also what probably makes you a great parent to Rowan! Lately though I have felt a bit of unease watching your vlogs etc. because you seem so exhausted and like you do most of the care work for Rowan. I just worry that falling into the stereotypical roles will make you suffer in the long run. I know obviously you know best and I’m just an outsider but saying how Dan can’t do all of his gaming and how he takes out the trash just makes me cringe because I feel like you don’t realize how you might have a blind spot there / try to sugarcoat an unbalanced situation. I’ve seen it happening with a few of my female friends when they had kids and now their careers are dead and they are really dependent on their partner financially + their kid is super dependent on the mother and they can’t do anything alone because the kid is not used to being with the dad so much.. and also I see how the resentment regarding their partners is growing… I really hope I’m wrong though and I wish you all the best!!! ❤

[@lillysleeps]

This!!💯

[@mzhoneybunchesofoats]

Every time you talk about Dan, I'm like....... is he like exactly like my husband? to a freaking T so far XD

[@magnoliaskogen]

I would highly recommend learning about attachment theory and interpersonal neurobiology / co-regulation :) Also, from what I understand, sleep training where you don't meet a child's needs by going to them when they're crying can create an insecure attachment style and very stressed out nervous system that can make their life and relationships much worse for decades (if not their whole life). It's important for kids to have access to co-regulation with a safe adult especially when they're upset, because self regulation is extremely difficult and stressful for kids (and sometimes traumatic when required long-term via neglect, a pattern of not meeting a kid's emotional needs, etc).

[@andrear9702]

THIS! ^

[@ClareElizabeth97]

As someone with a degree in developmental psychology, i can confirm this is correct. Any form of sleep training, no matter how gentle, unfortunately will have negative impacts on the baby that can be long term.

[@amarshall5407]

@@ClareElizabeth97 While I am not a developmental psychologist I am familiar with scientific research and it seems like a very broad statement to say that all forms of sleep training leave negative impacts on all babies like you are suggesting. Also I am curious how the research manages to link sleep training directly to anxiety issues later in life when every person will have had different life circumstances that may have had an impact on their attachment style as well.

[@tlim8969]

@@amarshall5407 I suppose the research doesn't link it directly. Attachment style is definitely impacted by many factors and being sleep trained is not a guarantee of mental issues in future. However, any experience is an influence on a child's developing nervous system and no one will know for sure what causes any impact or not.

[@moonlight00001]

On the other side of the coin, poor quality of sleep is also a serious health risk for the parents, linked to many health complications, and babies will also benefit from having well rested parents in other ways (more attentive during the day, more alert in case of danger..). Not saying that one option is better than the other, but I'd be careful of drawing super rigid conclusions as there doesn't seem to be a strong scientific consensus on which option to adopt.

[@terriralphs2011]

How you and Dan choose to raise Rowan is between you and Dan. Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion but should it to themselves. Suggestions and ideas are just suggestions. Wherever works for you and Dan now, keep it up and adjust accordingly as needed. Every child is different but can be raised in in a similar patterns together

[@lozzorganic]

To expose my son (similar age to Rowan) to lots of foods and textures, we created a 4-week food rota to have 4-5 meals a week preplanned on a cycle that covers all different cuisines and stuff! Also massively reduced the mental load not having to think about most meals during the week

[@ajenkinson3443]

I’d love to hear some example meals from your schedule if okay? I have a fussy one year old

[@lozzorganic]

@@ajenkinson3443 We make meals in batches in advance when we can like lasagne, cottage pie, chilli con carne which go well in the freezer so there’s a night of just reheating and maybe cooking pasta or rice. Then other meals we do are Thai curry, satay chicken, Portuguese chicken tray bake, a Spanish chicken dish (similar to paella but faster!), salmon tray bake with potatoes (mix up the fish as well), meatballs (switch up the meats for more variety), any sort of Indian style curry, nachos (we give him a fresh tortilla instead of salty crisp type ones) and slow cooker meals that present meat as pulled just for variation! We know he loves carbs so every meal has rice, pasta, potatoes or occasionally bread to make sure he’s got a safe food and then we mix up the veg in different meals to offer a wider variety but we do it in tiny portions and if he leaves it on his plate/touches it we count it as a win for exposure. Typically if we back off and just keep presenting whatever it is he’s skeptical of he’ll start to engage more and more till he actually eats it! We’ve also been fortunate that we don’t have allergies to contend with and he handles spice and big flavours well however if I’m nervous about something new I’ll cook the meat in the sauce and prepare veg separately so the carb and veg are plain before throwing it all in together on the off chance.

[@Emmy7Mint]

few days late, but curious about extra language learning since it’s easier to acquire the younger they start… german, yiddish, french?

[@SamWest96]

Halfway between crunchy (it gets wild over there) and silky (plastic toys, mcdonalds, colour explosion, plane journeys, shopping on highstreet wtc) is scrunchy! I'm firmly a scrunchy mum 😊 I will add, from the perspective of a mum who had worked with young children for 15 years, please do the research on toddler years and attachment before you get there, which will be really soon! Most behaviour struggles start between 18-24 months.

[@morehannah]

Scrunchy I love that!!

[@hannahk1306]

I'm not an expert, but I've heard that a lot of the "toddler temper tantrums" are to do with frustration around not being able to communicate effectively. So babies/toddlers who know some basic sign language (which they can learn earlier than spoken language) are generally less frustrated and have fewer temper tantrums than other children. Also, as a bonus (if you continue learning the language together) it's a useful life skill and great for accessibility for deaf people who sign - just make sure you're learning your local sign language (e.g. BSL), not makaton or baby sign.

[@SamWest96]

@@hannahk1306 this is so true! Yeah baby sign and makaton are incredibly inaccessible and baby sign is also proven to slow down speech development. But BSL is an awesome skill to have and definitely reduces frustration.

[@hannahdavy5812]

I don't know if this helps but I'm very much of the thinking of giving a positive solution to behaviour instead of the 'no'. It's like if some one says 'Don't think of elephants!' It's immediately what you think of and is difficult to think of something else. Same with a little developing brain, switching it around from 'No, don't climb!' To 'Climb down' or 'Can you show me your walking feet?'

[@louisacoote2337]

Yes! When you give a child a “No/Don’t run/climb…”, the only bit they will actually latch on to/understand is the verb. Like you said, reformulating to a positive statement or question is much more efficient.

[@selmar5161]

I recently read that breastfeeding is one of the key factors that create an unequal situation between the carers because the baby has to be fed to sleep etc. and how actually studies show that breastmilk isn’t significantly better for babies than formula. I’d love a video where you debunk some myths like this! E.g. also how people say „vaginal births are the only good births/real births and the baby will only be healthy if it’s born ‚naturally‘“ Or „you need to feel the pain to have the full experience of a birth“ Etc. etc.

[@caitlin329]

I would've been in real danger if I hadn't been caesarian-ed out! Would've been much worse. People forget that different things have different benefits in different situations.

[@lorenabpv]

i don't have kids and i am single, but one of the things that seem iffy about "traditional" motherhood is not the possibility of defaulting to gender roles if they make sense at the moment. it's the lack of opportunity afterwards to change from it. like maybe one day i'll work less to take care pf a child and that's chill, but more often than not, mothers cannot go back to their paths as muchs as dads do. a man who takes time away from his career due to kids will probably get back to it. a mother won't due to extra pressure and sexism. this is less likely here, obvs, since you work for yourself, i was thinking more in general. short-term, it might be easier for the mom to do most of childcare, but longterm, she will deal with deeper consequences

[@thenopedetective]

Yes! In many fields dads are really boosted up as being seen as a "family man" is often a great career look. Whereas mothers are often seen as less reliable employees, fathers will be seen as more reliable. Another case of the glass escalator in many ways!

[@caitlin329]

My dad's actually really struggled because of the judgement around him being the stay at home parent. So in some cases it goes the other way now :( It's sort of expected for some women to have that gap; but not men. I wonder whether it's a cultural thing/dependent on the country.

[@nwahally]

I had to look thrice to realize that what I identified as pacifier and chuckled "heh, baby-induced chaos" was in reality the microphone. 😅

[@lornatw]

I'm trying to remember if you ever had a story/inspo behind Rowan's name?

[@thenopedetective]

Sleep training is basically be sleep hygiene for babies, it doesn't really overlap with crying it out ☺️

[@cristinaalexe7454]

Subscribed

[@Kerrislife]

I am glad you're not following all these parenting styles and just doing what you think is best. I'm also glad you're not super vigilant about how much organic food you're giving Rowan. I sometimes feel bad for not giving my child more organic food, but it is so much more expensive sometimes, and not everyone can afford that. My husband is so bad at referring to my child's toys as he and him, I always try to say she, her or they lol!

[@claudiajade624]

As the parent of a little girl, if I dress her in anything that Isn't pink/clearly 'girly' is everyone just assumes shes a boy. Which doesn't bother me at all, but is v clear. I defs agree at the moment they are essentially 'agender'. Omg! My daughter is exactly the same! Loves the Bluey themetune! But not so fussed on the show 😋

[@aroundtheworldin80coffees79]

What will you do when Rowan is old enough to ask to be shown or heard in a video, and what age will you consider 'old enough' to make that request seriously?

[@valeryolympia]

I assumed the 'naked mom' assumption referred to Adam's concept of a 'naked family' from sex education!

[@Fescueful]

About the no’ thing, you could just tell him WHY he isn’t suppose to do that, not that he can’t. It takes time but results with understanding kids who don’t have an attitude about rejection in the future. I get that he’s still young but they tend to understand a lot. Just an observation we had with our kid

[@aeolia80]

when you mentioned Dan taking out the trash, lol, it reminded me of how the chores between me and my husband tend to seem gender normative also, hahahaha, though, I do almost all the cooking and that is more because I'm a much better cook than my husband and my taste in quality of homecooked food is a bit more picky than my husband, lol, just being honest. I also tend to do all the deep cleaning chores because my husband is slightly weirded out by it. don't have kids, don't know if we will, but we live in France and the dominant culture is pro sleep training, it's automatically assumed you'll do it and that kids don't sleep in the same room as parents past 3 months, unlike in Korea where we used to live where they don't really do sleep training and families will more than likely sleep in the same room till the kid is like 10 or so or until the kid asks for their own sleeping space, and I'm from the US when all that stuff depends on family culture and/or regional culture like people will have opinions but there is no automatic consensus on what you should or shouldn't do, which is what I prefer, I don't know if I like the idea of sleep training, honestly my ideal personality of a baby is for them to be chill enough to fall asleep anywhere at any given time, though I know kids/babies need a schedule, heck, my cat is practically sleep trained without us really even doing anything, lol, he's got a pretty strict sleep schedule especially where and how he sleeps

[@emmabarnes609]

hi

[@ianwilliams4507]

Sleep training, 3 nights of hell and 25years latter sleeps like a log and always has. i think you both really love your son and each other and that's a future on the best foundation. Good luck and thankyou for a fantastic and such a helpful site.

[@tlim8969]

Actually a lot of people's experience with sleep training is more like weeks of crying and having to repeat the process after every blip (sickness, teething, travel, moving etc.). Just wanted to point out the reality!

[@ianwilliams4507]

I do not doubt the various experience's in sleep training or any of the countless suggestions for positive parenting. I simply reported ours. Discovering what works for your child is the key.

[@howtoaca7504]

💕💕

[@ettinakitten5047]

When people ask if I'm a crunchy parent, I say I'm an evidence-based parent. If you look at scientific evidence, like half of the stereotypical crunchy parenting things are optimal and half are terrible. There's also some where it really doesn't matter. Modern medicine is good, and whether or not something is natural doesn't tell you much about whether or not it's healthy. Also, a natural home birth is very dangerous because if complications arise, you might not be able to get help, and this is one of the big reasons why earlier generations had much higher rates of maternal and neonatal mortality. However, understanding of breastfeeding is still recovering from the heavy formula push in earlier generations, and there's good evidence to suggest that the optimal length of breastfeeding suggested is a bare minimum and might still be lower than ideal, so breastfeeding longer is good (OFC if breastfeeding isn't an option or the costs outweigh the benefits for your family, formula is a great alternative). As for cloth diapering, it's not a big deal, but it's thought that it can help with toilet training because they can feel wetness in a cloth diaper more easily and therefore make the connection that when they relax certain muscles their diaper gets wet. But IMO a more important thing is to not buy into the nonsense that you have to wait until 18 months or older to start toilet training, because cross-cultural studies suggest that babies can be trained much earlier and that kids who are in diapers longer get into bad habits of incomplete bladder emptying, which is likely to increase UTI risk. As for homemade food, food that's available in stores often has to be formulated in less-healthy ways in order to be shelf stable, which is not a constraint for home cooking, so in general homemade food tends to be healthier. But this also depends on your circumstances, and there are definitely healthy storebought foods and unhealthy homemade foods.

[@ClareElizabeth97]

I have a degree in developmental psychology, and i'd be really happy to talk to you about the psychological impact of sleep training if you were curious? Im also a first time (single) mum to an exclusively breastfed 1 year old who's never even come close to sleeping through the night aha

[@TheAnnabanana5000]

I’m curious about this!

[@eleanortaylor4768]

If there is any negative psychological impact, I'd appreciate it if you could contextualise what that impact actually looks like in context. For example, if sleep training were to in some way increase infant stress levels, how would that compare to other (particularly less changeable) factors - genetic nature to stress, poverty, and (crucially) parental mental health? I find that most psychological development studies tend to provide just an individualistic insight, and would be great to understand how it's contextualised more broadly!!

[@girliestmammy]

💖

[@AGGY143]

When I was younger I had a doll that I called Maxi and he was dressed in purple with a purple bow and I remember when I grew up my Mum told me that she used to get a lot of crap from other parents at my first school because how dare she let me a female have a male doll especially when the doll was purple! Which is a traditionally female colour!! I couldn't believe that they had such strong gender stereotypes that my Mum got shunned because I chose that Maxi was a boy 😂

[@PoppyNutella]

A government trust fund is only for people born between September ish of 2002 and early 2011 and I don’t know if the same scheme is being implemented again any time soon or has been implemented recently

[@ameliahall6698]

My brother started collecting savings for his daughter for an account when she was born in 2020

[@InsertLiteraryPunHere]

I really appreciate the way you talk about the gendered aspects of parenting! You have such a good balance of saying what works best for you and that you’re all doing really well with the set-up, while still acknowledging the statistical realities. It’s incredibly understandable but a little frustrating to see people hyper-individualize their choices as though they alone are exempt from gender dynamics. And what happens is that slowly, almost imperceptibly, we can end up rationalizing our way into justifying unequal society-wide dynamics. I notice this a lot with decisions about last names (still a very personal decision, but a little less so than parenting, so it can be easier to talk about). I personally don’t care if a wife takes a husband’s name, people are free to do whatever they want, and it’s not “anti-feminist” to change your last name, live your best life. But the way feminist women who make this decision go above and beyond to meticulously explain how their choice was the most individual choice to ever be individual, and has *nothing* to do with gender…that can be very true for a specific person, but can it really be true for ALL of us, as an aggregate of people? For example, I’ve seen women say, “I hate my father and don’t want to keep his name,” but how often do husbands who hate their fathers take their wives’ last names? The logic rarely seems to work in both directions. Again, random example, and I have no interest in analyzing specific people’s choices or ranking them along a feminist vs. non-feminist scale; we're all trying so hard to do our best within very subtle and complicated systems. But this is my ranty way of saying that I love that you’re still thinking about the bigger gendered picture and openly talking about it, while not overthinking your particular circumstances and what’s most ideal for the two of you. :)

[@morehannah]

Thanks yes I think it’s so important to be aware of both. No choice is made in a vacuum not matter how much it feels like YOUR PERSONAL choice. There are always other forces at play.

[@InsertLiteraryPunHere]

@@morehannah Right? But also it’s hard when you’re representing your own life, because that’s what we’re all an authority on! And especially as a KZbinr, it makes so much sense that you genuinely have a more flexible job than Dan. I just wanted to say (in the longest way possible evidently) that you’ve been so graceful and mindful in the way you’ve discussed things

[@erjusik]

Who doesn't like granola??!?😲😲😲🤣

[@circlinq]

Me 😂

[@laurenschenck5355]

Hope you have a good weekend and your beautiful family relaxing have fun xoxo 😚 💛🩵🏝️🌞🌞🌞🌞🏝️💛🩵💛🌞⛱️⛱️⛱️🌞💛🩵🩵🩵🩵💛🏝️🌞🌞🌞🏝️💛🩵💛🏝️⛱️⛱️⛱️🌞🏝️💛🩵🩵🏝️🌞🌞⛱️⛱️⛱️⛱️🏝️💛🏝️

[@emmajwilkins]

I think you're not full crunchy. Just a lil crispy ☺

[@laurenschenck5355]

You look amazing so beautiful and love your outfit Hannah and absolutely so smart and amazing mom and unbelievable unique xoxo 😚 🩵🌞🏝️🏝️🩵⛱️⛱️⛱️💛🌞🩵💛💛🩵🏝️🏝️🏝️🏝️🏝️🌞🩵💛💛💛💛💛🩵🌞🏝️🏝️🏝️🌞🩵💛⛱️⛱️⛱️💛🩵🩵🩵🌞🏝️🏝️🏝️🏝️🌞💛💛

[@laurenschenck5355]

Love ur fashion style so cute and beautiful love it 💛🏝️💛🩵🩵⛱️⛱️⛱️🩵💛🏝️🏝️🏝️🩵🌞⛱️⛱️⛱️🌞🩵💛💛🏝️🏝️🏝️🩵🌞⛱️⛱️⛱️🌞🌞🩵💛⛱️⛱️🌞🩵🩵💛🏝️🏝️🏝️🏝️🏝️💛🩵🌞🌞🩵💛🏝️🏝️💛🩵🌞

[@wanya_telborn]

Co sleeping no no no don’t even start that And they are definitely not crunchy parents

[@blafonovision4342]

I don’t make any assumptions about your parenting. It’s none of my business.

[@wolfferoni]

I also wish private schools were abolished (as an aussie) or at the bare minimum, weren't given any govt funding

[@Pineapple_pizza64]

Why was Dan’s career prioritised over yours?

[@surlespasdondine]

because she wanted to stay home with her baby?

[@lezliesmith3354]

You're looking for Almond Mom I think 😅 at least I'm pretty sure that's it 🤷‍♀️ like the in-between of "crunchy" and the opposite end. Pro modern science, etc, but also parenting in a "natural" way. For example, in my family, we are very pro-science, have noisy plastic toys, eat junk food sometimes, and watch tv, but we also garden, have lots of imaginative wooden toys, lots of reading and books, baby wear, I breastfeed the baby (older kid was formula fed), and I gather helpful plants to use for myself in balance with modern medication (I use peppermint to help my migraines along with ibuprofen - just one example)

[@melanievuga7926]

almond moms are those obsessed with looks and being skinny/pretty.

[@anawsomehuman3064]

@@melanievuga7926 yes. I think 'scrunchy' is the term OP is looking for- a combination of crunchy and something else. or as i like to call it... normal, balanced parenting!

[@lezliesmith3354]

@@melanievuga7926 I stand corrected! There's so many terms I get confused, haha. I thought it was almond as a play on crunchy being really into organic foods 😅

[@lezliesmith3354]

@@melanievuga7926 yes; I got the terms confused 😅 I'm just a 27 year old mom of 2 who is on the side of the internet interested in crafting, collecting oddities, and strange home decor 😅 I don't watch a whole lot of parenting content, so I got all the labels mixed up

[@treefrog1018]

Pro Tip: Don't say Don't to a toddler. Toddlers dont understand "Don't do that" / "Don't climb the table" etc -their brains cannot process that sentence. Better to say "I can't let you [do this thing, whatever it is]" or to tell a toddler what you want them to do instead. "Feet on the floor" or "Set the apple down" etc. Neurologically, kids can't understand "Dont don't that" until age 4. -It's a very complicated sentence for a little toddler brain. To understand the sentence, they first have to understand what the word "don't" means, understand that "don't" is an abstract word that can refer to many things, understand what the thing is that you dont want them to do, -and understand that "dont" and "the thing" are related in the sentence, in this context. 🥵 That's a LOT for a toddler and frankly, they dont have the mental facilities for that processing yet.

[@anawsomehuman3064]

my assumption got answered!

[@madi32]

Okay, I'm not judging but actually curious: Why is your TV always on? I feel like it's part of a cultural thing which I'm not part of at all. 😅

[@surlespasdondine]

Some people like it on in the background.

[@morehannah]

It’s not always on just sometimes we have KZbin playing and then we don’t turn it off and it keeps playing 😅

[@circlinq]

Never heard of a man taking out trash as heteronormative 😂 not my bubble apparently

[@priscillavrooij]

Wow Squarespace seems to haunt me... they seem to work with every youtuber that I watch and it is getting semi annoying!

[@shchetinina]

why the close ups? 😢 soooo frustrating, can't watch the video as they are so distracting. would you please please consider not adding them in the editing?

[@Nelle4ever]

Would you really truly put Rowan in school that wasn't teaching kids well if you had the opportunity to put him someplace were he could excel? I watched my second cousin stuck in a public school where they were bullied and, there dad is a great person, but he fucked that up, honestly.

[@eva1601]

aren't you afraid you will end up resenting dan? it sounds like you are the one giving up the most to be a parent (besides having actually carried the baby ofc). tbh it's a bit disheartening seeing a young, educated, progressive couple just follow the same old dynamic where the mental load and the actual weight of childcare fall mostly on the woman.

[@morehannah]

It happens more often than you think but one couple can’t dismantle all the structures that are making this dynamic so on their own. And I don’t resent Dan because we talk about it all and make decisions together about what we want to do regards to childcare and work. And this is the conclusion we came too. If I resented him for it and wanted something different we’d do our best to work together to change that.

[@byyrd806]

@eva1601 Genuine question: Do you think it's impossible for a person who happens to be a woman to be okay with making sacrifices for things that she wants in life? Do you think it's only impossible if the thing she happens to want in life is a child/parenthood? Do you think all women who are the primary caregivers for their children are uneducated and incapable of making their own decisions? Here's the thing: treating adult women as if they're stupid, making dumb decisions, incapable of making their own decisions, uneducated, regressive, suppressed, or oppressed simply because they do things that read as "traditional" is NOT OKAY. That is not feminist. That is doing the EXACT same thing as has been done for centuries (shaming women for making their own life choices), just using the modern metrics to do so. Does your feminism include women who make their own choices, regardless of how "modern" or "traditional" you think those choices are? Or does your feminism only include the kind of woman that you deem worthy, based on how "modern" or "traditional" you think her choices are? Not trying to hate on you or anything, I just think it's really important to be honest with ourselves; if you genuinely believe a woman is wrong to make these choices because it doesn't feel "modern" enough to you, you're no different than someone who thinks a childfree career-driven woman's choices are wrong because they don't feel "traditional" enough to them.

[@eva1601]

@@byyrd806 ​ @sarahlemont3945 you are making a lot of assumptions yourself, Sarah. I watched Hannah's channel for many years and she's always been very feminist and untraditional. That's why I asked her opinion. Everything else you mentioned is very interesting and I agree with you, but I think you misread the situation here. Also I think implying that everything is a choice is a bit naive. I was not talking about women in general who choose the "traditional" way. I was talking about subconsciously falling back to those traditional patterns.

[@ClareElizabeth97]

I feel like you aren't remotely familiar with their situation - this comment reads as if you're trying to have a go rather than one based in experience/fact. It's very clear that they have a relationship based on mutual respect and support, and not resentment. It's also very clear that Dan has made sacrifices, and that the sacrifices Hannah has made are moreso due to the type of career she has than the fact that she's a woman.

[@byyrd806]

@@eva1601 I was not intending to make assumptions, I was just intending to ask you questions based on the statements you made, so I’m sorry if I was being presumptuous within that. You explicitly stated you are disappointed that people who are educated and progressive are doing things in a more traditional manner, and I wanted to question what makes that disappointing. When Hannah has said countless times on this channel that this is what works for her and Dan and they’re good with it, I assumed you knew that this was a choice they had made, not just them falling into old patterns. I’m sorry if that was a wrong assumption of me to make, but again, I would question why you think this wasn’t a choice when she has clearly affirmed it was.

[@normabyde4766]

Hannah - you don’t wear makeup since having your baby . Please don’t be just a mum! It’s a big mistake!

[@circlinq]

Women are born without make up lol how weird are you

[@beatrice1775]

Lol what?

[@surlespasdondine]

lol not wearing make-up does not mean only being a mum lol😅

[@hsellors]

Omg yes to the video games 😂 my partner used to play online multiplayers where matches could last 2hrs and it was so annoying before kids...now he plays pause games, but does so every night once kids are in bed. Bins - absolutely his job!!! But I as a SAHM I do most housework, childcare and cooking. But that's ok because he's out working hard every day. And if I need help he'll never complain to do it. I have a 2.5yo and 14mo and I'm so aware of saying no all the time...but they literally just spend all day every day desperate to do and get into and empty everything they shouldn't 🫠🫠🫠🫠

[@anawsomehuman3064]

genuine question: how do baby clothes rental companies work since babies are so messy? do clothes that get messy not get returned and then you pay for them?

[@morehannah]

they are usually very aware that their customers are extremely messy and expect dirt and stains and have their own cleaning process before the items get sent on to someone else! you don't have to pay an extra fee for cleaning

[@estrellAllertse]

Sometimes the automatically generated subtitles are just gold - "dental parenting"😁🪥😅