Why are autistic people always misunderstood?

[@nailati]

the worst part is when you carefully explain what you actually feel or intend, thinking that this will clarify the misunderstanding - only for people to assume that you're exaggerating, being dramatic, or trying to manipulate them!

[@commanderwaddles3483]

Nah fr, that's when I just ghost em. My tolerance is finite 😂

[@vocallyverbalvibes655]

Every. Dang. Day. 😬

[@DaughterofDiogenes]

This makes romantic partnerships exceptionally painful. We attract abusive gaslighters

[@boi905]

Doesn’t work when your boss or a teacher is the one who does this

[@msmltvcktl]

@DaughterofDiogenes: more like impossible; I've been in more bad romances than chlamydia

[@seanrshivers]

"I am upset and uncomfortable." "How dare you take that tone with me?!?" Is basically the story of my childhood.

[@H0kram]

Pretending is what a lot of people live by. They rather be acting strange, agressive and abusive than being honest with their emotionsn

[@lucaskimber7303]

@@H0kram😭 TOO TRUUUE!!!!

[@KENOSISHOT]

​@@H0kramonggggg

[@LaurasYouTube]

Omg… this was also my childhood.

[@AndPennyThought]

I think that allistic people view explanations as excuses. That is, they view people explaining themselves as trying to absolve them of having done something wrong. Rather than us who are literally just confused and want mutual understanding.

[@rymaru2138]

Yes. YES. This is what it is. I've figured it out after years of abuse for it.

[@Galaxyjunkie]

THIS. Right. Here.

[@j.k.6089]

I think so too. Never explain. 😢

[@rymaru2138]

@@j.k.6089 so like you think it's an excuse or you think that it's what other people think?

[@lanwoah]

Yep, i always go into the rabbit hole explaining everything in detail, bc i like to do that, its like somekind of selfreflection (idk) and end up looking stupid when i explain something wrong. I should just ignore it like normal people but i'm just not like that

[@austinburns4213]

People think I am either a genius or an idiot. The truth is neither, but no one has any idea what I am about - try as I might. Thank you for this video.

[@gianttigerfilms]

Cause your multifaceted and these people want straight forward simple one track minded

[@user-yl4rh8vn8c]

Yes!

[@dhesyca4471]

"Communication trauma from being misunderstood." I feel this so deeply. Thank you.

[@jelatinosa]

This puts into eloquent words what I've been trying to explain to my husband. I tell him I feel like I can't even say anything because anything I say is another chance to be misunderstood or to be contradicted.

[@Mybawws]

​@@jelatinosa it makes it even more difficult when that person is likely trying to sabotage and willfully misunderstand you anyway. Whether they are or aren't doesn't matter to them, if you call them out, its more cannon fodder.

[@bunnyboo6295]

@@jelatinosa LOL even trying to say thank you to certain people will make them yell accuse you of starting a problem. Like one guy I was trying to see good in that I felt was being rude towards me but others were telling me I was not seeing the little things so tried to find any small thing to be thankful for even if it was a far stretch you can't win if people chose to misunderstand you. There are people out there that if you come off awkward that will remain polite and try to understand.

[@alaindominique1]

Thank you so much for explaining so clearly how I feel😅

[@lisawhitehall1870]

❤

[@vagabondsentinel]

I've had people call me "condescending" because I overexplain as a result of constant communication issues. I experience a lot of the things you've described here, and overexplaining was my solution, and that just created new problems. It's so frustrating and distressing. Thank you for this.

[@d-meth]

Yes!

[@Naomid0408]

I have also gotten the "condescending" label for the SAME reason!! UGH! I feel you!!

[@StephanieDefinitely]

Same. Drives me up the wall. I just want to make myself understood. 🫠

[@deannaabeyta1855]

FELT

[@DaughterofDiogenes]

Right! I can’t help it if you, an English speaker using the same dialect as me, can’t understand me when I speak in the absolutely plain colloquial English we all speak who were raised here. Not even proper academic language can get someone to understand when they don’t want to. I’ve been called condescending so much I’m just like, “maybe so…it seems that most people are idiots so…” and the their nasty looks are for a reason instead of being based on their own assumptions about me. 😹

[@randywoodman4515]

I am a 53 year old guy. This video blew my mind. You are describing my life. I have wasted so much energy wondering why people are so put off with my conversation. I can and have easily blamed myself and have been deeply depressed (inside) for years and have asked for help but seemingly there's no help to be had. Nobody seems to even want to understand. Your video has made my day a little brighter, thank you. ❤😊

[@CornerCastCrew]

I'm 39 years old and this girl is literally in my head reading my life's history of thoughts and things I've tried explaining to other people..... at least it feels that way.

[@LeftLeaningPinko]

@@CornerCastCrew I'm 37 and I feel the same.

[@acapellaawakening]

I'm almost 50 And she's blowing my mind. It does feel like she is speaking for me.

[@MobNuke]

@@acapellaawakeninghow do you guys find the strength to live a life and take care of yourselves despite being misunderstood? Genuinely asking because my experience is driving me nuts

[@aboutnol]

I'm not autistic. But as a scapegoat, I feel you. I just gave up... I'm 31 yo woman. I have no family no friends no nothing. Nobody understands me and nobody wants to listen. Because I don't want to "mask" anymore. The last time I talked to another person was more than a year ago. It's so weird a lot of things you said resonate me. Waiting here for people to listen.. I don't want to prove myself anymore. It's exhausting.

[@Baleiric]

Keep being yourself... and your circle of people will find you. If that is what you want.

[@aboutnol]

@@Baleiric thanks

[@naomiparsons462]

Hey, I don't know you but you COULD be autistic, seeing as a lot of things Morgan said resonated with you. Maybe you should look into it some more, nothing bad could come of it and if you realise that you are in fact autistic then it will (hopefully) be so amazing and validating for you. It is estimated that over half of actually autistic people are undiagnosed! It's crazy! Particularly women were missed because autism was originally studied in males and often presents differently in females. I've had an autistic friend my whole life who had pointed out autistic traits that I have but I never thought I ACTUALLY could be because I didn't even know getting "missed" from diagnosis as a young child was even a thing. When I discovered the above statistic, I started researching autism intensely and realised eventually that I am autistic at age 14.

[@beautyqueen2371]

​@aboutnol thats me as well. I am a 30 year old woman no kids no family no nothing no support

[@KENOSISHOT]

And you shouldn't need to prove yourself to anybody, keep being ya self ❤

[@iamsuperlious]

I have a hard time because I either don’t laugh at jokes, even when I find them funny, I just don’t see the need to verbally laugh. OR I end up laughing at inappropriate times.

[@morgaanfoley]

Oh my gosh this is so me!!! I’m glad I’m not the only one

[@ixrk]

I tend to lightly laugh at every joke without thinking just so the person speaking feels validated and accepted, but because of that I often validate the absolutely wrong type of jokes ☠️

[@kuibeiguahua]

I know a girl who is sooooooo incredibly funny but all that comes out when she makes an incredibly fast repartee (we talking Robin Williams level of fast and funny) all that comes out of me is “hehe” but I laugh about it for weeks to come lol

[@VindensSaga]

It is even more awkward when you realise it was a joke you were supposed to laugh.

[@nat3199]

adhd but similar problem, like i can't laugh out loud if my brain is in another place while someone is being funny i still respond to what they're saying as if it's serious.... then they'll explain it was a joke and I'm like "yes, I know, (but anyways)..."

[@erockdanger]

"I'm going out of my way to explain myself and conform to you and I'm still a problem!?" My heart - I dont know if I've ever felt so seen

[@BeautyMarkRush]

That thought literally crossed my mind a few days ago during a "misunderstanding" (that evolved into an argument) in a group. After that, I just decided to leave the group.

[@Dubmaster3]

This is what I never understood about kids that bullied me in school. I'd act like them and do the same things they were into, I'd get bullied anyway, just like when I did my own thing. It made no sense. I changed what they picked on me for, and I still got their shit anyway. I learned the issue isn't me, but everyone else.

[@bobsaggater3454]

@@BeautyMarkRush when you explain that you were joking about something and not being literal, and then they tell you that you're not owning your shit, and to admit that you were wrong

[@BeautyMarkRush]

@@bobsaggater3454 yea, that's not what happened back then, but I can remember at least a dozen of times a joke "went wrong" like that, so I understand exactly where you're coming from. Actually, that's the reason why I've started to try to force myself to stop joking with people I don't know/trust. Even with those people, I still ask myself if they'll get the joke or not.

[@annaburns2865]

I know! This was sadly so relatable.

[@kyzmit8980]

I never thought of myself as a bad communicator, but I just realized how exhausting it is. Always. "I am draining all of my energy and all of my social battery just to please other people and make other people feel comfortable around me."

[@adamwalker2377]

@@kyzmit8980 don't people please. It's a dead end. You'll never get off that treadmill.

[@andie_katz]

I teared up when you said that you can't put into words of how much it hurts to be mislabeled as bad and being so misunderstood because I FEEL THIS to my core. It's just so sad. And when you try to explain yourself, they just start judging you even more.

[@daetros1626]

I have noticed that people often don't listen to what is being said. They listen only long enough to feel confident making an assumption and then they react/respond to their assumption. It's so confusing and frustrating because I try to choose my words very carefully too.

[@SimplyTurtle]

Well Stated.

[@t.a.4356]

Isnt that what they should be doing about you? Instead of you playing the fool so freely, I mean.

[@SimplyTurtle]

​@@t.a.4356 We all fall short at times with not listening long enough, however, I also know that there are many times that people who do not have ADHD, Autism, Etc. may miss the point in which one may be trying to make for the way we words statements may not make sense to them. Yet, that does not mean one who is Autistic, ADHD, Etc. cannot have conversations with those without such DSM5 diagnostics.

[@mregskwach6037]

language is only a veneer to communication. The majority of communication for all animals, not just humans, is body language and pheromones. Not picking up on these is abnormal in the entire animal kingdom, not just human society. Normal people can understand what's being said before it has been fully said. It's not mind reading, nor empathy. It's basic attention.

[@ChrisHillASMR]

Your filters and assumptions are outright wrong. Normies are bad at communicating and drive each other crazy and dont care enough to better themselves then expect neurodivergent people to do soulsearching just so they can ignore the real issue about their inability to listen without applying their poor and wrong assumptions

[@ashleyredsheep]

The over-expressive and under-expressive autism point was so interesting to me. I feel like I had the opposite problem. Unless I'm tired or spacing out, I'm incredibly expressive and animated to the point where it would get me snickers. I always felt like I had to 'tone myself down' and seem more stoic so people could see that I'm also a dignified intellectual who they can't easily get a rise out of. God, accurate self-portrayal is HARD.

[@commanderwaddles3483]

That sucks, you should be able to be your jolly self! I hope you get to be in an environment where you don't have to do that!

[@RTCPhotoWork]

Same

[@audreydoyle5268]

Just like Elyse Myers said "if I'm too much for you, go find less. Go find less,".

[@AdellaWright]

This is me. I'm a bunch of extremes. I'm super super expressive and it's just *a lot* for people so I tend to feel like I'm constantly muted and filtered

[@STRcircaFKR]

I have this problem so bad even when alone sometimes I need the devil's lettuce to fully unmask. It's like I have an excuse now to be my full self. My "filter" is off. It's not a filter darling it is my mask that is suffocating me!! Even when I am alone this fucking internalized ableism is still haunting me. The irony is that I feel like I have such a fool/joker personality that the real me looks like performance but really it is the quiet me that is the most grueling exhausting depressing performance ever

[@jonahshriver1682]

I have given up on trying to explain myself to to world. I live my life according to my own whims, and i don't let anyone bully me into conforming to their standards. It gets absolutely exhausting. Taking this stance has given me so much inner peace.

[@milesdewar2413]

SAME! i pretty much have zero friends and have become quite selective of who i even share my time or energy with. for what when it is never enough for them, they always misunderstand, they always want to contort you into their version of you they have in their head then become upset when you are still just…you. i focus on things i enjoy, i have many hobbies, and even that has been criticized and turned into “you are just selfish and full of yourself, you think you’re better than everyone” blah blah, i enjoy my peace away from that noise. 😅

[@drvren030]

Thank God there's people here who exactly live and think the way I do. This comment made my day, and I'm on the path to following my dreams right now, and both the comment and the reply here are so motivating to me. Sometimes when I notice I don't have as many friends as other people, it's easy to go into that guilt trip spiral of thinking maybe it's because I'm in the wrong and there's something wrong with me and I gotta "pipe down" and what not. It's honestly enough to lead me into stages of depression in my life, rooting from this mentality I've had for years. I may be getting a little ahead of myself here with all that, but man I just wanted to express how affirmed and thankful i felt after reading your words for some reason. 🙏🏼🙏🏼😢

[@jonahshriver1682]

@@drvren030 This made me smile. I'm so glad my comment resonated with you. Love, peace, and chicken grease my friend 🫶

[@MRW-oz2vy]

Turning my life over to the Lord gave me my foundation and peace. I'm not meant to confirm to the world

[@ogpayne]

I like you. You're authentic, open, and rich with emotion. I'm autistic too and I completely understand you. I really appreciate brave and altruistic souls like yourself.

[@mickiofthemountains]

As a 57 yr old Audhd woman. I have often had the same thoughts. Alistics, often come to a conversation expecting something else behind our words , or behaviors.... Expecting motives. The fact that we are honest and blunt, we say exactly what we mean, confuses them. They try to figure out what we "really" mean.... When we just told them. Their indirect communication style is the issue.

[@AngryTenko]

Kinda feel like key are the ones who are always deceptive or duplicitous and don't know how to communicate in a straightforward manner. Maybe they should learn from us and start communicating like civilized people. 😆

[@mickiofthemountains]

@@AngryTenko Absolutely!

[@kathrine266]

@@AngryTenko yes, I had friends before. lots of them, but in the end I felt everybody was some kind of psychopath and then I understood it was me, I don't understand why it is ok to say one thing but meant something else.

[@sircharlesmormont9300]

I am undiagnosed and so not sure if I'm autistic, but this issue of decoding others' hidden meanings is absolutely representative of my lived experience. I can't tell you how many times I'll have a conversation with my mother about a family event and she has made up five different stories about what a certain person "meant" (but didn't say). She'll get all worked up. It's like we went to a different party. I have never understood why people don't just say what they mean. Half the time, people get offended because of something I didn't even say! "But you meant X," they'll say. "Did I say X?" I'll ask. "No," they'll admit. "If I said Y, I meant Y, not X." Honestly, what even is this? Why is everyone speaking in code all the time? Why say one thing when you mean another? I don't get it at all.

[@Oysters176]

@@sircharlesmormont9300 The explanation is within Game Theory and Economics. There could be other fields. If you let everyone else know everything about you, you enter their mind, they can control you. You obey them. Talking is a form of submission. If you like show X, then they create a spinoff, you'd dislike it at first, but you know you'd like it eventually, that's psychological economics. This is why Stoicism and Taoism is so important.

[@user-kq1nk2zu1q]

Thank you! My son is dating a young woman who I suspect is autistic. She is lovely but misses social cues and has therefore attracted some criticism from other relatives (which I have found rude). You have helped me understand some things I can do to help her feel welcome and accepted. You are absolutely a beautiful person worth knowing!

[@matthewdemarey4762]

Something I can say from personal experience is literally just ask questions if you're ever unsure. As long as you're genuine and actually are willing to hear them out on something, no matter how "rude" it may seem at first glance, it's highly unlikely it will come across as offensive. I think I can confidently speak for most of us in saying all we want is for people to *try* and understand, as well as to not judge us for the things we can't control about ourselves. That alone can honestly be incredibly healing. More than likely we know that it's just as difficult for you to understand us as it is for us to understand you, so simply hearing a genuine question can show us that you're actually trying instead of just judging. We don't need you to understand us 1 for 1, just knowing you're trying is usually enough, because we're trying too. ...Also to clarify...I use "us" and "them" extremely loosely here. I'm simplifying so it's easier to understand what I'm saying, not in an attempt to turn this into "Us vs Them" as that's not productive.

[@poiwytlee]

Thank you for being so accepting... I have so much trauma from the moms in your situation not making these efforts. 💚🫶

[@keruboamoro]

So much beauty is missed by the rigidity of typical society. I'm actually a happy person. But I guess they may never know. Thanks for your flexibility. May their relationship be beautiful. All the best.

[@PommeLavande]

From a young woman who is terrified of judgement from my boyfriend’s family, thank you for being so understanding and willing to learn!

[@bunk95]

Autism is fictional.

[@DRicke]

"you're so argumentative!" --- "you always have to be right!" --- "you're overthinking it!"

[@markpw2613]

Lol "overthinking!" That one annoys me so much. I do overthink sometimes when anxious, but its actually a processing deficit. I am not thinking at all when I can't process... I am just trying to work it out. Allistics confuse the two

[@pilotgav3975]

You just described my head almost perfectly . I now sit at home and avoid people because I'm sick of the criticism and confusion.

[@lynn_thinks]

Hi Morgan, a bit of advice from a ‘much’ older neurodivergent auntie… If you can, get involved in things that let you interact with people from outside your normal circle - different age groups, different interests, different nationalities, different first languages, classes learning something new with other newbies. Those are circumstances in which everyone has to do a little ‘translating’ for clear communication anyway and it requires everyone to exert effort for clarity and relationship. Relationships I’ve made in those circumstances have been the most rich and long-lasting of my life.

[@user-vu6et8ru1z]

Interesting, I find that as a child I always felt more comfortable with adults than other children even if the adults didn't know what to do with that. Also I find that I tend to get on with foreigners more, I think because they already have to translate?

[@lorilimper5429]

This is so true and such good advice! I always struggled with communication with extroverts in my groups at work. When we began working with offshore consultants I often found myself just naturally slipping into the role of "translator". For one, I had very little trouble with understanding different accents. I feel like it's just a matter of having the patience to listen? I also seemed to have a knack for rephrasing something and then asking the speaker if they could elaborate. Many of the offshore folks could do the same for me. I guess it's all related to having been so easily misunderstood all my life.

[@lorilimper5429]

​@@user-vu6et8ru1zyes!!!! I just posted similar comments below. And throughout my adult life, I've always had more of a natural rapport with people at least 10 years older than me.

[@ioannafardella3717]

​@@lorilimper5429if it was just about "patience to listen" things would be different. For a no ND person it takes huge amount of energy to communicate w a ND person - who explains. Theory of mind plus emotional empath aren t just automatic actions. It s mechanisms who require so much energy that humans don t have it. They ll burn out ultimately. Or it s what happened to me idk if i m some unique case. I could be a friend w a ND person & it was one of the most fullfiling -real friendships i had. But that s bcs most ppl nowdays are narcissistic= superficial, don t care to invest time/energy to know anyone (w same brain wiring that things are easier). If we were romantically involved i would just had run out of energy, i d had end up w health issues. I m 40yo & i dealt w so different ppl all my life (my parents PD so it took me years to realise my normal. & i m sick as i didn t search to fullfill my emotional needs (w ppl who perceive them in my way). If u want to express yourselves i understand it. But egoentricity bcs it s autism & the rest that follow, the bubble & continuing to live inside isn t helpful. Ppl are good+bad & societies define the values w whom ppl live. & the last century is "The cetury of the self". Check if u want Fromm s "Sane society". I mean what you face isn t a NT thing but sick s NT. (& i m not NT i just value the objective truth)

[@Micahangelina_]

❤ so true! I’ve lived overseas for a decade now n I credit this life change to opening me up to understanding myself better and ultimately discovering I’m not bad or broken. I’m autistic.

[@Emeraldstardust444]

The part when you mentioned how you don’t “look” friendly or just seem rude and snobby because the lack of facial expression…I get it. I’ve been told that I have RBF and my own mother even said that because I’m too quiet or refuse to talk to people I barely know makes me seem “snobby” or “rude”. We have to conform to a neurotypical society while putting in tons more effort to appear “normal”. It’s never about being “authentically yourself” it’s about making people comfortable with you because we’re the “problem”. I finally feel seen and understood. Thank you ❤

[@stealthis]

The people who harp on about being yourself and that nobody is ugly, those are red flags. What they really mean is that they will be themselves and they are not ugly. Play frame it outwards when they don't actually intend it, it's like reverse projection.

[@Iquey]

Definitely! I'm not snobby or rude most of the time. I don't have a reason to be. That said I also usually don't have a reason to talk to people randomly unless it's just a way to genuinely check how others around me are doing. If someone sends fine or alright, I don't feel the need to bother them! 😂

[@Bugg...0_o]

I came here to tell the story of a girl who I had a college class with who told me "You know, when I first met you , you looked like you would be really mean, but now that I've been around you, you're really sweet." 😂 Girl really just told me I have resting b■tch face, lol. After that I thought back, and knowing that's how I was perceived made a lot of things make sense that didn't in the past. I wish somebody would have just freakin told me I had RBF, I had to be in f■cking college before I even knew! Anyway, I see you already had described a situation about RBF, so it's apparently pretty common.

[@MrLeethium]

Man that's tough, people tell me i come off as passive-agressive, while i changed my behavior because they told me before i was "aggresive-agressive". I don't mean to, i'm just trying to tell the truth.

[@mellowthm566]

I've been told again and again people find me "intimidating" or aloof. But half the time I'm masking sensory shit or compartmentalizing. Also recently realized that it's a social norm to infer based on what is not being said and I don't do that well.... At all. Proof positive i can do but proof negative immediately feels like projection and I discard it unless I'm reading media instead of people. But then people make snap judgements based on that inference. But I'm just like wait how do you do that and account for assumptions and uncertainty factors?... They don't....😮 The fact that this communication works at all is a mystery but the fact that I keep being asked what i really mean indicates I'm the outlier.🙃

[@AuricNova]

As a child, I was particularly unskilled in what I'll call "quick communication." The kind of communicating that happens in the spur of the moment with little warning or context. Quick communication also happens to be exactly what is necessary to combat verbal bullying. I'm also learning disabled... In other words, I was the perfect mark for quick-witted bullies. The result of this bullying is that I have since become obsessed with quick, concise, and accurate communication. It is a constant conscious effort. I also developed an extremely high awareness of all the possible ways that something could possibly be interpreted. Being misunderstood or otherwise misrepresenting myself is a constant concern of mine. I know who I am, I know what I mean, and I have the ability and desire to convey both. But sometimes society just doesn't give you the time to adequately do so and you're left feeling like an interaction gave somebody an inaccurate and inauthentic impression of you and all you can do is replay the moment over and over again in your head to identify the source of the communication breakdown. Nowadays I don't often feel misunderstood by strangers as I know how to represent myself to them. It's actually the people close to me that will occasionally read into something that isn't there or insist that I meant something more than what I verbalized. When I insist that I meant nothing more than the words I spoke aloud, I'll be accused of twisting things or gaslighting. It can be very frustrating and I wish more people would consider the possibility that maybe I'm just saying what I am saying and you don't have to make a damn insight check all the time haha. I'm not some mystery that needs to be uncovered, I'm extremely straightforward, probably to a fault.

[@Livi_Noelle]

I was recently bullied, ostracized and emotionally pushed around by a neruotypical community and support group leader because i made her feel uncomfortable by my autistic symptoms. This is beyond relatable.

[@larajohnson8656]

I tried the precise articulation to avoid being misunderstood that you are describing. The people listening to me had never heard that sophisticated vocabulary before. They looked words up in a dictionary after I left, and told me about it later. They concluded that I was deliberately showing off how literate I am and deliberately trying to make them feel stupid. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I learned that when someone has decided to not like you, they will invent more reasons not to like you. It’s best to get as far away from them as possible and go find other people; someday, you’ll get lucky and find your people. Keep looking.

[@Senfree]

My whole family has a high vocabulary, so I grew up around bigger words, and I sometimes forget what the small word for what I'm saying is.

[@melissabennett6571]

This same thing happened to me! Only in my case she started crying in front of me. She never did believe that I wasn’t making her feel dumb on purpose. I use limit vocabulary now. The plus side, is I’m really good at explaining complex topics to kids.

[@breadfan_85]

Lol I've been accused many times of showing off and "using big words", but I'm literally just trying to communicate as effectively as possible. A lot of times I'm like, "THAT'S a big word? I learned that in 3rd grade.. and so did you."

[@IamCree]

​@beadfan_85 yeeesss

[@wintermatherne2524]

When they try that big word bs on me, I just let them know that I speak that way because I think that way and that I shouldn’t have to dumb myself down for the benefit of illiterates. They are attempting to be dismissive and I don’t let the get away with it. Good thing for me I don’t have to be popular 🤣🤣🤣.

[@dracofirex]

I'm a contradicting autistic, which is probably why I've gone sooooo long being undiagnosed. I can lack expression or have too much, I can be quiet or I can be too talkative. I can want to go out or want to stay in, I can like routine or abhor it, articulate or a mess at a loss for words. Order and chaos. I don't know how it works!!

[@CompanionBeans]

I'm autistic but I also have ADHD and they're constantly at odds with one another, so I feel this

[@STRcircaFKR]

​@@CompanionBeansI'm self diagnosed AuDHD and.... yeAH! My ADHD self overstimulates my autistic self and I believe this is why we get so LOST in the mental health care system. It can look like bipolar. You're hyper focusing and getting LOADS done then you burn out... It can look like BPD because the ADHD makes emotions very hard to control and being misunderstood is just so heartbreaking when you find someone who you believe is the only person who will put up with you they can look like a "favorite person" I wonder how many of us are still just... lost. I'm lost but at least I have a map I'm learning to read. I guess we just have to keep spreading the word like the religious!!!

[@CompanionBeans]

@@STRcircaFKR yes exactly!!! ugh it's so frustrating sometimes

[@lunamoth7044]

I'm autistic and have ADHD, and I'm pretty much the same way.

[@dreamscape405]

Me too❤

[@mightymarmot1548]

I honestly thought this whole time it was only me, but holy crap! I've experienced literally EVERYTHING you have and on a regular basis, especially the "Hey, you've been being annoying and I've tried to tell you this" when they've only IMPLIED it knowing I can't do IMPLIED. Thank you so much for this video and making me realize I'm not alone in this!

[@Dreamazium]

I stopped trying to please others a long time ago. I have completely withdrawn from society and get most of my social interaction from online.

[@pumellhorne]

Something I heard recently that made so much sense - "allistic people hear explanations as excuses". So yes it does make them angrier. They think we're not taking responsibility for our rudeness; when, in fact, we're not responsible for it any more or less than they are

[@IgnoreMeImWrong]

Welcome to regular shit. So, your behavior that caused the incident isn't to blame? Weird.

[@Thalanox]

​@@IgnoreMeImWrongCorrect. It is the bizzare and impossible to predict nonsensical interpretations of the initial behaviour that are the problem. Once, there was peace and pleasant communication. Then, there was hatred and anger in response to goodwill and friendship. Who introduced evil to this world?

[@IgnoreMeImWrong]

@@Thalanox Women.

[@SMASHxREWIND]

I've lost jobs over this exact thing

[@356Krisu]

What annoys me the most is they ask a question, you start explaining and they cut you off midsentence with some petty insult or 'youre making excuses'. Why even ask if they dont want to listen

[@Morgenstern11133]

Having difficult to communicate makes me isolate myself out of frustration, and isolating myself makes me depressed

[@agsdedluxferre2955]

adopt a pet! Go outside and find new little experiences. Life is large and grand there's more to life than humans. If you need someone to share your thoughts with record a journal it's what people did before cars when your likely hood of finding like minded folks if you were "different" were very low.

[@fugithegreat]

I'm a teacher who homeschools an 11-year-old girl on the autism spectrum and I'm trying so hard for us to have good communication and good experience with her education. It's wonderful to have access to a multitude of videos like this to help me get a better idea of how she might be feeling and experiencing our interaction, and how I can better serve her needs and help her to feel understood and supported. There have been some bumps in the road, but it's been quite the interesting journey!

[@MissesWitch]

I actually really like your voice because it's not anxiety inducing like so many others! like when someone goes over the top and suddenly screams or something everything just becomes a senseless blend as I am trying to process what just happened!

[@adamwalker2377]

You're in an abusive relationship, but it's with the rest of humanity.

[@papierflieger9110]

Haha😅. This is not funny I know.... but very good wording!

[@venusretrograde6177]

Ooof You just perfectly explained the cause of my CPTSD.

[@TheadoreGazda]

Hold up is he not who he is. Sorry dont mean to be in the middle of this. Please forgive my sanity.

[@noemidemelo8959]

Why do I feel like you're talking about my own experience? 😮

[@rrivierareject03]

This. So much this. 38 years is enough.

[@smig2801]

This hits waaaaay close to home. My biggest trauma is when people misunderstood me completely and didn't tell anything, only for me to find out years later because someone else told me.

[@sarahmeyers1773]

Yes. I hate that. ❤

[@aaacomp1]

Yep, I hear so much about myself from other people that I don't even know who I am anymore. Am i this senstive person who's trying to look out for everyone else or am I really this monster that everyone says I am behind my back. It's very confusing.

[@ilyulia_]

I hate it when i explain how i feel and they say they understand but then go and talk bad about me and twist what i said

[@grantmiller7257]

It took two years... I am glad to have them back in my life, but it all happened because I wasn't ready to admit to what I had been through.

[@minisarge2619]

This happened to me in highschool, and caused me so much issues I'm STILL paranoid about it 7 years later

[@oliverhenneberger6054]

People who don't tell you in a polite way that they have a problem with something you do or say just have very low problem-solving skills. There are a lot of people out there just living in the moment, rarely thinking about the consequences of their actions, and only seeing their own point of view. You built up a deep understanding of communication and yourself, and you got very self-aware. There are people out there who are not autistic and who have learned similar things. They can communicate with you easily. People who respect you will invest in you, and they will try to solve a problem with you together. Stay strong and keep going. You will eventually find the right people.

[@drnanard9605]

It's insane how relatable this video was. And like, you end up actually believing that you're the problem, that you're broken, and you just hate yourself for being unable to communicate properly, but allistic people make no goddamn effort, they have zero patience and think you're just trying to be condescending or mean. I had an argument with a colleague on Teams, I would begin each message with "I completely agree with what you said" or "you're 100% right" and still ended up pissing her off for an unknown reason. So you stop interacting with people, and now you're "asocial".

[@duitseles9687]

The worst thing is that allistic people are supposed to have better social skills, they're better at communicating... So if I'm the socially & psychologically "handicapped" person, and they are so wonderfully "normal", why don't they try to help me instead of being so smug?!? It's like an able-bodied person looking down on someone in a wheelchair and refusing to help them.

[@drnanard9605]

@@duitseles9687 THIS lol

[@duitseles9687]

@@drnanard9605 Let's face it, neurotypical people are overrated. By a lot. Now who is going to tell them 😁

[@drnanard9605]

@@duitseles9687 I'm convinced they're the weird ones, they just happen to be more numerous lol

[@a1n9e8t4a]

I'm a high school teacher, I teach English as a foreign language. I love your channel and watch every one of your videos to educate myself about neurodiversity. I want to be able to understand my students, who maybe don't realise they are autistic, I'm trying to assume competence and not judge them because you make me realise that they may struggle a lot. I've gone through a lot of literature but nothing gave me more understanding than videos like yours, explaining "from the inside". Keep doing this great work. ❤😊

[@justarandomperson2786]

That's very kind of you to look out for your students! Im certain that if you do have any ND students, they surely appreciate the effort your putting in lots because I would!

[@1111fairy]

I wish i (and my kids) had teachers like you

[@eshbena]

As an Autistic parent, I found myself explaining Autism to the Special Education teachers, because they didn't know anything about Autism! Having to translate myself and my child into terms they could grasp was exhausting.

[@ilmioaccount-ce3gh]

That's really good from you. There are really some mean teachers out there that do the opposite, it's like if they enjoy to traumatize kids and teens with words. You can make the difference.

[@ancienttextmodernscribe2840]

I guarantee that your efforts are very much appreciated by more students than you know.

[@autumn5852]

2:11 ~ after more than 50 years, I’ve had to finally pull away from my family, including my son, because I was making myself miserable, terribly sad and suicidal because I realised I was putting all the effort into trying to establish more honest relationships with my family, post late diagnosis, and they were putting in zero effort - despite them saying that if I want people to care about me I have to make an effort! It’s sad, but I’m done. But the great thing is, since I made this decision a couple of weeks ago, I’m getting jobs done that I’ve been wanting to do for years and it’s like my life is finally slowly coming together naturally. I was clearly using all my energy to try and get my family to care about me.

[@AlexisTwoLastNames]

we’ll be your family! the online community of caring folk here ❤ i get it tho, that you may not wanna hear that. i admire your strength to make the choice to put yourself first in a truly impactful way.

[@Roswell33]

Well done! :) I am working on doing the same, I grew up in a narcissistic family system with extreme abuse, yet the child in me can't just cut them off. It helps to hear that others have done it, it gives me strength, so thank you!

[@autumn5852]

@@AlexisTwoLastNames thank you 💞 it’s actually really good to hear 💓 I’m still in the ‘going through it’ stage, but I keep acknowledging that despite how low I might be feeling, I’m eating and drinking and on some days getting jobs done in the house and I’ve started a couple of on-line study courses, so I must want to stay alive and slowly but surely I’m seeing little glimmers of hope, so I think I’m just processing the emotions etc and that soon I’ll start to build a life where I can be me and that I’ll be happier than I’ve ever been.

[@AlexisTwoLastNames]

@@autumn5852 i’m glad to hear that. you may be a stranger, but i care for you and hope each day is brighter and more in tune with you and your wants and needs. i’ll make sure i do something great for myself today. have a fabulous day!

[@autumn5852]

@@Roswell33 it’s not easy and this is my second or third attempt, it might be more. But this time is different. This time I’m done with trying to get them to care for me and to interact with me while respecting me etc. I know my family aren’t narcissists but there are definitely a lot of behaviours that are like that, which is probably why I ended up in relationships with narcissists. I take a lot of time to process emotions and I think that’s what I’m doing now. So even though my life might not look like I want it to look just yet, I’m still glad I made this decision and I honestly belief I’m going to grow in strength and confidence from it. It just takes time. I’ve been watching a lot of videos on people leaving cults and high demand religions, and it has really helped me to understand my emotions and difficulties with leaving the family behind. Best of luck to you and much love and I truly believe we will be a thousand times happier than holding on to something that doesn’t really exist. I already am happier. XXX

[@michaelkeffer504]

It's difficult to be different in a world that is intolerant of people who don't conform to being "normal." You're doing something I don't feel like I could handle doing. 😊

[@heathergerbyshak4078]

Fuck normal. I’d rather be weird than boring.

[@Antixandros]

I've never felt so understood. I'm 30 and I have not been diagnosed with autism. I've never been tested though. You are describing my entire life..

[@ultravioletpisces3666]

When you ARE a teenager (and autistic), you’re misunderstood and everyone thinks it’s “oh you’re just a teenager.”

[@mom.left.me.at.michaels9951]

I've been getting that attitude for 40 years, you're just a kid, you're a naive college students, you don't know how the industry works yet, you're a girl you'll never understand. The words change but the sentiment is the same. 😢

[@IsabelaisCRINGE]

Honestly I wish I could tell people to knowledge that im autistic and they're not supposed to expect me to be the opposite I am, so I really love how you talk about it :)

[@morgaanfoley]

🥰🥰

[@nbmoleminer5051]

I do exactly that I greatly and resent resent when any neurotypical who does and I tell them as much.

[@MsTachke]

@ IsabelaYupe me too

[@LilChuunosuke]

Yes! So many instances in my life where people are like "why do you do this? Why do you act like that? Why do you talk this way?" I wish I could just say I'm autistic and have them actually understand and accomodate me properly. Instead, I'm lucky if they just continue on treating me exactly the same with no effort to accomodate me or educate themselves.

[@Waldemar_la_Tendresse]

Good idea for a custom T-Shirt!

[@user-vd4gm4tu6f]

Your ability to effectively communicate is amazing and is positively changing lives. I have a niece who is autistic and your struggles are so resonent with what she faces. I love my niece and have always tried to understand what she has to deal with. Coming across your channel and binge-watching has let my level of understanding grow. Thank you for that. Genuinely, thank you. Know that not all alltruistc people (dont know if i got that term right) don't want to do better. Most of us literally dont understand what the problem is, or even that there is a problem that can be resolved with some effort.

[@ColoradoMntn1222]

Also, I love that you don't look at the camera all the time like you're looking us in the eyes. You talk like I think I might when I'm doing well. You're animated but thinking deeply about the words you're choosing to speak out loud and it's done with such care and empathy. I wish people understood the beauty in that instead of getting offended by the less frequent eye contact.

[@Ziphon]

I've been conforming so hard since such a young age that now I'm too hyperfocused and attuned to facial expressions, the emotions of others, and actively acting upon my empathetic reads. I spend so much energy constantly worrying about how everyone else is doing and what I need to do to make things easier for them that I never take care of myself.

[@azzaabdulmalik2250]

Same

[@bluehornet197]

I used to be like that until I stopped caring I can't figure out social cues and don't understand them but only some of the time I am the way I am and if someone has an issue with that then that's on them I can't control how someone else is going to be only how I react in a situation social cues are hard to grasp so I often tell people when I meet them that I don't understand them and if they have an issue with me or anything I say then they can tell me so I can work on the problematic behaviour and I can apologise otherwise I won't know that I've done something wrong

[@jessn.3851]

I agree with bluehornet, you have to put yourself first. Focus on whether other people make you happy or if you like them. If not, don't keep them around! They will drain you and you will never make them happy because they don't want to understand. That would take too much effort. If someone isn't putting in the effort, I won't either. Putting yourself first is not selfish, it's the minimum for self care and happiness.

[@AndreaCrisp]

OP, I totally identify. I spent my entire life trying to unlearn this. Even going as far as counseling psychology for grad school. My empathy is my superpower and my greatest downfall. Only now figuring out that I am likely autistic at 48. I also have MS, in large part, because I didn’t get it all figured out in time to create the meaningful change and boundaries necessary, even though I have literally been actively working on it since I was 12. So I totally understand if it’s become your mask and hyper focus. Getting in therapy as she states is a key way to learn more and help not only better understand, but help create a safe place for change. Best wishes. Other comments here are not helpful. We don’t need to be shaming each other. Great that you’ve learned to do something different. Surviving, figuring it out and unmasking is all really hard work.

[@clicheguevara5282]

Me too. In my version of autism, I don’t have trouble seeing social cues and body language. I see too much of it and it’s overwhelming. I pick up on every little micro detail and I can see people processing what I’m saying as I say it. It’s like being on the phone when there’s a slight echo and you hear yourself talking. 😂

[@xamidi]

To me as an autistic person, your communication feels outstandingly great. I wish more people would communicate this clearly.

[@thanasisathanasi4965]

She makes us doubt if she is autistic.... She masks it perfectly I guess !

[@ipavemyownroad]

Same, I have no idea how anyone could fail to understand your communication. It's so clear to me.

[@ary4532]

This video made me way more emotional that i ever could have expected. Literally everything you said is what ive been trying to explain to people for decades but its always believed that im making it up. Ive never related to anything more than i relate to this. Thank you for sharing so that i know that im not tripping and that im not alone. 🙏🏽

[@srosarag]

I’m a 32 yr old women and everything you said resonates with me.. I love it and hate it… Thank you. It’s not soo bad knowing I’m alone, but not alone. There’s other people who think like me.

[@MDWLRK7]

When people ask me why I over-explain myself…lol. This. This is why. Thank you, Morgan!

[@psi0nics956]

It's not often I watch a video where someone is just literally describing, word for word, my life experiences and trauma with communication. Wishing everyone the best who are dealing with all this daily.

[@dorianr4770]

ditto

[@IamCree]

THIS

[@wingers69]

This

[@internetname6210]

Due to neurotypicals being the majority, it is unfortunately a near universal experience for all autistic people as far as I see. Edit: I do believe if we were the majority it honestly would go the other way, with neurotypicals being traumatized and frustrated by not being understood for their tones, facial movements, and body language.

[@Eigna32]

I love how passionate you're about this, thank you for doing justice and spreading education

[@kimberlyreynolds3659]

I surround myself with Autistics and ND's and it helps loads. NTs are my nightmare, they get pushed to the side. This is my world, and they are living in it now.

[@wonderscall6486]

I personally think the honest straight forward fact driven communication is superior. The world would be a much better place with your communication style. I would be friends with you happily. I have never been able to relate with people you explained it so well. I do great with animals and kids everyone else is much like you describe. You are awesome.

[@dreamscape405]

Agreed!! ❤ I would Totally be friends with her too~ I'm late diagnosed, and have the same struggles. So, I decided to put out "antenna" for people like me, and it's working! We have a small group meetup tomorrow, and we're really EXCITED for it🎉 Sometimes we just have to make our own party🥂💃

[@stealthis]

Excessive nonverbal and non direct communication just seems immature like a child playing hard to get or not being emotionally mature enough to say what they think

[@marocat4749]

I am not saying that everything should nbe that way, but the world would be a better place if people learned to operade on that modus in crituical situations , or if htey really want to not be misunderstood. Why can t that be commonly taught.

[@retyroni]

Agreed. Especially in the workplace. I began really struggling at work in the last 10 years or so as the culture shifted to valuing feelings over facts - even to the point of punishing the "negativity" of reporting on super critical facts that are detrimental to the business. Thankfully facts were more important in the 20 years before that so I prospered and saved for retirement. I've left now and they can burn.

[@erinm9445]

I wish we could take superior/inferior out of it. Isn't that exactly what allistics have done to you your whole life? It's great to know which style you prefer and seek people out who have that style. But speaking as someone whose caught in the middle between allistic and autistic (ADHD, lots of autistic traits, but not actually autistic), and has had a really painful time trying to communicate both with allistics and with my lovely autistic ex, it's not about inferiority, it's just about a lot of people wanting to be understood, and not even understanding that they, in their turn, are misunderstanding those they want to be understood by as well. And I include myself in this by the way, misunderstanding while yearning to be understood, but I do keep working at it.

[@swissarmyknight4306]

Diagnosed ADHD, possibly undiagnosed ASD. You make so much sense to me; like you're speaking my native language. The main reason I think I may have ASD is that I keep encountering diagnosed people and they make so much sense to me, whereas most other people are so goddamn confusing. Like the constant lying for "politeness" and projecting their bizarre thoughts and alien emotions onto me, stuff I don't and probably can't do. They think I'm trying to climb some kind of imaginary pecking order that I don't perceive and wouldn't care about even if I did (which seems to enrage people who do care about it). I was once accused of trying to poison people at a pot-luck, a situation of pure imagination that was immediately completely dis-proven, and I still couldn't tell you why (probably because I didn't make the right face or do the correct eye contact). No such thing happened, there was no poison, no one got sick, no evidence of any kind, no crimes were committed; it was a thing of pure imagination. I couldn't even imagine imagining such a thing. The baseless accusation of attempted murder (or whatever they were imagining) kind of psychologically broke me. I spent 30 years mutilating my outward persona and behavior to try to conform (hiding my rocking and pacing, forcing eye contact and facial expressions is excruciating and exhausting) and that's where it got me. The only people I talk to now turn out to be neurodivergent or have a friend group that is half neurodivergent. I'm as isolated as possible from unknown neurotypical people who aren't immediate family.

[@Emeraldstardust444]

Same boat and definitely relate!

[@noctoi]

@@Emeraldstardust444 Yup, I also went down the hypermobility to ADHD to ASD self diagnosis to official diagnosis pipeline. Wasn't diagnosed officially till my late 40's, but as soon as I got into a community with a lot of neurodivergent people in it, I realised that suddenly I understood and was BEING understood so much better than in mainstream company. It was a huge epiphany. Making peace with the conditions going un noticed and undiagnosed by so many health care providers and mental health workers and family is a work in progress, but at least I now KNOW why I always feel like an alien among humans.

[@vi0let831]

I'm also not diagnosed w ASD but STRONGLY suspect I have it, and SAME. For the life of me I cannot get ANYONE to understand me and they get so upset even though I'm trying to explain to them I just CAN'T communicate like them!!! I can't just force myself to talk in the same specific, confusing way average ppl do and it's so exhausting and lonely. I find myself relating more to diagnosed autistics than neurotypicals and I really want to get assessed so I can actually get taken seriously and not getting yelled at just bc I literally don't see things the same way as everyone else. Not even my own PARENTS understand that I just CAN'T THINK OR ACT LIKE THEM no matter how much I tell them!!

[@vieravrem6810]

Same, you really got me with that pecking order thing, I hate that, it’s so weird.

[@Dodomba]

haha i know this i can tell you they cant Imagine is the Problem... you took ritalin or Something for adad? ... i Imagine some people only exist in this ritalin overdose tunnel existance

[@mattedwards8022]

I love how your gaze is almost everywhere but the camera. That's how I talk to people and it drives them nuts. I mask by responding like people would on TV or in a movie. Self-deprecation is a tool I use frequently. I've been getting at the nuts and bolts of me over the last year and ADHD and autism check off so many boxes. Thank you for this video. I'm over the hill and have been masking for so long that I don't know if a diagnosis at this point would do anything for me, but everything you said is true for me.

[@cassandracoeur904]

Oh boy, love having the double whammy of communication trauma and rejection sensitivity!

[@jelatinosa]

Man, can I relate. It hurts the most when it comes from my mom and my husband, because they're the people I love the most. It annoys me when it's other people, but mostly I don't care anymore. I don't really care if I don't have friends. Anyway, I picked my mom up from the airport one day and during the whole ride I tried to please my mom, asking her how was her travel, if she wanted me to put on music or stop for some food. She barely spoke to me the whole ride. I just assumed she was tired, and honestly, I didn't mind. I felt peaceful and content the whole 3 hour ride just to be close to my mom. Later she tells my family that I was so angry about having to pick her up, she was afraid to talk to me during the whole ride. I was flabbergasted! I had no idea what made her believe that! She said it was because I looked angry. So, my eyes are small and very sensitive to light and I tend to squint and lower my brows against the sun. Also I have large lips that were always the subject of criticism in my family, a common expression towards me was, "Siempre con la trompa pará" which basically means "always pouting" in spanish, implying I was angry or annoyed or being rude, when I really wasn't. I've spoken to her about this, yet she still judges me by my face and features I can't control. The whole time she really thought I was angry or upset and she was "afraid" to talk to me? That really hurt. Another example, I recently complained about a carton of icecream I bought, because it was supposed to be cookies and cream, but most of it was pure "cream" with no cookies. Somehow, my husband took it as an attack on him and got all defensive and, a bit of an 🫏 to be honest. I still don't understand how in the world he could have interpreted that as an attack on him and not the ice cream company and he never explained how. I'm still a bit mad at him for that one.

[@Ann963]

Neurotypicals can be very quick to judge and quick to be defensive. Stay calm and repeat you are not angry, autism affects nerve development and it takes a lot of effort to change your face to look picture perfect all the time. Then repeat you are not angry and they need to figure out where it’s coming from, because it’s not your problem, it’s theirs.

[@kurehanzo]

I can relate so much to this. It happens quite a lot, l mean I would do or say something harmless and without any hidden meaning, sometimes just to try to start a conversation (being a quiet girl sometimes you get judged for this trait too) and people would just somehow take it either as me complaining or me being passive aggressive. I don't understand, really. Like you said, I don't care that much with strangers but when it's the people you love the most it can be very hurtful. For instance, I still remember having a humble street food dinner with my ex, it was basically a local dish of meatball soup. The meatballs we had were relatively smaller than average so I made a comment on that ("oh, the meatballs are small." I believe was what I said.) My heart was like 🥰 because I LOVE them smaller just like they were, but my face was like 😐, to be fair because i'm not great at making facial expressions to be honest. Somehow he thought I was complaining and mildly snapped and said "what did you expect??" like he was disgusted of me. I was in complete shock. I mean I was basically complimenting the food but what he understood from me was that I was complaining. It seemed like nothing but it really hurt at the time. And one part was because after all these years you still don't know I love smaller meatballs? gtfo 😅😂

[@CrystaliaHumphrey-qs6ct]

Omg my face never matches what's going on inside but ppl judge based on what they see ugh.

[@jelatinosa]

@@kurehanzo ugh yes! I often make benign comments, just observations or trying to start a conversation and people always assuming I'm complaining or being negative. I'm also pretty quiet and people think I'm standoffish or stuck up! I lose either way!

[@DeathnoteBB]

Honestly they both sound toxic!

[@bryonyvaughn2427]

OMG, I so feel this. Not having boundaries respected because I'm not acting dramatic enough. Telling someone I'm angry about some injustice/harm they're perpetrating/enabling only for them to utterly disregard my words. Having someone beat around the bush, hint hint hinting at some problem, where it's obvious I'm missing a key piece of information but still refuse to tell me what the problem is. So frustrating! Honestly, this is why I so deeply prefer autistic dominant spaces. I can finally RELAX knowing my words will be taken at face value, my words won't constantly be misconstrued to represent something other than what I plainly said, and I can accept people's word as representing them rather than having to burn through so much bandwidth processing what all their different agendas might possibly be for saying what they're saying. The bandwidth relief alone makes it so much more comfortable being in autistic communication spaces.

[@crubip2976]

This video and these comments, especially yours, are so crazy to read because of how relatable they are. I've never been in many what you called autistic dominant spaces, but they do sound incredible especially after seeing just how much I have in common with a lot of other autistic people and they're not just problems with me

[@jessn.3851]

I've never been in an autistic space unfortunately. However I do put myself first and only keep people around who do not constantly exhaust me. I also prefer to live abroad, because as a foreigner I'm already considered weird and nobody is thinking about how I'm just a little off but they can't put their finger on why.

[@bryonyvaughn2427]

@@crubip2976 , I’ve only discovered autism shaped spaces while looking for other things. My children’s inclusive homeschool group that basically had all the people rejected from other groups (religion, sexuality/gender, mental illness, race, disability, etc) was very autism dominant. A lot of LGBTIQA groups are autism-skewed in leadership, and trans spaces are particularly autism dominant. Less authoritarian religious groups that people are far more likely to convert to than be born into tend to be comfortable spaces for autistic people. In my area that is mostly earth-centered religions. (Every Druid & pagan priestx I know are autistic.) There are reasons I won’t join but all the members I know of our local Mensa chapter are autistic. I don’t know any of the adult members but our local model railroading club was a very warm and welcoming environment for autistic kids in my life. Lots of internet, database, and platform companies in my area have autism dominant cultures. The atheist meetups in my area and in surrounding areas are autism dominant spaces. I think groups organized around special interests have a greater chance of having more autistic folks in them. True story: I’d be shocked if my oldest was treated for autism and not diagnosed autistic. No, I wouldn’t be shocked; I’d believe the clinician want skilled. lol Anyway, my oldest is a submariner. When he was in training, everyone kept assuming he was a nuclear engineer. My son was offended by this as he viewed the nukes as “social not-rights,” weirdos who were book smart with no people skills. He was incensed and didn’t understand why people would keep making this mistake. He was confident in his intelligence but couldn’t understand why, without him obviously displaying his intelligence, people would think he was a nuclear engineer. You know why, right? Everyone was picking up on the autistic vibe that resonated so strong among the nuclear engineers; they also picked up on that in my son who didn’t see that in himself. FWIW my son’s high school sweetheart was (and still is) autistic. One allistic girl pined over him for years and that became the occasional situationship that only ended in her end when my husband set her up with someone else (also autistic) who she ended up marrying. My son’s wife, his second real relationship, is also autistic. In my experience, autistic people just find each other, vibe, and clump together.

[@bryonyvaughn2427]

@@jessn.3851 , Paul MacAuliffe (?) who has the Autism From the Inside YT channel has a few videos where he talks about alien syndrome among autistic folks. He very much advocates autistic people go to spaces where they are the outsider for the reason you mention. Many missed cues are given grace for being from a different background and are either ignored without negative repercussions or explained. Some people are more likely to delight in an outsider’s differences than they would in the same differences in one of their own. That is one of the reasons Paul encourages international travel among autistic folks who can handle it. The nice thing is it’s a strategy that can be leveraged in more situations than transnational travel.

[@zacara8469]

Totally agree. The first time I ended up in a classroom with autistics I felt at peace, but also undeserving to be there.

[@heathergerbyshak4078]

I understand literally EVERY SINGLE THING you say in this video. I accommodate others being generally slower and less clever, but they don’t accommodate me with thinking about things differently or responding not averagely.

[@NothingNotStupid]

Even worse is when you use a specific word to make absolutely sure they understand you… and they don’t even know what the word means. I use words like ‘jargon’ or stuff like that often, and it is INFURIATING.

[@hiitsmoto]

Clicked this video as an allistic person, hoping to understand my autistic loved ones a little better. I see their challenges, I feel my own frustration and theirs when we try to communicate with each other, and want to be one of the people in their life who meets them half way. Everyone deserves to be understood. I feel like I understand a little better how masking plays such a huge role in an autistic person navigating an allistic world, and how so much extra daily effort is expended just for folks to “pass” in social settings. Thank you for your video!

[@adamwalker2377]

From what I'm seeing, it shouldn't be so difficult to understand. Why does it take so much work to communicate with basic data and facts?

[@hiitsmoto]

@@adamwalker2377 hmmm, I mean it's a good question! I think it's because not all conversations are fact-based, and there are a lot of so-called unspoken rules in every community and culture, about what to say, how to say it, who you can say it to etc. not everybody knows those rules, and some people know and ignore it, and it's not always obvious who is ignoring the rules, and who simply doesn't know. And all people have different sensitivities, some folks can identify without being explicitly told, others cannot, and not every person is comfortable with sharing their sensitivities. People are different, complex, and grew up around different cultures, such that even two allistic people have to work hard to understand each other. Heck, parents and children struggle to understand one another because all the data that goes unidentified. In the end, all relationships take effort, some more than others, but if you're willing to put the work in and be patient I think that's what matters. For me, Morgan's videos have given me information and tools to do better work to understand where my autistic friends and family come from :)

[@adamwalker2377]

@@hiitsmoto I'm not buying it. Listen to her voice. She's obviously not flippant about it, and yet she can't win. Something really unfair is going on here. The normal rules of fair play don't appear to be honored by the other side. If I were autistic, I'd be ready to say, "Screw it. I can't win, and I'm done playing your stupid game". How on earth can you exchange information without using...information? Why does the group that beats around the bush and lies get primacy?

[@hiitsmoto]

​​@@adamwalker2377 I'm afraid I don't have answers to those questions! I can only speculate from my experience, and how I understand the world and why these situations where our autistic loved ones may get misunderstood and treated unfairly as a result. I think we can only do our best to listen, to be kind and understanding to the people around us, and educate the way Morgan has here. You're kind-hearted for being frustrated on the behalf of folks like Morgan. I wish you all the best!

[@bluehornet197]

​@@hiitsmoto good on you for wanting to learn and understand how to better communicate that's a big step I know many alistic people who don't care to understand and want to hold their own noses high like they haven't done anything wrong when they are the ones being unclear this is why I have grown to be a very blunt direct person and extremely honest and open I have found this has created issues for some people but how I see it is that is their problem not mine honestly mate I congratulate you for wanting to learn keep it up my friend

[@spinyjunior8118]

The non-verbal communication part of this video is so relatable, especially when you talk about people suddenly blowing up because you're not getting what they're saying. This has happened a lot in previous relationships. One time in particular, my partner was suddenly really upset and walked away, then their friend started shouting at me, saying if I don't listen to them, I'm going to end up losing them. I still don't know what caused it, as far as I'm aware we were all having a nice evening, and my partner and I were having a normal conversation. I just remembered being confused because I had been listening to everything they were saying and responding, this was not the only time something like that happened, but it certainly was one of the most upsetting for me, it has upset me thinking about it. I know this might sound biased and exclusive, but one of the main things I now look for when trying to find someone to date and potentially get into a relationship with is if they're autistic, purely because I can communicate so much easier with other neurodivergent people and it rarely leads to negative experiences associated with miscommunication such as what I mentioned above. Thank you for your videos, they highlight a lot of experiences neurodivergent people go through and hopefully help us to be more understood.

[@medore13]

I just have being diagnosed with both Autism and ADD. I feel all of this so deeply. I always have a lot of emotions inside myself and often inappropriate ways to (not) express them. For communication many times I put myself into a trap. I just want to give you a hug right now. Feel hugged!

[@richarddennis4785]

Thanks for this. This is a huge frustration for me. As interactions so often go sideways, I have built up fears, frustrations and anger around many of my interactions.

[@camlin4147]

I'm reminded of many communication incidents in my life. In particular, I'm reminded of a time when I spent 30-45 minutes (way longer than I should have) drafting a work email, trying to find just the right balance between detailed and concise. After I sent it, one of the recipients replied. It was clear that they'd only skimmed the email (which I expected and tried to account for in my draft) and that they had come away from it with COMPLETELY the wrong idea. This wasn't the first time I had difficulty communicating with this coworker. But no one else had any trouble understanding the email, so this definitely wasn't JUST me. I quietly seethed for days afterward, blown away by how careless some people can be with their communication, when any communication with anyone outside my close friends and family requires SO MUCH effort on my part. And, granted, maybe the coworker has their own developmental disability to deal with. But I'm also tired of being the only one (or so it feels) constantly monitoring myself to ensure that I don't make quick and harmful assumptions about others' experiences.

[@marionhills8031]

i remember having a meltdown in front of my best friends because i felt like no matter what I said or how much I tried to communicate my thoughts and feelings to them, I still felt like I just couldn’t put my thoughts perfectly to words, and that I was failing to explain myself every single time. I will never forget the relief I felt when they said they understood that I was hurting from this and they wanted to understand me, and they would be patient with me. It definitely payed off being vulnerable in that moment, because I was terrified I would be too much. I’m pretty sure we’re all neurodivergent and thats why they could see I wasn’t trying to be manipulative, I was screaming for someone to understand me. I hope everyone can find friends like this. It look a lot of pain and heartache, sometimes its really hard to put your true thoughts out there, but with the right people its worth it. I’m hoping this can provide some hope of feeling understood by others.

[@keylanka940]

"Screaming for someone to understand me"... this has been my whole life. You're not alone, but I'm sorry you've had to deal with this too. It's exhausting and hard and stupid. Keep fighting, remember you're worth being understood.

[@internetname6210]

They must have also been on the spectrum or ND for sure, Neurotypical people really just don’t clarify things that way or know the experiences we have.

[@bobbymoore8030]

Ive not been diagnosed and im 43. What you talk about has happened my whole life and has indeed gave me anxiety about speaking in public so much that i cant even return an item to a store because of the anxiety of the conversation. You are not alone 👍

[@ash-r]

This video is a really important point and doesn't get mentioned very much! Great job explaining this.

[@ang3likat]

The trauma that comes out of being misunderstood is so exhausting, thank you for talking about this topic

[@ElliSuiii]

My husband is autistic. You really are helping my husband, by teaching me how you see the worldly things so I can better wife for him, thank you❤

[@MattB8030]

God bless you, we need more understanding people that care like you.

[@bobsaggater3454]

you're awesome

[@POW.CREEPER]

Bless ur heart elli, most women just bounce.

[@The_Kalahari_Cowboy]

Duuuuude! This is so relatable that it hurts! You do communicate the actual process perfectly. Also, profuse apologizing and people saying not to do that. But you actually mean it. Every. Single. Time. Because you know you weren't communicating "well enough". Thanks!

[@cyndiminer3672]

You are amazing. ❤ I am glad you are alive. You are a light in a dark world. The people who don't understand you are not your people. Your people have you now, and I hope you feel seen, understood, and necessary. Thank you for doing these videos. Much respect.

[@atlaslewis7873]

I hardly have any friends. I've recently been having communication issues with my closest one. He's not willing to talk about it and I'm so tired of of changing myself for others. Thank you for sharing; it's nice to know I'm not alone.

[@paulamint1385]

I can't tell you how much I have cried because peoppe misinterpret my personality. I'm very very bubbly but people don't see it. They judge me so hard. When I quit my last job I gave my boss a piece of advice: don't judge a book by its cover. It hit her hard. I lose friendships too because they can tell I'm weird although I don't consider myself weird. Just allistic people. It's been a tough life. I have communication trauma. You represent us high functioners so well. Please, try and be the spokesperson of an atypical association. You have my backing, I'm full of ideas.

[@nleposk1]

I love your content. Thank you for bringing awareness. ADHD can have a lot of similar symptoms, just a different place on the spectrum. I have issues with small talk and understanding when people aren't direct. You learn to cope and understand as you get older.

[@astrolord4325]

As someone with aspergers, your explanation hits home just too well. Everything ties so well into my experiences from early childhood to now. And even though i teached myself body language and expressions and i understand them now better than most i understand that it might not be sustainable advice option to give. For one because i have aspergers and even though it's in the spectrum it's not the same as autism so i have it easier in this department, secondly because it does not help with being understood. So i give you another solution. In my opinion you are great at communicating and expressing yourself as you are. I think that the only problem is that most people you met and you thought to be your friends, are not good at these things. Not really. Most of them cannot imagine a world withouth subtext, where commumication is honest and "blunt" so they simplify to what they can understand and project. Oh projections, my old enemy... Anyway The solution: I hope that you find "your people" they are a rare kind who will meet you in the middle, meaning make an effort to get to know you, understand you. In my experiences they are curious, very open minded, tolerant and most importantly good people. Most people are neither good or evil, until they are given oportunity to be either selfish or selfless in everyday life. That's what i believe at least. Just look at their actions, not words, simple as that, though it eats a lot of time. For any human being, neurodivergent or not, the story of "happily ever after" starts with "finding your people" that is the real endgame.

[@SakurakO06]

Thank you so much for this ! I'm also late diagnosed and ever since finding out I'm autistic I'm really sad about how unbalanced this is. I feel like I've spent my entire life trying to understand a foreign language and now I've finally found my mother tongue but no one wants to learn it. I'm explaining autism to my friends, sharing ressources, but they don't really care that much, they say "you're you and that's what matters" but if I really matter then learn my ways. I'm always accommodating for everyone else but me and I don't want to do it anymore. I want people who love me to ask questions and be curious about the way I work but they're not and it makes me sad. 💔 I know it's because they don't see how different it is, they don't know how much I've learnt their ways and how much I've restrained myself from being me. And when I try to show them they find me difficult and irrational all of a sudden, or they tell me "yay you've always been a bit blunt" as if they were coping with my quirks all along. It's like a one sided relationship at this point haha I think that's the thing that I find the most difficult about getting diagnosed, it's that I am learning to love myself and letting myself be freely autistic but no one wants that and I don't know where to put that version of myself so it's seen and loved and cherished. 💖 I long for a world were people are genuinely curious about our ways and want to learn them without having to do that to survive like we were forced to do with them.

[@toni2309]

I really relate to that. I also generally care about curiosity and I kinda wish I wasn't as alone in that and could bond more over it with other people.

[@spaghetto9836]

Those quotes were so accurate, it's not even funny. Are we in The Sims & just given the same starting NPCs??

[@shellywernette4449]

The difficulty making facial expressions and modulating my tone (or having the wrong facial expressions I don't realize I have) is my biggest barrier as a teacher. I've had a student giving a talk stop and ask "what's that expression for?" but I legitimately thought I had a supportive "go on" expression.

[@westcoastrover]

I love your videos. I have sent about eight of your videos so far to my partner and other friends this week alone. This video, in particular, hits home so much; your brain is exactly like mine! I have many neurodivergent friends and probably family members, but nobody has explained things and used keywords like you have. Your breaking down of each scenario and how you respond to it, why you respond to it, etc., is so validating. I relate to this video, in particular, so very much; thank you for posting. 💜

[@ragsdmc7789]

Communication Trauma is so real. Im late diagnosed in life. So, going through this not understanding why for my life was crazy. At least I know im not alone.

[@megoncle]

Just crying thru this whole video. 😢 I cannot believe it. I've avoided this part in my healing journey. The trauma is so real. Signed, Almost 41, and still trying to piece it together

[@TakodaHanna-ie3dn]

Yes I am always misunderstood. I will always try tell people things But they don't understand so they always misinterprete what I'm trying to say. I have lost so many friends😢 because I was always blunt and to them that's mean. Like they would ask me if the dress makes them look weird and I would say yes you do look weird. I was losing friends to just being truthful I didn't know she wanted me to lie. So I am so grateful for someone talking about these things on the internet.

[@morgaanfoley]

I relate to everything you said! its so infuriating and ur not alone

[@reneedittmer9625]

Man, I feel sorry for you. I'm autistic and I don't think I had friends who asked me things like those cause when I did have friends I was very little. But like, why can't people be more specific about what they mean? Obviously if your asking my opinion I'm going to give my opinion. That's what little me probably would have said lol. I have somewhat of a filter, so I know when to be truthful and when to not be truthful. Although, it's kind of hard for me to be truthful when it either offends people or people don't get it. Personally, I think if someone asked me that question I would say "Don't ask me MY opinion, if you like how it looks on you then go ahead and wear it. You don't need everyone's opinion on what something looks like on you cause as long as you like it that's all that matters to me." I'm also always misunderstood. I hope one day I can find at least a few close friends and that I'm not so lonely in the future.

[@TakodaHanna-ie3dn]

@@morgaanfoley thank you

[@TakodaHanna-ie3dn]

@@reneedittmer9625 I totally agree

[@RobinPrince1]

If they wanted you to lie, then they weren’t your friends to begin with. Their lose not yours. If you need someone to tell you lies all your life then maybe you have insecurities you need to deal with. Better for you that you don’t have to deal with it. Just my opinion. Also that’s called walking on eggshells. Those are not friends those are demons.

[@twowheelsonly75]

I have watched many videos on autism. This is the first one that made sense. My heart has been heavy. Thanks for the breakdown.

[@chaossausage3940]

Thank you. The time you dedicate to help others and make us feel less alone, goes a long way in making me feel like I’m apart of the world. Thanks again!

[@venezzrok-fz1du]

I gave up this battle long ago. I have build an intensive script I use to communicate, all lines I stole from other peoples conversations. And the funny thing is, almost no one notices that I'm doing it. It's weird how programmed "normal" peoples conversations are, so much so that I get away with what I'm doing.

[@draalttom844]

I did that with learning english!!😂

[@JoyLuxeHieroTarot]

Yes yes yes. So who’s the truly nutty brained one? 😁

[@katzea.a7880]

Programmed, or just structured? Is it bad for something to be either of those? The devices we use need it to even be able to parse simple information

[@JoyLuxeHieroTarot]

@@katzea.a7880 I agree that it’s beyond structure. Hi how are you Fine thanks how are you Great thanks but so hot I know! How’s Barb and the kids Just swell Bob, just swell All lies, preprogrammed answers. Not necessarily bad, just boring and so often a waste of time.

[@postemacgaming]

I feel this so much. I've wasted years of my life thinking back on previous encounters where I was misunderstood, or neglected, and thought that if I could have just said the right words it would be alright. The most important thing I learnt in therapy is that you cannot control what other people think and how they react. I saw the truth in that and just stopped caring about what others think. I am much happier overall, and don't have to waste my energy and happiness on pretending to fit in. Who cares if people don't like me? That's on them for not trying to see beyond appearances.

[@internetname6210]

Yea! Its entirely out of your control, if they’re going to be like that to you, they’re going to be like that to you no matter what. Best to leave ppl who refuse to work with you.

[@the.ricki.t]

This is so real. Thank you for putting our seemingly universal experience in such perfect words. Communication trauma for real

[@jakecarr5140]

I wish I had your your self-awareness when I was your age. It sucks when you try so hard to connect and be understood and yet, you feel like you are not seen. My career progression has stopped because I spend all my energy trying to influence others and burn out, then someone else has to take my insights across the finish line. I've never heard of communication trauma but you describe it perfectly. Keep being awesome

[@Unbreakable245]

Yup. I would always have meltdowns because i felt misunderstood. I was desperate. I couldn't communicate what i needed

[@msmltvcktl]

I've had four this weekend. Three today bc I'm being bullied by other tenants in the building; they're trying to get me kicked out for being "different"

[@audreydoyle5268]

​@@msmltvcktl that's just straight up discrimination. I hope they stop tormenting you. You don't deserve what they're saying and doing. Take some time, if the other tenants haven't spoken to the landlord yet, and write a response explaining how ridiculous the other tenant's demands are. If not as a letter, but as an outline of what you need to get across to the landlord. May the Fates smile kindly on you in this time of desperation. And I hope you find the best strategies to help you regulate after these meltdowns ✌💖

[@IJustAnimateThatsTheJist]

I had them because I was constantly having my needs neglected no matter how much I communicated this to my family. They were the kind to tell me to "toughen up" and ignored my diagnosis so I left them/moved really far away with short notice. The literal second they realized that I could be independent and they couldn't just abuse me/force me to take said abuse meant the "I'm sorry"s and "I'm going to therapy and getting better"s started to fly. Because of the way I've been treated I actively avoid neurotypicals.

[@LilChuunosuke]

I have vivid memories of being a kid and trying desperately to explain to my teacher why I was upset, only for them to misunderstand me over and over and over again until I was in a full-blown sobbing meltdown. They often had to pull my brother out of class to see if he could translate what I was trying to say. I have trouble connecting to people and unmasking now because the second I start behaving and communicating authentically, I am misunderstood.

[@LilChuunosuke]

​@@IJustAnimateThatsTheJistyour story is almost exactly the same as mine except my parents refused to get me tested because im a girl. Even though looking back it could not have been any more obvious.

[@zack_a11ack]

god this hits home. I’ve always been labeled as rude and disrespectful and clingy and dramatic and it’s so confusing because like how am I being rude if I’m not even aware I was doing something in the first place

[@zion1633]

i am so happy to see someone talking about what i'm complaining my whole life i have facial expression variety, i praticed for that i gesticule with my hands and body, i praticed for that as well i can use irony and sarcasm, and i am always trying to make it clear to not be missunderstood i select my worlds very carefully to express exactly my vision of what i'm talking about but despite all of the effort, comunication is something that works less, the deeper the conversation goes me and the person i'm talking with are just not talking about the same thing even when we are, often, it doesnt look like the person isn't trying to understand me, it looks like it is TRYING TO NOT understand me i mean, how can you interpretate so wrong something that i've past the last 10 minutes cleaning (in a notepad or chat with only me) to avoid any ambiguity?

[@Jrpyify]

I literally just had this exact speech to my wife explaining why work meetings were so exhausting and frustrating for me. Like, almost word for word.

[@RebekahWorthman]

so much this 😢 you said so eloquently how I feel and act. 💔 why do we have to work so hard? never thought of it as trauma, and even therapists didn’t realize why I have so many issues with communication, fear etc. thank you so much for sharing

[@morgaanfoley]

It took me a long time too to realize that I had real and deep trauma from it. A lot of my CPTSD is linked to communication. I’m sorry you relate so much🥺❤️

[@VelouriaDS]

To be autistic IS to get misunderstood. When I was quite young, I would talk out loud the ways I was thinking about the things that I was doing. I was hoping that *maybe* they would just think "oh she's someone who thinks out loud" as if it was not a big deal while at the same time *maybe, hopefully* they would hear what I was actually saying and understand what and/or why I was doing this or that. It didn't really work, but when I think about it, as a five and six year old to be doing something to try and be understood by others and not be a bother. That really says something about the amount of trauma I was experiencing. Even tho I would have said I wasn't traumatized. I thought it was a misunderstanding and everyone had them. What I didn't notice was how it happened to me more often than average and my response to that. When it didn't work, I never knew if they heard me and just didn't care, or if I was unnoticed. Which created its own problems in my head.

[@shinobi7mm]

My daughter has Autism and this was a very enlightening video. Opened my eyes greatly. Thank you for sharing!

[@olhalin_]

About things implication… Psychologists begin to post that that’s normal to tell each other rather imply and wait that other people understand it. Nobody is obliged to guess another person emotions or read the thoughts. It’s interesting to know that neurotypical people can read each other minds😄. From my childhood I described people around “please, tell me if smth wrong, I do not read the mind” and heard as answer that “all” understand it, so, should I💁‍♀️. Thanks for the amazing video❤

[@giuarmours]

I think the main error of us autists is to assume people want to understand us. Sometimes, I learned, people have no interest in that. Not only that, sometimes they rather understand us in the wrong way on purpose. Crazy, I know. Makes no sense. But that's the neurotypical world for us...

[@terriem3922]

I know. It's weird.

[@horvathbenedek3596]

"Oh, no, woe is me, people don't want to understand how quirky I am" Yeah, nobody cares. "Normal" people don't care about each other other either. Nobody does. I don't need to know your struggles for a 10 second interaction at the workplace. Learn the rules of communication, stay in your lane, and that's it. Seriously, why would I want to know about your mental defect? Why would I care? Is my life going to be better because of it? Do you care about my struggles? No. Autistic people are some of the most selfish people I had the misfortune of meeting. So why would I care about your life story, if you don'z care about anyone else's?

[@JA-im9xs]

Fr. They think ADHD and autism are some "main character" vibes, when we're literally just asking for help and trying our best and working to hope to communicate with each other better and keep peace, but "some" ( not all ) just "some" neurotypical people always want to make up problems that are not there and then get salty when we, the neurodivergents, have real struggle problems. Like??? Huh ??? Why would ANYONE want to seek problems ?? I think they have too much free time in their hands, to the point they get bored and then proceed to seek problems that AREN'T even there in the first place, and then proceed to throw hissy fits when Neurotypicals or other disability people are dealing with an ACTUAL MENTAL DISABILITY and an ACTUAL HEALTH PROBLEM ISSUE. And then they called people who deal with real disabilities "attention seekers," like.....the irony and arragont is so far inside their a$$ to the point that is kind of hilarious.

[@ninab9969]

Personally, I think you come across as a bright, bubbly, positive and happy person. And you're very easy to listen to. I have no idea why the people you talk to aren't seeing it.

[@shewho333]

I am old. I have one diagnosed (and two suspected) autistic teenagers. It’s pretty clear that they get most of their traits from me. I don’t have a formal autism diagnosis but I’ve taken every online test that I can find and I score higher than most of the *actually* diagnosed people I know. I’ve paused the video right after you speak of “communication trauma” because it’s so very true! I know mine originates from having an extremely outgoing, controlling, sadistic mother growing up and then unconsciously choosing that same type of person over and over through my life. It’s always seemed as if I had a target on me for people who are destined to hate me for my shyness, or my thought process, or just the look on my face when I’m lost in my own thoughts. The absolute worst thing in the world for me is not general miscommunication. Not anymore, because I finally in my 40’s, have decided that people who are committed to misunderstanding me are absolutely not worth my energy. But what is the most devastating is being accused of lying or stealing or doing something heartless, when I put my heart and intention into every aspect of dealing with other people. Yes, so much traumatizing false accusations from people who are supposedly “up front” and “saying what they mean”. No. I’m starting to believe that those people are cruel and have already decided what they’re going to think before you (or I) ever even speak. It may not be that you are communicating in a wrong way. It may just be that we are trying to communicate with wrong types of people. The world has opened up a lot with social media and I would have never dreamed that there are many thousands of people who actually understand the struggle. But here we are. And it’s kinda great.

[@infestedwithfleas]

you just put this lifelong battle of mine into words so well. i feel so seen. thank you.