Mormon missionaries brainwashed me at 16.

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

Hey guys! If you found this video valuable, please consider supporting us on Patreon! It makes a big difference for us and helps us make more videos like this. 💜 www.patreon.com/zelphontheshelf

[@angeldream1]

i love this channel so dang much.i am ex church of christ (31 years) i left last february. my husband left too bc he already knew it was bs lol! thankfully my kids won't be going there ever again either what was i thinking. but it happens. we weren't allowed to have a kitchen or food or instruments in the building. it was a salvation issue. i'm so sorry you guys were both brainwashed in the mormon.

[@ScottBub]

Good work you two.

[@ProjectCreativityGuy96]

Get All Mormons Brutally Murdered.

[@lilladde8469]

Zelph On the Shelf: Then atheists has brainwashed you

[@TICTACMANTIPS]

I e watched them in Ireland they seem to Target attractive people

[@AbnormalWrench]

"What was the most regrettable thing you gave up as a Mormon and what are you glad to have back?" "My brain" Great answer.

[@lilladde8469]

Bad answer

[@legacy756]

Then she is stupid, every member is encourage to seek knowledge and many excel at what we do: academia, sports, at work and in the family.

[@AbnormalWrench]

@@legacy756 Well, other than researching that whole Mormonism thing....

[@learningisfun2108]

llriv She was a teenager taken advantage of.

[@legacy756]

@@learningisfun2108 why did her parents allow it?. We force no one to join

[@azureskys]

I have a lot of regret about being a missionary and convincing others to join, some who were teens. Most of them were in quite poor situations and longing for hope and community. I did truly believe I was doing the right thing, had all the answers and following the path to baptism and church activity would bring more happiness and success to their lives. I really thought I was helping them make a huge step in an eternal existence. I never ever ever could have imagined that I'd later be on this side watching something like this and commenting as I am. As far as I know pretty much all of them stopped involvement with the church, which used to make me so sad and feel like a failure when I still believed. I'd like to go visit them one day, at least the few I still keep loose contact with, and apologize. I've been too nervous to do so over the phone. Thank you Sam and Tanner. You've been a big help in learning how to be OK after all of this!

[@rayday9138]

I recently went back to my mission in California. I am now an atheist and love it, but explaining this to some of the member friends I made there was sad because they were so sure they were right that it made trying to convince them or challenge their beliefs a no go. Some are just lost to faith.

[@sarak6860]

I was a teen convert like the ones you describe. I finally got out because of the information on the internet, but for many years I was stuck, because I really believed that those elevated feelings I got back then were actually the Holy Ghost.

[@rayday9138]

@@sarak6860 That's the thing about feelings. You can get them for anything that you identify with. Like nice things that the missionaries tell you when first meeting. Then when you feel grossed out learning about other things like: Smith and his wives, Young and his racism, the church today and their homophobia, to name a few, the church then tells you that those feelings you feel are also from God testing you, or letting you know that they were just men and make mistakes. Then when you bring up the idea that maybe the church leaders today are just men and making mistakes too they/ the Church ex communicate you or think you are riddled with sin and anti Mormon spirits.

[@sarak6860]

@@rayday9138 I didn't find out about those crazy things until a few years ago, when I had hit late middle age. I didn't have internet access until I was almost middle age, and in the earlier internet years the information was harder to find. I am so happy to be out now.

[@rayday9138]

@@sarak6860 It's a liberating feeling for sure.

[@naomi5815]

wow this is kind of relatable! I never did become a Mormon, but I felt drawn to it because I was very lonely at the time and revelled in the attention. I also thought the LDS church was cool and exotic (was also living in England) and my way of teenage rebellion and I also liked the idea of having all those clear rules and purpose because of mental health issues. I guess that's just the type of person drawn to cults lol. I am glad I never did become a Mormon though, but I could so easily have become. Being a lesbian, I was already telling my friends how the church wasn't homophobic but that I would just never be able to be in a relationship and that was fine. Now I have a gf and I drink lots of tea; life's good. this is pretty much a letter now and I'm sorry! love your channel

[@only_sleeping7276]

wow i feel sort of twinsies with you. also a lesbian currently trying to figure out my mental health problems.... i was best friends with a (now ex-)mormon and it really kind of messed with me. i had never really considered why people are homophobic before but just through finding out stuff about mormonism felt a confusion about whether being gay really is okay .... i also actually found the church made a lot of sense on the surface level. the baptism for the dead stuff sounded like a religion finally giving everyone their fair chance to be good. im still best friends with that guy and extremely thankful to have him in my life though. im very happy for you and your gf!!

[@Chris-0703]

I live in Utah. There is nothing exotic. Trust me.

[@syfields8154]

Mormons are homophobic! Mormon Monry was behind Prop 8 in California. Homosexuality means ex-communication. DO SOME RESEARCH!!!

[@Koriadni]

The first video I found from your channel was Sam's "Why I joined the Mormon church". To be truthful I was actually searching for testimony building videos as I was very rappidly losing my faith and going through a "faith crisis" and felt like I needed to reindoctrinate myself through the testimonies of others. Her story and the rest of the videos from Zelfontheshelf as well as some other fantastic youtubers and other resources helped me tremendously through finding my way out and more importantly finding peace and courage in walking away from something that had shaped huge portions of my life. I am so so thankful for that! Thank you for continuing to share your experiances and growth!

[@oliviaenglund]

I was on the exact same journey of regaining my faith and testimony after many years of being not active, then on a coincedence I found this channel and some more on YT that totally opened my eyes to the truth. So finally after 10 years of wailing in faith I left the church. I've never been happier or felt freer, so I know how you feel 😊

[@debbiehoad1850]

Is your friend (who introduced you to the church) still a member? What do they think about you leaving?

[@ningenJMK]

"What do missionaries leave out?" "Mostly everything." LOL

[@mikayla519]

Well in their defense- they don't know anything but what their told to know.

[@aceofleaf606]

By default, they'll leave out everything but the missionary position.

[@thesoul2871]

Yeah right I met some mormon girls I broke my leg a while back too me 5 months I was screaming in pain I got angry and shouted gtfo! I knew they were trying to brainwash me and there views are creepy asf I could barley walk or do much...

[@bigd322]

@@thesoul2871 Dang. For a channel literally named "the soul" you acted pretty soulless. Regardless of theological disagreement we ought to treat human beings like fellow human beings. Acknowledge that they have worth, souls and feelings just like us.

[@thesoul2871]

@@bigd322 I acknowledge that but its not my fault they were getting all stalkey

[@alizardnamedyo-yo5792]

You said BIC and my first thought was born in captivity. That's how I feel though, as someone who was born into a strongly mormon family, and has to pretend to believe until I turn 18 and can leave. People like you two are the only thing that keeps me sane.

[@jennapalmer8917]

Former Mormon here. What really should be said is that the missionaries that you met were actually the ones that were brainwashed. I (regrettably) served a mission myself and taught what I truly believed to be true. Only to find out ten years later that I’d been completely brainwashed.

[@adriennejohnson4201]

Disaffected converts are next level, so accurate!! I was 15 when I was baptized and I was in it for 18/19 years. I can see what led up to my baptism for years. I had friends who were Mormon and I loved their family life. I felt like my family was so broken and dysfunctional and I wanted to be "normal". And I can attest to the whole experience of being loved on. Everyone was so excited for me and loved on me really hard my entire teen years after I was baptized. More than the friends I had my age, I actually gravitated to their parents more. I was craving intellectual and emotional connections to adults because I didn't have that in my family. It's crazy what we will do when we are vulnerable and trusting in the name of wanting to belong. I could go on and on sharing my story. You two should do a podcast and interview regular folks who can't get on Mormon Stories, lol!

[@okthennone]

I love when Mormons say they wouldn't have crossed the plains in handcarts if it wasn't true, as you mentioned. They think they are the only ones that crossed the plains in the 19th century to get to the west.

[@Chris-0703]

And what other choice did they have? Plus, it wasn’t even that far. They didn’t go from NYC to LA; they went from Omaha to Salt Lake. I could ride my bike that distance in 3 days.

[@AnEggInTryingTimes]

I just put my resignation in. I’m also a Brit and I was investigating at 17, baptised at 18. The missionaries were lovely. Too lovely. They preyed on me because I was vulnerable because of my mental health. They made all these promises to me, that I’d be blessed and happy. But that didn’t happen. I never followed the commandments for more than two weeks. I felt dirty when I had sex, drank coffee etc I felt like I was a bad person and that God was going to punish me. I never liked how my family wouldn’t be with me because they’re not lds. When I learned about all the anti Mormon lies. I buried my head in the sad. The cognitive dissonance was real. I felt guilt for being bi, like I was made wrong. That I was dirty/wrong. The sexual sins are second to murder. I will always carry the emotional manipulation and lies and fears with me. The church had damaged me and I only realised this when I put my resignation in. It all hit me. The weird shit wasn’t told to me, I found it out for myself recently. I saw the temple rituals online, I was never worthy to go through it and I was always upset by this, and I was scared. I couldn’t believe that that was it. I thought it was special and lovely, I was wrong. I’m so glad I never went through it, even though it still makes me feel bad and unworthy. I was drawn in to the church and I felt forced to get baptised. The more I stayed the weirder it got but I rationalised it and pushed it to the back of my mind. I was only fully active for one year, 2 years of mild activity and almost no activity this year. I went to church once and activities and I thought ok and I studied and prayed and it dawned on me. This is detrimental to me. I’ve been damaged by this it took me weeks to put my resignation in. I was scared and still am that they’re right. Which means I’m bad and dirty. A part of me thinks I should go back, but it’s not worth the shit and the manipulation and lies and abuse and guilt tripping. I’m trying to move forward, it’ll be hard and a journey but ultimately it’s the right choice. I’m free of those rules. I still speak to the missionaries who taught me, two are out and one is in. She’s lovely and accepts my decision to leave but I wish she’d see the light. I’m glad that I’ll be officially out of this church in July. On the plus side I never have to sit through 2 hours of church and like 8 hours of general conference. So dull. My world view has been shattered, the brainwashing is strong, I have mixed emotions about it. I’m embarrassed that I was drawn into this cult. My bf pointed out it was a cult, before I confessed to him I was a member, and I didn’t believe him. Turns out he was right. I’m excited for my resignation to come through, I’ll never be associated with a lgbtphobic, racist cult which was created t a sex crazed charlatan who married a 14 year old. If you read this, thank you. It’s quite long. I just wanted to share my story to let others out there know there is a way out. I was only there 4 years but I was just as damaged as someone who was born into it. Thanks for reading this. If you’re struggling with it, feel free to talk to me. I’ll listen and understand. Thanks again and sorry that this is so long. P.S great Video!! Feel less alone now

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

💜💜💜💜

[@iceomistar4302]

Good on you, think for yourself, not what some group tells you to

[@bernabejimenez570]

I feel you, i respect you're decision its great, you gotta follow youre own truth and pave you're own way and not let anyone tell you otherwise even if we fail at times its better failing for following our own path than following other's. Of course always being open minded and open to change and evolution for this universe is both. Im going to share with you my story real quick im on the opposite side of the spectrum i just started going to an lds church a little over a year and for me its a good thing for the point in which i am in my life, life has its seasons and its cycles. Im 33 i was born catholic then later christianity and as a teen left religion all together and went off on my own trip at like 21 i started my spiritual journey buddhism meditation psychedelics shit load of them yoga ceremony with indigenous in Mexico ect ect. And studied and learned alot from everybody. So i know God is real from alot of psychedelic and life or near death experiences in general i know god does not judge and is all love and all sin is not that real either yet karma is still a part of this universe, and again this is only my experience and no one else's truth other than mine i feel for me at least being a free spirit for so many years i tend to not behave to good on my own or i get lazy or complacent so in this point where i need to be on point where i wanna acheive higher levels i need that order or philosophy if you will like all philosophies are good picking one and sticking to it will help alot and its like philosophy religion free spirit there is no wrong path the only question is does this path lead to love love in general or self love it will be good at the end their all learning experiences. To make a long story short for me at this point i can see how following some rules and having the image of a father god and sin is good to keep me from veering off but im at a point where im going after the succes and maybe even marriage and kids so im cool with the straight arrow path i already did all the crazy stuff i am not fanatically religious but for me in this moment it is a good path, i wish you the best and lots of light on you're path.

[@adrianaa-st]

i need help with this. how can we talk about it?

[@AenonEMoss]

I joined the Church in the Seattle area, early 1980s. The saying was: "Move to Utah...lose your testimony". So, I moved to Utah, and lost my testimony.

[@AenonEMoss]

@Solidsilenceful Mormons who are born and raised in Utah, are "different" from Mormons, say, on the East Coast or many other locations. Mormons away from Utah take it very seriously. Mormons in Utah, some take it seriously, but most don't. So, there is a LOT of hypocrisy among Mormons in Utah, because "Mormonism" there is more a "cultural" thing. Basically, an outsider is "shocked" to discover that most Mormons don't take Mormonism very seriously in Utah.

[@learningisfun2108]

Aenon E. Moss Thanks for the info. I didn’t know that. Interesting. I was raised Catholic and find that those that convert to a religion later in life tend to be much more literal and conservative; maybe more fanatical. They take it much more .... I guess the word would be “seriously”. I wonder what the sociological or psychological reasons for this are.

[@J4MF]

@@learningisfun2108 My guess is that the converts feel they have something to prove. They might feel that they need to be more outspoken in order for people to believe them (that they're sincere in their new faith), or that they need to do more in order to be accepted and lose their "outsider" status--even if they nominally get accepted just by converting, it probably doesn't feel that way. They might also be trying to make up for lost time. People who were born into the group, or who were in since childhood, might be able to casually mention a childhood memory or reminisce about something relating to the group from years ago, but someone who's joined later in life doesn't have that wealth of memories and nostalgia to draw on and might now feel like they have to catch up.

[@epichedgehehog]

I would love to hear about your experience of getting married in the temple

[@angeldream1]

i'm actually pretty sure they have one called our temple experience but i may be wrong

[@Zhaliberty]

They aren't married to each other. Samantha married in the temple to another person, Connor.

[@BECKYTHEBEST101]

@@Zhaliberty Aren't they together though? Did Samantha divorce Connor?

[@Zhaliberty]

@@BECKYTHEBEST101 Yes. I still don't think they're together.

[@getdownto311]

Lol these dipshits wouldn't be the best people to ask lol you have a brain you can think for yourself right?

[@kelliep.8514]

It's great that you are making something positive out of your experience by educating others with your social platforms.

[@angeldream1]

literally never stop uploading, never die!! you guys are the best. i love the provo videos more than anybody should and i love the bring em young rap i listen to it pretty often lol!

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

💜💜💜

[@kokly7802]

aubrey prison mike

[@beccaw5683]

I felt like I was listening to you tell my story! So relatable in every way. Joined at 17 in England and thankfully found my way out at 23, just replace moving to Idaho with a mission. Thanks for sharing, love your videos so much.

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

Wow!

[@AnEggInTryingTimes]

I joined at 18 and left at 22, also in England. I never served a mission, was not “worthy” enough even if I had wanted to, so I can half relate to your story and I’m sure we’ve both had experiences that are similar. I know many people can relate to the embarrassment of having to confess “sexual sins” to a bishop.

[@bebeenderson7863]

AnEggInTryingTimes what im getting is 22-24 is when people develop critical thinking skills

[@lilindil1250]

It is the same for me. It is mad how many there are of us ex mormon British who joined in late teens

[@WolfGirlTsukira]

The sad moment where you realize you can't blame being impressionable for converting at 24.... I converted when I moved away from home and into (what felt like) a completely foreign culture where the missionaries literally happened to be the first people to show interest in talking to me. The one thing that sucked for me is that for a long while, I sincerely believed that the missionaries really were friends, but even when hanging out with them as a member, they would always only talk about who is investigating, and whether or not they are showing commitment to the church/brainstorming ways to get them to come. Fortunately found my way out with new friends two years later. Thanks for making this content, it really makes a big difference.

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

Being in a completely foreign culture where the missionaries were the first people to take interest in talking to you sounds like a pretty vulnerable situation to me!

[@spacecase7566]

You were impressionable since you were vulnerable.

[@xxjackxx1150]

I know it's been a while, however have you heard of missionaries inviting other Mormons to lessons? I found it very odd when they wanted to invite Mormon friends over to chat haha

[@LimelyT]

Good video. Thanks for your hard work. You guys are pioneers on the internet for rescuing Mormons.

[@jacobaarongarner]

Rescuing how?

[@Jekyllstein_Gray]

@@jacobaarongarner Rescuing them from a church that isn't true, a church that brainwashes its members into giving them 10 percent of their income, a church that demonizes the LGBTQA+/GRSM community for living their lives and being themselves, and on and on and on.

[@jacobaarongarner]

@@Jekyllstein_Grayit's okay. There is only one Church upon the Earth that is true. It is the Lord's Church. You're probably referring to the 2015 announcement. That's a hard thing to hear. It was given for a reason. Sometimes our Father cuts us so we can change. Good luck with your pursuit of truth. Remember the spirit's role as the bearer of truth. He told me what's true and he'll help you too. It hurts but they're is no witness until after the trial of faith. Lucky for us, there's no such thing as blind faith because there are witnesses of Jesus Christ everywhere. It's been a while since I've commented on KZbin. Just so you know, it'll be two years before I can respond again lol.

[@hambydandy334]

I also deal with depression and anxiety, but a lot of it stems from feeling like I can't ever do enough. I still struggle with this at work, but I also had it really badly while I was a member. Leaving was a huge relief for me because I didn't have to try to stick to some checklist anymore.

[@Cor6196]

There's a high level of intelligence, insight, and maturity here. I'm 75, and I'm hoping some of those virtues rub off on me!👍

[@michelleboshard8761]

I've been doubting my faith for awhile. I truly loved my religion. Losing my faith has been a grieving process for me. But their are things in the church that are extremely sketchy. With a heavy heart Im leaving my faith

[@Anna92781]

You're so pleasing to listen to, not in a weird way. You're just very intelligent and good with your words. Also, I have OCD tendencies and it's very very difficult. It takes up so much of my day, just by counting, and it sucks.

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

I’m sorry you have to deal with that! 💜💜

[@surviveyourlife2766]

How do you guys not have more subscribers?!

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

SurviveYourLife the question on everyone’s lips

[@morgan_drui]

I agree 👍

[@jennikooyman2079]

I really enjoyed this and found so many of your opinions to be so very relatable. As an Ex-Mormon who grew up in it (baptised at 8, yada yada), I found it to be so profound when you said that you most missed your brain and personality when being in mormonism. Individuality is something I've always hugely valued but was very discouraged and devalued within Mormonism. Thank you for openly sharing your journey.

[@annessamiller1621]

Hey guys! Thank you. I love how Sam correlated her desire to join the church as a way to feel complete. Totally my experience as well. I listened to your poisoning of prophets video today as well and I have a suggestion. We hear about Brigham and Joseph's plural wives often however, more prophets that followed were also polygamists and married teenagers. I think that might be a good thing to bring into the light as well.

[@acronen]

I'm sorry for the time I spent as a missionary, and trying to convince people with almost nothing to give what they had to a rich/greedy organization.

[@guytoe]

I know! After taxes and tithing there's nothing left to put on Zelph'a Shelf!

[@angeldream1]

it isn't your fault

[@howardstern9129]

I forgive yu

[@denz4133]

me too

[@ronbryant6384]

When did I know it was a cult? Well, I was warned and read and...joined anyway. I knew the first time I went to the temple, and beheld the bloody death oaths and covenants and rituals. As I was leaving the LA temple that day I thought, "Gee, guess I really did join a cult." Stuck around for nearly 30 years of happiness. Only cost me $$$,$$$ and free labor and family and friends and... but getting better every day and in every way.

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

Not until I realized its claims weren’t true by studying the history. I then learned a lot about psychology, specifically relating to cults, and realized.

[@RaquelS91]

Free labor? Is this why my boss who is an optometrist gives the missionaries free exams every time they have local

[@bettyoffdead]

I just wanna say thank you for making these videos! I've been out of the church for almost a year now and it's been so helpful to hear other people's stories and perspectives on leaving the church. All of my family is multiple generations deep in the Mormonism and I'm in the heart of mormonville Utah, so I'm not able to talk about this stuff with them or many of my peers. Watching your videos has become very therapeutic with me so thank you for all the time, effort, and energy you put into making them. Keep it up!! 🤍

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

Ahh thank you so much, congrats on leaving! 💜💜

[@florah78]

Could you do a video deconstructing your patriarchal blessing

[@rayday9138]

Please please ask to debate or have a question time with Saints unscripted. They live in such a bubble and need to be challenged and you guys are great with your insights into the BS of Mormonism. I will donate 50 to your channel.

[@Morgan-kn7iu]

Does anyone know which video they were talking about when they mentioned that there’s a scientific explanation for the feelings of “the spirit”? Thanks in advance!

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

zelphontheshelf.com/lets-talk-about-the-spirit/

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

Turns out we don’t have a video haha. But we will make one!

[@Morgan-kn7iu]

Zelph On the Shelf I look forward to it! The blog post is still really interesting and helpful 😊 I love y’all’s content! Keep doing you 🤗

[@brookebonner7368]

I'm in my mid twenties and was converted to the Church at 17 with no previous knowledge of the Mormon church or culture. I can relate to your story on so many levels. Thank you for sharing what you've been through, it makes me feel less alone in this and maybe even a little less embarrassed; i'm certain that a deeper understanding of neuroscience would help me to have more compassion for my teenage self. I also have the same exact mental health issues, went to a church school, and got married in the temple. Also had SO many moments of "this is NOT what I signed up for" and "this is uncomfortable but I'll roll with it and shove that feeling down in the name of faith"... It feels good to be on the other side with more wisdom and a greater capacity to love and accept different cultures and groups of people. I haven't seen many of your videos because I'm new here, but i'd love to hear about how you and your family navigated temple marriage emotionally and relationally. I am working through some... anger haha

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

💜💜💜💜

[@janjep88869]

I was born into a mormon family & forced to attend. I got baptised at 8 but never believed all the BS lies, manipulation & brainwash. I lied to my parents & the bishop just to keep them all happy. I started to resist & rebel at the age of 13 & would dress up & pretend to go to church then go home after church started to change clothes & do what I wanted. Id then change back for the last 30 minutes of sacrament. My father found out that I was doing this & would take away things if I refused to attend. By 16 I was in full rebellion of this abomination & I certainly did not want to hold priesthood or serve/bless sacrament service! He said if you want to be a mormon then you have to do those priesthood jobs. I replied, I don't want to be a mormon & I no longer want to be forced to attend! He took cars away, grounded me, etc, but I never listened & he was never successful at his coercion.. I took the cars keys anyway & got my arse kicked down the stairway many times.. When he finally grounded me to the house & hid the keys so that I could no longer find them, I responded by going out of my windows anytime I wanted to leave. He could not mold me into what he wanted though he'd tried mightily! Maybe a year later or so I'd won my freedom & was no longer harassed & coerced into going. My father committed suicide not too long after that point. Amazingly, I never was kicked out of my home. My mother was not really the forceful type when it came to choice & she also quit attending after my father died.. I could always see through the facade cult that mormonism was from a very young age. I still have numerous family members who are severely brainwashed 36 years later, but I'm estranged from them by attempting to teach them realism & truth awareness. I can't stand them so they can suffer for the remainder of their sorry arse lives. They're severely brainwashed & hopeless lifers... I dont speak to over 98% of my family in Utah to this day & I'm just fine & dandy with that arrangement. I'm planning to move out of the country within a year or so & would have much sooner if for not having health issues, but I basically feel the same about this country/US 🇺🇸 as I do about mormonism. I cannot tolerate the lies of the culture here, theres certainly a lot of the same political/corporate propaganda's & brainwash. After all our government & most large corporations are freemasons, the same type of charlatan folks that founded the mormon cult! Research research research.. Knowledge is power!!

[@Lotustwenty7]

From what I get out of this video - with consideration that i could be wrong - is that overall, the church validated a lot of childhood trauma in you and "answered" it subsconsciously, since you acknowledged that your OCD plays into needing satisfying, validating answers. I think it does that for many people and that's why they stay trapped. Mormons learned how to validate and use it to their advantage. The church is a validation/feeling manufacturer via using natural human nature to their advantage. The burning in the bosom is a natural human experience and something, as you both know, has a lot to do with dopamine. How you induce yourself to feel it doesnt make it any more valuable than how someone else would. What's important is feeling that and realizing it's not based off of being in a cult and it's wrong to threaten people that they will lose enjoyable fundamental aspects of their human nature if they leave. Manipulation.

[@sarak6860]

I remember being terrified at the prospect of leaving Mormonism, because I had felt that "Spirit". I was horrified about God abandoning me, and Satan sifting me as wheat. And being thrown to Outer Darkness later. Shortly after joining, I had found that I didn't like the LDS church much. But I was trapped. I was a teen; my parents were abusive so I could not talk with them about my problems. I stayed for years, until the internet came along and evidence against the church built up more and more in its pages. I soon was able to leave without fear, but now I grieve about the years that I lost.

[@DirtmopAZ]

I really, REALLY hope that you guys can keep this going. You have some of the best content on the platform. Trust me when I say that Zelph will be the very first channel I support on Patreon. Everyone asks, j just haven’t found “The One” yet. Know what I mean? Well, Zelph, I think you’re the one for me.

[@DirtmopAZ]

Also, I’m pretty high. This took me about 20 minutes to write out.

[@kateflack2464]

I found out what happens in the temple from you tube and even though I’m not an active member my whole was blown apart as I felt everything I grew up thinking was a lie !!! I even went to the bishop of my local church and had it out with him and why the hell are we not told about all this stuff you learn in the temple he just told me I it was sacred and I shouldn’t watch it as I’m ready ( brain washed ) enough to understand stand I I would think it’s strange. Even my mum who’s not an active member won’t talk to me about it. I don’t hate the church and had a really happy childhood in the church but now know everything I thought I knew about the church was a lie and mad me really sad 😢xx

[@ningenJMK]

There's no zealot like a convert.

[@JBJones66]

Growing up in the church I just kind of always knew about polygamy. But you have to realize adult people are joining the church knowing nothing about polygamy until months or even YEARS after they join!! Let alone all the other shit. I’ve even heard of people getting baptized not knowing basic word of wisdom things or TITHING for goodness fuck. That’s what happens when you have 19 year olds scared not to hit their numbers.

[@mollyrostrom4312]

♑️♍️🕎♒️🚍🚲🚇😜😙🍳🧜‍♂️🏤🛷

[@nota.username9787]

Great video! Love the salt lamp in the back, would donate but I’m broke af. But keep up the lords work👍🏿

[@andynonymous6769]

"What was the most regrettable thing you gave up as a Mormon and what are you glad to have back?" "Tea... no wait- my critical thinking skills and my whole sense of being" Very British XD

[@ExmoLex]

Holy crap, after watching this I stalked your insta and realized I went to school with your ex! #mindblown

[@coltenboyd7488]

I👏🏻love👏🏻this👏🏻! I love your Q&A videos. Do more. Also do a live somewhere sometime, and more guest people! ❤️❤️

[@chelseaann9208]

Watching this gave me even more questions haha! For example, did you keep in contact with the missionaries? If so, what was their response when they saw you had left the church? Oh, and do they know about Zelph on the Shelf?

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

A little bit but not since I’ve left the church! (Except one of them who also left the church and became a good friend of mine!) I don’t know that they know about Zelph! But who knows. Word travels!

[@Goodygoodya]

I'd be so curious to know what percentage of time, if any, the Mormons spend reading the Bible vs. Book of Mormon, Pearl of Great Price, D&C.

[@cottoncandy3630]

Hmm, I'd probably say about (really rough estimate lmao) 64% BoM, 25% Bible, 10% D&C and 1% PofGP. Tho the BoM percentage could be A LOT higher

[@haleighr3382]

I got baptized a little over a year ago, didn’t go to church for a good 8 months of that time lol I just keep thinking about all of these insane spiritual experiences that people I have met have had... how can vivid dreams or feelings confirm the Book of Mormon and the church be false? It’s the only piece of the church I’m holding on to, I’ve got one foot in the door and one foot out

[@sarasarah3404]

I have had missionary lessons and have had vivid dream. But, realistically its your brain trying to deal with all the information you digested through the day. Feelings do not represent facts. Feelings aren't fact.

[@kokly7802]

Haleigh R let me put it this way. “Miracles” happen to EVERYONE including atheists. Mormonism does love to speak about miracles and amazing things happening that ratify the hutch is true, but these experiences happen to people n other churches, and atheists

[@azguitarinstructor]

It’s important when searching for truth, to pay attention both to your feelings and to the knowledge you seek out.

[@bigskuff]

Do either of you still have enough of your programming left that you constantly have to remind yourselves that this crap isn't real?

[@OurLifeinLouisianaLovingit]

Could you make a video talking about your marriage? Thank you

[@ningenJMK]

I don't regret that Sam became a Mormon, but then again I'm biased.

[@Enkiaswad]

Ahaha first answer about you're happy to get back: "Tea!" You fit the cliché as well as the British people I know IRL do xD it's cute

[@cassied.6731]

My mom was a counselor for years, though she now works as a sped teacher, and we've had conversations about how if religion is done in a healthy way it can actually improve people's mental health and be good for them. The problem is how easy it is for religion to go unhealthy. Whether or not something is true, having something to believe in and stand on can mentally help a lot, but giving something that much power means that when it goes sideways you might as well.

[@searcheroftruth7308]

I joined the church at 18! And by the time I was 21 kinda knew it was false! And keep in mind this was before KZbin and what we can now find out so easily! The missionaries definitely have a huge role to play in getting people in initially I think, just because their different and from another country makes them automatically interesting, specially when you're up in Scotland and these cool young Americans are really focused on you lol.

[@ivonna.tinkle]

Sorry if you've covered this but what happened to your LDS friend who introduced you to the church?

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

Still LDS! We keep in touch via social media and occasionally see each other.

[@ivonna.tinkle]

@@ZelphOntheShelf Bless her little heart...

[@ivonna.tinkle]

@@ZelphOntheShelf so I'm super curious or nosey probably both... More questions coming up but I have to attend to customers.

[@huffeneger]

Love you guys! I’ve never been Mormon but I live in Utah now after I moved back here from Massachusetts when I was 19. 95% of my family are LDS and I would love to share your Videos to my younger (half) siblings who have been indoctrinated from birth. We are all pretty close but we just stay away from the topic of religion for the sake of our relationships. My brother is kind of on the outs but he stays stealth about it. You guys have given me a greater insight into their minds so thank you for that!

[@helenbrown9528]

well I have a questions? me and mine son was going to a mormom church but we don,t any more mine question is is all missionary scams or fake?

[@elliefuller3667]

Missionaries are young men from 19-20 most of the time, they aren’t purposely faking or scamming to get you to join, they are young and without life experience, so they still wholeheartedly believe the lies they have been spoonfed throughout their life by the Mormon church. The Mormon church convinces missionaries they’re doing “god’s work” and helping people, so the missionaries don’t even realize the harm they’re perpetuating by being missionaries.

[@ediemontoya2952]

I was about to be weak and convert back to those myths but I found your channel and my sanity came back, I cannot express with words how much I identify with your story, I willingly joined a cult too and I would die saying I was in the true church of God. Critical thinking is amazing. Stay well guys!

[@kayleighpoole3027]

Lol the missionaries tried to get me to join when I was 16 or 17. I ran for some reason but I was so happy I didn't join

[@sarehess]

I swear, every time I watch a video, I want to be friends with you guys. We are Facebook friends, but I want to be real life friends!

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

sarehess let’s get drinks! 🥂

[@sarehess]

Zelph On the Shelf if I didn’t live in Rexburg, I’d be so down for that!

[@AndOrMaybeSure]

Sam: I don’t do well in solo videos Also Sam: Does amazing in solo videos ☺️ Some of my favorites are your solo videos. The non-solo ones are great too.

[@rebekahkempton649]

When did you go to BYU I? I grew up in rexburg and my dad teaches at the university. Gratefully I have since left Mormonism, but now I’m interested!

[@aleksissatka5541]

You guys have such good content I just found your channel today and I have been watching for hours. Please keep it up. I look up to you so much👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾💜💜💜💜💜

[@lanilei101]

Great video! I wasn’t Mormon but I was also in a cult for some time and the foreign factor is soooo real!

[@rayday9138]

EVERYONE!!! LET'S PROMISE TO DONATE MONEY TO ZELPH ON THE SHELF IF THEY CAN HOOK UP A DEBATE/ QUESTION TIME WITH SAINTS UNSCRIPTED. NO EDITING, JUST A COMMON FORUM TO EXCHANGE IDEAS AND ASK QUESTIONS. (and I know I have the caps locked ,lol).

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

We had one planned with Kwaku but several people told us he just gaslights everyone he debates and is really slippery so we didn’t feel like it was worth our time.

[@rayday9138]

@@ZelphOntheShelf If you watch this youtube clip with him debating a minister it might give you a clue as to his style: kzbin.info/www/bejne/Z4nFe2Zvapl7jZo But I think it would be a somewhat honest conversation or at the very least could call him out for his gas lighting. and it would be something so different to see, because Mormons never debate or have anyone on their shows that challenge them. You two vs Kwaku (and that other guy with the glasses and receding hairline that's part of the Saints unscripted team) would be an amazing KZbin watch. And I would so donate to it, as should everyone. Please, please try to make it happen because Saints unscripted is such an echo chamber of BS and there is only like one KZbin clip, maybe two, where atheists and not some other Christian sect debate Mormons.

[@aleksissatka5541]

24:25 that is exactly how I felt during my exchange in Utah

[@whatdidsarahsay]

I studied abroad in the US and thought going back to doing homework in my 3rd year so weird!! It was literally like being in year 9.

[@angietyndall7337]

How do universities in the U.K. compare to U.S. universities?

[@azguitarinstructor]

I think it’s important to mention that the missionaries weren’t teaching with a belief that they were wrong and wanted to hurt anyone by “brainwashing” them. As a member of the LDS church and a former missionary, we shared because we believe it. Of course I respect anyone’s choice to join or not to.

[@CM-qe3vp]

Off subject, but what does your sign on the wall say? Let’s party ??

[@elliefuller3667]

It says “let’s party bitches”

[@eastcoastguy_0803]

OMG! I also joined at 17 and left around 22!! I am 44 now and I am so glad I left. But I don't regret spending a few years in LDS church when I was young because it really taught me a lot about cult and allowed me to understand the mindset of very religious people.

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

Same!!!!

[@Moundfreek]

Hey Sam and Tanner. I'd like to know your thoughts on responding to missionaries as a non-member. I've had dozens of missionaries on my doorstep over the years. I'm polite, they push, I continue to be polite, and eventually they move on. But I want to be bolder. I want to say, "I don't condone your church's stance on the LGBT community," and "I don't approve of the reduced roles and status of woman." I know I won't change them. Is it worth it? Are they more likely to push back harder if I insult the church? I respect that every missionary is different, but I assume their training and response to potential converts is somewhat uniform.

[@christopher6082]

20:40 I’ve heard that converts can be much more hard core than lifelong Mormons. After my divorce, my ex-wife re-married an LDS, subsequently converted and it became her entire being. Even loosely trying to convert me via my daughter when she would come to visit. She’s probably even baptized for the dead my own Mother who was vehemently anti-cult. It’s crazy

[@renaissancewoman3770]

Found you today through an MLM tangent, your videos are great!

[@stephanievizzi9147]

My husband and i both grew up in independent fundamentalist baptist church and not in our early 30’s, married for almost 10 years, we are both in the process of completely deconstructing our faith and while we both believe that God is real, our theology and everything we were taught is now in question. It’s a crazy journey but I’m glad we’re taking it together

[@ivonna.tinkle]

and where did you get your Let's Party Bitches sign?

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

ASOS!

[@Britbec]

I'm English and was born into the church, to a Dad who was a Bishop and had joined as a middle aged man, and a Mum who was converted at the age of 18 by American missionaries, who she fancied. She's almost 89 now, and absolutely staunch LDS. I've tried so hard over the years (I'm 43) to fit in, and be a "good" Mormon. Lived as a member in Norwich, London, Idaho, California and recently Utah. I recently delved into church history etc. and after a REALLY negative experience with a Bishop here in SLC (bishop roulette is real), submitted my resignation through quitmormon this past Sunday. I am SO grateful to have you guys to listen to as I deconstruct.

[@petrakakytch4809]

Joined at 17, left at 22... Sounds exactly like a phase every parent tells you when you say you'll rock on for life... 😂😂😂 I'm glad you're out tho.

[@cainthebastard7053]

I was born into the cult. I slowly drifted away mentally and terminated my records last year.

[@catht9653]

Super interesting. Thanks for sharing. Since I know nothing about Mormonism, any video explaining terminology or theology is interesting, or just about your experiences. I'm really enjoying you.

[@anoriginalcreationx]

I was baptized when I was 8.. in a tiny mostly family branch (like a ward, but smaller, and sometimes people had 2 or 3 callings).. when I was 11 and preparing to go to the temple to do the baptisms they realized the records had never been filed. My parents had a copy but both witnesses were gone by then, so long story short, I had to go through the missionary lessons.. and when they were done (like weeeeeeks of them coming over and teaching me, with my younger siblings sort of participating) they took me into my parents room to do the interview in private and when I told them I didn't believe and I didn't want to get baptized they talked me into bc my parents would be so disappointed in me if they went through all this just for me to say no. so I got baptized and then did baptisms for the dead even though I hated it.. If only that's where my story ended... but since I grew up in the church I went back at 30 years old... but it was probably necessary for me to go back.. otherwise I would have just been inactive.. instead of ex.

[@camz5578]

How does this not have more attention?

[@ivonna.tinkle]

Sam, are the missionaries who converted you into the church, still TBMs? Do any of them ever try to contact you?

[@julietjetset]

I think a video of how to help friends through their faith crisis would be interesting. It sounds like Tanner was able to help Sam conclude the church wasn’t true on her own. I would also like to see your ideas of what to do if missionaries knock on your door.

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

Yeah, Tanner didn't try to get me to leave or anything, I just persistency grilled him about stuff he was learning, ha. Thanks for the great suggestions!

[@Spanker4612]

i’m sure no one will see this but why is there a christian ad at the start of this video?

[@exbronco]

I used to be part of the Mormon church. i joined it as an adult. I had an abusive childhood. I know this is anecdotal, but i knew two other adult converts, people who joined the church well into adulthood. these two women (they didn't know each other) had abusive childhoods, too.

[@a_lucientes]

This morning while driving to an appointment I saw two tall young guys. LDS for sure. Their clothes are like a uniform, both had the same shoulder bag. I thought of you guys and these guys traipsing around NYC to 'try and get their numbers up' and I just felt bad for them. Im so glad you guys are speaking out. Making cogent content young people can relate to, on this topic is really important. The problem with religious ideology is that it's based on make-believe.Instead of embracing the mystery of our being as that, we pretend we have knowledge we don't. Like whether there is a God or not. Why would we pretend to know such a thing? It only adds greater complexity while explaining nothing about the universe. So, let love and mystery be our religion. Anything else is kidding oneself. Do meditative practice and see what happens. Explore your consciousness within.. not projecting it outwards, with forms (ie thoughts and concepts). anyway, pardon the rant. Im enjoying your channel.

[@katattack2151]

Great video. BIC means born in covenant, usually referred to being born to temple sealed parents.

[@tedder42]

it's sad that we know/remember this :O

[@KaiNatalya]

In my experience leaving JW I found that Mormons and witnesses are sooo similar it’s very creepy.

[@boland1914]

I drank 4 cans faxe beer then met with missionary's. Do Mormons ever encourage drug use? I hear the bishop can drink a beer?

[@elliefuller3667]

No one is allowed to consume any sort of drugs or alcohol because of the Mormon word of wisdom. For reasons that have not been provided to members, the word of wisdom forbids coffee and tea as well. It’s a ridiculous rule, one of the many things that led me to reading up on church history, which then led me to finding out it’s all fake and leaving the Mormon church.

[@PythonPlusPlus]

I also grew up British, and was born into the church rather than converted. I never believed in the church since the day I was born. But I wanted to, because everyone around me while I’m growing up is talking about these crazy spiritual experiences, meanwhile I have no contact with the spirit. I did everything I could to invite the spirit into my life as instructed by all the teachers at the church. I got baptised, I got ordained with the priesthood, I got endowed. I did everything I possibly could. And in the end, when I finally got to the age of 19, I sat down with my parents and told them that I don’t believe in God… Then they told me I wasn’t trying hard enough and I’m just being stubborn. This is the work of a very devious cult that has brainwashed people so much that they will even turn against their own children. Thankfully my parents have mostly gotten over it now. The mist annoying things is that my parents constantly claim themselves to be scientists because of their science degrees, but they deny anything to do with evolution or any other scientific discoveries that contradict the church. And they feign ignorance to any evidence and tell me to shut up if I tried to present them with evidence. As a child who has always had a passion for science, this was the main thing that made me doubt the church since a child, because everyone would claim that science is compatible with God then deny modern day scientific discoveries that go against the creation.

[@Addressa]

hahahaha i got the BEST ad for jesus in the middle of watching this lol. i've never had an ad for jesus lol also, love your story and videos!

[@thevigilant266]

I have met with Mormon missionaries probably 8 times, they were trying so hard to change my thoughts and making me convert to Mormonism. They were offering help and being extra nice, but when they realized that I know the history and I know about Christianity and I have solid knowledge about my religion (Islam) they stopped offering help and stopped being nice. The thing with Mormon missionaries is that they just wants you to listen and believe everything they say they don't want you to discuss them. The only reason I agree to meet them is because I love religious discussions, even though they don't want you to discuss they just wants you to listen and believe. I respect them though, i have close friends that are Mormon, I rarely have religious discussions with them because I don't wanna lose them, cus I know how the mormon church followers think, they never accept religious debates. So I keep the religious talks away with my friends.

[@russelledwards6282]

Hey buddy do you expect people to believe Mohammed was taken to heaven on a winged horse?

[@thevigilant266]

Russell Edwards Hey, that's not relevant

[@sarak6860]

I have a strong feeling that Kwaku won't stick. He just needs more time, information, and mounting disillusionment. In this case, though, I don't believe he will become an atheist. He will join a much more honest church (in my experience, some are a lot more honest than others), because he will be enormously angry and fed up at how Mormonism lied to him.

[@paigedc921]

Could you leave that article about the Holy Spirit in a link Sam? I didn’t see it in the description but I’m interested in reading it! Great video guys :)

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

zelphontheshelf.com/lets-talk-about-the-spirit/ :)

[@paigedc921]

Zelph On the Shelf thank you! :)

[@poerava]

I’ve gotta say this. Please don’t take this as anything but positive feedback. I love your guys work and have sent hundreds of people your links with HUGE positive results in getting people woke to the potentially harmful stuff in the church. I think that the amount of references that Samantha makes to her own ‘intelligence’ or how ‘smart’ she is or was or now is, is just getting a little ...tired. Samantha is smart and there is no need to keep saying it. I think I counted 8 or so references to her intellect being super dooper in this vid and similarly in other videos. When you speak on it so much, or how ‘dumb’ things might seem to you (like Idaho in this video and older American church leaders in another video), the condescending tone makes you sound ...well...kind of Mormonie and judgey. I’ll keep sending this to friends and just hope that what I have shared, isn’t taken as rude. I want more people to hear your message and love your courage. A few people have mentioned they kind of can’t relate to Samantha. They love Tanner but Samantha seems a little pretentious and conceited in her own understandings of things. I know this is not intended and just wanted to share this to make sure all my friends keep following your stuff. Love u guys. Sorry to bring this up. Just had to say as it is getting cringey

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

Maybe you're right, maybe it's underlying sexism in a lot of people, maybe it's because I'm a British woman with a pretty unique experience in this context. It makes sense that Tanner's more relatable to people because he grew up in Mormonism like most people watching our channel did. He is also an exceptionally likable person (and an extrovert; I'm an introvert) and I'm very aware that I am less likable, in part because I was bullied so much for being overweight as a(n only) child/teen and I am more insecure socially. I also have resting bitch face. What can you do? That being said, people ALWAYS have a hard time finding women as likable as men. We saw it with Hillary Clinton, we're seeing it now with Elizabeth Warren-both of whom are incredibly likable in my opinion, but we're taught to find smart women conceited or pretentious. I know I'm nowhere near as likable (or intelligent!) as those two women-they have excelled in politics for a reason and I don't think I'd make a good politician-but it's a point worth bringing up. It's impossible for critical thinking/intelligence to NOT be a point of discussion when you're a convert who chose to a join an obviously non-sensical church. I believe I called myself "dumb as shit" in this video to make it clear that just because I got good grades didn't mean I was actually smart.

[@poerava]

Zelph On the Shelf I agree with everything you have said. Again, just some feedback as I want to help push your brand. I consult for a few large PR groups here in Australia and there are a few ex Mormons in that industry who really like you guys. We have talked about you guys a lot and we all want the best for you guys. I know I’m knit picking with these little things but I’m a relatively young clinical psychologist and it’s my weakness to pick out points to help brands grow with their brand narratives etc. I’m sorry I hope I haven’t offended you

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

I appreciate the feedback, even if it’s tough. People will ALWAYS say stuff like, “How could you be dumb enough to join Mormonism?” and I have always felt that it’s important to highlight that “smart” people can be brainwashed into this sort of stuff. I often make comments like “I was dumb as shit” or “I was naive and impressionable” because I’m trying to give an accurate, holistic depiction, not a self-inflated one. It’s tough though because perception = reality.

[@ericagreene1579]

I find Samantha interesting and lovely. As a British woman I find her much more relatable.

[@anthonycahoon791]

Another great video! Good work you two.

[@jayanderson147]

I would love to see a part two all of this was so fascinating

[@ivonna.tinkle]

It's been a year since you filmed this video, but I hope Sam still a has that sign on the wall!

[@poerava]

I love your guys work. I sense a little bit of disingenuousness with the dismissing of there being any romantic sensibilities with the conversion at 16. Not that there was a crush on your male Mormon friend, yet a type of adoration or potential romantic flutterings around the missionaries and American men that were ‘clean and pure’. Maybe? Just a little? It would be strange if there wasn’t. The ‘flirt to convert’ thing is real and sadly common.

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

Nope, no disingenuousness.

[@ningenJMK]

Mormon missionaries convince you and then lay the groundwork for you to gaslight yourself.

[@trahlalaa]

Thanks so much Sam for sharing your story. Excellent video, Tanner you did great too lol. I relate to Sam's experience so much though. I grew up an athiest in a fairly disfunctional family (dad's an alcoholic, emotional incest from my mom, etc.) and when I was 13 my entire group of best friends from school were Christian and went to a youth group every Friday night. I had the WORST case of FOMO and actually started attending youth group, much to my parents chagrin. The only difference is that leaders in the Mormon church were actively trying to recruit you, whereas the Christian leaders gave two shits about me lol (to be fair, I didn't attend church and would just go to youth group to hang with my friends lol). I so desperately wanted to belong to something loving and be apart of this ~exclusive group but no one really cared about me there and eventually the bananas-ness of actually having to believe in God got to me and I stopped going. Plus, one time at youth group my friends told me they didn't believe in the right for gay people to marry and it broke my heart and made me angry at the church. Maybe if it had been Mormons they would have got me... literally solely because my friends were doing it. Thank the trees it didn't work for me. Sorry, novel over!

[@sarahholley6984]

Relatable. Joined at 12 left at 17. They finally “released” me after I sent a letter to SLC asking to be excommunicated and never contacted again around age 30. Hot missionaries influenced my 12 year old hormones 100%

[@ZelphOntheShelf]

Hahaha oh no

[@Scott63-d4x]

I was baptized at age 14 and left when I was 27. Love your channel.