Movie Couple Therapy: MARRIAGE STORY

[@headphones2006]

This movie hurt. Adam Driver when he’s saying he wishes she was dead broke my heart. You could tell he didn’t mean it, but he knew that he could never take that back. What a performance

[@trinaq]

Seconded, it was so emotionally devastating, and felt so realistic, in that we've all said words that we don't mean to our loved ones, but the damage has already been done.

[@deadmanwalking8740]

@Charlotte T You talking about John Boyega?

[@rickrollerdude]

@Charlotte T You would antagonize the "fans" too if they were a bunch of racists twats complaining about your skin color

[@astrocake584]

@Charlotte T What happened with Finn’s actor?

[@Elowuz]

​@@astrocake584 he made a sexist joke and then called the people calling him out racist

[@Shadow1Yaz]

After seeing the "every day I wish you were dead!!" scene, I vowed to never speak when clouded by anger. I isolate until my mind is cleared then come back to the conversation with my thought collected. Like... Dang, Charlie, I know you didn't mean it but... She can never un-hear that. She will never again live in a world where you didn't say that to her.

[@samuraikitty18]

I was never allowed to cool down in my marriage. I'd begin serious fight or flight, from childhood trauma, and he wouldn't let me go where I could cool off. He even broke my arm one time because I was trying to leave. The next guy would also take my phone and throw me around when I wanted to leave. Poor low-self-esteem me kept going back until the straw broke on both of those. Good on you that you can keep your anger in check...it's a very good ability!!! I am getting better, because I now care for my dad who is not physically abusive but very emotionally/verbally abusive and I sometimes lose it. I had vowed to always stand up for myself, and it just doesn't work with some people. He just knows how to get me sooooo riled up! And then goes condescending because he doesn't raise his voice. Like being a condescending, insulting d is fine. Oh, sorry....got into rant mode!!! Blessings....

[@MeredithOlig]

For the rest of her life, she will be living in a world where the father of her child said TO HER FACE that he wishes she would die. Nobody’s anger is worth hurting anyone this fundamentally, permanently, forever. Who do you think you are?! Anger is not a gift; anger can be a tool, but it always comes from a place of hurt that does not need to be spread.

[@nathaliem3423]

Its very important to watch what you say because most people (including me) would have immediately left when he said that. To me it almost sounded like a threat. And I'm not gonna tolerate that and I'm not gonna let my kid be with someone who threatened me.

[@csillaritas]

I used to be completely the other way around. Drained by the intensity and sadness of the fight, I would always wish that I were dead. ☹️ Just like they say, to escape, to have it be over. I'm not in that place anymore mentally.

[@samuraikitty18]

@@csillaritas I completely understand, and I'm glad you are no longer in that place. It's a horrible place to be.

[@trinaq]

This film felt so realistic, that I didn't even feel like I was watching a fictional story. During several moments, particularly the famous argument scene, I felt as though as was intruding on what was supposed to be intimate moments between two broken people.

[@pineddew]

i started shaking and crying because my ptsd from my parents fighting was way too out of control lol

[@Sileithel]

I had the exact same feeling!

[@myladynaynay]

Same 😭

[@DontAssume123]

It reminded me of my ex so much I cried

[@KayLee-lw5iv]

It really is basically a documentation of a devastating story in many, many peoples lives

[@xandamonium]

This movie tore me up. I was Henry, and I always told myself, 'I won't do this, what my parents are doing.' I said I would never get married. Then I grew up, and met the most amazing girl. We were friends for a decade before we ever dated. I told her about my parents. About the fighting, and spite, and just "dealing" with it until it boils over. We agreed when we got married that we would always talk. Thoughts, fears, and feelings. Open communication, full-stop. If I say something that upsets her, she calls me out, and I apologize. If she's worried about something, we come up with a solution together. Married for 5 years now, and we've had one real argument. Because we talk. We hold each other accountable, and support each other. I always find a plan, and she always finds the bright side. I grew up convinced that love was like Marriage Story. Tragic, and painful. And sometimes it is. But sometimes, if you can find the right person, and if you put in the work, it can stay. No telling if forever. But for the first time, I have hope.

[@MusicInEAir]

Thank you for sharing your story and giving us a glimmer of hope

[@vivilonrane1330]

*I always find a plan and she always finds the bright side." that's hella beautiful

[@mickeyconnor830]

That's great, thank you for sharing. Stay grateful to one another. 💜

[@not-a-ghost2206]

Aw that's beautiful 💗 you broke the cycle there my friend!

[@LeBatteur]

The only way to end abuse is for someone to say “it stops with me.” I’m glad that you were the one in your family to finally say that, and move forward in that conviction. That’s real strength.

[@sun_daes]

“EVERY TIME I WAKE UP AND I WATCH CINEMATHERAPY AND I CRY REGARDLESS OF THE TOPIC-“

[@moma-b]

But it's a good cry, not a bad one, right? I mean who didn't have tears in their eyes at the very end?

[@AnInsideJoke]

For those of us who only knew this movie through the meme.

[@YOUaskedFORdeath]

Alan's tears are contagious. I didn't cry watching the movie. But here I am crying with Alan.

[@ladyi9178]

Feel you 😭😂

[@hcxpl1]

@@YOUaskedFORdeath I'm not a crying man, not because I'm stoic or don't feel things, I just don't cry. But I can't see a tear in someone else's eyes that my own start watering. Heck, by simply writing this comment they already started.

[@opheliaocean3782]

I think it's also important to note that Nicole had clearly not really explained what was important to her until it was too late. It's important to remember that your spouse/partner cannot read your mind. If something is wrong or bothering you, you need to tell THEM, not wait for them to ask you about something they have no idea about.

[@rinaantler4790]

She said that he made fun of her for trying something new in her career, if he won't give her support spontaneously she certainly won't feel better if he did it just because she asked him to. Nobody should beg their partner for love and support and she shouldn't be the victim of his bruised ego just because she decided to do something unrelated from him.

[@briannawalker4793]

The thing that gets me about 20:35 is the progression: Charlie throws a punch, screams something super hateful and horrible, but it's Nicole who does the comforting. As a woman who's been in abusive het relationships, that dynamic of "You just did something horrible, I'm hurting, but I have to comfort you" is terrible and familiar.

[@whitebeads1]

It's a classic caretaker but also enabler move. She's the mom, so he gets to stay a child. The film ends the same way, when she kneels down to tie his shoe for him! Omg. No wonder she had to get away from him! Not only b/c he's a narcissist, but b/c just being around him a little, she would always be back in the same patterns. I wonder what it would ever be like for the divorced couple when she finally fades out of those moves. Probably he would already have found another caretaker wife by then .....

[@katiep3027]

Yeah, I saw it that way too.. because I've been in that position with an ex several years ago. But it wasn't because of a love that was so deep behind the hate, it was more of a fear of worse retaliation or risk of my safety if I didn't "play the forgiving type"... Not saying that it's the same for this here, but it was painful for me to watch.

[@eurekamreum5458]

My ex slapped me across the face one time I didn't want him to touch me, he was on top of me and I started crying but he continued slapping me really hard. He then snapped out of it and got so upset seeing me crawling away from him in fear, he also started crying. And then, I was the one who ended up apologizing (?) and comforting him. It's been six years from that event, I'm 26 now and I can't believe I ever let that happen to me. At least I'm not in that relationship/headspace anymore.

[@katiep3027]

@@eurekamreum5458 I'm so sorry you went through that. looking back I too think, how the hell did I put up with that? It's easy to say how you'd deal with something when it's not happening to you. But then survival kicks in, or even just being with someone so manipulative you can't see the situation objectively.. it's hard. I'm glad you got out of it!

[@handtomouth4690]

He said some awful stuff in anger, but did he really ever abuse her?

[@alevaldezcabrera1106]

"There are people that are better as partners when they do not have to partner up in everything" God, I felt this. My parents were a mess while I was growing up, constant fighting and emotional turmoil. They finally got divorced when I was in college and it took them a while, but are in friendly terms now in order to be able to be there (both of them) in important occasions with me and my siblings. I watch them interact now and think to myself "Oh! So that is why they got married in the first place". They are a great team when something has to get done for a trip or there is a problem for one of their children. They are great as friends, just not as spouses.

[@annastevens1526]

I think sometimes disentangle the relationship is the best thing for both of the partners too? Just based on observing my parents' relationship, I'd say that often people get married without really knowing the depth of each others' issues... and if one or even both partners just aren't willing to address those issues, or aren't able to change, their wellbeing may be best served by a move to separate lives and drawing clear boundaries.

[@lalauninterrupted2086]

Yes. This. Me and my ex husband are great as friends. Our friendship is important. We tried staying for our kids, but ultimately had to get a divorce. The best part was or at least the weight that was on my shoulder was the kids telling me they are ok with us not being together, that we needed to divorce. I didn’t think they would feel this way, I thought they would be broken, but they was definitely okay with this. I also thought I did a good job with keeping them away from our issues, but they knew about it all along. Now that I do feel bad for.

[@nemtudom5074]

One of my many highschool physics teacher once said to us 'Why do relationships fail, even if they were perfectly functional before? Its because of the children they have to raise' And i feel like that applies a lot to the real world

[@mariastephens1827]

@@nemtudom5074 I think that's true to a degree. Many couples go into a relationship and commit because they have a good time together. Once the hard stuff starts, they realize neither of them are equipped to participate with one another in tackling the issues in the manner in which they need. Maybe there are lots of couples who plan on having children but don't prepare their relationship for it, or don't go in to the relationship thinking, "would they be a good parent to our child, what does it look like when they work together with me?" etc. At least that's my theory. I would only disagree with your Physics teacher on the account that, depending on the tone, it could sound like they blame the existence of children for the problems of the couple. That's... just wrong. These kids didn't ask to be born and too many people these days feel like they are "mistakes", and you should never put the burden or responsibility of your relationship on your child. You should never count on their behaviour to determine the wellbeing of your relationship. That is wrong. We are all just trying to get by on this earth. No way can you plant your problems on the new arrivals of this planet. We are meant to make the burden of this life easier on each other, even our children. That's what it should really mean to "prepare" your child "for the real world".

[@nemtudom5074]

@@mariastephens1827 While i agree that we shouldnt blame the children, i dont think he was blaming them. I think he was talking about them as more of an event which's consequences they didnt account for I understand how a retelling of a story may be misleading

[@ravenclawfairy3648]

Before my boyfriend and me got together/moved in together, we sat down and talked about what we expect and what the reality is going to be. We both know what the other makes in our jobs, when we are paid, what chores around the place that the other doesn't like to do, but will do 100% if the other person needs to rest. We *Always* ask "Are you good financially to pay (this bill/Rent) this week?" We never Expect anything from each other, we Ask each other every time. Even if the same bills are paid by him or by me, we still always ask, to make sure the other is still good to pay. We have never fought, we have disagreed and voiced, "I need to talk about when my feelings were hurt." and that is our signal to stop and sit down and talk about what happened. Edit: 12 years together

[@2degucitas]

You both built a healthy relationship and you now get to enjoy it's nurture and comfort. Well done!

[@benjamindover4337]

You are in the advanced roommate stage. It gets worse.

[@bclairelarr]

@@benjamindover4337 think jono would disagree...or perhaps maybe SOMETIMES it gets worse, but it doesn't HAVE to. :/

[@wemadeyouasweaterlee]

That's so awesome! I'm glad you guys have clear boundaries and respect each other!

[@nessie968]

I'm tearing up?? This is beautiful. This is what love is.

[@gabrieleghut1344]

My parents were married "till death do you part", but in all the decades they have been married it was a struggle for both. Married in 1958 because my mother was pregnant with me. My sister born in 1964. When I was a teenager I finally realized that my parents didn't have love for each other, they stayed together because of us, and you don't get divorced. My mother never had shown any affection for my father and always put him down in front of us (when we were older), family and friends. He never said anything bad about her and stopped interacting with us. My father lived and slept in his own room, and only left it when he had to go to the bathroom or for dinner. The rest of the house was my mother's. He watched TV or listened to music in his room with headphones on. She was always telling us what she was missing in life, because of marriage and kids. My father never complained about his job (he worked in a bank) or his marriage to us, but I think he was depressed when he got older. When my dad died he was in the hospital for the first time and he asked everyday if my mother would visit, but sadly she always had an excuse and you could see that he was hurt. When my father died on October 3rd 2016 at 4 am after 3 weeks in the hospital my sister, my niece and I were present. When we told my mother hours later her first reaction was if my dad left enough money for her and if her lifestyle would change. I feel so sad for my father and even for my mother that both of them didn't have the courage to call it quits and got a divorce to live a different life. Maybe they could have had a happy life with different partners. Sorry for the long rant and forgive me for my English, I'm not from an English speaking country.

[@sallyjrwjrw6766]

Wow, that sounds like a miserable marriage.

[@bluecollarlit]

Your English is very good, and thank you for this interesting comment. I learned from it. I was born in 1958, too.

[@radhiadeedou8286]

Or they could've made an effort and fought to make their marriage work

[@usualsuspects42]

Oh Gabriele, I am so sorry for you and your sister that you had to see this growing up and I'm sorry your parents couldn't talk out their expectations for their marriage. I hope you have found joy in your life.

[@SavagePassion666]

@@radhiadeedou8286 The fact they didn't is the story.

[@orrie48125]

I'm divorced. This is the most realistic marriage/divorce story I've ever seen on screen.

[@VizAnyaMSC]

I went to marriage counseling with my ex because he wanted it, but I was already done. He told the counselor that I sprung divorce on him and I said, "what do you mean? I've been talking about this for over a year." To which he replied, "I didn't believe you. I just wanted you to be quiet." At that point the counselor said, "she sounds like she's already done and I can't help you."

[@Tammy8823]

That counselor saved you unnecessary counseling and money.

[@PS-dm1dq]

When men have most of the power in the marriage dynamic they will NOT listen or take you seriously until it's too late to heal the damage.

[@Mortablunt]

Typical marriage counseling isn’t therapy to help couples it’s a conspiracy to get two women. One of them can dazzle with nonsense credentials to bully a man to give the first woman what she wants.

[@laurarominger2073]

Lord I took my separated husband to counseling with the sole intention of helping our kids through it. The counselor was convinced we still wanted to be together. Oh hell no. Found out he was cheating. Later found out he was throughout our marriage. But even before that I lost my respect for him for so many reasons. I remember the counselor asking him why he didn’t help with the kids and chores and he told her “because she told me to.” I was already done and we left counseling because she wanted us to get back together. We had tried marriage counseling over the years but when you’re the only one invested it ain’t gonna work. Glad your counselor saw through it

[@Shawn-zt3gv]

Did you try any theory during that year. Did you try anything else to get through to your husband or did you just keep making the same argument over and over? I'm convinced women have no idea how to communicate to a man so many times we hear this same story out of women

[@faithdiamond2102]

I am in the middle of the break up of my 25 year marriage. Charlie saying he wishes her dead, but just really wanting it to be over hit me hard. Some of the fights I have had with my husband have cut me to the bone. I'm at the start of the process and I just want it over.

[@neon_berni]

Lots of love and strength to you 💛

[@ishastrega6851]

Better things are waiting for you if only peace of mind. Best wishes.

[@Uomostrano]

You'll make it. You'll both make it.

[@esverker7018]

Wishing you healing.

[@genesisferreira6034]

You will get through this, both of you. This is just one bad moment in your life. It won’t be like this forever.

[@Breathe-In-and-Out]

I love that Jonathan acknowledges the social expectation in heterosexual couples that the female will support the male in whatever he does, but nobody ever asks the woman what she wants to do. My husband is a very active member of a fraternity that has state and national levels of organization. When he joined the state level of organization, I received a binder of information about my expected role in planning my husband's big party at the end of his term. I was too disgusted to read it. Had it been written with a view of "these are things that are typically done" and "here's a handy list to help with the planning," I would have been more inclined to read the binder. But the whole document is written with the presumption that men are incapable of planning their own party and that these are "womanly responsibilities/talents." I am not a party planner. Planning is not my strong suit, especially planning a party that will cost a few thousand dollars and impacts a few hundred people. Nope-ity, nope nope nope. Fortunately for my husband, his best friend's wife is in the hospitality industry and regularly plans large parties for country clubs, so she has graciously agreed to help out with the planning. Of course I will help, because my husband asked me to, and I want his party to be a success; not because I'm his wife and these are "womanly duties."

[@Manu-dp4ls]

Ew, thats so disgusting that they just automatically assumed you would be in charge of that.

[@leonineKelter]

When my dad was planning his wedding, he wanted to be involved in the process and the planner helping him out refused to message him back. If his wife wasn't in the room she wouldn't talk to him, even though he had planned all of his last wedding too (the divorce was that she had stopped loving him, not the other way around too, he'd been doing nothing wrong). She just ignored the idea that he would want to partake at all.

[@Breathe-In-and-Out]

@@leonineKelter 😲

[@RWAsur]

This movie is like my own parents. Mom regrets her sudden snap of wanting to find freedom when she was the one who wanted to be a traditional mother, but they've remained sort of distant friends. Hell, 17 years after divorce, my mom once called my dad on the way to an important job interview pleading for help because she missed her exit on the interstate and was lost. She trusted him because she knew that he had intimate knowledge of directions and the roads down there, even despite moving out of that state, and he would give her better help than a GPS could. And she knew he would do it, because he still cared.

[@SinHurr]

Based dad

[@madimiss]

That’s actually really sweet!

[@princesstya203]

🥺 that's awesome

[@radhiadeedou8286]

If you can stay friends after a divorce you shouldn't get divorced, especially if you have kids

[@RWAsur]

@@radhiadeedou8286 bad take. relationships are complicated and nuanced. what makes a pair of people great friends does not make them great romantic partners, sex partners, coworkers, roommates, business partners, etc. A marriage relationship can intersect with a lot of these types of relationships, including friendship, but they don't have to, nor does marriage have to be involved at all. It is very dependent on the people and their ability to work together. Speaking as the kid myself with divorced parents who still can talk for an hour on the phone to one another in a friendly way, this was absolutely the best scenario for my family. I haven't met a divorced-parents child who grew up to feel anything but relief about the divorce ending.

[@Metaflossy]

i'm so glad my divorce wasnt like this. it was painful but we didn't attack each other. it was basically like 'this isn't working out, time to move on' and we went through the stages of grief and moved on. we're still cordial with each other, and we realize it just wasn't meant to be

[@DrDolan2000]

Well, that sounds pretty healthy. Good for you guy! Can't say it would make for an award-winning film, but you can try

[@astrobookwormsinger]

Forever upset that Adam Driver didn't get the Oscar he deserved for this movie. Will you guys be continuing with the Kung Fu Panda trilogy? The second movie is the most beautiful representation of trauma I have ever seen and I would love for you guys to cover it.

[@Planag7]

Hell yes. The second one is so beautiful in so many ways

[@fulliatom]

The second one had always been my favorite

[@skykid2366]

Yess, the second is just an all time favorite gem! Pls react its too amazing not to

[@jessicakakern4571]

I just watched Kung Fu panda 2 after having a death in the family and it really was nice to see!

[@danielland3767]

that trilogy is the best

[@OliviaWood14]

My parents divorced when I was four and I don't remember a single fight. I was talking to my mother about it the other day. Her family had been telling her to make sure that she would get sole custody. But after some discussion she realised that that advice was based on their experience not hers. Instead, both of my parents tried to do what was best for me, not their pride. They met up in a cafe to come up with the best solution. First try it almost descended into a fight. When they realised, they decided to get up and each go on a walk for an hour and meet again. Once they had calmed down they came to a decision that worked well for all of us. I never regretted my parents getting divorced and have always felt like it was the best decision they could have made. To this day, they still contact each other when they are worried about me (I live in a different country) or when they need help from one another. When my mother would come and pick me up when I was small, they would drink tea and chat until I was ready. I know this is not the experience many children with divorced parents had, but I really hope a positive experience like this will become more common.

[@CL-go2ji]

My relationship to both my parents got so much better after their divorce.

[@lisam5744]

Breakups don't just happen between partners. They happen with friends and family, too. The line about grieving what happened but being happy for what you had is so, so true. Moving forward from the point of being happy for what was is tough, though. And you guys made me cry again.

[@mischiefofrats]

Yeah, it's kinda bizarre this video came out today because I had a long time friend that I was kinda close with start treating me poorly these past couple months, and it's frustrating because I really do care about him. Love-hate relationships are so fuckin' hard, ya know?

[@AgentK200]

@@mischiefofrats sorry to hear that, I know it’s not easy. I’ve had a relationship with a friend change over the past couple of months as well.

[@mischiefofrats]

@@AgentK200 damn, hope things get better for you!

[@Alycornz]

This exactly, I almost started sobbing cuz while I feel way better after getting cheated on and dumped by my ex over a year ago, the memories and what we had, what he used to be before he cheated on me, I miss that person. I grieve not just the romantic relationship we had, but our friendship (as we were friends before dating). Sometimes it hurts so much, but nowadays I find myself being able to look to the future and feeling fine. It's a rollercoaster to say the least.

[@HouseMDaddict]

I ended a friendship with my best friend of almost 10 years (since middle school) the summer I turned 22, right before I entered grad school that fall. I had always been his support system because his mom was crazy and horrible to him but when he got beaten out by this person that sang better than he did at a competition, she wrote this huge Facebook post on the competition's page bad mouthing them. He was embarrassed by his mom's actions (she was famous for drunkenly embarrassing him on a regular basis) so I encouraged his mom to take a break and handle the situation more tomorrow (it was like 10 pm) and my friend hated that I didn't support him as much as his mom did. He chose his mom who was absent most of his life as a single parent who finally stood up for him in a psychotic break moment once in his life and easily cast me to the side, eventually demanding I apologize to his mom or he'd end our friendship. SO...I blocked him on Facebook after that and we ended all communication for years until crossing paths, being civilized, and eventually refollowing on Facebook. After the friendship end I went through all the grief, thankfully this was after my birthday and I had month to recover before starting grad school. Still hurt because I lost a lot of mutual friends in that ending of friendship.

[@ABJK-ds4wq]

This movie made me physically ill. 😷 it’s just so so raw. Hats off to Scar Jo, Adam Driver, and Laura Dern for their phenomenal acting!

[@CinemaTherapyShow]

Absolutely!

[@davethenerd42]

And Ray Liotta. RIP

[@TKZells16]

The writing and acting in this film is exceptional. I know a lot of people who were children of divorce and found this sadly familiar.

[@Trigger__Happy]

Honestly I don’t know a single person my age (late teens, early twenties) who’s parents AREN’T divorced. It’s so sad to see so many people affected by the same kind of pain.

[@TheMisslili8]

@@Trigger__Happy sad I don't know anyone personally who is divorced

[@tcrijwanachoudhury]

@@TheMisslili8 same but only bc its deeply frowned upon in my community and viewed as a "white people" issue (not even kidding :/)

[@Trigger__Happy]

@@tcrijwanachoudhury ironic considering the rates of fatherless homes in the black community is higher than any other community in the world. Which is awful and I can’t say I know why that is, but it’s just a fact.

[@starlightwhispers6781]

@@TheMisslili8 Are the couples happy together?

[@r3g3nl]

I had an ironic experience with a couple’s counselor. She was such garbage that we both grew closer after seeking individual counselors after that. Long story short, she took my side right off the bat rather than allowing us to bridge our perspectives and tried to give us really irrelevant homework to our situation. We both walked out.

[@RachelPun]

Any tips for some of us who may want to look for a good couple's counsellor?

[@r3g3nl]

@@RachelPun If you’re a heterosexual couple, get a male counselor (as long you or your female partner is indifferent with gender). Oftentimes, and this isn’t on purpose, but a lot of men don’t feel safe opening up in therapy sessions about their relationship when they feel that there is already gendered confirmation bias. This goes for women and queer couples too, get a counselor that you both feel safe with, not someone who you’re forced to be vulnerable with one a week to satisfy someone else.

[@Darkstormsun9865]

Well sometimes their technique or whatever they tried, it just doesn't work. I'm sure Jonathon has have sessions where he just failed at the start as well.

[@aineraine3986]

I read ‘that fucking asshole reaction differently’. I don’t necessarily think it was the lawyer brain kicking in, but cheating is a clear reason to leave. Feeling love and hate for being repressed is so personal and emotional that it’s hard to be objective about, it is more a feeling. It’s all the things that just become too much. It’s too subjective and too real at the same time. Being cheated on is a tangible

[@TheEvilCommenter]

Divorce court can be a long, costly, and difficult process. But if one side can prove infidelity of the other it makes the process much more straightforward and it's much easier to get a property settlement and alimony. I think the reason they made that comment is because of how quickly the lawyer started advocating for divorce once she knew it was a slam dunk case and easy money.

[@hollyhobgoblin8838]

Agreed. My parents were friends with a married couple that was going through tough times and they struggled to remain friends with both of them, but when they learned that the husband had cheated on the wife they were pretty much obligated to "side" with the wife and stop hanging out with the husband. So, I read that character's reaction as something similar to that: Someone who thought she was listening to a more complex issue that suddenly got a lot more black and white.

[@whitebeads1]

I agree with the others who commented that yes, it was a lawyer's brain but also yes, it was a real empathetic moment for her as a woman. It is possible to sue for divorce and get a more favorable settlement when there has been infidelity, because it's technically a breach of marriage contract. It's also far more dangerous to the kids than other kinds of problems, because of potential loss of parental attention, resources, protection, etc if one parent gets invested outside the family

[@maggierobertson2962]

I really like that she mentioned the cheating at the very end. Like it wasn't even the biggest reason she wanted a divorce. All the other stuff was truly what was hurtful and irreparable.

[@rhettbaldwin8320]

@@TheEvilCommenter Not in all jurisdiction, the court didn't care that my exwife was cheating.

[@susannaspence4512]

Not sure if you guys have watched the Actors on Actors interview with Chris Evans & Scarlett Johansson but she talks about how the director would make them do 45-50 takes to get the scenes just right and NOTHING was improvised. They couldn't add a single word, not even a "but". Crazy intense and impressive I think.

[@julietardos5044]

Yes, even the way they breathed was scripted. Very intense $#!+

[@samuraikitty18]

Wow!!!

[@reikun86]

I really enjoyed their segment. They've known each other for years (I think six movies together) and are really comfortable with each other.

[@patriciaalvareztostado8170]

I saw it, ad was very interesting in seen the movie after that, and all the talk was great

[@Ichneumonxx]

Even though I've never been in a relationship so committed, this movie was painful, since I recognized my own behaviours in those of ScarJo's. For centuries women were told we should give up our own hopes and aspirations to support men, and I found myself repeating the patterns of my elder relatives even though I've seen them being perpetually unhappy. Saying nothing, ignoring my own needs until the misery and loneliness just caved in and swallowed everything. I remember I asked my then bf what does he think our future should look like (4 years into the relationship!) and was shocked how different he wants it from what I wanted. I thought, "wow, there is no way we can make this work". It's a shame we haven't done that sooner, but If I was as wise then, as I am now, yadda yadda...

[@topsypup]

That was so beautifully put

[@Shellnbaby]

Try being friends with a man first and having those all night talks that dive deep before you allow your heart to get involved. My husband and I have been married for 17 years and we have always had our friendship that held us together when our relationship had difficult periods.

[@Ichneumonxx]

@@Shellnbaby people are used to instant gratification. Attentive, listening men are an exception rather than the norm. It's fine though. I'm more content in life than I ever was and I'm actually quite close to the future I envisioned. We can't all have a prince charming and there's no harm in that. I'm stunned at the amount of likes my comment got tho :O

[@Sentralkontrol]

I'm both of them, unfortunately. I don't know how I manage it but I am

[@annastevens1526]

From seeing the older relationships within my family and friends, I'd say most of them were pretty heavily influenced by societal & sometimes religious expectations around premarital chastity, male authority, amatonormativity (cf Tara Mooknee's great vid), and so on, not just by attraction or liking each other? I get the feeling many of the older couples were very mutually attracted, but maybe didn't necessarily know each other's issues in great depth before they married... and that the women in particular were conditioned to put up with a LOT from their partners later on once those issues came to light! It seems as if the old pre-modern expectation that you'd get to know each other AFTER you made such huge commitments, not before, really hung on into the modern era for a LONG time...? Not sure whether it still persists in modern relationships though, where the levels of commitment can be much more gradual and also less inescapable. I think some people do still jump tight in based on sex, but might not be QUITE so socially pressured to rush things? Would be interested in others' perspectives there!

[@LaineyKismet]

That scene where he's reading the letter with their son will never not make me cry. His voice cracking when he reads she fell in love with him after two seconds just stabs my heart so hard. Such a great performance and movie, my god.

[@swadey2.017]

The only thing I didn’t like about the movie was the rebound she ended up with, I’m definitely bias though😂

[@MagdalenaMantler]

What I have learned about love is: A relationship may break up, your heart may be broken - but you always will carry a part of that person in your heart. And the second thing I learned is: When you breakup you may think, you will never be able to love someone else again. But the heart functions different: It is no defined space which is "full" at any time - but it GROWS BIGGER and you always have room for someone else to love, in there. The heart is growing with every person you adore. It has no limits. I watched this film while I was in relationship therapy but when it was already clear that our marriage is failing and we will seperate. Not to mention, this movie was rough for me, but still I loved it.

[@mjacwest]

The heart is a muscle, and when you work a muscle out it tears and you become very sore. Then the muscle builds up in between the tears and heals itself and becomes stronger. Obviously heartbreak is not a physical break, but ethereal things really aren't so different.

[@mzshastalibra4705]

"I'm trying to say this as undramatically as possible" is one of the key things I hade to learn during my divorce

[@moodymaranda]

I remember watching the fight scene and it really impacted me because it was like watching my last relationship in 3rd person. Love hate relationships are so, so hard.

[@mikerice868]

Describing it as a fight scene is 100% accurate, which is hilarious because it was not what just about any other movie would call a fight scene. There was choreography and blows being struck, just none that were physical

[@MystèreEtBoule2Gomme]

How I see it is that they got together in the first place when they were young and hadn’t resolved their past trauma. Charlie’s coping mechanism was that he would do anything to achieve his dreams despite coming from an abusive household. He became an overachiever because he had no support system, so he just has to succeed in order to survive. But unfortunately he took it too far and was solely focused on his own desires. Nicole is the opposite. She dealt with her past trauma (her father’s absence? Overbearing mother...) by numbing out difficult emotions. But that also means being disconnected from oneself, feeling empty, not knowing what she wants, not having enough drive, and focusing on someone else (Charlie) because his drive kinda fills the void she has inside. Until she basically opens her eyes on those patterns and wants to shake things up. But since Charlie doesn’t wanna budge (because of course it would mean healing his own stuff too, which seems easier to avoid), it makes it all the more difficult. I love that in the end, her healing and her self-actualizing eventually led him to loosen his need to control everything and he became more open to others’ needs. His son definitely helped to soften him. ❤

[@anjelica948]

I’d love to see you guys break down Gone Girl. Relationship dynamics between Amy and Nick, Amy and her parents, or your Villain Therapy segment, and there’s a lot of candidates for that. Plus the film-making is great too.

[@coco604]

YESS!! I just finished re reading the book for the upteenth time and it would be so interesting for them to cover the movie. BTW, for any fellow audiobook listeners, the Gone Girl edition on Audible has really cool “deleted scenes”, mostly from Amy’s perspective, that go way deeper into her childhood and what may have made her the way she is. It was super interesting; highly recommend!

[@sorrowsprite]

That fight in marriage story is some of the best acting I’ve ever seen ever, it felt like a real fight between two people, scarlet Johnson and Adam driver are amazing

[@MermaidChansons]

You know, I watched this with my aunt who had previously had a pretty bad divorce. It broke my heart when she told me how accurate it was; she went through a lot in that divorce and she said this movie was the most accurate portrayal of divorce that she’d seen. Sad.

[@annamaegold]

OMG, "don't you dare compare me to my mother" came out pretty authentic. I could really feel that.

[@rebecky5ever]

Can you guys review Everything Everywhere All At Once? I especially want your opinions on Waymond, I don't think I've ever seen a gentle, happy,and loving character under his situations.

[@julietardos5044]

Yes!!!!

[@river8142]

Ditto!!

[@reikun86]

Waymond was the heart of the movie. Also shout out to Ke Huy Quan. We missed you, buddy!

[@moonj2090]

Yes yes, thank you for the suggestion.

[@myrrhfortheroad]

Yes!!! I would so enjoy that!

[@davethenerd42]

I never watched this movie until tonight. Alone. Laying on a foam chair that folds out into a cramped uncomfortable mattress. My wife and I are contemplating divorce, dealing with 12 years of issues, seeing a couples therapist, and all the hilarity that ensues. I remember seeing this movie's trailer a couple years back and just thinking to myself, why would anyone want to watch anything so depressing? And here I am, needing this movie. I only decided to watch this after some KZbin rabbit hole led me to your video here about this movie. That's led me down the rabbit hole of your entire channel, which is a treasure and I'm only saddened there aren't more videos. It's weird how one moment I'm going to work and going through the daily motions, feeling stable, even if not content. The next, everything is upside down with 12 years of marriage spilled out all over the place. Nothing makes sense or seems to fit together like you thought it did. It all just keeps coming back to "how is this going to affect the kids". I cried during two scenes during this movie: once when he went to help with the gate and she cut his hair which made me think of all those little things we do for each other that creates that intimacy, and another when they ended up having "two Halloweens". I feel like I can't provide the same level of planning and making good times happen my wife can. Great video, and kudos to all the work you guys are doing.

[@melaniemelanin]

This movie is the reason I coparent well with my ex because I was Johansen in the movie I wanted to take my anger out in court against him for being an absent father for betraying me but this hit me in the feels it made me want to reconcile with him but so far just do coparenting and I’m at peace with that that he’s in her life, he supports now financially, and we can finally talk, and thats more than enough for now we’re not going through a nasty court battle our child is happy

[@davethenerd42]

@@melaniemelanin This is really nice to hear. I'm sorry and happy for you. It's all so messy and scary. I wish nothing but the least amount of pain and misery for my wife. And I really worry how our decisions might affect our sons.

[@emily43210]

​@@davethenerd42I've never been married and I'm not sure what you decided, but if you're still undecided I want to tell you that my parents had a problematic marriage for almost 10 years where one was very selfish and unhappy and the other worked themself to death and did everything and didn't stnad up for themself. And I as an older kid in it lived in a household that was pretty unharmonious and it was awful. They were close to a divorce when my last sibling graduated high school, and both me and my older brother wanted rhem to divorce (I also wanted no relationship with one of my parents). It was a long story of multiple people calling the one parent out, a lot of people working to repair relationships. It came down to not only me deciding to forgive my parent, but my parent also really wanting that relationship, and my other parent kept encouraging and talking with us about the importance of being in each other's lives. I never could have predicted the relationships we have now. My parents are now happily married for the first time since I was a little kid. I used to truly wonder why they got married, and just thought they must have been incompatible. I'm saying this because if my parents would have thrown in the towel at any point when most people would have, they wouldn't be married today. I'm grateful neither of them did what me and my older brother wanted and encouraged. If you'te not divorced yet, just think about your marriage in 20 years, if that marriage in 20 years is worth waiting for and working for. Maybe it isn't because of circumstances only you know, but maybe it is and you guys can remember that there is a lot of hope and a lot of life that might be waiting to be reborn.

[@davethenerd42]

@@emily43210 so, I came home from deployment in December and she filed for divorce. She pretended like she didn't, and acted like everything was normal. She gaslit me any time I would ask if something is going on. It went until I had a letter in the mail from a local lawyer asking if I needed legal representation due to a recent case filed with my name on it, and had the petition filed by her printed out. Over the past six months she has lied and been manipulative and done some.pretty disgusting things I never thought would ever be possible coming from her. It's been a living nightmare. Hard to sum up here. The past six months feel like years. I'm diagnosed with PTSD from relationship abuse. I'm learning a lot but I see a lot of work over the next few years to get better. I want the best for her but she's just in a constant state of world war 3. I just can't do it any more. The more time away from her I have the healthier I get. That's the most telling thing for me that our split is absolutely the right thing, for me and for my kids, and for her as well. It would have been possible to save our marriage, but the two of us couldn't do it, and I couldn't do it by myself.

[@bloodeyes5083]

when Jonathan said "you can love someone and not want them in your life anymore" i said out loud "you can?!" reason being is because my mom passed away 6 years ago i was 15 i think. it was a day before my birthday. she cheated on my dad and ouright said she regretted marrying him (my dad did absolutely nothing bad to her) my mom did so much shit in my life to me and my dad.. mentally...i miss her...but I didn't consider her my mother..and my dad is mad at me for that because he's like "she's still your mother blah blah blah blah" but when Johnathan said shat he said at the beginning it made me feel happy to know i can still...love her as much as my heart will allow even if she did what she did to us

[@dietotaku]

i think the closest to that that i've experienced is my first boyfriend. when we broke up i DID still want him in my life, i didn't want to break up at all and i still feel like he was the best i ever had. but after we broke up he changed, he went from an absolute nerd to a hard-drinking frat bro and i definitely did not want that in my life. i guess i still love who he was when we were together, but i don't want who he became in my life.

[@orsic3075]

Even if it's a really different situation and I don't want to compare our problems I can totally understand what you mean. My ex best friend is still one of the person I love the most in this entire world, even though she made me suffer a lot, lied to me, manipulated me and minimised my traumas. She wasn't an evil person, she was just lost and fucked up and I payed the consequences of that. And I still love her so mutch... (sorry for my English I'm not fluent)

[@korie4198]

I have had the opposite reaction. People were constantly guilt tripping me and enabling my mother, but the last time she went off the rails, I refused to be complicit. No matter how guilty someone tries to make me feel, I don't miss her or feel any empathy or love for her. I think it's hard for people to understand but I know that I made the decision that was best for myself and that my feelings are valid.

[@gabrieleghut1344]

@Blood Eyes I understand what you are saying. Have a similar experience/story with my mother.

[@ActuallyAnanya]

It sounds like you might get a lot from Jennette McCurdy's memoir "I'm Glad My Mom Died" and the couple of interviews she did about the subject matter of it

[@mark_u]

Adam Driver reading that note in the end is a piece of acting perfection

[@researcherchameleon4602]

Please watch “Wolfwalkers”, if not for a review about how children cope and respond to oppressive environments, then simply for how it is just a REALLY pretty movie, every frame can be mounted in an art gallery.

[@TheHighwayman5674]

YES!! i love this movie, absolutely recommend

[@trinaq]

Yes, please, it's such a treat of a film, and I hope that they cover it, as well as "Song of the Sea", another Irish film.

[@Nashleyism]

@@trinaq Also 'Song of the Sea' and 'Wolfwalkers' have the same creators. And both talk about emotions a lot. 'Song of the Sea' shows not to bottle up emotions, that acceptance is better. 'Wolfwalkers' shows that letting emotions overpower you and letting them to cloud your judgement isn't good either. Also both movies talk about parenting. It would be great if our dads would analyse them!

[@researcherchameleon4602]

@@trinaq by the same studio no less

[@sketchnscribs1465]

Yes! Would love to see them react to that

[@mewhodoesntgiveasht3353]

My parents were always having fights going to the point of divorce many times and watching this movie exhausted me! It put me through so much stress I felt like I was a child again sitting in a corner watching my parents fight, that's how realistic this movie is

[@antoniatheda3335]

I felt the same way. I'm sorry you experienced that. 🫂❤️

[@TheCuddlebun]

Thanks for the warning! This is one of the reasons why I haven't & probably won't watch this movie.

[@mewhodoesntgiveasht3353]

@@TheCuddlebun I really liked the movie but that reason only watched it once I don't think I'm gonna re-watch it either

[@harleylinnX]

I'm sorry you went through that.

[@donaldshotts4429]

I would never watch a movie like this for that reason. My parents fought from 1963-2021 and now ironically they're all lovey-dovey since her mind is gone and she's in a nursing home. My sister moved away long ago and I was the only go between. My Mom was a hoarder too....10+ storage units full of trash and 14 cats too at one point. I seek escape not reminders when I watch a movie

[@EliEnby]

The whole "There are people that are better as partners when they don't have to partner up in everything" reminded me of my own parents. They never really got into screaming fights, but sometimes there'd be this uneasy feeling in the house, I'd ask what was going on and they'd answer "ask your mother/father". That always meant they were angry, when they called each other "your mother/father" instead of mom/dad. After the pandemic my mom said she needed space, so she moved to a different house and now we're all happier than we'd ever been. They're still married and absolutely love each other, but they don't need to share everything all the time :)

[@battlebardart]

This movie reminds me of my parents in some ways. They separated when I was 10 and it was so messy and raw for the longest time. It wasn't until I, the baby of the family, was asked in front of my parents who I wanted to live with and I started bawling that they realized the mess wasn't worth the pain it was causing us kids. So, they did the work and, though they did divorce, I can say happily that 22 years later they are best friends who were at each other's engagements to my now stepparents, text each other almost more than I text them, and always have each other's back. It was messy and hard to get to but it can happen.

[@sidneyboo9704]

Awesome story :D

[@tiffanypersaud3518]

Thanks for covering this film. “You can love someone and not have them in your life anymore.” Yeh. That she was very all or nothing in the end made sense as to how long she was stifling herself. I’m glad to see someone address his outburst about wishing her dead. He was being self-absorbed, with her and it bled into his relationship with his son, wanting to do what he wanted on Halloween instead of what the son wanted. I do appreciate that the film didn’t make anyone the total villain in the couple (and showed that this is a strategy the lawyers take, lolz). I think overall they came to a pretty healthy place in the end.

[@myladynaynay]

Seeing this also reminded me of the messiness of divorce in Mrs Doubtfire, how it affects the entire family and not just the formerly married couple. Especially the big argument scene after the secret was out when the kids stop their parents fighting by telling them that they hate them. It reminded me so much of when I was younger and my parents would fight so much that it would bring me to tears, and I remember being so angry at times that I wanted to yell at them that I hated them too. But looking back as an adult, I never hated them, I hated what they were doing to each other and how it was effecting me and my little sister - and I felt guilty for not thinking to protect her with a simple hug because I was too scared to get out of my own fetal position and uncover my ears. If you guys aren't already considering it, I'd like to see a video on Mrs Doubtfire :) it really touches up on similar themes, especially the one where sometimes people become better versions of themselves and better parents when they're no longer together.

[@reikun86]

I remember when I was a kid. I hated Pierce Bronson’s character because I thought he was trying to weasel his way into the family. As an adult, I felt really bad about what Stewart went through. He really liked Miranda and her kids, even though he’s somebody that wouldn’t normally date mothers. We don’t even know if he continued to see Miranda after what happened.

[@grumpgamerat5071]

Watching this scares the crap out of me...my wife and I are starting couples therapy this week and there are extenuating circumstances that I think would lead us to ending our marriage...namely a third party. It's my hope that we are NOT like them...where it's too late to save our marriage..to come to a realization about what our true feelings and true frustrations are and reconcile.

[@Milkymommy09]

Well one of you obviously cheated, if the one who didn't stays then they'd an idiot.

[@hallaloth3112]

This stranger on the internet wishes you two the best outcome for you both, whatever outcome that may end up being.

[@sableempire9654]

Hey man- Nice sentiment. Don’t know which of you slept/flirted/hung out with a 3rd party but can guess. Regardless- red flag for the female in your life- is not a lot of consideration for what HER hopes and dreams for herself and her future are? Selflessness starts with not assuming you and her have same expectations of therapy and its results. Therapy is about self revelation which hopefully moves you towards being a better partner. Mutually. Its very hard to live with someone who cannot see or own their flaws. Good luck maybe it will work out. Maybe it won’t. Start with listening to what she wants, hopes and dreams without your own getting in the way. THEN decide if yours match up. You know what you want think and feel. But do you really know hers? I’d be looking for someone who says- “We are going to therapy. Im gonna park what I need at the door for now. And go in to really understand what my partner is saying. If both parties can do there’s definitely middle ground to find. There will be space for your wants. Once you understand what she needs from you and not what you want from her most of the time. It’s exhausting meeting somebody else’s expectations the majority of the time. But my own experience from being on the other-side of hearing a man express almost exclusively what he hopes and needs without even realising how it sounds to her. - Doesn’t end well. Its a journey in self growth and releasing the ego to really hear and understand what she is telling you she needs. Recalibrate your mindset towards love being a relationship of selflessness. If both parties want whats best for the other person together- thats where successful relationships achieve real respect and calmness. Wish you well. Hoping you both achieve something from it. Even if its not the outcome you expect. Outcomes are a result of the choices we make in how we treat others and ourselves without putting ourselves first. If you both do that equally it’s a beautiful road. Cheers

[@OmniphonProductions]

I love the observation, "You can still love each other without being _in love_ with each other." I'm reminded of my uncle and aunt. They divorced, only to then date _each other_ extensively. They loved each other _and_ were _in love_ with each other. They just couldn't _live together,_ so the decided to keep loving the parts of each other they loved while maintaining independence. At any rate, if all I knew about this movie was _the cast,_ I would want to see it. In fact, that's exactly why I put it on my queue. Thanks for the reminder!

[@mrslundy1535]

I love the fact that they both are so bonded to each other and they also love each other but they can't stand to be married anymore. That's an auch. Even in the end of the movie they still do the same routine and they both hate to be walking away.

[@pigpjs]

Truly one of the best films capturing the human experience. Neither character is innocent. Their divorce could have been avoided if both had made different choices and actively communicated/listened to each other.

[@masonjenks7636]

Wow. I just recently watched a marriage story and I never fully comprehend the “layers” these two have. This is my way of request you guys to make a video about Shrek and Fiona. 🙏🙏🙏

[@frazzyblue1384]

And now I’m crying, cause as a child of divorced parents this movie hit me harder than I thought it would cause there’s literally no representation of divorced parents in mainstream movies, finally I found something to relate to, except my parents don’t get on 😅

[@kfluhx]

I'm still too afraid to watch this movie because I know the feels are going to run REALLY deep. I almost skipped this week's video too I'm that scared 😅 But you guys totally made it less scary. Maybe I'll watch the movie in, like, 2 more years now instead of never haha.

[@blackcatkelli7885]

I feel the exact same way.

[@hannahheartsedward]

I watch these videos instead of the actual movie. There's no way I could handle this movie.

[@lionqueensavanna]

Wow I thought I was the only one. Your entire comment is eerily similar to what I was thinking

[@AnInsideJoke]

Yeah...as a child of divorce (dad's fault) who had a dad who dived directly back into another rocky relationship that led to a lot of arguments as well, there are certain media depictions where the arguments feel too real and you just NOPE right the hell out.

[@samuraikitty18]

I get it, it is a lot to handle emotionally. Really ripped me up and brought up a lot of trauma. But really the worst was shown here. Watching them heal and become coparents is wonderful. Incredible film.

[@mariaduck2063]

When Alan started to cry, I did too. Thanks for being vulnerable, and showing that it is okay.

[@MadMike1]

Here's a suggestion for your next movie couple to break down: Vincent Gambini & Mona Lisa Vito from My Cousin Vinny (1992). I think their relationship is the heart of that film.

[@miriamhodges5632]

Yes, please!!!

[@na3rial]

YES PLEASE

[@spencerhansen2927]

Absolutely

[@reikun86]

Relationship goals.

[@disasterjones5798]

amazing suggestion!!

[@elizabethbassett6598]

My mom talks about my dad like a past love she lost. My dad talks about her as being an important chapter. There is zero recognition of long lasting love, they aren’t just separated, they’re separated. I would cry tears of joy endlessly just to see them talk to each other in person again.

[@justinwalker2460]

Chronologically, Charlie said that he feels like he was forced into marriage and used as an escape pod. When he said this he was attempting to address the issue all the way from the beginning. Thats why when she jumped to another issue that occurred at a later period in time he asked whats that have to do with California. Its not funnny... he is just as much ignored as she is.

[@reikun86]

Thank you for catching that. I will say this episode focused more on Charlie's defects than Nicole's.

[@moriahmars1462]

I'm just replying to bump this comment up

[@shreeyasingh8948]

Totally. Plus. The end was so bad for him. If the marriage was a partnership, the divorce wouldn’t have been so cruel.

[@reikun86]

@@shreeyasingh8948 Facts.

[@terraguttierez2996]

My problem with nicole is that she just kept everything in and never voiced any of her actual opinions feelings or wants until she bottled it up and exploded under the pressure. Of course your parnters voice is the only one being heard when you never want to say your own opinion

[@lindseycaldwell9559]

As someone who likes watching things with subtitles because I absorb better when I'm reading, I really appreciate whoever you guys have transcribing your episodes because not only are they generally great at it, they're also really funny in their own right.

[@ChristophProbst]

I'm a family law attorney. Watching this movie was like watching my job on tv. It's really like this.

[@kathigh8122]

I remember being driven home by my friends mom since my friend got hurt and my mom was working. She got a call from her ex husband and when she answered she answered like any other friend. She and the ex husband were talking about theyre wedding since today was apparently their wedding anniversary. She had such a smile on her face as they wished eachother a happy anniversary. I congratulated her on her and what I thought to be her boyfriend/husband, to which she corrected me without a hint of hatred. I asked her if shes so happy talking with him then why dont they get back together? And she responded with this. “Sometimes people can be really good friends, but when they live in the same house, it can cloud the positivity. Sometimes its better to say happy anniversary over the phone then in person.” I had a whole new perspective on life after that.

[@newmoon766]

My husband and I were in couples therapy for a year. When we called it off, our therapist said, "I've never heard either of you say anything deliberately hurtful to the other one." Our issue was that he doesn't like to be touched at all, ever, and I need it for my sanity. Not just sex, but simple physical contact. His sister is a psychoanalyst. She suspects he is on the Asperger's spectrum. I had a strategy for determining if he was mad at me. I'd say, in a flat tone, "I am evil and should be killed." Yes=mad, no=not mad. We're both conflict avoidant, but he takes it to an extreme.

[@0LOTR]

If he is truly an Aspie, he would have physical sensory issues that can be desensitized in a stepwise manner with a therapist. Difficulty understanding his own inner feelings and communicating it can be addressed by a therapist familiar with Asperger.

[@58209]

@@0LOTR he could be touch averse for a multitude of reasons, including trauma or being a sex-repulsed ace. don't armchair diagnose someone with a treatment that might be harmful to them.

[@usualsuspects42]

goodnes new moon, get thyself to a therapist who really knows Aspergers. Your husband needs it too, if he can be reached.

[@newmoon766]

@@0LOTR He went to individual therapy for years with a therapist recommended by his psychiatrist older sister. He never shared anything about it with me, though.

[@newmoon766]

@@58209 The only trauma I know of is that his mom died of cancer when he was 14, but in therapy he said he didn't like to be touched by anyone, including his mom, since he could remember. So it's beyond sex. I didn't diagnose; his sister did. She's 12 years older than he is, and acted as a surrogate mom in many ways. Interestingly, though, he does love cuddling the cat we adopted, who was a stray that turned up at the home of one of his coworkers. He buries his face in Peachy's tummy fur.

[@Dfg697]

Adam Driver’s character reminds me of my husband a tiny bit when I first met him. Not thinking of the “us” or “we” just the “me” and “I”. It’s a skill to remember to think of the “us”/“we” AND the “me”/“I” and balance the two. If you’re all about the “me” you’re selfish but if you’re all about the “us” you’re selfless and loose yourself. It took a bit but we figured out the balance and are a great team today. 10+ years baby! 😘

[@coralmaynard4876]

I'm begging you to look into the relationship between Johnny and his Dad in Sing 1 and Sing 2 - those two are a perfect example of forgiveness and reconciliation!

[@trinaq]

Oh yes, that would be absolutely perfect, or they'd could also look at Ash and her struggle with moving on from her cheating ex boyfriend.

[@whiteraven562]

@@trinaq honestly all the characters have good arcs to look at, like the pig mom figuring out how to juggle being a mom with doing things that bring her happiness

[@daeviant]

I think all the characters can be analyzed. Even Mike the narcissistic Mouse.

[@Planag7]

It's such an illumination calibrated arc though.

[@Der.Geschichtenerzahler]

The most amazing thing in this movie is that the arguments bewteen the couple were read verbatim, just like in the script. The amount of talent to make it feel real is mind-blowing

[@micaelaumedez1224]

I just wanna say... I cried so much with that letter. It's just... they had so many moments to be a happy couple, a happy marriage and family... But they just couldn't find that moment... It's so, so sad... Great performance of the two!

[@dwiloveslost]

every time Jonathan does role-play therapist to the camera I feel so seen even though I have never been in that situation. wish more therapists were like Jonathan!!

[@2degucitas]

I have lived the Scarlett's characters life, with minor changes. I married an ambitious narcissist, whose narcissism was hidden underneath grandiose "save the world" plans. As an idealist who gladly sacrificed self for others good I went along whole heartedly. I gave up everything to be with him. He mocked my interests, insisted I sell of a life insurance policy and close my bank account. I shriveled down to almost nothing, he was patronizing, took the spotlight all the time, and hid behind his being "good" as an excuse for not protecting me against an assault (by some other guy). He broke me. It got really dark and hopeless. His work and faith came first, it was his mistress and his narc supply. He'd publicly embarass me in front of others. He always sought an audience. I lived for him, he knew it, fed on it and let me be miserable. He can go #$&@ himself.

[@frozenheart7133]

[@2degucitas]

@@frozenheart7133 You did what I wish I had. I was such a strong single person, I miss it, I miss me. Stay true to yourself.

[@LK-Design]

Dated a guy just like this. I felt like I was a bad person for years after breaking it of cause I couldn't ever give enough. Now I'm finally so grateful to not have have married him.

[@2degucitas]

@Ashleycj Is there a reason you can't file yourself?

[@niva-vm3vy]

A bit of similar situation, he also falsely accused me of things in order to get child custody. He continues generating violence to ne and our children and yet courts favor him. Also the fact that i am in another country with no support net makes it harder.

[@skeeppuli1202]

When I watched this movie (right after my Adam Driver fever began) I practically cried through the entire thing! The story is very real and the acting is amazing! Worst/best ones that made me weep the most were the fight scene when Adam's character breaks down and the part were him and the kid read the letter together! My poor heart!

[@mittelbiest4995]

The one thing i would add is on the scene where Adam Driver's character supposedly throws the first insult. Scarlett Johansson's character open that path with the underhanded "You are just like your father", which in and of itself usually is a cloaked dagger, because she knows it will hurt him. I have been in a relationship where that was usually the first comment that was flying when something didnt go the way my ex-gf wanted to (like putting boundaries on something). In my opinion, it is often overlooked in society how these little jabs (or whatever you want to call it) can damage the other person. Often its the follow-up where people go "You shouldnt say that" but are perfectly fine with this first jab. And thats something we all could improve upon in recognizing and calling out. PS: I am just judging from the shown scenes, since I havent seen the movie. Congrats to you guys for 1 Million subscribers!

[@XxMusicxKelseyxX]

Didn't she say something along the lines of "you're acting just like your father"? I feel that contextually, that's different. If he dislikes his father and he's acting in a way that reflects those characteristics, it very well could have been her trying to point that out so he could do better and not set on the path his father would have set for him by example. Of course, I've never seen that done successfully because it's taken exactly as you said it "you're just like your father" and then the walls are up and he's defensive. She definitely could have said it better, and maybe she did mean it maliciously, but that was my interpretation.

[@ApequH]

*"You are being so much like your father" The diference is one it's the actions, in the other it is all of you. (The fight started way before this, it wasn't the first thing, but she still shouldn't have said it.)

[@nathaliem3423]

@@XxMusicxKelseyxX I feel like it would have been better if she addresses the behavior specifically instead of attributing it to his father which she probably knew would make him hurt and act defensively

[@Dragonfall-lu6qe]

Exactly. There is a line in her letter to Charlie (a line he later glosses over when reading it to his son) about how there was a lot of alcohol and violence in his childhood, which in this context we can ascribe to his father. To throw that out in an argument, to compare someone to their parent who is a drunken physical and emotional abuser completely discounts any emotion he may be feeling as irrational and paints him as just as much of an abuser as his father. Charlie had every right to be heated about that comparison. It reminds me of a Fiona Apple lyric... "a conversation once colored by esteem became dialogue as a diagram of a play for blood". She knew how deep it would cut, knew what his reaction would be, and then plays the rational party when he responds in kind.

[@rowangirdler7428]

Man, checking in with each other's dreams is so important. My wife and I got really close during the pandemic lockdowns, unlike a lot of couples the forced time together brought us closer. Our challenge was when they ended. She came out if it thinking that if she could lose two years of her life in a way she had no control over, then now was the time to pursue big new endeavours and move into the next phase of life. I came out of thinking 'I've just lost two years of my life, I want to make up for everything I've missed and get back to my happy normal for a while before time forces change on me.' We ended up in totally different headspaces where I was surprised by and apprehensive of these big dreams she was saying she wanted to pursue, while she felt I wasn't supporting her. It was a tough one to navigate, and in the end the status quo won, but we've reached a much better place now where we're open to supporting each other's big swings even if it means rewriting the script of how our life together is going to look.

[@oliedmis97]

26:07 had me laughing and crying so hard. "that was an adequate moment of performance"

[@ClaytonChick8]

Another movie that has the similar "failed relationship" feel is The Last Five Years with Jeremy Jordan and Anna Kendrick. It's a musical featuring a non-traditional narrative: she tells the story from the end to beginning and he tells the story from beginning to end.

[@newfelo]

It's amazing the layers that this movie has, the masks we put on for others... And there were times it hurt to watch, that tells you this was well done. Ps. The magical me edit was **priceless**

[@ravenmcgregor4382]

As someone with bipolar the “Selfishness” section of this video hits too much with home and made me tear up a little. Having gone through my entire childhood thinking I was just “over reactive” until I finally got my diagnosis and understood that while yes I can be in control of my emotions that’s something that I have to work extra extra hard for have me a sense of relief. Being able to take a step back and see my arguments and past relationships through that lens helped me realize that I wasn’t going crazy and while it’s not okay how I act, there’s a reason behind it. Now in my current relationship I am thankful to have a partner who takes the time to understand me and knows when I say outlandish things and I’m acting out of my mind I’m not in total control. He helps me to remember when to take a break and how to self soothe and is forgiving and gentle which is something I hadn’t had before and changed my entire world view. It’s helped me understand that I’m not an evil person and neither is he were just trying to love each other and take care of our selves in the only ways we know how.

[@JACk79457]

I lost a good girl because of my past trauma and current porn addiction, and the fights and situations just felt like this movie. There’s so much love and care, but I was too into my porn to see I was hurting her and too blind to see how it hurts me, and now I have to work through this and through this life on my own again, because I couldn’t stop when she begged me to. I couldn’t control myself and I couldn’t see the rift it was creating for us, now we’re not together and I have to live with the fact that we love eachother, but I hurt her something fierce, and she doesn’t see us ever getting back together. It’s hard pairing these feelings to what’s in the movie because I just get it. It’s sad I didn’t realize until she was gone all the horrible things I did that didn’t love, care, or protect her heart like I should have. Edit: I’ve been clean for a while, I realized I needed better connection to those I loved and be more honest how I felt. Porn was an escape when I felt scared but it didn’t bring me closer when I felt my relationships threatened, it ripped me from them further. Now I’m so much closer to my friends, family, coworkers, and even my ex and I are so much better because I just had to tell her what I felt. I always hid my feelings and ran to porn, but now I have the courage to tell them I miss them and don’t want them to leave, and they see that I am just scared instead of heartless and selfish 🥹

[@CherryCo.Studios]

...Thanks for sharing, man. I really needed to hear that. I went through a similar thing, but obviously the details were different. I don't know if he was addicted to porn or not, but I was flat out ghosted and never heard from him again. The vitriol arguments were all ones that I had in my head, as I never had a physical face to talk to. I would have given anything in the world to hear him say the things you said and take accountability for his actions at all. So, thank you. I needed that today.

[@sallyjrwjrw6766]

@@the_piano_nerd4960 it's so sad that one has to actually leave to get the change from one's partner.

[@sarahtobore2832]

"current porn addiction"? Bruh...

[@samwarren5798]

I am the girl in my own situation. You don't know how much I needed to hear this. This felt like him apologizing for all that he put me through. He blamed it all on me, and I wish he would say sorry to me, but he won't.

[@snailpocky]

@@sarahtobore2832 dont be a dick. a porn addiction is incredibly difficult to overcome and most people don’t even try.

[@liawalker9966]

My husband and I were like this before the pandemic but during it, we had to individually decide what we wanted and fighting and yelling at each other wasn’t it. Long story short, we now sit and talk about any issues we may have and when we feel we’re getting heated we stop and take a break but always come back to where we left off. Going on 5 years together, 2 years married.

[@felix.rozmaryn]

It would be great to see couple therapy of Jesse and Celine from the Before trilogy, especially Before Midnight. I think this trilogy shows brilliantly how relationship changes over time.

[@melidepapel]

YES!!!!!!! I second this!!! Please!!!!!!!

[@durabelle]

Yes please do this! I love the first two parts and have seen them way too many times for it to be healthy anymore. The third one I've only seen once. Not because it's bad, I think it's absolutely brilliant and feels way too real. It just left me so emotionally drained that I've not felt up to it again. My current relationship is closest to Before Sunrise and Sunset that I can imagine possible in real life, and I'm sometimes almost superstitiously afraid of us getting to the Midnight phase with huge fights and not talking anymore. Even though the movie still has a happy ending, I want to avoid that level of drama. Never had a fear of that in previous relationships, but then again I never felt this connected to my exes in the first place, or this invested.

[@blankodegalo6973]

Yessss

[@uekernas]

Yes!

[@Sentralkontrol]

"you can still love somebody and not want them in your life anymore" man this shit made me tear up. I broke up with my ex because she felt like she had lost feelings (I still have them to this day) and I recently had to cut her off because she kept acting like we were together in her expectations of me. It still hurts a bit, but I'm glad I did it.

[@Sentralkontrol]

My comments never get seen by you guys due to traction. But again, if you read this, THANK YOU! I've never been able to get psychological help myself, but you guys.... just help me deal with my stuff myself. I know it's no substitute, but thank you.

[@GoddoDoggo]

@@Sentralkontrol If you can't access a personal therapist or psychologist, there are also group therapy and support group options for a variety of issues, including depression and social anxiety, among other things. Support groups are not generally too expensive. Sometimes they're free.

[@emilie9237]

Is weird that this is my comfort movie? I watch it whenever I feel stressed or just to chill. Their performances are out of this world and it's a very good story

[@MacRoss44]

They're both imperfect, but the character of Charlie absolutely makes my skin crawl.

[@sireeniddir1972]

13:05 Jonathan saying 'fluxommed' will always be my favourite part of this episode.

[@avecherien]

As an actor I wanna say thank you to Alan there isn't alot of understanding how simultaneously draining and fulfilling acting is. It's so good to hear it from a director. Thank you 🥰

[@grayonthewater]

NEVER stay together for the kids, it fucks us up WAY more than a divorce would have. My parents are in a miserable hateful marriage, think about the example that sets for the kids future relationships, it teaches them terrible habits. Even though I knew what not to do like yelling and throwing things, I still dated people that were horrible to me, just like my dad is to my mom. It took so much therapy to get past that shit. Everyone gets divorced, your kids will be fine. They will have two healthy homes instead of one toxic one. Fuck the statistics about how a two parent home makes more successful kids or whatever. Please please please take it from me.

[@orthodoxcatholicsakura]

No. Everyone does not get divorced, and the kids are not fine. Unless the parents are actually abusive to one another (which, to be fair, it does sound like your parents might have been), divorce is not better. They've done studies on children of divorce, and it acts as trauma that actually never goes away. People in their sixties were still not over their parents' divorce. I will also say that you're making an assumption that your parents would lead separate healthy lives without one another. While that is possible, it's actually more likely that they would have taken their unhealthy habits with them and created two toxic homes, between which you would have constantly felt split and had the added trauma of the divorce. I certainly don't deny that your home life as it was sounds like it was unhealthy and damaging for your emotional and mental health, but I would caution you from assuming that it would have been better had your parents divorced. People always think that it could not possibly have been worse than it was, and they're usually wrong. It can always be worse.

[@dafuzzbear7711]

@@orthodoxcatholicsakuraPretty hypocritical that you bring up assumptions when you yourself are making many. And judging by many other comments on this vid a lot of people lead happier lives after their parents divorced.

[@orthodoxcatholicsakura]

@@dafuzzbear7711 Because I do not know grayonthewater or grayonthewater's particular situation, I tried to allow for many possibilities when addressing grayonthewater. What assumptions do you think I am making? This issue obviously hits me on an emotional level, so I will admit that it is very likely I am not seeing my comments completely objectively. If you do see assumptions that I am making, please do point them out; I would appreciate it.

[@Avery_4272]

I think you make a very good point re: "...a miserable hateful marriage, think about the example that sets for the kids' future relationships." Kids need to see a good relationship modeled for them. Also, miserable couples who stay together "for the kids" may have good intentions, but they seem to not realize that (1) kids pick up on everything, and they'll know you're miserable, and (2) it can lead to the kids later feeling lots of guilt, as in "They stayed miserable, for me." Ugh. That's a huge weight for a kid to bear. And they may internalize the issue and blame themselves for the fact that their parents are/were miserable.

[@Ashbrash1998]

​@orthodoxcatholicsakura Divorce is traumatic for kids because it's a major life changing event yes, but having a toxic marriage can hurt the kids much more than the divorce can. Because it can foster unhealthy dynamics the kids learn from and they not even KNOW it's wrong. They'll think it's acceptable for your partner to yreat you like garbage or abuse you because A: "my parents were the same and they stayed together" or B: " this isn't so bad because my parents did so much worse".

[@narutokunn]

My ex once told me during an argument to go die. And she defended it for long that she didn't mean it and that I knew that she didn't mean it so it shouldn't affect me much. Yes, I knew she didn't mean it she never ever would want me to die... but I can't get over it still even after 3 years. I took it personally when Henry said what he said to her.

[@Caligirl.8630]

My husband and I are Nicole and Charlie to a T. When I "snapped" and walked away, he begged for marriage therapy and I obliged and it changed our whole marriage and lives. We ended up staying together but this movie was very painful to watch knowing how much their relationship mirrored ours. It's still one of my favorites.

[@Shawn-zt3gv]

That's awesome that you guys did the work and fixed the issues. Congratulations

[@annastevens1526]

I've only seen clips from the movie so far, but what I particularly appreciated was how willing both actors were to be genuine, not trying to stay looking attractive but digging into the ugly crying, the exhaustion etc which are involved in these kinds of emotions? Especially impressive with actoes who have been pretty thoroughly pedestaled as glamorous sex symbols following their previous roles!

[@DrainingVenom]

That Anakin cameo though 🤣 Amazing work as always!

[@CinemaTherapyShow]

Glad you liked it!

[@digitaldevil696]

So many of us had this partner. The best partner in our life we'll never forget, but also the worst partner in our life we'll never be in a relationship once again, and also the partner we're learned so much from, both from the relationship and from the breakup. So here's to all those partners, who, in my hopes and dreams, make peace with this new experience and move on. Hell, maybe even reconcile and stay amicable. I did it with my first love, and I definitely know that the love itself is there, but we can't be together for so many reasons, and that's okay. I took a lot of experience from that relationship, and it helped me not to do the same mistakes again.

[@paramitch]

I was so delighted you addressed this beautiful film because of its complexity and goodness -- the characters feel real but rarely evil or openly corrupt. But my main takeaway was that this was a marriage that could have been saved, if they had made different choices when things began to go wrong, so I would've been so curious to see Jono address that. I love the film, love the gentleness and humanity of it, especially the final scene, and still think Driver should've won the Oscar.

[@Lucky13Enterprise]

This is real stuff. I spent my 20s with one person and when we fought, it was like this, and worse. Throw in untreated mental health, and reality begins to bend around you. Eventually a spiral begins that never ends until you crawl out of the abyss by leaving. I still love her, but that chapter is long over. We were young, and human. Live and learn. Rise and grow.

[@samanthacarbine3151]

being a child of divorce, and having to see the fights and watch the issues in a marriage secondhand, the fight scene between the two in his new apartment was so realistic that I had a bit of a breakdown the rest of the day. I still loved it though, it was incredible to see such a realistic yet poetic scene. It really was a masterpiece.

[@ladyfoxglove]

Your comments about supporting your partner's dreams really hit close to home. I'm in a bit of an inversed household, I'm the wife but the breadwinner and have been passionate about my career, I've let my husband sit comfortable but unhappy for so many years because it makes life easy and it makes sure I have a safety net if I fail. :/ It really hasn't been fair. thank you.

[@Rachel-fi4sc]

If you realise this, you can work toward fixing it, and that's the biggest thing. Well done on your first step. Good luck on the apology to come.

[@amandaski]

Scar Jo had a helluva year when this came out, eh? This, Jojo Rabbit, Endgame. Then there's Adam Driver to which I can only say "shatter my knees, you fuckable redwood".

[@kawaiisolemia]

“Shatter my knees, you fuckable redwood” If you know, you know 😏

[@SinHurr]

@@kawaiisolemia Oh we know. _Biblically_

[@jessicac4641]

I usually skip the minutes where people talk about their sponsors but your guys’ delivery tone and edits just crack me up

[@Arlz.H]

This movie was heart wrenching. Im so glade you guys did this one!

[@The13AnimeLover]

I remember watching this and thinking about when my parents separated. And in a way it healed my childhood self. Even when it wasn't extremely messy and there wasn't this whole thing about visitation and there weren't really arguments. I felt like I saw something my younger self couldn't see. And I love this movie and I don't think I can watch it again tbh

[@aineraine3986]

I was DYING for you guys to talk about Marriage Story

[@Joonivy]

SAAMMMEEE I waited so long for this and was not disappointed!

[@CinemaTherapyShow]

No more suffering. It's here! 😄

[@usualsuspects42]

Yes. agree. The film upset me so much and I thought of Cinema Therapy and hoped they'd cover it. Thank you guys.

[@DolusVulpes]

I'd just like to say that i love the term "living in lizard brain" to describe that sort of overcharged state of emotion, because i think it perfectly captures how visceral and primal it is, and also how little actual thought happens during it.

[@mrslundy1535]

Okay this is literally what I needed in this channel im so happyy

[@marlsberlin7716]

I still side with her. She was much more compassionate, understanding and loving than he ever was.

[@radhiadeedou8286]

Did we watch the same movie?

[@lunavioleta001]

I'm 100% on her side on divorcing him. But I'm 100% on his side when it comes to how the divorce went.

[@reikun86]

That’s a good way to look at it. Her lawyer even bargained for extra days (even though Nicole didn’t ask for them.)

[@stitchesandstaples]

I burst into tears in the fight scene. Not because I have gone through such a thing but their acting. It was so powerful and raw. Adam Driver went to a dark place for that and you can see it. The scene may have been acted but he had to feel that to make it so raw.