MUSLIM MEN & SINGLE MOTHERS - MARRIAGE & STEP-FATHERS w. Lisa Vogl

The Ansari Podcast: Mahmoud Elansary and Lisa Vogl talk about Muslim Men need to step up and help Muslim single mothers with being a father figure for young muslim boys when there isn't a father in the home. A mother can't fill the role of a father.
#marriage #islam #muslim #podcast #muslimah #single

[@jameswandiba7929]

Very very inspiring sister...Mashallah! I trully believe Islam will be saved by the reverts...They will show the way! We are too hung up in our cultures and traditions that are mostly stained and unislamic. ..."We should build the mosques from within"...How wholeheartedly true this is. Its not the number of mosques or how large they are that will save our young generation. Its what service our mosques provide to the ummah that matters. Keep up the great work.

[@abuyeenate1682]

I agreed. When I looked at my self and surrounding,I don't think we understood our Deen to the fullest extent.

[@ragibishrak7862]

Lol. Western Female reverts (not everyone) try to follow a watered down version of Islam in line with some modernist celebrity scholars. Western revert muslimahs are at times damaging the image of the muslim women. In Islam we do Islamic rituals from God's obligations not from choice. Western female reverts are the last persons women should try to emulate.

[@bigdaddy7729]

Sahabad were nearly all reverts , mughals were revert , thebturks were revert , so yea reverts kewp coming and keep saving us born muslims

[@AC-mp7cx]

reverts also come from a culture

[@zafertokur7151]

By reverts that is exactly correct bcs Western civilisation educationly and scietifically,Technologically is hundreds of ahead of muslim civilasiton

[@k.c3239]

This sister is truly an inspirational example of a strong, intelligent and caring person. May Allah SWT continue to bless her and her boys with everything good in her life 💖

[@kamariahkamis8356]

For all future mother in law to take note. We should pray for our sons righteous wives and check our discrimination due to race , colour, social status etc. I am happy to see my extended family accept their sons marry single mothers.

[@smguess361]

May Allah protect all the Muslim mothers and their children and Guides the Muslims fathers

[@fightingdreamer8681]

Ameen 🧡

[@fightingdreamer8681]

@Fortifier1021 Ameen 🧡🧡🧡

[@smguess361]

@Fortifier1021 Ameen

[@j2shoes288]

Allah's mercy upon her, for her patience, and bravery against a tyrannical husband.

[@amal-ym5hi]

I agree with everything the sister said here. Our Muslim community needs the men to step up.

[@habibawest9253]

Step up in what way?!

[@alibinhasan7406]

Females need to step up

[@shahidabdoullakhanzorovr1564]

Lol.

[@ragibishrak7862]

The same goes for women too. Women living in the western countries trying to reconcile between feminism and Islam which are fundamentally opposite. A lot of muslim women got spoiled and ruined families through feminism in the west and the west is preaching a watered down version of Islam.

[@idilhussein-ui5bd]

Step up by being role models for these boys who dont have fathers. Like she said volunteering to create programs for boys. Women can not be men. So are you going to abandon your baby brothers bcoz somehow you feel you dont like how women are? This is the problem with our ummah we dont want to seek solutions we just want to get stuck in the blame game. Thats all I keep hearing now is blame liberals blame feminists blame this blame that but no one offering up solutions.

[@850Alhamdulillah]

I completely agree! Single mothers pour themselves into caring for their children and provide love and support, but they cannot fully replace the presence of a positive male role model.

[@shadeedmuhammad8107]

Well we as Muslims people need to pick better mates. But we're are these women families

[@perizat1888]

Fresh air to the Muslim world! May Allah bless the reverts!

[@nakoubamine8060]

May God bless you, my sister, and your children. I wish you from the bottom of my heart that God will bless you with a good husband and make you happy with your children.

[@rayneparker7421]

EXACTLY WHAT IVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR! MEN STEPPING UP FOR FATHERLESS KIDS. BIG BROTHER PROGRAM

[@k.c3239]

By the way Mr Ansari I love your Podcast. You're truly well spoken and cut out for it. Alhumdulilah

[@كاظمالشريف-و1ي]

Lisa is great moslem person... I admire all your struggle and patience .. may Allah rewards you for that.. we are proud to have moslem member of our community like you.. all the best

[@shimmer4771]

@@كاظمالشريف-و1ي muslim.*

[@bibikhan9825]

Masha Allah that such conversations are taking place. My son is now an adult with a family of his own, but it grieved me to see the difficult time he had growing up without a father. I really feel that he would benefit from counseling to heal from the trauma of the past, and to help him move forward with joy.

[@moombapoomba6036]

She has a problem with men not preferring single mothers like herself. But the irony is that she would also be averse to her sons marrying single mothers.

[@shimmer4771]

@@moombapoomba6036 maybe she wants to remarry but wouldn't want her son to marry a single mother due to the challenges.

[@peterwilliams6361]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

[@peterwilliams6361]

@Emilio Yepez Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

[@peterwilliams6361]

@Emilio Yepez Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@TheAnsariPodcast]

May Allah be with you Peter, I can feel your pain just through the text. With every door closed, 2 more open 🙏

[@Altair-El-Haddad]

@@TheAnsariPodcast bruv it's a bot, I've seen this comment way too many times in other videos by other accounts

[@Muwahid999]

@@peterwilliams6361 Buddy (incase you're muslim) , don't go to these "spritual counsellers" . They use magic to manipulate people.

[@y2k704]

The mentoring suggestion is a great idea for young men who lack a father figure

[@uzmaimran802]

Cruel reality….you are very intelligent women Allah help you….Ameen summa Ameen

[@khateebabdulrahmaan2213]

Alhamdullah this is a fine and useful video to help the future of Deenul Islam. And also, this applys to girls knowledge about their future in Nikah. Ameen.

[@Azzam_Alqudsi]

what im afraid of reverts are them thinking that marrying a cultural Muslim will make their lives easier, most of the time it isn't, because of the family and its different culture... which is a shame

[@ayanrasheed4794]

I prayed for more people to talk about this topic. Alhamdulilah.

[@yusufmohamedade7646]

Very intelligent women and articulate

[@jackroth5813]

Khadijah RA was a widow not a divorcee, I think we have to be clear on that..

[@MH-bf4uu]

Wasn’t she both? I don’t acc know, but what difference does it make?

[@Altair-El-Haddad]

@@MH-bf4uu isn't the differences obvious? Maybe search it up?

[@Alexander44665]

"I wish men in the community would step up more." I'm not Muslim (I'm Christian), but women in the Christian and Jewish communities say the same things. My question is-at what point do women step up? At what point do women take responsibility for their bad choices? Why is everything our fault? Where is the father of Lisa Vogl's children? Why is her ex-husband not a good role model? Why did she get a divorce? Why did she marry and have children with him if he wasn't a good role model? Did anyone interview the ex-husband to get HIS SIDE of the story? Let's be real, the reasons why the mother's of men don't want their sons to marry single mothers is because they know what kind of future (most likely-but not always) awaits their sons.

[@shimmer4771]

Well, we're not supposed to talk about private affairs nor should we be talking about the other person. Also, the men are the leaders. If they will not step up, who will?

[@Alexander44665]

@shimmer4771 She is talking about her life, so I can comment. If she is saying that "men should step up", I have every right to ask questions. She claims her sons don't have good male role models-why? Yes, men are leaders, but women are also capable and rational as well. Women also often will either (a) leave a good guy because they are no longer in love with him and (b) actively seek out the "bad boys." With freedom comes responsibilities-that's just as true for women as it is for men.

[@shimmer4771]

@@Alexander44665 Well, that's your opinion

[@Alexander44665]

@@shimmer4771 It's reality

[@shimmer4771]

@@Alexander44665 Well, in Islam, we're not allowed to talk about private matters. She just expressed how she felt. The boys do need a male role model.

[@aamirbangash985]

The poetry in the last is Great

[@kurteshbujupi]

Assalam we alaikum to all, Sister with all my respect to you i see honesty deep inside you so don't let it spoil with premature conclusions and words! First of all your ex-husband had that kind of behaviour because of the abuse he experienced as a child and wrong way we was brought up and he couldn't change it but he is still Muslim and you know very well if you ask him he will always admit and tell and teach to his sons that abuse is wrong in Islam so he is not a hypocrite that try to justify his abusive behavior! And as you said he loves them too much and he never abused them which is enough so for as long as he is with iman you have no right to say he is bad role model for his kids in terms of raising them as muslims! (What happened between you and him is another story), secondly you sister or any other sister out there i don't know if you really understand that in Islam if you remarry you should pass the child costudy to the father (some rule that it can be your mother but this is not in case your mother is a non Muslim which is the casr with the most reverted muslims), and i see here in some comments let's encourage people to marry single moms or other say is difficult to marry because of kids! Than be aware that you're making it difficult by acting against shariah coz you wanna marry and keep the kids and this is complicating thing and ia against shariah you can't have both and the first step to the solution is when you go over your resentment towards you ex-husbands (of course in case he is behaving like a muslim not just a badass or hypocrite that happend to have a muslim name maybe he can also deviate and endup in Kufr in this case things can change regarding costudy but you need to consult a sheikh and not let your feelings evaluate a state of someone especial when considering the resentment you have towards that person) so simply saying in islam marrying is serious thing and all problems source mostly is related to doing things wrong or not properly from the start so for those that have realized it than submit to Allah and don't let your emotions or desire to make you repeat the same mistake and rush into another marriage without doing things proplery as per shariah ruling which means find a trusted wali and wakil and let them also do the research on the person that is proposing to marry you.

[@MrTisback]

One thing brothers can do for single mothers is to marry them. Unfortunately a lot of our brothers choose not to marry single mothers due to the responsibilities that come with it. And unfortunately polygyny is hated.

[@mt.kenyanews-reelwithyahya7375]

At times it's important to have alternative thought.

[@rhumana5275]

Wow I love her idea of having the elder brother support group in mosques. Specially for new muslim men or boys with no male figure around. I would also suggest separate support group for girls and women. Sending dua for you and everyone that are suffering 🤲

[@IngramSnake]

Why use a picture of brad pitt in a 1940's Nazi era movie though? Honestly, it just perpetuates that manliness is being a white WW2 veteran. We need muslim tubers who actually discuss the manufactured images that are so pervasive to us that make us not realize this is even happening.

[@dinyarislam1793]

While I agree with the sister about men needing to step up, she also pointed out an issue with the woman who don't want their sons/daughters to get married to divorcees...its not only an issue with men and women also need some accountability. Also she mentioned that men have approached to marry her but she turned them down yet she blames men for stigmatizing divorced women...that seems quite hypocritical

[@PB-si5zt]

Maybe the men who asked were not compatible ya akhi - the MOTHERS she said had an issue with her getting married to her sons. Women hating women

[@shahidabdoullakhanzorovr1564]

​@@PB-si5zt She just badmouthed the father of her sons as not a good father for all the world to hear. Maybe the mothers have a point.

[@y2k704]

​@@shahidabdoullakhanzorovr1564 if you do bad things especially in a leadership position then you do deserve to be called out. If she lied then we can argue about that

[@misscamara12]

Most likely those men were never married so it’s understandable why the mothers felt that way. Now if those guys were divorced with their own kids then it would be different.

[@bassama6958]

I agree with what the sister said , about the men especially young men to have social community ( like sports, dinners, competitions, etc.). However, I feel the sister is going against what Islam definition of relationships, where she publicly shaming her ex-husband (instead it should be, to leave with kindness and grace). In the Qur’an, Allah describes a husband and wife as being garments for one another. My advise to the sister (and all other women ) is to stop having that victim mentality (and western feminism) , when she start doing that probably good men will step up. My advise for all of the men and women if you meet a person who is bitter to his/her ex-spouse stay away from them, otherwise you will be considered their next abuser. Also, IMPORTANT correction Kahdija, was not a single mother or Divorcee, she was a Widow when the prophet married her. Peace!

[@Azzam_Alqudsi]

facts, and my advice to Men is that they should not marry because of purely by their family or societal pressure, Islamic marriage will fix this "single mom epidemic"

[@優さん-n7m]

This sister's life has been ruined by a man and she has explained that happend to her. Why is this not acceptable? If we do not discuss, these things will never be addressed.

[@shimmer4771]

@@優さん-n7m somehow they'll still blame the woman. I think there's wrong on both ends, sometimes. Then, there's times where you can see who was in the wrong.

[@shimmer4771]

@@bassama6958 it's not always the sisters and stop assuming it's feminism. There's men who refuse to provide for their families. Please, stop turning it around.

[@speakezi5346]

Young boys need supervision.They cannot be just left in the care of strangers.

[@haris4322]

Get married a second time sister. And the brothers should have the courage to tell there wifes that they want marry a second time.

[@mohasekoudaky3968]

Great content

[@Fundamental_Islam.]

What do you think about polygamy. As a Muslim woman if Allah give me a good man I’ll be completely ok with sharing him with other sisters of mine who need help. In my country poor single mothers are suffering a lot. They can’t get an outdoor job as they have children at home and women with rich husbands are too greedy and possessive to share

[@AC-mp7cx]

stepping up and raising another mans kids is not necessarily something men *have* to do however doing it in the community is essential. Divorce is something necessary but shouldn't be glorified.

[@shimmer4771]

@@AC-mp7cx but, taking a second wife also helps with society and single moms are included. Everyone deserves love.

[@mt.kenyanews-reelwithyahya7375]

As salaam aleikum warahmatiLlahi wa barakatuhu,

[@turkiyeask0137]

Doğruluk dürüstlük Sevgi muhabbet iyilik yardıbütün canlılara merhamet ve şefkatle ile İslamiyetin nurun kucaklayıcı yaklaşımıdır. Rabb'imin mümin olanların kalplere birbirlerine kenetlenir

[@Northmenn]

Hopefully you are given convenience by God to make it easier for your soul mate to get a partner who is compatible and suitable for you

[@Stylishmariya]

I have seen so many examples in the community where Muslim men DID marry single moms but unfortunately they did not treat her kids the same as the kids they had together.

[@shimmer4771]

Well, if she remarries the father gets custody of the children.

[@boxings1]

Correction Hazrat Khadija (RA) was not a single mother

[@TheAnsariPodcast]

when the Prophet PBUH married her? Respectfully, yes she was.

[@mt.kenyanews-reelwithyahya7375]

*Edited* . I empathize with her and I pray that Allah Malkin nas grants her ease in her plight. Personally am gladly a Muslim revert and the community I come from are suffering intensely on the same line and it saddens me that Muslim society would have the same problem. In my view, the need for a family of both parents from opposite genders struggling to raise a kids is the foundation of a society. Let's teach our young ones the vitials of men being supportive to their wives and women being submissive to their husbands henceforth their children will be raised within a natural family setup; complete with a father and a mum... Instead of hiring professional big Brothers and nannys for their children. A mother is the single most important source of positive moral values for a child whereas the Father is the protective bread winner. Thus their roles are complimentary and not expendable neither mutually exclusive Men should be encouraged to marry Single mums whereas single mums should be encouraged to seek husbands as a viable solution. we should beautify marriage and family. I know it's not easy but it's better than single parenthood.. Am greatly against the feminist paradox that pits opposite genders against each other through deception. Infact feminism has been unable to resolve the fact. _that both genders need each other to raise their kids___ *Ie* . the inherent need to have men presence as the head of the family. *NB* not just as a father figure but as the leader of the family. And women to be the primary pillar of a family as our mums and moral guides. it's evident that we cannot go against the natural order Allah put in place which is founded on the community of a natural family Let's encourage fellow Muslims and also non Muslim to maintain the Natural Family of Father, mother and kids. In Shaa Allah

[@shimmer4771]

Please, don't forget brothers need to step away from Red Pill. We need to trust in Allah to take care of us.

[@mt.kenyanews-reelwithyahya7375]

@@shimmer4771 However as Muslims we need to wisely counter feminism and encourage ladies to embrace marriage as solution to single motherhood

[@shimmer4771]

@@mt.kenyanews-reelwithyahya7375 yes. But, not all women are single due to feminism. Some may be sick or going through some problems. Some may not have found the right one. Some may be trying to get mentally healthy. Also, there's the issue of racism in Arab nations. Why doesn't anyone talk about that?

[@KhalilBizani]

so sorry to say that: it s the result of women empowerment, we need couples empowerment, family empowerment

[@shimmer4771]

@@KhalilBizani please don't assume. This isn't always the case.

[@shimmer4771]

@@KhalilBizani you don't know her.

[@perizat1888]

Lucky is the man who she will decide to marry.

[@coolfool147]

I totally agree.

[@RAFINPATWARY]

I am not part of them... But there are groups called Tabligh-Jamat & Jamat-Shibir in South Asia that invites the youth... Tabligh is very passive & Shibir is very political... But Shibir is uprooted politically in my country...

[@maksudurrahman2067]

Mother -in-laws please get some Taqwa not just practice religion like combing your hair in front of the mirror just thinking u have to comb ur hair to look good. Islam is something which is more than that. Allah-hu-Akbar.

[@imjustvisiting5397]

2:20 This already exists in Tabligh Jama'ah.

[@BlueBlue23]

If she truly cares about her sons, she needs to stop bashing their father every time she can. This is not from Islam. We don't go around exposing people's sins like this. And, she only tells her side of the story.

[@Fundamental_Islam.]

But when it comes to abuse you must speak up. I think you should listen to her previous podcasts. That man was choking her in-front of her son

[@BlueBlue23]

@@Fundamental_Islam. do you truly think that all happened out of nowhere? At least you should ask what triggered him to do that. I am not supportive of what he did but seeing her behaviour i only wonder

[@Fundamental_Islam.]

@@BlueBlue23 what behaviour? What did she say? Do you personally know her? What did she say Other than sharing her experience? Trust me dude I’m from Pakistan. Pakistani men are horrible. In Pakistan they have huge expectations from women but when it comes to men, “oh he’s a man!” “Let men be men” “woman should compromise” “good women are patient with their husbands” I’m sick of this nonsense tbh. One time prophet advised a woman to reject the proposals of men who are destitute and men who are harsh with women.

[@BlueBlue23]

@@Fundamental_Islam. I certainly not going to say anything inappropriate just for the sake of proving my point...so if you know, you know

[@Fundamental_Islam.]

Here we go! Now this person is accusing me of being a lesbian or joining women who are fighting to achieve immortality. “O believers! Avoid many suspicions, ˹for˺ indeed, some suspicions are sinful…” (Quran 49:12) Maybe you should learn Islam instead of judging ppl you don’t know here on KZbin. Repulsive behaviour of Muslims who lack knowledge and common sense are harming the deen and they’ll be responsible for that on day of judgment. And what notions are from Islam? That men should choke their wives and ppl should not help?

[@shadeedmuhammad8107]

Well what about marry a brother who has a wife already? That might be the blessing for your son. But i would say take the boy to the masjid. He will be ok because there are other men their. As for mental health well thats starts with family life. We all need to do better at picking better mates. Also so this is not the outside world. The question is are you praying and reading the Quran. Due you understand this and are you applying it. Islam is complete so why add or take away. Instead master it. This is how men can get better. Also fellowship among the brothers. You should be doing this anyways at friday prayer, Quran study and so forth. Also better stepup is by teaching and help eachother in the deen. Hold that brother accountable also.

[@imjustvisiting5397]

Speaking from experience, if your life or your children's lives are not being seriously endangered, then it's well worth putting up with abuse. They are too many negative influences and predators in this world, and a father, even if ill-tempered, can protect his child. An angry, abusive protector is better than no protector at all.

[@Muwahid999]

That's your opinion . Don't know whether you're a woman yourself and if you've any idea of what abuse feels like. Sometimes it's not worth living with someone. Divorce is'nt a taboo. Physical abuse is a reason for divorce . You can find evidence for that in hadith .. i can find it for you if you want.

[@imjustvisiting5397]

@zaahidrather I'm not saying physical abuse shouldn't be a reason for divorce. This is up to the individual to decide, based on what they can handle. I grew up in very tough conditions where girls are viewed as somewhat burdensome, so I have been very resilient. I made my decision to stay based on my child's prospects. And people should respect my decision instead of calling me a battered wife.

[@Muwahid999]

@@imjustvisiting5397 If it seems better decision for your world and hereafter , go with it.

[@mohamedr1164]

Khadija RA wasn't business woman, feminist ideology aime this

[@majidabdullah932]

The easiest way to teach men to man up is pointing them at a yemeni man and tell them to do what they do.

[@alibinhasan7406]

Maybe we should also have blue hair and makeup on so that she doesn't call us crazy.

[@Muwahid999]

what do you mean?

[@alibinhasan7406]

@@Muwahid999 masculinity is classified as mental disease (toxic) according to APA.

[@Muwahid999]

@@alibinhasan7406 Yeah but her divorce happened due to what we call real abuse.

[@alibinhasan7406]

@@Muwahid999 I am not talking about her life but about what she is saying

[@alibinhasan7406]

@@Muwahid999 I am not talking about her life but about what she is saying. Also, masculinity is a real abuse according to APA

[@floki5182]

The thing is divorce has been destigmatized in the west, there's no negative stigma around it so everyone is getting divorced now at a rapid rate, and that too on the minor and pettiest of issues. One small argument and boom, divorce comes up. So I'd say these women should stop divorcing their husband on the pettiest of issues, marriage isnt all sunshine and rainbows. And they should stop becoming single mothers which in turn harms the children if there are any. And no single man wants to take on a single mother, no man wants to continue another man's saved game. The only solution to this is polygyny. Have more men step up by encouraging them to marry more wives and stop shaming them for practicing a right given to them by Allah, I mean the solution is right there in the Quran but you dont wanna look at it. Encourage men to marry more women especially divorcees or widows as their second wives.

[@family0041]

AsslamuAlaikum , well not every woman chooses to leave the marriage over an argument only. I had abusive marriage with two kids for 15 years.Many times went for counseling in our local masjid and Sheikh asked each one of us to do our part which Alhamdulillah I always did and in the end Sheikh told my kids’s dad that if this marriage breaks it will be only because of you. And he divorced me three time in a sitting and the home fell apart I was homeless with kids for some time. Long story short , got a job and rented an apartment but I felt my kids don’t have male figure in their lives which is important for their upbringing so I thought to get married again with a nice person. Which I did now my husband is nice and kind to my kids Alhamdulillah. But my kids still miss their stepfather involvement in their life how ? Because only feeding them food isn’t enough i got remarried so they can have a dad and kids learn from him take guidance from him but my husband is just my husband not their father or mentor , my boys if they need guidance I’m the only one who takes care of their matters by myself. So I clicked on this video because it got my attention and I thought maybe I would find something in it. But let me tell you if the real father didn’t do his responsibilities properly no one else would. Step dads can’t do and feel like the same way for kids. So, now I only depend on my Allah سبحان وتعالى Sorry for long message but I had to open up my wound in response of this video

[@floki5182]

@@family0041 you need to understand the context in which am talking about. Am not talking about marriages that are indeed abusive in nature, am talking about the no fault marriages that end up in divorce because of the selfishness of the woman. I cant make an argument for every single woman on the earth ofcourse, so I made the argument by keeping it general. And am sorry that happened to you, and you should know that I was not talking about women like you who're real victims in my comment.

[@patel786]

​@@floki5182 no, we don't need to understand your context. the context here is given. the context is the video and the sisters story. Her case (serious violent abuse) is the exact scenario that divorce is permissible. I'm not saying that I totally disagree with what you are saying but you are completely off topic. "Read the room"

[@floki5182]

@@patel786 too bad for you, I didn't mention the cases of abuse in my original comment. I was specifically talking about selfish women who leaves the marriage and asks for divorce over pettiest of reasons. But I've already explained myself. And divorce was the topic of the video, so I wont say I was far off from the topic at hand. I just gave my opinion just like you're doing.

[@patel786]

@@floki5182 I respectfully disagree with love. May Allah guide us all

[@mt.kenyanews-reelwithyahya7375]

Why was my commentary deleted?

[@mt.kenyanews-reelwithyahya7375]

At times it's important for people to have alternative thought. It helps

[@conductingintomfoolery9163]

^This right here is why you need father's approval to get married, so you don't get women like here in out community

[@habibawest9253]

It’s the responsibility of the father to parent their children. If the father is deceased, then the family of the father is supposed to step up. It’s not fair to put the burden of mentorship on other men in the community, especially if they already have children. *You* made the choice to marry and procreate with your ex-husband. Women are making horrible choices in men and then expecting the community to pick up the slack. Choosing the wrong husband and father has long-term consequences. You are living those consequences.

[@MadinahLivin]

Lol my wife said this exact same thing

[@patel786]

You are missing the point that the husband is not the right type of role model for the child. Blame the mother for choosing a bad spouse or not it doesn't matter. At the end of the day the child needs a man in their life.

[@habibawest9253]

@@patel786 - It *DOES* matter. When you are courting, you’re supposed to look for qualities in a man that not only make him a great husband but also a great father. That’s common sense. Women aren’t being held accountable for their idiotic decisions. The children from these disastrous unions that should have never happened are not the community’s burden. If anything, where is the wali or wakil who gave this woman’s hand in marriage to her former husband? Where is the imam who officiated the nikah? Make those men serve as role models to her two sons. We have to start holding people accountable.

[@patel786]

​@@habibawest9253 when you say "courting" are you talking about the haraam courting that is void of Baraka and leads to far more problems? Even then I would respectfully pose to you that during the courting period a person cannot fully know a persons true behaviour especially if they are hiding it. I'll also say that neither my wife nor I are the same people we were when we got married. Parts of us are better parts are worse. People change and some people change drastically for the worse. "Women aren’t being held accountable for their idiotic decisions." Does the women only decide or does the man also have a choice in whom he marries? Allah has chosen for some good spouses and others difficult spouses and others spouses that are abusive physically or emotionally. Should a child be punished for this? You mention other people like a wali, imam etc. in this case she moved to a different city but I don't see the basis in your objection for men caring for other children like the Prophet (SAW) cared for Bilaal (RA). If you/your husband is not inclined to do this, then don't, but why object to others doing it and earning Allahs blessings from it?

[@habibawest9253]

First, “courting” is the appropriate term. Dating involves haram relations and doesn’t necessarily lead to marriage. On the other hand, “courting” is the halal process of getting to know someone to determine whether you and he/she are compatible for marriage. Even conservative Christians “court,” so stop acting like you don’t know the meaning of this word. You are correct that people change over time, but I don’t believe a spouse does a complete 180 like you’re suggesting. This sister ignored red flags and did not do her due diligence, and now she’s complaining that her ex-husband and father of her children isn’t a good role model for his owns sons. If he’s so bad - and I’m not doubting that he isn’t - then where was the wali or the imam of the community to take the ex-husband to task. My point is those involved with the marriage, such as family members, wali, imam, etc., should be made to step up and be a big brother to the children instead of burdening the community. Khalas!

[@raazreviews2101]

I wish i could marry her & take care of her 2 sons.

[@優さん-n7m]

The man who ruined the life of this sisters deserves cap-ital pu-ni-shment.

[@englishshikhi1234]

Sister could you please send salwat when mentioning Prophets SAW name?

[@shimmer4771]

@@englishshikhi1234 please don't abbreviate it. Thanks.

[@yusufa5429]

I'm sorry, but I disagree that men need to talk more about their feelings like women. Acknowledge a man for his good deeds and his accomplishments, be honest, and don't lie too much. Only weak men care about feelings, strong men care about achievements. A strong man takes pride whenever he takes control over his emotions. In another word, praise his self-control, don't feed his emotions.

[@Altair-El-Haddad]

Not really, you show your feelings to a woman and she'll lose all her respect for you lmao and find someone else. Maybe man up and don't cry infront of your women. Edit : I misread the whole thing, I agree with your comment.

[@elunery]

I really understand the current Islam situation now, some assholes do bad or evil use religion and those of us who hate war want to live a simple life must bear their cursed actions and I understand this is a test for us, My message is for people who are in trouble, cursed, insulted, bullied who are in non-Muslim countries, remember that the prophet also went through more than you he spreads Islam when no one in the world knows what Islam is, imagine how difficult that is

[@Abdulthejinslayer]

a man is not obligated to fill the role of the father for a child with a father point blank, nor can he from an Islamic stand point….as a matter of fact the father is to be offered or given custody of the child upon marriage to a new man because the child itself is not obligated to treat the father as a father because he is not…. also this is in the event he is a fit father and that is his right….now the sisters stand point and situation may be different I don’t know her personally nor do I judge….but this I know….Allah knows best and if you are speaking against what Allah has prescribed in the Quran you are spreading the whispers that shaytan has given you and that is haram every bad time and every situation is a test from Allah who are we to judge what the sister has been given from Allah….may Allah grant her ease in this life and the life after alhamdulilah