My 17-Year-Old Wants to Get Married Next Year (Help!)

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The Dr. John Delony Show

The Dr. John Delony Show

Күн бұрын

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@DominickSpano
@DominickSpano 10 ай бұрын
BTW the caller was awesome. He seems like such a caring father to his daughter that is approaching this with an open heart and open mind. Seems like a real gem of a father, the daughter is lucky to have him as a father.
@brandyk
@brandyk 10 ай бұрын
Yes and no. I think he's too worried about what his daughter thinks and some kids will manipulate their parents to this way nowadays. I can't actually believe she thinks they should pay for a wedding!
@MzShonuff123
@MzShonuff123 9 ай бұрын
I love how little judgement he puts on his daughter. But I gotta say a lot of this is just them wanting to have sex ASAP. They’re probably religious and have told them they can’t have sex til they’re married. This is what happens when you raise them with those beliefs-this is the other side of that.
@eb1680
@eb1680 9 ай бұрын
As a dad, I don’t know if I would be that mellow.
@thearmy88ify
@thearmy88ify 5 ай бұрын
This conversation should have been had 5 years ago and every year since...failed
@anna_burks
@anna_burks 8 ай бұрын
My husband and I started dating at 17 (following an 11 year friendship.) We were dating with intention and within 6 months had covered all the bases on morals, values, beliefs, boundaries, and the important things we want out of life. When he was medically discharged from the corps and came home to work as a mechanic, we were engaged and married within the year. He was already working, and I had already secured several scholarships that more than covered my schooling. I’m about to graduate college now and am 8 months pregnant with our first child. I am so thankful for him and for the life we have together. Having said that, we did have a small wedding and we’re not completely cut off from our parents financially, though we were prepared to be. No matter their age, if someone wants to be married but also wants their parents to fund their lifestyle, they’re setting themselves up for failure.
@terryperry4160
@terryperry4160 Ай бұрын
I married at 18, have 2 beautiful children 2 granddand had a wonder career.
@personperson9635
@personperson9635 9 ай бұрын
I met my husband my senior of high school. The day we met, my mom said, you have to graduate college before you get married. A man can leave you but your education won't. I honored my mother and got married a week after college graduation, married 22 years! I'm thankful for my mother's wisdom!
@gretz5792
@gretz5792 5 ай бұрын
I’m glad you honored your mother and got to marry your husband as well. Everyone wins :)
@SemekiIzuio
@SemekiIzuio 3 ай бұрын
Highschool is such a low bar, she should have pushed for college graduation
@wendybryan6071
@wendybryan6071 3 ай бұрын
If you can't wait four years, you're not right for each other. Education is everything. You'll be a better partner, worker, citizen and parent if you can support yourself if the marriage fails. It happens.
@gretz5792
@gretz5792 3 ай бұрын
@@SemekiIzuio Reread the comment…
@JaxLittles
@JaxLittles 3 ай бұрын
​@@SemekiIzuio She said college, not high school
@revdavidpeters
@revdavidpeters 10 ай бұрын
I’m soooooooooo glad I didn’t marry the girl I thought I was going to marry at 17. God blessed me with an almost perfect woman at age 24 😉. My brother, however, did get married at 19 and wife 18. They have a wonderful life and 3 great kids. It isn’t about the age, it’s about the people involved in the marriage.
@CynthiaSteele-o2g
@CynthiaSteele-o2g 10 ай бұрын
Right on!!!
@judyczyz1297
@judyczyz1297 10 ай бұрын
Exactly! I married at 18. 8 months after we met. Now married 44 years. I will say I knew once I turned 18 I had to have a job with health insurance. Kids today can stay on there parents insurance till 26. It’s a whole different world out there now. Most kids today are not that mature, like it was back 30, 40 years ago.
@theaxe6198
@theaxe6198 10 ай бұрын
My daughter is 15. I cannot imagine this
@razmiddle9410
@razmiddle9410 10 ай бұрын
@@judyczyz1297 I think that's the difference - if you're financially independent and prepared to live on your own as a self-sustaining unit, that's a different situation than dependents basically playing at marriage.
@Nitroscion
@Nitroscion 10 ай бұрын
I’m 39 and I’ve been with my wife since I was 17. Best decision I’ve ever made. I 100% agree with you that it’s the people involved and not the age that matters.
@darlayeates510
@darlayeates510 10 ай бұрын
My daughter, at 16 came home one night with a promise ring from her 18 year old boyfriend. I hardly took it seriously. But 2 years later at 18 and 20 they were married. They have been married now for 18 years, and they have the best behaved 5 children. He fought his way through school and has become a partner in his accounting firm. Our daughter has been able to be a stay at home mom. They are as happy as can be. I hate how acceptable it is now days to be in your 30's (40's) and still not be fully responsible and capable.
@tspencer661
@tspencer661 10 ай бұрын
My daughter has had a promise ring for the past two years. She got it on her 16th birthday. She and her boyfriend have been together for two and a half years. I know they’ll get married one day, but they both want to finish college first. They’re in no rush.
@lifestylehomestead
@lifestylehomestead 10 ай бұрын
That's wonderful! And I completely agree!
@jercasgav
@jercasgav 10 ай бұрын
I totally agree! I have seen too many cases where people lose that special someone because they have to wait until they are 28-30yrs old to marry...or they rush and marry the wrong person at 28-30yrs old because they don't want to be "too old". Why is it better to spend your young years in typically serially monogamous relationships, having sex, and staying at each other's apartments or even living together a long time unmarried because one is "too young to marry"? The damage done from doing this and waiting without a good reason is worse in my opinion. I got engaged to my husband at 21yrs and married at 22yrs. We met in nursing school getting our bachelor's degrees and married immediately after we graduated. Have been married 17yrs and have a 13yr old son. We both agree we actually wish we had met younger. We both came from divorced homes and we helped each other survive financially as well as emotionally through college. Both of us coming from divorced homes made us very convicted in staying married, and in wanting to create the security in our adult lives we never had as children.
@sobeliever1638
@sobeliever1638 10 ай бұрын
Most 18 year Olds today should not be married and you are right waiting into well into your 30s may not work out especially fertility wise but it does for some people. Good thing people like your daughter have the freedom so don't judge the orher side as well
@faithli2131
@faithli2131 10 ай бұрын
Amen.
@jamiecone9151
@jamiecone9151 10 ай бұрын
What an amazing father figure. This girl is so blessed to have this man as her father
@CloakedC
@CloakedC 10 ай бұрын
I'm very impressed by this dad who called in. I like how he thinks and communicates with his child and Dr John
@greenAbbot
@greenAbbot 10 ай бұрын
I started dating my wife when I was 19 and she was 17. We knew we weren’t close developmentally to being ready to make that kind of commitment. When we finally got married six years later, there was not a doubt in anyone’s mind that we were meant for each other, and there hasn’t been a doubt in the 30 years since. All the people I know who got married too early did it because they were told they couldn’t have sex or live together until they did.
@yosemite735
@yosemite735 10 ай бұрын
@@sometimesising1016 Why marry so quickly? See how it works out first.
@patriciageo1618
@patriciageo1618 10 ай бұрын
That kind of reminds me of the new term NATO dating: Not Attached to an Outcome Dating is the catchy new way to say take dating mindfully and don't push things too fast. Just like you did.
@esinfa
@esinfa 10 ай бұрын
İf you are all in it you give ypor 100% to make it work which is a must for any relationship or marriage to work. Marriage because of the mindset and commitment sets you up success and relationship because of the lack of these sets you up for failiure.
@jenem9618
@jenem9618 3 ай бұрын
Funny. Almost all the people I know who got married too early WERE already having sex. They were also too arrogant to listen to family and friends telling them about the blatant red flags in the relationship.
@narrowpathfarm
@narrowpathfarm 10 ай бұрын
Kids should get pre marital counseling
@Sara_The_Feral_Housewife
@Sara_The_Feral_Housewife 10 ай бұрын
Yes! I got married when I was 18. My husband and I went through our churches pre marriage counseling. It was great. We're still happy 8 years later.
@anna_burks
@anna_burks 8 ай бұрын
All couples would likely be better off for it.
@Mmmmkaaay
@Mmmmkaaay 3 ай бұрын
Kids and marriage should never be in the same sentence in this way.
@melodyg4727
@melodyg4727 10 ай бұрын
It's not that they can't get married, but in being married, that means they are a new independent unit from both sets of parents. If they require to be financially supported then they're not ready. To be married means you are a new unit, completely cleaved from parental support. New privileges, but a whole new set of responsibilities individually and as a couple. I felt ready to be married at 20, but that was because I had been making my own money since I was 15. I got myself my own scholarship to university, I was running my own life, doing my own taxes, paying for and driving my own car. I started buying and saving my own household items for my eventual home at 15 and my Mum allowed me to use half her attic space as storage. I also only dated one guy before my husband, because I also only had a view of dating for the purpose of marriage. Ultimately, I ended up marrying at 22.
@nt3833
@nt3833 9 ай бұрын
Agree with you on the financials. Also, dating SHOULD be for the purpose of finding a spouse. People screw around too much today (pun somewhat intended) and that’s why I believe we have so much divorce.
@boyerfarm2973
@boyerfarm2973 3 ай бұрын
Well said.
@realnerd3142
@realnerd3142 10 ай бұрын
I met my husband at 14, married right after my 19th birthday (6 months after high school graduation). I made it through college easily. We just had our firstborn child at 25 years old but have two amazing teens through foster care, one has an adoption date coming up in February! We’re very happy in our unconventional family.
@kathyalex778
@kathyalex778 9 ай бұрын
You’re 25 and you’ve adopted teens??
@KristenS-mu1oc
@KristenS-mu1oc 10 ай бұрын
Plot twist: The kids shack up and call the Ramsey show for financial advice and Dave and John say “Go to the courthouse and get married today!” 😂
@jonathanmartin2360
@jonathanmartin2360 9 ай бұрын
Exactly, such contradictory advice from this guy.
@Mmmmkaaay
@Mmmmkaaay 3 ай бұрын
Lmao so true
@JaxLittles
@JaxLittles 3 ай бұрын
​@@jonathanmartin2360 It's not contradictory. He's usually dealing with older people and telling people that if they aren't willing to marry each other, they shouldn't marry their finances. The younger people he's spoke to, he's suggested to reach their career goals before getting married and before marrying their finances. Watch more of his videos. Op is overexaggerating
@lorirogers9304
@lorirogers9304 3 ай бұрын
He forgets what he says. Typical man 😂
@GAFB1122
@GAFB1122 10 ай бұрын
As a parent myself, the answer is so simple. I would say you are too young but I cannot control you and you will be an adult. If you choose to go thru with this so be it. I will be there for you emotionally BUT you are absolutely 100% cut off financially. And it's not because I don't love you BUT it's because you want to be an adult so bad, well, this is what adults like me do. We pay for everything ourselves and don't live off anyone!!
@swayzieandchinita
@swayzieandchinita 10 ай бұрын
Great answer. 👍🏼
@Allthekingshorses2
@Allthekingshorses2 10 ай бұрын
Same.. this is exactly my answer too…
@Eric_Bassett
@Eric_Bassett 10 ай бұрын
Much better than johns crummy scorched earth approach.
@GAFB1122
@GAFB1122 10 ай бұрын
@chrissyellem7397 You really think that is the same. You didn't ask to have an autistic son and your son didn't ask to be autistic. So your reply is NOT relevant to my comment. I would not cut someone off in the situation you describe BUT I hold to my comment for wanna be adults who want to make their own decisions.
@marycarricaburu3683
@marycarricaburu3683 10 ай бұрын
i married at 17 an I was so hell bent to make it on our own, that I went hungry because I did not ask my parents for help. When my dad found out he was so angry. Not like you would be.
@ethandowler4669
@ethandowler4669 10 ай бұрын
I wanted to marry my high school sweetheart, too, but we waited til the middle of college. It was a good thing b/c we were able to test our relationship in the “real world” and it needed it. We ended up fighting for our relationship during those dating-in-college years, and we’re about to celebrate 10 years of marriage in May!
@ethandowler4669
@ethandowler4669 10 ай бұрын
Once we got married, our parents stopped all financial support. They weren’t paying much before that anyway haha
@KS-cl8br
@KS-cl8br 10 ай бұрын
​@@ethandowler4669Thats okay you can remember that when they get old if they need money
@BrianAnu
@BrianAnu 10 ай бұрын
Great story, congrats Ethan!
@gbear34
@gbear34 10 ай бұрын
Congrats!!
@nightfangs2910
@nightfangs2910 10 ай бұрын
Your a rare case but kudos to both of you, most people as they move through their 20s have a very different life view by the time college is done
@jamieboll7479
@jamieboll7479 10 ай бұрын
My husband and I got married right out of high school with both our parents support. They paid for our beautiful wedding but we were self sufficient after that. We’ve been married almost 28 years and are so happy with each other and our family. It’s not a one size fits all. We were mature enough to handle life. Both our sons also married right out of high school and have been married with children for many years as well. Best wishes to you, parenting isn’t easy!
@jman64491
@jman64491 10 ай бұрын
I was married when I was 18 too. It was great for my husband and I. We were responsible and hard working. Weve been married for 21 years. We got engaged after 6 months, and had a 9 month engagement. My husband says his only regret is how long our engagement was. 😅 being married young is not always negative. John should of asked the caller if he felt these two were mature or not. My parents trusted me and my husband and felt we could handle it.
@Mmmmkaaay
@Mmmmkaaay 3 ай бұрын
Back when you could buy a house for 50 k.🙄
@jenniferstephenson
@jenniferstephenson 3 ай бұрын
​@@MmmmkaaayAt that time I made $4/hr. It's all relevant.
@ethandowler4669
@ethandowler4669 10 ай бұрын
My advice would be to COACH them. They CAN make it if you prepare them. Support and training are what they need. They don’t know what they don’t know. It’s the parents’ job to teach them! Sounds like the dad on this call knows that, but I wanted to throw it out there.
@rachelmaddowswife8713
@rachelmaddowswife8713 10 ай бұрын
A parent can't give a crash course to a 17 year old child to do all the growing up that the next eight years of life experience would provide though, there's no way to make that personal growth that happens by age 25 other than living it yourself. Don't you remember being a teenager? You think your parents are morons and that you're the smartest person in the world who has everything figured out. Then you go to college and have to do your own laundry, wake yourself up on time, and pay your own bills, and you realize life is a lot harder than you thought. These kids will learn the hard way, and it's better that they do that learning without making the mistake of legally tying themselves to each other. They'll be responsible for 100% of each other's college loans for example if they marry now, so the consequences of "oops, actually we should get a divorce" can be devastating. In cultures where everyone stops school as a young teen and has already been living an adult lifestyle in the workforce by their late teens, maybe a late teen marriage isn't so bad, but in the US a 17 year old is a fully dependent child. And I say this as someone who had multiple jobs by middle school to help with my parents' bills, I was still very much a child.
@marycarricaburu3683
@marycarricaburu3683 10 ай бұрын
@@rachelmaddowswife8713 This is why you should begin at an early age teaching them what they need to know before they leave the nest. I had a "hope chest", my daughters did also, when they were 13 or so, I started gradually filling it with pots, silverware, linens, etc. and they learned how to budget by watching me. We did not have a lot of money so I had to do it a little bit at a time. I am 90 and they are 58 and 60. Each one understood they would leave home and I did my best to prepare them. There is no reason to have to give a girl ready for college or marriage or the military a crash course.
@ethandowler4669
@ethandowler4669 10 ай бұрын
@@rachelmaddowswife8713 I'm not saying they're going to be 100% mature, but that doesn't mean you can't get married if you get married for the right reasons. Marriage forces you to grow up, and it's meant to be a long-term commitment. It sounds like this dad has been teaching his daughter how to be mature for a long time. It's hard to give blanket advice, but this is just my experience.
@rachelmaddowswife8713
@rachelmaddowswife8713 10 ай бұрын
@@ethandowler4669 Of course they "can" get married when they're 18, the question is is this the best time for them to get married. Statistically, no, it's not. They would almost certainly have an easier marriage if they're able to stay boyfriend/girlfriend throughout college and marry in their mid 20's. Plenty of people don't step up to the plate and magically mature just because they signed a marriage license. All my divorced female friends assumed their male partners would stop acting like teen boys and man up, and they didn't. You're going to keep growing and changing throughout life, so even if you marry at 40 you'll still need to keep learning and accommodating each other, but the difference between 18 and 25 is massive, 18 is still a child in our culture in terms of psychology and life experience.
@Sara_The_Feral_Housewife
@Sara_The_Feral_Housewife 10 ай бұрын
Yesssss!
@cooker-q4x
@cooker-q4x 10 ай бұрын
I appreciate the dad trying to talk it out. My 18yr old son is hoping to get married soon. He enlisted last year, is working about 35hrs/wk and finishing his senior year. He’s ready to move into adulthood. I got married at 19 and we’re about to celebrate 20yrs.
@ivankrushensky
@ivankrushensky 6 ай бұрын
Sounds like he has a solid plan. Income, health benefits and so on. The scary part would be if it were two people shacking up in grandma's basement and wanting to get married, with no legitimate ambitions. Then we would have to have a talk.
@TAGombie
@TAGombie 3 ай бұрын
Marriage in the military is easily the hardest thing I have ever done. It takes a lot of work. Best of luck to him. It’s hard but totally worth it
@mandyr
@mandyr 10 ай бұрын
I got married at 18, my husband was 19. We both had full time jobs and he had already been living on his own since 17 after graduating high school early. I was already paying for my car insurance and cell phone. We didn’t go to college, we didn’t have debt. Our Christian faith was our priority as well as our sexual purity, so that was partial motivation to our early wedding. Our parents did not support us financially in any way after we were married. Best decision we ever made. Yes, we had some growing up to do together but our marriage is very strong. We’ve been married for over 12 years now. We didn’t have children until 9 years in. It’s not as scary as this video seems to be if both people are wise enough and already bearing responsibility well. The prolonged infantilization and perpetual support of children in today’s society is doing them a disservice. College is not an essential and I do NOT regret getting married instead of going to college.
@ineedhoez
@ineedhoez 10 ай бұрын
I mean you say that but you're probably kind of broke. On average, having a college degree means you're going to make a million more dollars over the course of your lifetime.
@mandyr
@mandyr 10 ай бұрын
No, we aren’t broke. We have plenty on just my husband’s income. We have a nice emergency fund and no debt. We bought both our cars with cash. We own our home. I’m free to stay home with both our children and have no need to work outside the home anymore (though I could if I wanted to). It’s been a huge blessing to not have anything hanging over our heads that would keep us from achieving our dreams - without the college degrees. We both have had successful careers in the sectors and industries we always wanted to work in. Granted, by getting married young we didn’t have much at first but we were afforded TIME. Time to start investing for retirement and savings. We just had to make wise choices. Marrying young isn’t for everyone, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Mind y’all we are millennials too so we went against the grain of most people in our generation.
@sherip1270
@sherip1270 10 ай бұрын
@@ineedhoez With the Lord, all things are possible.
@brandyk
@brandyk 10 ай бұрын
​@@mandyrvery happy for you. Great job. I thought this was going to be another post from people who did this 50 years ago which let's be honest is not exactly the same thing. Continued success
@mandyr
@mandyr 10 ай бұрын
@@sherip1270yes, to God be the glory.
@lindsay3793
@lindsay3793 10 ай бұрын
She wants to get married but refuses to pay for her own car insurance: the answer is NO. Grow up first.
@KS-cl8br
@KS-cl8br 10 ай бұрын
under 18 her parents are responsible for her expenses ... she is 17
@alqoshgirl
@alqoshgirl 10 ай бұрын
What?? Why are western people so weird on what they consider maturity?
@WWE2KProGamer
@WWE2KProGamer 10 ай бұрын
She’s been paying for her own car insurance. Her dad helped her set that payment up.
@HTOWN535
@HTOWN535 10 ай бұрын
@@alqoshgirl Trust me if you've seen 17-year-olds today in the west they are nowhere near mature. Having a full-time job most kids won't do it. Let me guess you're not from the States? Things cost money here my friend. Idk how you find this weird statistically the younger you are when you get married here it does not workout.
@lindsay3793
@lindsay3793 10 ай бұрын
@@alqoshgirl Because western people are in prison (aka "school") until they are eighteen. You are literally property until you are eighteen. It is a very sheltered culture. You don't work, you don't own anything, you don't have any money... then suddenly you are expected to know how to juggle all of that overnight. You are lucky if you have parents who care at all, but most parents are tuned out because they are burnt out trying to survive, themselves.
@tatyanadifort
@tatyanadifort 10 ай бұрын
I got married at barely 17. My husband was 18. We have been married 16.5 years. I love my husband more now than i did then. .. but i will say that we definitely did life at the hardest setting possible by marrying that early, and it is by the grace of God we are happily married still. We had to break many codependent habits along the way. I picked the right person... just should have grown up a bit more and learned how to be an individual first.
@Eirikr430428
@Eirikr430428 10 ай бұрын
I’d argue the path you took was the only way you were going to learn the virtues you now have. That’s how it’s been for me. I was never “ready” for any major life decision until I had finally done it, messed it up, and come out on the other side a little wiser for it. It’s too bad we don’t get a practice round!
@tatyanadifort
@tatyanadifort 10 ай бұрын
@Eirikr430428 it's true. We have just this one life. Learning from the trials of others would save us a lot of heartache if we were to realize what they have to teach us before making our own mistakes. But hindsight is usually 20/20 and seeing clearly in the midst of the problem is nearly impossible.
@Eirikr430428
@Eirikr430428 9 ай бұрын
@@tatyanadifort I meant to comment on “being an individual first” before marriage. To me, that sounds like getting set in your ways that would only hinder the marriage relationship later on. I think the grass is always greener, and delayed maturity (including delayed marriage) is a difficult problem we face.
@Valpo2004
@Valpo2004 10 ай бұрын
The thing that was not mentioned quite frankly is the question of "why do you want to get married so soon?" My fear is that the real reason is that they are waiting til marriage to have sex and want to get married in a hurry so they can start having sex. Which is likely not a reason they would want to share with their parents...
@yellowstar11193
@yellowstar11193 10 ай бұрын
Exactly my thought too
@tfernandez6806
@tfernandez6806 10 ай бұрын
Exactly! It’s all that purity ring thing and pressure so they have a fantasy…without financial experience! C’mon
@samh5218
@samh5218 10 ай бұрын
I agree. That thought crossed my mind.
@hideyable
@hideyable 10 ай бұрын
As someone who comes from a country with much better sexual education at school, this thought hadn't even crossed my mind. If purity culture is so ingrained in American culture that teenagers are getting married just so that they're "allowed" to have sex, that's terrifying 😳
@privacyplease1556
@privacyplease1556 10 ай бұрын
It’s the only reason someone chooses to get married at that age.
@MD-vm8tc
@MD-vm8tc 10 ай бұрын
At age 14 I knew I wanted to marry my boyfriend. At age 18, a couple of months after high school we got married. We've been happy and prosperous for 25 years now. We were always more mature and planned/ saved in high school, so this was not a childish decision on our part. It's not for everyone, but it was perfect for us!
@JustinCase780
@JustinCase780 10 ай бұрын
The only couples I knew that succeeded with marriage at that age didn't go to college. Everyone that tried it with college divorced. An insignificant sample size but just sharing what seemed pretty common. That being said I know couples that waited until post college and married that are most successful including my parents and also couples in my generation. College is a hugh test as many break up and are better off.
@RichObiQuan
@RichObiQuan 10 ай бұрын
No you’re spitting facts rn. Especially at that age in this new era. Not like how it was in the 70s-90s
@boston312
@boston312 10 ай бұрын
Social media will destroy 99% of these teenage marriages. The brain isnt even fully developed at that age which is why they make impulsive decisions. On top of that seeing their peers go out and party, travel, getting attention from the opposite sex, etc on social media will make most couples feel like they are missing out.
@stillwatersfarm8499
@stillwatersfarm8499 10 ай бұрын
This what I have observed as well.
@kathrynharvey3640
@kathrynharvey3640 9 ай бұрын
My husband and I were married at 18 and 19. I have my BA and he has a Masters and it was the best decision ever. Married 27 years. Just depends on the kids.
@Nillybilly
@Nillybilly 9 ай бұрын
My husband and I got married at 18&20, I finished up some college online and worked part time from home our first year of marriage but he has always solely provided for us working construction and then started his own business. I agree that college would’ve made it so much harder for us. I think it’s good for kids to get married young and figure out what real life is like and what real love is like - and working in the trades is underrated.
@hannahrobinson4078
@hannahrobinson4078 10 ай бұрын
When she’s 18 she can do whatever she wants… but that also means you’re under no obligation to pay her bills. “I don’t support the idea of you getting married right now. I feel as though you should wait a little longer and experience this relationship in the real world. That being said, you can do what you want when you’re an adult, but I will not be paying any bills for you once you get married.”
@jenem9618
@jenem9618 3 ай бұрын
Exactly. And any 18-year-old who can't see that this is reasonable is not mature enough to get married.
@DogmaGirlAD
@DogmaGirlAD 10 ай бұрын
My parents wanted me to get married about 3 months later than I did (and mentioned that they could help out more if I waited). Did I wait? Nope. I didn't want a fancy wedding or to spend a lot of money on it. I just wanted to not drag out the engagement process when we had thought through a lot of things (that we could - of course there's stuff that you can't figure out beforehand that will always be). We both believed in waiting for sex until marriage and both looked at ourselves and was like that's going to be a hard one when we already know what we want in this deal. Not waiting isn't always about maturity. Sometimes it's being mature enough to know yourself and what you wNt in life etc. We were also told to wait at least a year before getting pregnant with our 1st. Didn't follow that recommendation either. Sometimes when people take a path and they regret it they assumed that everyone else who does that is also going to regret it just because they did. Gave birth to our 4th a year ago - honestly, I kind of wish that some of this timeline was even earlier than it was... Very glad I didn't listen to recommendations to delay it even more than it already was delayed. If your daughter throws a fit about it being too long to wait then you can say something about her maturity. But, sometimes you need to respect when your adult child leaves a generous offer from you on the table because maybe what they want in life is a little bit different than what you want or what you think they want. I feel no entitlement to my parents money or my parents babysitting help or anything else. When they give it, I am thankful. But, often when they give it under conditions, I say "no thanks, but thank you so much for the generous offer." And I don't believe that's immaturity on my part 🤷‍♀️
@shoshanas5251
@shoshanas5251 10 ай бұрын
Such maturity on your part. Had fun reading your comment. Awesome job! Blessings!
@Sara_The_Feral_Housewife
@Sara_The_Feral_Housewife 10 ай бұрын
Yes! This is similar to my story. I didn't follow anyone's advice (especially not the divorced ones). Got married at 18, got pregnant on the honeymoon, and basically did everything people said not to do. We're 4 kids in, 8 years, and still completely happy and confident that we made the right choice.
@SpoonHurler
@SpoonHurler 10 ай бұрын
I got married two days after I graduated high school. I had a job and an apartment because I got emancipated when I was 16. I grew up with wait till you get married to have sex and so this seemed like the best decision ever. I highly doubt I'd marry my now ex-wife (divorced at 25) if we waited until we were 20. A lot of flags became apparent in those two years. Telling them both the weight of all of it is hard but to me is a tremendous act of love. Caller sounds like a great dad.
@am5635
@am5635 10 ай бұрын
Looking back now, what do you think motivated you to get married so soon?
@SpoonHurler
@SpoonHurler 10 ай бұрын
@@am5635 I truly believed that God didn't want people who weren't married to have sex. I was part of True Love Waits since 6th grade and it was all that either I grasped or was told. Get married to someone in your same church and you're good. When I was 20 I started actually reading and there was way more depth to the true love parts and as John points out a 17 year olds grasp of "love" is vastly different then someone even in their 20s. For example, my mother in law got very ill (on dialysis type ill) and my wife refused to help me and by brother in law take care of her until she passed away a year and a half later. Along with a lot of other entitlements I never noticed as a lovestruck 15 year old. Not saying I was perfect either, I am a lot to deal with too, if something needs (or I think it needs) to be done, it HAS to get done and that can be grating to someone that hasn't agreed to it. TL;DR: High School is a terrible time to determine compatibility.
@ninjarooster9258
@ninjarooster9258 10 ай бұрын
Dang dude, are you me?
@firefly9838
@firefly9838 10 ай бұрын
You married to have sex😂 bro what an idiot
@rickypv2978
@rickypv2978 10 ай бұрын
​@@am5635 coochie that's what motivated him
@alexisballard1459
@alexisballard1459 10 ай бұрын
I’m so appreciative of this discussion. I’m not even looking to agree or disagree, I’m curious to know the different ways to approach this life situation, THANK YOU for this channel ❤
@MacM15
@MacM15 10 ай бұрын
I got married at 18. 9 years and 2 kids later and It’s been a good thing for us. I really think it highly depends of how the couple thinks and approaches life. ❤ Side note and not necessarily something I’d recommend but I got pregnant 2 months in. We have wonderful kids and a wonderful life.
@Janelegant
@Janelegant 10 ай бұрын
I love this caller. I wish I had a Dad like him. I like the advice Dr. Delony gave too. While the daughter and future son-in-law are very young, there are always exceptions to the rule and I hope they are all able to live happily ever after :)
@hwinny2
@hwinny2 10 ай бұрын
I got married right when I turned 19. Way too young. I did not have the opportunity to go to college because of it, then I had children right away. I was planning on 3 years, but got pregnant honeymoon night. I will never regret having my children, but I will always regret not finishing college and beginning a career first. I made for a very unhealthy marriage and power and earning disproportionate relationship where who I was or what was important to me was squashed.
@alqoshgirl
@alqoshgirl 10 ай бұрын
Sadly you’re wrong. It was best to have kids first and career later. It’s sad you couldn’t love what you had in the moment. We can see in society now how messed up many people’s life are because they chose career over a family when young.
@Jennie-hi2ti
@Jennie-hi2ti 10 ай бұрын
@@alqoshgirlno you’re wrong. How can you tell someone else how to see their life. That’s her life you’re saying is wrong, and you’re saying it’s wrong because of what, society? If we went by society’s standards, then your statement and everyone else’s beliefs would be wrong as well. She’s giving her perspective, you know nothing about her to know why she felt that way, the small things that built up to how she came to this judgement. OP, I see your stance, and I think it’s real how you are able to admit how you truly feel. Ignore the commenter who wants to be judgmental and tell you how you should see or live your life.
@alqoshgirl
@alqoshgirl 10 ай бұрын
@@Jennie-hi2ti society tells her she did her life wrong and she should’ve chosen a useless degree and career over a loving family. Yes I can tell people what is right as this is a public forum where people share opinions idiot
@hwinny2
@hwinny2 10 ай бұрын
@@alqoshgirl there might be some truth in what you say if you had two whole and healthy individuals going into a marriage with community and family support. If not, there is a lot of room for abuse.
@melstarr1864
@melstarr1864 10 ай бұрын
@@alqoshgirl I believe that getting the education first is much easier. You may decide to postpone the career a bit for the sake of raising children, but it is much easier to get the education when you don’t have kids.
@LoganGabrielleMUA
@LoganGabrielleMUA 10 ай бұрын
I think this a great opportunity to to vet her boyfriend and prepare her for marriage-regardless of if they ultimately marry. Once kids leave the home you loss so much visibility into their dating choices.
@parks105
@parks105 10 ай бұрын
This caller is such a good Dad!
@Ss-dz6cm
@Ss-dz6cm 10 ай бұрын
I married my high school sweetheart 1 year after graduation. 26 years married now. We got married mainly because his parents said you're out as soon as you graduate and it was easier with both of our incomes and living together before marriage was not an option. His parents shoved us right into marriage. Don't regret it now, but it hasnt always been easy.
@michaelrueckert8507
@michaelrueckert8507 10 ай бұрын
I got married at 19. My wife was 21. Now we've been married for 7 years and are more in love than ever. We love that we built our lives together and had no other experiences with other people. Neither one of us ever dated anyone else so we have no baggage at all. I hate that everyone is encouraged to wait. If you are raised to be committed it's not risky to get married so young.
@michaelrueckert8507
@michaelrueckert8507 10 ай бұрын
To add to this, I was 12 when I met her and knew very early on that I wanted to be with her. 🤷‍♂️ Neither of us went to college either and both have successful jobs. I'm surprised by John's response to this caller.
@michaelrueckert8507
@michaelrueckert8507 10 ай бұрын
You're talking like 18 year olds have the maturity of a 10 year old. That's messed up.
@tab207
@tab207 10 ай бұрын
Good! I’m 44, alone & have no family bc I believed the lie that I had to screw around & prolong my adolescence for as long as possible. Get married & have a family! Learn from the mistakes of those of us who believed fools.
@wendybryan6071
@wendybryan6071 3 ай бұрын
It's too late for kids but not for a meaningful relationship. Set standards for yourself and the men you date. You don't have to have sex early in a relationship if you're not ready. Holding out isn't playing games. It's taking care of yourself. Start seeing a therapist to help you meet your goals.
@joycevalenzuela8495
@joycevalenzuela8495 10 ай бұрын
Thank you for this, needed to hear it. Also a mom going through these tough teenage years of parenting.
@linhaton4957
@linhaton4957 10 ай бұрын
No money, no marriage. Marriage is an adult commitment and should not depend on parental financing. Dad has been suckered into this. This is an awful idea. They both need full time jobs and understand the adult world.
@loriloristuff
@loriloristuff 9 ай бұрын
This dad is spot on IMO. He's got good instincts. And John's instinct is right as well, particularly setting the stage with the prospective son-in-law.
@farfallina16
@farfallina16 10 ай бұрын
Married at 19 and 22 here. We hit 20 years this year, happier and healthier than ever. My aunt married at 19. She is still happily married 50 years later. Once you're an adult, you can make the choice you want to make. So as a parent, support them by preparing them to make those choices wisely. The #1 best thing my parents did was not fight with me, but talk to me and treat me as the adult I was and prepare me to make wise choices in marriage. We finished college together +1 kid, now we have 4, and if my kids want to marry young, I hope I have taught them to choose their future spouse using wise principles and to understand marriage requires a lot of hard work and mutual sacrifice.
@MelissaMaiga
@MelissaMaiga 10 ай бұрын
I love this Dr. Delony! That young lady will feel so loved and cared for by her father! Such an important message to send!
@Plooky1969
@Plooky1969 10 ай бұрын
I married the day after my 18th birthday. It was tough, but we have now been married for 37 years. He was 21 when we got married. I had no doubts, maybe it was naivety, but it’s worked out. All you can do is support her.
@amyridley3926
@amyridley3926 10 ай бұрын
If you want to get married, you're on your own financially.
@HorseLady1109
@HorseLady1109 3 ай бұрын
I totally agree!
@FTG2Eli
@FTG2Eli 10 ай бұрын
My sister got married at 19 and he was 18. 200+ attended the wedding paid for by parents. My sister left the marriage around 6 years into it, leaving my 4 yr old nephew behind. She needed to explore life by herself. And they were 2 educated, intelligent people (so I thought).
@yosemite735
@yosemite735 10 ай бұрын
2 educated, at 19 and he was 18. How many years of college at that point? You are not educated at that age. Intelligent at any age, educated once you have your BA/BS
@christopherdunham2637
@christopherdunham2637 10 ай бұрын
So sad. 😢
@boston312
@boston312 10 ай бұрын
would these 200 people still would have attended the wedding if they knew they would have gotten a divorce?
@kathylovesmk
@kathylovesmk 10 ай бұрын
If they get married at 18, then they are choosing to enter FULL adulthood at that time. Working, paying her own bills, etc. All that being said, my first love I was with for 10 years (14-24). I broke up with him, feeling like we were too young, and I wanted to see what else was out in the world. I'm now 58 and it turns out he was the love of my life. 💔 It's impossible for the parents to know if they'll last or not.
@boston312
@boston312 10 ай бұрын
go to Jamaica and get a Rent a Dread
@GameChanger597
@GameChanger597 10 ай бұрын
Unfortunately that's the message the world tries to brainwash Society with. It's always about you. You first. Live your life to the fullest and complete the long list of everything you want in life first before you settle down and have kids. People don't realize it's better to fulfill that list with your family then alone and just because you have a family doesn't mean you're not independent. It is a message being spoken especially to women and that is why so many women are having kids in their late thirties and forties now. Unfortunately they don't realize this is a ploy from the government for population control just to name one.
@steevo8754
@steevo8754 10 ай бұрын
I married at 17. I don’t recommend it. No way was i ready
@HorseLady1109
@HorseLady1109 3 ай бұрын
I wasn’t ready either, but I grew up fast. I’m grateful my husband hung in there.
@simplygina7703
@simplygina7703 10 ай бұрын
At 18 I wanted to get married. I’m now 23 and I feel like that was a lifetime ago! I was a baby! Thank goodness it didn’t work out- I had a lot of maturing to do. And I still do. This poor girl ought to live some life on her own and be responsible before saying yes to forever with someone. 😅❤
@boston312
@boston312 10 ай бұрын
most marriages in America end in divorce anyways so in the big picture it really doesnt matter what age she marries
@Public_land_trail_cams
@Public_land_trail_cams 10 ай бұрын
u made a terrible mistake. You gonna wait til 35 (when men no longer have any interest in marrying you) to start looking to settle down? I would never marry a woman over 24.
@simplygina7703
@simplygina7703 10 ай бұрын
@@Public_land_trail_cams 😂
@jazzycarlianna
@jazzycarlianna 9 ай бұрын
​@@boston312Go deeper on the data: the older and better educated you are when you get married, the less likely you are to divorce. That's why John thinks this is a bad idea.
@boston312
@boston312 9 ай бұрын
so maybe the divorce rate decreases from 52% to 40% if you marry older. The chances are still extremely risky marrying in America. Especially as a man, where you can end up paying child support, alimony payments, losing assets and a pension. Dr John has sent many men to the slaughter house with his pro marriage views@@jazzycarlianna
@miltoncat
@miltoncat 10 ай бұрын
He sounds like a loving and caring dad. I didn’t meet my husband until we were in our 30s. I shudder to think how my life would have turned out if I’d married the guy I was sooooo in love with when I was 18!
@FTG2Eli
@FTG2Eli 10 ай бұрын
More young people should be listening to this episode. To hear how transparent this father is regarding his daughter and getting this advice from John, heck, the whole conversation, should be eye opening to those that are thinking about getting married young.
@hwinny2
@hwinny2 10 ай бұрын
What a good dad.
@lisabraun6678
@lisabraun6678 10 ай бұрын
My husband and I got married at 17 and 18. My parents had to sign an authorization form before the wedding. It was a small, cheap ceremony. We had both had jobs since we were 14, had huge responsibilities, been dating for 3 years and our parents grew up in the same town! We've been married for 8 years with baby #3 on the way and I'm more in love with my husband then I've ever been. Not about age, but there has to be a high level of maturity.
@jaclyngjonaj8855
@jaclyngjonaj8855 10 ай бұрын
I would have loved for him to ask the question about their faith and religious background. If they were both raised in the “faith” and practicing Christians, maybe they wanted to get married because they wanted to do the right thing and wait until marriage and I would say that in itself would make them mature enough. The father sounds like a very well rounded balance man which leads me think there is a definite faith background in his family!
@boston312
@boston312 10 ай бұрын
The Church is a pedophile institution. That in itself would be a horrible reason to justify this marriage
@queenwhatever5217
@queenwhatever5217 9 ай бұрын
Rushing into marriage just because you wanna have sex does not sound mature to anyone who hasn’t been indoctrinated into that particular religious worldview.
@ithinkigottalent4047
@ithinkigottalent4047 10 ай бұрын
I spoke with a longtime friend of mine last night, who I met in college. She started dating her husband when she was 17 years old. We were literally laughing at the fact that he moved to the same college town in order to follow (be with) her. They got engaged when she was 19, and married for 27 years. Three kids and she got her college degree in accounting. She's been in Oil and Gas accounting for over 20 years. It's tough, and they can make it.
@333theeE
@333theeE 10 ай бұрын
Got married at 18 Best thing I ever did highly recommend it
@greenAbbot
@greenAbbot 10 ай бұрын
I’m glad it worked for you, but you beat the odds. The majority of people who follow your recommendation end up divorced.
@ethan4048
@ethan4048 10 ай бұрын
Survivorship biased
@shabnamkarimi3861
@shabnamkarimi3861 10 ай бұрын
Absolutely not… your luckiness does not equate into luckiness for others.
@333theeE
@333theeE 10 ай бұрын
@@shabnamkarimi3861 well I get it A lot of people are really stupid You're either ready to be married at 18 or it 38 some people are just mature and hardworking other people aren't
@333theeE
@333theeE 10 ай бұрын
@@greenAbbot yeah you just have to have good parents have a good head on your shoulder willing to work hard it's not for everybody lot of people are lazy and stupid
@J-evolving
@J-evolving 3 ай бұрын
I know this is a different generation we live in, but I married at 18. 19 years later, we are still rocking and rolling. My mom was scared for us, but was very supportive. My stepdad also got my husband (then fiancée) a job where he worked. My husband worked there for 7 years while I attended school. Once I finished school, my husband went to school. I am a social worker and my husband is a network engineer. Not to mention the 1st 4 years of marriage, we had 3 kids. It’s important to understand your kids mentality. I remember people referring to me as an “old soul.” I never understood until years later that I matured faster than my fellow peers. It truly depends on the individual(s) 🙏🏽
@elizabetha8565
@elizabetha8565 10 ай бұрын
The real sad part are parents that think their children are entitled to their money and have raised their children to think that way.
@cur244
@cur244 10 ай бұрын
Lots of soft parents out there now that spoil their children and don't make their kids work for anything. Especially true with gen x parents.
@patrickwoolery6000
@patrickwoolery6000 10 ай бұрын
You’re not wrong. But the neglect that a lot of GenX kids got from our parents made us want to treat our kids better. We tend to go too far the other way, but it is a reaction to not having parents who modeled a good balance.
@lebumjames1373
@lebumjames1373 10 ай бұрын
Lol if you look at the wealthiest and most successful families they all have trust funds/inheritances set up for their kids. Obviously there needs to be a balance but you aren't doing your kids and favors by cutting them off financially lol.
@elizabetha8565
@elizabetha8565 10 ай бұрын
@@lebumjames1373 where did I say cut them off? Also Hunter was a trust fund baby and not all would argue that he has done well in life.
@cur244
@cur244 10 ай бұрын
@@lebumjames1373 Showing your kids some work ethic is required is a good thing. Paying for everything for kids is a big problem and makes kids entitled and lazy.
@dawnpearson565
@dawnpearson565 2 ай бұрын
Oh this is a good example of a lovely home and Loving parents... Thanks Dr. Delony
@ginnyfromdablock7551
@ginnyfromdablock7551 10 ай бұрын
I got married at 18 and my husband was 18 as well and we are still going strong 14 plus years later.
@seefishn
@seefishn Ай бұрын
What I would have given to have a father like this. Great job Dad. This was one of my favorite calls.
@elizabethblane201
@elizabethblane201 10 ай бұрын
For every "successful" teen marriage touted in these comments, how many failures are there that people don't admit to?
@gbear34
@gbear34 10 ай бұрын
How many 60 years olds have been married 3 times? Until 80 years ago, Marriage at 18 years old was perfectly normal. They also didn't divorce as much as we do now. Was it perfect? No, but it was better for children and families overall.
@SIGSEGV1337
@SIGSEGV1337 10 ай бұрын
Failure is part of life, you get up, dust yourself off and try again.
@EadsB7002
@EadsB7002 10 ай бұрын
Exactly. Times are so much different now than 20-30+ years ago. it's like comparing apples to oranges.
@tracyaf6084
@tracyaf6084 10 ай бұрын
@@gbear34a lot. I’m in my 40s so parents to kids my age are 60s and up. Probably half of my friends in school came from divorced homes. My parents married in their mid 20s and were married 55 years when my mom died.
@lebumjames1373
@lebumjames1373 10 ай бұрын
@@gbear34Lol they didn't divorce as much because there was way less information and resources for women especially in abusive relationships.
@Aztecadr
@Aztecadr 9 ай бұрын
Very interested call. I say as a mom of 3, if they aren't able to pay for their own wedding, they aren't ready to get married. My husband and I paid for ours and did not ask a penny from anyone. As of now, I expect them to save before they embark in such complex lifestyle as a married couple. They can always have a small ceremony if they dont want to pay so much for a wedding as it is expensive.
@fishtail1129
@fishtail1129 10 ай бұрын
If they still need financial support they are not ready to get married. No staying in mom and dad’s car insurance, cellphone, etc. Do they both plan to work enough to pay for an apartment and living expenses? If not, they are not ready. If they think they can play house on your dime, nope.
@LifeBetweenTheDash
@LifeBetweenTheDash 9 ай бұрын
You're grown once you get married. All financial support ends and you figure it all out.
@happy153ful
@happy153ful 9 ай бұрын
100% I got married at 19 and my parents didn't need to tell me that. Which also made them even more worried because that meant even if they didn't want us to marry we were actually adults who could figure that part out ourselves.
@stevengtv
@stevengtv 10 ай бұрын
Support them and let them get married! It’s so much easier building together than merging lives later in life. People complain about the drop in marriage rates and how people are getting married “too old” (30+) but then say 18 is too young. Get real.
@rosamaundallen1035
@rosamaundallen1035 10 ай бұрын
People still need to be prepared. You can’t just go in and “wing it “.
@RepentImmediately
@RepentImmediately 10 ай бұрын
Divorce rates decrease as age at time of marriage increases.
@Debora.14
@Debora.14 10 ай бұрын
I agree with everyone, this is a very caring father.
@Cyanopteryx
@Cyanopteryx 10 ай бұрын
First of all, I all bs on "they're not going to have any money going to school full time". I worked, often full time work, while going through college. It's possible and honestly healthy. Also, personally speaking, if I'd married who I thought I wanted to marry when I was 17, my life would be hell. Others may have different experiences, but the odds are not in their favor.
@ineedhoez
@ineedhoez 10 ай бұрын
This was such a good call. I don't have any kids but this makes me want to have some.
@mysterio1570
@mysterio1570 10 ай бұрын
That was a great episode Dr.D. Best one of the start of 2023.
@mariarooney6262
@mariarooney6262 3 ай бұрын
Excellent,wise, balanced information for the future of his daughter and future son-in-law.❤️
@emmaroberts3617
@emmaroberts3617 10 ай бұрын
I got married 2 months after turning 18, he was 19. We were married for 7 years before we gor divorced. It was THE HARDEST 7 years of my entire life. We now share a baby, so I am forever attached to the guy I chose at 16, who is not at all the person he was then now, and neither am I. There was no convincing me at 18 that that was a bad idea
@eternalperspective4136
@eternalperspective4136 9 ай бұрын
My husband and I got married at 19 28 years ago. We have grown up together and grown closer. Time goes by so fast. I am so glad we've had all this time to start young and build a life together. Of course people have to be mature and committed enough to make it work and our mutual faith beliefs has been instrumental for us in this, but marrying young, under the right circumstances, can be a very beautiful thing.
@LadySleuth
@LadySleuth 10 ай бұрын
Aaand the girl will get pregnant "accidentally" and will have to drop out of college to raise the child while the guy finishes college, gets a degree and moves on with his career. Than of course issues will come and they will get a divorce and the girl will be a struggling single mom living paycheck to paycheck while the guy will go ahead and get married with a more mature mindset and career perspective and will start a new family. The end!
@joycevalenzuela8495
@joycevalenzuela8495 10 ай бұрын
This is true
@wiwjdjffff
@wiwjdjffff 4 ай бұрын
didnt happen back then and people were getting married at 16 so its really a culture matter
@RedLegPiper
@RedLegPiper 3 ай бұрын
Naw. Plot twists. Courts give her half of all his assets and money, child support, alimony, one of the cars, and the house, leaving the ex husband starting over with nothing but depression while she's already talking with office Chad
@b.r.7079
@b.r.7079 3 ай бұрын
That scenario has definitely been played out by some. Lets hope it plays out well. BUT PEOPLE DO CHANGE!
@gg_ingy
@gg_ingy 3 ай бұрын
@@RedLegPiper She should get half if they built their life together since their teenage years, lol. But women end up worse than men financially after divorce, sorry to burst that red pill bubble.
@lauravd3113
@lauravd3113 10 ай бұрын
This caller is such a great dad ❤️
@whatintheheck4692
@whatintheheck4692 10 ай бұрын
You can throw a beautiful wedding for $5k-$7. My first wedding in 2004, we did with a budget of $1000. My second wedding in 2009, I indulged in things that weren’t necessary but still only spent $4000. You don’t need a “Pinterest perfect” wedding, especially if you can’t afford it. It’s ONE day and you probably won’t remember half it.
@evangelineellington9240
@evangelineellington9240 10 ай бұрын
I agree you don’t need a “Pinterest perfect wedding” but in this day and age 5-7k does not get you far with a wedding unless you only have a few guests and do not have a meal. Prices are much, much higher than they were in 2009. Where I am located catering was in the 5-7K price range for a guest count of 170 and that was one of the cheapest options! I do think you need to evaluate your financial situation and plan accordingly though.
@whatintheheck4692
@whatintheheck4692 10 ай бұрын
@@evangelineellington9240 I reserved a church gymnasium for free and bought 30lbs of pork shoulder and we made pulled pork sandwiches. Other families pitched in with sides. Meals don’t need to be catered.
@evangelineellington9240
@evangelineellington9240 10 ай бұрын
⁠@@whatintheheck4692Good for you hun! We were happy to provide a meal for our family and friends. To each their own and to each what can fit into their means and what you are willing and able to give.
@boston312
@boston312 10 ай бұрын
how many wedding did you have? What do you say when they ask you to repeat "till death do us part"? Do you and your husband just skip that part?
@RepentImmediately
@RepentImmediately 10 ай бұрын
​@@boston312😂😂😂
@deannagillett2186
@deannagillett2186 10 ай бұрын
My husband and I married one year out of high school and were married college students for the next 3 years. Got degree and have had 53 yrs of marriage. It will be hard for them as long as they understand they will not have ANY EXTRA money during school and they may live in an apartment above someone’s garage. It can be done but it’s a big commitment 💕
@rosannacudmore2049
@rosannacudmore2049 10 ай бұрын
Being married young and all the way through college was the best thing we did. We got to plan our future from the beginning. Three kids, successful businesses, and 27 years together has been a crazy ride!
@richie824
@richie824 10 ай бұрын
We were married at 19, now 44 + 4 kids and an awesome marriage. It can work however we were both very mature for our age.
@thorneto2742
@thorneto2742 10 ай бұрын
I don’t see the point in getting married at 18. Me and my wife started dating at 15 but didn’t get married until we were 28. It didn’t really change anything anyways.
@alqoshgirl
@alqoshgirl 10 ай бұрын
Lol as if that’s normal. 28? What in the world. Living in sin, acting married for years is somehow normal 🙄
@thorneto2742
@thorneto2742 10 ай бұрын
@@alqoshgirl We are atheists, we don’t really subscribe to the whole sin thing. I guess if you are religious then getting married early makes more sense. It also might make sense if you plan to have kids but we’re 35 now and still haven’t tried for one so that wasn’t really a factor for us.
@RepentImmediately
@RepentImmediately 10 ай бұрын
​@@alqoshgirlthere's no such thing as "acting married." It's a legal status; that's it and that's all.
@LOLZHAHANOTFUNNY
@LOLZHAHANOTFUNNY 10 ай бұрын
My parents slowly handed me the reins of my own financial life between college graduation at 22 and marriage at 23. We had a simple courthouse ceremony and were fully independent by that point. It made money a simple, fun topic in our house. We've now been married almost 5 years and I thank my parents for blessing our marriage, accepting our decision to do it on our own terms, and gracefully handing us the burden of responsibility for our own expenses. It's made for a super fun last 5 years. ❤
@GAFB1122
@GAFB1122 10 ай бұрын
I wanted to be a grown up at 18. I joined the military. No safety nets, no mom or dad to cry to or pick up the pieces. Depending on what you did, your life and safety was on the line. You grow up real quick. Marriage at 18 shows immaturity because all it does is screams, I want to be seen as a grown up compared to actually being a grown up.
@SIGSEGV1337
@SIGSEGV1337 10 ай бұрын
No it screams 'I'm trying to do the right thing', and they should be commended for doing this instead of falling for the pervasive non-commital hookup culture.
@GAFB1122
@GAFB1122 10 ай бұрын
​@SIGSEGV1337 How about not doing either. You have an either / or and I disagree. No matter though. If you are doing the right thing as you put it, THEN that also means NOT living off of Mom and Dad. Unless you think financially carrying kids is ok.
@GAFB1122
@GAFB1122 10 ай бұрын
​@@SIGSEGV1337Besides, join the military, you'll grow up real quick.
@Ryan-wx1bi
@Ryan-wx1bi 10 ай бұрын
So you basically traded in your parents for Uncle Sam. We all know you're treated like a kid in the military when you're a low rank young kid. You're not exactly on your own. You get housing, food, benefits and are told what to do on a daily basis.
@GAFB1122
@GAFB1122 10 ай бұрын
@@Ryan-wx1bi Who is we? Did you serve?
@katiebwheeler
@katiebwheeler 10 ай бұрын
I love all this advice. I was engaged at 18 and married a few months after turning 19. We are over 17 years in, we have a wonderful life and marriage and 4 beautiful children. Mind you I had lived a lot of life in that time, working in high school, losing people very close to me, including my mom who I helped care for as well as helping in a big way with the house over her 4 year battle with cancer. My husband was 3 1/2 years older than me and he had lived on his own paying all his own bills since he was 18 and also lost his mother when he was younger. Dare I say we had experienced a few bumps and bruises from life our parents would have liked to shield us from that left us a bit more mature than many others at the same age... It was hard, we both had a lot of growing up to do, but we both just refused to quit and came out stronger and so much better on the other end. That said the idea of my oldest daughter being engaged in 4 years like I was is terrifying and I have no idea how my parents let me get married so young! lol
@kimberlynielsen6485
@kimberlynielsen6485 10 ай бұрын
It's better than them living together! I got married at 19 he was 18 and have been married for 41 years!❤
@greenAbbot
@greenAbbot 10 ай бұрын
I loved living together before marriage. It was definitely the right decision for us.
@RepentImmediately
@RepentImmediately 10 ай бұрын
Why is it better than them living together?
@carlymartin7041
@carlymartin7041 9 ай бұрын
My husband and I have been together since we were 17 and man oh man we were in no place ready to get married back then. You are literally a child and have so much growing up to do individually and together. I don’t understand the rush to get married. If it’s to be physical, just do it. We didn’t get married until age 25 and here we are 6 years later with three kids and beyond happy. So glad we got the hard stuff figured out before we got married because our story of sticking together is rare. These parents shouldn’t feel the need to buy into this insanity. She’s a kid and has no right to be manipulating her parents into supporting this.
@wedlawson
@wedlawson 10 ай бұрын
Good for them for wanting to get married instead of shacking up. They have a better chance that way. I agree with the other comments, coach them! Support them but challenge them too. My husband and I got married at 18 and we have been married now for 15 years with 4 kids. It’s been hell but that’s marriage. We are stronger and more in love now than we ever were!! We would have started out so much better if our family supported us, instead both sides went against us and hard! Coach them dad! Be there for them! Teach them.
@greenAbbot
@greenAbbot 10 ай бұрын
“Shacking up” was one of the best decisions my wife and I ever made. It taught us a lot. And after almost 30 years of marriage, not a second of it was “hell”. I feel so sorry for you if you think that’s what marriage is, but maybe a little shacking up would have given you some information before you made a lifetime commitment.
@ImTheWinningest
@ImTheWinningest 10 ай бұрын
@@greenAbbot It's not some cost/benefit analysis though. Having sex and living together outside of marriage is sinful (according to my beliefs and the beliefs of many others). Also, if you do want to look at it from a cost/benefit perspective, the statistics pretty clearly show that marriages are less likely to end in divorce without premarital sex.
@franziskani
@franziskani 10 ай бұрын
@@ImTheWinningest That a marriage lasts for a long time does not mean it is good. People that do not live together and have no premarital sex tend to be very traditional / religious. So they are not likely to divorce even if they are very unhappy, if there is abuse etc. There is something about living together that brings all the ego and neuroses out in the open. So the lovebirds can see if they still like each other when they are not feeling the love. Also: if there are severe sexual problems, no compatibility - it is more likely to come out. Then they can break up, if the cannot fix things. Both have a chance to find a partner that they are more compatible with or they are more mature and have learned from their first try.
@ImTheWinningest
@ImTheWinningest 10 ай бұрын
@@franziskani As I said, cost/benefit was just a side point. The main point is that extramarital sex is a sin called fornication.
@Jeminiw1969
@Jeminiw1969 9 ай бұрын
My parents made it clear from a younger age (before high school) that once my sister and I were married they expected us to be financially independent. If we got married we would need to support ourselves 100% from that point forward. Yes - they wanted us to get our college degrees; however, they would not have given us any financial support during our college years if either of us had gotten married before we graduated.
@bbclose
@bbclose 10 ай бұрын
Why was it okay to get married at late teens/early 20s in the 40s, 50s, and 60s, but not now? Is it because people aren't becoming full adults until after 25?
@RepentImmediately
@RepentImmediately 10 ай бұрын
In the 40s and 50s, most women thought marriage with little possibility of divorce was their only possible path in life so there was no point to discovering who you were individually as a person. Now, women initiate most divorces. Marriage isn't a good idea at any age. Most of the "protections" it provides can be attained through other legal docs that don't put you at huge financial risk like marriage does.
@endless_summer_rose
@endless_summer_rose 9 ай бұрын
You are a good father. They have to feel the responsibility too though. You are doing great!
@Ryan-wx1bi
@Ryan-wx1bi 10 ай бұрын
Sure, a lot of you in the comments are talking about your successful marriage at a young age. The fact is rhe number of divorces substantially increase if you get married below 25.
@joycevalenzuela8495
@joycevalenzuela8495 10 ай бұрын
Exactly
@phumuzilendimande5982
@phumuzilendimande5982 2 ай бұрын
Tell them
@mikeynoels7210
@mikeynoels7210 9 ай бұрын
This is a great segment so many of these points apply for anyone trying to get married.
@mybdayis420
@mybdayis420 10 ай бұрын
Get married when you can support yourself. You want to me married but need Mommy and Daddy’s support? Grow up!
@stayfocused6481
@stayfocused6481 9 ай бұрын
Gotta say, I’ve so incredibly thankful I didn’t marry the girl I was with at 18. There are exceptions, but nearly everyone I’ve ever known says that same thing.
@carolyn683
@carolyn683 10 ай бұрын
Two of my daughter's got married young. We paid for the modest wedding but no financial support after the wedding. They are both still married and doing well.
@teresaellis895
@teresaellis895 9 ай бұрын
I was 18 and 1 day and he was 19 and E4 in army when we got married.We just retired for 2nd time..first from army then he retired Toyota.We got married in 80..its 24..still married.
@derekstamper362
@derekstamper362 10 ай бұрын
Can’t smoke or drink till 21 but can get married at 18 😂!
@reginasemenenko148
@reginasemenenko148 10 ай бұрын
Doesn't make sense.
@sobeliever1638
@sobeliever1638 10 ай бұрын
How is this the same thing, even a 12 year old know smoking messes up your lungs. If you smoke you are not mature at any age, but you need maturity for marriage.
@ellentyrrell1615
@ellentyrrell1615 Ай бұрын
I got into my relationship at 17. My parent’s divorced my senior year and both did not set up a college fund for me so I knew I had no help. 5 years later and I still do not want to get married until I graduate college. I made that very clear from the beginning. School and my career are far more important to me right now than marriage so my partner and I agreed to wait. Although my family doesn’t like the fact that we live together, we’ve learned so much about ourselves, each other and what we want our future to look like. He works full-time and pays for a lot that I’m not able to cover and I’m so grateful. It is very hard not having financial help from my parents but it was my decision to go to University and I have never asked them for help. I work two jobs and am a full time student and one of those jobs is in my career field! I’m also in the middle of an internship. It’s hard but I have a packed portfolio and tons of experience and I’m only a Junior and I have an amazing supportive future husband by my side. I was very lucky that we were on the same page from the beginning and were mature enough to do this. A lot of couples are not
@volmania5329
@volmania5329 10 ай бұрын
Let them get married. The modern idea that you have to wait until you're almost 30 to get married is insane.
@RepentImmediately
@RepentImmediately 10 ай бұрын
I've never heard anyone say you have to wait until you're 30. That being said, those who marry in their 30s have lower divorce rates than those who marry before 30.
@privacyplease1556
@privacyplease1556 10 ай бұрын
There’s a lot of ground between “just turned 17” and married at 30. In fact, there are 13 WHOLE YEARS of middle ground.
@nataleecleckner2114
@nataleecleckner2114 9 ай бұрын
I got engaged at 18, married at 19, first baby at 20. I wouldn’t trade this life with my husband, and now three children, for anything.
@aftercommonera
@aftercommonera 10 ай бұрын
Contrary to popular belief marriage was actually designed for young people!
@Eric_Bassett
@Eric_Bassett 10 ай бұрын
Yes, but the worlds changed. An 18 year old man with no money or job heading off to college does not yet have the resources to take care of a wife.
@Allthekingshorses2
@Allthekingshorses2 10 ай бұрын
I wonder what the statistics reveal about the success rate?
@aftercommonera
@aftercommonera 10 ай бұрын
@@Eric_Bassett Most people in their 20s and 30s don't have the resources to take care of a wife either though! They're in massive debt and still trying to figure life out. If it was about having resources then most men shouldn't even think about marriage until 40+. It's better to go ahead and get in alignment then to play married until you think you're "ready"
@ethan4048
@ethan4048 10 ай бұрын
Marriage was actually designed for bringing families together for increased resources, children, and the woman becoming the man's property.
@greatvid4648
@greatvid4648 10 ай бұрын
I got married at 19. I was already living on my own with a job and we knew we were paying for the wedding ourselve. I really think it depends on the teen. Also my husband could already provide for both of us but I kept working to save for a house. I'm 28 pregnant with our 4th. Other than our home we have no debt and a 4 month savings. We are truly happy and in love. My immaturity did cause problems but we worked though it and I worked hard on it.
@luceroayalap
@luceroayalap 10 ай бұрын
In all honesty, it’s quite lovely that two people want to commit to being with each other. As an older person I find more and more people afraid to get married. Yes it is highly likely that it may not work out but I don’t think that the spirit of it should be diminished. I think showing them a path for success would be the best way to go.
@RepentImmediately
@RepentImmediately 10 ай бұрын
Most likely they just don't want to feel guilty for having sex.
@twylaboehmer9676
@twylaboehmer9676 10 ай бұрын
My daughter is the same way. She just turned 18 and so did her boyfriend of 3 years. Thankfully her boyfriend wants to wait for a few more years before getting married. We made a deal with them was that they had to be on birth control. To be sure there was no whoops your a grandma. I am thankful that my daughter feels safe enough to talk through things with me. I also am thankful for the ability to be able to talk to her boyfriend. The toughest part has been we have very different values from his family. So it's been a tough conversation.
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