My brother Cliff: Hospice, Courage and "The Good Death"

This is a partial segment of a short film I made about my brother, who passed away in 2003. My intention was not only to honor Cliff, but to thank and honor those who offer hospice care to people in need.
I was with him as he took his last breath. I had never witnessed a death. Even in its terrible sadness, because of what I've been shown in my own life, I was able to simply be a witness to what is; to accept and to feel gratitude for all that was being given at that moment.
That last breath, so sweet in its own way, was so very clearly life itself.

[@dodijames6801]

RIP Cliff....Rest high on that mountain.

[@michaelsmith2733]

Gee we were both born the same yr. 1953, I am 70 now and quite ill, wondering how to deal with the pain and anxiety. Glad that Cliff found a good place to wait for his next adventure.

[@candicewilmore]

Are you expecting to die? I hope you can find the strength and courage you have inside, to accept and handle what is going on. It sucks, let's be honest. Cliff needed lots of anxiety meds. Yes, he felt his inner resources, and that was amazing to witness. He also needed others, and meds. Write me personally if you want. I'll share more, Michael.

[@NickanM]

*Thank you Cliff for sharing your story, may you rest in eternal peace. 🌷* *And thank you Candy, for documenting your little brothers story, you will meet him again when your time comes. 💜*

[@candicewilmore]

thank you very much

[@marikaperlman9404]

Everyone should have the dignity to pass this way. RIP cliff

[@marikaperlman9404]

@@candicewilmore. You did the right & the best for your brother.

[@loismummaw4259]

What a heartfelt tribute to your brother. Thanks for sharing it with all of us.

[@candicewilmore]

I am so gratified to hear this helped even a bit. Cliff would be very happy to know he helped another human being. He had very low self-confidence during his lifetime but at the end, he showed us all who he really was, inside. Let yourself grieve, my own advice. It's painful but if you supress it, only makes it worse in the long run. Even in your pain, there is a joy that never leaves you.

[@nickykeightley1724]

Its not how you live your life only.... Its how, with dignity, you face your death. You faced yours well, my friend, with much courage. That's the measure of man, and you have it, in folds. Thank you. It makes it easier for me to face when my time comes to face this journey.

[@applejellypucci]

It makes me so sad to read that this wonderful man had low self-confidence. He seemed wonderful.

[@ECMVAQ137]

@@applejellypucci He had low esteem "until" he got cancer and went to hospice, after that he became a new man inside very polite & grateful for what he had left. Cliff was amazing!!

[@IwasBlueb4]

I embrace you....your brother looked kind....im glad he felt at home there

[@christopherdidonna2796]

God bless. Sorry for your loss:(

[@kellymoorepedalsteel6502]

Kudos, Candice! Well done, with dignity and a sense of the peace he must have felt to the end. Our lives are so brief, our breath so precious.

[@robertpellarin5560]

That's a very touching video, Candice. Your brother must have been a wonderful human being and was very fortunate to have had you as a sister! I was with my father when he took his last breath and that moment is forever etched in my consciousness.

[@loriflynn78]

I just lost my sister 3 weeks ago, cancer is a thief. God bless you and your family and bless your brothers soul ❤

[@candicewilmore]

Yes, it steals much. I hope you and your family allow yourselves all the time you need, to grieve your huge loss. It never really leaves you, in my view. It just becomes part of who we are, and we go on. Love. CW

[@nickykeightley1724]

Such dignity. So beautiful. Thank you for sharing your journey home with me. So much respect and love.

[@candicewilmore]

I am just seeing this. Thank you so much for leaving these lovely words.

[@wharrington8587]

Lovely tribute. My grandmother chose hospice also. On Jan 2 it will be 15 years. She died at my parents house. My dad was her oldest son. She got to spend her last Christmas with her only great grandchild. Like you I was with her when she passed. Sadly hospice wasn't kind to us because of my mother's nursing degree. I'm glad your brothers passing was a peaceful experience.

[@cpmffeilberg4970]

Mom died 7 months ago today in the palliative care part of the hospital. The nurses who looked after her were great and shared their love for mom with me, which was comforting. I'm having a hard time right now. RIP MOM

[@candicewilmore]

@@cpmffeilberg4970 so happy your loved ones had hospice' wonderful care and love

[@cpmffeilberg4970]

@@candicewilmore thank you. They were better than my siblings with mom. 👍🇨🇦😎

[@user-zz3nv6hw2s]

Very sweet and brave to face this in way to enjoy quality of life

[@candicewilmore]

yes, you are right; there was still quality and appreciation so there was beauty, even amidst the hard parts.

[@morganjames5180]

So sad , but so happy to see him surrounded by much love, beauty and care. He was in the best place possible..... he seemed like such a lovely guy, and what a lovely family. I'm chronically ill and dont have long left , and am hoping I will pass away in a hospice . Much better care than a hospital...and I have high regards for these centres and all that they provide. The most important thing is that we are all pain free at the end...even if it shortens our time here. Quality is much more valuable than quantity. Bless you all who have lost someone, know someone or who are suffering an illness now. Stay strong, and surround yourself with love . 💚💚💚💚💚 bless you cliff , thank you for sharing your story 💚💚💚💚💚 hospices are nothing to be afraid of, infact they are a god send , a beautiful place to wait for our ship to sail us across the heavenly ocean . 💚💚💚💚💚

[@candicewilmore]

Julia, you have such a great perspective and attitude. Yes, quality over quantity and Cliff had that at this amazing hospice. He was there seven months, which was like a "record"! Tons of morphine when he wanted it. It was an incredible time with him. He was 49, but it did feel he was ready to sail that sea you talk about. I love the image of a vast ocean we cross. I'm 72 now, have lost so many friends and family and though we are sad and we grieve, the gift of this life can never be dismissed, right? I think you know that. Thank you so very much that you enjoyed this video in his honor. He had a hard life in some ways, and even believed he was "going to Hell" before he got sick (big time Catholic mom..ha ha) As his end days unfolded, he knew that was nonsense. He said one day, "I always thought dying would be like being sent far away from everyone...so lonely. Now, as I feel it near, I realize it's so close to where I am now...just so close." Write me anytime. I know sometimes those around us don't want to talk about what's going on. I am a "good listener!" Love and best. CW

[@sincos6200]

This was a beautifully documented story, thank you for sharing your video rest in peace sweet soul

[@candicewilmore]

thank you very much

[@GwendolynTriggs]

May GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU.... I certainly understand ❤

[@IwasBlueb4]

sad...but glad he felt at home there...seemed to be a nice man...kind face

[@brucerazor5202]

My father had a brain tumor and had two years. With five sons we were close in age and love about a year apart, thank you hospice

[@jessieoaks9764]

I remember when my friend very close friend ended up in hospice it's such a beautiful place peaceful place but in the end it ended up my dear friend passed away to quickly she was such a lovely lady and so beautiful and a high spirit in life and in death ty for sharing peace be with you and yours you have an wonderful brother

[@candicewilmore]

families so often feel badly about using a live in hospice, as if they are "sending their loved one away". That's just not what it is. I'm sorry you lost your friend.

[@DoreenLovesHerDog]

God bless you for loving your dear brother too much.

[@candicewilmore]

it was a gift to me.

[@lauriechmielecki6576]

Incredible courage !

[@candicewilmore]

He never thought he was strong. I hope he got to know that part of himself during this time. Thank you very much.

[@mickgatz214]

Hi Candice, thank you for sharing your video. :)

[@candicewilmore]

I am glad you appreciated it!!

[@louiseturner9811]

Sending you my condolences. Rest in peace Cliff 🙏😓♥️🌹🙏

[@candicewilmore]

Thank you. I am very happy his essence is still being discovered, by people like yourself. You clearly have a loving heart.

[@louiseturner9811]

@@candicewilmore Thank you 🙏🫶

[@joefried6604]

RIP ClIFF

[@candicewilmore]

Thank you. I am very happy his essence is still being discovered, by people like yourself. You clearly have a loving heart.

[@jennymosca2178]

Wow..so lovaly

[@candicewilmore]

there was still quality and appreciation so there was beauty, even amidst the hard parts.

[@Loveable03-y8r]

Hola, hello beautiful world God Almighty bless all ❤️soo sorry for your health i too have very. Servor health problem my first comfort is myfather / our father God hopefully blessfully u have and believe in our creator sooo many problems get helped when we but our trust and faith in him God bless all ❤️🌈❤️

[@candicewilmore]

Thank you. I am very happy his essence is still being discovered, by people like yourself. You clearly have a loving heart.

[@suzsnnesanders4742]

How much does this cost?

[@candicewilmore]

what are you asking specifically? thanks

[@RJFP67]

I would be afraid of being in the hands of strangers when I’m at the most vulnerable time of my life ? Healthcare since the ACA was implemented has sought cheaper healthcare workers. This comes at a high cost 😢. I’d rather die alone than be in the hands of strangers.

[@candicewilmore]

I fully agree re: nursing homes but not hospice.

[@lindaflesch7303]

HEALTHCARE workers are no different, they are poorly paid in an expensive facility or a budget care.

[@packersprik]

John 3:16. Jesus is the way to the father

[@someoneelse6618]

What does that have to do with anything talked about in the video?

[@lindaflesch7303]

Yeah, why the horrible pain then? What if you can't afford to go to a place like that?

[@lindaflesch7303]

​@@someoneelse6618 I can't understand how an intelligent person can believe fairy tales.

[@someoneelse6618]

@@lindaflesch7303 perhaps you answered your own inquiry

[@candicewilmore]

If believing this gives you peace, I'm glad. It is not my own experience in life, and at age 76, I feel I've discovered that the kingdom of heaven is here on Earth, within us all. The Divine is what is I need to experience, not words or belief. Best always.

[@cancerchemoandcannabis]

Rip brother 🙏 🇨🇦

[@rosemaryroutte7379]

What a beautiful setting for him to have his final days.

[@candicewilmore]

I will always be so grateful we found that place. Thanks Rosemary.

[@jenniferashley99]

Beautiful. Isnt' it amazing..he passed in 2003 - which to some, seems so long ago..but I remember celebrating 2000 and exicited about a new chapter. Now, seems so long ago...your brother isn't forgotten.

[@lisaporter986]

Rest In Peace Cliff ❤️

[@candicewilmore]

thank you so very, very much

[@PaigeLovelace]

Cliff is amazing rest in peace Cliff

[@candicewilmore]

@@PaigeLovelace so glad his essence can still be felt by people who never knew him. Lovely.

[@davidclouw8542]

Thank you candy for taking care of your little brother

[@johnnysmoke612]

Thanks for sharing this. May God bless Cliff and your family. Brought back memories of an old friend that passed away from bone cancer, very sad.

[@SleeplessinOC]

Omg my heart just breaks watching this. Your brother seems like such a good person 😥

[@candicewilmore]

It's very hard to watch at times, indeed, but he had made such peace with it all. I never look at this now with feelings of pain or sorrow. I am just so happy for him, that he got to be in control to a great extent. He'd had a rough life, and he was ready to leave. Thank you so much.

[@godschild3640]

@@candicewilmore SEE KEYTRUDA …. I have stage four lung cancer and I can’t stand how I feel. I know that I’m dying and the doctors are telling me to take that drug add. When do you go to hospice? Does the doctor send you there to die because I don’t want to die at the hospital, I pray to God that everything is going OK with you in your life now because it says the video is four years old. I hope you’re alive and please answer me back and how does the doctors know you’re dying?

[@BarbCosgrove-q5u]

Rest in eternal peace cliff 🙏❤️🙏❤️....

[@dbirdeycapozzi9807]

It's amazing what the touch of love can do. Thank you for sharing this story.

[@candicewilmore]

yes it is so amazing!

[@towerisland]

thank you for sharing this.

[@candicewilmore]

I'm sorry I never saw this comment, thank you. I hope all is well

[@terri5757]

Thank you for sharing your brother Cliff with us. It is a very heartfelt video. 🙏❤️🙏

[@candicewilmore]

I absolutely love that his essence is still being felt.

[@TeeNicole10]

MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND ORDER YOUR STEPS🙏

[@seekeroftruthful]

Thank you I just lost my beloved mom to cancer she came home with us with hospice. I am only now beginning to grieve. This video really helped me. Peace and Love

[@candicewilmore]

I just read this. I hope you are doing well.

[@denisomahoney5464]

RIP Cliff ..🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@lodersracing]

Thanks for sharing Candice, i'm just watching this in 2024. 2003 seems a long time ago now. How old was Cliff ?

[@candicewilmore]

he was just shy of turning 50.

[@candicewilmore]

Thank you. I am very happy his essence is still being discovered, by people like yourself. You clearly have a loving heart.

[@kenadams5504]

I've only been with one person who was dying . She was in a coma from chemo .She was incredibly serene and had a peaceful presence that was calming to me ,my Brother and my Sister . We ,naturally ,fear and dread death . In practice ,though , it can be peaceful ,just like Cliff seemed to be at peace .Theres nothing to fear, really .

[@carolechapla6505]

My husband and dad had hospice care. Wonderful in both cases.

[@candicewilmore]

I'm glad to hear you had this care.

[@BettiDale]

Gods...got. You. Dear. Man... 😘🫣😟😢. Mercy

[@candicewilmore]

Thank you. I am very happy his essence is still being discovered, by people like yourself. You clearly have a loving heart.

[@sheilaburns5816]

Rest in eternal peace Cliff ❤

[@karenlevin7453]

Thanks for sharing this personal story.

[@StephanieB1976]

That's just wonderful xx

[@candicewilmore]

thank you so much

[@dizzydaydream9647]

RIP Cliff. Thank you sharing his story. Take comfort from knowing that he was content, supported and cared for in his final months. 🖤💙🖤

[@mrfixit2788]

People should also be given the option for euthanasia if they request in at the time or a living will. I saw my dad on palliative care for 5 days. There was no reason for him to go those extra days until his last breath.

[@candicewilmore]

I FULLY agree!! I have already researched it for myself.

[@PastaMakerCordy-qy4uz]

Rest high on that mountain.

[@candicewilmore]

Thank you. I am very happy his essence is still being discovered, by people like yourself. You clearly have a loving heart.

[@sallyclay1974]

I salute the medical staffs and hospice, all over the USl God bless u all. My sister had Lewy Body dementia, and spent the last 3 years of her life at The Residence, in Darien, CT. The disease ravaged her brains and her body. She passed away peacefully, in her sleep, on Jan. 27, 2021. Thankyou all, including hospice, at the end, for taking such great care of my sister.

[@lindaflesch7303]

What happened to the Radiation proposal?

[@candicewilmore]

not sure what you are asking about. He did have radiation for awhile. Terrible reaction!

[@lindaflesch7303]

WHY do we have to die? This is a true hell.

[@candicewilmore]

I wish I could express to you the "heaven" part of this story. I surely felt it. All is well, even at that moment when life ends.

[@deborahclayton6072]

Rest in peace ❤x

[@candicewilmore]

Thank you. I watched him take his last breath. He was in peace, even then.

[@debbieclayton9585]

Your brother is a nice person,very ill strong rest in peace 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

[@williamhasha]

GOD Bless

[@candicewilmore]

Thank you. I am very happy his essence is still being discovered, by people like yourself. You clearly have a loving heart.

[@JonnyHolms]

I just came across this, I am so sorry about your brother...he seems like a really nice guy, someone who i would of liked to know. Again very sorry for your loss. RIP 🙏 CLIFF...GOD BLESS YOU...

[@candicewilmore]

Thank you. I am very happy his essence is still being discovered, by people like yourself. You clearly have a loving heart.

[@christinesmith5706]

I don't understand something? Why does family take you to a home when someone goes in hospice? I couldn't fathem my parents dying anywhere but their home. We all took turns but my sister did the most. She took care of both of her parents as they got sicker and passed. I couldn't be there. I would have loved to but I did get back home to be with both of them at their time 17 yrs apart.

[@candicewilmore]

Hospice is an incredible option. No it's not for everyone, but we did not have a family who could have cared for him as well as they did.

[@johnnycash578]

I am exactly 10 years younger than cliff life comes and goes its very strange to live poor cliff didnt want to die

[@candicewilmore]

Thank you. I am very happy his essence is still being discovered, by people like yourself. You clearly have a loving heart.

[@johanengelbrecht8382]

Angel's are real. Shown by these care's. Thanks ❤

[@candicewilmore]

Thank you. I am very happy his essence is still being discovered, by people like yourself. You clearly have a loving heart.

[@TheBernice1]

What a beautiful tribute to your brother. It must be so hard to lose a sibling as thank God it has not happened to me yet. Thank you for sharing this. 🇮🇪❤️☘️

[@candicewilmore]

I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I'm always glad I made it

[@TheBernice1]

@@candicewilmore your love for your brother shines through and what a wonderful sister you are. I hope you have a great weekend 🇮🇪❤️☘️

[@alisonalibongo3177]

❤️

[@martynotth7640]

Bless you!

[@candicewilmore]

thank you so much for your comment; means a lot

[@rational_elite6715]

My dad had cancer died he didn't have no pain medication. Fucking dr's didn't give a shit. RIP. Dad.

[@candicewilmore]

I'm not a big fan of Western medicine.

[@XXXSHARONOXXX]

Godbless you dear Candice and Godbless your dear Brother and Godbless the people that care in these places....Made me cry

[@candicewilmore]

thank you very much

[@XXXSHARONOXXX]

@@candicewilmore You are most welcome sweetheart