My Ex of 21 Years Was Lying the Whole Time

My Ex of 21 Years Was Lying the Whole Time
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[@kctexan]

He destroyed you and your life and you're still taking care of him by keeping his secrets? NO WAY. Actions have consequences and it's not your job to cover for him ANY MORE.

[@girlygirl1890]

@kctexan Verrrry well said. Thank you for speaking the truth.

[@EgyptSavage]

Exactly 💯, I would of been telling the world.

[@popa213]

Putting his secrets out there usually helps his problem. My friend’s wife told his secrets about all of the women he was cheating with and it literally brought him more women. Hell that’s a win win for my friend Lol. Keep his secrets and let him hurt in private. Never let a person be ok in their crap openly. Women can’t handle being outed for being a hoe but this is totally different for men because the majority of men applaud this behavior in men. Even I envy him with the women he get to enjoy.

[@firefly9838]

No the addiction left untreated did that. Addicted people are empty vessels. Shells of people. The addiction takes over the person.

[@mariajoseflores3383]

The truth will set you free! 3 years ago I carried his secret (cheating) in silence and it was so hard. This time (cheating + other more disgusting things I found out) I decided I would not carry the shame, and opening up to some close fríends really felt like taking a weigh off my shoulders. I do not owe loyalty to someone that betrayed me.

[@DK412724]

I am a married man and dont understand how these type of men exist. Utterly disgusting behavior. Just the thought of doing these acts makes me want to throw up. How can he come home to his wife and kids knowing he's been desecrating the very place his innocent family live in everyday

[@tainamarrrero267]

Thank you for being a good person husband and father!

[@mfrace04]

simple: he doesn't care. hopefully he will be left alone

[@astrozoo]

Men and women. People was not so Christlike.

[@kendradamm1428]

@@mfrace04💯💯💯 This right here!! Absolutely correct. It is devastating discovering that your entire marriage was based on a lie. But at least once you know the truth, once you uncover it….you can choose to move on and rebuild your life. There are a LOT of people out here who do NOT have the integrity to be honest. And you cannot build a real relationship when you don’t even know who you are with because they can’t be honest with themselves, even. And they absolutely do NOT care. They would rather lie and destroy their own families lives rather than just come out and say this is who I am and this is what I want. And if what you want is an open marriage or just plain sleeping around and utter debauchery….there are plenty of people in the world who are into that if you are honest about it. It would be so much easier and less painful to be open about who you are rather than to wreck everyone else’s lives by lying to them. 😢

[@BlackStump172]

Simple , as he is a pervert . Why , who knows and really who cares ?

[@TheBourbon88]

Put him in your rear view mirror. NEVER LOOK BACK!

[@j.t.1086]

She needs to look up "betrayal trauma". She's going to be in shock for a long while. Her kids are thankfully adults, she needs to not hide from them what's going on and not be a shield for her ex's failures.

[@t1sg]

Totally agree.

[@karaa7595]

I hope Stacey knows she's not alone. Many of us younger GenX wives had to lose a spouse to x addiction bc our men went bonkers when the Internet took off. 💔

[@debbiel8585]

oh.this is so true.

[@karaa7595]

@@debbiel8585 sadly, yes. 😔

[@AHaffejee]

True these are difficult times for relationships

[@kendradamm1428]

Not just GenXers. But absolutely!! The internet has been a benefit and also a curse…there’s definitely that dark side of it if that’s what someone is looking for, sadly. 😢

[@a.r.8954]

Noting the internet didn't turn a bunch of women into sex addicts.@@kendradamm1428

[@blueseptember2174]

I want to bring awareness that p@rn is not harmless. Its ruining men who buy the lie of it. And this is one of the paths it leads to. Lust is a pit. Stay healthy yall. ❤

[@greenAbbot]

There’s no evidence whatsoever that that was the CAUSE of anything here. For all we know, this guy used p@rn in an attempt to keep from engaging in worse behaviors. I don’t know that this guy should have been in a marriage in the first place, or maybe not to a woman.

[@texan903]

Thanks for this. It is so readily available that I thought it was okay if both partners consented to its use, helping enhance life in the bedroom. I know people who are addicted. After reading this, I see why it can cause problems.

[@ananda1044]

Amen! Warps the brain

[@Desertvibes234]

Amen

[@girlygirl1890]

@@texan903 If a couple needs porn to enhance life in the bedroom, then porn is NOT the answer. They've got other issues.

[@edithfarr3879]

Tell the Lord your sorrows. He’s your friend, and he won’t tell anyone! He’ll give you strength and wisdom.

[@pattylyons9645]

This is so heartbreaking and just happens far too often. There are people who use marriage as a way of appearing to have a "normal" life so they can hide their addictions, cheating and whatever deviant behavior they engage in, from the rest of the world. Stacy, I hope you get the help and support you need. You deserve a happy life.

[@squizzerl1478]

I also wonder about the cross dressing. Having sex a couple times with the same sex is whatever. We live once. But actual cross dressing might mean he is a deeply repressed individual who chose the straight "normal" life to fit in and that made him way worse.

[@BlackStump172]

@@squizzerl1478Having sex with anyone else is not okay .

[@dustyyshellz1320]

@@BlackStump172they never said it was okay inside a relationship

[@alluringbliss4165]

After 2 decades, that’s horrible.

[@karaa7595]

Or it saved her boys bc she was able to mother them properly. Imagine being in the thick of motherhood with small children and finding this out.

[@girlygirl1890]

@@karaa7595 Absolutely. I believe she can turn her thoughts around and say "Well, at least my boys are grown now, they are not babies when I find out this mess. 2) If he didn't bring any sexual diseases to me, then that's a blessing as well, so at least I have my health, which easily could have been different. 3)Realize her worth and KNOW that she and her boys will be perfectly fine without the headaches of him in her life. 4)She'll be fine in time. It will be hard, but she will be o.k....HE'S the one who has to look in the mirror.

[@stephaniec5215]

All addicts are liars. Not all liars are addicts.

[@elfascisto6549]

Not all addicts are liars

[@raspberrykissable]

@@elfascisto6549I’ve never experienced that one.

[@karaa7595]

Lying is an addiction though if you're officially tagged a liar.

[@benjaminfitzgerald7011]

​@@raspberrykissablemy grandma was addicted to nicotine, it didn't make her dishonest. But a nicotine addiction is very different from most addictions I think.

[@girlygirl1890]

@@benjaminfitzgerald7011 I think they mean to say "all addicts are liars, if they are covering up the actual addiction." Because, when you are covering up an addiction, you are lying to those around you. So, if you have an addiction that you display in front of the world, and do not hide that addiction, then you are not lying. So, nooo ALL addicts are not liars. But MOST are (I think.)

[@rachelgooden9981]

Omg. As she kept talking it got worse and worse each time I thought it couldn’t. This poor lady

[@lwscijunkie]

There are positives in her situation. She has not been left destitute with young children. She has shown admirable strength by getting a solid settlement and by selling the home where violations happened and were even videoed. She'll be able to build a better life than the one she left behind and help her near-adult children through what's to come.

[@rustyshackleford6637]

I have a poophole addiction

[@signalfire15]

Right!!!

[@BlackStump172]

@@rustyshackleford6637Get help as that is sick , like my perverted ex- SIL .

[@beckettjeffries131]

You can hear this lady’s a trooper in the way she cracks . She’s been keeping the walls up for friggin long

[@tresjolieme81]

She's also going through hormonal shifts makes it so hard at 45.

[@shiamaxwell3482]

Noooooooo tell them EVERYTHING ! I kept things from my daughter about her Dad thinking she’d see for herself as she got older. Being ran over all of my life and no voice … it ALL BACKFIRED ON ME ,,, leaving the door open for him to tell her lies about me and she believed it just to have a relationship with him and my Mom that turned against me . Find your voice, tell your truth, or your children will believe any and everything that any, and everybody tells them bad about you. It doesn’t all the time work out in your favor being the better person.

[@Youngone78]

I feel this so deeply 😢 I too have been a doormat, or rather “people pleaser” my entire life. I always thought it was a good thing, even though I would get walked all over. I never wanted to be like other people, and just wanted to be a good person. It, like you, has backfired on me, in EVERY way. My husband has snowed everyone, including my own mother, too! I’ve lost almost every friend I’ve ever had, and I honestly didn’t realize why, until the last year, or two. It’s once I set boundaries to not jump whenever they needed something, or even as small as asking them to come visit me, instead of always going to their place (some were 1-2 hours away) suddenly, they disappeared. I now hate the fact that I want to be just like them. It’s not in me, but I’ll never understand how selfish, crappy people, have so many friends, and the ones that would jump in front of a speeding train for you, have next to none. Long rant to say you’re right! It doesn’t pay to always be the better person sadly.

[@shiamaxwell3482]

@@Youngone78 my mom had already been turning my daughter against me since she was a baby I didn’t see it coming. I just knew something was off. I was going to be one of those mothers that didn’t teach their children against the father. Let them see for themselves, and they got older, but like I said just to have a relationship with him, I believe he told her lies about me because she stuck to him like glue in her adulthood. Many things have happened that have been turned against me, and especially the jealousy issues that people have on my maternal side and my paternal side i’m done with them all. My mom passed away August 13, 2022. My brother passed away August 20, 2022. My daughter passed away February 5, 2023. All I got was ignored cursed out people pretending like I was not the mother and I did hurt for a while. I’m over it now, I would say I have nothing else to lose but I have boundaries I don’t want to hear anything about any of them good or bad I pray for them that God will keep them safe but I don’t wanna know about it. And this was confirmed with my therapist and my pastor that I did not need to know about any hardships that they’re having. It is being the better person, but I had to find my voice and I did, and they were in shock. There’s nothing wrong with being a people pleaser as long as you’re taking care of yourself and you have boundaries but when you see people don’t have boundaries then you don’t please them anymore Keep doing you, self-care is the key, mentally, physically, spiritually. Ignore the wrist I did block 99% of those people once slipped through the cracks and called me just last night. Trying to tell me about an uncle and aunt I had to cut her off, and tell her oh you haven’t called me otherwise, you’ve heard my outgoing greeting which states… Thank you for calling. Leave a brief message, but I do not want to hear any bad news about anybody or anything it doesn’t matter who it is or what is about. !!!!! I’m going to stand on that because of my time of need I need to support I didn’t get it, I didn’t get a bottle of water, I got one condolence from a nephew and then he blocked me about a month later. These boundaries have to stand with everybody not just family everybody. I wish you the best. 🌹

[@amazon1606]

Hope God turns this around for u

[@BlackStump172]

@@Youngone78I have many many friends , but they support me and I them . They all seem to have similar morals and values and only two couples have been divorced .Some have been friends ,for over sixty years and new ones one year . I ring and they ring . I organise get togethers and ladies morning teas .

[@Steviejustine824]

I'm going through this as well. My boys are with their narcissist dad who abused me for 10 years. My boys are turned against me. All I ever cared about was them. I single hardly raised them while their dad would go get drunk and now they think he's a freaking super dad. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It's disroyed me. I barely get to be a mom anymore.

[@alejandrajuarez6156]

I feel bad for this lady. What a horrible man she had as a husband. Hope she finds healing soon!

[@lauren4078]

That is so disgusting. Unforgivable. This man has issues.

[@daphne3717]

Wayy more common than you think

[@nullavitasinemusica1]

He is a polyam trans woman Stunning and brave

[@lauren4078]

I know I could not handle it if I were in her shoes. Poor woman. Terrible situation. I would freak the F out! @@daphne3717

[@susancuenin2137]

Wish someone had done what Dr. Delony did with this woman. 36 years later it can still undue me. My best women friends saved me. They did walk me and my children through the flames. Bless them!

[@cellostrings2522]

My ex (married 21 years) is and was a porn sex addict. And he is still a pastor! Yup. He’s a pastor. All I can say is I’m sorry you have gone through this. It is HORRIBLE! I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. I keep reminding myself that the Lord says - vengeance is mine. The ex will have to answer to the Lord one day. And God will take care of him. And what the Lord has in store for my ex not good. I am so sorry you have to go through this. ❤

[@Katya.Shishkyl24]

Oh wow!!!! A pastor?? That’s concerning! He’s going against the Bible therefore he should know better than to preach the word of God! He sounds like a false prophet. Sorry you went through what you did!

[@LindaMarlene7]

Dear caller - You are not alone. I was married for 12 years to a male who slept with other men the whole time. Including during the honeymoon. He also had desires for boys, of which I had two. 12 years later I found out. I truly had no idea. People wonder how I did not know. But, I truly did not know. Now, 20 years later, I still wear the scars of that betrayal. But, my sons are both grown men with lives of their own. They love and serve God. They help and encourage kids going through tough times as they did. I could not be more proud! Caller, you will make it through.

[@chrissyellem7397]

Most men are just nasty. Been married 3x and plenty of boyfriends. Almost all of them have something seriously wrong with their brain. It's inherent. I gave up. I just live my life and could care less about their disgusting mental problems.

[@mks9469]

This poor lady. I am so sorry for her.

[@richardv9648]

This poor guy. Was born with high sex drive. But how dare , he follow his passion.

[@dabd8175]

I don't she couldn't satisfy his needs so he had to go somewhere else. Something tells me he's been mentally checked out of this marriage for a while so hopefully he finds happiness ❤️

[@alluringbliss4165]

@@richardv9648he shouldn’t have married. He committed a sin.

[@lwscijunkie]

People can't "follow" those kinds of "passions" while in a relationship or marriage that their partner or spouse thought was monogamous. When people like the woman's X "follow their passions" anyway, they will eventually get caught in their lies and catastrophe follows. The X husband tried to "follow his passions" AND be married and have a family life. That can only work if everything's in the open and both partners agree. @@richardv9648

[@lwscijunkie]

A wife can't "satisfy" a husband's "need" for same-sex fun, cross-dressing and orgies....Not even if she wanted to. @@dabd8175

[@vinniedeluca2188]

This is one of the very few situations that I actually think it’s right that she got most of the assets and money in the divorce, he took her life and his kids lives and flipped it upside down, so now he needs to start from scratch and figure it out on his own, you can’t do something that evil and get out of it with a slap on the wrist, not gonna happen

[@blueseptember2174]

Most "irreconcilable differences" divorces are actually this.

[@christyliberge4189]

Behind those tears, She Is a Strong Woman. Doing all the right things. Divorce: Final, Relocation: Final, Change of Name: Final. I'm so sorry for the pain and heartbreak. Keep moving Forward and Continue to Love yourself, children and friends.

[@queenna1229]

💯Love the perspective!

[@a.r.8954]

Such a good point and sometimes you forget to give yourself credit as you walk through it or even afterwards. Often we handle things a lot better than we give ourselves credit for. If she were to make a list of the things she did to protect herself and her children, she would feel so proud and would really know her own strength.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Ugh... just the title😭 I learned that my husband of 22 years had been lying about his pornography and voyeurism use during the entirety of our relationship. That was last year, right before our 22nd anniversary, about 3 weeks to be exact. I can not describe the anguish of learning that your entire adult life has been a lie.

[@carolallison9685]

To be fair, 86% of men in the us watch porn at least once per week. Now the voyeurism is a little out of left field and really bad if there isn't consent, but we have to remember the average boy is first introduced to porn at age 11, and these companies design it to be addicting. They literally hire neuro scientists and psychiatrists to help them make it addictive. Phd's, some of the top minds in the world, are designing this stuff to infiltrate peoples brains for profit.

[@summersalix]

I'm so sorry u are going thru this. My husband has been lying and hiding porn for years as well, and it's the deceptive behaviors and lying that hurt the most, in addition to the lack of empathy for how it affects the wife.

[@chrissyellem7397]

Your adult life isn't a lie. Don't put their disgusting behavior on you. Live your life and leave that crap in the past. YOU didn't do anything wrong.

[@girlygirl1890]

@@chrissyellem7397 Very well said. I agree.

[@IMOO1896]

Your adult life was/is not a lie, your partners life was a lie. Don’t absorb others guilt.

[@pb-gv1nc]

How do people find time to do all this???

[@jet4415]

He sent her and the kids to the vacation house 16 hours away and said he had to work.

[@Ohboycommentsection]

This is so sad on every level. No matter who you are partnered with, there's something I've learned over time: if you ever think you can really know a person, you're living in a f*cling dream world.

[@GameChanger597]

There's a catch-22 with that. You can know the ones that are being honest with you but you can't always know who's being honest. Discernment goes a long way and discernment only comes from God. Having a relationship with God is so important.

[@ST-rj8iu]

That includes ourselves. Sometimes we all do things that we never thought we would....

[@carolallison9685]

That's not true at all. I mean, i guess if you don't pay attention, but even if you are with a habitual liar, you should be able to know them quite well if you are observant.

[@greenAbbot]

I’m sorry you’ve had bad relationships. But I totally disagree with your generalization to everyone else.

[@girlygirl1890]

@@ST-rj8iu If you are saying that in defense of him....well....You're crazy if you are justifying his actions. No excuses....absolutely NONE for him to do this to her. He should have divorced her a loooooong time ago, before doing all that crap.

[@user-zm3ny8tw4x]

This was me 22 years ago, but I had two young children at the time. I was dragged through hell back and forth, but we have survived and I have peace and two amazing adult children now. Just keep breathing and going, times do get better slowly but surely.

[@queenna1229]

😢Thank you 🥹

[@vhoward29]

I’ve been divorced for 3 years and I’m crying like a baby.

[@karaa7595]

Me too. She's at that horrible grief stage. She'll never be the same. A part of her is literally dying right now. Never again will I ever experience that hell.

[@chrissyellem7397]

I've been married 3x. I could care less about those bastards. Wouldn't waste one tear on those fools.

[@dabd8175]

@@chrissyellem7397 yup this is why so many men won't marry anymore. Ugly old females such as yourself.

[@eclipse.5295]

Too many of us are put through this!!! 😡

[@AHaffejee]

Find God my dear

[@jes6161]

I love how Dr. John is so supportive to this woman. He’s such an excellent supportive communicator, he’s a very safe outlet. I pray that this woman recovers and heals from this experience.❤

[@coolaunt516]

This poor woman, it just got worse and worse. One day at a time probably even feels like a challenge.

[@9liveslisa]

My heart goes out to her.

[@Mimibiz03]

May the good Lord be with you dear. Lean on God.. He's the only one who can carry you through tough times. The only one you can trust, guaranteed.

[@barbarathomas4747]

The same thing happened to me. My church then bullied me saying no one could find out or it would ruin the church. I was lucky that my counselor told me I had to talk to some friends and tell everything. I told 2 women...one cut off contact and shunned my school age children for what their father did. It's been 20 years. It's difficult to explain those years when you meet someone new. You will come out on the other side and actually forget it ever happened. Blessings on you.

[@lizwiens671]

I think really bad advice from the church is also an epidemic. Thankfully I see churches trying to hire qualified staff so this doesn’t happen so much any more. What you went through sounds terrible, I’m so sorry. I’m sure you have a sisterhood out there with similar stories.

[@barbarathomas4747]

@lizwiens671 this experience resulted with my daughter, a LPC married a minister and sees the difference in counseling issues.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Yep, and that’s why I shut up for over eight years now because the one person I didn’t tell, and even the destructive things that came out of it in our relationship- yeah that person stop being friends with me. So why would you ever tell somebody ever again? It’s only recently that I told some people because it was getting so bad that I needed help . Then, as soon as I started thinking about illegal, separation in order to get some healing, and some perspective, so that our marriage may be could heal … They all started yelling at me, and convincing me not to. They told me to be a sin if I separated from my husband even if it was an order for me to get healing and away from the toxic behavior that’s been going on so that I could get help and get my head on straight and our kids out of it . But you can’t do that because you’re walking away from your h marriage vows, if your goal is not divorce… A lot of unhealthy behavior in the church . No one actually wants to help people . Most wants to make their own Faith feel safe by keeping with arms length once you have trouble like this and keep you silent…. Jesus would never have wanted this in the church. We are to face problems and walk with people and help them , not ignore certain issues because they are “too difficult” or “embarrassing for the church”. You know, it’ll be more embarrassing when you stand God, the father and condemn you for not helping people who came to you begging for help . That seems like a more embarrassing situation than having people find out someone in your church is struggling in pornography, even if it is a church leader…. Maybe that church leader coming out and talking about it openly will bring many others to healing and freedom from the same problem.

[@barbarathomas4747]

My ex husband did things he could have gone to jail for and the church was looking out for themselves and saying I shouldn't remove my self from under his protection...something wrong. ​@Jaxmusicgal23

[@Ciera_Banks]

John is so compassionate. I truly enjoy watching his videos. Big hugs for this woman ❤

[@dahliacheung6020]

THANK YOU for having her throw away that deal!!! She does not have to carry his shame with him. She gets to set his lies and betrayals loose like sand to the wind and he can carry the burden of his own actions by his own damn self.

[@annetteysquierdo]

I couldn’t help but cry with this caller. I’ve been frozen for much less, and I couldn’t imagine what she’s going through. I can only imagine the grief that comes after a long marriage and finding out it wasn’t what you thought. 😭 My heart hurts for the children. This is heartbreaking.

[@samanthawilson6159]

It's the audacity to ruin this poor women's life and make her promise not to talk about it.

[@jennifermiller5041]

Me too, sweetie. That's where my kids and I are at as well. I'm so so sorry. 😢

[@therealsandraweise]

I pray for this woman and also this destructive man.

[@territ1231]

Your kids are adults. You fix you then let them decide.

[@chrissyellem7397]

Exactly.

[@sbowenful]

Wow! This was heavy! It made me cry a bit! Life can throw some bombs at you! Whew! Such good advice! You are amazing!

[@amycornell8187]

I went through a very similar situation after being married for 14 years. It’s very heartbreaking and quite painful. With 3 young kids at the time, no job and absolutely NO good people in the Christian church to talk to about it, I had to wing it. I hope and pray there are groups or people that are out there for the spouses of these liars and life destroyers to help the spouses heal and move on triumphantly as their ex-spouses live their lives as if nothing happened. Again it’s so very life shattering. I am open to conversation for this caller. She needs to know, she’s not alone.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

That’s the thing that’s the most disgusting…. There’s literally no help for this. No one wants to touch porn with a 300 foot pole or longer even though it’s desperately needed in the church : both for those who are suffering from looking at porn and sex, addicts along with their families and wives who are left, trying to figure out what the hell to do and how to deal with the feelings or lack their own for their spouse. It’s very lonely and it sucks … because you can’t just go talk to somebody about it. it makes people very uncomfortable- probably because they’re into it too or ashamed by it. This is really something that needs to be addressed in the church and should not be hidden like it is .

[@Nitroscion]

This is addressed in my church. Legacy church in New Mexico. Help is out there but people need help to find it.

[@ozarkview928]

This is so hard breaking 😭😭

[@gia4822]

This is all spiritual people. The man who is addicted is not in control of himself. Something else controls them. Its posession. This woman is lucky to have her life, her health and still able to smile. You gotta get far away from them dudes. Omg. Same story different race. Addiction, lies, chaos & mayhem. Even the baby felt it. ❤but God will make a way!❤🙌🏾

[@Dark_Souls_3]

Wow. My heart breaks for her. Best wishes to find peace.

[@Tamar-sz8ox]

Her kids , their concept of a father has been destroyed

[@paulafoss9292]

My heart breaks for you. I had it happen to me after 25 years marriage. My sons were teenagers at the time I feel I had a mental breakdown after that 😢

[@SweetDesertHoney]

I've been through something similar. That was nearly 15 years ago, and I'm still trying to piece back together the shreds of what used to be my identity. When something like this happens, you truly lose faith in everything, especially your own judgment. It is SO. HARD. My heart goes out to her. I hope she knows she will be okay. I didn't start believing this myself until about 9 months ago, when i finally started going to therapy. Therapy may get a bad rap, and yeah, there is so much stigma, and everyone has their own opinion about how you should live your life... but that doesn't heal anything. People just need to understand that there are some situations that they CANNOT UNDERSTAND unless they've lived it themselves. So instead of putting their two cents in, why not just take a step back and let the person suffering know that they are there for them, as emotional training wheels... I wish i had had this kind of support during that time. Ok, I'm getting off my soapbox now. So full of opinions today, I am. *face palm*

[@baysideharpy8350]

I don’t always agree with DrD but he’s spot on with this, especially ref her adult children.

[@lilithowl]

Poor woman, she got such a shock. The rug ripped out from under her. All the best to her.

[@emmarose6590]

Ugh John is so sweet how he talks to people struggling

[@flyandshy00]

That's why you need to dig up a man's passwords everything, that's how I found out about my ex. So you do not waste 20 years with a degenerate.

[@boston312]

did you at least take him to the cleaners in divorce court?

[@girlygirl1890]

@flyandshy00 you are a smart woman.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

@@boston312 why would that matter???

[@boston312]

so she can get justice@@Jaxmusicgal23

[@eclipse.5295]

@@boston312 Most all divorce settlements are 50/50.

[@ez2u1]

Love how JOHN COMFORTS AND GUIDES THIS DEVASTATED WOMAN. GOD BLESS

[@blakeharrison3972]

I will say Dr John is right about telling her son, especially when you already told one, the younger one will become resentful since you believed he “can’t handle it”

[@marthadivine8426]

Grieve over the loss of dreams and life you once had. Start a new life, seek counseling and leave his toxic behind alone.

[@BassBwoy3]

Good God this is a nuclear disaster! How could someone be engaged in that for 22 years behind their spouses back?! It amazes me how people can get away with this stuff in a marriage and the spouse has no idea.

[@parks105]

This poor lady! What a heartbreaking call! Talk about total betrayal

[@nj5023]

I went through almost the same thing and it was very, very hard. But I’m here to say you will get though this and eventually it will be so much better. It’s hard to imagine, but life gets so much better. Take care. ❤

[@sairaphilip437]

Dr Delony, as always, it's amazing how you listen and gently walk through the next steps with the callers . Heartbreaking to read about similar experiences in the comments.

[@sherricharles8149]

I am crying!! I am so sorry your children and you have to go through this!

[@umiluv]

14:38 - journaling is so helpful. Just laying it all out, organizing your thoughts and feelings. You never have to read it again. That’s not what it’s for unless you want to. It’s to just have an outlet.

[@Youngone78]

This is great advice! I’ve started doing this, and feel such relief getting it out, because I really have nobody to talk to anymore.

[@annieb1923]

Your compassion is 💯❤, Dr.John.

[@gbear34]

Sad deal. I hope that this woman heals and that her ex finds Christ! He sounds very troubled.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

Amen, that’s the spirit of perversion on him that needs to break off.

[@soul1380]

I hope they both finding healing in Christ, in His Holy name.

[@cb4354]

Keep religion out of this smh

[@jet4415]

Do you know how many s addicts there are in the religious world?

[@janetmorecraft2206]

Wow a most amazing call . Dr John is a master and a sweetheart. I wish this woman well.

[@anabelsanchez4605]

She’s thinking about all the good men she rejected in order to marry him. Wow.

[@Tionaintown876]

I’m so sorry this happened to you Stacey. You didn’t deserve it!!

[@kellyakers8368]

I love the way Dr. Delony handled this.

[@bdeezy2962]

I cried right along with her..I hope she has found some peace and happiness , it sucks so bad to be in that storm but YOU WILL come out on the other side ❤ much love to her and everyone going through something similar

[@sabazaidi9022]

Couldn't control my tears....😢

[@jewleecos69]

Left one back in 2005 after 14 years. Best gift I gave to my sons. Been married for 15 years to an incredible man! Lots of healing is needed, days where I still feel the impact to a small degree. There’s life on the other side of this lovey.

[@Debora.14]

On behalf of everyone whose heart has been broken and mistreated in relationships, Lord heal this woman. Please bless her and her kids. When she said 'what's wrong with me?' That about broke me...😭😊

[@lmntxo2678]

It is so hard not to have someone to confide in when you are going through a devastating heartbreak. When I was going through one, I thought I had those confidantes until they all just implied to me that they were done listening to me after a few weeks. I stopped talking to them about what I was going through, and nobody even asked how I was doing. That's how I knew they were done listening to me. So, I decided to navigate through it on my own. I did come out of it well; but, man, was it hellish. The way back out was hellish.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Yep I feel you on this one…. I actually had to call an older married couple that I’m much closer to that I’ve known for over 20 years because all my newer friends couldn’t handle the stress of dealing with this day in and day out and be a support. We need a better as the church with helping others, and we need to be better friends real people are hurting, and if we ignore that we’re going to be alone when our crap comes out. I really truly hope I can get through this and maybe my husband can so that maybe other people don’t have to be alone going through the similar situation. But it Hass to be dealt with and we’re not there yet. We are trying to get help. Sadly, that is out there cost money which makes it difficult for you to get help if you’re living paycheck to paycheck I’m tired of Christian organizations, not having any way to help people and rely on God to provide and charging astronomical prices in order to gain their services for things like abuse and pornography and mental health issues. My husband says everybody has to make a profit, but bull crap Jesus didn’t care about profit and we’re sitting here with a bunch of people hurting and broken and we waive the love of money in front of them demanding pay in order to help them be set free…. I don’t think that’s right or OK If someone needs help and you have the education, training and ability to help them, the Bible says to help them it doesn’t say to ask for money. I’ve dealt with the same issues, trying to get help and healing from my abusive past with my childhood…. Very few things out there to help you get healthy and rest restored without paying a butt load of money in order to get the help.. There was one group that was helping deal with emotional abuse and trauma recovery that wanted $160 a session… what normal person can afford that?! My husband’s pornography recovery group wants $10,000 for the marriage counseling in order to “help us with our marriage” If I had $10,000 laying around, there’ll be a lot more things friggin fixed in my house and my kids would probably probably be going to private school and not homeschooled…. What the heck?! And no scholarships available in either situation. This is not OK… do you care about people want to help them or you just trying to make money?

[@Youngone78]

Yes! I was told by my longest, closest best friend, 2 years ago, after only talking to her a couple of times, breaking down about what was happening, that I have “exhausted her as a friend” and she hasn’t spoken to me since. Her last message to me was that, and that all she would offer me was counseling, and the only way that would happen was for me to have my husband contact her to set it up 🥴 I guess she was never a friend to begin with.

[@mozerm]

The worst part of this call was John saying that San Antonio has the best food in America...

[@benjaminfitzgerald7011]

It has a culinary art school and some really cool and incentive restaurants. I don't know about America, but there is definitely a lot of great food here! And I will argue for the best breakfast tacos in America!

[@LoneStarLady-]

Great advice. Sending prayers to Stacy and her kids. Not only does Stacy need a good counselor/therapist for support and help, but the kids do as well. The betrayal is not limited to the partner. The kids are victims of betrayal as well.

[@lowrider419fly]

Heartbreaking. I hope she and her children will be okay.

[@lisalister8002]

You can feel the pain she is living through.

[@jemimajanvier4706]

I’m praying for you Stacy, this was so heartbreaking to here and I wish you and your family would not have had to experience this 💕

[@JusttRaquel]

So sorry Stacey. You WILL survive . And Thrive. ❤

[@bryantawney581]

I have been through the freeze part of fight or flight. I had never experienced anything so devastating as the freeze. Climbing out of that is the hardest thing I’d ever done. There is hope, it gets better, it takes a lot more time than you can imagine. Stay strong.

[@mrod87]

It’s so sad this happened but listening to this doctor help her was amazing to listen to. It brought me to tears. Ma’am if you come back to this video i hope you are well, i hope you are healing i hope everyone in your family, you, children, ur ex husband are living in truth.

[@mikethemonsta15]

God bless this woman 🙏🏻

[@CMarieG]

Staci if you see this, I'm also in San Antonio. I know how you feel, I've been there. Let's get together!!!

[@libbywilliamson2595]

Been here. Hell on Earth.

[@josephjones4207]

I feel sorry for this woman and her children

[@pinkfairydust83]

My heart breaks for her so much. She is suffering with Bretrayal Trauma, I've been there and it's hell. It's going on 3 years now for me and I'm still recovering from complex ptsd from it. Betrayals like this don't just steal your future as you planned it, but also the past, because the way you remember it wasn't reality. It's cruel and leaves you feeling utterly unsafe when a secure, trusted attachment is severed so abruptly. I hope she finds support for herself, she needs to attend to her own needs before finding purpose in it. She's grieving and traumatised. She didn't deserve this and it wasn't her fault. It's so unfair 😢

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

I pray she does because most of the help that’s out there cost a lot of money… it shouldn’t, but it does. There needs to be more people willing to help people that have the means to do it. Our society is so obsessed with making money that they don’t realize sometimes people can’t afford help and just need it. We need to start be willing to sacrifice and serve others and trust that whether you believe in God or karma or whatever that it will be rewarded and given back to you in someway that supports you . People like this woman and me and many other people need lots of help, but it’s very hard to find it either where you are or for reasonable price.

[@Berserk1Manga]

He wont let her have friends, but he goes off to sex parties. 😂

[@SnowFoxParty]

When she said what's wrong with me...that hurt me to the core😢

[@zeal4god402]

DISGUSTING BEHAVIOR. SEEK HELP AND REPENT!

[@danivynsteele7695]

From lived experience, adult children often respond less from a place of anger, confusion, or self-blame, and more so, in this scenario, it becomes harmful because they see, feel, know what is going on, just without all the receipts, so it’s then insulting to them, that their parent, by continuing to avoid sharing, is invalidating their maturity, intelligence, resilience, capacity to understand and support, etc.

[@jennyj0007]

This is too much. He put your sexual health at risk. Unfortunately, you will have to leave him. This is awful.

[@eatnplaytoday]

He was cross dressing too? Wow… Those intimate parties were probably either both males and females or purely just males

[@boston312]

its sad people feel like they need to get married for societal approval when thats not what they truly want.

[@buuny2233]

​@@boston312No there is a subset of homos/ sex addicts who want their cake and eat it too. And actively search for women to manipulate and turn into beards in order to keep up appearances and bear their children, while they live their degenerate lifestyles. There are many men like this hiding within churches/Christian/conservative circles. Be very careful and vet these men as best you can, ask around about his friends, christian/ secular as well as family history.

[@lukefisch9483]

Heard

[@soothinggentlesounds]

The pain in her voice is heartbreaking.

[@kaybryan7530]

Aww I just want to hug her 😢❤🤗 this is painful!

[@Tamar-sz8ox]

Very sorry for you . He took something beautiful and chose the cesspool

[@KittyKat-xg4tx]

No deal babe! Im telling friends what you did to me!!!! You get to keep living your life in secret but i refuse to be apart of a secret any longer! You dont have to go into detail with the kids of the parties. But just say he wasnt faithful.

[@carlajoyswan]

I want to hug her😢❤

[@Bubbaxmonster]

He might’ve wanted back door play

[@tanyamilewski5700]

At least the kids aren’t kids anymore you can begin again Eg go back to school and rebuild your life and put this guy behind you. It’s amazing what a few years of a pivot and new friends and new routines can do

[@chrissyellem7397]

She needs to stop crying and being a big baby. Grow up and move the eff on.

[@umiluv]

9:04 - that’s the worst part. You dont know if you can ascertain reality. You don’t trust if you even know if the sky is blue or not. What is real? Do I even know what real is? How can I ever trust myself again? What helped me was realizing that I was living my life honestly and openly. And that it wasn’t my fault I was being lied to. It’s hard to forgive yourself. I think it was harder than forgiving the betrayal. But it is possible to trust yourself again.

[@Magical_Makeup_UK]

She doesn’t see it now but she’ll be glad she found out and there is something better meant for her. I say that from experience!

[@umiluv]

Betrayal has the same symptoms as ptsd. She needs to get some therapy. There’s a great book by Steven Stosny, PhD that helped me to get through my ptsd. The symptoms she described reminded me so much of what I went through. I hope she gets help.