my job search journey as an autistic adult (vlog)

[@Ana-gq7ce]

I studied and graduated in 2016. Started working the next year and by week one I wanted to quit. I started having one of the worst depressive episodes+panic attacks of my life. I knew in my heart and soul that following society's rules wasn't for me. Moving forward to 2024...I'm 29, self employed, working as a Yoga teacher, it's so much peaceful and people are nice❤ it's still hard, I can't afford to live on my own yet but I would never go back to having a boss or being surrounded by awful people. My mental health is everything. Thank you for being open about your journey 💫

[@Romina-o7z]

Thank you for this video. I've been trying to explain to my friends and family why is it so hard for me to get a job and i always end up feeling like they don't get it. It's so hard seeing your friends get jobs and wishing it'd be easier for yourself. Thank you for sharing❤

[@elenacarr0ll]

I do understand your struggle. Keep your head up, we’re going through this for a very good reason 🌈

[@KarenCro]

Maybe is it an option to show them videos like this? If you feel you can't explain it in your own words, would they be willing to listen to someone else's, but through the lens and context that you're also trying to reach them with? It might work for you ☺️

[@Dogjitsu]

Thanks for sharing. This is my exact experience. The constant overwhelm and masking. I've tried uni + job training so many times and it feels like the barrier to getting a well-paid job I might actually be able to do is just too hard to overcome and most jobs that pay unliveable pathetic wages (retail, waiting, customer service) - especially if you can't work 40 or 50 hour weeks + transport + doing everything else you need to be able to live - means employment and paying for your existence is so difficult to navigate. I think finding ways to be self-employed and/or have a lot of community support e.g. supportive housemates/family is the best way to go.

[@Ana-gq7ce]

Self employment and community. Absolutely yes! 💛

[@paulinejulien9191]

I feel you. I’m 27, diagnosed autistic earlier this year, and I’ve never had a 9-to-5 job despite having a postgraduate degree; I’ve only ever done freelance work for a few months at a time before getting burnt out. I know what it feels like to finally get a job and then have to tell people you’re quitting after two days, and the judgement and disappointment in their eyes. I’ve failed so many interviews because I’m not great at masking and have higher support needs. I’m lucky to share my life with a partner who has an amazing career as a software engineer despite also being autistic (higher-masking, lower support needs) so I don’t have to worry about paying the bills, but I’m starting to accept that I’ll probably never have a job in the traditional sense (not that I absolutely want one either; sounds like a nightmare to me). I’m in the process of applying to be recognised as a disabled adult here in France and get financial help from the government, but the process itself of applying is so hard and I’m in burnout… personally going in as myself and being my authentic self in interviews as you mentioned doesn’t work for me and a lot of other autistic people, because similarly to the advice ‘just be yourself’, if your autism presents in ways that make you appear unfriendly (which is my case), you’re better off masking. That’s why I fail most interviews. Unfortunately I don’t have the luxury or having a ‘quirky autism’ that makes me look fun 😂 also disclosing your diagnosis really depends on where you live… here in France there’s virtually no awareness around autism and being different is not accepted, so it’s not a good idea to tell your boss because they probably won’t understand or even know what you’re talking about, so they’ll start treating you differently and infantilising you… Anyways, best of luck to you, it’s nice to hear you have a supportive mom ❤

[@Sora-wf7ji]

thank you for sharing ❤I hope more people will come to understand how challenging employment can be for neurodivergent people

[@SuperTakkino]

Wow, the strength! As a recently-diagnosed autist, I was so energised by your attitude and stance - something I needed, as I've been job 'dating' for a while now, and self confidence does take a hit especially after dry spells. Thank you!!! 💖

[@elenacarr0ll]

We’re in it together 🙏🏻

[@sasssince98]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Elena. You have been a tremendous support for me since this summer. I am in the same boat as you but in the US. I also immigrated to the US a few years ago. I have been struggling financially and so I've been looking for a "real job." I am also close to your age and I relate 100% to everything you have said. I literally had to reject a job today in the morning because I knew I would not handle it long-term and I did not want to commit (the job was to be a teacher's assistant for kids, and I did not want for them to have to look for a new TA in the middle of the year.) I have been feeling like a total letdown, like a failure because of it. I hate letting people down and it is such a shame to tell people who did the references for me for this job that I did not take it. As I am trying to calm down and get out of feeling so guilty you posted this video! And I am so thankful for it! I hope that everything plays out in the most fruitful yet delicate, gentle scenario for you. You are 100% right, you are not here to hate your life and hate your job. Keep up the good work with your awesome videos! The world needs you.

[@elenacarr0ll]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience!! The right job awaits both of us. Sending you a big hug

[@LilyRiver-FoxandLittlePrince]

Thank you so much for your testimony!!! So true... I live in France, late diagnosis at 41 years. Now I understand me better and what happened to me... Yes SO IMPORTANT TO FIND A SAFE PLACE TO ENABLE US TO BE WHO WE ARE... And for that self acceptance and understanding are so important... Employment is a big deal and thank you to talk about this subject sharing your experiences. I hope you the best because you have so many qualities and you are brilliant... ⭐️💜♾️

[@craig6744]

You are so strong Elena! You are definitely a leader and a healer in this world.

[@gamer-8955]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience(s), Elena. You're content is so valuable to those of us watching/listening. As an autistic individual you definitely have your struggles but, my gosh, you are such a strong character. I wish I was half as capable at interviews. I am always sweating, I stumble over my words and sometimes my anxiety is so high that I cannot, for the life of me, process what is being said to me or asked of me. Even with a little notebook on me that has possible questions and answers, my brain just gets a block from the anxiety and stress that everything I was supposed to have remembered to say has just left me. You are brave to have ventured further out to live all the way in Toronto. And yes, you definitely should be proud of every success no matter how small, because a lot of hard work and effort goes into each one. I wish you all the best Elena. ❤️

[@elenacarr0ll]

You have done so well just to get to the interview point! Never forget that 🌈

[@lausbub4861]

thanks for sharing ❤ when i was thinking about employment i asked myself how and where i want/need my workplace to be (outside/inside, with animals, with people or no people, office/walking around, etc.) and then i found out that libraries are a good workplace for me. i am now in my second year of training and i love the work i do even though the training is very hard sometimes (a lot of socialising). but libraries are full of neurodivergent people :) (in bigger libraries there is a lot of work to do away from the helpdesk with less interaction)

[@elenacarr0ll]

Yes!! I’d love to work in a library! Congratulations on securing a job you love

[@tdesq.2463]

Good call!

[@thequietlife1152]

I went through this as a server. It made me so glitchy. And there wasn't 4000 applicants. What gets me is there are so many businesses in Canada that say no one wants to work! So there are jobs out there.... My favourite jobs where I could shine gave me time alone - a postal outlet (time in the back organizing the parcels), at a copy centre (time to sit at the folding machine for an hour etc.). These type of jobs helped me maintain my balance. I wish you well on your work finding journey!

[@shasita3361]

I get it why so few of us are fulltime employed. I used to be, but went through burnout, found out about my autism, found a better suitable job, but can't go back to 40 hours a week. I'm currently really pushing it with 32 hours a week. I do get partial disability of about €287 a month (after taxes). Hopefully I can get a raise next year, so I won't need the disability money anymore. They thought I would only be able to do simple factory work or work in a callcenter. I am happily working as a software tester now, and proving them wrong :)

[@tdesq.2463]

@@shasita3361 That sounds quite suitable. Good for you!

[@RanDom-bk8tt]

Go you!! I’m glad you found a better job that fits you. You got this!

[@gsgaut]

Greetings from Brazil, I admire your videos and content Stay strong Elena, as a late a diagonstic autistic Adhd,at 28, I identify with your story and struggle. Regular jobs can be quite dificult for us Neurodivergent, I also tried to work a 9-5 as and it drained me so bad. Now I am trying make it as a freelancer, high risk but high autonomy and I'm able to choose everything , it gives me a sense of agency over my life

[@thehollyannrose]

honestly as someone that has worked retail before getting diagnosed, i don't think i can ever do it again. i need a consistent schedule or i BURN TF OUT. plus lights always get to me. like the other day i almost had a meltdown picking up a pizza because the lights were "too bright" lol i had to ask them to bring it out for me once it was ready for pickup

[@KamillaMirabelle]

Hey sweetie ❤️ I'm so sorry that you have to struggle this much 😓 dont give up.. you can succeed! 💪 I got ASD, ADHD, atypical anxiety and PTSD.. i got a job because of that 😱 Because i need my daily live to be highly structured, and need quiet spaces i can accommodate people with dementia better than most. I pick up even the smallest details of change in behaviour and such, so i see when their diagnosis profil change.. and because of decades of masking i can act interested in what they are saying while having my focus anywhere else.. which is fine here because most of them doesnt have coherent sentences 😅 (last job) Right now i am at a rehabilitation center, which is SO FREAKING NICE!!! 🥳💔 I'm studying to become a nurse so it is part of my education, but to start the education i needed to get hired before i got in.. my ASD can hyper focus on somatic diseases and how to treat them.. while my ADHD doesnt get bored because our patient have so many different conditions and are there for so short amount of time, every thing is always "new".. 🥳 i need to interact with colleagues, and patients.. but mostly it is professional information sharing, and only during breaks do i need to interact with anyone.. which is okay because they are kinda weirdos to.. ❤️

[@elenacarr0ll]

Wow!! You are doing so well for yourself!! Thank you for the encouragement 🥰

[@KamillaMirabelle]

@elenacarr0ll i live in Denmark, i think we have it a little better (far from perfect) i also have a degree in theoretical mathematics and computer science 😅 we got free education all the way through university.. it help a lot, and special in school programs to people with support needs.. But Yes.. you need to frame your ASD as it gives you that make you better than others what it can attribute.. like having a eye for details and highly structured, love monoton task.. 😅 my smell sens can nearly handle every smell, but also smell small differences.. a big win if you work with food or sick people..

[@KamillaMirabelle]

@elenacarr0ll but i got problems to 😅 just saying it isn't impossible!

[@tdesq.2463]

​​​@@KamillaMirabelleMaybe You have some feline senses. Cat's are known to pick up on the presence of tumors and assorted other internal physio-pathologies. I too have certain enhanced traits of a like nature that come in handy where I work: Schizophrenics are remarkably comfortable around & interacting with me. Even my then new bosses picked up on that right away. They would figure out not much later that I had a knack for picking off psycho/sociopaths with reliable accuracy. And when I sound the alarm that someone is gonna "make a move" within the next few days and to put the female tenant/clients on alert ... they take it very seriously. My track record speaks for itself ... sad to say. Anyway, excellent note! We're on a very similar page. The World needs People with Your peculiar skill set ... and mine. Cheers! 🎼TD

[@samuelferrardz]

I’m about a third of the way through this video, and even though I haven’t finished it yet, I wanted to take a moment to express my deep, deep appreciation. Being in a similar space-though as a grad student rather than job-seeking-this video is resonating so deeply that I need time to process each part. It feels so intimate, seeing you open up in this new way, and I know that can take such bravery. It’s incredible how you continue to outdo yourself, bringing such intentionality and honesty. As I often say, your work really speaks to me, and this one especially feels like a moment to pause and reflect on. I feel that ‘seesaw’ of closeness in identity, and it reminds me how powerful and moving it is to see someone so relatable on screen. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting yourself out there in this way-I’m so, so proud of you for the journey you’ve taken in the last months. No pressure, of course; just know that I’m here, taking it all in, and looking forward to seeing where you go next ✨🍁

[@elenacarr0ll]

Wow, you have a gift of expression through words. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me. Its comments like this that encourage me to do what I do 🌈

[@InterDivergent]

I run my own business (rather unsuccessfully) 5 years in now. I can't even pay myself a salary, and as such I cannot get government support (like a healthcare card for cheaper meds etc). At the moment I don't think I'm capable of even having a part-time job because I'm coming out of burnout and I need to give myself a lot of time off to not have meltdowns and/or fall back into burnout. I'm teetering on the edge. The last full-time job I had was 8 years ago. I'm self-diagnosed, so not part of the statistics. The last two jobs that I've had were with Autistic bosses, so I fit in better. Any job I've had in the past has always been a job where I work by myself primarily, with no phone call duties, and no interaction with the public; I wouldn't be able to cope with these things. Thus I've always had lower paying jobs below my education/experience level.

[@thestoicwhinger]

Thank you for sharing your story, your bravery and candidness are incredibly informative and inspiring. Your strength is amazing

[@mainafantini724]

Very hard, and very brave! Thank you for sharing.

[@DootDootsOnly]

Thank you for sharing your experiences with the job/interview process. I'm currently on the strugglebus. I am having a hard time with applying to jobs and then they say they will get back to me regardless if I get the job or not and then they never do. I am proactive about applying and calling places, but it seems so demotivating when I'm trying for months to get a job and no one accepts me. It's been really hard for me to not put myself down for failing with getting and keeping a job lately. Watching your video has comforted me because even though I don't at all want you to be struggling, I know I'm not alone and a failure. Thank you for posting the video 💛

[@TheNeuroconvergence]

Enjoying the channel. Thanks for what you're doing.

[@danidolbow]

I really appreciate you sharing your experience with this. I’m currently unemployed (because of a work injury) but I was recently diagnosed with AuDHD and looking back, realize the longest period of time I’ve worked a single job was a year. I really relate to the struggle of feeling so much pressure and judgement from others in regard to jobs/careers. Definitely keep sharing your journey because it’s a challenging thing to navigate.

[@asecretcourtofcrowsandcloc4084]

Hi Alana. Thanks so much for making this video. While I am not on the autism spectrum I can relate to much of what you said. I am also in my 20s have a job hunting for over a year, though I was fortunate enough to find a temporary job for a few months in between which with a really great workplace and had awesome coworkers. I will say that I had a similar experience to Ewart where I found that when I went on an interview for a job which I was not able to prepare for it wasn’t something I had to experience in and the job description dispatch details I actually felt like I was able to be way more authentic in the interview and connect with me employers in a way that I could not when I went on interviews which I had a great deal to prepare for and a lot I wanted to get across. I think it’s something about not knowing much about the environment/work tasks that allows you to just come in open to what they will say and you can contribute. Wish you the best of luck with finding a workplace that values your unique strengths, provides opportunities for employees to participate in which ever way meets their specific learning styles, and give you a sense of interest end enjoyment.

[@paltrygeist]

lol, i had to rewatch the last section of this video! i zoned out reminiscing on how awful the interview experience has been for me and how much it felt like school. comparing people is wrong in most social settings, but there is an interview process even for jobs that need no experience. it always feels like an opportunity for me to mess up, every interview in the last year (of not many) i've done something "wrong" to make someone not want to hire me. i know it's not personal and i haven't necessarily done a wrong thing, but looking back on these social situations is something i am compelled to do. i go over my performance: did i say something, do something, what extra thing did i miss to make me seem like a better candidate? it's incredibly exhausting. that said, i like your friend's idea of not preparing. i'll try to use this in the future to stop my overanalysis wasting my spoons!

[@tudormiller887]

Hello Elena. I'm an Neurodivergent individual and I can totally relate to your video, I've been unemployed for over a year now. Watching in 🇬🇧 ❤ your cap.

[@aneetah.b.robert5042]

I HATE the ghosting part. An interviewer said to my face that I'll get feedback regardless of the outcome of my application. I emailed after not hearing back for 2 weeks only to get a generic email saying they decided not to go ahead with my application. So were you going to email me if I didn't ask how it's going? I just hate these employers.

[@elenacarr0ll]

Oh yes I feel you there!!

[@eraserheadarts]

These training setups seem so awful 😭The whole quiz stuff sounds so excessive. I don't blame you for struggling at all. I agree - always listen to your gut when it comes to jobs like that. I've quit many similar jobs after a couple of days and never regretted it! I'm now in an admin/data analyst position where I can just sit in front of a computer, focus, and work through my daily tasks and it requires minimal masking. The interview was just a simple conversation with standard interview questions and training focused on the actual job tasks. Maybe a job like that would be better for you?

[@elenacarr0ll]

Thank you for your gentle reminders. Sounds like you have done so well for yourself 🙌🏼

[@kendrickkx]

Thx for sharing. Stay strong

[@TessaCoker]

I was always good at interviews. My first job I despised my boss, the second we just didn’t click, the third fourth and fifth were good. More recently and burnt out a couple of disasters. I am 71, only recently discovered my autism and work 2 low paying part time jobs. I intend to continue as long as my body and employers allow!

[@ClaraCB5]

OMG I have 2 masters degrees, both with distinction, both of them I placed second in my cohort. I could NOT succeed at that team exercise as my short term memory is truly horrendous. I'd have had a panic attack. I'm fairly certain I'm neurodivergent, not diagnosed but strong suspicion I have AuDHD. It took me 1 year and a half to secure an entry level job. This world sucks.

[@tdesq.2463]

@@ClaraCB5 Certainly isn't fair in many ways.

[@jantaljaard835]

She is a very good person.

[@phant0m92]

I commiserate. Had that when I was going through orientation to count votes in the NZ election. The self-loathing I had when I couldn't even complete the walkthrough and training :(

[@mayyace]

I haven't watched the video yet. I just wanted to say that I have autism and I work full-time (because I can't afford rent otherwise) but it kills me inside and every single day feels long and is emotionally draining and it feels so repetitive and I look at my watch every five minutes waiting for the day to end and I hate it. EDIT: I love my job, I work in childcare, it's probably the best and only job that I am capable of doing but I still struggle to force myself to get out of bed and do it everyday.

[@CombraStudios]

Thank you for this

[@kalasimsy2966]

Just got back from my 9-5, thursday and friday are so hard for me, i've been working a full time job for three months only and I already feel like im loosing it, i feel like a trapped animal for those 8 hours plus commute, theres nowhere to go and decompress

[@laura.bseyoga]

💚

[@RS474]

I absolutely hate team based tasks or team building events. You made the right choice not sticking with that job. Maybe think about doing something self employed?