MY LAST VIDEO

Thank you for your support over the years, but I will no longer serve the "gods" of insecurity or achievement.
I pray that God blesses you and you would understand Christ's love for you.
Amen.
My Website: asoulredeemed.com
Commentary Channel: / @thecotyschwabe

[@daveeol1987]

Appreciate your honesty and thoughts

[@CotySchwabe]

Thanks and God bless.

[@livinglikeliv3372]

I'm a girl and I can 100 percent say I have that feeling of having to create in order to live. It drives every single thing I do and every job I've ever had. It's like I'm not even conscious of it, I just have to do it. Almost in like in an obsessive way. Once I start a painting or even have an idea for one I HAVE to finish it. I'll skip meals and skip work just to get the feeling out. I just found your channel an hour ago and it's crazy that now it will be gone. Just out of curiosity have you struggled at all with addiction? What you're describing sounds very similar to how I would describe my own feelings and I attribute a lot of the way I feel to my addictions and trauma and all that. For a long time I felt that my identity as an artist and my identity as an addict where intertwined. I don't feel like that anymore, but I still cling to the identity of an artist sometimes as to show my "cool" factor or what I perceived as cool. The same way that I clung to the identity as an addict as "cool". Obviously I didn't do drugs just to be cool. I did it because I was so sad and I couldn't figure out how to cope any other way. But the way drugs are romanticized and generally viewed as "lit, bad boy, living out side the norm, or tough" seemed to pretty easily convince people that I was some how cool, the same way that calling yourself an artist generally convinces people that you're far "cooler" or weirder or tougher than others. And it can definitely make me feel like an imposter. I don't see myself as different or "cool" at all. I often see my self as so much lower or some much less cool than others. So it makes me feel fake when they have these grand ideas of who I am as a person attached to one activity that I do(ie. painting). Honestly I think a congratulations is in order for you. You picked up painting to make it through and it did just that, it got you through and has healed you to a point where you don't even feel like you need it anymore. I think a lot of artists would love to feel that. Being an artist is so open ended. Where will my next idea come from, will my next piece be a success, will people understand what I'm doing here, am I even good at this, these are all questions you can lay to rest with the conclusion of your art career. I wish I had found your channel sooner but I can't wait to go back and watch the old videos. I wish you the best of luck!

[@CotySchwabe]

Liv thank you for your comment. I think you are greater than you know. While creating can be good, when we start to worship creating or success or whatever it binds us to it. I'm sorry for the things you've gone through but I pray that God gives you a new identity, one free from past hurts and addictions and the hurt caused by others but also the need for validation from others. You are not alone and God loves you. God bless.

[@shahidraza314]

You the man cote

[@CotySchwabe]

Thank you brother.