My Parents' Divorce Still Hurts 40 Years Later (Hardest Video I've Ever Made)

[@Shay-lc9lz]

I’ve been a therapist for 25 years, divorce is not a one time event for children, it impacts them throughout their life. Best advice to parents is stay involved in your children’s lives and support them seeing their other parent unless there is a risk of abuse. Children need you both and don’t want to be in the crossfire. Avoid talking negatively about the other parent in front of them, this causes huge emotional pain because they love both parents. Love and prayers to all🙏🏻

[@TheRealTerryW]

Keeping the Lord involved is most important and making sure both parents show that they are supporting each other and their children in their Christian life is key!

[@vinsonwalton28]

I lived this as well. I am 54 years old and I still deal with remnants from that period in my life. It’s tough.

[@resurrectionsunday]

Yes it does

[@mauricemotors8207]

My parents divorced when I was 8 I’m 26 now and I’m still dealing with it and it’s even effected my relationship with my girlfriend of 10 years and it’s made marriage a truma for me.

[@johnasher5684]

Still a Christian therapist?

[@jbigmamma3192]

I never understood the gift my parents gave to us until my 60's . I wish I could thank them today. They were married for 50 years, they taught me patience, forgiveness, and love.

[@ehizz]

You’re so blessed I’m 14 and my parents separation is just too much to handle I wish it could be like before

[@misses1768]

Romans 10:9-11 KJV 9 that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. 10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11 For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.

[@Unknown2024-t8r]

Your vulnerability in sharing this experience with your KZbin audience is commendable and appreciated! ❤ May God continue to heal your heart.

[@thebeatagp]

Thank you so much! God bless!

[@DC-oj6vw]

I’m saying…

[@scottcervantes4876]

My dear Brother, Thank you so very much for sharing this video! I can identify with SO MANY of your points on this video! I appreciate your openness and your transparency, because it’s helping ME! GLORY TO GOD!

[@peacefuldoves]

@@thebeatagp hi Sir, great great content... loved it, only quibble is the uber loud piano music. I really had to fight with your words and heart. I've not noticed this on prior videos. Tad less loud please, so I'm not battling the jingle repeat. May God help us all man! 🇬🇧

[@analiemabena2391]

May God strengthen you and family

[@Cindy_T]

My parents divorced when I was very young. Honestly, it made my life better. The drinking and violence were extremely difficult for me and my sister and brother.

[@getupwithzandim2673]

I agree with you toxic environment is not good for children. Thanks for sharing

[@KishaLray]

i dreamed of mine getting divorced now that im older and know GOD i repented from that wish. there is a such thing as simple separation, repentance, and deliverance, its not like GOD is not able to restore.

[@katelynhart8]

@@KishaLray no one said God is not able to restore. God is omnipotent. But He limits Himself to give us free will. If a spouse is unwilling to repent & change, then God isn’t going to force his/her hand in doing so

[@JesusChristForEternity]

@@KishaLray I had to repent for the same reason as well once I got saved. It’s so important for us to realize that God can restore anything…even the most broken relationships!

[@kbg12ila]

I used to wish my parents would divorce. Constantly living in a home where I fear another argument of another act of violence was not something that made home feel like home. It felt like torture and unfortunately it didn't stop. But I have a home with the Lord.

[@JephthahTorres]

This video hit me hard. I grew up in a broken home and as my parents got divorced they got into even more toxic relationships(abusive, adultery filled homes) I didn't get saved until I was 22, I am 27 now and I still struggle to love the right way, I had no context of what love was growing up and I searched for it carelessly all my life.I've been engaged to a wonderful woman for 3 years and I still find it hard to love like the Bible says.I am getting married on April 15th 2023 and there is this fear that I won't be able to be the husband and leader of the home that I never witnessed. I know I have God on my side but it feels like a burden sometimes that I have to be the first one to get it right. I appreciate the vulnerability in this video because it definitely isn't easy. I pray everyone affected by these broken homes/marriages gets healing in Jesus name 🙏🏽

[@bradhenry7317]

Oh you have nothing to fear my friend! You are going to see the leadership you have in you as a Godly Man my friend!! Father I lift up Luigi to you right now to cease these thoughts of not being enough for his soon to be wife that he loves and cares for so much, on that day of marriage I pray they will allow your power grace and LOVE to reign over them like warm comforting shower on a cold day! You are so assuring for us God. We love you. In the name of your almighty, holy, sinless and sacrificial Son Jesus Christ! 🙌🏼 I also ask Father they allow you into every aspect of their lives. I ask that you give them the true desire to seek you full heartedly. In Jesus almighty name 🙌🏼 Luigi I love you brother. I trust God will give you such confidence and leadership abilities you never thought you had. You will no longer look at yourself the same you will see the great man God created you as

[@JephthahTorres]

@@bradhenry7317 I receive it in Jesus name!! Thank you so much brother for the encouraging words and prayer 🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@heleni7346]

You have nothing to fear. My parents separated when I was 6 and my Dad remarried and got divorced. I remember being afraid of getting married. But God told me that my parents faillure is not mine and today I am married and I do not even mention the word divorce in our marriage. Although the ennemy was reminding me of ending up like my parents, but God reminds me everyday that my story is different. So, choose to stay married no matter what and seeking for christian counseling every challenges will come near your marriage.... God bless you brother

[@bradhenry7317]

@@JephthahTorres absolutely I pray that you guys will become a powerful couple. Ministers of the good news. Both giving it all to God. In Jesus name❤️✝️❤️🙌🏼🙌🏼

[@JephthahTorres]

@@heleni7346 I am glad that your marriage is unlike the ones you knew growing up, that is a testimony of what God can do, and it's encouraging to hear. The counseling is also important like you mentioned. My lady and I are currently in premarital counseling with a pastor and his wife and it's definitely been helping us. Thank you so much for the encouragement 🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@hprincessbride5277]

Never apologize for tears! God collects each one brother Allen🙏🏽❤️

[@getupwithzandim2673]

Yes Psalm 56:8

[@Mrs.WordSmith.GEN_8zero]

Amen ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[@MotherDaughterGaming5157]

My parents divorced after 40yrs together. I was devastated…I was in my late 30s and it hurts and it still saddens me 💔

[@misses1768]

God bless! I pray God will give you the strength to endure! ❤ Romans 10:9-11 KJV 9 that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. 10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11 For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.

[@DavidWesley]

I can see how hard this was for you to make, but I think it’s something that needed to be done. I appreciate how blessed I am to have parents who are still married after 44 years, whose own parents had lifelong marriages. It’s that legacy that gives me the tools to help my wife, who did not have a healthy marriage modelled for her. I sometimes do wonder if my wife’s bar for a husband was too low because of how terrible her father was. I could do much worse and still do a much better job than him. But I had a father and two grandfathers to show me the way; I’ve had something to strive for. God bless you for your vulnerability.

[@thebeatagp]

Well said bro! Much love.

[@f.i.r.e.ministries]

@@thebeatagp So my kids are both special needs so I don't feel a divorce will affect them because they won't have a concept of what is really happening.

[@sashamoureen9598]

Wow, she’s so lucky to have you, glory to God

[@lindaduncan5541]

Thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable. This is why the Bible is against divorce. It causes so much pain, in many ways that are not even thought about. It affects the children, their children, and even into the next generation. My parents divorced after I was an adult. It hurt so much and still affects me and I’m 69. God didn’t give us rules to live by just to make us miserable. He gave them to help us have a good life, a blessed life. I cried with you Allen as you described your struggle to be a good parent, without the guidance and example in your life as a youth. You’ve touched my heart deeply. Anyone that watches this video will learn something. God bless you and your ministry, and your family. 🙏💕🙏

[@miked1550]

Amen 🙏 for me I thought it was normal that people broke up. Ive never seen a healthy marriage. Almost my whole family is divorced. Now that I am a christian I really can see the brokeness. But God can restore everything

[@lindaduncan5541]

@@miked1550 I agree. God bless you Mike!

[@theeternalslayer]

When adults can't be adults children suffer the most.

[@sheneathahollowell2750]

But more importantly why/when we should marry. Many people biblically should have never been married to start so it’s not a surprise when it doesn’t work.

[@theeternalslayer]

@@sheneathahollowell2750 I look at it like this now, marriage is to represent the bond of Jesus and his beloved church, the book of revelation states the new Jerusalem will look like a bride dressed at the altar, basically stating marriage is in God's favor for a reason and Jesus is the witness to our unions. The 2 have to be unified under christ to receive God's favor. When I was saved god showed me the new Jerusalem and it was a wonder and a spectacle to see.. can't describe it but man I want to spend eternity there lol. He mentioned to me that I have to bring a guest since it's like a wedding and he asked Me why I didn't marry yet. I thought I was disqualified for what happened with an ex but he made it clear I didn't let him find a good suitable partner for me. My relationship with my ex fell apart because it was me a Christian with a none believer. Pretty much confirming that an unholy union will always fail because it's not in God's will for us to be with people that deny him.

[@ethanwakeman2578]

Thank you for this video Allen! It was much needed. After Tom Brady's divorce I started to think about his kids and how they are going to be affected. I just know because how my sisters and I were affected. I am the oldest child of three. I am currently 21 and my sisters are currently 18 and 16. My parents divorced when I was 8 years old. I still remember very vividly when my mother sat me down on the couch one night to have a "grown up talk" with me. Little did I know that talk was going to drastically change my life. My mom basically told me that her and dad are not going to be together anymore. Right when I heard those words my world came crashing down. I felt crushed. Over the next few years I started noticing my dad was changing. My dad started smoking, drinking, and got a body full of tattoos. On top of all of that he was in and out of relationships. He got into many unhealthy relationships. Then he married this women who was an alcoholic (I think that tells you all you need to know) in which my sisters and I had to deal with this women's abusive toxic behavior. That women would later cheat on my dad and he divorced her. I remember my sisters and I having to comfort him. We also felt the need to help him with his dating profile. He met a few women but settled for this one women who was what you would call a narcissist. He later then moved to Arizona and I did not see my dad in person for 6 years. I'm still uncovering a lot of memories that my brain has blocked for so many years. Now for my mom. Ever since the divorce she has been working really hard to care for me and my sisters. She was going to school full time while also working full time. Just seeing how much stress she was in just hurt me. It got to a point where we had to move with my uncle for a few months then we had to move to an apartment. She did date a few men but I did not know much about those men. She did eventually remarry but not in a healthy way. Not to mention she dealt with divorce as a kid herself. Now how has all of this affected me? Many ways I could say. One big thing is that I have developed this fear of intimacy. I'm not sure if this makes since that I fear intimacy while I also crave it as well. I also know very little about marriage and how to be in a healthy marriage. I do want to be that father I didn't have and I want to be that husband that my mother didn't have. I know that God is still working in me and I am continuing to work through all of this. I am the only Christian in my immediate family. So I don't know what God has in store for my family I just need to trust him. Anyway I apologize for the long comment just thought I'd share my story as well.

[@ebierekoroye2327]

As you continue to trust God, and to actively surround yourself with godly Christian couples(models) particularly from church, you'll find it easier. . 🙏🏼

[@andreatownes988]

Ethan Wakeman, Thank you for expressing yourself. Your Story can help someone. I read all of it and I heard your pain. I am Praying the Best for You and Yours.

[@carolewheeler7620]

Thanks for this video. I plan to share this video as it's very enlightening. Thanks again. MybGod continue to bless your ministry

[@vayoha02]

I totally understand your statement about intimacy! I have it but never put it into words. My parents divorce hurt me very badly bc everything happened so fast without an explanation. I had a conversation with my parents about it last year. I felt my father didn't love me even though I knew he did, I didn't want to interrupt his new life. My mom is a loving but silent woman. We really didn't understand or know each other until she retired from the army. Today we're best friends, me and my mom. My father and I are working on our relationship. With God and counseling, you will be the man God CREATED you to be. Amen🙏🏾💖💫

[@successejoke3637]

Wow,this is so relieving,thank u so much sir.

[@joneill3dg]

My Parents got divorced when I was 14. 11 years later, it still hurts and has permanently damaged our family. Anyone who thinks the kids will be fine is lying to themselves. That said: God has been extremely faithful to me, and has restored so much of the damage.

[@ryokohonda4619]

I don't know but maybe if the relationship is too toxic. When I was a child I saw my father beat up my mom. And I said "if they seperate they won't hurt each other" my father was alcoholic too he yells and hurts us. We were so scared.

[@simhawk3986]

Man I thank you for this... It took me soooo long to realize why my wife and I were having issues. I realized that she was given a model that I wasn't. My wife grew up with both her parents married in the home and I came from a single mother household. You don't really realize how inadequate you are in a relationship due to those lack of examples growing up. But it is amazing to see a man with such spiritual maturation. Keep up the growth brother, and thank you for putting this message out there. So many of us need to hear it more than we know

[@freemefromhere4477]

Don’t be ashamed I’m in my 30s and I’m still suffering from my parents divorce😢

[@broyofroyo1207]

I am 12 Years old I hope my parents never divorce

[@EriPages]

Suffering how?

[@broyofroyo1207]

@@EriPages he is sad and probably thinks if their is a problem with his GF/her Bf that the same thing that happened to their parents will happen to them

[@beautifulbrilliantblessed]

Although I'm not a product of divorce because my parents were never married (I was born out of wedlock, and grew up a "daddy-less daughter" in the care of a young single mother), I can still relate to your story. Sadly, I suffered/suffer from many of the same devastating effects of not having two parents in the home, or healthy relationships modeled for me...Thank you for your transparency and vulnerability. I'm certain many marriages, families, and even singles, like myself, will be blessed as a result of you sharing this part of your story...May God continue to bless you, the members of your family, and your ministry. 🙏🏾

[@beautifulbrilliantblessed]

Thank you @@missklassy4447. You're pretty also. God bless you. 🙏🏾

[@holpcs2]

Sorry to hear about your childhood. I know that's got to be tough. May the God of peace and tranquility heal all wounds, past and present.

[@beautifulbrilliantblessed]

Amen @@holpcs2. 🙏🏾 Thank you. Your comment is greatly appreciated. 😊...By God's grace, many of the wounds have already been healed. 🙌🏾

[@sheilaeddy1323]

I’m gonna cry while typing this. My Son divorced after being unfaithful, my grandson was 14 and it was devastating. My grandson is now 27 and did the same thing. He has a little 5 year old Son. Both have been like deaths to me.

[@thebeatagp]

This is terribly sad to see and hear.

[@See-if_I_care]

Seems it's in the bloodline

[@lookingatdaisies9901]

​@@See-if_I_careit's not bloodline, it's simply, there's no example of the positive side. Saying "I'll never be like....." is not enough for the brain.

[@See-if_I_care]

@@lookingatdaisies9901 I believe it is. We will get an update in a few years that the great grandson also divorced because of cheating.

[@josephbell5806]

Allen, I hope you realize that this video might be one of the most important you've ever produced. Not just because it touches you so deeply and so personally, though, that certainly brings the message home more powerfully. No, but rather because there are just so MANY people whose lives have been affected by divorce. As a society, we have come to believe collectively that divorce is there as a remedy whenever the problems become too deep, when we see something or someone we like better, or, just, I don't want to be married anymore. Our society has viewed everything as disposable. And we've convinced ourselves that, given time, our kids will just 'get over it', and not bear any of the pain or scars of divorce. Our society isn't going to go back to simpler times when we didn't do things like that as a society, Allen - which I'm sure you know - but, as you said in your video, you might, by putting this message out there, help to give perspective and redemption to a hurting person out there. Thank you for following the Lord's leading on this...there is a lot of broken people out there who need to hear this. God bless you, sir.

[@samuelmartin2608]

My dad didn't have a dad in the home. I don't know how he became the Godly husband and father he is. Praise God.

[@holleyedwards6005]

Alan thank you for being so honest and open. My husband left when my son was 11 years old. Most people said children are resilient and he’ll be fine. You’re being strong for him. You’re his Godly example. Etc. Etc. I know he was hurt so terribly and still does at the age of 18. It breaks my heart. I appreciate you sharing this and being HONEST about how you feel and how divorce affected you as a Christian. People think being a Christian makes it all ok. There is still pain and heartache. It dismisses what our kids go through to pretend they’re ok.

[@onewithhimmusic]

Praise God! That means there is hope for all men to be Godly fathers!

[@shaymay2892]

Amen.

[@deejtherapper]

Fortunately my parents have never divorced, they have been happily married for 22 years. But I know many friends that their parents have divorced. Thank you for listening to the Holy Spirit and making this video though of the negative effects you thought it would cause. Next time someone talks to me about that their parents have divorced and they are struggling through I will definitely be sharing this video with them!

[@misses1768]

Romans 10:9-11 KJV 9 that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. 10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11 For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.

[@gabrielcalderon5765]

I am 41 years old right now, had 3 when my parents divorced in 1985. It affected me a lot when I was younger. I understand you brother, God Bless you🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@aishaglow2408]

I cannot even imagine how hard it must have been to be this vulnerable. I applaud you, truly!

[@VisionunSEALED]

Thanks for sharing. Divorce is tough on everyone, including the kids. May God protect Christian marriages.

[@GodSaveTheClothes]

My parents got divorced 25 years ago and it still hurts me too. I am so committed to creating a healthy marriage so my kids don’t have to suffer the trauma of it all.

[@oyinb.8328]

On behalf of all of us who went through your experience… I say this with all sincerity THANK YOU FOR YOUR VULNERABILITY.

[@getupwithzandim2673]

Thank you

[@kcollier2049]

Thank you Allen for this video. I was 50 when I came to realize how much my parents divorce affected me and my relationships. I never married nor had children. You right I was not fine. But today my life belongs to the Lord and I’m grateful. God bless

[@vizdam9537]

What a timing allen .. am in a point of difficult times and like thinking to make a way out by telling my wife .. but both last weeks video and this one actually save my life … and I am gonna work things out to stay in marriage .. praize be to God for his ministry thru yu ..❤

[@Quittlatae]

Praying for restoration in your marriage! ❤🙏🏾

[@4knewt505]

Edit: listened to this multiple times. It is sofeming my heart and lifting fear. I'm adding this to my Great Sermons Playlist. Legacy of Divorce is what is convicting me. At a vulnerable time because I've been separated for 2 years and know what God has been dealing with me on. No matter what people told me, the separation did not bring more peace or healing or in our case, what was needed is deliverance. I don't know what's going to happen, but I have to keep listening to these videos and I will share it with my kids. God is faithful still. Thank you for your obedience.

[@clairlake1]

I pray you receive the deliverance you seek. Hang in there. Your healing is on the way.

[@thebeatagp]

Thank you so much!

[@HopeBonarcher]

🙏🏽

[@lillockey04]

Alan, I am a man who has been blessed with parents who love each other and love Jesus. I have been married only once and have been married for a long time. Your video helped me understand the depths of trauma that people I know have undergone. I couldn't really grasp what was happening to them but now I feel one step closer to getting it. Thank you so much for your vulnerability.

[@hinagyku]

My father went through 3 divorces and my mother had 2. I was around 8/9 when my mother left my father. I still recall everything like it was yesterday. I had a fear of commitment and distrust of others due to it. All my relationships were shallow, until I met my husband. I got married at 22 and going on 3 years of marriage. I pray continually for my marriage and my husband. I don't want to go through what my parents did nor have my children endure that kind of pain like I did. Thank you so much for sharing your story ❤️

[@lifeofatruckerswife]

Completely different side of the spectrum....my parents never had what most would consider a "wonderful " marriage. I remember the screaming, the tears my mother cried, the anger...I'm 44 years old now and I still am traumatized by seeing that as a child. I can't lie, when I was a child I secretly wished they would have divorced. Thank you Alan, for sharing this extremely powerful video💜

[@Jaynene_rainey]

I feel this very much.

[@LisaLisaCJ]

❤ it’s like the ones in chaos with for divorce the ones who thought they had a good family are broken by it

[@heisgr8er669]

True! I've stayed with my husband all these years, to avoid 'divorce' but I believe I might have done more damage to my kids. The only answer is for both husband and wife to truly put God first, of else it will never work.

[@Mutsa]

Same here. The day my parents finally separated was one of the best days of my life. Our house was not a home. Love was not there, peace was not there. The divorce did effect me and my siblings but their marriage effected us more. The divorce just brought shame and isolation to my family as if we didn’t go through enough. Definitely working through a lot of trauma and God has been faithful through it all. Thank you Father. I pray I have my own family one day and am able to honour God through it.💕

[@relaxcalmly1742]

I feel you. If parents who are staying for the kids aren’t able or willing to reconcile and have no self-control in front of their kids, then I do agree that at least a separation while still being involved in the kids’ lives are better. There’s trauma either way but the constant exposure to that may be worse for kids.

[@alicebeccati979]

I just want to say thank you for sharing this video. I'm 22 and it's the first time in my life that I hear someone share everything I've been through and I'm currently going through. Thank you because God has used you to speak to our lives, and to speak to a hidden and imposing pain in our hearts. Nobody talks about divorce from the perspective of children, but you did. Thank you Allen, God bless you and your family.

[@yolandalittle1806]

I can relate to your story. I have never had an example of a strong marriage growing up. My mom has been married 3 times, my sister has been married twice, and my dad was married twice. I have been in a 32-year relationship with my now husband of 2 months. When got together he was 18, and I was 19. I am now 51 & he is 50. Our relationship has outlasted so many people's marriages. See, I realized that I was not my mother, sister, or my father. Just because they had failed marriages didn't mean that I would. I thank God for waking me up. I love your vulnerability, Mr. Parr. Thank you for your honesty & for sharing your story. God bless you & your family!! Stay strong my brother in Christ!!

[@awatson5195]

Thank you so much for sharing your story, Allen. My mom left two years ago on Thanksgiving day. I was 20. My youngest sister was six. Even though I had 20 years with two parents in the home, I still feel like I have no example to follow if I ever get married because I NEVER want to become like my mom. There is so much anger I feel toward her but also extreme empathy. I'm terrified of relationships (especially after my first one ended about a year ago). But it's so good to hear how God has used the pain you experienced in your life to make something beautiful. I'm praying He would do the same in mine!

[@BrodiPhoenix]

Thanks for the video! I am a product of divorce and have felt the effects into adulthood. The traveling back and forth to cities... blended families.. brokenness of a past I have not been able to piece together.. I didn't view the Lord as a loving Father for a long time and still struggle with wanting a relationship in the future but praise God I have had mentors and father figures in my life. I am in a blessed situation where my step dad and father get along! Thanks for the encouragement and your experience brother Parr!

[@grant2149]

You shall be an adulter in another relathionship. DR JOSEPH WEBB,DAVID PAWSON,DR MIKE GORRIE,STEPEN WILCOX AND MANY MANY MORE.

[@grant2149]

ONLY DEATH BREAKS A COVENENT

[@grant2149]

I will keep preaching the word. Except it be fornication. Meaning someone has sex commits adultery. Meaning still married by covenent. Remain unmarried meaning single or reconcile to husband. Not ex husband The covenent remains till death. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he liveth. Yes Paul said you are called to peace. Not remarry he wont contridict himself. Scripture is clear. Do not be deceived listen to those DOCTERS IN BIBLE

[@grant2149]

Paul says not under bondage not enslaved,still bound. No where there stands remarry people use excuse called to peace. Qm telling you the truth. Jesus said eccept it Be fornication cause a wife to commit adultery,sex

[@grant2149]

If you remarry you shall be in adultery. Some people say once of act it is a continous sin. A sin means repent and stop sin. A thief repents stealing yes forgiven next day he steals again.Likean adulteres marriage not a once of sin. Every intimacy remains in sin. PEOPLE I WILL KEEP PREACHING THE WORD.

[@sharlene8803]

This is so beautiful and encouraging! My husband and I are both from divorced parents. We determined to early on to brake the cycle of divorce fork the sakes of our children. Forty-two years later we are still together by the goodness and grace of God! It hasn’t been easy but so worth it. So many of the things you discussed I recognize in my self, my spouse and my siblings. We have to continue to allow God to perfect the things that concern us and trust Him to never give up on us. When I look at my beautiful children and grandchildren; when I look at my husband who is an amazing and godly man. I just thank God for His goodness and tender mercies. I know that every tear, every cry to God to help me stay planted when I wanted to run, was a prayer to keep us together and whole. Thank you for your grace-filled testimony and your genuine transparency. May God continue to bless you, your marriage, your family and your legacy!

[@melaniem4070]

Thank you for your loving transparency, brother. I pray this will save marriages. ❤️

[@GROENAASMusic]

My dad left for other women pretty frequently when I was a kid. And every time, my mother - being the Christian that she is - waited for my dad to come back. According to scripture, she was allowed to divorce him for cheating, but she still was loving and patient enough to give him several chances. Naturally, she finally had enough and filed for a divorce. This back and forth separation between my mom and dad happened so much, I kinda grew up thinking it was normal. I was always in contact with my dad during this, but it had very much singed my understanding of a functional marriage. Now at age 33, I've felt very much late to the party on learning how a proper godly marriage is supposed to be.

[@GROENAASMusic]

​@@tff8514 Don't worry, it's fine now, even though I'm still learning. My mom remarried close to 20 years ago, so I did get a proper father figure in the house when I was a teenager.

[@rahulshinde6210]

“We might impress people with our strengths, but we connect with people through our weaknesses.” Craig Groeschel

[@shaelovesJesus]

I pray your family understands. This was definitely needed. We need each others testimony.

[@SeanLawn71]

I definitely felt this one. I’m currently separated from my wife. Mostly dealing with anger, alcohol and childhood trauma is what caused the separation. Still live at home with wife and kids. I’ve been restored and reconciliation is near for my marriage. It’s been a tough road but I refuse to give up on my marriage and being the best man God would have me be, daily. Appreciate your openness Allen.

[@cg212]

I grew up with parents who fought all the time and the fights would get pretty aggressive plus other parental issues toward us like emotional and sometimes physical abuse due to their hate for each other. Although they never divorced and have somewhat accepted their marriage after we grew up it's something I've never been able to get out of my head and it often gives me flashbacks and keeps me up at night. I'm a Christian and a theology major and my heart longs for God but this is something I struggle with and it has even impacted my marriage. Me and my parents don't talk to each other due to other severe family issues that I finally had to break from to better myself and my marriage. I struggle with forgiveness and finding closure from my childhood and it's a pain I carry with me everyday. This video means a lot to me and I pray for all those who are in the same situation and pray for me also.

[@foxybella2233]

My parents were never married but parted ways after 14 years together due to my dads infidelity. It still hurts me to this day. Just reading the title of this video got me teary eyed

[@candismile2]

This was so informative & revealing. This is what being a teacher is about.. This is what making the effort to be a good man is about! God bless you Pastor Parr. This message needs to go viral!!! People need to hear this testimony !🙌

[@haitianredbone]

Thank you for your transparency and opening up about your family history. This week I contemplated divorcing my husband. This video encouraged me to work out our issues and stay together to raise our 3 children. Thank you Lord for this Word.

[@denisecampbell8327]

Wow Allen… this is the most powerful message on divorce I’ve ever seen… Thanks for your transparency and willingness to be vulnerable… this is priceless 🙏🏼 Thank you… May this help millions of others … learn to love and receive love ❤️

[@davidbaker9286]

I feel you. I’m 48. My parents divorced at 13. All I knew how to do was build walls and close emotions off to everyone to keep my self safe. I’ve always had trust issues and have a hard time communicating with people on a personal level. I have lots of social anxiety. I do thankfully have a great wife and 3 kids. But I’m still guarded and don’t let my wife in. I’m totally open with my kids and relate to them better than anybody but I want to be that way with my wife too. I keep praying.

[@septemberg4840]

Wow...I'm sorry, but I feel the same way, but I never married, and the social anxiety has gotten better over time, but remnants still exist from time to time. Thank you for sharing.

[@stephaniethompson6819]

I said the other day that if leaders preach from a place of humanity and not from perfection people will change because they can relate. This message even though you hesitate on sharing was very impacful. You helped so many people even the ones that didn't know why they acting the way they do. It's the honesty fir me. Healing is a journey your not alone

[@kathierouse6046]

Both of my parents came from families with mental health issues. Their generation was from 1940s-1950s. They were introduced to each other by mutual friends. Soon after they began dating, my mom found herself pregnant with my brother. Back in those days, pregnancy out of wedlock was seen as shameful (and rightly so!), so they got married. The next 3 to 4 years, despite my mom's attempts to prevent further pregnancies, she conceived myself and my 2 sisters. Our home life was difficult. Neither of my parents was mature enough for marriage and family. My siblings and I were deeply affected by the discord of my parents' relationship. I was the first member of my immediate family to get saved at 23 years of age in 1980. About a year later, my mother made the decision to divorce my dad. They, too, had become "housemates" and their relationship died. When I learned my mom's decision, I was very saddened. I thank God I had been saved for a couple of years, and He gave me the strength to accept it. Naturally, I was praying for reconciliation, but it was not to be. My brother, middle sister and I ended up with broken marriages. My little sister is the only sibling that has never been divorced. However, my brother and middle sister remarried. I did not. I knew I had emotional baggage from family living and a broken marriage, so I begged God for emotional healing, no matter what it took. I never remarried, and I am glad of it. Today, in this present time, I remain single again with only one failed marriage. I am content and continue to pray for family members to come to Jesus. Two weeks ago, my only brother died from cancer. But, praise the Lord, he went to be with Jesus because his close friends led him to the Lord. While I rejoice with his homecoming, naturally I still grieve his passing. I feel the weight of responsibility to lead my mom and sisters, and their husbands, to Jesus. I have to believe that they will repent and give their hearts and lives to Him. Then we can be a family together eternally. I know that with God, all things are possible. Nothing is too hard for Him!! No one is beyond His reach! 😌🤗🤗🤗🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@Enraptur777]

God bless you and he will do it! 🙏🏻

[@LisaLisaCJ]

Im single with a failed marriage. My ex divorced me soon after his parents divorced. I wonder if it affected him to the point of him doing the same with us. I think its the REMARRIAGE and bringing all these different people and divided loyalties. My ex marred his mistress and my kids refuse to meet her. So he wont have anything to do with our kids and grandkids. This is why I refuse to remarry. I dont want to add a stranger to our family and their dynamics and needs and confusion. We really need healing

[@kathierouse6046]

@@LisaLisaCJ Lisa, I'm so sorry. I know it's got to hurt a lot. 😥🥺😪 Do you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior? He really does care. He intentionally seeks out the brokenhearted. He is full of compassion and kindness. He wants to help you, your children, and grandchildren. I hope you'll give Him a chance to work in your life. While this life is full of heartache, it helps me to remember how close He is to the brokenhearted. He's a constant companion to me. He has never left my side. He is Who He says He is--Faithful and True. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He is truly Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace. May our precious Lord give you His peace today that surpasses all understanding. I will be praying for you and your family. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏😭💔

[@kathierouse6046]

@Justin Gary Good for you, Justin! God will bless you because of your high standards and willingness to follow through! In addition, I am proud of you for your ambition in higher education! Bravo!! 😊👏👏👏👏👍👍👍

[@reginaford8575]

Luke 1:37!!

[@tanyathomas8791]

Thanks!

[@eleanorpitt8190]

I cried with you my brother Allen, I so respect your honesty and you being so transparent. So many men are not transparent and too stubborn and prideful. May God continue to heal your brokenness.NOTHING is Impossible with God 🙏🙏🙏

[@memunatusaffa9216]

I’ve seen and known folks in my African community where the women that were divorced end up caring for their ex-Husbands later on in life, even though they’re left for other women. Amazing God. To God be the Glory for all our life’s. Thx again. There’s a lot that ran through my mind as I watched this video. I cried too when I saw you cry. It is well. God Got you and Us all. Thx again brother for sharing this with us. Bless you

[@teopoline1103]

There's just something beautiful about vulnerability ❤️❤️. Such a beautiful video 😭🙏🏾 This is so relatable as well. Thank you for this Allen💕

[@katherinefreeh9769]

Thank you for being so vulnerable. I know my divorce affected my children, but God graced me with a so far 28 year marriage and gave me the opportunity to show my children what real love is. I truly feel blessed. I’m so sorry that this pains you so much but God is our physician. And I’m sure you are one of the best father’s in the world simply because of your love for and understanding of God’s word.

[@hiphopexorcist]

I appreciate your transparency. I'm currently seperated from my wife and it's been hard being a stepdad and it was awkward for me to be one. My parents left each other at a young age and I had two inconsistent stepparents. I also dated about 30 different women before I got married at 40 years old. I'm glad that you made this video because I realized that I didn't really process my childhood and singleness being so dysfunctional. I totally understand and relate with what you have been through Allen. I am glad that you brought this subject up. I'll be praying for you and please pray for me.

[@verob6025]

Bro it’s very good to talk about it 🙏Let it out….that’s good healing 🙏God Bless you man🙏❤️Love you!

[@letsprayandfasttogether9618]

Pray God lifts the scales from the lukewarm and lost eyes, opens their ears and soften their hearts. Pray God brings revival to the earth. Pray the Lord of Harvest send forth laborers into the harvest. Pray God strengthens His children, gives them more discernment and wakes them up ❤️

[@babenchrist1471]

Absolutely needed this! 25 years old and it still hurts me that my parents divorced back in 2016. I’m telling you I’m so blessed that God healed me and still healing me but the effects of it is still there for me. I moved down south out of Jersey just because I didn’t want my mother to be alone and I’m telling you it’s not easy and it’s still not easy but I’m glad I have God and he is with me every step . Thank you Allen sir for this video. I loved and look for videos on this topic on an Christian and open perspective because it’s still there for me too sir. Godbless 🙏🏾🕊❤️

[@jt2553]

As hard as it was to make & watch this video, I think you needed to do it to educate your viewers & parents & tell the children they’re not alone. I’m sure it’s therapeutic for you too. God bless you & your parents!

[@zellieboo827]

Lord Jesus this hit me so hard 😞. But it’s real… I’m a 57yr old grandmother who can relate to everything you spoke about. My parents were married 20yrs and divorced when I was 17-18 years old! Messed me up…. 3 divorces 2 kids from 1st marriage all before 40! I haven’t been in a relationship for now over 8-9yrs….single, saved, and ok. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 I pray for those suffering and those who don’t even know their suffering from the divorce of their parents 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾.

[@LisaLisaCJ]

This is so humbling. 😢 God help us all please.

[@melissajdelacruz]

Thank you Allen for sharing this. My parents divorced when I was 2 1/2 years old. I remember how much I hated having to grow up with a step father. I hated that I didn't have access to my dad whenever I wanted. Now that I'm older I'm happy my parents didn't stay together. I love both of my parents dearly, and I wish my father would have been a better husband to my mom and not leave her a single mom with two toddlers. He hasn't changed much since then, I do love him dearly and wish he would have made better choices in the past so that my sister and I could have grown up with our parents, and my mom not have been left a single mom. My mom, sister, and I suffered a lot due to his selfishness.

[@katelynhart8]

Thank you for this. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and am divorcing her dad next month due to abuse/narcissistic behavior, infidelity (emotionally at the very least), and refusal to repent. I’m still terrified of the repercussions for her life but know I need to trust the Lord to redeem all things for our good and His glory

[@melissajdelacruz]

@@katelynhart8 As long as you stay close to the Lord and stay in line with his will for your life, she will be just fine. She will understand when she is older why you had to do what you had to do. She will be just fine! God bless you both always and forever. I will pray for your situation. God is always, always sooo good! 🙏🏽💙

[@EL-Duder-Reno]

This so painful, I'll have to listen to it later in private. God bless you pastor

[@mariabjohnson9485]

Wow! This hit me to my core! Thank you for your willingness to be raw, transparent and vulnerable! I have been estranged from my father 18 years now. I am 36. I wrote a letter The Last Time I Saw My Dad…. That single experience changed how I received and give love. Living in perpetual state of fear, rejection and abandonment. It’s been a journey. And it’s still ongoing..

[@NicholasMcClure]

Thank you so much for having the bravery, and the faith, to share this. I'm a dad of three kids (all in their 20s now) and as a divorcee, this has encouraged me to open a conversation with them about how they feel their parents' divorce affected them, and how we can help restore some of what was lost. Thank you.

[@babzn6441]

Brother Allen, thank you so much for sharing. This video really hit home. My siblings and I are products of divorce. I was 11 when my dad up and left us. Mom struggled with 4 of us but with mom being a Christian at that time, she didn’t believe in divorce and would not grant one to my dad. So my dad lived with another woman for 5 years until he decided to file. Divorce was not accepted back in the mid-sixties. I felt embarrassment and being abandoned. Eventually, as I got older, I tolerated what happened to our family. You never get over it completely, so I thought. I was afraid to date or get into a relationship for fear of being abandoned. I met my husband and we started dating. He treated me so well and encouraged me to have a relationship with my father. I did try and we were on speaking terms. We married about a year later and of course I was afraid he’d leave. I got no support from my parents with them divorced now. Mom said she wouldn’t come to the wedding if dad was there and vise versa. I thought they could be adults and put their feelings aside…… I did not have good models growing up from either side but knew in my heart the kind of family I wanted for our kids. A lot of it came from instinct and watching his mom how she interacted with the older grandkids……I wanted our kids to know they were loved and I told them almost everyday that I loved them. I believe in my heart that God knew what I really wanted was for someone to love me and I could pass that love onto our kids. We have been so blessed with 51 years of marriage on Oct.9, this year. It was not always easy, but we loved each other and worked at our marriage. Several years before my parents passed away, my sister drove my dad to visit my mom at her place and mom and dad had a nice talk and forgave each other. I believe somewhere in their heart they still loved each other. I’ve learned that things don’t just get handed to you, you have to work for it. Several years later, we have 2 children grown now with their own families. They seem to be following in our footsteps. My husband and I worked together to give our kids a good moral upbringing. 🙏🏻 Thanking God everyday.

[@elizabethdanner3681]

What a beautiful story of restoration.

[@ItsEmmaAkuffo]

I’m a 27 year old single lady. Thank you for your advice: “Things don’t get handed to you. You have to work for it. You have to work on your marriage. “

[@ebierekoroye2327]

Awesome!

[@IIkIllswxtch]

My parents also divorced recently.. and I’m 19. praying for you brother Allen

[@hallelbimpong1901]

Me too but am 18

[@IIkIllswxtch]

@@hallelbimpong1901 I’m really sorry brother. My dad was an alcoholic and he will cheat on my mom continuously and that’s what lead my parents divorcing but just trust in God and give everything to him. I have been feeling depressed ever since my mom and dad divorced but it happened for good because of how he was and that’s why i moved on fast but it still hurts when I think about it

[@MistyshaAnguo]

@@IIkIllswxtch praying for you 🙏🏾

[@hallelbimpong1901]

@@IIkIllswxtch Thank you so much

[@hallelbimpong1901]

@@IIkIllswxtch I pray God gives us both strength

[@melindat419]

Thank you Allen for this video. I am a child from a divorced family. And I, too, went through a divorce just two years ago. My three children were adults but I have regretted the decision I made every day. I broke my vows, hurt my husband and children and hurt my in-laws. Please ladies fight for your marriage...FIGHT for it!!! And I mean fight for it from what the world is telling you do as well as well-meaning believers. Stand on the Word of God. I knew better and did not stand firm...and my heart aches every day. I am remarried but it is not the same. Praying for you with all my heart ❤

[@danielmarques8080]

The courage expressed in this video is legendary! Great video, as always, Allen.

[@dslapster64]

As a marriage and family therapist myself for many years, I have also seen that divorce is never the preferred situation, and it literally always has some negative effects. I myself did not marry until I was 38 years old, and myself and my siblings still, suffer from the effects of my parents divorce And I was just 16 years old as the oldest of four siblings. Which did definitely affect my relationships years after, and in many ways still does. So as I was listening to this video while I was driving. It really hit home to me as I saw and heard the many similarities between yourself alan, and me. Thank you for this video. It did more for me than I am probably even able to admit to myself or anyone else. May God continue to bless you on your God-given journey, as I hope he will continue to bless me on mine. Thank you.

[@wesley5074]

The most heartbreaking video I have ever seen you make! Thank you for your humble heart and vulnerability ❤. Thank you for obeying the Holy Spirit, he will help you in all your weaknesses,and will help others going through this 🙏🏾

[@jackieferrarimusic]

I think this is a very important video to make. My parents never divorced, but I remember when I was younger there was a threat of divorce in our house, and it was the first time I genuinely worried about my parents. My dad is no longer living now but not having one parent in the house is definitely traumatic and I can kind of understand.

[@lindanorris7240]

I cried some it hit me, no I'm not divorced but have been in a difficult marriage for over 38 years. It has affected my 3 grown children, but i see God's hand in my and their lives; your are so right as believers He make all the difference in so many ways. Thank you for sharing , it was encouraging in so many ways.

[@melissamorrison2308]

This is my life right now - parents divorcing during lockdown when i was 27. I struck me deeply when you spoke about the responsibility / guilt that you had to take on at a point in life where you're supposed to be independent. I'm struggling with this, I welcome any prayers that anyone can give. At the same time, Im thankful for the positive lessons that you've now made me aware of. But I thank you for this video - it reached me.

[@hasone1848]

My parents divorced when I was 13. My dad was a major alcoholic, passed out all the time, on his 3rd DUI. I am thankful every day that my mom divorced my dad since he died of alcohol poisoning about 6 months later. I could have been the one that discovered his body if the divorce didn't happen.

[@aliciaruiz7290]

Wow…what heartbreak 💔 sounds like you know your mother did what was best for you and that sometimes divorce is what’s best for the family. I’m sorry y’all had to go through that my friend 😢

[@hasone1848]

@@aliciaruiz7290 thank you, I have always recognized that my mom did do the right thing and I have told her as such. She still feels guilty for the divorce.

[@IIkIllswxtch]

My dad is an alcoholic too and parents already divorced and my dad will verbally abuse us especially when he’s drunk

[@hasone1848]

@@IIkIllswxtch I sorry you are going through that. I do feel fortunate my father was never abusive like that. Just remember the verbal abuse is not your fault!!!! He probably doesn't remember anything he says. Please take care of yourself.

[@holyexperience1976]

It was the opposite for me. My mother was the one with alcohol problem. She has been sober for a few years. I was 19 and out of HS when they separated. That was 27 years ago. Still separated. When I was 14 I was ready, as they argued a lot. My father wanted to wait until I was grown and out of school first. I found out recently through the grapevine that it was because my father did not want to lose custody of me, which truthfully speaking, I wanted custody to go to him.

[@mrspmullen1]

Thanks for recommending the book. My mom is twice divorced and it has affected my marriage and if it wasn’t for my in laws modeling a godly marriage we’d be lost. Look forward to reading the book and thank you for being vulnerable. God bless you, your wife, and children.

[@prudencek7087]

I once heard my Sunday school teacher say he had no idea how to be a husband or a father because he was never shown what a good example of that looks like. But what he did say was that he looked to his heavenly father and the word of God and the Lord guided him and taught him how to become a godly, loving husband and father. I can also say the same. I never had a good example of what a good marriage or good parenting looks like, when my husband and I were courting, I looked up every scripture I could find on what it is to be a wife, and a godly wife at that. I too had to learn from the word of God, but it's truly the best teacher that I could have ever asked for.

[@VJPrice-uw9si]

You're a good father! You're a good husband! The best present to your family is your presence! Bless you brother 😇

[@DavidWilliams-pb6he]

Wow man this was beautiful for you to share this level of transparency. God is taking your witness to a new level! God bless you my brother!

[@hilarylopez7957]

thank you, just thank you for your testimony. I'm aware of your pain and am sadden for that experience, but thank you.

[@JoseRodriguez-dw9dv]

This may sound corny but I think you made this video for me. Or rather, you made this video for people like me...and I can see there are many of us with similar situations. God has a way of answering prayers 🙏

[@MrsPino777]

This is exactly what I needed to watch today. Even though I did saw this notification sooner, but at last here I am. I'm 27 years old and still suffering from my parents separation. Just a year ago I came to this realization that seeing my parents separating has left a scar in my heart. I'm still hurting till this day and don't know how to deal with it. But I do want to thank you for sharing your story with the world because it makes me feel good to know that I am not alone. 🙏 For a while this had been driving me crazy. I even thought something was wrong with me, like if I wasn't normal. Especially since both my parents don't think much of it like if it's not a big deal, but it is! I am the crybaby and the eldest of the family, but I know that God has put it in my heart to be that role model for my family and those around me. And even though I wished that I was blessed with the tools, I now have to learn how to be in a relationship. What it means to love. What it means to cleave onto your spouse. What it means to be a family. What it means to be a wife and dress modest. I'll admit that this has been a difficult journey because of my rebellious spirit/orphan spirit that had came into my life since my childhood. How I wished I grew up seeing my parents resolve their conflicts. How I wished to have seen them love each other and forgive each other. How I wished mom and dad would have scolded me about the clothes I was wearing. After turning my life over to Christ at age 24 and soon after marrying my boss lol my husband (who still is my boss lol) had to be the one to correct me and edify me. Again this wasn't easy for me to hear. At the time I couldn't understand, because of all the alcohol I would drink before (dad is an alcoholic) but now being sober and vigilant, GLORY TO GOD I AM NO LONGER A SLAVE TO THE BOTTLE 🙏💜 (about to be a year already) I now understand that the reason why I wasn't receptive to my husband's words was because (in my heart) it should have been my parents. Not my husband's. I would get so angry at him and say mean things to him like, "You're not my dad!" Long story short, this anger that I felt, this hurt, was from my past. My anger was towards my parents for not teaching me better and for not being those examples, that mother and father figure for me, that husband and wife figure for me. My husband was just doing what was right and out of love for me. Yeah, we may "adapt" but in honest truth, divorce does affect us children. In so many unbelievable ways. I am grateful and thankful and truly blessed that God has put this wonderful man in my life. We are breaking generational cycles. And we are working through our traumas, our past hurts and stubborn demons together. My husband and I have so many conversations about things like this and we are well aware that divorce is not an option in our marriage. We also encourage others to stay in their marriages and to work through their issues/vices/temptations. Not only have I made progress, but I can't wait to be all that for my youngest sister. She may be tough on the outside, but I know she is hurting too. I hope and pray to God to use us so we can show our families what a father figure looks likes, what a mother figure looks like, what a husband a wife figure looks like, and what I mean by that is what it means to cleave onto your spouse, through thick and thin, through all the good, the bad, and the ugly. What true marriage is. What true love is. How God is Love, Truth, Faithful, Patient, Kind, etc. There is so much to say on this topic, but thank you Mr. Allen for creating this video. May God bless you and yours for it because you courageously shared it with us and may the Lord continue to use you to spread His Word and His Truth. 💜🙏

[@ruecasti7999]

I thought I was being overly sensitive or dramatic for still hurting over my parent's divorce when I was around 13, i'm 20 now. I've never had a boyfriend and have even thought that I would be better off never marrying or dating to avoid pain, even though deep down I have a deep desire to have a family and be a mother. This video is such a blessing and it really spoke to me about maybe being more intentional about healing this wounds and not allowing the fear to dictate my life. You got me crying in my college library Allen Parr, thank you so much for opening up your heart in this way I love your ministry. I just have a question, would you recommend say therapy or counseling or not necessarily?

[@thebeatagp]

Yes I would highly recommend therapy to help you process through this. I went through it in my mid twenties.

[@sherlockhomeless7138]

I'm not Allen, but if you do choose to get therapy, I would opt for a christian therapist or a christian organization.

[@samanthagraveswalters8443]

My parents marriage & divorce still hurts. My dad abused my mom I never seen them love each other. My mother was submissive but my dad was mean to her. It’s effected me big time. Thank you for this video.

[@muherdfan1a]

Kids are never “just fine” after a divorce. They adjust because they have to. Their family will be forever split - possibly 4 sets of grandparents and uncles and aunts, instead of 2. Holidays and vacations become a very complex planning strategy. Home is never the same.

[@LisaLisaCJ]

Yep you now have to deal with these “ outsiders “ and strangers determining your relationship with your own parents. I no longer speak to my father because his wife really has an issue with me even existing and she said this . She said that if he dealt with me he would have to deal with my mother and why couldn’t he forget us all… anyhow I’m 55 and I’m still not fine

[@dede4004]

This is a VERY important subject. It's been over 60 years for me, and I still struggle and am working through the after effects of my parents divorce and subsequent things following. My parents divorced back in 1960, when divorce was still seen as a "very horrible thing", and a divorced person seen as a terrible person. My siblings and I weren't wanted by either parent. We were adopted by grandparents who didn't want us either, and told us this. They took us for "help on the farm". We had no love, no kindness, no hugs or kisses or affirmation. Our grandparents were angry, unloving, and were physically abusive. No adult even talked to us, or cared about us, and my father even lived right down the street. We were abused, neglected, and repeatedly shamed for the smallest things. Plus, we were even raised in a very evangelical charismatic church. We weren't seen as "normal" kids there either, because of our situation. We lacked SO MUCH while growing up, and we often wonder WHO we COULD have been if things had been different. This didn't give us a basic life of structure, strength and love, to fall back on during times of struggle and relationships. We had NO KNOWLEDGE of how relationships should be, because we didn't SEE any loving, caring and affectionate persons while growing up. We all just took care of ourselves and each other. And had to work HARD as kids, on a farm, and did chores and yard work, housework, farm work. I have had a difficult time with self esteem and not feeling "good enough" for anything or anyone, which is easy to see WHERE that comes from. I didn't know WHAT a mother OR father even looked like, since I didn't see an example of either that wasn't negative and hurtful. I cried along with you, the entire way. These things tear your very heart and soul, and it is SO hard to overcome. When I was having children in my first marriage ( I married an abuser, of course) the TV talk shows talked about divorce, and how GOOD divorce could BE, it's benefits, and that "Children do JUST FINE", after divorce. "If you're happy, your children will be happy". I would get so angry from the talk show hosts saying that, because I KNEW it wasn't true. They were advocating for something that was GROWING in numbers, and creating more of a problem in our entire society. I felt like you, I didn't want to hurt ANYONE ELSE the way I had been hurt.( I had to leave my first husband, since he threatened my life numerous times.) But, God did bring someone else into my life, and I have been married almost 40 years to this man. I had 3 mothers and 3 fathers total, since my biological parents both remarried, and also had adoptive parents. And NONE of them were good examples. People need to KNOW that the search for their personal "happiness", can devastate their children if they don't put GOD FIRST in their lives, and get help for the hurts, and the areas of life where there are things lacking. We don't grow up knowing everything, we should know.....we have to be TAUGHT. And, when we're NOT taught, or taught wrongly, it can damage us for a long time and we can make the same mistakes and poor choices because we just DONT KNOW BETTER. It has taken me years of relearning about myself, about life, peoples actions, studying everything I could get my hands on, and also in prayer. God DID help me rebuild my life, and still I have times of sadness and hurt. Divorce has been looked at so casually for so many years, and we can SEE the devastation from it. The lack of person identity and strength in children growing up is where we see it the most. They seem lost and always SEARCHING for something to fill that "emptiness", that has been there for a long time. This subject needs to be addressed more, and more HEALING available from one to another. We don't need more government programs for this. We can do this for each other, relying on God first, and HE will help us in our recoveries from the difficulties, pain, hurt and sorrow we endure. Thank you for this video and for sharing your life story with us. It is very moving, and touched me deeply. This topic is important and must be talked on more, for everyone's sake.

[@veganramen2327]

If you don’t heal what hurt you, you will bleed on people that didn’t cut you.

[@kimberlysibley8167]

Thank you for sharing this video! I was a child of multiple divorces and can relate to just about everything you mentioned. The effects of divorce are devastating. I don’t think our society truly understands the impact that it has. Like you I had no frame of reference. Relationships were always a struggle for me because I was terrified of marriage. At age 34 God blessed me with a wonderful husband who loves the Lord. We married this year. I’m thankful God brought us together but the struggle of not knowing how to be a wife has caused me so much anxiety. I often wonder if it wouldn’t be so hard had I seen healthy relationships growing up. Reading the word and watching videos like yours provides so much encouragement. We serve a God who redeems and that gives me hope. God bless you!

[@Dazireofyourheart512]

Thank you for this Allen you are a great man. May God continúe to teach you how to be an amazing father. You are leading by example and a great leader. Thank you for being so vulnerable. I know God is doing more than a great work in you. Deep calleth into deep. I come from a dysfunctional home not divorce but it hurts that my parents weren’t able to show me love the right way. I ended up abused in a relationship but I thank God he is showing me how to love myself and others. A lot of people go through this but so many can’t express it. It’s a miracle you can express and uplift others through your pain. Keep it up Allen! You are loved and strong and wise. I’m grateful for this video. I always worry about divorce or marrying the wrong person. I can’t thank you enough for sharing this

[@traviscoonrod185]

Thanks for sharing brother! I too come from a broken home and can relate to a lot of what you said. Thanks for all you do and God bless you!

[@thebeatagp]

Thank you so much for sharing and for watching Travis Coonrod! God bless!

[@broyofroyo1207]

@@thebeatagp sorry to hear that

[@detruamizell3727]

This is great conversation. Not only does divorce cause trauma. I grew up with both parents in the house and they were still missing in action when it came to raising and being present when it came to me. It has caused a lot of trauma to me trying to maneuver through childhood to adulthood. Now that im a mother, i make it my business to be present every single day with my child with no excuses ❤

[@MrsAllen-tm7fe]

💚 Thank you for being vulnerable with us. This will touch so many families--it's life changing! Sending love to you and your family!

[@mrdinx]

Thank you so much for sharing. I feel your pain. I will leave out the details buy my parents went their separate ways in 1979, leaving us five children to pick up with our lives. The pain of divorce hurts as well as the hate and anger displayed by both parents towards each other. What hurt the most is our church members gossiped and ridiculed us for having such a catastrophic event occur in our lives. None wanted to offer emotional or financial help but rather they were more interested in getting fodder for gossip. Those memories don’t fade. Bless you my brother. We are here for you.

[@josetorres8505]

This podcast hit me in the heart, thank you Allen for being vulnerable and sharing your testimony, it's an opportunity for healing for you and us. Thanks again and God bless you

[@davidjfein]

This was a very raw video and I thank you for making it. It opened my eyes to some things I hadn’t even considered from my childhood. The ending was a pleasant surprise!

[@veravestmann8723]

Thank you Allan. You didn't have a dad at home. I didn't have a mom. My parents divorced when I was 3 years old. I never saw a healthy good relationship as a child. I got married at the age of 21. I have struggled in my relationship but has been married for 21 years. I have two beautiful boys, 12 and 14, and I hope my boys know that even though things get rough, it is worth staying together.

[@cryinginthewilderness5198]

Wow Allen. I clicked on your video to watch it while I ate dinner and just balled my eyes out. So much of this rang true for me. My parents got divorced when I was really young and my dad raised me and my siblings alone. My mother was abused drugs and alcohol so he rightfully had to divorce her. I’m a 25 year old man and I thought I had recovered from the trauma of my parents divorce but watching this made me realize I haven’t. I definitely keep women at bay as a defense mechanism. I haven’t dated in over a year. I had a bunch of trust issues in my last relationship. I’m trying to grow in my relationship with Christ and hopefully one day I can get married. Thanks for the great video and God bless you!

[@joycekingue8085]

Thank you for this video. My parents were never married. Not only were they in 2 different homes, they were from 2 different countries and had 2 different cultures. As an adult with children myself, now I have to choose which parent to spend holidays with. It’s not great. I have struggled in my marriage as well. This video is a reminder to keep fighting.

[@GigiGreene]

Just wow…this is one of your best videos that I’ve watched and I’ve watched and loved many. Thank you for being so vulnerable with us. I didn’t go through my parents divorcing, but I grew up in a single parent home and I could still relate to a lot of what you said

[@solomonmccloud3453]

It takes a great man of God to be trans parent like this, God bless you brother Allen.

[@Beforethethrone]

Thank you so much Allen. I appreciate this video so much. It felt like you were talking directly to me and my family situation.

[@jtoland2333]

My parents divorced when I was 20, and although I was an adult, it permanently altered the direction of my life. It's hard to not be bitter about it. It's more than just hurt feelings, it was about getting sucked into something that shouldn't have involved me. But when you have two clinical narcissists who have more power over you than you have over yourself, it's hard to escape. It took 30 years for me.

[@yiandanna3930]

Brother Allen, God always protects you and your family and gives you wisdom. Thank you for your testimony.