My Poetry is BAD

[@gbarr999]

The biggest UNO reverse card of the CENTURY

[@bhanu14pratap92]

Do follow me for some poetry :)! @agratagupta

[@gretagoogames]

I genuinely clapped after her first poem, like damn

[@clareashcraft3411]

A small note on the video in general- you did a lot of disclaimers before reading, and a rule we had in my poetry fellowship was no disclaimers. If you feel the urge to say anything like "this is unfinished" "this still needs work" or "I'm not happy with.." you had to say Moew. It's a bit silly, but the point is to let your work stand on it's own. When you disclaim it makes it difficult for the audience to focus on anything other than what you are unhappy with, when your poems are amazing! If you aren't confident in your work, that's ok (I'm certainly not in mine), but you are going to be much harsher on yourself than the listener, so allowing them to form their own thoughts, unshadowed by how you feel about the work, will often incite kinder, fresher, more objective, and more helpful feedback. I still struggle with this, but remember to just say meow!

[@SequoiaSleeps]

Yeah, I thought so too. The whole “the poem needs to stand on it’s own” concept doesn’t work well when you talk about your thought process and behind the scenes of making it beforehand.

[@bethany7904]

yes i was literally thinking exactly this - my writing teachers had the exact same rule because it'll change how the reader feels about the piece, and when she gave the analysis of the poems (i know it's her style and its what she does!) but it kind of meant that we couldn't figure out those things for ourselves! i didn't even see some of her explanation of the poem in it because it wasn't clear enough for me,,, so all the disclaimer and explanation makes it a lot harder to formulate a wholly individual response to give feedback

[@bhanu14pratap92]

Do follow me for some poetry :)! @agratagupta

[@benin771]

You are great, thank you! This helped me a lot. ❤❤

[@pseudonym3733]

@@Yo3j2442 What on Earth are you talking about??

[@bee9892]

i think “killing me slowly from the inside out” could definitely be changed to something with more imagery if that makes sense

[@angelathemoment]

I though "devaouring (me) from the inside" would sound better!

[@blairwasser7533]

agreed, something more potent like attacking, devouring is good, decimating, ruining

[@dalehudson6731]

Really enjoyed this video, I only wish you would consistently read your poems as they are before any backstory, context or explanation, so as to let them be first interpreted without any set perspective or bias, you know? Perhaps people might've interpreted a few of your poems to have completely different messages had we not already been told their general themes before hearing them, which would be the case if ever you plan to publish a poetry book or something of the like, so I imagine it would be useful to you to hear feedback untarnished by prerequisite knowledge of the poem. Than's all :)

[@SequoiaSleeps]

I think your little tangent about the “barren” bit and children would be REALLY good if you developed it into it’s own poem! It’s definitely too subtle in the original for anyone to see it or find it, but it’d make a fantastic poem if you dove more into the idea. I liked the rant you went on and I think you could do something fantastic with it.

[@kate6849]

If you ever ever compare your beautiful poetry to sLeEp Is NeAt, I will positively scream

[@LonaLittleArt]

iF yOu'Re HaViNg TrOuBlE cOuNt sOmE sHeEp

[@safala]

I am disapp-ointed that I don’t remember those poems now.

[@jscullane1]

Rachel: My poetry is bad. Kyra: THEN PLAY BALL WITH ME INSTEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[@Cdiazlovesmusic]

I absolutley loved the last poem about your family and your childhood, the imagery was so powerful and you achieved what you wanted to do which was make it as relatable to everyone as possible. I agree that people don't like to talk about their childhood traumas, so you sharing that with us was such a beautiful thing to hear and you could really see the thought and effort you put into that one. As for the other two they were much better than other poems that you have read on your channel, I just think that the category of "love" has been done so many times that they didn't cannect with me as much as other poems have. Overall I can really tell how much passion you have for poetry as a whole, and for that I commend you.

[@majahanrahan7224]

That first poem gave me GOOSEBUMPS. It was... insanely beautiful. I’m not a poet so I don’t know how to critique it or if it even can be improved, but this humble, casual poetry reader ADORED IT!!! You were so brave to share this but I’m so so so glad you did

[@taliam1739]

I am so moved and in love with the last poem you shared. I really felt like I was there when you were reading it. Please share more in future videos! I love hearing what you've created. So inspiring!!

[@fannypinka1973]

Hi Rachel! Fellow poet here! I enjoyed the 4th poem the most. The rythm was good and the imagery was powerful. I would actually recommend that you expand it, tell us the rest of the story. Does the child feel responsible? Is there any recognition for cleaning up? I want to know more. As for the rest of them, I would like to see you show and not tell so much. I feel you overexplain the metaphors. ex. You were the fire... in poem #3. A bit too on the nose.

[@lissq2769]

I agree the 4th was my favourite too but personally I wouldn't make it longer (that's just my opinion though)

[@DanaM18129]

I am writing really, really bad poetry but I wish I could show someone, so this way I could get better. You can be proud about sharing and also about your writing♡

[@leandromonteiro9403]

I spent around two or four years writing poems to get a poem that is Poetry. The fundamental elements That helped me to Poetry writing development were Reading the classics, Reading about Poetry structures and figuratives Language and, of course, to do and aply all this in the writing. Writing, rewriting until It is well formated.

[@sugarcakezz]

you’re definitely a subconscious type writer and when you write from emotions it’s raw and relatable for those who’ve been through it. i will say i adore you’re poetry because it speaks to me

[@harrywater456]

As a nervous poet myself, I wanted to quickly say that this is *insanely* brave to put yourself in the open like this! I should probably leave something more substantive here, but you’re your own worst critic, so take a bit of love and appreciation here lol ✉️ 💨 ❤️ (And I would love to hear more of your writing)

[@eviefleisher]

this video is older but i find it so interesting the differences people have, like i can write poetry but i cannot critique it for the life of me

[@MattGleason1]

Have you ever thought of offering written critiques for people? One of my favorite poets (Stoker Award winner) does this.I’ve sent her a few things and got a lot out of the experience. Was worth the money to me. I think you’d be awesome at it... if it interests you of course.

[@connermcintosh4322]

I hope you’re doing well girl! I love your channel and you’re in my thoughts ❤️

[@claracalhoun5041]

I know this should be the norm, but Rachel the level of maturity in this video is astonishing, especially when you compare it to how someone like Gabbie Hanna reacts to criticism (tHeSe aRe HigH sCHooL buLLieS, i aM tHe f*CkiNg viCtiM, etc.). Really blown away by this. I've think I subbed probably almost year ago, so I know very well that you are very mature for your age, but like even so you are just such a vast exception from pretty much everyone on the internet. Thanks my guy this was a fun video haha~

[@lucideandre]

For the third one, you could remove the direct references to body parts? You say your fingers like branches, but you could just say branches. Since you’re saying you’re a forest, the fingers are implied in the branches. You can even say they’re bruised, bloodied branches. Side note...”emerald leaves”...you could dye your hair green at some point! I think you might look pretty cool in green...

[@angelathemoment]

Second poem I think it would sound better as a sonet because the rhythm scheme would allow the p sounds to come across stronger as you read. Also, about the last line, you could change it for: devouring (me) from the inside. As a med student, I loved the unapologetic "graphicness" of this one. I really like all the poems and have nothing to add to the other ones. I would love more videos like this one, keep it up!

[@cat_strangler2603]

Your poetry is amazing 🙄

[@lucideandre]

For the second poem, the idea of every every every to seem faster, I’d go for shorter words. Maybe “all of”, just because that makes it faster, and more urgent? And maybe add another line of that (just to have more, and seem more enveloping and spreading)?

[@l.1020]

I think that your poems sound really rich. Like the way you read them and the strong words you are using just create a beautiful message with empowering images. I really enjoyed them and I’m happy you stepped out of you comfort zone (?) and shared your poetry❤️

[@lissq2769]

Something I do when I feel like something is a bit cliché (like you said about 'killing me slowly from the inside out') is take that idea but try and think of other language that is maybe more interesting and specific to the piece. So maybe 'killing' becomes 'devouring' or something like that, it does the same job but it contains more in it (for me it's more violent/vivid, implies you're becoming empty or a shell, maybe links to sxual violence and objectification). Anyway that's something I try and do :) As others have said, the 3rd one I feel has quite a lot of explanation/telling. How could you combine lines/what could you leave out? Could it just be an extended metaphor and completely leave out mentions of I/you? Edit: wow, the 4th one was amazing. It's so emotive and I feel you have a good mix of storytelling and imagery (I feel like sometimes amateur poets can put too much imagery in if that makes sense? Like not everything has to be a metaphor/simile in my opinion and sometimes it's more effective to let the ones you have breathe)

[@hannahbrostrom6662]

I was genuinely expecting bad poetry because of how often you emphasize that you're not a poet! But this definitely exceeded expectations, and it's so hard to share such personal and easily critique-able work. You do have a very specific advantage over other poets-you really understand poetry on a technical level. This is SO important to writing good poetry, and will only serve to aim you moving forward. Don't be afraid to lean on what you know a little bit, you worked to learn it! I know this comment section is already full of great advice, but I wanted to add my piece. I would be a bit careful with avoiding cliches. Another thing, and I think another subject touched on this, but remember that your readers don't need everything explained to them. Your readers are smart, trust me, and your metaphors are strong enough to stand on their own. But otherwise, great work and keep it up!

[@MOONSUN4Life]

You're a brave soul, Rachel, thank you for having the courage to not only share your poems with us but explain how they came to be and what you were going for. I wish I knew more about poetry to bring something useful to the discussion, but I will say this: your reviews and analyses have made me appreciate poetry as an art form again. If yours is what you call bad poetry, then please sign me up for the Bad Poets Society because I want more.

[@alexhazydreams]

Not much to say about the poems themselves because I don't know much about poetry and English is not my first langage. Found it mostly good but as I said I don't have any expertise about that. I really love the last one in particular though, and as someone who's very interested in psychology it immediatly reminded me of a specific process that's called "parentification". It's a process that occurs in some abusive or neglectful family dynamics where a child is forced to assumed some or all of the parent's roles for either their parents or siblings.

[@elizabethmusic295]

This is such a beautiful community, I can’t believe I’ve only found it recently! This inspired me so much I wrote my first poem, and it would mean the world to me if you guys could read and give me some feedback... I’ve been also thinking of transforming it into a song but i dunno E G O A Voice outside my head only I can hear It makes me feel things I make myself believe to cause a perfect ache only known by those who’re gone sleeping in the snow, eager to be freed pain creates an image of self only It can see I pity them, It pities me gave me a blanket, only mine to ease only buried deep in snow I felt profound enough to compete I watch everyone sinking shining teeth like they’re afloat where happiness is only welcome if you hide blood in your throat otherwise you’re wrong otherwise it’s frowned upon otherwise you’re just a pond destined to dry out when the rain won’t come Shallow cold like a stone. but a stone is strong a stone won’t die from wounds a stone is what will rise above all of your tombs I don’t want to be real I don’t want to belong I want the wind in my hair the fresh air in my lungs I want to bathe in all the things we forgot was ours all along the soft touch of the sun the calm in the storm the deep green of the forest we saw when we were young the trees that will keep growing long after we are gone the sea that will sing you to sleep when you thought you were alone looking to the world above freezing mountains I accept the stone in me I am happy, I’ll be free the pain I felt was only mine to keep, not to Be.

[@Liz-iu5lx]

oh god, I’ve cried

[@elizabeth-ou9fq]

i know this comment is a year old, but this poem is already brilliant (good imagery, good insight, a well delivered message, and for the most part, meter and rhyme that is while satisfying, not detracting from what is trying to be said). that being said, there are always things upon which to be improved, and if you’re still interested in more in-depth feedback i’d be happy to give it :)

[@Joanna-pt9ol]

I loved the first poem! even the end works in a way because there's so more pretty imagery or excuses. Its abrupt and disconnected and while you were reading it when you got to the end it felt like the crash to reality. there's nothing more to say, there's no closure you just leave. You're left wanting more of an expiation, more insight that in real life you often don't get in these situations. I would buy a book if you released one

[@magicinthemundane9527]

This video and your poems are incredible. You’re truly talented and clearly intent on polishing your poems to be the best they can be. I love your techniques. Truly outstanding.

[@stephenwalker2924]

All your writing is great. You have an easy, natural ability with words. You read your own work well. But you know this. All you lack is confidence in your obvious talent. Poem 4 is your best poem because it's the most honest, the most real, the most raw. Poems 1, 2 and 3 have great writing in them - but they were composed with your head. Poem 4 comes from your HEART. I wish you well on your journey. Thank you for sharing.

[@WillowSong]

I have a poem I need help with and this might be just the crowd to ask! I'm a novice poet (I'm much more comfortable with prose) and I wrote this poem and have no clue how to improve it. It's on it's 5th draft or so. Please let me know if you have feedback! THE MOON I kissed the moon to taste his lips; I knew he’d have a wound to fix. I made his stitches neat and trim before I said goodbye to him. I kissed the moon To just be nice, and hoped My sweetness would suffice, But tides still pulled beneath his gaze, a silent summon, heavy haze. I kissed the moon, Called out to sea, He always took my waves from me. I fell asleep, All wrong, all gone… And when I woke I was the dawn.

[@TheJuliana0901]

i really liked the first poem! i think my only critique is that every stanza should be a bit more separate to each other and convey a different idea; have the imagery be more fantastical and correlated to the initial question; as to not make them "blur together". i've been writing poetry for a year and def am not an expert so take it with a grain of salt. i think you are so brave for doing this, i am always so terrified of feedback!

[@lucia5411]

This is really amazing! I'm not an expert on poems or anything like that but my humble and simple-minded feedback is that I really felt a lot of emotions and could relate to some of them on a deeper level. I feel like they have depth and I don't get everything by only listening to them ones and I love that! Keep going, you actually are good at this! Especially for a "beginner', I'm really looking forward to seeing what you'll do in the future :) I also love that you're so open to constructive criticism, I wish I could give you some but I'm sure I am way worse at this than you are :D

[@MahiMahi-lo4xo]

I really loved that first one, really shows off how the english language can create different meanings from the same sentence with words missing. I agree with a couple people saying the last stanza could have been more bitter or harsh for shock factor and I thought it might have been cool if it said after the whole is it really love bit, it could’ve ended with ‘is it really?’ As a question posed at the end but I also like the way you did it as well. Also how old is your dog? I love her and she’s so smart despite seeming like she’s getting old! Hope you two are doing great !

[@maddievic2]

Ok so I am no well-versed poem critic (as you will be able to reconcile after reading this post) by OMG your poetry is AMAZING. Truly inspiring for a fellow young female writer like myself. Thank you so much for sharing and enriching the community (and our minds) with your great work!

[@lina_ds8873]

I just found my poems from when I was ten and it was hilarious, please maek something like that a video

[@persephonexx]

The imagery in the second one was disgustingly good in the best way possible.

[@kelawoops]

I really like the first poem, especially the ending

[@theblackstaremperor]

Honestly, I didn’t think your poetry was bad at all, and I can appreciate that you actually took the time to go back, give them a read and see what needed to be fixed before sharing them, which is a lot more than what I can say about some people. As someone who’s working on a song (and possibly an entire album), I have to say, writing a poem/story, recording a song and/or filming a video/movie, it’s not easy.

[@RickReasonnz]

Question: Would you do a breakdown of that incredible piece by Amanda Gorman, The Hill We Climb? I was astounded, not only at the beautiful content of the poem, but also the sheer amount of poetic techniques.

[@Alison-og4xz]

I love your shirt!

[@vi9486]

You should show them again when you’ve finished them thanks to the feedback! : D

[@imasongstress1701]

Rachel, you're a poet.

[@jiraffejimmy2159]

Maybe the “killing me slowly from the inside out” could be Like “The virus ate away at my rotting body leisurely making me unworthy. I was gone” Now this probably wasn’t what you were going for. As you said you wanted it to keep it simple and as said “gone” but you didn’t want to follow the cliche so here’s this. You obviously don’t have to use it but it’s just a slightly more descriptive way of saying what you said but still with the abrupt end

[@Ireallywouldrathernot]

I don't know about poetry. Like seriously, I written poetry but I can't tell what is good or bad. But at this minute I am having a meltdown and I like to hear you speak. Because I'm from the village next to yours.

[@lavymaplemagic]

Beautiful and so talented!!! Keep it up pls!!

[@saumyasharma7436]

I loved the second poem

[@ghosttdm7o]

I hope you're doing OK and staying safe ❤

[@danielracovitan9779]

third poem : this one is the better of them ; more images, metaphor, some poetic devices, but still some verses are too showing, in your face, and could have been done better -- ie "Mum cries in the kitchen" (boring prose), versus how about : "Tears tear mum's skin, her wails and weeps poignantly wake into the kitchen's air"

[@emilywalpole4689]

Damn Rachel! Literally only just clicked onto the video but before watching any further I just have to say that your hair looks incredible today. Sorry, I know it's not related to the subject of the video but I saw it and just had to point it out; you are gorgeous! :)

[@hs8195]

they are really good!

[@digitalmimi]

On a separate note, where did you get your shirt?

[@CharmedOneRareGem]

of a left over marriage ready for the bin ( i know you say bin for trash can) just something that ties in the food references. or something with expires, expiration date, like you get on food as well.

[@markmaranello]

Good for you deary

[@SuperSuperspoof]

Love to see you talk about Amanda Gorman!

[@cheesemonger6378]

Yo my boy Ted Kooser! I loved reading his stuff in college

[@jscullane1]

Rachel thinks her poems need work She'll ignore you if you're a jerk She'll sic Kyra on you If you make her feel blue So don't bother trying to irk

[@sarahhegg9600]

First Poem: I loved the alliteration. Like you were spitting out the words in disgust, it felt real and added a lot to the imagery. I wish the last stanza felt more powerful, because the rest of the poem felt so powerful, then broke down near the end. Maybe add more imagery, or alliteration, one last insult before you leave the, the feelings you leave them with. Second Poem: LOVE LOVE LOVE the graphic imagery. It felt so powerful to hear, and to read, a poem I can go back to and look at the layers multiple times, very relatable. Love the spitting out of the words, but the poem feels like it needs more purpose. I love the overall imagery, but I would love it to be more specified so I can feel like the graphic images are all wounds from different instances that lead you to the end. I agree the last line is a bit of a cliché, you could edit it by maybe saying "Blood leaking through the wounds your indifference cut". Just ideas, I think the last line should be as graphic as the other lines. Third Poem Again, alliteration and imagery are incredible. I think I would enjoy the poem more if the "you" was changed to maybe a natural disaster, or just in general less descriptive. The rest of the poem is so flowy that the "you" and "me" in it fell less powerful. I would love more imagery, comparing yourself to this beauty, and maybe turn the "you" into something slowly destroying that beautiful habitat. Maybe make the kids part more powerful, saying that natural disaster moved to a new habitat and broke it just like me, but in a way that was different. Describe the toxicity. SHOW THOSE LAYERS. I love hearing you talk about the poems, but make the layers more descriptive, they can still be vague, but more prominent. Fourth Poem: I love this poem. I love the "Mum", it makes it feel personal. I love the 3rd person point of view, it feels special, a slice of life. I love the imagery, the description of the scene, like your focusing on those very specific parts to get away from the silence. I would love to see you write more poems like this. Honestly my favorite so far. I would love more description, maybe relate it to your later life. However, as it is, incredible. I love it a lot. It's very hard to find criticism for it, because of how much it makes me feel and how well written it is. Take this criticism with a grain of salt, because of love this poem so so much. In Conclusion: Your use of writing techniques is phenomenal. The poems all have a flow and feel like they are delivered with a purpose. The main thing I picked up listening and reading your poems that I find you lost in the techniques and not really let the words speak for themselves, if that makes any sense. You don't let the feelings sink in long enough before you are on to the next thing. My main advice would be to let your hurt show in your writing. Let us feel with you. This is all constructive I hope, because in all honesty I loved your poems and they are much better than what I could do, but I want you to go further because you are already so good I can't wait to see what you come up with next. I hope you found my criticism helpful, and again I can't wait to see more of your poetry because it is good, but has even more potential, and that is so exciting.

[@RachelOates]

This is AMAZING. Thank you so much!

[@sarahhegg9600]

@@RachelOates No problem! Keep writing :D

[@ebbe2792]

This is such a well written constructive criticism even though I slightly disagree with somethings that you have written but poetry is subjective and I really enjoyed reading your analysis.

[@sarahhegg9600]

@@ebbe2792 thank you so much! & id love to know what you thought about it & what we disagree on because part of the reason i love poetry is because it’s subjective.

[@michellecardenas7703]

@@RachelOates the difference in how you and Gabbie Hanna respond to constructive criticism says a lot about you both as people!

[@zoe_bee]

English professor and published poet, here! The biggest issue I always see (even in the work of experienced poets) is Abstraction. Basically, writers often include abstract language (love, fear, hatred, passion, good, bad, etc.) to add weight to a poem, but those words actually make poems weaker. To make poems stronger, use physical, concrete images. These images can be metaphorical, for sure, like in your first poem, where you have the extended bomb image. That leads into another suggestion, which is to not use too many mixed metaphors (unless that's the point, like in that Sylvia Plath pregnancy poem), and to make sure your metaphors always work on as many levels as possible. And finally: clichés. Clichés ONLY make your poems weaker. Again, unless they're being used to prove a point (like pointing out how someone didn't actually love you because they only said "I love you" in clichés). Otherwise, stay away. (Avoid clichés like the plague, amiright?) Overall, I think your passion and content are really great. It's the images and metaphors that I'd work on, along with the meter (which you brought up as something you wanted to work on!). Anyway, these are well done, and I'm excited to see how you keep growing as a poet!

[@samspam1788]

Completely agree

[@zq5127]

I agree. I think the problem across these poems (much less so in the last one imo) is that they give the message and not how we get there. They’re almost like the step after the poem and not the poem itself, if that makes sense? I think you, Rachel, need to trust your audience to understand the point of your poem and the techniques. The ‘fun’ of reading a poem, from the reader’s perspective, is working through the puzzle and trying to figure out the various levels of meaning. Don’t give the answer away!

[@nadialakeclement9475]

Great advice!! I totally agree, especially about the concrete images. Poem 1 I think was the least concrete, and thus, the most boring/cliché sounding. I think the best poems point out extremely specific, concrete things, and let the reader determine WHY the poet is calling our attention to those things.

[@rflcain]

absolutely agreed! I'd love to check out your works too!

[@RickReasonnz]

Goodness. That was so real I had to make sure I didn't have a paper nearby stained with test-marker red! Great to see constructive criticism.

[@theooooooooo3]

these were lovely! this is a small thing, but the poem about the wildfire might be served better by imagery of your fingers being scorched or burnt rather than bruised and bloody

[@RachelOates]

Oh great idea! Thank you!

[@emmalee4452]

@@RachelOates i think the alliteration could still be kept too. Like "blackened, burnt" or something similar or with another letter. idk i like the way the alliteration flows in that line so i hope you keep it!

[@CarlsCozyCorner]

@@RachelOates I also would write something about fire being alluring. Like, why did you get into the relationship despite the red flags? Did the warmth seduct you? Were the embers enchanting? It's just an idea

[@contrapasso]

So this might be a tad hard to explain, but I noticed that you do a lot of “telling.” You have awesome descriptions/imagery and poetic techniques, but a lot of the time (for me at least) they fizzle a little bit because you’re telling the poem as if it’s a story. Of course, some poems do tell stories, but they do it differently. I read a poem yesterday by a Reddit user that started “yesterday died a slow death / a fist unclenched / a yellow balloon circled the sun.” There we have powerful and intriguing imagery. Compare that with “My emerald green leaves will pierce the charred soil, and life will begin again.” Yours seems a bit like you’re coaching the reader. In the poem I quoted, you can feel how unwilling the day is to let go and move forward. The poet doesn’t have to say what they mean because it’s already clear. I think what can really take your poems (which are already lovely) to the next level is to work on the “showing” aspect. You definitely do “show” already, but a little more would help. Thanks so much for sharing these with us! That can’t have been easy and I loved hearing them!

[@adavi6902]

This is exactly what I thought as well. Rachel uses powerful and evocative imagery, and I think her poems will be really elevated by letting the imagery speak for itself. The fourth one was my favourite in that respect. For that poem I feel that possibly substituting 'marriage' for simply 'dinner' at the end would sustain the metaphor of the broken marriage more effectively without being on the nose, but that's just my personal opinion. Very excited to see more of your work, Rachel!

[@nadialakeclement9475]

@@adavi6902 Yes! I totally agree. I like it when poets just give us the images and let them sit there - raw and unpolished. I feel like poem 1 was mostly telling rather than showing, and poem 3 also had too much telling, even amidst all the great imagery. I wish that poem 3 just described the scorched earth and fire, rather than saying "you were the fire" or "you cracked my seeds" or "i'll grow back strong" etc. The reader can figure out that you're talking about yourself and a previous partner - we don't need anyone to tell us this. A poem that does this super well is "Rabbits and Fire" by Alberto Rios. It's one of my favorite poems of all time and I still don't even know WHY he's telling us about the rabbits and fire (I don't know if it's a metaphor for something personal in his life, or in society, or what) - but it still evokes an intensely visceral feeling of pain, fear, loss, helplessness, futility, and the cruelness of nature. Even though the structure of the poem does involve the poet "telling" us about the rabbits, he doesn't ever tell us WHY the rabbits are important, or what they're a metaphor for, or how we're supposed to interpret it, and this is the best kind of poetry, in my opinion. Check the poem out - it's so good!

[@snooz5019]

I read that poem on Reddit too! It is so good.

[@TheRacingWind]

yessss trust the reader! it's what I always remind myself when writing

[@RickReasonnz]

I found that these are narratives with imagery. There's a place for poems like that, just as there are for pure imagery.

[@abbeyw1720]

My advice is to not be afraid to get a little more weird with language. Get freaky! And trust your audience. I think you are definitely talented. Thank you for sharing with us.

[@CarlsCozyCorner]

Yes! She's obviously holding back with some of her imagery

[@harleyviolet570]

What do you think of this? Mad Alice I was an illusion, the image you saw staring back at you was a broken fantasy. Now I've found the pieces of me along the way. Now I'm the ringleader, running this shit like a circus! The reflection of the broken fantasy of me shattered into an million pieces. Stripped the old version down and bloomed like a marigold! Now your walking on the shattered glass of karma. Mr. Pighead made a fool of himself trying to be the main attraction but he's just a side act! Better move or you may blow a tire on your unicycle. So beware. The memory of you is a blur, don't want it back. If you seek me out, Don't forget to walk away.

[@athiefinthenight6894]

@@harleyviolet570 trippy

[@rebekahmccann6429]

I'm not knowledgable about poetry at all but, as an indigenous Australian, I do have some criticism for your bushfire poem: In my opinion, I think you slightly misframed the idea of the wildfire. I don't know what it's like where you live, but in Australia, bushfires are a very necessary part of the natural cycle of the ecosystem. Without bushfires, Australia's natural landscape would not survive. In Trista's poem it says that there are plants that need the fire in order to germinate and grow. By doing this, Trista (by my interpretation) frames the bushfire as an allegory for the act of getting out of a toxic relationship. It may seem difficult and painful and hopeless now, but it is *necessary* in order for you to change and grow as a person. Your poem, on the other hand, seems to frame the bushfire as an allegory for the toxic relationship itself. Which would've been okay, if you hadn't *also* framed the bushfire as something necessary for growth and change. In the final stanza, you use the lines, "They say there are seeds that need fire to germinate / And I think you cracked mine," which makes it sound like you're saying that the toxic relationship was necessary, even a good thing, because it's what you needed in order to grow. Which is not a healthy message to spread, that toxic relationships are okay because without it you wouldn't be able to grow as a person. I really don't think that was your intention, but that's just how it sounded to me. Other than that final stanza, though, I really liked your spin on the whole concept. The imagery of the flowers and bees was a nice addition. But fuck, sorry this comment is so long. It was only meant to be a few lines long, but then I didn't feel like I was explaining myself well enough and now here we are I guess.

[@RachelOates]

This is amazing feedback, thank you!! ❤️

[@TheKingdomhearts99]

i say this kindly: your poetry is naive. a tad unpolished in places, not much in form of sophistication or grace. the language is average and mediocre. you over explain away any possible new interpretation, or beauty of your words. that being said: YOUR POTENTIAL ABOUNDS! super careful to say this next thing but i believe you could harvest many of these works, and your next works, to be insanely captivating and interesting. your poems also sound FAR better without seeing the style of your poetry. they do much better without the image of them. i suggest you actually share more. good job and good luck! (I am a poetry teacher and computer scientist who hopes to someday be a great author, and it is the harshest criticisms that move me furthest! Hope I didn’t offend!)

[@britann9539]

Oof, I've never had the courage to share my painful childhoodpublically. You're so brave. And holy crap that last poem was BRILLIANT. Like for real for real, not just the message being eloquently shared but the euphony rhythm flow etc. Oh but, this is absolutely arguable. And could just be a difference in how we use English or maybe its a flow thing? Im not sure but, I like the way "a marriage long since [gone] cold" sounds. Super arguable point, just mentioning for the helluvit in case u happen to agree.

[@UncannyDoge]

First poem: I wish there was more contrast between the “flowery” stanzas and the last stanza. The contrast could be pushed further: the animalistic, feral imagery explored more. I’d want to see less “real world” images in the first section opposing the stark reality of the last stanza to really push the structure and change a step further. This way the last stanza really packs a stark punch.

[@ipeksukaraoguz1481]

I was so happy to see that you're posting a video... I hope you are okay with everything that is happening. Sending lots of love and support!

[@PeoplecallmeLucifer]

ok now I'll try to give some actual feedback the best I can: Poem 1. this might be a nitpick but in the third stanza ... I think the "AND" would work better as the beginning of the third line than the end of the second in this case. kinda brakes the tempo you read it IMO Poem 2 I have no comment on that I love it Poem.3 I'd go with "wildfires" instead of "forest fires" and I think" Burt and lifeless branches" instead of "Black burnt" ... sounds more picturesque to me The last verse .... Masterstroke Poem 4. the only thing I'd slightly change here is the ending I'd put long since in a separate line to make the poem seem a little longer and show the length of this failed marriage

[@lesliealcala3202]

I’m not sure if the “both” in the 5th line is necessary, I think the readers don’t need that to the see the correlation

[@jeannedearbhail9137]

Maybe instead of killing me slowly from the inside. You could change the imagery to "Tearing its way to my heart like a malicious stab" not really sure of the wording

[@lornatw]

Fair enough, appreciate this. Also kinda gives another level of respect to you 💕

[@-gf-]

i don't know about the word tumble for the stitches in the second poem. putting stitches into things, they dont tumble. stitching requires weaving, requires sharp things, requires knots. thread to make stitches unwinds so it can be sewed. it unravels. thread is pulled. it is cut. it is stabbed. it may fall, slipping out of where it's meant to be as it takes a strange path to the ground, or to your lap. there is a precision to a stitch, or a certain disappointing chaos in even a messy one. messy, careless stitches slip, and knot, and tangle. they're uneven, and big. medical stitches especially, i feel require more structure and precision, and painful placement, than the word "tumble" grants them in this poem. a more precise word for the unhelpful mess he made could be of use, i think. anything can tumble from a person's lips. what does a stitch do? other than that, i quite like it. also i do think you could do a more creative last line. that poem has some wonderful, disgusting imagery. very physical. very medical. that tangibility should not be dropped at the last second. i dont know what being slowly killed feels like. its too broad to imagine. there needs to be a name to the feeling. where is the source of the death? where on the inside of your body is it radiating from? what do you consider slow? months? weeks? days? you don't need to put the actual unit in the poem of course, but i think you can get a bit more exact than slowly. i really like this poem. i would love to see kind of a side by side of it more free form similar to it now versus how it would function as a sonnet. it would make an amazing sonnet. but this structure also works so well.

[@sailorbun4457]

Poem one: I like the idea of this poem and this is a personal preference, but I think really going more into one style of imagery does make the poem feel more cohesive. It seems like each stanza you use a different imagery theme which can work, but for this I think choosing one main image might help. I particularly like the wolfish aspect in the first stanza. I think going into like, you fear losing them and slowly you realize you’re in love with a wolf (metaphorically) is a cool idea. I do really like the stripped away aspect of it, as you slowly realize, it becomes less of a poem each stanza. Poem Two: I really like this one. I’m a huge fan of grosser, more gothic style imagery in poetry. I think only using longer lines make it more slow and drawling, maybe tru varying lines to play more with rhythm? Otherwise, your imagery is great in this one. Poem three: Nitpicky, but I think the world destructive is redundant, and really, the first line in general could be cut in my opinion.. I think opening with the mystery of what happened, and then bringing in the reflection of burnt trees and all that would be so powerful. I’m not a huge fan of some of the descriptions, like majestic bird and emerald green, something just sounds stilted and almost spoon fed to the reader. I like the idea a lot, starting with a barren landscape and moving towards beauty. Poem Four: Favorite poem by far. The imagery is much more concise and meaningful, paints the perfect scenery, I can feel the bleakness and the grime of it all. I think the only think I would change is not saying ‘she alone’ and just saying ‘she’ (nitpicky I know). But otherwise, I really love this one. OVERALL: I really like your poems, maybe experiment more. i think the foundation of the poems is really good, but some of your descriptions are a little basic and also feel very flowery and unneeded. But the talent is def there.

[@lissq2769]

Yeh the wolf idea is really interesting in terms of how it could imply transformation

[@l.1020]

Maybe every time you film a video Kayra just thinks you’re talking to her :)

[@RosalindPeters]

Second poem: I love ‘stitches tumbling’ image especially. Could it finish with the consequences of the infection? Does it require amputation, some kind of intravenous medicine? Obvs the amputation could be a useful image for getting rid of a toxic ex... but maybe sounds a little too final; maybe you’re still left with phantom limb pain.... Maybe follow it and see where it goes? I agree the last line lacks punch. It could make a very cool sonnet. Also, if you’re talking about infidelity, I’d urge you not to waste the possibilities of ‘foreign bodies’...

[@Rinirinirinirin]

I like your poems. I am a huge poetry lover and I've been writing myself for many years. Honestly, I have a weird relationship with English poetry (I mean in English), because in my native language poetry traditions are slightly different, and I mean the language sounds drastically different. Poetry is the kind of art that makes you feel the specific use of language with every inch of your body and soul; every word matters, it's the most concentrated literary form. I'm used to a more "technical" and academic English, so at times it is hard for me to perceive its creative forms. That being said, I really liked your poems. I think they are very emotionally powerful and the language flows just great. Well done and hope one day you will release your own book

[@metaphorsunfurled]

What's your native language? cause even I feel a little less connected with English Poetry in it's creative forms. Not to say that it isn't beautiful, it's just that the language really makes a difference. When I read a Ghazal in Urdu it definitely has more impact on me.

[@thelighthousez3718]

@@metaphorsunfurled I feel the same way about Persian (middle eastern) poetry in general. I love them, they feel deeper and more.... intense. I feel like they deliver the message so beautifully. But english poetry doenst feel that way. It always feels too simple compared to middle eastern poetry (both could be very very beautiful). Maybe its bc we grew up with it so we resonate with it more.

[@WillowSong]

In the poem about the fire: these two lines have metaphors/similies that explain instead of show. "I saw myself reflected back..." "You were the fire that burnt through me..." I think you could push yourself to rewrite those with more direct imagery, trusting your audience to make that connection without it being obvious. Like, maybe in this forest devastated by a fire there is a mirror and you literally see your reflection, see your limbs smoldering, and then describe how the forest is not the same, and how you are not the same. I love the other lines!

[@RosalindPeters]

That first poem, Rachel, love it - you could actually end the last couple of lines by carrying on the pattern, to tie it in more fully. ‘Is it really love / as I packed my bags / is it really / closed the door / is it? / walked away’ - something like that!

[@hoyaticinspirit4eva547]

That's a wonderful idea!!

[@elenagergis359]

Let’s be real... Nothing can be as bad as Gabbie Hanna’s poetry Edit: Because some people can’t figure this out on their own, I’m talking in terms of POETRY. Not social issues. 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@PeoplecallmeLucifer]

allergies?

[@hjelsethak]

@@PeoplecallmeLucifer yeah, allergies are pretty bad.

[@moonbase3628]

this comment would fit among gabbie's poetry AS a poem of her lvl, you just need to add some basic drawing on the side

[@hjelsethak]

@Alyssa Rowe Yeah, good point, like a crumb to an ant. Or wait. An ant's crumb to an ant.

[@elenagergis359]

@Alyssa Rowe Jeez, everyone needs to chill. I’m talking in terms of poetry. This video isn’t about social issues, it’s about poetry.

[@MelissaTreglia]

You asked for comments, so I hope my thoughts here (as a fellow writer) are helpful to you. It's just some little notions of what you can do to improve your poem drafts and, of course, you can take whatever of my advice suits you best. But know that I just want you to be able to write the stories *you* want to tell (as poetry or otherwise), as best you can. :) So, onto my thoughts... POEM ONE: This is a solid draft, but it definitely falls into the amateur mistake of storytelling: it tells the reader what they *should* be seeing in the moment, rather than presenting the images and letting the reader put the pieces together for themselves. And I agree with another person here who said that the final bit didn't have a strong finale. The piece doesn't seem to end, but instead just... kinda stops. On a rewrite, I might go with something a bit stronger, building up the tension in every line, and ending with a simple understated line as a sort of final punch to the gut. Perhaps, something like: "Is it really love? I wonder, heart pounding in my chest through shaky breath. Hands tremble as I pack my bags; weight lifting, shifting on my shoulders, And the door clicks shut behind me." Granted, my off-the-cuff notion here is a tad more prose-y than poetry, but... the general idea is there, and it's based on what you've written in your draft. Just focus on the rule of "show, don't tell", and it'll shake out into a much richer piece. POEM TWO: I would recommend re-reading Shakespeare's Sonnet 147 ("My love is as a fever, longing still / For that which longer nurseth the disease...") to get a sense of how it could work, both as a sonnet and with the topic of an unhealthy relationship imagined as a terrible illness. And, yeah, the "killing me slowly from the inside out" line is definitely cliché, so I'd go with a visual that implies dying/death with the "disgusting" sense that you wanted to convey, perhaps something like: "And as this fever clings to my blackened and festering skin, I choke on my own blood as your lies stab each artery." Basically, taking the clichés of "you're killing me" and "you're breaking my heart" and twisting them into something far more visceral. So yeah, for this one? If you've got shocking imagery in mind, don't pull your punches -- take it as far as it can go, and own the hell out of it. Some readers might react with disgust, but the ones you want to stick around will appreciate that you were ballsy enough to really go there... and it'll be a more satisfying read, for those who can stomach it. POEM THREE: There's the same problem here as in the previous two; you're pulling your punches, and telling rather than showing. For an example specific to this one, instead of the vague line "And now they're all gone" you could instead try punching up the imagery with something like: "And now white, brittle bones are all that remain." So there's now a question in the reader's mind: Is this land you're describing truly destroyed and empty? That way, when you get to the stanza of life renewing, the reader *feels* it and breathes a sigh of relief that, no, the earth is not barren. There *is* life here. POEM FOUR: This is actually very good as a late-stage draft. I'd recommend setting it aside and trying not to look at or think about it for awhile (like, at least a month), so you can go back to it later and look at it again with fresh eyes. Once you do, then you might be able to see where the remaining problems lie. The issue with this poem that immediately stands out to me is its ending; it's, yes, another telling-not-showing bit. Instead of having "She alone picks up the pieces of a marriage, long since cold", you could replace that too-literal bit with a shattered plate, perhaps? Or something similarly damaged, that illustrates the brokenness of the marriage? Like, for example: "The little girl picks up The shards of the fallen crockery That her mother was given On that long-forgotten wedding day." Because weddings are generally happy affairs. Stressful? Sure, but usually very happy. So, the happiness of that day is now "forgotten" and a wedding gift is now ruined beyond repair... appropriate symbols of a thoroughly miserable marriage. And the child is left to pick up the pieces, risking harm to herself in the process (something no child should be responsible for, ever). Also, if you want, adding the image of the cracked window in the cold (and maybe dark?) bedroom would really punch this up too (when you mentioned it during the discussion part, the mental image of that window really stuck in my head). These are just my thoughts, of course. I hope I was able to help you out, in some small way. Good luck on your writing! :)

[@animehearthd5469]

Very nice analysis!

[@stephenwalker2924]

Great analysis!

[@smarandah]

I think your first poem is to obvious . It is too "in your face".

[@WilliamsWorldView]

You've covered some terrible poetry. I'd like to know your thoughts on the poem that was read at the Biden inauguration

[@rumaisakhan5583]

Even your bad poems are better than my best ones so I WILL ALWAYS BE IMPRESSED BY YOUUUU!

[@crissyphoenix4594]

I'm sure this will be amazing to read - I'm so excited for it! Thank you.

[@UltimateKyuubiFox]

In the first poem, the only thing I would change is removing a word. Take “breaking point” and leave it just as “breaking”.

[@sky3670]

Parts of your poems feel more like prose with heavy imagery. You could hone in on this by writing poetry in prose form, like Oscar Wilde sometimes did. For writing in verse, however, I’d recommend you be more open-ended and abstract with some of your language and metaphors. It almost feels like the story aspect of the poems is holding you back, so I’d say just let yourself be weird and focus more on the emotions than telling a cohesive narrative, because the reader can fill in gaps to make the poetry fit their own experiences. That’s why I feel that the last poem is the best. Anyways, I loved this video and hope to hear more poems from you in the future :)

[@sklsdjf]

I think a lot of my criticism is just a regurgitation of things I've seen other commenters already say, but to try to summarize my thoughts as a whole: 1) play with language and form more. one commenter said to show and not tell, and another said to not be afraid to get weird. I think a combination of those two pieces of advice would really work wonders. don't worry as much about your poem being cohesive or about the reader understanding the background of what's going on. instead, let the emotion of the words tell its own story and portray what you're feeling without it having to be spelled out directly to us. I agree with a lot of the other commenters that your fourth one is my favorite and the best example of this application. on a similar note, a lot of first-time poets feel like their poem has to have some clear and intended meaning or theme or story. that's not always the case (although there usually is at least some purpose, of course). try writing poetry just for the sake of language, just for the sake of the transformative process. it's not all about describing a feeling accurately, sometimes it's about taking something that has no accurate or defined meaning or description and creating one solely from the way the words feel to your ears and look to your eyes. throw together words that don't form a coherent thought but make you feel something when paired together. I think you definitely try at that in some parts, but I'd love to see an extension of it (or more defined application) rather than just peppering it in-between more clear-cut narration for the sake of "decorating" the piece. 2) commit to the idea/push further with your stylistic choices. in your third poem, the first stanza contains a lot of good alliteration that helps elevate the language from mere narration and description. phrases like "black burnt branches" draw the reader in, but then the excitement fizzles out in the following stanzas. there's less alliteration and technique, and the form gets somewhat repetitive and dull. it feels like a list of descriptive ideas that popped in your head, but weren't filtered through or picked apart to benefit the poem as both a concise and whole piece. 3) ask yourself if the poem has been done before/if what you're writing adds something new and unique to existing poetry. just because it applies to you and may be a good description of what you're feeling doesn't mean it's unique to you. the feelings you're experiencing have probably been felt (and subsequently described in poetic form) thousands of time before by thousands of different people, so writing poetry (for the purpose of being read) has to mean writing something different. obviously it's impossible to be completely original and unique, and obviously your poetry is always going to share some characteristics of others, but as a creative you have to strive to make a lasting mark in at least one small way or another. that's not to say you haven't done that, but I do think some of the poems here feel derivative, particularly the first one. that's a shame because it's one of the poems here that have a more unique and interesting attempt at form, but it's somewhat dulled by the predictability of the contents. that said, I think this one contains a lot of promising lines and the groundwork here is definitely something that is worth revisiting. a possible solution is to cut out the fluff and filler. in many instances, you don't need to say as much as you're saying to get the point across and less may actually be more when you're dealing with such common experiences and feelings. again, this is also where the "weirdness" can come in. rather than trying to relate something realistically or seriously, put your descriptions through a kaleidoscope and see what comes out. write them as if they were in a muddied pool with ripples blurring parts and moving them about. when reading poetry, we don't want to see detailed experiences verbatim in a clear mirror like we see them every day, we want to peak at something we think they may recognize but take a step back and see it as something totally distorted and unfamiliar (and therefore interesting). make the reader look longer, make them question things, make them stay and take their time piecing things together. that's what's fun, and ultimately where we find the most meaning and revelation. finally, even though you're very open and inviting of criticism, I know it can be frustrating to be told things you already know and I know a lot of what I've said are things you've probably already questioned in yourself and are already working on, so don't let the criticism bog you down. listen to your instinct, because I think you have a good grasp of what good poetry should be and where yours may fall short in some places. grab a hold of those things you really like in your poetry and find ways to expand upon that and include more of it so you're working from a constructive place rather than just seeing the whole as "not enough" or focusing too hard on the things you could be doing better. also know that not every piece of criticism is something that is right for you or should be followed necessarily. it's good to be open to criticism but you also have to have a strong enough voice in your style to know when to stand up for your own work and say no, I like what I've done there (at least in some places). so with everything that I've said, there's a caveat of *only if it doesn't go against your creative vision*

[@teagannam]

Unfortunately I think I actually prefer the original gum tree poem to your version. It feels more impactful when the metaphor is only revealed at the end, and then the reader and reread it with that knowledge and find all the meaning hidden in the earlier parts of the poem. I think you should trust your readers more to be able to understand your metaphors and what you’re trying to say - otherwise, you risk overexplaining or even condescending to your audience.

[@JoshFingerhut]

I decided to take a stab at re-working Poem 2 as a sonnet. Not sure if that counts as feedback, but here goes: Your kind apology, like mother’s kiss upon a child’s skinned knee, sweetly soothes. A poultice tumbles from your lips and smooths my ragged flesh. My bitter tears dismiss. Your smile says it’s all so silly, this - my pain is but a passing prank of youth’s proclivity to hide life’s pretty truths: that with you, all is well, and all is bliss. But grime you stitch within your soiled gauze engorges pores with putrid pus and ooze. Your fabrications sewn upon me cause disease as ulcer after ulcer spews. I see, as gangrenous implosion draws, in keeping you, I shall my own self lose.

[@RosalindPeters]

Third poem - couple of words that could be more focused: “reflected” (I know it’s pedantic but reflection makes me think of water, the opposite vibe for what you’re going for! - maybe think about heat haze and how it can obscure vision, create mirages, maybe a mirror of heat haze showing you yourself, something like that?) I’d also consider changing “magenta” to scarlet or some other bright red, for the danger & fire undertones. Unless you’d like to keep it your old hair colour, obvs! I like the bruised bloody fingers! Maybe consider shifting ‘nourishment’ for ‘hydration’..? Tiny semantic shifts but might unlock some clearer imagery? 💕 Also, you def shouldn’t be nervous about these!

[@iland3878]

I took a poetry class in college last year, so I can try to give constructive feedback from what I've learned. Also I do the same thing with my poems by writing what I'm feeling first and then editing to make it translate better to other people. Here's my feedback: Poem 1 I loved the imagery and the alliterations you used throughout this poem. I loved the concept of taking one word off each start of the stanzas to change the context of the sentence, I thought those were really interesting techniques. The cracked egg shells in the third stanza could be replaced with something different, maybe? Maybe tie it in with the porcelain imagery somehow? Just to subvert the cliche , but I still think it works in the poem well. Overall I thought this was a genius idea, and I thought the idea of chipping away was really good! Poem 2 I liked how graphic this one was and how it made me uncomfortable. I think it really pushes the unsettled emotions well with graphic imagery, which unsettles the audience in the same way the narrator is unsettled and hurt by the toxic relationship. While the last line is a little cliche,I think the poem somewhat subverts it by elaborating what it means to be destroyed from the inside out. Also I think making it a sonnet would be really cool because sonnets are traditionally "love" poems and this one is a toxic love. Poem 3 I liked the alliterations with the b sound in the poem, and the nature imagery. I really liked the burnt trees and the comparison to fingers idea. I also think this poem is a good metaphor for growth. Like nature and the earth you are strong and resilient and can regrow where damage is done. My best friend was in a toxic narcissistic relationship not too long ago, but today she has grown and learned about what love really is and means. I believe in you and that you'll grow stronger too! Poem 4 I really liked this poem and how real it felt. I thought this one was really powerful especially with the different uses of sound and imagery and textures. I think adding different sensations other than just imagery is a good technique because it brings the audience into the scene I think it's hard to share things and talk about things that effected us as kids and try to grow from them especially when we don't realize how much they did effect us. And that's something I've struggled to do too, as well as a lot of people. I think it's a very relatable poem for many people. I hope this feedback was helpful! I love your content and poetry and I hope you have an awesome day 😎!

[@fernwitchofthedarkcastle]

In the third poem, I think “I see myself in the” instead of “I see myself reflected in the” could be good! It is a bit less hand holding, and takes the reader’s eye directly to the scene, to explore what it is for themselves.

[@emilyg1562]

I bet it isn’t!

[@jthreefingers8445]

Read. Let me judge the hell out of you. But, remember the mistakes of Jewel and her poems.

[@sidous471]

I never liked LEARNING poetry in school so I can't say anything......... But I love your hair ^_^

[@emabolt7995]

I've only watched your intro and idk if you'll see this but I really wanted to say that YOU ARE A POET. You said something like, 'I'm just a poetry lover' but that, miss, is wrong. I'm a creative writing student and the first thing they always tell us: if you write you are an author. Period. It may take a while to write real good, and it's crucial to know your weaknesses and be critical, but as long as you write poetry you are a poet. (Not to say that the peeps who publish rubbish are good poets and I don't think they should be published.) Using language like that is super affirming and in my experience, it has made me so much more confident in my abilities and encouraged me to take myself more seriously. YOU ARE A POET WOMAN.

[@JosyPoetry]

I'm an aspiring poet too so obviously anything I say is my humble opinion and is not necessarily worth anything. Concerning the second poem, I think the issue is that, even though obviously it is leagues better than Hailey's was, it still hinges on a single metaphor that isn't all that original: emotional pain as physical pain (and I think you're right, that last line does sound pretty cliché). It might be improved on by complexifying it a little, perhaps by exploring more that idea of affairs which 'foreign bodies' points to. ''The dirt and grime and foreign bodies / Where other hands have been and left their tracks'' .... Also, the end does fall into what you reproached Hailey with: you end up spelling out the metaphor when you say ''Our relationship rots like necrotic flesh''. So the last two weaker lines would benefit from being switched for something else. This is only a suggestion but after ''every inch of my brain'', I would go for ''If it does heal once more, scar upon scar, gnarled as an old tree / We will go on like this for a while / Limping discreetly, lopsided as ever / Hoping against hope that this last leg will take us somewhere.'' Obviously, do with this as you will but it's always fun to do a bit of brainstorming.

[@lissq2769]

Umm dude that suggestion you made is great

[@JosyPoetry]

@@lissq2769 Thank you! ;)

[@ahttacca]

i don’t have anything to add except to comment that i loved the “she, alone, picks up the pieces of a marriage, long since cold” because it was the only relatable one to me. i think my writing loves to have ending lines that punch you in the throat that way, so i soared when i read this from you. it truly puts bella thorne entire writing career to shame. but know you’re really inspiring as a person already, the poetic persona is just a bonus. i’m glad you’re ok 😊