My Son Cut Ties with Me After I Supported My Daughter Dating My Son’s Bully. How Should I Reconci...

[@Levithos]

Story 2: I love how the dad decided that not picking sides is the right thing to do. He never realized that by not picking a side, he picked a side. Good for the son for getting away from a toxic and cowardly family.

[@NessaEllenesse]

Silence is concent. School bullies either grow out of the insecurities that made them bullies or they grow up to be abusive spouses then abusive parents. OP was wrong by both children.

[@yeahyeahyeah3724]

Story 2: I've read OP's comments on Reddit, and I hope those were added to the video. He really did try to make HIS OWN SON seem like the AH in the situation. Saying that his son did something to Adam's family and stuff, he still got called as the AH in the comments. 😂 He kept insisting that Adam had changed, and he already apologized to his son, how he can't just cut ties with Adam's family because they have been family friend for years already, etc. He also mentioned how it's not just Adam who bullied his son... his siblings also did, and yet those family friends are still more important than his own son. His son is just better off without those AHs (his parents, his sister, Adam, and his family).

[@mr.halfright]

I think the OP made it clear it was never really about the kids. He doesn't care about his own son, and he probably doesn't care about Adam either. He's just a spineless coward who doesn't want to ruin the friendship with Adam's parents (which, honestly, he probably plays up in his mind). He acts like it's such an important relationship, yet Adam's parents actually care about their kids and are willing to stand up for them, even against OP. OP is probably so concerned because he knows Adam's parents have enough of a spine to cut off someone who lets their kid hurt their son

[@sacrilegedoculus]

Story 2 - You did not stay neutral. You and your family(except your son) stays in bully's side.

[@MegaHarvickFan29]

"2 losers that no one really likes." I have a sneaking suspicion that that is 100% true. Based on the description of them, those 2 sound insufferable. The son is better off without this family around him.

[@manutd316]

​@MegaHarvickFan29 the dad is an idiot and weak unless he was a bully when he was young

[@randomenvelope]

@MegaHarvickFan29 yeah how can you stay good friends with the parents of your sons bully and yet nothing gets done about the situation?

[@DreamyBlox0812]

It's clear you didn't stay neutral; you and your family (except your son) are siding with the bully. This kind of support only enables the bully's behavior to continue.

[@TaleToast]

I completely agree. Staying silent or neutral in situations like this means siding with the bully. You should always stand up against bullying.

[@bopbopanna]

Story 2: I'd be ashamed if one of my kids dated the bully of another. What kind of family are you? Glad that the son left that toxic mess.

[@tigrexkiller1548]

I love how people dont realise that not picking a side is the same as picking a side.

[@DreamyBlox0812]

Exactly! Staying neutral in situations of conflict or injustice often ends up supporting the status quo, which can perpetuate the problem. Sometimes, taking a stance is necessary to effect positive change.

[@Real-Name..Maqavoy]

Until #reality hits em'

[@normanosborn1277]

If you can commit a crime by omission, you can pick a side by omission.

[@MannyMulattoPlays]

He was never neutral that's why his son cut him off. He wanted to seem neutral but anyone could see he supported the sister. If he were actually neutral he'd have supported his son while not damning the daughter because the son was the one who needed support and the daughter was fine.

[@soulcore8630]

Story 2 - Funny enough, the father never stated what the bully did to his son for him to act this way and by how his son is acting…the bullying was pretty bad then lol

[@ShiNijuuAKL]

but he did list how the son bullied the bully's little brother....

[@soulcore8630]

@@ShiNijuuAKL At what timeframe in the video of Story 2 was it mention how the son was bullied??

[@credsox05]

When he said his daughter started dating adam, lasted 4 years, i believe..​@soulcore8630

[@questions3983]

​@@ShiNijuuAKLWe'll it sounded like the bully's younger brother got karma when he picked and tried to bully someone who turned it around on him. Bet his parents never tried scolding him for being an a$$ in the first place. Then he goes crying to big brother for help.

[@randomenvelope]

The son sounds like a douchebag, both families suck then

[@FKKTruthahn]

Story 2: your family clearly showed that they didnt care if he gets hurt. You cant and shouldnt tell your daughter who she can date. But make it clear that it is not okay to just bring him in. You all basically abandoned him. He has become a confident and intelligent young man? Never forget that none of you were part of that progress and cant claim the right to say you raised him like that.

[@altavwyk8593]

Story 2. OP and the bully's parents are friends, then why wasn't the bullying stopped when it started.

[@andynorck2389]

Story 2: why are people so stupid? You don’t have to force her to break up to support the son, just support him and talk about how she should not date him, but if she does the boyfriend isn’t allowed in the house nor to family events. Is that so difficult? I’m sure that should be enough to start with and see how things develop. If the guy sucks they can be harder, but if the guy stays on his lane than there would be no problem.

[@merykhan97]

An 80 yo asking a 15 yo to be his girlfriend is him being nice ?! I'd keep an eye on that dad and brother around minors.

[@RhythmShorts]

That's what I thought! I've had older men tell me that as a teen as well. I never once was flattered or thought they were being nice, I genuinely thought I was about to be raped every time

[@roberturlaub8526]

How dafuq can his sis even think about to date the bully of her brother. The whole family is messed up ffs

[@yvonnemckinley3654]

If this is a true story. It's sad how a father can just sit there and watch his son's life fall apart. On a positive note, the son realized he didn't need them to move forward.

[@kiaowens2856]

Story one: I don’t care if that man is 927 with a missing leg. What he did was wrong and inexcusable.

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

Have you ever worked with that age group? They are combative. Sometimes, they spit on people, call people names, etc. They can be sweet as pie for weeks, then have a bad week. I have worked with them, addicts, AND grape victims. OP is having a trauma response to this. It's a classic overeaction to her unresolved grape trauma. It's not healthy. The situation is serious, but the girl was not in danger. A 10 year old girl can easily take out a late 80s guy with a walker. Hell, I saw an 8 year old boy accidentally do it. The daughter is 15. It was offensive, uncomfortable, and highly inappropriate. But OP is reacting as if her daughter narrowly escaped an attempted grape. And she is angry at anyone who isn't having her same reaction. She suspects her dad is a predator now? This is going to get really bad. Based on experience, OP will end up hospitalized if there isn't intervention quickly.

[@kiaowens2856]

@@holeymcsockpuppet OP had every right to respond the way she did. That man WOULD have groomed her daughter and eventually tried to push his way on to her. Asking a child to be your girlfriend? A 10 year old shouldn’t HAVE to fight off an 80 year old with a walker. Neither should a 15 year old. That borders victim blaming. Idc if the man was 18 or 80. And OPs family trying to protect and deflect what would have happened if the daughter didn’t speak up is gross. Trauma response or not it was the right response.

[@SnowyWolborg]

Story #1: NTA. There's nothing innocuous about a senior citizen asking a 15 year old to be his girlfriend. It is literally impossible to misconstrue that as being anything other than inappropriate and predatory. OP's father might just be responding this way defensively out of generational ignorance, but there's absolutely no excuse for the brother. He's clearly just being contrarian for the sake of it. This is the kind of thing that you don't take chances on.

[@DreamyBlox0812]

Absolutely agree. Protecting your daughter from predatory behavior is paramount. It's baffling that anyone, especially family, would downplay such an obvious red flag. Safety should always come first.

[@TaleToast]

Absolutely agree. This situation is blatantly inappropriate and should not be brushed off. OP is right to take it seriously and protect their daughter. There's no room for excuses when it comes to safeguarding children from predatory behavior.

[@shadowcollins4589]

No it's not generational ignorance He knows better but doesn't wanna start anything cuz he's a wimp

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

Have you ever worked with the elderly? They are walking bags of inappropriate behavior... both the men and women. They can be sweet as pie, and they can be azzholes. They can go between both of those. They spit on people, cuss at them, and are continually combative. The women will call any woman who is young a "sloot". (That one cracks me up.) Much of it is just old people antics. This old man has reached the stage that he needs more care. He needs people trained to deal with him. After mid 70s, you need supervision. He's late 80s. He's not a predator any more than a old woman cursing at a kid making noise is a "sociopath." Rabbits can bite you...but that doesn't make them predators. Rabbits are prey animals. Old people are prey animals. They are rude, offensive, wise, and cuddly.

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

​@@DreamyBlox0812safety? The girl did not narrowly escaped being graped. A 10 year old girl can take out a man in his late 80s with a walker. This girl is 15. She wasn't in danger. I've been grabbed by an old women. It didn't cause PTSD. Old people, both men AND women do stupid, inappropriate, and offensive stuff...constantly. The women tend to spit and sometimes bite at that age...although the bites are nothing. OP is a victim of grape and has unresolved trauma. She has reframed her father as a predator. She is actively going after her loser brother. She is attempting to traumatize her daughter...who isn't experiencing trauma. This is extremely unhealthy. I've worked with the elderly, addicts, and grape victims. OP is in a downward spiral and needs help.

[@MrOrcshaman]

How to resolve story 2? Get the daughters husband to confess his flaws, admit his cruelty and trying to make it up to his brother in law. If he isn't even prepared to do that, then he's showing his hasn't changed, and you distance yourself from him.

[@maggy-d9j]

even people with mental disabilities that cause them to kill people get locked up, in a psych ward. why is sexual assault any different? age aside, if he's a bother, he needs to be removed.

[@Khalith]

Story 2- Just gonna have to write off your relationship with your son and let him go. It happens.

[@joshuawells7415]

Their only hope of having a son now is if their daughter gets married or if the wife pops out another.

[@yvanpajevic9680]

Did you not listen to the same video I did? They're so deluded they couldn't see the sun rise! No way do they have the wisdom to see how fooked the situation is and that their son is gone. Instead they'll just keep deluding themselves like the weak, foolish people they are.

[@Tuturial464]

@@joshuawells7415considering how dumb Adam is, the gene pool is better without them

[@rekslegiune6004]

Story 2 neutral, I had to lol, how can you suport some one and be neutral?

[@develyntwocentshenderson5739]

#2. the hand-wringing family bovines are the biggest problems. these little girl 'family together' crap ..they cause far more damage than people let on

[@TaleToast]

It’s unbelievable that your father and brother are downplaying Stella’s discomfort. She deserves to feel safe at church, and you did the right thing by standing up for her.

[@dianecheney4141]

One you raised one terrible child. Two you have to be prepared to never speak to your son about your daughter or her family ever again. You won't be able to have family events without one of your kids absent. You'll probably fall into the mistake of favoring your daughter because she'll start churning out the kids and her husband will suck because bullies rarely change

[@phionella7]

Staying neutral is always picking a side

[@crawdaddy1234]

Yes and no - Staying neutral when harm happened or may happen is always picking a side. * Staying neutral if one sibling wants to go mini golfing while the other wants to go bowling is fine. Here there are no victims.

[@kozmatheclown]

Staying neutral is actually worse than picking a side. You're basically saying "I don't care."

[@crawdaddy1234]

@NobodySpesh2 Wowwww, you must have terrible insecurities. Please seek therapy.

[@juanleal8418]

Story 2 Dad is a huge loser, tryna cater to that nonsense.

[@deathdrivesapontiac]

The thumbnail - bullying is a reason why people commit suicide. Your family siding with a bully must be some sort of existential and heart shattering pain I cannot even imagine

[@JairSoares-v7t]

Story 2 - Disgusting, simple disgustin, how can him not be ashamed of himself as a parent ? This family were supossed to protect and guide their child, but their let the sole person who tormented his son and dramatically changed in his house.

[@ayiza8511]

If your wife was so close to your son, why did she choose to support his bully?

[@Lollocide]

Congrats story two dad, by staying neutral you burned your entire relationship with your son.

[@BraveryWing26]

You are not neutral 2nd Op.

[@sweeety969]

I hate when the titular story is not only second but super teeny tiny

[@MisterH1992]

The fact that his daughter is dating a bully should be more than enough to disapprove of that relationship. That dude already shows bad character. He bullied the OP's son, and he will bully his daughter once they get married. It happens. If she were my daughter, I would warn her to stay away from guys like these. Oftentimes, they will leave her as a single mom. These types of guys do not make good husbands and fathers. By approving this relationship, OP failed to protect his daughter.

[@tellingreallife]

AITA is really wise in resolving the conflict between the two children.

[@simonesmit6708]

It needs reporting. 1. It may be a repeated pattern of behaviour. 2. It may be the result of some kind of medical issue that has changed the old mans behaviour. This happened to the FIL of a friend. He lost the ability to control impulses after a stroke no one knew happened. This was discovered after he had a 2nd stroke while driving. Luckily he was the only one injured.

[@marystarr3025]

story 1) Nice old men to NOT make advances like that to MINORS. EVER. OP, that your AH brother EVEN defended the old LEECH does NOT make your brother a "good person" story 2) OP, you supported a GD bully of your other child. THAT was the side that you choose. I hope that the son goes full NC with your AH self. as well as NC with the worse that AH sister dating the GD bully and the AH eggdonor who supported the gd bully.

[@GoodknightSong]

Story 2 - Hope the daughter takes care of OP when it comes time, cause they don't deserve the son to do anything. But if Adam's past as a bully is any example I doubt the daughter will have any say in it. Couldn't happen to a more deserving pair. Good luck, jerkoffs.. not really.

[@trevsdead]

the day any of my kids come home wit the person that bullied my other child i'd prolly have to be sent to jail i'd be too pissed you bring that shit in my family you not family thats the quickest way for a nc from me same with cheating just dont be assholes it really isnt that hard lmao

[@polterboo3515]

As soon as I heard "Catholic church" I knew this wasn't going to go well That institution fosters so much SA and CSA and would rather sweep it under the rug than actually do anything about it or to protect high ranking officials (a lot like what happened in the old boy scouts with counselors assaulting the young boys) There's nothing wrong with being catholic or being religious in general, but the actual church system itself is absolutely broken and does basically nothing to protect children Its extremely rare that anything at all is ever done and even then its usually just moving the "problem person" to another church while waiting for people to stop talking about it Its a system that needs a *serious* change but people refuse to do so for one completely pointless reason or another heel-dragging one

[@IzzyPR2010]

In this case the priest seemed like he was willing to do something, more so than OP's father who tried to downplay everything. At one point he tried to excuse the old man by saying maybe this is how it was years ago and so the old man is sued to that, which was shot down by the priest, his wife and OP.

[@madalice5134]

​@@IzzyPR2010 Yeah, but talk is cheap. Action is what matters. They can tell him he can't participate in other community programs because of a different type of harassment but they can't do anything more than finger wag at him for creeping on a kid?

[@sarahmaxima]

There is definatly domething wrong with being catholic at this point. How many ruined lives is your salvation worth. Any money to the catholic church is money for protection of predators.

[@emperorconstantinexipalaio4121]

⁠@@sarahmaximaThat’s cringe and rich coming from someone with your pfp. The Catholic Church built your morality. Atheist cringe as usual.

[@emperorconstantinexipalaio4121]

L take. You maybe should’ve listened and realized this was a parishioner and not a clergyman. Whatever gives atheists their superiority complex tho I guess.

[@MaximilianoCoslovich-u2i]

Story 2: YTA. Wait your son bully is the son of your friends? Wtf why didnt you stop it?

[@RhythmShorts]

If you don't take the victim's side and claim "neutrality" then you're ACTUALLY taking the abuser's side. Bullying and abuse does not have a neutral side. You either support the victim or you support the abuser. End. Of. Story.

[@DreamyBlox0812]

Your dad's reaction is really shocking. Prioritizing a "nice old man" over your daughter's safety is unacceptable.

[@thor7219]

Story 2 - Yes. You are the AH 100%, and you didn't stay neutral. You chose a side. You and your entire family chose to welcome someone into your lives that tortured your son. I personally don't even know how you even look yourself in the mirror.

[@DukerGamerz]

I was ready to say Nta since the son cant dectate who his sister dates but then I looked at Op's comments and Omg its super Yta.

[@randomenvelope]

"he is the priest that married my husband" What?

[@spheres0082]

I think OP meant to say "married my husband and I" like officiated the marriage. Yeah, that's always been a strange phrase to me

[@randomenvelope]

@@spheres0082 but she only said husband

[@depp5601]

I don't understand people who support the Catholic Church given their history of abuse and of being willing to support abusers. Story 2-If I was the son I"d have nothing to do with you either. You showed him nothing but betrayal. YTA unless he lets you in his life and then he can TA as well. Wow, gross. I feel like I need a shower after those stories.

[@emperorconstantinexipalaio4121]

The Church does not support abuse and offers various abuse resources. You are buying into a monolithic narrative and are making an unfair generalization. This was a parishioner, not a clergyman. Listen to the story lmao

[@derherrgraf6001]

Story 2: In situations like these staying neutral means taking the bullys side.

[@natethekid1534]

Pretty crappy "family friends" I assume just longtime friends. Whatever the case may be. I get a whiff of any kind of bullying from either side I'm talking to adults or parents to figure it out and understand what is going on and putting a stop to it. I will discipline my child or tell the parents who are supposed to be my friend that their kids better knock off the bullying. No length or great a friendship maybe you or your child will not be bullying anyone. Thankfully the son is carving out a nice life for himself it seems. It would've come full circle if his charity was an anti bullying thing. Dad and mom will just have to watch their son from afar as he seems to not care for them and essentially allowing the bully to get away with bullying. Pretty much siding with the sister. Sister pretty crappy as well to date your brothers bully which I'm sure she at the least knew about or probably joined in on. Wish the son all well and for the parents to regret not doing something sooner like maybe asking the family friends son to knock it off

[@virtualatheist]

Story 1: I know somebody who wouldn't need to worry about his funeral arrangements.

[@katherinehutton9870]

They're always really active in the church aren't they. There's always a theme.

[@InTheDemonsWake]

my favorite running theme in all reddit stories is that the mods made it near impossible for updates to happen and almost always whine about some vague rule being broken. this is why i prefer mods to be called janitors although its not exactly a fair term. Janitors actually get paid to do a job, reddit mods do it all for free.

[@sahanboydl]

Short answer: You can't reconcile with him

[@lonewanderer8743]

Story 2 sounds like it was written by the wronged brother in the way he hoped things would turn out. Sadly this type of retribution rarely occurs.

[@Drakekhan]

Story 2: me personally if I was the son I would of burned the bridge and never spoke to them again would of moved far away and lived my life with no contact that’s just me though

[@Nirvash89]

Story 2: Wow, O.P., you really pulled out all the stops with this post to try and make yourself look way better than you likely were. He refused to elaborate on what the boyfriend did to his son that made the son react in such a harsh way. He claimed to want to stay out of it, but doing this painted a clear picture to the son that his "parents" would rather the daughter be happy, at the expense of the son. Add onto that, the son chose to lash out (rightfully so) because his parents were not doing their job and standing up for him, telling the daughter to thing long-and-hard about if this new guy was worth destroying the relationship with her brother. O.P. was definitely the @$$hole here, since he chose to allow things to play out, but when it became obvious that his son was more than willing to just drop his family, he tried to get internet strangers to justify his actions, only for it to blow up in his face.

[@bobfg3130]

Story 1: That's weird. The old man was behaving inappropriately. Story 2: So what happened to the sister? Is she with that guy?

[@Happypuppy6666]

Just because someone is going to church or part of the church doesn’t mean there a good person.

[@neel9137]

Story 1: i have so many questions, frist why did your husband didn't get involved? "It's relayed to my family so he let me take the lead" i would become extremely violent if anything happens to my child. Second: why are you telling this to the priest? In my chirch if anything illegal takes place we first call police. Church has no authority in criminal issues.

[@crawdaddy1234]

Story 1: The head priest’s loyalty is to the church, not you.

[@deadsouljaguar7041]

Wtf is the first story? Second story, no point of reconciliation with your son. You weren't even neutral in the first place.

[@east-endjustice7883]

Apparently it just misunderstood the word "pray" and thought with the reputation and everyone saying that's where you go to "pray" it thought a different meaning to the word with a different spelling.

[@sasakikojiro9258]

Why use for the title the story that lasts 5 minutes? Thats an instant dislike ma dude

[@Midgetbear-nk1fe]

Story 1, im pretty sure we have the same brother XD

[@TwilightMysts]

Story 2, I think the daughter and bully are the a-holes. The parents are sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place with no good answer or outcome that I can see. If they support the daughter, they alienate their son. If they support the son then they alienate the daughter and some family friends. Having said that, I do think the (slightly) better choice is to back the son. Which would make the parents somewhat a-hole as well.

[@rhaelfixer2584]

By the way, on Reddit, OP is trying to make it seem like the bullying isn't a big deal and even tried to justify it. So OP is the AH.

[@cipher5150]

while that's technically 100% true, the morally correct thing would have been to back the son, since he was wronged and mistreated, and they ignored that for the sake of staying friends with a massive bully's shitty parents, and then obviously favoring the daughter by supporting her relationship with said bully. the parents are aholes all the way.

[@MannyMulattoPlays]

Ngl in Story 1 the apology didnt sound half ass it sounds like OP really doesnt like her brother at all. The apology wasnt half assed at all but she has so much bias against him she kinda made an excuse to not accept his apology. Im not saying the brother didnt earn the ill will but an honest "I already didnt like my brother and what he said sent me over the edge so im not accepting his apology" would have been better.

[@BraveryWing26]

The titular story is on the second half of the video.

[@emqtychxir]

story 2: yta

[@AskCorey]

❤

[@jjureidini7530]

Mega shortened version of Story 2 missing alot of its comments/updates by OP. Never been a fan of these clickbait thumbnails and caps that indiciate a story, but its totally innaccurate or the minor part of a multi story upload.

[@cynergy7985]

S2....We're ALL humans & humans are fallible so if real change is enacted then a second chance is warranted. HOWEVER, if the bully is not willing to admit what he did & sincerely apologize then NOPE!

[@Hirouka1]

What did the bully did to him. If it's minor crap than yea son get over it. If it's PTSD inducing bully than the father sucks

[@Maestrosendgame]

The brother is an ah for his take in story 1

[@mevan883]

SS1: OP you trust the Catholic Church with your under age kids, sigh...