NAME CHANGE | Identity in adoption | Did we change names? | UK adoption

[@DavidFraser007]

I like what you just said, it is about identity. I was part of the baby grab era, in those days it was about saving embarrassment to childless couples. I reverted to my original surname many many years ago. If people I knew from school asked my why I changed my name, I just say I've always actually been David Fraser. It was actually my Gran that let it slip what my original name was. She was quite proud of being a Murray and she said that I might have a highlander name too. Didn't take much guessing after that

[@bbisawake337]

Interestingly my experience is completely different. I’ve never met my biological father and was raised from 6 months by my step dad whom I have now 2 half sisters from also. I hated having a different surname to my sisters and my parents so they changed it by use when I was 6 but I had to change it myself by deed-poll when I got my passport at 18. It is interesting how our experiences shape our view because for me seeing my birth fathers surname on my documents is a constant reminder that I’m different and a little bit of an outsider from the rest of the family. I’ve talked about this many many times with my sisters and they reassure me that I’m no different but yeah for me the constant reminder I was being raised by the person who was not my birth father I felt was a bit detrimental to my upbringing. Even though (and I can’t express enough) I was treated with the same love and consideration as my sisters. Just wanted to share my view on this as it is something I’ve had experience with! Thanks again for another thought provoking video Aimee x

[@peachpenumbra6185]

I love how you put the children before yourself, I know it sounds basic but I've always felt like so many people see kids as possessions not people and you never seem like that! Finding out you've been known by other names in your life as an adult can be so unsettling. It can also feel like a disrespectful slight against your birth parents, who although they didn't raise you, likely weren't able to and if you spent years thinking your name was your only gift from them and then find out it wasn't that can also be upsetting.

[@jpovey113]

Love the video as always x The divorce part really spoke to me. When my parents divorced and mother reverted back to her maiden name, she asked if we wanted to change too. I was mortified at the idea of changing something I had had for my whole life (I was about 12 When She asked) and as we are only girls no boys I felt devastated that my grandfather's family line would disappear even earlier than he thought ( turns out I'm keeping my name for always regardless) And how that would hurt my dad's family. I didn't like it happening me and I would not want any child to feel that way.l unnecessarily x i personally am happy to keep names or versions or different spellings of them unless obviously they have to change as part of security measures x

[@ThisisJo]

I always wonder about kids with distinctive names and spellings - I come across a fair few in my work. I always imagine in my head that it could be a security issue - possibly not until they are much older. However, I think I do share the views about a child’s identity. I can see it might be a grey area in some adoptions depending on the circumstances.

[@pollyrb8375]

Hi Aimee, love this vid. I completely agree with your perspective on the ethics of name changing. I do have one concern for our family and would love your thoughts - We want to have a mix of biological and adopted children and I worry about adopted children feeling even more different because our bio kiddos have names that are a very similar vibe (not crazy but not common at all).

[@R1doorbar]

Hi Amiee. Another great video. I understand your point of view on this but my wife and I also have another in specific circumstances where you might not like the name a child is given. As well as identity which I believe is not stationary concept but actually a fluid concept. Identity is who you are at any point in time which is based on past life experiences. However anyone's identity can evolve over time due to new experiences. So let me explain why changing a name could be acceptable. I personally believe if a child is young enough then a name can be changed to one the adopter/s feel comfortable with. This is important because of the attachment an adopted can feel much sooner thus helping the integration of the child. It would be more difficult to make that attachment if you didn't like the name of your child. And attachment should be considered both ways not just from the perspective of the child to the adopters. I do believe that if a child name is changed then the child should be told (along with their life story) what their given name was.

[@R1doorbar]

Having said all that on Thursday this week we are going to see a match during a bump into meeting and we don't plan to change theirs names as we really like them. We will choose a new middle name for each of them.

[@Aimeevlog]

R1doorbar thanks so much for sharing your opinion on this! It’s great to hear more than one point of view and I hope that more people will open discussion around this 😍

[@dalehitchcock6382]

Our child we are about to adopt has a very unique name which we think draws attention. We've spoke with my SW, child's SW and the FC. I think we are all in agreement to change it by knocking off a few letters but keeping it almost identical. I'm still concerned in having to explain the change to the child in the future (they are currently 1yo)

[@Aimeevlog]

I sympathise with you there. I think we worry about what our children might think in the future and can only make the best, most informed decision that we can right now. I wonder how our children will feel in the future about having their last names changed...although this is extremely common practice and mainly for security, I still think that it is a piece of their identity and that they would be fully entitled to be hurt by this.

[@davina8508]

Can you do a video about how you teach/tell them about the fact they are adopted

[@Aimeevlog]

Hi Dee, I can certainly add it to my list and talk about some of the strategies we use for the current age of our children! I can also include links to other channels that I look to for advice and tips with regards to this :)

[@NSultana007]

Thanks a lot

[@staceyhowells1738]

We were told we wasn’t allowed to change the names of our future child(s) unless it was a really unique name x

[@Aimeevlog]

Thanks for sharing! That will definitely be the case for a lot of children/circumstances.

[@hollyexley]

Hey Aimee , thank you for sharing your wisdom! Another great video, admittedly not the answer I was wanting to hear! Haha. What if...the name is truly terrible & at odds with your family & intended upbringing for the child? Like maybe a celebrity’s name?! What would you do if you *hated* the name? I guess that’s my fear as an outsider on this topic, but I’m sure it becomes less important when you’re involved in the process?

[@Aimeevlog]

I think you make a REALLY important point here...genuinely, it becomes so much less of a consideration/priority when you are being matched with children. In my experience anyway...the child’s profile is presented to you with no name, you learn about them initially without a picture or name and by the time you see them...nothing else matters & that name is theirs, it is them, almost in the way you wouldn’t change their face, changing their name didn’t even cross my mind. But I 100% see where you are coming from and there have definitely been stories of people changing names because they are so unique or extreme that it would be safer.

[@hannahrichards2526]

I don't agree with changing their names either. I understand changing the name if the child was going to be in some kind of danger. Etc. My daughter's sister was foster to adopt and. Their adoptive parents changed her name. When we were told about the baby at the time we had prepared our daughter for the new addition. Spoke about her name etc. Then 6 mths later when we had found out that the babys name was changed I was not happy as I had to tell my daughter that her sister wasn't called that name at the time. My daughter struggled with the name change. She was calling her dolls by her sisters original name for a while. I think it was her way of trying to deal with it at the time. I felt the adoptive parents didn't think about the babys siblings at all.

[@Aimeevlog]

It’s such a complex situation and like you say...affects more than just one person.

[@sineadc3477]

So did the baby you adopted 'from birth' get named by birth mum before being removed from birth parents? Hope that's ok to ask! And did the different ages of your children when you adopted them have any impact? Like did you feel differently at all when discussing changing name for your second child? May you have picked another name if you hadn't already kept your oldest child's name, as they'd have had it for such a short space of time?

[@Aimeevlog]

SInead C we asked a lot of the same questions when considering foster to adopt, but the quickest answer is that nothing changes really because we are still only foster carers for at least the first six months of life until the court agrees that adoption should be the plan for little one. So nothing could have been changed for the same amount of time as with traditional adoption which meant it was just as much ‘their name’ as it was their older siblings 😊

[@sineadc3477]

@@Aimeevlog Oh, that makes sense! Thanks for your reply :-)

[@pipwhelan]

What if you were adopting an older child who wanted to change their name? x

[@Aimeevlog]

The child's voice is always taken in to consideration (or certainly should be) if they are older and so I would imagine a judge would want to speak to them and get their opinions.

[@EA-rv6hl]

how often do social workers visit once the adoption is official? and how long will this continue on for?

[@Aimeevlog]

Emily B I think they have a minimum that they are guided by (eg once a month) but will decide case by case how much support you need and may have asked for. It might also be that they visit for certain meetings held at the home and to finish off any outstanding works. For us it was a couple of times a month

[@orangew3988]

Pretty sure once the paperwork is done and the adoption is done, any interaction between parents and social work is voluntary.

[@rachelgertze8089]

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