5 Extremely Abusive Things Narcissist Do That Don't Feel like Abuse

Betrayal Trauma After Narcissistic Abuse:
www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/livevent
chapters
00:00 introduction
00:56 1. Narcissists gatekeep hygiene from you
02:27 2. Narcissistic parents exploit their children by uploading their videos
03:41 3. Expecting you to work 24 X 7
05:15 4. They use toxic spirituality to gas lit you
07:01 5. They may use their car as a torture chamber

[@narcabusecoach]

Betrayal Trauma After Narcissistic Abuse: www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/livevent

[@CatherineBradley-Neill-y7c]

OMG I have known my mother was a Covert Narcissist. But that is a replay of my life except for videos, that was after my teen years . Brain washing. Making you confused.. She didn't drive but would follow and trap you in a room and use scathing comments and ridicule. She was evil. Thanks so much Danish.👍

[@survivorjourney]

Need support group to get out of Narcissistic relationship 😞

[@Laura-b2t9v]

I do believe he is talking about narcissistic abuse but to me the behaviors he descei be es us so specific that rather than rules he is projecting

[@donovangray4246]

I never heard anyone explain the fact that being raised by a narcissist leaves you fending for yourself while growing up and then blame you when you eventually get it wrong. Classic!

[@TMoniq]

In all actuality we have always fended for ourselves even as children when you think back over the times.

[@yuu_miran]

That is my case too. Never a true guidance or support. Shame and blame and guilt after decades of failing my life in multiple fields. Not that i sign off my own responsibility but perhaps im one of those children who could do better with a proper support or helpful wisdom. Or maybe not. I dont know. But they are narcs💯

[@RKX_Errant]

On the positive side, sometimes being "self taught" may mean you are not indoctrinated with certain prejudices and therefore tend to be more open-minded. For instance you may be able to spot neglect earlier than the average person. Just food for thought.

[@donovangray4246]

@@RKX_Errant this may be true however I don't think children can think in those terms until a certain age. Depends on the child and what messages they got. A busy neglectful parent who loves their children will think differently than a child who's parent hates their children and neglects them out of contempt.

[@RKX_Errant]

@@donovangray4246 I agree with you in degrees. We both used terms that infer there are several variables. These are to be explored, as we sort out narcissism, its causes and effects.

[@velvetgardenia]

Also, car rides with them often become HELL IN A CELL.

[@mr.F.Castle]

They are demons disguised as human beings.

[@clairemason5922]

Ever notice how they Block doorways so you can't leave. Cornering you to intimidate you.

[@djathome6764]

Oh wow exactly!!!!

[@alexandravanova3095]

Omg yes I am not alone thank you...

[@Sharla1213]

Yes! Even if I was there first, he wants me to move around HIM. Big cranky wall.

[@drchristineobrien9704]

Actually blocking is a crime. You can use to put on a restraining order. It will help win one.

[@jmj5388]

…yet they always have an escape route for themselves, which they use as soon as they hear something they don’t like.

[@RKX_Errant]

The car trap brought back lots of memories; the speeding, the smoking with windows rolled up, the music played, especially if you appeared to be enjoying it, the station would be changed, delaying restroom stops deliberately. Yes, a torture chamber.

[@raquellofstedt9713]

My mother-in-law would insist that the windows be kept up and the airconditioner off all the way upp the 99 from Los Angeles to Fresno when driving with my then three year old son. Yes, in the middle of summer. The poor kid was beet red and sweating by Grapevine when I Told het to pull over or I would take over the steering by force, and when we woud start (after he cooled down in the IHOP) we WOULD be using the air conditioner. It ws 101 outside. MIL : My eyes get dry. Me: My kid comes first, sorry. Her: Pouts in Finnish the whole way to Fresno. My son : Stops looking like a soppy tomato and goes to sleep.

[@RKX_Errant]

@@raquellofstedt9713 I've driven that route over a half dozen times as an adult, so I understand what you are relaying. Crazy!! The heat in that area is quite draining. I liked your description, "...a soppy tomato".

[@francesbernard2445]

That witnessing of yours reminds me once about some situations I encountered while taking public transit a few times. Like when for example after realizing that the correct number bus I was riding on had started going off route while at the time both the driver and I at the time had believed we were the only 2 people inside that moving bus. When I pointed out to him about the turn he missed then he went into a tirade about how I must be the crazy one for telling him how to drive His bus. If it hadn't been for another passenger who got woken up by his shouting at me after they fell asleep who then started complaining about how the bus driver had missed a turn what could have then started happening to me next if he had made a report to transit watch about me an according to him alleged crazy person who needs to ride the even less reliable often late too disabled transit busses instead?

[@anniekirts6621]

@@raquellofstedt9713 Great story, Mom. Good job! 💪😘🙏

[@sinjinmonsoon9055]

My narc sister would drive crazy just so she would get pulled over. Her husband is a cop and she was always looking for trouble. Wanted to talk to another cop and brag and BS..she would always say ' im one of you '. She called 911 on me repeatedly bc she knew what to say so she wouldn't get abuse of 911 and my house would get raided. She also stole my inheritance.

[@mvbigmagic4048]

I never understood how to apply make-up until I was in graduate school. My mother never showed me. She always said, "You don't need it." And yet she used it. I learned how to do make-up on my own. And I realize now..... my mother just didn't want me to show her up. She was always pathologically jealous. For example, when I was about 6, someone gave me a dress for Christmas, and it was my favorite dress. One time, my mother tried to get me to wear a dress that she bought for me, and I said I didn't like it. OH boy. My favorite dress disappeared after that day............ I asked her about it. She said, "I don't know what happened to it." I'm 52-years-old, and I finally understand. My mother got rid of it. She didn't bother to ask me, "Why do you like that dress?" To hide her toxic shame and jealousy, she just threw it away. If she'd asked, I could have told her it was my favorite color. And I liked the feel of the velvet. But.... I understand now... narcs don't CARE what you think or feel. They really don't.

[@realhealing7802]

Yes! They will just throw your stuff away. As if you have no rights or feelings.

[@jennifergriffin5467]

Omg, this hurts me in the heart. So true. My mother was extremely jealous of me. If it brought me pleasure, she destroyed it.

[@wittymystic7361]

It sounds as if your mother and my family member might be related. One time, I had moved into a small apartment and had no room to store my Christmas Tree. A family member said they'd store my Christmas tree and the decorations that went with it at their place as they had tons of storage space. When it came time to put the tree up, I asked for it back, but they did not return it. They told me I had never given them the tree. And while they did return the decorations, they kept the nice storage container the decorations had been in and gave me a crappy cardboard box that was falling apart.

[@tammybrinkmann4998]

The whole thing about" treat you like a slave" is spot on. My X now for 10 years would come home strongly complaint the house was not clean enough...dishes/ laundry is not done,etc list goes on. I was a stay at home mom of a 5 year old and newborn twins. I could never keep up all day I was doing something for one of my children. He would just yell and scream when the house was tidy up and clean to "his standards". And after all this for 15 hours a day with everything else involved in the household chores. When I was completely exhausted. He would demand sexual relations. Then go watch TV for hours while I take care of all the kids. But before that he was exhausted and needed to go to bed because he "worked all day". God forbid I ask for a little help. His reply would ALWAYS be " I worked all day today". He said staying home taking care of three children under 5 all day and keeping big up with the house chores was NOT a job. He was a total fucking narc. Again I can happily say he is my X.

[@Artretha]

I'm glad you got out of that. My dad treated my mom similarly regarding what he thought was lack of cleanliness. On Saturdays, my mom and I would do household chores together when I was old enough to help out. Meanwhile, he sat on his ass watching TV. When my poor baby sister got her first migraine at 4 years old (no, really) and, inevitably, threw up, my dad made me go help my mom clean it up when I had just made a sandwich to eat, instead of going to help her. My mom is somewhat emetophobic, so that's never been easy for her. I guess it was his way of being thoughtful. 🙄 Anyway, I'm glad you dumped him and moved on. Good for you!

[@elizabethf9096]

What a jackass

[@karenkenney6021]

I'm glad you got out

[@jennifergriffin5467]

I totally relate to this.

[@kimkayoda7454]

My therapist told me the other day she hopes that this next generation of men is much better....

[@annjohnson8437]

I've been married to a narcissist for 30 years and experienced all of these things. The car one is terrifying! I thought he was going to kill our entire family on 3 separate occasions when he started speeding and driving recklessly. We began taking a second car when we had to travel places, so we didn't have to ride with him. I'm saving every penny I can to escape him.

[@CS-iv8tk]

Save every penny, that’s how I escaped after 30 years, lost everything. So much brighter on the other side of the door . Just wished I knew about this sooner. 💜

[@ericb8413]

Hope you get free.

[@Nyctophora]

Good luck, I hope that you escape soon and safely. Try to keep it from him as much as you can. Sending love x

[@EllenBrighton]

I was trapped too. Wish you well save all you can but don't tell anyone your plans.. Best wishes.

[@bobbiemartin8774]

ASAP

[@ladyjaynne9376]

My Narc mother ignored me when I told her I started my period at age 12. (I’m in my 60’s now) She asked how do I know? I answered, I saw blood in my underwear. *SILENCE* She NEVER brought me any feminine products, she never talked to me, NOTHING. Mind you, we weren’t allowed to discuss such things with our father, and we weren’t allowed to go to the store on our own (besides I would have no idea what to buy back then). She left me in a panic month after month after months for a year, as I never had anything to deal with my issues. I tried to make homemade pads, rolled up toilet paper whatever I could just so I could make it through the school day. My sister started a year after me. She was smarter than I was. She saved her lunch money, and left campus to go buy what she needed. I would’ve never left campus because my mother would’ve killed me. I am still hurt to this day as to why she wouldn’t help me. I would spend that week just sitting against the wall praying I didn’t leak through and making visits to the bathroom before and after every class. That memory still haunts me today.

[@kimkayoda7454]

I'm sooo sorry!!!

[@AngelaZsiga]

Yes 💯. Not being taught about puberty, getting yelled at with homework. In a car situation, crazy driving, or given the silent treatment on an uncomfortable ride. Lovely, aren't they.

[@rebekahjette6304]

My mother didn't teach me about how my body would change either... until I came to her at 13 1/2⚠️

[@Sweet-fn6po]

This was my parents. I was never given any information or guidance on any subject level. I had to figure it out on my own. Then my mother would criticize the choices I made. This was over 50 years ago.

[@realhealing7802]

Right! No guidance for anything. You have to figure it out for yourself.

[@angelineevans3167]

Your videos are a fantastic help . I am separated from my narcissist husband after 22 years of hell on earth . Your videos validate the life I had with him . I understand now how and why he done the things he did to purposely cause pain , isolation and endless bulling . Thank you Danish .

[@ericb8413]

When I was 9 years old my narcissist father bought an extremely fast car. He decided to see how fast it would go with my whole family in the car. He got it up to 120mph and my mother was screaming for him to slow down. I look back now with total disgust that he would jeopardize our lives for something so stupid. Who does that? That was over 50 years ago. I never forgot it. Trauma. 😢

[@eleonorabartoli2225]

I am so sorry, that must have been really terrifying!

[@Indy__isnt_it]

I bet you are one of the safest drivers on the road due to that trauma.

[@cassiebennet4262]

Unfortunately narcissists still do that. They get some type of thrill. It's adrenaline addiction. They also hate everyone including themselves.

[@leslieg8176]

I had to work at the age of fifteen because my mother refused to buy basic care needs such as shampoo, toothpaste, toilet paper, etc. My first bra was one of her old ones that I dug out of the bottom of her drawer because she would not buy me one. The list goes on and on. I would use my dad's socks because I didn't have any, and then get yelled at for using his socks. What a horrible nightmare my childhood was. But I am blessed because Jesus loves me, and He rescued me from all the abuse and He has healed my soul. When you put your trust in Him, you will become a new person and you will have peace.

[@rosiemcking72]

Amen dear one!!! HE SEE'S ALL and He restores and heals in a big way...

[@paulaneary7877]

I am so glad for you to get out of that situation and find some happiness and true joy through Jesus.

[@wittymystic7361]

Wow! I can relate. I was the same. I had to ask "Santa" for a bra for Christmas because she refused to take me shopping for one. Of course, I didn't know my size so I had to ask for what would nowadays be more of a sports bra. That might not sound bad, but back then, it seemed like weird underwear to other girls when I undressed for gym. I was made fun of and got strange stares, but at least I had something. If your parents were like mine, they also made fun of my sense of fashion taste, even though I had no money and no one bought me clothes.

[@virielle]

❤

[@user-wi9hv2pb2q]

same here, she tried to give me her old bra but it wouldn't fit which infuriated her. I found an unclaimed bra in a laundromat at age 17. a miracle it was Exactly my size and comfortable but so embarrassing, satin and bright red! the comments I got in gym, also it was my Only bra. my mother also Never bought me pads. more embarrassing but I found free ones at school.

[@reddawn8230]

“Psychological suffocation”… you said it all. The terrifying road rage has been the hallmark of my experience with the narc. Everything and nothing makes him angry.

[@MissTRayne]

The hurt comes when the Narc expresses pleasure from causing emotional pain 😢

[@seliaj8350]

My narcissistic mother would terrorize me in the car constantly as a teen. Yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs non stop! I hate her guts and have recently completely cut all ties with her and I've never felt so much relief!

[@realhealing7802]

They always want you to do more. You can never do enough or be enough. No contact was my only option to get out of the abusive cycle.

[@elitetrainercynthia7394]

I was kept in constant exhaustion. It was never a true partnership, and they take joy in creating chaos.

[@elitetrainercynthia7394]

Yes, they drive crazily when they get angry.

[@lonelywriter88]

My husband used the car to scream at me and sling verbal assaults at me like I'd never seen. He will speed up, scream, slam on the brakes in the soft shoulder, and threaten me. Whenever I try to talk, he screams more. He did this to me recently when we were on the way to take our daughter to the hospital. The rage came out of nowhere and something snapped inside of me. I haven't been the same since. I feel broken. But these videos are empowering.

[@bobbiemartin8774]

You can leave

[@paulineklostermann5877]

My husband treatet me desame. Narcissist, alcoholic, cocaïne He was en ugly moster. Do you know that song from David Bowie? Scary munsters and supercreaps. That song is about evil people. I wisch you love and power from Holland. ❤

[@Owlbutterfly]

I feel your pain on that

[@tjitjo]

Get out. It will NOT GET BETTER.

[@mimap275]

Yes plan ur exit , cos clearly something is wrong with him , not u , him

[@joey5816]

I was never told anything as I was growing up. She was only interested in my brothers. God helped me get through this. I am her only daughter and I wasn't treated right, by either of my parents. Praise be to the father for releasing me from their grip.

[@uzmaahmed.catmoon]

So sorry to hear this! I know another only girl child among brothers who gets mistreated.

[@l.5832]

I wasn't taught how to tie my own shoes. I remember my friend, Valerie, teaching me how to tie a bow in grade 2. And when I was older, it was my DAD that bought me a shaver, not my Mom (I am a girl). I was never told about deodorants nor did I have access to any. I remember being at my friends when I was 11 and we were using her nail polish. Her mom told me they were pretty but I needed to 'watch my cuticles' I had no idea what she was talking about. I'd never heard of a cuticle.

[@streaming5332]

Did God buy you makeup and bras.

[@Amberguymerhosking]

This one here. My mother hated me/ hates me xx but my brothers nope she adores xx it’s weird x

[@LoveSource1111]

Omg! I almost cried because my parents never taught me how to even wipe myself properly. I had to learn from a friend. They didn't teach me how to take care of my hair. Just bad and sad.

[@thewinehussy_5609]

The car one is very true and rarely talked about. An ex narc of my would purposely start arguments and get physically and verbally abusive in the car because he knew I couldn't escape or defend myself.

[@sherifitzgerald6886]

Amen. Been there done that.

[@ANGELSVEN]

My ex did that, too. I feared riding in the car with him because of what he might do to me.

[@cathyemms5083]

I have experienced everything you discussed 😢

[@Amberguymerhosking]

I actually jumped out of a car when an ex did this. I was pregnant with my boy and he was going 30 miles per hour and he was hitting me and being so verbally abusive. I was like how do I escape. I looked in the mirror and there was no cars.. and I just undone my seat belt opened the door and army rolled out.. I look back and laugh and think I would never do that again that was stupid x but I found no other way to escape x

[@user-wi9hv2pb2q]

mine would get over 100 mph and also tried to put us in front of a train at a crossing. I said I had a bad stomach so he pulled over. I never got in a car with him again.

[@bluebird3014]

My ex narc husband would do this in the car with the kids in the back seat. He’d play jazz music real loud on the way to church. I’d let it go for a few minutes, then ask if he’d turn it down. Then he’d turn it up and then again, yelling that he knew what good music is and I didn’t. The kids would be crying and I felt so upset and trapped. And it was so insane. Scary. Then he’d blame me and make what he did sound normal. We were married 18 years. Took a long time for me to heal. Final healing came when I found out about narcissistic personality disorder. Glad you brought this up. First I’ve heard it mentioned. He definitely used the car as a torture chamber.

[@susanservin1949]

Same. Put up with 14 years of similar abuse.

[@rdm98607]

On your way to church. Eeeeekkkk. Hiding behind religion is common

[@jenniferashcroft3215]

The car trap is my biggest trigger to this day

[@shilpajagnade2431]

The moment you said about car and torture chamber... That was enough for me to feel unsettled... So much through it..

[@charlie-girl72]

Oh my.. the hygiene part is a immediately trigger for bad memory by my mother. My throat hurts, 😔 it's now I think of it. Sighs, I teach my children to be clean just as anybody else. I try not to overdo it to tell my daughter she's just 15. The other things I don't recognize but that part I do. Who in the world wants their children to be laughed at, abandoned by other children or families etc. Ugh it's so shameful 😞

[@Xianne027]

Religious and spiritual abuse is an important topic. I was beaten by my father because he interpreted the Bible to mean that children must be harshly beaten to make them "God fearing." And as an adult I've seen a huge amount of self-proclaimed spiritual and New Age teachers, "healers," and gurus who are nothing more than narcissist show offs. Narcissists tend to gravitate to these circles as they can easily talk a bunch of abstract rubbish and make vulnerable seekers feel dependent on them for what they pander as their brand of spirituality.

[@lorimiller7261]

I’m am free, I was a slave for 19 years, I did everything and nothing was good enough. He drove fast and never wore a seatbelt with the kids in the car ❤ Escape, find peace and healing and save your life 🙏🏻❤️🦋🦋🦋🦋

[@lynshively5980]

Absolutely true my mom never even took me to buy a bra, or about the cycle for women, never went to a dentist or doctor

[@raquellofstedt9713]

@@lynshively5980 So many of my peers went through this . Awefull.

[@streaming5332]

I know your pain.

[@Sharla1213]

I’m so sorry. Shame on her.

[@ANGELSVEN]

Me, too. My grandmother had to take me to get my first training bra. Then the sales lady touched me right on my left chest and I freaked out! It still gives me the feeling of being distraught even to this day. Abuse everywhere. :(

[@HealedChakras777]

I have a tip that worked for me yall. I noticed that the crazy driving gets worse when you’re paying attention to what theyre doing and react. I would usually look entirely away from traffic and look far out the window or in my phone. They live for every hit of the brakes, speeding, turning crazily, almost rear ending vehicles, not properly stopping or yielding and coming out of corners with oncoming cars. It all stopped once i averted my attention. Really they're the only one stressing themselves in that situation. They'll find another way probably loud music or arguing. This is why i kept my headphones with me for back up. Worked like a charm til i could get away. Buds or airpods work cause I used my hair to hide it. Wire headphones seem to trigger them more. Crazy I have to give out advice such as this but I still hope it helps someone 🥰🥰

[@Samantha-Starseed]

Yes let's not forget the grabbing of the steering wheel while you're driving and yanking it putting us in the ditch and skidding sideways nearly rolling numerous times summer and winter nearly died a few times. Scary times

[@Sharla1213]

Thank you!!! if I point out that he has miss judged something he gets irate and drives stupid. I should just not look. I usually insist on driving now after years of torture. Once I was in the car, he decided he wanted to run every errand he had, and not even tell me where we were going.

[@HealedChakras777]

@@Sharla1213 asking for info like where we're going, or to slow down etc is futile!! Im glad i could help 🥰🥰

[@OptimisticSaturnPlanet-yz8mc]

OMG, Thank you for mentioning the bad way of using religion!!!! That was my first Narc!!! I read "his" book and pointed to him and said, "This part is about You. It's the forked tongue that lies cheats and decieves people to get money". That was one of the only rare times he didn't have a comeback.

[@TheKetsa]

Wow, first time I hear about the gatekeeping of hygiene and it reminded so many details of my youth. My mother didnt even teach us to brush our teeth, it was at school we learnt it, and she wasn't happy...

[@TMoniq]

She wasn't happy because she saw the potential in her children and knew that if any opportunities came by you all will eventually leave her behind. If not that, some are so jealous and cruel that they won't mind taking themselves down to gutter if it means you'll go to. "Who are you that you think you can better than me?" Mentality

[@Kristina-zn7fn]

Same here. I remember, that my uncle taught me how to brush my teeth. As I became a teenager, I only got a book from her, which explained, what is happening with my body and what to do.

[@ANGELSVEN]

I remember scraping my teeth with my nails to clean them when I was in elementary school because I didn't know how to brush my teeth.

[@lindanowak7893]

@@ANGELSVENI remember being forbidden from bathing and shampooing unless given permission, and I had to ask every time. I remember having to wash my clothes and hair and bathe at the same time, in the same water, as a punishment. In my senior year of high school I used babysitting money to buy shampoo and showered in the locker room. I remember being sent outside for every minute of spare time, winter and summer, even though all I did was stand there outside. My narc stepmother didn’t want me in the house. It was hell and I would never want to be a child again. No nostalgia here. Bed after supper was a common punishment and once I spent every single summer evening there that year.

[@lisaborland6703]

My mom drove like a nut with me and my son in the car

[@yvonnes7412]

First time I was glad I grew up in the 80-90s before cell phones and internet were huge -was when you mentioned that narc parents could video their kids 🤦‍♀️. … that’s awful and I can totally see that happening 🤦‍♀️

[@artangel23]

I just realised the reason why I’m too afraid to drive and even forgot how to: car trauma. My father was a reckless driver and got us in a horrible accident when I was 6 that left me with bodily scars. I grew up ashamed of my body because of them. My fear of driving increased when my mom forced me to drive my little sister to school when she was in elementary school. Later in life I had a bad car accident that left my car totaled. I decided to not drive again, as the anxiety made me fear for my safety (and that of those that might ride with me). My mother (who is a covert narc) to this day harasses me for not wanting to drive, claiming she “doesn’t understand why”. Thankfully, I will be soon moving to a place where I don’t need a car and can just take trains or ride a bike. A place far away from the narc

[@BognaZone]

Omg! I don't drive anymore either!!! Too scary!!!

[@melani914]

The hygiene and torture chamber! My mother did not want me to bathe everyday as a child. She said it was not necessary. When I became a teen-ager, I did it anyway. I also hand washed my clothes because she would not allow me to use the washer and she rarely did laundry. She would drink and become agressive in the car and start speeding and yelling at me.

[@elenafeliciano1853]

SHE TOLD ME I COULD NOT BATHE WHEN I GOT MY PERIOD. HOW STUPID IS THAT. 😢😢😢

[@cassiebennet4262]

Literally the opposite of what should have happened. I'm so sorry.

[@smarternow]

Drove like crazy to scare me

[@IsabellaPiesch]

If you are a child of a narcissist you are doomed. They have zero emotional empathy that´s why. You are an object for them - to present their friends... What narcissists are good at is giving gifts but they don´t give time or attention to their children. And yeah I don´t know why but narcissists never can sit still a long time - they always have to do something. (I don´t know where they take that energy but yeah they do and also want that from other people. And never fight in a car - stay silent because it is simple too dangerous (just be smart - I know it is difficult for me it is/was too but I stay and will always stay silent in a car. Do yourself a favor if you know you are with a narcissist - don´t look back - LEAVE.

[@TMoniq]

All this is so true! I used to hate being paraded around by my bio Narc Mother. No! They can never sit still because they have restless souls.

[@BognaZone]

They bought me a piano. I was so happy- until they wanted me to play in front of others, so they could take credit for their musical daughter.

[@arleensanchez1174]

@@BognaZone So sorry. My father made me play the piano in front of anybody and everybody; especially my new boyfriend. I guess he wanted to show him, my boyfriend, what a good girl I was. I ended up marrying that boyfriend a few years later. But MANY fiascoes were dealt with because of my dad. He was a mean, cowardly man. PS. I was a good girl and it took me years to realize that I was good because of ME, not my nut-so dad.

[@DMKey-r6g]

Yes, everything slowly became my job. The kids, mowing the yard, cleaning the house, cooking, laundry, and having a full time job. He worked 8 months out of the year.

[@KKTomahawk]

All of the above. It’s amusing to me how they all think they’re so slick and smart yet they are all exactly the same, transparent and predictable

[@alethiasingleton3109]

Yes Narracissits love to fight or distract you when your driving because you have your hands on the wheel they know you cannot fight back or you will wreck 😢

[@l.5832]

My husband, when we were stopped at a stop sign, would reach over and change the gear my car was in and then he would yell "Go, go ,go!" when the light changed and I stomped on the gas and the car would be in neutral. Could have caused an accident. Of course, then the accident would be my fault because I was the driver and no one would believe my husband reached over and changed the gear without my knowing because who would DO that?!

[@alethiasingleton3109]

@@l.5832 MY NARC too they are "EVIL'" They want to take ANYONE out !

[@alethiasingleton3109]

They will EAT ever last letter that they said " You are slow" 👍🏼

[@little_wonderer9290]

"Psychological strangulation" and the car "torture chamber" - thank you for articulating and validating this horrible experience. Contact ended about a week and a half ago and I feel so much better. I realize it could have gotten so much worse for me and I'm so glad it's over.

[@lydiagall4335]

The car torture chamber is very familiar. I always hated it. My father played the same songs and god forbid you had an opinion on it. There would be a screaming match. He also loved (and my mom) to smoke in the car, choking me and whenever I dared to ask him not to, i got the whole "this is my car, i do what i want" screaming. Finally, I used to plead with him not to speed down the motorway. Again, screaming waterfall about how he is the driver and I should shut up. I remember hugging my pillow, softly crying, fearing for my life. My ex narc husband used the car trap for road rage and speeding etc. And of course he decided the music. All other drivers were idiots, rules applied to others not him. It took him 2 years to get the kid a car seat after divorce and he had an issue with wearing seatbelts.

[@costalwest1231]

Oh Lord! Thank you for making these videos. Both of my parents are narcissists. Growing up in this kind of environment is extremely damaging; some people don't understand it. My mother would get so upset and angry because, in her mind, she gave birth to a servant. I owed her to be born. She would never ask or demand any sacrifices from my other two siblings, she would always expect me to serve her and make her "happy".

[@lindyc.2552]

The car trap, yes, for sure. Several times when he (husband) has done that, it is frightening, especially the speeding and reckless driving. Once, I was driving him in my car. He was mad at me for something (as usual), so he took his heavy work boot and mashed my foot (in a flip flop) down as hard as he could on my ecselerator, to cause us to speed. Also, yes, sad that all the household chores are mine... everything! All he does is mow the yard...with the winter off. While I have all the: grocery shopping meal planning cooking dish washing all the cleaning!!! all the dog care (its his dog) all the garbage collection and take out and everything else. He won't lift a finger inside the house. Once I was making a nice homemade lasagna. I was very surprised when I discovered that I had forgotten one of the ingredients that I needed. So I asked husband if he would run up to the store (about 5 minutes away) and get me the ingredient. His reply "NOPE"... But, the worst part isn't doing all that work by myself. It's the lack of respect for what I do to keep the house clean and functioning. I will clean and turn around and he leaves coffee spilled on the floor or crumbs or soup spilled on the counters...after I have cleaned. Or hair in the shower,after I have scrubbed out the shower. It's just the lack of respect for my effort and time. But, boy, if I was to dirty up his sports car, after he cleans it, I would not hear the end of it! Funny how he respects what's important to only himself! The worst part is also that it never gets me any merit or gratitude. I never hear any positive comments or even a single thank you. Thats the narcissist, they are not grateful, they expect it!!! All I can say is that I am so grateful my nature/nurture didn't create me to be a narcissist. They are miserable creatures who lead miserable lives, and they don't even know it...

[@renaissance5300]

sounds liikke me I was his slave even gave him half my house now cant do much cuz I have lyme disease cuzyardwas ammess and full of ticks never cleaned garage or car hundreds of mice in garage and shed pee and poo never cleand garbage pail one day I opened it up and full of maggots they are careless and lzy parasites road rage almost killed me they break or steal your stuff I must leave after 38 years cant take it anymore I hope you find a way out of it dont let time slip by so good luck and gods blessing to you

[@lindyc.2552]

@@renaissance5300 Same to you. I hope you find your better life!

[@fancypinkg]

Similar list+ yard mow and weeding, and never noticing when things look good only noticing what was not done cause you run out of time or energy. I feel you. while watching football complained when asked to buy gas during half time so I could mow the lawn. Otherwise it doesn’t get done.

[@fancypinkg]

They are ungrateful, selfish , cruel, indolent

[@l.5832]

Reminds me when I asked my husband to go to the grocery store for 3 things. A block of cheese, can of tomatoes, and some sugar. He brought back processed cheese slices (not suitable for the casserole I needed them for ), tomato paste, and sugar cubes. He obviously never wanted to be asked again.

[@Angelaangelat]

Wow. This is shocking. I remembered how my mom never told me about my period, and she never taught me how to take care of body hair. I ended up shaving my legs with a razor on dry skin! It is helpful to remember these things to validate the abuse since it was so subtle and insidious and confusing. Thank you 🙏🏼

[@poonamkhanna3383]

Thanks Danish ... I think point number 5, speeding the car is I noticed very frequently done by narcissists.

[@jolynesau9151]

The one about making me do all the work and then when I get fed up and ask for help, then I'm a nag. Also the car trap. Interesting to hear it referred to as a type of abuse specific to narcissists. There were so many things he used to do that made going anywhere with him a miserable ordeal. I'm trying to move on and forget about all the things he did but it's validating to hear these things and helps me realize that it was actually abuse and I'm not crazy.

[@klarissam8719]

My narcissistic mother didn't like to bathe kids, I learned to bathe myself when I five so i wouldn't go dirty. She didn't like to buy toothpaste, soap, clothes, and feminine products. She didn't teach us about puberty. She was always screaming and didn't want us to feel emotions. She didn't comb our hair either. She was lazy and Incompetent. She didn't help with homework, all she knew how to do was lay in a bed, sleep, and stay on the phone all day, with her fake friends. She didn't cook or provide food in general really. She's the biggest monster in my life. She married a narcissistic man who's also abusive. He'd abuse me and my sister and my mother would cover up his abuse and act like it didn't happen. She'd take over my life with her own projects, she pressured me and my sister to work for free, and she always saw us as slaves. She wouldn't let me mingle with others to make friends or find a partner. She was always jealous when I found a potential long time partner too, she'd run them off. And she'd tell me I wasn't good enough, essentially. She always tried to destroy my life, and still does. She's always criticizing me about my weight, clothing, hair, and constantly telling me what she doesn't like. When I don't care because I just want to be who I am. She wanted me to be smartmouthed and evil like her but I'm nothing like her. I don't want to be anything like her, she's a monster. And she told me when i was freshly 18 that I was completely emotionally mature (I was not). She's never supported me. I got a job as a teen and started providing for myself. She never taught me anything. I'm a mother now, I have a daughter of my own. And I teach her as much as I can. I want to be the best mother I can be for her, and not be the monster my mother was. She'll start random arguments out of nowhere too. She constantly manipulates and gaslights me over the simplest things. The best thing I can do for myself is to go no contact with my narcissistic family.

[@Amylyn..]

I was not allowed a comb or a brush either my hair was down past my waist so it was a living hell❤

[@klarissam8719]

@@Amylyn.. Sorry you had to go through this.

[@laralara7978]

Omg this is exactly my mom 😢😊

[@marlenaeva3813]

@klarissam8719 Mom didn't comb my hair either and i had amazing, long, red hair (still have)-the only people who'd comb my hair were my cousins. Also, no hygiene lessons, no period talk, sex talk was inexistent. I was basically taught nothing growing up. I think we have the same mother.

[@klarissam8719]

@@marlenaeva3813 Hello there! First I would like to thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry that went you this also. About having a mom with the same characteristics yes I believe so. Some of the girls I went to school they would comb my hair. Also my mom did not talk too me either concerning getting my period, or about s#x. Same my mom did not teach me anything. Being a mother myself.I have a daughter of my own. Just reaching her teen years. I make sure I explain these topics to her. I leave welcoming communication open. I also make sure I help with her hair,clothes. That she has everything for her hygiene up keep. I teach her about life skills.

[@OptimisticSaturnPlanet-yz8mc]

Like a bad stage mom!! And regularly he would promise to take his son to play basketball & then get all dressed up in a suit & leave by himself. My son got so tired of it he stopped asking. I started taking him myself and then my son said it to me .."Why does he even keep promising to take me and then he always leaves?"😢 God bless him, the look in his eyes said it all. "My dad sucks"!!! He will be 28 in a few days & he still has bad issues stemming from his 'sociopathic narcissist of a father'. I don't want my son to suffer anymore but it's still lingering since he was 12.

[@eleonorabartoli2225]

Also, threatening to leave you or your friends on the side of the road when far away from home or no public transportation. Wanting to stop the car in isolated places. Careless about wildlife. Refusing to stop to check on people who just had an accident.

[@user-ov4wr5yu4r]

Omg, yes! And walk away from you in cities you're not familiar with, just leave.

[@JessAnonymous]

Yes all true!!! My grandma was the religious narc always used scripture to benefit herself and herself only. Telling me to forgive her narc relatives bc that’s what God wants me to do. Gaslighting me to go to church, not bc she actually wants me to get closer to God, but bc it makes HER look good and she doesn’t want to go alone. Just crazy and loony smh it’s so important that people build their OWN relationship with our creator and not allow these narcopaths to deter you away from God

[@rinakadiya996]

I wasn't taught about personal hygiene at home; the serious matters on feminity. Because of this I got terribly embarrassed during one of my periods. And now married to a narcissist, I have to keep quiet and apologize for my fault or not during every argument just to let him win to keep peace for the children's sake.

[@Vashti0825]

I met my ex-husband in AA 24 years ago. I thought he was this beacon of knowledge and wisdom. He recited the book with great precision, broke it down and made sense of it. People looked to him for feedback. FF after 13 years of marriage, he never once sponsored anyone. He never volunteered and his sponsor hung up on him. I found out he never made amends to his daughters, hence the reason they never spoke to him. All of the knowledge, but no action. That's how he lived his life in so many ways. He was a terrible hoarder, to boot. Not to mention the horrible personal hygiene.

[@Grace-km1df]

The car trap is the one I relate the most with. The first instance happened last year when I ran away from my moms house and was a block from my dads house when my mom caught up with me and forced me in her car. I threatened to jump out and she immediately sped up to probably about 50 mph on a residential street in town and replied “do it, jump out and you die.” Next instance is recently when I got in the car with her to go to lunch. Her and my little sister were being extremely negative and making the trip miserable so I asked her to just drop me off back at my dad’s. She said “no way, you’re staying with me” and drove me around town for about another 2-3 hours.

[@Indy__isnt_it]

Not sure if you mentioned it, but WHY DO SOME EAT WITH THEIR MOUTH OPEN??? HE'S 69 years old! I think it's an intentional way to irritate those around.

[@anniekirts6621]

That’s right up there with singing the loudest in booming voice in church, only 1/4 step AHEAD of everyone else...Yeesh!

[@alethiasingleton3109]

Narracissits love smacking their mouths while chewing Disgusting

[@tbacon2784]

Mine would always do that too!

[@lizh6420]

Thank you Danish. This was a little triggering as I've been trapped in the passenger seat of the car while being harrassed non-stop. At one point the narc attempted to remove my seat belt then tried to open the car door to throw me out. I was in survival mode so to try to snap him out of it I swung at him and accidentally gave him a black eye. I ended up with a GBH charge against me and was facing up to five years in prison. My lawyer had my back and I got 12 months probation.

[@dv52528]

Oh my God!

[@Sharla1213]

Flight or fight in full action good for you! That is madness

[@l.5832]

The car thing. My husband knew I was fearful in the car when we travelled in mountain ranges in the snow. We would see jack knifed semi's in the ditch and the remnants of other accidents. He knew it scared me. I asked him to slow down and then he would lash out at me instead of reassuring me and going a speed I could feel comfortable with. He made ME feel guilty for expressing my fears.

[@sanukfaninPA]

"Trauma is in the details." Reviewing the interaction exposes the sinister truth.

[@gigiarmany4332]

those childhood car trips are the reason I cant drive a car till this day without experiencing mild to severe panic attacks..smh

[@anniekirts6621]

❣🙏 I can relate. My Mother thought a STOP sign meant speed up & may the fastest win!

[@sup8447]

I got a story, my narcissistic husband (he is a RN his name is Justin)knew the suburbans back brakes were completely worn out/gone, did everything in his manipulative power of, trying to minimize, promised, insured, to angry coercive control tried to convince me that the vehicle was absolutely safe to drive from Houston to big bend national park to take my 5 children (he wasn't coming) camping for two weeks. He was cheating on me for years before this trip and I started putting the pieces together after a woman he works with, who also live in our neighborhood started screaming at him at the community pool. So instead of admitting, he just tried to delete me and all five of my children, with an accident the would look just like a terrible tragedy. So that he would have to be confronted, and would get to be a victim of a terrible accident.

[@anniekirts6621]

OMG! How sick! You can really see the inability to feel love or empathy! I hope he’s out of your life! ❣🙏💪

[@sup8447]

@@anniekirts6621 He has absolute control of everything

[@amycimaglia913]

My ex gave me a car with no brakes 3 years ago.

[@bonnieromick9397]

Yes one narcissist in a car wouldn't stop the car for hours knowing I had to pee and replayed one song repeatedly

[@soumyakrikrishnan1661]

Exactly 😢😢this happened to me... During my early teens...my mom disrespected my developing body in the weirdest way... Oh ..that trauma

[@stanleymason-od4ls]

Interesting video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

[@tomachibald]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back

[@stanleymason-od4ls]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

[@tomachibald]

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@stanleymason-od4ls]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@annanderson1470]

​@@stanleymason-od4lsTHIS is not the answer. You will lose money and not get her back. Do you want the demonic to come into your life? This is Not what this channel is about. I'm 58 years old and I was married 15 yrs. to a narcissist but I never knew it. He almost killed me. The last time he pulled a gun on me was the last. Our daughter learned how to be a narcissist from him. I didn't even know about this until a year ago until she out of the blue took herself, my 3 granddaughters and my son-in-law out of my life. That's what they do. Do you understand?? You will never be free from everything unless you Walk with God and you understand what you are dealing with. Spiritual advisor... Some terms are used rather loosely and that is one of them. Stanley, I don't know how old you are, anything about you but your comment and the reply screamed HELP!! Take it for what I implore you to take it for. Please let Danish, the man doing this video info you. Subscribe to his channel. He is a licensed psychologist and a narcissist survivor. Let him help you. And I will pray for you. God will help you. Peace and Blessings may they overtake you 😢🙏🙏🙏

[@stavokg]

There are many channels on narcissistic abuse, and I have to say, your insights are completely unique. #1 in this video floored me! How perfectly true and I have never thought of that as connected to narcissism. #5 had me laughing right at the opening!!! As you correctly point out, people often say that everyone complains about 'backseat driving' or other such things, but the torture chamber is spot on. Excellent presentations. Thank you for your work.

[@ShirleyMcKinney-l5z]

Oh! Thank God I finally was told about using a car as a torture chamber. I've had so many terrifying experiences out on the interstate highway. I often thought I'd perish. My narcissist husband was also I to spiritual abuse. He used scripture to torture me and make me tolerate and submit to many things. I was married to this man for 31 years. Thank you Danish

[@paintressmaya1450]

❤I remember whenI caught my period for the first time. My twin had hers a year earlier AND it was super painful for her AND on our birthday to WoodfieldMall in Chicago, we had to drive home- but my mom helped her for 3 days with it

[@TIGER-qc4px]

My mother got extremely mad when I told her I got my period at 11yr old. I was a baby, I had no idea what was happening or why I had blood in my underwear....she didn't explain shit to me other than I had to wear a giant pad and that I could now have babies...I was scared, embarrassed and felt so dirty like I did something wrong...she also complained about having to pay for pads and I was giving her an extra cost....I was also wearing hand me down underwear from my Aunt...I wasn't even worth the price of new underwear or pads ...I also was only allowed 1 bath per week because water was "expensive" 😔 we were a middle class family and my father took 2 showers per day.

[@parinazaz4044]

I’m sorry you went through this.. know that Jesus Christ loves you dearly and cared about you more than any earthly parent could.. read the Bible (new testament) for yourself , seek him wholeheartedly and he will reveal himself to you 💜✝️

[@violet14rose]

I did not know the narc parent does not help teach thier children with looking after thier developing body. I was so embarrassed needing a bra, didn't know how the sizing works, begged mom to help me purchase my first bra. I was so embarrassed and ashamed, She didn't agree with me, she said I did not need one. I was being mocked teased and bullied at school for not having one. My mom finally relented and took me bra shopping, my first bra was a 34b. Turns out my mom's bra was the same size 34b What confusion, ok for her to wear a bra but not me, when we are the same size, I was so naive about my body and the changes. If I had realized this before shopping I would have STOLEN one of her bra .. Just a small snippet of my life growing up with two narcs. Dad was a grandiose narc and Mom was a covert narc. Your videos are helpful, I am able to see more narc behavior so I thank you for this

[@nievesarduengo6435]

I experience the torture chamber. I am the driver in this household, because my spouse can not drive because of a medical condition. Every ride turns into a fight as he is the back seat driver, criticize my every move, changes the radio station when I am singing along. I have been driving for 46 years, never a speeding ticket nor accident. I am an assertive driver, but never good for him, Lost count of how many times I end up crying out of frustration,when we go out.😢

[@honeymoonavenue97]

My mom would shave everywhere for me even when I cried when I was like 12-13. She wouldn’t trust me or teach me to do it myself. She said it was “too sharp.” She likes treating me like a child. I’m 19, which is a child compared to grown adults but still I am blossoming into early adulthood and should be responsible but she wants to make me have the mindset of a child so she can feel powerful and authoritative. A few days ago, at my cousin’s house, I dropped some food on the floor by accident and we literally had an argument because I wanted to pick it up and she kept saying no she will clean it up later. What a bxtch.

[@cindys.9688]

I'm glad to see that you are realizing the narcissist abuse now. Yes, you're a young adult, but you're mature enough to make your own decisions, clean up after yourself, and to stand up for yourself. You're a young adult, yet you are an adult. You are capable and you're smart. Shaving you was definitely an act of control. Yes, the razor was sharp, but how are you going to learn how to use it if she won't let you try? And seriously, how many grown women with years of shaving experience still nick themselves from time to time?

[@lotusmccary9365]

She is trying to infantalize you

[@TMoniq]

She infantilised you, I know because it happened to me. I had to literally yell at my grandmother to stop making decisions for me and speaking for me when someone request or an opportunity for me. She would say, "Oh! So and so asked if you'd be interested in doing this..... And I told them you wouldn't be interested" Like why would you do that. She would also wake me up for school and I was in highschool and able to wake myself up. I told her to stop I'm responsible you don't have to remind me of something I do myself every morning which is get ready for school in time.

[@BognaZone]

I was infantilized also. I am 72 now, and mourning the life I could have had.

[@lennie1703]

@honeymoonavenue97 That shaving everywhere sounds sick! Tell her, nobody but NOBODY touches your body except a doctor. Unless you are an adult and legally able to give permission, no one touches you!

[@lydiagall4335]

@narcabusecoach Danish - bit off topic but related to entitlement and control. Have you heard from others about zero respect for personal space, entering your room without knocking and without advance notice? Even now, at adult age, my father doesn't give a toss about ringing door bell, just walks right in, uses his key feeling totally entitled to do so. Doesn't understand the concept of privacy at all. It's extremely unsettling, intrusive and invasive.

[@eleonorabartoli2225]

Change the locks, it is an easy DIY.

[@lydiagall4335]

@@eleonorabartoli2225 well, thanks for the tip. it so happens that bc there is a grandchild involved and my folks have a spare key for times when they pick kid up and take him home from nursery. i think the point here is that regardless of spare key, as i have to to their place, i always ring the bell bc fundamentally it's their space, and as a health human being, i respect that and dont encroach on their private space.

[@eleonorabartoli2225]

@@lydiagall4335 yes, very rude on their part.

[@heatherann4390]

You're obviously allowing it or you have very poor boundaries with your father.

[@lydiagall4335]

@@heatherann4390 wow. Love the assumption. No, i don’t allow it, i have mentioned it several times but unless it escaped you, narcissist don’t give a crap about boundaries. They feel entitled.

[@lisachapman7389]

I can relate to the car abuse. Multiple times and it’s so frightening especially when your babies are in the car. He would always scream “if you don’t like it you can drive”.

[@Brishti155]

Well said Danish....the 5th point was very much appropriate.,,💯💯.I must say very keenly you have observed/gone thru worst experience.i myself has gone as said above.so I can relate it very well.

[@terrydyer2490]

Makes me worry even more for my grandson that's turning 13. I wish I could get him out of that hell.. but everyone thinks she's so sweet. I know what she does behind closed doors .

[@marlenaeva3813]

Thanks for the car thing. I didn't know they like to torture you in the car. I had two trips with my parents in the last 3 years and both times I was tortured by their incessant nagging and despicable fights. I had my earphones with me but even with the music turned to the max I could still hear them. I think they did it on purpose to get attention from me or just to piss me off. I'll never put myself through that torture again, learned my lesson. Guys, never be in a car with a narcissist, you will be traumatised for a long time after this.

[@ΜαρίαΣταυροπούλου-γ8φ]

The 5th was one of the worst experiences with my narc spouse, I was panicked for the safety of me and my kids... 19 years of nightmare..... 😢😢😢

[@yvonnes7412]

100% accurate- car fights but covert narcissists I knew(2) wouldn’t speed (thankfully) because they don’t want anyone to pull them over and discover them- covert narcissists make the outside appear perfect, putting on a “show” for everyone else and that includes driving close to the speed limit…

[@Zookeeper.]

I can identify narcissists at a distance.. It's like a super-power...

[@rebeccaglaze3707]

The car torture. Not married to him and know he treats me in such an abusive manner when it’s just me and him. Or, alone at his place. I’m in the process of being out of the relationship.

[@HeatherC-w9f]

Working 24/7 !!! It’s like you read a script from my life. Nothing I do is enough and I say I feel like a slave but I’m told I’m dramatic. The grief and loss is the hardest part.

[@rjinterpret]

They hate seeing you visually happy, and they hate seeing you enjoy food. My mother used to eat the remainder of her meal in the kitchen just to satiate herself with enough nourishment away from my father. I remember if I smiled and cracked a joke at the table I could just feel the hate from him. He came home every weekday for lunch and I would sometimes wait til he was ready to leave before I would come out to eat my meal.

[@phalinimcleod8819]

Definitely the inside-car torture chamber. That is one of my most traumatizing memories. Thank you for addressing this.

[@winterqueenkel]

This is true--the first pads/tampons I ever had are when I got a job at 16. She just pretended it didn't exist, then scream at me when there was too much toilet paper in the trashcan. I stole them from everywhere I went, that was the only thing I could do. I'm 46, to this day, we've never spoke about me 'starting' yet.

[@dulceoliveira3601]

I spent all Saturday's cleaning..I had a long list

[@joshuahhodges2532]

The car trap as described is something of a paradox when the driver and the narcissist are opposing parties in the same car, particularly if the narcissist for some reason does not have a drivers license to begin with. Say the narcissist has a medical restriction and cannot drive, so you have agreed to drive, then somehow an argument breaks out and they either demand you turn around and go home, or bring them home, just because they're having an argument with you that's irrelevant to where you're driving to. And you refuse to turn around and drive back home because you're already more than halfway there. (I personally would call that a legitimate boundary if you're stuck having to drive them everywhere.) Or this passenger has a prior and/or recent history of either threatening or attempting to jump out of your (or at least *a*) moving vehicle, so often that the next time you have to srive them you make them sit in the back, where there's a child lock. (Again, a legitimate response that they twist into you holding them hostage in your car.) Both of the above scenarios, while I hesitate to describe the passengers involved as narcissists per se, are both real incidents involving two seperate regular passengers with no drivers license I personally drove around on a regular basis. Oh and did I mention that one of these two people forbade me to allow others to smoke in the car, even when she wasn't in it, despite it being my car that I owned independently of her? (Granted, I'm not a smoker but I come from a family of smokers, so that created a seperate host of problems.)

[@Kiiyoutsu]

The Car one is definitely traumatic for me: there was multiple times where my ex would start speeding, weaving in and around other cars while blaring his EDM music and smoking. I remember I would be curled in the passenger seat covering my eyes and ears. I felt so trapped and tortured. I even threatened him that i would legit throw myself out of the moving car a few times... Or another time when he was teaching me how to drive, he was screaming at me because i didn't follow his instructions right away. I legit had to pull over and stop because of how unsafe the whole situation was. When i was finally more confident on driving, he wouldnt let me drive but when i did i still wasnt able to play my music because it was "too emo" and it "gave him an headache" 😑

[@donnaT-ti8vj]

Narcissistic parents do not guide you. You are afraid to hv meaningful communication when coming into puberty but make a mistake becuz u weren't given knowledge that a parent shd give you; u will be persecuted as the worst human being. As a young girl coming into womanhood, 2 pamphlets were thrown at me as my learning tool. U learn on ur own by trial & error; a really hard lesson

[@gigiarmany4332]

Mr Bashir you are simply wonderful..👍🏾💥🔥💖🖤

[@tinyvr7036]

One of the most frightening behaviors of a narc. Playing the Hostage game. Mine would try to pick a fight with me over the most trival of things, then, when I was quiet, he' d rage, either grab me by the neck or put his foot through the dashboard kicking it so hard he' d dent it. All the while, driving at a high rate of speed and jerking the car around corners... yelling, "Answer me." He tried to blame me for his lack of control even when his former partners later described the SAME exact bizarre behavior from him . I had repressed the crazy behavior because it was so frightening, and fortunately happened so rarely but this video made me remember it. What bothers me now that I am free is, I had learned quickly how to not be silent, and was forced to answer all his stupid questions like he was gaining fuel off me to rage even more when I did or didn't answer. ???? It affected my self esteem, my personal worth and my potential. But no more. I' m glad I am free of that monster' s coersive abuse. I am sure many on here have yet to leave an abusive partner, too and my prayers are for you and your children to be safe too. . It is not easy but the alternative is worse. They could physically hurt you, themselves or someone else . Thank you, Mr. Danish for helping us see the truth. Healing does come . Thank God. 🙏

[@barriwilloughby462]

Yes I am so glad that U covered these things. I have endured several of these the most harmful is the car situation. It was so bad that he told me he was going to take me to the mountains to kill me. At this point and time I decided to take the chance of jumping from the moving vehicle. When I did this he proceeded to accelerate then went and turned the tuck to force me out doing 50 miles per hour I got hurt really bad he then proceeded to stop to get me back in the truck when I couldn't get up he started kicking me telling me how stupid I was. Then picked me up to take me to the ER He parked cross the parking lot just to be mad because I couldn't walk into the ER. I had a hyper extended knee, concussion, put my teeth through my bottom lip, road rash so bad you could see my knuckles due to the skin removed from sliding 50 feet on the road I thank U for your content on your channel 🙏🌻💜

[@CreativeCrumbles]

It’s like this video was made about my parents. One example was years ago my stepdad used to buy me books and pamphlets about Buddhism and would always encourage me to be peaceful and loving and accepting of others… meanwhile he practiced none of those things himself and was very verbally and psychologically abusive. I figured this one out on my own luckily, but it’s immensely validating to hear you talking about this in your video, thank you!

[@ximenafigue8564]

The car... Not allowing you to roll the windows down in a very hot day, smoking in your car, not wanting to help with the driving in an emergency situation where you cannot drive but must to because that's your only way... Damaging your car... Leaving yous stuff there purposely for them to spoil in the sun... Oh my... The memories from "the artistic" slc.

[@Katrn30]

I have experienced all of your scenarios….you really know what it is like to suffer narcissistic abuse.

[@phillispage6498]

I’ve experienced all of them. Thru on line counciling I have learned how to deal with him. I’ve learned to say what I mean & mean what I say. I stopped riding in a vehicle with him . I just speak the truth to him calmly when the time is right. I don’t argue with him. His worst fear is being alone. He’s ran everyone away from him, so he knows I’m all he has left. He’s 77 now. 9 years older than myself. I’ve been in this marriage 13 years.

[@lisasmith7066]

Terrible words and actions (and inaction) to do to anyone, esp a child. I left my narc parents at 16. I’ve been through the car torment. And my first adult boyfriend had to teach me about wearing deodorant at the beach. 🙈 My alcoholic mother loved me but was super codependent to my step father who was a huge man-child narcissist. Great video Danish. It breaks my heart if you went through any of this in your childhood too. 🙏❤️

[@Xcxc-kf8wl]

Point 1 : i can relate that very well. I grown up without knowing the basics.

[@ellensee4660]

the car trap game ,so familiar and the deal with your body without any help at all also. I remember fear in the car and shame and embarrassment about my body. I don't think any other videos about narcissism mention these things but for me they were profound traumas with life long effects.

[@donna-jz1jv]

your voice is a balm to soothe the burn of the evil truth. it puts me in a trance of healing

[@lorenartforall]

Absolutely! I've just realized that, higiene was tought as a punishment. And my mother never showed me how to take personal care of myself. I learned how to clean my face when I was almost 30.

[@theladyamalthea]

YES. Begging him to drive slower and having him drive FASTER and more recklessly, just to prove to me I can’t “control” him or tell him what to do. One time I jumped out of the car as he came to a stop sign, and ran back to our apartment. In retrospect, I should’ve gone somewhere else, but I was too emotionally distraught to make a more rational choice in that moment. He used this story to mock me, to show others how mentally unstable I was.