Narcissistic Mother? Recognizing the Signs + How to Heal - Terri Cole

Do you have a difficult relationship with your maternal impactor or your mother?
Do you suspect your mother is a narcissist?
Then this episode is for you.
One of the most-watched videos is about how daughters of narcissistic mothers can survive and thrive. I thought it might be time to update this for those of you just discovering the term ‘narcissist’ and what it might mean to have a narcissistic mother.
We cover the common signs of narcissistic personality disorder and what it is, how having a narcissistic mother may impact your life and your relationships, and ways you can begin to heal.
Grab the guide for this episode to begin healing: www.terricole.com/is-your-mot...
Time Stamps
0:00 - Intro
1:03 - Common signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
2:19 - What daughters of narcissistic mothers experience
8:33 - What you can do to protect yourself
11:10 - Honoring your anger
13:25 - What you 'owe' your narcissistic mother
16:30 - Comment shout out
If You Enjoyed This, Watch These Videos
• Narcissistic Mother? 4... - Narcissistic Mother? 4 Ways to Protect Yourself
• How Daughters of Narci... - How Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Can Survive and Thrive
• The Impact of Narcissi... - The Impact of Narcissistic Parents
• Why Children of Narcis... - Why Children of Narcissists Struggle With Romantic Love
• Healing from Narc Abus... - Healing From Narc Abuse with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman
About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over 450,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see www.terricole.com/
Connect With Me
Instagram: terricole.com/ig
Community: terricole.com/fbg
TC's VIPs: terricole.com/membership
Newsletter: terricole.com/newsletter
Resources
Boundary Boss Book: amzn.to/44DZID9
The Boundary Boss Workbook: amzn.to/3Ra7CRU
No No Narc: I created this course to teach you the strategies I’ve used for more than 2 decades in my psychotherapy practice to help women break free of dysfunctional patterns and learn how to prioritize themselves. www.terricole.com/nnn-special...
Understand and Transform Your Mother Wound: I created this course to help you break free of the insecurity and confusion that comes from having a mother wound and learn how to prioritize your preferences, your pleasure and yourself. www.terricole.com/motherwound/
Insight Timer: insig.ht/cpKnbJB4KDb (I have a bunch of free meditations on here and love this app!)
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources.
www.terricole.com/gethelp/ -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
Please note: If you choose to sign up for BetterHelp or Insight Timer or buy through my Amazon links, I will receive a commission. Please know that I only recommend services and products that I know & trust.
#terricoleshow #narcissisticmother #narcissisticparent

[@terri_cole]

Let me know below: did any of this resonate with you? Did you have any "aha" moments about your relationship with your maternal impactor? How might you focus on YOU? Remember to grab the guide here: www.terricole.com/is-your-mother-a-narcissist-guide

[@milica4277]

The part that describes what we 'owe' to our narcissistic mother is the KEY why so many of us allowed to be abused for years.

[@terri_cole]

Yes ❤️ I've heard this concern numerous times, which is what prompted me to make this update.

[@mfrance3834]

Omg, I’ve heard my narc mother-in-law say that so many times.

[@melissamorgan8469]

That part

[@dawnmertz8303]

It's not possible to please them. "You could stand on your head and spit nickels and still not please them". That's how my great uncle expressed it.

[@GD-cr5um]

I feel like crying thinking why didnt i find a chance to have a mother who genuinely loved me. To have a narcisstic mother and an alcoholic father who died. Your brain is screwed when u have elders like this

[@AwakeLazarus]

I was under my narcissistic mother's control fully serving her daily till I was 31, then I manage to move out against her wishes. At 38 when my stepfather died, she ordered me to return to servitude to her. I have 3 older siblings who never got treated like I was. I refused to go back and went no contact. None of my siblings spoke to me again because they were now stuck with her, and mom stalked me for 3 years (I had to change my locks). It went on till I inadvertently had her thinking I'd moved away from my home. Its been nearly 13 years no contract and I only hate not having done it sooner... like when I was 9. I'm 51 now and won't risk even risk going near the family.

[@realhealing7802]

Smart move! You had to go no contact to survive. Narcissists are impossible!

[@terri_cole]

Good for you for putting yourself first, even though it sounds like it was difficult and exhausting ❤️ I am so sorry you went through that experience, but wishing you continued peace now.

[@TheSahand68]

Great story of survival! It looks like you made right choices in life, and that you're very good at setting boundaries, you should be proud of yourself!

[@MeMms-yy4rm]

I'm envious of your strength. I was the scapegoat and now I'm alone. I only have romantic relationships with narcissistic men. At least I'm strong enough to stay away from my sister and brother. Fortunately I have wonderful friends.

[@serzomally7109]

Your story helped thank you for sharing

[@probi99]

Yes my mother was famous for giving the silent treatment when I was a teen. So painful. She tried to discard me, threw out my clothes, kicked me out when I was 19 for having a boy in my room. My brothers who were both arrested for drugs, etc were never thrown to the curb. I was always ignored and made to be the 2nd mother to my bros. My other bros, the golden child, became a narcissistic alcoholic. He supplied her with plenty of bragging rights for years.. now he has cut her off. I recently expressed my disgust at her -- she never admitted any wrongdoing, no empathy. So I am distancing myself once again.

[@terri_cole]

I am so sorry you had such painful experiences with your mother 💕 Good for you for distancing and protecting yourself.

[@rahmasamir909]

Stay far from all of them depend on your self heal your self leave them all behind ❤

[@msevolution2317]

It took so long to see her clearly, it came after I left my narc partner. I’m learning to put myself first, silence HER voice in my head. I moved home to take care of her after leaving my abusive ex now I know I have to let her go. It is time to heal ❤

[@terri_cole]

It IS time to heal. It is your time ❤️❤️

[@mayamartin7359]

This was it for me!! So grateful to have had the experience with my ex - even as life altering and tragic as it was - because for me it illuminated the narc parent who was always there, and allowed me to start the (very slow) process of freeing myself.

[@AbbyBlackbird]

Your original video “Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers” was the first break in the only reality I knew. I had to watch it twice because I couldn’t believe that it checked every box that I had experienced. Being the “black sheep” who was made to believe that I was crazy and couldn’t ever live up to the expectations of my mother/family. Just to say, thank you. I really hope this video helps others break from the only version of reality they’ve known. Know it is not at all an easy journey. Through it I created boundaries and developed a self worth that even led me to cutting off my mother for a period of time. Hope y’all the best. Anyone needs support, I’m also here for you. 💜

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing this, Abby ❤️ I am so happy to hear my original video helped you, and I am even happier to hear you created boundaries and developed the self-worth to cut off your mother for a period of time. What an incredible shift! 👏👏👏

[@mfrance3834]

Love listening to your videos. They reinforce and remind me what I already know but need to hear again. I don’t have a mother with NPD but I do have multiple people (family and otherwise) who do have it. It’s important to remember that when you’re talking with a narc it’s never a real conversation. They either aren’t listening OR they’re gathering info to be used in the future against you or possibly another person. So limit communications to small talk for your own sake and keep it brief. Have you noticed they have what I call “empty eyes” ? There’s no engagement or connection, just judgement and lack of interest, unless you’re serving them in some way of course. Keep up the good work ❤

[@terri_cole]

Thank you so much for sharing and watching ❤️❤️

[@tracyking5945]

“Empty eyes” versus empathetic eyes. Never a real conversation. They light up like a Christmas tree when they want something. Great observations!

[@DJH97]

At age 62 I finally said no more to my narc mother (and father). She rejected me so many times when I would bring up her gossiping or her lying or manipulating. She would just cut me off from her life for months and sometimes years. She could never apologize or admit what she did even with proof I had in front of her. And it was lies about me which is why I asked her why. I went almost 3 years of not hearing from her. She told my oldest son that she didn’t want to be around me. All my father would do is push me to go “hug her” cause I “needed to”. It was all about her. This was pretty much my whole life. After my oldest son died and the treatment they dished out on me was the last straw. I couldn’t do it any longer. Thank God for counseling and people like this to teach us that we are “ok”. Just brainwashed.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ Thank you for sharing.

[@kelsawalsh9271]

My mother loves the silent treatment. If we argue about something we then won’t talk for a year or more because she’s “hurt”. She says she needs space to “get over it”. Yet she can say/do whatever hurtful things she wants because she did it in response to me🙄

[@terri_cole]

That is so frustrating, I'm sorry you've experienced this ❤️

[@NicoleMendes583]

This is exactly what I experience with my narc mom

[@danielleizzo4044]

I was raised by 2 narcissistic people. At 55 I don’t know who I am. I’m finally allowing my anger out at my mother. But suffer from guilt when I tell her cause somehow all she says is “yeah you’re the perfect one” “I’m not”. I get zero satisfaction and I’m tired of feeling like nothing. I moved out at 19 and suffered from agoraphobia and anxiety for years. I’m so much better now and I just don’t have the capacity to worry about her (dad passed) anymore. I’m not sad anymore. She still tries to use me and manipulate me to come on my family vacations. She’s a baby. Or maybe she’s just a narcissist. For me it’s easier to pull away. Maybe I’m in that phase where you say walk away for a while. Thanks for this video. So helpful. My mom turned on my sons and said they treat her like dirt. My kids feel disconnected cause of how they see her use me. This makes so much sense. Thank you!!!!

[@terri_cole]

You are so welcome. Thank you for sharing, and I am cheering you on ❤️

[@realhealing7802]

You owe your abusers nothing! I really felt that. Thank you❤

[@terri_cole]

Yes!! ❤️

[@dawnmertz8303]

I have difficulty with identifying my own emotions and expressing myself due to everything you described.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion and so sorry to hear your mother is making no contact difficult. ❤️

[@NicoleMendes583]

Same!

[@realhealing7802]

Your information is outstanding! I had to go no contact with my entire toxic family. My mother was an endless emotional pit. I was scapegoated by my entire toxic family. No contact was my only option. I could never be enough or do enough. It was a hopeless cycle of abuse.

[@terri_cole]

I am so sorry you had such a painful experience, and I hope you are doing better away from them ❤️

[@tracyking5945]

It’s harder to live with them than without them. Good for you for choosing to focus on you - you are enough!

[@andreacravinhos9603]

The internalized voice...absolutely.

[@annekenney6914]

A narcissistic mom with smear you to your kids as well, if you go against her. But on a more basic level, my mom, when she was watching my daughter while I was in the hospital giving birth to my second daughter, hit my daughter. My daughter in her four-year old way said to me, "Nana broke my arm." My mom gave me a sheepish look and pretended my daughter was making up stories. The woman couldn't even care for her granddaughter for one night without feeling like she was being a victim for helping her daughter out, without lashing out. That was before I knew about narcissism, but I never left my daughters alone with her after that.

[@terri_cole]

I am so sorry to hear that, what an awful and painful experience ❤️

[@EMuro-wu7uy]

Wow, this explains so much of my childhood, I was never allowed to have any boundary ever, and severely punished for everything, and everything became ways to punish and weaponise anything I liked.

[@terri_cole]

I am so sorry you experienced this in childhood ❤️

[@f.t.9889]

THANK YOU SO MUCH, TERRI for standing on our side! I often find "spiritual" teachers who blame us daughters of narcissistic mothers and judge us as bad for wanting to stop the abuse and protect ourselves, so it is heart-warming and refreshing to see a teacher who stands up for the victims of narcissistic mothers. Thank you! ❤

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@HarperPolo]

Focus on you and you being a top priority is healthy ❤ 🖊 📖

[@TheHero_Lawrence]

I am currently going through this. For years, I felt like I needed to show up for my narcissistic mother in the place of my other three siblings that chose peace from her actions. Because my mother uses narcissistic and manipulative tactics to gain sympathy from me, I’ve recently set a boundary asking her not to contact me and had to block her for the sake of creating space from the manipulation I suffered from her for years. Thank you so much for this, Terri!

[@terri_cole]

Wow, way to reclaim your power! I hope you find some peace 💕

[@arminegasparyan1619]

I also have a very very very narcissistic mother. Thank you for all love and advice. I need to learn to be less perfectionist and not focus on any perceived wrongs or failures. I am learning self-love and you are helping me so much by giving tips. You are AMAZING. Thank you soooo much. LOVE YOU. ❤❤❤❤

[@candaceheidenrich6278]

I am enough….I am loved….I am safe….re-parenting mantras…

[@MaddyGatzka]

Deep breaths before watching this video. My mother is not a narcissist, but my daughters is. I broke up with her 6 years ago, my daughter is now 9 and the neglect and emotional abuse is taking it's toll on her. She's depressed, sometimes suicidal. She's given the silent treatment, blamed for everything that goes wrong, etc. my daughter disassociates constantly when she's there with her. If anyone has tips for a 9 year old, I'm all ears. I've tried the courts, CPS, her school, but no one can/will help, emotional abuse is too hard to prove.

[@terri_cole]

I am sorry to hear about your difficult situation. Is your daughter in therapy? I think involving a professional might be your best bet. ❤️

[@RevelationGenisis]

We never hear about adult narcissistic children!!! It's heart breaking!! I left a Narc after 25yrs and kids behave worse than my x .... I'm cutting ties completely!!!!.... can't continue with them too 🥲😱

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️

[@piranyam]

I'm my narc mothers only child and the scapegoat.. keep buttheading all the time when I'm near her.. hate the person I've become because of her...

[@elan007]

Perhaps look for support to recover your self esteem from narcissistic abuse. Search for 12 Steps - Adult Children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families. 👍❤️

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️

[@NovoYhvh]

Learn about Neville Goddard, there's always a new chance

[@kc8127]

My mother is a full blown Narcissism. My sister has no contact. But she is 80. And I am there for her. But when she acts up which is pretty much daily. I just bluntly tells her that she needs to be nice. An than if it continues I just get up and go home. I really don't enjoy her attic's. But I am all she has. I am a fixer type. But I have accepted that she isn't going to change. She was not treating her sister right. An I got on to her for that. I don't enable her to abuse. I call her on it. But she is abusive. I don't owe her what I do for her. But I love her, and know that she needs help. But I do put my foot down. I don't just let her do whatever. But I really never had a mature parent. She wasn't very nurturing. And that acceptance is key.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion 💕

[@life-is-recovery]

Thank you so much for this reminder. My mother's birthday is this week, and since we've been no-contact (6+ years) I no longer call, send cards, etc. And I always feel guilty. Of course, she doesn't do anything for any important day or event in my life: no wedding, birthday, holiday acknowledgement much less gifts or a kind word. When I was a little kid, I remember her getting mad at her younger brother and destroying all of his Christmas gifts and refusing to allow him to be part of the family functions during the holiday. Even knowing how mean and vindictive she is, I still always feel guilty. But I know that even sending a card invites her (in her mind) to kick off all of her usual B.S. So, I send her a good wish in my mind and leave it at that. Still, it's important to be reminded by someone like you that it's okay to protect myself instead of doing things she might want or like. In all of these years, she's made zero effort to improve things between us. I'm her only child. It's been devastating to be her daughter. But, FINALLY, I am free from her in most ways. Yeah, she still talks trash about me to whoever will listen and plays the victim. But I know the truth, and I know my life is about more than being her subservient punching bag. Thanks again.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you so much for sharing. I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ "it's okay to protect myself instead of doing things she might want or like" YES! And I love the "I send her a good wish in my mind and leave it at that." ❤️❤️

[@johniesouza]

Terri is my absolute favorite! As a therapist, I refer my clients to Terri's books, KZbin channel, and podcast. She's so very wise and helpful. Thank you so much Terri.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you so much for the support and spreading the word! I appreciate you ❤️❤️

[@LisaDavis-uu3im]

Thank you so much for this . I am in crisis with my mother , who again, is threatening suicide because I have finally cut her off again. I have literally felt tortured my entire life. As I get healthier she has become more and more exhausting. I am learning how to deal. You are a wealth of information. I was crying the entire time I heard this. I want to be healthy but do not know where to begin often.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion, Lisa ❤️ I'm so sorry to hear you're navigating this situation with your mother, and I am holding space for your exhaustion.

[@ayanavillanueva8553]

I had an argument with my narcissistic mother abut my childhood and she confidently told me my face said she regretted nothing and invalidated my feelings.

[@terri_cole]

I am so sorry to hear that ❤️

[@ronibancroft6897]

And then there are woman like her, who don't care if you go No Contact, as she lives in denial and believes it is all my fault as I am the black sheep of the family. And my 4 younger siblings, don't believe her lies but they don't want to lose her, so they go along with and see me as the problem, when I was there 2nd mother from 6 yrs old, when I had to start looking after new borns while she partied. once I couldn't stop my 2 month sister crying, I was 6. So I went to a neighbour for help. I got in so much trouble and told the next time, child welfare would take me away, if I went for help to the neighbours. That was only 1time, that the responsibilty was so overwheming, yet she denies it ever happened.

[@terri_cole]

I am so sorry you had these painful experiences and am witnessing you with compassion 💕

[@ronibancroft6897]

@@terri_cole you have helped a lot. Everyday, I feel stronger emotionally, putting up my boundaries and enforcing them, even when I feel shitty doing that. Only been 1 month since I stumbled on you and dr Ramani and my life is turning around. Been to counsellors before but they just sit there, offering nothing back just waiting for me to talk, so I would end up not going back. Just having my thoughts and feeling validated was mainly what I needed to start recovering, so thank you.

[@denisel780]

THIS is so good and so helpful! Everything you've shared here is absolutely true and really describes how bizarre these relationships are. The only anger that was allowed in our home was my parents'. And what you said about how they turn on their grandchildren once we set boundaries, really started to play out in my life. I wasn't going to let her do to my daughters what she did to me and my brother. I have done so much work and healing with this but am starting to wonder if we do ever completely heal...in our self esteem, in trusting ourselves and believing we are really lovable? Thank you so much for this video and the very sensitive way you handled this topic. ❤

[@terri_cole]

I am so glad it resonated with you. Thank you for sharing ❤️

[@miap6844]

This is my grandmother in a nutshell, not my mother. I truly feel for my Dad.

[@terri_cole]

That is tough ❤️ But it sounds like your dad broke the cycle, which is an amazing thing.

[@miap6844]

@@terri_cole He did. He’s truly a lovely, kind-hearted man. Thank you again for your video and kind words. Xx

[@tallspicy]

I text her on holidays and not much else.

[@dawnmertz8303]

I have cut off contact. But it is difficult. She keeps sending " flying monkeys "

[@FlatStella1]

Thank you.

[@terri_cole]

❤️

[@Boo-2000]

Thanks for the free therapy you give you don't know how much you have helped pple like me esp first daughters of narc mothers. Not to invalidate other daughters of narc mothers but first daughters suffered and suffer the most. Wish I could afford the boundary boss book😢

[@terri_cole]

I am so glad it is helpful 💕 Check your local library for the book! I tried to get it in as many as possible to make it more accessible.

[@Boo-2000]

@@terri_cole thanks I will check it out.

[@wenderella81]

Now add alcoholism to that narcissistic mother and you have my mother. No contact was the only option with my mother. I now watch my sister suffer because of her interactions with our mother. She doesn't know how to cut her off completely. I'm grateful I don't have to circle the drain anymore. My life greatly improved once I went no contact a few years ago. I found my way to this video because a family event is coming up which would mean me being in the same room with my mother. My family wants me there but I'm not going to put myself in a situation that could possibly cause me more harm after all the work I've done to heal.

[@terri_cole]

Good for you ❤️

[@user-nb2sq5hy5r]

After 41 years, I finally had the courage to tell my mother that I am not responsible for her feelings or happiness. She got so angry, she attacked my religion telling me that I am not behaving like a Christian should because "I don't care about others." It's exhausting. Nothing I say is right. She is always the victim and I am always causing her pain. Then she freezes me out and doesn't talk to me. It's exhausting. It's bad when your 18 year old daughter tells you to cut ties with your mother because she is toxic.

[@terri_cole]

It is exhausting! I am holding space for your exhaustion and cheering you on for having the courage to tell your mother the truth ❤️

[@monkeygem7099]

I have an earing disorder from her not feeding me as a child. Now i dont eat all day long, then over eat at night. Thank you for this wonderful video. Thinking about what i need is hard

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending you love 💕

[@clankgang6096]

Very accurate video!

[@elan007]

Thank YOU❣️ This applies to mothers of narcissistic daughters too.

[@anitaschlaefli9330]

Love the term maternal impactor!

[@NicoleMendes583]

This video really resonates. Thank you!

[@ACHNACONE]

Thank you so much for this video

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️

[@denisaadamcova3591]

Everything spot on. Thank you for your work.❤

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for being here and watching ❤️

[@ursulabahiense1251]

Thank you so much. Your are such a treasure. Thank you for your kindness in sharing your work with us. I truly hope I will be able to work with you soon.

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@cyberbid]

This is another video where you have nailed it for me. Thank you again ❤. It’s taken me a long time to understand and see what is going on, but the fog is lifting now thanks to women like you.

[@terri_cole]

I am so glad it was helpful for you 💕

[@cyberbid]

@@terri_cole It was and I have subscribed now too. I made a note of your links in the last video and if I can support your work I will. And thanks again for taking the time to address these issues within families, it’s so sad it’s even a thing really.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you so much ❤️❤️ Just spreading the word and being here commenting helps! It is sad and very painful, but I am glad more awareness is being raised around disordered behaviors in the family.

[@irinamladenoska7539]

I love you so much, Terri! I am a daughter of a covert narc mom. And I bought the Boundary boss.

[@terri_cole]

I appreciate you, Irina ❤️ Thank you for being here!

[@MillennialMountainMama]

Hi Mrs. Cole! Thank you so much for your video! It’s really helpful information. It’s been two years since I escaped my ex, who is a malignant narcissist. It took me over 20 years. Now I am planning my escape from my narcissistic mother. The damage that both of them have done to me and my children’s lives is unconscionable.

[@terri_cole]

I am so glad to hear you were able to get away from your ex, and I hope you can find freedom and peace by getting away from your mother ❤️

[@birthinfluenceembrace]

Thank you for this. I continue to second guess if my mom is a narc. But every time i watch videos like this it just revalidates everything again and again.

[@terri_cole]

I see you ❤️

[@seeratkk7231]

I am 45 , and I found she is one now I am feeling sad from past few dayz

[@terri_cole]

I see you and am holding space for your sadness ❤️

[@DracoStar79]

My Mother destroyed my life, she promised to help me when i separated from my husband, then she picked at everything I did and messed me up so bad i went to a crisis unit, and when I informed her I was moving out with my children, she kept my children and tresspassed me from her house, and kept me away till my ex showed up to take custody Now she is doing it all again, doing what she did to me as a kid she is doing to my kids and my ex is allowing it.

[@terri_cole]

I am so sorry to hear about your painful situation ❤️ I am witnessing you with compassion.

[@DracoStar79]

@@terri_cole I appreciate you, thank you

[@danielleizzo4044]

My mother use to call my friends my “bodyguards “ and tell me how I didn’t want to be with her. How I made her feel like a bad mother. She was the smartest. I couldn’t even talk without her correcting my grammar or facts. So judgemental of boyfriends too. She would then tell me how much I meant to her but when I needed her she wasn’t there.

[@terri_cole]

That sounds exhausting, Danielle. So sorry you had these experiences with your mother 💕

[@rahmasamir909]

I am new here 🎉 thanks ❤

[@terri_cole]

Welcome! ❤️

[@user-nm4cq7dg3t]

Thank you so much for your informative, straightforward, and compass videos. I have a question; is it within the narcissistic spectrum "normal" for a narc mum never to remember or congratulate her daughter on birthdays? I have never had a "congratulation on your birthday" ever. Im 63 this year. All hell breaks loose if she doesn't get tons of presents, cards, flowers on her birthday. I get no Christmas gifts either, but my sis and brother with families gets about 10 gifts each (I know, because I do the wraping, as she, due to age cannot manage).

[@terri_cole]

Definitely within the realm of narc symptoms to not acknowledge your birthday but expect the world on her birthday. It sounds like you’re also caught up in the cycle of her narcissistic needs. I know it’s difficult, but boundaries around what you will and won’t do for the family (wrapping their gifts when you never receive any) can help you to feel more at peace within yourself. ❤️

[@Letishamalakootiofficial]

I do not have a narcissistic mother, but I have one that I did not connect with maternally unfortunately and it has affected me and now need a lot of space 6:06

[@terri_cole]

You're not alone- lots of women in my crew have mother wounds ❤️

[@N5555b]

Hi, I have several questions related to the subject - is there really a chance to recover from the negative influence of a narcissistic mother or do you just learn to live with it? How can we make sure that we do not behave in the same way to our children? Is the only way to protect the children we will have is to prevent the narcissistic mother from being around them? What can be done if you currently live in the same house with your mother? How can you disconnect or reduce the impact?

[@terri_cole]

You can focus on protecting yourself emotionally by not sharing anything important with your mother. The grey rock method can help with this (I mention it in this video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/mnW3d2ifjduVn5Y). I also have a course that addresses all of these concerns called Understand and Transform Your Mother Wound: www.terricole.com/motherwound/ ❤️

[@virginiameza3439]

Hi. Thank you so much for your video. Please could you tell me what happens when the narcissist person is your father?

[@terri_cole]

Hi there- My experience is mostly with my clients having narcissistic mothers. ❤️ I've done one video on what daughters of narcissistic fathers might want to keep in mind while dating, though: kzbin.info/www/bejne/opzbeKivmbCfa6M

[@lindagross1288]

My Mom had some of the traits you spoke about. I think I never felt heard. It always had to be her way and her ideas. If I disagreed she would get nasty and put me down. She used always bring up my ex husband and tell me she told me not to marry him. That was in 1983 and I got divorced in 1991. I finally told her to please stop talking about it. I felt like I could neve make a mistake. She would keep rubbing it in about it. I tell her now at her 96 years old, it is ok to make a mistake and I have no regrets because I went with my feelings at the time. I try not to argue with her and I forgive her and I have a better vusit with her because I worked through my anger towards her. She recently said she was poroud of me for realizing my marriage was bad and leaving it and getting divorced. WOW!!! .

[@terri_cole]

"I tell her now at her 96 years old, it is ok to make a mistake and I have no regrets because I went with my feelings at the time." 👏👏👏

[@crazy4color869]

The problem with my mother is the nice comments would happen until I let my guard down thinking she changed and she would start in again. Right now I am going through severe physical issues and she says she cares, but makes sure to Invalidate me constantly. She has no empathy on what I am going through. It's all about her. I finally have to reduce contact with her. I can no longer waste my time being cut up emotionally and being put through stress. I need all of the strength I have to get through a day. I don't want to hear the false platitudes either. I don't have time for the emotional abuse. She has tons of shallow friends who think she is wonderful. Let them have time with her. I have had enough. Glad you shared. It got me to talk about it which I don't get to do much. thanks.😊

[@MsJ3ny]

❤

[@terri_cole]

❤️

[@lafemmesanspseudo7840]

how do we know if we are not narcissists when we were raised by narcissitic parents ? :/ is a smothering mother a narcissist?

[@elan007]

You are not a narcissist because you are here with enough conscience, humility and introspection to ask. ❤️

[@terri_cole]

What Elan said- most of the time, if you are here seeking out information and are concerned about your actions, it is very unlikely you are a narcissist. I'm not exactly sure what you mean by a "smothering" mother, but I go over some unhealthy mothering archetypes in this video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fXavmXx8bLahZ5Y

[@lafemmesanspseudo7840]

@@terri_cole thank you ! I have been in therapy for years and heard that narcissits don't go to therapy but I read an article about one that went (OK... to make "as if" for his girlfriend but... he stayed!) the other day and wondered again... :) By smothering I mean "fusional" like we say in French, like too strong of a relationship between mother and daughter (like a best friend, someone you listen to more than anyone else, who looks and thinks like you... and.. prevents you from individuating properly).

[@the_dog_goddess]

Do you have one for Daughter of a Narcissistic Father? Btw: His Mother was an extreme Narcissist.

[@terri_cole]

I only have this video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/opzbeKivmbCfa6M Most of my clients had narcissistic mothers and it is what I am most familiar with 💕

[@PaigeSquared]

Took me years to figure it out because the partners i was attracted to were overtly horrible. A DARVO from a covert mother can be one word, while a peer's is easier to see, less well developed, usually. I have had issues understanding boundaries and when i was crossing other's boundaries. I would feel so much shame and pain, realizing a friend was hurt by me, and i somehow was lacking the knowledge they expected me to have. I believed she wanted to set me up for success, buying into her worldview caused a lot of damage.

[@PaigeSquared]

She's in another house but I'm in the house she owns. So I'm under her thumb, she can kick me out if she doesn't like what I'm doing. I retreated thinking it was to safety, and my depression became worse.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion 💕

[@rahmasamir909]

My dad is a covert narssist my mom is a borderline

[@crazy4color869]

Both of mine were diff types of narc. My dad would withdraw into himself and ignore us. My mother is classic. She never apologizes. He would if really pinned down sometimes.

[@rahmasamir909]

@@crazy4color869 so sorry WE was so hurted but WE should heal our selves and move on 🤞😊💞💞

[@echelonalien12]

Hello Terri, could you please explain to me why a narcissistic mother could be very mean to their autistic grandchild? Thanks!

[@terri_cole]

They often do not see their behavior as being mean or wrong, unfortunately. 💕

[@cb6885]

What to do when your mother lives with you due to her health & you are the caregiver?

[@terri_cole]

Hire help when possible (financially and feasibly), and take time for yourself to meet your own needs. Keep in mind that you’re doing your best and give yourself the compassion that she might not be capable of giving to you. Sending you strength ❤️

[@healthylife4eva]

Why don’t Narcissistic Mothers don’t change and be good kind loving towards all their kids Or they don’t change due to genetics?

[@terri_cole]

Diagnosable narcissists do not think anything is wrong with them or their behavior, so they are unlikely to seek help or change because they simply don't believe they need to change.

[@healthylife4eva]

@@terri_cole ok Thank you Dr. Cole 💖

[@dr.florence]

Terri I've been a fan for many years, but the initial intro has become soooooo tedious....

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for your honest feedback 🙏 I do provide timestamps so people can get to where they want in the video easier, but will take it into consideration.

[@ShibaLara]

I love you ❣You are helping me so much, I wish I hadn´t lost so much time, wish I could know all these earlier. Greetings from Czech Republic

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad my work is helping you ❤️

[@SahraAysal-bl7ur]

Just thank you🥲🙏❤️

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️