Narrative Telephone Ep. 4: Widogast's Web of Words

Liam O'Brien weaves a tale that his friends try to pass on to each other without added accent fails...
This Narrative Telephone originally aired Thursday, May 28th at: / criticalrole
Check out our weekly programming schedule (updated every Monday) to see what new shows and rebroadcasts we have planned for our Twitch and KZbin channels here: critrole.com/c...
Meet the cast!
Matthew Mercer: / matthewmercer
Ashley Johnson: / thevulcansalute
Taliesin Jaffe: / executivegoth
Marisha Ray: / marisha_ray
Sam Riegel: / samriegel
Laura Bailey: / laurabaileyvo
Travis Willingham: / willingblam
Liam O'Brien: / voiceofobrien
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#CriticalRole #NarrativeTelephone #WidogastsWebOfWords

[@korkoraliasher1132]

Liam: Creepy story which is an allegory for Caleb's past Ashley: Dry kids get mugged in a vortex for their organs

[@LordDragox412]

Looks like Ashley went to the bad part of NY and saw bad stuff happen in a dark alley... >:P

[@theodorehsu5023]

@@LordDragox412 NY or Bangkok?

[@sweetpatate2729]

HAMNUMNUMNU the good organs

[@JarVanBinksIV]

not a Vortex, The Vortex coolest club of Rexxentrum

[@homieseaotter5190]

With a steel drum in the background of course

[@celticcountrylover]

Liam: peppering his story with German words and phrases The rest of the cast: I Know One Thing In German And It's How To Count To Three

[@toshomni9478]

Do they though? Do they? There were really struggling with the pronunciation on that and it was awesome.

[@TJCID22]

@@toshomni9478 TRY!

[@Mediados]

@@TJCID22 you mean VERSUCHE ES

[@diandradraws4822]

I as a native German will say props to Liam. I am convinced that he took a German class at some point. For the other's I couldn't stop laughing XD

[@haileybrandjes9120]

@@diandradraws4822 I'm not 100% sure but I think at some point I heard him say he took 3 years of German in highschool

[@witchlightsands]

Matt saying “the third kid who for some reason is still there” about an allegorical representation of caleb hits different huh

[@danielwilson8604]

because caleb is trying to find the reason?

[@cathyshepard253]

Because Caleb was the third to kill his parents. He saw what was coming and he didn’t leave. To quote “I was so sure; until I wasn’t.” -Caleb(Bren)

[@danielwilson8604]

@@cathyshepard253 i was trying to say caleb himself is lost and slowly discovering his reason to live and goals in life again

[@alexmiller9249]

The kid is still there because he is a Zemnian child and he will never know fear.

[@matthewanderson2042]

Also caleb is the one who did end up running away.

[@Sparking_Ram]

Marisha in full confidence: "Kinder, means candy." Liam: "Kinder means children, that's why it's called Kindergarten."

[@Ajehy]

To the Waldhexe, they’re the same thing.

[@QuixoticCowboy]

i mean Kinder is the name of a massive candy company so that is a fair mistake

[@wildestnothing927]

​@@QuixoticCowboyfunnily enough on top of that Kinder belongs to Ferrero and thus it isn't even German, but Italian, although the brand name did make use of the German word since the first Kinder product was released simultaneously in Germany and Italy

[@casualpotato44]

@@QuixoticCowboy I think she was joking. She says in the end she took German in high school. It's a basic one, I don't know German and I knew what Kinder means. It's alsp the kind of joke someone who knows what i means would make. And it's a joke that's definitely in Marisha's brand.

[@noemiecansier8466]

Jaysus.

[@thechainwarden]

Liam: The manga Matt: The anime Sam: the Netflix adaptation

[@scarlettkara2762]

Yes

[@hannyboop]

So Ashley is the abridged version?

[@raaazzz9628]

@@hannyboop Ash is the live-action

[@ImsexyNiknowit1]

Ash is the Tarantino adaptation

[@C_Bat]

Raaazzz 96 Live Action Movie: Gale in the Vortex

[@proviliax]

Liam: Hey, have some German words! Taliesin: No.

[@AndirHon]

Interesting to me is how the German count... was dropped by Taliesin and somehow Marisha added them back in?

[@toshomni9478]

To be fair I would never have been able to remember all that German either.

[@evilbob840]

I was slightly disappointed that Taliesin did that, but they weren't going to make it to the end anyway.

[@tabruc4186]

I was most disappointed by the loss of 'grossmutter'

[@evilbob840]

@@tabruc4186 Good point, we could have had, "the children were going through the woods to visit their disgusting parents."

[@MusicUnderMyBreath]

I feel like laura's version is just Jester retelling a story she heard from Caleb to some poor child she cornered.

[@kkTeaz]

*y*

[@marcoyourfriendlyspacemari819]

I can imagine that.

[@TunerFall121]

I could see that

[@matthewspears8696]

And then tattooed

[@jamesscott7215]

And then gave the kid a tattoo of the krone

[@FunkBastid]

New York’s hottest new club is Vortex. This club has everything: crones, Yiddish, one eyed children, whispering Germans, and human telephones

[@aaronstough5432]

Omg thank you for that

[@quazillionaire]

Human telephones? You know, it's that thing of when you have a line of midgets, and they're trying to talk to each other but they can only talk directly to the ones right next to them, so they have to keep passing sentences down the line but the sentences get all messed up and lose all coherent meaning.

[@jlar1752]

I undestood that reference

[@mangalores-x_x]

Sounds like one of the fetish clubs you can find in Berlin, guest list only, obviously.

[@calebdouglas2512]

But alas... No wheat

[@benphillips7289]

Me: German folk tales are metal af. Ashley: *noms the scary away*

[@Nobody-yn9bq]

homnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnom

[@Glorfindel_117]

I'm sure *someone* jumped when she ripped the eyes and heart out.

[@someonefromsomewhere1009]

@@Glorfindel_117 I love how she added a heart beating effect to help reinsert scary

[@plothole181]

@Tyler K. was I the only one that also heard Little Mermaid music halfway through Marisha's version?

[@dicebomb2045]

@@plothole181 I think it was meant to signify her saying she was "ashleing this"

[@soomink]

*Liam's original story:* a dark, cautionary Zemnian tale symbolizing the Empire's funneling and manipulation of youth into the war machine *The end result:* I'm gonna tell you a SPOOKY TALE... dry kids... the Vortex..... om nom nom nom nom....accents ranging all over Europe

[@RuteL]

You have experienced the Vortex~

[@soomink]

@@RuteL hsdhfsh YEAH advertising it like "Sleep No More". an artistic experience, the Vortex

[@alexkoder1982]

I actually expected some Warhammer references after watching this

[@enigma1326]

And Travis has a bad accent

[@jonasdemulder9317]

Interviewer: Hey Ashley. When did you know you "made it" in the industry? Ashley: From the moment my name turned into a verb

[@binturongjustice]

liam: weaves a terrifying fairytale with themes of indoctrination and continuing cycles of violence Sam by the end, having smeared ash all over his face: an old lady snacks on some dry kids for asking if she's a crone

[@akrinornoname2769]

To be fair, the second one very much sounds like a German fairytale too

[@garrettcarter5622]

YAAAAAAAA!!!

[@forgemakesstuff2734]

@@akrinornoname2769 hansel and gretel be like

[@quackthulu9575]

The lesson here is that anyone can do Jester's voice as long as they're trying to do german

[@alexmayer869]

I tried that while reading this and holy shit you’re right

[@vanjamiladinovic]

Just read th normal

[@WolfiePH]

Then there's ashley, who makes all character a new yorker

[@majorfallacy5926]

Instruktionen unklar - Penis steckt in Piefke

[@MelodicQuest]

Unless you're Ashley. In which case, it takes a couple weeks

[@pinoyXasian]

Liam: *terrifying children's fairy tale music* Ashley: *a TriP tO thE BaHAmaSsS!*

[@panheaddragonwolfpaw]

Ikr, it immediately gave Ashley's rendition a "crackhead who wandered into a Hawaiian resort to do a street performance for tourists" type vibe. If you've ever been to Hawaii, you know exactly the vibe I'm talking about.

[@mistymorningside2400]

Six Winged Phoenix Wolf Yep. I live in Hawaii. Sadly this rings true.

[@LunasDaughter743]

@@panheaddragonwolfpaw I have never been to Hawaii but this makes me curious! XD

[@EngineerWhen]

I was just about to comment the same thing XD love the contrast...

[@KimKimeraKimes]

I noticed the tropical music setting in when someone has no clue and for lack of better way to phrase it, "Ashleys it". When people are getting into it the serious music plays again.

[@butcherzofrock]

It's kinda funny because the first one is like a cautionary tale against the empire and by the time it gets to Matt it feels like it's empire propaganda. "These *stupid* kids wandered out of the empire and got screwed over and so always stay in the empire it will protect you."

[@alexanderlicentia5265]

Headcanon, both versions exist in the empire.

[@yurigouveawagner9432]

@@alexanderlicentia5265 the first one is a classic that people quote to seem cultured without knowing what it really means but they know it's considered smart. the second one is the interpretation they made themselves to make it seem like they know what it's about and to affirm their own beliefs.

[@UVjoint]

@@yurigouveawagner9432 Oof, you just added a whole another dimension to what seemed like a pretty light-hearted comment initially. I'm assuming you mean something like Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA?"

[@yuki97kira]

@@alexanderlicentia5265 headcanon all exists in different parts of the empires.. Ashley's is just a drunk tourist hailing from there telling the story to a group of outsiders

[@henrymartinvo]

*against the Volstrucker Program. The story frames the Empire as good or at least neutral, full of loving parents who worship the lawful good Dawnfather. The crully crone named Crull or Crone is Trent. He lies about "being the land", like he lied to King Dwendal about the necessity of the program. If the crone was just the empire, where did the kids come from? Bren and co. weren't from another land, they were born in the empire's heartland. Caleb's story is about Trent manipulating kids, not how the empire is bad

[@gabrielparas4480]

I think my favorite moment was when Matt said “and the third child for whatever god forsaken reason who is still there and not running”

[@gobo744]

Given the context of how the story is a metaphor, it’s funny how the DM is making that comment, without realising.

[@asongforthemostbeautifulwo6476]

@@gobo744 i think he is aware about it but wanted to be funny

[@bdletoast09]

Seeing how the story was distorted when it came to him, I'm not sure he got the metaphor at the time. When he heard the original version tho, he sure did.

[@sethlost424]

59:10

[@raphaelhemery152]

She obviously casted Hold Person at level 4

[@4thwallbreaking870]

Me (as a German): this will be an absolute clusterf*ck Also, it's incredible how Liam get's the mood of german horror stories

[@PalleRasmussen]

He loves Germany. Which all must, if they know it.

[@WardNightstone]

Germon Horror = German Fairytales

[@MelodicQuest]

It's not a German fairytale if it doesn't scar you for life

[@kaanapolinaris6334]

I as a German can agree I love how he does this

[@Gime0racle]

Why does that matter? This is Zemnian silly. :P (totally joking btw)

[@Jakub7009]

Travis: “I admit I was so taken by how cute my wife was, I kind of blanked”. AAAAWWWWWWWWWWW ❤️❤️❤️

[@enigma1326]

Travis=husband goals

[@lucasm.3864]

That and him blushing when Laura came in from the VGAs are absolutely adorable moments.

[@Furretkun]

@@lucasm.3864 could I get more info so I can see this moment, asking for a friend 👀

[@bagheerabelle984]

Flutterby campaign 2 episode 88 I believe. :)

[@Furretkun]

@@bagheerabelle984 aww yiss ty!

[@bionicdragon5]

Liam: "I shall confound you vith my German vords!" Taliesin: "Okay, here's that story, but in English." Marisha: "Oh no, I'm Ashleying this!" [proceeds to talk like Jester] Ashley: [starts out sounding vaguely like Demoman from TF2, then at some point becomes Scout] Laura: [literally just Jester doing an impression of Caleb while presumably scaring the shit out of someone's kid] Travis: [completely lost, but having way too much fun saying OMNOMNOM] Matt: [a gypsy telling his friends bits of the story he overheard Jester telling, critiquing the plot as he goes] Sam: "Hans, let me tell you a spooky story I heard!" "Ja, das ist a spooky story, Claus! Vell done!"

[@thatsablackperson4708]

Medic! doctor MEEEDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICc Ahhh

[@Ajehy]

Thats a Black Person - I laughed so hard my roommate came to check on me. She thought I was sick!

[@aromaladyellie]

Hey, just wanna let you know that g*psy is a racial slur.

[@JeshieWafflez]

@@aromaladyellie Shut up. No it's not.

[@iced-americano900]

@@JeshieWafflez tell that to the Romani people, then

[@MeeesterBond17]

Liam - "Waldhexe" Taleisin - "Voldhex" Marisha - "Vortex" This entire video makes me feel so much better about my mediocre German skills. XD

[@kkTeaz]

Same same

[@mortuos557]

Übung macht den Meister

[@prince-solomon]

To me Taleisin sounded like he said "Vault-Tec"

[@BoojumFed]

@@prince-solomon _Never_ stray from Vault 13, kinder...

[@franziner.3444]

@@mortuos557 es ist halt noch kein Meister vom Himmel gefallen.

[@MelodicQuest]

Jester: "Wow. Is any of that true?" Caleb: "Nein. It's an old fairytale. Passed down from many generations. If it were true, many details are likely to be exaggerated." Beau: "I dunno. All those people who willingly sacrificed their own kids? Sounds a bit too, familiar don't you think?" Caleb: "I was never one for fictitious writngs. I have seen that the horrors of the real world far surpass anything in storybooks."

[@joshjeffrey5589]

Could clearly hear that in everyone's voices. Well played.

[@erickmejia4602]

@@joshjeffrey5589 omg, me too

[@micahlong2073]

^^ Well played OP

[@LordAaronus]

Nott: Yeah, the parents clearly said stick to your prayers and stay out of the forest and all that, and the kids went in anyway? Who does that?

[@MelodicQuest]

@@LordAaronus Nott: I'll tell ya the moral of the story: Listen to your fucking parents

[@evannewell3335]

of course Liam managed to turn Narrative Telephone into a way to to tell a harrowing tale that's a metaphor for the empire war machine and caleb's old friends.

[@JB-xl2jc]

I would love to hear whether Caleb thinks the crone/war machine are actually truly what causes the wheat to grow and the land to be successful.

[@JB-xl2jc]

Ma'ayan E Agreed. And just like the story, I find myself wondering... how would the kingdom fare if we refused to continue sacrificing our young?

[@pyrosianheir]

That makes me love his all the more. Like, he trolled the rest of the crew with how hard the story was, but then also bothered to have to a second layer... I love it.

[@Law-of-EnTropy]

Eodwulf lost the mind to think for himself, Astrid lost her eyes to see the truth and Caleb lost his heart to ever feel again.

[@the.seagull.35]

@@JB-xl2jc If you want the honest answer... the neighboring kingdoms would quickly overrun it and tear it all down.

[@adoptedowl]

Last episode, Travis was like: German? We're going to offend an entire country! Me: You have no idea how much we love foreigners crippling our words...

[@amybyrne5208]

Ive a feeling its the same as fake Irish accents on st. Patrick's day for the irish

[@jito7377]

It's pretty hilarious. Just butchering.

[@Pein1233]

@@amybyrne5208 Do irish people love hearing people attempt the accent? Because nearly everyone I(German) know loves to torture non German speakers by making them pronounce German words

[@neerGdyahS]

"You can comprehend neither our words nor our engineering ja."

[@jamesscott7215]

I can’t understand people who don’t love having their own language butchered by foreigners. Hearing non English speakers attempt English is one of the best things.

[@thomasandrewclifford]

Can we get scary bed time stories from Liam as an actual thing. Not even asking as a joke

[@molly-zx9cr]

Yeah like if Liam just read the original Grimm fairy tales in a German accent I’d be down.

[@amberblackwell7687]

Give it to us!!

[@alexv3357]

I'd be totally into him doing an audiobook, I'd Kickstart it

[@amberblackwell7687]

@@alexv3357 Same. Oooh, I bet he'd do great reading Lovecraft.

[@Lucarioguild7]

Seriously it was so engaging and so on brand for Caleb to tell this kind of story

[@jeffersonrose9888]

I shared this with my fiance's grandmother who grew up in East Germany. She really liked the story and told me she used to take her two younger brothers to a "höhle" in the "wald" outside Naumburg, where her parents told them not to go because there might be Russian soldiers in the höhle. She couldn't help but laugh that she's now blind in one eye like the girl in the story. 10/10 Liam.

[@toschiworlds7212]

Yeah, we have plenty of "ghost" stories like that. Makes you wonder what our ancestors were thinking.

[@MissMokate]

@@toschiworlds7212 I mean, lots of spooky woods around would do that to a people I think

[@Ajehy]

@@MissMokate Indeed. Many cultures have scary stories that children are told to keep them away from dangerous places: the Japanese river kappa, the Iroquois Swamp People, etc.

[@therealmmaster4766]

Proof Liam is somehow more intelligent then we already thought

[@sahellove2679]

"The other two children apparently just stand there and watch this happen and are like 'My Turn!'" Best addition EVER!!

[@bazooka2476]

Wich one said it?

[@sethlost424]

58:52

[@bazooka2476]

@@sethlost424 luv ya

[@sethlost424]

@@bazooka2476 :D

[@DarkKnight6six6]

It's d&d, gotta wait for their turn in the initiative order.

[@LoryK98]

Liam: Ok, guys, here's a tale from the Grimm brothers Ashley: Ok, guys, this is the Disney version

[@Kyle-pz1yj]

Beginning: scary German fairy tale that hints Caleb's backstory End: kids chilling at a club and losing brain cells

[@bigdream_dreambig]

With Cookie Monster (nom nom nom...)! 🌪🕺🍪💃

[@RuteL]

Hey! I was wondering when I was gonna find a comment on how the story's theme goes with Caleb's background! :D

[@lucasm.3864]

Are the children losing brain cells, or the cast? The correct answer is “yes”.

[@kei2kei]

@@lucasm.3864 I just consider them as the kids of Goonies. So the answer is yes.

[@Stefan-xt5sk]

I'm proud of Ashley. While not very accurate, she just went for it this time.

[@evanschmeven]

And Laura, ngl the noises she made made me uncomfortable about how accurate the noises a where.

[@jeanvalero1597]

Totally❤❤❤! Her adorableness and the music broke all the spookiness and made me laugh so so much tho xD ❤❤

[@andrecanis4894]

I’m proud that Ashley wore her Zemnian outfit for Liam’s Story (her shirt collar has the colors of the German flag)

[@The11thEvilEx]

I'm proud of Ashley, she remembered most of the details Marisha gave her.

[@theodorehsu5023]

Stefan, she ran with the bits Marisha gave. So props to Ashley. Now to imagine the pain she's about to open on after Liam's scare-fest.

[@MelaLabelle]

Ashley: "The kids are crying." Kid With No Eyes: ....

[@roxana5490]

To be fair, you can still cry without eyeballs, the tears would just settle in the socket until it pools enough to go in the lacrimal glands near the nose. WHOA

[@elliedereyna5014]

@@roxana5490 I love how some actual thought went into that

[@carlcunningham7750]

You mean the Kd wth no Eyes

[@silkaverage]

@@carlcunningham7750 well done.......well done

[@flipflopzthreeonethree1873]

🕳👄🕳

[@ailurusfulgens1654]

Liam - German Taliesin - Somewhat German Marisha - Italian Ashley - *IRISH JESTER* { The moment she spoke with an accent, I broke. Jackseptickeye, are you related? } Laura - Diluted German Cookie Monster Travis - Half Decent German & Half Male Jester Cookie Monster Matt - German Gore Cookie Monster A ZEMNIAN FOLLOWS

[@jana1836]

Translations: "junger Mensch" - young person/human "Waldhexe" - forest witch "Stolz" - pride "Liebling" - darling/sweetheart "Wildnis" - wilderness "Eins, Zwei, Drei, Vier, Fünf" - One, two, three, four, five "Hunger" - hunger "Großmutter" - grandmother "Kind" - child "Angst" - fear "Kinder" - children

[@danny_decheeto8300]

“Hunger”=hunger lol thanks for the rest tho

[@alxa]

Junge - boy, Mädchen - girl.

[@liviasantiago1686]

Thanks

[@qwertzuiku3t87hv86f8]

I think he says "Junge and Mädchen" (boy and girl) in the beginning instead of "junger Mensch"

[@MasumiSeike]

YES 🤣 Confuse then with Zemniam 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@jamesmilner6486]

Liam: Terrifying Bavarian Soothsayer Sam: Eurotrash Nightclub Tweaker

[@annafantasia]

I loled

[@serbian88]

I was too naive trying to drink while reading comments. I choked XD

[@blechtic]

I was thinking more like a character in low-budget, post-apocalyptic TV series for teenagers.

[@misscutenar2333]

god, the thought of a stereotypical bavarian guy being a soothsayer is amazing

[@annef2809]

Omg lolololol

[@LukasP-oy5hy]

As a german I have to say that Liams german accent is OG. I started critical role with episode 1 of campaign 2 and for 3 straight episodes I was pleasently surprised that a german can get a job in voice acting with an accent that hard😂

[@TrainingOffer]

Yeah, when I was listening to it while driving and my husband was sitting next to me (both german) Caleb had a huge moment (and a long speech) and my husband was like "I thought you were listening to an american podcast. Why is a German in there?" :D

[@llEMMAll]

I didn't even notice he had an accent at first because I sound exactly like that 😢

[@riggedtroxaa8675]

SAME i also started with campaign 2 and i did not watch talks makina during my first watch through, i thought for maybe 20 episodes liam was actually german, and sometimes during the ad reads i got confused when he talked without accent

[@ckannan90]

Laura: “oh Ashley you look so pretty and sparkley” Travis: “you look like you farted in public and someone was behind you”

[@Ajehy]

Both are true!

[@herbertkraft7379]

Liam: here's a great and spooky story Taliesin: TLDR:

[@RPGSulSide]

hahaha i was looking for this. Taliesin really did axe so much of the details but still the core of the story was well told hahaha

[@JB-xl2jc]

I think there are two strategies that we see eventually emerge- try and get every detail and get a bunch wrong hilariously, or hilariously take a hatchet to the story and find the core stuff!

[@xolwora2762]

Yeah

[@TimothyCHenderson]

I did like that once Marisha admitted she was "Ashley'ing this", the music switched to Ashley's theme music.

[@annsmalley9039]

THATS what it is, thank you! i knew the music was identifying smth, but i thought it mightve just been underlaying the comedic moment

[@toshomni9478]

The editing/directing is on point for this.

[@IrisGlowingBlue]

+

[@taviebrown2271]

@@annsmalley9039 To be fair, they are kinda the same at this point.

[@jinnaralmo]

I absolutely love the fact that Taliesin managed to condense the entire passage about the Dawn Father into a single word "impetuous".

[@DrDrCr4zy]

0:55 Every Junge and Mädchen of the Empire knows the story of the dreaded Waldhexe. Most think it is a tale to frighten children, but the wise know better. Once there were three good children, who walked in the light of the dawnfather. So noble were they, their parents could not help but look upon them with Stolz in their hearts. “Stay close to us, Liebling, say your prayers, serve your king and always walk in the light of the sun.” And so they did. For a time. But children are children, and one day they left their prayers and wandered to the edge of the wood so vast and full of mystery. And though their parents had warned them from ever setting foot in the Wildnis, the desire for knowledge beckoned them. Now they no longer walked in the sun. Soon they could see almost nothing. Linking hands they began to count their steps: “Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf.” And then in the darkness they heard a voice: “Hunger!”. There before them limped a spindly old crone, hair matted with dirt and twig. “Who are you Großmutter and what are you doing in these woods?” “I am these woods, Kind. I am the land and the mountains, too and I hunger. So I think I will eat one of you.” “Oh please Großmutter, our parents would surely despair!” “I must eat for the land to thrive, if I am not to eat one of you, then I shall eat part of all.” The children frozen in Angst watched as the Waldhexe stepped forward, stone knife in hand. From one boy, she cut out much of his mind and ate it and his thoughts were no longer his own. From the second, a girl, she cut out one eye and this too the Waldhexe ate and the child never saw true again. And from the last, she swallowed his heart and he never knew love again. “Now I am fed, Kinder. And the land will flourish and wheat can grow. You may go, as long as you send me your children, and their children after them. Thus will your blood and bones nourish the land and your kingdom can continue to grow.” And so it has - for years upon years - unto this very day. Zemnian to common: Junge = boy Mädchen=girl Waldhexe = forest witch Stolz = pride Liebling = darling/sweetheart (literally: favourite) Wildnis = wilderness Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf. = One, two, three, four, five. Hunger = hunger Großmutter = grandmother Kind = child Angst = fear (possibly ‘anxiety’, if more psychological)

[@neerGdyahS]

hunger = hunger Gee thanks. :P

[@TheKansleren]

Thanks for putting in the work, Alex. Well done. :)

[@dragonwithamonocle]

I'm actually going to tell this story around a campfire tonight with my family. You are a hero for writing all this out. My hat is off to you.

[@TenzinBeifongIII]

Love how you put "zemnian to common" instead of "german to english" 😂😂

[@bloodhound330]

Just to add, I think Liam also says 'kinder" at some point which i think is "children"

[@lucasm.3864]

“And the other two children, who didn’t run for some god forsaken reason.” I love Matt.

[@ChevaliersEmeraude]

You see, the Crone has multi-attacks, 3 attacks per turn, and she had enough movement to reach everyone! :p

[@annsmalley9039]

when one has been playing hundreds of characters with actual self preservation for years... 😆

[@Myrilia]

Omg yes it made me laugh so hard 🤣

[@alexkoder1982]

@@ChevaliersEmeraude Crone to OP please Nerf.

[@JB-xl2jc]

“I touch a little bit of molasses with my finger and cast slow. The Crone may now make a maximum of one attacks per turn. Astrid and I ride off into the sunset together happily. Sorry, no-brain-bro.”

[@rb4121]

I just loved the moment when Quyen brought in the puppet. It's so fitting to see that Sam is married to a person that would crawl into his room with a head on a stick to surprise his friends, it's very wholesome.

[@laurenhawes7201]

It was like the dad with the office

[@petersherman2187]

We love you Quyen!!

[@michaeliglesias2806]

She’s a gem 100%

[@goclo]

The bit where Sam's wife came in and then crawled away reminded me of that news interview with the guy where his kids snuck into the room behind him and his wife barreled in and dragged them out and it made me laugh 10x harder. 😂

[@Hellscrap3r]

I love Liam's response. "Cutting-edge cinematographer, that is!"

[@9206156175]

Timestamp?

[@Greponator]

@@9206156175 46:15

[@brandendierker5873]

That video was awful because it felt like as soon as he clocked out he went and screamed at her/put her against the wall

[@sophiaro4593]

So fun fact: Sam actually did something very German without knowing it! Rubbing a burnt cork in your face actually is a tradition here: in some parts of Germany, during carnival there's a day called "Rußiger Freitag" ("Sooty Friday") where people make each other's faces sooty, usually using a burnt cork. We used to look forward to that day when we were in school because we got to go wild for a day since we weren't allowed to go to school in our costumes. So... I guess good job, Sam xD

[@sierra2bork29]

That is actually pretty cool.i love learning little facts like these.

[@EliyaNef]

That's really cool. What's the reason behind that?

[@sophiaro4593]

@@EliyaNef as far as I know there's no specific reason other than it being a very old way of quite literally fooling around during carnival. All sorts of traditions arise from just being foolish and carefree and having fun - it was supposed to drive away all the bad spirits of winter and be the last "fun" period before lent.

[@jphugin]

Me as a german I didn't even know about that. Guess that is just a tradition in a certain part of Germany.

[@antheathetiefling8581]

My favorite moments: Travis: nononononono! Matt: YOU KILLED THE WHEAT?! Ashley: i am a verb! Talisan: its like expecting to play Macbeth but being told your playing McDonald.

[@EmilyRobinsonShotgunEm]

NOT THE WHEAT

[@flipmasse]

Oh I love Talisan's quote for that. xD Poor Matt haha.

[@chaseteel251]

Q's graceful exit was amazing too.

[@jasonmika6237]

Things to love about this video: 1. We learn a new verb 2. Q, her doll, and her socks 3. How genuinely happy Matt is every time someone struggles but eventually gets a story detail right.

[@jasonmika6237]

Ashley's beating heart sound effect and her nom nom nom would be 4 and 5

[@jeanief.6036]

@@rosalindchang7039 44:33 is when the door opens.

[@playyourdrums6762]

Also wheat

[@alexfirefly1956]

0. Is obviously Liams story itself, it was terrific

[@jasonmika6237]

@@playyourdrums6762 always remember the wheat

[@jkc491]

Marisha learning German from a native Spanish speaking Teacher is the most Midwestern thing ever.

[@drunkenfianna]

Like a reverse Senor Uhl from Trollhunters :)

[@wesleyw.2775]

"Kinder is candy" "Its... children."

[@taviebrown2271]

Eh, the Waldhex couldn't tell the differencr.

[@stevecarter8810]

Surprise!

[@yodawolfe1099]

Same thing to a hag

[@dylanglassgow7458]

Liam is the well-written original movie, Taliesin is the not-as-good sequel, Marisha is the redundant sequel, Ashley is the Family Guy cameo, Laura is the remake made by a new studio, Travis is the remade sequel that they based on the original instead of the remake, Matt is the high budget remake that goes well, And Sam is the final Netflix special

[@nairocamilo]

Quyen Tran, famous photography cinematographer, Professional puppeteer

[@Dimloep]

Pure art, right there.

[@DaniGeez]

Next time on Yeehaw Game Ranch:

[@JB-xl2jc]

Baker too!

[@theodorehsu5023]

And then the fandom rejoiced with much laughter.

[@icymoons]

@@theodorehsu5023 can confirm twitch chat went feral

[@Mixtape804]

I love that Matthew's DM shows so often during these things. His genuine intrigue when he saw Liam's version and just his comments on the performance's.

[@Hellscrap3r]

His expression as soon as it started was basically "you have my FULL attention".

[@spencer_abrams]

I think I'm going to continue thinking about Matt intensely asking "Who dropped the wheat?" for many years to come

[@predictablychaotic]

The mind eaten: Eodwulf (think that was his name?) his thoughts no longer his own, but those of the Assembly and of Ikithon The eye taken: Astrid, no longer seeing truly the things her master has done The heart: Bren, lost and alone for so many years, and still believing he is an awful person, unworthy of love

[@DarkAirril]

Wow. Some people, including me, saw the symbolism of the story for Calebs background, but I didnt realize that even children themselfs seem to be symbolism for tree students of Icky. Thats deep. Liam, you sneaky fox. 😀

[@Gryphon2026]

YES EXACTLY! 😊🤓

[@DavismTXAG98]

... And the Wheat continues to grow ...

[@cinnamonbun2251]

I thought the mind eaten would be Bren, since his mind "broke" and went into a dissociative fugue for like ten years?

[@danielchurchill2661]

Not to mention at one point has a bit of a smeagol moment.

[@hanna50000]

“The other two children apparently just stand there and watch this happen and are like ‘my turn!’” Lol that one got me good 😂

[@laurenhawes7201]

"And the last child, who for some reason still isnt running"

[@anothercub6958]

Mom said it's my turn to get eaten by the hag

[@marcwells942]

"Hold Person" is a spell, after all

[@jenjaynes8863]

Yes I was howling at this one

[@alexi0208]

Ashley "And they're cursed FOR-EVER" *Sam's door opens, and Travis's favorite cursed child enters* 44:35

[@stephenalley5177]

"She goes to the first kid and eats his brain, now whenever he goes to Google something he forgets what he was looking up." "She goes to the second kid and eats one of her eyes, now she has no depth perception and her insurance rates are ridiculous cause she's been in so many accidents." "Finally she goes to the third kid and eats his heart. Now he has really poor circulation and his hands and feet fall asleep really easily."

[@KidoKoin]

"Finally she goes to the third kid and eats his heart. Now he has really poor circulation and his hands and feet fall asleep really easily." He is also the mayor of his town and very rich, and everybody is looking up to him.

[@CavvieKat]

Ohmygosh, Travis' "I admit, I was so taken by how cute my wife was, I kind of blanked on this part..." PRECIOUS.

[@emzydivey]

Rexxentrum's hottest club is: Vortex. This club has everything: dry kids, wheat, Crull the Crone (it's that thing where a hag eats your brain, eyes, or heart OMNOMNOMNOMNOM and you and your children's children are cursed).

[@philosynfonie7307]

Especially funny that it is meant to be "Waldhexe" which means "Forrest witch"

[@Biohybr1d]

Props for making a Stefan reference.

[@pratibhapersonal6737]

-stick around for next thursday for "nott's one shot" "whats nots one shot" -Its that thing of when a midget challenges you to a race and then shoots you in the ass

[@pauldix06]

Thank you, this was all i could hear when they started that bit take several of my likes

[@joshuaharrelson3357]

After literally just watching every Stefon ever compilation, I was dying at this comment!!!!

[@raphaelr.4804]

I was waiting for Laura to go all Jester on this: "Listen so Caleb told me this story once but I don't think he did a very good job and anyway I was busy painting the wall, soo ... "

[@mazie1874]

Matt did so good and he didn’t even see Liam’s. He kinda got the metaphor too. He really did amazing on this one. I love Liam’s story so much

[@taviebrown2271]

Part of being a GM is knowing everyone's back stories, so he probably immideatly figured put the hidden meaning. And then decided to have fun by making fun of Caleb.

[@alexandervaucrosson7841]

I like how this tale has an interesting underlying cultural metaphor for the empire. For the empire to flourish you must sacrifice your ability to think for yourself, the ability to see the truth, and the ability to love... very sad ... very Caleb

[@RuteL]

Right? I loved that so much.

[@nicholasandrews3786]

It’s more than just very much like him, it is him. The three children are Eodwulf, Astrid and Bren. It’s Eodwulf’s mind, Astrid’s eye and Bren’s heart devoured so the empire can grow.

[@brannontirin]

And the Crone? Krone is German for Crown. It’s also the term for their currency (pre EU).

[@carlh9082]

@@brannontirin translation is correct but wasnt the German currency pre Euro the Deutsche Mark?

[@Vendal89]

@@carlh9082 exactly. D-Mark (or Deutsche Mark) was used before Euro. Kronen are used in other countries

[@frschaddelee]

When Sam's wife backed out of the room... I haven't laughed this hard in MONTHS.

[@spellbreath2876]

She's his wife all right.

[@kaizen5023]

That was epic!

[@sethkeown5965]

Time stamp?

[@Tadpole1612]

Watch Sams screen at 44:30

[@JB-xl2jc]

His wife is so awesome, I follow her on Instagram too, she has some cool stuff (not to mention quarantine sourdough recently)!

[@DarkFlareGC]

The crone crawl is the signature dance during ladies night at the Vortex

[@homieseaotter5190]

Liam: German accent Travis: I am heavy weapons guy

[@gapdelta2679]

Ashley: LET ME TELL YOU A SPOOKY TALE *carebean cruise music in the background*

[@CordeiroViivi]

Anyone talking about Travis's "I was so taken by how cute my wife is that I kinda blanked"?

[@Dimloep]

Who can blame him, really?

[@grahamrambles1006]

I was also so taken by how beautiful his wife is

[@cadence8977]

Adorable

[@The11thEvilEx]

#HubbyGoals

[@tuesdaynext7370]

They are such a cute couple

[@savannahsmith1319]

I like to imagine the characters are telling these stories So this episode was like Caleb telling Caduceus a bedtime story, and then Cad telling Beau the next morning and so on and so forth

[@lightblue_12]

This would be such a good idea! Then we'll get to hear all the character voices and the story can be slightly different based on how the character perceives it :D I would love that to be the next round if they actually keep doing this when they can play again!

[@Adharaaa]

Good news: there is a fanfic of this on ao3, it is a thing of beauty

[@hannahc875]

@@Adharaaa link?!

[@Adharaaa]

Hannah C here it is archiveofourown.org/works/24466336

[@savannahsmith1319]

@Adhara Raine YES PLEASE LINK!!

[@vicentefernandez9084]

Holy fuck. Every single member of the cast is an amazing master of their craft. But Liam... Man, Liam's something special.

[@isthisajojoreference]

Can you imagine what the origins of all the Greek tales and stories must be like if this is how that shit was passed down for centuries

[@laurab7049]

"And then they joined Circe for a nice pork dinner." "AND THEN... CIRCE TURNED THEM INTO PIGS."

[@fieldy409]

No wonder all the stories about Norse Gods sound insane.

[@thomastakesatollforthedark2231]

@@fieldy409 I mean... Alcohol makes you feel warm. Most of those stories where probably told when drunk

[@AatamiSE]

@@fieldy409 You mean, like all religions do?

[@LordDragox412]

Jesus: Make a net to fish and you'll catch many fish People: *HE TURNED ONE FISH INTO MANY! MIRACLE!*

[@juxhex]

Why is Ashley telling the story like she’s trying to bully me into giving her money

[@joluoto]

Because she is

[@alexkoder1982]

You don't give her your money just because?

[@mugai915]

Why does she need to bully you? Because you aren't giving her money yet!

[@BoojumFed]

Hand it over, nerd!

[@noahtheinfuriator]

this right here, this is the comment that killed me

[@alexmiller9249]

Matthew mercer really salvaged some details that had been lost since the first transmission.

[@DAEsaster]

I love Liam's symbolism. The empire is allowed to grow because of group think, obfuscation of the truth, and a lack of love in a neverending cycle. I also love the obvious inspiration from the Brothers Grimm cautionary tales.

[@TheThreeHeadedDragon]

It's a metaphor for Eodwulf, Astrid, and Bren in that order.

[@TyrannoLime]

“And the kids were like, ‘are you a crone?’ and she was like ‘yes, I am a crone’” the Mercer effect

[@alexfasci2632]

omg the crone is Trent, the boy who cant think for himself again is eodwulf, the girl who can never truly see again is astrid, and the boy who can never love again is caleb, and this cycle of the empire eating children for it's own benefit will continue for the rest of everyone's lives. Caleb this is so sad.

[@Ruguban]

Wow, didn't even think of that - but it fits too well to be a coincidence.

[@mudkipjuice]

@@Ruguban Liam confirmed it on twitter, so def not a coincidence!

[@Aleph-Noll]

ooo how epic

[@mindsendStoryweaver]

A cautionary tale of the Empire War Machine and how it takes and destroys children, and how it destroyed him and his friends exactly.

[@llewtree3013]

Wow sad German ideas indeed Liam 😂

[@neerGdyahS]

I love how Liam passes the torch to the Lord of Darkness Taliesin, and the world immediately seems like a brighter happier place. It's like the spooky atmosphere tranformed INTO Taliesin.

[@geekyrobot__7316]

taliesen absorbed the spooky

[@Doctor_17]

Marisha talking about how Kinder means candy and Liam correcting her to say it means children, in regards with Zemnian fairytales, the difference between the two matters little to Waldhexen.

[@beetlejuiceblues12]

My new eternal mood is *the* Matt Mercer screeching "YOU LOST THE WHEAT" at his wife. Also I literally thought I was gonna pass out from laughing when Quyen was struggling to back out of the room with the doll. This is definitely the best one so far.

[@laurenhawes7201]

Nothing as funny as an asian mom crawling backwards out an office door with a small child/childlooking object. We knew this in 2018

[@theodorehsu5023]

@@laurenhawes7201 Special guest appearance: Quyen Tran as the Puppeteer.

[@leonmercury3732]

I love how shortly after Matt gets upset, his wife apologizes in-video. It's on par with the echo of "oh, no"

[@bombshellblonde544]

God I couldn't breathe when Quyen was army crawling out. That was the greatest thing ever

[@electrotoxins]

38:32

[@soff_icini]

Marisha: Oh no, I'm Ashleying this Ashley: I'm a veeerb!

[@Grey_Shard]

looking at Matt as Liam talks about "Valdhexer" - you can see him working out the stats.

[@corinnebloom7005]

Yeah man. It would be really interesting if he made her(?) an actual monster

[@Kasino80]

Isn't just a green hag?

[@grantsvoiceongames1992]

36:14 “I’m Ashley-ing this” “I’M A VERB!” 😂😂

[@nathandudley4537]

Ashley: I can't wait to be back to normal so we can stop doing this. Matt: This is never going to end. This is the best thing ever. Please don't stop. I started doing this with my D&D group thanks to you.

[@CotalCosta]

Would be cool if more people start doing it and post it on youtube!

[@EStramel09]

@@Keovar I'm the same. What I've been doing is watching the original stories and skipping straight to the reactions and watching it devolve with the rest of the crew and it's WAY more enjoyable.

[@KristenWood317]

@@EStramel09 That's actually a brilliant way to do it. I did that on this one thanks to your suggestion. Love that!

[@KorsarNik]

Yep, we did the same. And the final story was ridiculously completely different from the first one that I told. =) I couldn't believe that it could happen after 6 iterations.

[@theodorehsu5023]

We need to have everyone post theirs Nathan. Critical Role Uniting everyone through Narrative Telephone! And at least until Matt repeats.

[@bowes98]

Ashley’s “I’m a verb” had me ON THE FLOOR 😂😂

[@nicktheotter]

And it's now in Urban Dictionary too :-)

[@feylights166]

We must use it lol

[@kullenne]

"Oh no, I'm ashleying this" "imaverb!"

[@C_Bat]

It was a Mercer's first law, after you say "I'm Ashleying so hard", cheery music shall play.

[@lawfullyblind8403]

Mercer: welcome to the club...

[@skynyrdjesus]

I love how this story started as something you could convince someone was a real life German parable about the dangers of facism, and ended as the plot of a B horror movie written by someone who heard someone pretend to speak German once.

[@theanyktos]

I laughed so hard at this, you're so right.

[@VulcanWolf]

I love how from Ashley onward the "Om-Nom-Nom" stays in the narrative. It's so fucking adorable.

[@cloudsteele1989]

"The other two children apparently just stand there and watch this happen and are like 'My turn'...And the third child for whatever god forsaken reason is still there and not running..." I love Mat. Also Lauras hair.

[@laalratty]

This is heartbreaking when you remember the third child is Caleb.

[@alexkoder1982]

@@laalratty ...and in the end Caleb learned to love once again after journeying with the band of misfits known as The Mighty Nein!

[@theodorehsu5023]

Cloud, was she trying to do the woman from Paranormal Activity? The Ring didn't have a girl, just a scary boy if I remember...

[@mathybrain8]

@@theodorehsu5023 You don't remember. The Ring had the girl with wet hair who crawled out of the TV.

[@theodorehsu5023]

@@mathybrain8 Thanks. Memory been a little fuzzy at times (never one for scary movies much). Was wicked Laura could now pull it off. Was wickedly funny Quyen brought The Walden Hexe (forest witch). Will be even more wondering what Ashley and Talesin will have for their own tales.

[@JohnDoe-nq4du]

"the tools I had at my disposal: booze containers and fire." Sam really is a little goblin girl.

[@alexboyer6691]

@@bigdream_dreambig I literally just watched that epidode

[@JB-xl2jc]

I laughed so hard at that that I killed my whole family

[@dddude55]

@@JB-xl2jc Guess I'll them off of a bridge

[@cpgiveaway12]

*hearing the Caribbean drum background music on Ashley's video* Ashley: "Let me tell you a spooky tale"

[@corinnebloom7005]

Honestly, that's how I imagine Yasha's would go

[@ladypossum1776]

38:33 Matt yelling at his wife "YOU CUT THE WHEAT" is just 🤣

[@canniloni]

Ahh yes, a new episode of my favorite show “Torturing Ashley Johnson”

[@qualandrew201494]

Im looking forward to the next one.... the ashley torturing the rest of them one :D

[@frightenedsoul]

qualandrew201494 - it was glorious!

[@canniloni]

qualandrew201494 she was way too nice to them :D here’s to hoping they do another round so she can do the story she originally wanted to do

[@Isa-pc6il]

Love your profile pic

[@canniloni]

Isa thank you

[@thomasandrewclifford]

I really just need this wildly meandering slow story from Cadeucus which has a brief interlude regarding how much he likes tea.

[@alexfirefly1956]

Even though that would be great, I kinda wish Tal would tell his story as Molly, to pay homage to him. I miss that beautiful train wreck. But either way, I am pretty excited for his story I am sure it will be great 💜

[@evekitch5003]

TAL, get on this BB

[@notsomagicalmike7429]

I really hope Tal's story is Cad forgetting details, remembering details incorrectly and having to start over certain points

[@bartholen]

No no no. It needs to be a long, wildly meandering story whose whole lesson _is_ that Caduceus likes tea.

[@BornAScout]

Okay, I love Caddyshack but Tal's C1 character was named: Percival Frederickstein Von Mussel Klowalski deRolo the Third of Whitestone. And I would just love the cast attempting to remember a ton of equally ridiculous names.

[@KittyStrange]

Ashely: "Why the kids went there?? Well it doesn't matter, it's not part of the story!!" xDD

[@taviebrown2271]

Then seeing the original: Oh wait, it was. It was a big part of it.

[@BabeonaquestVOD]

Thanks to Sam's Wife for making laugh the hardest I have laughed in a while. I needed that.

[@incognito7739]

Ashley's homnomnoms hijacked this entire story and honestly? I'm here for it

[@erikdiaz6379]

I'm not tbh.

[@DuelaDent52]

It goes from a dark parable about the Empire to some witch being a jerk and eating stupid children for no reason.

[@Operettenbitch]

"the drei children... eins, zwei, drei... YES, the drei children" - basically everyone

[@chaseteel251]

To be fair, Liam did count in german. Just not at that part.

[@OmniValor]

the dry children

[@morganbenedict4665]

When Marisha did it, I immediately thought “Caleb has a cold again”

[@space_hobbit]

i love how going from "Waldhexe" to "vortex" is all it takes to turn a Grimm's fairy tale to a weird episode of Doctor Who apparently xD

[@CelticCubby]

Liam totally captures the feel of a Grimm fairy tale. With a very Dwendalian Empire feel.

[@michaelliggett1622]

Liam's confirmed it was about caleb wulf and astrid

[@akrinornoname2769]

Well, not quite the Grimm versions, but it's very German fairytale

[@JB-xl2jc]

And that the crone/hag was the Imperial military. But that adds an interesting wrinkle. Would Liam or Caleb agree that the Imperial Military really is a good thing for the empire and is really what makes it strong (as the hag makes the wheat grow and the kingdom strong) or is the Imperial military a dark and malignant cancerous growth that actually weakens the empire?

[@AM-so3sc]

Someone tried to tell Caleb a cautionary tale before he went off to the Academy, but all that reached him was "there's this very cool club in Rexxentrum called the Vortex, you should definitely bring your friends there"

[@Dragonspoetofdeath]

So in this scenario they were consumed by (Trent) Icky-Crone? I mean kind of true...

[@MonarchRigel]

MVP of this Episode: Quyen. hands down.

[@CaptainAricDeron]

This always happens with Critical Role. I watch and listen until something happens that makes me die laughing, and then I rewatch that clip. . . Six times? Eight times? Who knows.

[@annec8127]

She is so awesome. ❤❤❤❤

[@theodorehsu5023]

@@annec8127 She brought the creepy humor with the Waldenhexe (forest witch) making her Appearance.

[@malenbadger7733]

Ashley: Let me tell you a spooky tale... *Cheery music starts playing in the background*

[@kkTeaz]

*perfect music* PERFECT *I SAY*

[@franciscosauceda95]

She sounds like she's doing an impression of Jester doing a Caleb impression. I love it and Ashley is a cinnamon roll

[@Panquernic]

Caribbean music XD

[@dariolendaric9918]

I just had probably a greatest dream ever. I was having lunch with the whole cast of Critical Role on a nice beach where we all roleplayed together and hang out. Then more and more people just popped out and it became a party and the last thing I remember, Taliesin came to me and said "Live your dreams". I woke up in happy tears and sudden burst of positive energy. You guys really made that much impact on me. Thank you so much!!!

[@chromegaman]

Um, that wasn't a dream; you got Taliesin'd

[@katecoman521]

He literally is an immortal being not of this realm. I would not be surprised if that was actually him

[@nbv6975]

That’s just a thing he does, that was just the actual Taliesin having a causal stroll through people’s dreams

[@lukeh8891]

Ok I actually had a dream pretty similar to this where I got the chance to play a game with the entire cast and they all came over to my house but then I completely forgot my character and they all just stared at me and then the dream ended

[@taviebrown2271]

@@lukeh8891 Wait, you had a nightmare about the CR cast? Man, that sucks.