Natasha Lyonne's Childhood Gave Her A "High Emotional IQ" | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

[@Exiled.New.Yorker]

I was raised by Narcissists and Alcoholics, and a lot of us stay quiet because there's a very real stigma attached to saying something like "I was relieved when they died". People just refuse to accept that some people should have never been allowed to be parents.

[@ApocalypseofMichael]

Narcissistic personality + alcoholism = Psycho type B cluster personality disorder. Kudos ✨✌️👊

[@TheJustineCredible]

I'm right with you there. That sense of relief, no longer havingh to make excuses for them, no longer having to explain yourself to them, no more arguing or feeling like you'll never measure up to their expectations - the whole time, they don't even measure up to their own expectations, but you can't tell them that. LIke Natasha said: "they weren't bad people, they were just nuts." 100% same

[@Kristen10-22]

Ditto… No Contact for now

[@vee1545]

The more people I meet with parents like mine, the more I realise how common a sentiment that is, either ‘I can’t wait for them to die’ or ‘it was such a relief when they died’. Says it all really, they are interpersonal terrorists with variable levels of self awareness

[@h.p.3072]

If it's how you felt, then it's how you felt. What's truly there is to be honored. Surely, being honest about our feelings is a high form of love, just as trying to be "proper" purports to be.

[@marias.wainwright3481]

I love anyone who is able to say they felt relief when their abusive relative passed. It's okay to both feel compassion for peoole but also acknowledge that they aren’t/weren’t a force for good in your life.

[@evolvvartstudio]

This, 10000%

[@Ntsmith4]

I’m waiting on the relief I will receive and I look forward to it.

[@Qu33nMary444]

Same here. Hearing Natasha say it out loud with no joking or anything really gave me such an unexpected feeling of joy. One of my worst abusers passed suddenly last year and every day I remember that they're gone and I feel such relief and peace that they won't ever stalk me or call me or hurt me every again.

[@mirandathetempest7]

That’s a powerful observation.

[@abbylebaddie]

❤

[@TomWDW1]

I think most people are too afraid to speak this candidly about trauma, death, and distance. Natasha is amazing here. ❤

[@snicker576]

Everyone that used to do smack but quit always seem really cool

[@cactaceous]

@@snicker576Once you have been to hell for an extended vacation and were able to come back home, mind you hell comes in different ways, there is knowledge, empathy and awareness gathered that make you more human than the average human.

[@snicker576]

@@cactaceous Well said

[@misterguy9002]

Sure, I guess. People who have suffered a lot, kind of find their own ways if they want or get better. They may suffer from similar emotions and traumas but completely different circumstances. But I sure do understand the human struggle in all categories of a perception of “living life”. No judgement here. Just love and kindness for all of us who’ve struggled.

[@S543-]

@@cactaceousagree

[@DjinnRummy]

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Conan or any of them so quiet and just letting someone speak like this! Natasha is fascinating. I bet she has SO many good stories

[@kimberlybyrd1841]

I agree! I wish she would write an autobiography, I would totally read it! 🥰

[@rickholb3877]

What she’s saying makes so much sense to me. My mom just died a couple months ago and I was so surprised what a relief it was. She was a narcissist and really put my brother and me thru hell with the head games. Natasha is so interesting

[@angellacanfora]

Daughter of a narcissist here. So sorry you went through that. I get it.

[@Exiled.New.Yorker]

Another NMom Survivor. Big support love.

[@Dimi374]

I had to go through a lot to understand that my parents went through a lot.

[@thinkplanetearth2946]

I can listen to her for ever. She is so smart and funny and completely authentic. I loved when she talked about being consoled by Rosie Perez and Marisa Tomei and how those were the three thickest accents. Hilarious. She was also on the Smartless podcast and she was great there too.

[@maydavalle]

🤗

[@ftuT]

That's some candid talk. Nicely done, I'm sure many will relate. And Conan and the rest just let her talk and respect the moment.

[@maydavalle]

♥️

[@SuperJoeyFilms]

That kid is the Real Deal too. She's learned from the great people in her life. That's a special something to carry onto the next gen. Its true a genuine kindness goes such a long way. To be seen and to see another. RIP Paul

[@jaredknapp8886]

Miss Natasha is and has been amazing. And she looks good for 27.

[@shybunny8277]

Dude she isn’t 27 it was obviously a joke 😂😂😂

[@LycanLink]

This woman has had the voice of a 60-year-old since she was 20, and yet, I've always had a crush on her. 😅

[@InformedPanda]

Same here

[@pathatfield2543]

Get in line

[@japark85]

She smoked until very recently. I hope that her voice recovers.

[@silke3961]

I love her voice ❤

[@LarsvanVught]

Its not just the smoking. She just has a lower, raspy voice

[@ontariosmosthaunted]

In a way this reminds me of the book/memoir "I'm Glad My Mom Died" by Jennette McCurdy! Should definitely talk to her, she talks in her book many times how much she LOVED watching Conan OBrien on TV, and fake sleeping when Jay was on 😂

[@dianeblumenthal5951]

I actually just finished that book, so I can 100% agree with you on this observation.

[@RajitRoy_NR]

She was actually on Andy Richter's podcast (3 Qs)!!

[@ontariosmosthaunted]

RAJIT - I just listened to the episode, Andy ricter is also a hell of an interviewer! It's also an awesome show and did a great job

[@ebbyc1817]

@@dianeblumenthal5951 would you recommend it? I was relieved when I heard of the book and the book title, like, finally, someone's talking...

[@jesmasa1]

I so related to the hypervigilance part. I also thought i should be in the CIA due to how i can read a room, read people and their state of emotion with usual accuracy. Its a little exhausting but i have to say does come in handy sometimes.

[@DSAK55]

I didn't know there was DSM diagnosis for "Generalize Anxiety Disorder". I just I was "high strung" like my father

[@dreamscape405]

I was happy when my mom died too. People hear that, and think you're some heartless person, but if they only knew how she abused me in childhood, they'd agree with me. I don't know if my father is still alive, haven't seen him in almost 20 yrs, so I just assume he is. May as well be. And I'm happy that both of my abusive and neglectful parents are dead. I'm also happy we're in a time period where more people are understanding now, than 20 yrs ago, and earlier. When I think about the trauma my grandparents, and all of my ancestors before them suffered, I'm so grateful to live in these times, where there's healing available ❤

[@journalologyandcoofficial]

I can't wait for mine to die!

[@justgonzothegreat]

She's such a good guest and Conan's chemistry with her is phenomenal. I want more!

[@brokenanklesarentfun]

She's so beautiful and smart and relatable. I did not know this about her upbringing and as someone who had narc parents I love her for talking about this so earnestly.

[@mylittlewillie]

as a red head with bangs who's goal after college was to join the CIA raised by abusive alcohol parents, I can't believe I've lived my whole life in Natasha lyonnes shadow

[@Belluser-we1uc5cb2l]

My older sister bullied me since I was 5. My father was a dominating narcissist. My mother was codependent with my father. However, controlling when it came to me. My late husband was a bipolar, narcissist, alcoholic. I enjoy my peace now. My parents passed away 2 years ago and a big heaviness left me..relief yes but y ou can't say that to people without sounding like an awful person..but it's true. I do miss and did love them. I will never remarry. Been dominated all my life.

[@maydavalle]

Emotional IQ❣️~ Hyper vigilance of constantly being terrified and assessing situations ☠️ 😩😔🥺

[@420besosxx]

The only good thing to come from trauma for me is being able to see & feel in ways lots of ppl can't.

[@ChiefRxcka]

I totally get what she's saying. I always have said that I will cry tears of relief when my dad dies.

[@johannaliceaga5936]

I get what she’s saying about her friends kids, I do everything for my kids and I’m so overprotective and now that they’re a little older I realized I did wrong because they are overly dependent on me and have too many fears

[@florete2310]

Complete silence when she's telling how things were back then. She's tough. And cool. I like people who can't help but naming things how they see them. Great guest

[@steelbill1834]

Love Natasha, she always makes me smile and laugh! Without fail, she has the courage to be vulnerable.

[@voodoochile4147]

This woman is amazing!!! Can we also talk about what a superior interviewer and host Conan is?!!! This was awesome. 👏🏾 🤩🫶🏾🥰 Well done!

[@biegebythesea6775]

he has depression so he has an understanding

[@entsaga]

Came for the funny bits, stayed for the honest human message.

[@hermunkulus]

Natasha is so New York. Glad we can claim her.

[@pikabiga]

Love to see someone speak honestly and with understanding about childhood trauma. It’s a long and hard journey. Been working on it myself

[@MsJellyBellyLove]

Same. I heard back a few years ago that my abusive mother finally got the cancer that she chain smoked so hard for. I don't know if she passed yet.

[@oldnatty61]

@@MsJellyBellyLove I'm waiting for the word from my aunt connie. Here's the thing? What's my responsibility? I wasn't there when my dad fucked my mom. Also, she allowed it. Why is it my fault?

[@breebarry4422]

I could listen to her talk forever!

[@maydavalle]

❤️

[@86sineadw]

I hope Natasha does a biography. Her story could be healing for others, it could be relatable to so many people.

[@ArgChica]

Boy, do I relate!! Anyone who has had to deal with parent or parents with severe issues, especially severe mental health gets it. We are so hyper-vigilant. Typical origin of a superhero. Messed up childhood and hero after😂😂😂😂

[@MsJellyBellyLove]

And she's right about the CIA; they used to pick kids with issues back in the day!

[@bbygirlk94]

I always thought I was really insightful/hyper-aware but turns out it was just trauma 😩 lol

[@Shijith1]

Natasha is such a fascinating person to listen to, I wish they would put the whole unedited video out on youtube instead of these 10 minute clips.

[@bluecube7247]

I have been through hell and back again and again... aint no way I'm sittin in a chair all stiff and uptight. Some of us don't need to pose or please the crowds, we know who we are, where we come from and where we're going.

[@bananascoaster1243]

'Epigenetic footprint, or what have you' in that raspy voice is very on brand for her😂

[@danielbarrero2815]

She’s absolutely incredible!

[@kemsat-n6h]

I’ve loved this girl since American Pie. Her & Alyson Hannigan were the things I remember from that movie.

[@bluex610]

People need to watch Poker Face, super underrated show. Being on Peacock probably hurts it a bit. Can't wait for season 2

[@DamianReloaded]

Kudos to her for quitting smoking. I quit twice, last time for good (I hope!) almost 10 years ago. I've heard nicotine is more addictive than heroine. So, not an easy feat. Keep it up!

[@michaelrafales2782]

Great conversation. Already loved her, love get even more now

[@YodatheHobbit]

I can related to having family that is "very untreated" as far as mental illness goes. Not so much in a bad abusive way, just in a cause and effect of their behavior towards themselves, each other, and their kids way. How spoiling a kid and giving a kid to much emotional distance makes them mentally incompetent to be able to take care of themselves later in life. I was so happy and proud of being able to use one of my first paychecks to buy a new mattress for myself. It should have been a rare sense of accomplishment and moment of independence for me, and at the last minute I was forced by my parents to let them pay for it. Anytime I'd tell one of them about ANYTHING I had plans to purchase they IMMEDIATELY offer old versions I can have or food they've already bought. I just want to bond over conversation, yet I'm treated like a I'm asking for something. Still happens to this day. I've grown up most of my life never feeling anything is truly MINE. I can never feel any sense of pride from them because I'm conditioned to be prevented from succeeding on my own. Being the child of divorce from one parent early in life and then of separation from a second father later in life, you hear a lot of hate from each of them towards each other, lots more than any direct love from each of them. I can count the amount of times I've heard "I love you" from each parent on one hand. Unfortunately I only started hearing "I love you" from my stepfather near the end of his life, so I was extremely unused to it. I VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY much don't want my mom to die, but until she does I'm trapped in a world where I'm always provided for and can never grow without hurting her feelings and leaving her to live alone were I to attempt to move out. I have a job that makes money, but I'm bad a managing it because I always have a safety net when I've accidentally spent too much so I can never learn to truly SAVE.

[@jazzoff]

omg i totally get you. took the words out my mouth. am figuring how to live as well.

[@velvetpins198]

You have to move out, it’s the only way to feel independent and not responsible for your mums happiness. Share housing with your peer group is good for the soul !

[@biegebythesea6775]

I feel like so many people in society are untreated.

[@amusicment4829]

Natasha is amazing… great interview. A truly funny and talented actor … Poker Face and Russian Doll are so great❤️

[@dsgp7835]

I want Natasha to play the great Christina Amphlett of the awesome Aussie band The Divinyls in a movie. She's perfect for the part.

[@Brian28021]

"If you see something, say something." Comedy gold!

[@hereticerik]

She's great, I love her. So glad you had her on!

[@Bruna_K.]

It took me a month to realize I actually felt relief when my dad died. He was a very difficult man. It's a real thing to be alleviated when someone who hurt you died. People just don't talk about it.

[@B_kinda]

Love her. I’m glad she is still with us and thriving.

[@fleurjoesten]

Both of my narcissistic and abusive parents are still alive (as far as I'm aware of), as well as their narcissistic counterparts (they're divorced). I don't know when or if I will find out when they die or died, but I do know that it is going to be a relief when they do, even if it's from a distance. I came into the world fighting, and I have had to every day of my life because of my parents and the abuse that they put me through. My life is finally starting to stabilize, and that gives me more clarity and distance as well, but they should have never been allowed to have children to begin with. As a child of abuse you really have to clean up the mess before you can have your own life, and have healthy relationships that fulfill you, as opposed to doing things to avoid the pain. It's a struggle and a battle, but you can definitely make it out okay. You just have to put in the work.

[@belovedchild9812]

I always say, my healing began when my father died. 🙏❤️

[@hayeonkim7838]

Thanks for interesting and valuable video as always 😂

[@nataliaalfonso2662]

Family is one of the worst things about life. Horrible parents destroy lives.

[@danilaroche1156]

My parents were very abusive. Very cruel and perverts. They almost destroyed me but then Jesus swooped in and healed me.

[@limitles4758]

this is so helpful. avoidant personality disorder...... she's brilliant and alive

[@tamarindcandy]

Hugs to all my fellow childhood trauma survivors out there. ❤

[@steveflatbush]

I wish Russian Doll would come back. That was a great show.

Same! I didn't realize she was a writer and producer of it as well but after seeing the wit and humor when talking about dark topics I'm not surprised.

[@farmgal77]

Cackaroach.

[@kamuelalee]

It's funny that Natasha brings up Susan Terrell from "Fat City" because for a long time I thought the two actors were quite similar. And they're both were and are talented artists.

[@stylemethrift997]

'Untreated' is the best description. That's exactly what my mum is like

[@porudoryu]

Damn. That's why her character in that prsion show is so real. May pinaghuhugutan pala amp.

[@Jade-hl2cf]

I met her mother at a spa in Miami Beach in the early 2000s. She was definitely unusual

[@cosmiclovetravelagency]

Emotional IQ is actually called EQ & more people need it these days ❤

[@curseofcontext]

what a serve! paused my watchthrough of poker face about midway because i loved it too much to cope with finishing it but it's been ghosting through my mind ever since whispering my eyeballs back

[@nejtunes203]

This was awesome ❤

[@marianabm5671]

i love so much her, shes so talented n so pretty. I mean really the best human and so much intelligent

[@ledocteurgonzo]

i've been by my self at 15 in 1996 and always been since.

[@THEJoeDub22]

Natasha is such a gem. Poker Face is extremely fun.

[@Qu33nMary444]

I love Natasha so much for many reasons and this interview just gave me yet another reason ❤

[@ebbyc1817]

She's just like her characters in real life. No wonder they feel so authentic.

[@ScottyColoradoKid]

Cant even believe how articulate she is.....wow

[@Runemaster293]

to witness her getting guttural laughs from Conan and crew; PRICELESS. Thank you for sharing.

[@heathergustafson4237]

This women is so talented and beautiful! Hollywood is not giving her more acting(good parts) to try.

[@виктория-д8т7я]

She's saying things here that you really need to think about. Hell made her this way, but she's an amazingly beautiful woman. I would so love to talk to her over a cup of coffee💋

[@jj-if6it]

That's so interesting that her comeback was tied to her parents

[@AndrewGonzalez-dp3og]

I love Natasha Lyonne!!!! Incredibly beautiful and talented and witty. Conan is obviously the goat at interviewing

[@joelcarlson1091]

Natasha is like a unicorn! Shelley Duvall was also a singularity in her time. "RUSSIAN DOLL" is excellent! Go Natasha Lyonne! GO Amy Poehler!

[@evolvvartstudio]

All of us out here who grew up in effed up homes are cheering you on, Natasha.

[@karenburns9952]

I have to agree with her. Having to make decisions for yourself made me a stronger adult. Then I probably crippled my children because I never wanted them to suffer.

[@karenburns9952]

Brooklyn, the Mecca

[@NASkeywest]

She should right a book about her life.

[@jfmaniac5118]

Her nails are pretty dang cool! :)

[@jeffreyvonstetten5852]

I had no idea about her family being like that.

[@japark85]

She’s had a really rough go of things. I’m so glad she came out on the other side and appears to be thriving now.

[@thevirtualtraveler]

Honestly, I would happily watch 8 hours of Conan & Natasha.

[@yesitislikethat]

This was a great podcast episode. I could listen to Ms. Lyonne all day long. ♥️

[@heatherh.197]

I just enjoy listening to her voice❤

[@HeartSunYoga]

It's so lame that her mom was trying to talk her into getting a boob job when she was younger. Natasha's perfect and gorgeous in her natural unadulterated state. A boob job would have been an aesthetic detriment to her beauty. Would have been bad for her body (and her mom should have realized that if she cared about her at all)... it's a negative and weird head trip to put on one's daughter. Seems like that was just of many lousy things her parents probably did.

[@mutee333]

Listening to this interview was eye opening, Natasha Lyonne is an amazing person to listen to, no joke, I think my intelligence increased after this.

[@Chevalier_knight]

God the "clocking things" hits me deep.

[@OlofTheBald]

Natasha is one of the most real MFs in Hollywood, she's going to be a legend beyond her time.

[@MarieNimo]

Oh i get it 🙋🏻 boogeymen parents, that is. That sense of life freeing up once they're dead except im in an awkward position of watching my Mom since my sisters are inept to properly care for her. I don't quite think i feel resentment as so much as feeling put on pause. Thank God for my son, his light my responsibility to cater to his life, to try to support him as best pur given circumferences offer.

[@madogblue]

Red Head Reunion! great interview

[@thinkforyourself828]

She needs to play Lucille Ball in some epic biopic. Like immediately. Holy cow.!

[@NikMartin-I-am]

Damn that was dark. I usually come prepared to yuk-yuk it up, but they took a turn!

[@Googleman81]

Whole episodes on KZbin, please.

[@alice_in_wonderland_102]

I relate to this so much.

[@lumitic774]

she is so, so real

[@nternetrat]

YES !!! natasha on conan podcast !!!! Yeeeeeeeeeessss

[@thelissieshow9881]

Astonishingly articulate

[@danielrichardson6054]

She sounds like a homeless

[@SwiftJustice]

​@@danielrichardson6054More crying from the sniveling right

[@thelissieshow9881]

@@danielrichardson6054 a homeless what?

[@HawkSea]

She's a smoker.@@danielrichardson6054

[@biegebythesea6775]

@@danielrichardson6054 you sound like a misogynist.

[@tofo2333]

Where can I watch the full version of this?

[@lavenderwashington5337]

Shout out to all my beautiful conflict avoiding babes 🖤

[@danilaroche1156]

Shes quite astute and articulate. I thought she was great in Slums of Beverly Hills.

[@tybrinkley7627]

Dang i think she just became my new favorite actress

[@dammitjim9131]

I just saw Natasha on Pee-wee's Playhouse. She looks like how one of my niece's looked when she was little. Natasha is an amazing actor. She's great in everything she does.

[@heyelliew]

Man, I related so hard as someone who has been raising myself ever since I can remember. There were even times I was parenting my own nut job untreated mom. Hyper-vigilant over everything for years. It took therapy, a cptsd diagnosis, and rehab to finally start recovering. ❤️‍🩹 Thank you guys for this episode.

[@mildsoup8978]

Love listening to her

[@shutinalley]

Think of it as old world damage rolling down hill through generations. We're just lucky we have the technology today to get the big picture.

[@helencharnock3436]

Amazing in anything she's in one of the best .