Navigating Friendships, Sexuality and Jealousy // EP 5 - Pretty Lonesome

[@soffmosele4904]

Cheating doesn’t just “happen”, it’s a choice. And I think everyone who’s been cheated on shouldn’t give their partner a second chance and just forgive them. You deserve better. Not cheating is the bare minimum for me ✌🏼

[@domclegg1225]

at no point did she say or suggest otherwise

[@George2647g]

cheating does just happen - heat of the moment - if you're sitting on someone watching a movie and suddenly there's a s*xy scene in the movie - things happen! People get h&^ny - pretending otherwise is jus naive and dumb.. Folks often don't go out with the intention to cheat - but it's about not putting yourself in situations where you can be tempted to cheat... Your statement here comes across as naive to me - as with Madeline saying curling up with her friends to watch a movie... that's just dangerous area and if I was in a committed relationship I just wouldn't put myself in that situation.

[@liahvscr]

​@@George2647gAre you perhaps a dog or why can't you control yourself??

[@petrichor7523]

Exactly

[@petrichor7523]

@@George2647gexactly you shouldn’t in the first place put yourself in that situation because you are in a stable relationship

[@annabelletiller1150]

the whole dating a girl but still being close to another girl IS NOT TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH!!!!!!! why are we always criticising girls hanging out with boys when they have a boy friend and vice versa??? it confuses me so much being bi like can i still be close with my girl best friend and snuggle up and watch movies when i date a girl? madeline u are literally speaking whats been on my mind all day.

[@gladiusthedrifter5746]

. . . unplanned pregnancies. Mainly answering the question who is the father. Paternity tests kind of fixed this, but a lot of people just assume. Girl on girl not gonna cause a baby in 9 months. The pill or other forms of birth control help to blur the line, but a lot of women react badly to certain forms of birth control and just have to map their cycles. Males also have an innate threat level due to higher muscle density and risk of non-consenual activity. Or just inadequacy/jealousy from guys. This is just what makes sense to me.

[@Yeolde777]

Think it has to do with a male being more of a threat to take your place than a girl is. Also do girls feel it is easier or more low key and casual to have sex with another girl than a guy?

[@annabelletiller1150]

i feel like there is definitely more of a threat of a man taking your place than a woman (from a woman's perspective) simply because straight relationships are more normalised and are what society is 'used to'. guys 'cant hang with girls' because there is the idea that they will end up together which has been around for like the entirety of humanity. i haven't been in a queer relationship but i feel like talking about your boundaries with each other and what you are comfortable with them doing with others, the same way that you would with a straight relationship, is the best way to go about it

[@rachel5426]

honestly i would feel weird regardless of the gender 😭 i mean, obv I'd hang out w them but I'd feel weird like snuggling up and watching movies

[@palynch]

I think one of the issues that occurs with male/female friendships a lot is that guys don't have much experience with intimacy and vulnerability. When a girl is comfortable enough to hug a guy or cuddle with them, a guy is unsure of what that might mean as when they have done this with girls in the past it's been for romantic reasons. Guys don't get compliments or other emotional experiences too often meaning their emotional intelligence is skewd to the romantic even if none was intended. It's a balancing act that is difficult for both guys and girls have to navigate. Who you surround yourself with helps people learn more. The more female friends I have the more I know what makes them comfortable/uncomfortable. The more people you interact with the more you learn.

[@greyes11]

I don't think it's just about exposure... I think it's also about hormones and how we're wired. Really appreciate your post!

[@whathappened246]

@@greyes11 Its not about wired. Unless u just cant control yourself.

[@adriwilli1105]

these podcasts are so girl talk, it's like the exact type of conversations I have with my girlfriends, honestly love this sm

[@chloegilchrist427]

I love the ape analogy, also it brings me peace knowing thoughts are just thoughts, not actions. Temptations are human

[@linverlaan2505]

Hi Madeline :) a student from the Dutch teachers' college for primary education here! We are actually not allowed to make teams the way you described anymore, because now most of the teachers can (finally) see how much trauma it causes for the children who get picked last! Thought you might find that interesting! By the way, love watching your podcast while taking a bath. Perfect moment of selfcare for me

[@Cindy12345ful]

I come from the Netherlands and I didn't know this has changed! I am so glad! I remember when I was a child I was always picked last because I wasn't the most atheletic. Even my "friends" who I thought would pick me didn't... It did cause me a lot of trauma and I now am dealing with failure anxiety and impostor syndrome and will be starting therapy hopefully soon

[@linverlaan2505]

I'm sorry you had to go through that... I hope therapy will help! And yes, it has changed! Now, supposedly all 'Pabo' students are taught to use different ways to make teams, which I'm very happy about. It might be nice knowing less and less children will experience that horrible moment in PE classes!@@Cindy12345ful

[@AwesomeRando]

Parts 16:50 to 19:00 is just golden.

[@legolasokatti4281]

indeed 😂

[@sophiaisabelle027]

We appreciate your insights. You'll always have our support.

[@aadritanelson4081]

these topics are so fucking superior and always some how interconnect with my life currently are u feeling my telepathic energy madline wtf babe? I LOVE YOU WTF ADDICTED TO THIS

[@maggotdevourer]

As a diagnosed adhd girly, I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND your frustration with PE omfg. I didn’t understand anything we had to do it was awful and I felt really isolated and frustrated cos every other kid would understand and have fun but for me I couldn’t wrap my head around it. That is why I loved swimming there are no rules for it whatsoever. I literally was always picked last in groups in PE because I was so oblivious. I then went through a phase of trying to escape PE as much as possible because I hated it so fucking much and I was running out of excuses.

[@jordextro]

Wait, could you explain the connection to adhd there. I have it myself and also struggled with rules in PE or general explanation..

[@manuboy214]

I love hearing your thoughts! It's interesting to do a deep dive into the different kinds of friendships.

[@Niationx]

went from talking about relationships/friendships to spin to PE to butt cramps this is why i love your podcasts

[@caitlinomartin]

fellow pcos girl, i went gluten free/dairy free and whole food route to cure my symptoms. butthole cramps and sharp ovarian pain around period or ovulation was SO painful. i currently never experience these pains anymore now that i changed my lifestyle. highly recommend this route if you’re looking for a way to stop these symptoms💛

[@catsgonya]

Ty for this advice

[@caronte1447]

The new episode we all have being waiting for Seriously girl, your podcast is a drug

[@oliveriliffe4508]

It's not painful to know that your partner finds other people attractive, or might even worry about how other people perceive them because they're attracted to them. It's normal. You're not the only person in their world. The difference is that you know that they'll never do anything, not because they have to *resist* doing it, but because they literally don't want to.

[@lissetteastudillo2413]

perfectly said

[@fangirlinneverland6335]

Today i was thinking about rewatching your first ever video about sexuality and boom,you release a new take. Im so excited

[@mliyahc9464]

two minutes in and i already feel validated in my own feelings, you get it!

[@evaavanesian31]

Have never related to anything more, these podcasts are amazing

[@Raanaalll]

You can feel a sense of belonging when she speaks because she knows everything. mads does not need a therapist. Because mads is a therapist in herself. loovee heerr ssmm❤❤

[@joy-qy3jl]

It felt like my thoughts were being verbalised the entire time hahahah I love

[@talk.bunkus]

Hey there, it's awesome to see you talking about this topic! You know, the whole "Can girls and boys just be friends?" thing is something a lot of us wonder about. It's cool that you're discussing jealousy too. I guess it can be different for everyone, regardless of their gender or who they're into. I totally get what you mean about being cautious and setting healthy boundaries. It's important to surround yourself with people who respect and support you. And, yeah, sometimes the relationships that matter most are the ones where we don't put up with any nonsense! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this

[@lalualo]

Girl we really do live the same experiences. All my PE teachers have been so mean, and I was also the last one to be picked. I remember I felt so nervous and I turned red every time the captains were about to choose. Literally stored childhood trauma it affects kids more than you knowww it was so embarassinggggg.

[@lyna5781]

The best podcast, never miss an ep

[@kaneoram6400]

These are such good listens, first time tuning in and I've already played two as I work

[@liam00]

Something strangely calming about this channel. Thanks Madeline.

[@dongwuseo6056]

omg you're working on making podcasts these days, I love ittttt

[@aloe_v]

this is the only thing I look forward to on mondays!

[@SolidKnight64]

Men are more concerned about sexual infidelity. Women are more concerned with emotional infidelity. Each gender has its own preferences in dating partners. Each person makes compromises and has their own personal taste in a partner. Men are assumed to be horn dogs and down bad 24/7, which for the most part is programmed into them, but not always the case. Women are more choosey based on what the partner has to offer (socially, financially & emotionally). Platonic relationships are different than serious romantic relationships. Loyalty and commitment in a romantic relationship are a sign of maturity. Commitment: something not everyone does well, but also something not enough people get credit for.

[@mermaidchannel]

It’s just not true, many women like myself are very militant about sexual fidelity to the point of not even tolerating porn use in a committed relationship

[@vikhr]

@@mermaidchannel Not tolerating porn use is the right thing anyway because porn isn't healthy in any scenario. Of course the guy is not going to stop just because she told him to not do it, this is something that requires work from the inside by himself and I doubt women understand it enough to be able to actually help the guy overcome it, but at least it's not a bad requirement

[@laradecastecker]

this podcast was so healing

[@L0vlyv]

I love your acc so much like you're so relatable and you describe everything perfectly idk

[@Pacolad]

I’d say most women feel this way and I think it’s because women find men to be volatile or unpredictable so they’re more wary around them. It sucks being on the receiving end of that behavior cause as a guy you feel that contention but I don’t blame women for feeling that way, it’s probably natural to some extent. I think cause men are naturally pursuers women might feel threatened by it in some way but you’ll probably figure out why the more you ask yourself these questions. Secondly I get cheaters suck, I’ve been cheated on but people cheat for different reasons and it isn’t so black and white as you’re painting it. I feel women typically feel this way about men (mostly young women) because women aren’t incentivized to understand men in the way men are obligated to understand women if we want to form relationships with the opposite sex. Men and women are just two sides of the same coin, if you’re really interested in why you feel and behave in the way you do around men it might be worth it to ask your male friends, maybe even non friends to escape any bias.

[@starsomniac]

I personally think that it's larger than "men being natural pursuers" and goes more along the lines of "the culture men have cultivated for themselves regarding intimacy and women has caused it to be dangerous for women to feel safe around them" but just my thoughts. otherwise pretty well said!!!

[@socks738]

so what do we think about 2 hour long episodes

[@Kaio.Viegas]

3:07 The reason why is because you trust male intentions less than females. (no opinion on that) Regardless of your own intentions

[@Edelvais20]

madelinee why arent you uploding a new podcast 🫤🫤

[@sorayaamae]

i loveee this sm, as a youtuber too this is such an inspiration😭❤️

[@duna_002]

3:58 OMG YESSSS LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU’RE SPOT ON

[@maddoxnous4047]

I love that your wall is not completely painted yet

[@rebeccameyer8747]

Best thing to come home to after a final exam! ❤️

[@vanessatadeoo]

You make me laugh so much and feel so normal. Ily

[@v0mit4br4ins]

personally, i get more jealous when my girlfriend hangs out with a man for two reasons. A. men are much more unpredictable and B. she has always dated men before me. we're in a queer relationship (i'm nb and she's a woman) but i just don't feel threatened by women or other nonbinary people like i do when she's around men. do i genuinely think anything would actually happen between her and a male friend? no, she has shown me through her actions that she is trustworthy and i have nothing to worry about. do i genuinely think her male friends are bad people? not really, i don't know them well enough to judge their character, but they seem chill enough. but for whatever reason, i still feel jealousy and insecurity sometimes. and i think that's normal in relationships, especially between young people with little relationship experience. and because i know it's normal to feel that way sometimes, i don't allow it to take over my better judgement and hurt my relationship. i let myself feel it, and i let it pass on its own.

[@laetitiamb890]

girly its monday…. where is the new Episode? 👀❤️

[@saaranghaae]

she uploaded one of her older videos on spotify

[@duna_002]

First video i watch and i love this so much def subscribing ❤❤❤

[@hendrekirchner8275]

She's one of my mates at this point

[@rachel5426]

honestly on the thing you were talking about, if I was in a relationship with a girl then I WOULD feel weird about like snuggling up to a friend who was a girl and watching a movie, like it'd feel dishonest idk? even if its my best friend. so i see it the same regardless of gender

[@ksanchez90565]

The brain part fucking got me oh my god I genuinely laughed about it because it’s so true. How can you just go out and do the thing 😂

[@prerza]

my fave person on KZbin

[@ashhashes7365]

I LOVE U MADELEINE IM 19 and I literally think these thoughts as present and Jesus knowing it will go away at some point I love you ❤️❤️❤️😭

[@chickenspy1854]

Sorry for the second comment but I just finished the second half of he podcast lol One of my core memories of high school was trying out for he basketball team and being one of two kids to be rejected from the team. The coach literally lined us all up, called out two names, mine included, and said in front of everyone that we were being cut. So traumatic walking out of that quiet ass gym as everyone stared at us in shame. Luckily, that coach remembered me and mentored me in my later years of PE. I eventually joined track and field. Good enough for me.

[@meek319]

this episode being the one posted on my birthday with these topics... wow

[@caladiumhex]

Ever since coming out, the friendship dynamic is something I’m trying to learn how to work through. My life doesn’t make sense to follow the standard heteronormative boy girl friendship.

[@sofiabessette7025]

I love ur podcasts likeeeeeeee thank u

[@blaithinaugier]

The difference between how you feel when you are alone with a woman and when you are alone with a man, are probably different due to your experiences. How many times did it happen that you were alone with a man, not wanting anything special from him, while he was, actually expecting some kind of physical engagement from you ? Versus, how many times did it happen with a girl ? Probably less. Heterosexuality being the norm for so many people. And also, sexual misery is less important for woman than men. Not in the sense that woman have more pleasure in bed than men. In the sense that if we really feel the need for sex, there will always be a horny friend somewhere to satisfy our needs. On the guy's side, this is less easy. So it might also explain why they get so hopeful when some occasion occurs and also why they are so much less selective with the woman they sleep with.

[@MadonnaStanojcic]

did she cut her hair? I love it

[@han7650]

That PE story is heartbreaking, I can somewhat relate to that, I was terrible in sport and only had 1 friend in school, if she wasn't in, I just stood with another group and hated it. Also I have raging emetaphobia which rules my life too, horrendous thing

[@stephaniehazelx]

you’re so relatable ❤

[@lily_pb]

5:56 bc guys have more intentions to act upon it vs girls who respect the relationship ur in. guys become 'fake friends' aka wait around

[@Nailabb-d6i]

Love the podcast! Congrats and keep it up! By the way, I feel like you should do bloopers. Don’t ask me why but I just feel like you have some good ones hidden away :)

[@nagarjuna0]

really entertaining video and i agree with everything and i hope you have a beautiful day

[@LxtinDoll]

R u gonna be posting all ur KZbin podcasts on ur Spotify???

[@Chelsitaa]

Love you girl gonna love watching this

[@nataliavar7525]

JAJAJJAJAJA I LAUGHED SO MUCH I LOVE YOU GIRL

[@cinnamonrollss]

Love ur apartment already

[@eustaquiozambrano2974]

Have a Lovely Day. Thank you so much for sharing ☺👍

[@KEiTA_official]

I learned a lot. thank you.

[@Interzone16]

When are we getting a vlog? I miss them

[@jlmomo3285]

Just what I needed today

[@BiancaEliza-bonks]

Lol that gym/period talk was just a little too relatable..the horror fuck 🎃😅

[@asmaasalahsalim]

It’s not always distrust or jealousy it’s about respecting boundaries but you do you

[@katie-jv3he]

14:38 my ex said this to me and i stayed even tho everyone told me not to but he never acc cheated and i liked how brave and mature he was but then i also contradict myself cos he ended up just cheating in the end

[@sh-57q8]

Sooo pretty 🥹🥹🥹🥹💖💖💖

[@Anaxd99]

shes the only one worth watching in the unwell thingy

[@nuclearether7485]

i think it's very hard to understand how thoroughly internal these gender things are, and how much it affects us going through life. i've seen a lot of other queer people move through life like 'ah, straight people are so weird and fucked up,' especially when it comes to relationships, and then turn around and not look very deep inward at all. these things got to us while we were playing with blocks on the playground. while we were still learning who we were and shit. you don't just come out of the closet and leave all your scars in there. it's still there. we're all stuck with trauma and it's our jobs as human beings to work on that. and thinking back to feeling comfortable around men, it's important to mention that we are still apart of these systems, and sometimes, to protect yourself from these systems, completely healing yourself isn't going to be shown outwardly.

[@flamewtb]

i am 16 now, in my first relationship since around 1yr and 2 months. Jealousy plays a big role because it kinda fucks with my mind, like when she goes out partying and drinking or that,, and i really just want it to stop, like everytime she goes out i feel so horrible and scared that she could meet someone better. I dont know what to do to be honest. its not toxic, i dont talk about it or offend her, but it fucks me every weekend.

[@tobiex4861]

i think maybe do work on your self confidence so she doesn't have to

[@vikhr]

Seriously prepare for what could happen so if it happens you don't end up trying to off yourself. Don't listen to bullshit like "it's your self confidence". It's just natural for men to not like his partner doing thing like that because we all know what happens in those places lol

[@lakecityransom]

Ah, that time when you think you're going to literally die in the bathroom from the unexpected pains. We all have one of those lol.

[@SalvadorDaniels7788]

Im bi and nonbinary amab, straight people love rules. My ex didn’t want me to have friends

[@aliceleparlier]

Favorite giiirl❤️

[@rishabhbandodkar2757]

Ayyy I see the Joe and the juice Chillin - love that place !!

[@cad_0of502]

Hey girl, are you okay? You didn’t upload this week.

[@Hanscans]

great analogy

[@Specialtuness]

Stunning girl

[@kelseyelizabeth01]

i love you so much 💜💜💜

[@yota8325]

I think its not really possibly to apply the same rules/boundaries between a queer relationship and a straight relationship

[@katie-jv3he]

i think the whole feeling weird with guys friends and not girls is that those girls are mostly straight

[@zyro6331]

The reason it's different making friends/doing intimate platonic activities with men vs women is because of the underlying intentions There's a much higher chance that a man would have sex with you, even if that's not his intention (consciously)-both men and women inherently know this so it sets the parameters of the boundaries you have, I. E. It decides what you do and don't do Not to mention the physical differences between us that make it so that women have to be more alert when 'screening' men-a woman (on average) has much less potential to harm you and/or kill you. As blunt as it sounds it's that simple You won't like to hear it but biology rules, that's not justification for cheating but it's a reality-intuition is the highest form of knowledge (epistemologically) yet intuitive prompts are one of the most primal experiences you can have Food for thought.

[@katie-jv3he]

i think the being more conscious of men than women is bc u can relate to the women more

[@bennewbouldfitness217]

I don’t have any friends so i don’t have to worry about this 😂😭

[@KatieLeyden]

Love u!!

[@nguyenminhtam9462]

love you madz xxx

[@chickenspy1854]

I personally have a ton of friends that are girls (I’m a straight man) and I completely understand the caution. I tend to not think of my friends in a way that I would hook up with them once they become friends. It’s just not an option once we’re friends…. Buuuut I know how men can get so I understand when their boyfriends/girlfriends become suspicious and I’ll often try to take myself out of that situation because of it. Like if a friend were to ask me to dinner, I’ll just make sure to say that their SO is welcome to join. Honestly though, I feel like I’m never really seen as a threat. Im not a very attractive person, and I can hold a conversation without flirting I guess? I enjoy having friends who are women and men and any other alike, but for whatever reason most of my friends are actually women. A friend of mine even called me out on it. But I think maybe my friend-zoneability is very high (I don’t see that as entirely a bad thing) so I usually go into these relationships expecting friendship over any potential romantic situation. Not sure what my point is. It’s 5am and I haven’t slept tonight 😅

[@viveknirgude3832]

glad that she finally kept the camera in the center

[@paw_unit]

4:28 facts.date a loader n you take in his weak energy Date a fighter you become aggressive Date a nerd become smart Date druggy or. Dealer. & become a junkie Pick what seed you Take into your juice box Cus it grows into your characteristics. He is treee of knowledge of good and evil She is life & death

[@Hanson62309]

The pe lesson is so related to me rn. Basically im a boy and gay, i get bullies a lot from the boys also most of my friends are girls. So i told the teachers about it and they moved me to girls pe. At the start of the year it was so good, the girls pe is so much chiller, the boys pe is hell and I just can’t do that. I was so happy playing with the girls at the start but my school’s girls are so dramatic, always have drama and they are quite toxic . So one time i got into a drama, long story short i got left out by my friend group so i dont really have friends, i just have few friends rn they are not in my pe group and the ppls in my group hate me so much. They give me the dirtiest look, when the teacher ask us to be in the group together and swear in their language to me. Everytime when the teacher ask us to be in a group and i have no one to be with it was so embarrassing. I still have 8 months to suffer this situation, i feel hopeless.

[@Lockeditin]

You're going to be okay❤ This is just a stupid phase that will go by in no time .I didn't know pe class can be this unbearable for someone :( hugs for you. (sorry if I sound insensitive, I just want to say something uplifting,your experience sounds awful.need that 8 months to go by fast for you)

[@Hanson62309]

Thank you so much that means a lot x

[@FlyingNinjaCow12]

Sending love ❤️ pe class sucks and its awkward for everyone!

[@Lockeditin]

@@Hanson62309 ❤️❤️❤️

[@loveoverfear2]

This will literally mean nothing to you in a few months, things change so quickly in school. Just keep your chin up, stay sassy but still kind to all xx

[@soulhealing257]

Palestine 🇵🇸 ❤

[@umangmalik]

how tf is this relevant to the podcast

[@aleksandrazake8047]

@@umangmalikhonestly

[@catchingfeelings2691]

eh shut up

[@marieplobnrg4513]

I mostly have male friends and its been always been so difficult for me to be friends with girls. Im straight and because i do get along better with men (as friends in this context) i rather cuddle and watch a film with one of my male friends than with one of my female friends, i feel even safer (? Of course safer is not the perfect word because im not talking about sexual assault and stuff but being with girls gives me so much anxiety that i cant imagine doing that with one of my female friends. Like i would be feeling so nervous because im comparing myself to girls all the time and i would feel i cant do anything without being scared of getting laughed at. I guess its also a lot about previous bad experiences in school with female friends but i never felt nor tempted or nervous that something bad could happen with my male friends. And i clarify that my boyfriend never complained about me hanging out 1 on 1 with my other friends because he would actually be always invited to come with me but he never felt like or didn’t have time (also we dont share friend groups so he didn’t really like to hang out with my friends) and literally once i asked him if he felt bad or anything about me going to hang out with my friends because he said he knew i loved him he knew I didn’t have eyes for anyone else than him so he trusted me. Asides of that if i was horny i could just tell him and we would have sex or he would help me but he knew i would rather have sex with him than with any of my guy friends. Im sorry im just sharing this bc i think it can be so so different.

[@qwer-yz4en]

뭐라 씨부리는지 모르겠고 존예라서 구독 ❤

[@Lilly-May05]

not netball and rounders smh, stopped doing pe in beginning of yr9 literally sinful, they just let me do homework n coursework cause i never did it, the way the teacher would be in 4 layers n say we'd warm up but like the audacity no, would never go back to school

[@patrickrad1735]

Great job

[@nickpeng8145]

Because a man is always a threat somehow to another man. Your guy friends may have proven to the other guys in the circle that they are not interested in you sexually or romantically. So if you have a boyfriend and you hang out with these guy friends = fine for your boyfriend. A new guy comes into your life and noone knows their intention. You start to hang out with him, but your boyfriend does not know his intentions, so this makes him nervous. the solution is to let him in on this friendship and then everything will solve itself and you all are friends, or you make your intentions clear to the new guy. If the guy understands that he is being friendzoned and wanted more, he will probably stop hanging out with you.

[@vera.2226]

I LOVE YOUUU

[@juliasjourney139]

You can maintain a TRUE opposite ex friendship under the condition that you don't find each other physically attractive at all

[@stink6974]

ummmm…. U thought u ate 😭😭