Best HFY Reddit Stories: The Meaning Of 'Peaceful'

[@biggsdarklighter0473]

The diffrence between "harmless" and "peaceful" is the same diffrence between a "chihuahua" and a "boxer". Feels relevant considering the first few 'pages'.

[@julesmasseffectmusic]

Bikie walks into a rough pub, looks around sees a small dude dressed like a yuppie. Bikie taps the yuppie on the shoulder and says. That Chihuahua outside yours? Yuppie stammets yes. Bikie says go get it, it's killing my rottie. Yuppie says how. Bikie says, it's stuck in his throat.

[@nocount7517]

A more apt comparison would be "chihuahua" and "Great Pyrenees", the latter being a livestock guardian specifically bred to kill wolves.

[@Kez_DXX]

Boxer: what are you doing? Burglar: Uhhh robbing you. Boxer: Well that's not very nice. Is everything okay?

[@omgwtfbbqpwnedrofl]

I had a pitbull that couldn't be bothered with anything too small for him to be challenged. He got attacked by a highland terrier and just stood there being bitten while a pried the thing off of him. But the second a dog his size came after him he was all over it defending himself. I had to get the other dog under control a couple of times because the owners were useless, but as soon as I had them he backed down.

[@a.r.hollowayauthor7210]

@@Kez_DXX This is the essence of the Boxer. The nicest mean looking dog ever.

[@Kratos7560]

The overpowered human ability of pack bonding strikes again!

[@Stonehawk]

somewhere out there in the majestic vault of stars, there are fellas, and we will pet them and THAT IS A THREAT. WE ARE GOING TO FRIEND THEM SO HARD.

[@stevedixon921]

There shall be skritches given. Lots and lots of skritches. Everyone wins.

[@peterwalls-qf7ii]

Most animals are perfectly rational; they attack to eat, protect territory, to avoid being eaten, or protect their young. Simple really. They do not smell agression from you, most will ignore you, unless you are dumb enough to invade their space. In that case, most will try yo chase you off. Fights are nasty things, if you get injured and can't hunt or forage, your life expectancy just got cut in half. Humans on the other hand, are insane. They get into fights , for things that are not even real.

[@mattbrown5511]

Insane, homicidal Space Apes is pretty much the definition of a human anywhere other than Earth.

[@angrydragonslayer]

we are pretty diverse in our insanity but yes, i have seen people who'd try to bite a hippo.

[@panan7777]

@@angrydragonslayer EVERY possible avenue of violence MUST be explored. Biting hippo report: doesn't work, subject spattered. Result: biting hippo is not working.

[@chialeux514]

Except sharks. These are mindless eating machines ! As the great documentary series have taught us, even in the middle of a tornado, hurled mercilessly at dozens of feet altitude in an unknown environment, sharks will still try to eat the limbs of any human that whizzes nearby.

[@szymonrozanski6938]

@@panan7777 It just means that they eother didnt bit hard enough or there insuficient numbers.

[@Tejyasn]

Ckrikey! A sand-beast! This one looks a little upset, and that mouth, danger-danger-danger. I'm gonna pet it!

[@mattbrown5511]

Australia has worse roaming around. Just saying.

[@kanoslayer2735]

*Sigh* Why did you remind me of Mr Erwin... Now I need to go watch some of his clips, again.

[@Darkinu2]

*AngryThumbsUp

[@liquidpatriot4480]

​@@mattbrown5511Nothing compares to Australia except Space Australia.

[@Tim_Tomorrow]

Even after all these years, it still hurts to think about how he's not with us.

[@taitano12]

Ah, good. Smart aliens. Like a slightly more benevolent, and definitely more intelligent, version of Klingons.

[@puppetmasterey]

So basically if Martuagh was in charge instead of Gowron?

[@Critter68]

I don't know if I'd call subjugation and forced genetic manipulation "benevolent," but OK. More benevolent than the Klingons, I guess. But not by much.

[@taitano12]

@@Critter68 Well, I did say slightly. The Klingons did set the bar pretty low.

[@vaulthunterfromterra4053]

Or like a Luxan?

[@liquidpatriot4480]

​@@Critter68Can't suggest Worf, he was corrupted by Hoooooomans.

[@lloydkeith3061]

A very wise amount of fu

[@alexisgrunden1556]

..You know that as soon as they figure out what it can and can't eat, and what it likes, those jarheads will be spoiling Herbert _rotten_ with treats~😂

[@peterwalls-qf7ii]

*lloydkeith3061* Commandoes, not marines. Smarter far more destructive, and most important, they never touch crayons.

[@lloydkeith3061]

@@peterwalls-qf7ii yeah,... but commandos aren't devil dogs. THAT sounds like a damn scary dog to me.

[@alganhar1]

@@lloydkeith3061 Yes, well unfortunately the US Marines used that term for themselves in inter Corps publications BEFORE they even fought at Belleau Wood. It was an internal US Marine Corps invention, and was NEVER actually applied to them by German troops, who you can probably guarantee did not really know the difference between US Marines and US Army troops in 1918. The idea that German troops would give US troops that name because they attacked a hill in gas masks is pretty much preposterous. The US gas mask was an exact copy of the British Box Respirator. Something the British, Canadians and Australians had been using for years by that point. It was a sensible choice as it was by far the best respirator of the war. The real point is Germans had seen troops attacking hills in a similarly brave manner MANY times before. So yes, another one of the self propagated US Marine Corps myths. Invented by them, and spread by them. In a way I can understand it as until fairly recently the USMC was always under the potential chopping block, but it still makes it a myth, even if it is an understandable one..... Besides, Commando's were Royal Marines, which were equivalent to US Marines, with additional training. The best WWII US Marine units that could be compared to the Royal Marine Commando's are First and Second US Marine Corps Raider Battalions.... NOT your standard US Marines....

[@lloydkeith3061]

​@alganhar1 smh,... I'm not going to go point by point how you're wrong and where. I'll just say I have read my history. I disagree with the majority of what you stated. I am in fact a marine and no we don't all eat crayons but more than id like to admit do. I in fact repaired the electrical components of all rotary wing aircraft employed by the marines.

[@PanduPoluan]

"What's your name... Herbert?" _Happy, panting sounds from the sand beast._ "Herbert it is. Who's a good boy? WHO'S A GOOD BOYYY..." _Herbert entered ecstasy mode._

[@Hans_Panzerschreck]

"Hi Herbert" "EEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

[@matthewshiers9038]

I don't see these aliens escaping some kind of conflict with humans in the future when their first course of action is to assimilate other species into their ranks rather than forming alliances.

[@mr.upcycle9589]

Yeah was thinking the same thing. Just a matter of time before the humans figure it out and put an end to it. Worse than slavery.

[@mattbrown5511]

The inevitable will happen. It is the nature of things.

[@SeedlingNL]

@@mr.upcycle9589 I wouldn't call it worse then slavery. They assimilate, not annihilate. And while the genetic modifications are questionable, if not outright dangerous if a plague were to break out, there is a lot worse that they could do... your species becomes a part of their pack, and they will defend you to their deaths if need be, or help you if disaster strikes. They'll even make an entire new caste if that fits your species better then one of the existing ones. Just look at the humans.. they made an entirely new caste of 'do-not-piss-off-these-apes' aka 'ally' :D

[@vaulthunterfromterra4053]

That’s….oddly, specific.

[@michaelbarnard8529]

They have multiple competing empires, and this one will have a fairly durable advantage of working with humans. The war will be when their competitors decide to gang up on them.

[@davidvincent5701]

This story is proof of how stupid your society can be with a pompous attitude. I feel bad for the non humans.

[@truekurayami]

Yet we really aren't better; just moved onto new forms of stupidity and arrogance that causes such pompous attitudes.

[@homoerectus6953]

the power of a 'boop to the snoot' is underestimated by most.

[@Maedean-Shepard]

"Do not boop that merry suicide bomber!"

[@avroarchitect1793]

@@Maedean-Shepard "But boop"

[@Maedean-Shepard]

@@avroarchitect1793 "NO BOOPING!!"

[@TimeskipCronos]

​@Maedean-Shepard but boop D: ~ L

[@saberwaspgg]

BOOOOOOOOO….

[@Burneth_]

Proof that "boop to the snoot" is always an option xD

[@user-sq5mr8ut1o]

"I wish to boop it on the snooooot" - TTS vulcan

[@kanoslayer2735]

​@@user-sq5mr8ut1oDo not boot the snoot Vulcan!

[@liquidpatriot4480]

Just a little boop, On the snoot!

[@kiritotheabridgedgod4178]

​@@user-sq5mr8ut1o"I would like to pet this creature" - Vulcan, TTS, and every human when presented with an animal that doesn't immediately kill them.

[@agoddamnferret]

Assimilation through alliance is still assimilation, just don't do it by force. In fact, I'd actually say doing it through alliances and offered genetic augmentation by choice you'd have people joining the different castes and you'd have the human's cybernetic augments on top of that you'd have a nearly unbeatable class of warriors. Psionics with human creativity on top of that, don't underestimate that alliances are more effective than conquest.

[@1992jkwj]

not to mention... scale babes

[@agoddamnferret]

@@1992jkwj if you're into that sort of thing yeah lol

[@scienceandponies]

"Alliance is good and all, but we really could use a new hybrid for the empire." "Sir, I'm receiving a list of volunteers for the Human-Nagun breeding program." "I don't remember implementing any such program, much less putting out a request for volunteers." "Correct, sir. Nevertheless, we have volunteers. And they are...uh...eager to get started."

[@mattbrown5511]

Yes, but who is assimilating whom?

[@1992jkwj]

@@mattbrown5511 weiner assimilation

[@dalemorgan8263]

Scholar Adro should be sainted by that empire.

[@DisIzDaName]

A dormant volcano is peaceful... at the moment.

[@Ikki11235]

The sea can be peaceful but never harmless...

[@TheFoxfiend]

It's like the difference between foolishness and courage. To not feel fear is foolish and dangerous, but to feel fear and be able to move forward regardless is courage. The real difference? the first leaves you unprepared when shit hits the fan, while the second means you anticipated it and were able to intercept the shit before it turned the room smelling worse than a septic tank.

[@Nempo13]

Courage can also lead someone to being dumb and believing they prepared for everything. Meanwhile the foolish reckless idiot can be so damn good at going with the flow and figuring things out on the fly that they succeed where the courageous fail. Also, you reminded me of the absolute best definition of a hero from one Hawkeye Pierce (MASH); "A hero is someone that gets other people killed."

[@ArchonSG1]

Author originally implied that there was a ship battle, a "flawless victory" as mentioned, but I think the story later changed to abducting a diplomatic party to put them into an Arena for "games". Because if there was a 'flawless victory" meaning there was a fight and 20 ships and their crew were lost, I don't think any of that "we were just testing you" BS would fly.

[@reven199]

Wars have been started for less

[@Dillsfawn]

The "flawless victory" the general was referring to was what he was *predicting* would happen should a battle actually occur. It didn't actually happen.

[@wstavis3135]

To paraphrase: the entire exploratory force monted enough weapons to possibly take out one of his battleships before they would be destroyed. It would equate to a NEAR flawless victory.

[@indmxrex2794]

I need to hear the convo between the leutienent and any commanding officer about Herbert like "were Tf did you get this thing" "sir I got captured by aliens battled this thing and they let me keep him"

[@marvinjohnson2488]

She punched it in the head! That's one way to tame a sand beast

[@taitano12]

Probably a city girl. 😂 At least it worked. 🤷😊

[@Xel963]

Never question the power of Boop the Snoot.

[@greywolf9783]

Ah... taming... a human trait

[@avroarchitect1793]

" I would like to pet this creature"

[@KitsuneRogue]

​@@avroarchitect1793the creature in question: has seven heads, all full of razor sharp teeth, a multitude of eye stalks and covered in slimy tentacles. XD

[@avroarchitect1793]

@@KitsuneRogue "But BOOP"

[@wolfoffenris9951]

​@@KitsuneRogueim gonna pet it, collar it and Name it fluffy

[@GenStallion]

They made the right choice.

[@savevsdeath]

Wise decision, aliens. Very wise, indeed.

[@mattbrown5511]

They will be assimilated, by the humans.

[@krevor4095]

And then the history of the nagun becomes known to the humans who then tell the nagun to free the vassal races entirely. This results in the nagun empire falling apart, but then a confederation results since the "different" races were no longer the same as before, and were closer to each other than different species can be. The resulting golden age.....

[@masterblasterT47]

The xenos chose............wisely.

[@grimdevotee9432]

Never underestimate a peaceful and patient person, if you get on their bad side they are scarier than the terminator.

[@braddl9442]

I like that for once the aliens are not stupid and actually understood what they saw.

[@islemrebiai9188]

Oh boy, I can't wait for the humans to figure the actual intentions of the aliens behind that fight! 😃

[@Rokr83]

yay more friends for us

[@homoerectus6953]

more cuddle snakes.....yay

[@Odd_Interaction]

I had to chuckle a bit, my 2nd brother had a habit of saying “here hold my beer, this (insert whatever is going on) might get messy. When he was in the Army, his nickname was Messy.

[@Karvoc]

hahah no endurance HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[@Zael_Moonblade]

So... their medical scans f'ed up bad... Humans are endurance incarnate...

[@brianbarber5401]

The scans were fine. Their interpretation of the scans was…lacking.

[@Zael_Moonblade]

@@brianbarber5401 Problem is id you do not normally encounter something you do not scan for it.

[@noneofyourbuisness1679]

For once, the aliens made the correct decision

[@ashleycroydon9743]

This is one of my go to HFYs. I love your channel, you have the best(top3) stories around.

[@bradwolf07]

Yep, "peaceful" and "harmless" are two VASTLY DIFFERENT things

[@carlfranz6805]

"There is nothing so peaceful as a dead troublemaker"

[@ericlondon2663]

Xeno-Meat Sausage Made with only the most succulent (i.e. newborn) xenos meat. 100% sustainable food source 100% organic

[@noahbawdy3395]

17:58, now she is talking to it as if it were a pet ! :D

[@jannbo4336]

good shit, also nice uptick in you channel growth

[@lornbaker1083]

I am peaceful because nothing is threatening me. I am harmless because I am not trying to hurt you. this is humanity.

[@VitaNocturno]

>Meet humans >Don't understand the different between "harmless" and "peaceful" >Throw humans into arena with a lizard-wolf thing that's meant to be the apex predator on your planet >Watch in horror as one human *tames* the beast >"Yeah, sorry about that, kind of a game we play, you were totally safe. You want to... sure, you can, uh, keep your new... I'm sorry, but what is a 'pet'?" >New friends, yay! (omfg pls don't let them find out what we almost did)

[@alexknj1]

Humans and sand beasts aren't so different, we're perfectly happy to make friends unless you come at us swinging.

[@IceFiction404]

Good story

[@NovaGirl8]

Boop da snoot

[@AnikaJarlsdottr]

"Fine, but I am keeping Herbert!!" 😆

[@Darkinu2]

Eventually, when we find out we were the exception to the Nagrun's assimilation by force method of negotiating, shit will go down. Then they're going to see why we strive for peace but are ready for war.

[@wstavis3135]

The stories and narration on this channel are definitely a cut above most similar channels.

[@catgath9718]

Pack bond strike.

[@boingboingresearcherph.d.2871]

An excerpt taken from the human's "alien lifeform" contact protocols: "Any non-santient, multicellular form of life, either flora, fauna, or something in between, agressive or not, has a potential for domestication. Except for self defence or consuption for survival, any form of unprovoked human agression towards the lifeform is considered a serious offense and is punishable by law."

[@JTruong3rd]

Humanity. Always trying to tame whatever they encounter

[@michaelbarnard8529]

They probably could get a new “caste” by asking for human volunteers.

[@slavking992]

The Nagun are indeed a wise species that saw the red flags and payed attention😂

[@LadyRavenEyes]

Peaceful and harmless are not the same thing

[@vaulthunterfromterra4053]

Barely surviving, previously invasive species that tried to take us out, watching in horror (via extreme PTSD) as these events unfold: **Mr.Incredible becoming uncanny meme**

[@nweasels]

It got named after Frank.

[@noahbawdy3395]

I love these stories, trying to anticipate what is to come, and somehow I am almost always pleasantly surprised. I am on 17:03 out of 25:06 and have no idea how this will be resolved. If indeed it is resolved at all :D.

[@jesserose48]

Intro got inspiration from the combine

[@radfordra]

19th time this has been placed in the autoplay

[@Melanesian-dude]

Got to hand it to that General for not being a dumb dude

[@Lumberjack_king]

3:02 so you are space romans with armour

[@jamiemezs9891]

I've read this story before but I still like it. ❤😊

[@Dustywitch]

Love the stories on your channel. Please slow down a little on your reading, it will make for a better experience on our end.

[@Nempo13]

Did not evolve for endurance? This was written by someone that doesn't understand how early humans hunted...and why we are so damn SCARY! Humans number one defining trait is not our tool use, and our intelligence came later. What we evolved first and is something wholly unique to us, is our stamina and endurance! Humans using spears hunted things by injuring them then chasing them down till they died of exhaustion. No other species on the planet evolved for this! We are rooted in this stamina, endurance, and stubbornness.

[@aggese]

The speers came later much later, and is more a ritualistc quick death given to for example an antilope that have been persuade for so long that its heart are going to explode from over exertion and the rest of the animal is dying from heat stroke. The only land animal that have even half a chance to keep up with humans are some breeds of dogs and horses and that is after 10 000 years of selected breeding, but given enough time and a human will leave them collapsed behind them too

[@gabrielsfilms2086]

I regret to inform the nagun that they also wont be gaining any new species to their empire because the humans will take issue with that practice

[@von-shonfaison9931]

They almost fucked around and found out in the hard way😂😂😂😂

[@Comitis840]

Oh hey, tahts is a big boy, so cute, whats your name? Its written right there. Veno-mousse... hm. Ohhh hi venomousse :3

[@johnnyrotten3175]

👏👏👏👏

[@kurotsuki7427]

Boop the snoot boop the snoot!!!!

[@taetannim3581]

No fucking way would any human be happy to see telepathic unknowns.

[@sleeping2696]

So she basically one shotted a raid boss

[@davethompson3326]

Mostly Harmless

[@tomde3]

Wyt women gonna put sandbeasts in sweaters😂

[@wolffforge4839]

If not friend, why friend shaped?

[@Critter68]

​@@wolffforge4839and to humans, everything is friend shaped.

[@fredmaxwell9619]

Herbert good doggy eerrr Sand Beast I mean.

[@Bidimus1]

Vis pacem para bellum

[@dfgdfg_]

Darling, please add some sound treatment to your room and run it through a limiter to stop the mic clipping 😘

[@Bdady74]

Algorithm appeasement comment

[@lokdog257]

🙄 it's always the women that are in charge or badasses. The number of female protagonists in HFY stories is a bit annoying.

[@brianbarber5401]

There’s plenty of stories about enhanced men. One thing to consider is, what’s a better “stealth badass”? Greet big imposing guy, or smaller, seemingly less dangerous woman, both enhanced? Especially to this that think the female is less dangerous, which isn’t even true in every earth species.

[@cysulzer3703]

The female is the most deadly of the species.

[@malinbergvall]

I like the concept of the story, but the timing of the head punch is so bad it makes me cringe. Punching it after it let her go and was starting to consider trusting her would rather prove her to be untrustworthy and teach it to not let go next time.

[@melkiorwiseman5234]

This is a rather clever little tale, although it doesn't bring to the fore the fact that to a human, their body is sacrosanct and any modifications must be done with full knowledge and consent of the owner. There would be few humans who would agree to such radical modifications that they made the human look like an alien. Now I'm reminded of a story-line from the ElfQuest series, where an alien race calling themselves "The Neverending" have been in a war with humans (not Earth humans, though - parallel-evolution humans on an Earth-like world) and have recently stopped their war (the reason why is something of a mystery which is eventually solved, at least for the reader). The peace negotiations nearly go completely awry because the aliens fail to recognise the sanctity of the human body and accidentally kill the peace negotiator when they attempt to "adapt" his biology...

[@MichaelDeHaven]

Definitely should only ever be done with informed enthusiastic consent. But are you referring to Baker's cybernetics, or the Nagun's attempt at hybridization? If hybridization, I honestly have no clue how many would do that, if it was voluntary. But as for the cybernetics, I wouldn't be surprised if you'd easily get at least 25% of the human race post FTL, maybe now. We already have transhumanists and so many of us are very comfortable with technology. Heck, depending on age many of us need some assistance(hearing, vision, dental, cane, etc) just to reach what is the norm for others. Given the capabilities described I'd expect many takers. Athletes and soldiers already do extreme things to their bodies to excel at their chosen career. Just my 2 cents.

[@melkiorwiseman5234]

@@MichaelDeHaven In the ElfQuest story, it's never completely clear which it is, since the Neverending seem to integrate technology with biological "technology" with seeming ease. Their space ships, for example, seem to all be living technology. Certainly in the case of the negotiator, a lot of obvious technology was involved.

[@mattbrown5511]

Sorry, but after 4 combat tours over a full US Army career, I'd take those implants. Genetic rewiring would be an entirely different story. Our DNA is what makes us human, any tinkering with that makes a new (and repulsive in my opinion) species.

[@brianbarber5401]

@@mattbrown5511but they’re still be people signing up for it left and right. It all depends on what’s is offered, and who it’s offered to.

[@noppornwongrassamee8941]

But AFAICT, Baker does NOT look alien. All her enhancements are hidden internally and the aliens only noticed them because of medical scanners. Given the way the civilians acted, I don't think Baker even looks super strong.

[@Stonehawk]

"we're bigger than you and stronger than you and tougher than you." "cool! let's be friends :3" "...what" "I DID NOT FUCKING STUTTER, XENO. YOU. ME. FRIENDS. NOW." "y-yes ma'am"