Never Split the Difference | Chris Voss | Talks at Google

Everything we’ve previously been taught about negotiation is wrong: people are not rational; there is no such thing as ‘fair’; compromise is the worst thing you can do; the real art of negotiation lies in mastering the intricacies of No, not Yes. These surprising tactics-which radically diverge from conventional negotiating strategy-weren’t cooked up in a classroom, but are the field-tested tools FBI agents used to talk criminals and hostage-takers around the world into (or out of) just about any scenario you can imagine.
In NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It, former FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator Chris Voss breaks down these strategies so that anyone can use them in the workplace, in business, or at home.
This talk was moderated by Mairin Chesney.

[@20thCenturySir]

"if someone is talking to you, youve got something they want. Period." damnnnn love the simplicity of that quote

[@theliberatedplanet]

Herbert Marcusa (Frankfurt School) there's no communication without purpose. Just so ya know...

[@superchuck3259]

So when a Politician gives a big speech to millions of people, that politician wants something from those same people!

[@uffortkingsley9530]

And if you're talking to someone they've got something you want.

[@jrodnj]

My riff on that is "If they call me sir, they want money"

[@humanentity5890]

It's also completely bs. Try not eat it up so easily.

[@axlrose5803]

21:35 "Never be so sure of what you want that you wouldn't take something better." I really like that

[@roberthiggins2252]

37:27 I tried this tonight with my wife, and it worked. Thank you Chris Voss. After a terse exchange... I said, "It's Friday night, I come home late, and you probably think I am some big jerk just looking to cause problems," In my "Late night DJ voice" and she said... ..."That's right" then we hugged and problem was solved.

[@amypellegrini1732]

I've watched many videos about this guy and I've noticed how he speaks differently every time. In this one he talks much faster than he normally does, clearly mirroring his counterpart in the stage.

[@roberthiggins2252]

I stumbled into "negotiation" / "empathy" as an elementary teacher. A kid walked in my class in the morning completely pissed off. I knew he was about to cause issues for the day. I asked him what was wrong. He didn't say anything. I said "I am curious because you seem upset." He said that morning his mom got him in trouble for something he didn't do. I replied, "I get it. That is the worst when my mom would do that to me, too. what happened" All of a sudden, he unclenched his fists, the anger on his face left, and he told me his story and had a good rest of the day. I am reading "Never Split the Difference" a second time and searching him on youtube for more insights he has. Good stuff in this video.

[@michaelhart2715]

Ever since I read this book, I actively seek out conflict. I think it backfired. 😂

[@ajayarora798]

Michael Hart Was was the way I can

[@christianyates8883]

I really love your sarcasim and say the same things.

[@ricardovazquez9113]

Well fear not the dagger that stabs into the unknown. Better to stab than to be stricken

[@qididah1405]

The more emotionally invested you are the harder it is to negotiate.

[@andersbjorklund7749]

Lmfao 😂

[@PuntOnFourth]

Voss is an Enigma inside of a Black Swan. This man changed my approach to dealing. With People. “It only works with People”

[@mty1966]

0:00 Author Introduction 0:55 Story 2:20 2 important points from the story (1) There's a lot more space between "No" and "Yes" (2) What after "No" 4:50 What's the right approach after the "No"? 7:49 How is this empathy and "you understand" important in negotiation? - 8:22 The 3 approaches to conflict - fight, flight or make friends -3 styles - assertive, accommodator or make-friend and analytical, 10:12 Do people fall into one of the three categories or a combination? 11:13 Do you have to adapt your technique depending on who are you dealing with? 13:15 Question about speaker background 20:35 What about compromise in a negotiation...? 23:36 Do the same techniques apply to every negotiation? 27:56 Finding the unknown, unknown 34:20 How do negotiation techniques change when there is emotion entanglement involved?

[@igkymfuwe4037]

Thanks

[@davidwebb5367]

Thanks! I wish someone took the time to do this for every video!

[@MindfulMaverick29]

you're a lifesaver!

[@MrSkyline1020]

Thank you this helped

[@dontreadthispleaseibegyou]

You are such a nice person ❤️

[@mccallionr]

Great interviewer, great questions. Him: "there are three types of people." Her: "can there be combinations?" Him: *clarifies and expands original idea*.

[@dentonet2]

For some reason I thought that was overly annoying.

[@notadoctorshh6544]

lol, total nerd

[@experssion123]

god shes so fucking annoying

[@insidiousmaximus]

@@experssion123 imagine her in bed! or rather....don't

[@garrettsasser4565]

"cutting my losses and moving on is a smarter move. I'm not saying I can always do it." That's reaching deep.

[@KingaGorski]

I appreciate how Chis answers literally every question with a story from his own many experiences that demonstrates his approach. So good.

[@l.r.4424]

My 39yr old daughter says I'm a natural negotiator with people. I felt that was the nicest compliment ive ever recd from my kids! Love it!

[@edwardcerverizzo7363]

@30:24 It sounds like a big part of negotiation is not necessarily getting your way, but finding as much information as possible for the best possible outcome.

[@isaacwest]

You seek out information to find out where the other party is standing. Then you use that information to get them to see how you fit into that. And if you've done everything well enough you graciously allow them to have it your way.

[@Roy-mk9zl]

Not the best possible outcome, it's about getting your way without making the other one feel bad about you. Why you people don't read his book?

[@JoshYates]

"If anyone has ever felt stressed, you have just taken yourself hostage." - Chris Voss

[@JoshYates]

"If somebody is talking to you, then you have something they want." - Chris Voss

[@greywolf271]

Never lie - The Bible and Chris Voss

[@rahdaswami2452]

@@JoshYates Very few are not driven by ego.

[@infinitesimotel]

@@rahdaswami2452 Everyone is driven by ego. That is how it works, only that most are so driven by ego they try and convince others they are not acting on behalf of ego, but for some fictional "higher good". The circle of irony is as funny as it is inescapable. Ego isn't a bad thing unless you lie about the facts.

[@mactireliath2356]

That hit me like a ton of bricks

[@thegutpunch1726]

Chris is dropping Never Have To Worry About Money Again level jewels. Fantastic

[@__2561]

48:57 - legend says the guy that raised his hand sits there 'til this very day waiting to be called on...

[@tomdixon1213]

The lady doing the interview is dynamic and well prepared. Wow, what a great conversation.

[@nickiguest3426]

Great interview! I have read Chris's book a few times already n have been employing his techniques. The trick is to remember to use his teqnique once u have been triggered to respond, which is not always easy. For me when my gf is being difficult with me. I get triggered n upset n forget to use Chiss's tecniques, but then after the argument is done n im sitting there thinking; where did i go wrong? Thats when it hits me! I should have asked "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?" Or used some other technique condusive to my desired results. I finally rememered to use his teqnique in a time of contention. She was being difficult and unreasonable with her demands. So with a calm FM DJ voice I asked "How am I supposed to do that?". Then used an effective pause. Her face softened n it was as if she had jumped in my shoes n walked me through the problem. Upon verbalizing n realizing that it was an unreasonable request I was immediately released from the hook n told not to worry about it. Yay! I was so happy I was able to avoid an argument n even come out on top. Nowadays I like to ask no orientated questions to get what I want cause she is very sensitive to reverse pychology. If I say "we should do this", she automatically wants to do the opposite. But if i say "Is it a bad idea to do this" because there is a chance she may already want to, she will probably give me a reason why it may be bad so i understand her situation but will eventually succumb to the idea upon her "own" percieved terms. hehehe! ;) She is my rock which I Sharpen my skills on n she doesnt even know it :) Now I have started to employ these techniques with my boss, my teenage son n life in general n I am gettjng tremendous results. Its like I have a super power. I can talk people through a situation or problem guiding them to the solution or results that im looking for n it is becoming easier n easier everyday! Thank you Chris! Your a genius and a life saver. Once understood, your techniques are simple and effective to employ. The most powerful technique that Chris has reminded me of is that. PEOPLE JUST WANT TO BE HEARD N UNDERSTOOD! Thank you! Sincerely, Wass.

[@sirvelka7491]

I don’t think using tricks on your girlfriend is good but if you’re both happy cool lol

[@dreamervanroom]

You are a winner. It looks like she's a winner too. The other two replies didn't understand. Don't let the bad guys drag you down. I really appreciate hearing about your improvement in situation. Now it's 20/20 sis stay safe and have a good life.

[@evelic]

This was profound: There is an emotional component to every decision we make. We make a decision based on what we care about, therefore, what you care about is an emotion.

[@Joaquinho]

What an amazing interview. And what an incredible person is Chris Voss.

[@PH1M0]

“Anybody that has ever felt stress has taken themselves hostage because they were worried about losing something...” Super perceptive statement and very true. I also feel Robert Deniro (even though his voice is more similar to Al Pacino) channeled him in the movie heat 👍 “(never be so sure of what you want that you wouldn’t take something better)”

[@keithworrell8171]

Book changed my life. Best quote as I remember, "if someone seems 'crazy', this is a sure sign that something you don't know that you don't know is making all the difference in the world".

[@Roy-mk9zl]

Damn! I noted it.

[@marrs1013]

Or they are just crazy. Don't fall for the hype. Reading one book doesn't mean you are expert in the field. Most times crazy people are just crazy and better avoiding them.

[@justwatching2346]

Chris Thank You, I read 3 chapters from his book that i got at the library and i had to buy it on amazon a hardcover. It took away so much stress from my job. I have gotten better and calmer and i do not know anyone with a more stressful job than a debt collector

[@orangeiceice12]

True that!

[@brettweir9050]

Lol

[@gernm18]

quit that and do something good for the world

[@paulmartin42]

Best ever Google talk (inc host)

[@kellylouiseize78]

The more emotionally invested you are the harder it is to negotiate.

[@annekerotterdam7499]

Read: Daniel Goleman.....

[@ANNGUYEN-rl5sm]

true.

[@anthonyfranck8237]

"Ask the right person, do what they tell you to do." - Chris Voss Great stuff, I just bought the book!

[@gillymac9363]

Hi, how was the book?Has it made a significant change to your lifestyle?(I'm considering buying to help with assertiveness&more sincere communication)🕊

[@davidr.8862]

Very informative. Chris's humility and respect for others come across as important traits too.

[@firearmstrainingcentral7438]

It pains me to say this about a google employee, but this interviewer was outstanding, especially for her relative age.

[@biljanas7931]

... and what is her relative age?

[@LegacyAftermath]

...young

[@NinjaKing000]

@utewbing That's the point bud. The interviewer should let the guest talk. I hated the other video with Lewis whatever crap. The interview with the guest was too interactive or just too centered on the interviewer instead of the guest.

[@Altaswaysia]

Fantastic talk. Too many “ah ha” moments to NOT pick up his book! What a great manual for life. Thanks Chris Voss for sharing this. 🍻🍻

[@LazerC4]

I want to get his book now too. I just watched his “MasterClass” and its the best money I have spent in a long time...

[@suesweetman2238]

@@LazerC4 I hope he writes better than he speaks.

[@LazerC4]

Sue Sweetman I agree his delivery is quirky, but honestly I am listening more to the content and giving him a break on his presentation. Also, his strange delivery is entertaining (in my opinion).

[@jssandler]

Twenty minutes into this talk, and I've said "that's right" at least five times so far.

[@i2really1der]

Chris Voss is straightforward, and that's refreshing. Mairin Chesney is an effective moderator (and super cute). Wish I can meet her. Plus, she is so smart.

[@patricioansaldi8021]

who paid you to post this?

[@waynesanders1406]

She's the spitting image of what I imagine employees at Google are like.

[@kingofbytes]

ha ha, thought the same thing

[@bellsofhell]

Very nuanced. But on point. Good observation.

[@bassRDS]

They need diversity man! I bet she is a lesbian green activist, good enough to be hired by Google, no need to be professional as an interviewer or even good at basic English.

[@seavista4810]

Lol....that hilarious...

[@humanentity5890]

narcissistic assholes? lol

[@linaerial2112]

1. start with no 2. is it bad time to talk? 3. summerize: get the counterpart to say that's right 4. 3 types: conservative, analytical, accomadator(talk more, think, mad) 5. suicide hotline 6. hostage communication:call back 7. felt stressed: end of the world pattern 8. rationalize:why you want what you want: tell me why you want it X vulnerabilities label techniques (close the information gap) V 9. empathy the tool and assertive 10. detecting deceptions unknown unknown: holding cards the other side unknown 11. you are right-shut up you that's right 12. angry at me: accusation audit指責 seem like im being a jerk, seems like ive been fair, it seems like you sound angry 13. the negotiator: movie lie X 14. how to start - where you coming from: - listen to you first - information whats going on in your world 15. sb talk to you, you got sth they want 16.money, recognition, publicity fear of loss drive us mostly 17. time is fair: cut the loss and move on

[@SeerWS]

Wow. He nailed the explanation of the assertive type. I thought I was the only one who thinks like this. If I'm confident the other person fully understands my perspective and they STILL disagree, I'm inclined to take on their perspective.

[@mahirsiraji833]

what time was it?

[@unintentionaltime]

Mahir Siraji about 8:50-9:00 I think?

[@zclzc]

I'm similar too. Thing is that I would also require the person to actually explain the reason for their perspective. Beyond listening and disagreeing only.

[@boyertb]

Heard an interview with Chris Voss a while back, and before it was over I was on Amazon ordering it. Highly recommended.

[@gillymac9363]

Gitsum May I ask what this book has done for you?(I am considering buying)✌

[@tigerdank5666]

Same thing happened with me. I heard him on the BiggerPockets podcast and I immediately bought his book afterwards. That’s the first time I’ve ever done that.

[@acchaladka]

Gilly Mac Don’t know about Gitsum, but it helped shape and build my entire approach to negotiation. I used it in association negotiations and it was very very helpful.

[@carlosacta8726]

DITTO!!!!!

[@railspony]

He's definitely a great book salesman. But my question for people experiencing that response: You're enjoying the video, but do you know what you've learned? Reading the book won't have the same entertainment value as his speaking technique; you'll only get the lessons. Is he communicating any? He talks about teaching you something, but did he actually follow it with a lesson? What was the lesson?

[@akshatjainbafna]

Lesson: 1. Active Listening 2. Try to understand and unleash the emotions of the negotiator because sometimes even he can't put words to those emotions. 3. Tactical Empathise. 4. Calibrated questions Fear of loss can get people to negotiate as it drives our decisions, hard bargaining gets you loss in long-term, the closer you are to someone the harder it will be to recognise what you are being accounted for the anger(i.e. the harder it will be to find that black swan)

[@alexs1972]

I bet this guy does the best Christopher Walken impression

[@carnaj66]

LOL

[@MarkNeri]

I can imagine Al Pacino

[@eduardobarbosa9413]

lol lol lol

[@mntnbiker818]

I'll bet he does an even better impression of John McAfee.

[@DharmendraRaiMindMap]

The end the domination of Silicon Valley !

[@wolcek]

If you cannot say "no", "yes" is meaningless.

[@jimwaqa8503]

Maybe

[@AmandeepSingh-yc4pb]

As requested...

[@JohnDoe-sk6wy]

I’m learning not to take anything people say or do personally. Instead, I try to read between the lines of what they say and what they don’t say to get an idea of how they feel about me.

[@shutemdwn]

Walken does a great impression of this guy.

[@jamesshaw6110]

I see more Al Pacino and sometimes just a smidgen of Adam Sandler.

[@joannealford5687]

I loved listening to Chris, the content is refreshingly honest and the accent is charming.

[@playdoughfunrs]

felt bad every time he tried to make a joke, crowd is super serious lol

[@leferayala5228]

They have no idea what's going on, probably scrolling through facebook lol. I think it was cringier when the host was trying to make jokes lol.

[@wreynolds1995]

Probably there is *some* laughter, or at least audible chuckling, but the crowd doesn't have microphones. Between that and any editing, probably just doesn't show up on the final audio.

[@fuck_the_CBCE]

Because these tech socialist politically correct nerd morons are DRY AS FUCK.

[@westsmithon3418]

@@leferayala5228 Agee but what do you expect, its Google - they all think their crap doesnt stink. Intellectucal nerds living in their own bubble of corporate self importance.

[@johnjones6601]

More like slow on the uptake! Dummies.

[@beemo9]

Great talk. Says a lot about what drives us. The "never lie" part was interesting.

[@MySiamesedreams]

I've read his book and I'm still taking notes over here as I watch this

[@tabaks]

I feel that empathy in response to "that's right" is truly a magical helper!

[@PursuitofPossibility]

This talk inspired me to be more empathetic with my customers and create a sales experience where they are left satisfied with the way that they arrived at their decision to buy or not. I’m going to get his book 100%

[@benbax5990]

Chris Voss..... Brilliant man....

[@Steveross1000]

I have already tried two of the approaches in the book--both of them seemingly counter-intuitive--and they both worked! I'm going to be reading it again and taking more notes.

[@SS-hw1ou]

@Steve Ross is it worth the buy?

[@pashaveres4629]

There's also a Masterclass - good stuff! And there's a slack group of people practicing the techniques.

[@huidezhu7566]

@@SS-hw1ou it’s worth every cent

[@huidezhu7566]

@@SS-hw1ou it’s worth every cent

[@Roy-mk9zl]

@@SS-hw1ou it's so good that I will buy the hardcover version to pay him the fee for what he taught me. I have been reading his book from a paperback edition. It's all out of respect for this guy's strategy and his service to his nation.

[@rhaeroberts8252]

I am in LOVE!!!! Your mind is truly amazing! I could listen forever! Learned sooo much! Thank You!

[@akshatjainbafna]

The guy have practiced it so much and it can be seen in this conversation as well, firstly he agrees and empathises and then deny the assumption and gives an explaination on it.

[@bigblocklawyer]

Pretty insightful. Much of this is practised by world-class litigators every day. There are few times in life where negotiating to convince a jury not to send your client to prison for life, without parole, is more intense. And we only get to talk at them. Not getting feedback is much more difficult but that's where reading body language is key.

[@ameg2707]

i enjoyed every part of it!!! hoping he comes back with more speeches.

[@puneet1977]

Loved the insights on fair and honesty of the trade. Connected so well with my core values. Was blessed to be taught to never lie by my parents and never had to wait for my ethics class. Thank you for this lovely talk @Chris Voss. Please keep them coming. You've got a new fan here.

[@lastpercent15]

Every other line from that interview can be used as a life advice quote. Amazing!

[@Venus.actor.singer]

He said its harder to negotiate with someone close to you. I guess we get emotional with someone close to us that closes our brain to think effectively. But once we are done and over the person, we are less emotional and able to negotiate better because we know that other person more than anyone does. I experience this. Awesome speaker. Thank you very much.

[@RosannaMiller]

I am learning so much. I love these talks. Thank you, Mr. Voss!!

[@steveclarke1857]

I think that the underlying point in all of this is that the people who can help you are often the very same people who can hurt you. From that perspective, empathy is fundamental to giving you the roadmap to understanding how you can reach a mutually helpful position in any negotiation or even average conversations. Mirroring is a brilliant way of overtly showing your counterpart empathy. I love it. Chris's book and his speaking engagements have totally changed my life.

[@aikishugyo]

A captivating talk, great to see such a competent moderator, both smart and well-prepared, and in addition also clearly intensely interested. Awesome!

[@musicdad2007]

Excellent presentation by Chris Voss & very effective moderation by Mairin Chesney. She could work for Black Swan.

[@pmam1968]

This talk was phenomenal.

[@darshbakshi5382]

He starts with labelling . Brilliant

[@jadagostino17]

The first 10 minutes in my opinion was perhaps the most powerful and be practiced immediately.

[@darrincapps7028]

I listened to this with my eyes closed and I could swear I was listening to Al Pacino! Makes his interviews even cooler!

[@shimxxl]

I wish I knew this stuff when I was eighteen back in 1978 my life would have been so much simpler to date.

[@acomment5991]

James A. Walters like, how so?

[@mackgrout]

Great, thanks for the upload!

[@karengates925]

Love how you demonstrate everyday situations and highlight where we can go wrong. Always very engaging due to your philosophy on empathy making it so much easier to apply and retain your teachings. Thank you

[@CamelMoonStudios]

Amazing how much of this plays in everyday life. Everyone should watch this, if only to better themselves.

[@michaelm9621]

Loved listing to Chris. Such useful information we can all use in our day to day life.

[@ALCRAN2010]

"Two mice, fall into a bucket of cream..."

[@mytech6779]

...and poison the cream with hanta virus and excrement before drowning in the acidic buttermilk that remains after the struggle has turned the fat portion into butter.

[@gregglouis2969]

Hilarious lol

[@2inchfromtheground]

Finish the damn recipe. I'm starving

[@imre7411]

We fire up Sony's next-gen Playstation 5 and point a thermal imaging camera at it to see just how toasty it gets during gameplay ➡️ kzbin.info/www/bejne/fWrRhJ6XhNB5Y5o

[@Joseph-ms3iq]

what a coomer

[@artford8674]

I'm impressed with the strength and clarity of the interviewer.

[@artford8674]

Both came off as professionals. @Lydia Ponce

[@PuntOnFourth]

CHRIS VOSS! Yesssss!

[@soulzero22]

This guy is a real life James Bond.

[@jamesshaw6110]

wtf how does any of this have anything to do with James Bond?

[@p_serdiuk]

No, the IRL James Bond was Christopher Lee. :)

[@annasanta9103]

This has nothing to do with JAMES BOND.

[@buildthings79]

I feel sorry for the guy that trys to sell this guy a car. His local dealership's probably have his picture up in each cubicle to beware of him.

[@mayaapatite7059]

I’m in at hospital.

[@FelipeCosta-ek5ev]

buildthings79 😂😂😂😂😂

[@mansoorishaker]

as a matter of fact, he bought his 4Runner for 30 grand from the original price of 36

[@bartekwitulski4533]

buildthings79 l

[@superchuck3259]

When you purchased your last car, did the salesperson like you? Mine did, not love me, but made him laugh about stuff related to his job. He was more open to show me the best deal fast, I still got a little more, but there is a bottom line. We got to it and closed the deal. Because I was nice, he found ways to give 3 free oil changes and tire rotations, without me asking. I got more than I expected. We joked about how the car was on empty when test driven. My comment was a trailer of cars will full tanks is a fire hazard in an accident. He said he never thought about that, makes sense. Plus people could steal the gas in the cars if parked somewhere cause people have no issue stealing from a company as they know no one owns the cars. Well with the dialog, we told me all sorts of info. Like this was him coming in on a day off to try an make a year end sale. I knew I could ask for a little more at that point, and I got it! But overall, we both won, total time was 4 hours and all taken care of. Was the best car sales experience ever. No wonder the salesman had been successful for 13 years. Negotiation is life.

[@arthurmurfitt7698]

Thank you Chris, I’ve learned so much in just a little bit of KZbin I have seen of you, looking forward to finding more about what you teach.

[@rebelliarosetm2008]

I am LITERALLY sitting here commenting about parenting and I have to erase and start over because you’re talking about parenting lol! Love this. Okay. So growing up both of my parents were very tough. But I always tell people my mother taught me everything I need to NOT do as a parent myself. She was very abusive and I won’t go into detail. My father, however, never laid a hand on me. He was tough, consistent, and I respected him very much. The difference was, my mother raised on the premise of fear. My father raised me to respect him. Both were effective until I was older, stronger, and no longer scared of my mother. I was 15. This seems to be the underlying method of your approach. You said your Harvard colleagues all brought the same ideas to the table, but different circumstances essentially. So, I share this hoping to offer another perspective for those viewing. Thank you very much for your time. 💋❤️🌹

[@katehunter538]

Such a great speaker on a great topic. And then..."nukyalar." I had to back up to be sure I'd heard it correctly.

[@Alex.Kalashnik]

That's just Southernese... :)

[@ChrisWaterguy]

I stopped worrying about this as much after hearing a nuclear scientist say "nucular" in a TED Talk.

[@acchaladka]

kalashnik3 Odd because he’s from NY or Boston I think.

[@simonka87]

"First of all, Thanks for getting me the Chair" :D What a Legend...

[@zclzc]

Can't believe the crowd didn't laugh!

[@tangiblewords]

Never Split the Difference is such an incredible book. Avoiding the yes/no binary is key to negotiations, and Never Split the Difference illustrates that concept in a way that completely changes how to approach every negotiation.

[@twilly211]

37:40 Im humbled by his honesty in personal negotiations.

[@michaeleli6767]

Great interview and great interviewer!

[@MikkoRantalainen]

Great talk! I actually watched this twice to make sure I didn't miss anything.

[@dougwedel9484]

I just started reading Katherine Manning's book The Empathetic Workplace. I thought it would be a feel good book about how I can put people at ease. But it's hard hitting, talking about trauma. I tell people she talks about trauma but all I have in my life is drama and melodrama. But what she teaches is helpful for everyone I talk to. And it helps me recognize and let people open up when they talk about trauma, or drama. Listening is one of the hardest and useful things we can learn. This backs up everything you say in Never Split The Difference. You started me on a long journey of daily reading books and watching videos like this one. It can be a LOT OF WORK! :) But the return on the investment on my time is amazing. Thanks so much!

[@ELIT3__]

You may have something a person wants if they are talking to you. But don’t deceive yourself in thinking that you are the only person available to them that has it. Use it wisely.

[@charlessmyth]

You have to negotiate your way into negotiation school :-)

[@gumikebbap]

makes complete sense :D

[@vincent_hall]

Like getting a job in sales?

[@acousticperformerjc]

Welcome to bureaucracy! Can’t create enough laws to create justice. Love the veracity of his story

[@myrtlefowler6800]

"if someone is talking to you, youve got something they want. Period." damnnnn love the simplicity of that quote

[@dimitrispavlakis2590]

Stan Smith from American Dad quote :)

[@rafaelludicanti2]

Estou acompanhando.

[@Haoland]

Provided me with useful advice when speaking and negotiating. I would say in context of hostage, if someone is talking to you, he wants something from you. In other situation is different. For example, sometimes, people like emotional connection. If he wants to say hi and cares about you, he may not want anything back from you. It's like having a dog, we care about our puppy and want our puppy to live happy. We don't expect our puppy to do anything for us except loving us back.

[@ForgottenKnight1]

I like the "black swan" references. I've also found it in Taleb's works ( can't remember if he's the author or not of this term ), but a black swan is basically an event, that happens rarely, it is unpredictable, and has an immense downside, just like an armed robbery with hostages. Happens probably once in 1 or 2 decades, but the maximum possible downside is a lot of people injured or/and murdered. I can see why for the negotiator this job is so difficult. His downside is zero (z-e-r-o). He's not the one standing on his knees with a gun on his head and a blindfold around his eyes, getting beaten and probably tortured. He's the one on the phone, away from all harm and danger. Yet, he needs to think the situation like he'd negotiate his own life. Else, he'll be sniffed as a fraud and the consequences are well, I've told you already.

[@garyhost1830]

It's also referred to on the stock market. Same meaning. Rare and unforseen event with tremendous consequences. Ie huge fall or rise of market

[@mesflyer]

Voss uses Black Swan as an unknown unknown that changes the entire dynamic of a potential deal once discovered.

[@afpbrisbane]

Excellent interview. From my analysis, Chris Voss is a ENTJ-A.

[@jasperwiggerink7153]

Don't you think he's more of a sensor? Since he seems like a very practical guy and knows a lot of facts and quotes.

[@afpbrisbane]

​@@jasperwiggerink7153You mean a Sentinel? It's possible he has certain traits in varying percentages from the sentinels, and as he stated himself, he has picked up certain traits from other personality types on his journey (as many of us of all personality types tend to in one degree or another). Of the four sentinels, if he is one, he is not in my opinion a 'Logistitian' (ISTJ), as though they have dominant traits, they lack the charisma of the Analysts that carefully maneuver that dominance (though the possibility does remain), and have a disdain for mental manipulations (which would be difficult to balance being a negotiator). ENTJ's, the 'Commander', are Analysts, and he has that in spades. One easy way to get an idea rather than an educated guess, would be take down copies of some of his lectures and musings, and run it through a program based on the Big Five with the MBTI acronyms as above. ENTJ's believe in logic over emotion, and are strong rational minds, much like the INTJ's (known as the 'Architect' or 'Mastermind', like Elon Musk. Used for most villains in the movies funnily enough) who are purely rationalists (many viewing overt displays of emotion as weak) and fall under the category of Analysts, being highly analytical and methodical in their approach to everything, both types being prone to perfectionism and very particular about the details. Analysts are obsessed with facts and figures, especially INTJ's. He seems slightly more extroverted than an INTJ, though this could just be a professional front. If he is a Sentinel (having sensing 'S'), and not an Analyst (having intuition 'N'), then I would place him possibly as the 'Executive' personality, a ESTJ (plus assertive rather than turbulent as the fifth variable), a ESTJ-A. Would be good to nail it down, so if you have any comments in this regard, I'd be very interested. Actually, now that I think about it, he could indeed be a 'Logistitian', which have a personality very close to the Analysts (especially the INTJ). It is difficult to place him definitively, without comparing data across types. He seems more extroverted, though hard to tell as mentioned. If he is slightly extroverted, as a Sentinel, then that would slot him back into 'Executive'. Hard to say really.

[@jasperwiggerink7153]

@@afpbrisbane Hi, first of all I'm not a expert on this, i just think it's fun to type people. I agree he's not an ISTJ, or an INTJ (which i am myself). He could very well be an ENTJ, however there are some things I notice by the way he speaks about things that make me conclude that he's an ESTJ. First of all, ENTJ's tend to be very driven by a vision. ESTJ's tend to keep the conversations more down to earth. He seems to think in a very algoritmic way, as in "if you do A, then B will happen", which is very *STJ like. I also think he's an extrovert, which is hard to conclude in interviews. His profession seems to me like something an extrovert would be more likely to be interested in. He's also more assertive like you said (he even descibes himself assertive here: 8:36).

[@daneustace7318]

Have been involved with negotiations and helping people do better negotiations for a while. This video was clear and even more powerful that the book which I just finished. I have shared it and use this as a prime resource.

[@BenWeeks]

18:15 Powerful story about a kidnapping negotiation in the Philippines. 45:34 Great answer for "When is it time for threat and retaliation?"

[@FinallyFreelancing]

I loved the audiobook so much, that i did buy the physical book afterward. It even directly helped me with my upcoming project negotiations as a freelance designer! Thank you so much Chriss Voss!

[@MystiFryScott]

great talks, buying the book..... but "Ive gotta a fever... and I need more cowbell"

[@caveds]

Hahahaha... very good Scott :)

[@klaytonpeterson1596]

Start with No...Great book ..

[@DreamLaunchLLC]

Great talk. we are attempting to let our followers know that life is one big negotiation. This video was very helpful.

[@aooooaao28557aoo]

I am reading his book right now. I almost wish I didn't buy it (not really!) because this talk is basically the entire book :P And I don't necessarily agree with NOT compromising. I think that at times, in special circumstances, compromising is the best option. Look at how dysfunctional Congress is because the two sides are not willing to compromise.

[@tarico4436]

How do you know when someone's lying? Well, while I've been writing this I've also been reading your comment. OMG, I just did it. And I'm not lying!! My typing speed slowed down tremendously, but I did it. Still doing it. OMG!! Usually you can't read a book while you're typing. Just saying. Not calling you a liar. But.

[@aooooaao28557aoo]

TAR ICO I suggest checking into a mental institution. Not calling you mental...but... Just saying...

[@RedScareClair]

Actually Congressional problems, you could argue, are problems because of compromising. Think about how bills are passed and laws are made. People get all kinds of things passed in a bill that have nothing to really do with the bill in exchange for their vote. That's why these bills are a million pages long and all of a sudden something that couldn't get passed before suddenly get passed.

[@TheKitchenerLeslie]

@@RedScareClair Most of our Representatives ARE compromised. Our system is compromised. This is not America as described in the Constitution and the further away we get from it, the more it suffers. We're not supposed to have a standing army or a direct tax... yet we have them. The percent you're taxed is the exact percentage of how much of a slave you are. Think about it.

[@jackdorsett740]

He's pretty much re packaging Marshall Rosenberg's Non Violent Communication - you can find the workshops free on youtube.

[@josuardalexgonzales1068]

Ty,I’ll check it out

[@cesarisam]

Excelent way of delivering great information.

[@LinYouToo]

Brilliant! What a genuine man. Also, at 37:58 notice how he tilts his head sideways. This is a somewhat submissive posture which gives the power to the other person. I can’t help but wonder if he did that deliberately as she prepared to ask him the question.

[@minhmeo1209]

49:03 Feel bad for the dude :( You'll get pick next time mate

[@ffccardoso]

we never know what is his question... )=

[@QuackersMcCrackers]

That guys question could have changed the WORLD. And now, we'll never know. WE'LL NEVER GOD DAMN FUCKNIG KNOW!

[@GabrielSouza-sr6jr]

Shit... I feel so bad for him :(

[@HandMeDeals]

He should have said what it be too crazy if I ask 1 question

[@MikeyBro5728]

I bet that Al Pacino movie "Devils Advocate" is a spin-off of this guys life!

[@tarico4436]

"SAY 'WHAT' AGAIN!!"

[@bearriver685]

Damn that was funny!

[@tommypearson9260]

I think what he means this guy is exactly like Al Pacino

[@Sam_on_YouTube]

You know Al Pacino was also in a bank-robbery hostage negotiation movie based on a true story in New York City. Basically, he was negotiating against someone who played the real life predecessor of this guys old job. Dog Day Afternoon. Fantastic movie. One of Pacino's best.

[@D3ck3rCain]

They went to the same school.