nihilism. [full album]

[@Barakon]

why is this titled nihilism?

[@serialShitter]

well, the short version is that it's linked to an introspection of mine. but to give actual context to the title, i have to describe the mental state i was in right before the sprawling process of making this album. a month or so ago, i had a terrible realization about the unhealthy coping mechanisms i had caged myself in for so long. i was so afraid to think, i needed anything that could make the fog in my brain finally go away. sometimes, i just wanted to die. all of that, because i was too scared of understanding the world around me. but it led to me repeating the same self-destructive actions over && over again, to the point where i didn’t even realize something really disgusting had been happening in front of me for over a year. then, i finally understood it was all about nihilism. no matter how much my thoughts raced, they would just accept things as they are while spitting out constant information, causing me to hate myself + making me unable to actually think or change. so i began giving meaning to every little thing i was doing, using my fuming brain like a weapon, also somehow coming to terms with the fact that i can’t && won’t know everything in the process. this album is named *nihilism* because, to me, it is the best way to encapsulate my coping mechanisms into one single word. or at the very least, what i got from this really weird introspection. this is also why the song titles are bittersweet, “random”, simple, or cryptic. they are all telling the story of the mess that was that introspection. i'm sorry if it's still a bit vague. but i hope you enjoyed the experience && got something out of it anyway! most of my songs are non-linear, because they’re telling a story you can read however you want. so feel free to just give them your very own meaning :)

[@dropdedgothish]

@@serialShitter real af

[@zeghegheghegheg4519]

Very insightful comment @serialShitter

[@serialShitter]

​@@zeghegheghegheg4519🚬

[@hyperluxo7124]

bro making the right questions

[@Beefnachos]

Thank you youtube for introducing me to cockmonster63

[@serialShitter]

welcome! i'm cockmonster63. :)

[@firstername]

@@serialShitter also known as serialShitter great music btw

[@TheAnxiousOwl]

I'm leaving this at 69

[@MariMatsuno_]

Woa, another Uni pfp

[@whooswop]

Too real

[@barbaraisboring]

i love when youtube suggests me random masterpieces

[@gday2000]

made by cockmonster63

[@Rayxy666]

Real

[@Erblorg]

I will now share this album, "nihilism." by cockmonster63, with all (1) my friends.

[@PremierSullivan]

Your friend(s) doesn't exist. You don't exist.

[@pickashoev248]

I somehow ended up listening to this as I read the newly released "The Book of Bill" and it goes so well with it. Amazing music, really.

[@irespondtotheads7453]

Would prob go well with A Clockwork Orange.

[@watcoh]

This kind of feels like an OST for an Undertale-inspired game that never existed. Trippy-good.

[@xer0_dr3amz]

the art is wonderful..!! im feeling the music hard rn., its so different and unhinged at times in the best way. sounds like a soundtrack that would be in a game reminiscent to OMORI !! thanks yt for randomly recommending me this

[@serialShitter]

@@xer0_dr3amz i'm so glad you love it! thank you so much for the comment!! more art && unhinged stuff are coming, eventually. :)

[@Parageist99]

yeah it reminded me of omori as well, its so awesome :D

[@Rayxy666]

Who would’ve guessed scrolling at 1:30 am after discovering one of the best shibuya kei artists you ever have would bring me to an artist I adore

[@BubbaByce]

dawg this is such an enigma. this album is so darkly beautiful with it's inspiration drawn from such an awful struggle and its made by someone with one of the goofiest usernames i've ever seen. in other words, i really, really love this and i cant wait for more.

[@Ama_tullah]

My recommendations is getting way too accurate 💀 Loved the album! There's something very melancholy about this whole album...I felt it the entire time listening to your music.

[@captainbaronfluffy]

i detected the Space Boyfriend Mixtape synth in "the KEY is probably somewhere in the woods" .... this whole album is so neat

[@quantumblauthor7300]

Ooh, tangled desolate scrungles

[@serialShitter]

@@quantumblauthor7300 waht

[@snailcheeseyt]

tangled desolate scrungles

[@kori-rr8ro]

this was the best thing youtube could’ve ever sprung up on my explore page. thank you cockmonster63 for sharing! this is insanely well made :)

[@LangSmith.]

What an incredible album. It’s haunting in parts and beautiful in others, and I especially love the way some songs transition into others, either with blunt force trauma or garbled statements swimming through static. This was a really cool project you made.

[@muffin_crow]

Only 2 minutes in and I'm alredy in love with your muical style and language. It's like I found a nintendo pre-switch music tape but the files have been corrupted by electronic worms that are trying to scream for help.

[@localidiot6909]

i hope this album gets more recognition its really well made and its probably one of my favorite albums that ive listened to

[@troyjusttroy1781]

The best of artists just have the most unserious of names and I fucking love it

[@miunii1823]

I've listened to this a few times now and everytime I do it gives me the same feeling I get during my first playthroughs of some of my favorite games. IDk how to explain it in a way that makes sense but all the songs together really sound like some kind of soundtrack to a game I havent played yet but really want to.(dream bbq vibes kinda)

[@kazket]

Ton chef d'oeuvre, chef. Bravo. Je l'ai déjà écouté une dizaine de fois avant qu'il sorte

[@serialShitter]

🤝

[@gnomestar_disaster]

i didnt expect the next album i rave about like a mad preacher to be made by cockmonster63 this is so peak dude 🙏🙏

[@WALUIGI-cq4dm]

by FAR my favorite album ive heard thus far i just found your music

[@serialShitter]

👉👈

[@W33PING_SINN3R]

Thank you cockmonster63 this is absolutely amazing I hope more people see this, if you made the art for the album it looks scrumptious. I love you, cockmonster63.

[@Parageist99]

this album art really inspires me, i so much love the surrel and intense scribbly style, it makes me feel so many things

[@serialShitter]

ohhh, some appreciation for the cover- thank you! i'm glad you like it! my brain came up with it 🕶

[@kernek9901]

i did not expect to find the coolest songs ive heard in a while by someone named cockmonster63 but here i am 🔥

[@oscarweilerswindhaze3521]

Was feeling stagnant and shitty today, this album just pushed me towards a cliff of coming into terms with the impending reality that your body is limited to the space on which you are now while your mind is traveling cosmos and you can't do anything about the voices in the void because that's it. You're human. This album revealed the hate and disdain I have towards myself and life, and maybe, just maybe, somewhere in there, there is hope. Thank you creator❤

[@HauntedNutPizza]

I really enjoyed this playlist. I don't actually remember doing anything else other than listening to it while i circled my room. I also hope you are doing better than younwere when making it.

[@serialShitter]

@@HauntedNutPizza it will take some time, but it's going to be okay eventually! thank you for the comment :)

[@Mytocato]

Damn, the algorithm it's finally giving me the good stuff

[@the19Zabaniyah]

I will never not associate three eyes like that with Soul Eater

[@ShinySkia]

Can I just say as a fellow artist. Your cover that you drew somehow conveys the album and the feelings so well. Like, woah... that's a very difficult thing to do

[@serialShitter]

hello! well, i actually made the cover before the album was even a thing. i just thought it was fitting when i zoned out to my songs, while staring at this image. i think people underestimate how easily you can convey a mood through one image alone! we're just that influenceable, haha

[@Schandenbub]

I've been listening to this on repeat for way too long now.

[@johnshriver8416]

Some of these felt straight out of the akira soundtrack! Awesome album!

[@FooFoo4230]

(note: this comment was originally posted at like 3:00 AM 4 days ago or something, but I think KZbin decided to not make it visible because there was a link. All other text is in the same state as it was) Nicely done! Interesting sounds, I quite like them. Music sounds a lot longer than it is, which is a good thing in my book. Thanks for posting this. Album art is great, the pixelation and colour scheme reminds me of corru-observer a little bit. (note: yeah, I think mentioning corru is why KZbin shadowbanned the comment, since it showed up as a link) The album itself is also great. Occasionally unnerving and sounding "wrong" in the musical progression, which is fun! I should send this to my former high school history teacher/debate coach, I think he would, if not necessarily be fully enamored with it, be quite interested by it. My sentences are disorganized, and as such, this is potentially a non sequitur of a run-on sentence, given that it is a meta-commentary which adds to the disorganization. The "twinkly" sounds are pretty good, adds to the vibe. Not sure exactly what the vibe is, as it's somewhat late at night (read: early in the morning) and I have played too much of Gregtech New Horizons today. Also, I'm intrigued by the "song sounds like it's a completely different one but haha nope it's actually the same one get fooled nerd" moments, noticed em recently on Plastic Death: The Second Glass Beach Album (yes, I know that's not the official title, but eh, I like adding that subtitle). Anyway, I see that you have created other musics and visuals. I will listen to them. And also go to sleep. Possibly in that order, but hopefully not. Update on that may be forthcoming. But ye, your stuff kind of reminds me of noise music in a good way, with the mixing of instruments/samples and the variance. Have a good day and/or night, cockmonster63. (figured I would put the username in somewhere because like 50% of the other comments are commenting about it). I must ask, since it randomly popped into my head: Did you have the thought of "hm, a Minecraft stack is 64, I want the number in my username to be 1 less than that because uh yeah, I dunno why"? That's what the Small Child me thought when choosing a number for a different username I have elsewhere. Also related, I guess, my username was about the nursery rhyme Little Bunny Foo Foo when I first chose it, but now I have it as more of a joke of "The Foo Fighters want to destroy me because I want to destroy society. They have succeeded with all 4,229 before me but they haven't yet succeeded with me. I learn from every prior Foo's mistakes, and I am the current zenith of Foo-kind, but I may not succeed. All we need is to be patient." And, ye, some sound artists this channel reminds me of a bit (I'm not functioning at my best so this is the half-remembered/analyzed stuff): Halley Labs (somehow? maybe some Renard and hyi vibes? I dunno.), and Psychoangel (from the particular style of some of the music on your channel, such as some of the stuff on COFFEESTAPE_1). In conclusion: I need to get to sleep, thank you for your consideration, please sign my petition, etc. In post-conclusion: I could have definitely organized this better, the "closing statement" ("have a good day and/or night") was kind of in the middle there. At least it was in the last 2/3rds of it or so.

[@serialShitter]

the 63 comes from super mario 63! it used to be my favorite flash game as a kid. :) also thanks for the comment/rambling!! it was really fun to read/decrypt, haha

[@UnforgettableFrankiee]

LCD_dream is literally so amazing- like mind numbingly calming to me

[@serialShitter]

@@UnforgettableFrankiee i cried composing this music 🤝

[@billymkj2763]

@@serialShitter wowie awesome!!! that's the secret ingredienttt... xd

[@erweex]

I'm glad i found this album, i wish i could find this type of songs more often. great work!

[@Martupc]

El dibujo da tantas Omori vibes, lo amo

[@no_li-fe]

dude the ending of womp and the beginning of is science the only thing i can trust is the best

[@vinsentbaker6192]

this cockmoster done it again he just busted in my ears with this absolute banger

[@ПлатонВостриков]

i felt this monster63 in me what a masterpiece 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@ShibsKensei]

I have two thoughts; Nothing inherently matters, therefore I am free to decide for myself what has value. If Nihilism is treated like an ailment, then the prescription is becoming an Übermensch.

[@MikuoIrl]

This sounds like my childhood.

[@marcoglez8112]

I love the feeling of the songs alongside the album cover. Also all the eyes of the cover remebers me of the "chaos god" (something like that) from Soul Eater, so for me it adds another layer of meaning to the concept of the album. Incredible job.

[@ProductionsByRayne]

Gives me 8-Bit Collective Vibes and I'm digging it!

[@FalgaiaRT]

commenting as tribute to the algorithm so that it may continue to grant musical wanderers succor in these trying times wonderful album, expect to hear from me come Bandcamp Friday

[@scrrrlet]

I've been listening to this for the past couple days and it is absolutely *perfect* for when I need to work, it feels exactly like how my brain functions, tysm!!

[@serialShitter]

this is so touching! thank you so much!! also, we might have similar brains then ☝️👓

[@kitarathousand8213]

Man, I didn't think a channel called cockmonster would teach me something about nihilism, and yet here we are! My favourite is: Is science the only thing I can truly trust? 63

[@Studimus]

music to have an epiphany about human nature and the state of your existence to

[@gatokosmico]

cool, sounds like lisa the painful or OMORI music (in a good sense) with all the transitions and changes. also i like the "Is science the only thing I can truly trust? 63" tittle cause i´ts so true. at the beggining of this year i had a freaky-ass existential crisis related with god and death and stuff so i was like "ok i guess i come from fish" Great job cockmonster63

[@Lyriss_]

bro literally appeared from nowhere and dropped the cutest schizo album of the year < 3

[@UsedRags]

Bloody awesome album, and I can't stop listening to "I can smile." and "Please don't let them fade."! Hope to see this album get physical copies sold one day!

[@lythtras]

cockmonster63 thank you for creating this masterpiece

[@lxmonp1e]

Absolutely in love with sodikken inspiration it’s the whole reason I clicked this video

[@serialShitter]

@@lxmonp1e i love sodikken, but i literally have no idea what you're talking about

[@lxmonp1e]

@@serialShitteris your album cover not made to resemble sodikken covers?

[@serialShitter]

@@lxmonp1e oh, if course not! it's just something i drew randomly for fun while turning my brain off! if you're referencing the eyes -- well, i've always been obsessed with drawing emotionless eyes

[@vialdunate1186]

oh these instrumentals are so varied, so goofy, and just the right level of nefarious this is my comment whilst listening to the opening track, may post after hearing the whole thing

[@serialShitter]

@@vialdunate1186 i hope you enjoy! i'll have a blast reading your comment for sure. :)

[@gatokosmico]

noticed in the first track there´s this dude Lil ugly mane who uses pretty much the same synth sound you did in his song "predominance". really cool coincidence

[@serialShitter]

ohh, might check it out.

[@_Calla-lily_]

listening to this over and over

[@puppetguts]

BROO THIS IS SO GOOD PLS YOU TOOK ME OUT OF MY CIRCLE OF BOREDOM OF MUSIC

[@serialShitter]

it requires digging! do you know napcast, dm dokuro, stomachbook, spellcasting, nobonoko or chroma?? also thank you! i'm glad you like the songs :)

[@puppetguts]

@@serialShitter KZbin is not really my main ground for searching out for intriguing and unique music, i mostly use bandcamp for that, the only one of those you mentioned i don't know well is Stomachbook and ill be sure to check it out their stuff sounds very sick. Chroma and spellcasting lives in my heart thou, and your album is definitely among my favorites now as well ^^

[@puppetguts]

@@serialShitter I do most of my digging for songs out of youtube, thats why i happen upon most of the artists you mentioned and their music has a very special place in my heart (space that you now have as well) the only one im unfamiliar with is Stomachbook but ill be sure to check it out !

[@user-wo6hm8iu9x]

omg he's spreading the gospel of Chroma

[@cinguloapathy]

genuinely godly. undertale ost levels. i can smell the omori soundfonts and general inspiration but you've twisted it into something so new and exciting i'm getting chills. please marry me

[@serialShitter]

yes 🍔 thank you!!!

[@andytrann]

I feel like we're trapped in our minds and we start making things up to fill the emptiness, like a way to cope with depression. The notes and melodies are very joyful but when I start listening to the ambience and background instrumentals, it feels like we're in something much bigger and hard to make sense of. Overall, insane production, I always love listening to everyone's interpretation on such topics like this❤

[@terminallyfish]

love the music. song names are also add the experience. thank you for this album

[@opheliani7817]

thanks cockmonster63, great as always

[@vialdunate1186]

track no. 2 is like tranquil and wet like a fairy fountain. I like the "floppy" last few notes

[@vialdunate1186]

I was wrong about when the track ended. the track actually ends with a fade out. I meant the notes that feel like wet strikes that partition track no. 2 into different vibes

[@Cauli_flower]

underated Banger🔥🔥🔥

[@oursingue]

l'album est super super cool, trop content d'être tombé dessus !

[@Pechwok]

daymn a masterpiece album from cockmonster63 is definitely not what i was expecting to find today

[@emanuelparra5685]

popped on my recommended this is so fire

[@turrnurr2633]

thank you cockmonster63, absolute banger and an instant favorite💖

[@psy_metrys]

God, I love this. But the fact that I have such recommendations when I feel the most severe derealization....☠️ The matrix really is broken. Thank you for your creative expression.

[@no_li-fe]

i cant stop listening to this

[@GwyndolinOwO]

I'm on a bit of an introspective journey myself and this music puts feelings into words that are pretty hard to explain to me. In the past I liked to say I was a "positive nihilist" Basically the general idea is that nothing truly matters but that means I should live life freely. But something I noticed is that I still wasn't avoiding negative thoughts. There was still this strong feeling of "if nothing matters, why does any of this matter". Instead of living freely, I was living in fear of the future, and frozen by my past. Maybe things matter, maybe things don't, I'm trying to learn to care less about the bigger picture. I should still think things over in my head to plan for my best future, but I can't care so much that it ends up eating me whole. I need to live in the present because that's where I'll always be. There's always something we can improve RIGHT NOW and it'll matter because we'll feel it!

[@Coananlover]

Bangers unparalleled

[@KindaKyezzin]

I LOVE IT IT JUST SHOWED UP ON MY HOME RANDOMLY AND MADE MY WEEK

[@serialShitter]

@@KindaKyezzin !

[@femcelcarcel69]

Yesyesyesyes 🔥🔥🔥❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ This album gives me bad butterflies in my stomach everytime i listen to it

[@ririssouille]

C'est incroyable Bravo!!!!

[@justafish9618]

I just discovered you and it's really a genre of music I absolutely love, thank you for sharing your self expression to us.

[@ThdButterMan]

you nailed it with this one and I needed this, thank you.

[@brunohermes1]

the scars remind me of my mistakes. i never want them to fade.

[@serialShitter]

wash them properly && stay safe!!

[@brunohermes1]

@@serialShitter thanks, most of them i did with my nail since i didnt have anything else at the time-

[@serialShitter]

there is no hierarchy of self-harm. even if your scars are thin, they're here because you wanted to hurt yourself. there is no competition; only people who suffer && need help.

[@brunohermes1]

@@serialShitter i see...thanks alot man

[@Treataod]

Uncommon KZbin algorithm W

[@Sharks_on_eggshells]

Listening this while making a fantasy map. Vibes are awesome. Keep it up!

[@Wapcvm]

This truly is one of the newage artist names

[@ghiless7513]

LCD Dream is my favorite so far!

[@wierdo_girl_dubs]

this sounds awesome!!!!!! i love the vibes!

[@somnolentdoll]

hello cockmonster63, i love this album, thank you for creating it and i hope to hear more wonderful things from you in the future

[@CapitanPankeke]

OMG, this sounds so cool, I find it very interesting, loved it.

[@Unoriginal-Username69]

i cannot believe im listening to music made by a person named cockmonster63 and i am enjoying it is this a dream

[@serialShitter]

@@Unoriginal-Username69 i'm also a depressed neet (💪🔥). i'm glad you enjoyed the music! :)

[@kittykat42_0]

just by the name im subscribed cant wait to see what u make bro

[@katunas8493]

The art is very good and the music reminds me of the ENA series on youtube. My favorite song gotta be LCD_dream, much love keep making music

[@keshy5756]

Okay tbh I was expecting a shitty breakcore wannabe with no thought put into the album whatsoever. This tho, really is something good. You really encapsulated a lot of feelings in this music, I liked it a lot! and bro 6:1 views to like ratio is incredible. Keep it up!

[@aykarain]

woah this is really cool... and also the cover art thing too...

[@maplemilleni]

gotta love when random artists like cockmonster63 just drop the hardest music evar

[@Abandoned_Memory]

This album is awesome bro! So glad it's not another generic breakcore album with wierdcore aesthetics but a proper electronic exploration with melodies and textures. Every song sounds different and has a sense of otherworldly fun. I love it man, given the dissociative darkness that inspired it I'm glad you went Earthbound 3 instead of the more muted angsty genres we've been seeing everywhere. Has a kind of Mr Rogers at the end of the world vibe lol Tragic, dissonant nostalgia is a melancholy I can get behind 😋 You should check out Mark Mothersbaugh, the guy behind Rugrats soundtrack, I think you'd love his Muzik for Insomniaks Vol 1 album. Game OSTs I recommend also: Evergrace, Baroque (PS1), and Drakenguard 1

[@hyperluxo7124]

i need a celeste-like videogame based on these tracks. well done cockmonster

[@-lilsyie]

This tingles my brain

[@garo8994]

dios es simplemente hermoso que pueda sentir así con esta música

[@adler1442]

why does someone with the name cockmonster63 cook something so hard. If cockmonster can maybe I should also try to make music

[@serialShitter]

@@adler1442 try && have fun! 🕶️

[@obliquedev]

what a fantastic listen! huge fan of LCD_dream. i'll be sure to check out all your other stuff.

[@lemieux4825]

ive listened to garden of ashes so much over the past 2 days lmao its so good. def my favorite of the album. i rllly like the vibe tho

[@OCERIDANEPARTNERSASSOCIATION45]

❤❤❤❤tellement fière de se résultat, c'est impressionnant comment tu as progressé....hâte de voir ce que tu vas encore créer ❤❤❤❤❤bravo jeune homme ❤❤❤

[@casthen]

keep on makin stuff cockmonster63 this stuff is DIVINE

[@vyrkraz]

SO SO EXCITED THAT THE ALGORITH HATH BLESSED ME HURRAYYYY

[@dimontouch]

hidden gem

[@Rayxy666]

I’m sorry if u don’t like being compared to artists but this is doing the thing to me I thought only kikuo, bo en, and meta room could do to me and that’s fire and um brain space is currently taken over by this so ya