5 Basic Steps to Take When a Friend Ghosts You

Have you ever been ghosted by someone? This common modern term refers to somebody deciding not to be friends with you anymore but not letting you in on their decision or the reason for making it. Poof. They are just gone from your life-except for whatever length of time this loss of friendship causes you mental and emotional turmoil. Then, they are present in your life…even if you are no longer present in theirs.
It’s a harsh, insensitive, and punishing way to end a relationship, don’t you think? Someone stops talking to you, blocks you on Facebook, and doesn’t respond to your texts, emails, or phone calls. And there’s no explanation-no way for you to understand what happened or what you might have done to hurt or offend them or to make it right. You can’t even apologize; even if you do, you don’t know for what.
Being ghosted or disowned by a friend can be a disturbing and painful experience. I know because it has happened to me twice in my life.
I now realize this experience doesn’t have to be quite as upsetting or cause prolonged mental and emotional distress.
Read a related blog post here: ninaamir.com/steps-friend-ghosts-you/
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[@sarge27271]

"People come to you for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime"

[@annmorenz8816]

Love this,

[@michellesteinman1642]

Communication and maturity are so important! People who judge and criticise about petty things are too exhausting.

[@michellesteinman1642]

Be with people who fit with your energy and can reflect back positive vibes

[@notme123]

WTF does this mean?

[@illiadorival6394]

Everytime I have been ghosted. Today, I realized that not to be too attached to anyone in this world. The more you get attached? The more you real get hurt.

[@NinaAmir]

Attachment is never good. But your negative thoughts about people hurting you create more of the same.

[@schanychamemphis1327]

I am at a point in life where if people are not willing to invest in a relationship with me, that is fine. I want to be around people who value me enough to discuss issues. Low value person for me.

[@NinaAmir]

Agreed

[@LaoSoftware]

This has happened to me recently. She moved to a different city. I always initiated contact. But she never does the same. So I figure it out that she didn't want my friendship anymore. So I stop all contact with her.

[@averagejane09]

Nobody is perfect and you have to consider someone's intentions and their heart. If someone values the relationship they make the effort to repair and that takes communication. I find it unkind to give someone the silent treatment or ghost them. It is honestly cruel. So, what kind of person doesn't value another person for the right reasons? Love the advice here. 1. Soul search - Did you do something? Apologize if so. 2. Let it go - if someone doesn't want to tell you, let them go. 3. Cut your energetic ties - energy work, sage The title says 5 steps but I can only figure out 3...but they are good ones!

[@NinaAmir]

I'm glad you found the post useful!

[@shawnessy3548]

I needed this. My friend of 20yrs just did this because of a 2 min interaction where she decided I was mad at her because I was quiet and not all over her like she’s used to. She sent me a long message about it and said she would not read my response if I responded which I did. She then blocked me. It’s been a rough few days for me.😓

[@NinaAmir]

It can be rough...but it's about them, not you. Go on with your life.

[@stephanie7572]

I think that sometimes your very awesomeness can be intimidating to someone who doesn't have it as together. So maybe look at it as a positive that this poor soul can't stand to be in such bright a light, if only for an hour or two to have a coffee or lunch. You will possibly look back on the ghosting and laugh, maybe when you hear that they really blew it bigtime either careerwise or love-wise while little old you's life is just humming along.

[@NinaAmir]

I only wish them well.

[@LaoSoftware]

You just learn to stand alone. People who aren't invested in a friendship or relationship are not worth your time. Life is short. Don't waste time on someone who don't deserve your time. Once time is spent, you can't get back those time. Time flies very fast after age 40. Don't waste it.

[@LoyceGozdan]

I agree with all the above. Another thought..sometimes people tell lies and the lies add up and they can’t remember what they told who, so they abruptly end the “ friendship “ because of the web of lies.

[@NinaAmir]

That could happen.

[@Miakel]

I was here to befriend a ghost, but this is still interesting.

[@Lizcraig-uo1gz]

This helped me SO MUCH! Thank you.

[@Rsysas]

Even if I did - I have been very careful and always open to critique - more than most.

[@Jeng4280]

This sounds all too familiar with my situation and my circle of friends. I knew this person for not a long time but a little time. I liked her and wanted to be friends with her. She put together something for my circle of friends in 2022 and I strongly believe looking back, she got personally offended when I stated a strong opinion about the place we ate at. She felt personally attacked by me, which was not my intention whatsoever. She went all drama queen mode, started yelling and accusing me and someone else of being ungrateful and not true friends, and then disappeared for about five days. I go out of my way while I'm stuck at an airport coming back home on a Monday to send her what I would call a semi-apology for the way it came across to her. She never responded back to me. I spent too much time and energy, trying to figure out what the hell I did or said so wrong for her to be so offended that she stormed off in a fit. I was really upset about it and since then I've been too obsessed with the fact that our friendship is strained because of the incident and she will never discuss it nor my circle of friends will either. I feel I need to "let it go" as well and move on from it. But I agree...I can't force her to be friends with me if she's not willing to give an inch of her time to me. This friendship to me, is one sided. I'm willing to bury the hatchett and be freinds with her, but I feel like I am the only one in the group she is purposefully ignoring on social media altogether. It's very sad and hurts me deeply. I fight for acceptance with friends, family and everyone else around me. I'm too obsessed with wanting to be accepted and feel my opinions mean nothing to her.

[@TheB920]

My best friend, who I love most, who I have known for 13 years, is hurting me. I feel like he's abusing me. He knows what ghosting does to me, yet he does it again and again and again and again. Every time he does it, I get PHYSICALLY SICK, leave alone psychologically and emotionally. I feel dizzy, nauseated, i get acidity, and i lose sleep. I keep telling him, and he knows it, but he'll come back, say it was my fault, and say he doesn't want to talk about what i did. He did accuse me of things i used to do and i stopped but now he says I'm still doing them and if I ask him for where I said anything like that, he won't show me. It's his go-to, for blaming me. How can someone i love so dearly turn against me like this. I'm tired of begging him to say something.

[@NinaAmir]

Is this a relationship that is healthy for you? I think not. Ask yourself why you subject yourself to such treatment. You are worthy of a friend who treats you well.

[@TheB920]

@NinaAmir the reason I have subjected myself to this is because he was my best friend for more than 10 years. But you're right. I don't deserve this. He changed a few years ago. I even asked him if he had lost someone. He told me someone told him that he should not tolerate anything from people because people always walked over him. I tried telling him that while that was important, you need to be tolerant with people because we all make mistakes. You can't cut off or ghost someone just because he said something you disagree with. I even stopped talking about anything controversial with him because he was just looking for reasons to cut off people, and he'd say, "I'm no longer talking to friend a and friend b anymore". It's just childish in my opinion. He cut me off for months then came back, and I was so happy. Then he did it again and came back. He's done it like 3 times, and now is the 4th time. The last time he came back, we were talking about the Olympics, and I said something be disagreed with IN APPROACH. Even before I explained myself, he had already said what I said made him "want to leave me". When I explained what I meant, he said he had misunderstood me and would have left me again. After a few days, he disappeared again, and I asked him if I said something wrong or if he was just busy with work. I'm deciding to move on because this friendship really tortures me. There are times I almost broke down in work or in the bus going home. I can't believe someone we used to talk with for hours every day has turned into this. I've got to move on for my own good because right now, it seems we're not a friendship of equals. There's always kne person who determines when to leave the other person. Instead of just being adults and saying "I'm busy on a project" or "I didn't like when you said abcd"... coming to think of it, how comes after more than 10 years of being friends suddenly anything i say is wrong or worth leaving for? I think he's just looking for excuses. I'll treat our friendship as dead and work on being happy.

[@antoniotula262]

Why permit this, especially if it's a pattern of behavior? "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time "- Maya Angelou. By repeating cycles of this behavior, you're low-key enabling it.

[@TheB920]

@antoniotula262 thank you for your comment. I stopped talking to him and haven't looked back. I love him a lot and I've known him for 15 years but what he's done to me in the last 4 years has taught me that our friendship ended. Even if he comes back I'm not planning to talk to him.

[@antoniotula262]

@TheB920 You're welcome. I especially like the last sentence you wrote. You've made up your mind. 15 years is a long time, but he should value that time just as much as you did. Somehow, I'm happy to know you stood up for yourself in this situation.

[@robynbean347]

I tried reaching out to an old friend after many years of not talking. Got blocked and got no explanation as to why. It hurts but i guess i just have to move on

[@illiadorival6394]

Human beings. As long as they don’t have the Love ❤️ of God . They will change, and hurt you more

[@lillianbarker4292]

I had a difficult friend who I saw a lot because my small family was friends with hers. Our kids played together. But she and her husband divorced. I was uncomfortable because she quizzed me about her ex-husband even when I told her I would not discuss it. I also realized that I didn’t enjoy being with her because she was very nosy and asked embarrassing questions. One day I realized she was on FB with me but never 😊posted or commented so I unfriended her, thinking she wouldn’t notice. I soon got a call asking why. I told her I was uncomfortable having a FB friend who was so shadowy. She kept on asking if we were friends and why didn’t I want to spend time with her. How could I say that I just didn’t like being with her, that she was always nagging me to do things I’d told her I didn’t want to do and having to explain myself? I knew that she would never accept these reasons and would keep hounding me. It’s true I’m a person who patiently endures a situation until I just can’t anymore. I should tell people when they have crossed a line sooner so they might change, but in this case, I knew she wouldn’t change.

[@jakelesnake4927]

That's all fine, I'd like to do that, but I see some of these people that have ghosted when I'm doing activities that I enjoy. I think I'm maybe needy and too negative sometimes. I will try to work on thee aspects of my interactions, although I seem to find the more I concentrate on how I'm interacting with someone the worse it goes, as I feel self-conscious and start to struggle to interact at all. I also lead a very easy life compared to most of my friends and I can understand why this would be irritating for them. I can't really make my life hard just to fit in. I don't find either explanation easy to manage. Thinking people are jealous of you is a very arrogant state of mind which I don't want to inhabit. Thinking you interact badly leaves me feeling down about myself, as I value social interactions with people I like. I'm also a single man and I think this can be threatening to both men and women for different reasons, and obviously there's nothing I can do about being a man. I suspect being in a relationship would do wonders for my social life, but it still seems like a terrible reason to get into one.. I haven't done anything specifically to offend these people, as far as I can tell. So I assume it's either my situation, or probably my character that puts them off and that makes me feel very insecure. I play music and some of these people will be at events I'm playing at, and I love to surf, and others will be out surfing and at the beach. I'm now dreading seeing them, knowing in my mind I'll be thinking "why the hell did you do that to me, it really hurt, I don't think I did anything to deserve that" knowing that, assuming it's neediness and negativity that put them off in the first place, if they sense even a hint of that going through my mind it will make things much worse, so I can only imagine I'll just have to interact with them as if they didn't ignore my messages. They will likely make some lame excuse we both know is BS and I'll just have to suck it up, smile and be completely inauthentic, which I think people pick up on and is in itself very unattractive. I guess I know now not to try to move the friendship out of the context in which I see them so over time we can both forget about this awkward moment. It really sucks though, the fact that I kind of know that they know this situation will arise by just ignoring me, yet they feel the awkwardness is worth it not to have to interact with me reinforces in my mind how much they must actively dislike me, and these were people I thought were friends. It leaves you questioning all your relationships. And it sucks the enjoyment out of doing the things I love to do that might help me forget about them and focus on things I love. Often the advice about this sort of thing is to just do something you enjoy and you'll find the people that like that too and will naturally bond, but when it's the people that I do the thing I'm most passionate about with - surfing - it makes that avenue redundant. Just have to not give a fxxx I guess, it's really easier said than done though.

[@NinaAmir]

The thing is...they are interpreting your behavior and you are interpreting theirs. What if you just decided you are okay...and be you? I'm not saying that if you know you could improve something in your behavior that causes issues, you shouldn't work on that. But be okay being you. Let them do what they do.

[@Jerah-b2n]

Here’s my story: i have been picky with choosing friends in my work. There’s this one girl who i felt comfortable being close with. I was surprised when she confessed to me that she liked me for 2 years already. She confessed even though i had a partner already. I kindly rejected her but i told her that i still want to be friends. She said that nothing will change but after few days, she just ghosted me 😢. Im sad cos I lost friend and i just wished she never confessed. I guess i’m watching your vid cos i also want to cut ties with her too.

[@Joeyal123]

My autism drove my friend to ghost me