Not many Black Brits are married. Does it matter?

Not many Black Brits are married. Does it matter? If you like these videos and would like to see more, please like and subscribe and I look forward to hearing your thoughts in the comments below.
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[@1985MrFRESH]

We really need to stamp out the childbearing before weddings.

[@anubis8918]

What if your not religious

[@d4v1do]

That’s a Caribbean thing to be honest

[@savinggift158]

Those are weasel words No sex before marriage will weed people out and motivate others to show proper love and respect to themselves and others.

[@neneosei7168]

WHY?? been married changes nothing !!!! let that sink in.

[@anubis8918]

@@savinggift158 I disagree completely. Marriage doesn't change how you value yourself,others or a relationship. The fact that most marriages end in divorce proves that

[@learningandsensory3731]

My husband & I are black British & have been married for 30 years. We have 2 children & when people find out how long we’ve been married for they’re simply shocked. We agreed from the start to put God first & to be a team. We know so many couples that are BB & married - it’s a commitment that we agreed to keep👍🏾🤩

[@trueblessings3210]

Beautiful. Congratulations. Are you both Afro-Caribbean? African?Or an inter-ethnic couple of Afro-Caribbean and African?

[@TaphaSow75]

Congratulations. The context 30 years back is different from now. Very different. I agree with your basics.

[@njemilenantan2269]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@Crukren89]

My folks are Black British aswell married since 1985 and have raised me and my sis. They get the same reaction but its such a rarity with the generations after (There boomers). I still get humbled when i see them together moaning about TV or politics lol

[@kingmaafa120]

God bless you

[@YardyBritishfamily]

This is very embarrassing; as a Jamaican woman, I would like to marry, but it is difficult to find a decent man who is willing to build and commit to a good life together.

[@monikam9069]

Not many decent lefts, no matter what race. Whites are abandoning their families, children and run for warmer climates and cheaper living and young girls.

[@O_Monopoly]

How many children do you have?

[@arijones9564]

@@O_Monopoly Why do you assume she has children?

[@O_Monopoly]

@arijones9564 I saw her profile picture so thought Its best to confirm. If she has kids that's probably a key reason she is struggling to find 'a decent man' to marry. If she has kids, I also want to know why she didn't marry her kid's father.

[@arijones9564]

@@O_Monopoly Are you interested in dating her? Her past should concern you only if you see her as a potential wife. She could ask you about your past. What would you say as to why you aren't married?

[@brooklynqueen7089]

When I visited Britain I saw nothing but BM with chubby WW. Perhaps the ones unmarried haven’t found a WW willing to marry them🤷🏽‍♀️

[@Beyt_El]

LOL!! 😂 It’s kinda the same here in America. In fact the Black community is facing an almost mirror like situation. If you haven’t I’d suggest looking up the marriage statistics of Blacks in America. This can’t be a coincidence and speaks for how racism is not only local but global. Be Blessed!

[@brooklynqueen7089]

@@Beyt_El Yes, the U.S. is approaching UK stats. This is not a scientific study, just an observation. I think my husband and I and one other couple were the only Black couples we saw in the UK.

[@MarianLivingLife]

I think it depends what area of the UK you visit. I see many black couples in my area as it's close to Birmingham city centre. Statistically in the UK, most black people date other black people. The issue is a lack of commitment to one person and not enough commitment to marry.

[@selenaj713]

Exactly this is what it is their beating around the bush, but that’s what it is & this presenter doesn’t have a black wife. Black men weren’t looking for black wives until recently when they got their wake up call.

[@sonderexpeditions]

Omgggg. I'm from nyc and I've heardthis too 😂. I'm visiting London soon so I'm actually curious to see it for myself 😅

[@8888zada]

I pray for the black community to get married to the ones they love.

[@FarTooPrecious]

@8888zada Indeed yet I wish love was enough. Sometimes the feeling of love fades and its left with character and the commitment made before God and man. For some of us, faith, love for Jesus sustains and motives us more than our feelings to continue to give our best.

[@messimess9985]

Myth. The black community have abandoned the true message of God and decided to follow the desires of the West. A deteriorating society that only cares about fun and riches. Black people (most) care about money, sex and relationships. They’re not trying to hear anything of uplifting the community, just look around. We pray though.

[@Lisac11226]

A lot of young Muslim couples don’t legally register their marriage, they just have the Islamic marriage ceremony done

[@befree9579]

Ye cause you don't need a goverment stamped document to be told ur real husband and wife. It's just a legal benefit.

[@Lisac11226]

@@befree9579so maybe the marriage rate for asian, Arab and especially black african/other would be much higher

[@mrnumba154]

They are still making a commitment before God.

[@FF-by6ci]

@@befree9579 That legal document is very important, without it you are not married in this country. You can't even be next of kin if something happens to your spouse.

[@anubis8918]

​@@FF-by6ciyou can if you arrange it with your lawyer

[@JapanEmpire20]

I think class is also a reason why black marriage rates are low. The vast majority of black millennials are working class or grew up in inner cities. You only have to run into social media content to see the amount of "road-men" and "city girls." The vast majority of this group have kids out of wedlock and If a black man or woman has grown up in a wealthy family or attended a private school, they'll most likely end up married to a white middle class person because there's so few blacks at the top of British society.

[@g.p616]

50 years ago the poor married.

[@KallusGarnet]

😂😂😂 all the black middle class girls i grew up around are all baby mothers for road men, all the middle class black men are with white or Asian women.

[@matgamer5916]

@@g.p616cost of living was different then 👀

[@Jokikiolu]

What a load of rubbish

[@Zlervo]

​@matgamer5916 , people were different, too. They had better values. Society has gone down the drain.

[@lindaajide2115]

I think it’s been glorified to be available without commitment. But we need more black men to want to be leaders and put a stamp on it.

[@Coco-uk9tv]

Black men aren't natural leaders. You only have to look at black majority countries, mostly led by black men, to know that.

[@Coco-uk9tv]

Black men are not natural leaders.

[@SR-fi8ef]

A key and a lock, which one has the most control?!

[@Coco-uk9tv]

Are BM natural leaders?

[@petermollo1908]

A stamp on what?

[@London_miss234]

I’m hoping Black Brits will marry more. You’re right. Build wealth together. Build love together. Procreate and have children.

[@elywananda]

That's the way, we just need to work out how to do it consistently!

[@thecrypto5340]

@@elywanandathanks to feminism, Andrew Tate and other red pill activists they discourage people not to get married to some degree.

[@trueblessings3210]

The new so called Black British couple are Africans and Afro-Caribbeans inter-marrying. Fewer Afro-Caribbean people are marrying each other. More cohabit.

[@trueblessings3210]

British Afro-Caribbean and African marriage unions are still an inter-ethnic marriage as both are completely two different ethnicities. A lot of ole skool Afro-Caribbeans/West Indians historically didn't claim Africans as Afro-Caribbeans. Black was a label for Caribbeans. Africans were seen as other.

[@Crukren89]

Good luck with that. The dating market is no joke and hits even harder for the BC

[@tochukwunjoku]

Ely, thank you for another wonderful video. One of the reasons why we black people tend to marry less is because our boys are not taught from a young age that marriage is important. As you know men control marriage and if they are not raised to see value in it from a young age they will not pursue it. My Asian friends (both girls and boys) are taught that marriage is important and they also see the benefits of it being modeled around them. If we want this narrative to change, we must change the orientation we give our boys and girls. We need to value teamwork with ourselves.

[@elywananda]

Absolutely. Weirdly, my parents (married for over half a century now) never said anything to us about marriage!

[@blackmagic6]

From your name, I know that you are Nigerian. In Nigeria/Africa the culture is family orientated. Traditionally in Nigeria and most of Africa a bride price is paid before a wedding is allowed. If that marriage experiences challenges, as all marriages do, the extended families become involved, sometimes the local religious leader gets involved too. If no resolution is reached, the bride price has to be repaid before that marriage can be dissolved. This puts a considerable amount of pressure on the couple to make their marriage work. However in the West people of African descent and Africans have to contend with the influence of Western culture and the state imposing its self into the traditional family dynamic. Unlike in Africa, its lawyers and the court system, who often have a vested interest in breaking up the family for monetary gain, who influence the outcome of marriage challenges. As a consequence there are many single parent families who are usually black mothers who bought into the lie that they are strong independent women and that there is nothing that they can't do. What we are seeing today is the multi generational consequences of this type of Western influence which started in the 70s as a trickle and today we are seeing a flood of maladjusted individuals in Western black society. These individuals were not nurtured on the traditional dynamic of family life with the balance that can only be acquired from the traditional family of a man and his wife. Sadly, from today's trajectory we can predict that things are only going to get worse. SMDH.

[@Coco-uk9tv]

​@@blackmagic6I have African female friends who paint a very different picture of married life to African men. Yes African men tend to marry, more so than Caribbean men, but an African friend of mine, from Namibia, said, African men behave badly in their marriages, and that women are taught to pray and stay.

[@blackmagic6]

@@Coco-uk9tv: Whilst I believe what you say is true, I think that it is important that we acknowledge that a traditionally raised African who operates either in Africa or in the West has a different mindset to an African who was raised in the West. We also need to take into perspective of the lens that we are using to judge others when we say that they behave badly. Could we be judging them by Western standards, traditional standards or human standards. I believe that there is a chance that what we see as bad chauvinistic behaviour in the west is what might be regarded as manly traditional behaviour which is necessary to bring order and set standards within the traditional African family. Secondly, what is regarded as philanderous behaviour in the West and intolerable may not be seen in the same way by an African society in which the man wants to establish a polygamous family set up. When a man goes from one with to two wives, especially if the husband hasn't gained prior permission from his first wife, I can understand her being upset. However these transitions from one wife to many wives do take place all the time. The first wife is not told to pack her things and leave the family household, she is told to be accommodating and accepting of the new dynamic in the family. In the polygamous household it is expected that the love between the man and all of his wives is not diminished by the addition of another wife. The man has a duty to take care of all of his wives equally with love and resources. In the West, if a married European is seen talking to another female he is more than not seen as a "scoundrel" and the courts will be after him for what ever they can get.

[@Coco-uk9tv]

@@blackmagic6 You seem to be a traditional African man. That's fine, as long as the women you have in your harem are genuinely happy with the arrangement. Obviously such an arrangement would not work in the west. So if that's what you and other African men aspire to, then you know where to go. Go back home and find a loyal, submissive, house trained wife, and leave us westernised black women alone.

[@tochukwunjoku]

That figure for Africans should be higher if they all register their marriage.

[@lynnd.5135]

Yeah because most Africans marry traditionally and so don't do the western marriage with paperwork. Also don't forget that some immigrants are here illegally and so might not register their marriages

[@ReeRee_Donita]

Exactly

[@petermollo1908]

Exactly. Traditional marriages are not recognised

[@frompyramid5twoprojects925]

African males have the highest number of children outside of wedlock which would affect the statistics. Having a string of children you've never taken care of or never seen then getting married does affect the average🤷🏾‍♂️

[@tochukwunjoku]

@@frompyramid5twoprojects925 What kind of shady comment is this? Please, if you're going to say nonsense own it -ok! Don't throw stones and hide your hand - it makes you look like a coward.

[@paulconaghan9432]

I am white but I love your conviction and spirit you deserve success

[@ssii_96]

Thank you for your videos they’re very inspirational and needed in our black community here in the UK!

[@LucyLucy296]

This video highlights exactly why I will be moving in with my partner AFTER marriage. This video needs more views

[@stephfoxwell4620]

They have a cultural problem,seeing marriage and stability as uncool

[@Egress-ff3ho]

Ghetto Baby momma and baby daddy culture honestly needs to be left behind. How is a man going to be unemployed, 25 with three baby mommas and think that's fine? I've also talked to fellow black girls who feel like there's just this pressure to just have a kid while they're still young. like some sort of check list which honestly I don't think is right. Rushing to have a kid while young and unmarried is just as bad as getting married just out of obligation like some 'checkpoint' or being so desperate for a partner you end up suffering with a bum. I firmly believe if people took their time datong and really picking an ideal partner, not ignoring the red flags less marriages would break down

[@elywananda]

Yeah, I think a lot of it comes down to people's perceptions and expectations around male female relations, childbirth and child rearing, etc. It starts from young, e.g. adult relatives will ask my six year old son "have you got a girlfriend?" There's this rush to put this stuff in children's heads, instead of talking to them about the future, about what marriage is, how men and women should treat each other with respect, etc.

[@bertaseyeview9422]

What an insightful video. The same happens to the black communities in The Netherlands where I live. Black people don't like marrying eachother.

[@bluepeter128]

And in the USA. I believe black people have harmed themselves and blame white people..

[@elywananda]

Thank you. And that's not at all surprising to hear that. We're all in very similar situations even though we're in different countries.

[@bluepeter128]

@@elywananda The other aspect is. Black people, due to slavery etc. are years behind most other racial groups. And are really only now coming into their own. Moving from one country to another, starting fresh. Than add the fact that. Black men will marry out of the race in a heartbeat. If u visit the US, u can see the damage black men have done to the race laid out bare. It's really awful...

[@blackmagic6]

Are you aware of the conclusions to the 2009 (I think) population census that predicted that the Uk Afro Caribbean community would likely be extinct in approximately 50 years time due to that community's propensity to interracially marry and procreate? Long story short it predicted that because Afro Caribbeans tend to procreate with other non black communities and the fact that the Uk is not allowing the pool of Afro Caribbeans to be replenished due to tightened immigration restrictions that this phenomenon will come to pass.

[@Coco-uk9tv]

​@@blackmagic6It's Caribbean men that largely date non black and procreate with non blacks. Caribbean women invariably mate with the few men who are into bw and tend to end up single mothers.

[@LewisLinkUpTV]

I'm Black British Caribbean. I believe Uk Caribbeans could be more structured in their relationships. Caribbeans don't really prioritise marriage. We believe cohabitation is just enough for our children.

[@thatbusdriverguy4182]

That come straight from slavery where in British colonies marriage was not allowed.. we living on the same programming in our hard drive or subconscious mind.. That means we living unconscious just going along as we have always done without asking ourselves is this beneficial for us

[@dayne9559]

​@@thatbusdriverguy4182I think it'd much more complex than that, towards the ending of slavery and post slavery the marriage rate for black families were very high. One factor for the break up of black families is capitalism.

[@sikakuo]

​@@thatbusdriverguy4182Excuses and lack of accountability 101

[@djlivvy46]

​@@thatbusdriverguy4182- and why do West Indian men allow this?

[@visiow2691]

@@thatbusdriverguy4182Thats just not true! After slavery Caribbean people we’re married at a 90% rate before the 1960s

[@lllBADMANlll]

True marriage happens when both man and woman are genuine loving companions to each other. All that extra stuff is not marriage.

[@loudandproud18]

What are you trying to say?

[@newworldorder7]

Love only is not enough for marriage, unfortunately. It has always been the case.

[@lllBADMANlll]

@@loudandproud18 Marriage was created by God and has nothing to do with a wedding celebration, nor a ring, nor vows in front of a religious leader, nor the signing of a government certificate. As long as a man and woman agree to LOVE each other for the rest of their lives then they are married.

[@newtrollaccount384]

@@lllBADMANlll It would be different if that actually happened. There are very few long term non married couples that stay together a long time and raise a family together.

[@RawCrepz]

@@lllBADMANlllcompletely agree, marriage is a mentality shared by two loving people imo. Many married couples these days don’t share a mentality and care more for the superficial side hence the high divorce rates

[@loudandproud18]

The foundation of marriage is Christ. If people humbled themselves to God and his precepts then they would have understanding as to why marriage is so important. God is the foundation of marriage, marriage is the foundation of family, family foundation of community and community is the foundation of society.

[@BreenyLee]

Louder! 🗣️

[@Princetonian4eva]

Black woman married to a black man living in the UK here The key difference I see in our relationship is that we’re focused on each other’s growth - mentally, spiritually, financially, etc. My husband isn’t looking for “total submission” and I’m not looking for “total provision”. We don’t have egos and believe in both contributing to the maintenance of our home. We look at the Jewish community and see how they are so dedicated to their people and don’t make excuses. It’s why their money stays in their community and they are focused on continuing to build and expand their influence. Black people could do that as well, but won’t if we keep running to other groups because they’re “better,” downplaying the importance of education and career advancement for BOTH sexes and chasing after the fruits of other communities’ labour.

[@shernhow6021]

This is why our children behave like this… why we don’t like taking responsibility and pretending we don’t know why our children are acting out is beyond me….

[@FinanceDee]

Black British Jamaican married to a black British Jamaican with a child and one on the way (we are early 30s). And I cannot begin to explain how much of an anomaly we are and some peoples shock when they realise. And I find it so devastating honestly. It’s SO important in our community to start realising the importance of MARRIAGE as the foundation to family. As much as people want to believe a happy relationship is the same foundation for children, it isn’t.

[@elywananda]

@@FinanceDee Totally agree. Glad to find your channel by the way. A friend of mine is obsessed with Monzo so I had to chuckle when I saw your videos. I'll be digging-in to your channel's back catalogue.

[@amyokoyetv]

I hope Black marriages still exist because I'm praying for a second chance as a widow. 😊

[@kingmaafa120]

You will get it stay blessed

[@lstoryrecords_]

Hi id say black ppl marry less in the uk for a number of reasons. In my experience on the carribean side of the community its less imposed and a person isnt shamed or there isnt any intrusive kind of input from parents or elders if a person isnt. In the african communities i find that arranged marriages are brought forward by parents and elders alot less than they would be back home. Id go as far as saying many black african parents in the uk have less accepted authority over their young adult kids here to operate like this unlike back home usually. Unless a young british african regularly attends an african church and lives in a way of seeking to make their parents and elders proud in this way then they will be more indiviualistic and then its not as consistent in their peer groups that friends and stuff are married like they would be back home. Im british african myself in the uk and more of us are hybrids with living up to cultural expectations in contrast to the people back home. We pick and choose more. This is a HUGE topic. Along with some black carribean females theres the conversation that black british females are not feminine, esp not feminine enough to marry and some black british men may go as far as saying they dont find black british women attractive/desirable to the extent they would marry them. black women in congo, nigeria, ghana, zimbabwe wouldnt have this experience as she would be married off early on and the pool of guys courting her like this and WANTING to (a norm) would be far more than she sees in the UK. On the black african side theres different rearing and cultural norm variables between back home and here for most. Some things were and are CONSTANT back home and without question whilst here more pick and choose the type of engagement with different norms and theres LESS of a wider community outside of your nuclear family pressuring or expecting you to marry and reinforcing certain norms. My thoughts...a Huge topic

[@rewghob]

You're African, so you can't speak for Caribbeans.

[@elywananda]

Huge topic indeed, and these are brilliant insights. Thank you for sharing.

[@lstoryrecords_]

@@elywananda you're welcome

[@saysayuk1803]

But even the mixed side was low marriage rate as well and they are supposed to be deemed as more feminine and attractive

[@anubis8918]

Another thing is there are plenty of black couples in longterm strong relationship with children but don't see the point of being legally married. Furthermore I think your considered married under common law if you live together for over 3 years. I've come across 2 white men who have had the courts take things from them based on a common law marriage

[@ColourTV247]

This conversation is long overdue. Subscription earned!!!

[@ReneeLoves]

Men being more concerned about the marriage rates than the “quality” of these marriages. Sad.

[@ChildofTMH144]

This is so sad and depressing to hear. Where did it all go wrong. Too many baby showers and not enough weddings. The black community gone have me feeling like 2007 Britney Spears. Oh Gawd 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@Jennyxx-ie5jw]

Yep this is why i distance from other blks i have quickly learned we aren't brothers and sisters and just a self destructive community. Care more about hoochie daddys and hot gurl summers instead of building empires and breaking generational curses

[@ahevajoyce5062]

Marriage is paramount to solidify the foundation of a family

[@teknartey5013]

A very important topic and facts! Nice one bro

[@LucyLucy296]

This video is so insightful, thanks for making it😊

[@sonderexpeditions]

Ive been told most black men in UK marry or date white women. Especially Jamaicans (as a Jamaican I'm not surprised tbh 😂). I'm from nyc but that's what my friends tell me who visit. Said there's less black community compared to the usa and lots of mixed people. I'm visiting London soon so I'll see for myself 🧐 it's a shame these numbers are such but I have little faith in them improving.

[@ninahans9136]

Great video Ely, underscoring the importance of marriage.

[@Resoundinglyavergage]

Love this content, great video.

[@AP-pm9qy]

Well done for touching this point, it’s very important and yet not mentioned. ❤

[@Daniel1LDN]

Great work. Thanks for sharing

[@dannyh9290]

My parents never married. Infact they have been in conflict my whole life. Both my parents had terrible Caribbean "parents", one who abandoned my dad till he was 15 and the other an abusive single mother. I have nothing to do with extended "family" on either side and although my genetic roots are Caribbean, I have existed outside that culture since childhood. So I would never marry back into Caribbean culture. In fact, I've done well in life and frankly I won't marry, full stop. Good for those who do, some will benefit. But for me, I'll never marry.

[@befree9579]

For a guy legal marriage has no benefit. Cause with no fault divorce, the person who brought no money into the relationship gets to walk out with your hard earned money. Which is usually the woman since she 'looked after' the kids bla bla.

[@savinggift158]

@@befree9579Which money Uk is 50:50

[@befree9579]

@@savinggift158 No. It's not 50:50 if kids are involved. Its easily 70:30 for the woman with the kids

[@djlivvy46]

​@@befree9579- your theory means nothing in this context, since most blk women work.

[@jabs3005]

My brother great videos, very intuitive and informative. Keep the content flowing

[@TryAgain746]

People marry one another based on value of skin colour. Hence, non-Black people get married more.

[@franskmouthpiece8487]

This is an interesting topic but complex. Black Caribbean people tend to cohabitate with each other before getting married, it is often seen as normal and I hate it. I am from a Jamaican Christian family and everyone turns a blind eye when someone lives with their boyfriend and has babies, no one will encourage that said person to get married. Jamaica as a nation has a 86 percent rate of children born out of wedlock and we wonder why the crime rate is high. We would have to go back into the past to look at the factors that caused such issues in Jamaica. I such as slavery.

[@db6881]

Lets not forget the amount of kids Caribbean men love making with multiple women. Especially the Jamaican ones.

[@franskmouthpiece8487]

@@db6881 because they probably did not grow up in a two-parent household, where the father was faithful and a provider; therefore they lack any role models.

[@db6881]

@franskmouthpiece8487 Very cute fantasy world you live in. 2 parent households aren't the be all and end all. They produce plenty f'd up individuals, loads of people stay together who have no business being together in the first place.

[@djlivvy46]

​@@franskmouthpiece8487- the real problem is that they have no desire to change.

[@franskmouthpiece8487]

@@djlivvy46 why would they, when the Jamaican or black community promotes the behaviour as good. Our music praises the men for having nuff women and children. Look at hip hop cultures as well. Also, our women keep dating them even though they have 10 pickney.

[@SkyMello-ik4bo]

Your video is really informative. We really appreciate listening to your video. ❤

[@jusmereee]

So insightful!

[@elywananda]

Thank you fam!

[@dre22]

Marriage rates are plummeting for all races and the Asians are the highest due to arranged marriage. Black African marriage rates are similar to white marriage rates i.e. 40-45%. This is a world wide problem and most marriages end in divorce.

[@veronicaboyce6962]

Best Comment made.💯

[@TaiAkinz]

I agree

[@djlivvy46]

That's not really the point though. The fact is that most West Indian people aren't getting married at all.

[@Crukren89]

Well said Dre, its all in the statistics and i even see it in my own social circles

[@messimess9985]

There is a divorce issue amongst the wider multinational Muslim communities I will admit it, whether you’re Asian, African, Arab or European. However, at least we are trying to do things the right way, and God can only reward that. Whereas amongst Christian blacks though, especially Caribbeans, they are too busy living a “I’m just doing me” life and most prioritise kids and put very little to zero importance on marriage, hence, why kids are being popped left right centre. Poor women are only going to follow the men that approach and blindly lead them. The fascination of creating baby moms or baby father is shameful. Blame yourselves.

[@KunitaMirage-pk3qj]

Rich black men are with non black women. Don’t care about the broke brek or broken ones. See all the footballers beckiees know where to go and they get let in. Went to polo and there were a few black families. Black men looking like characters out of get out. 😢

[@fa_abdi3001]

Yep the only Caribbean Boss that I had with 2 degrees was married to a white woman. Two of the ladies who were Caribbeans who I worked with in Bristol and Birmingham were pushing 30/40 and were unmarried. One had a child very young. The other one not and when I asked both said that they simply stop looking and have other things to do.

[@HT-vx7ux]

I can only agree with your post, it’s so sad, I have worked in London for years, the few black men I have worked with in that time bar 3 were all married to non-blacks, the usual trope black women are too masculine🙄. Our daughter is a doctor, when out she has often been told by black men that she sounds too educated for them, only for those same men to turn around and date/marry non-black women in the same field, make it make sense, the self hate is real.

[@dayne9559]

​@HT-vx7ux And the worst part is .most of those men date and marry the least educated white women. Black men are in a crisis state the UK.

[@ColourTV247]

@KunitaMirage-pk3qj The number of black men coupling with non-black women is incredibly low, negligible at best, contrary to popular opinion. The fundamental point is that black folks aren't marrying anyone, black or otherwise. And therein lies the problem.

[@mazzoanV2]

What % of BM are rich?

[@elizabethtamufor3743]

Thanks for sharing this important facts on marriage and mental health 👏

[@CeeceeH1819]

Very good discussion on this topic 👍🏾

[@newtrollaccount384]

It all comes down to what men want to do.

[@Jennyxx-ie5jw]

That's why you have to pick the right one

[@audreywright7788]

​@@Jennyxx-ie5jw Exactly if he isn't interest in settling down and prefers to cohabit. Find someone who wants marriage. Marry before one carries. Why have a bottle of milk, when he can have the whole cow?

[@G3mza14]

Very necessary video. 👏 Need that follow up

[@directedbyab]

My good sir. I need longer videos from you 🤣

[@TendainaTatenda]

Fantastic content. Well done

[@transform9616]

29 year old female, love your recent videos please keep it up!

[@elywananda]

Will do! Thank you!

[@fabriceopeta]

29, Are you married tho?

[@ptrim1902]

Interesting topic to research and an informative presentation. Nice.

[@jamesjamesdavis5050]

TRUST AND HONESTY MUST BE CENTRAL BEFORE ANYONE COMMITS TO A MARRIAGE. Most people commit first and then look for honesty and trust.

[@samyoe]

The discrepancy is predominantly in the Caribbean community, as the African community is comparable to their white counterparts. Studies also show that Carribeans have the highest STI rate which implies polyamory and unprotected sex . This may be due to more conservatism amongst Africans. Anecdotally, most black people I know who got married recently (in mid-late 20's) are 2nd generation African descent, and they are devout Christians. I think other communities shame single parenthood, whereas sometimes our community embraces it. In other communities, I think there's an inherent respect for men and traditional gender roles. Also, the communities with the highest marriage rates have more conservative values given specific culture/religion. A lot of us were raised Christian but are non-practicing. Furthermore, black women are more likely to be educated than black men, and black Caribbeans are one of two demographics in the UK where the women out-earn the men. Additionally, black women tend to date and marry mostly within their own race, whereas black men are more likely to date interracially - which means less options for black women. Women are hypergamous by nature, which means they prefer someone of a similar socioeconomic status or better for the long-term. But in the black Caribbean community, this is harder to satisfy (as men likely earn less, and those that earn more are more willing to date other races). 42% of marriages end in divorce and many of these divorces are due to financial instability. What I see personally is that black women have less viable options, so they compromise on certain things, and unfortunately can end up as single mothers. They get with a guy that they're attracted to romantically, but he's not viable for the long-term. I think black women should be open to dating interracially to open up their options, or at least prioritise things that are likely to produce good marital outcomes such as going for educated men (more educated people have longer-lasting marriages). 50% of pregnancies are unplanned, so maybe contraception could help too. That's just a few of my thoughts.

[@Coco-uk9tv]

Spot on. Where are the black Caribbean male doctors, engineers, scientists, architects etc. Black Caribbean girls and women are ambitious and are entertaining the professions but the choice of Caribbean men of similar economic status and education is limited. To me the option is stark, open our options or struggle life as a baby mama. No late millennial or gen z black Caribbean women living in the UK today should be choosing struggle life baby mama life. It's a form of self harm.

[@876LND]

@@Coco-uk9tvfacts.

[@djlivvy46]

​@@Coco-uk9tv- to be honest, most Caribbean mothers allow both their male partners and their sons to run up and down & do what they like. They don't have the guts to set the standards that other races of women do.

[@user-pw7pb5wf6g]

​@@Coco-uk9tvYou looking for educated carribean men? They're smoking weed and swear it's very good for you despite the contrary.

[@Coco-uk9tv]

@@user-pw7pb5wf6g Sad but true. We need to start honest and frank conversations about the lack of progress and development of the UK Caribbean population, especially when it comes to the men. Also need to discuss how we reverse the trend. Two parent households and monogamy seem like good places to start.

[@SamOween]

Hey Ely, really like your videos - you always say sensible things. May I suggest getting an upgrade on the webcam so the picture can do your wise words some justice!

[@elywananda]

@@SamOween Good shout Sam! Cheers.

[@blacksoul2410]

up in here brotha

[@DIDAMI.Experience]

Let's keep it real. Most BW want to marry in their 30s, which is a bit late. BM have a lot more options and can get married way quicker if they want to. We don't have a strong sense of community like Asians, for example, so we need to find ways to make our relationships work, long-term.

[@blackmagic6]

Are you aware of the conclusions to the 2009 (I think) population census that predicted that the Uk Afro Caribbean community would likely be extinct in approximately 50 years time due to that community's propensity to interracially marry and procreate? Long story short it predicted that because Afro Caribbeans tend to procreate with other non black communities and the fact that the Uk is not allowing the pool of Afro Caribbeans to be replenished due to tightened immigration restrictions that this phenomenon will come to pass.

[@elywananda]

I don't know that specific report but that's what will inevitably happen unless immigration from the Caribbean is increased.

[@smj6710]

That will be the 2nd time it happens then.

[@queenie4837]

Such a shame. I believe in marriage and I'd love to be but I can't suffer some of the nonsense handed out...

[@CB-123]

I don't think you can equally compare african to caribbean marriage rates. Just look at the sheer population disparity of africans to Caribbeans in the UK. UK overall has a total of 2.4 million (4%) black people of which 1.5 million (2.5%) are african and 0.6 (1.0%) are caribbean. There is more than double africans than caribbeans in the UK. which will obviously impact marriage stats.

[@samyoe]

are the stats not relative percentages of the population sizes?

[@sonderexpeditions]

People do not understand statistics at all. Same argument People state when they find out divorce rate is decreasing they say that's because marriage rate is down 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@lewinwickes9882]

Same here in the US. Interesting fact. Household income of black married couples is not greatly lower than the national average of all married households.

[@elywananda]

@@lewinwickes9882 I see. Yeah a lot of these issues are not rocket science. Life outcomes are largely determined by our environment - and the environment includes family make up.

[@equinox95]

The black Caribbean community doesn't like themselves anymore.

[@KallusGarnet]

Pretty much died with my generation 😂😂😂

[@user-dv3kq3rm4h]

It's to do with high proximity to white working class communities. They took the intermingling too far to the point of erasing themselves.

[@blackmagic6]

Are you aware of the conclusions to the 2009 (I think) population census that predicted that the Uk Afro Caribbean community would likely be extinct in approximately 50 years time due to that community's propensity to interracially marry and procreate? Long story short it predicted that because Afro Caribbeans tend to procreate with other non black communities and the fact that the Uk is not allowing the pool of Afro Caribbeans to be replenished due to tightened immigration restrictions that this phenomenon will come to pass.

[@trueblessings3210]

​​@@user-dv3kq3rm4hGo to Nottingham and Leeds. The Afro-Caribbean man's seed is looking like an English man over there.

[@trueblessings3210]

Most of the men are useless. Too many Afro-Caribbean women who are baby mothers due to irresponsible men and women making irresponsible choices. The Afro-Caribbean community is broken...

[@aeron304]

Do black men want to marry?

[@jonesroberts3640]

No these black men want white women to destroy thier white race .

[@Princetonian4eva]

Some do, some don’t. Ultimately, until most do and want to do so before having children (and doing so with only one woman), things won’t change much. Then the matter of loving and respecting blackness and seeking it in your partner is the second step before ultimately making a conscious choice to build black generational wealth while specifically investing in the black community to keep money in the community, which will be the final step. The Jewish community has done this well.

[@abbe1abbe156]

Caribbean people normally live in extended family units with parents, grandparents, and children. The family unit provides support for each other. Grandparents don't get sent to nursing homes but instead nurture and care for the children while the parents are at work.

[@Jennyxx-ie5jw]

Ik many caribbeans over africans who are in care homes especially the older generations who moved here in Windrush

[@Peter-mj6lz]

The marriage and mental health correlation can have lots of causes. Marriage is something created by society but then we are also happier when we match societal ideals. Not matching societal ideals or norms isn’t always wrong but gets you challenged.

[@LucyLucy296]

One thing that has suprised me is how much mental health is a nurturing issue as opposed to a nature issue. By this I mean the environment you grow up in determines how much better off you will be mentally. That is really surprising to me, because the narrative that is painted by the NHS is some people just innately have depression, anxiety, bipolar etc, which is true to an extent as highlighted by this video.

[@elywananda]

Excellent points. Mental health is an area that really needs to be better understood. You're right, the impressions given is that there's something about the genetics that makes us prone to becoming mentally ill.

[@shernhow6021]

Yes there’s always an underlying unaddressed issue

[@victoriaodili-akpom4019]

A lot people grow up in a single parent family, so they don’t know the value? You will think they would want to create a better life for their children?

[@alib4445]

What a topic!

[@erudicity1126]

Married since 1988 to date? 36 yrs???Carribean decent?????

[@lordraven]

good content, do you do interviews?

[@elywananda]

Thanks! I have done one or two interviews in the past. You can email me (address on my channel page) if you like.

[@lordraven]

@@elywananda I've sent the email my friend

[@ColourTV247]

To put this reality in context, the anti-establishment ethos isn't limited to our aversion and cynicism for the government and its auxiliary agencies, namely the police, social services, education, religion, health care etc. It also includes marriage, particularly the time honoured religious foundation that underpins this ritual. Our distrust of Christianity for obvious historical reasons is a major factor. In the absence of a religious anchor, we are left with fluid ethical and perhaps logical arguments to justify marriage as an institution. The latter is incredibly challenged in our contemporary secular society, which reifies individual pursuits above all else. This is purely a black disapora phenomenon. The distinction between Caribbean and Africans is telling. Africans are by every measure new entrants into the UK, most of whom arrived in the tumultuous post independence 1960s and beyond. Unlike their Caribbean counterparts, who came much earlier. The disparity in the marital rate can be attributed to culture among several other factors. The gradual erosion or fluctuations in the rate of marriage mirrors their journey into black britishness, which is distinct from either their Caribbean or African identity. The numbers are getting low by generation and will continue to do unless there's a deliberate and concerted effort. There's also the post colonial and post slavery fragmentation of identity and self of self. A subject worth a thesis of its own.

[@d4v1do]

Black British isn’t really a thing . Caribbean’s and Nigerians and Ghanaians and Portuguese Angolans all have different culture and backgrounds.

[@trueblessings3210]

Most definitely. They have just merged the identity as the Powers That Be see that these groups are merging together especially due to inter-marrying.

[@d4v1do]

@@trueblessings3210 we barely inter marry though ? Caribbean hardly get married at all, let alone to others .

[@trueblessings3210]

@@d4v1do Afro-Caribbean community have a huge problem... A type of generational curse...

[@trueblessings3210]

@@d4v1do The Afro-Caribbean community is a broken and a matriarchal community... Coming like a curse... Not good.

[@trueblessings3210]

@@d4v1do A lot more Caribbeans are marrying Africans. So they are inter-marrying in this manor.

[@DEEORM]

Lovely vid

[@conradkaita9184]

Marriage is also a commitment in the eyes of God that two people man and woman are forming a union. This shows the glorification of the Creator is beauty since the beginning of time.

[@blackmagic6]

In Africa the culture is family orientated. It is traditional in most of Africa for a bride price to be paid before a wedding is allowed. If that marriage experiences challenges, as all marriages do, the extended families become involved, sometimes the local religious leader gets involved too. If no resolution is reached, the bride price has to be repaid before that marriage can be dissolved. This puts a considerable amount of pressure on the couple to make their marriage work. However in the West people of African descent and Africans have to contend with the influence of Western culture and the state imposing its self into the traditional family dynamic. Unlike in Africa, its lawyers and the court system, who often have a vested interest in breaking up the family for monetary gain, who influence the outcome of marriage challenges. As a consequence there are many single parent families who are usually black mothers, who bought into the lie that they are strong independent women and that there is nothing that they can't do. What we are seeing today is the multi generational consequences of this type of Western influence which started in the 70s as a trickle and today we are seeing a flood of maladjusted individuals in Western black society. These individuals were not nurtured on the traditional dynamic of family life with the balance that can only be acquired from the traditional family of a man and his wife. Sadly, from today's trajectory we can predict that things are only going to get worse. SMDH.

[@IzzyBoteng-ph7ro]

Also some of our communities self reliance on state benefits, which was intended to get men out the house, is a trap we fell into. You get more benefits, if you're single parents is an incentive not to get married.

[@djlivvy46]

In the West Indian community, the men were already leaving the house long before benefits were even a thing. This also happened in America, by the way. Certain people love to twist the narrative to suit their purposes.

[@Princetonian4eva]

No one forced men out of the home. There were and are too many men commuted to fathering children only to abandon them and play single when they’re committed or should be committed. Let’s stop the false narrative. The welfare came AFTER the abandonment not before. Why would any government spend more when they don’t have to? It’s because it was a problem that would lead to more economic and social problems if they didn’t step in to fill the gaps irresponsible men were creating by abandoning their children and creating multiple broken homes unashamedly.

[@memeoti6266]

Lack of wealth means less marriages too, the circle will continue until we either accept no frill weddings or the community makes it their business to contribute 😅

[@djlivvy46]

Lol, so marriage is expensive but children are not?

[@ItsmeA717]

Thank you 💕✨I enjoyed this. Very insightful

[@thatbusdriverguy4182]

Well I think it partly history, Caribbean have the worse history of family being detroyed through slavery, but other factors today play a part

[@GetOut_Ofthe_Comments_Section]

Have you considered 80% of the Caribbean identifies as Christian( good basis for family).

[@Coco-uk9tv]

​@GetOut_Ofthe_Comments_SectNoion

[@skysky7377]

🤣 was that image intentional at 2:55…. 🫠

[@robertah2353]

I agree with you

[@unknown-nw2dp]

unfortunately the passing of no-fault divorce legislation 2 years ago will only make marriage less viable as an option, especially for ethnic groups that haven't built a foundation already that values marriage as an institution.

[@elywananda]

Oh, I didn't even notice that had happened. I'll have to look into that. Thanks for alerting me to it.

[@Coco-uk9tv]

​@@elywanandaHow could you not know something so basic?

[@travisfreccia1420]

​@@Coco-uk9tv what an excellent opportunity for you to prepare an informative video on that topic from your wealth of knowledge.

[@ee7228]

I doubt the passage of the no-fault divorce law would have any impact on divorce rate amongst blacks particularly brothers from the Caribbean group.

[@Coco-uk9tv]

@@travisfreccia1420 Too busy gardening my love, but a YT Channel is in the pipeline. Blessings to you🙏🏿.

[@honeybee19892]

I notice generally young black couples take longer to get married than others e.g. Asians too. They will be with someone for 8 plus years before deciding to marry. In my opinion there is really no need to wait so long to get married.

[@thomism1016]

Perhaps there is a generational aspect to this. I am always excited when a black themed TV programme makes its debut. Channel 4 currently has ‘Queenie’. I was utterly disappointed with the abundance of promiscuity on display from the main character as opposed to the conservative values espoused by her forebears.

[@djlivvy46]

Those 'conservative values' are very much performative in the Caribbean community.

[@elywananda]

Interesting! I'd love to hear more about this idea of performative values. I think that's a huge issue we need to deal with. It's far too easy to talk the talk without walking the walk.

[@No1superjuicey]

I'm liking your discussion videos, who would you say is the main demographic of your channel? And how do you get our younger generations to view this content

[@elywananda]

Thank you. Most of my audience for these videos are male, and between the ages of 25 to 45, split roughly half between 25 to 34, and 35 to 44. Good question about the younger ones. My hunch is that reaching younger folks would probably require utilising a platform like TikTok or Instagram possibly - and doing shorter form.

[@funkmasterjay]

​@@elywanandasays a lot about attention spans huh. This is disturbing, as any vital information has to be digested long form. That's the reason many of the youngsters tend to be more Liberal leaning...much easier.

[@elywananda]

@@funkmasterjay Yeah I know. Though to be fair, I think the shorter lengths force us to be more concise with our teaching. I am learning this lesson with my children all the time. I start teaching them something and I know I've got to be super-clear and persuasive as quickly as possible. They say if you can't explain something to a five year old, then you probably don't really understand the thing yourself!

[@funkmasterjay]

@@elywananda you have a very strong point also, sir.

[@daniella8400]

Yikes!! Same situation in the US.

[@daniella8400]

@stocks-hz1hu only 35% of black men are married in the United States, of that 35% ,85% of them are married to black women. Only 30% of black women in America are married. So again the statistics are very similar.

[@deeprose115]

Yes it matters. It matters to God.

[@trueblessings3210]

Congrats on your marriage and family. There is a lot of intermixing with Africans and Caribbeans. There is going to be a lot of bi-ethnic generations. It's interesting this new inter-ethnic union between Africans and Afro-Caribbeans/West Indians. Apologies I don't see any being as 'Black or White '. Peace and Blessings.

[@elywananda]

Yeah, in my (Ugandan) family here, inter-ethnic is the norm. We've partnered/procreated with Nigerians, Togolese, Ghanaians... There aren't a huge amount of Ugandans in the UK so this isn't surprising I guess!

[@trueblessings3210]

@@elywananda That is really interesting African tribes mixing. You are going to get a lot of Bi-ethnic African mixing especially in Britain. I'm aware there are differences in being West African, South African, Central African, East African and North African ethnicities and tribes. I don't ignorantly believe all Africans are the same, considering the beautiful diversity and varying phenotypes of the beautiful continent. How do you feel as a British Ugandan man being married to a British Afro-Jamaican woman, and raising bi-ethnic children from two amazing beautiful backgrounds? Were your family accepting of you marrying an Afro- Caribbean woman? How were your wife's family about marrying a Ugandan man? Were they accepting of you? I see you and your family are living in Bedfordshire. Outside of London, East of England. Are you and your family enjoying the country life ? Have a good weekend with your family.😊

[@kaylemkerr6989]

Based on how you've defined marriage in this video and the referenced benefits I can't help but wonder what your perspective is on the following things: same sex marriages, deliberate childless marriages, the difference and impacts of secular marriage in constrast to ones based on religious values, conservative marriage vs some form of liberal one, the cases where one or both marriages partners are actually domestically violent and the impact on mental health when the husband and wife dont actually feel compatible anymore but on stay together for the kids (is this always the best decision?). I respect the fact that you brought up statistics but I find that heterosexual marriages are often talked about too optimistically in constrast to what ive seen of people's marriages in real life. The long term negatives that some people unfortunately experience is not talked about enough.

[@elywananda]

@@kaylemkerr6989 My focus is very much on building legacies and passing them to the next generation. I respect people who think differently - heterosexual marriage and/or raising children isn't for everyone. That's fine by me. But if a significant number of people aren't marrying and raising families, that group is going to die out. It's partly why this country keeps ramping up immigration despite all the rhetoric.

[@kaylemkerr6989]

@elywananda Thank you for responding, I've only just read it now. How do you feel about antinatalism? And perhaps why a black person/people could ever be antinatalist in relation to the negatives of the 'black' human experience? It might make for an interesting but high controversial discussion/video. I've seen/ listened to black antinatalists on KZbin before. Personally as a black man in my late twenties. I've never really cared and in fact have outright rejected a few individuals concepts of legacy when it was explained to me. Belief wise I'm not exactly childfree or antinatalist but I lean more towards them, having many agreements with many of the people I perceive as decent and well meaning within those communities.

[@ngaruiya93]

Hello my friend , can you provide references for your figures

[@SuperALBSURE]

The other way to look at it is there isn’t any wealth to preserve through marriage so there really isn’t an incentive to marry for black people in the uk besides religious reasons. The high marriage rates in Asian communities is mainly due to the huge financial downsides to not marrying because so many have their own businesses and wealth to share. (Which is another reason they rarely marry out) So marriage is essentially a function of economics. I would bet that the less economic equity any group has relative to others in the west, the less marriage there is (removing religion from the equation). So it’s a bit chicken and egg. Do black people need more equity in this country to make marriage make more attractive or is it marriage that creates the equity in the first place? By equity I mean businesses and assets. We don’t own many businesses and can’t give each other jobs basically. In fact how many of these races in the uk are employed by their own people? My bet is that would correlate well with the marriage rates.

[@anonamous6278]

Marriage is primarily a religious institution so people who are religious value it. Blacks and white people aren't particular religious hence choose to have live in relationships than marriage.

[@messimess9985]

What a load of drivel from a confused waffler. I’m not Asian but can tell you Asians don’t get married to preserve their wealth, they get married because they are a very religious group of people! They put God first. Whether they’re Bengali, Pakistani or Indians. They all marry because it’s the first or second thing their parents educate them after their religion growing up; religion, family, career, marriage. Whether they’re rich or broke it is in that order. I’m a Londoner and most of my Asian friends are married. Black peoples problem is they have abandoned their faith and God in such a short space of time that they’ve been here in the UK, and rather allow the selfish western self-destruction culture that is liberalism and westernisation to dictate to them what life should be like! Fooling nobody.

[@victoriaodili-akpom4019]

Finally, someone is discussing this. It’s a big problem. One of the reasons is because people decide to have a child first, placing priority upside down. Again a lot of our man don’t want the responsibility of marriage or family life? Our woman get married before having children

[@levi991]

The nuclear family is at the front line of human capital development. This is because families invest in children until they become economically useful to society. The single biggest contributor to poverty and under achievement amongst black British people is single parenthood.

[@sophiasmikle7180]

Marriage is very important . Even the bible told you in Hebrews 13 v 4 kjv bible told you so. Having two parents in the home give the children a stronger foundation. A bird can't fly on one wing . So I guess it need a husband and a wife.

[@nightwishisthegreatestband6355]

It's important if you want to breed. Otherwise even Paul said it's better to be single.

[@sophiasmikle7180]

@@nightwishisthegreatestband6355 how many can do what he did.am sure their is a reason why he done that. The most high said we must multiply if everyone did what Paul done then there wouldn't be any human on earth.

[@dukewilliam3660]

Black is not a homogenous ethnic group or nationality. So these figures mean nothing. For example, Ghanaians and Nigerians for example are married for the most part.

[@Beyt_El]

I agree with this. This is only true because Black people fail to develop a strong sense of community and togetherness within their communities. They’ve allowed the subtlety of racism steeped in colorism to teach them that Blackness is a thing to hate or avoid.

[@Age_Of_Aquarius84]

Yes! And the husbands still have a whole mistress and family on the side 😂😂😂

[@Beyt_El]

Did you see the whole video? The groups of Black people were broken down into more specific sub-groups.

[@Jennyxx-ie5jw]

However Nigerian men seem to make life hell for other African women who aren't Nigerian. And this is about black british in general not Nigerians and Ghanaians Jamaicans are the dominant black ethnicity in the uk who are never married

[@sonderexpeditions]

Clearly didn't watch video

[@stellank7931]

Because we are married back home

[@MarianLivingLife]

This is a very important discussion to have because I agree that marriage is important for stability financially, mentally, and otherwise. I think it's a complex issue. In Africa and Caribbean countries, marriage is viewed as valuable and in a positive way. In the UK, marriage is valued less. Black men often feel that a black woman is going to trap them or nag them so they avoid marriage. Additionally, people are having children and living together more so they don't feel the need to marry. Also, many black people are struggling financially and in other ways so they feel like they're not ready to settle down until they improve their situation.

[@lxvideos1125]

Is this based on the couple’s being from the same background, or an individual background? If the stats are based on let’s say two male and female Caribbean couple, then the figures will be skewed due to people marrying outside their race

[@elywananda]

These stats are just the percentage of adults who are married, regardless of who they are married to. That is another topic which I'll return to in future I'm sure.

[@lxvideos1125]

@@elywanandathanks for clarifying 👊

[@caroltomlin8125]

@@elywanandaI am looking forward to that topic and interested in your perspective.

[@beyourself2444]

Marriage is not as important as a good marriage, some marriages are toxic. Marriage means different things to different cultures. But yes, marriage matters. As an actual West Indian (yes, most of us refer to ourselves as West Indian or a Caribbean person and not "a Caribbean", my parents had a great marriage but my father died relatively early and my mother refused to remarry because she said she would not find a man like my dad... to which I kinda agree. Even though I am Afro-Caribbean, and I prefer my own Afro people, there are certain other black people who I will never marry due to cultural or religious differences.

[@Neil-Y2K]

Don’t underestimate the effect of welfare dependency. So many children have grown up in single parent household typically mother, where benefits have been the primary income for the family. Such a person doesn’t necessarily value a marriage or two person family where you have to consistently work hard to build a relationship and home. Far easier to live on benefits and get a council house.

[@blackmagic6]

100%. I just dropped this comment before I read yours. "In Africa the culture is family orientated. It is traditional in most of Africa for a bride price to be paid before a wedding is allowed. If that marriage experiences challenges, as all marriages do, the extended families become involved, sometimes the local religious leader gets involved too. If no resolution is reached, the bride price has to be repaid before that marriage can be dissolved. This puts a considerable amount of pressure on the couple to make their marriage work. However in the West blacks and Africans have to contend with the influence of Western culture and the state imposing its self into the traditional family dynamic. Unlike in Africa, its lawyers and the court system, who often have a vested interest in breaking up the family for monetary gain, who influence the outcome of marriage challenges. As a consequence there are many single parent families who are usually black mothers, who bought into the lie that they are strong independent women and that there is nothing that they can't do. What we are seeing today is the multi generational consequences of this type of Western influence which started in the 70s as a trickle and today we are seeing a flood of maladjusted individuals in Western black society. These individuals were not nurtured on the traditional dynamic of family life with the balance that can only be acquired from the traditional family of a man and his wife. Sadly, from today's trajectory we can predict that things are only going to get worse. SMDH."

[@coddyg]

Most african men have lost it period, they just dont want to do something in the house, when the women do they start talking respect etc. They just are intimidated useless bunch

[@Life.Love.Locs.]

​@@blackmagic6Sadly though, when marriage issues happen in the situations you describe e.g domestic abuse from the man, family and religious leaders focus on telling the woman that she has to endure, so as not to break up their family. A lot of it is to do with keeping things looking a certain way externally, whilst the woman (or man) is suffering. It may be a slight to say Western Black women are too strong and independent - but if that means not enduring abuse to keep up appearances, then I think it's a good thing. People also forget that the strong independent women were created by the same mothers and grandmothers who endured abuse. My mother, a married woman who stayed in an unhappy marriage for various reasons - specifically taught me to be highly educated woman who does not need a man to survive, so that if things turn sour, I don't have to stay in abuse. She also didn't teach me that marriage is everything, or that I haven't achieved in life without a husband. Not all of the lessons I learnt were good ones, and I do think that marriage is valuable. But just staying in a marriage to say that you're married really isn't worth it.

[@Life.Love.Locs.]

​@@blackmagic6I am not saying that parental or religious involvement is always a bad thing either. I think in the right contexts, it can provide a great structure for the basis of marriage, and guidance in terms of selecting a good marriage partner, and support.