NOT the Greatest Historical Movies of All Time

[@StygianDogs]

Fun list MKV! 😂 I may have had a similar list in earlier drafts. Your grin when introducing Caligula was priceless.

[@ABT212]

"How do you know? You weren't there." -- Ridley (I don't care) Scott

[@wbbartlett]

A display of Trumpian levels of ignorance from Ridley.

[@charliedogg7683]

Roger lived through these times? Shouldn't that be he "unlived through these times"? I congratulate you Michael for being brave enough to acknowledge having seen "Caligula" and then having it on your list. Bob Guccione was the founder and publisher of Penthouse magazine by the way. "300 Spartans" was a Saturday afternoon regular while I was growing up in the 60s and 70s in Sydney. Rumour has long had it that the intimate scenes between Burton and Taylor in "Cleopatra" were not simulated. No matter which character he played, Tony Curtis always gave him a Bronx accent. Love it! "Centurion" is great fun, lots of scowls and Roman soldiers with very British accents. A great movie for playing spot the actor who was in Game Of Thrones.

[@stephennootens916]

I only remember Eva Green being in the 300 rise of an empire.

[@Morfeusm]

That kind of sums it up nicely 😂

[@michaelk.vaughan8617]

The only thing worth remembering, probably.

[@GrammaticusBooks]

Oh no, many apologies Michael, I misread your email! You were serious! And great fun list…Caligula!!!

[@michaelk.vaughan8617]

Well…I’m not sure “serious “ is the right word 😆

[@jamesholland8057]

Tony Curtis in Taras Bulba. Yul Brynner as his dad.

[@yelisieimurai]

Taras Bulba is fine Ukrainian guy.

[@lock67ca]

I love Caligula...and not just because of the naughty bits. A terrible movie that could have been great and, yet, it's still a guilty pleasure. Interestingly, I had a history teacher who said that was the most accurate depiction of what Rome was like at that point in time. I love Troy too. The Director's cut is the way to go. So much better. Ah, Robin Hood. Alan Rickman steals the whole movie. Worth it for his performance alone. "Cancel Christmas!"

[@bernardjohnson8093]

Some of the movies on your list are in the “so bad they are fun” category but others are in the torture to watch category. The list starts with torture to watch (Caligula) and ends in fun. 👍

[@brettrobson5739]

Great list, Mike. You have taken the correct approach to these half arsed lists being put out by people who know nothing about film. And yes, I liked the Pitt/Bana Troy. Not sure why.

[@MysteryandMayhem-gr7nn]

Some interesting choices, Michael! A lot of roman-centric films and certainly comes across as a very personal list. 👍💯

[@jamesholland8057]

Armor and swords all the way.

[@inanimatecarbongod]

I kind of adore Caligula in a weird way. It's so misbegotten in so many ways, but as you say it's absolutely fascinating. I think it could only have been made at the very specific time that it was, certainly not before the late 70s but probably not even after that time. There's been yet another "restoration" of it using alternate takes and so forth; apparently this version is closer to Gore Vidal's original story than the film as it finally emerged in 1979 and Tinto Brass is NOT happy, though Malcolm McDowell is. Never saw the 300 sequel, but saw the original at IMAX. Which didn't make it a good film, just one on a big screen. Looked even more like a computer game when I rewatched it on TV. I remember seeing the trailer for that King Arthur film at the cinema and just decided... "no". Did see Troy but found it kind of godawful. Never seen Fall of the Roman Empire, which is one I'm interested in seeing at some point. I have Cleopatra on blu but haven't seen it yet. Finding the will to devote four straight hours to one film is not the easiest thing in the world even for me.

[@dylantindall5573]

You had me laughing from the start. Who puts Caligula at the start of ANY list? However, it does beg the question, what is a ' historical ' movie? Well, none of the above, but they are variously weird and wonderful.

[@jamesholland8057]

Orgies for everyone!

[@centy64]

I actually quite liked 300 Rise of an Empire and it has absolutely nothing to do with my obsession with Eva Green...

[@stevengentry9396]

I enjoy a lot of those movies, including the somewhat loosely understood as "historical", Troy. I'd add The 13th Warrior to my own list, a film that takes a lot of crap from reviews but is great fun to watch.

[@annakhjelm146]

I liked the 13th warrior alot too

[@jordanthomas4379]

jason and the argonauts (1963)

[@wbbartlett]

Do Greek myths count as history now? In this post-Trump age where facts are frowned upon, I guess they must be. So, I'm picking Warlords of Atlantis with Doug McLure.

[@jordanthomas4379]

@@wbbartlettKing Arthur (2004), Troy (2004), 300: Rise Of An Empire (2014), Robin Hood (1991). So do all of these count as historically accurate films now? - Or are you arguing that only a certain percentage of a film needs to be historically accurate to be on the list? If so, please explain what the percentage is, and specifically how you plan on defining it?

[@Krommer1000]

I unapologetically and unironically like Troy.

[@talmadgewalker279]

I liked Peter O'Toole, but that's about it.

[@occultdetective]

The Vikings is one of my favorite movies.

[@stephennootens916]

There was a song and for the life of me I can't remember the name of it that was in Robin Hood Prince Of Thieves that was everywhere when just before and after the movie was released. It was one of those sappy sad love songs.

[@michaelk.vaughan8617]

Look into my eyes You will see What you mean to me Search your heart Search your soul And when you find me there You'll search no more Don't tell me It's not worth tryin' for You can't tell me It's not worth dyin' for You know it's true Everything I do I do it for you Look into your heart You will find There's nothin' there to hide Take me as I am Take my life I would give it all I would sacrifice Don't tell me It's not worth fightin' for I can't help it There's nothin' I want more You know it's true Everything I do I do it for you, oh yeah There's no love Like your love And no other Could give more love There's nowhere Unless you're there All the time All the way, yeah Look into your heart, babe Yeah Oh yeah Oh, you can't tell me It's not worth tryin' for I can't help it There's nothin' I want more Yeah, I would fight for you I'd lie for you Walk the wire for you Yeah, I'd die for you You know it's true Everything I do Oh I do it for you Everything I do, darling And we'll see it through Oh, we'll see it through Oh yeah Yeah Search your heart Search your soul You can't tell me it ain't worth dying for Oh yeah I'll be there, yeah, oh I'll walk the wire for you, yeah I will die for you Oh yeah All the time I'm going all the way, all the way, yeah Take me by the hand, oh Ow

[@chocolatemonk]

@@michaelk.vaughan8617 I considered leaving a thumbs down for your lyric sin

[@RobynHoodeofSherwood]

Bryan Adams Everything I Do.

[@Yesica1993]

@@michaelk.vaughan8617 Aw, now it won't leave me for days! It took me this long to clear it out of my head from when it came out!

[@Yesica1993]

@@RobynHoodeofSherwood I swear that song was on the radio every five minutes!

[@ABT212]

Flesh and Blood, starring Rutger Hauer was very enjoyable.

[@dBenson-g6v]

Michael loves gladiator movies - I think we now know why we have never seen the lady of the manor ; )

[@petercollinson8039]

Is this... an Airplane reference?!

[@buckocean7616]

@@petercollinson8039 Sure is. 😄

[@Dacre1000]

I dunno, I think as an adventure movie, Kostner an all, Prince of Thieves is a fine film, with a great Alan Rickman as a villain. The Robert Bergin adaptation of the same year, being more british and shot on location was, in my opinion, significantly worse. And the RIdley Scott one and the 2018 Taron Egerton are even worse. Men in TIghts is funny, it has a funny dig at Kostner and many people LOVE it, but i dont think it is one of Mel Brooks overall best efforts. I cant say it is very historical, but I guess you could say that I wish it was. And while I find the Disney version quite amusing and enchanting, to me nothing beats Errol Flynn and Sean Connery as the Earls of Huntington. And how do you beat Olivia de Havilland and Audrey Hepburn as Lady Marion? I´ll tell you how: you dont. "Where this falls, John, put us close, and leave us there." I am sorry, but I have to dispute your Cleopatra claim. That one is a bona fide masterpiece, good sir. BUt dont worry: I wont say a peep about Caligula, which is also a masterpiece of... something... but cetainly not of cinema. It is a beautiful disaster tough... in its own wretched way. I do get why you wouldnt rate Cleopatra tough, it has a few issues... But... Vikings? The Fall of the Roman Empire? Really? Two of the most revered films of their genre, one of Richard Fleschers most celebrated films and the highly lauded Anthony Mann movie? I need some of that shit you have been smoking, sir. Funny thing, is The Fall of the Roman Empire took allost a 180 turn in critical reception. Harshly criticized on release, it is now widely considered one of the best peplums ever made.

[@briteskin]

I still need to see Caligula. Not sure why never had. I remember most ads for a home video copy in certain magazines. I watched the trailer once and saw big name actors. Was shocked then remember there was a time when I was a kid that people were more open to seeing NC-17 movies in a crowd.

[@RussellFish-s1r]

Spartacus, The Vikings and The Long Ships are all in my DVD library.

[@n815e]

King Arthur isn’t historically accurate, but at least it gets closer in some of the mythology and historical period to the origins of the stories than most of the others (Excalibur included).

[@parazatico9030]

Keira Knightly in King Arthur, everybody's idea of a Pictish warrior. Probably. The Fall of the Roman Empire did feature a reconstruction of the Heddernheim Roman cavalry helmet, which was nice, and the Germans sported some truly magnificent wigs and fake beards. Hopefully safety precautions were in place for the actors who had to wear all that nylon on their heads near naked flames. Thank you for not coming up with either Braveheart or The Patriot. I just remembered the bit in 300 Rise of an Empire where they manage to find a hill in the sea to charge the galleys down.

[@rickcantrell5302]

Michael, I'm with you on most of these. But I actually think Troy (The Director's Cut) (or whatever they call the extended version) is a pretty great movie! You just have to get through the first bit, where the shock of seeing Brad Pitt as Achilles makes you think "Oh, no, this is going to be a terrible movie!" Once I got through that, I really enjoyed the movie, including Brad Pitt's performance! Thanks for sharing your otherwise awesome list of horrible but somehow still partially watchable movies (with the help of the fast-forward button). Edit: I forgot to mention that Netflix has a limited series called Troy (Fall of a City), which I also really like. Both of these have their issues, but I mostly love them.

[@jamesholland8057]

Troy is a bore except for beautiful Helen.

[@rickcantrell5302]

@@jamesholland8057 In my defense, I will say my expectations were very low.

[@jamesholland8057]

I like the Odyssey better. Iliad is a good version of the stupidity and futility of war though.

[@scp240]

I understand this is tongue in cheek, or just cheek in Roger's case, but seriously, here are some great historical mostly biographical films: JFK Julius Caesar Snowden The Big Short Spartacus Henry V Loving Vincent Lawrence of Arabia Amadeus Downfall Just a selection.

[@mediumjohnsilver]

Given a choice of any historical movie to watch, I’ll always go with _A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum_ (1966) directed by Richard Lester. Serious fun. 😀

[@buckocean7616]

Oh yeah man! Love that movie. "Oh you, you'll always be a eunuch." "They raped Thrace thrice." Too good for this list. 😄🤣

[@BrianRidgway-u5g]

I find the dwarf fascinating in Caligula. You know, the one with the grapes who keeps trying to git sum. He fails miserably, but can't fault him for trying. And you will be happy to know that a restored version of Caligula is coming to theaters! Tell Roger to press his ascot and get his monogrammed house slippers in order for the premiere - a good time will be had by all! CROM!

[@jamesholland8057]

His sister was nice too.

[@TheDukeofMadness]

There were two Robin Hood films made in 1991. The other one, starring Patrick Bergen and Uma Thurman. It was more historically accurate but committed the ultimate movie sin, it was boring in my opinion. Prince of Thieves had Alan Rickman, who on reading the script, decided to go over the top as the Sheriff. He is the big bad so going big is the right idea.

[@garyredman892]

WHAT A GREAT LIST!!!!

[@bludluva]

That was a great thumbnail lol

[@troytradup]

Have you seen the restored version of Caligula, Michael? Sorry -- Caligula: The Ultimate Cut. I've heard it makes the movie 1% better at least.

[@michaelk.vaughan8617]

Of course I watched it. It’s just as bad, actually it might be worse because it is extended awfulness. I had a fine time.

[@kallianpublico7517]

Peter O' Toole, Helen Mirren, Malcolm McDowall? Shame! Shame! Shame! Blood and Sex!

[@jamesholland8057]

Great title for a truthful Hollywood movie name.

[@bizarrebraincomics7819]

Aaagh! I love all those movies. Only seen Centurion once I believe. The most recent Robin Hood was terrible. Worst of all time.

[@michaelk.vaughan8617]

I missed that one. I guess that’s a good thing!

[@gcpoulides]

Michael have you seen the Long Ships with Richard Widmark and Sydney Portier? Absolute classic Viking flick, awesome list!

[@michaelk.vaughan8617]

I’ve never seen that one

[@Yesica1993]

I don't remember that 300 sequel. I did love the original 300!

[@anotherbibliophilereads]

What happened to The Long Ships staring that Six Million Dollar Man actor?

[@fordprefect80]

I thought it was called "The Norseman"? Not a great film but enjoyable non the less.

[@obi-juankenobi6951]

Whaaaaaaa...? I like The Long Ships, it was pretty entertaining!

[@michaelk.vaughan8617]

It was too good! 🤣

[@russworks2882]

Recently started watching 1963's Cleopatra and even though I have to break it up into small segments to keep my attention on it, the sheer scope of the sets and cast is pretty stunning; I think it all but destroyed the studio with the expense. Joe Kenney of the Glorious Trash blog has done a survey of what he calls "Toga Trash", historical exploitation paperbacks that I figure would be contenders for the August event. When I was a kid I bought a Lance Horner book called Rogue Roman because it had a sexy Frazetta cover but I had no idea what the hell I was reading, something involving slaves and gladiators I think.

[@bigaldoesbooktube1097]

This list is a literal bin fire 🔥 By the way check out the Troy directors cut, it is needlessly violent, in a good way.

[@dreiraven3rvn457]

"Tinto Brass" kinda sounds like a 1970s Porn screen name... fitting for Caligula lol.

[@Justin_Kipper]

Tinto was actually an Italian director who made a lot of sleazy films. But it's hard to say which sleazy scene came from which sleazy director in this movie.

[@luciferfernandez7094]

Great list! There are other Tinto Brass softcore films that are sexier and more entertaining than Caligula 😊. The 300 Spartans inspired Frank Miller, well, that film and a incredible comic book by Breccia called Mort Cinder. Robin “New York accent” Hood! It was the sh1t back in the day with a Sean Connery cameo. Cleopatra is great if you watch it back to back next to Who’s afraid of Virginia Wolf. The Vikings is fun, Troy is boring. And Centurion is really great 👍🏻

[@annakhjelm146]

Dang! I have seen all of those 🤣 and most of them more then ones too 🙈 I would have put Mel Brooks's 'Robin men in thigts' and 'History of the world' on the list. Love those movies 😆 Calligula is kinda like watching a film made on a drug trip. You just can't look away 😂😊

[@gorans.849]

Now I have to watch and rewatch some old movies...

[@dbitgood1]

History of the World, Part 1? Robin Hood: Men in Tights? The Viking Queen?

[@markditoro8836]

So Centurion is about Romans vs Picts? Was Bran Mak Morn in it?

[@tonygriego6382]

A fellow Caligula lover eh?...

[@thekeywitness]

Roger should talk back more often. 😂

[@rickcroucher]

Russel Crowe's Robin Hood was maybe worse.

[@Morfeusm]

Russel Crowe was okay, watchable. The absolutely worst one is Robin Hood 2018 Taron Egerton. It’s basically not a historical movie but some kind of video game cringe concept young adult modern political movie nonsense probably inspired by Knights Tale and Hamilton, just done horribly.

[@michaelk.vaughan8617]

Hmmm…that one was pretty bad.

[@Toracube]

I watched Pompeii (2014) and oh boy…

[@SleepyBookReader-666]

Brilliant choices!

[@marjoriedonnett5467]

Wonderful horrible list! Thanks for the fun (and memories)!

[@liamschulzrules]

13:04 IT'S POIDA!! He's a real spunk

[@StormReads]

The only movies on your list I have watched is Robin Hood and I liked it lol. 😁

[@glockensig]

Patton Spartacus Gettysburg To Hell and Back Enemy at the Gates Ben Hur Tha Alamo A whole bunch of other WWll movies

[@thekeywitness]

I agree that Caligula is a fascinating disaster of a film. It has a very weird vibe.

[@ellesse3862]

Looking forward to the Ultimate Cut of Caligula, a brand new version made with original and unused footage minus the porn. I like Troy, its epic eyecandy in the tradition of Hollywood's golden age.

[@nunyabizness6595]

"I dont know what it says about me."😂😂😂

[@barbaraboethling596]

I liked Troy despite the wooden horse (sorry Roger). King Arthur was good too, if only for Mads Mkkelsen and Joel Edgerton!. If you want some good Vikings try The 13th Warrior. Dennis Storhoi was cool!

[@davidduncan7213]

Surely the best Cleopatra movie is Carry On Cleo! no kiddin. ;)

[@RP-ve7bl]

"Infamy, Infamy...they've all got it in for me"

[@DDB168]

I do like Troy. 😏😏 And The 300 Spartans. And Centurion aint bad either.

[@michaelk.vaughan8617]

I look forward to seeing your list!

[@DDB168]

@@michaelk.vaughan8617 Not sure if I'll do one. 3 of my top 10 war movie selections would be better in this category. There'd be too much similarity.

[@RobynHoodeofSherwood]

The Conqueror (1956). John Wayne as Genghis Khan. That's got to be on a worst of list somewhere.

[@michaelk.vaughan8617]

It really must be. It was in a class of its own.

[@tonette6592]

Cleopatra: The scenery and production are beautiful, but the nasal whine of Liz Taylor was ungodly, (I suppose men were distracted by her considerable attributes.) I often do an impression of her...without the considerable attributes. OMG, Roger knows of what he speaks. I firmly believe that Gladiator is a remake of Fall of the Roman Empire, either that, or there was an unabashed case of plagarism.

[@Justin_Kipper]

I'm, uhh, proud to admit that I own four of these fine flicks on DVD.

[@arekkrolak6320]

in Iliad most fatalities have been inflicted with a stone, so indeed not accurate :)

[@TimeTravelReads]

I liked the King Arthur movie you picked. I can think of a worse King Arthur movie. I can't recall when it was released. It was a white supremacist fanboy movie. It was super weird.

[@MasterMalrubius]

A wooden rabbit would have worked better. Or perhaps a wooden badger.

[@إسماعيلسعيد-خ8ذ]

The Passion of the CHRIST can easily be regarded as a great historical movie

[@BookBlather]

I sensed a common theme here… 😜

[@richardadcock5450]

Robin Hood Men in Tights

[@DuncanMcCurdie]

The Russell Crowe Robin Hood movie is a lot worse than Prince Of Thieves.

[@rondemkiw4492]

ALEXANDER THE GREAT with Richard Burton. He is ridiculous in a blond wig. UP POMPEII with Frankie Howerd. THE SIGN OF THE CROSS (1932) by Cecil B DeMille, ROMAN SCANDALS.....

[@lock67ca]

Robin Hood: Men in Tights. At least he can speak with an English accent. Are satires allowed?

[@michaelk.vaughan8617]

Sure

[@lchauk9518]

I read somewhere a long time ago that Kevin Costner was supposed to have dubbed his lines later for the british accent and maybe a little bit of feeling, but they were competing with another production of Robin Hood and ran out of time. Alan Rickman’s somewhat goofy performance is the only thing that makes this movie watchable.

[@redwawst3258]

😊⭐️⚡️

[@tomsletter9472]

The Vikings is a great movie! T

[@RP-ve7bl]

It surely is. With Kirk Douglas running the oars, and Ernest Borgnine shouting 'Odin' when facing death in a pit of wild dogs, and a traditional Viking funeral with a burning ship - what's not to like?

[@tomsletter9472]

@@RP-ve7bl and the music,fantastic! T

[@tonyzane4945]

Funny stuff....U liked Caligula because of the porn...ha..Troy was good if inaccurate..and Curtis is a Bronx guy...Robin Hood was a bit silly though ok...Cleo -eh..Vikings fun because of the 2 actors..and Janet...

[@AngryPict]

A worse Robin Hood movie? The Russell Crowe one is terrible. Different terrible, but also a heeelarious accent.

[@nunyabizness6595]

Stephen Boyd? Oh god no. He's awful.