Difficult vs. Destructive Relationships | Therapy & Theology

[@lydiaheelu2681]

The Lord is not playing about exposing the narcissistic spirit in this hour. God is using so many of us who survived narcissistic abuse to expose this insidious, wicked spirit and empower others to escape these crippling relationships.

[@bygrace24]

I told my sister she is a narcissist about a month ago, I said for the sake of my own well being and mental health I cannot speak with her alone, I need a witness as she cannot be trusted. It's sad but the truth.

[@tawnicapurro4528]

I’m trauma bonded to my narcissistic husband and I am struggling to detach from him . Especially since I would be breaking up our family 💔

[@lydiaheelu2681]

@@beesinthegardens Totally! I agree with you a 100%. But we they’re not going to allow it so we have to do it on an individual or collective level. Use whatever platform we have. I’m literally educating everyone I can about narcissism both women and men, children, youth, everyone.

[@lydiaheelu2681]

@@bygrace24 You did good. Do everything you can to protect yourself. She’ll twist everything and get you totally bent out of shape and doubting not just your sanity but your whole existence.

[@lydiaheelu2681]

@@tawnicapurro4528 I understand you on every level. It’s a difficult decision. For me I did it for my children. There was no way I was going to keep exposing my children to the same dysfunction I grew up with. As a believer, I have a responsibility to do better. My children and I deserve better. I pray the Lord will give you the wisdom and strength to make the right decision for you and your children.

[@lisahindle6514]

SO helpful. 2 truths I've realized are that; 1. God will not bring to light information that I'm not ready to handle. 2. God doesn't bring things to light to shame a person but to give the opportunity for sin to be redeemed. This helps calm my anger and realign my disappointment. I do want to co-operate with God is this healing but also allow for my anger in this too. God knows what He is doing. Trust Him in the painful seasons.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Good points, Lisa!

[@sobeliever1638]

He will 100% allow things into your life that you can not handle. The key is to realize that He can handle

[@JESUSbloodALONEsaves]

@@sobeliever1638 she’s talking about information she may not be ready to handle

[@mercyz6252]

God gave me four years to face the truth! Because I needed that long even then if God is not with me, I would have died, God is such a father and a friend. He kept me🙏🏽

[@stephm5877]

It's so important to remember a lot of us have an abusive family, zero friends because of the abuse, zero people who are supportive in the church, and no money for counseling. It's possible to heal without community and through Christ & His Word alone. There is hope. Thank you for these videos.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you, friend!

[@Connie10000]

I am such a kind fun personable and professional person yet I have experienced the same as you stated above. After all these decades I keep hanging in there with God yet nothing changes. I even made a God move to different state as HS kept leading yet since day 1...there has been NO grace, mercy or favor just constant battles. I cant keep living like this. I Journal daily to God to seek His wisdom. I am worn out. I've always been a Positive Outgoing Delightful Person and I cannot handle the chaos anymore. I even have boundaries yet I have to get nasty speaking or I get retaliated after their wrong doings. I'm very sick now due to catching chilled at work when no one else would do their duties then POT parties apt next to me. LANDLORD DOESN'T CARE about my health nor higher management. Plus when I went to doc, I received text from my boss...Letting Me Go~ I am Caucasian and he African American. He constantly has our other Afr. Amer's backs no matter what they're doing or not doing. I was bullied and had the Race Card used vs me as Hospital coworkers told me. Many of the hospital workers along with an on-duty Police Officer have stated " Connie you are the hardest-working security officer I have ever seen." I was very passionate at the hospital I worked. I am Torn over this recent loss. I miss connecting here as I allowed HS to lead me. Many ppl couldn't believe how I was put in their path. Pls help!!! I AM WORN OUT. Lossed my healthy dog Faithie too! I literally experiencing mental, emotional & now financial concerns. Plus a new dog that is overbearing. Just recently my 15 y.o. car had to be replaced. Struggling & financially strapped and each day filled with more setbacks when I AM ATTEMPING TO MOVE FORWARD

[@maggiemorel4994]

​@@MelodyCoz seems churchs dint care. Shelters only wirk for a month

[@sharontennison6370]

Learn spiritual warfare. Fight back

[@boopdoop2251]

If it is at all physically possible, get out of any and all abusive relationships. Don’t just fight back spiritually, leave any unsafe situation.

[@LEM19284]

There is a critical part to this type of abuse that gets lost in what most see or think regarding how the toxic person shows up. For me, he was passive aggressive and used the silent treatment as the tool of choice. It was my confusing his quietness with who I thought was a reflective man of few words that kept me hooked for over 25 years. He was passively getting away with destructive behavior on all levels behind my back and right under my nose. Turns out his behavior to act out followed our disagreements and my calling him out. Back then, there was no such language as having boundaries and holding him to account for his actions and meanness and withdrawal of affection that he used against me. I also didn’t know my self worth. I felt like I had too many feelings and that I would disrupt peace if I spoke up and said anything. He knew this. He manipulated me time and time again. Now, I’m left trying to undo the effects of this dysfunctional system of how he treated and portrayed me in front of my now adult daughter.

[@nicolecilley3100]

My husband did this to me for 23 years and my 2 teenage sons are following in his footsteps so sad 😢

[@nicolecilley3100]

Thank you I sure wish my pastor would listen to this and believe me and my situation as for decades I’ve asked for prayer and help but now that I’ve actually left I feel even more alienated and ostracized.

[@lisacrockett9364]

@@nicolecilley3100 I am so sorry for your pain. I can say I know that pain. The pastor colluded with my husband and didn’t want to see the whole picture and the Christian counsellor supported the marriage staying together even though it was toxic. I didn’t have the proper words at the time because everything I said was gaslit and then I wasn’t sure about what was real. And I also didn’t feel worthy enough to tell my own story because the other side was so believable and charismatic. Now my husband has been gone for over 5 years and in the last two years he’s been able to demean me even further to our adult children that they don’t even talk to me. The lies are thick and damaging and he has isolated me from the kids and they don’t even know anything about my side of the story. Now I’m healing from breast cancer, going through all the surgeries and chemo without any support from family. Destructive relationships are just that! My husband is the third generation of this behaviour( that I know of) and I’m praying for my adult kids to escape it. I have hope of things unseen!✝️🙏. Our Jesus knows our hurts❤. Blessings Nicole, and everyone else out there that knows this terrible pain.

[@Shanchelle]

As a mom I can only imagine how painful this is. I am praying for you and your children right now. Stay strong. 🤍🙏

[@karenortega2046]

Yes the non verbal communication , passive aggressive manipulation, and deception. His meddling mother who I suspect was a narcissist with her two enmeshed baby boys( 63 & 56) there was triangulation brought on by her( 85) it took years for me to understand and realize what was happening. This women has no sensitivity, says mean things to people sometimes , she seems to enjoy it and her whole social group knows she has two personas, never apologizes. Never gives compliments. The ex bf still tries to keep in contact but what broke was his family went on a cruise, told me I could go, but then I found out he got his passport without telling me for 4 months. I felt so deceived , he never once told me he had it in process until the day he opened the package in front of me. He deflected and said you knew I needed one because my other had expired. All the times In that 4 months i was there with him having dinner, i had moved out because of deception but both agreed we had hope, I had dinner with him, went to dr appts, outings and never once did he feel guilt at hiding it from me. A month later he left me behind and went on the cruise no guilt, no shame. I wanted to send blessings but I just couldn’t. I cried that whole week. He never tried to make contact that week. In fact he sent a letter a fee days before his trip and said there was no wifi out at sea. I knew the ship had wifi . I am talking to a therapist because as silly as it sounds , I cry every-time i see a cruise ship. The deception and gaslighting over the years prompted me to seek therapy but the cruise was what hurt me the most that I couldn’t go back and continue giving chances. It hurt me to my core.

[@ikkarus87]

The moment I started recording our conversations and taking screenshots of everything, JUST so I can confirm my reality...should have been the definite sign to get out. I didnt, and got burrrrrned

[@Angeleyes2017]

I couldn't figure out what was happening. It made me so depressed. I cried out constantly to God for help. I record myself because I thought it would reveal the craziness he claimed I was but it actually showed me his deception. Unfortunately for me it ended in physical abuse. Now I'm walking through the healing and divorce after 44 years.

[@erica_marie8569]

I had questioned my ex-husband because I felt like he was cheating on me, and of course, he said he wasn't doing anything. He had started getting home at different hours, having a bag of clothes and cologne in his truck. He pierced his ear without telling me because GUYS at work said it would look good. All these things that weren't him were happening. Then one day I went home early without him knowing so we could talk about things and as soon as he saw me he put his phone down really quick. I asked why he did that and he didn't say anything. So I asked if he could show me his phone so I could just have proof he's not doing anything, and he refused. He walked all around the house, keeping it from me, and even twisted his ankle. That night (Halloween night at that) he walked out on our family. He's always said he wasn't cheating on me, but his actions proved otherwise! Shortly after leaving, he was in a relationship with a coworker! When we know, we know!

[@monicawall971]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I was in a destructive marriage for 14 years and I just kept thinking that I will pray and fast. I went through physical and emotional abuse. I would feel that I was walking on eggshells around him. The abuse lightened and I knew that God was working but after 14 years, I recently went through such a big blow. It's been hurting and I just kept crying out to God to provide emotional healing. I know that He can do it. However I was given a way out, my mom who is also in a hurtful relationship made me feel bad for not sticking it out yet she knew less than half of what I went through. I am so glad that I can hear this discussion in a Christian point of view. I am seeing this way out as God's intervention. Thank you Lord. It's not going to be easy. I don't really know where I'm going to live with my children but I am trusting that God will provide. Thank you for exposing this issue.

[@monicawall971]

It is so true that I have been asked to be that sacrificcial one and take it up as my cross from both my mom and former pastor. I am so glad that there is awareness about this.

[@rootedinjoy8821]

I had been so excited to be marrying a man in seminary. I meant my vows and so loved standing with him in service to our Lord in the lives of people. Little did I know that “the world” would take him over and he would begin to groom me for deplorable things. Though trapped, I loved my children and bought the story that it was my job to please him. It became extreme….then finally I felt I had to leave him or die. I’d been self medicating (no substances now for over 6 years) and the story is dramatic. He lost his ordination due to his behaviors. I didn’t leave for ten more years. I’ve been divorced for 11 years now after 24 of marriage. Our great God has healed me. I can even wear purple now (he always wanted my toenails to be purple). It has only been in the last year that I can say that he had predatory behaviors and I was groomed. I share this because I didn’t have the ego strength to recognize the red flags, to be able to speak out and hold on through his professed love. Someone needs to hear, YOUR voice matters! The Lord does NOT need you to stay in a relationship that destroys. To God be the glory!!!

[@susangarrett4361]

Two of the most influencing women in my life!! Leslie's book about how your marriage can be destructive, literally changed my life when I was in a definitely destructive marriage myself!! Thank you, Jesus, for Lysa and Leslie.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching, Susan!

[@trainertylee3481]

Which of her books are you referring to?

[@susangarrett4361]

@@trainertylee3481 The Emotionally Destructive Marriage

[@saltlifegull4091]

WOW! Now I don't feel crazy! Can't thank you ladies enough.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching!

[@KristyHallms]

Wow! Fantastic podcast. I walked this path and got out 11 years ago. I’m still recovering. Sadly, my children have continued to be manipulated to the point of complete division of the family. This experience led me to working full time in helping women recover from destructive relationships. I can’t wait to dig into the books mentioned.

[@Me-xn7kx]

Wow! All of these things happened to me. I'm so thankful God brought me out of my destructive marriage.

[@bygrace_]

I have severe anxiety my marriage is hanging my a thread. I'm experiencing everything in this video. Been spending time with the Lord. Jesus please step in and help me! Protect my children.

[@debrakarr996]

Bygrace,,,,your children are being affected daily by what is going on within you and the marriage. The best thing you can do is get out for the children if you want them to have a better chance at life without all the added stress we as adults give children. It's not gonna be good when they get to be a adult. You must love yourself to get out. You will live in turmoil till u get out. God is with you daily he gives you the strength you need. We must walk before him so we learn to trust him. We can't just sit n do nothing expecting God to do it all. Why do you want to stay? You are putting them children in harms way. CPTSD is real. Shows up once we become adults to deal with. It's the hardest thing I've had to do is fix me. So much damage out of our control then as a adult we add to all the stress. Then oneday it just all hits the fan.

[@shinrin-yoku3877]

"your work right there is to get strong enough to handle the truth"❤

[@rachelturenne]

This is so good. Leslie’s book The Emotionally Destructive Marriage was suggested to me by my therapist at the time and at first I was angry because I thought my therapist was suggesting I should leave my marriage. As I read the book I realized I was in a destructive and emotionally abusive marriage. I woke up to the reality of our situation and it took some time, but I did end up leaving and getting a divorce… I maybe should have given him another chance before divorcing him but I was worried he was just giving me lip service. This episode is reassuring that I made the right decision four years ago.

[@jayla8607]

This is so good

[@honoredandloved]

Thank you so so much for this Divinely led conversation. I'm in tears, not only because of the acceptance and the comfort but also the confirmation and clarity. I'm going to look for an online Christian community to help my healing now because nobody around me understands what I went through (narcissistic abuse), let alone can help me through this healing journey. God bless you two❤

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you today, friend!

[@tamarawolverton3895]

Leslie is so good at teaching exactly how God is so faithful and responsible in the area of deception. Two things the Holy Spirit told me when I was dealing with this in my marriage one was I can only be deceived to the point I'm willing to deceive myself. Another time when I wanted to see with eyes of Truth and understand everything in a way where I would respond appropriately and not be deceived God told me that I was not ready. I simply said back to him maybe I'm not ready but if you're with me isn't that good enough. That definitely launched within a very short period of time a great exposure in my life. That exposure left me feeling lost like I woke up on a raft in the middle of the ocean with no compass but he was with me. Leslie's statement what is your problem with his problem is so true to keeping us locked in a box of Deceit.

[@galledit7047]

I am so incredibly grateful for this channel.... Thank you, precious women of God for bringing clarity, calmness, undersranding and soundness for the mind!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're are so glad you're here!

[@shelleyd9910]

“So God might be giving you enough space before knowing the truth to have enough space for you to build up the courage to face the truth.” Spot on Leslie. About to begin my 3rd year in Conquer, Conquering all kinds of hard truths. I am noticing a difference between myself and other women years out of abuse who did not do their work but let stuff happen and just reacted. In order to get strong enough to say “Enough!” there are all kinds of lies of thinking that I had to start with getting truth on about human value before I could face the fact another person really was capable of stopping what they were doing but refused to. If you are at the beginning of this journey of realisation then “Be strong and of courage for the Lord will be with you wherever you go.” Josh 1:9

[@oar-N-oasis]

"what they only want for the woman is to lie and pretend" This is so true, I've heard this from my family members too but I take my stand, I don't want to become a heretic. God knows how painful it is but even before I left my narc husband, I already surrendered everything to God.

[@reneecross7323]

I’ve had many abusive relationships. Five marriages, and God has helped me and my husband through this trial. From my failed relationships, I’ve been learning how to deal with people, children, and my husband. Really the Lord can help us through fear, anger, and regain your peace.

[@leilagomulka5690]

So true. But sadly, the “ controller” always “wins”, and enablers make excuses for him and vilifies you.

[@leeanntaylor150]

I went through a marriage like this, I wish these resources would have been brought to me when I was going through it. ❤ I'm so grateful this out there now. ❤

[@susanadyck2846]

This is so me I'm lied to all the time, and then he keeps telling me it's just in my head, but once he knows that I know, all I get is oh its my weakness, and then he just hurts me even more and more I'm so mentally and spiritually hurting, but if I leave I can't provide for my kids I don't know what to do I can't bear it anymore, we can't communicate, please pray for us, for a door to open for me 🙏

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you, friend!

[@eboronkay]

Hello Susana, That fear of being impoverished is what kept me in my marriage. Shortly after our youngest turned 18, my husband left me, knowing he would not have to financially support the kids. God showed me that He is my provider. He has never left me unable to pay my bills. That’s my journey. Yours will be different. But God will be faithful to His Word. Look for the scriptures about His provision. Let them sink in. Getting out of abuse sooner is better for everyone.

[@lck2978]

I'm only 7:30 into this and it's already a bit creepy how accurate this is. Perhaps even more unsettling is that I'm the husband receiving some degree of emotional abuse from my wife! I recognize this is geared towards women, and more often than not, it is indeed the man dishing out abuse. But in my case, the roles are completely reversed! This video was cross-referenced/suggested when I watched Lysa featured on Focus On The Family, setting boundaries in your most difficult relationships. God help me. I feel like I'm playing with a bit of fire. Relationships can be so messy. May God be glorified & honored.

[@lck2978]

P.S. Do you have any resource suggestions for men dealing with this kind of stuff? I also wonder who the Jim Cress is that's referenced in this video. There was a Jim Cress at a church we previously attended (Seattle area), but I heard through the grape vine that he went off the deep end big time.

[@lck2978]

FYI: I've learned that Jim Cress here is definitely not the same person from my previous church. That person is James Kress (spelled with a K) and is promoting "the God within" and very cult-like stuff.

[@jennyeh]

I think there is Christian help for men who are gaslit, emotionally abused, controlled etc but sadly I don’t recall the names I’ve heard in passing. You could read: The emotionally destructive relationship or her other book ‘the emotionally destructive marriage’ by Leslie Vernick . Those are written for women BUT they clearly map out what IS abuse and how to cope (or whether it’s biblical to separate etc). Full of scriptures to meditate on and ways to check inside whether you need personal guidance or if you can even trust starting marital therapy with your spouse. May you seek the Lord, gain clear perspective and heal brother.

[@joyh.729]

What a wonderful, helpful and insightful conversation. Thank you both for this information!❤

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching!

[@jrs7223]

She helped me too!! I give Leslie’s resource out often with women who ask for help. I love having her to give to others because she has so much wisdom and experience and she cares for us ladies!

[@mhieamper8085]

GOD! I was really in destructive relationship.😭 Thank youuuuu for this ma'am. Hoping to file annulment and get the grant of it.❤🙌

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you, friend!

[@SisterInChrist-Chrissy]

Thank you ladies, Thank you ladies, Thank you ladies!! This REALLY HELPED ME!! Thank you!!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching, Chrissy!

[@allenehelmick]

excellent topic ladies and information

[@belleinspirations1051]

Thank you for sharing your knowledge🙏 very informative

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching!

[@daughterofzion333]

l am so glad for the churches that offer help. We need fellowship and accountability even in our healing. Lysa T is proof of that. She got help. However, many truly don’t have the financial resources to get help. And there are churches who have the help, free Bible classes that are by some of the best authors, such as Changes that Heals Bible study by Dr. Henry Cloud. There is Dr. John Townsend who also has his own Bible study. Pastors hire them for their staff. So they are credible people to use if churches hire them for their own staff. June Hunt had books that’s are incredible and to the point. Her books can be read in a few hours bc they aren’t filled with clutter. Find the church who takes care of the sheep and offers free resources. God bless everyone.

[@brightpage1020]

Thank you so much! Thank you for this work. Sharing it with women I believe will benefit. Thank you for creating such amazing resources.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching!

[@PeriwinklePotter]

🌼The gaslighting and double mindedness is 'killing' me🌼

[@kathycoley9141]

My husband relapsed back in his addiction. I found out a few months after his relapse that he was cheating on me with another woman who also did drugs with him. I have never had an addiction to drugs. We had been together off and on (because of his addiction) for 12 years and married for 3. He left our home and moved in with her. While we were just dating, he would be with different women during his relapse times. I am hurt, broken, and just don't know what to do. I moved to a new city, his hometown, and I have obtained a good job and do not want to leave. His mom has helped me so much by being there for me. His family has cut any ties to him other than talking to him if he shows up at their home or calls.

[@redhead8777]

Words, no fruit! Truth Bomb...

[@abbasjoy4785]

Right on!

[@watchonly1321]

I suspected my husband had sex and drugs outside the marriage. When I confronted him, he denied it and said it was my fault that I refused to do drugs+sex with him. Thereafter I told him we need to stay off sex for the time being until I see he's really clean. Instead of trying to make things right, he continued to pressurize me to have sex with him and berate me verbally for being the one destroying the marriage. I held my ground and refuse to give in to the pressure. That moment I knew in my heart this person is extremely toxic and will never change for the better.

[@andreadonovan3641]

Master manipulator is a nice way of not calling someone a lier, which they are.

[@allisonb.8492]

Lysa makes such great points. I have had the same exact thing in my 22 year marriage :(

[@debrasmith5339]

So thankful for this, ladies! "Source of secret sorrow"....I can totally relate to this statement!

[@user-friendly36]

I so empathize with your stories. Can I ask you to pray for me?

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you today, friend!

[@user-friendly36]

Thank and God bless you for your prayers for me. Someone whom you don't even know. That's a true blessing to me.

[@stevenwagner7008]

Who would you recommend who could speak to men who are struggling with this kind of relationship with their spouse? Thank you

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Hi Steven! We recommend finding a trusted counselor through the American Association of Christian Counselors: aacc.net

[@lesleymapstone1367]

Thank you for sharing your knowledge in this interview. It’s given me perspective, guidance and hope. Now for the hard work!🙈

[@robintillman4866]

This is very helpful and now I don't feel like it was both of our faults for our 29 year marriage felled.

[@jasonbourne5142]

Of course you don't, women rule man bad.

[@DebbieDavidson-yg2sn]

Yes, closer to God

[@carapellerin7639]

I wish I would like a child but I’m 41 and my husband and I haven’t been intimate in 3 years …. So it’s going to take a miracle 😊

[@missmelissa1348]

💖🙏💖 THANK YOU 💖🙏💖

[@melanieleon3070]

Lysa ive just gone through MAJOR health issues too.....fight or flight for too long. Cancer, chronic pain from RA and fibromyalgia. I get it

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching and sharing your story!

[@danrichardson2958]

All of this is true for husbands in abusive marriages as well.

[@jasonpinson8755]

Thank you.

[@tinalinder3367]

Yes I agree with what she says I want to know more

[@glennavelilla156]

Thank you 😍 exactly how I felt and thought!!

[@Cudakataz]

We usually refer to victims as women, but men are subjected to emotional abuse also. What is a good way to persuade someone to get the help they need?

[@visionvixxen]

Thank you Lord I’ve been trying to talk to my mom about this and someone and myself because I may have add and asd and bipolar and cause people to get angry And I do/ those closest But my boyfriend wants to be w me And I’m afraid to get close to my family, men or any human being before Don’t know what is right What is t right And what is difficult And what is toxic And what becomes toxic and difficult because I am toxic and difficult

[@mamajen4jesus]

Lysa's past situation is my current reality. 😔

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you, friend!

[@mamajen4jesus]

@@OfficialProverbs31Ministries Thank you. 🙏🏽

[@brendareed5050]

What about a husband hiding that he received an inheritance and put the money in a different bank in his name only? I knew he was getting the inheritance but he didn't say he was settling it up in his name only. I found out because I asked if the account was set up and he said yes. Then i realized the money was not in our joint account and it hit me like a ton of bricks what he had done. I feel so betrayed by his hiding it from me and I let him know that it was wrong to not talk about it beforehand. There have been control issues in our marriage and I am praying about what God wants me to do.

[@sarahbowers8626]

I needed this

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, friend!

[@denisecieslinski9476]

You are telling my story the the T!!!

[@HopeWins777]

The children. You know I thought I was doing right by God and by my kids to hang in there and give them their father in their lives everyday and you know what happened? They remember the fighting and the breakup instead of all of the good moments that we had throughout the entire time. I would separate as soon as I questioned what the right thing was to do. I think separation gives everybody a chance to cool down and rethink. If they leave then so be it they likely were heading out the door anyway. Malachi 3 got me about if you can endure it then stay with your spouse so the children are raised in a Christian home. So I did that until it was dangerous to do so. But it wasn't a Christian home. He wasn't putting God first. He wasn't even putting God last. And I believe God rescued me out of the situation while I was praying for his heart to change and return home. I finally had to get legal control and did. It was quite ugly for the kids to see that he was leaving regardless of their feelings. That would damage anyone. I was not able to stop that pain despite all of the grenades I had fallen on in the past. I would do something to make him yell at me to stop going after whatever kid was the target that day. So if I had to do it all over again, I would separate. I endured far more than I could tolerate and I put my children through trauma that I thought they didn't see because they were so young. Don't be fooled. You don't have to divorce to get control of things. You should plan the money and the inventory of the stuff and the kids should be allowed to stay in their home and their unhappy parent should be the one to remove themselves so everyone can have sanity again if possible. He even went so far as to sue for custody and then he wasn't going to keep them just so he could get out of paying child support. You do not know what that other person is capable of because they lived a lifetime before you met them and they have their own struggles to battle. You can only take care of you. And God willing you can minimize the damage to your children by your decisions to confront the maltreatment and remove yourselves from harm. Just a word to the wise.

[@faith7934]

Just because a therapist state they believe you that doesn't mean they do, that's another way to get an understanding of you. Not saying you don't deserve to be understood.

[@LindaDevine-sj7gf]

Yep I wasn’t allowed to go to mine either he canceled my airplane flight to go

[@Erica12_ca]

28:43 AMEN!!! 🙌🔥

[@suzannerodriguez1869]

When I tried clicking on the links below, I got a message that the site could not be loaded because of an unsecured connection.

[@ginacastell4581]

When a man loves a woman , it’s obvious…a woman will never be afraid of a man who (makes her feel secure ) cherishes her.

[@llcoolg52001]

Yep “sacrificial matar” I’ve been😏

[@NatureEllaJ]

❤

[@pamboire6973]

If you have people that is

[@ericaluna01]

Getting divorced was the best decision I made. I had severe anxiety and depression due to the instability. My soul was breaking. I’m happy now and my son and I live in a peaceful home.

[@rescueninja6321]

I coulda said the exact same thing. Ao proud of us for leaving the men we thought were for us

[@maggiemorel4994]

Me as well.

[@shinrin-yoku3877]

Blessings 🙏

[@fdkharmony]

In it right now couldn't agree more

[@edytamagdalena3317]

I am going through this now. My 3 boys and I cannot wait to go our separate ways. For 13 years, I have been physically, emotionally and verbally abused. The gaslighting and manipulation and the constant ultimatums. To top it off, he has been with another woman for the last year, and I just found out, and not from my husband but from her. So while I was the punching bag, she was getting the royal treatment. But, I believe this is Gods way of saving me, because this is what finally pushed me to leave and so now I will begin the next season of my life. No more crying myself to sleep and walking on eggshells.

[@GirdsHerStrength]

I am coming to the realization that my husband is narcissistic and I may need to leave. I’ve been prescribed antidepressants several times for depression and extreme anxiety, and I’ve lost years of my life to fatigue that appears to have no physical cause. It can be really tough to recognize something is wrong with your relationship in the context of being a good Christian wife, and then even harder to leave once you do.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're so sorry you're walking through this. We're praying for you today!

[@DelightedSAfrican]

​@@OfficialProverbs31Ministries + It is very painful when we recognise that our spouse is narcisstic. Church members tell us we have to forgive and force us straight back into the abusive relationship. It is more convenient for them. One night God gave me a dream. I saw a scene on the main road behind my house. In my sleep I walked towards the nearest person lying at the side in a pool of blood. As I looked down at him, I realised it was my husband. I was busy divorcing him. God asked, "Do you want to kick his head and kill him, and finish him off, or help him?" Without a doubt I wanted to help him, but could no longer live with him. So, I realised, church members were condemning me for protecting myself. That puts so much guilt on us, which narcisstic spouses use against us. So don't let them do that to you. No-one has the right to control you. Not your spouse. Not your parents. Not your children. Not your friends or acquaintences. Jesus died on the cross to set us free. We answer to Him alone. Our son inherited his father and grandfather's genes. One day he walked quickly out of our home, aged 12. God spoke clearly as I watered the garden with bare feet. He told me to follow him. When I turned the corner, my son had my car open, with his hand in my handbag, stealing the rent money I had hidden there. He had stolen the keys from under my pillow. I had been threatened with eviction if I was late paying rent again. I had never realised what my son had been doing to me before.

[@womanofprayer7061]

Leave do & set strong boundaries if you want this to work.

[@c.t.8856]

Please, if you can seek counseling with a trauma informed therapist. Do not go to a "Christian counselor" just because they have that title. They are usually not equipped to deal with abuse that is more insidious and nuanced. So called "biblical counseling" has been a tool to further abuse the victim as their doctrine is based on the thought that your difficulty in life is because of your sin. That can be the case, sometimes, but the idea that because I am not Jesus himself, I have no right to call out the behavior of others, is abuse priming. Also, never seek marriage counseling in conjunction with your spouse if they are a narcissist. The likelihood that they will use it to your disadvantage later or that they will be able to gaslight the therapist is very high. Don't discount your experience by trusting others perspective. The therapist will not experience your perspective in a few hours in session where he is gaslighting the therapist and working to trigger you. Speak as a voice of experience.

[@lilyamongbrambles4458]

​@@c.t.8856this is so true and something I experienced as well. It just compounded my pain, which was already great (counseling with Christian counselor).

[@DearGodPodcast]

No matter what you are going through right now, God will get you through it. We are praying for everyone reading this! ✝️

[@jerriwalls588]

Thank you

[@deborahkahlmeier8814]

Excellent.

[@elizabethash4720]

Thankyou

[@kathymanley8711]

Thank you, I'm so tired of being gas lighted by my husband. I can feel depression creeping in now and then. I keep praying and reading my Bible.

[@terrikennedy5038]

Thank you. God bless.

[@Evey108]

It's heartbreaking that so many wonderful women go through life stuck in these relationships. It's so sad that so many men are like this. God help us.

[@kcreagan9799]

Yes and when do Pastors even talk on this subject? Often because some Pastors are also like this in their own homes which is really scary!

[@BrightStar-ks3li]

Yep, exactly why I would not tell a woman in this situation to “go to the church” or “go to your pastor”. They often support the man & further abuse the woman & tell the woman divorce is a sin and if you divorce him you’ll end up with the same type of person again

[@Delacari]

@@BrightStar-ks3li I am so sad. This is exactly the advice that I received repeatedly through the years.

[@eturley7533]

Evil doesn't discriminate in relationships or our physical forms. It finds foot holds in any relationship where vulnerability can be to erase our identity in Christ. I think there's plenty of dysfunctional relationships from wives being like this too- my dad just accepts that his wife (my mom) is toxic, because "she is who she is- she's my sweetheart". He grew up with an abusive Mom and fell in love with a wife who also has these dysfunctional behaviors. We all can live in different cycles that Christ can break through, but it's hard. I personally wish there were more Christian resources for sons and daughters of abusive and toxic families because it can be really hard to escape the codependency cycles so we find it in the wrong places.

[@lydiaheelu2681]

One thing I can say about the narcissistic spirit, IT’S CONSISTENT! I believe this spirit has a script that it follows to the t. I hear other people who were married to a narc speak and It sounds as if we were married to the same person.

[@lilyamongbrambles4458]

So eerie, isn't it? Definitely a certain set of evil spirits and strongholds at play.

[@mirtawetzel2325]

I’m so thankful a friend shared this video with me. I can’t wait to break the chains to this toxic marriage. Give me strength lord. ❤

[@stephb3075]

God bless you. I am praying for you right now.

[@missdesireejones]

Praying for you 🙏🏽

[@shirleyguinyard8183]

I'm praying for strength to leave this marriage 😢

[@starlingswallow]

I was married to a man who claimed he was a Christian but after a year he changed. 14 years with him while I wept and prayed and prayed. I reached out to pastors and leaders and I was told to submit more, give him more sex, forgive, forgive, forgive. He had sick, twisted sexual desires and I was coerced to do these things with him with the Bible. "The marriage bed is undefiled". I was not to say no, it was disrespectful. Things continued to get worse. And worse. I was dying slowly inside. I thought of killing myself. I daydreamed about him dying. I thought death was the only way out, his or mine. He cussed God out regularly and flicked Him off while I was crumpled on the ground crying, my heart breaking that he couldn't feel the enormous love God has for him! I finally had two friends who truly listened, helped me see that what I was in was severe abuse, and they helped me gather up my self live and self worth enough to leave. But it wasn't until I cried out to God to give me a sign to leave. I couldn't leave by my own wisdom which was lacking compared to Gods. I prayed for Him to end my marriage. My sign came the next day. It wasn't until I left that I realized I was married to a covert narcissist. I wasn't taught about abuse, I wasn't educated on boundaries, saying NO, manipulative people, narcissism, spiritual abuse. I wasn't taught to have any self esteem or about having self worth. I was taught that that was selfishness and self focus! 🤯 I am almost 5 years out and I am still healing from severe c-ptsd from having to sleep next to a monster for 13 years. I had to deconstruct the "religion" I had been taught and God and I are closer than ever! I am remarried to an amazing man of God, a TRUE man of God and he is walking alongside me as I continue to heal. We pray for my ex a lot. I've forgiven him but I'm still working through the grief, sadness and anger at him and myself....I chose to stay that long! I thought that was my calling, suffer for Christ. I was taught I could save my husband! What?! I am not Jr. Holy Spirit!! I lived through spiritual abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, psychological abuse, emotional abuse and severe neglect.... and God has used all of it to make me the woman I am today and I am so grateful! God bless you women for speaking out about this. There are so many men and women suffering through this horrific abuse. 😢

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for sharing part of your story with us. What a heartbreaking situation! We're praying for peace and strength!

[@lilyamongbrambles4458]

Sadly I can relate to much of this. God will heal us and get us through each day. In some ways things are worse after the divorce because now he is controlling me through our daughter and she is suffering from his actions. There are many layers to this kind of suffering. Hope you are doing better ❤

[@hispoiema]

We moved 55 times in 35 years so went to about 15 different churches. Never felt emotionally well enough to talk to anyone nor did I know how to bring anything up. It was mind numbing. When I did talk to one woman I thought I could trust, she told me that what I was experiencing was normal. A pastor said the same. I left a year later. The intrusive thoughts stopped a year after that. Nearly 3 years later, I am starting to find my voice again.

[@clancykeegan748]

Bless you 🙏

[@SisterInChrist-Chrissy]

Praying for you tonight 🙏💕🙏

[@somethinggood9267]

I am so happy for you. What you went thru was brutal. God's grace and love will see you through.

[@enadiedericks2006]

Normal. New normal as in Babilon in our day. What standard of godliness is thàt. Perhaps the pastor treated his wife badly and hè thought it normal.

[@maggiemorel4994]

Im so sorry u went thru so much.

[@evalizandrades6476]

Thank you ladies for this courageous conversation. Unfortunately many church leaders are not trained in The dynamics of abuse( especially emotional and spiritual abuse.)

[@kathymanley8711]

❤ and remember there is a Jezebel spirit in most churches. Also, the 501c3, they are serving Baal. The state determines what they can or cant say or do. Beware!!

[@LEM19284]

Thank you so much for this confirmation and validation of the things/red flags and etc that I got prompted to five years ago! Ahhh I can breathe! Keep in mind, five years ago there was no language for what I was going through! I’m so proud knowing there is language today.

[@writerofgodsgrace]

This is so true!! I’ve been called as crazy, super jealous woman, unstable woman etc..I started to feel like I wasn’t a good Christian because I felt like I was thinking negative thoughts towards my ex-husband. But God made a way! The betrayal was exposed later on. 🙏🏻

[@SS-cf7nq]

I can relate to the issue of attending a retreat. I attended two weekend retreats in 20 years. Both times I returned he came out of the house furious that I’d been gone. It was so embarrassing and humiliating. After 30 years (now that I can survive financially) I’m getting a divorce. Control, lying, anger, devaluing, financial mismanagement..it’s been horrible. The promise he made to love me and love God when we married was a charade.

[@Bettyboop991]

I’ve been through this and I stayed and prayed for God to change him. Finally I realized that my husband emotionally abandoned me and has been abusing me and cheating. This is no longer a Godly marriage. And I totally agree with the church telling women to become husband centered and marriage centered! That was me and it was slowly destroying me! So now I’m leaving and am fully trusting God to be my strength and support

[@tammysims8716]

I am so sorry. God help you and bless you.

[@PoonamlataParte]

G5😊

[@kathymanley8711]

🎉 yes your marriage covenant was broken long ago, so is mine. I'm making a plan.

[@peteranthonyofthefamilybir18]

👇 I too, USED TO blurt out Christian catch phrases, and quote Bible verses, and offer to "Save" people's souls, and much more.. UNTIL ONE DAY "the penny dropped" and I really started to NOTICE the ENVIRONMENT.. that I WAS CREATING with my actions, and THE EFFECT that my preaching was permeating in people's lives ALL AROUND ME..! 👇 I realized, that religion IN REALITY, teaches, that.. WE ARE BORN BROKEN.. like a damaged and faulty, Friday afternoon, MANUFACTURED PRODUCT. I REALIZED.. 👉This is just ONE of the reasons why.. religion ALWAYS leads to religiosis. I HAD QUITE A FEW, QUIET THOUGHTS TO MYSELF including.. 👇 IF Jesus HAD wanted to create A RELIGION, he would of created it into the FOUNDATIONAL CONSTRUCT of his philosophical teachings.. BUT, HE DIDN'T...! 🤔Mmn.. I thought to myself.. "Don't YOU think, CREATING THIS ELEMENT into.. his teachings, would've been AT THE TOP OF HIS LIST OF THINGS TO ESTABLISH" ? 👉 I realized that the honest truth is.. Jesus WARNED many times about the mind-distorting, DANGER of RELIGION, and THIS.. IS WHY the religious leaders of the day, STRONGLY INSISTED that the Roman occupyers go ahead and EXECUTE him.. 👇 ON FURTHER REFLECTION I realized.. 👇 The unhealthy problem with RELIGION is.. IT USES an assortment of.. ● SHOCK ● FEAR ● SHAME and.. . ● BLAME to SELL IT'S CONCEPT OF LIVING one's life, UNDER the mind-bending burden of.. AN UN-PAYABLE DEBT. I reflected on how I saw that RELIGION.. ACTUALLY WORKS VERY WELL..!! but.. for all the wrong reasons. 👉 RELIGION has been VERY CLEVERLY CONSTRUCTED to covertly HARVEST TRUSTING PEOPLE'S EMOTIONAL SPIRIT.. to the point where, good people become.. HOPELESSLY ADDICTED and.. actually HEAR VOICES and SEE VISIONS. 👉 Voices and visions, that INSTRUCT THEM. 👉 This is clinically termed religiosis. 🌺 TODAY THERE IS GOOD NEWS FOR RELIGIOSIS VICTIMS.. Today in 2023, the psychological workings of this insiduous Worldwide disease of religiosis, CAN NOW be successfully treated, to break the chains of shock, guilt, shame and blame.. and restore one's balance-of-mind.. well almost, fully restored.. because of course, deep emotional scars, are just about impossible to completely erase.. never the less.. THE AVAILABLE TREATMENT TODAY, is a true blessing for the many millions, who are seeking a lasting remedy, to their particular religiosis situation. p.s. Just in case you jump to the wrong conclusion.. I DO BELIEVE IN GOD BUT as in.. ● Gift ● Orientated ● Dividends 👉 TODAY.. the claimed narrative of a "DEITY WITH A PENIS" well.. THAT'S just plain CREEPY to me NOW (At one stage in my life, this was perfectly normal thinking to me) 👉Also.. I have followed the loving philosophy of Jesus, my whole life..! 👉 AND LASTLY.. I too, am a recovering victim of religiosis 🌺 I wish all people who are suffering from religiosis, good speed, on YOUR personal journey, to FULLY RESTORED mental and physical health.. I know first hand this is a particularly insiduous disease

[@ann_hey7027]

Wow! TY

[@kimberlyo2037]

I stayed in an abusive marriage for 38 years, mainly because I believed “God hates divorce”, and that I would displease Him if I got a divorce, and I persevered because I felt sorry for my husband because of many hurts that he suffered in his childhood from his dad. The Bible verse about God hating divorce is used out of context so much. When Jesus answered the Pharisee’s question about divorce Jesus was speaking of treacherous divorce - the kind of divorce that was happening to women who were given a certificate of divorce for whatever reason the husband wanted to give. Yes God hates divorce, but he permits it, and He’s not going to stop loving you, because you got a divorce. Who knows, God may use divorce to bring about humility and repentance. But even if he doesn’t do that, you can rest assured that He’s not going to ever stop loving you, because you chose divorce!

[@lilyamongbrambles4458]

I emailed Leslie when my marriage was in serious trouble. She was kind and honest with me that I was in a destructive marriage. I had a hard time accepting it and proceeded to try counseling - unfortunately he is narcissistic so that only made things worse. Im divorced now and it's much better being away from him. There are other challenges but that's to be expected i guess. I appreciate Leslie being honest with me and she was right that my ex husband has a sin problem and that is not a marriage problem and needs to be addressed separately. He won't go to individual therapy, but at least Im no longer holding on to false hope of him changing.

[@TheYvetteRod]

It’s like I’m reading my own story about my marriage. I knew our problems weren’t marital. He has a sin problem and refuses to acknowledge it let alone give his life to God.

[@lilyamongbrambles4458]

@@TheYvetteRod That is the crux of the issue. I became a Christian after marriage and he unfortunately wanted nothing to do with God :(. It became a miserable marriage 'officially' after I announced my newfound faith in God. I'm sorry to hear about your situation and I hope and pray it will get better for you - with or without him. ❤️

[@ruthmoisastoute377]

*crying* my story.😢 separated nearly 3 yrs and still coming to terms with your/my story. Seeing someone write my experience is surreal.

[@KristaPrince]

I was married 28 years to a sex/porn addict. So much gas lighting and I was told it was my fault. Many times I felt degraded. It was an experience that the church made worse by covering him... so very sad.

[@sharontennison6370]

I thought to come to terms with my marriage, then realized I don’t know the terms! Anything he wants the way he wants it and when. Those are the ever shifting terms. I have begun to operate on my own terms and let him pout, fake sickness, threaten, and try to guilt trip me. Somebody say Praise the Lord

[@lilyamongbrambles4458]

He sounds like a narcissist. If he is, I'm sorry to tell you it will only get worse and he won't change or recognize he is the problem. If he's a narcissist you will never have any peace until you leave.

[@lilyamongbrambles4458]

I don't mean for my previous comment to come off harsh, btw. I have the utmost sympathy for you because I was in a marriage where he behaved similarly. Leslie gently informed me that the marriage was destructive. We are divorced now and it was hard, but now at least I can move forward and heal. I pray for God to help you and to show you the way forward. Blessings ❤

[@Watchingonthewall24]

I was married to a narcissistic for 37 years. It was death by a thousand cuts. He desperately needed therapy and healing from his own trauma and abuse growing up. He took it out on me instead. God delivered me and im getting healing for myself.

[@Delacari]

How did God deliver you?

[@gsheline]

Yes I’d like to know too how you were delivered

[@Watchingonthewall24]

@Delacari at the end his rages turned violent. I told him to get out because he was out of control. He then lunged at me pushing me backwards over a chair and onto the floor. He went over my head and landed on the sofa. While I was flat out on the floor, he rolled onto his feet, walked over to his chair and sat down. He grabbed his phone and started scrolling like nothing happened. I said outloud "that's it, I'm going to the police" and he did not respond. I went to the police and he went to jail. The judge ordered no contact and he was sentenced 1 year probation, no contact and a list of other penalties like not being able to leave the state. After a hospital visit, I packed what I could fit in my car, and left for my home state where I have support and healing..

[@gsheline]

@@Watchingonthewall24 wow I’m so sorry! It is so eerie and weird how narcs can rage and then act like nothing happened. It’s as if something possessed them and then wiped their memory shortly after. I hope you are safe and well!

[@lydiaheelu2681]

Ladies, I Can’t thank you enough for the work you’re doing. The narcissistic spirit is permeating the earth at an alarming rate. BUT GOD!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching!

[@kcreagan9799]

Yes and that's a sign of the end times! In Revelation, it says people will be lovers of self. Sadly, our culture has created a lot of self centered narcissistic men.

[@lydiaheelu2681]

@@kcreagan9799 Not just men. Many women are just as narcissistic as men. The only difference is women are subtle about it and men don’t complain about the narcissistic abuse they suffer from women as loud as women do. But yes, you’re right, Paul warned us about this spirit in the Book of Timothy. We have to be vigilant in this hour.

[@stephaniewaites5341]

That is such a powerful statement. Hearing their repentance but not seeing the fruit of it. 😢 that’s my situation now. I hear that’ll he’ll do better but he can’t tell me how. And when we are talking he gets upset and puts the blame back on me. So there’s no change even at that moment. Very self help podcast I show him to help it’s he doesn’t like it. So essentially he’s not showing me the fruit of his repentance.

[@kathymanley8711]

Make a plan, read David E Clarke books, and his videos. He wont change, they always say you have the problem

[@carmendelgado7635]

I am going thru the exact same thing 😢

[@lmullett4106]

Reasonable people who are acting out of honorable motives should be happy to explain themselves ❤

[@Peninah_Nginya]

Redflags mentioned here 1. When you feel scared for your safety. Physical or emotional. If you feel afraid to make decisions, afraid to say no... 2. When you are controlled. Eg. Having to ask a husband for permission like a child asks a parent. Micromanaging your life. 3. When you are regularly feeling deceived. It causes you to be unable to trust your partner. 4. When you are regularly devalued. Your opinions, your goals, your needs are regularly ignored. There's one I didn't note down 😅

[@troyannbladsacker1811]

You have described my 42 year marriage.

[@kellyeverett]

I’m a therapist and found this to be really helpful for treating some of the female clients I see trapped in unhealthy marriages

[@84rstarr]

Same here!

[@monicaschacht5755]

The The

[@sugarblaze8227]

After telling my family after months of abuse and newly married....he told me in a angry rage that i must tell my fam its not true and apologise....and i did. That is crazy making. 22 years later and its better ....but still feeling rejection at times and not good enough. Always being compared to other women. Women who groom.themselves look after themselves and are emotionaly healthy...and this was me before we married. I am financialy controlled...feel utterly guilty just cutting my hair once a year or buying a pair of shoes much needed.....being told how finances are short...all the while he spends as he wants on what he wants...

[@MamaKalash]

10:00. Over the years, I eventually took my NPD husband's abuses and never-ending adulteries to the church, whatever church we attended at the time, and if he could get the pastor alone for 5 minutes, he would turn him and the church (even long-time friends) against me, then they would both come against me, useing victim-blaming, victim-shaming, revictimization. This happened in 3 churches, (quite easily), even when they knew all the facts. NPD is incredibly diabolical.

[@Slipy300000]

My Daughter was cheated on and told that she had to be careful what she said in counseling because he said the counseling in the military could be not confidential and he could get in trouble and get kicked out because of his position which was scary to her. They are going through divorce and realizes now that she could have shared that info with the counselor. This happens a lot in marriages where the spouse is in some kind of law enforcement, military or otherwise.

[@eturley7533]

He likely did that to protect himself because cheating on your wife/adultery is considered a serious offense in the military. Ultimately it can lead to a dishonorable discharge without pay and benefits in addition to it impacting future job opportunities post discharge.

[@amen2575]

This was the first time I put this into words, I don't regret our separation. I am more happy now ☺

[@laurieesquivel5881]

"Oh the things you do for love" (or what you thought was love or desperately needed to be love). Connected so much with the fear of facing the truth and where that would lead. The reality is, now 10 years later, I realize I was trying to hold onto something that wasn't real love and did end by his choice, not mine. My biggest lessons were facing the truth sooner might have stopped a decade of unneeded pain in mine and my child's life. No one wants to fail In marriage, but what a damaging cost to prolong the inevitable when you know in your heart real love is what one of you is fighting for but the other isn't. Divorce is not easy, but neither is living a lie.

[@maggiemorel4994]

Well put.

[@amyhop6458]

@Laurie Esquivel Yes, very well put

[@tinabrooks4397]

My marriage started out in a pool of lies. I’m a codependent married to a minister/ narcissist. I was betrayed/ gaslight/manipulated/coerced. My voice was never heard, I was manipulated by the constant scripture and preaching bombing used as a tool to inflict shame. I will never forget how devastated and ashamed I felt. I know we can’t change them, but with no remorse/ accountability/ repentance, why would that be something anyone would want to stay married in. I have detached emotionally and physically from him, because i love myself enough now and with the Lord Jesus on my side, I can move on. Blessings to all those who are in situations that are destroying you. You are worthy, you are loved. ❤❤

[@amykyns15]

Well said. How DO YOU go on with someone who takes no responsibility, isn’t remorseful has no empathy and will never admit being wrong? In the waiting space. I am enough. I can’t live with the anxiety any more. It’s excruciating.

[@carlye.3093]

Tina- are you still married to him?

[@darcylh1223]

So much this video, thank you. I stayed in a very toxic and abusive marriage far too long, because I thought that if I just did the right things and said the right words it would all help. And people in the church did not know how to manage what I was telling them, so they provided little help. I'm so grateful for the work of Mike Winger, and now this video, to get the word out there about abuse and that you don't have to stay with someone who is abusive. Thank you for this!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're glad you found this video helpful, friend!

[@stephenknox7530]

It is heart breaking to see all the comments about women who are mistreated in their marriage. However, I wish there was more understanding for men who are deprived or mistreated. In my own story, it felt like there was an assumption that if my marriage was in bad shape it must be my fault. This just added on to my confusion because it felt to me like I have been gaslit by my wife for years. She almost had me convinced that I was a horrible abusive person. However, it just made no sense based on the actual events of our marriage. She had abuse in her past and it was like she just expected it from me and so did everyone else. She even admitted that she would push me some times to test if I would be violent, which never happened. She deprived me of so much of what I wanted and should have received from a wife. However, every time I expressed my frustration or anger at the maltreatment I was receiving, she would make me feel abusive just because I was angry. Even though, that anger was not expressed with abusive words or violence.

[@truejoie]

Im sorry you went through this and I really encourage you to see a Christian counselor if you can. Sometimes it is the wife who is the abuser. We have seen some marriages like that.

[@kathycarroll7885]

To have someone tell me I wasnt crazy made such a difference to me. He would tell me things like, "and you call yourself a Christian." It has taken many years to feel ok about me. I walked into a similar marriage a second time because those scary behaviors had become normalized for me.