OFFICIO ASSASSINORUM: THE INSTRUMENTS OF THE EMPEROR'S VENGEANCE | Warhammer 40k Lore

[@Adeptusridiculous]

Shy: I will bleep out the word "animation" coz surely everybody knows about Games Workshops rampage of strikes against fan-animations ha ha it will be hiliarous Comments: WHY IS THEY BLEEP SWER WORDS PODCAST IS NOW FOR BABIES PODCAST BAD

[@GiarcMcDerp]

Bahaha I thought you were censoring the "anime" in animation.

[@NicholasKratzer]

I was confused at first, but I figured it out after the third or fourth time.

[@RyuUrami]

if you want blanks read Caiaphas Cain books

[@Ashtor1337]

Yeah. It took me a sec to figure that out. Good choice.

[@sqocks8254]

That bleep is pretty funny.

[@couchpotato5592]

DK: Oh that's right I forgot about the assassins! Looks like someone has been enjoying their FORGET ME JUICE

[@blindmonkeyman3960]

If he forgot his forget me juice, he'd be in the walls.

[@wiiblii8584]

YEAH FORGET ME JUICE

[@Wulgreath]

I'd like to put forward a Merch Idea. Oversized coffee mug that says FORGET JUICE

[@wiiblii8584]

@@Wulgreath wait a minute THAT ISNT THE RIGHT JUICE WR NEED FORGET ME JUICE NOT THIS FALSE "FORGET JUICE"

[@Wulgreath]

@@wiiblii8584 Thinking of how it'd look on Da Merch, yeah?

[@RadiumMuncher]

“You see this guy? I don’t want too.” *-Briefing of a vindicare assassin before departure.*

[@reedread9300]

Make him cease to exist then bounce like you turned into an ork after his first proper kill

[@marcjuu]

i image the vindicaire just giving a single silent salute or nod as he departs

[@piritskenyer]

That guy offends me. Remove it!

[@gasterblaster9817]

"You see that hab block? I don't want too." *-Briefing downloaded into the brain of an eversor assassin before being loosed from his stasis field and pumped full of enough military-grade bath salts to kill a grox*

[@stealthbrawler]

@@gasterblaster9817 military grade bath salts...thank you for the laugh.

[@Dragonspirit223]

Fun story of a Vindicare: The Vindicares main strength is actually finding a shot, taking the shot is relatively easy. One of them was tasked with killing a Dark Eldar Raider. He ended up waiting at the top of a tower where the Dark Eldar went slightly more than other locations. He stood there for years waiting for this bastard, and he finally took the shot when they showed up. The shot is easy, finding the bloody thing is hard.

[@stalinsoulz7872]

Farseer: D E A D Vindicare: Checks Out ELDARs: *da fuck happened?!*

[@omegawilliam95s36]

Some more details on that. The assassin was in an Eldar Craftworld, something damn near impossible to find your way around already. And the only way he could determine where the Dark Eldar would be was to ask as many Imperial branches as he could for even the smallest detail about the pilot “Sky Knife”. As soon as his craft appeared right where the assassin anticipated and took him out within mere milliseconds.

[@linkstering]

Wait you mean he literally waited in that exact position for years to take that shot? No breaks to eat and use the batrhoom?

[@thejfk_experience490]

@@linkstering their suit takes care of bodily functions and food, although I'm guessing that the food supplies can go only so far, unless they packed a small kit with supplies

[@omegawilliam95s36]

@@linkstering It was said he survived off of moss and birds that flew near.

[@Childishxmarkeeloo]

Warhammer fans: *makes fan animations* Gamesworkshop: “INTO THE WALL YOU GO”

[@uria3679]

Is the title of Corporate Terrorism a real title yet?

[@Darqshadow]

@@uria3679 yes it is but it unfortunately doesn't apply to GW

[@codysingleton6262]

Not exactly lore related, but I know a guy who is a hard-core Imperial Gaurd player on the table top. He has a ton of guardsmen and tanks he likes to build massive gun lines out of. He's got the lasguns, bolter pistols, melters and flamers, veterans, Bullgrins, turrets, artillery, chimeras, Lemans, the works and all. However in his games he always brings with him an elite unit: A single Vindicare assassin. Now normally a vindicare is meant to be this super sniper that can kill anything with their one shot. Not much you can hit, but that one shot is a good finisher. The problem is either his dice or the games he plays just *hate* that assassin. I've seen this man in every game he uses him, including a 500 pt game I played with him with my Farsight Enclaves, always fail. He fails his hit rolls and if he does hit, fails his wound rolls. Every single time without fail this one vindicare fails. I like to think this assassin is not a real assassin but is just a guardsmen in disguise to make himself seem cool, but with none of the skill to back it up. It's sad yet funny to see happen.

[@mr.bluefox3511]

I dont actually play the Table Top of WH40K, just watching Battle Report of others playing ... but my god, i never knew somebody could have a terrible Dice role like your friend (especially on a single Model) and i feel bad for him honesly. Getting his Vindicare to hit & wound seem as hard as trying to kill the enemy Callexus Assassin XD

[@erebys21]

Nah, he just slept through every class.

[@ryanadams0922]

Lol I feel bad I would be so pissed to the point I would laugh outside but cry inside

[@lep3nseur]

When they trained him to be vindicare, they forgot he was blind, it happens

[@themightymo3491]

That's literally me with every assassin I bring with my Guard Army. My Callidus Assassin's Reign of Confusion never works, she never makes her charges, never kills anything. My Vindicare never lands his hits, never passes his wounds. They're cursed but I BRING THEM ANYWAY

[@dr.crawler6933]

Sniper's a good job mate. Latex suits, high calibers. I promise you wont go angry about having no armor, the enemy wont even see you. Yes, that isnt very honorable but hey, atleast we aint one of those guys marinated in tin cans. W h a t? M e l e e? Whats that? Some kind of canned rations brand?

[@Voltamatum]

“ No I’m not an Eversor, my lord, I’m a Vindicare. Well the difference is one is a profession and the other is hooked up on drugs. “

[@rafabuda0]

Eversor I knew caved in a xeno's skull with a bolter shell casing. Professionals have standards!

[@robertbicknell6493]

"Be loyal, be efficient, have several dozen plans to kill everyone you meet, especially the target..."

[@AsleepAura]

It's like I'm wearing nothing at all... nothing at all... nothing at all...

[@Bluecho4]

"So long as there's two people left in the galaxy, the Emperor is gonna want someone dead."

[@Southerly93]

Callexus assassins have an interesting effect on Tau since their souls barely have an effect on the warp. They cannot even perceive the assassin when his field is active but very low. A Callexus assassin used this to kill Tau Ethereal Supreme Aun'Va, whom was being protected in a bunker on Agrellan. He just casually walks into an elevator with two fire warriors. Both are major league creeped out for seemingly no reason while the assassin just stands behind them. It then walks calmly around the complex, giving all the Tau in his proximity sudden ptsd. Once it makes it to the room where the Ethereal is, it calmly locks the door and turns its animus speculum up to 11. Needles to say, the filthy xeno and his body guard died in such agony and horror that it would make the dark Eldar impressed

[@adastial2104]

Good fucking god the sound of that happening would be just like from 1 body a million voices and screams

[@erwinklassen8467]

What was the book called?

[@Impartial_Sojourner]

This is why they are my favorite assassin.

[@Electru522]

"This is too easy." The assassin, probably.

[@jantaganas8822]

death to the xenos scum

[@longboye9935]

There’s a sneaky purple ork kommando right next to that assassin.

[@dr.crawler6933]

Imagine sittin' there and just hear an ork whispering 'WAAAAAAAGHH' into your ear and then you get krumped by a floating club.

[@longboye9935]

@@dr.crawler6933 You silly humies, the club is purple too!

[@stevenendersby8442]

yep because has anyone in 40K ever actually seen a huge Ork covered from head to toe in purple before?

[@Lynch2507]

@@stevenendersby8442 nope, and that's the point

[@jacobfreeman5444]

Indeed, they are that sneaky!

[@teal_m_101]

Can't wait to see DK and Bricky talk about the best spandex-wearing trained killers the Imperium can muster.

[@RadiumMuncher]

A Space Marine with a Speedo?

[@AnimeFan9833]

You could have done it. You could have waited but you chose not to. By doing so you disappointed the emperor, failed the imperium and disgraced mankind as a whole. I hope it was worth it.

[@eldunae922]

@@AnimeFan9833 But he pleased Slaanesh. So in balance, it was worth it.

[@blehindableh]

Mmmm asss

[@IREALLYLIKEPIES]

Teal your channel description is looking pretty sussy.

[@NP3GA]

Small fan fact about Culexus, they are the only temple who is not locate on terra because if a big amount of them is near the the emperor they would make the astronomicon to crumble

[@probablythedm1669]

Also, some farseer figured out where the temple was and wanted to go wipe them out. Then had a vision or something that they are actually needed or his whole race would die, or something like that, so he had to cancel his vengeance. I've got a memory full of poorly detailed trivia... >_

[@nunjabeeswaxs4686]

Also the navigator houses are located on terra and are terrified of Culexus, they managed to bitch at the high lords for long enough for the assassin temple to move planet. They may also be hiding out because they clone agents and clones are illegal by most imperial standards

[@NP3GA]

@@nunjabeeswaxs4686 of course clones are illegal this practices are discussing cough cough primarks cough cough

[@davidfrancisco3502]

@@nunjabeeswaxs4686 Those aren't clones they're genetically engineered blanks created by mixing genetic templates that they always refresh every time they recruit new blanks.

[@elizabest4246]

But the sisters of silence are also blanks and they walk and work in the Imperial Palace

[@alik5972]

DK's dislike of fortnite memes and Bricky's general distaste for anime make a single well adjusted adult

[@Ake-TL]

Nah, Bricky is too sus He did many amogus jokes

[@alik5972]

@@Ake-TL Yeah... I forgot about that. I never thought I'd say this sentence but the weeb is way more well adjusted than the hairy one to make this joke work

[@brosephnoonan223]

Yeah I mean, thats just wrong. Both are gamers, ergo, neither are _really_ adults to even begin with.

[@venerablebrothergoriate5844]

@@brosephnoonan223 *VIBE CHECK FAILURE DETECTED* *DEPLOYING REPRISAL.* *[LOADS STORM CANNON]*

[@dersuddeutschesumpf5444]

@Zach A you take what you can get

[@samj8421]

There's a story about a vindicare that I remember, where he took out an ork warboss with a shot, and then the same shot carried on and hit some explosives which took out the whole camp, including the gargant that the warboss was building. Which is pretty cool i reckon.

[@adastial2104]

The orks saw that and imagined a thousand snipers that shot at once

[@iglidor]

There is also a story about a vindicare who fucked up and accidentaly Age of Apostasied

[@YOOT_JJ]

@@iglidor Vraks?

[@justiceforjoggers2897]

@@YOOT_JJ Vraks.

[@cryamistellimek9184]

@@justiceforjoggers2897 Not really the assassin’s fault the guy had a shield generator on his person.

[@zeroswat1762]

We now need an episode on mutants, so bricky has to talk about the cannon cat girls

[@cyrilkhoury19]

You mean the Abhumans? Oh yeah, who can forget the felinids?

[@animasityal-waafy4713]

Awwwww shieeet DO NOT LET EM GET TO KNOW THE DREADED NEKO HUMAN

[@argonzee7017]

Oh my~

[@aiasfree]

I like to imagine Carlos McConnell as a massive, planet-sized dude covered in felinids.

[@Zakvadr1995]

Felinids. F@cking cat people.

[@John_Doe4269]

The fact that Stanley Kubrick was almost on-board for directing an Inquisitor Draco film adaptation is probably the only silver lining in his otherwise tragically premature death.

[@kevyndaumas3804]

Genestealer gussi

[@davidfrancisco3502]

He was assassinated because he pissed off evil people in high spheres.

[@Gorpfield]

well i mean the other silver lining is that he was prevented from abusing even more actors

[@davidfrancisco3502]

@@Gorpfield Stanley Kubrick didn't not killed himself like Jeffrey Epstein.

[@judeblack4360]

“Who knows, Ian? Maybe this is my next movie?” Words I never wish to hear ever again.

[@oxmor]

Its clear now... DK: Slaanesh Bricky: Khorne Shy: Tzeentch

[@tyranidfan3]

Viewers: Nurgle

[@Ashley-the-fox]

@@tyranidfan3 bruh

[@ronanoftheborealvalley4353]

No shy is malice she hates everyone

[@theologe6076]

​@@Ashley-the-foxhe's got a point 😂

[@Yacovo]

Fun story: the Maerorus Temple the 40th millennium tried to make the worst thing imaginable by combining the biology of the worst creatures in the galaxy including Tyranids. They succeeded and the prototype, Legienstrasse, went rogue. Legienstrasse was considered such a threat that the OA tried to send a World Eaters warband and Demons by promising them the ultimate opponent. Legienstrasse was so horrifying that World Eaters AND the demons submitted to her. The OA tried again by sending the elite of the Imperial Fists and the other Assassin Temples. They succeeded in killing Legienstrasse with heavy casualties. The problem is that the Maerorus temple made Legienstrasse capable of asexual reproduction, and they are not sure they got all her kids. And that's the reason the Maerorus Temple was declared a Rogue Temple.

[@finnmchugh99]

So they pretty much created Alex Mercer from Prototype.... I pity the the Guardsman that chalk that up on their "99 problem in the 41st Millennium" those moisture farmers and stormtroopers in Star Wars have it easy tho I think Cadian guards would play the world's smallest violin when Aulderon was destroyed (I probably botched that spelling, the planet Leia used to live in) and the Inquisition would chuckle at the Death Star.

[@evillaughinthebackground5732]

@@finnmchugh99 Alderaan

[@finnmchugh99]

@@evillaughinthebackground5732 thank you cuz planet names spellings from SW always escape me

[@chaplainwierddream]

What book is this in?

[@_Eternos]

WTF does OA stand for

[@Andaril2]

Evisor goes: *SNOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT* Oh boy here i go killing again

[@bryanthardin8481]

You ever hoover shneef off a sniper rifle

[@chosenofkhorne2951]

@ Bryant Hardin emperor children: nothing personal kid

[@eversorassassin5432]

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[@Backstabmacro]

The best description of an Eversor I’ve ever heard: *”Imagine you repeatedly drop kicked a tranqed out polar bear awake, hit it with a gallon of meth and 25 lines of coke, then threw it out the helicopter into the kids on the school playground.”

[@damocoles8303]

Best comment by far

[@navitgator16]

So all their names are in Latin and translate as such Callidus = Clever Culexus = Mosquito Eversor = Destroyer Vindicare = Avenge That's a neat little detail there. Especially since it implicates the Callidus Assassins are literally clever girls.

[@Voodoo_Robot]

Venenum = venom

[@ngominh259]

Neat fact.

[@ThreeLeggedBear]

"Why does it look like a Sloth" Me, an idiot: "That's clearly an elephant"

[@oliverwolf7262]

Me too.

[@MrForumGuy]

You forgot the worst assassin of them all… The games workshop IP lawyer…

[@00784865]

About the Culexus theres this scene from Execution Force where an assassin task force was sent to kill this chaos sorcerer. Nobody knew the Culexus was there because, due to his nature, he was deployed independetly. The first sign of his presence was a corridor full of dead bodies their faces frozen in perpetual terror.

[@reedread9300]

What I hear is that culexus are so fucking dangerous that even humanity should be terrified

[@00784865]

@@reedread9300 yup, because they are pariahs a.k.a untouchables, so no witchery can harm them plus their aura is harmfull to humans as it can cause them to kill themselves.

[@pathfindersavant3988]

Shy: "I refuse the fortnite" Good on you Shy. Thank you for saving us from dying of cringe overdose.

[@briankeys5941]

I've only hear someone talk about the GAME fortnight once IRL at a small party pre COVID. oh man, this poor poor lad. all my ppl are ummm... felons and ex-military or both. as am I, lol. anyway, no one knew wtf this kid was talking about all night on diff subjects. I guess bc he was a zoomer in a Conan combat arena. well, fortnight means 2 weeks in the military and I guess there was some weird alcohol induced miscommunication and all know is I heard "LISTEN MAN, I MEAN THE FUCKING GAME FORTNI... CRACK!" lol. no idea what is was about, bc I was trying to get laid like a normal person. but every time I hear fortnight now, I always hear a 32oz cracking on a humans dome. SHY is somethin like a boss.

[@Samm815]

@@briankeys5941 Why did someone shatter a glass bottle over a poor kid's head?

[@brosephnoonan223]

@@briankeys5941 This is a great copypasta.

[@librarybear3419]

There is an Regimental Standard article that indicates how deploying of Callidus might sometimes be a bit too extensive. Once, the Temple deployed an assassin undercover as a part of Imperial Guard force: shapesifting, flawless fake background, even falsified memories and a trigger conditions to ensure total surprise for the right moment- and it didn't go off. It is implied that there was a horrible hazzle to find out which one of millions of guardsmen was their human weapon- or if she was even alive, fallen in combat or executed by a comissar while she still thought she's a normal guardsman. I wonder how often Alpha Legion loses their operatives in the same way? Also, Culexus assassins had the honour of killing off a named character with an actual tabletop model, that could be a fun story to tell as factions involved have now been introduced in channel.

[@theinquisitionsparrot6749]

Imagine if they learn of it before the keyword hits. do you think they remember and become one person?

[@loganparry2676]

I am so intrigued please tell me which faction it was

[@TM-oy9qo]

@@loganparry2676 Look up Aun’Va. He was the leader of the T’au Sept

[@camramaster]

I am Alpharius... Or am I?

[@Samm815]

@@camramaster The real Alpharius-Omegon were the friends we made along the way.

[@j.d.1291]

Eversor Story : "The Abhuman Goliaths of Thugrock Secundus, a recruitment moon for the Astra Militarum, develop a blood cult which consumes the planet's ruling caste. In an *_unprecedented_* display of miscommunication, no fewer than *_six Eversor Assassins_* are dispatched to slay the leaders of the indigenous population. By the time the _single_ surviving Eversor was recovered, not one Thugrockis left alive, and when the news reaches the Astra Militarum, they are *most displeased* such a rich ressource had been wasted. To this day, the event is used as a cautionary fable to illustrate the dangers of dispatching multiple Assassins at once.

[@khylerbane4523]

Assassin: I’m not a Eversor, dad. I’m a Vindicare. Dad: What’s the difference? Assassin: What the be!? One’s a job, the other’s mental sickness! -A Vindicare assassin justifying his career.

[@stick_boy6339]

The ork sniper thing is because of how the inquisition “trolled” the celestial lions

[@P1gdude]

Then they announced the new Kill Team edition that comes with an Ork sniper. As in an actual Ork kommando holding a sniper shootah and specializing in "Aimen"

[@Wanten-the-stormtrooper]

@@P1gdude Imagine if that Ork sniper straight up had the Vindicare Assassin datasheet (or whatever the Kill Team equivalent is) for a laugh!

[@P1gdude]

@@Wanten-the-stormtrooper that would be a riot. I really wish they would. Lol apparantly the new Ork Kommando Data scroll for 40k dropped and the Ork Snipr Model is just a weapon option for 1 in 10 Kommando Boys called Kustom Shoota It does "Dakka 6/4 S4 AP0 Dam1 18" " whatever the hell that means. But since the New Kill Team has Separate stats from 40k there might still be hope the Ork Snipr Lives up to his reputation.

[@xanderlee51]

It’s be a lot harder for DK to forget about the assassins when he’s facing a Culexus with 1k sons.

[@bloodfartmoon2765]

I dont remember witch Space Marine chapter did it but at one point when the Assasin temples were stationed near Terra Mr Doge Vandire i believe sent a bunch of Space marines to atack the temples and the second the marines arrived and entered one of the temples a bunch of Cryopods opened and a fuckton of Eversors jumped out and murdered all of the Astartes

[@derekburge5294]

My favorite assassin story is the bit about the Secretum. A little backstory to set the stage first, if you'll allow me! Back in the day, the Secretum temple was established some time in M31 to pro

[@leachofsouls]

Looks like he got the good ole redacted in real ti

[@ezrastarnes6178]

@@leachofsouls what the hell happened he

[@ladywaffle2210]

@@ezrastarnes6178 **I stand in silence for I know enough**

[@draconicworkshop5679]

Oh I know those guys, I especially liked when th

[@RepKyle95]

Oh yeah, I heard of them. I remember hearing that even talking about them could lead to as

[@benthomas3355]

So for Bricky's and DK's happiness. There was a short story, in which the Night Lord's, as a legion, sacked an entire planet. They butchered the entire population. Now as you know. The Night Lord's essentially are a broken legion. They are set up in warbands and don't really get together any more. The entire legion, after sacking the planet, stood in silence, crying and praying, as a recording played. This planet, was the last known location, where M'Shan delivered her proof of Conrad's death. And the legion sat in silence, as they heard the voice and words of their Primarch, for the first and last time in 10000 years.

[@korstmahler]

I swear that's in the Night Lords Omnibus. I hope they have that instead of just the trilogy separate.

[@xanmontes8715]

I am surprised to hear that the night lords feel so strongly about their primark

[@the-other-guy8991]

Bricky: *Mentions LIIVI* Me: *Flashbacks to a different time*

[@FireTalon24]

Genuinely surprised they didn't even mention Love Can Bloom

[@ackbarreserve]

Bricky summoning the ghost of Stanley Kubrick directing a 40K thing like IAN WATSON'S "DRACO" DIDN'T RISK BECOMING A REAL KUBRICK FILM. Thank god it wasn't.

[@whitemoon8987]

...Dumpy Grimbo

[@alexmartin3191]

Who knows Ian, maybe it will be my next movie.

[@johnoneil9188]

It really would have been the darkest timeline if that had happened.

[@aiasfree]

We live in the awful timeline where Kubrick didn't direct a movie about a dwarf riding a POWER TRIKE through a war-torn hellhole.

[@vegladex]

We need to get that added to the Book Club. Or maybe a Drunk Reading? Nah, it's a long book, you'd need to be VERY intent on putting yourself through the whole ordeal...

[@inductivegrunt94]

I am Alpharius and this is my Great White Squig, also named Alpharius, and we get that ham!

[@traviscumbest3946]

Yeah I get that ham

[@camramaster]

Nice to meet you, Alpharius... For I am Alpharius!

[@Samm815]

@@camramaster Alpharius is dead! Long live Alpharius!

[@sirgaz8699]

I've always thought of the Eversor as "the candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long". There are all sorts of enhancements available to groups in 40k, genetic engineering, cybernetic enhancement, combat drugs; Space Marines are the pinacol of what you can make of a human, strong, fast, tough, smart + cybernetics all in perfect balance to keep a long lifespan. But an Eversor is "how powerful can we possible make a human if they're only going to live a few years?" All the super duper strength genetic enhancement that would give Marines super cancer, give it to the Eversor, these combat drugs that cause catastrophic organ damage after a few days, give it to the Eversor, cybernetics to make Marines reaction time look like a Taus but will drive them mad, give it to the Eversor. And then you stick them in a freezer to pause the countdown to their deaths until you have something that needs killing.

[@Sorain1]

Eversor, or: As long as the drawbacks show up in two weeks or more, I don't care what the drawbacks are, just tell me what buffs we can stack. They're built like one shot TTRPG characters.

[@BananenbaumEY]

sadly that doesnt really work out, because there are eversors that are decades old.

[@airplanemaniacgaming7877]

@@BananenbaumEY Are they mentally sound?

[@brayachdragonbane7529]

@@BananenbaumEY stick em in the fridge and they last

[@wiggy5209]

the pinnacle of the human abrasiveness indeed

[@davidthomas2870]

Eversors: it's still a successful stealth mission with no witnesses if all the witnesses are dead too!

[@satitlertritsumpun8930]

I've heard one story about Culexus Assassin that I think it might be interesting. There was a Chaos Sorceror name Xantaka that lead a host of Rubric Marine and Daemon to attack the Imperium during the 32nd millenium. The Imperium knew this and they send the Culexus Assassin name Dranos to elliminate him. The funny thing is that, because of the blank's ability, all of the Rubric Marine and Daemon that Xantaka command literally can't see Dranos. So all Dranos have to do is walk in, shoot Xantaka, then walk out. While none of the Rubric Marine and Daemon can do anything to him.

[@ladywaffle2210]

"M'Shen, the most famous Callidus assassin..." That is a dubious honor to hold, not because of why she's well known, but simply because she's known.

[@BeKindToBirds]

Killed a primarch you want your name known. You are dead anyway and no one knows what else she did.

[@Mistheart101]

15:40 oh god do they even know that Stanley Kubrick apparently considered doing a movie adaptation of the first 40k book, Inquisitor

[@vegladex]

"Who knows, Ian, maybe this is my next movie?"

[@chrisyoung1576]

Ah yes, the blessed knowledge "Inquisitor"

[@prixplox]

wait, he did? or is this just a joke I dont get?

[@chrisyoung1576]

@@prixplox yes, he did

[@xanderhebert6257]

I imagine the vindicare wear suits that work like the stillsuits from dune. They are designed to catch all excretions; moisture, waste, salt, heat; and recycle them.

[@steweygrrr]

It's less a suit and more of a biological polymer that is sprayed directly over the skin like a second skin that is capable of regulating their body functions. That's why you can always see the body structure underneath and all the males have...protection. They even place bits of their gear on themselves on top to the base layer and spray over it to keep things hidden.

[@kriegscommissarmccraw4205]

The maerorus temple, was responsible for one assassin. Legienstrasse. After that was made, the temple got destroyed. Legienstrasse was a hybrid between a kroot, tyrannids and human. Arch: "The inquisition out tyranniding the tyrannids" Upon deployment, it went rogue. It required a few imperial guard regiments, and Eversor lord, and it gave space marines a run for their money and some other groups I forgot about.

[@Aniyah-CHG]

Holy shit. Where do we get more? Let's throw them at the tyrannids!(and develop a virus specifically designed to annihilate them)

[@Voltamatum]

I do recall that Chaos Space Marines got involved. They just took one look at Legiontresse and noped the fuck out of there.

[@raptorxrise5386]

@@Aniyah-CHG dont. dont. dont. the one we made went rougue, almost spawned a super-ultra-tyrannid swarm and survived chaos cults, a planetwide purge by the IG, a Master Eversore (and vindicare) and a legendary imperial fist captain. Messing with nid dna is NEVER a good idea.

[@Zakvadr1995]

If I remember correctly, Khorn Demons bowed before it because it was so vicious.

[@carlfromaccounting1112]

Sorry to be "that guy" but her name was Legienstrasse.

[@whyldk]

A**mation about krigsman protected by custodians would be interesting to watch, if you will do.

[@heavystalin2419]

This is why GW wants to ban all p**ction

[@Enderfire02]

Bc gw decided to ban the word

[@zenthedying91]

@ShroomTube game workshop going after all fan animated creations that's why about the use of *** there you go now you know and may or may not give a flying fuck about it.

[@zenthedying91]

@ShroomTube too get rid of "competition" or hire/"hired" any and all animators on youtube because there marketing something similar like Netflix. I would recall the name but I ran out the amount fucks to give for them at that point.

[@uria3679]

@@zenthedying91 Logical people: “Property is Theft”

[@camramaster]

How do you know there are ork assasins around? The moving boxes and shouts of "SHUT UP YA GROT, WE'RE INFILTRATEN!" with no obvious sourcw.

[@rbwbr]

Who do you need to kill? Eversor: Yes

[@camramaster]

An Eversor is the equivilant of "To whom it may concern;"

[@korstmahler]

You want to know about blanks? Read the Ravenor and Bequin books from Eisenhorn's canon. Wynstan Frauka is a blank who was once shot to death but woke up long enough to have a smoke and break the neck of an inordinately powerful psyker(in that order). He works for an inquisitor, wearing a limiter, which is a moderate version of what a Culexus Assassin wears but it only switches off his innate 'blankness' so friendly psykers can use powers near him. Limiters are common items among less assassin-ey blanks usually in the form of bulky bracelets or collars. They also allow a regular human to tolerate the presence of a blank when switched on. Frauka's habits include smoking, interrupting, sneaking up on people, reading lewd novels aloud in crowded rooms and generally revelling in giving people a reason to feel uncomfortable so they relax slightly around him. As it turns out, when people are upset with a blank for actual reasons, they tend not to notice the un-reason gnawing at their souls. Unless they're a psyker. Then they pop.

[@Darqshadow]

And that's probably why the Inquisotor that he serves doesn't kill him for his shit then. Still provides a good cover

[@kilmindaro3]

the episode that is the definitive proof that Shy is the MVP of Adeptus Ridiculous

[@iamk7567]

Little known fact about the Culexus assassins, they have to be fielded with a Custodian handler who operates the assassin's Animus Speculum or else they might drive too many friendly forces insane and make them kill themselves

[@emyriandragon2277]

Snipers actually do more recon than anything. And will get the worst torture

[@heavystalin2419]

Second to flamethrower operator crew.

[@iglidor]

@@heavystalin2419 MG crews got it good. They never get tortured. Probably because everyone knows how tough they are and how they never surrender. When MG crew raises their hands above head after you surround them, they are signaling to you that they are still willing to fight. Only way to stop them is to shoot them.

[@Samm815]

@@iglidor Dude what the fuck? Don't speak about my grandad like that.

[@Nempo13]

RL flamethrower operators have it worse. Once the enemy knows you are out there, they look for you and you are priority one every single time. Snipers are targets of convenience...if they can get you they will. They will send entire squads just to kill a flamethrower crew. Japanese, Vietnamese, and Germans all did this to American flamethrower crews. They would sacrifice 10-20 people to kill one flamethrower crew (which is typically 3 people). Because that is the kind of fear the flamethrower brings.

[@ripleyfae7468]

The horus heresy book Nemesis focuses on a team of assassin with each being from a different temple that are tasked with killing Horus. A wonderful read.

[@Gustav_Kuriga]

Well, it would be if it weren't for the author having Dorn act like he has any power over Malcador...

[@Creepler89]

Featuring everyones favourite assassin; Spear!

[@voidrevenge3736]

What about that one Eversor that killed 317ish nobles in a single deployment, Clan Mackenzie if I remember correctly. He uses a soup spoon and a butter knife to kill some of em too.

[@adastial2104]

Seems accurate

[@Ashtor1337]

It was bad.... For the nobles

[@yahyamusseb]

Oh yeah i remember that story I think the youngest to die was 4 months old and the oldest was of 100ish years old

[@tzeechgodofchange3197]

Man khrone loves those bois

[@jordanhaddix3592]

"Who knows Ian, maybe it'll be my next movieeeeeeeeeee."

[@Zakvadr1995]

“A NoRmAl wrote this book…”

[@burningbronze7555]

why must I know what you mean.

[@yormhammerson530]

@@Zakvadr1995 and yet I find myself mocked

[@Itsthesmiithy]

For wanting their extermination

[@leroijinkins7788]

If the emperor had a text to speech device on KZbin, it’s episode 3 of the voxcasts

[@ChriBa991]

"blanks are incredibly rare like 1 out of 4" -Bricky 2021

[@vegladex]

I think he *means* that each other temple has four times as many assassins as the Culexus temple does. But it was *not* phrased well.

[@camramaster]

Blanks are people too! Stop killing us!

[@lordfelidae4505]

@@camramaster no.

[@Sorain1]

@@lordfelidae4505 Hold up here, i have to side with camramaster on this one. Why are we killing rare and valuable assets when mindscrubbing is a thing?

[@CommissarMitch]

Here is a good way to see it. 100 points is the same cost as a well decked out Guardsmen Squad. 100 points is about the same cost as a high-tier HQ. 100 points is almost a small tank.

[@Nempo13]

Yeah, but that guardsmen squad gets like 30 shots, they WILL kill something when you target someone with them every round. That single assassin can and often will fail you. I don't put a lot of stock on the big models. I have run a guardsman regiment with Yarrick as my only named character. Used to annoy people to no end when I need 300+rolls for my turn and wipe out half their army with the humble lasgun. I also love playing Ork much the same way. Though I will take some of their more amusing higher cost things simply because their effects are totally worth it. Addign a die every time you roll a 6 also helps for Ork. I had a basic grunt take out a warhound titan in my opening round. Never look down on the Ork rule "Dakka Dakka Dakka!"

[@pal132]

I really like this bit of lore that involves an Assassin and the Tau, shows the hubris and shadiness of the Tau Ethereals. Among them is someone titled the Ethereal Supreme (not a total leader, but a main guy nonetheless), and the current one is someone called Aun'Va. Thing is, he's actually dead. Aun'Va was off leading/managing a campaign against the Imperium, commanding from his secret bunker. He should've been nowhere near the frontlines, but there he was chilling in a bunker beneath an old hive city. Enter a Culexus assassin. Nothing left that bunker alive; not his guard, not his entourage, certainly not Aun'Va. So what did the other Ethereals do when they learned that the Supreme is dead? They decided to cover it up. Because they can back their shadiness with their tech, "Aun'Va" still makes speeches and broadcasts to boost Tau morale, and he still holds the seat. Another great example of how the so-called "most good" faction has delicious flaws that fit right in the universe; they're just as sinister as everyone else. From the way they actually control subordinates and treat aliens, to Farsight's discoveries that led to his defection from the Empire, to literally keeping your figurehead alive as a hologram: simply put, the Greater Good is built upon lies.

[@TiernanWilkinson]

Who would've thought; the luxury gay space communists are still communists.

[@QixTheDS]

They all are.

[@omegawilliam95s36]

Funny story about the Blank assassins. One time the Eldar found the temple near the edge of the galaxy and went to wipe them out, but the commander told them to return because he was plagued with visions depicting the extinction of all Eldar.

[@richiek1155]

Vanus Temple is one of my favorites. I think the way they kill is really cool. Like the quote said. They won’t pull the trigger and no one will ever know it was the Vanus temple. An example is they will want a planetary governor dead. They’ll set it up so that his wife will become suspicious of him believe he his cheating. Then have her find pictures on his data slate that then leads to her killing him out of jealousy. It’s a super interesting way of doing it. I want more of them even though a book or something would be hard. I love them

[@Sorain1]

I think the structure to do a book on them is to show a series of seemingly only broadly connected scenes with practically no two characters being the same... then reveal that in every single scene, one of them was a Vanus agent, setting up the cascade of events that then plays out for the audience (and agent) to follow along. If done well enough, no reader will be fully sure who was the agent in the scenes. (If done near perfectly, a through analysis would show you that the Vanus agent was _always one of the background characters, not the ones talking_ and being the focus for most of each scene.)

[@ursoanonimo8398]

On this episode: everyone gets sidetracked very hard.

[@markwackerman5593]

yeah, 20 minutes in and they start talking about the episode

[@IAMFANTROLL]

do an episode on the history of games workshop and their hostility to fans

[@Sitruk86]

so now that TTS is officially on hiatus forever, yall are the last bastion of hope. how does it fell to know that GW's snipers are actively on your trail?

[@mrcopycat2355]

Euphoric *Little Dark Age starts playing*

[@uria3679]

Is there such a thing as Corporate Terrorism?

[@davidthomas2870]

@@uria3679 yes but typically that's Nestle doing that.

[@stealthbrawler]

@@davidthomas2870 EA: **nervous sweating with dead studios behind them**

[@davidthomas2870]

@@stealthbrawler I meant the actual body count from the slave labor employed by the Nestle corporation and the thousands killed by Nestle monopolizing public water resources and exposing children to water laced with lead, but yes EA also isnt great

[@austindow9850]

Arch made a small series about the assassins and one story about the Vindicare is the assassin being given a Dark Eldar razorwing pilot named Sky Knife as his target. He tracked him to a world the Eldar continuously visited and waited for 5 years inside the mouth of a statue surviving off of moss that grew on the statue and sea birds before shooting Sky Knife through the cockpit of his fighter. As for the Culexus, one of them is responsible for killing the leader of the T'au, Aun'va. The Imperium very, very rarely will decide that a target needs to die and to be sure it happens, will send a strike team of assassin's, with each member from the different temples, called an Execution Force. One of those forces was sent after the T'au and the Culexus is the only one who got close to him.

[@PanzerIVAE]

I think my favorite story about an assassin was about the Kadaveran Tigers. All guard regiments of the Kadaveran Tigers decided to pool together and rebel against the Imperium. A Callidus assassin snuck into the command structure as an astropath, murdered the rebel leader, and decided to give a lot of weird and contradictory orders that made the entire rebellion disorganized, suffer a lot of friendly fire incidents, and ineffective against the forces that were sent to pacify them. It's a lot more cooler than just walking in, murdering the leader, then leaving

[@ChainsawCannon]

Fun fact! Catgirls are canon to 40k, they're called Felinids and nobody knows what they really look like.

[@gregfisher4147]

Which is good. Those are a kind of mutant that needs to be purged.

[@luangomes2431]

@@gregfisher4147 killing loyal mutants to the imperium is heresy and heresy is punished by *Blamming* prepare yourself

[@hanliu3707]

I remember tts have a short on them

[@SympatheticStrawmanVA]

According to TTS.... not great

[@lordfelidae4505]

Take a mountain lion. Make it a person. Bam, felinid.

[@bradleyhicks7252]

A Callidus Assassin once even morphed her body into that of a Genestealer according to the records of Inquisitor Jaq Draco. And if you recognize the name of Jaq Draco, I apologize that you also had to read that horrific tale.

[@airplanemaniacgaming7877]

Fucking "Orgasmachine" writer.........

[@jakestangeland3267]

I’m surprised they didn’t touch on “love can bloom” craziness lol

[@NaCl3P0]

What craziness? They won when LIVII got added into official cannon.

[@constantinekorkousky3363]

What’s that

[@anoninunen]

Storytime: Once a Callidus went to stab a target with her Phase sword, and it broke. Oops, can't stab an aspect of The Deceiver! Vindicares are great at finding choice angles to hit reclusive targets. Usually this means a spire, and this means no exfil. Corvus Corax turned himself into an eversor assassin to harass Lorgar.

[@johnoneil9188]

Bricky:"I fear no man but that thing..." *picture of catgirl* Bricky:"It scares me."

[@sgt_delta5565]

hear me out: Fox girls

[@johnoneil9188]

@@sgt_delta5565 I am listening.

[@luangomes2431]

@@sgt_delta5565 proceed

[@elitemook4234]

TTS has fallen. The long night has begun.

[@henrywhitmore8344]

Oh god I can’t wait for the memes when we get to the callidus assassins 😂😂😂

[@theburgerking1236]

Calli deez nuts

[@fakeblue8985]

@@theburgerking1236 got em

[@Ashley-the-fox]

@@theburgerking1236 no

[@shadowfire6117]

There was a story of an eversor assassin during the t’au 5th sphere of expansion. It snuck into the same room as an ethereal, killed the guards, and then killed the ethereal. Rumor has it that the assassin took his time killing the ethereal

[@TheSp0kesman]

"sneak" + Eversor = killed everyone and every object between him and the ethereal, leaving Eversor shaped holes everywhere

[@breitve]

and also, vindicare-san has his fan favorite non canon eldar girlfriend farseer taldeer

[@matthiuskoenig3378]

And GW knows about it, they canonised the vindicare int hat story (although not the story itself)

[@thelionsden2768]

I find it funny that bricky forgets felinds are in the imperial guard too and are usally used for like coms and stuff

[@Nopedin6016]

I dont know if anybody has already said this but there was an Assassinen story called mother gullet (originaly Form the wierd Inquisitor book) where the Assassin uses polymorphin to eat a child whole, so she can force a planetray govener to surrender

[@burstingwizard975]

Wtff?!

[@mahoganydoughnut6082]

I think that's one of the best ways to show how extensive polymorphine is.

[@jackmesrel4933]

Ah, great, canonic vore

[@Myomer104]

@@burstingwizard975 Specifically, a planetary governor was fomenting a rebellion against the Imperium, so the assassin was sent in to stop him. During her infiltration (as one of his maids), she found that the single thing he cared about most in the galaxy was his infant son. So, she modified her digestive system, gobbled the kid up like the Big Bad Wolf, and smuggled him to Imperial lines. With the boy as a ransom, the governor was forced to peacefully stand down (since, IIRC, killing him would have made him a martyr). Surprisingly wholesome ending for a 40k story.

[@morrogin5986]

Fun thing about those shape-shifting assassins. There was a story in an old necron codex about one whose target turned out to be The Deceiver. The blade was just absorbed...and it did not end well for the human

[@Jormyyy]

Day idk of asking for Fulgrim/ Emp's Children and also Rylanor episode when?

[@PlussGoodFun]

"If i show up at your house tomorrow with a sniper rifle... it's just for roleplay" i fucking can't with these guys lmao

[@_NIKOS9_NIKOS]

DK: I want more blank characters! Bricky: I mean its kinda hard there arent that many Me: Sad Ferik Jurgen noises

[@Firewarz217]

Everyone needs someone like Jurgen in there life

[@Exodiant]

This is the story that always comes to mind when I think of assassins (from 40k wiki). Mother Gullet - Legends tell of a daring and hideous crime perpetrated by a Callidus Assasin against a Planetary Governor who though himself strong enough to defy Imperial rule. The governor doted on his infant son, and had him guarded night and day to prevent his kidnapping to be used against him as a hostage. According to the tale, a Callidus Assassin disguised herself as the child's nanny, and so gained access to the princeling. Employing the shape-changing powers of polymorphine, the resourceful Assassin swallowed the child like a python, and carried it away past the guards in her belly. The Planetary Governor soon capitulated to Imperial authority. The child was kept alive the whole time inside her gut.

[@lukalovric2463]

Craftworld of Beil tan have located the location of Culexus assassin temple. As Beil tan Eldar were preparing to attack the temple their Farseer got a vision of craftworld dead and in ruins. The attack was called off.

[@Sorain1]

Which makes that the single wisest Eldar Farseer in the setting's history.

[@gabrieldoyen692]

Since Culexus use Necron swords as surekill weapons, it's strongly implied there is either a Tomb World or worse a C'tan Shard, hidden in the world the temple is on, which would obviously tear the Eldar's collective ass in three if they attacked.

[@Sorain1]

@@gabrieldoyen692 Your mistaking the Culexus and Callidus. Culexus are the anti-psykers, they don't use C'Tan Phase Swords. Callidus (the shapeshifters) use those swords... But your 'C'Tan Shard there' theroy may well be right anyway, since we know The Outsider (Lord of Madness) is imprisoned in a location suspiciously like the Culexus Temple is described.

[@chriscaptaincb13]

I am disappointed that in the context of Ork Kommandos you guys didn't talk about the mythical Purple Orks, because purple is da seakiest, due to the fact that nobody has seen a purple Ork

[@Voltamatum]

Maybe that’s why we never see an Ork sniper

[@jedimasterajlee9983]

"The depression is chronic, but these abs are iconic" -Lotara Sarrin, M.31

[@FuuPhoenix]

You need to look up a couple oh Calidus assassins - Mother Gullet, who kidnapped a targets son by hiding him in her stomach, and Meh’lindi from the Ian Watson stories/novels who’ d been altered to be able to turn herself into a genestealer hybrid, at the cost of being unable to shift into anything else

[@Sara3346]

I'm pretty impressed by Militzia Scarvelli too. Actually being able to be convincing as a Getchin of all things is amazingly terrifying. Mother Gullets story is way more out there though, she should honestly get her own book at some point.

[@TheDan965]

15:22 "Who knows Ian. Maybe this is my next movie?"

[@chillingplace2014]

Honestly can't wait for an episode solely dedicated to Macari.

[@JohnDoe-rp7mf]

I really want to see a Minotaurs chapter review. The chapter master Asterion Moloch is such a chad that Valerian, you know, a custodes Hero of the Lions gate, believed that he may not be a match for Asterion. Their chapter is so incredible I would love to see a podcast on this!

[@mapleflag6518]

Yeah no Valerian would probably kick Moloch’s ass because at the end of the day, Moloch is still a space marine.

[@AWACS_Snowblind]

We need a Sniper: Elite or Sniper: Ghost Warrior or, y'know- whatever other edgy franchise name these types of games have come up with, but in 40k. Then again, there's a lot of video game potential in 40k that goes untapped.

[@Hawk_of_Battle]

@T. O. Sniper Elite would be the Vindicare game. MGS would be Vanus or Calidus.

[@shadowsketch926]

we need a game based on playing as all 4, 4 seperate campaigns where each campaign is the life of a single assassin, all from different schools

[@commissarvigil4806]

Doom but your an eversor Going through a hive

[@Bluecho4]

@@commissarvigil4806 This was exactly my thought. Eversors would make for a great Doom clone. Rip and tear, until it is done.

[@Hawk_of_Battle]

@@Bluecho4 And then continue ripping and tearing even after that, because it's never done. There is only war. Oh and if we're pitching 40k videogame ideas; I'd still dearly love an open world game set in Commoragh where you play as a Dark Eldar Mandrake serving as an assassin to an Archon fighting off rival kabals. Make it like Batman/Shadow of Mordor, but way more dark.

[@bosssking]

GW just sent a Vindicare to kill my interest in the franchise. R.I.P. TTS

[@PatienceKiss]

Must have been a Culexus since I just felt a piece of my soul get sucked out

[@low-resghul8306]

@@PatienceKiss Hell, throw in an Eversore as well, since they went batshit insane and blew up everyone’s interest in the IP

[@uria3679]

Is Corporate Terrorism a real thing yet?

[@juliengosselin4277]

"The outcome justify the deed"... just say "the end justify the means" goddammit.

[@iglidor]

They are assasins. They are all mean. But what matters are their deeds.

[@enovos3138]

I'm glad DK appreciates blanks! I personally find them to be one of my favorite elements in 40k

[@dmanlip]

There was the callidus assassin meh'lindi from the jaq draco books. 10/10 do recommend you read. She is such an deep character.

[@voidjockey82]

If by deep you mean the lengths of sewer ducts she crawled though and of the tentacles she got close and personal with then I'd have to agree.

[@havochaos9790]

Arguably I loved the mini-story of Grand Master Vangorich from “The Beast Arises” series. I will also shamelessly say id like to see you guys talk about that series at some point

[@CommissarMitch]

An important thing to note is that, to my knowledge, you can only have one (1) Assassin per army. Plus you need to play Imperium.

[@The_Starfleet_Ensign]

45:45:that cat photo made laugh and giggle as i understand her feelings to how they discribe it

[@HellishSpoon]

this shits gonna be *TIGHT*

[@Carnige32]

Gun: I’m here to kill you conrad kurz: you're not that guy pal trust me

[@Ake-TL]

I think it should be noted that Merrorus temple is basically 40k version of Alex Mercer from Prototype game

[@zayl777]

Ah, more wonderful BATTLESWORD lore! Also, I love hearing that intro at x1.5 speed, it's so good

[@someguy669]

The Skin-Stealer Assassins are genetically engineer mutants capable of ejecting the entirety of their nervous system and brain out of their body to crawl into the body of another person and replace their brains and nervous system with their own.

[@fayd-yt4526]

still waiting for an episode that isnt about the alpha legion.

[@1estebandido1]

Brickys forhead so big he legally a blank

[@Sudsierjet]

So fun tidbit about the Vindicare's loadout, the alpha legion actually has a special character in 30k called the Exodus. So the weapon is most likely named after this character.

[@lukalovric2463]

He was also a Sniper if i remeber correttly

[@Sudsierjet]

@@lukalovric2463 a legion specific character that was a stronger version of the vigilator consul. I play 30k Alpha Legion and I'm currently kitbashing him. His weapon was called "The Instrument" and could fire 2 different profiles, the first being a heavy sniper shot and the other being a 3 round burst. Either one could actually glancing blow vehicles like land raiders. Not to mention hitting on a 2+ and precision shots on a 5+

[@Eleven217]

>be me >be ******* ******** >killing aeldari,just a tuesday >guardsman walks in >I look at him >he fucking shoots himself >mfw