One of my joys in life is that several children I had in care years ago have located me through Facebook. I was able to have a young woman come for a visit and gift her pictures of her as a little girl. I provided a letter of reference for another young lady who had applied for a scholarship. I can see how some kids are doing. It’s been such a gift.
@scotlandmc17247 ай бұрын
It says a lot about how good of a foster parent you were that they had interest in contacting you all those years later. Very heartwarming, thanks for sharing.
@silverdoe94777 ай бұрын
I wish every child had someone like you around growing up. 💜
@KiKiQuiQuiKiKi7 ай бұрын
I think (uninformed opinion) that all foster families’ contact information should be mandatorily given to the child at 18-years old. I think it’s their right to their own history and adds accountability.
@practicallyprepared93897 ай бұрын
@@KiKiQuiQuiKiKi There are situations where that would be very unsafe for families providing care. I have cared for children with violent parents. There is no way to ensure the confidentiality of my personal information.
@stephcook91333 ай бұрын
I had a question about reunification is there a way to ask you questions privately! Thanks!
@AlanaBaker-cp4cy7 ай бұрын
The more involved you are in the child’s case and care plan, the easier the transition will be. Being able to see the progress the parents have made and how happy the children are to go home can be the most meaningful part of the journey. Taking a break between cases helps too.
@foster.parenting7 ай бұрын
absolutely - i've found out info from parents before the worker has told me. and it so so meaningful!!
@katherynedarrah42453 ай бұрын
One thing I do, throughout the time a child is in my home, is I write them a standing letter. I put in it my feelings about accomplishments they've made, no matter how small they might be; favorite memories we've done together like go to the zoo or ride a rollercoaster; I remind them of memories they might want to remember such as birthday parties or friends they've made. When Reunification is nearing I close the letter with "I want you to know, I am eternally proud of you, and if we never meet again, please know I will always think about you". I usually include a pre-printed index card with my contact info on it. I can easily type these up on a gdoc and have it automatically save, then print it when the time comes. That way, even if there's a rapid reunification, I can still have my goodbye in a sense. And I can update the letter as things happen so I'm not searching my mind months down the line for "well what did we do at the zoo?"
@emilyroehner39467 ай бұрын
When we fostered in VT, many years ago, at the time every child that came into care was purchased a new car seat by the state. I loved that they did this because then I knew they’d have a safe seat when they went home. I wish this was standard for all children that come into care.
@sherrihobbs34647 ай бұрын
I hated leaving my foster parents I wish I could have stayed with them it was much better I saw them a couple of years after going back and used to beg to go back to them when that wasn't allowed at my parents stop the visits.
@karly-td4zi7 ай бұрын
I love how you explain things how they are and don’t water anything down- I hope whenever i get the chance I’ll be able to be as good as a fosterparent as you xx
@KayoEll7 ай бұрын
In my experience, how the reunification happens is often based on how much the judge knows, or does not know, about child development and trauma response. In my rural area, some counties don't even have one full-time dedicated Family Court judge. So often they have antiquated beliefs about how children's brains do or "should" work. I wish it were based on the individual needs of the child, but I don't have a lot of faith that the courts know enough about the science of what is good for young children to hold them in mind.
@winterroses20205 ай бұрын
Could you give an example? I am curious to understand more.
@trailertrish2587Ай бұрын
Yes, please
@amandaharber24465 ай бұрын
Thank you for explaining that it’s important to support reunification and families.
@sapphirerocky7 ай бұрын
Thank you for posting this. I’m not a foster parent, and this is one of my biggest concerns about even trying to do it. I run a day home and have had a few kids leave and sometimes it’s hard to say goodbye. We’ve had one child who was in foster care come in to the day home and my boys loved her but we eventually had to say goodbye to her… it was rough. I’m not sure I could handle it on a regular basis.
@kristinwatson45987 ай бұрын
Wow, this is so timely! Our first placement is going to his new forever home on Friday! And this was super helpful. Thank you 💗
@foster.parenting7 ай бұрын
Thinking of you during this transition!!
@JJ-xz8dk7 ай бұрын
I can only hope to be as good at parenting as you are at foster-parenting! 💖
@cindyalmaguer71454 ай бұрын
Thank you for this video we just had our first foster placement result in a surprise reunification and had a lot of emotions. Thank you for validating them here and walking through the process.
@eatthesunbeams7 ай бұрын
So so appreciate you talking about this part! This feels like I’m being dramatic, but my biggest fear about fostering is if I would have to give a child who came to me after abuse back to relatives who are going to hurt them again. Like if the child is telling me they’re afraid and I have a gut feeling they’re right, but the court says they have to reunify. Is there any way to check in and see if they’re okay? I wouldn’t be able to just watch, but what else can you do? That’s my worst nightmare and definitely has me stalling getting my license 😅
@foster.parenting7 ай бұрын
I try to remind myself of my job in the process. Keep the child safe, advocate where I can, and support the child through all of the ups and downs of foster care the best I can. If I'm concerned, I put my concerns in writing to the worker and advocate and to the judge. I try to make opportunities for the youth to express their concerns first hand. I try to lean IN to the family - offer help, support, babysitting, items they may need for their home, etc. I tell them they can call me if they need help. All we can usually offer is a bandaid to these situations - but I do wholeheartedly believe that a bandaid is meaningful to a child. Just my thoughts!! Others are welcome to chime in!!
@NovasYouTubeName2 ай бұрын
Thank you for this question and this reply. This is the same thing holding me back, along with my youngest of 3 kids not yet being on board. We’ll get there. Thank you Laura!!!
@CourageTalesCom16 күн бұрын
I can feel how much you love kids. Thank you for everything you do!
@WhoAmI2YouNow6 ай бұрын
I think you are doing amazing!!! We would love to foster, but sadly I am too sick for this... And saying goodbye I think would be SO so so hard😢
@StephanieMT6 ай бұрын
i figured the hardest part would be if the child has to come back into foster care, knowing they were failed again.
@HFP-MiddleTN5 ай бұрын
Our first placement who we were planning to adopt and had practically been promised we could as their parents were MIA and no family had *supposedly* come forward in 12 months. They were very suddenly taken from us and sent to their 70 year old grandparents. We didnt get 48 hours of notice before of babies were taken from us 💔💔 i have been so heart broken
@NovasYouTubeName2 ай бұрын
I’m so sorry :( I hope they are doing okay and you find healing❤
@roryblossom65897 ай бұрын
I respect anyone who is able to foster. I would be heartbroken at reunification. I'd be happy they're going home and can be with their parents again but I get attached easily😭
@theresalayton92867 ай бұрын
OH gosh ME TOO ❤
@MsTinkerbelle877 ай бұрын
They are heartbroken.
@anthropomorphicpeanut61607 ай бұрын
Same. I think I'm better suited for adoption for this reason
@basementdwellers22317 ай бұрын
Getting attached is a good thing for the kids.
@trailertrish2587Ай бұрын
If you adopted every child/animal you fostered, you would quickly have to shut your door to others. If you are able to let go, you can help a lot of people (or pets)
@karenkingrey61427 ай бұрын
wow! I wish there was a million others just like you! the families that you have helped is astounding to me. We have heard all the bad stories but we seldom hear of anything positive, and you are the very best we have to offer that is for sure!❤ God bless you.
@miztenacioust17587 ай бұрын
I love your videos! Thank you for sharing your experience with us ❤
@CaringWithCarrie7 ай бұрын
Have you ever come really close to adoption through foster care? Is that something you’d want to do if it became available?
@Baysidemom24 ай бұрын
have you ever had a situation where the biological parents are just completely hostile towards you and wants nothing to do with you during the whole process?
@lisameloon15166 ай бұрын
Are there specific ways or things you do to help your own children as they adjust to foster children leaving your home?
@NovasYouTubeName2 ай бұрын
Great question I second it
@Thepoetrycookervideo6 ай бұрын
You are an angel on Earth.
@tamarahodge95283 ай бұрын
One of my good friends has been fostering siblings for a year and a half. Reunification was recently taken off the table, but quickly changed due to another family member stepping up at the last minute (literally). This was thier first foster. I want to do something special for them and looking for suggestions on what to do that would be meaningful? Or what kind of card do you buy for this kind of situation? My child and the older foster child have become great friends over this time and I know it is going to be a bit of a transition. Thank you to all who foster out there! This job is not for everyone but so needed!
@SureHowDoYouKnow7 ай бұрын
Very important conversation
@JoyfulMD7 ай бұрын
I am not, nor planning to be, a foster parent. But I would like to be a support to a foster family. How do I find my local foster care? Is it run by the county or private agencies?
@AlanaBaker-cp4cy7 ай бұрын
Find your local CASA office and work with them. In our community, they organize all kinds of things for the kids and do all of their holiday gifts. They also do coats, car seats, bikes, furniture. They are a good resource.
@michellegordon42117 ай бұрын
How often does reunification fail with kids returning to you?
@foster.parenting7 ай бұрын
About 27% come back into care 💔 (source Casey Foundation)
@michellegordon42117 ай бұрын
Yes, adverse childhood experiences can definitely rob you of your potential and make life feel like nothing more than an unending uphill battle...
@catgabby17 ай бұрын
My friend is a foster parent and when her first foster girls went home she was able to keep some of the clothes people bought for them
@surlywithfabshoes7 ай бұрын
I have a serious question. It’s just a question and not intended to hurt or traumatize anyone. In cases when children were exposed to severe violence or severe neglect, is reunification off the table? Or a situation where kids are returned and then go back into foster care multiple times to the point that their life is just a series of changes and triggers. How do they handle severe cases?
@foster.parenting7 ай бұрын
Typically the criminal court is involved in these situations - sometimes when the criminal courts are involved and parents are found guilty, there is a protective order placed or parents are incarcerated.
@ls86097 ай бұрын
I do pageants and one of the main parts of it is something called our community service initiative which is basically something your are passionate about and mine is fostering! It is called fostering hope and my goal is to support and help foster families and areas! You are an amazing women who are offering a safe place for a child to go!! ❤ If you have any ideas on ways to help foster families in general or things to do to raise money for them please let me know! I have donated to foster closets many times and have babysat foster kids but if you any other ideas at all please let me know!! ❤
@elynorestar7 ай бұрын
What happens if a child *really* does not want to leave you?
@hannahb70387 ай бұрын
Sadly, this happens a lot. If a judge decides they're leaving, they'd be forced to...Makes me feel sad how little say kids can have in these matters.
@elynorestar7 ай бұрын
@@hannahb7038 That's tragic. There could be something else going on there that the judge doesn't know about. Clearly if the kid doesnt want to go they don't feel as safe at home as they do at their foster's house. 😢
@dandare25867 ай бұрын
Mrs Dan Dare here. In my heart, I would like to have to have been a foster carer. Unfortunately, I have other carer needs I need to meet for family members. I realise that I wouldn't be able to put my time, spirit of care/love & energy into a child or young person. I wouldn't have enough of me for them 😢 That wouldn't be right for the child or person. Yet I feel I have a skill set and knowledge to help me think that being a foster carer could be my road. Realistically, it won't work now, but maybe one day.
@CandraJade844 ай бұрын
Are all your foster children returning to their parents or are some going to permanent foster homes? If the latter happens, how do you deal with questions like "Why can't I stay with you? Don’t you want me?"
@mrtodd36207 ай бұрын
What is the range of time that these kids are with you?
@rinleddy10827 ай бұрын
Is it pretty rare to stay in contact after reunification?
@NovasYouTubeName2 ай бұрын
Fairly rare I believe, but does happen. Some bio parents want to forget that time in their lives, other are grateful for the continued support and want the kids to stay in touch
@helpmyspaghettiiseatingme6 ай бұрын
Sorry can some one clarify or elaborate on the allowance part?!?!! You give the allowance to the child during their stay or you’re sending money to them after they’ve reunified?!?!?
@HFP-MiddleTN5 ай бұрын
The allowance (which I severely disagree with, it should be earned not expected. That creates future welfare citizens!) is only to be given to the child while the are under your roof. In TN it is 60/month or 15/week.
@liz98435 ай бұрын
@@HFP-MiddleTNI’m not a foster parent. I give my kids an allowance, not tied to chores. It doesn’t teach a “future welfare citizen” any more than providing food, clothing, housing, entertainment (tv, gang consoles, subscription services, board haves, etc.), etc., does. It gives children a way to understand money - how to handle it, the consequences of not saving for a larger thing they may want, etc. It teaches them not to rely on credit (I won’t loan them money against future allowance), and how to pool their resources (they’ve worked together to save up their allowance to pay for a joint item). I don’t tie allowance to chores, because chores are expected of EVERY person living in the home - we all live here, we all help. I don’t get paid to do dishes or laundry, neither does my husband or my kids. You live here, you help. Children can’t work outside the home to earn spending money until they are at least 14 where I live (Illinois). An allowance provides that. It also means I don’t get asked constantly for money to go see a movie, or buy a fun thing at the grocery store, or makeup - they pay for that out of their allowance. I also don’t tie grades to allowance, because there is a ton of research on how paying kids for “good” grades has 2 outcomes: 1. Cheating 2. Killing kids’ natural curiosity & desire to learn for education’s sake. My kids are teens, and doing very well by any measure. Both are working towards careers they care about & will be about to use to support themselves.
@Yeah-eu5cp5 ай бұрын
@@HFP-MiddleTN respectfully, the stigmatization of welfare does not have a place in these communities, many former foster children need to rely on welfare programs and support and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being willing to accept help. That aside, these children's whole world is being torn apart and they have very little power over their lives, anything that can give them that power back is worth it. An allowance ensures that they have a little bit of control and stability, plus there's aspects of money management that can be taught to a child when it comes to this stuff. If anything, providing an allowance sets them up for independence and makes the transition into adulthood less intimidating.
@LP-tu8li7 ай бұрын
How many foster kids have you had? What online support groups do you suggest ?
@LeahWalentosky7 ай бұрын
Has there ever been a case where reunification with another relative?
@sarahdugger52437 ай бұрын
A child may be in foster care while relatives prepare and undergo home study
@jaynewallace78917 ай бұрын
My great nephew by marriage has been with me for 7.5 years. His foster mom and grandma are on my Facebook, so they have been able to watch him grow up to the awesome 15 year old boy he is now.