Online Consumerism Culture is INSANITY (normalized problematic behavior, professional overconsuming)

Рет қаралды 6,977

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 78

@xCopyAndPasteSkilzx 2 ай бұрын

15:47 Being fake productive is one of the main reasons I online shop; thanks for verbalizing this. Strangely once I decide that I need a product (the "perfect" white tee, new running shoes), it becomes a "task" in my mind to find and acquire the perfect item of this product. Not closing the loop feels like I have an outstanding item in my to-do list, and checking it off feels like progress. However, stepping back, the task was manufactured in the first place; had I not decided I needed it, I would not be meaningfully "behind" and would be in almost exactly the same place, modulo the tens of hours I spent researching. I really appreciate your insights on deeper reasons why we should try to be more conscious consumers other than "to save money", because it means that once we have more wealth, we still need to be thoughtful about the way we acquire things. My main "why" is to be more mentally healthy.

@Alexas.nobuyyear 2 ай бұрын

Yes!! I don't necessarily regret the "tens of hours" I wasted before, (or maybe I've moved on from feeling regret) but I definitely don't ever want to do that again, I feel the weight of that more now. While "saving money" was a part of my initial list of "whys" or goals, it's actually not been a super successful area this year just with other things coming up (dental work etc haha). But, I've now realized that it's an external factor, and really the only way to change for real is to feel different about things - something that is now happening to me and it's actually getting pretty exciting trying to share the way my "feelings are changing" (even if it's hard to explain sometimes!).

@Alexas.nobuyyear 2 ай бұрын

Yes!!! I feel the weight of the "tens of hours" now more too - I don't necessarily regret the time in the past (or I've moved on from it maybe) but I definitely don't want to do that ever again. I also initially wanted to save more money as one of my goals or "whys" this year, but I realized eventually that that's just another "external factor" and not going to be the cause of real internal change and awareness and different feelings towards consumerism...so it's actually getting pretty exciting to do the "real work" and reflection and FEEL the real changes!

@mukatsa 3 ай бұрын

Again, relatable! I moved to a different country (continent even) when I got married and haven’t really been able to form close friendships. Now that I’m working from home I feel even more isolated, so KZbin, podcasts and audiobooks are my social circle 😅 for those who profit of of marketing it is truly genius to use influencers because it can feel like a friend is giving you recommendations.

@msbluesky 3 ай бұрын

As you go through your own integration experience, you will form those friendships at different points and in different intensity. In my experience, longing for close friendships right there, freshly move to another country, is naive. Don't preassure yourself to form close connections right away, this can result in bitterness and resentment. My best advice is to open yourself to all kind of people, experience "friendship" without expectations. Good luck!

@mukatsa 3 ай бұрын

@@msbluesky thank you, that’s very true. I didn’t expect to fall into a friend group right away, however I’ve been here for 10 years and I still get the feeling that people see me more as a curiosity

@Alexas.nobuyyear 3 ай бұрын

It truly is genius - I think it's hard for an "influencer" to NOT start to chase the more lucrative opportunities if they get a bigger and bigger following even if they never set out to do marketing for product. But, I really hope there can be a rising genuine presence on the social medias as time goes on, and people see how consumerism is taking over (I feel like the tipping point is NOW) and hopefully fight these forces through authenticity!

@rayeof_light 3 ай бұрын

Thought provoking. Especially when you point out how watching a creator have 50 of something, it's easy to mentally justify having 5 even if we couldn't possibly use it up. The same concept but in reverse, is why I like watching minimalists content. I like to be challenged to live without items.

@Alexas.nobuyyear 3 ай бұрын

Me too! But later this week I'll get to how social medias do tend to promote the "extremes", like either having 50 of something, or having 0 or 1, where maybe the reasonable "middle ground" is 5 or 10. Where are the "reasonable consumption" bits of social media? Haha

@Amanda-yd2ey 2 ай бұрын

I’m a person who struggles with perfectionism and minimalist ideals have always come easily… however that said, I can obsess over the number of things I have which is still unhealthy whether is a lot of only a few. I found videos of others decluttering/makeup hauls help me but watching a lot of time on KZbin can be a downside. A great quote I heard from an older gentleman said “don’t declutter everything from your life or you’ll lose everything that makes you … you.

@weronikakuacz6919 3 ай бұрын

I have to admit - I was waiting impatiently for another video knowing that you have a plan of uploading them daily this week. Gosh, this is so refreshing to listen to all the points you make. I seek this stuff and have been able to find it in places (for example The Financial Diet you mentioned) but listening to a „real” person (I know it’s still parasocial) makes a huge difference. Thank you for all insights and thoughts on this no-buy journey, I’m excited to hear more from you 🧡

@Alexas.nobuyyear 3 ай бұрын

Thank you!! I'm so happy there's a place for authentic ideas to exist/be shared without the need to be "produced", even if I may not reach as "large" an audience this way it's just more meaningful to me.

@bthomson 3 ай бұрын

Ever since the pandemic friendship has dwindled. Of course all of us have had times when we lacked friends ( moving, changing schools, fights!) But the almost three years when we felt the need to stay close to home and limit human interaction really hurt closeness! So we did turn to supplementing with on line connections. And there was ( and is) something to be said for these! But the actual human interaction now seems almost too much trouble or just less glamorous! That you are more open with us than you might be with your actual friends is pretty telling!

@rhosymedra6628 2 ай бұрын

I saw one influencer video where she said "I like this, but honestly I would not buy it because for me it's too expensive for what it does, but I'll use it since I was sent it" about a face cream and I was like ok, that's more self aware than what I've come to expect from most influencers.

@Alexas.nobuyyear 2 ай бұрын

Yes it's good to see someone who's able to speak honestly like that despite getting the product for free!

@meb3369 3 ай бұрын

Harddd relate to being mixed race asian in a small town and wanting to fit in through consumer goods that the cool kids had.

@Alexas.nobuyyear 3 ай бұрын

omg hi, we are not alone!! 🤝

@Siures 3 ай бұрын

Great insights. It's strange. Especially in terms of fashion and make-up etc. I am not directly influenced. I don't buy the products, I don't click on affiliate links. But I never thought about how the pure exposure to the stuff might shift my "normal" for the amount of stuff. In terms of body image a lot of people talk about the problem of comparing. But with stuff it's actually a new thought for me... And yes, I am guilty of this. Especially with minimalis influencer (who aren't that minimal). If XY has a whole drawer full of shirts and she's really an extreme minimalist why should I keep myself from looking for more? I guess unconciously this is the reason why I stopped following some minimalists and not others. There are a few that inspire me to use what I have and not buy new stuff (A to Zen or HTGYST for example, in a certain way also A Hoarders Heart because I love repurposing and using stuff I already have), but there are others that reason all the time why they bought something... And für me it's again shifting my normal. Although my consumption was NEVER as high as the consumption of some minimalists AFTER the became minimalists. It tells me: Hey, you didn't buy for so long. Why don't you look for something to buy just for fun? You deserve it! It's like with the shoe organizer: I don't want to need "minimal" organizing tips (and products). I want a amount of stuff I can handle without putting more energy amnd money into it!

@adiladilshat8923 3 ай бұрын

It’s insane how similar the content we’re watching and getting influenced and getting all these holy grail products, the KZbinrs u mentioned and got influenced, I’m 80% there too!

@Alexas.nobuyyear 3 ай бұрын

I'm happy to hear I'm not the only one it was affecting, even if I'm not happy that others got "influenced" 😅

@prittyyyy 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for this video! totally get the 'I should have less stuff' argument, and I agree. However it does make me wonder if I need to be decluttering things that could have a purpose in the future and ended up repurchasing it? So although I have a lot of shoes, I dont mind keeping them (right now I have the space) instead of decluttering, because it will bother me a lot if in the future I discover I have decluttered a pair that I ended up needing (it has happened before, and fashion is a cycle). I do not think having that many shoes is normal, (and maybe I'm delusional) but I think I'm choosing to use them up 😂

@Siures 3 ай бұрын

I did the same for clothes. Did only declutter things that did not fit or that I never really liked (because of material or fit) and "use up" the rest. After having kids I made another sweep for things that did not fit into my life anymore - an very probably never will again (mini denim dresses - that was my teenage me). After 8 years of only replacing essentials I am OK with the amount of clothes in most categories :)

@Alexas.nobuyyear 3 ай бұрын

Right I definitely do not advocate for decluttering just for the sake of it and same with me and my shoes. My goal is just to NOT replace anything that might wear out for now, and as I make a point to wear what I have, I think I'll find out that perhaps I DO prefer some pairs over others (for comfort or practical reasons) and will naturally let some more go if I use what I have more often and intentionally. I've heard the whole "if it costs less than $20 to replace just let it go" argument and I can't get behind that, because ok maybe $20 isn't a lot but to me that's STILL $20 and if I did need to replace it, I don't want to waste $20 😅

@KatieManring 3 ай бұрын

Literally living for these daily videos!! We have been blessed this week. So thankful for these to help right size my brain into NOT shopping and appreciate what I already have

@Alexas.nobuyyear 3 ай бұрын

Aw thank you so much! I love having a variety of anti-consumerism content to watch too haha, it really helps me as well!

@veronxska 28 күн бұрын

I followed because I think you are cool 😂 6:51 I think your voice literally has authority and you express your thoughts really well

@Alexas.nobuyyear 23 күн бұрын

🥹

@msbluesky 3 ай бұрын

Life is a simulation. We are all inside a life HAUL lol You made great points to reflect! It's so true, we gotta remind ourselves that our value isn't in our trendy items. Also, please don't say you aren't cool because you are super cool IMO! super smart, funny and with awesome taste in music and fashion. I'm not in a no year buy but watching your content has helped with the urge of shopping. Last week I purchase way too much tho T_T I feel kinda guilty and decided to give my card to my husband for a while. Now it's under his custody lol! let's see how long does it last. Also, Alexa, a few years ago I was in extreme saving mode and realised that paying only in cash (on a budget) would make me spend less (and more consciously). Having our cards in our phones is giving us the ilusion that we have money, that this is available and that "hurts" less. Once you see your bank account status, it hits you that you are spending more. Thanks again for these videos, I'm not commenting every one of them but for sure watching.

@Alexas.nobuyyear 3 ай бұрын

Haha aw thanks, I hope everyone feels that they are "cool," at least to some people! Because that's the truth, we can't all be "cool" to everyone but we definitely are to some. I agree that paying cash is more real 100%, it's just so much less convenient now to have to go get it - but in the future we will see, maybe I'll have to take out cash even just to visualize how much I am about to spend on something I "want" but don't really need!

@jengenx7729 3 ай бұрын

Such a great discussion! Thank you!

@Alexas.nobuyyear 3 ай бұрын

Thank you!

@CS-ly3lx Ай бұрын

There is also a spill-over effect of aunts and grandmothers, having filled their own shelves, going on to buy more and more (especially clothes) for the children in their families. Some little girls get more dresses and skirts and t-shirts every fashion season than they can ever wear. Perhaps you could tell us your thoughts on this and how it influences the children, and what parents could do about it.

@Alexas.nobuyyear Ай бұрын

I'm actually kind of dealing with this right now, we got a bunch of hand-me-downs that, while appreciated, led to closet chaos! Practically speaking we worked together to put away some of the "excess", which we'll hang onto until everyone's grown out of everything, and then we'll re-home things as we can. I'm going to probably go into more detail on the gifting aspect, kids accumulating too much, etc. as holidays approach (I've got a list!) - but the other thing for now is that I'm also trying to get my own wardrobe under control to be a more realistic model of "normal" and not "excess". (Yes adults have more work/home/occasion needs, but still.) For my own kids now, their biggest influence is still me! And I can use what I learn to help them through and hopefully guide their consuming habits long-term.

@CS-ly3lx Ай бұрын

@@Alexas.nobuyyear I have a thought for you when it comes to gifts, especially at Christmas. Last year a family member asked that her children only get immaterial gifts. She didn't think of saying that those should be one-time-only gifts (like going to the movies) and her four children got gifts for long-term activities, like pottery courses, season tickets for soccer events, half-year martial arts tryout sessions, and so on. The result was that the kids were heavily over-scheduled and all winter they had few free Saturdays for undertaking anything together as a family.

@patsykirby2709 3 ай бұрын

You had me at Satie’s Gymnopedie #1..! I stumbled across that video…thanks, algorithm…and knew that you could not be in this for the money..! You could be my granddaughter, but I am learning so much from you. I appreciate both your honesty and intelligence…thank you for putting yourself out there.

@Alexas.nobuyyear 3 ай бұрын

Hello! Happy to connect with another classical music lover 😊

@leahwilson9682 2 ай бұрын

This is such a huge topic, thank you for your candor, and the empathy in which you've approached it on your channel. I've been hoping for a while that someone could talk in depth about these issues after I learned about mimetic desire and started to get really sick of subtle and blatant attempts to get me to buy things. Even the minimalists (I'm don't plan to be one, but just want not to be ruled by my things) I have followed online don't adequately cover just how people end up overconsuming in the first place, and how we could prevent it. Many do focus on not keeping too many things which fine, but really hasn't helped me prevent even more things from coming into my home. I suppose maybe their reasons for having too much at one time were not always the same as mine, and maybe because your reasons are similar to mine it has struck a chord. Regardless, most of us are not adequately girded against the marketing of so many things, or even our own heads telling us we need backups of our favorites, or our insecurities telling us we need to be fixed with stuff or products. I hope to do better for my kids, and in turn they can do better for themselves. Again, thanks for being a voice of reason in the madness.

@Alexas.nobuyyear Ай бұрын

This is maybe the second time I've seen someone mention mimetic desire - I had never heard of it before! Makes a lot of sense though! Thank you for sharing!

@MIOLAZARUS 2 ай бұрын

I like people who keep it real-ish 😊 This channel is amazing and you radiate genuineness ❤ You are beautiful mixed race❤ Stunning! I felt ugly and fat and now I’m so happy I stayed un-cool. Nerds unite 😎🔥 You are intensely smart and I enjoy listening to you.

@Alexas.nobuyyear Ай бұрын

Aw thank you! Yes, nerds unite!

@LisaWilson-m7v 3 ай бұрын

Appreciate this video and enjoyed your thoughts.

@Alexas.nobuyyear 3 ай бұрын

Thank you!

@carlislegkent 3 ай бұрын

I related to so many points in this video! Love your discussion, really introspective and thoughtful ❤

@crystalassam433 Ай бұрын

You are so insightful. Seriously look forward too your posts

@Alexas.nobuyyear Ай бұрын

🥹

@SimplyKatieWalks 3 ай бұрын

I'm the queen of parasocial relationships 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

@bthomson 3 ай бұрын

They are easy and not scary or too much trouble.

@Alexas.nobuyyear 3 ай бұрын

Well at least in our case, if you find yourself at the local Symphony (or want tickets, I get comps for all the classical stuff) maybe we will get to meet in person! 👋

@alcnwonderlnd 3 ай бұрын

I remember when I got my first job out of college and I just loved shopping, mostly because I never had that option before. I was single and for the first time I was so happy to be able to buy things I wanted. Like that Ariana Grande song, I want it, I got it 😂 Looking back, it’s my biggest regret. I wish I had more money in my account now especially since most of those things have been decluttered or they have deteriorated since they were mostly low quality things. I am thankful that I didn’t go too crazy so I didn’t buy a fancy car or designer purses like most of my peers plus I lived at home for many years so that helped me save but still..I could have been smarter with my money. You make some great points about online shopping and I will be thinking about my own online shopping habits. I might even start yelling out the total to myself lol

@Alexas.nobuyyear 3 ай бұрын

Same - if I had my "emergency fund" I'd feel a lot better right now than I do having a bunch of stuff I don't need but no cushion to fall back on (and a discomforting, high mortgage payment 😅)

@ros8986 3 ай бұрын

I wonder if people are expecting too much from their clothes?

@Alexas.nobuyyear 3 ай бұрын

The "fantasy" of new clothes is real! In fact one of my "Christmas carol titles" for December's anti-consumerism survival guide is "the Fairytale of New Clothes" so I will be exploring that specific idea at the end of this year 👀

@jvnd2785 2 ай бұрын

The problem is not that people are expecting too much from their clothes. The clothes we wear are expected to do much for us- they tell the world what country/place you are from, what background, what attitudes and opinions you have. It's been like this since the beginning of times. The real problem is that people these days do not invest their time into the skill of making their clothes from scratch. They buy what they think they like but they do not actually put any manual labour into making the clothes. To take raw material (sheep fleece or a bundle of flax), process it, spin and dye and weave and cut and sew and embellish entirely by hand- that takes a LOT of time. 100's of hours sometimes. To make a single sweater from raw fleece to the finished (knitted) product can take anywhere from 4 weeks (if working full time on it) to 6 months. To make hand-lasted all-leather shoes can easily take 3-6 weeks. If you spend this much effort on your clothes, you don't have the energy to crave for more and more stuff. More importantly, if you are making your own clothes from scratch, YOU are the designer. You can make them the exact way (fit, colours, style, embellishment) YOU want your clothes to look like. They can be as unique as you wish.

@KRMurdy Ай бұрын

This is a huge problem in my hobby/collector communities. I'm a doll and miniature collector and it's a hobby that directly relates to my job. (I'm an Art historian whose expertise is in the historical and contemporary perspectives/design of miniatures and fashion dolls) But the Doll community, especially playline fashion dolls, showcases whole rooms stuffed with dolls. Or the BJD community where individuals have shelves of $500 to $1000 dolls. Also these communities perpetuate a "Treat Yourself" mentality. Which is fine...if you are actually making it a treat! Not a doll every week or month etc. But maybe saving all year or something (for BJDs specifically). But it certainly is difficult with playline when they are so readily available. I have the issue with the miniverse community too. Buying whole boxes of them just to find one (they are blindboxes)

@lamureon 3 ай бұрын

wow such a great video. thanks for sharing your thoughts

@Alexas.nobuyyear 3 ай бұрын

Thank you!

@amykatrina7542 2 ай бұрын

My IRL friends are my sanity check... When I mention the ballpark annual figure I have spent on unnecessary clothing the last few years and they've visibly winced, that's a good sign I'm really overdoing it (and that's after several years of working on myself, I was way worse in my twenties). Whereas compared to fashion people online, what I'm spending is small change, which definitely normalised it for me for a long time.

@Alexas.nobuyyear 2 ай бұрын

It's great that you have friends in real life with whom you feel comfortable to have these conversations! Honestly I think that was part of why I had a problem for awhile, because with the moves and having kids etc. I kind of lost my "friend group" and that sense of real life community, but I'm slowly getting some of that back the longer I'm in my current location!

@lindseykehoe3077 3 ай бұрын

My three words are Structured, Classically elevated and Chic ... Ive been familiar with the 3 eord wardrobe concept for years.. However, I appreciate you breaking the three words down and compartmentalizing them. The best and moat important item a woman can wear is CONFIDENCE.

@Alexas.nobuyyear 2 ай бұрын

Yes totally! Confidence can make any style work, and also lack of confidence can make any style feel "off" as well. I've finally learned that confidence is not cultivated by the specific clothes that we wear, but more about our inner workings and feeling that our actions match our values!

@courtneyfetterman5193 2 ай бұрын

I second the opinion of another commenter, I also think you’re cool 😎 You were talking about how in high school you wanted to be like the cool girls and that even now you still feel that way about “cool” girls on social media. (Even though your unique personality seems much more interesting, fun, and cool to me!) And I think it’s important to remember how hierarchy plays a part in our lives as humans. For most of my life (I’m 32) I have kind of rebelled against anything mainstream/our modern world/culture/society. If I could go back in time and chill with Laura Ingalls I would be so happy in a lot of ways. Basically I have always rejected the molds that society is always trying to place me in. Lately though I’ve started to consider things from more of a (anthropological?) perspective. Asking things like how does this behavior (buying status symbol hand bags, cars etc.) serve us as humans? Perhaps you’ve been trying to protect yourself with all of these purchases. In our society we can seemingly buy our place in the hierarchy or at least appear to. As compared to having to be born into nobility or something. So I do think some of these over consumptive behaviors do serve us in ways that we’re not realizing. Because I think hierarchy is just inescapable as humans. Even monkeys have hierarchies. It’s also the case that try as we might to be individuals we are constantly influenced by the world around us and we are shaped by our society. It’s like the game of monopoly. There’s a (sociologist?) who talked about this much more eloquently. But basically the rules of monopoly bring out the worst in you and so you actually change as a person under monopoly’s rules. You behave differently than you otherwise would. But it’s the system that’s bad and not the players. Man this is my longest comment ever but you got my brain wheels turning and I was also touched by your words and wished to comfort you in some way.

@Alexas.nobuyyear 2 ай бұрын

omg thank you SO MUCH for this, you're getting ME thinking too and that is my very favorite thing about being on KZbin at all. 🥰 The monopoly thing is blowing my mind a bit, it's true that the "rules of a game" can encourage or even demand "mean" behavior in order to "win"...and we do these things for fun...does that mean on some level that we actually do want to "behave badly" in a way that's societally okay? Not saying that means people are bad but maybe humans have a nature to want to "be a little bit bad" sometimes? And the hierarchy thing! Maybe part of why this "no buy" and "not wanting things" has suddenly become easier because I DID have a realization about hierarchy. If you'd asked me before I would have told you "nah I don't care about status or etc. that's not why I shop"...but I'm not sure that's true because my feelings HAVE changed after realizing that nothing I can BUY is going to elevate me out of working-class, nor can I even imagine a life that is "above" working class. Up until I had the "realization" I thought that I was super lucky and had an extremely privileged job because it takes a lot of time and lessons to develop the skills to be able to work as a musician. I still do think this, but in the context of working class people. People who are so wealthy (or whose families are so wealthy) that they don't HAVE to work to support themselves, probably wouldn't see working as a musician as any kind of "flex" because it IS still very much "work" - you don't decide what you get to play or who with, you don't dictate when you have to go into the "office", or who you play for...and going centuries back, musicians were often employed by courts or the nobility to serve and were more openly on the same level as servants, relying on wealthy patronage to be able to "do their craft" at all. So perhaps the fact that now I truly realize that "elevating" myself is unattainable and the fact that I no longer feel such an urge to shop ARE in fact connected. It doesn't matter if I were to buy the most expensive luxury bags and cars and houses, the fact that I would HAVE to be working in order to buy those things kind of negates any "status" they may convey. I'll definitely be talking this out in a future video once I've had the chance to let the thoughts percolate a bit more but again thank you so much for this comment.

@courtneyfetterman5193 2 ай бұрын

Thank YOU for your response. You’ve got me thinking again! I like what you said about how it doesn’t really matter if you’re able to buy status through handbags, cars, houses, etc. because the fact that you are working negates that “elevated” status. It makes me think it’s all an illusion? Created by…the people who sell us stuff? And they’ve been doing it for so long and we’ve grown up in this environment and haven’t known anything different so we couldn’t see through the deception. The false promises. The lie that we can buy…a higher place in the hierarchy. Additional food for thought here. How DO you get up to the top of our hierarchy? WHO is truly at the top? Watching all of us worker bees distracted by consumerism. Chasing after the next purchase. Is it..the people who sell us stuff themselves? Politicians? Celebrities? It used to be so obvious when it was nobility and kings that ruled. At least the peasants knew who was oppressing them. But now I’m not so sure. It’s like the ruling class got toppled over so many times that they learned to hide their faces. To operate behind the shadows. Also another note. I believe that all humans ARE equal. I also think hierarchy is inescapable to a certain extent and that it does help society to function. But that doesn’t make the people at the top better than the people in the middle or the bottom. I wish we didn’t have to have hierarchies. But even in the basic family structure it’s important for the parents to have more power than the children because it wouldn’t work otherwise. And I think it’s the same with organizing our society to some extent. Someone has to be the leader lol But maybe the problem is the abuse of power and control that those at the top use to stay at the top and hoard all the wealth and power to themselves that could be distributed out to all people to elevate everyone’s existence. Anyway another long one for you lol have a great day!

@Iquey 2 ай бұрын

It's true, that the hyper-reality fast pace of consuming media online is kind of making us a bit insane when you look at real life offline and see how slow that normal actual events happen.

@Alexas.nobuyyear 2 ай бұрын

This is what I am feeling!!