What's the difference between numbing out and dissociation? ep.160

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton dives into the differences between numbing out and dissociation, and why one can lead to the other sometimes. She also explains why we can get caught up in a cycle of not reaching out because we don’t want to be too much, and then not being able to get help when we are struggling. She also talks about why we can feel like we don’t belong anywhere, and why we can use humor to deal with tough situations. She really challenges us to look into our old familial patterns this week, and see where these sabotaging behaviors are coming from. This and much more in this week’s episode!
Ask Kati Anything ep. 160 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT
Audience questions:
1. I would love to hear your opinions on the difference between numbing out and dissociation. I have been talking a lot with my therapist about not wanting to be present in my body, but struggling to determine when I am numbing out (phone, sleeping) or truly dissociated...
2. Hope you’re okay. How do you get out of the cycle of not reaching out for help because you think it’ll be too much for people and not feeling safe reaching out? I find myself picking and choosing the exact thing to say rather than letting it...
3. I feel like I don't belong anywhere (family, work/ uni, my flat…). I feel quite lost and lonely and I'm wondering: What can I do to feel a sense of belonging in this world? I’m autistic and have depression, anxiety as well as anorexia...
4. Do you see any issues with using humor to talk about certain things with your therapist? In general I usually try to make people laugh almost as a self defense mechanism and find it sometimes helps when introducing a topic or situation...
5. I was wondering whether it’s better to distract from something like a flashback or panic attack or just let it play out? I sometimes feel the build up to something...
6. My husband and I are both in therapy and seeing different therapists at the same practice. We are both dealing with the same marital issue in our individual therapy sessions. My therapist offered to talk to my husband's therapist...
7. How do you know if you're even doing therapy right? I’ve been in therapy for 9 months and took a couple months break. She knows I was sexually abused and that I used self harm to deal with it. But I don’t know if I’m sharing what I need...
8. Is NPD like a spectrum? I watched your video about 8 signs of narcissistic mom and recognised mostly my father. Not all of these fit with him...
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[@caroleirwin2727]

I went into dissociation about 8 years ago. I lived alone and I was trying to find someone to help me. I was told that I got up from the table. Packed a suitcase full of everything but clothing, And left the house to go look for help. But but instead I was arrested and thrown in jail for 3 weeks.... I already had post-traumatic stress disorder so I really hit me hard changed my entire life! People need to know the difference between somebody with emotional illness and somebody that's drunk or high I think they're teaching the police this now but they need to hurry up LOL

[@user-ea44]

In regards to q3 and Kati suggesting watching films and tv shows, I also feel that I don't know/understand much about relationships and emotions and sometimes it helps me to read children's books. It's like educating myself from the beginning on that stuff. I also consider this as part of my "inner child" work + they are fun 🙂

[@aquaearthnfirequ_pinsnsavi1721]

Good idea❤

[@chrisgrove7829]

Feeling overwhelmed is a feeling I know all too well. Been battling depression and anxiety for two years now after a break up that occurred over the pandemic. Now I’m called upon to help out in an out of town family crisis, and am not handling it as well as I should. Trying to define what I can and cannot do, and being okay with it, and not feeling guilty:)

[@alicia_naraiah]

I honestly feel ok not having friendships as I find them so exhausting and I also know and accept that I'm terrible at keeping in contact with people. I genuinely am happy with my 3 cats and my dog and feel like I get enough connection and love from my animals. I know I'd be far more lost without animals in my life than I'd ever feel without being around other people, but then I've always preferred to be in my own company, so understand just having pets is likely not going to work for most people 😂

[@Jennifermcintyre]

I’m the same way.. people are so exhausting.. my dogs are my best friends and they fulfill any need for companionship.

[@CarieGurl]

I have cats. I have a 15 year old Son, however he is doing lots more on his own and is living his own life so he's not around so much. I am OK with that... I have gimme back to college... exhausting it will be worth it I swaer,, it has to. I'm older and understand the importance of it but find myself getting into a panic about the school work. I do just fine with the work. I'm trying to figure out what I get in such a panic once I find out about yet another paper due out an exam... I've wanted to quit at least 10 times. My Son kicks in and says nope, you can't quit Mom! Wow! I'm in the house alot, online classes, I could go on. I'm a bit of a stressed out mess... that part sux. You're not alone. 💜

[@maryanncrody4867]

And people keep pushing me to be more social

[@debrareynolds205]

Works for me. 6 cats 2 dogs.

[@Mail4Lisa]

I honestly can totally relate 😊😂❤

[@Genieisout]

She/You explained the difference between numbing out & dissociation SO WELL

[@User-qn1gs1ig4q62]

Is dissociation the same as autistic shutdown also how do i know who i can trust so i can be honest with someone about how i feel so i can try to figure out what i feel

[@MykeWinters]

I said to one therapist my life feels like I’m on a double decker bus on my own, frightened and being driven, swerving, smashing into cars etc by a drunken driver. Scared there’d be a crash and it would end

[@deborahcollins1100]

For me dissociating feels like a dream like state or almost out of body experience. I absolutely hate when it happens to me of course. My dissociation seems to have gotten worse recently 😢

[@AnneBailey-e6t]

you shared my story. late diagnosed adhd/asd..... im so lost

[@dianeking6127]

Hi there, is there any chance you could slow down Yr speech? Love what you have to say but it's just so fast!!

[@dorleecollins4971]

There is a feature that slows down videos on your computer. Don't recall how-zomeone will help you. Good Luck......

[@selfesteem3447]

GREAT 👍Channel. Awesome Professional Therapist 👏

[@sonjo2419]

How do we send in the questions you go over from listeners.

[@thexpax]

I've sspent my life masking my neurodivergence expertly. That skill was taken from me by covid isolation living alone unpracticed. I have been fighting for what two years to return to my false, people-pleasing and acceptability and inclusiveness. It is driving me impossibly to caring about everything less or not at all. Not masking or revealing my diagnoses is endangering my existence. Everything in my life is getting worse and worse. I am becoming the living dead, and too poor to get professional help. There is becoming no way to live this life.

[@moxiemood]

What's the name of the workbook that Kati mentions twice regarding sexual abuse?

[@DreamingGirlLola]

Yeah, that's the title of the book, and Katie mentions the workbook supporting the book. So again, the title is: The courage to heal. White blue cover for the book and yellow blue for the workbook.

[@moxiemood]

@@DreamingGirlLola thanks!

[@Time.for.tea.]

So, intently counting the flowers on the wallpaper or staying hyper focused on a prayer or recipe while having sex with an abusive partner would be numbing out, right? Or would that be dissociating? Edited to delete a word that was in the sentence twice.

[@wendyhammond4445]

Don't know what this is called numbing out or dissociation. Have an eating disorder. Got to buy some gas for my car. Then left with Dibs. Didn't realize I had bought them until I was driving away popping them into my mouth??? What is this called?

[@OnlySarcaticBffr]

Derealization I think

[@guesswho8562]

I def am numbing out because I do not want to go through what I just did. I had an ocmplete breakdown. I was ina dark place from a man that not only mentally abused me on all levels. MAybe not as extreme of others but I will never get over this. I no longer want to date or ever be with anyone ever again and I am lucky enough to be beautiful in my own eyes but if someone tells me that I get really upset and do not believe them. It si so weird. I hate compliments and I try to move forward but then something stops me. I tried and I have been stood up on dates and so fff it why bother lol . words to me are lies especially when thet come from men . I hav eno use for them they lie and and cheat and take your self esteem awy from you. I could go on for hours. But I think you get the picture of where I am .

[@Lemonady]

Timestamps! Q1 - 0:53 Q2 - 10:59 Q3 - 25:24 Q4 - 33:33 Q5 - 38:14 Q6 - 42:29 Q7 - 45:05 Q8 - 52:28

[@MrBungle900]

Really appreciate you making these so watchable for me, my friend. Massive love to you. 🙌✨☺️

[@Lemonady]

@@MrBungle900 No problem. I work part time and I have a lot of time on my hands. I love you too! ❤

[@cristinaroe2166]

Dear Kati, having autism myself, I can really relate to your viewers experiences. As a member of the neuro divergent community, I can vouch how hard it is to form true friendships. It is the lack of inclusion from neurotypical people that is the real problem. I feel I have good social skills, reach out often, always instigating contact which is VERY exhausting. It's this lazy way that others will discount you do easily for perhaps being a little awkward. We ALL need to be more tolerant and genuinely reach out to others. Much love. God bless you and your viewers

[@mezlandia]

I agree. I think that as neurodivergents, we should be able to be sympathetic to neurotypicals; we speak a different language but we can all learn compassion. We must do this to survive (given the increasing rates of ASD)... But we need better understanding and widespread acceptance and teaching to get there. If neurodivergents can make the effort, neurotypicals should be encouraged to learn how they can, too!

[@Oliver_Bryan]

With question 2, I have to be very careful when I say stuff as I can share something I think is not very deep about me or what I am feeling etc, and people can really freak out as to them it is very disturbing. Two weeks ago I was saying something I thought was not too very deep and a little funny in a way, and they told me to stop talking about it.

[@80a470]

I relate to your comment, I really think one has to ask also like could it be that these people in particular are just very uptight… I always assume it’s me/I’m the problem but honestly I’d be curious to what you shared with them and I’d bet that there’s millions of people who wouldn’t bat an eye and just find you interesting

[@JDWDMC]

If I got called out on using humour as a defense mechanism, I'd be giving therapy up.

[@MioYuki]

0:53 Q1 - What is the difference between numbing out and dissociation? 10:59 Q2 - How do you get out of the cycle of not reaching out for help because you think it’ll be too much for people and not feeling safe reaching out? 25:24 Q3 - What can I do to feel a sense of belonging in this world? 33:33 Q4 - Do you see any issues with using humor to talk about certain things with your therapist? 38:14 Q5 - It's better to distract from something like a flashback or panic attack, or just let it play out? 42:29 Q6 - My therapist offered to talk to my husband's therapist... 45:05 Q7 - How do you know if you're even doing therapy right? 52:28 Q8 - Is NPD like a spectrum? (Narcissism)

[@lenap4956]

I remember when I joked about one of my trauma with my therapist and he deadass looked at me in the eyes and asked "what's funny about that?" lmao I cried a bit after that but since then, I've stopped making light of the heavier stuff that happened and acknowledge the hurt it brought upon me

[@zenav.6920]

my therapist suggested i had depersonalization disorder, but i don't feel like i'm far away from myself. i'm just not able to feel anything, and my brain is definitely foggy with memories or thoughts. its been that way for years.

[@Phoebe907]

Same here!

[@MoMo-uj6xb]

45:39 maybe help maybe not. The way i deal with guilt from sexual abuse is this. Guilt is for me that good friendly emotion of my body telling me "hey buddy! i didn't like that at all, please do something about it please". So it's just my body wanting so bad to have a sense of control of what happen. Sometimes brings me to find the way to be responsible and empower for the future (cool feeling of being adult and grown), but sometimes when i can't find a way to do that, brings me to distort facts in my mind and make me believe i could actually do something about it. But the fact is...i couldn't. And that's why is scary. It's scary to feel vulnerable to somebody elses will. But if you want to have good sex again, you have to. Sex is about let yourself go to someone else hands, to feel vulnerable, loved, cared and safe. . Just this time this person is someone you trust. I overcome this issue choosing only people i really trust and share with them issues fears worries and let them love me.

[@celeste5401]

I love your top this week, Katie. Blue is your color! Thanks for being such an awesome resource in mental health!

[@Oliver_Bryan]

was funny, just before this podcast I was watching episode 105, got freaked out a little when I opened this one and Kati was wearing the same top :)

[@Jawskillaful]

@Oliver Bryan I was actually more freaked out at how wide and baggy her top appeared to be right at the beginning of this video when her arms were spread further apart lol

[@thecatatemyhomework]

​@@Jawskillaful the sleeves are puffy. That's a style

[@Jawskillaful]

@thecatatemyhomework I figured it was just the style of her shirt. I'm just not used to seeing those shirts very often that's why I was a little surprised lol

[@paulastella8268]

Katie,make sure you tell people who are military and that in your community there is help with the Veterans Center. They do EMDR and are wonderful. Thanks

[@teresawilliams8385]

When i dissociate I have no memory. Then i suddenly come back to me. Is this normal for dissociating, I always hear about people leaving their body and watching it from the outside. This has happened a few times, but I’m worried about how vulnerable j am when I dissociate. Am I still me when it happens, or am I an alter ego…I don’t have many friends to talk about this without sounding crazy..

[@fazbear-zp2hf]

Okay, this one may be a little weird, I think in my head as me as human mixed with a tiger, so I function like a human, and I look like both ( how i feel). I don't know what this is, but I don't feel like a female or male. I feel like both or none. I am confused. I have looked everywhere to get information, but I couldn't, and I like fictional characters, not humans. idk why. Can you help me plz 🙏

[@shadowflame9838]

When i go into autopilot i don't feel any emotion and I'm maladaptive daydreaming. I can see both what I'm doing and whats going on in the daydream. However there's no thought behind what I'm doing. Im just acting and responding to whats around me in a simpler way to how i normally would

[@kristinyaekelnegley3978]

Sounds like dissociation is a symptom of something else- something that is happening to us, and we can't control it because because it is a result of something else. Whereas numbing out is a coping mechanism that we actively choose to do to feel better.

[@leobeaupre858]

I believe their both the same normal response, I can't think of the term that you would use..😮

[@leobeaupre858]

Like a Trama response 😊

[@AnneBailey-e6t]

im sorry but i love you

[@BEACHDUDE71]

Me now, I am over it

[@caydancebloom]

whoever you are talking about at min 21.... I resonate with so well. I tried explaining some things, but the post ended up being extremely long. It's moments like this that I feel like I'm too much. I often hear that I am too much. I think complexly and it is really hard for me to communicate all the things that are going on in my head so I tend to get quite wordy and people tune out.... because I am a lot. My boyfriend says I am a lot sometimes. Here's the thing.... I am (a lot). I have some issues that are difficult for me to contend with. I often say I am envious of people that can walk away from me... but this also hits a nerve for me too because of abandonment issues. I'm learning to know myself better and in so doing, I am learning what I require in relationships for the relationship to succeed. This sometimes means recognizing that the relationship requires more than I can give it. Here's another thing... we all are (a lot). We all have our "baggage" and need to focus on figure out if the baggage "matches" another person's rather than trying to ignore that it exists. The only way to really figure this out is to be our true selves. It can be scary because what if everyone leaves. ..... but.... what if there is a perspective shift? Those that remain are sturdy friends that can be leaned on. I am a lot and it takes getting to know myself to know what I need in a relationship with someone as well as what I cannot offer someone else. This last one has been as equally as important as the first.

[@caroleirwin2727]

When I went into disassociation I went into my bedroom and packed a big suitcase full of stuff I didn't need. It came on very quickly! Very scary! I left the house going to look for somebody and I'm not quite sure who that person was but the police stopped me and threw me in jail for two and a half weeks we're having a breakdown 😱

[@HuGANityNsanity]

If there are any real people in the comment section, I think it would be interesting to get your opinion on whether or not channels like this are to improve upon and broaden the use of AI in the field of "mind" For example, if it is assumed that this podcast is being presented by an AI, the AI is here to influence human thinking and the comments are used to gain more insight into the way we think.

[@user-vz1iw9jx4s]

Thats why i visited this page, trying to find resources to get away from trauma. Still being around unforgiving family. This isn't helpful at all! 😢 Life is over

[@kadrei]

Don't forget that the friend who never reaches out to you might have their own self worth struggles and might feel abandoned when you stop reaching out. Talk to them. Find a solution together

[@musicmom2161]

I find myself dissociating during stressful therapy sessions. I almost have no recollection of the sessions that involved talking about traumatic events in my life. Is there away to help that?

[@fourbirds4201]

I'm still confused what is happening, but thanks for trying to help me, and sorry for all the trouble along the way.

[@kerriebarton-ll1mr]

I've been doing this for years but I've just been explaining it the wrong way For year!!!!

[@learningtobekindtomyself884]

A really helpful set of questions for what I’m struggling with at the moment. Thank you kindly

[@victoriaquillin2170]

I have been told I should write a book! Too many things to deal with, by a friend 😪 I have journal alot.

[@jornsyy]

Amazing video as always, thank you for all you have done and continue to do! Love that shirt btw it’s a beautiful color

[@maryanncrody4867]

I have missed busses and wondere# where all the people went whhhen i came too hqlf hour later.

[@emilybacnun2510]

I find myself not hearing when someone is talking to me even a little threateningly.

[@leslie.dixon.]

I really needed these questions. Thank you to everyone who has been brave enough to asking! ❤

[@mommag5524]

What if your mother is the one that does this to you growing up now ECT also she is 85 .

[@jules8106]

i think my numbing out is watching your videos for hours

[@exuberanttarot]

Thanks 😊 🫂 🙏

[@SurferJoe1]

3:37 Would binge-watching the Kardashians qualify as self-destructive behavior?

[@SurferJoe1]

And yes, Questioner #4, I'm another one who responds to everything/deflects with humor...

[@annellealexander4025]

Happy Thursday Kati ❤

[@AdrianHiggins83]

❤

[@dmbdmb3828]

☕️

[@dmbdmb3828]

7:00 burned out