What it Feels Like to be AUTISTIC - Part Three

[@cs543]

"You're not broken, you're autistic" I can't even describe how grateful I am for these videos you made. I entirely relate to your experiences, I believe to be autistic although I've never been tested for it therefore I'm not diagnosed. Anyways it's wonderful to be finally understood by someone

[@gaylesmith7849]

I am not a bad person. I am not broken. I am autistic. Finding this diagnosis and getting it confirmed has reduced my day to day stress load amazingly. Thank you for these videos.

[@tangerinefizz11]

Before I got the autism diagnosis, I was diagnosed with ADHD, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, and depression. They were accurate diagnoses, but they didn't explain everything. Getting the autism diagnosis provided the missing piece of the puzzle.

[@TheKjoy85]

Autism is definitely the missing piece of my puzzle. It made everything else make sense.

[@HauntedCadaver]

I had a similar box of labels myself and I hate that my therapist of 7 years didn't see the possibility of aspergers and it took me a handful of hours on KZbin to be able to self diagnose myself.

[@MsLisa551]

Such a huge missing piece. I had that experience, a late diagnosis. However. I do remember when i received the testing results the Psychiatrist said these words. You will have to live outside your box and make your circle bigger. Otherwise your world will become small. That to me is an autism diagnosis. I am now diagnosed adhd/ autism. The 2 fight each other, but I need both. I must have rigid daily routine with particular habits. Though I have 56,000 emails. Yes, 56,000. I hate email. The postal service is enough.

[@MsLisa551]

Thank you Orion for explaining with clarity. My father struggles with learning and dyslexic and depression, mood disorder they called it..He was a deep thinker , quiet man, played an instrument, had special interests, a loner, and migraines that would put in bed for days. That sounds like a shutdown to me.. At 29 years old in 1974 he ended his life. In his suicide letter he explains to me how he felt, how he didn't understand people. He actually said, he hated them. He probably hated the way he was treated, because I know now how it feels. , I'm living it at 57 years old. I was always Thinking it was all my fault., What's wrong with me? His death and knowing what the truth that know he Autistic, that makes me want to speak publicly about it. So how far have we come with autism diagnosis in the 51 years. Suicide is #2 and that resonates with me. As I write this I feel my body shake, feel tight, red rash on my neck and I feel angry. Tears don't come that easy, but I think they are close, but my voice cracks as i read this outloud as I type. I hope you join me when I start my channel. I'm processing my diagnosis as it was recent. I have good days and better for knowing I'm not an alien or a terrible human. My future is hopefully to help my daughter understand, and to know herself as she is very much like me and dad. And to clean all my mistakes. I love your channel, you have helped so much.. ❤

[@visionvixxen]

Pretty sure I am too. I’m almost 50 now and diagnosed with everything you were and sometimes bipolar to the others will say anxiety and depression and obsessiveness secondary to ADD but anyways there’s more explanation and there’s several people on the spectrum and my family. I’m gonna be honest this is ruined. Everything I ever tried a while. I love the way. My brain sings, the craziest life was diagnosis

[@alifmuhammadchicago]

The scroll killed me. 🤣 I'm not even gonna put the timestamp in. No spoiling. Rofl

[@PlanetEarthLifeSkills]

I DO hear you saying that this is what it feels like to YOU. But how amazing to hear you describing ME. There is great comfort here. Finally, I get a sense that I'm normal - for an autistic person! Thank you so much for these three.

[@divinelotus19]

Right. What a gift. Someone who's describing ME, without me saying a word.

[@raygipson8896]

I agree, it’s comforting to finally be understood by someone.

[@HauntedCadaver]

AND explaining it way better than I ever could. 🤦‍♀️🤣

[@tangerinefizz11]

I wasn't diagnosed with autism until I was 44. I've had mixed feelings about it since then, but it was a relief in the beginning. It explained so many of my experiences in life. Not only that, but it enabled me to work on forgiving myself. As you said, "I'm not a bad person. I'm autistic!"

[@BarbaraMerryGeng]

Forgive yourself And forgive everyone else for not understanding you > And get started on developing your self fearlessly ✨💁🏻‍♀️🤸‍♀️✨

[@yeahokaycoolcool]

@@BarbaraMerryGeng forgiving people for not understanding is probably the hardest part of all of this. Definitely important for your own well being. I haven't figured it out yet though lol

[@yeahokaycoolcool]

A lot of people I know say it's not an excuse and I'm still an asshole. Sigh

[@janejones5362]

Or, no more abuse like, We know youre smart, the counselor told us (waaaay over YOUR head, trust me), why cant you be normal, or, You ask the weirdest questions, or, my aunt No one else in the family has your issues, ad nauseum.

[@janejones5362]

​@@yeahokaycoolcool Go around the mountain, and get on. Be decent. Some people youll just pass by.

[@jesterr7133]

You are correct about knowing before diagnosis. I have not been diagnosed, but as I've learned more about it, it explains many of the things that I have been dealing with for most of my life. Once I became aware of that, everyone that knows me well enough is been in agreement

[@GenRicOpekc]

Orion, you are a great communicator.

[@HauntedTube00]

Definitely relate. People think I’m rude or cold, intimidated by me

[@xAwareWolfx]

I'm going in tomorrow to talk to a doctor about why I think I'm autistic and I'm nervous as hell thinking I'll be misdiagnosed or misunderstood or not heard or believed. This video gave me hope that even if that ends up being the case (God forbid), that it's not the end of the world and to keep seeking help and proper assessment. I'm literally crying right now just thinking about having to go through the process. Thank you so much for your videos and your insight. They've given me the confidence I need to get proper help. Thank you.

[@DetraDearmas]

Whow!!! I'm not broken!!!! I'm autistic!!! Thank you so much!

[@Marie_me_]

EXACTLY why I feel it’s important for my boyfriend whom I absolutely love and adore I feel needs to be diagnosed. But I won’t push it or am afraid to mention it because he gets so upset. He thought I was calling him a “retard” the first time I mentioned it. But after watching videos and videos on the subject I just want him to know how much he is ok and not stupid and not a bad person. Watching him beat himself up because he doesn’t understand me or someone else hurts me to my very core. Knowing that he has lived 30 years on this earth never being able to relate to anyone or always being misunderstood makes me want to see him for once feel free as you put it. I want him to finally be validated and liberated from all the confusion that has plagued his life! But their is a wall he has put up that I don’t dare mess with because I love him and don’t want to hurt him. He’s had too much of that already throughout his life already.

[@camellia8625]

He is a very lucky young man to have such a perceptive and caring girlfriend.

[@janejones5362]

Retard??? Oh my no. Im high functioning autistic. I know my IQ, because a counselor told me. I never knew until he did that. I just thought I was a dork.

[@average_amanda3884]

Thanks for sharing your story! I'm currently waiting for the results of my assessment, and I know as soon as I have someone say it to me that it will be a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. It's hard to stumble through life, not understanding why everything feels so hard and why you just don't "get it".

[@stephaniebrawner7626]

Im 29 and have an appointment in February and I’m so scared that they won’t diagnose me. I’m at an all time low and these videos were so nice to hear.

[@dreaabercrombie2457]

Wow.... I don't know how to express my gratitude but hearing that I'm not broken or defective feels amazing.

[@corbinprydwen4130]

Thanks for these videos, I’ve recently learned I’m autistic, at 45, learning more on why I the way I am is so eye opening. I’m binge watching/ listening to them.

[@cornishmaid9138]

Orion, your wife is amazing. I’m in the middle of being diagnosed by a triage, but I know I’m autistic. It’s been confirmed to me by having watched many of your videos. I’ve been sharing your insight with my husband who now has no doubt whatsoever that I’m on the spectrum. He too says it makes sense if everything and regrets the way he handled it over the years. Like you wife, he is now my biggest advocate and encourager. I’m his little Aspie wife. ☺️

[@gamewrit0058]

13:00 Sometimes an official diagnosis can lead to discrimination, including by medical professionals. But an official diagnosis can also help Autistic folks get accommodations and support, or just peace of mind and a better understanding of ourselves.

[@mooncove]

The part about emotions is interesting to me. I think I was more like you when I was younger, but when I was about 30, I started seeing a therapist who was always stopping me while I was off on one of my ADHD tangents and ask me, 'What are you feeling right now?' I never understood why he was doing that, and it was back in the last century (literally) before American health insurers were required to cover mental health, which ended up ruining therapy because in order to get paid now, therapists have to diagnose you quickly & then come up with a treatment plan & if their diagnosis is wrong, the treatment will be wrong, & they'll only make you WORSE. But back then talk therapy was more flexible (& affordable), & diagnosis & quickly 'curing' you wasn't the goal. So I think that I was also unaware of my own emotions or how to deal with other people's emotions. Now I cry just watching the news--or if I see someone else crying, I'll start crying too and want to hug the person. I'm still awkward about it, like, 'would that person WANT me to hug them?' But I'll still think, aw, that person needs a hug. I came from a family with German ancestry where the culture is very UN-touchy-feely! In fact, in my early 20s (once I wasn't a 'prisoner' anymore--long story), I got involved in a Bible study group where everyone had to hug when we said goodbye, and it felt REALLY awkward to me; in fact, I just did what everybody else was doing, but inside I hated it; I wasn't used to touching other people or being touched! But then I started working at a college for deaf people & learned sign language. And the Deaf community is VERY huggy/touchy-feely. And because I got fairly fluent at sign language fairly quickly--and eventually became an interpreter--I was accepted as a member of the Deaf community, so the hugging just became natural to me. It was LEARNED, but after so many years, it became normal., Also, vocal tone is replaced by facial expression in sign language, and, while it can be exaggerated, being able to recognize what emotion a person signing, as well as the punctuation in their body language, is conveying is an important part of the language. For me being able to READ sign language didn't click until I figured out that you need to focus your EYES on the other person--sign language doesn't reach you by osmosis like sounds do--but it's less a matter of making awkward eye contact than sort of 'un'-focusing your eyes on their signing SPACE, which is between the top of the person's head and their torso, while also being ready to focus in on their dominant hand if they're fingerspelling (I didn't feel so bad once I found out that it takes about 15 YEARS to become fluent in reading fingerspelling so I used to get together with a small group of other interpreters between classes to practice reading fingerspelling together). In fact, IF I accidentally made eye contact with the person signing, I'd get discombobulated & miss what they were saying, It all makes sense now since I discovered that I'm autistic at the age of 58! But I've had to learn CONSCIOUSLY to recognize my own emotions & other people's. And I would say that now I'm a much more EMOTIONAL than logical person. Or, at least, my emotions are able to overwhelm my sense of logic, although I can still be quite logical as well. If you're familiar with the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator (MBTI) test, my first two letters, I and N (Introverted & iNtuitive) are pretty strong. Whereas my last two, F (for Feeling versus Thinking) and P (Perceiving versus Judging) are both somewhat in the middle. I always come up INFP (there are many versions of the test you can find online), but they're almost equal for me. BTW, just an observation: The title of this video series is 'What it FEELS like to be Autistic' (emphasis mine). Maybe you're more aware of your feelings that you realize & you need someone like my old therapist (old as in retired now!) to recognize when you're having a strong emotion you, stop you, & get you to think about & identify what it _is_ while you're experiencing it. Looking back, I wonder if that therapist (best one I ever had) might've recognized that I was autistic but just never made an official diagnosis--of ANYTHING because the messed-up American health-care system wasn't involved & it wasn't required back then. Also, I got yelled at so much & given LONG silent treatmets by my father as a kid, and my husband is so vocal (we're BOTH wondering if he might be autistic too because of things like his constantly talking to himself & being afraid to talk on the phone), it's pretty hard for me to miss when someone's angry with me. I'm hypervigilant/hypersensitive to it! In fact, I often think people are mad at me when they're not. So I guess I do still misinterpret other people's emotions after all!

[@queenofallcats7138]

You are awesome. My 17 year old daughter is autistic and you have helped me understand so much!

[@cskellum4]

I really appreciate your videos. I identify with a lot of what you describe, but I’m not direct. I have a hard time even deciding how I feel about something until later, and even then I bottle up my feelings in order to avoid conflict.

[@katie1353]

I find it really difficult to ask for help, so I'm both direct and indirect at the same time. I'm direct in the sense of stating a fact like "the table needs clearing and laying for dinner" but I'm indirect in the sense that I can't for the life of me actually ask someone to do it. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@dustinmiller1591]

I apologize for my typos preciously.

[@jassianterri]

Those scrolling texts totally got me 😂

[@mooncove]

I figured out on my own after going to therapy and reading self-help book after self-help book that I had ADHD around 1994; after thinking I was bipolar & even THAT didn't fit, finding out that _ADHD_ was explained what was wrong with me all my life felt liberating, like a relief like you're describing your autism diagnosis. In fact, I have a lot of autistic traits that I thought were explained by ADHD--like when EVERYONE in my ADHD support group said they had the same problem with fluorescent lights & white computer screens & being able to see them flicker when nobody else could & having insomnia at night from them. Because I think there is some overlap between ADHD and autism; they're both executive-functioning disorders, they both cause emotional dysregulation ... so I didn't look any further. Long story short, I went from job to job within the college where I worked for 15 years when I started having problems that were attributed on my performance appraisal in 2001as my being 'hypersensitive' to smells & lights etc. in the office--as if it was something I needed to work on 'improving.' So I told my supervisor that I had ADHD. And she was all, 'Well, why didn't I know this before? You need to have this documented on paper so we can make reasonable accommodations for your disability.' So, at the time, health insurance didn't cover psychiatry & i had to pay $300 out of pocket to an expert to get an official diagnosis and handed it in thinking I was covered now. So then, over the summer, with the fiscal year starting on June 1, I got a NEW supervisor who came straight out of 9 years in the U.S. army stationed in Germany into management with NO IDEA what my job entailed or how to judge its quality. He was totally military & installed a time clock & would be on my back EVERY DAY for something I had done wrong, And you'd think he'd have some idea that I had a disability, but I had to TELL him I needed a QUIET place to work--even got a written request from the diagnosing psychiatrist. But instead of making 'reasonable accommodation' under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) signed into law by President George H.W. Bush in 1989 as in asking the woman in the mail department that they'd just moved up to our area to turn down her radio because it was keeping me from concentrating, with the passage of the ADA having been a BIG DEAL in 1989 because I was working at the National Technical Institute for the DEAF (with ALL deaf people being automatically qualified by the U.S. government for 100% Disability under Social Security, so none of them EVER has to work a day in their life if they don't want to, yet all the deaf students we worked for were attending a career-oriented college for people who were legally considered disabled from working), but 1989 was before his time because he jusst rolled his eyes & blurted out, 'Oh my God! We had to babysit for a kid with ADHD over the weekend. WHAT A TERROR!' and then told me he couldn't tell Dorothy to turn down her radio, now get back to my desk & get my work done. And then appraisal time rolls around, and for the first time in my whole career starting in 1981, I got an overall 'Needs Improvement' & citing all of the things I couldn't do right because of my ADHD. And then the kicker was the statement I'll NEVER forget or get over: 'Her disabilities are demoralizing to the other employees'! Well, apart from Dorothy, the other employees were DEAF--and got GREAT performance appraisals that year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And after I got laid off from my NEXT job at the same college along with my whole department because of the Strategic Planning Committee that HE was on with the goal of cutting corners, I had PTSD & went back to the only way I knew how to make money, which was freelance interpreting with no benefits, so by 2005, I was in too much PHYSICAL pain to work anymore, combined with 'panic disorder'--which was grounds for Disability, except it was actually misdiagnosed AUTISTIC MELTDOWNS, and as of 2006, I have been on FULL Social Security Disability. So I hope you'll accept me as an autistic person after I scored 38/50 on the Autism Quotient test & asked autistic friends if they thought I could be autistic too & watched tons of videos like yours where I realized that absolutely AUTISM was the diagnosis EVERYONE had missed ... & then I called my GP and told her about my result & why I thought I was autistic ... and she told me that it's NOT worth getting a diagnosis (because it's a LONG & EXPENSIVE process for one, and there's also a shortage of psychiatrists in my area, AND I'm not working or going to school where I need reasonable accommodations anymore--my trauma & pain are so bad at this point I can't leave the HOUSE for all those appointment--plus I don't think she was the LEAST bit surprised that I could be autistic, and even my HUSBAND, who knew a guy with an autistic son, had thought I was but just wasn't saying anything) & that she'd just write it down in my chart that I HAVE it. I'm already severely depressed over the tragic way my mother died, & trying to GET a diagnosis & getting ANOTHER misdiagnosis like you described probably WOULD be THE END for me at the age of 60 with NO abilities, no family, no friends, & NO purpose in life but to be a burden on my husband! Sorry, the idea of getting another FORMAL diagnosis for the autism it's OBVIOUS that I have is an emotionally painful SORE SUBJECT. If you can't believe I autistic without a formal piece of paper, then maybe this is the wrong channel for me because every OTHER autism channel says that a 'self-'diagnosis is acceptable. I'm glad YOU got one & it validated you. It's just not possible for me.

[@MsLisa551]

Yes ... trust me. We feel everything on steroids. My daughter's therapist told her i was narcissist and caused her ptsd. So false!!! It broke my heart.

[@eliah8098]

Needed this today, specifically the part about "you're not a bad person"

[@jeannettegarofalo6876]

Thank you for sharing this infomation, I have an autistic great grandson that I truly want to understand. He is an amazing person,I love watching him play. These vidios really help me interact with him a lot better. Thank you for putting yourself out there and helping people to see people with autism with better understanding. You are a good man, keep up the good work.Once again thank you for helping us understand each other😊❤

[@silviasevilla239]

I am so glad that you looked for a second opinion. You are nothing of those ideas, just autistic and a great creator of autism content. Thank you for your sincerity 🙏🏼 and for doing so much masking. You are awesome!! (Without mask too)

[@johnsmall21]

I haven't been formally diagnosed but scored very highly on the AQ and quite high on the cat q test, and after watching and researching I think I may be autistic, been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, even though I knew I wasn't depressed, no medication or counseling worked, constantly feel like I'm having a meltdown in my head but mask it like nothing is going on, it's hard explaining to people that don't understand

[@sleepyspacegremlin]

I could have written this script. It's bananas how much I relate to you.

[@redtree732]

Your videos are LIFE CHANGING!!! THANK YOU!!!

[@ANNIEIEIO]

Thank you ... brilliant ... but it's like I used to think when I was a very very young girl (third grade) ... I always knew no matter what I was thinking ... the person who thinks they know what I'm thinking is only seeing it through their perception and as such I would never be understood as I simply could not understand them - the problem is we're in the minority so I suppose ... get in line as people can understand racism and bigotry ... but just as I can't BELIEVE or understand for ONE SECOND anyone who wants to exchange borning pleasantries - how can they understand my need to twirl, bend, sing, talk, wonder, look at, blah blah blah and on and on ... can an orange understand and apple? I admire you intensely for working on the very essence of the problem ... I still can't see how telling anyone what I am how that would do anything other than putting me MORE in a box and leaving me LESS able to be in society and my social life shelves went empty years ago ... I'm scrambling with the mice for crumbs - NO ONE GETS ME!

[@lmpaden1]

I really appreciate how throughly you are able to describe how you experience autism. It will definitely help me with my adult son. It is difficult when my son’s behaviors/language is unexpected. I hope your videos will help me advocate for my son.

[@janinacooper4199]

This rings so true, I always felt like a horrible person and that it was my fault. Never good enough to meet the mark, no matter how hard I tried. Come to find out I’m just horrible at being a neurotypical, because I’m not neurotypical. My diagnosis was a relieve, but years of masking left me realizing that I have no idea who I am. The shame and guilt of my failed attempt at life, I have been carrying all my life, is such a big part of my identity that there is so much to unpack. And having to explain to people why, when I have a shutdown or meltdown I cannot just function or why being autistic means that my approach to a lot of things is differently and that I am just different is exhausting. And being told “oh everybody has anxieties”, “everybody struggles with this, that, or the the other thing and therefore everyone ins kind of autistic” are soul crushing statements that downplay how hard it really is. So regardless of my diagnosis it feels like people want to still be able to blame me for my struggles and have a hard time acknowledging that there are differences. Life is an ongoing battle, it’s hard to fight for who we are and self advocate, at least this is my experience.

[@liampaulmassey]

I was originally diagnosed with ADHD but eventually I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome

[@jod9874]

Thank you for your videos. I want to make sure that I am the best mother I can be for both of my autistic children. These videos have been so helpful.

[@tristanwebber4434]

I have just watched parts 1, 2 and 3 back to back. Thank you for providing your insight and experience. Each point resonated with me deeply, and I will be sharing the series with my partner and family. 🙏🙏

[@orionkelly]

I’m grateful to hear that. Thanks.

[@sharonmeredith5779]

After 15yrs working in Disability field, how is it I learned more about Autism by your videos then in 15yrs...and also realised that hubby is Autistic, after 31yrs of marriage is confronting and life changing.

[@jesterr7133]

I got the joke. I was totally reading the ticker at the bottom of the screen while you're talking. I guess we're all alike, LOL

[@gonnfishy2987]

I like your thoughts and experiences around others “crying”. I relate a lot to your experience... i havent cried since before i remember, world like it if i was somehow able; nothing sets me off. I avoid crying people, or just stand there blankly. I don’t want to interrupt their moment. HEY HERE’S A GLASS OF WATER YOU KNOW I DID THIS CRAZY THING ON THE WEEKEND is all i can rationally think might break the mood. But i let people have their moment. It’s better to be thought an idiot than go ahead and remove all doubt...

[@gregoryburne5251]

Tony Attwood, i bet you anything. Hes a gift from God!

[@Destheb3st]

This video meant more to me than anything and I am extremely grateful for what you do , thank you 🙏

[@kollettebrogan-cannon7676]

Wow! I am learning so very much from you. Thank you

[@RobertoRiosbiz]

You are a fantastic host. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

[@edwong4178]

I applaud your videos. I think the trouble arises when neurotypicals judge autistic people based on neurotypical norms, especially when the autistic person is undiagnosed or unaware that they are autistic. On empathy, there is no denying that autistic people have empathy. But I think there are gaps in their empathy, just as they have skill gaps. One of my friends, who is on the spectrum, is excellent at analysing and empathising with situations external to him. As soon as he is in the equation however, for example with me, he becomes unable to appreciate his contribution to the problem and adjust his behaviour accordingly. Unless someone is understanding of his autism, he risks rejection for being difficult or apathetic.

[@philipurban871]

Thank you

[@dispereverent]

Such an important series! Thank you for sharing. You're great to listen to.

[@JETN]

Its unfortunate that misdiagnosis is so common. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, since i have had problems depression on and off through my life. From time to time i was very active but that was due to my intrests. 2 years ago i was diagnosed with asd+add and its given me alot of clarity of who i am/why im me :) Probably the greatest thing to happen to me in the years since.

[@okitssteph]

Thank you Orion 💙

[@sueannevangalen5186]

I wish I'd come across your videos earlier in my journey discovering I'm autistic. These three on what it feels like would have grabbed my attention sooner and I may have had my "aha" moment sooner. The important thing is I got there eventually and got to listen to the videos now. They are extremely validating 😊

[@orionkelly]

I’m so grateful to hear that.

[@ANNIEIEIO]

And yet ... who cares if no one gets me - I do - kitty does - the birds and the trees do - "Who could ask for anything more ... :) Thank you again for your incredible channel - I'm still trying to understand how the hell I made it as far as I have ... no words (well, that's not true - ever ......................................)

[@amandamandamands]

Yep had the misdiagnosis before getting the autism diagnosis which I only got because I looked into it enough to think that it could be possible. The medical profession as a whole needs to get better at what autism looks like as currently it seems to be only people that specialise in autism that know (especially for diagnosing adults). They are diagnosing with what fits best within their knowledge base and I know that one of the criteria for my previous diagnosis is that if there isn't something that is a better fit (paraphrasing), well to them there wasn't a better fit because they didn't know about it. The other thing is that I actually get better support services under my incorrect diagnosis as the government doesn't support level 1 autism which again shows that they don't understand autism either as it is again the belief that because I can communicate in the way that mimics the way that neurotypicals do (and am 'high functioning') that I don't have any support needs.

[@Ionic457]

epiiiic!

[@gonnfishy2987]

This whole video... mmmm relatable. Similar life experiences

[@juru-chanmusic1277]

I was diagnosed as a child with adhd and some things made sense I had question I always asked why my entire life then research and finding out so much stuff being autistic fit the puzzle. :3

[@fluffyworm]

I think I might be autistic, I want to tell it to someone, but I don't know how to do it without saying "I think I might be autistic" because nobody would believe me and take it seriously. I'm afraid that my psychologist or other specialist would assume that I'm lying or making things up.

[@orionkelly]

You’ll never know until you try. But that is a feeling common to many undiagnosed Autistic people.

[@VinnieRattolle]

Let's see... internal struggle, communication difficulty, and a paralyzing worry about how you'll be perceived by others. That sounds indicative of autism to me. Things may get better if you face your fears, Marcin.

[@robynriana396]

I think anyone can easily imagine the stress of trying to converse in a language without being fluent. I only speak one language, English. But still, I experience confusion and stress when communicating, even with my friends. Even with family. It depends on the social languages being spoken! 😲

[@supremelordoftheuniverse5449]

The communication thing is not a contradiction, I'm a great communicator from a stage, always been. Back in school we would get the assignment to read a book, convert it into a play and perform in front of the rest of the class. I would read, write, direct and act the main role and always have the best play. I'm still very good with words, dont have stage fright, I can do humor and magic performances even without planning, improvising on the spot. But take me out of the stage into the audience and everything breaks down, cant do.

[@terraverlage6834]

Hey Orion... love your videos...... I know that there is a saying that " if you have met someone with autism then........ You have met someONE with autism."... But I am still quite surprised that in spite of a lot of the commonalities that we all share on the spectrum which you DID cover in the three separate episodes..,.. that the topic of anxiety was not addressed. I see anxiety addressed in most of the KZbin autism videos and I know that everyone in my family has it... and we are all on the spectrum.... "High" anxiety actually..... Just wondering why that one was not addressed❓

[@MrNatural451]

That's all well and good, but knowing why people hate me doesn't help. I'm still alone.

[@Ayme1285]

That part loud anything loud I get nervous and completely run away

[@TheMusicalElitist]

I still feel stupid because I can't grasp things and I know people get frustrated with me. I feel like crawling into a hole and being left for dead. I don't want to be a burden.

[@juanzero5398]

Passions can often change for us Autistic types. Hard work though can be tough, but once you find the right teacher/learning methods. Personally I can't work hard enough. There has to be purpose, no matter how small or silly. Diagnosis is massive. I got mine a few years ago and it's just like yesterday and I'm still having major revelations and understandings. My whole life. One can understand the abuse better 😐 You feel Autastic some times innit. Diagnosis of symptoms not the cause. So Typical nu ro.

[@Lyandra01]

I like these talks, but the background music makes me feel a bit anxious-especially since I watch these videos on 1.5x speed.

[@DWSP101]

I watched 1-2 videos and now 3 second video was about 83% the same as me. 🥺 The first video was 92% the same as me the second video was 83% the same as me I wonder what the third video will let me see. 95% matches me on the 3rd video you literally made me tear up at my job had to suck in the tears and keep a stoic face so nobody would bother me but quite literally all three of these videos hit me way too hard I really would actually like to have a one-on-one conversation with you and create a connection to better describe how I feel and to hear from another person's autistic experience what you think I know you know medical practitioner and you're not a doctor or a person in the field of it but I feel like people who are autistic usually grasp each other a little bit easier mentally not always emotionally but mentally. Would you like to have a conversation about our similarities in these videos I think it would help to hear someone who sounds so similar to myself and it would make for an interesting conversation.... Don't know if you comments on an old video but I am greatly and deeply profoundly affected by what you have said..!

[@BarbaraMerryGeng]

FYI - an autism diagnosis is not a free pass to access all areas. There are rules & regulations for every set up on this planet. > Once I insisted on attending an opera wearing street clothes & a Micky Mouse hat. I missed the first curtain call - and had to wait on the side entrance for the second act. The usher invited me to take off my molded hat ( it was more of a sculpture piece than a cap. : ) I was inspired to make a scene bc I like attention. The usher explained - that with regards to my seating location, I would be blocking the view of people behind me. - > I saw the logic in that & took off the hat ( which was by the way giving me a headache anyway. ) > I hsve gone through thousands of moments like that; and I’m getting better & better at navigating & negotiating those moments. - > Of course, I was shocked & embarrassed by being “ corrected “ - but in all fairness, the lady was right. I realize that - much later in time. > So many moments like that ! Whew !! But the thing is, it’s kind of fun to interact w. other people & play along w. what’s going on with them. Try to fit in w. their protocols. For example, if there’s a wedding going on - you probably shouldn’t try to start a game of air hockey while the priest is coordinating the bride & groom. 🙃😉 > Yes, we got a lot of tough breaks as we were growing up - but the fact is, I make mistakes, too. I said things, did things, thought of things that were mean & rotten. - Everyone has challenges to face through out their life time. People on the spectrum are not the only ones struggling. Everybody has struggles. I’ve come to see that - we have so much more in common w. each other than differences. - > I find it very helpful to be honest w. my thoughts & feelings. I try to avoid making any judgments on who’s right & who’s wrong. Who’s good & who’s had. > Every living person has a mixture of all sorts of things within them. > I’ve also come to understand- that no one is here to please me or pamper me, despite any handicaps I have. - We each one of us - came here to enjoy life as best we can. Leave the bad stuff behind & keep going forward into new experiences… Every living thing has to grow or die. .. That’s a biological reality. By grow - 💁🏻‍♀️ I mean E V O L V E ……✨

[@martinestok7934]

I absolutely love your video's but unfortunately the music behind them gives me so much stress that i have to watch these video's in small parts because at a certain point it is all im hearing!

[@orionkelly]

Thanks Martine I appreciate it. The background music isn’t part of my videos anymore due to that reason. But unfortunately early videos will still have it. I’m grateful for your time and happy to hear you’re enjoying my videos.

[@mariuszwisla3230]

Gatekeepers please don't turn you back on us, we can't make it alone

[@Ayme1285]

If someone else what's an input from me on a situation or how they feel I draw a blank I don't cry alot I do the opposite confused and scream

[@tiagomacai001]

❤️❤️❤️

[@marglarsen7101]

Neuroexceptional!

[@Eme-Kat]

I believe it's THEY who are not fitting in!!! We are smarter in general... :P

[@vladimirbosak7668]

It is a psychiatric dg. It is a stigma. You may be legally discriminated against. That is the other side of it.

[@Sandman03276]

Thank God for your wife

[@orionkelly]

That’s for sure!

[@lucasoromi]

Please don't use a sudden background sound.

[@martynmitchell8569]

Is their any way to mute that annoying music

[@orionkelly]

Early videos had it. No longer use them. Thanks for hanging in there.

[@emmaloulee]

Why would anyone say any of those things?! Geeze! Man, what the heck

[@holyjolokia]

Omg unwatchable because of background music

[@karmicscope5259]

I don’t understand why, especially since you have sensitivity to sounds, whyyyyyyy you have the competing background music. I’m desperately trying to listen to every one of your videos & the music is making it soooooo difficult. It’s really upsetting. Also, the distracting ticker tape scrolling across the bottom, telling me not to pay attention to it, is rough. I’m sure it’s meant to be funny, but it’s distracting from the message. Every time I see it, I have to rewind the video, cuz I can’t ignore it. Please please stop with music. I’m really trying to learn about myself from you. The music is not needed. It’s overwhelming.

[@Miss_Elaine_]

Orion's latest videos do NOT include the music! 😂 He stopped using background music a couple of years ago. The recent videos are much more fast paced however, and I like this down-tempo Orion, even if the music is distracting. I guess #autistic audiences have their peccadilloes.

[@kdcraft89]

I've always been able to read people's emotions and feel empathy. I'm also a good listener and can make eye contact when I'm listening to someone. When I speak, I cannot make eye contact. In a way, I lose my ability to speak when I make eye contact. When I was young I had selective mutism but people thought me quiet/shy. I'm hopeless at social cues no matter how hard I try. However, I don't communicate the empathy I feel because I apparently don't communicate caring with eye contact and facial expressions, etc. This is why it's a spectrum, there is an unevenness in what developed for each person. I've heard many stories of people not being diagnosed because they could make eye contact or were good listeners. I know a lot about psychology and the diagnostic manual. Many people are poorly trained. A good training program for clinical psychologists will include the fact that no one should take a superficial "cookbbook approach" to diagnosis. Yet the insurance companies in the US require a quick diagnosis. Since the diagnosis of autism-as-we-now-understand-it is relatively recent (as of edition five, the current incarnation) a bunch of professionals will not be well trained, having been trained under previous editions of the manual, and may rely on a superficial understanding of the current diagnostic criteria. (People, including various experts, don't know what they don't know and this is always dangerous if relying on another's expertise). It would be best to have people with deep experience/understanding of autism doing diagnosis. Either they are autistic themselves or have a family member or very close friend as a start. I also think a course that involved listening to the variety of youtube videos might be helpful, though don't expect that to happen. Thank you for sharing your remarkable videos!