Overcoming Betrayal: Healing and Rebuilding Trust in Marriage | The Noble Marriage

[@denverchapman2131]

I completely agree with everything you say here, but finding this difficult because I am married to a non-believer. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with the same things that break my heart.

[@TheNobleMarriage]

Dear @denverchapman2131, I understand the challenge you're facing as a believer married to a non-believer. It can be disheartening when your spouse doesn't share the same values and convictions that are dear to your heart. Remember that you are not alone in this situation. Many others have faced similar struggles. It's important to continue demonstrating God's love and grace in your marriage, even when there are differences in perspectives and beliefs. Pray for your spouse's heart to be open to understanding and for God's guidance in your relationship. Be patient and respectful in your conversations, focusing on building understanding rather than trying to change their beliefs forcefully. Find a community of fellow believers who can offer support, encouragement, and prayer during this challenging time. They can provide valuable insights and advice based on their own experiences. Ultimately, it's crucial to trust God's plan and timing. Keep living out your faith with love and kindness, and let your actions speak louder than words. God can work in miraculous ways, even in the most difficult circumstances. Wishing you strength and wisdom as you navigate this journey

[@MsBrandyDanielle]

Thank y’all for the helpful response and pointing to truth in His word.

[@TheNobleMarriage]

You are so welcome! Reach out to us by email so we can gift you the walking through betrayal course. Thank you again for your question.

[@brightness4617]

My husband use to do that all the time. Stare at other women I felt I was never enough for him no matter how much I tried. Eventually he cheated on me and he later on told me that i drove him to cheat. Here I am a single mum. Who is going to love a single mum? no career, only a little money.

[@TheNobleMarriage]

Thank you for sharing your deeply personal experience with us. It takes courage to open up and express the pain you have endured. I want you to know that your feelings are valid, and my heart goes out to you. I can imagine how difficult it must have been to constantly feel like you weren't enough for your husband, despite your efforts to make the relationship work. It's important to remember that no one should ever be made to feel responsible for another person's decision to cheat. Infidelity is a complex issue that involves personal choices and actions. As a single mom, it's understandable to have concerns about finding love and acceptance. But please know that being a single mom does not define your worth or your ability to be loved. You are strong, resilient, and deserving of love and happiness. Your circumstances do not diminish your value as a person. While it may feel challenging right now, there is hope for the future. Focus on building your own self-worth, nurturing your strengths, growing closer to the Lord and creating a fulfilling life for yourself and your children. Embrace your journey and explore opportunities for personal growth and development. Remember, you are capable of achieving great things, and your current circumstances do not determine your future. If you need support or guidance along the way, please don't hesitate to reach out to trusted friends, family, or professional resources in your community. There are people who can provide the support and encouragement you may need during this time. You are not alone in your experiences, and many single moms have found love, success, and happiness in their lives after divorce. Keep believing in yourself and your worth. You deserve the best that life has to offer. Im praying for your strength, hope, and the belief that brighter days lie ahead.

[@brightness4617]

Thank you for your word of encouragement and for your prayers because I really need it right now. My heart is broken but I know God is slowly mending it back together. Thank you for your ministry. God bless

[@dnaphysics]

I'm so grateful for the ministry of you two, but honestly, based on personal experience I feel like there is something misleading in this conversation. I fear it might be especially misleading to wives trying to make sense of us guys with alien brains. As a normal healthy guy, I can see a hundred beautiful women and find some of them very visually attractive. They could be dressed pretty and conservatively, or near naked and provocatively, it doesn't really matter. They might distract my eyes or thoughts. Yet, never once would I *realistically* think of betraying my wife for any of them. Never. No matter how little they might be wearing. In fact, seeing a beautiful woman more often reminds me of my wife's beauty. But, what might realistically tempt me is if my wife and I have had long periods of serious difficulty in our relationship and somehow we've given up trying to resolve it. After a long time of emotional pain and disconnect, then, under the wrong situation, an attractive, pleasant woman who catches my eye might realistically temp me to interact with her. That would be dangerous. But if our relationship is good, then a beautiful woman walking by is about the same threat level to our marriage as a gorgeous flower or a beautiful sunset or stunning painting - perhaps very appealing to see but not what I realistically want to possess.

[@MsBrandyDanielle]

If another woman can distract your eyes and thoughts as well as be appealing, then how is that being faithful to your wife emotionally and mentally? I’m sure she’s grateful you don’t cross the line physically, but the fact that your temptation of moving towards being physical hangs in the balance of the status of your relationship shows that you’re not whole heartedly one or value God’s gift of your marriage covenant. Our marriage is to mirror Christ and His bride. If other religions look appealing to us, even if we don’t “cross the line” then we’re not honoring our Lord with our heart, soul, and mind.

[@dnaphysics]

@@MsBrandyDanielle The short answer is: Comparing a husband's visual attraction towards a beautiful woman as being unfaithful, is projecting a female mindset onto a male. Men and women are wired differently. It's a complex subject that's hard to describe concisely but I'll try. Forgive me for over-generalizing men and women. It can be insulting, but it's a place to start. Men have a tendency to project their mindset onto women and ask - Why do women let themselves be so emotional! While, women project their mindset onto men and ask - Why do men they let themselves feel attracted! To act morally as Christians requires wisdom. We need to understand the mechanics of this world, including biology and psychology. There are two phenomena at the essence of human biology: * For females, after sex a long term investment in a child can be required. That involves pregnancy and nursing - years of intense dedicated commitment. Their core desire is for a dedicated father. Sin for them tends to be cheating a dedicated father. * For males, after sex a long term investment is biologically optional. Their core desire is for sex. Sin for them is treating sex like a fling and abandoning the mother. Their noble option is becoming a dedicated father. All this is obvious but is a reminder of why we're wired differently mentally. * Men are mostly wired for innate visual attraction. In marriage they must guard against the sin of emotional attraction and acting on that visual attraction outside of marriage. * Women are mostly wired with an innate emotional desire to be loved, cared for, found attractive, and protected. They must guard against actions to satisfy that desire outside marriage. Men tend to incorrectly project their mental constitution onto women and ask, why do women let themselves be so emotional! Women tend to incorrectly project their mental constitution onto men and ask why do men they let themselves feel attracted! The sin boundary for men tends to be the steps beyond visual attraction. The sin boundary for women tends to be the steps beyond wanting to be attractive. Of course, these are huge oversimplifications. There are so many variants and exceptions, but it's a start. The goal is to create stable and loving marriages and families within this complex world of conflicting tensions where sin is possible. Doing so mirrors Christ's love for the church. So, the short answer is: Wisdom is required. Projecting a female mindset onto males won't be healthy. We have to keep exercising compassion for how differently we are wired because of our biology. * Wives need to understand their husband's wiring to love them. * Husbands need to understand their wives wiring to love them. Incidentally, fears and insecurities make this empathy difficult. Sorry for the long answer. I have a feeling I could write a book on the subject. This almost is one! Hopefully it's helpful.

[@MsBrandyDanielle]

@@dnaphysics I understand men and women are designed differently. I do not claim to understand all the complexities of those differences. What I do know is that marriage is a mere glimpse of the union between Christ and His bride, and that we’re called to a selfless, monogamous, life long union. The reasoning you have given for men to be right in their attraction towards any pretty woman sounds a bit like justification for fleshly desires of lust. Forgive me if that sounds harsh. At what point does your harmless attraction and glances that distract your eyes and attention become lust in your opinion? He designed your wife to fulfill those physical desires for you and gave her to you as a gift. Letting another woman satisfy those needs is not monogamous. In the same way you’re your wife’s gift of emotional security and protection. Since women’s needs are mostly emotional, how far is too far for a relationship with a man that’s not her husband? Noticing someone is beautiful is different than enjoying and taking in that beauty as a sunset or flower like you mentioned. Another woman’s beauty isn’t yours to take in any way to satisfy your need for physical attraction. You’re devaluing the gift God has given you in a wife. In the same way letting another man flirt to make me feel attractive would be letting him fulfill needs that God gave me my husband for.

[@EunikaPiotr]

​@@MsBrandyDanielle Good point .It sounds like justification