Overcoming Insecurities w/ Hafu

[@kuri_ken]

2:03:34 “Why is meditation good?” “Because it gives us time outside of our minds” “Why do we need that?” “Because our mind is the source of our suffering” Beautiful and simply put. 🔥

[@kuri_ken]

@@daquaviousbingleton7106 thanks brotha, you too 😎

[@cActUsjUiCe92]

The trick to meditation is to turn your mind into an ally. It's also the title of my favorite book about meditation (Turning the mind into an ally)

[@Kavriel]

It's a very elegant way of describing it. For me, i'd say meditation is good in the same way a workout is good for the body. A trained mind is beautiful and healthy just like a trained body is.

[@Misha0013]

drugs does same. sleep does same. many things do same. its never proven that its "Good". Real enlightened gurus never advice meditation

[@Misha0013]

@@cActUsjUiCe92 there is no trick to meditation. meditation is made up concept by humanity. means its rotten

[@ani4305]

every time Dr K gets passionate about his work he starts speaking really loudly. my dad does too, and that is enough to convince me that all Indian dads are like that

[@ekanshsingh3896]

AMEN sister.

[@darlantro]

(I have been called out as someone who does this a lot. I'm scottish/english but have a PhD in stuff I'm passionate about and talk alot about for my job.)

[@sarahyu8357]

SAME SIS

[@undeny]

Not just india all of south asia, brown dads be like that

[@paulgotik]

Well I live in europe and my dad is the same.

[@mayamalaviya6984]

I think because Hafu has the reputation of being smart & tactical (Pogchamps victory, Hearthstone champ, streaming strategy games for a living, etc) some viewers were expecting her to understand and follow Dr. K's thinking very quickly. I think many associate intelligence with quick understanding. But, we didn’t see quick understanding. We saw a great interrogation of the basics because Hafu was determined to figure it out herself instead of accepting everything as given. I really liked seeing both of them grapple with the topic (even if it felt slightly repetitive at times) because that helps facilitate “true understanding.”

[@JayJay-bj4cn]

Also intelligence can come in different forms: book smart, street smart, and emotional intelligence.

[@Sampltxt]

Based

[@Catlista]

I agree with you.

[@njames_234]

It's hilarious how everyone in Dr. K's chat tries to emulate him lol

[@SuitedSpy]

Yessssss! I agree wholeheartedly, and enjoyed this talk immensely! If your mind is shaped in a certain form, and you're presented with a different mould that your mind could be reshaped into you really need to understand why you'd want to reshape, how to reshape, and what you could gain from trying.

[@TheHaiku2]

Love when Dr. K pauses to think, because I take the thinking pause with him and then compare the outcome of our though processes.

[@starling980]

I do that too and it makes me happy when we ageee

[@didyoustealmyfood8729]

sir this is a wendys

[@MetaLeir93]

he's teaching us to pause and think that's how you listen and have actual conversations

[@Fleshlight_Reviewer]

She looks like Snorlax

[@AXharoth]

more people would benefit from it , truly smart people take time to think instead of jumping to conclusions

[@Sense008]

I really loved this conversation! People found it frustrating, and I agree. I felt frustration too. And then I stopped and thought about why I was feeling frustrated, and I realised because I had an expectation of where this conversation SHOULD go. So I realised the frustration was a result of MY expectation and not of the conversation itself.That was a really cool realisation, I felt like I learned something about myself at that point. And from that point on I just enjoyed the rest of the conversation because I lessened my own expectation, and enjoyed the process and the outcome because I was genuinely curious about it and not expecting it to be a certain way

[@Zenju__]

The "checkmate" moment at 1:08:30 was a misunderstanding - they had mixed up their "yous". At around 33:30, Hafu asked "you're insecure about nothing", meaning Dr. K, but he took that "you" as a hypothetical.

[@cookiedragon8234]

Thank you for clarifying this-I watched live and lost track of what exactly had happened there

[@thorkmunch]

Damn what a beast you are, i was wondering about that but seemed hard to figure out.

[@straizobrando8334]

Ooooh that makes so much sense, only dr k thought she was referring to an impersonal "you"

[@fire9132]

Shieeet I was confused too

[@SiggEye]

Hafu: Can anyone solve all their insecurities? K: So, well, the answer to that, I believe is yes. Hafu: Really? K: Yep Hafu: You're insecure about nothing? K: Yes Hafu: WHAT?! K: Sure Hafu: Zero things? So, zero things that people say to you affects you K: Yes Hafu: Are you Superman, dude? Not gonna lie, but there is little to no room here to misunderstand what "you" meant, at least when she says "Are you Superman, dude?" This was super weird.

[@JoroMuyMazer]

This is a really good example of how Dr K is an amazing teacher because I would get so frustrated with Hafu rejecting my ideas but instead he took the time to rephrase, readdress all her points until she understands. Really inspiring to watch

[@milukacarmagnini4859]

My God. When hafu started breaking down about her early days and how hard it was, I felt her pain so acutely I started crying too. Much love to you both and I love this community

[@IceDemonTouya2]

@@daquaviousbingleton7106 You are a beautiful individual.

[@bikothrifto]

Dr. K addressed and maneuvered the resistance perfectly! Addressing the resistance often relieves the resistance which then allows understanding to come in. I wish I could address my own resistance while it's happening in the moment because I get so defensive.

[@AiZm8]

If you notice your resistance, you can try making a mental (or physical) note and try to have a conversation with yourself about it later when you are in a safer state of mind

[@CoreofShane]

I think the way to address resistance is to not address it. Acknowledge it and let it be. I've been working on this, and I noticed myself having resistance to resistance.. dafuq? Lol. Good luck

[@tejasbinu5025]

A summary of this in a somewhat coherent manner Initially, hafu had already dealt with some big insecurities she had on her own, like her appearance, and came to believe that now those insecurities were much more smaller that it could be just left to be. Then in doing so, she reached a mental block, where she couldn't figure out how to solve these other problems, like getting hate from chat and feeling terrible about it, and not being able to do anything about it. Actually, these are also insecurities, but she couldn't identify them to be insecurities and instead, came to believe that these were out of her control, and were external things. She couldn't control people to be nicer to her, and therefore it's something to be fixed in the world. She didn't realise that the real problem was that she had a small portion in her who felt that way too, and that was the real reason why those words hurt her, and couldn't make the distinction that detachment is different from apathy. The way she dealt with this was using the defense mechanism of having thoughts counter those negative thoughts about herself and this was a temporary fix. Dr K in the end explained to her that the way she fixes this problem is the same way she fixed the problem of her insecurity about her looks. For this, he first convinced her that this also was from an insecurity, not something external. Since Hafu is a very rigid person, and learned to not ever trust anything which other people say blindly (she had to because if she did listen to what other people told, she'd have stopped streaming because "she didn't deserve any of her achievements" according to lots of people), for any convincing to be done, Dr K had to word whatever he told carefully, but he messed up a couple of times, so it kept going on and on. But in the end, it clicked for Hafu and she realised that she was paying too much attention to the wording and thats why she missed the point he was trying to make..

[@bamie16]

Bruh

[@kazuto5612]

People really do have so much time to waste?

[@flavafee]

amazing summary! thank you. this should be pinned!! not just as a TL;DR, but also to ensure that people are seeing why the conversation doesn't seem to go as "smoothly" as it maybe could have

[@dave5194]

Thanks for the write up

[@ToyokaX]

Thanks for this. I had the same feeling about this but didn't know how to put it into words. This analysis sums it up pretty well. She's too focused on the wording and trying to understand the exact meaning of what Dr. K is trying to say rather than the overall concept he's trying to get at. Hafu is focusing on being defensive rather than listening and trying to understand the core of what Dr. K is getting at.

[@Vescilla]

I know a lot of people will find hafu's responses frustrating but I think it's better to say that you don't understand and answer honestly instead of saying "I agree" to not be confrontational. I think she might have been a bit defensive because she wasn't prepared to be vulnerable during the conversation so she didn't want to open up too much and break that wall she had to put up to actually survive on twitch after so much harassment and negativity. I hope she'll talk to Dr K again, I can see she has deeper issues with the topic than she wants to admit based on her responses, because I don't want to believe she was being defensive just for the sake of denying the points.

[@Ohnonono123]

She's just not self-reflective, which isn't great for a podcast where the whole point is to have the guests reflect deeply on their assumptions. Hafu treats this as a debate.

[@scribesarchive289]

As she said “There is nothing els i can do about it” so maybe it should stay that way lmao

[@Aoiyuric]

@@Ohnonono123 Isn't this supposed to basically be a therapy session for the streamer he's talking to? People have their own styles in how they respond to therapy. If hers is liking debate and the debate helps her see his point then that is the point of them conversing. Therapy isn't supposed to work at a super fast pace. Also the reason why she may not be self-reflective as you say is because she has already refleced on many of her issues by herself as its said in the video. The issues the Dr is trying to bring out from her are obviously deeper scars that she doesn't want to expose thus the resistance and debate. The doctor even says the deeper issues she has left aren't things that she has to fix if she's perfectly fine and happy on a daily basis.

[@Vescilla]

@@Ohnonono123 Hafu said she learned a lot after the conversation with Dr K so it was helpful to her, and that's the whole point, right?

[@sn0wfell4eg]

Good comment

[@sallijunttila3006]

I find it fascinating and just overall great how hafu talks back cause it means she's really trying to change her own view by understanding something instead of just believing. I'm the exact same most of the time.

[@AtraxaApologist]

It's really sad how a lot of people's main concern is with the entertainment value here. Complaining that she's "not self-reflective", "treating it like a debate", "asking too many questions". This isn't reality TV. Sure, it's not exactly a therapy session, and it's more on the edge of a Podcast. But just for comparison: You're being exactly like the kids in a classroom who get mad at other kids for asking questions. In fact, it's more like you're sitting next to someone during a personal tutor-session, and you're on the side lines saying things like "Oh my god how do you not get it yet?" and "Stop asking why, and just accept it". While it might not be an actual therapy session, it's still a space that a lot of people come for self-improvement. You're making it harder for everyone, including yourself, by treating it this way. If Hafu disagreed with everything Dr. K had said, and just nodded through the whole thing, she'd walk away with nothing. You'd walk away with nothing. Dr K would walk away with nothing, and it'd be 120 minutes of nothing being achieved. Naturally, feeling frustrated about it might be the first thing to cross your mind depending on who you are. And I'm not saying that you should bash yourself for feeling that. But you shouldn't be unleashing that frustration into hurtful comments.

[@Muscaplays]

I agree 100%. I mean actual Therapy can sometimes be like an debate too. Just an debate to clarify how you actually feel.

[@MatrixOne500]

Some people are just awful people; she just happens to be one of them. Hopefully this helps her improve and reflect. There's nothing wrong with pointing that out.

[@AtraxaApologist]

@@MatrixOne500 Howwww does being insecure about being bullied for being a woman make her an awful person? You need help.

[@Muscaplays]

@@MatrixOne500 How is she awful?

[@Zevven]

@@MatrixOne500 ???

[@tataru1298]

"You can fix an insecurity OR you can accept that you're insecure, which then gives you dettachment from it" Very good advice. I heard of the second part of Dr K's advice from Steven Universe (from the episode called "Mindful Education"). It's just phrased a little different in the cartoon: *"You have to be honest about how bad it feels so you can move on. That's how it was for me."* I have used this advice many times and it works.

[@roscommon-]

Dr K’s hair is looking nice tbh I like the flow

[@conor7187]

10:38 I've actually adopted "can I think for a second". I find my mind races when I'm trying to make things clear. So recently I used it and it works very well.

[@dragonmaid1360]

Nice. Havent used it yet but i plan too

[@conor7187]

@@dragonmaid1360 here's a good example of what went on in my head. I thought to myself "not knowing what medical problem you have is the worst" Then I realised actually it's not, cancer is worse. If you know you have cancer, then.. 🤷 It's an example, not a very good one, but I found myself not standing behind what my initial thought was. I imagine this is one reason why Dr K takes a pause. He probably has so many thoughts that he wants to make himself clear and precise. While also making it digestible for Twitch chat. Using a bunch of medical English would get lost of most people. I like it!

[@TheUltimateLmx]

Man, I loved this, this interview was actually the good shit, I love back and forth, and struggling, honest attempts at communication and questioning and looking for understanding, this was the shit, Hafu is one of my favorite guests

[@minty_drawer6925]

personally i think hafu has this huge protective outer shell which she has built over the years. it is because she had to do that to keep on streaming and not to get hurt. and even though things are a bit better now, she still has this small fear that once she loses her guard and opens the shell, she will get influenced or will lose whatever she had. that is why it was so hard for her to accept dr k's advice.. i relate to this because even i have this nature..i listen and hear everything but i let very very less things affect me.. i am so proud that she was so brave to stream this..she is one of my fav streamers and i just love her so much

[@ellahanson9412]

There's a really profound clip of Hasanabi reacting to a Hafu clip about being a female streamer. During her competative gaming days there was a qualifiying team whose name was "We're gonna r*pe Hafu". I can't imagine what she went through on twitch during her livestreams. I'm so glad things are better now for her

[@buchstaben-suppe]

oh god I don’t want to imagine that.. so awful. I’m glad it’s better now for her and I personally make sure there are no sour sally’s in her twitch chat!! She’s a very kind soul with a big heart.

[@idontcare9041]

Really awful gamer terminology of the old days. People don't understand how good Hafu actually was. She was pretty much the best druid in the most difficult "server group". I played a lot of arena back then and switched class at some point and really looked up to her. I learned a lot from watching her gameplay.

[@najrenchelf2751]

How the hell did that team name even get through Terms of Service literally anywhere? That’s a threat... WTF?

[@AiZm8]

Dr K is amazing to navigate Hafu’s resistance and work well together, towards seeing Hafu coming to understand what Dr K is saying is really satisfying

[@levelup2014]

1:25:00- Why you allow yourself to check for insecurities/hate 1:44:00~ Understanding your resistance is important for why you cant understand something

[@nakedxlemon]

I don’t claim to know the interworkings of her mind, but it almost seems like her insecurity is her being insecure about her possibly being insecure...

[@ExpexTex]

Couldn't agree more. It was so hard to watch as I felt like Dr k was so close the whole time.

[@s-tierkeyboardwarrior-lvl4686]

I struggle with meta-gaming myself into oblivion, and that’s definitely what was happening imo.

[@Wtb_skill]

That's fear at work.

[@soulance8342]

The only thing you have to fear is... Fear itself!

[@syloui]

I have that problem lol

[@slehbencheikh2950]

everyone is talking about how "annoying" hafu was and how incredibly well Dr.K interacted with her , and while i do agree Dr.K is very good at his job , i would prefere not seeing comments that are attacking hafu for not being receptive and just immetdiately trusting him , she has been through a lot, so let's try to be chill

[@TotalGoatHead]

YES exactly, they watch this about what streamers/hafu has to go through and also not help at all and are worsening the communitive comments plus adding onto what Hafu has to go through with the negativity

[@csanadtemesvari9251]

Then don't watch the comment section lol. Why are you trying to tell other people what to do? I never understood that.

[@slehbencheikh2950]

@@csanadtemesvari9251 what ? Lmao how tf was I supposed to know people were gonna react this way if I didn’t look at the comment’s section in the first place , I wasn’t rude or spread any hate I just gave my opinion that’s it. I didn’t tell people what to do , I just said “ let’s try to be chill “ I’m not commanding anybody. Asking for politeness and understanding is not telling people what to do

[@ScorpionF1RE_USA]

She is annoying. If you don't like it, then there's the door.

[@elliesart_]

Yes ❤❤❤

[@mm-uj2ff]

Imagine if exurb1a came on this, that would be so interesting

[@vboo6250]

I don’t think I’m mature enough to understand them together. It would be sooooo philosophical

[@vojtas4561]

This!

[@buenobars3378]

wait we NEED this

[@Vivivofi]

OH MY GOD YES

[@beanylase]

WE NEED TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN

[@chimkens]

I watched this live, but only caught the latter half. I was surprised to see how chat was relating to Hafu and saying positive things. Good job gamers!!!

[@worldgoesround9]

I'm really new to hafu, I only know her from the Among Us games with the OTV crew but seeing how hard it was for her made me really want to give her a hug

[@VIIlncent]

This session is extremely helpful for people who have never come in contact with all the approaches Dr. K is trying to propose. She might be slow to grasp these concepts but that only proves the differences in our mindsets and that even a person as smart as her can have difficulty due to different experiences and thought patterns. Through her questioning him so thoroughly I could take away some helpful information myself - even though I understood those things a long time ago.

[@dudaseifert]

this was really really good. i also felt a lot like hafu in these, the urge to push back is what creates true understanding for me. if some part of the explanation is nagging me, if i don't challenge it, i won't get it

[@Fufufugityryduv]

Hafu's very intelligent and appears to be the type of person who thinks three steps ahead of everyone else, hence her proficiency in strategy based games like Hearthstone. This means that she overthinks everything, which leads to her overcomplicating simple problems. To quote the meme, she's playing checkers like it's 4D chess. She internalizes her problems (common with people who are introverts or have a lot of self-hatred) while also being in denial of them, causing cognitive dissonance. Her denial seems like her way of putting up an emotional/mental barrier to protect herself, which may explain why she deflected Dr. K's statements so many times. They came to a better understanding towards the end of the stream though, so maybe this can be a step forward for her to recognize and overcome her insecurities.

[@carvman217]

Very nice analysis!!

[@Andrey0153]

she didn't seem to me like she understood anything by the end of it... or, she still didn't agree with Dr. K's conclusions. Just seemed very detached to me, not all impressed. You can see that clearly when she recaps what she learned at the end, and basically the only thing that comes to her mind is "I'm rigid?"

[@Zevven]

Congrats , you perfectly described INFJ mind in work and why her INTJ fiance doesn't overthink stuff

[@SugarSk8er]

Would love to see a series where Dr. K reviews some of the interesting moments of past interviews and gives an insight to his thoughtprocess and general ideas around the issues adressed.

[@SugarSk8er]

@@daquaviousbingleton7106 Thanks for looking out bro :-) Hope you have a blessed day aswell friend.

[@dragonmaid1360]

Yes me too. His own responses and emotiins at times are revealing. Id like to know how he analyses them.

[@qartsy3952]

I dunno everytime I go out meet people I get extremely nervous before and during the meeting but it fades away. This happens every time even if I’ve met the person multiple times before

[@yaboyradish3072]

I can highly relate to this. Its like I'm meeting the same person for the first time everytime.

[@Ulitmatemuffin]

I used to go through this extremely often. Idk how it went away but I remember the feeling. I think it’s normal but I think it may come from some internal anxiety about how people may perceive you and a belief that they may perceive you differently every time they see you.

[@AXharoth]

uncertainty

[@brendawei]

I don’t, I’m a classic Gemini. But that’s not the point. The point is, during this global pandemic, we understand people are not the same. And even that I am not socially awkward, but I am understanding people with these feelings. It must be rough.

[@Bonkoodle]

Is there a reason you can think of for why you might get nervous? Such as not being confident in your social skills, worrying about whether they'll judge you, that you might say something stupid and regret it etc. Finding the root of where your nerves come from would be a good place to start being able to work on it.

[@mister_circle]

Amazing interview! I really appreciate how Hafu was questioning and testing Dr K's claims. Because what Dr K says and the solutions he suggests do make sense in the end, and that becomes much more apparent when what he says survives Hafu's scrutiny.

[@michaelh878]

Yeah some of his explanations are poorly worded but others just pretend to follow when it is clear they arent. Was good to see someone being honest and getting him to explain things better.

[@fungling7982]

@@michaelh878 I've watched enough of Dr K to come to a point where I understand most everything he says clearly

[@michaelh878]

@@fungling7982 Yes I think that's the issue. Shouldn't expect streamers who don't to be in the same position.

[@Nairozet]

The way i went about these "hurtful" comments was by laying it out in front of me with other examples. hurtful vs "just a comment". If something was hurting me, then it must be a lie. But if "a lie" was the reason for me to hurt, then EVERY lie would have to hurt. So what makes one lie different then the other. And this took me a while to "see". This was also the biggest eye-opener for me. It was not about who said it or what was said, but how *i* felt/thought about it. I may be a 100% certified nice guy, but if there's a part of me that *believes* i'm an ass, then the comments that affirm what i believe, will hurt. Nothing that hurts me if the fault of outsiders, it's my own doing. I choose to allow it. It's just not a simple choice to make, as you first need to acknowledge it's you, then figure out what/where it is, acknowledge and understand it and then you can get to accepting/dealing with it.

[@tejasbinu5025]

Well said.

[@AXharoth]

thats some good insight , thx for sharing

[@nishadkhudabux1558]

Definitely needs to be a Hafu part 2

[@FlashNei]

I remember Hafu talking about wanting to do this. I'm glad she was able to put time towards this and for herself. She really deserves it. 😃

[@annak3325]

you know, i actually think this was a great thing to witness. like people are kind of saying how shes resisting and being argumentative but this goes a long way. do you see how we are able to see this? we are able to recognize this which is great because it brings more to the surface of how our minds work and what flaw patterns occur when we try to push things down

[@kaichuwoo723]

Followed Hafu since her Hearthstone days. Love how real and grounded she is and she's always really insightful with the games she plays. Grade A human being

[@BardianAngel]

"I thought religion was all accepting!" I may have cackled at that bit.

[@azriel5]

Lol same

[@alexp.4270]

The innocence.

[@Dhalin]

If Christianity were done _properly_ it would be all accepting. Sadly... almost nobody does it properly.

[@AXharoth]

depends what religion

[@oscarwong4201]

@@Dhalin what do you mean? Christianity never accepted sins

[@Jcalvo09]

im kind of a HafuStan now. Shes vulnerable but shes pretty strongwilled. Keep it going girl

[@peterbedford449]

If you're watching this just know it gets more cooperative towards the end of the conversation. She's a bit resistant at first, which probably comes down to different styles styles of thinking or different perspectives, but once she gets what Doctor K is talking about or his perspective, she is more agreeable or understanding towards the end of the conversation.

[@ajdrumming4116]

1:44:23 remaining is the out of context clip for anyone who wants it.

[@an.cr.9676]

Bro....

[@Nomfyy]

You mean 21:25?

[@jayrodriguez7109]

@@Nomfyy finally thank you

[@kitn2507]

He said remaining

[@AiSard]

I think the most surprising thing was how Hafu was surprised at the 'rigid' comment. Her mind is like a steel trap lol. A steel trap that is honestly willing to entertain you, before snapping you in half. It was fascinating watching Dr.K trying to navigate a way through her mental processes, and how (intellectually) open she was to the attempts, but also how quick she could evolve her positions once she (finally) understood / was willing to understand the points he was making.

[@bamie16]

I have not read the comments but please don't be disappointed that this isnt a conversation with a great flow and a (couple) big breakthroughs. The missmatch in perspectives was pretty interesting to see. Hafu seems like a person that is very science driven, as in, a question needs to be clear and the answer is definite. E.g. 2:03:00 where she asks whats meditation and what is it good for? Just like in a game. You do ability X, and it does Y in situation Z.

[@mikasasukasa4479]

I thoroughly enjoyed how different this talk with hafu was. i clicked because i had a feeling it would be like this.

[@mike8102]

“Chad thundercock” fucking killed me

[@JavierCastellan]

I am not familiar with Hafu and her content, but there's one thing I learned today: She is VERY smart.

[@shanartz]

I really like listening to these streams

[@brendawei]

Yes, I heard of Dr K but yesterday was my first time watching the stream. It’s amazing.

[@hawwtpocket9366]

Props to Dr.K for his patience and Hafu for eventually lessening her resistance to understand a different perspective. Great demonstration by Dr.K of keeping his composure and managing to get through to someone who is in denial and feels that he/she is right.

[@Theheavyhenk]

For everyone thats confused at 1:08:42 I think when they were talking about ''can everyone solve their insecurities?'' (33:33), doc was talking about, can you as a person, and hafu might've thought he was talking about himself when he said yes. Like when hafu asked: ''are you insecure about nothing'' i think doctor K mightve thought: you as in, can people be insecure about nothing. thats why he reacted with, they they...

[@Stolens87]

I remember her early days and the shit that was talked about her. She is an amazing gamer, smart person and charismatic af. But maybe her biggest accomplishment is being a big reason why the situation for female streamer/gamer has improved. Because boys tried to break her and reduced her. But she prevailed and opened up discussions that we should not do that because it is shitty. A lot of people realized that and changed. Sure, there are still a lot of people being shitty but today they face headwind from others in the peergroup which support the target. Hafu had not that support back then...

[@reverie5825]

It was definitely a misunderstanding of the issue that drew out the conversation, with the plastic surgery example Hafu made the connection between "fine with appearance" and not needing to do anything to change it - inaction. That doesn't work well with "fine with sexism" or "fine with racism." Eventually, somehow, they get to the correct understanding where she's still allowed to ban people, she just doesn't have to suffer for it, and the "resistance" goes away. The example of going through chat history to make sure the ban is fair seems to also be the same misunderstanding. Checking to make sure someone is toxic and banning them from the chat isn't necessarily an emotional reaction, as Hafu brings up examples of the most neutral and harmless insults from someone still not something she wants to allow in the community. That person who's consistently being negative in the chat would be someone she doesn't want to hang out with, no matter her security. This conversation felt weird to me, I'm not sure why it was so difficult to figure out the holdup.

[@shantaeforsmash8287]

She just has a different way of thinking, which is perfectly ok

[@MrGreendayzed]

Strange he's never had this many misunderstanding with anyone else. It's like one person is in their own world.

[@reverie5825]

Hafu hasn't been the only one to put up resistance to Dr. K's analyses. Misunderstanding and resistance has happened (in different moments) in the recent Anita stream, and the most recent Train stream, it's not something new.

[@MediaWorkify]

24:30 LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL DR K's facial expressions man, love this guy

[@coldplayer119able]

Samskara sounds like sum-scar and it totally works. It's a scar that is the sum of all our past pain. This changed my perspective on why I'm like this.

[@homiekeen23]

This was actually one of the most real sessions out there. This is the reality of a lot of people who are struggling out there and why things don't seem to get better no matter how much advice there is. What Hafu is doing here out loud is what most people do internally, they'd be listening and nodding in the moment and agreeing, but a few minutes or hours or days later you just start questioning everything again and find yourself without answers to these new questions or clapbacks or "evidence" that the advice was wrong.

[@ErdTirdMans]

Christ. The way she just cracks completely apart at 23 minutes is heartbreaking. Pretty obvious how unresolved and barely paved over those feelings were

[@Cross3dPoisons]

This is the kindof armchair psychology that frustrates me about some of the people that watch these videos

[@Kyrmana]

@@Cross3dPoisons Cool

[@cCinnabun]

excited to watch this as i missed it yesterday! :)

[@DogsRLunch]

When Dr. K said that pain and pleasure are on a completely different axis then suffering and contentment is when I think it really hit home for me (and Hafu). He’s such a blessing to the streamer world and I love these sessions.

[@tachiiderp]

I think the teachable moment is how it's okay to feel insecure. Understand what you're feeling and instead of avoiding or burying the negative feelings you feel, honestly explore it and try to understand why you feel that certain way. And once you understand why you feel the way you do, and this could be due to a variety of reasons, make an attempt to change your behaviours and how you react to it. One way is to "just don't feel that way", but there are other ways to deal with it, like inherently no longer finding a problem with people shitting on you. Or don't let it build up inside you and just talk to someone about it. You can easily shit on anonymous trolls on the internet the way they shit on you, and usually that's enough to not be affected by them. I think the goal is not to have pent up feelings, so you're less likely to feel overwhelmed all at once.

[@Lloyd-Finlard]

1:24:29 My guy had to use his third eye to try see the sense in that

[@unknownentity8256]

Activated his sharingan

[@Madmole20]

I clicked on this because I like Hafu, but I found that I relate to her struggles so much more than I thought I would. This was extremely informative, and I really appreciate all the questions she asked because she expressed many of the doubts that I had as well. I know a lot of people were frustrated by this session, but I found it extremely insightful.

[@ScorpionF1RE_USA]

I don't care for her.

[@emmettchan5545]

@@ScorpionF1RE_USA why do you feel the need to insult her, especially towards someone who relates deeply to her?

[@homelessengineer5498]

1:11:00 Ironically, by letting go of the attachment of having no attachments, Dr K got closer to enlightenment. This is some Zen, 3 million IQ, 8D underwater tic tac toe shit.

[@CutenessMonsters]

I can relate to Hafu. I always had to understand first before accepting. I think everyone really is like that. But, like Hafu, I built up a lot of understanding of the world around me and unless someone takes the time to help us understand, it will take A LOT of suffering to get through to the other side and receive the wisdom behind the lesson. It would seem like I’m rigid but the pushback is really a form of respect because we think we can learn from this person (i.e., Dr. K in this vid). But I can see the exasperation that Dr. K has. That’s probably the same exasperation I see in others when we get into conversations about things I don’t understand. I am proud that Hafu pushed back as much as she did, not feigning understanding when there isn’t yet. That was courageous and smart. I have to give credit to my psychologist for sticking with me the way Dr. K did here. If not for mentors and coaches like them, it would take forever and a lot of suffering to learn life lessons and that’s a painful experience that don’t need to happen if we can get the help from fellow humans.

[@leahbamxo]

sooo disappointed with the chat and some of the comments below regarding this conversation. i dont know how anyone can sit here and try to invalidate her emotions and try to say she's wrong or genuinely challenge what she is feeling. its the great part of these talks with all the different guests- they all have their own struggles and they approach these conversations so differently, so i dont know why people attacked her so hard here. i think we can learn a LOT from someone who "pushes back" because dr. k may not be "used" to this approach.

[@leahbamxo]

(i just want to add that i know its a small bunch that arent supportive. most of the community is always so great, but this time it just felt a little more than usual)

[@shantaeforsmash8287]

I don't get what people mean by her 'pushing back', I think she's just less agreeable

[@izs6946]

This isn't also the first time we had a guest like this, you guys remember Michael Reeves?

[@tejasbinu5025]

Its understandable that she is that close minded too. If she took in things without putting them under such scrutiny, she'd have never made it as a streamer because of all the people complaining how "she doesn't deserve any of her achievements". I don't think people understand that part and that's why are hating on her...

[@tejasbinu5025]

@@ezaf5989 what kinda stupid ass logic is that

[@pamperedpanda9913]

Through this podcast I find that I’m pretty similar to her. Open to new experiences but rigid in opinion and still thinking I’m a very open person. It’s an eye opening to see it motion in another person and really benefited greatly from the straightforward way of talking or should I say challenging.

[@cizlerable]

This was like watching a mirror of my mind. She kept saying what I was thinking. I was also annoyed by the many times she interrupted dr K. Thanks, because she kept saying what I was thinking. This might have been a little annoying to watch, but also informative. I agree, tell me what it means to sit between inhaling and exhaling ;).

[@joeymorales2565]

not so sure myself, but i kinda of understood it as trying to focus on a singular moment while also letting other things continue simultaneously. like you're focusing on that point of the breathe, but not holding your breathe. it's an action that requires all your focus to maintain, which allows you to not think, while at the same time tricking you into calming your senses through deep and relaxed breathing.

[@desuburinga]

What a great interview! I actually find myself enjoying the disagreement and seeing how Dr. K navigates through it all. Thanks Hafu for challenging Dr. K.

[@adamumu4048]

21:22

[@maximilian2843]

gold

[@A68AGaming]

thanks, was looking for the context

[@MadMarco]

thanks, legend

[@illiiilli24601]

thanks

[@adamumu4048]

@@daquaviousbingleton7106 thanks

[@FaalKoriim]

The elaboration and discussion following 1:40:00 changed my life.

[@pedrolaguna6584]

I wish we could interview Doctor K. so he could feel nice too.

[@devilmayclarify666]

So passive aggressive

[@CoyoteStarrk88]

Hafu is such a wonderful person. I wish her the best.

[@spriddlez]

I love Dr. K's "come at me bro" attitude.

[@mingle27]

I love how when you asked her what are you happy about with your appearance, she stopped and then she started laughing with uncomfortableness because that's such a personal question to say out loud,and I think she felt like by saying it out loud it gave it validity. The reassuring that it was bigger than she wanted to say it was LOL. Man I love you Dr.. K! You just bring it on out No Holds Barred

[@emilpettersson4509]

Where is this? I must have missed it

[@ahmadlansari5224]

Am I the only one who enjoyed how "Hafu" articulated her feelings and thoughts!

[@KayleJudicator]

Same, i love it about her.

[@chaos1controlchaos264]

2:03:35 The meditation that I found useful for me is ironically a meditation that makes you travel deeper in your mind and thoughts.

[@jvc8949]

It's really sad to hear that Hafu has considered quitting. Years ago when I played Hearthstone actively, Hafu was the streamer that I admired the most. I thought that she was probably the best Hearthstone arena player in the world. Her 12 win games were mind blowing to watch. I learned a lot from her and became better player myself.

[@xLOVESUPREME]

i love this convo. i love the way she pushes back, her skepticism reminds me a lot of me.

[@hugevibez]

Good to have you back doc!

[@clockwork_mind]

43:33 "I thought religion was all accepting!" As someone raised in a religious cult, this was the hardest I've laughed all week. (Not trying to make fun of her, I just found the difference in perspective amusing.)

[@acetheone1401]

Seeing him go from passionate doctor, to a bad ass passionate doctor, is amazing.

[@VarietyShow]

Oh man, I was watching Hafu back in 2014, probably the time when she experienced the most abuse. Was truly heartbreaking seeing how often she’d be crying on stream. Really glad to hear she’s in a better place now!

[@Manwhofeels]

I have to say, I barely ever comment on your videos but I really for once enjoyed watching the streamer disagreeing, having their own opinions and resisting. I tend to think this is more interesting than when one doesn't speak their mind. I also enjoyed the checkmate moment from Hafu, that clarified that what Dr K. said wasn't completely understood by many (Him being supposedly enlightened).

[@isaiahhernandez6510]

Beautiful conversation ☺️

[@pieties563]

This was so good I would love to see another follow up with Hafu.

[@Ecastilla_]

I would love Hafu part 2!

[@Snowjob109]

the way she pushed back about believing she deserves what she has makes me think she's still insecure about actually believing she deserves what she has

[@Jay-el9iz]

Maybe. Maybe she built attachment to the belief that she deserves what she has and she expresses it.

[@Snowjob109]

@@Jay-el9iz maybe. maybe one wouldnt need to constantly affirm it like they're trying to convince themselves if it were true. Nice talk, bud

[@Jay-el9iz]

@@Snowjob109 maybe

[@zomgaeriesdies]

she logically believes she deserves her success. but there's some emotional trauma at the lowest point in her life where she didn't feel like she deserved it or was that good at games. negative comments about that trauma trigger her or can cause a breakdown, which is why she's constantly telling herself to ignore it and not feel that way. She needs to fully accept the trauma and her feelings around those moments in order to become happier than she is.

[@richierebolios1813]

Imposter syndrome

[@DorneysHouseofGames]

I am in love with this conversation

[@lilymelodie7128]

I like that she was saying when she didn't understood something. Sometimes people say that they understand when they don't to shrough it off and pass to something esle and that's a thing that frustrate me. I can appreciate the effort that she put on the conversation.

[@blarblablarblar]

This was probably one of the more interesting sessions I've watched lmao

[@ScorpionF1RE_USA]

No actually it wasn't! LMAO

[@blarblablarblar]

@@ScorpionF1RE_USA glad to know you can read my mind

[@kankam3828]

The misogyny in gaming comes from the idea that girls don't play games. So when a girl does play games, they get the noob treatment indefinitely. When a guy plays games, the presumption is they've been playing longer

[@chrischickering1959]

Yes it's so pathetic it makes me want to hurl

[@johnkish6381]

@@chrischickering1959 even that misogyny at the end of the day comes from a place of hurt, the beginning of “gamer culture” was a bunch of guys who were looked down at by society and had to build their own comforts that they could escape to. Having the world come in and burst that bubble is painful.

[@chrischickering1959]

@@johnkish6381 "bursting their bubble" is treating a female gamer with common decency and respect? I don't recognize this pain you are speaking of. It's an outdated shitty trope to assume a girl is worse at a game.

[@ABirdOnTheMoon]

People are either too agreeable or don't understand that Hafu isn't being hard .. she is just trying to communicate her part .. it is really unkind to attack her personality just because you will choose something different. She is not being challenging .. she is telling the truth .. It is better than going through it and when the screen time is over .. you got nothing. She is so studious that she is trying to be present and understand it all .. even if she doesn't agree with i.t

[@NessyontheGo]

I come here to psychoanalyze my own thoughts, meanwhile people in the comments are here to "psychoanalyze" Hafu. It's kind of weird because while people are getting frustrated by Hafu expressing her resistance, they too are resisting the experience and what that means to them. (Does it bother you when people don't quickly respond in the way that you're hoping for? Why? Do they have to respond the same way as you? Is there another way to view the situation? Can you extend compassion for someone who is struggling, but can't see past the struggle?) I found it pretty helpful though and took a few notes of my own samskaras that came up.

[@kavertx9167]

This one was incredibly helpful for me! I can relate to so much of what was talked about. Thanks, Dr.K!

[@Joako184]

Props to Dr. K to have that kind of patience, her holding onto EXACTLY what he said and emphazasing really hard instead of going deeper on the meaning of it, got me triggered really hard.

[@ED-cl7nl]

I like how seeing Dr. K not get annoyed in the first half of this interview is actually getting me to believe in enlightenment. Case proved

[@fungling7982]

I'm not sure if there is a way to prove that enlightenment exists but it's certainly something to strive for

[@gagem5252]

This episode is like watching a sword battle

[@cryptorcd9352]

Love this one. THis is probably my favorite streamer stream because of so much back and forth

[@zakaria-c7s]

I wanna see jacksepticeye or pewdiepie in one of these episodes

[@hugevibez]

You wrote jackspedicy wrong

[@noahmurdereyes1173]

please don't invite them

[@ThePredator1110]

@@noahmurdereyes1173 what do you have against them especially jack

[@Juan444tv]

@@sarang8585 why?

[@tejasbinu5025]

@@sarang8585 I really want PewDiePie to come on here so that people like you can finally see him for what he is rather than what media potrays him to be..

[@wi2rd]

Meditation is consciously focusing the mind. The point is that by focusing the mind consciously you get more control over it, you become more like a surfer on the ocean instead of someone drowning in the chaos of the sea. There is nothing good or bad about it, just like there is nothing good or bad about doing push-ups. What makes things good or bad in this universe is context. Only when you are trying to reach a specific goal, when you find yourself at a crossroads, going left or right might define the right and wrong choice.

[@Hekinsieden]

A Wild Samskara has appeared!

[@yiklongtay6029]

I think an easier analogy for him to use to express his hypothesis is that Hafu's mental state is like a house. There is a sh*t show outside of her house that can get in. When Hafu tells herself not to feel bad, she perceives it as if she is preventing the negativity from getting into her house. Instead, negativity has already seeped in and she is coping by ignoring and minimizing the mess instead of processing it. It's like sweeping broken glass into the corner of the room instead of picking it up and throwing it out. Sure, you have minimized its effects. But you are going to get small and tolerable cuts every day from stray pieces. This isn't even considering the fact that you may be accumulating broken glass (i.e. internalising online negative affirmations) without a method of processing and letting go of any of it.

[@annak3325]

ohh thanks for your input!

[@annak3325]

sweeping things under the rug!