Overcoming the Sexual Urge

[@nigelsheppard625]

Sound advice. Accept it, neither ignore or indulge the sensation.

[@1bertoncelj]

An importan note here imo is rhayyoi need to: Accept it as "enjoy" it 😊 not accept as i am suffering because of it and i accept my torment

[@j.m.kocsis2557]

Excellent advice. Thank you Bhantes. Sex is really just nerve endings, chemicals, and thoughts of self. Pornography is a money making industry that promotes abuse, addiction, and of course, wrong view. Why let these things enslave the mind?

[@DelRealSergio]

Thank you for this, venerables. Please consider doing more reflections about sexuality in particular; I think it is fair to say that it is the strongest conditioning and the most difficult to deal with for us lay people. It would also be great if the venerables could speak a bit about their own experiences in dealing with lust and sexual desire. 🙏🏻

[@bodhipala3]

Dear Venerables: Anumodana for your particular way of conveying the Buddha's teachings. Thank you. My ears pricked up when, in one of these talks, Ven. Thaniyo piped in to point out that it is important not to transfer or develop an aversion towards the object of one's desires and begin to blame/hate the women or men that provoke desire in us. This is the source of objectification of people - a condition that erodes sila very quickly. Because it is a common response for those who are unaware of the depth of this teaching, may I suggest that you bring up this point more often - for the good of all.

[@sonamtsheringlepchalepcha8218]

Thank u ajahn for this precious wisdom.

[@cariyaputta]

Thanks for the talk venerable. This is my issue too. It's good to see a NoFap fellow seeking the Buddha's teaching.

[@harpreetsingh5545]

dear sir, thank you for the teaching that is so important to my current experience. For the past 2 months, I have been breaking the restraint constantly. I am now trying to establish myself in the context of responsibility for my actions and my current existence. I have been thinking about how I am liable to pain right now, and that is because I have allowed myself to become like that. Furthermore, I am currently contemplating that it is on me to break precepts or uphold precepts. Could you please give me some advice on how to establish myself further in responsibility so that I DO NOT IGNORE AND ALLOW myself to be swept away by desire? Thank you, sir. I am thankful that you are uploading weekly!

[@HillsideHermitage]

You have to foresee and restrain seemingly small actions that inevitably lead you towards more serious actions of breaking the precepts. So, pay attention to small choices and acts you do throughout the day, that are not necessarily unwholesome in and of themselves. Refrain from them so that you don't end up in a position where you are unable to say "no" to the desires.

[@Limemill]

Not a bhante, but there's been an interesting brain study recently showing, basically, that "willpower" strongly correlates with the presence of internal conflict. That is, as long as you keep simply observing the presence of internal conflict you will be able to withhold. For you to give in to a strong craving, you need to let the conflict between what that craving wants and what you want slip away from sight. So, kind of staying mindful of your own resistance to craving all the way until that particular instance of craving subsides

[@NoobTube4148]

That was really good. Simple, but explained in an instructive manner. All that’s left is for those so inclined to put this into practice. Alas….

[@gustyganesha.3109]

Wise words and suggestions, may God bless you in everything Amen, greetings from us in Indonesia.😊🙏

[@anthonychan3336]

Day 100/200. God damn it I just wanted to relapse today and go to some massage place and this pop up. Stop reading my mind!!!! 🤣

[@znrctrnn]

Well, are you still no fap?

[@sonamtsheringlepchalepcha8218]

Thank u venerables,ur channel is helping me in every aspects. Im really thankful.

[@KapilGaikwad-dg2ob]

My threefold homage to you Most Venerable Sir! I've been observing the precepts and practicing "Cittanupassana" since this Monday using some guidelines provided to me by a Venerable Theravadin Bhikkhu from Vietnam (As taught by Sayadaw U Tejaniya, Myanmar). Could you please provide me with some valuable instructions regarding it and tips that would be conducive to my sadhana? Before this technique, I practiced Vipassana since July this year (as taught in the S.N Goenka's tradition), and I am new to this. So yeah, please guide me Bhante. 🙏 (I've read the Cittanupassana part from the Mahasatipatthana Sutta though.)

[@andreashofer5494]

Thank you. Please more videos on sensuality/sexuality. 🙏

[@ToKiniAndy]

Brilliant thumbnail.

[@ToKiniAndy]

And brilliant short talk. 🙏

[@SpritualJourney55336]

Thank you for you insightful talk. I have progressed very much as a Putujana and am seing wonderful results. Right view one understands has nothing to do as one previously thought wtih finding an missing answer as right view is not letting oneself go wtith the pressure of the grain towards an object but seeing the pressure of that grain as a phenomena in itself that has arisen on its own which is a completely different dirrection then going with that pressure and trying to give an answer to it (which is what the pressure wants you to do) and it makes you trapped (look at the thought it is the cause of your doubt,anger not this doubt, anger). The starting point is when we have a doubt to crave against the content implying "neither my craving nor assumption that the content is the problem and the solution is not the problem" but this content of my doubt is my problem and my missing answer that I am missing is the problem and hence there is some missing answer that I need to find out that can replace this. But if one realizes that that is the starting point and beacuse the problem is assumed in the content and something that can replace this is also assumed that means I will not have faith and belief be able to endure the doubt as my faith and belief implies the problem is in the content and I can replace it by finding the missing answers. In other words I in order to have faith to endure which is my own responsiblity I need to remove the starting point faith,belief and views as they imply me not having faith and belief that I can endure and instead putting faith that the problem is the content of the doubt and the solution is finding the missing answer or the replacement which means I am not responsible for my faith and belief and therefor can endure wtih faith and belief. To all beginners have patience you will make progress do a meditation technique and understand what we usually have no clue about namely that we have free will to volitionaly believe a good belief and stop believing our bad beliefs because usually when we believe something bad we believe our bad belief to be truth and not realize that we are the one volitionaly choosing what to believe and hence what becomes truth for us. That way we take our power back. Dont even think about the right view implying it is posisble for you to attain it because that will become a trap for you because you will believe that you will gain faith,belief by finding the right view which means you are in no control of your faith and belief while in reality we have free will always to choose volitionaly our faith and belief by either stop believing the bad belief that we are believing or believe a good belief. Very important.

[@fingerprint5511]

I just see this urge as any other, like hunger, thirst, sleeping, and so on, i just allow mind to join in the fantasises that appear, like when hungry or sleepy, its just the survival brain, the body rupa is designed for procreation - amd eating, sleeping etc. Its important to remember this, that its not me and its going to pass and i wont die if i dont appease the urge. Anapanasati and object medtition, even holding something like a Buddha rupa can help for focus. Thank you Bhante

[@Selen304]

This "joining fantasies that appear in mind", flowing away with those fantasies, isn't it delusional and unwholesome? I have been suffering from these fantasies for long long time.

[@bodhitkunwar2731]

Dear bhante, Having or not having craving is not our choice. The fact that the pressure already feels unpleasant means there is already craving. But not acting out of craving is in our choice and that is the first step towards eradicating craving entirely. Am I understanding it correctly?

[@Eli.Winthrop]

Thank you , Bhante 🙏🏻

[@victorgranet2661]

Thank you Bhantes.

[@janerikedvartsen]

Brilliant! Thank you Bhante.

[@Tony-yw4ns]

Can not see how you will pull this off staying in household 😊

[@TheApatheticGuy]

Gotta admit, I did chuckle when I saw Bhante react to the phrase "nofap". Not a phrase I expect in association with bhikkus lol. I have a genetic disorder called Kallmann Syndrome where my body makes little to no of its own testosterone. As a result I have to get medication, as T levels affect many functions of the body and not just a sexual drive. For me when I look at people satisfying these desires at all costs, it reminds me of what Ajahn Chah said after sticking his pinky into his nostril: "this is all it is, your mind makes up the rest". As a result I've always been curious about people who feel like sexual desire is a domineering force in their lives. Is the pressure really that powerful? My own subjective experience has been more or less in line with what Chah said by default. Do monks really go crazy from this drug of sexual desire?

[@TrismegistusH]

No offense but of course you wouldn’t understand if you don’t have this naturally within you. Is something you can’t ignore. However, I do believe try e majority of us were indoctrinated to be like this how society and culture put sexual acts in a pedestal.

[@TheApatheticGuy]

@dcktater7847 Life without testosterone, from my own subjective human experience, is a living hell. Mentally, it's a constant hell realm. Yeah there is no sexual urge whatsoever but thats a problem if you expect intimacy with a wife or husband. Physically you have no energy and no appetite. When my levels reached near 0, I had advanced IBS symptoms and when I could poop solid at all it came out pale and white. I would cry for no real conceptual reason. In short the body starts to die. My problem is not due to castration but I imagine it wouldn't have many good effects for you. If you're frustrated with your T levels then just be patient because most men are desperate to increase theirs again as they get older. Also please do not compare your biological systems with a dog. For hopefully obvious reasons.

[@caiqueportolira]

It is absolutely insane, it was particularly oppressing during puberty: I'd get hard from just looking at normal girls, and would stay hard for hours. Truly a nightmare.

[@Limemill]

This is by far the most powerful of all urges programmed into us by nature, right after the need to eat and drink. It's key for the survival of the species, so no wonder it's so powerful in humans (and other animals, I presume). Different people will have different libidos, but in general wars have been fought over this, it is *that* potent. And in addition to desires of purely sexual nature you have the whole emotional and romantic mesh around it. Pretty sure in a regular person sex withdrawals have to be as strong as heroin withdrawals. Can be debilitating really

[@iunionompm]

Maintain mindfulness as persistently as possible. You will soon see the arising of thoughts associated with sex- when such thoughts arise and you catch them early, you can easily return to your mindfulness object. With durable practice, sense restraint will arise as a consequence of persistent mindfulness. Intellectualizing on drawbacks helps, but in my experience not remotely close to seeing arising and abandoning.

[@DarkKnightLives]

In the "No Joy No Misery" booklet uploaded on Telegram, there seems to be a typo. In the answer to first question on 2nd Page, or the 3rd question overall, shouldn't it be "Through sense restraint, you start training yourself towards the joylessness of non-sensuality . " instead of "Through sense restraint, you start training yourself towards the joylessness of sensuality . ". Correct me if I am wrong Bhante. Very much grateful for your work. May we all cross the sea of samsara.

[@DarkKnightLives]

@thaniyothero3563 , So non-sensuality is joyless and through sense restraint we train towards joylessness of non-sensuality. Is this correct?

[@Arthulizenx]

Thank you

[@the_rightpill7859]

bro what a very xlear and consise way of eaplaoning it

[@marianaurelian1986]

My 4th year now of nofap thing is I have some anger issues and stuff but I also live in the world not on top of some peaceful mountain doing meditation 24/7

[@alecogden12345]

So the itch actually comes from the body - no body, no itch? (...And choosing to scratch is how one is 'born', so to speak?)

[@HillsideHermitage]

No, the itch comes from being undeveloped/ignorant (avijja) in regard to your own body. Full understanding of the nature of the body frees you from the itch, while the body remains.

[@alecogden12345]

​@@HillsideHermitage Ok thanks, I was thinking the body can still be hungry but the desire to eat is no longer? (Perhaps the knowledge that this body will die if it doesn't get fed isn't the itch you're referring to, otherwise, why would an arahant bother to eat?

[@FRED-gx2qk]

Thank you Bhikkus🤓

[@Ndo01]

Incredible

[@cajuputoil3468]

sadhu sadhu Bhante..

[@dassavilokantara439]

Solid

[@rihhard1072]

Based even

[@sebclement6253]

bro took thugging it out to a transcendent level@@rihhard1072

[@dassavilokantara439]

Indeed. Very based.

[@skiplee5490]

I don't understand why a vulgar slang term is used?

[@hanjobanjo4886]

Dear Banthe, maybe you can help me. I suffer only thinking about of giving up sensuality. It would almost make me suicidal. Why is that? Ive been married have a kid. And still i believe having a beautiful relationship with a women is one of the most beautiful things in this world. I understand intellectually the teachings but my heart is just not in line we that thought. Something feels like going against nature or yeah i dont know... i would like to understand your point not intellectually but also feel that as a truth. But yeah you said in one video you cannot explain to someone on the foothill how it is on the mountain top. I would really like to know how it was for you before you decided to take that step? If so, was it hard? It would be really nice to see video of you where you could once explain, why you decided to take that path? And yeah i also think that we as humans ow it to our species to reproduce. If all man became monks this humanity would be wiped out very soon. Thank you so much 🙏🙏🙏❤

[@HillsideHermitage]

If the Nature's intended purpose of sexuality is to reproduce the human race, then there is even less excuse for masturbation and sexual intercourse for the sake of pleasure.

[@hanjobanjo4886]

Thank you very much Banthe! 🙏 I really appreciate you answering me.

[@StanleyFamilyFun]

Can someone help me with this. I’m starting to understand equating Upādāna with assumption in regard to sensuality but having trouble with using it in regard to virtue and duty. How am I assuming vs clinging ? Thanks long time listener

[@ismetcardak]

If you have zeal towards it, if you get offended/defensive if someone challenges your views, that's upadana. What makes it upadana is your attitude.

[@wordscapes5690]

Covering up the objects of sexual attraction is transferring your sensual difficulties onto the object instead of the origin of that sensual attraction. Meditating on the repulsiveness of sensual pleasures is not always good advice, as many people are drawn to certain sensual pleasures specifically because they are repulsive. Building aversion is itself a sensual desire - a desire for aversion for sensual pleasure, which will also come with pride (which is worse). Total denial and force is not the answer. It is also important, particularly for westerners, to explain that sensual pleasures are not “sins” or “sinful” in the western sense. They are obstacles that need to be overcome as they are distractions merely. I have noticed with westerners, and their Judeo-Christian baggage, a HUGE part of releasing clinging to sexual desire is so bound up with self-conscious guilt that they go to all-or-nothing extremes that are often more of a hinderance than the desire itself.

[@hariharry391]

🙏

[@Copimi]

Whats wrong with sex and faping??! I mean.. why?

[@Truthseeker21000]

Masturbation is an act of desperation, an attempt to satisfy a pull which will never be fully satiated and only gain more and more control over a man, the more he gives into the pressure.

[@warren2010]

Nothing per se. But if you are striving for a higher goal, that goal might be far away when a low hanging fruit presents itself constantly and you reach for that constantly.

[@justiceearth9702]

But sex is not an itch that shouldn’t be scratched. Sexual pleasure and desire is natural, why get rid of it or abstain from it? Now if the sexual desire leads to harmful acts against self or others than it’s another story.

[@GirlsChase]

If your goal is anagami or arahant, it's a necessity, but if you're content with sottappana in this life or even sakadagami, then you're okay with indulging (to a degree; everyone's mileage may vary). Many householders in the suttas who were sottappana or sakdagami and were content with their wives/husbands.

[@justiceearth9702]

@@aaronrussell6241 I guess I do not perceive yearning or craving as a state of suffering. I think desire is natural and necessary in this world. It can propel a person to do great things. Especially, sexual energy. We wouldn’t be here if not for it. However, I do understand the need to be uncontrolled by those cravings. Yet to get rid of them all together is not beneficial in my opinion.

[@yoooyoyooo]

What you are proposing is simply not Buddist. Nobody said Buddhism is natural it's artificial. If you want to be natural simply don't do any practices and there you go. Also natural doesn't mean it's good. It's natural to kill for food for example, is killing good? It's natural for a cat to "play" with a mouse before it eats it. Ask the mouse how he likes it. Anyway natural does not equal good.

[@samuelcharles7642]

@@yoooyoyoooYeah but the person didn’t claim that it was “good”, just natural. It’s neither good nor bad inherently.

[@AlexandarShmex]

@@GirlsChase Mahayana Buddhists schools disagree. My current stance is that full enlightenment is possible while indulging in sexual life motivated by love, but even that is impossible for most people. Since we know that Arhantship is impossible for most people who are very dedicated, that chance is a lot lower when sexuality is indulged in.

[@marianrose1259]

If bodies are repulsive, why have you decorated yours with a tattoo?🙏🏻

[@HillsideHermitage]

Because I wasn't born as a monk.

[@marianrose1259]

@@HillsideHermitageA fair answer, thanks, but surely Buddhism favours a human body and gratitude could be offered rather than summoning the feeling of repulsion? Just a thought🙏🏻

[@cassieA4]

@@marianrose1259 the Buddha wanted his disciples to use the body to free themselves from the attachment to the body. Its just the anicca nature of the body that is to disintegrate, fall sick and eventually die the hidden danger in the body. If one doesn't remove desire towards it we are liable to suffer sooner or later.

[@Gilgamesh827]

@@marianrose1259 Check out Sn 4.9 Magandiya Sutta.