Parents of Disabled Children, Do You Regret Having Your Children?

[@jenniferbates2811]

My mom was a social worker for 29 years and she always said that genetic testing should be mandatory. So many of these parents are unaware of what can happen, also so many siblings suffer so much emotionally and physically.

[@Zeno7741]

Your mother is doing Lords work 🙂👍

[@jenniferbates2811]

@@Zeno7741 🤗

[@MrCanada420mma]

lol i made a similar comment on a different video, got labeled as a eugenics supporting nazi. i get the feeling if i was female i wouldn't get criticized nearly as much.

[@ARGHHHHHHHH]

Some people are trying to “cure” autism by finding a way to detect autism in the womb and forcing parents to abort. I think that if parents want these children and fit the requirements to be a parent of children who need accommodations they should be able to have these children, unless the condition is so debilitating for the child that it wouldn’t be right to bring them into the world to suffer.

[@jenniferbates2811]

@@ARGHHHHHHHH ADHD and ASD is hereditary. Mental health Issues are hereditary as well.

[@phtevlin]

I'm a retired RN. I was taking care of a "developmentally delayed" woman--age 20 something, mind of a small child. I was in the room when her loving mother finally realized she could no longer care for her & would have to "place her in a home". Her weeping was heartbreaking.

[@cotton3399]

God that must be terrible. I feel nothing but sympathy for her.

[@rayajayce2034]

@Brandy Baker sounds like your parents are one of the lucky "upper crust" to afford this luxury for your brother.

[@ChristinaOstil115]

The mother was lied to by society like me.

[@paigelovette8156]

@Brandy Baker Respectfully, you sound extremely out of touch. This statement alone tells me you come from money and your parents are doing incredible financially. Your family is part of the 3% who can afford to put your brother in a very very nice home for disabilities. But for those of us who dont have money, that's a pipe dream.

[@rayajayce2034]

@Brandy Baker look at how many people agreed with my comment and/or added similar. Your brother's setup is unattainable for most families in the USA. Either 1) there is wealth in your family or a benefactor you do not know about, (either legal or otherwise), or 2) your parents know someone within the system wh has helped them get this lux set-up for your brother. Either situation is plausible. What isn't plausible is that this situation is standard for those in your brother's level of need and your family's reported financial status.

[@mezzokitty247]

What this thread is about is part of the reason I don’t ever want to have kids, especially with me being autistic. If I had a child with a severe disability, like autism much more severe than mine (thank God I’m high functioning, can’t imagine what mine, my sister and my parents’ lives would be like otherwise), I would have no idea how to take care of them. I feel like I would be too selfish to be able to give up my life to care for someone who is going to be a child forever (on top of likely never feeling the maternal instincts that many talk about “naturally” happening once a baby is born, whether the baby has/ends up with a mental disability or not). Kudos to the parents that are willing to do this, y’all are very strong and selfless people. However, remember that it is always ok to ask for help from others and don’t be afraid to admit when you are feeling that caregiver burnout.

[@C4TC4T]

Honestly I feel the same

[@BrightWulph]

I feel this and I'm also high functioning, taking care of a nurotyppical child is difficult enough. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like taking care of a low functioning nurodivergent child.

[@Aether-azurr]

i can't handle small childeren, and having to deal with one for the rest of my life seems like it would detroy me

[@ARGHHHHHHHH]

I always feel like a burden, but then I remember that it isn’t my fault either, and both me and my family are going to work through this together, and we both need to give some effort. Don’t feel like you could have had it worse just because it could’ve been harder for your family. I support you! We can do this!

[@Lokian_Mermaid]

Both of my children have high functioning autism too and neither really wants children of their own. Their autism doesn't have anything to do with it, they just want other things for their lives. I want my children to be happy and to get to live the lives they want. I also hope you get to be happy and live your best life for you. ❤️

[@MeepChangeling]

As a disabled person, I would have very much have preferred if there was some kind of genetic screening process which prevented my parents from being allowed to have kids due to what they would inflict on their children. Everyone screams "Somebody think of the children!" but everyone is okay with children being made without the ability to understand other people's emotions amongst other issues.

[@Griffin050A1t]

That must be difficult to live with, I hope that you are enjoying your life in your own way

[@spyromello4624]

I mean there are screening tests now on disabilities you may carry (for both men and women) and in the US most insurances won’t cover it and they get expensive. I know you wrote that part in a different context but it’s possible they didn’t know. My mom was shocked to learn what I had available to me and what I had to take test wise during my pregnancy as it’s drastically different from the 90s. Depending on when you were born, they may not have had the option to know.

[@damien678]

While it's fair for you to wish you weren't born disabled... It's not fair to deny the rest of us a chance at life because of your own personal perspective. I have autism, and chronic pain (among other things). I feel lonely a lot because of how my autism makes it hard AF to socialise, and I am nearly in constant physical pain. I'm still extremely glad to be alive. I would will myself into existence in pure rage if my parents tried to abort me *just* because I'd end up disabled. These are my pains to deal with and it should be my decision whether I continue on with them or not.

[@crackheadpete4171]

I know a dude with 4/5 siblings with cerebral palsy. He is the only one who doesn’t have it. Tbh I think it’s selfish of someone to keep having kids knowing the struggles the kids will face, and that if they outlive you they will subpar care in a home :( makes me sad.

[@charlietaube4026]

@@crackheadpete4171 everyone has the right to reproduction, it isn’t selfish it is your right, are people starving in the streets selfish for asking for food and slightly inconveniencing us?

[@MrCanada420mma]

probably an unpopular opinion: its a scumbag move when parents of disabled/handicapped children try to place the responsibility of taking care of the disabled/handicapped child on their other normal kids.

[@mullerpotgieter]

No. That's what any moral human being thinks. Look up parentification. Its abuse. Period

[@tochie-ugorji2021]

That's not an unpopular opinion. It's pretty trashy to force your children to be a sibling's caretaker.

[@TheAnonyomusGuy]

I know that at least in america doing that is illegal

[@skylinefever]

Reddit childfree if full of older siblings forced to be unpaid babysitters. They then determined that having children is bullshit.

[@briannaevans6977]

Definitely a popular opinion. If it were my sister I’d obviously help her because that’s my sister and I love her. I’d definitely be less inclined if it came with expectations and entitlement on the people who are supposed to be both of our caretakers (our parents). HOWEVER for me this isn’t the case. she’s much smarter than me and too close in age for me to have been able to take care of her. So I don’t know what that feels like. Our parents have been good to us both

[@JanetEsq]

I have tears in my eyes. My 32 year old son has ADHD, Asperger's and Tourette's. Things look good for him to eventually be independent but his functionality waivers. Unless you have tens of millions of dollars (I don't), these kids could end up in a government run facility where, well, you know the words. Hugs to all.

[@timothyclark803]

I have Asperger's. Probably mild ADD, too, but the Asperger's is the only official diagnosis. Have known plenty of people with Tourette's. I am fully independent even though I don't have full control over my emotional faculties like neurotypical people do. I will always be a little restless, impulsive and struggle with basic social skills because empathy is hard for me. I am 35 and have been active duty Navy for the last 11 years. Therapy and parents who wouldn't ever let me be lazy or use my diagnosis as an excuse for bad behavior are why I am able to enjoy my independence. One thing my parents told me often was instead of trying to use normal methods of parenting they found ways to deal with unwanted behaviors that didn't make me feel like I was being humiliated or treated lesser. But, he will spend the rest of his life being bullied or ostrascized in some way. Make sure you instill a sense of self confidence in him as that will be the only solace he will have in a world that will never fully accept people like us.

[@elijah1494]

Dont worry your not alone all you can do is stay strong and keep your head up

[@juliemcneely-kirwan9314]

I don't think the public options are so terrible, anymore. Talk to a social worker about what your child's options might be.

[@rdred8693]

That's so sad. I read a story years ago on Women's World. The adult son had Downs, but didn't look like he did. He was handsome and very attached to his mother, who was elderly. She was worried about what would happen to him when she passed away. His siblings hated him and would not help him. I never forgot the story, and wish I still had the issue. I hope he is okay! It's so sad

[@Coastpsych_fi99]

I empathise. I’m technically high functioning but life is so hard with ADHD/ASD. Many of struggle across functioning spectrums so it’s a genuine concern mentally and economically raising children that are disabled.

[@mamasass2229]

One of the worst things you can do to your disabled child, in the long run, is force their care onto their sibling(s). A lot of parents realize this, but too many don't. I had to have a hard conversation with my parents (separately) to make it clear to them I can't do this for my brother. Thankfully, they never planned on making me responsible for him. They're taking the necessary steps to make sure it never falls to me to take care of him. I know I'm supposed to love him. And sometimes I do. But he's done so much to hurt me, and he uses his disabilities as an excuse for so many things... I can't take care of him.

[@AkameGaKillfan777]

He thinks he's entitled to your care? Yeah, screw him.

[@tochie-ugorji2021]

You don't owe him a thing.

[@Queen-sp2tv]

What kind of disability your bro have?

[@lisachristinaconfirmed5067]

Sometimes disabilities are truly are why disabled people mess up. They would do well if they could .

[@awesomenannette3022]

I applaud you for recognizing your feelings regarding this matter and for your bravery to have the conversation with your parents. You matter!! Thank Goodness, you were strong enough to advocate for yourself.

[@munteanurodica2252]

This is why making children is gambling with human life. I will never have children, especially when myself I am battling depression. I wont give my issues to an innocent human being who didnt ask to be born.

[@thebestcentaur]

If I never marry, I’ll never take care of kids in any capacity

[@billyoung8118]

I greatly respect your wise decision!

[@dnc2115]

I developed mental health issues after having my children. Had i known my mind would default into whatever mode its in now i would've probably not had my children. My depression gets fed every day with the worry of what my kids have to endure with my mind being the way it is. I wish i could give them a normal mum who doesn't cry or yell, doesnt take medication that makes her sleepy and isn't afraid to go outside. Hindsight eh 🤷‍♀️

[@foxsox1852]

same here, im a recovered heroin addict with ADHD, BPD, depression, and anxiety (not even to MENTION my health issues) and I would NEVER be selfish enough to bring another living being into the world with this fucked up DNA. it's disgusting that people would rather chance bringing someone into this world just to suffer the whole time instead of being willing to even CONSIDER adopting and it's all because they have this psychopathic need to have another version of themselves in the world...shit is absolutely repulsive and unimaginably selfish

[@derpyy3689]

@@foxsox1852 Spot on, its selfish to bring another child into the world when you have your own shit you need to work on. (Not directed at you)

[@SandraSine40]

4:20 my ex-coworker has an autistic son who does not speak (3yo ATT) one day, she came to work and announced that he parroted a sentence his kindergarten teacher said, and she was so happy for that whole day. It breaks my heart just thinking about it, the things we take for granted mean so much for others.

[@Legacy-sw7bv]

No child should be responsible for their younger/older disabled siblings, disability or not. It can be incredibly difficult, downright mentally destructive to have to deal with a severely disabled child, but that's why we have therapists and other professionals to help. Bottom line, if you choose to keep a very limited functioning child, good on you, but they're YOUR responsibility, not your other children's. If you can't handle multiple children, don't have that many. If you can't handle a disabled child, give them to someone who can. No sibling should have to throw away their childhood because a parent couldn't care for their own children themselves.

[@tochie-ugorji2021]

Very true. Parentification of siblings has extremely negative effects on the child. Children shouldn't have to sacrifice their childhoods for any reason.

[@skylinefever]

I make the point that if people want grandbabies, they had better not make their older children raise the other ones. They grow up to say that I did my time and had enough.

[@redraven8963]

Care giver burnout is a real thing.

[@bizzyg5751]

I used to watch Born This Way. It's about teenagers and young adults with Down Syndrome. There was this episode when the moms talked about whether they regretted having their children, and, honestly, I was hoping for this kind of brutal honesty whether they regretted it or not. But all but one mother seemed uncomfortable, and only that one mother was brutally honest, admitting it was too late to regret it but she wouldn't do it again. When your child is typical or highly functioning, your life revolves around your child. When your child is disabled and dependent, you live for your child and pray they don't outlive you.

[@skylinefever]

I love when people tell hard truths.

[@Lucigrieves28]

Yay for hard truth

[@vivienneschwan9946]

Another reason of why I am glad, that there is public healthcare in Germany: If you are a parent of a disabled child caring for them is already hard enough. Hearing all these stories of people who had to worry about money or were in debt because they had to pay for their child’s treatment ist heartbreaking. Saying that I am not sure what the insurance actually covers but I wish for every parent to get the (financial) help they need because those parents are awesome and selfless for caring for their children lovingly, sometimes severely restricting their own lives to accommodate.

[@AkameGaKillfan777]

Insurance really isn't a strongpoint in the U.S.

[@magnarcreed3801]

Or just give free genetic screening and let dumb parents deal with the consequences. I’d rather pay for a few tests per every person vs pay for a leech that has a human life span.

[@surlywithfabshoes]

The dad with the girl he put in the car and hooked the exhaust to the tail pipe lived in my province. He actually went to jail for a very long time. It was the most polarizing case in the history of my country. Euthanasia debates are still ongoing due to the nature of this case.

[@tsrenis]

personally i dont think people with disabilities should be murdered

[@waifu_png_pl6854]

the fact that a right to live and die with dignity instead of suffering for years is debatable saddens me. theres nothing to be gained if someone wont ever get better and chooses death for themselves by forcefully keeping them alive like a science experiment about endurance

[@dnkmmr69420]

what do you mean by "hooked the exhaust to the tail pipe"?

[@laurenheard5187]

This is a strong part of why I'm contemplating getting medically sterilized. My younger sister has special needs (mental disability, severe depression and anxiety, and a number of physical health concerns). It could be due to my mom being 45 when she had her, her being born prematurely, and oxygen deprivation due to a collapsed lung and pneumonia at birth. But even with all this I fear deeply that it is partly genetic. Apparently my grandmother (mom's mom) was also mentally disabled as well as dangerously bipolar 1. I struggle with my own mental health but am medicated and living a full life despite it. My sister is 20 years old but mentally I'd say about 8. I know when my mother passes I'll have to care for my sister in some capacity. The idea of having a neurotypical child overwhelms me, but the idea of having a child like my sister or one with more substantial disability just makes me want to rip out my entire uterus with my bare hands.

[@magnarcreed3801]

It’s probably genetic then. Wouldn’t risk it.

[@JL-iu7fk]

You will miss out on the greatest love that you will ever feel.

[@magnarcreed3801]

@@JL-iu7fk Na fam. I’m not narcissistic like that. Don’t need something to have my dna and have my hormones fucked with to love something completely and fully.

[@skylinefever]

@@JL-iu7fk Meanwhile, what does the child get out of it? Better off never to have existed.

[@EclecticallyEccentric]

​@@JL-iu7fkNot necessarily. There are plenty of parents who don't feel that kind of love for their children.

[@iamjoelle1556]

I am the parent.. i often regret having my kid. I feel like im watching life happening around me. And i cant participate. My kid requires a lot of time and attention. Significantly more than normal kids his age. His particular issues prevents me from keeping a job and childcare. So were financially struggling. I cant take him out in public. So i miss out on events and dont have any friends. Im never able to just relax. I always have something to worry about. Some fire to put out. Im anxious, depressed, broke, and sleep deprived. Thats my day to day. And i think what cuts the most is knowing my chikd will never lead a normal life. Hell never marry, have kids, go to college, no sports, etc etc. For a long time i held on to this idea that where we were now was just temporary. Hell get there, he just needs more time. Those visions of the future used to sustain me. Unfortunately, as my kid got older, the reality of it was constantly being resolidified in my head. And no matter how hard i tried, there was nothing i coukd actually do to give him those things.

[@chuckchizzle]

A fellow I knew had a child as a teenager, they child was very very disabled and he used to always be upset when he couldn't do the "normal" things fathers want to do with their sons. The child passed (around 7) and both parents seemed relieved. They started a whole new life and never had another child.

[@melaniemills4505]

My time to shine. My mother had my younger sister in 1969 when she was 42. My sister didn't hit the usual milestones as did my older brother and I...as a result, my sister wasn't diagnosed with anything until she was four years old...and the diagnose was mental retardation...as she got older the diagnosis changed to severe mental retardation with autistic tendencies. My mother was in serious denial for a long time concerning my sister...saying she was "going thru a phase" and would snap out of it one day. Well finally my sister's diagnosis sunk into my mother's head and she automatically became a martyr. My older brother had mental issues mainly due to my mother mollycoddling him all his life but that is a different story for another time. I automatically became the scapegoat child.. I was the blame for every single bit of misery or misfortune my mother had to endure. She criticized me constantly and found fault with everything I did or didn't do. To say my childhood was sad is an understatement. My mother drummed it into my head since I was eight years old that I would be my siblings 24/7 caregiver when she died...which was any day in her mind because not only was my mother a narcissist, she was a hypochondriac as well and that she "didn't envy me one bit" and would tell me I'd be better off if I just killed myself. Long story short, my brother ended up dying in 1995 due to emphysema from his heavy smoking habit. I defied my mother by leaving home at the age of 21 in 1984. My mother did everything to keep me around and to try and convince me what a benefit it would be to be a constant caregiver to my sister because she'd get an SSI check...as this would be adequate compensation to care for an adult toddler. My mother tried to thwart every relationship I ever had...I got into some very bad relationships due very low self esteem as a result of my mother's constant mental/verbal abuse of me. I ended up having three kids though who I love with all my heart and would never think of telling them to do something so vile as to kill themselves as my mother suggested to me often. My sister ended up in a group home in 1987 where she resides to this day. My father...who was a functioning alcoholic...died in 2000 and my mother died in 2006. I'm currently my sister's partial guardian...mainly I have to approve of medication changes or medical treatments. I only see my sister once a year when her care plan is up for review...which is nothing more than rehashing the same crap every single year as if her life is going to improve. There was a time when my mother was at my place caring for my kids when they were little, while I was taking a college class and my next door neighbor came over to use my phone (pre cell phone days) after she made the call she said my mother had her to sit down and talk with her. She tells me that my mother talked about my sister for an hour and a half...and in-between this she was telling her what a horrible person I was...that I was fat, lazy, useless and content to being a welfare bum...she said she wanted to say...uh, well isn't Melanie taking college classes...doesn't sound like she's too lazy to me. She said my mother never once said anything about her grandchildren...all she talked about was how adorable my sister was, how cute she was, how sweet and loving she was...my sister was physically violent with herself and others before being put on some heavy duty medications in case you were wondering...my neighbor said she made an excuse to leave because she couldn't stand listening to my mother praise my sister and b*tch about me. She then told me she felt so bad for me and doesn't understand why I'm as sane as I am having to endure growing up with a mother like her. My sister is 52 and I pray every day to get the news that she passed away. I just want this five decade nightmare to be over. The fact that children like my sister exist in this world is the reason I do not believe in God. My brother and I were cheated out of a sister, my parents were cheated out of a daughter, my kids were cheated out of an Auntie. If there was any justice in this world my mother would have miscarried. Sorry for the rant. Thanks for reading this. 😑

[@emmybammy3393]

Damn….I’m sorry dawg, I hope for the best of u

[@tochie-ugorji2021]

That's rough. I hope you're doing better now.

[@bravejelly2615]

Your mother sounds like a monster and I'm very sorry for you, I fully understand why you mention not believing in god with what you had endured. It may be useless, but you still have your children who appear to be well and healthy, focus on them and on whatever joy you can have in life, leave the rest behind, ignore it and be happy, I really wish you the best

[@melaniemills4505]

@@bravejelly2615 Update: My sister died in 2022 at the age of 53 from kidney failure due to years of having diabetes insipitus. I'll be honest and tell you that I bought myself a mini bottle of champagne and drank it the day I got that call. 😎👍

[@melaniemills4505]

@@bravejelly2615 ...Update: My sister passed away in 2022 due to kidney failure. I'll be honest and tell you that I bought myself a mini bottle of champagne and drank it when I got the call. Felt like a ton of weight was lifted off my shoulders. 😎👍

[@SasukeUchiha-tc9xx]

I’m the disabled child. I have autism and severe anxiety disorder. Every day I wonder what my parent’s life would be if I wasn’t there. Perhaps I restricted their freedom

[@yesterdayitrained]

You can’t help how you were born. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. In just reading your comment, I know you will be OK, and your parents too.

[@tcbobb1613]

I'm disabled myself. I live a typical normal life. Do not blame yourself for having disabilities It's hard not to.

[@crunchberrychaos]

Do you at least try to make an effort to make things easier on them?

[@tyharbanos3701]

Nawh; you didn't. Sure, their lives changes but that's how it is for everyone. You're still here, and you still know your parents. It seems they never gave up! A lot would. Keep going strong, my friend.

[@JAF1323]

As a blind child, I get you. Please don’t blame that on you. I know the feeling.

[@LinearCircleOfficial]

I have Ataxic Cerebral Palsy. I thank God my disability is not genetic, rather it stems from traumatic brain injury at birth, but it does lead to me feeling awful on days I'm not doing so good when I can't keep up with everyone at college, or always having to ask for help doing even the most simple tasks like carrying my lunch around on a plate. Ataxic Cerebral Palsy has struck me with both foot drop, and intention tremors. Intention tremors is where as I get closer to doing something, my tremors kick in, and I typically end up having to set whatever is in my hand down so I don't drop it. Cups are practically my worst enemy, especially if there is a drink in it! But I am walking, albeit very short distances, and standing up is not a problem for short periods. Cerebral Palsy is basically where you are fighting your own brain to move your body. It's a battle for sure, but I'm pushing forward hard, being a college boy and looking towards my Associate's of Arts degree next year to go straight to medical school.

[@pamelaperidot5496]

Heyyy there! I'm also a disabled college student-anthropology major, blind-and I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in this. I deal with super bad imposter syndrome, especially because I'm not only disabled but come from a dysfunctional family and am a first-generation student-but I'm proud of where I am and where you are and your good attitude about everything. That's more than half the battle in itself. Btw, idk if it's just your username, but the name Shiloh is badass.

[@crunchberrychaos]

Dude, the fact that you are writing all this out shows that you are a very capable individual - and the fact you WANT to better yourself and work.

[@neurodivergentnetizen4535]

I also have ataxic cerebral palsy, albeit substantially more milder than yours. It's rare to see another ataxic CPer "in the wild." *waves* I also have other disabilities, though.

[@youarehere594]

I have a friend that just lives in a nightmare. Her older daughter was just fine...or seemed to be fine...when born and she was just fine until she got to five, when all hades broke loose. They tried to shield the younger child from the older, give the younger just as much attention and made sure that the younger was able to do normal kid stuff, but the younger developed her own version of hades. Younger lied, cheated, stole, pretty much everything and it seemed like she had no moral compass at all. And one of her favorites was to torment her older sister. Younger finally moved out at 19 and friend was relieved because she was taking care of two children with disabilities and it was just too much. That was until younger daughter came home and dropped off three children under the age of 7, all with some variety of autism. Daughter then took off and no one has heard from her since. Good - no more daughter to deal with, bad - she had three grandchildren with autism to take care of. We try to help her as much as we can but the youngest is severely autistic and he sets off the other kids and quite frankly, I don't know how she hasn't had a breakdown yet. She's only said this once on a bad day, but she wishes she never had her younger daughter. And I can't blame her for thinking it.

[@yesterdayitrained]

“I have a friend that just lives in a nightmare.” What you wrote about your friend and her children is devastatingly sad.

[@blindpeopledostuff3587]

It isn’t even the one that has a disability. Maybe that one was just a bad red.

[@quelquun2018]

@@yesterdayitrained that doesn’t sound like a nightmare to you? Please🙄

[@astrinymris9953]

@@blindpeopledostuff3587 Or maybe she inherited a propensity to Cluster B personality disorders and the stressful childhood she had activated a possibility that may have lain dormant otherwise. Or maybe she had special needs too, but they were overlooked because compared to her older sister she looked neurotypical, so she never got the help she needed. It sounds like your friend needs services... and might consider placing the youngest in residential care. If he's having constant meltdowns he's suffering himself. Maybe he'd do better in a more predictable environment.

[@Tara........]

I honestly don't know how these parents do it. I may be a terrible person but I know with every inch of my heart that I couldn't. I just don't have it in me. Hearing these sad and unfortunate stories, all that keeps going through my head is, "thank goodness I couldn't have children. This could have been me and I'd never have been able to cope."

[@supark9443]

I am the disabled child here, but I have spoken to my mother a fair amount now that I've gotten older. I am totally blind, but perfectly fine otherwise. Honestly I don't even mind being blind, but I digress. My mother always did her best to take care of me, although she didn't know any other blind people / parents with blind children, etc. until recently. I asked my mother if she regretted having me (not because of this video) because she gave up her rather comfortable life in Korea to immigrate to the States and a lot of other things. She said yes, because she had all these dreams for me that got shattered once she realized I was blind. Which pissed me off. But then she added that I've made my own way, so she can't complain. Despite our many arguments, I am super grateful to her for sacrificing so much.

[@lunar.enigma08]

My middle school English teacher would always tell us stories about her grandma who had two children (a son and a daughter) with cerebal palsy, meaning they were paralyzed and could not communicate. The grandma took care of both of them every day until they died -- I remember the daughter passed away first, and my English teacher said she had a dream after her aunt's death where she saw her running through a field of flowers. My teacher said her aunt and uncle were the sweetest people she ever knew but she knew it had to have been hard for her grandma who was still carrying them up the stairs well into her 80's. What a good woman she was.

[@luminaessence3077]

I have generalized epilepsy that didn't show its face until I was 16. I was the golden, smart child out of all my children back then. Planned on being a biomedical engineer. Now I have a hard time holding a job down and have trouble taking any sort of college classes. Tonic-clonic(gran mal) seizures really mess up ability to have good attendance and mess with my ability to remember things I've just learned. I worry constantly if my family just thinks of me as a large disappointment. I don't live with them, but since I live in an area with 0 public transportation, I have to ask them to take me to doctor's appointments, take me to where I can do laundry, and practically any sort of errand I'd need to do. I was the dependable child. I needed to watch my younger siblings due to my parents need to constantly work with how many children they had. I feel like a large part of me died once I had my first seizure.

[@PonderingStudent]

I had just finished my masters degree from a prestigious university and I was looking at either going into academic research or applying for high-powered jobs, when a botched emergency surgery left me in constant pain and with other problems that mean I can go months without being able to leave the house. My life derailed at a later stage than yours, but I absolutely understand what you mean about feeling like you lost part of yourself when you first got ill. Also, about feeling like you're a burden or a disappointment to your family. My heart goes out to you and I do truly understand how it feels. Its never easy, but I wish you all the joy you can get from your life.

[@pamelaperidot5496]

I can't pretend to understand what you've gone through, as I was born with my disability. However, I can sympathize in a way with feeling like you have let down your family because you are considered the golden child, the smart child, the dependable child, etc. Think that when my parents discovered I was above average in the intelligence department, they latched onto that as the mechanism by which I was going to overcome my disability and still be worthy of them. I've always felt immense pressure to perform, and my dad is still upset with me for not pursuing a high-stress, high-paying career because I genuinely believe he wants me to be so rich I can rely on servants for my needs instead of taking care of them myself on a smaller salary. It's hard to know as the disabled person what your parents go through, and I think it's hard for those of us who are high achievers to not feel a certain level of shame about the disability because it is something that feels like a personal failure we are unable to make better. I hope you and I both do come to find peace.

[@byakuyatogami2905]

I'm autistic (considered high functioning) and recently I've been worried about disappointed my parents so I'm glad these videos can give me an insight into the thoughts that they may have had

[@AkameGaKillfan777]

If you become successful, it doesn't matter what they think

[@crunchberrychaos]

And make an effort to give back to tor family and community around you. Lots of people probably go out of the way to make things accessible for you.

[@mejimiky]

Parents wishing they would have aborted their child makes me sick

[@skylinefever]

@@mejimiky Parents regretting having kids and duping others into have kids make me sick.

[@LuckyPigeon1111]

Not the parent but the child. I (20F) have autism level 1 or 2, OCD, Contamination OCD, anxiety, and possible ADHD. Mentally, I am 14 due to trauma, although I am able to drive. Executive dysfunction, pathological demand avoidance, fear of employment, and codependency on others make me worried for my future. I fear the day my parents die.

[@lorireed8046]

How are you able to drive?

[@tzeimi_]

My older cousin has a son who developed a rare condition that left him paralyzed & unable to care for himself when he was 15 I believe. I haven’t seen her in years, I finally saw her for thanksgiving, her appearance & what has become of her life honestly broke my heart. She’s in her mid 40’s with severe hair loss, missing teeth & over weight. Stress is a motherfucker to say the least. Her son will always depend on her, her dating life is non existent & the child’s father does the bare minimum. I applaud her strength & unconditional love for her child. I on the other hand am a coward lol I just couldn’t do it honestly. 😅

[@tidepodpadthai2633]

I feel like this is something people need to think about and consider before having kids. I mean, having kids in itself is already really hard, but people seem to act like they had no idea caring for a disabled kid would be hard. Of course it's gonna be hard! What did you expect? You're already giving up your life to care for a "normal child", so you really should just think about how much of life you're willing to give up before having a kid. People think it'll never happen to their kid, but obviously it does or we wouldn't be talking about these stories.

[@ettinakitten5047]

And if you want to have a child, period, there is a chance you will have a disabled child. Even if they're born non-disabled, they could acquire a disability at any time.

[@rdred8693]

And your normal child can have an accident and be disabled for their lifetime. It doesn't take much to ruin your brain or body

[@tidepodpadthai2633]

@@ettinakitten5047 Yeah, the concern needs to be brought up more, that way people won't just act like there's no way they could have known how to deal with it. When you educate yourself about these things it becomes easier to deal with them, but then they also become real, and most people aren't emotionally able to handle dealing with real issues.

[@awesomenannette3022]

@@tidepodpadthai2633 I totally concur! I have raised 3 developmental disabled children as an adoptive mother. Now adults, two of which still reside in the family home. Education and awareness, caregiver training and parent counseling and self-care is greatly needed for healing and to better prepare for a life long journey of being a awesome parent or caregiver.

[@zacm.2342]

Being autistic myself, some of these hit me hard. I'm not particularly hard done by it, but there have been, well, difficulties, cause of it. For example, I'm almost 23 and don't yet have a job. Very picky about where I'd actually be comfortable enough to hold the job. I'm honestly not sure whether I'd ever want to have kids, mainly cause of my own dad. He's also autistic, and spent most of our upbringing away from us - he'd get up and go to work before we'd be up for school, and come back after we were in bed. He also wasn't particularly good with us anyway. This wasn't helped by him leaving my mum six years ago either. I don't want to have a kid(s), and then do what he did. I don't want them to grow up and actively hate their dad, or place all the stress of raising them on my partner cause I just won't. But, I can't be sure that won't happen if I ever do, due to how I am in the first place. Can't even begin to think about that with disabilities factored in.

[@qbertking1910]

As someone with autism, adhd and anger issues, I feel the same way. Stay safe my dude

[@tidepodpadthai2633]

Same here, I'm 17 and have autism and sometimes I'm just worried about what's going to happen to me when I'm older. Sometimes I worry I'll be a burden on everyone, or even worse that I already am. Makes me feel bad for the people in these videos, imagine how they must feel, if they're able to feel self aware, and wish they could just be like everyone else.

[@simitometi6219]

I understand autism is on a spectrum but you guys seem very intelligent. I know the perception of your disability in inaccurate due to Hollywood depiction but what are your major hinderances from having a normal life?

[@C4TC4T]

I’m 25 and have high functioning autism, and so far it’s going ok; just started to live on my own and I have to write everything down to remember them; the main thing is to get a job in something that you like and enjoy; I love animals, so I’m going to school for Zoology; it’s taken me a little longer because of the Autism, but it’s possible to be independent and successful; you got this :) I definitely feel the same about kids, so instead I have a cat, and helps more than anyone could know with anxiety and other things :)

[@zacm.2342]

@@simitometi6219 it depends on the severity really. It's not particularly impactful for me (outside of aforementioned job-selectiveness), but for others elsewhere on the spectrum it's a massive roadblock and screws with everything.

[@sophiebyers5496]

I feel really bad for the person who was practically only born to take care of her severely autistic older sister.

[@shellydavis855]

That should be illegal

[@BloodNote]

This is no CURE to autism. I hate parents who think this. "we struggled in the beginning to cure him." You can help them especially the high functioning people. All autistics aren't all completely mentally challenged. They can live alone, pay bills, get in relationships etc.

[@om3ga109]

Obviously they didn't mean the high-functioning version, they meant the screams at all hours of the day and smears their shit on the walls version.

[@visiongoo]

Yeah my husband is on the spectrum, the only thing people even notice is that he's standoffish. We have a kid and she takes more issue with my anxiety symptoms than she does his more stoic behavior. I think people forget autism is a spectrum and I see ADHD brought up a lot in these comments its also very treatable.

[@AkameGaKillfan777]

Butch Hartman, TAKE NOTES

[@jigsaw4253]

​@visiongoo Absolutely. I have autism, same with my 2 older brothers, mom, and grandmother. My Dad also has ADHD. But of course, we're all extremely high functioning.

[@lunaequinox7333]

SAY IT AGAIN FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK! (I’m autistic btw)

[@VeronicaStorm98]

I have Aspergers Syndrome and anxiety issues. I am in my early 20's and am successful academically and am really good at science (especially chemistry and biology) and drawing. I am a mess socially though and tend to get very obsessive about my fixations. Many people interpret me as rude or selfish when I don't mean to be. I know that I don't want kids because babies and toddlers give me sensory overload and I can't stand to be around them in public. When I say that I hate most kids, I mean it. There are a few exceptions to the rule though. I also want to find a husband who will love me unconditionally without any pity and get married to have someone to help emotionally validate me so that I don't get even more depressed with my lack of progress in life compared to my Neurotypical siblings. I constantly hate myself and feel that I do not belong in this world. I have had fantasies about on multiple occasions about switching bodies with my younger Neurotypical sister who has a lot of friends and a better social reputation or giving her My Aspergers Syndrome and never taking it back so that she can learn to understand my pain. I constantly fear that I am being a burden and hate myself for my lack of contributing to the family compared to my Neurotypical siblings. But I also realize that I have it very lucky compared to those with more severe disabilities and it breaks my heart to hear their own parents describe them as if they are a burden, even if they don't always use the exact word. And listening to these posts sadden me because I can understand the frustration on both sides for both the disabled and Neurotypical people involved.

[@timothyclark803]

I am 35 and an Aspy with some ADD tendencies. Oddly enough I actually find kids and animals quite comforting, and, would love kids. I hate loud, crowded places and will never go to a live concert, bar or club. I have 2 normal siblings. I am the oldest. The youngest one is just downright abusive to me so I had to cut her out. The other and I get along , but, aren't close. I minimize contact with my mom as she still babies me too much. My dad and I are ok. I also hate thunderstorms for the very reason that the thunder is just too stimulating. Funny enough I am active duty Navy and work in loud environments often, but, I have some how gotten used to them.

[@Griffin050A1t]

You sound like me but I have adhd and a sensory disorder. Good luck to you, my friend

[@kristinafisher2555]

Same here💔

[@PitXRoxas]

hugs to you mate

[@sarahvanburen7819]

I couldn't relate more to the feeling of always being compared to NT siblings. I'm 2 years older than my little sibling, but my parents always seemed to trust them with the important things despite me being older, more respectful, and more responsible. It made me feel like a child, or that there was something wrong with me. I guess what I've been saying is, Aspie to Aspie, I get you.

[@Adam-mj5hl]

It’s so refreshing to hear brutally honest perspectives of the parents of disabled children, instead of the politically correct social propaganda of “having my disabled child was the best decision I ever made.”

[@humanparadoxroro]

Same. It can be sad and cruel sounding but we need to be realistic sometimes even if it’s hard.

[@catherinebirch2399]

I'm tired of all the sugar coating on this issue. When a disabled child is born, it isn't a "blessing" or a life lesson for the parents, It's a burden and will take a fearful toll on their lives and the lives of any other children that they have.

[@alecthorp3403]

Hate to knock you off of your "truthful" high horse, but I am on the autism spectrum and I know for a fact that my parents don't regret creating me in the slightest and I have no problem creating a life of my own. There are plenty of people with similar situations, so I wouldn't just dismiss this as "politically correct social propaganda." Please read gigismith8133's comment above and AwesomeSauchPictures' comment below and you'll see what I mean.

[@Adam-mj5hl]

@@alecthorp3403 Well good for you. But I’m talking more about the parents of a son/daughter of with Down Syndrome who are in their 70s-80s and have depleted their retirement savings because they are still caring with their 40 year old child that lives with them in their home because they cannot afford private care for their child. They will never get to enjoy anything close to their golden years because of their burden of caring for their disabled child.

[@kidcharlemagnex6pow317]

Now that is a reasonable argument. But the point that alecthorp3403 was trying to make was that your choice of words made it sound like you were dismissing all positive stories of disabled children as “propaganda.” As stated by other comments on this page, there are differences between physical, emotional, and intellectual disabilities and how people with those disabilities are able to cope with them. He wasn’t diminishing the complaints about some parents feeling burdened and exhausted, he was trying to point out that there are exceptions and that it isn’t fair to dismiss positive cases and favorable opinions as “propaganda.”

[@aquabluerose7734]

Its really sad how a lot of these kids and their families end up with way more hardships and problems due to finances.

[@theintrovertedaspie9095]

99% of problems in a person's life is money related.

[@cspahn3221]

I guess the use of extremely expensive equipment and tests should be free?

[@usagi18]

As a 41-year-old woman who had always wanted to raise her own family, if by any means I got pregnant, I'd have the screening.lf any intellectual disability was detected, with all of the pain in my heart, I'd abort. I can raise a blind, deaf, or motor handicapped child to become a self-sufficient adult, but would refuse to leave a 40-year-old child alone depending on the charity of others.

[@30251]

You cant abort a baby that has autism tho. It's not even noticed/diagnosed until after a few years.

[@LittleWerewolfPlushie]

I hate parents that force their children into becoming caretakers.

[@ghostcraft3370]

I dont think it should be as stigmatized to regret a child (for any reason). You can regret a child but still love them with all your heart and soul.

[@rithvikmuthyalapati9754]

That is an anti-thesis tho. Regret having a child means you wish they weren't alive but at the same time, you love them. That doesn't make any sense. Either you want them alive or you don't.

[@marianatristao6526]

​@@rithvikmuthyalapati9754two things can be true at once. I'm sure my parents love my brother but he put them through hell and still does and he doesn't have any disabilities. I've seen it up close. It's a terrible but all too human situation to be in.

[@zelousfoxtrot3390]

My son has a mutation on one of his genes- we completely lucked out- with assistance, he will grow up to be a fully functional adult . BUT his mutation is known to be 'dominant', giving his children a 50/50 shot at having it, and an unknown chance at being severely mentally disabled. He's too young now, but the conversation on how it would be ridiculously irresponsible to father children is not the one I am looking forward to.

[@quelquun2018]

Tell him the truth

[@jenny875]

Do you mind if I ask what it’s called? I have genetic disorder (random gene mutation) and have a 50/50 chance of passing it on to children (that I will never have)… just wondering if it’s the same thing.

[@magnarcreed3801]

Good on you. Make sure to drill it on not for him to sire offspring.

[@bakageyama222]

Tell him the truth and make him responsible

[@lydiahansen9032]

As an autistic female, I wish I was aborted and have told my parents countless times that I wish they weren't my parents and that I didn't want to be alive. Things are much better now, but god some people just shouldn't have children. I'm just trying to make the most of my life now in spite of my parents.

[@TheSamjane4]

I think that is really unfair. There is no genetic testing for autism so your parents couldn’t have known before you were born. I have 2 autistic children and they are awesome. I don’t regret having them at all.

[@TsukasaElkKite]

This is one of the reasons why I don’t want kids. I’m autistic and I don’t want to have an autistic kid. I have enough trouble caring for myself. I’m not emotionally stable enough to care for a child.

[@juliemcneely-kirwan9314]

What seems truly terrible is that non-disabled siblings often have their fates decided by their parents and much of society. It's not right. A young person shouldn't have their life taken away by desperate parents and people who have never cared for a severely disabled child. My advice to such a sibling is to wait until they are 18 and run.

[@velvety2006]

one of my bosses has a younger disabled sister who still lives with their parents for now. at one point the topic of what would happen to her if the parents would pass/become unable to care for her most coworkers agreed that the older brother would have to take her in even though he has a family of his own to take care of. So I asked the dreaded question 'what if he does not want to?' I have no idea how their home life was when they were kids but I am pretty sure her care went before a lot of things. also, she is mentally 15 but can work. is able-bodied and I think she would be fine in an assisted home but pretty much everyone felt he had to take her in when it came to that point.

[@juliemcneely-kirwan9314]

@@velvety2006 So easy, isn't it, to lay the heaviest burdens on someone else's back?

[@velvety2006]

@@juliemcneely-kirwan9314 especially if the others who think that are not eligible for getting that burden in the first place.

[@AkameGaKillfan777]

@@velvety2006 Mentally 15 isn't as bad as you might think

[@gavinisdie]

Yeah this makes me feel pretty grateful that as an autistic person I have pretty much always have been very similar to a normal child

[@killuanatsume]

I got my diagnosis at 22.

[@pinkmonkeybird2644]

I think there’s huge differences between having children with physical disabilities, intellectual disabilities, and mental illnesses. A physically disabled person can, with varying amounts of support, lead quite a normal life. It’s much, much harder for a severely mentally disabled child to do the same. Also, with a physical disability, a person can speak for themselves, decide for themselves what they want and don’t want, and can achieve a level of autonomy. I don’t know; it just seems to me that those differences are so stark that I can’t really lump them together under the disability umbrella.

[@jigsaw4253]

It's mainly the intellectual disabilities that are so crippling. Mental disabilities like depression, OCD, and Bipolar can be very limiting as well.

[@magnarcreed3801]

True. Except for serve cases. Some that stop muscle growth for example. They become bed bound and never get to really leave. No autonomy either.

[@jigsaw4253]

@magnarcreed3801 What's weird is that I have autism, adhd, ocd, depression, and anxiety. But for some reason, I can live independently and normally like everyone else. Now, with that said, it's made my life 5 times harder than everyone else. I have to overcompisate for my struggles in comparison to everyone else. Shits exhausting. I would much rather have been born normal, but what are u going to do? Gotta play with what you've been dealt in life. Although I am extremely lucky because these can be very crippling disabilities.

[@magnarcreed3801]

@@jigsaw4253 Probably got the mild version of them. Very lucky indeed.

[@jigsaw4253]

@magnarcreed3801 100% correct. Espically with the autism. I've always been able to make friends, date, and socialize semi-normally to neurotypicals. But it's still exhausting. Crazy to think on the flip side you have people on the spectrum who are non-verbal. Take care!

[@RegularInvader]

The problem of disabled children is the fear of parents not knowing how they'll handle adult life because they can't stay home forever. Parents will get too old eventually and disabled kids may have to move into special homes if no other family members are willing to take legal custody of them.😔😢

[@grovecitysirens_GCS]

Im no parent... but i dont understand why they are like "well one has special needs, might as well try again" and then "well the next child has special needs too, might as well try 2 more times", like its one and done, also come to think that 1 special needs is very hard work.

[@kathleenjohnston3582]

I work with autistic kids.. I feel bad for the parents. Four hour sessions are hard but at least I'm not the parents...

[@kayemckeeth2301]

As an autistic person that is aware they cannot live on their own and are completely aware they are a burden this fucking hurts, but it is good to consider.

[@lorireed8046]

At least you are aware ! I have a 28 year old niece that talks about driving, wanting to go to college, getting married and having babies. She wants her own apartment BUT.... Refuses to see she can never do these things ! She's been babied and lied to her whole life . Everyone pretends how great and wonderfully smart she is . She graduated out (at 21) from HS she got that "I attended" diploma and everyone told her she graduated HS . Her damned therapist will say the computer had issues and refuses to deal with these truths with her . She will not stop her screaming ranting on some issues she made up in her head and never freakin' happened! She goes to a day program 2-3 times a week calling it "school" ...they tell her no different! No! It's a glorified daycare . Special Olympics and every dang "king /queen" yearly . It's sick.

[@momolol3724]

In today's financial climate specially if you're one of the regular worker having a disabled child is really difficult.

[@anniebananie8140]

I have autism spectrum disorder (high functioning). Thank god my parents took me to a therapist, occupational therapist and specialist until I was in middle school. It is absolutely a must that parents be involved in the child’s life. As for the siblings, even though my brother is my best friend, he never was the main provider and had a childhood! Siblings are not free care providers!!!!My mom and dad were the ones who did a lions work. I still struggle socially making friends and directions are hard to follow sometimes, but am married now and work full time.

[@surlywithfabshoes]

I feel like people say that all children are blessings and that children who have significant disabilities are ‘so sweet and loveable’. But when the child turns 18 and special schools end and many supports that were free, now cost money and are woefully underserved. They have an adult child who can’t take care of themselves and outbursts and other issues are no longer cute or harmless. I can’t imagine being 80+ years old and still taking care of a big, strong adult child that still can’t take care of themselves and there are zero supports because the money has been spent. This might not be a popular opinion but it happens more often that you think. Watch the series Born This Way. The parents are wonderful, giving souls that try to give their kids everything. But, you see the struggle of having a child that feels like they are an adult, but can’t count money, or one with significant emotional issues that shoved their much older mom to the ground.

[@AkameGaKillfan777]

Believe me, you DON'T want to be Chris Chan's mom.

[@juliamason8393]

My oldest son was born with two birth defects that required surgery to correct as well as kidney disease. He had very little weight on him for a newborn. He was a full term baby that weighed 3 lbs 7 1/2 ozs. Stayed underweight his whole life so far, weighs less than 100 lbs for an adult male. Do I wish I had not had him? No I am glad I had him he s a very well mannered adult who was a delightful child even with his issues. He is on dialysis again for the 2nd time. Has gotten older and it is less likely he will get another kidney transplant.

[@yesterdayitrained]

If your son needs anything kidney, I pray he gets it.

[@juliamason8393]

@@yesterdayitrained Thank you

[@thesweetestteas.4534]

I work with IDD adults and I would advise any parents or caregivers to start early planning for day services and community living programs in your area. There's nothing sadder than seeing a child who elderly parent has passed away and they have no where safe to go.

[@evilqueen666610]

It's not maturity to make your child raise their sibling. It's incredibly selfish to make another person have to waste their life to raise something they didn't sign up for. If my parents had another kid and they came out severely autistic or with other issues I would flat out tell them no, not my problem. Sorry.

[@MoistCrumpet]

I have a brother who is disabled, and I genuinely believe that tests should always be done to determine if a child is disabled because not everyone can handle it. My mum found out from her doctor that the baby inside of her had Down syndrome and she chose to keep him and years later she’s raised him very well. Hes great and there are no regrets. But not every mum out there is like my mum. It’s still gonna be hard work regardless and not everyone has the patience for it.

[@warrenwilson6345]

I have a daughter that has angelman syndrome (AS), via Uniparental disomy (UPD). It is definitely a struggle. When she was born and for 2 years we have effectively neglected our oldest that land it’s own issues. Now she is 8 and he is 15, things in general are moving in the correct direction but very slowly. We worry for her when she is an adult and can no longer care for her. I am not joking when I say that I would sell my soul to the devil and be damned eternally if that would mean she can be a normal girl and grow up to have a life that she wants to live, other than what is eventually coming.

[@tesstucker3311]

I was an attendant for kids/adults with Down’s syndrome for several years. I think I would be able to give up my life to take care of that child with the natural fears and things that come along with it, but what really breaks my heart is neuro/physio/mentally typical siblings. Some lose their childhood. One may argue about how empathetic and mature they’ll be, but that’s a trauma response. Kids will willingly take on their siblings, many as young as preteens telling their parents they will take in their atypical sibling when they’re older/parents pass, and that’s just unfair. Even if they want it. Even in the best circumstances, the relatively typical kids are neglected emotionally at the very least. There is no perfect childhood. There is no childhood without trauma. You can’t guarantee your child won’t have genetic or accident-related issues someday that will render them unable to care for themselves. That being said, I will have genetic testing done with my spouse before having children. I will have the fetus tested when it can be, before birth, and I don’t think anyone knows for sure what they’d do in that situation but if there are noticeable genetic or chromosomal issues, I imagine I will abort. An atypical child will be loved and so cared for, just as much as a typical child. I myself am atypical (Tourette’s, depression, anxiety, ADHD). And if those could be tested, with the reassurance of a doctor that it would be very possible, I’d probably abort and try again for any of those except ADHD (I mean everyone has it these days). The world is fucked enough without me wanting to give my kids their best chance.

[@yesterdayitrained]

Well, I’m just going to do something else now and pretend I didn’t listen to this video or read the comments. Thank you magical KZbin algorithms…I’m going to say you really messed up this time. The level of pain and desperation expressed by so many here is incomprehensible. I send love to every single person involved (in any way) with this video, post, and comments.

[@Aurora-bg8pz]

This is a huge part of why I'm never having kids. Especially biological children. Both sides of my family are riddled with mental/physical illness. Most concerning being the mental, especially on my mothers side. My grandmother was, well, insane to put it plain, and her mother too. Probably dating back a few decades. Bipolar/extreme manic/major depressive disorder/suicidal thoughts and tendencies/PTSD/OCD/narcissistic personalities/Anorexia/Diabetes/ and other undiagnosed diseases. And this is just scratching the surface based off what I've figured out/been told. I'm already suffering from a hand full of these and most days I want to die. I would have to be incredibly selfish in order to (knowingly) pass this onto an innocent child. Yeah, no thanks. I can't take care of myself, even if I adopted I know I wouldn't be able to give that child a happy and healthy life. If you have a history of mental/physical diseases please consider adoption or just not having kids at all. We're not going to die out, but what we are going to do is prevent a lot of suffering. Depression, PTSD, Bipolar, Suicidal thoughts and every other monstrous disease are awful. And that's an understatement, I had my first 'episode' of depression when I was ten. Let that sink in. And I've suffered for years, I'm 18 now and doing everything the doctors, media tells you to do. I take seven different medications multiple times a day just to feel *slightly* better, yet it doesn't seem to work as it should. No child should have to feel like this. No teenager/adult. It's miserable. I can't control the intrusive thought that screams at me to end my own life and it's very tempting at times. And these mental illnesses also are physical, the endless tiredness or the insomnia or the not eating or eating too much, oh wait, I should distract myself. Okay, I will, I should walk the dog but then suddenly I can't move. Oh look, 6 hours has passed by. . This is with medications and seeing a licensed Psychologist by the way. I used to think that if you were depressed you could take a pill and it'd all go away. Just like that, you're all better. The qoute "Ignorance is bliss." Is nothing short of truth. The real truth is, I will never be 'better' I have to live like this for the rest of my life because of others. On a side note, if you're suffering, I'm sorry and I hope you feel better soon, I've been there. You're not alone.

[@lorireed8046]

Have you tried the simplest of ways? The carnivore diet. Sounds like the pharma world is keeping you in check For life!

[@kylerivoire3826]

This is a question I never knew I needed answered.

[@yesterdayitrained]

Yeah… I was listening absent-mindedly to r/reddit on KZbin and somehow ended up here. After listening to and reading about so much unfairness and incredibly deep pain, now I can’t seem to escape…

[@kylerivoire3826]

@@yesterdayitrained it's not just heart breaking, it's soul crushing.

[@skootergirl22]

If it wasn't because of the doctors who mishandled me duing my mum giving birth to me I would have a normal life, I have brain damage because they left me too long in the birth canal even though I was showing signs of distress and after a second oxygen test they decided on a emergency C section, BTW this was in the late 80s and in Britain I'm 33

[@samurailevi49]

I’m mentally disabled and autism is one of them. I asked my mom if she ever regretted me and she told me “Never in a million years.” She had trouble conceiving and I was, to put it lightly, a miracle. I wasn’t supposed to happen. Limited resources to why her son was so violent and full of rage didn’t stop her. (I had ODD as a young child) Even the hardest points of my childhood, she never stopped loving me.

[@TheAnonyomusGuy]

I hate to say it, but we need to destinatize putting severely disabled people in homes. Are homes as a whole a good thing? no, there are problems with them, but the majority of people aren't capable of handling the care they need. Also, i feel it's cruel to basically guilt someone into taking on that person's care after you pass. The financial and emotional toll it can take is awful

[@Lucigrieves28]

Taxes shouldnt be spent on that

[@TheAnonyomusGuy]

@@Lucigrieves28 why not? Because you say so? What should they go to instead of providing care for people unable to care for themselves

[@Lucigrieves28]

@@TheAnonyomusGuy i work very hard. I understand my taxes going towards police and stuff like that because they contribute to society, but why should my and everyone else’s money go towards feeding droolers?

[@TheAnonyomusGuy]

@Lucigrieves28 because, like schools, it's a necessity whether you have a family member in the system or not. That, and it's the humane thing to do.

[@Lucigrieves28]

@@TheAnonyomusGuy its optional

[@lizzyluv96]

Necessary reminder that just because a child is very difficult for their parents to care for doesn't mean they don't deserve to live and be happy. I Have the greatest sympathy for parents raising children with severe mental handicaps, but at the same time they did choose to become parents and it is their duty. When you concieve a child bare in mind that you will be responsible for them no matter how they are born or what issues they have. There is a disgustingly high number of abelist people who will advocate for euthanising and executing the disabled members of our society, and will use stories like some in this video to push that ideal. But never forget, disabled people are still humans with rights, they are one of us, and they deserve protection and happiness

[@pamelaperidot5496]

Thank God someone has said this. The disproportionate number of people who hold these attitudes or defend people like Kelli Stapleton and others like her are the reason I feel unsafe as a disabled person, and my disability is merely physical and minor (blindness)

[@YoshiXO]

Your point

[@lizzyluv96]

@@YoshiXO Don't murder or abuse disabled people, that's the point

[@elysetwichell9974]

Agreed.

[@Coastpsych_fi99]

We need people to understand what parenting could entail which includes disabilities but I don’t accept or advocate at all for killing, harming or preventing us disabled people from having a decent life.

[@RavennaRose928]

I've had a ton of trauma through my life and I have severe anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder along with scoliosis and endometriosis. I'm timid but I'm still able to live an okay life. I'm happy with the family I have. Except my dad. He dipped this year. I'm 27 so I guess it doesnt matter. I'm late getting my license due to driving anxiety, but I have a job. Its part time and I've had it for almost 3 years. My life is pretty good for me.

[@samanthamorris2744]

Unpopular opinion it's selfish for parents who knew the kid had severe disability during screening to have them 🤷 they will regret it

[@honkhonk3192]

I mean there are many who do not regret it. That's why it's a choice. I would advocate for more education and mandatory testing on this though, it appears that people often don't know what they are getting themselves into.

[@melindastreeter7149]

This right here. I know I’m going to be landed on but if you know you’re going to have a child with disabilities, it’s on you. Being a martyr only goes so far.

[@crackheadpete4171]

I work with people with severe medical disabilities. There is no way anyone could expect one or two people care for them 24/7.

[@ireneparkin3360]

I know a family who have a kid who has the mental age of a 3 year old. I fear that once puberty arrives for him in a few year's, he may become a menace.

[@memories2641]

The mom that asked the firefighter to leave her disable child inside the building was a tough. I swear having kids is a genetic gamble.

[@memories2641]

@@nemerahs.7976 yea it was one of the stories in the video. Unfortunately the firefighter couldn't get to the child in time and they died. ):

[@letsgooo-4281]

I have a severely autistic little brother who has several other problems (a form of albinism, bone abnormalities, partially deaf, horrible vision, muscle deformities, etc.) , my mother absolutely refuses to let him ever be put in an institution, my grandmother is getting too old to care for him/ physically keep up, and my grandfather just can't. It's become clear that one day he will be my responsibility, because my older brother has an entire family of his own and lives far away, barely in contact with us. That just leaves me, ever since he was born I've never had a legitimate childhood, it's always been taking care of him and revolving my whole life around him and how my choices would affect him. I feel like a secondary parent more than a sibling. I feel very guilty, but in the back of my head I resent him, I hate that I feel this way but I just do . .

[@mullerpotgieter]

Don't. Your mother robbed you of a childhood by parentifying you. You're fully entitled to your feelings

[@tochie-ugorji2021]

You have every right to feel upset, (I apologise if I'm being insensitive) but you're directing your anger to the wrong person. It's your parents who took your childhood away. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

[@EclecticallyEccentric]

You have every right to refuse to care for your brother, and it doesn't make you a bad person to do so.

[@alexisdowers2030]

My niece is mentally disabled, thing is I think she's pretty high on the spectrum. I can't remember if she was ever really not normal *shrugs*. But I do remember there were times when she was a kid and I was in 5th to 8th grade I think, when she would come into my room and asked me to play and kind of just keep bugging me to play with her. I would tell her not now I got to finish my homework but once it's done and we can play, she wouldn't stop so unfortunately I had to start locking my door every time she came over until my homework was finished if it was a school day. Also I never knew she was disabled mentally until nearing the end of eighth grade, I just thought she was quirky like the rest of the family(our family is weird).

[@jessier4840]

And this is why I agree with having abortions it's not fair to you or the kid why should any of us suffer

[@jacksepticeye_fan084]

I agree with abortion to an extent. Of it's like a month before your due date, the child is mostly developed, and you have it killed, that's not cool. But if it's just a couple months or a few weeks, then it's fine. At least I think.

[@Roadent1241]

@@jacksepticeye_fan084 Except you can't get an abortion at that point regardless XD

[@KyrstOak]

Adopting out is a better option as you don't get an unwanted child and someone else who wants a child, but may be unable to give birth, gets a child. It's a win/win.

[@jacksepticeye_fan084]

@@Roadent1241 wdym?

[@Roadent1241]

@@jacksepticeye_fan084 You can only have an abortion up to a certain point in the fetus's growth. Unless something horrible happens to it after the point has passed, I assume. You can't be two weeks away from giving birth and decide you want one, you're way too late at that point, it's too formed to do anything like that with unless you want to go through birth via C-section.

[@zourette6]

I have moderate Autism, severe Tourette’s, OCD, severe anxiety, depression , PTSD and maybe borderline personality disorder along with other things. I feel so sorry if my parents because although I am intelligent ( I could even be considered a savant in some things) It’s likely living alone for me would be challenging or simply never happen. Due to my autism I only can really grasp basic life skills ( showering, toileting, getting dressed, feeding myself, getting myself a drink etc) easy things. I can’t cook at all, the most I can do is a ready meal in the microwave or make a sandwich or cut up fruit with a dullish knife. Not only that I forget easily to the point I’d forget to eat until I was starving and drink until my lips were completely dry and I was desperate. Same with personal care, I’m rubbish it it I’ll admit. Showering is complete sensory hell I’d rather avoid it altogether. Cleaving makes me have a physical Meltdown so my room is always a complete mess and theres always rotting food in the bin because I don’t realise I need to take it out. At times I still ( at 16 ) use my hands to eat instead of a knife and fork and have to be reminded. My Tourette’s include complex motor tics where doing anything independently is virtually impossible at times. Plus I have violent tic attacks that are similar to seizures that can last from half an hour to over nine hours and I have to go to hospital. My parents have to restrain me many times from injuring myself during a meltdown or tic attack or PTSD Flashback. I have holes in my walls and my meltdowns have caused me to give my mom bruises for hitting her when she tries to restrain me. Which I feel awful about when I calm down. It must be so exhausting for them and often times it’s made me attempt suicide knowing the intense stress I put on them. They are amazing, have fought tooth and nail to get me the right support but I still feel like such a burden. A responsibility. They don’t deserve this.

[@JL-iu7fk]

Is it selfish to make a person feel guilty about the decision of life or death for a fetus/ potential person they know will never live a productive independent life. I think even fully able bodied person contemplates suicide once in their life. If the person is disabled can they even get out of their world especially if they're aware they're a burden.

[@ElizabethLynx]

As a parent with two sons, a ten year old with level 1 autism (very high functioning) and a 9 year old with level 2 autism, sensory processing disorder and is physically disabled with cerebral palsy, I watched this video with tears in my eyes (because I related so much with some of the parents) and sympathy (to the parents/caretakers that were lost and hurting). My 10 year old, by all outside appearances, seems like an average kid. The one that will grow up one day and get a job, maybe marry and have kids. I don’t see why he wouldn’t. My husband and I discussed it, we never want him to feel like he is second to his younger brother. We may not be perfect parents but we do try hard to give him quality time and go out and do things just him and I or him and his father. And when he does become an adult we wouldn't expect him to have to take care of his brother. We want our older son to have an independent life of his own. We are working hard to save money and invest to make sure his younger brother will always be provided for. His younger brother will always have to rely on someone to help him but I don’t want his brother to feel that he must one day be his brother’s parent. And with my 9 year old, I feel so lucky to have him in my life. That may not be true for all parents of special needs kids but for me it is. He may not be able to do some things that his brother can do and I know he needs us to care for him for the rest of his life, but I have learned so much about love and life just from my young son. Do I bite my tongue sometimes when I hear parents of neuro-typical/non-disabled kids complain about something their kid did or didn’t do that to me, isn’t important? Yes. I have those days that I want to scream at them about how lucky they are to have kids that can kiss their cheek or wipe their own butt after going to the bathroom. But those days are few and far between. Is raising special needs/disabled kids difficult? Yes. But I feel (depending on the severity of the disability) at least half the difficulty is with society. The lack of help (financially/medically/socially) offered or available to parent in these situations is abhorrent. I found out about a lot of things that could help me with my son through other parents of special needs kids. The medical community and the specialists were of little help. My husband and I even considered moving to another country because it might be more beneficial financially to help my son. But then those countries end up lacking in some other area that the US (or at least, where we live in the US) does a good job helping my son with. It’s a no-win situation. Until society accepts that we are all different and have different needs, then I fear these parents and their children will have to keep making difficult decisions and live difficult lives.

[@ettinakitten5047]

ITT: Lots of people who should never have become parents.

[@henrikhyrup3995]

I'll leave out as many identifying details as I can, but anyway: Couple who were about to become parents for the first time. It was discovered late in pregnancy that the foster had some kind of gene mutation, affecting the brain and development. Both mum and dad wanted the doctors to terminate the pregnancy, but were told it was too late and that she had to carry it to term. After the birth, the baby underwent countless examinations and tests for weeks. The parents were told that she was basically a vegetable that had to get special care 24/7 for the rest of her life. After they got her home, they (yes, both mum and dad) beat her to death, were arrested and sent to jail, but kept stating that "yes, we did it, but she was only going to be a burden on society, draining everyone's finances. And as such we shouldn't be punished, but rewarded for saving society millions."

[@monstrousmelodiesofrey422]

That’s… super fucked up.

[@Roadent1241]

Why ask the parents? What about the kids? What if they're not happy being forced into this life? We can't even enjoy life, we get punished for living or are forced to punish others in the future for wanting what the ableds can have, like RELATIONSHIPS. Living with romantic partners or even trying to get married. Nevermind even TRYING to get support. "Can you make a cup of tea?" "Yes." "Great you're not disabled and do not quality for DLA." Not quite exaggerated, but that's not fair. Just let us live independently and not force us to rely on someone who, again, gets punished and forced into a carer role. Sorry. Just saying myself as a born disabled 30-y-o. Had these words confirmed by others as well today. Sorry again that I'm using up your oxygen.

[@ilya8461]

You are worthy, you are not wasting any oxygen, things have turned out the way the have and even if your parents regret you, you still deserve to live... At least thats my opinion. I didnt want life either because it is painfully hard to deal with someone like me, but it scares me to think that people with issues like this could believe that its the right thing to do "for everyone" to o*f themselves. Stay strong.

[@blindpeopledostuff3587]

How did you choose when you’re not even born yet? It’s either be born Or not. It is what it is. That’s part of life.

[@Roadent1241]

@@blindpeopledostuff3587 Well yeah but I mean why not ask the kids who have been born disabled and lived life what they honestly feel about it? Because they all seem to put on happy masks but what about when they get home? Apparently I'm just too open and whiny about it and I'm not supposed to be being honest. Call me selfish but I wish I'd died when I was struggling inside her, I was making things more difficult BEFORE I was born, we were both dying at the time! I'd rather she'd not had a disabled kid at all, honestly, I don't think I helped anything. I don't care what dad says about me forcing the doctors to believe there was something seriously wrong because 'I was showing signs of distress'. I don't know distress when it hits me in the face at 30 now, how could I have figured it out at 6 months or whatever?? She could have adopted and made some normal kid happy! Because I'm not.

[@AkameGaKillfan777]

@@Roadent1241 What is your disability though, and is it still affecting her today?

[@Roadent1241]

@@AkameGaKillfan777 Hard of hearing, surprisingly yes it is still affecting her (I assume my mother) today. She still has to repeat things at me because she mumbles then first time. Unfortunately unlike I thought puberty would, getting older has not cured it. I have not grown into it.

[@skylinefever]

20:22 As a chronically ill man, I know exactly what you are saying. I compared having children with such diseases to be as bad as injecting children with poison.

[@mullerpotgieter]

I agree with the sentiment. How is having a child you know will inherit your horrible genetic disorders different from giving a newborn Polio?

[@witchyarch]

My son was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis at 2 weeks old. It's a genetic disorder that's fairly rare and my husband and I didn't know we were carriers. It was terrifying learning the news. His first 2 months of life were so hard. He was in the NICU for a month and 2 weeks after coming home was rushed to the hospital when he stopped breathing. He had a hole in his heart and MRSA but luckily both of those issues were temporary. With his CF he has to do breathing treatment therapy twice a day with a nebulizer and a special medical vest. He currently takes 88 different medications every day. He was my miracle baby because I didn't think I could ever have children. I also am disabled. I can't pretend that it isn't incredibly. It was a heartbreaking diagnosis and it scares me that I may outlive my child. Despite everything though, the daily struggles, all the meds and appointments and I'd never go back and change a thing. I have a beautiful boy that just turned 1 yr old. Even with his medical issues he's a happy and overall healthy little boy. He's an absolute blessing and my hope is just that his medications give him a long healthy life.

[@oliviagrubbs8265]

if i were just autistic, i wouldnt mind having an autistic child due to the fact that id be able to understand their needs and get them the support they need, but as someone with several chronic illnesses as well as being autistic, i would never want to put someone through the chronic pain that i live with every day, especially at this young,, nobody deserves to have constant stomach and neck pain at 13, and by the time theyre 18 cant even stand for 15 minutes without almost passing out. As a disabled child, i regret my parents having me, not because im autistic, i actually really enjoy being autistic, but the fact that ill never be able to function independently and it breaks me to know that

[@AkameGaKillfan777]

@@DankMemerMusic I know several high-functioning autistic people and most of them are good company.

[@FunFilmFare]

Most autistic people can’t function independently, you enjoy that about being autistic?

[@thajarin]

I love how the people who claim to not regret having them have long grandiose speeches where they pat themselves on the back and seem to have no thought for the quality of life of the disabled children

[@samanthamorris2744]

They just want the congratulations

[@Jared7873]

@@samanthamorris2744 Sometimes it's all you have left. It's not like you can go back in time. I am amused by the people who say they're not going to have children and to congratulate them for that decision. (I do, but for other reasons.)

[@samanthamorris2744]

@@Jared7873 yeah it's still rooted in selfishness

[@EclecticallyEccentric]

​@@Jared7873Not having children is better than having children you don't want or can't care for.

[@EclecticallyEccentric]

​@@samanthamorris2744Who is not having children doing wrong to? The nonexistent children?

[@TheSamjane4]

Makes me so glad I live in Australia. With the National Disability Insurance Scheme they get everything they need funded by the government. When they turn 18 they are not placed in “homes or facilities”. They can live in group homes in the community and they are given individual support workers to assist them…again funded by the government according to their need. They have a regular life as much as they possibly can and they stay in the community. They can come and go as they please.

[@VMM34]

Isn't that wonderful. That's how it should be. Well done Australia ❤

[@SailorLavender]

*Googling how old I have to be for a hysterectomy in America*

[@marahbaker8615]

Good luck with that. Unfortunately the amount of doctors who are willing to perform a hysterectomy on a woman who hasn't had kids by a certain age is very small. They will say "Oh you're young and will change your mind" or more infuriatingly ask "But what if your non existent/ future husband wants kids".

[@SailorLavender]

@@marahbaker8615 "Hey doc, since you want me to have kids so bad, will you support them? No? When's my appointment then?" 😠

[@mushy470]

@Gi Gi what are both of those things? I don't ever want kids but haven't really looked into actually getting sterilised

[@mushy470]

@Gi Gi thanks, tubal litigation sounds like it would be better for younger people

[@teconnyspearow]

My sister has a deaf son (which wasn't unexpected, both our parents are deaf) and she loves him so much and she never regrets a single moment with him

[@Jack-qd3xo]

This is so depressing. As someone who is disabled, as well as a carer for 3 disabled family members, I know a lot of these feelings are caused by the fact there's so little professional and financial support for both carers and disabled people. If professional care were more accessible, the world would be a much happier place. But no, instead we have billionaire tax evaders.

[@lorireed8046]

How many resources and professional plus financial support do you think will be enough? There are OVER 80 damned resources already out here . They get HELP and catered to constantly.

[@Acord718]

I am not a parent too but my cousin is severely autistic. Annoying because he is very pesty and loves annoying people. He can be violent as well , can't live by himself. He is very draining and I feel bad for his sister. When my aunt passes away and grandma. I feel like my little cousin will have to take care of him. I feel like it should not be her issue. Now she will have to live with him for the rest of her. Not to mention he hit her daughter too.

[@thebestcentaur]

A similar family story with me. My cousin has a son that is noticeably autistic (not sure if he’ll ever be fully independent tbh, probably not going to college). He is a teen, but has the mental capacity of a second or third grader at best. She and her husband are far stronger and more noble human beings than I think I could ever bring myself to be in a situation like that

[@lorireed8046]

He'd be sent to a home the second the funeral was over .

[@Takejiro24]

"Get out the throw aways" Lmao??? 😂

[@void9938]

lmao it's a term for an account that you don't use for anything but posting that one comment/post too risky/controversial/painful to post on your "main" account.

[@Roadent1241]

@@void9938 Thank you very much.

[@thesaltyeevee1459]

As a disabled adult who struggles to be independent, the way some of these parents speak about their kids makes me want to kill myself (and no that’s not a joke). I probably shouldn’t have watched this but all I hear when I see this narrative that disabled children are ruining the lives of everyone around them is that I would genuinely be making the world a better place without me in it. No matter how irrational that is, hearing that some people feel this way about autistic people similar to myself and that I will always be seen as a burden hurts like hell man. I’m sorry to all of those who struggle caring for a loved one, perhaps it’s a little selfish for me to take it this way.

[@tochie-ugorji2021]

Your life is worth living.

[@tsrenis]

@@tochie-ugorji2021 Ehhhh seeing some of the comments on this video definitely indicate otherwise.

[@TheSamjane4]

Please ignore it…this is a small amount of parents just venting. I have two kids with autism and they are not a hardship to me at all…they are a blessing. You deserve your life and to have a good one as you are able. It is society that has something wrong with it .. not you

[@lorireed8046]

Stop looking for sympathy.

[@lorireed8046]

​@@TheSamjane4 They are a blessing ... LoL the typical politically correct answer . You'll be seeing it differently when you are older and realize no one is left to care for your 50 years old "children" .

[@arrowlilly5309]

I have high functioning autism, OCD,ADHD,bipolar disorder, and a bunch or other disorders. While I may or may not want children in the future, I will not birth my children. I think it would be too big of a burden on me physically and mentally, and I don't wanna pass on my genetics. I know they're not nearly as bad as the disorders listed in this video, but I've always had people questioning me and saying " oh you'll change your mind later honey you don't know what your saying". No I understand perfectly. I've lived with this issues. I don't want to give birth to someone and pass on something that will make their life hard.

[@lorireed8046]

You aren't even capable of having a child to raise . Wow!

[@Rubyshedinja33]

I doubt anyone who isnt in the negatives gonna publicly say "yep I certainly do!"

[@coroanmon10023]

Oh god forbid you say that you'd do in a heartbeat.

[@Jose04537]

@@coroanmon10023 Actions speaks louder than words. That explains the 90% abortion rating of down syndrome kids. 100% in Iceland.

[@skylinefever]

It is probably taboo to admit regretting kids, because certain people have a need for more. If people who didn't like children stopped breeding, where would the military get future cannon fodder?

[@mimikyu__-]

my life is not less important or meaningful because I need supports. My life is happy. It hurts to hear “I don’t want a child like you.”

[@lorireed8046]

How? How is your life "needing help" ? Explain....

[@eclecticandeccentric6001]

But your life likely is more expensive. It may hurt to hear, but time and money are currency. People have a right to not want to give more of each.

[@ACastillo_]

I have Aspergers. Several members of my dad's side of the family hate me. Think I'm a freak, like my other older brothers. My dad himself more than once has let it be known he never believed in me, specially when it comes to education, and that he only put effort in me to not feel as he was a failure of a father. ...Yeah. No wonder I've contemplated and tried to kill myself so many times.

[@AkameGaKillfan777]

It's not your fault that your family members are ableist

[@timewarpblackhole]

Ultimately, we desperately need better disability care. Disabled people have every right to exist as much as everyone else and their parents and families deserve all the support and services they nedd for free. America, australia, the uk are obsenely weathly countries, we can afford it

[@bimates2690]

It is not other people's responsibility. If someone cannot afford, they shouldn't be having children.

[@timewarpblackhole]

@@bimates2690 wow you're a terrible person

[@skylinefever]

@@bimates2690 Can't feed 'em don't breed 'em.

[@TheSamjane4]

Australia has an excellent program for the disabled….all funded by the government

[@lorireed8046]

WHY do you think WE should afford it? WHY do you think there aren't enough services?? How freakin' many do you need??? You know your ignorance is not my problem ! There are way too many services already out there !

[@Archive224]

This really shows how little disabled people are thought as people. No matter where their mental maturity or their emotional maturity they still have thoughts, they still think and they are also observant. To just sit there and slowly how watch someone grow to resent you it's agonizing and yet all the support and sympathy goes to the parent. Maybe instead of wallowing in self guilt about your feelings, if you do not think you can take care of them start supporting people who can, there should be government-funded facilities to help people with severe disabilities and yet abuse is rampant but doesn't matter because 'they're disabled they're too stupid to think that right' /src These types of questions are really just fire starters it might feel cathartic for those who are able to answer, but for those who are disabled it just reinforces the feeling that people don't care about you at the end of the day would rather want you gone then to understand you or to help you. -a salty disabled person

[@frog_humidifier585]

I’m also disabled but the thing is that I consider other people and I don’t want them to have to deal with me either. Dealing with myself is awful. I wish every day that I would die. I have been miserable for my whole life. U have to think about what you make other people deal with. It isn’t your fault, but it’s your responsibility to at least try to make it easier for other people to deal with you. You have to accept the situation and try to make it better. I, for one, am having a terrible time, and I wish no one cared about me so I could just die.

[@Archive224]

@@frog_humidifier585 I can understand the thought process, I've dealt with that same process to I still am but why is it always the disabled person's job just think about every way they impact another person's life that's not fair to go through everyday thinking how worthless a person you are and that you only cause other people trouble, why is that the life that people with disabilities are meant to live? yeah it's not easy trying to help a person who has severe disabilities and it's never easy being the person with severe disabilities, but you still have a heart and you still feel emotions and those emotions should not just be relegated to guilt of having the audacity to exist I cannot count the amounts of days that I for go on my own needs so I don't impede someone else's life where anytime I need help I shove it down so far I can't feel it anymore until a week later I'm a blubbering husk of I cannot even make it out of bed anymore I'm tired of being told to be grateful for other people putting up with me as if I'm not a person and I'm just an obstacle in the way of their life were their pain matters more because they have to deal with me I'm not saying a separate party can't be scared or sad or mad in reaction to someone else's disability but the prevalence of people with disabilities only being treated as cannon fodder disgusts me I'm still human and so are you miserable or not we are not only our disabilities we are still people we still have hopes, we still have dreams, we still have ambitions, we think, we feel, we exist Why is it fair for a person be born into a world where their only purpose is to pay back everyone else for their mere existence, where I know a hell of a lot more people who are more useless than you or I and don't have a disability and never have apologized or be expected to feel grateful or guilty for existing.

[@Archive224]

@@frog_humidifier585 on a more personalized note I'm sorry for your situation, not because of your disability but because you got to a place where you feel like this. I still see you as a valuable person whether you're in pain or miserable, you managed this far to the point where you have at least either a computer or a phone or tablet and have a decent grasp on the English language which means you can learn which means you're completely capable of growth, which means you're not useless even on your worst days and if you can't value yourself, at least know that I do I most likely don't understand your pain because I have feeling you and I have different disabilities but as another person who has questioned if the world would just be better off if I just died or disappeared because I wouldn't be causing people pain by my continued existence I think it would cause more pain in you disappearing then you still being here the only type of relief is that you would no longer be in pain, but I know that the people who love you with miss you everyday, people like their routine and when suddenly it gets thrown off and they know it's never going to come back, it's soul crushing. (of course that bring up the whole quality of life, in chronic pain or being confind to your bed or the inability to express your wants and needs no longer be able to have any dignity, you should have a choice in whether you stay or not) but if part of your choice to leave is a feeling that you only make things harder for other people, maybe they don't see it as you making it harder maybe they just see it as another part of being around you and they value that.

[@yesterdayitrained]

Exactly this, and thank you for pointing it out: people with disabilities are people, just as much as everyone else in the world. We all have humanity, period. No one is less than or more than. Sadly, that is not how society or real life works.

[@thesaltyeevee1459]

TBH as a disabled adult some of the ways these parents talk about their kids makes me want to commit suicide. The thing that makes me feel this way is the fact that the majority neurotypicals probably feel this way about us and probably see my mother as a victim of my existence. Sometimes it genuinely makes me wonder if I should just give them what they want and let them be free of my burden.

[@MrPillowStudios]

4:42 you do not have to eat veggies and workout inorder to live on your own.

[@keiraallen1619]

Lol ikr?

[@LiteraryFurball]

I’m pretty saddened to see so much eugenicist sentiment here. Disabled people deserve to exist as much as abled people do. I’m disabled but I’m still happy I was given a chance at life by my parents and unless their disabilities were incompatible with life I would never give up the opportunity to give a disabled child a chance to live. I’m sure this will get buried but disabled people are not a burden, we deserve to live as much as you do. I can’t imagine aborting a pregnancy just because my baby would be autistic or diabetic. I’m glad I’m alive no matter what other people think of me. Edit: I’d like to make another point here, if you don’t want a disabled child and will not properly care for said child, and you find out your child has a disability before it’s born, abort it. Do not make a child suffer because of your inadequacies. That being said if you’re willing to put in the extra effort to love and understand your child please think twice about abortion. Also an important note is that autism is a spectrum, I’m autistic, my boyfriend is autistic and yet we’re mostly functional members of society, my boyfriend has held down his job for over a decade in fact. Not everything is black and white.

[@ilya8461]

Completely agree, its so fucking scary to see everyone agreeing that some peoples lives (or even their own) just arent worth it...

[@mullerpotgieter]

Not bringing humans into the world who will suffer terribly from the get go is not eugenics.

[@LiteraryFurball]

@@mullerpotgieter it absolutely is eugenicist and ignorant to assume that a disabled life has less value than anyone else’s and equivocating disability with suffering

[@AceAviations2]

@@LiteraryFurball sometimes it is suffering, look at the story at 16:35, that person was in constant pain and getting worse. As cruel as this will sound the father ending her life was an act of mercy to her endless suffering. Another thing that you completely overlook is how it can COMPLETELY fuck up people's lives if they can't afford it, also it clearly takes a lot out of the parents and siblings, also we can't ignore that in the worst cases someone will either have to care for them or to put them into a care home, the stress can drive people to suicide. They can put a huge burden on the families unfortunate to have them, you have to look at more than just the life of the disabled person but also the family and how it impacts them, their lives are just as important you know. You make it sound like we need to throw our lives away for someone who realistically might not have a future, and if I had the choice between raising a severely disabled kid or not, I'd chose not, I'd rather have a life outside of raising someone until either I die or they do in the worst-case scenario that they need basically 24/7 care.

[@CharlestonChica]

Autism and diabetes are completely different stories compared to a person who will never talk or be able to communicate otherwise, or be toilet-trained, and who just stares at the wall or ceiling all day. I would find it very disheartening as a mother to have a child who will never be able to reciprocate my affection or engage with me.

[@blackmetalwizard]

To all siblings of disabled kids: you don't have to feel obligated to pay for your parents' mistakes. Hugs.

[@natashamurray66]

there should be some sort of testing before a child is born to see if they will be disabled

[@jimdob6528]

This topic is one of the only thing my wife and I will genuinely fight about. She thinks all life is sacred and must be kept alive no matter what. I personally am an asshole and a realist. Some of these adults with the mentality of a child are doing well and have a solid job and a place in a professional care home. The majority though are just a drain on everyone and am for assisted suicide and allowing them to be euthanized and letting their organs be used for transplants. My wife has a cousin who is a success story. I had 2 friends who killed themselves to avoid taking care of their autistic brother in the future after the parents died in a car crash…. It all sucks.

[@jacksepticeye_fan084]

If my kid was just a little behind, like with a little bit of autism where they can still function like a person without, or if it's just a little slow, I'd be fine. But if they can't even eat on their own when they're, like, 5-10, then no, I'm not doing that. If I find out that the child will need constant care for it's whole life, I'll try and talk my the girl into getting rid of it. No way I can handle that.

[@tidepodpadthai2633]

If your thoughts are what you want and need, not the kid's needs, you shouldn't really be having kids in the first place. Being a parent isn't really a thing where you get to be selfish.

[@yesterdayitrained]

@@tidepodpadthai2633 💯

[@tsrenis]

the way youre framing state sponsered killing and organ harvesting of disabled people as "assisted suicide" is fucking pathetic and quite gross

[@kathi3093]

@@tidepodpadthai2633not true, sorry but some people are just a burden. You should be able to want children without accepting everything. Parents are people too.