My experience living with social anxiety and panic attacks

Timestamps:
2:08 : What social anxiety is and avoidance hierarchy.
7:06 : Panic attacks. ***Trigger warning here, I describe the feelings of having them.
14:08 : Defense and coping mechanisms
19:40 : Breaking free from social anxiety with exposure therapy
Oh boy, I'm getting very real.
I'm going to write something here because, apparently, the more you write, the more chances people have of finding your video!
In this one, I talk, obviously, about social anxiety and panic attacks. I also share the three defense mechanisms or coping mechanisms that I have used to function in social settings, with success, like being inauthentic, hiding my personality and my true feelings, and pretending I love everyone and find everything so fun. I share my avoidance hierarchy sheet, talking about the situations I have to put myself in in order to practice slow and steady exposure therapy, hoping to break free from the binds of this damn social anxiety.
If you are also going through this, I feel for you. I know it doesn't define you as a person, you are so much more than that, but I also know how isolating and challenging it is. I AM getting better, really, there's definitely hope, there's definitely a way out, and I can't wait until I make the next video explaining how I got free. :)
Love,
Penelope

[@pranoyprasad5846]

My method to overcome social anxiety is simple. Whenever I'm in a tense situation or need to be doing something that makes me anxious, I just say the word 'wait' in my mind. Every time my mind races with a hundred million thoughts, I just say the word 'wait'. Helps me a lot.

[@sunsetjesus4719]

very relatable. I don't get why this disconnection between the mind and body exists. Like when the mind wants to do something the body doesn't agree and when the body wants something the mind doesn't agree.

[@carmenalcala6947]

Cheers for this, I have been researching "shyness anxiety" for a while now, and I think this has helped. You ever tried - Qanwen Donuke Approach - (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now ) ? Ive heard some awesome things about it and my brother in law got cool results with it.

[@hyperbitcoinizationpod]

Because the trauma is not healed.

[@gurleen2443]

OMG I felt I could relate to so much of this and yes I watched it all! It helped me so much because I don’t feel alone now. Like I didn’t know it’s common for others to get anxious when getting dressed. And I could tell you were getting anxious talking about it. I am the same way too, even with facial expressions or way I’m talking when I’m anxious. I totally get you and I’d say be easy on yourself and let’s take this one step at a time :)

[@Brunko333]

Your honesty is immensely enchanting. I am an HSP empath, and I can hardly wait for your take on that :)

[@PenelopeLola]

Thank you!!! :D

[@c.a.honeycutt5046]

I feel ya. I’m an INFP, and have a lot in common with many of the topics you’ve gone over in prior videos. Social anxiety is the one that holds me back the most though. What you mentioned about parties is at the top of my avoidance too. Although I’d say dancing/singing in front of people is higher. Then it’s cameras.. I feel so awkward talking to a camera, that I couldn’t do what you do. It seems natural for you. Strangely, being interviewed and public speaking are easy for me, even though they terrified me when I was younger. As coping mechanisms, I mirror people, I don’t initiate, I pretend to be oblivious to flirting, I smile and laugh a lot, I become soft spoken, and I think I might unintentionally appear uninviting to keep people from talking to me. Also, averaging gaze. Although I can easily look people in the eyes in conversation, before interacting I look away. I learned that utilizing these coping mechanisms takes me out of the present, and consumes me so much that it’s difficult for me to focus on conversation. My brain becomes like a fog. The idea that I’ll embarrass myself by not having anything to say just gives me more anxiety. The only bright side I can think of to social anxiety is the abundance of pride we get from facing it, and doing things that appear easy to others. Like, I went to the lake with some friends and that idea of swimming in open waters made me very anxious. I had decided before going I wasn’t going to swim. And some of the group wasn’t going on anyway so I had an excuse to stay out. But when a few of them started going in, and I was just on the shore watching them swim further away, I summed up the courage and went in, and they were all cheering for me too haha it’s so stupid, but it took a lot and I’m proud of myself for it.

[@c.a.honeycutt5046]

Averting* gaze

[@PenelopeLola]

That story teared me up a little! Beautiful, really great that you went into the water!!! I sooo understand. Small victories are our thing; I love what you said about pride! That's gonna stay with me.

[@c.a.honeycutt5046]

@@PenelopeLola Thank you for the response! And yes, exactly, we should be proud of what we accomplish. We have to be extra courageous or put in additional effort to do what's easy for people without anxiety. And it gives us a great feeling when we overcome these hurdles.

[@unknownperson-mk1ei]

Hi, i am 23 and also INFP. I think i also have social anxiety.. Its becoz of my experiences in past there are many small situations where i had to say something but i said some foolish things..like in front of my classmates, relatives,friends, teachers..and those experiences are like stuck in my head...and even if i have to walk in college where people are sitting, i avoid it..i avoid entering in classroom after it gets full with students..i avoid starting conversation with classmates first, i avoid and cannot talk with girls.. I am in last year of engineering, so i have to do presentations and last time i was prezenting and suddenly my hands were shaking, my mouth went dry, i forgot my words..and i was speaking in my 'third' language, in english, which i am already not confident talking and then my teacher shouted, "hey, what happened, u are shaking whay are u so afraid..? and then everybody laughed.. There are so many situations where i said something stupid and wish i havent said and its awkward, embarrasing..and then i had to do group discussions,job interviews.. i don know how will i survive this.

[@frankfossi629]

This was great, I been tryin to find out about "how to treat social anxiety on your own" for a while now, and I think this has helped. Have you heard people talk about - Qanwen Donuke Approach - (search on google ) ? Ive heard some unbelievable things about it and my co-worker got great results with it.

[@SwapneelGhosh95]

Lovely to have a video from you again Penelope. Can totally relate to these feelings and coping mechanisms, it's definitely tough to deal with!! Thanks for sharing your experiences, the best medicine to anxiety and panic attacks is to try to have a 3rd person view on your thoughts and having a laugh about it time and again. Of course it won't disappear, but it definitely makes it much easier to live with and learn from. :)

[@z9elka]

Penelope, you're not alone (ofc ;). Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm looking forward for more od your videos!

[@samijo936]

You are amazing and I loved your video! You are so encouraging! You give me so much courage with what I'm struggling with. Please keep making these videos. You are awesome!

[@fraser7530]

I sympathise hard with you. I used to have it much worse than I do now - crippling- even ok a similar level as yourself. Hoping you can work through it soon. You have my support!

[@NJ-wb1cz]

Thank you! For some reason I procrastinate on watching your videos, but they always manage to blow my mind in some way, maybe even unintended. I struggled with social anxiety as well, except I didn't know about it and had it from a very early age in an environment that expected being proper and perfect from me. So basically my whole personality and what I thought experience of life is, was a bunch of social anxiety coping skills. It was very hard to even understand what's going on later in life, let alone learn how to be myself or who even am I or even how to learn how to start knowing who am I :) This video provided a perspective on myself and I noticed I still do some of the things you mentioned. It used to feel so frustrating to seemingly clean up these things from everywhere, it's like I'm myself completely wrong. And this in itself created anxiety of being inadequate, but now at least I'm able to enjoy myself and kinda even enjoy the process of getting these small revelations all the time :) It turns out, it can be a weirdly interesting thing, to change and to change my mind about myself and things, and to get different experiences of life, if I don't hold on to things and kind of allow myself to flow wherever it flows Anyway, I'm not sure where am I going with this, but you're awesome, and I'm grateful for you being you and doing what you do (or whoever you want to be or to do) :)

[@ishigamijunichi3581]

Hi, welcome back Penelope! yay! You look so brave today. yea, I knew that you are very strong and that's why I've learned a lot of things from you and your videos. That means, you are strong and brave enough to face yourself and share your experiences. Thank you for share your stories and see you soon! Wish you love too!

[@PenelopeLola]

Thank you for saying I look brave! Best compliment. I hope you feel the same way!

[@musicthroughroughtimes4439]

I listened very carefully to every single word and it was incredibly interesting. I am struugling with anxiety as well and wish i could talk to someone. Hugh respekt for what you did here. And thank you!

[@ohdeer5950]

It's so nice to hear someone talk not about what social anxiety is but HOW social anxiety is. The things you said is things that happens to me too. But I am normally ashamed of these things but hearing you talk about it makes me feel less like a kid who can't do anything. So thank you! ❤️

[@HouseOfMam]

Elo :) je t'ai trouvée aujourd'hui avec ton vidéo sur les gens à haut potentiel. J'ai aussi écouté ton vidéo sur quoi faire quand on a une mauvaise journée et ça m'a beaucoup aidé, j'ai pris des notes hihi je te remercie de ton honnêteté, de ton ouverture. Tu aides à normaliser ces conditions mais en plus de témoignages où on peut s'identifier tu ajoutes de l'aide, ce qui est un double whammy magnifique ;) Bonne continuation et félicitations de te connaître assez que tu te pousses à défaire les patterns qui te ralentissent. J'ai été beaucoup stagnante dans les derniers mois et tu fais maintenant partie des motivations à me mettre un peu plus dans l'inconfort pour avancer xx

[@stantheman9002002]

I wish you self love and acceptance, my friend! For you have a truly awesome personality! Learn to love the flaws you mentioned in this video. Embrace yourself! It's okay to have these feelings

[@PenelopeLola]

Thank you!! Yes, I'm learning to love them, a difficult practice :)

[@yourconsciousspace1028]

Hi Penelope I recently found you through your ADD video story, and it just shocked me to realize how similar is my story to yours, I was literally crying cos every symptom you mentioned its exactly what's happening to me, for years I felt inadequate and weird, always felt something was wrong with me, I have terrible social anxiety, nervousness and a very sensitive personality, I'm very EXISTENCIAL and tend to overthink a lot, people always tells me I live in the clouds cos I daydream a lot, I'm very disorganized, impulsive and I changed high schools 4 times, I don't have hyperactivity I'm very smart but I fall onto perfectionistic patterns that make me feel frustrated and anxious, I remember when I was in middle school I never wanted to participate on a group I was terrified of sports cos of my social anxiety, I tried twice and I felt judge cos I was weak at it, I couldn't follow instructions cos I would be lost by the first instruction, cos there is always a lot goin on on my scatted mind . I recently started to experience the body mind disconnection. I feel I'm on loading mood often times or as if I was a web navigator with 40 windows open that starts to become slow. cos every time I start somethin I don't finish cos the distractions are overwhelming, specially the intrusive thoughts or the analytical mind. pff its so annoying and exhausting for example: I cannot be working out without changing set more than 4 times instead of finishing one or just follow a structured workout :( I could go on and on with examples. I just wanna finish saying I feel so grateful to know I'm not defective and I'm not alone on this, there is hope out there. I can't thank you enough for sharing your story and helping us all. P.S English is my second language so I hope you understand. love from Mexico

[@wisokiwi6733]

I was waiting for a new video! :)))

[@PenelopeLola]

Oooh thank you! :D

[@thebluemoonlady]

Soooo relatable! I admire you for challenging yourself. I couldn't do that! Talking with strangers and sharing my interests? OMG. The last time I had a panic attack was when I tried to learn how to drive. My instructor was laughing at me because I was extremely nervous sitting behind the wheel. Also, he thought that I didn't like him because I wasn't talking to him while driving. Can you imagine? Driving started to give me such anxiety... whole situation made me unable to focus or learn anything on the course so finally I had to stop it :-( P.S. Thank you for this video!

[@1radiospeaker]

thank you for sharing

[@EqualityOnEarth]

Thanks so much for sharing this!! I can relate so much, especially with the interaction with the boss. I have the same- I get so nervous and I am not able to express my feelings at all. I am INFJ btw! :) Thanks a lot in any case!

[@daniii3915]

She's an INFJ too.

[@heetpatel9425]

Hey. It's nice having a conversation (as close to a conversation it is) with someone who you (actually I) think like.

[@chrisadam9080]

I watched it till the end, hm. ;) Not only because I also have social anxiety but also because I like your personality. Don't be so hard on yourself, your struggles don't define you, it's how you deal with them. I'd like to share my experience with social anxiety. I have pretty much the same feeling as you. But I don't really have panic attacks and I don't take medication. I think I manage to hold my anxiety enough so it doesn't become a too big problem. However, when I experience a wave of anxiety, it usually takes me a few days to recover, sometimes a few weeks. i just need loneliness and loud sad music with video games until it starts to feel better. PS: I don't know why you re-upload it but I don't see the difference. ^^'

[@chrisadam9080]

Also, I feel so used to stress and adrenaline that roller-coasters feel like routine...

[@PenelopeLola]

I kept seeing the video with really bad quality for some reason. Happy you shared and thank you for watching till the end!! :D

[@mikkelhv11d25]

The intellectual mind runs on overdrive with anxiety. It's constantly trying to solve problems and hold on so tightly to the world that everything slips trough your fingers. Learning to be aware and still inside myself has helped me 'beating' it. You can use meditation or simply go on walks and learn to chill your brain and then connect to the stillness whenever anxiety comes knocking.

[@eater_of_yeets]

Omgosh I swear I have so much in common with you, I also am an infp, with ADD, and social anxiety! I can relate to this very much, especially with the brain blanks when I’m stressed but my highest fear is probably public presentations, especially at school infront of my class. I have never had a panic attack thankfully but I do have anxiety attacks :/

[@sbear4616]

same.. *sigh*

[@PenelopeLola]

You should definitely find a therapist (mine is a savior) and gradually work on your fears. When you feel ready and on your own time. It's very empowering :)

[@bobumbrella]

I have to face some of the same troubles. In my attempt to understand those things i discovered things like "autonomic nervous system", which is something very helpful and usually not felt, but which takes control when i'm losing the grip, like when facing a danger or what feels like a danger. I learned about how it reacts, with its fight-or-flight response, but also its freeze response which is definitely the worst. Those are well described in a film called "My american uncle", based on research of french neurobiologist Henri Laborit. Now it seems to me that it all comes from my own projections, and subsequently my adaptions to them, thus the jungian concept of personas, with its multiple faces sometimes confortable, most of the time uncomfortable. Main obstacle and a powerful one was denial. Identify those projections, though it is hard, is one of my concerns. So i'm studying fields like symbolism, semiology, literature, myths, jungian psychoanalysis concepts...

[@darthterror9156]

I know exactly how you feel. When you said that about the grocery store...I was like...Oh...I'm not the only one who freaks out there. 😂 I need to get in and get out as quickly as possible. It's really everywhere, though. It's just the place I usually have to deal with the most. You handle it so well. My gf isn't very supportive of it. She only makes it worse by trying to force me into these situations and then giving me a hard time when I start to lose it. I get impatient and moody and I know it's not pleasant to be around, but she knows how I am and still chose to force me into it. You really handle it great. Maybe it's just us stupid guys who get more angry and aggressive when the anxiety hits. It's like I'm backed into a corner, ya know? Anyhow, it's good to see you back in the saddle...so to speak. 😂

[@Pizzahutbaby]

Your so beautiful and your personality is amazing keep being you 😋

[@jaries6925]

nice!

[@sculler43]

Much love / respect from an INFJ ❤.

[@marcelasanmartin6633]

that Thing about copyng? Acting like a child, i think i do that a Lot, and Many other things that u mentioned here i experienced too! But no panic atracks... This make me feel not Alone, but also that i'm not working in myself :(, in fact, i never think that this avoidance things were a problem because i just avoid them xddd thank u for share!! i feel that we are very simillar and find a person simillar to me is a happy thing :)

[@jesuscarranza3145]

13:00 THANK YOU for that life hack

[@irinad4103]

I have a strange feeling watching your videos. I would never have guessed that someone who is able to express themselves in such an interactive way might suffer from social anxiety. then you answered my question. you said you use coping mechanisms to cover your social anxiety. so the way you interact in youtbube videos is also like a mask of a very interesting person to watch. i was wondering what would happen if you did not use any coping strategies while interacting with a viewer in your youtube videos? also, have you studied the concept of shame and how it influences the way we interact with the world. a book by brene brown on shame is a good one.

[@willc8735]

Interesting have you considered trying CBT?

[@davidradevic6354]

I change color to red hahah and know that everybody sees it 🤣 i understand you completly because i am in the same situation.. that advice to focus on your feet is in fact that you are focusing on the present moment and not get distracted by thoughts who actually causing that anxiety. So, that motivated me to listen Eckhart Tolle and be in the moment. I am working on it :D sorry for bad english :D

[@davidradevic6354]

Its a blessing actually, without it we would not have evolved :D as ram dass said ‘use everything as a vehicle’

[@raycaster4398]

Two things: I think a few of the introverted types act as if all the eyes in the room are upon them, as if a video camera was filming things. So one has to realize that that is not the situation, just act normal and fit in and that'll contribute to relaxation. Learn to "look the part." The other thing is, one can sublimate away anxiety and other emotions, so I recommend you do a serious physical exercise program, as your physician approves of course. I did jogging, which helped me tremendously. It gave me that peaceful easy feeling for 12 to 24 hours. Sometimes I would jog twice in a day (the day before) if some really anxious social or job event was coming up. But in your defense, you should know and I will say it, the world has gone jackass bonkers crazy and that's a problem we all have to deal with. In the US, streets and cityscapes are no longer safe, because a certain mislead retributive political faction has decided to become judge, juror and hangman on the street corners. So legendarily sad for humankind.

[@PenelopeLola]

Yes totally bonkers. And I do workout now! Strength training. Helps me a lot. :)

[@raycaster4398]

Strength good, but aerobic might be better, get that heart rate up, sweat(!) and catecholamines burned off. You might ask the doc to start you on a low-dose of beta-blocker that'll take the edge off rapid heartbeat and palpitations, so the self-awareness /premonition or warm-up phase doesn't progress you to a full panic attack. Think of it as a perfectly safe "sedative for the heart" that wants to do the fight-or-flight thing.

[@aura7153]

I have alot in common with you Penelope which is that I'm HSP and ADHDer and INFP and other things I don't know know if you have a problem with eye contact too because I do I actually started to consider that I maybe I'm on Autism spectrum , I don't know if you thought about that before

[@PenelopeLola]

Yes, I did! Difficulty with eye contact too. For me, it's very much about fear of embarrassment. I don't believe I'm on the autism spectrum, but if you think you are, you should look into it! :)

[@karanjitsingh2155]

👍👍👍👍👍👍

[@jesuscarranza3145]

9:55 I FEEEEL YOUUUUU HAHSHAHS AGAIN

[@crazymike1706]

You have this natural charm and beauty. What are your artistic interest?

[@andressuarez3079]

Lyrica is a eutimizer, it balances your mood extremes. There is a disorder based on panic attacks. I don't know the name in english. You can google it. I have Borderline Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. The symtoms of G.A.D. are: Constant fear that something bad is going to happen, hipervigilance, inability to breathe normally, feeling of lack of air, chest preasure, tachycardia, sweating, insomnia, etc. Borderline Disorder symtoms are a bit different: Fear of being alone or abandoned, boredom, emptyness, impulsivity, wrath outbursts, substances abuse, feeling of lack of control of ourselves, but you pretend you are ok and you fake, it but you just want to go home, well now I do that. And not talking to pretty girls, ye I had that too, well I think I still have it but I think thats coz I'm introverted and somewhat shy. And the "fairy" thing, I do the opposite, I tattooed like 15 years ago when there wasn't a lot of tattooed ppl, or at least not so many, and I shaved my head, so ppl wouldn't talk to me but now everyone has them (the tattoos) so it was kinda useless in the end. Fear of rejection, hmm not good, read about borderline personality disorder. I hope I'm wrong. And as you have a high IQ and you probably like to read, you could read about Myers Brigs Personality Test also, its very interesting. You would like it. Thanks for sharing. Regards.

[@PenelopeLola]

I have read about both things! Luckily, I do not have BPD; it must be very hard to live with both borderline and anxiety. I hope you're surrounded by understanding and acceptance :)

[@andressuarez3079]

@@PenelopeLola At the beggining it was hard, yes, but I've been taking pills for many years and slowly it's going away, the constant hypervigilance, the mood swings, everything, and I know this is going to take my whole life to balance. Anyhow, I'm glad you don't have BPD, really happy for you. Wish you courage to face this challenge that happened to you. You will get better. You'll see. Thanks for the videos. Regards.

[@jesuscarranza3145]

minute 6:25 I FEEEL YOUUU T_T

[@advandepol7537]

We don't live in a very feeling world. There is a lot of competition and jealosy out there. Being molded by this culture you are afraid to be less than other people, and rather be a lot more. So it is two ways imo, 1. many want to be better than you (especially when you are gifted and good looking, watch fat people who often do have selfconfidence in spite of), 2. you want to be better than they (if you look deep into your heart).

[@jesuscarranza3145]

18:00 same xD

[@ernestogamez9220]

I got up on the podium on the AA meetings and church, I shared my negative experiences with fam and world and after that most of my anxiety vanished. The rest of my anxiety died because I decided to live holy for the lord Jesus and because I understood Myself and others more. Look up videos of Peter crone he deals with all this fear stuff. Lesbianism produces guilt and anxiety specially anger. Don't overthink of negative possiblities. Stop caring about things that don't matter that's just stress and worry. The medication numbs but also leaves you worse. Don't fear what will happen cuz then it will happen you know? If you don't fear what will happen then It will happen less but if you fear what will happen then it will happen more. Fear is all lies look at those lies without anger that's the main key to your freedom

[@terehommikust1718]

i gave up on social stuff, i just dont like how i look and dont fit in.

[@terehommikust1718]

the can handle the panic attacks but just suffering them is pointless

[@terehommikust1718]

i really cant go on hot days either, the sun makes me feel too exposed, im like a damn vampire drives me nuts.

[@CaroleLepicard]

What you are talking about look like post trauma symptômes, nothing more ! Thé anxiaty Is liké your nervous system which vas been highly activated and remains Switch on. Thank you for your testimonial

[@PandaCultivation]

I don't know if you're drinking coffee or anything like that but stop consuming anything with caffeine in it and alcohol too best regard :)

[@josealbino739]

Tu és muito bonita!

[@sunsetjesus4719]

sounds like some traumatic things happened when you were younger which makes you perceive flirting as a threat. I'm just assuming. It's a struggle for sure

[@darthterror9156]

I don't know, bro. As you probably heard her say...she has a boyfriend...and it's possible that the flirting makes her uncomfortable, because...as an INFP...we don't like to hurt others feelings. So, it's difficult to let them know that we can't return the feelings...and thus, we try to play it off like it's no big deal...and try to redirect the conversation.