PENUEL - WHY I’M DECIDING TO BE A DEADBEAT | Umjolo a Pandemic, Kids, Fatherhood, Parenting,Toxicity

[@NkosinathiMasango012]

When Penuel said "The whole family must be put first, not just the child", I felt that. There's no human being who must be okay with another human suffering because of them. People often say married couples must stay together for the children, but I cannot imagine a home where one of the parents is depressed and may self destruct at any moment because they aren't happy with the situation at home. Everyone matters, us men too!

[@bongiwemasilela6101]

I laughed, I cried, I pondered, I felt weak, Yet at the end of it all, I felt not alone and subsequently strong. The only thing I needed is knowing that I'm not the only one who sees this. Worth more than 10 counselling sessions. Thanks.

[@NomzNomz-s3z]

My brother. So sorry to hear about that. This is very sad. Hang in there and pray to God. He loves us all. Bless you my brother. 🌸😘

[@Mk22022]

Penuel was in his bag this episode... No one can articulate their point like Penuel.

[@tobiasmokwena2670]

Penuel my brother you are not alone in this situation, we are many.

[@shwabade123]

@tobiasmokwena2670 one day the law will be on our side

[@Simphiwe050]

Siyabonga for this…It will go down in the History Books ❤️🙏🏽

[@Bra-PTheMathematician]

They will never understand.... they are here to judge.

[@claytonwilson278]

After a long time the man has spoken my mind .🙏thank you

[@neommutle8033]

1. Money: The question is the money you are Not sending, are you putting away, monthly, weekly into a fund 💰for him when he turns 18 or 21? 2.Support: Emotional support, character building, advise for the child, I know a father who wrote letters to his son daily for over 20 years. Another father went to the childs school events, sometimes just sitting at the back and saying nothing. It should not be about being seen. You can just clap 👏 hands for them at school sport and go. 3 Clothes, toys and other goodies, you can courier to where they are and keep the recipients. 4. Communication, you can send your older kids a cell phone to call you, whenever they want. You can call their teachers weekly to find out how they are doing at school, that is you communicating with a teacher, you are paying school fees for. The need to prove a point, always be right, Does Not serve the child! There are many things you can do, when your denied access, the point has to be about the child, not you. In the end the child will not care about the court, but what did you do.

[@njabulogumede7922]

They won't read your reply cause is long but this is true what you said

[@vuyisananitshika5815]

Very practical solutions to a problem.

[@nkopanemoahluli3760]

Took some points home with me🙏

[@kabelobabuseng2293]

Or the mother can simply do what is in the best interest of the kids, which is to grant the father access!!

[@kwazilucas]

@@neommutle8033 you watch too many movies. A man's life and mental health matters and too.

[@keabetswe_80]

Some women don't know how lucky they are when for the father of the child want to be involved. Some are wishing

[@Dijo_Vu]

And some men don’t know how lucky they are to have a mother of their child who don’t make them go to prison every weekend because the maintenance was short

[@kentuckyfriedchicken4740]

This is why i only date white women

[@NyandanoRamagoma-pd4yk]

I'm RUDZANI from eTembisa. Guys, you are doing a great job by bringing such conversations to build our nation. Penuel my brother, keep on feeding us with fruitful conversation together with our legend " DJ S'BU". I salute ❤

[@sakhumziblou4407]

I feel him when he says he will never send money to a kid he has no access to, even me I will never shame...

[@laudanthabi7745]

Understable Pen. You are one of the best, so please keep on providing for your children no matter what. Love them and provide for them until you parents sort matters out

[@aphelelesoli1621]

What if they dead and u don't even know 😢

[@sfisomlondo6699]

Dear Bhuti Sbu thank you for everything you've done for South Africa. Please today show Bhuti Penuel Love I really think this thing of politics and following everything we've seen him getting frustrated. Please show him love and support and those children are his and he should support his children ❤

[@ednatekolo9946]

I fully, a 100 percent get Penuel. And he is not walking away from his kids, they know where to find him, so does everybody else who wats to find him.

[@mohlomphehi]

35: 40 Sbu erroneously assumes that the legal justice system is fair and unbiased. But unfortunately, it is not. It is gynocetric in nature, and it has to be because we as a society do not value human life the same. That is why even in geocide death tolls, you hear about women and children being killed because that is what society cares more about. It is almost accepted in society for men to suffer. it's sad but true.

[@Dude-1689]

Sbu was right to say this issue will do more harm to you as a Father. I've gone through this and it took therapy to finally resolve what the fight over my kid did to me emotionally. All the way to learning to befriend people who've reconditioned your own child to hate you. Oksalayo as a man, you must fight to secure your own bond with that child. It is for your own well-being. It will destroy you going out to eat sushi while you have no clue how the kid is doing.

[@toemas8]

I pay R30k a month to my ex wife, have a parenting order and I have not seen my daughters for a 8 months. She unfortunately she has poisoned them telling them untruths or simply putting them under pressure. She’s as toxic as they come and mind you she’s the one that had an affair. She even lived with this guy in my house for two years… all bought to you by the family court! If there is one area of the law that should revert to more traditional laws it’s family court. I feel if they put older women 60 up in charge there would be a big change in attitude. Unfortunately lawyers make money and it highly favours women, all most any type of behaviour is accepted. They can lie and literally commit fraud and nothing happens. Unfortunately fathers in kids lives can fix a lot of the social issues we have in the country, but we are ignored.

[@sihl3n]

😱

[@tshephomooi2728]

Eish I’ve been through the same thing as Pen, luckily my woman went out and got all the information for me to fight for my kid and today I have 50% rights to my child

[@LumkaMbandezi-ci7hd]

Thank you Pen. I have 1 month daughter. Been there everything.. but I'm about to go through this. Thank you

[@kdkd2457]

These facts, each & everytime anyone likes this comment I will come & watch again

[@Mafhuwa]

Wild business being able to take care of your kids and choose not to and publicly declare. I get being misunderstood neh , but Pen just taking it too far

[@MandyJay-f4i]

This Parental issue is deep. As a Father your sentiments are valid. If you are denied access to the child then you should not be obligated to pay child support!

[@Bullshita]

There's court, dumb-dumb

[@dbongsskhonza9933]

@@Bullshitafor all you know,Mandyjay, could be teaching your child or family member,so it not wise to called each other dumb, specially if you don't know the person

[@traumaqueeen]

Men are weak these days. They can't do the difficult thing, but want to be called leaders. Leaders do the hard thing even if they don't get their way. Weak men!

[@Dude-1689]

Eish mfethu! But then again, it doesn't sit well not knowing how the kid is doing. This is a fight you need to win by all means as a man. Otherwise, it will destroy you emotionally and you'll be recreating the cycle by abondoning the child. That guilt is impossible to erode.

[@Bullshita]

@@dbongsskhonza9933 Well, tell Mandyjay to stop saying stupid things online. "If you are denied access to the child then you should not be obligated to pay child support!" is that smart??? Which adult doesn't know about court.

[@NkosiyaboRorwana]

Mna my wish is to not only have you on the platform , becos some of the guys they don't have access to such platforms, if we can have you Nina ama grootman or it can not just you ama grootman, get another people who can educate us about these things, the best education is when it come with your language and same with expression is more understandable with our language ❤

[@user-fl2vy7vh5i]

Open an account and put money in there. Don’t send it to mother. N only pay directly when needed. If later kids ask show them their account in their names and it would show how long u been doing it n why

[@sihlemasondo2898]

Valuable input

[@pfanomukosi6040]

Thank you so much

[@nyashamahleko7007]

Who should pay for the child mentainment.Who should pay for Child food,rent,school and many other thing's

[@sihlemasondo2898]

@@nyashamahleko7007 you should pay

[@tumishomokgope2864]

Pen, I second your perspective bro.

[@Mastavee_2920]

I'm also in the same situation i don't blame you in all concluded.

[@GChamo]

Same situation nami.. some of us when we go to see the kids theres fights everytime decided to stop and focus on my mental health Penuel mentioned that a lot of man do break down and take their own lives..... focus on your mental health majita.

[@thobilemdwayi271]

I had a fight with my Baby moms and she took me to court even though i was supporting the child and what I learnt is that the Courts choose sides and dont even wana hear your side of the story they just make a ruling... I had to ask to speak after the ruling was made unless you have money for lawyers which will make it even worse kube ngathi uzomcindezela... I dont blame you man mara zama ukulwa for incosi if hes 11years try get your son directly

[@mpinganadax3923]

When he realises that he has duty to himself to be sexually responsible as an adult, he will be free of the drama he keeps bringing to himself. That includes stretching himself too thin in family planning.

[@Mastavee_2920]

I normally say to toxic women who mistreat men, I say I wish same energy you give to men, I hope your son’s get it in future from other people’s daughters

[@sifisofakude9176]

Let me re-substribe since pen is back

[@stantheman5522]

That question "would you love to live with your kids "😮

[@moyisileenterprise]

Kak......kak. I also had a problem of access to my child. I decided to pay school fees and buy clothes only and not send her money. I'm only sending money now that I have access to my kid. So, what Penuel is saying is crap. 😅😅😅

[@Kccung]

Good for finding a way . Your child will know you were always there for him no matter the family relationship with their mom.

[@fortunbras]

@@moyisileenterprise I think Penuel is saying that he'll also CONTINUE to provide if he gets access. I think that EVERY parent should have a right to access their child unless they're a danger. You and Penuel are saying the same thing.

[@moyisileenterprise]

@@fortunbras Not at all. I'm saying I paid school fees and bought clothes whilst I didn't have access. He's saying he's not going to contribute to the kids until he gets access.

[@fortunbras]

@@moyisileenterprise No he said he'd been paying until he got denied access. He also said that in some instances he paid school fees directly and was still denied access. So it's not him saying screw the kids. He's just saying can I pay and see my kids too? Is that a controversial take in your opinion?

[@moyisileenterprise]

@fortunbras In my opinion, he's completely wrong. Contribute to the kids' lives and fight access in court. That's what I did. I know it takes forever, especially if you're a man. But I still paid for more than a year of being denied access, I still paid. For me, you are denying your kids a better life just because their mothers are punishing you if you are not supporting them because of lack of access.

[@terrenceshilowa9284]

For a minimum of 4 baby mamas...at some point you have to take accountability and responsibility for this brokenness...as a man who has a child, I don't feel sorry for Penuel.

[@saneledlamini285]

As long as his providing for the kid and willing to be present. Why should he take accountability? His not the one blocking the kid from seeing him, is he now ?

[@terrenceshilowa9284]

@saneledlamini285 well done for speaking for nonsense.

[@mpinganadax3923]

The problem is irresponsible sexual behaviour. And even crazier than that is, he wants more than the 7 he is struggling with. He will keep going to court ke.

[@user-fl2vy7vh5i]

U don’t have n l don’t think it wud make a difference even if you did. However listen to his point and those affected. That’s the argument not feelings

[@user-fl2vy7vh5i]

For really, u speaking nonsense n pple like are reasons why the society is struggling. U juss run straight to assuming rather than listening to the argument n then raise your views or points. That’s not feelings game

[@njabulogumede7922]

For the first time a man gets to speak about real issues bruh.... I blame myself for impregnating a toxic woman ,

[@Maliviwe24]

At last I agree with Pen on this one, one 100%.

[@NelsonBK-t2j]

walking away is the best u can do , kids will grow up and see or know the truth

[@MngomezuluNhlakanipho]

God Penuel for presidency ❤😮this man is something else and this man must be protected because I wouldn’t be so enlightened if it wasn't for him.We love you penzo❤

[@siya8993]

The nostalgia ❤. Virtual mkhukhu the return!!!!

[@fanelesibongemthethwa153]

Kwaze kwazwela..I can't imagine my own brother's foes #sigh... I wish many man spoke up yazi.

[@skyscraper-keepitdeepkeepi2723]

Great conversation guys very educative episode

[@SkhuluDeMaestro]

Mara grootman, we want 2 hours up, for virtual mkhukhu episodes please 😢🙏🙏🙏

[@Dude-1689]

Even the most expensive liquor and soft life Boys 😂😂😂 Those WILL NOT fix the pain of not sending support. Send all the money, pay for everything, ngenkani! If she doesn't want to let you, you still have the right to go to your kid's school and send the money required there, courier or send the clothes by yourself to the school. Get a social worker or your attorney to accompany you if need be.

[@saneledlamini285]

If she does not give you access to your kid. Gentlemen, don’t send money nor provide any type of support. Baby mamas are toxic! No messy for them. Period.

[@nyashamahleko7007]

If you stop sending you are punishing the Children. That doesn't make sense.You should always pay.

[@saneledlamini285]

@@nyashamahleko7007 Well preventing a child from seeing their financially support father is punishing the child too. As a baby mama, you can prevent that by giving the father access to their child. Take accountability and do better baby mama!

[@nyashamahleko7007]

@saneledlamini285 If the Father is safe,I would always support a child seeing his Father and his inlaws.

[@saneledlamini285]

@nyashamahleko7007 Exactly. That’s the crux of his point. He wants to see his kids and not just send money to a ghost. Y’all need to stop using kids to fight your battles. It never turn out well for both parents and most importantly the kids. Always remember Newton’s third law “ For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction”. This is where Penuel is right now.

[@nyashamahleko7007]

@saneledlamini285 Here is thing I never was in a relationship with pen,so I can't comment on that. I don't know his girlfriend are rejecting him to visit his Children,but maybe Pen have some depth to pay

[@Wethruyk]

When has it ever been ok to walk away from your kids? If you and the other parent are not getting along, seek help until things are favourable for your children. Walking away from your children should never be an option or normalised by Penuel or anyone else. It’s sad that he says this with his full chest, rather then to continue to speak up about his efforts to fighting for his children and his rights as a father. He’s full of excuses. Parents, it’s never ok to walk away from your children.

[@billymaepa4576]

He's having a human experience no one is wrong or right in this type of situation stick to your own beliefs don't impose or judge

[@dbongsskhonza9933]

Is it really walking away if,he say,he's only gonna stop sending money to the mother,untill he's able to see his kids,and if that don't happen,mother can still send kids to him for whatever

[@billymaepa4576]

@dbongsskhonza9933 thank you your very analytical and accurate in your comment sometimes we get worked up over other people's issues instead of just listening and leaving it as is it's really none of our business what penuel does with his life choices

[@tamdava579]

Diffrent strokes for diffrent folkes,bt not by not supporting is crying for help,becouse hes been denied exess to his child,you wont understand the situation until you in it,then you will also handle it your own way,policing other peoples problem is not the solution,let him deal with it the way he feels its right for him not for you 🙏🙂

[@khuthadzokennethmadala3224]

Sometimes people who are not going through this experience should just zip their mouth

[@boipelommileng]

We need to normalize giving the children their father's surname, and if things dont work out, him being primary caregiver should be an option. I get it now. Obviously, all things considered.

[@thekodiphuko3435]

Grootman when are you inviting sakhile again?Pen is all over,we need motivation manje ku busy asikhale siya phambile balance,nathi sinazo icosi asizibone.hayi kabi

[@Nathnael_]

Dj sbu. For a creative change can you please bring and interview someone who is inclined in relation to science and technology sectors. Most of the South African podcast does not venture in such topics, Agriculture, education system, Engineering, mining and Technology in holistic.

[@thobilemdwayi271]

also you cant father 2 days a week

[@ipostsongs5305]

Ya noh penuel will force you to engage critically, even if you disagree. I need to reflect on this and come up with a revised conclusion.

[@albertmokoka3653]

Panuel i can relate. I am going through the same thing and I gave up on one of my kids because of the same thing. being denied of seeing my child.

[@tebohomaholi6738]

The disappointment on DJ Sbu's face about Step dad being forced to provide his step kids after his divorce with their mom yerr

[@blessinggwacela4993]

Pen is wrong on this one! Remember kids are innocent, it’s not their faults that parents are having a fallout! Parents should put their differences aside and support the kids that they both agreed to bring to this earth.

[@vdblur925]

The kids are gonna suffer either way. I personally think this is a strategic move that will make the mother question and re-evaluate how they handle the matter. I fully understand penuel.

[@sizwehlongwane3358]

if it hasnt happen to you, you will never understand.

[@othizadlamini448]

Lol you clearly are deaf and didnt take note of the valid points made by Pen

[@Projectfinderfee]

You are clearly not listening.

[@user-fl2vy7vh5i]

Not listening at all

[@vusidlamini6275]

Ukhuluma iqiniso uPenuel 👑🙌

[@Sango848]

It's a woman's world. Tsine we just walking ATM's and that's it 🤬

[@Kccung]

In Honesty we all have different Experiences and those lead us to make the decisions we make.some of us just care more about present father’s than financial support and still you find those fathers that fail just to give the child a call or visit the child.My belief is once you bring a child in this world the child‘s well being should come first by every means possible.A mother has no right to keep your kids from you if you showing up.I wish spaniel would share the reasons why the moms don’t want you to see the children.

[@penuellmatlala321]

I chose my mental health and walked away, I'm only sending money.

[@dennisdenlaw4339]

I also just decided to do the same thing. I last saw my son in 2018

[@ngamlalova3325]

hes 100% right

[@risimamongwe5699]

I’m curious to know if what the father provided was in line with the child’s upkeep. There are men who provided R200 to each of their 8 kids and think that they’re the best fathers ever. Lapho they can afford more and more importantly, they honestly shouldn’t be having so many kids and creating broken families. We get it he’s fertile!

[@thetoleshaba8353]

Whether the father is a billionaire or unemployed, the needs of the child don't cha he and shouldn't be attaches to income. My child need breakfast and that can be bread and milk, whether I have 10 billion or R10 000

[@Sir_Maybe_Bac]

7 tau per child is wild, majority of our people don't even get paid that much

[@MLM424]

Okay. For the first time I actually understand your frustration and even agree with your sentiments to a certain extent. You cooked there by 30 something minutes. There's a huge double standard when it comes to genders and alot of times when we say "best for the child" we are actually saying "best for the mom". I get it. I still dont like your situation of planting seeds everywhere and feel that half the problems you have wouldnt exist if you were in a conventional family setting. But it doesnt invalidate your feelings and alot of your points. I actually get it

[@nyashamahleko7007]

The Family settings does work even for Woman. The old Family settings would just work for Man.

[@DiceRoll213]

25:20 If you want to know the future laws of SA, follow the current laws in USA. Thank me later

[@princemulaudzi]

We are copying SA laws and culture very fast and it's intentionally done so

[@makhuphukamnguni9782]

My God💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🖋️🖋️🖋️🖋️

[@zinhlezion]

Pen is the PROBLEM.I do feel sorry for the kids 🥺

[@livinganddyingabroad]

He’s making all these examples about bad women to justify him not sending money to his kids There are two courts for a reason Maintenance court is separate to children court for access

[@DiceRoll213]

How is he the problem in your view? Please educate us...

[@MuzorewaRatshikuni]

@@zinhlezion You're probably a toxic woman, ne?

[@anhonestlife380]

Penuel is a misogynist. My dad spoke like this only to learn that he was angry my mom didn't entertain him anymore

[@AM-yk1vt]

Pens solutions are always ridiculous. And he says it with a straight face. Standard of living matters. A child cannot have a rich parent but have to attend basic schools and have the bare minimum. Further more to say that when parents fail the government should take the kids to boarding school means you are trusting an incompetent state to further get involved in your family which again is disastrous. The state doesn't have capacity to deal with that. I will say his idea of withdrawing child maintenance as long as he cannot see his kids is a great idea. You just took too long to do it. There is no way someone wants to take your money but then when it's time for you to visit your children there are stories and excuses

[@njabulogumede7922]

And man show their frustrations differently from man....look at the case ka- Mr Mboro

[@mphomalaka8136]

Penuel does not parent any of his children and it shows. His examples are of other people, statistics, etc. Raising children takes way more than money. If 2 or more women deny you access, you are the problem! This is sad because there are good men truly fighting to see their children.

[@shwabade123]

That Yoh from Sbuda 😂,

[@elchapo3048]

With reference to 10min30sec. I identify as Sbu..#pretend_,pretend

[@comingtoamerica24]

Kante isn’t this too personal

[@Sango848]

Why is the law allowing these toxic women to go on with these evil habits 🤬

[@opium42069]

Put money aside for the kids.

[@erickumalo2372]

Esh Mina I'm lucky to have access to my kids

[@ZaneleNyuswa-x4z]

Ey ziningi nalezingane😅😅😅😅 7 wonke😂 Let's say for an example you send 2k a month per child, that's 14k😂😂😂😂 Yesses.

[@ZaneleNyuswa-x4z]

Ay nkabi isho nje wena ukuthi kyabheda emasentini... It's understandable chief we talking 7 here😅😂😅

[@victormolilo6012]

🙌

[@zulu2523]

SA is now adopting the United States child support laws smh… Kuzonyiwa

[@litabelitabe5692]

Penuel is right, many male persons have gone through this and the courts overruled against men in this country. I'm a legal practitioner yet I'm going through a similar situation every year. It's time that men should sit and decide a proper law to govern them

[@mpinganadax3923]

This guy likes drama.

[@Jokademiks]

You're all over here criticizing him, you're the toxic toilet rot of women he's talking about.

[@nhlanhlagovuzela6728]

Your guilt is killing you madam.

[@mpinganadax3923]

@@nhlanhlagovuzela6728 How?

[@Jokademiks]

@nhlanhlagovuzela6728 she's all over the comment section showing her guilt, she's not even commenting something constructive 😂🤣😂 She's exactly what Penual pointed out. It's embarrassing that she's exposing herself 😂🤣😂

[@mpinganadax3923]

@@Jokademiks Sounds like the one projecting here is you beloved. I have said over and over that sexual discipline would free people from this unnecessary nonsense. If you haven't realised it yet, society doesn't need to bend to your irresponsibility.

[@phumlanishandu-kp3ii]

🙌🙌🧠

[@mpumidlaza1245]

Ne Gorilla ongayazi because ubudakiwe 😂

[@traumaqueeen]

Weak men give up on their children. I hate to say this, but man up. Just because you are in your feelings about some girl, the kids will still grow up and see you for the weak man you are. Leadership is lacking.

[@Jokademiks]

Slima you're selective, didn't you hear he said he's being denied access. He has every right to not support.

[@MLM424]

A man should not have to fight to get access to their kids. How do you deny access and when the man obliges to that then you call him a deadbeat/weak? That's unfair. We need to get off our high horses as women shame. I have alot of issues with Pen and this whole 7 kids all over situation, but calling him weak for giving up after fighting for 11 years is nonsensical

[@Dude-1689]

​@@Jokademiks Nope, I Strongly disagree. Yes you may be denied access but there's many practical ways to enforce financial support. Do it via parents and/or a social worker if you have to.

[@Dude-1689]

​@@MLM424 That's very true, women have mastered how to destroy a man through a child, knowing very well the kid needs that relationship with the Father.

[@Dude-1689]

​@@JokademiksTake into account that some of us Men, have really done bad things to hurt the Mother. For her to go to that extent of fighting through the child. Like it or not, in some cases you really have to push hard proving yourself to be a credible Father who only wants to bond with the child.

[@MirriamKMoate]

He's a problem this panuel 🚮

[@mpinganadax3923]

You have to provide regardless of how you feel.

[@KeoLeballo]

what insanity is this? A WOMAN IS REFUSING THE FATHER OF HER CHILDREN ACCESS! Fighting to see your kids for 11 years? Kids that a woman is refusing you access to?

[@Jokademiks]

Wislima somuntu wesifazane if that's your take away, which echos fools like you he was eluding to. Too many foolish women like you have the lidest voice.

[@Dude-1689]

​@@KeoLeballo Bra, you gotta fight this one and win it by all means. It makes you angry and feel incapable. You have to find a way for the child's sake. Mfethu sit with family, bring in the elder, BEG if you have but step up and win it.

[@mpinganadax3923]

@@KeoLeballo Unfortunately thats the reality of having babies with multiple women. He cannot tell them where to live or how to order their schedule because they are the primary caregivers. He has also never married any of them and built a home where he had any say on the daily goings on. Thats what he chose to do. The law likely won't start taking guys like him seriously because he "sometimes" parents. He should just keep his receipts. Thats life. It may not seem fair to you, but sometimes you have to do things because you're obligated.

[@mpinganadax3923]

@@Dude-1689 It likely won't change. The problem is you cannot control what the mother wants for herself. Family units are there for exactly this reason. Family planning is there for exactly this reason. Peneul at least is starting to understand that too much freedom will cost you. No matter how well intentioned he thinks he is.

[@ShedrickBooysen-b2p]

Penuel brother we have the same situation because what you went through l experience the same

[@ZaneleNyuswa-x4z]

Lomjita akalispanisi yin iJazi🥼

[@Kccung]

In Honesty we all have different Experiences and those lead us to make the decisions we make.some of us just care more about present father’s than financial support and still you find those fathers that fail just to give the child a call or visit the child.My belief is once you bring a child in this world the child‘s well being should come first by every means possible.A mother has no right to keep your kids from you if you showing up.I wish spaniel would share the reasons why the moms don’t want you to see the children.