PENUEL - WHY I’M DECIDING TO BE A DEADBEAT | Umjolo a Pandemic, Kids, Fatherhood, Parenting,Toxicity

[@tobiasmokwena2670]

Penuel my brother you are not alone in this situation, we are many.

[@shwabade123]

@tobiasmokwena2670 one day the law will be on our side

[@MsVgm]

Count me....kundzima...they are refusing access.

[@naledibenedict6678]

Count me in as well, I'm in a position where I'm forced to stay with someone I don't want to be with because i don't want to lose my child, I don't even have the means to try fight

[@siphofako1]

So so many. We choose silence and just move on.

[@lehatadavid9458]

I thought I was the only one

[@Simphiwe050]

Siyabonga for this…It will go down in the History Books ❤️🙏🏽

[@bongiwemasilela6101]

I laughed, I cried, I pondered, I felt weak, Yet at the end of it all, I felt not alone and subsequently strong. The only thing I needed is knowing that I'm not the only one who sees this. Worth more than 10 counselling sessions. Thanks.

[@NomzNomz-s3z]

My brother. So sorry to hear about that. This is very sad. Hang in there and pray to God. He loves us all. Bless you my brother. 🌸😘

[@MmakhumoPLebelo]

The best decision I’ve ever made was to never run after someone requiring maintenance. The first baby daddy doesn’t maintain his child and i kept the distance and maintain my son however I made it a point that my son knows who his father is and luckily for me the family also acknowledges and accepts and I left it there. Trying to make someone do something they know they should it’s depressing and I’m very prone to depression so I stayed away. My second baby daddy is involved and we coparent well. It was extremely difficult in the beginning but I made it a point that my daughter doesn’t get punished because of the pain I went through with her dad. Her dad takes care of the schoolfees and school transportation and clothes. I take care of what she eats, medical care and everyday necessities. Penusl is right if you put the child first not that it’s easy but think of the trauma that the child would probably have for not having their father there. For my son I know it’s definitely gonna affect him and I’m ready to assist him through that. As he grows I pick up the effects and I try to intervene. Don’t punish the kids please basadi. And after I’ve went through this experience I made damn sure that I don’t make a mistake having another child no matter how inlove I am. We are torturing innocent souls and I’m not bringing another soul to this earth.

[@Nokss87]

Men must also not make children of they don't want to. If the child is already there, they need to be present. Most women don't make things difficult.

[@MalekobaRose]

I will say 99% of women make things difficult,intentionally make things difficult.Women are mad and they must be arrested for using their womb wrongly,or having a womb wrongly.

[@inn_paul4096]

the sad part is that us who love our kids and want to be there we are denied access just because of the baby mama's not having peace in their lives.

[@Lunar.cipher]

​@@inn_paul4096 you are absolutely correct. And it's unfortunate.

[@Lunar.cipher]

​@@Nokss87the reality is, 2 people chose to tango and we should always be ready for whatever outcome. The difference with most humans is, we don't/never want to accept reality and accepting it even when we see all the red flags. At the end of the day we are humans and will all pass on.

[@NyandanoRamagoma-pd4yk]

I'm RUDZANI from eTembisa. Guys, you are doing a great job by bringing such conversations to build our nation. Penuel my brother, keep on feeding us with fruitful conversation together with our legend " DJ S'BU". I salute ❤

[@neommutle8033]

1. Money: The question is the money you are Not sending, are you putting away, monthly, weekly into a fund 💰for him when he turns 18 or 21? 2.Support: Emotional support, character building, advise for the child, I know a father who wrote letters to his son daily for over 20 years. Another father went to the childs school events, sometimes just sitting at the back and saying nothing. It should not be about being seen. You can just clap 👏 hands for them at school sport and go. 3 Clothes, toys and other goodies, you can courier to where they are and keep the recipients. 4. Communication, you can send your older kids a cell phone to call you, whenever they want. You can call their teachers weekly to find out how they are doing at school, that is you communicating with a teacher, you are paying school fees for. The need to prove a point, always be right, Does Not serve the child! There are many things you can do, when your denied access, the point has to be about the child, not you. In the end the child will not care about the court, but what did you do.

[@njabulogumede7922]

They won't read your reply cause is long but this is true what you said

[@vuyisananitshika5815]

Very practical solutions to a problem.

[@nkopanemoahluli3760]

Took some points home with me🙏

[@kabelobabuseng2293]

Or the mother can simply do what is in the best interest of the kids, which is to grant the father access!!

[@kwazilucas]

@@neommutle8033 you watch too many movies. A man's life and mental health matters and too.

[@NkosinathiMasango012]

When Penuel said "The whole family must be put first, not just the child", I felt that. There's no human being who must be okay with another human suffering because of them. People often say married couples must stay together for the children, but I cannot imagine a home where one of the parents is depressed and may self destruct at any moment because they aren't happy with the situation at home. Everyone matters, us men too!

[@mathutoselepe5767]

And yet men are the ones who are often happy to inflict pain and suffering on women. So it matters when the tables are turned and the men are the ones getting hurt???

[@narnacele1957]

I can understand Penuel’s frustration about the family court system. Its definitely designed to favor women than men & we see this everyday even in GBV cases where men are automatically labeled guilty by society without fair trial. Its honestly sad. I hope he gets the justice he deserves to see his kids and the mother of the child is held accountable. On the other hand , If you don’t believe in the institution of marriage, you have no business having kids. The best interest of the child is to grow up in a loving home where both mom & dad are present. Paying maintenance for your child does not mean you are a present father. Whilst finances play huge role in raising a child, they are not the only factor. Last year, Research showed that there is a link between fatherlessness and major social issues such as violent crime, corruption, gender-based violence, low education outcomes, broken families and poor leadership. You can fact check this. The numbers tell a story. A sad one at that.

[@Tonto773]

"I don't believe in marriage". After hearing this, any woman who will fall pregnant for Penuel next will only have themselves to blame. Women have this illusion that he won't do the same to me. I wish his baby mama's healing. The bitterness of denying children access to their father comes from a place of hurt. Any woman who is at peace won't do such.

[@nompumelolo]

he did say the mother of the two kids thought he would settle with her, hence her bitterness.

[@xolanibuthelezi193]

You are not listening ___ listen again

[@Tonto773]

@nompumelolo All those who are denying him access are bitter. They must heal. If not, even if they move on they will use their current partners to gang up against him to continue to deny him access to his kids. That theory of his of wanting 20 children will bring forth more bitter baby mama's. And above everything it will definately affect the children.

[@nompumelolo]

@@Tonto773 yep unfortunately the children will be caught up between all the toxicity.

[@paulisidore6639]

The sad part about relationships is that sometimes it's about looks and lust which result in a baby that both parties are not ready for.

[@eucannkosi]

If Sbu can arrange a round table talk,with Pen and all his Baby Mammas it would be dope to hear both side of the story

[@Penuelism]

The 2 problematic mothers can do sit on 100 podcasts... I really don't mind. I just want to be a father to my children.

[@sibongisenikhumalo8198]

Dope how?

[@Nokss87]

Madness 😂

[@zee-zm1io]

You like izindaba wena 😂

[@ScissorN]

When the bible said have kids after marriage then thina sazenza abo cleva

[@zamobubu912]

On point

[@HL1449mf]

you are correct, but that's a very ignorant and lazy take

[@ScissorN]

@@HL1449mf i bet you also think God was ignorant and lazy when he gave that principle

[@ludacrees]

​@@HL1449mfvery lazy because the podcast covered married people too

[@boss-js4ff]

Who wrote the bible? ......again we not all Christians .

[@Mk22022]

Penuel was in his bag this episode... No one can articulate their point like Penuel.

[@suzygirl1843]

Well, men can be deadbeats but don't cry when women raise their sons gay then. Men can model manhood to their sons but women can only model womanhood. You're already seeing a difference with this generation with 10% coming out as gay

[@StuckUpColouredzaza]

Absolutely! He's in a league of his own!

[@GcobaniBatyi]

Hope he learnt not interrupt the speaker,by interjecting all the time 🤝

[@lethabotjale3484]

I'm 38 years old male, raised by my mother. My father has never given me a cent in my life. If a woman chooses to not involve the father in the child's life, amongst other things, she is taking financial responsibility for raising the child. My mother has many flaws, but, she has never requested a cent from my father. My parents are a product of their generation. I do not judge either. My heart is full. I do not or have never lacked. I am well aware that not all kids that go through similar situations turn out okay. Let's not judge without knowing the intricacies involved

[@Nokss87]

❤❤❤ thank you for this, alot of women are not bothering men for money. But we get sworn at day in day out because the men chose to reject their responsibilities. ❤❤

[@tripplem2605]

This comment is Fully me, glad I can relate to this narration

[@tumagolenkwe6692]

Probably the most honest convo, hope Sbu wakes up to and smells the coffe, girls are tacking advantage off guys.

[@keabetswe_80]

Some women don't know how lucky they are when for the father of the child want to be involved. Some are wishing

[@Dijo_Vu]

And some men don’t know how lucky they are to have a mother of their child who don’t make them go to prison every weekend because the maintenance was short

[@kentuckyfriedchicken4740]

This is why i only date white women

[@Bongz90]

@@Dijo_Vu how is it short? its what he has mos.. You guys love money so much it is disgusting!!

[@Dijo_Vu]

@@Bongz90 unfortunately for him the court order didn’t say “pay what you have ntwana”… and my response was merely to point out that the same way some women are lucky to have baby daddy’s that want to be involved, some men are also lucky to have baby mamas that are not disgusting money grubbers, it goes both ways…

[@ScissorN]

Lol the bar is very low shame do you even know why those woman are acting that way , do you know how the father was treating them during pregnancy? Some woman where even told to abort but decided not to then suddenly the man wants to act holy

[@Bra-PTheMathematician]

They will never understand.... they are here to judge.

[@Dude-1689]

Sbu was right to say this issue will do more harm to you as a Father. I've gone through this and it took therapy to finally resolve what the fight over my kid did to me emotionally. All the way to learning to befriend people who've reconditioned your own child to hate you. Oksalayo as a man, you must fight to secure your own bond with that child. It is for your own well-being. It will destroy you going out to eat sushi while you have no clue how the kid is doing.

[@suzygirl1843]

All I hear are excuses. But don't worry, LGBTQ mafia will raise South Africa's sons. Who needs fathers, we all want gay sons

[@claytonwilson278]

After a long time the man has spoken my mind .🙏thank you

[@danisilemlotshwa4752]

Thanks Hustle's Corner for this Great content 🙏

[@zamobubu912]

Moral of the story, try your level best to first marry a woman then have children with that one woman. At least even if you divorce you have all 7 children with her alone. Otherwise you will find yourself fighting with different women for different children… May the next generation do better than us in this regard

[@zeesays726]

absolutely

[@Nokss87]

You thought it was a flex. I remember saying this to my male colleagues long ago, but I was told to stay out of men's business. Lol marriage was created for men to raise their own kids. Now, this generation thinks marriage is for Simps. They laugh at babymamas as if they're not baby daddy's.

[@kwandavundla1683]

You can do that and then after divorce she denies you access to all 7 of your kids, although it's not good thing to have kids with multiple women but in this case, it worked in his favor because he can see the other kids and create good relationship with them. There's absolutely no way you can avoid Pen's situation, but I fully understand you and it's the best thing to do 100% if you won't find yourself in a situation where you're alienated.

[@multiplier___]

​@@kwandavundla1683 Then marry all the women you have kids with

[@kwandavundla1683]

@@multiplier___ bro relationships end, why acting like you don't know that. There's absolutely no reason to push the father away if he wants to be involved in his child's life

[@GChamo]

Same situation nami.. some of us when we go to see the kids theres fights everytime decided to stop and focus on my mental health Penuel mentioned that a lot of man do break down and take their own lives..... focus on your mental health majita.

[@Nokss87]

Go to court, what is suicide going to solve?

[@sfisomlondo6699]

Dear Bhuti Sbu thank you for everything you've done for South Africa. Please today show Bhuti Penuel Love I really think this thing of politics and following everything we've seen him getting frustrated. Please show him love and support and those children are his and he should support his children ❤

[@njabulogumede7922]

For the first time a man gets to speak about real issues bruh.... I blame myself for impregnating a toxic woman ,

[@SylvesterFakude]

Bewungazi dawg

[@nkatekomhlari]

I think this podcast highlights the importance for a nuclear family. Where both biological parents are married.

[@thinkindustries5575]

Have not heard that people breakup bro Nuclear or honkey Dorry , people divorce and these things are there stop treating like like a Novel where things are hunkydorry

[@vusidlamini6275]

Ukhuluma iqiniso uPenuel 👑🙌

[@mytuh4]

I was the kid in this situation. At age 28 I am living my life and I want nothing to do with both of my parents and they do not seem to understand why.

[@HlEnGaNi1]

this episode speaks to all of us daddies who wanna do right by the kids mara the devil mothers are using the kids against us. we needed this episode is so many ways, and this is one conversation we need to keep having

[@lavadome9686]

I saw him at the international side of the airport, this guy is very humble. Regardless of how I don't agree with him sometimes but he remains a humble human being. He literally greeted us before even greeting him. Stay humble my king🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@walterkunene6366]

@penuel thank you my brother for standing up for dads who try to be there for their kids bit are denied their rights by selfish women. I personally know exactly what you are talking, I haven't seen or talked to my kids since 2021. Kunzima lapha ngaphandle for guys

[@regopotswematlou5102]

Thank you gents. I can make a whole episode about this topic. But i like Pen’s boldness on this matter. I am a victim of the guilt that enables the mother of my child. The goal post always moves with her. I think she knows that i would move mountains for my daughter. 🤷🏽‍♂️

[@fanelesibongemthethwa153]

Kwaze kwazwela..I can't imagine my own brother's foes #sigh... I wish many man spoke up yazi.

[@xolanibuthelezi193]

There is an unwritten law in SA_____WOMEN ARE NEVER CALLED INTO ORDER ___

[@SiyaDube]

💯💯💯💯💯

[@sifisomavuso4813]

Absolutely

[@mohlomphehi]

35: 40 Sbu erroneously assumes that the legal justice system is fair and unbiased. But unfortunately, it is not. It is gynocetric in nature, and it has to be because we as a society do not value human life the same. That is why even in geocide death tolls, you hear about women and children being killed because that is what society cares more about. It is almost accepted in society for men to suffer. it's sad but true.

[@Sphelelesikhakhane]

Unlike Penuel mina I'll never fight for a child. I am experiencing the same situation ngithule ngiyabuka nje. I don't even know where the child is at. I wish she takes me to court for maintenance. Coz akukho mali engizoyithumela.

[@acceptinglife6491]

😂

[@gyntentertainment]

🤣

[@MngomezuluNhlakanipho]

God Penuel for presidency ❤😮this man is something else and this man must be protected because I wouldn’t be so enlightened if it wasn't for him.We love you penzo❤

[@skyscraper-keepitdeepkeepi2723]

Great conversation guys very educative episode

[@bountytshali4010]

Ill always applaud Penuel for his guts and being a man of virtue and principle

[@tshephomooi2728]

Eish I’ve been through the same thing as Pen, luckily my woman went out and got all the information for me to fight for my kid and today I have 50% rights to my child

[@suzygirl1843]

All I am hearing is that your kids will become gay because you were a coward. You notice how most gay men come out are from single mother households like Somizi. Please, do become a deadbeat, we love gay men

[@sibongisenikhumalo8198]

Sick world we live in if we have to celebrate such

[@suzygirl1843]

@sibongisenikhumalo8198 women fighting for a man IS disgusting. Hence why I date outside my race. White and Asian men like demure women

[@Nathnael_]

Dj sbu. For a creative change can you please bring and interview someone who is inclined in relation to science and technology sectors. Most of the South African podcast does not venture in such topics, Agriculture, education system, Engineering, mining and Technology in holistic.

[@nonkiejohannahohiku4488]

Building the community and society first, I totally agree with this idea because it’s an idea that frustrates carelessness. This is deep and the greater foundation of the ‘broken’ society we all find ourselves in. Each gender can be at fault, more than anything people really need to be in a healthy state of mind to bring up their kids.

[@tumishomokgope2864]

Pen, I second your perspective bro.

[@NkosiyaboRorwana]

Mna my wish is to not only have you on the platform , becos some of the guys they don't have access to such platforms, if we can have you Nina ama grootman or it can not just you ama grootman, get another people who can educate us about these things, the best education is when it come with your language and same with expression is more understandable with our language ❤

[@laudanthabi7745]

Understable Pen. You are one of the best, so please keep on providing for your children no matter what. Love them and provide for them until you parents sort matters out

[@aphelelesoli1621]

What if they dead and u don't even know 😢

[@tmatungamire]

Men and woman of these days are punishing little and innocent souls. This is not how we got raised up. Our parents got married and had kids and stood by each other raising the children. The modern day family either lacks a father or the mother. It is very sad and depressing. I think as men we need to make serious commitments and put aside mjolo and be there for our wifes and children they need it and they deserve it. The drug problem we have with these little ones is because of the lack of both parents at home.

[@thobilemdwayi271]

I had a fight with my Baby moms and she took me to court even though i was supporting the child and what I learnt is that the Courts choose sides and dont even wana hear your side of the story they just make a ruling... I had to ask to speak after the ruling was made unless you have money for lawyers which will make it even worse kube ngathi uzomcindezela... I dont blame you man mara zama ukulwa for incosi if hes 11years try get your son directly

[@suzygirl1843]

All I am hearing is that your kids will become gay because you were a coward. You notice how most gay men come out are from single mother households like Somizi. Please, do become a deadbeat, we love gay men

[@mapulasethosa7088]

The black pen keep writing ✍️ the good history it’s encouraging to see man taking a leadership position in parenting 🎉❤

[@SkhuluDeMaestro]

Mara grootman, we want 2 hours up, for virtual mkhukhu episodes please 😢🙏🙏🙏

[@frankfakazatalk307]

Penuel baby mamas would be a great reality TV show

[@kdkd2457]

These facts, each & everytime anyone likes this comment I will come & watch again

[@thekodiphuko3435]

Grootman when are you inviting sakhile again?Pen is all over,we need motivation manje ku busy asikhale siya phambile balance,nathi sinazo icosi asizibone.hayi kabi

[@mlondichiliza737]

😂😂😂

[@NelsonBK-t2j]

walking away is the best u can do , kids will grow up and see or know the truth

[@thinkindustries5575]

People think the truth is what they only know or share with other people … not knowing even if you die as a bad person there would be one guy in the neighbourhood or family member and say you know growing up your father wanted to be part of your life but your mom made it difficult for your dad and that small truth will destroy all whatever that has been shared

[@PulengMosh]

So Penuel “chose” to have 6 children with different mothers and honestly thought his “ fathering” expirience would be easy? Ka njani? How much of him can he devote to each child? And how? How much financial support can he provide for each child ? There is not enough of him or his finances to go around for all these kids. No wonder he advocates for that basic support. And that is what he probably is offering the mothers. No wonder the mothers are choosing to go it alone. Imagine having to negotiate with this mentality on the standard of life you want give your child. He should respect and be grateful for the mothers. They are getting on with raising his children. He is not choosing not to contribute , he probably been told to keep his finances if he comes with all these skewed parenting demands. And also disingenuous of him to prop up his argument with all these cases that are not remotely similar to his satuation. Your situation is bad and you are handling it even worse.

[@AdventureKidsSA]

Thank you...

[@AdventureKidsSA]

I was about to say that the man lacks respect for the very kids he is here gathering social acceptance in their name but I realized that he actually lacks respect for himself, in a very broken way. He needs therapy. And how South Africans just showed me by reading the comments that a whole lot of them need therapy. The standards we've set for black man and women are too low. All the parents are at fault. Imagine a black woman who dated him knowing very well that he has many other kids out there and went ahead to bring another child into this mess...may South Africans heal.

[@siphokaziluzipho4197]

@@AdventureKidsSA I love Penuel. He has tried to be in each child's life. I blame the ladies as well in this situation. I mean you knew his position in marriage, and you have a third child naye, you think he will marry you. Nathi as women we should be accountable.

[@Arike-c3q]

Exactly no woman wants an inconsistent father for their child It damages the child far more then an absent dad and the kids would obviously feel theres favouritism The comments are really funny honestly His very childish and irresponsible to put kids in such a situation and I doubt his going to stop at 7 The women who knew after “baby mama” number 2 are also at fault

[@Nokss87]

He thinks he's Beyonce of fathering. 😂

[@user-fl2vy7vh5i]

Open an account and put money in there. Don’t send it to mother. N only pay directly when needed. If later kids ask show them their account in their names and it would show how long u been doing it n why

[@sihlemasondo2898]

Valuable input

[@pfanomukosi6040]

Thank you so much

[@nyashamahleko7007]

Who should pay for the child mentainment.Who should pay for Child food,rent,school and many other thing's

[@sihlemasondo2898]

@@nyashamahleko7007 you should pay

[@khuselangqose1712]

You the Man guys. Well done.👌🙏

[@siphoyah2745]

Good talk Gents, let's do more like this.

[@saneledlamini285]

If she does not give you access to your kid. Gentlemen, don’t send money nor provide any type of support. Baby mamas are toxic! No messy for them. Period.

[@nyashamahleko7007]

If you stop sending you are punishing the Children. That doesn't make sense.You should always pay.

[@saneledlamini285]

@@nyashamahleko7007 Well preventing a child from seeing their financially supportive father is punishing the child too. As a baby mama, you can prevent that by giving the father access to their child. Take accountability and do better baby mama!

[@nyashamahleko7007]

@saneledlamini285 If the Father is safe,I would always support a child seeing his Father and his inlaws.

[@saneledlamini285]

@nyashamahleko7007 Exactly. That’s the crux of his point. He wants to see his kids and not just send money to a ghost. Y’all need to stop using kids to fight your battles. It never turns out well for both parents and most importantly the kids. Always remember Newton’s third law “ For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction”. This is where Penuel is right now.

[@nyashamahleko7007]

@saneledlamini285 Here is thing I never was in a relationship with pen,so I can't comment on that. I don't know his girlfriend are rejecting him to visit his Children,but maybe Pen have some depth to pay

[@LumkaMbandezi-ci7hd]

Thank you Pen. I have 1 month daughter. Been there everything.. but I'm about to go through this. Thank you

[@Nokss87]

This is why men must marry first before having kids. I'm not going to chase after a man force him to maintain his kids. The dynamics will always be opposite. Women who want the fathers to be present, the fathers are ghostbeats, not even deadbeat. Fathers who want to be present, they have babymamas who give them grief. Life is just not balanced like that, but we move.

[@Mastavee_2920]

I normally say to toxic women who mistreat men, I say I wish same energy you give to men, I hope your son’s get it in future from other people’s daughters

[@suzygirl1843]

All I am hearing is that your kids will become gay because you were a coward. You notice how most gay men come out are from single mother households like Somizi. Please, do become a deadbeat, we love gay men

[@athabilemthathi4526]

An hour episode for a podcast is alright that's one of the reasons l like hustles corners

[@ipostsongs5305]

Ya noh penuel will force you to engage critically, even if you disagree. I need to reflect on this and come up with a revised conclusion.

[@sakhumziblou4407]

I feel him when he says he will never send money to a kid he has no access to, even me I will never shame...

[@suzygirl1843]

Good. Don't complain when those kids become gay because they have daddy issues

[@normadunjwa7135]

Lol the court is going to attach ur assets

[@thinkindustries5575]

The court are not lead by people sitting at home drunk… they are sober minded people that understand people can be manipulative and ladies do lie they are aware

[@selbybopape23]

Penuel Pushes the Thinking of any person with his perspective. I think He can add value as an advisor to Our Department of Social Development or to Parliament

[@Sterfillah]

Rhaaaa!

[@dineolaka4433]

Great conversation between brothers. I am in favor of Dj Sbu's advice. I agree with most of what Penuel is saying. I believe we have to exhaust all family avenues before sending the child away to boarding school. That is abandoning the child. Either family should be first in line, if the parents cannot come to the meeting of the minds. With the calculation of maintenance, R2 000,is insufficient. He did not include medical aid, school trips ,sports clothes, stationary, tournaments, internet for homework's and assignments. Its not an easy calculation as different schools require different things. If we both do not want a child, we should both make the effort of not getting pregnant.

[@drd.o.c5410]

Nna, I fully agree with Penuel. I have been through pain with my father because of selfish people. To a point of being accused of kidnapping my child after I have agreed with the mother for the child to visit at home.

[@Maliviwe24]

At last I agree with Pen on this one, one 100%.

[@albertmokoka3653]

Panuel i can relate. I am going through the same thing and I gave up on one of my kids because of the same thing. being denied of seeing my child.

[@suzygirl1843]

All I am hearing is that your kids will become gay because you were a coward. You notice how most gay men come out are from single mother households like Somizi. Please, do become a deadbeat, we love gay men

[@Lunar.cipher]

Penuel is absolutely on point though we have a many odd cases where the men absolutely don't wanna be a part of the picture. No one ever questions the moms when the kids grow up to be hard headed, doing all the wrong things, become criminals, etc simply because they never wanted the fathers in the picture as their sole purpose was to extort money from the fathers.

[@lebogangwalter1120]

@Penuel my brother u are not the only one , im going through the same I love my kids denied being a father all because I am not as financially sable as the mother , I earn less then her and I try everything in my power to give all that I can and sometimes I can't give the amount that she says I must pay she has asked me to pay more then most 8k per month and I have 3 kids I dont earn much but I can't give 1 kid 8k and the other 2 kids 2k it's not fair and it has financially destroyed my financially stability, my oldest kid doesn't even know that I send money when ever she visits she says I don't send her anything I dont buy her anything... my youngest i live with and he knows and see it , as a man no one cares ur a ATM and being a father is not a emotional spiritual thing our woman just destroying us as fathers all the time .... we can never win this battle because we are not seen as fathers , the mothers of my kids even refused that my name be put on birth certificates .... we will die slowly, I have come to realise that I condoned this behavior is blame my self .

[@dennisdenlaw4339]

I also just decided to do the same thing. I last saw my son in 2018

[@Zweli-x4z]

I'm a fan of Pen, but I usually don't agree with most of his opinions, but in this episode I agree with almost all of what he is saying

[@shaunwordplay3111]

I couldn't find 1 thing to disagree with and I was looking for it. Shoutout Penuel. The only problem I have with him is having multiple baby mamas because of this.

[@siya8993]

The nostalgia ❤. Virtual mkhukhu the return!!!!

[@melitamaile7541]

I am a woman, i have the same strory on a different side, no justice in SA... SA justice is selective🤞we parented children with wrong people... big up to u bro, there a lot of woman alao going through injustice... U have my respect. I love u for being my HERO.❤ Some human beings are cruel both man and woman.

[@kimblerogers328]

I concur! My ex wife with my kids in Zambia, requested money from me, living in Zims. My reasoning was; I have zero interest in maintaining a family that I dont have access to. There is no way, Im going to maintain their upkeep, and be separate from me. By all means, bring my family home, where we 'spend' money on things we all benefit from, in the same space. By all means, maintain your relationships and situationships as you please, just dont bring it home. Economics and Domestics dont always necessarily need to align. I have no interest in being a husband, or partner to you, physical and otherwise, we have both ventured outside of our marriage, and we have both agreed, that you and I no longeer is of any mutual interest or benefit. Our children, will always be our children. No money will be sent to you for me to maintain an arrangement that I pay to keep them away from me.

[@blessinggida6370]

Mmmh inzima le topic. Asibuyele kwi sintu, abafazi ababuyise isithembu

[@thapelisehl2147]

Only in South Africa, where you are called a deadbeat even when you are supporting your kids. This ''I'm single mother'' tittle is what killed society. A woman would rather deny a father access, so she can call herself a single mother to her peers, like it is a badge of honor of some sort. I feel sorry for the kids that they would never experience the warmth of a nuclear family. It is sad.

[@risimamongwe5699]

I’m curious to know if what the father provided was in line with the child’s upkeep. There are men who provided R200 to each of their 8 kids and think that they’re the best fathers ever. Lapho they can afford more and more importantly, they honestly shouldn’t be having so many kids and creating broken families. We get it he’s fertile!

[@thetoleshaba8353]

Whether the father is a billionaire or unemployed, the needs of the child don't cha he and shouldn't be attaches to income. My child need breakfast and that can be bread and milk, whether I have 10 billion or R10 000

[@Bukudu]

Yho some of the statements from Penuel are hitting hard.

[@sifisofakude9176]

Let me re-substribe since pen is back

[@suzygirl1843]

All I am hearing is that South African kids will become gay because men here are cowards. You notice how most gay men come out are from single mother households like Somizi. Please, do become a deadbeat, we love gay men

[@ZaneleNyuswa-x4z]

Ey ziningi nalezingane😅😅😅😅 7 wonke😂 Let's say for an example you send 2k a month per child, that's 14k😂😂😂😂 Yesses.

[@nompumelolo]

that's why he advocates for papgeld to be capped at 1k 😂😂

[@365DK]

​@@nompumelolo😂

[@TDayzTheCook]

"Even if it was a one night stand with a Gorrira"😂 Ey we needed this as amaDyan,Dankie Brothers. It ain't easy,but we do what we have to🙏

[@Wethruyk]

When has it ever been ok to walk away from your kids? If you and the other parent are not getting along, seek help until things are favourable for your children. Walking away from your children should never be an option or normalised by Penuel or anyone else. It’s sad that he says this with his full chest, rather then to continue to speak up about his efforts to fighting for his children and his rights as a father. He’s full of excuses. Parents, it’s never ok to walk away from your children.

[@billymaepa4576]

He's having a human experience no one is wrong or right in this type of situation stick to your own beliefs don't impose or judge

[@dbongsskhonza9933]

Is it really walking away if,he say,he's only gonna stop sending money to the mother,untill he's able to see his kids,and if that don't happen,mother can still send kids to him for whatever

[@billymaepa4576]

@dbongsskhonza9933 thank you your very analytical and accurate in your comment sometimes we get worked up over other people's issues instead of just listening and leaving it as is it's really none of our business what penuel does with his life choices

[@tamdava579]

Diffrent strokes for diffrent folkes,bt not by not supporting is crying for help,becouse hes been denied exess to his child,you wont understand the situation until you in it,then you will also handle it your own way,policing other peoples problem is not the solution,let him deal with it the way he feels its right for him not for you 🙏🙂

[@khuthadzokennethmadala3224]

Sometimes people who are not going through this experience should just zip their mouth

[@siphamandlathabethe-o2h]

Protect Pen at all cost. I'm fucken emotional right now😢

[@slowsloth8550]

I've done the same, 2014 April I stopped providing for my Son, I told her go back to court and tell them I am not providing. She was not spending the money on Him and my son's life was deteriorating in front of my eyes. 2015 I took her to court myself and it dragged on till 2020 where I was given full custody. 2023 May SASSA grant got cut she demanded to have my son back again - She asked for him for June school holiday break and refused to bring him back telling Me she's sorting out the SASSA issue. I had to go report her to the Social Workers. Those people are horrible, the social worker lady was on her side to help her get my son back! I had to go back to the Court and report the Social Worker. The Court told the social worker to leave Me and my son alone since I have full custody. This is a horrible journey that Pen is going through, I've been there and is not a fun place to be in mentally.

[@thamsanqasibisi5176]

Pain is pain. Men are drowning in this cesspool of perpetual blame and name calling. It's a pity that other men join in without having an inkling of what the specifics of your case/s are. Worst, the courts are also heavily endorsing this toxic narrative. I have had one of those nastiest drownings thus my life imploded. Up to now. Mela iva likuhlabe and then share your experience as openly, just as you to us. I subscribe to your pain Penuel

[@Mafhuwa]

Wild business being able to take care of your kids and choose not to and publicly declare. I get being misunderstood neh , but Pen just taking it too far

[@bountytshali4010]

@@Mafhuwa what are you on about, you say his kids, that he is being denied because of self centered stance from the other parent,you won't to overlook his rights as parent and enforce purely responsiblilty while other party just gets everything. Your either trying hard to troll or just a hater

[@acceptinglife6491]

Did you listen to the podcast? Your take on it is insane

[@flowerlindz]

Lo, you just hate him. Did you even listen to the conversation? Is taking care of kids only based on finances? lol

[@Bright-Minds-Foundation]

Hhhe madoda!!! I thought I was the only one going through this!!! I gave up long ago. I would go to where the child attends school just to see her, when they found out!!! Ooh my goodness. They took her out of that school and changed their contacts. I realized that if I keep fighting for her, she's never gonna finish school at all. They would keep moving her just to hurt me and I was hurt and depressed until I decided to let it go.

[@lungilemotubatse8491]

One day these mothers will speak out

[@AdventureKidsSA]

And that would be amazing. And again Pen is a common denominator here.

[@Penuelism]

I don't mind. They must speak up as much as they want. I just want to be a father to my children. That's all.

[@flowerlindz]

Lol you make that sound like a threat🤣

[@zinhlezion]

Pen is the PROBLEM.I do feel sorry for the kids 🥺

[@livinganddyingabroad]

He’s making all these examples about bad women to justify him not sending money to his kids There are two courts for a reason Maintenance court is separate to children court for access

[@DiceRoll213]

How is he the problem in your view? Please educate us...

[@MuzorewaRatshikuni]

@@zinhlezion You're probably a toxic woman, ne?

[@amahlebana5952]

@zinhlezion how is he wrong? please elaborate...maybe I'm not listening properly...

[@amahlebana5952]

How he wrong? Please elaborate... maybe I'm not listening...

[@MLM424]

Okay. For the first time I actually understand your frustration and even agree with your sentiments to a certain extent. You cooked there by 30 something minutes. There's a huge double standard when it comes to genders and alot of times when we say "best for the child" we are actually saying "best for the mom". I get it. I still dont like your situation of planting seeds everywhere and feel that half the problems you have wouldnt exist if you were in a conventional family setting. But it doesnt invalidate your feelings and alot of your points. I actually get it

[@nyashamahleko7007]

The Family settings does work even for Woman. The old Family settings would just work for Man.

[@silindokuhlenkosi3200]

Sbuda how is it that your audio is never 100? Like I really hate that and I love your show but I always hear audio issues. I don’t know maybe it’s because I work on tv but no man please sort this out

[@inn_paul4096]

we are together in this my brother, i'm also denied access to my kids, i'd sometimes break down and i love them so much, i send money to them even though i dont see them , their mom want us to get back together and i dont want to get back with her, she is using my kids to hurt me because she know how much i love my two daughters.☹🙁🙁☹,its sad being a loving and supportive father and yet being denied access to your kids.

[@drd.o.c5410]

We need honest movement concerning these injustices.

[@MandyJay-f4i]

This Parental issue is deep. As a Father your sentiments are valid. If you are denied access to the child then you should not be obligated to pay child support!

[@Bullshita]

There's court, dumb-dumb

[@dbongsskhonza9933]

@@Bullshitafor all you know,Mandyjay, could be teaching your child or family member,so it not wise to called each other dumb, specially if you don't know the person

[@traumaqueeen]

Men are weak these days. They can't do the difficult thing, but want to be called leaders. Leaders do the hard thing even if they don't get their way. Weak men!

[@Dude-1689]

Eish mfethu! But then again, it doesn't sit well not knowing how the kid is doing. This is a fight you need to win by all means as a man. Otherwise, it will destroy you emotionally and you'll be recreating the cycle by abondoning the child. That guilt is impossible to erode.

[@Bullshita]

@@dbongsskhonza9933 Well, tell Mandyjay to stop saying stupid things online. "If you are denied access to the child then you should not be obligated to pay child support!" is that smart??? Which adult doesn't know about court.

[@boxing7577]

Hope things work out for you and your children Abuti

[@phumlanindlovu5653]

38:09 Im always grateful when this hi me cause I almost became a part of the statistic but my grandpa filled that father void😭🙏🏾

[@MorereRapolai]

i think he is right when he says laws favors the woman.......in terms of kids staying with their mother while the fathers are the one who are giving money to them.......why are we not allowed to stay with our children after separation or anything

[@flowerlindz]

Exactly, besides breastfeeding which ends at 2 years, what does a mom do that a dad cant do?

[@titotawanda]

I'm in that situation also right now. where my Ex turned herself into a shelter of abused women, apparently she was abused by her family, but she then took my son with her, which i can't see for 6 months The social workers didnt even care to ask me if i wanted to see my son and what's going on. im just closed outside, so I decided to cut the maintenance, I cant pay for the son I'm not seeing and access. DOES THIS MAKE ME A DEAD BEAT DAD?

[@marinokekana7980]

What I have learnt from those who know is that a maintenance court order creates a debtor-creditor relationship. If you default on payment, the creditor can go after you and the court can top that up with contempt of court charge, all of these being legal. Last I checked, maintenance court order is reviewable every six months and each parent is free to apply for the review.