People not to fall in love with: a checklist

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Күн бұрын

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@BatmanSays Ай бұрын

We all have flaws . But someone who doesn’t want to acknowledge their flaws and unwilling to work on it …… well we can’t save them , love can’t save them .

@42dmension Ай бұрын

This. This is what I’ve been saying too

@hnfiiinc5993 Ай бұрын

Very true. I am starting to understand that it applies to family as well. I have family that acts a fool then wonder why everyone left them. I stayed as their last thread to society and humanity. Today was a breaking point and I am not looking back on the members that have completely stepped over the last straw. Loving those who are mature enough is its own reward :))

@lunareinhold3976 Ай бұрын

Of course love can safe them, in form of selflove.

@raisa_cherry35 Ай бұрын

👏👏

@MarisB-b8z Ай бұрын

we are all human and not AI yet :)

@shellshocked7620 Ай бұрын

This is sensible. Fall in love with those who are self-aware, humble & emotionally available.

@enoch2283 Ай бұрын

The bare minimum

@Elliotohyeah Ай бұрын

i feel like this is how most women are, men however.....

@stevewise1656 Ай бұрын

Like finding a needle in a haystack, though well worth the effort.

@denusklausen3685 Ай бұрын

@@Elliotohyeah Remember the whole "People who harbor a background grudge against your gender." well it seems you are not quite ready for love. From experience I'd say most people are not very self-aware, though a lot are humble and emotionally available. This goes for both genders equally. But you do not seem to be very self-aware or humble since you assume you would know about the other gender and their way of relating to people even though you are obviously coming from a very biased standpoint. You should work on this side of you. I'm guessing you can't read this without getting offended and you'll immediately dismiss it ("why is this guy suddenly so rude" or "that's rich coming from a man", two thoughts that again would ironically mirror the exact things said not to do in the video).

@imperatordei6615 Ай бұрын

Sorry but it’s impossible to fall in love with the someone you aren’t physically attracted to.

@m2pozad Ай бұрын

A refreshing perspective development over the previous, 'You will marry the trauma you are most familiar with', and 'We are all crazy in some way, just put it on the table at the first date'.

@JLakis Ай бұрын

Hahaha! That is an excellent observation! It was refreshing.

@eli7527 Ай бұрын

Ya lol

@UlasMT Ай бұрын

This is me. My first and only relationship was when I was 21 until 24. I went on a couple of dates after that, fell in love once, but that was unfortunately unreciprocated. Now I'm 33, financially independent, mentally more mature, and emotionally available, but haven't found the right one yet, and I'm fine with that. I love my own company enough to be content with my status quo.

@AkshayKumarX 29 күн бұрын

A toast to overcoming years of hardship and progressing towards a better sense of self.

@aanelejj Ай бұрын

First of all we should check in with ourselves to see if we possess any of these traits - if so working on them,becoming better and healing is the right path to go How else are we supposed to have a good,generous relationship not just a romantic one,but really any relationship if we are not the best,self-aware,versions of ourselves? If you want the best for yourself,a peace of mind and a healthy mindset,you gotta create that for yourself first

@hearttalkscoach Ай бұрын

Summary: look out for name-calling, blaming, and shaming, all indicators of manipulation and lack of boundaries. Do your necessary work to become the type of person / partner you want to date

@kenamoe86 Ай бұрын

Those could be indicators of someone who's boundaries have been violated and they didn't know how to communicate. Itself an issue.

@NaurPor Ай бұрын

@kenamoe86 Does it count if I'm self-aware, but do nothing til someone points it out, and I unconsciously fix myself?

@hearttalkscoach Ай бұрын

@@kenamoe86 1,000% and so many of us aren't even sure what our boundaries are, and how to tell when they are crossed! Excellent point

@9fiveb180 Ай бұрын

Wow. How incredibly misguided your advice is. It's strange to want to seek a partner who is like yourself. No? Our partner should be someone with qualities that we admire, and vice versa. Someone who'll call us out on the things we have been neglecting, and is willing to help us tackle those things forthwith, and vice versa. If you're both the same.... That's not a relationship. It's 2 self-satisfied people wasting each others time. That's covert narcissism at its most overtly oblivious.

@NaurPor Ай бұрын

@9fiveb180 Yeah. She sorta makes me feel stuff I never ever wanna feel. Jealousy, loneliness,and self hatred... but ever since that day, when she saw my teary eyes when I once almost committed suicide, she reflected eyes of pure worry... That fucking night was crazy. Both of us were crying. I knew she was the one,and I know I have to face all these feelings and be the optimistic kid that died years ago cuz I ain't ever finna find a bitch I'll love like this in a million years

@yonilmachado6196 Ай бұрын

1. People who have no sense of how difficult they are to live with. 2. People with a heightened belief in their infallibility. 3. People who will, when something is pointed out to them, quickly chose the occasion to simultaneously inform you that: "It's not as though you're perfect either". 4. People who will label any criticism of them as 'rude' or 'offensive' and contrary to the rules of true as they define these 5. People who deliberately drive you to the edge of frustration then say : 'why are you getting cross so suddenly?'. 6. People who smile and say, 'I get it completely now; I'm going to change', and then go back to repeating the same thing. 7. People who combine an exquisite talent for upset with a greater talent for sentimental apology. 8. People who will flirt with others and call it 'a little bit of fun' and label you a pride for minding. 9. People who will mess up your house and call you 'anal'. 10. People who will prioritize time with their friends over time with you and call you 'controlling'. 11. People who tell you you're imagining things a lot. 12. People who harbor a background grudge against your gender. 13. People who are furious with a parent and don't realize they are. 14. People who can't forgive anyone who thinks better of them than they think of themselves. 15. People who claim desperately to want a relationship, but are inwardly so committed to distrust, isolation and self-hatred that they are in no position to really have one and don't know this of themselves. 16.People who principally associate love with the pleasant feelings they register when you are nice to them. 17. People who don't realize your time is very, very precious. 18. People who are far too in pain to know how to want the best for you. 19. People who refuse to do the necessary work.

@benjaminpikoikj7090 Ай бұрын

Thank you

@UtkarshKaushik Ай бұрын

1. People who have no sense of how difficult they are to live with - 00:00:24 2. People with a heightened belief in their infallibility - 00:00:30 3. People who will, when something is pointed out to them, quickly chose the occasion to simultaneously inform you that: "It's not as though you're perfect either" - 00:00:37 4. People who will label any criticism of them as 'rude' or 'offensive' and contrary to the rules of true love as they define these - 00:00:47 5. People who deliberately drive you to the edge of frustration then say: 'why are you getting cross so suddenly?' - 00:00:52 6. People who smile and say, 'I get it completely now; I'm going to change', and then go back to repeating the same thing - 00:01:03 7. People who combine an exquisite talent for upset with a greater talent for sentimental apology - 00:01:08 8. People who will flirt with others and call it 'a little bit of fun' and label you a prude for minding - 00:01:18 9. People who will mess up your house and call you 'anal' - 00:01:22 10. People who will prioritize time with their friends over time with you and call you 'controlling' - 00:01:28 11. People who tell you you're imagining things a lot - 00:01:33 12. People who harbor a background grudge against your gender - 00:01:37 13. People who are furious with a parent and don't realize they are - 00:01:41 14. People who can't forgive anyone who thinks better of them than they think of themselves - 00:01:44 15. People who claim desperately to want a relationship, but are inwardly so committed to distrust, isolation and self-hatred that they are in no position to really have one and don't know this of themselves - 00:01:49 16. People who principally associate love with the pleasant feelings they register when you are nice to them - 00:02:09 17. People who don't realize your time is very, very precious - 00:02:19 18. People who are far too in pain to know how to want the best for you - 00:02:24 19. People who refuse to do the necessary work - 00:02:28

@9fiveb180 Ай бұрын

Question- What's the point of going into the comments section, and listing the "checklist" that this whole video just provided? Are you thinking that you are helping the channel by repeating what they already put the time, and effort into making, or is it an attempt to "Cliff's Notes" someone else's content, instead of making content of your own? It just seems like a "Dick" move on your part. In case you weren't aware.....

@beautifullybliss Ай бұрын

@@UtkarshKaushikThanks mate for the list. ❤

@Raven_Black_252 Ай бұрын

@@9fiveb180 oh stfu, I always appreciate notes and timestamps in videos. Use your time better on the internet.

@WhitneyDahlin Ай бұрын

My grandma used to say it's just as easy to fall in love with a bad man as it is to fall in love with a good man. (And this goes for all genders too) Meaning that if you meet someone who has major red flags or is it a bad person. Just distance yourself from them. It's not even worth it to give them a chance because it's just going to bring you pain. And it's going to be it's so much harder to cut them off after you've gotten attached to them. Don't let yourself fall in love with someone who's a bad person. You can't change them. And it's not fair of you to get into a relationship because you want to mold the person into someone you want.

@tonyguill6209 Ай бұрын

Wise grandma

@tonyguill6209 Ай бұрын

Wise grandma

@I-Learn-Daily Ай бұрын

This cuts deep. You canynt change a bad person. Unfortunately this is almost everyone makes.

@I-Learn-Daily Ай бұрын

This cuts deep. You canynt change a bad person. Unfortunately this is almost everyone makes.

@alexxx4434 Ай бұрын

I'd say it may be harder to fall in love with a good man, because they seem so out of the norm. Also, bad people has developed coping mechanisms to charm you, lure you in and make you trapped.

@sageparis9495 Ай бұрын

The timing is impeccable

@sageparis9495 Ай бұрын

I'm doing all these things to my partner and feel awful, but realizing it may help me change

@Michael-Archonaeus Ай бұрын

@@sageparis9495 Where there is a will, there is a way, and you can never change what you have no awareness of. Now you are aware that something is not right, and you have the will to change. Don't let this opportunity for growth go to waste!

@FishyhaeAngelsuju Ай бұрын

same here lol

@Michael-Archonaeus Ай бұрын

Why was my comment removed?

@DolphinsPlayingInAquaMoonlight Ай бұрын

@@Michael-Archonaeus AI may have removed it if it contained a word or words that we are not allowed to write. The censorship is rampant on here these days.

@probablyangg Ай бұрын

"the point of a relationship is to be mutually delighted by another person, as we'd later realise we aren't alive long enough for anything else" ❤❤❤

@papi_dummy Ай бұрын

hardest lesson ive learned lately is something i knew in my head but not in my heart until i lost someone i loved: i cannot avoid the work on myself, i cannot avoid the lack of self love, i cannot avoid the existential lostness i struggle with by attaching myself to someone who makes me feel like everything will be alright. i cannot overlook my flaws, i cannot overlook the flaws of others. i need to be observant and willing to be single and willing to feel terrified and lonely and lost because it is only in this state that i can find my way.

@DolphinsPlayingInAquaMoonlight Ай бұрын

Your comment is beautiful, and it resonates with me. Thank you. Namaste.

@Bri_Renaissance Ай бұрын

Yes!

@victorwu7504 28 күн бұрын

i feel the same way, working on loving my self before i can begin to love others

@rocslide8111 23 күн бұрын

Damn that’s where I am. That shit just hit me hard

@RainbowSunshineRain Ай бұрын

I needed this 15-20 years ago. After 20 years of toxic relationships I barely have energy to live.

@LessiWho Ай бұрын

Please don’t give up on it. You‘ve come so far, i‘m sure there is someone out there for you!

@RainbowSunshineRain Ай бұрын

@@LessiWho Thank you ❤

@patricial.321 Ай бұрын

I often overreacted or "imagined" things, yet my boyfriend never accused me of imagining things or made me feel ridiculous for my feelings, even if they were invalid afterall. I love him ❤

@skyepalmer5719 Ай бұрын

"People who refuse to do the necessary work" Absolutely🎉🎉

@inthesky22022 Ай бұрын

Everything said here reminded me of certain individuals in my life and I thank God, that none of them are in my life anymore.

@cocozhang3589 21 күн бұрын

Both of my parents combine all of these “not to love” traits, and as their traumatised and highly dysfunctional child my wisest decision is to let our family line die out. IT ENDS WITH ME!

@bevonostro................ Ай бұрын

Not only should you NOT pick them to love, they are also terrible neighbors, drivers, employees, board members, bosses, or political candidates.

@skyepalmer5719 Ай бұрын

Oh my... this!

@billpetersen298 Ай бұрын

You snuck that in there. I see you… Yes, ….. is a horrible person.

@yuiitodoro7791 Ай бұрын

Who is that person u r referring here , very curious@@billpetersen298

@someguy9520 Ай бұрын

I know its very obvious But they are also absolutely TERRIBLE friends that WILL make your life less enjoyable

@Corrans Ай бұрын

Amen!!!!

@EtherTheReal Ай бұрын

The Checklist: 1. Blind to their own difficult sides 2. Unrealistic and sensitive to criticism: Resistive to real criticism and fleeing into romanticism about ideals 3. Relentlessly annoying: Driving people to their frustration tolerance and getting surprised when the tolerance is reached 4. Repeated breaking of promises to change and better oneself 5. Manipulative: Apologizing after upsetting just to do it again 6. Lack of exclusive behavior and disrespecting boundaries and wishes: flirting with others and calling the other prude for getting upset 7. Orderless and disregard of orderliness of others 8. Different priorities: their prio: Friends>partner, your prio: partner>friends 9. Disregarding your realityv "Youre imagining things" 10. Grudge towards your gender 11. Blind to a held grudge against parents 12. Unforgiving towards people who think better of you than you of yourself (wtf, that exists?) 13. Want a relationship but unknowingly commited to distrust, isolation and self-hatred 14. Think that love means be nice to them 15. Take you and your love for granted 16. Not valuing your time 17. Stuck in pain so much so theyre unable to know whats best for you 18. Refusing to do "necessary work" Id say one of them are straight up made up, never seen a person thatre unforgiving for ppl nicer to them than theyre to themselves...then again i might not have been aware of that dynamic to begin with..

@DaniTrueartgirl Ай бұрын

So this is why I'm still single. I'm one of the people on the list who also doesn't want to be with someone on the list.....

@ChrisBigBad Ай бұрын

You seem already to know something, that most people on the list do not. I am sure, you can work yourself off the list one day. It will be hard work, but it will be worth it.

@Thewhiteandorange Ай бұрын

self-awareness is one of the important steps to becoming a delightful person

@P.-Ex1 Ай бұрын

@@ThewhiteandorangeI really hope so, otherwise I‘m doomed

@sostoopid5668 Ай бұрын

Fr i also realized

@novalynn2837 Ай бұрын

@@P.-Ex1i’d recommend starting by working on the doomed mindset. no one is doomed to make the choices they make and be the person they are. you are in control of the choices you make and only you can decide if you’re gonna change. it’s incredibly terrifying, but it’s also pretty cool. and also, you can be self aware all day long, but that’s only step one. next comes lots of work on yourself. it requires patience and effort, but it’s possible

@muffemod Ай бұрын

"The point of a relationship is to be mutually delighted by another person." I've also heard it's "the intersection of both partners needs being met."

@MuscleBandit Ай бұрын

After being manipulated by somebody with most of those traits for most of this year I have learned so much and this video made perfect sense in light of this. Many thanks.

@rysiakaczmar5414 Ай бұрын

Two months ago I had to let go of a relationship with an amazing man, because he refused to take any accountability for his actions... Made me feel like I'm difficult to love, would constantly tell me I can't keep the peace in the relationship, when I could bring him my concerns wrapped in gold, and be dismissed all over... It's called dismissive avoidance for a reason, breaks my heart, because I know he won't find true joy, as he refused to go to therapy and work on his empathy and deep wounds he has. I know I deserve better.

@stevewise1656 Ай бұрын

He doesn't sound "amazing" at all. Was that meant as a joke? If not, you really need to reconsider what made him amazing. He sounds like a very immature man with zero self-awareness. Don't make that a reoccurring prototype for future relationships.

@denusklausen3685 Ай бұрын

How is that "amazing"? He can be the most beautiful man, the best lover, strong-willed, passionate, successful, any arbitrary measure, but at the end of the day if he makes you feel unimportant he really is none of those things.

@sunnybein1 Ай бұрын

Your ‘dismissive avoidant’ is a Narc who tried to manipulate you into everything being your fault.Thats not ‘avoidant it’s blameshifting aka Narc.

@glendino Ай бұрын

it appears 99.9% of people aren’t to be fallen in love with

@ikenosis8160 Ай бұрын

Yup. That's why it's special.

@M_SC Ай бұрын

I mean how many people do you want to fall in love with?

@I-Learn-Daily Ай бұрын

@glendino not really! There is no perfect person. Sometimes a partner doesn't have all features you want. The most important thing is to look for their willingness to change. If someone deserves your love , it's way to notice. Do they respect you as you respect them? Do you share same values as them ? Where do you see moving with her in the next 2, 5 or 10 years. These and many other questions you can ask to assess if a partner is worth sacrificing your heart for. So we all fit. It's about your willingness to change for the better.

@chungwahcancion7870 Ай бұрын

just based on the percentage you give...it is perhaps more about you?

@TheChickenFairy. Ай бұрын

Out of 1000, we only need 1

@denny8097 Ай бұрын

What i have found about love is , its always within us and around us. When we open our eyes truly to ourselves and accept who we are , we experience true love. Key is to accept ourselves and everything around us for who and what they are.

@franchic9565 Ай бұрын

So, basically, avoid narcissists

@coldshatterhand Ай бұрын

Which means avoid everyone. We all have asshole traits and are "toxic" from time to time. NPD is very, very rare.

@lavatr8322 Ай бұрын

@@coldshatterhandIs there a Thing as 'The One' or The Queen I am searching for ....

@coldshatterhand Ай бұрын

@@lavatr8322 What? :D

@RT-. Ай бұрын

@@lavatr8322 "You don’t marry someone because he’s your soul mate; he becomes your soul mate because you married him." - Julie Shaw

@bubblebaby0 Ай бұрын

well no!

@LitosoPHie Ай бұрын

This is such a dangerously simplistic view of relationships, people, psychology and trauma. A lot of people watching this will think "Oh yes, one of those things is what my ex-partner did!" and conclude that this person just falls in this category of "people to avoid falling in love with" (Which in itself is questionable - can we really control this?) when in reality they probably share some of those traits to some extend. This is a huge problem with pop-psychology in general - everything is pathological it seems. Distrust, gaslighting, self-involvement, insecuritys: These are all traits most of us possess to some extend. This does not make us for example an "Narcissist" (a very serious and crippling psychological defect by the way - gets used way to easily i feel) automatically. If you sort out everyone who sometimes shows signs of the traits described in the video you will not have many people left. And you are probably thinking of yourself to highly if you think that you are above those traits. And OF COURSE it is insanely simplistic to just propose that every problematic behavioure in relationships goes back to how your parents treated you. That all said: Of course there are people who have terrible behaviour in realationships and if you constantly don't feel good with a person or worse you should move on. But this kind of video, brought forth with this kind of confidence and authority while just presenting complete platitudes on fortune-cookie-level just is no help to anyone. And of course: It is supposed to be "relatable" and easy to digest and agree to. That's how KZbin works. Edit: Forgot the point that annoyed me the most - It is implied that your "Lover" / "Partner" should pretty much always have priority over friends. What is this even? If you are not ok with your partner sometomes prioritizing time with friends, if you expect to always be Nr.1... isn't that a pretty toxic trait?

@cgortz89 Ай бұрын

This was well put and comes with important things to notice. Nobody is perfect, but avoid when you notice these characteristics. Stay away from narcissists and gaslighters, and let's develop together with the rest that are working on it. My biggest one here was probably the inability to handle criticism.

@tall_prince Ай бұрын

I struggle with this too. It's hard to be told by someone in authority or someone we love that we did something wrong. It's funny how little it says about us, but how much our prideful responses do!

@BarbaraBCarlson Ай бұрын

School of Life is food for thought. Wise! "The point of a relationship is to be mutually delighted." Love your spouse, kids, friends , future friends the way God loves them. Hang out with people who choose to love, learn, communicate, love, love, love

@bimaloxley Ай бұрын

'People who are far too in pain, to know how to want the best for you' is one I'd want to challenge a little. As it certainly could be true, but it sets up so many people for failure in love to think they need to "heal" or "love themselves" before loving another. Sometimes people can heal when in a relationship, by receiving and learning love

@janepage3608 Ай бұрын

As long as they are not in so much pain that they they don’t know how to be kind to others.

@RosieNawojka Ай бұрын

Sure, but romantic relationships aren't the right place to start. I had a friend who didn't even know how to be friends with his friends, and thought romantic relationships were what he needed. He dumped his friends and went off to co-create abusive relationships that made his problems worse in ways that couldn't happen in his platonic relationships. Nobody who needs to sabotage platonic love is ready for romantic love, however much they might want it.

@bparcej6233 Ай бұрын

Just love yourself…we are whole…a gift from the universe 💫

@a12i9 Ай бұрын

POV: We all check several of those points... Being mutually delighted by one another sounds great, though. That's what I'm striving for.

@rizzamaeong Ай бұрын

Exactly.

@sanschmidt5457 Ай бұрын

i don't know... I know many people in my life who don't. the good people in my life. Maybe think a bit about why you feel like eveybody is like this?

@Cat_Steven Ай бұрын

hey bud, not judging, but maybe you wanna try out therapy?

@marissab2872 Ай бұрын

maybe at some point in our lives we do but it's about being AWARE and willing to change. i used to identify with over half of these and after therapy i can't say i'm much like any of them anymore.

@monicuxi Ай бұрын

And even if this video is out there, nothing will stop us from continuing to make mistakes in the realm of love

@hearttalkscoach Ай бұрын

AND, we can learn to make better mistakes, or at least not make the same ones by healing the wounds that drive our patterns. With the right "necessary work" and tools, of course.

@monicuxi Ай бұрын

@@hearttalkscoach I totally agree with you :)

@timbuktu777 Ай бұрын

I won't. I've learnt enough.

@MoneySoul Ай бұрын

Us? No you … take accountability

@monicuxi Ай бұрын

@@MoneySoul Accountability is not the opposite of making mistakes; but a desirable consequence of it... lol.

@DragonGalvy Ай бұрын

Thumbs up. I often say to people that sometimes, knowing what you DON'T want in a partner (or indeed, many things in life) is at least as important as knowing what you DO want. And I have deliberately remained single for quite some time over spaces in the years gone by because I knew I would rather be by myself than with the wrong one. But maybe this time....

@jasminelavender9691 Ай бұрын

Complicated. Stay single until I'm ready. Hidup bukan tentang cinta saja😊

@angelrogo Ай бұрын

Stay single until you die. Love does not exits.

@TheJoseph280 Ай бұрын

I'm shocked about how a 3 minutes video can hold so many important truths. If you are not able to recognize people, you should not fall in love with, just like me, you should include this video in your daily habits. Thanks for this.

@Milano606 Ай бұрын

I like your final observation that those of us who reject suffering from a lover, may also be thankful for their luck. I will be thankful for that.

@thevorg11 Ай бұрын

People who will prioritize time with their friends over time with you and call you 'controlling' is so real man those are the worst types

@LuqmanWright Ай бұрын

People who refuse to do the necessary work 👏🏽

@greatorg9498 Ай бұрын

Excellent and necessary advice and I particularly appreciate this part (paraphrased ) : people who have the " the good fortune" of a loving environment so know they know how to associate relationships with fulfillment rather than frustration" = no interest in suffering! Because the point of a relationship is been mutually delighted by another person :) This advice can also help to know what is a good friendship too

@MillenialKay Ай бұрын

The content on this channel often feels like a hug 😊😊

@psicologiajoseh Ай бұрын

Thank you for lovingly teaching us the crucial art of setting boundaries.

@ryanheemann8688 Ай бұрын

The #1 red flag for me is people who never apologize. Conflict in close relationships is inevitable, and the health and success of a relationship is not going to be how well you avoid conflict, but how well you resolve it. Conflict resolution is key. And every person on the planet will ocassionally cause harm out of having a bad moment, or neglect, or ignorance. The person whose defenses won't let them apologize will become a deal breaker, and intimacy with them will prove untenable unless you meet their conditions (such as accepting that it's your fault). Most of the examples in this video are ego defenses, namely people who have learned how to cope with pain by building themselves up as "great." That's not how it's done.

@LearningNeverStopsEX Ай бұрын

Recognising that I might be one in the checklist is humbling

@melusine826 Ай бұрын

I am someone who knows they are not lovable, makes things easier if you know its not worth trying. Im on this list and thats ok

@PerceptionVsReality333 Ай бұрын

I'm in the same boat but I'm used to it.

@expensivenoodle Ай бұрын

No it’s not. Fix yourself.

@LuckyBardonNorth Ай бұрын

I love my dogs , i love the temporary euphoria of drinking great beer, I love the school of life presentation's ,but most of all I love being washed along lifes great river and taking it all in.The geometry of love has yet to be fully understood, its all about the angles, yours and there's and many others .

@kvsartist8245 Ай бұрын

Wow, I'm all the things that someone secure should avoid falling in love with But I am doing the work and trying to solve myself so I don't bring all those issues into another relationship. I shall be whole one day, and not bleed on others

@mmo5366 Ай бұрын

One of the things with love, true proper love, is that it is often nothing to do with good logic or reason… it can rise up from so deeply within like a geyser bursting that nothing can be done to stop it or steer it.

@mylesleggette7520 Ай бұрын

You're talking about lust or infatuation, not love. Love, true proper love, is a relationship deliberately constructed over time, not a feeling that comes unbidden.

@mmo5366 Ай бұрын

@@mylesleggette7520 Sorry you’ve never experienced true love. I know the love you’re talking about, and it’s very important to long term relationships, and can be and should be built upon the love I am talking about (they’re not at all mutually exclusive). And lust and infatuation can also look exactly the same as I am talking about, but when the overwhelming urge is to have sex with the other person. The love I’m talking about doesn’t require sex, just being in coexistence is immensely satisfying.

@teenieweeniemimie Ай бұрын

Seeing this after the breakup just shows how I had started to gaslight myself it wasn't what I thought it was, on both our sides

@meg9953 Ай бұрын

Oh, School of Life, how wonderfully you've done it again with your timing and on the nose video that I needed in my life at this moment in time. I love you and all your content! Thank you! ❤❤❤

@rayflyhigh Ай бұрын

Watching this video once a week until, thank you so much.

@Newthinkin Ай бұрын

Despite our awareness of the pitfalls and patterns in love, we still succumb to the same mistakes. It seems our emotions override our rationality, rendering emotional intelligence ineffective when we're in the throes of passion and love. We're inherently emotional beings, vulnerable to the whims of love.

@Michael-Archonaeus Ай бұрын

Speak for yourself. Mature adults develop a deep self-awareness and self-control.

@nickthompson1812 Ай бұрын

Emotional intelligence is about controlling your emotions, not your emotions controlling you due to “passion.” This is a way of dodging accountability.

@Michael-Archonaeus Ай бұрын

@@nickthompson1812 Not just controlling your own emotions lol. There is a lot more to emotional intelligence.

@SecretCollage Ай бұрын

Yes! "Refuse to suffer, simply delighted with each other."

@shahinchoudhury8256 Ай бұрын

i determined these following are necessary to have a lasting meaningful relationship for life : this is my checklist : Primary : 1. Honesty at personal level , integrity . 2. Religious , cultural & two way family compatibility . 3. Intellectual compatibility . 4 Sexual conservatism , 5. emotional intelligence & emotional maturity . 6. Right Expectations From Marriage & Relationship (Eden Project) 7. Physical Beauty Secondary : 1. Sense of humour 2. closeness to her own family 3. good temper , soft spoken , sensitive to not give overemphasis on one aspect of a personality , i give maximum 10 to each primary criteria , & a minimum of 55 combined s needed to even have the chance ,

@millertas Күн бұрын

I often tell my wife of nearly 40 years that she is so easy to love.

@equoekkoecho Ай бұрын

People who don't understand nobody's perfect.

@expensivenoodle Ай бұрын

Yup, I have a list of the type of people I won’t be friends with, but this is a great place to start.

@finirim Ай бұрын

1:54 ok here's the question, how to stop being like this?

@ramstormp1793 Ай бұрын

In your case, if those are the only two points you fulfill on the list, you were most likely bullied, rejected or mistreated by people for some characteristic that you wouldn't have in a logical world. Like I was bullied for having curly hair when I was a child, just because curly hair happened to be out of style at that point, and then I would stand in front of the mirror and say "you are so ugly!" to my 5 year old image. The self-hatred is just a poison left in you by the toxic treatment, and deep down you probably actually love yourself and don't understand why you can't be loved for who you are by others, because it honestly does not make sense... Thus the distrust. Small words of kindness out loud to yourself, like "You are amazing! Good job! You are great at doing the dishes!" does something weird to your brain that pushes out the toxin of blanket self-contempt and establishes sort of a headquarter of feeling loved inside that you can expand from.

@DaveSustain Ай бұрын

Human beings are emotional and imperfect, we make all these mentioned mistakes but do have the capability to learn from it and become better, but we'll never be perfect and so will the person you fall in love with. The idea is to look for these within yourself and not others, only then you can love yourself and then others. ❤

@SzokkozS Ай бұрын

And the other hand, often in the opportunity of clarity, such people can turn out to be the best teachers in life, if you have killed your ego enough to look at it that way. Be thankful, not resentful ❤

@Klover_pearl Ай бұрын

As the video progresses the more the list are subtle and relatable, it was me, it is me, that’s why in trying to be self-aware, I didn’t got into relationship

@zin6730 Ай бұрын

We have fallen in love far enough when we tend to discover these traits of character in the person... we may fall out of love, but have committed already.

@orwellwept7735 Ай бұрын

If you are too damaged to enjoy the gift, avoid it at all costs. Learn to be at peace with yourself, realize and come to terms with your flaws and get help if it is available. We are all damaged and we must repair that damage in ourselves to be worthy of love. And when someone rejects you, move on and don't take it personally because it seldom works out. Many failures but only one success is all you need.

@10538overture Ай бұрын

Many years ago I cut short a relationship with a woman who consistently agreed with the last person who expressed an opinion, regardless of what she'd agreed with before. One of my better decisions.

@florentinalestaru7273 Ай бұрын

sometimes people fake it until you are emotionally attached.. and then start showing their true colors.. so yeah.. then i guess you just have to go through the process of falling out of love.. but yeah.. just wanted to voice a thought/concern i have seeing this. ofc it's immensely valuable to be educated about red flaggy behaviors! as well as in self awareness about them too!

@shy1166 Ай бұрын

Very informative list, thank you ❤

@andreahennrich9297 Ай бұрын

"Do not love half lovers"- Khalil Gibran

@pixieazul19 Ай бұрын

"... the point of a relationship is to be mutually delighted by another person..."❤❤

@sthupdthoughts Ай бұрын

You are awesome Who ever that "you" are

@Antoinette14273 Ай бұрын

Get a Burmese cat. It is mutual delight when you walk through the door; you give it food and a pat and it gives you endless cuddles and affection. No neurosis or mental disorders and traits, avoidance and anxiety!

@noah1502 Ай бұрын

my ex was extremely judgemental and still is! i wont tell him, the best revenge is him being himself

@keithsmith5310 Ай бұрын

Good ol' common sense. I love it 🙏🏾.

@dubudaebak Ай бұрын

That title took me a minute

@arshbehal6312 Ай бұрын

Shockingly true about so many people I have known over the course of life and for me too, to a fair extent.

@omoriref Ай бұрын

"I'm going to change but regress later" Is not to be confused with someone who genuinely does want to get better and have remorse for their actions, but unfortunately struggle with severe mental health issues so their progress fluctuates. I feel like these people are misunderstood as being purposefully manipulative, but they're not trying to be. Battling mental disorders are hard.

@searchrankoptimize Ай бұрын

How is that the other person's fault? Why must the other person be burdened?

@omoriref Ай бұрын

@@searchrankoptimize It's not the other person's fault. The true fault is on the people who made someone develop really bad mental health in the first place. (Ex. Abusive parents, bullies, etc) It's messed up ethically to see mentally unwell people as burdens. It depends entirely on the situation, but people who are willing to actively work on themselves and improve exist and people should stop acting as if they don't.

@searchrankoptimize Ай бұрын

@@omoriref you indirectly agreed with my point! Some parents in the 80s & 90s troubled their 3 children and were off to work! Ambitious! The children grow up with serious issues! Now these children grow up with problems! The parents are also problematic and still alive & kicking and creating nuisance in their wake! I come across one such member of this family! I suffer and wonder why am i getting harassed! I have done nothing wrong to anyone. Yet i am the one to go out and repair the situation? Wrong expectations, buddy! The parents are off the hook?

@MrPelikan500 Ай бұрын

3:25 ... they have no interest in suffering ... we aren't here long enough for anything else" this affected me profoundly ... as i contemplate the sunset years of my life ... we do ourselves a great injustice if we don't grasp the fact that we pass this way only once and if we don't make endeavours to cherish our precious life ... our precious time to determine what we value most in life ... then we would have wasted our precious resource bestowed upon us we were given so much, yet we waste much of it by simply not taking the time to examine it ... what is the best use of me? what is the best use of my life? what is the best use of my time? what is most precious to me? the answers come easier these days ... much revolves the importance of immediate family & relatives ... spending time with them .

@FreeBorn5683 Ай бұрын

OK so you want love…but are you lovable? I know this sounds harsh. So many haven’t even bothered defining what love is for themselves and have done ZERO to reflect on their own behaviour. NO ONE can love you like your parents, stop expecting an actual stranger to elevate you without taking the time to work and earn that status. People don’t graduate from high school then show up at a job interview expecting to be CEO. OR let’s say you want respect…well, are you respectable? Do you lead a respectable life (whatever that means to you/your religion/culture/ community etc.) It’s the same sentiment. Starting with yourself is key. Love yourself (truly) and your match will be able yo find your frequency. 💛😊

@zanderdebeer Ай бұрын

This feels like a very long-winded way of saying avoid narcissists. That being said this is very good advice in my opinion. And breaks it down symptomatically.

@davidanderson5310 Ай бұрын

I've got at least two, maybe three of these red flags (self-hate, pain, and refusal to do the necessary work). I wonder if even one is a dealbreaker.

@DolphinsPlayingInAquaMoonlight Ай бұрын

The "refusal to do the necessary work"-part is definitely a dealbreaker, no matter how many positive traits a person also has. We grow and evolve when we learn from our mistakes and when we do the necessary work to work on our flaws and our wounds and triggers, and make needed changes to better ourselves and our life. Being with a person who never learn from their mistakes, and who refuse to do the work to grow and evolve along side you will only hold you back in life and create a lot of unnecessary frustration, worry, stagnation and potential drama that you don't need, and it will keep you from living a fulfilled life. It's better to be with someone who is willing to grow with you and move forward in life, someone who's on your frequency and who's just as eager as you to intentionally seek out a high-vibe life by making the necessary changes to get there, which includes working on ourselves on a regular basis. No one is perfect, we all have flaws, and we all make mistakes, we are just human, and we are all a work in progress. But progress is the key word here. There needs to be progress.

@davidanderson5310 Ай бұрын

@@DolphinsPlayingInAquaMoonlight Ah, that makes sense. I've given up on trying to live a "high-vibe" fulfilled life, so women are probably better off without a partner like me. I decide not to bother them for that and other reasons.

@Syco108 Ай бұрын

On the search for another to share mutual delight with

@royab5770 Ай бұрын

I believe the point of a relationship is to be true friends at the spiritual level, and to assist one another to be of service to humanity.

@Syco108 Ай бұрын

@@royab5770 are you trying to spark my fancy?

@Withpeace7597 Ай бұрын

So alone. At 47, this journey is getting harder and harder.

@spring7643 Ай бұрын

This speaks to me on so many levels wow... I learned that lesson at the end

@theodurtoll 22 күн бұрын

best and most easy simple truth video of you so far. thx

@alexeyp83 Ай бұрын

Scarry how many of these my ex was ticking. Good video to watch when doubt creeeps in about deciding to separate.

@uidentity Ай бұрын

Anyone else almost didn’t watch it because of the title says “not to fall in love with checklist people” and only watched to understand what’s wrong with people who are organised and use checklists.

@kimb5629 Ай бұрын

Thank you. This gives me something to self reflect on.

@lizziethelemon Ай бұрын

Happy I did not make it on this list. I had an exact list committed to memory of people not to fall in love with. With that said, I did not grow up in a perfect environment (quite the opposite extreme) hence why I had that list. However, I also did not engage in relationships for those reasons until I read a lot and understood that I spent my early years avoiding people on the list mentioned. I did not have a list of my own i.e., the opposite list of people to fall in love with. I kept telling myself that if a person like me exists, then the lovable person exists too and we will meet. So it's time for that list. I look forward to meeting such a person!

@Jukinj94 Ай бұрын

Life is all about what you're willing to deal with. Do with this as you may.

@beneddieaurora329 Ай бұрын

.....in my opinion it's about what can you and can you not tolerate ; all human have flaws and a very mature person in his/ her behaviour and attitude is a great advantage ! ( ...in the end; do your homework properly and the rest is luck 🤞)😅

@freeagent8225 Ай бұрын

I am amazed that you can still conjure new topics.

@janeadlington7150 Ай бұрын

Omg...so glad I extricated myself from that relationship

@fr3dom2live55 Ай бұрын

Perfect, succinct and precise. Thank you.

@mkraven4665 Ай бұрын

" People who will label any criticism of them as 'rude' or 'offensive' and contrary to the rules of true as they define these". very interesting, reminds me of a certain group of people.