Anaconda 3 - Phelous

[@nahnah390]

I can't have been the only one to think that the real snake looked fucking adorable. Look at his puppy face!

[@Dreigonix]

Yeah! ^__^

[@wilmagregg3131]

most snakes looj cute when there mouths not open same with alot of spiders its the sight of there teeth that makes humans shiver as in our heads instinct screams at us that things with teeth like that inject poison which will for sure kill you or incipacitate you so something else does

[@CommanderViviax]

Anacondas are adorable looking snakes. Most snakes are cute.

[@SwiftNimblefoot]

It's actually like that for real constrictor snakes too. They have kinda adorable puppy snouts. (Also why so many furries have snake fursonas).

[@AllyOJustice]

Giant snake with the ability to make vocal sounds with a spear tail? That's not an anaconda! That's a Seviper!

[@leonardogomez8812]

@P.R.Ime, the Platinum Ranger Duncesparce?

[@goldengamemaster6133]

XD

[@WarDragonOfTheLight]

@redloiyu654jay We could use a mega for Seviper and Arbok

[@jonathanwarrdddedcxddeecec4787]

It kinda is

[@TheBonkleFox]

@redloiyu654jay venusaur and beedrill

[@sydneyslaughter7163]

I don't think the CGI artist has ever seen a real snake before, let alone seen one moving.

[@U014B]

Sydney Slaughter ...or learned how to CGI.

[@AmaryInkawult]

Noel Goetowski very likely to be both

[@s.nifrum4580]

They probably didn’t even know that snakes were real

[@SwiftNimblefoot]

Googling what color a real anaconda has was too hard. Or maybe he did, then thought "that's a too difficult skin for the model to draw, let's just make them black."

[@FlyinggMushroom]

Tbf some of the shots look half decent if you squint your eyes

[@jonathanwarrdddedcxddeecec4787]

I’m disappointed we didn’t get David hasslehoff playing the snake in a silly snake suit

[@BloodrealmX]

"Let me guess: they swim." Anacondas are of the genus Eunectes. The name Eunectes is derived from the Greek word Eυνήκτης, which means "good swimmer".

[@Tareltonlives]

They spend most of their time in water.

[@SwiftNimblefoot]

Anacondas are well known to live in rivers...

[@thelordelric8424]

I was looking forward to another stupid surprised animal. They really had a good thing going with that in the first two movies

[@HiperPivociarz]

What?! Hasselhoff just left that guy for dead?! How could he possibly resist the urge to get another save?!

[@SwiftNimblefoot]

"My saaaaave!"

[@kaitblackhound8097]

The Cinnamon Toast Crunch comment had me dying of laughter!

[@Tareltonlives]

I understand John Rhys Davies barely missed out on Star Wars movies while Hasslehoff starred in one of the first Star Wars ripoffs, so the Star Wars clips are perfect.

[@StakeJade]

Wow. I couldn't hardly recognize John Rhys-Davies. He's so skinny in this movie... compared to what I remember him being in Raiders of the Lost Ark & Sliders. I'm glad that he's still acting in some movies. Too bad it's in this bad CGI snake movie.

[@jackmcslay]

So David Hasselhoff died at the very end, that means he almost made it out of this movie as a true survivor

[@WinterSteele]

This isn't even the worst thing I've seen Davies in. I commend the guy for always being able to find work, but I do have to question the quality of some of his choices.

[@RenaldyCalixte]

He's trying to pay his bills like the rest of us.

[@Tareltonlives]

At least it's not Robot in the Family

[@U014B]

3:58 There aren't any black anacondas? Sir Mix-a-Lot would beg to differ.

[@hebrew26commandmentspower55]

Lol 😂😂 NOOOOoooo

[@Tareltonlives]

Probably more of an anthill python

[@smoore693]

Holy shit that snake at the end was so much more convincing than the snakes in anaconda 3. You nailed the accent!

[@Aqua-Marine-UK_1991]

so basically they made mega evolution Serviper in this movie?

[@mimsjr1994]

Lol i want it now

[@Aqua-Marine-UK_1991]

The Frigid Centurion with good speed to boost

[@mimsjr1994]

MLP Aqua-Marine UK and it needs the moves swallow, Spit up, poison tail and poison fang and I'll call it anaconda 3

[@leonardogomez8812]

No you dummy! They made a movie about a slightly larger Duncesparce

[@ZM7241994]

That is the recovery team? Six guys? Against giant super snakes?

[@ToruKun1]

I want those Jeice and Burter action figures

[@xerosleros8747]

The fucking race car sound effect and then your omnomnomnom just - I'm dying XDDD

[@MidoriDX]

This was shot in Romania?? I was not notified on The Hoff blessing our land with his presence. Also the way he said Florin, lul.

[@handsomebrick]

I once saw a movie called Project: Metalbeast where a laboratory doing medical research on human skin is taken over by shady government types who order the scientists to put their experimental prosthetic skin on an unidentified corpse, and to that movie's credit there is a scene where all the scientists protest that this is completely insane and pointless, even though they go along with the plan anyway.

[@amohotepv]

Saw that movie on Best of the Worst, it's nuts.

[@SwiftNimblefoot]

Oh yeah, it has sexy Musetta Vander and a metal skinned werewolf. It is hilarious.

[@clintmcbride7830]

I swear the only thing that makes sense is that this was partially filmed before the Hoff got on board and they just wrote out the other team leader and did a couple of minor reshoots so Hoff could be the big badass/traitor character. And him signing on was probably worth it for the studio because they got to put him on the cover and in the trailers and we know that would make them more money than they paid to get him. Because with everything he has done in the last 15 years shows he cares more about an easy paycheck than being in quality productions. (And fyi this is my favorite in the series, I love how terrible it is)

[@Punisher200001]

8:33 - so... when these scientist put the tracker on the snake, they didn't consider that it may moult it's skin?

[@RenaldyCalixte]

I think a 10 year old wrote this film.

[@SwiftNimblefoot]

That'd require brains, which they do not have...

[@rorylumley4727]

your snake at the end looks as real as the movies

[@Hazard1007]

4:12 Its bigger, faster and stronger to! Its the first member, of the anaconda crew, HUH!

[@anikmonette2140]

Hazard 1007 Bigger, faster, DUMBER!

[@multitudeofidols]

It's funny because Kari Wuhrer was the replacement for John Rhys-Davies after he was fired from _Sliders_. Not to mention the shitty third season did an obligatory _Anaconda_ rip-off.

[@Tareltonlives]

It comes full circle

[@ravager48]

This was basically an Alien ripoff. A company experimenting/studying unique (deadly) creatures. Impaling victims with their tails The main character having the monster right in front of her, but not attack her (Alien 3) And of course, the sequel titles, like you pointed out. All we needed her to do was get into a machine of some sort and quote "Get away from them, you bitch!"

[@ciminod]

and a Predator rip-off

[@MarkBak76]

ravager48 Nubia

[@meh1533]

Why did people think this was a good idea just why

[@anikmonette2140]

ravager48 But why the snake would let her live? At least in Alien 3 there's a good reason why Ripley doesn't get attacked!

[@arieldawn3452]

They also ripped off using CGI instead of actual effects later in the series, only Anaconda did it sooner.

[@scitechian]

Would you have been happier if the 3rd had been called "More Anacondas" and the 4th was called "Even More Anacondas"?

[@jonathanwarrdddedcxddeecec4787]

scitechian there’s a 4th?

[@handsomebrick]

It sounds like the fifth one would have been called "Barrel o' Anacondas".

[@in_vas_por8810]

handsomebrick Anacondas GALORE! 😂

[@ZION73082]

Anaconda 4: ANACONDERRRRR!!!!!! LOL

[@helpyourselfimbusy5747]

All the anacondas.

[@averagegamecritic]

To be super minorly fair, the blood spit passenger would definitely flail and hit the others and distract to crashing probably. That makes some sense surprisingly

[@TheHeroOfTomorrow]

This is my favorite episode of Baywatching.

[@Tareltonlives]

(noms on burgers) Well, that movie sucked

[@Tareltonlives]

Teague: I don't wanna know

[@joeyp9524]

The one thing I will give credit to about the sequels to lake placid and Anaconda is that they actually keep continuity......most of the time lol

[@gagaplex]

Anaconda, Anacaondas, Anaconda 3, then there's an Anaconda _queen_ like there is such a thing for snakes, yeah, they thought they were making an Alien movie.

[@SwiftNimblefoot]

The snake interview at the end was great. :D

[@Alucard-A-La-Carte]

I'm glad Hasselhoff has made peace with his own campy, silly legacy and seems to be in a good place now, cause it makes it eas(yyyyyyyyyyyy)ier to point out: every character he played really WAS just Mitch Von Malibu, wasn't it? Hyper-competent, unflappable, irresistibly attractive to women of any age. I'm shocked we never got a movie starring him in a black tank top.

[@SwiftNimblefoot]

Indeed. Even when he plays Nick Fury, he plays Mitch.

[@MentalLiberation]

Wait... even Michael Knight?

[@SpeedyEric1]

I was also thinking of the Alien/Aliens title thing when Anacondas was being released, and that's mostly because that movie was released around the same time as Alien vs. Predator. 2:31- I still find it sad that John Rhys-Davis whet from appearing in Indiana Jones and Lord of the Rings, and went to do crap like this and In the Name of the King. 5:05- Face it, the Anaconda series is ruined. 8:35- Gee, Anaconda 3, thank for reminding me that I'd rather see Jurassic World again than sit through you. I still can't get over "WE CREATED SUPERSNAKES TO FIND OUT THE SECRET TO WHY KIDS LOVE CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH!" I also find "The Hoff punching women" bit really funny. 16:50- Cool Guys Don't Look At Explosions.

[@Qwark909]

13:08 Soooo watcha ya watchin there big guy?

[@ShadeMeadows]

I love 3D Custom Girl too!

[@killeing]

that was my question (and concern......)

[@drift2196]

A wild benzaie appears

[@AxelEDFire]

I had to rewatch that part several times before my brain could process what she was doing

[@RapterLover13]

Ssshhhh, lets just keep this quiet. Leaving it as one of KZbin hilarious, horniest secrets.

[@RaphBlade7]

Considering how bad the CGI Snakes are in this, I'd assume most of the films budget went to paying both Davies and the Hoff to appear as villains.

[@lionofthebluevale7170]

Phelous;' Anaconda eating sound effect is so good I had to replay multiple times.

[@dadobojart7895]

... You know, looking at the dismembered bodies of the snakes victins, all I can say is: "That is not how snakes work, you dolt! Snakes are suppose to eat their pray whole". Then again, anacondas arent even suppose to be able to eat humans, so...

[@bigbossshrek3327]

If it's a baby or small child it can eat them but anacondas kill by suffocation and breaking your bones there's no way they would dismember a human their teeth are inverted hooks to not let the prey get away they aren't made to slash or chew if they tried it they would probably break their teeth.

[@PokemonHaloFan]

Wow the mid to late 2000's were really a bad time for John Rhys Davies. Princess Diaries 2, The Medallion, Anaconda 3. Sad to see such an amazing actor be reduced to these roles.

[@Tareltonlives]

Is this worse than Robot in the Family?

[@AnvilPro100]

I'd love to see how the writers thought up the amazing idea to give them Spear-tails

[@tbonevideos23]

Writers? As in plural? You're giving this movie far too much credit

[@tbonevideos23]

JukaDominator Having more writers does make the chances of at least one of them saying "Wait....... THIS IS F**KING STUPID!"

[@SpeedyEric1]

AnvilPro100 The Indominus Rex from Jurassic World made more sense than the genetically alterd super-snakes in this film and the next, and the Indominus Rex was awesome.

[@s.nifrum4580]

Probably based on the sharp tailed snake which has a spike on the end of its tail that it only uses to restrain its prey and never in a fatal manor And which isn’t a remote threat to humans and is not related to the anaconda other than the fact that they’re both snakes So either way it’s completely inaccurate to either snake

[@ripleyandweeds1288]

A spear tail on a snake? So these people just made seviper, okay.

[@s.nifrum4580]

12:53 to 13:07 This entire bit has me laughing

[@gringosteve7713]

such a great cast!

[@Volosous]

that anaconda is moving faster than… it's moving…….wtf? Look, you can have an anaconda move that fast, in fact, many anaconda's are faster. BUT THEY HAVE TO ACTUALLY MOVE THAT FAST! you can't just have a snake going 20 miles an hour while it undulates slightly every couple minutes. Snakes are not snails, they can't just crawl forward with no lateral movement!

[@SwiftNimblefoot]

They should have inserted Twilight footage under the anaconda "running" :P

[@ravager48]

16:49 Cool girls don't look at explosions.

[@TheInfiniteAmo]

It's BIGGER, FASTER AND STRONGER TOO IT'S THE FIRST MEMBER OF THE DK CREW

[@sta3po]

She changes out of her black tank top to a white tank top right after the snake escapes the tank, she's even wearing the black one in the flashbacks.

[@youwayo]

That woman has the biggest plot armor ever

[@Ratciclefan]

Oh wow, this is totally the Amazon.

[@ripleyjlawman.3162]

Woah, I thought these movies couldn’t have gotten worse, I was wrong, this is much worse, but at least this review is magnificent.

[@DevilFan669]

at 13:59 i like how you said that David Hasselhoff was so mad that he goes Resident Evil Afterlife and that movie came out 2 years later when Anaconda 3 offspring came out back in 2008

[@Giran_0]

I'm surprised with him wearing a mortal Kombat shirt and a movie with a snake spear we didn't get a scorpion "get over here"

[@cjkalandek996]

This movie makes the 2nd one look like a guilty pleasure by comparison.

[@thebumblequeen6778]

*Fail? Who says we fail? We didn't fail...*

[@theangryholmesian4556]

"We merely failed to win!"

[@omegavalwin]

there was a 3 ? what

[@tenkaistern5549]

Valwin Mediaz I was the same :D !

[@SpeedyEric1]

JukaDominator And 2 months ago, SyFy released Lake Placid vs. Anaconda, and it stars Freddy Kruger himself, Robert Englund.

[@s.nifrum4580]

SpeedyEric1 It’s much less awesome than it sounds isn’t it?

[@PepeSilviaPennypacker]

Love the use of the sitcom laugh track

[@gringosteve7713]

best reviews ever! period

[@NodDisciple1]

I love your DBZ Burter action figure. XD 13:00 Sounds almost as ridiculous a cover story to cover up that they're making weaponized dinos in Jurassic World. :P But, maybe I'm giving them too much credit by saying the snakes are a weapons program fronting as pharmaceutical research.

[@OldSchoolCurt]

Holy crap is that monster party on nes in the background! That's an awesome Nes game!

[@Tareltonlives]

This is my favorite episode of Baywatch Nights ♫In the night, you can hear the John Voight call As another Ice Cube falls Race to the Amazon, in a blink of J-Lo The Anaconda is watching as we slide into the night!♫

[@ShayLaLaLooHoo]

The racecar noises over the CGI snakes killed me 🤣

[@Zcumgod]

I see Benzaie is a man of culture

[@AbrasiousProductions]

looked like he was watching a foot fetish video, so yes man of culture

[@yukiskyzero1313]

At 0:44, I'm expecting the Alien trilogy to be mentioned here... and I'm right haha. xD

[@briang7307]

The Stupid CGI Snake should visit u quite often..

[@dancepiglover]

11:34 Stupid surprised anaconda!

[@jsb8261]

There really are similarities between this series and the Alien series. The Anaconda series is like the B-Movie version.

[@mattb9054]

2:14 I had to watch this back again I was like what a minute 😂

[@mspsychgirl]

You should review King Cobra and Python/python 2

[@maikt904]

where is burt gummer when you need one... imagine an anaconda tremors crossover :D even though that sounds better in my head after seeing that cgi disaster even though it can get alot worse

[@Valdagast]

Actually this sounds exactly like business management.

[@DasKame]

12:32 Holy Shit, she looks Like Sonja in Mortal Kombat 2!

[@Mega_man_X69]

Claymation looks more convincing than this CGI.

[@gracekim1998]

So the next movies after 4 would be More Anacondas, even more Anacondas and shotgun Anaconda😜 20.7.22

[@TheCinemaniac]

Lol at Benzaie's computer screen

[@codyburgett7962]

Well to be fair the main protagonist reaction of trying to save the guy with no pulse isn’t entirely illogical you can resuscitate someone who is legally dead, there are plenty of cases of people being dead for minutes to even hours before being revived

[@HORRORMOVIEREVIEW100]

11:27 😂😂😂😂 (the sound effect)

[@jakebryant3445]

XD best Gimli reference ever

[@AbrasiousProductions]

13:09 what the hell is he watching? is that anime girl giving someone a foot job?!🤣

[@dontworryillwait3689]

The Python movies should totally be on this list!

[@dredre_lj2003]

The Beginning of GODAWFUL CGI Snakes

[@vanlukassen1894]

13:09 Why is he playing an adult game?

[@SwiftNimblefoot]

4:20 - you don't need stronger security woman, you need a shirt! What sort of workplace lets people walk around in their underwear? :D

[@s.nifrum4580]

That’s a tank top it’s a type of shirt

[@SwiftNimblefoot]

@@s.nifrum4580 I know, but I have worked at plenty of jobs and such an outfits is definitely not fitting for the dress code.

[@sheltonbrightjr.5988]

Dead give away this wasn't (but should have been) an Uwe Boll movie: Amanda would have been played by Kristinna Loken. Otherwise definitely felt like an Uwe Boll movie.

[@anikmonette2140]

Well, I wanted to watch something on Netflix, but then I noticed your Anaconda series...

[@averagegamecritic]

We didn’t fail! The snakes failed! John Voigt voice. Ok, technically I know people live for some time without a head or brain (spasms and such), but not sure about shooting or the time they can. That ironically is a more snake thing, biting with no body for awhile afterwards. Reverse snake!

[@brunobucciaratiswife]

13:08 WHY IS HE WATCHING HENTAI IN THAT SHOT

[@Dominick_twu]

Umm okay at 13:08 for the Benzaie cameo… correct me if I’m wrong, but is that an anime chick giving a foot j o b? Or is my mind just way too in the gutter?

[@averagegamecritic]

I can believe the flower. There is so much unexplored area, it can be plausible. Still, if they found the flower, how did they not grab some?

[@BlazeNStar]

The owner of a company sabotaging the comoany they own is actually more common than you make it seem. It's done for insurance mostly.

[@matthewbrodnitz1047]

14:54 Why did you make that joke if the Amazon was never actually mentioned? I know it's where anacondas actually live, but it's strange enough that there are Romanian locals who speak American English in this movie.

[@EpicJasonX9000]

if these types of movies have to hire a team of people to take out a giant creature, why don't they use either rockets and/or flamethrowers instead of just shooting at them constantly? also, why do so many dumbass creature feature films always need to generically create/alter certain creatures that end up becoming super intelligent, far more lethal, more powerful, and can regenerate their health?

[@keithjackson8970]

13:09 is is......... That dude is watching a foot job henti "sacrablur" Indeed ....Hahaha Stay classy

[@Ronald_Ruck]

Before that blonde main character girl gets out of the exploding car, you can see people from the production team walking around in the background. I wonder why you didn't point that out?

[@RabbitHole20]

*sighs* CopperHead from the Batman series is more imtimidated than these CGI snakes.

[@MforMovesets]

"Give birth" is a weird wording considering it lays eggs. Does anyone even say that when it comes to reptiles?

[@arminreindl7742]

Anacondas actually give birth to live youngs.

[@the-four-seven]

18:19 Just like a Mortal Kombat 3 fatality.

[@apostolosfilippos]

We have to find that snake they said...ok, find it. Then what?

[@dwarfbunni]

WHAT THE FUCK WAS BENZAIE WATCHING!??? should we be worried...

[@anikmonette2140]

That looks hilariously horrendous...

[@bernkastel6129]

Well, poor lab precautions and insane plans are necessary if John Rhys Davies really wants to achieve his goal of becoming a proper clichéd evil businessman. What, his goal is to actually get something from his research team? Yeah, I think my idea is less stupid.