Phil In The Blanks Podcast | Ep 177 | Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) pt 6

Dr. Phil continues his discussion on borderline personality disorder (BPD). He emphasizes that BPD exists on a behavioral continuum and can be present to varying degrees.
Dr. Phil cautions against assuming that all individuals with BPD have experienced childhood abuse, as there are various factors that contribute to the disorder. He dispels the myths and misconceptions of this disorder including that BPD only affects women, noting that it is equally prevalent among men. Educate yourself and seek support if you are dealing with BPD in your own life or the lives of others.

[@lucywhitaker407]

I'm a Borderline Personality Disorder Woman. I was diagnosed in 2010 I got medication and a Pychiatrist and I've improved. Xxxx

[@williambrownlee8739]

HAH, EVIL IS EVIL--- TOXIC SUBSTANCES 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Tailionis]

I've improved as well..no meds aside marijuana and I did my own research. I may always have issues, but I have much more control. Therapy is a scam. All you need is self research and understanding of our issues.

[@Tailionis]

​@@williambrownlee8739laughing at her probably isn't helping

[@christiner3948]

What meds work for this? It seems everything for stuff you feel constantly vs changing out of the blue.

[@MinkaSchlossberger4ever]

​@@williambrownlee8739Just as You Show right here...😮😅!

[@jadehulley9202]

It’s so sad because what they really want is love.. but it’s their own actions that prevents them from getting it.

[@MySpaceDxC_Suffo_AtTheGates]

Bpd here and I do agree. It can become unhealthy but recognizing is when it starts stopping.

[@Bucephalus84]

​@jesselavon7830 we self sabotage. Like self fulfilled prophecy. We tend to turn people into our past trauma. It is hell.

[@smithyisarel]

You nailed it

[@josephbeck6168]

it's a cycle. It is serving a purpose otherwise it wouldn't be done.

[@elainedelvecchio4938]

Precisely. My son has BPD and I have observed that in him He so desperately wants love and relationships, but he turns everyone off by his bizarre behavior. It saddens me.

[@sigmarecovery699]

I’m a man and have BPD. Former police officer (appeared on the COPS tv show twice). Depression and suicidal ideation began in childhood. Both parents were abusive. I was raped by a man at 16…..and I didn’t report it. I just buried it and never talked about it. I just feel things more intensely than others. Happy, sad, angry. etc are all amplified for me. The psychological pain alone would cripple or kill most. It heightened my empathy and compassion. Gave me a certain level of fearlessness that served me well in law enforcement. Genetics seems to load the gun and trauma pulls the trigger. My mother most likely had it as well (she was a registered nurse). I suspect her mother, my grandmother (also a nurse) may have had BPD as well. She committed suicide with a gun. I was blessed genetically in a lot of ways……it’s the depression and suicidal ideation that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I am in trauma therapy now and take DBT classes. I was also diagnosed with PTSD. As a man, I am not allowed to admit or talk about frailty, pain, imperfection, sensitivity, loneliness, sadness, etc. There is a ton of stigma associated with BPD. I do have to be careful about revealing my diagnosis. It’s just a reality…..even a man that presents as traditionally masculine, we aren’t allowed the grace or dignity to talk about struggling. Again, this disorder is what made me run towards problems. I wanted to protect others from the darkness I knew all too well and serve something greater than myself. Splitting is agonizing, we split on the people we love and we absolutely shred ourselves. The hate is turned inward and it’s pure. I truly feel like something has been trying to kill me since I was a child. BPD just leaves you feeling “raw”……you feel everything even when you do not want to….the pain is so excruciating, I turned to alcohol AND THEN drugs to stop or numb the pain. Even a police officer who was recommended to receive an award for valor got taken down by BPD. It’s a terrifying and magical disorder. I am either shining like a radiant star or wallowing in the darkest and cruelest psychological hell a person could imagine. I got diagnosed late in the game and recovery is a long and arduous road.

[@ChRiStY4t5]

I couldn't have been a cop so congrats and I'm proud you. However I have the exact same traits running in the fire... I've ran into shit that's nearly gotten me killed. All on impulse and don't feel fear bc there's no forethought what so ever. It just happens lol.

[@rmzang]

😶 I am always amazed at people's strength to have gone on whereas I couldn't have. My soul aches hearing stories like these. If I could save the world, protect the innocent, I would 💔 Often I feel that this world is hell on earth, I don't know. I'm so sorry for the pain that you've endured in this lifetime. I send you a very, very strong embrace. Thank you for your service. Lord have mercy. Much love, peace, and healing🤍💛

[@sigmarecovery699]

@@rmzang Thank you. Truly. Blessed be.

[@Loriburnett]

Omg. You really really explained a lot about my life and feelings. It’s chilling. And I also feel like some thing has been trying to kill me my whole life since I was a child pretty much every day.

[@MinkaSchlossberger4ever]

PTSD is the Key -word here! Even experts get it mixed up. It can exist combined to a hightened sensitivity!!! You are not ill, You are a surviver. I wish You to experience kindness, and enjoy small blessings as a gift and enrichment. All the Best to You!!!

[@reneehouser2925]

Polite, mentally stable, compassionate society wants you all to heal and live a quality of life that you're most likely quite capable of. We are not bottomless wells of patience & every other resource you need to tap into. We have limits, too. We do what we can and those of you who struggle with this also need to do everything in your power to heal. All the compassion, empathy, patience, money, forgiveness, selflessness we have will never be enough for you so you need to find it and do the work independently. Burning through relationships like a bag of chips can't be fun for you. Godspeed

[@kimberlysuewhite]

Very well expressed, thank you!

[@reneehouser2925]

@@kimberlysuewhite thank you. The people I have kindly expressed this to in person, people who nearly put me in the grave- have responded by cutting me out of their lives completely and enjoyed destroying some of my other relationships with horrendous lies while calling me a narcissist. Telling some people "gee I would really like to "fill in the blanks" but I just CAN'T- saying NO or setting a normal, healthy boundary with some people results in a torturous retaliation. Probably why so many of us end up being broke, broken doormats. We instinctively know that there are severe consequences for withholding any resources from these people. Yet we're to be sensitive to them because they have a "diagnosis" 🤦 The minute we choose to be a boat like the rest of them instead of the dock sitting there waiting to provide some type of mooring- we somehow become evil. I feel like a welcome mat with most of the letters worn off 🤕

[@Meritouschannels]

Well said

[@stephaniepiazzese2602]

Hey. Well said. Thank you. Keep saying this. ❤

[@annemarie19553]

@@reneehouser2925, Whoa!!!! What an AWESOME comment!!! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@jackelynlouise]

I struggle with BPD an this brought me to tears. All we need is empathy an patience an compassion.

[@johnnycarson67]

And of course someone to rail at and blame everything on

[@tyhub7455]

@@johnnycarson67 hey i am with you on that. they hurt people and blame us yes. but they dont mean to. its an issue with a solution and hate is not that. i was hurt very badly by my bpd ex but i dont hate her. she is a beautiful person who can almost get possesed with evil. she feels like crap about it and thats why shes struggling. and im sure most bpds can relate. but dont hate man, they hate themselves for what they acedently do.

[@batbarasobczak351]

​@@johnnycarson67you are 100% correct. They can't unload their anger on you or you will be a mess.

[@EBR1]

No, your victims need empathy, patience and compassion. YOU need to isolate yourself from people until you can interact with them without hurting or abusing them. Think about it. If you had an infectious disease, the responsible thing to do would be to isolate/quarantine yourself, right? That's what people did during COVID. Responsible people, anyway. Stop expecting others to put up with your manifestations. Nobody should have to do that.

[@EBR1]

@@tyhub7455 People with BPD need to do the responsible thing and isolate themselves from others so as not to hurt them until they are well enough to interact responsibly.

[@user-vs3dw8mt1d]

Thank you!!! Please, keep doing these videos. We need people like you to educate the public in a clear and concise manner.

[@Chloe-s9m]

I am the mother of a BPD daughter. She is 44. I raised her and then I raised her two sons who are 23 and 24. It has been the most bewildering experience of my life. Our shared history is completely rewritten by her with her being the victim. It's as though those 44 years were a waste. She needs me and hates me. I will say that I set strong boundaries that have saved me. I am 74. Heartbreak.

[@annemarie19553]

@@Chloe-s9m, Cheers to you!!! I can only try to imagine the lonely hell of trying so hard to deal with your responsibilities and your daughter's, as well, AND raising boys that weren't your responsibility to raise, while dealing with her victim hood... I was so saddened to read your post, and the years of your life that was stolen from you. I am so sorry that you suffered so much because YOU'RE A GOOD AND LOVING PERSON. God bless 🙏 you!!! Sending HUGS🤗

[@AnneSterling-jz9rs]

God bless you Dr. Phil. May all those who suffer find genuine love to heal from the hurt and rejection.

[@InformedSociety]

We can try to empathize and understand what Borderlines experience, but we don't have to put up with their abuse or show compassion for any abuser. Distancing yourself is key to keeping your sanity and having a happy, healthy life.

[@mel6617]

What do you suggest if one is your daughter? And she lives eith you?

[@InformedSociety]

@mel6617 Then both you go to family counseling and work it out together, because relationship and family dynamics are never one sided. Bottom line, boundaries are important

[@justanotherAA]

Agree completely. My mom is this to a tee. Living her and being a child POWERLESS to leave was an absolute NIGHTMARE. I was always worried and scared of her, her mood swings, anger, paranoia. Looking back on it now as a much older adult, I cant believe what I was subjected to. My compassion also wanes, as she has had insurance and access to care providers for YEARS and has always had a "loose association with the truth" and never really committed to treatment or getting better.

[@43CYN]

Yeah , like we are the abusers .... We are the abusers to begin with. Don't you ever forget that.

[@InformedSociety]

@43CYN you speak on your own behalf, which does not reflect how other people treat others. Projecting and deflecting get you nowhere. Eventually, people figure out the charade and move on. Anyone with enough social maturity, take responsibility for themselves, who don't blame their behavior on others.

[@mflipps5249]

As much compassion as I do have, I don't think enough people diagnosed with bpd get the help they need just for the fact they never see when they're the problem. It's the delusional thinking which is a huge part of the disorder.. awareness needs to be spread so they will get the help they need.

[@CynthiaHutchinson-c1m]

I totally agree.

[@visitinq8145]

What’s crazy is scrolling through all these comments about how people with BPD are dangerous mentally and physically. Physicality IS NOT a trait of BPD. I grew up in an unsafe environment moving around a lot. An alcoholic father he beat on my mother for years. Found out 2 years ago that I match 7 of the characteristics for BPD and was diagnosed at that point. No money for therapy and because I was not self aware I pushed away the people that meant the most to me so I was left to learn and deal and cope with these emotions or tendencies by myself. My abandonment fear is so bad that I lost my mom to cancer 10 years and it brought back traumas and added new ones. I allowed a woman to use me to take advantage of me for 10 years. The ones that don’t want help are the issues that tear people down but to categorize us all together being dangerous is fucked because so many of us have made significant progress and many are in remission that I have seen post on any social platform. Please be courteous and not lump us all together as if we are evil

[@naturaloptions1407]

I don’t agree there are a lot of BPD I know who throw huge fits and break things and hit others

[@stephaniepiazzese2602]

@@visitinq8145 I agree. Prayers. There is healing. There is. Please look: riding High Ministries Nd Todd Pierce.

[@MarthaJaneify]

Thank you Dr Phil. I have 2 children with this disorder. They learned from my ex. I have really been going through it with them this last week. I have had a daughter who died and they went and took my daughters ashes from her boyfriend. After they have had the ashes for a year I asked that she come and stay with me for a couple months. They said I need to earn their trust. We know this will never happen. I really felt bad and have been depressed. This episode helped remind me to help me first. Their behavior is not my fault. I have been to counseling after my daughter died and she really helped me to understand what is really wrong with these 2 children and how to protect myself. I have one last child who is my best friend and I am grateful for her and her children, my grandchildren. She is as well attacked by these two other children. Again thank you Dr Phil!

[@AngelineAskham]

Once you have empathy for a person with BPD, especially a true Psychopath, you have already become their prey and they will drag you under that roller coaster ride and absolutely destroy your life, and won't give a shit that they hurt you, or kill you. Unfortunately, you won't see all of these situations Dr. Phil is describing, which are spot on, until you are stuck in a relationship that will become very dangerous to you in a very short period of time and very difficult to escape. Dr. Phil's warnings are real and will hopefully save your life, if you pay attention and listen to your gut! Be empathetic to yourself first and foremost! This BPD person will move along and find another prey if they can't get you, so no need to worry about them. Worry about yourself and protect yourself!!! But they are persistent so don't give in to their charm and love bombing. I wish I knew about this before I married my husband 2 years ago and almost died until I escaped 3 months ago. But it's only the first step to your freedom and it's a fucking hard and long road to getting myself back, if I can at all. Be strong! Be safe! Pay attention!

[@charmee4045]

Thanks you I went down the rabbit hole for 5 years, had a better result than his former wife, she didn't make it out alive. I feel blessed to have survived it, period. Pure evil, emotional violence I don't know if I will ever recover from. They seek their prey very carefully, I was coming out of a 30 year marriage and didn't know these types of men existed. They will love with abandon those they will discard without reason.

[@CookiesCritterCare]

How about you use your real name

[@SuperMcabral]

My husband was classic and was misdiagnosed as bipolar. He fit all 9 characteristics. And his mother was the same. It's hard to come to terms with this after both were dead. But I am grateful to know why they destroyed relationships with people's lives: their mates, children, family and friends. It's very hard to not take it personally. It was not okay!

[@victoriaburns8403]

As a borderline. Please be more compassionate to us. We never asked for this crippling pain constantly. I wouldnt wish this kind of pain upon anyone.

[@EBR1]

Nobody wished for the abuse and stress you dish out either. I feel compassion for violent/dangerous people who are stuck in tiny prison cells, but that doesn't mean I want them around me. Hell no.

[@mdb22464]

Do something about it! I dont feel bad for you! You hurt alot of prople and know it! So don't ask for my sympathy. You're awful!

[@stacyjaye6350]

​@@EBR1Right on. Go no contact. Best for all involved.

[@kleek9581]

I was compassionate & patient with my friend of 7 years until I ended up so drained and exhausted I had to stage an intervention. She refused to listen to my pleas for her to get professional help. She wants to blame everyone else and continue to create chaos and drama. Several friends chose to withdraw from her life and we no longer include her in things. It's VERY sad, but eventually people need boundaries for their own sanity and well-being.

[@robertmolldius8643]

Take responsibility for your behavior and we will possibly start discussing, but you never will. The ashes you spread around you destroy people's inner emotional life for the rest of their lives. But when you read what I'm writing now, it's just words to you that are incomprehensible and mean nothing to you. You have the privilege of moving on and destroying yet another life while the lives you have already emotionally destroyed will never be able to move on again.

[@darriannthompson6990]

My mother has BPD. Never been diagnosed, but I've been trying to nurture her into seeing someone. I am an only child, as well as a miracle baby. Sadly, my mother was into drugs, and I followed her footsteps. Since then, I have been on the "bad side" he speaks of. This hit home and i cried when he mentioned the codependency....I have only lived seperated from my mom for one year of my entire life and I'm 28 years old. 🥺

[@darinsmith2458]

2 things.. 1.. dealing with what the behaviors have done to me with growing up with it.. 2.. learning how to deal with those behaviors.. it seams like i have a history of accepting unacceptable behavior.. growing up with 2 alcoholic parents somehow people that neglect me are acceptable to me..

[@MinkaSchlossberger4ever]

That s allso Not Borderline- disorder......how do You folks don t get it?

[@johnnycarson67]

Alcoholic or neglectful parents are a BPD marker.

[@Michelle-tc8ms]

More alcoholics don’t have BPD than have it.

[@le_th_]

One of the most frightening videos I've watched on YT is a woman who admitted she was diagnosed with BPD, and what she did to her elementary school janitor when she was a child. She wanted sympathy from her teachers, so she intentionally sat on the swings in a sullen manner, and began to act in a manner that she usually didn't act. When her teachers noticed and came over to ask her what was wrong, she pretended like she couldn't talk about it, and then eventually...with enough coddling and coaxing...she told the teacher that she has been mollested by the elementary school janitor: a man who had never touched her or even done anything mean to her. That video stopped me dead in my tracks... This woman admitted this on video, right here on YT, and although she admits she feels bad about it now, that is absolutely 100% unforgiveable. Can you imagine what this did to that poor man's life??? She falsely accused him of child molestation... ...the man lost his job ...certainly lost his freedom ...and couldn't even get another job working in a school as a janitor ...and it probably ruined his own marriage (and who knows if this man had children of his own) I don't care that she was a child when she did this, this is absolutely 100% unforgivable to do this to a human being. This adult admits that, as a child, she knew this was going to destroy this man's life, but she didn't care because she wanted sympathy from her teachers. Just wow...talk about an incomprehensibly evil child... When I was in elementary school, I didn't even know what molestation was, much less that being accused of it would destroy someone's life, and I have a rather high IQ and still didn't have any ability to concoct some kind of scheme like this. Imagine...that a CHILD...in elementary school...could be knowingly and intentionally evil, knowing they are going to destroy someone's life, or job, and not care because they want sympathy??? Absolutely chilling... I have studied Cluster B disorders for the last 9 years, and although I can stomach the most horrific details of what even the most sexually deviant, worst of the worst, adults can do to others (including what they do to children), this video of this woman describing what she thought as a child was one of the most troubling I've come across...IF she is telling the truth. Since they lie pathologically, although not quite as much as narcissists and sociopaths, you never know if you can believe them. I will forever remember this woman and the story she told...

[@tcordery6104]

well she obviously knew. how do you not know that she wasnt molested and blocked it out because she probably disassociated but obviously still acted out.

[@le_th_]

@@tcordery6104 That does NOT entitle a child to then destroy an innocent person's entire life, employability, marriage, and family. If most children were to experience something traumatizing like that AND they were going to talk about it, they would tell on the person who actually did it to them, not on an adult at their school who had never done anything wrong to them. That is what I mean by an "intentionally evil" child. Sociopaths intentionally destroy other people's lives, but they do it for FUN...not to garner sympathy from others...and that is why Borderline Personality Disorder is classified with the other Cluster B disorders because...at times...their behavior (and words) can be indistinguishable from those of a sociopath.

[@IWASMOODYTHEOTHERDAY]

My borderline told me a story about how she made a guy think she's was in love with him (love bombing but more with an intention) he moved down to Florida uprooted his life for her and she ghosted him when he got here talked to him up until the plane landing. I don't know if it was true but it was one of the most frightening things to listen to a human describe as some type of accomplishment.

[@Tailionis]

1 person. So you judge us all. Who really are the people who see things in black and white? Don't judge everyone by a disorder

[@43CYN]

BPD is not present until adolescence.... Smh... Elementary huh? Being an asshole is not a BPD criteria

[@Jezseickah]

Most of these comments are so hurtful to a BPD. The ones who genuinely want to be good, healthy people & are doing the work to be treated. It really sucks to be looked at and labeled as evil, crazy or narcissistic. I really really hate labels. For anyone.

[@fm1615]

BPD is inherently narcissistic. Children are manipulative to get what they want. BPD is a stunting of the self from early childhood. BPD always makes oneself a victim and lashes out at others. Here, you have a comment section of people hurt by BPD sufferers, and you make yourself a victim instead. It's a victim olympics to you. That is narcissistic.

[@TJ-kk5zf]

Sorry, but there is overlap. Not in every person, but in many

[@reneehouser2925]

It's not a label, it's a reputation that has been earned.

[@martyvirtue4051]

But you are! You are.

[@stevennelson2055]

If you are getting treated then you don’t fit that description, but undiagnosed unaware and untreated ones are, they destroy the ones around them and then blame them for removing themselves from your abuse and manipulation. The ones who want to get better and are doing the work, only got there by losing everyone and having no choice but to do it, and still unconsciously resist it ever step of the way.

[@Fa773nAng37]

33:36 I was diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, OCD, BIPOLAR and ANXIETY when I was a freshman in highschool. D.B.D. and Thresholds training, along with meds have literally saved my life..

[@queendee8656]

Same here besides bipolar but depression and everything else you was diagnosed I was too love we not alone

[@BEAUTYnIQ]

what meds.. ?it says medication doesnt work..? (did it work?) does it help.. ?

[@Jesuswillprevail7]

I hate my diagnosis of BPD because it is so stigmatized. Like I'm just a nuisance or a trouble maker and nothing more. So now I don't go out much anymore because I'm afraid I'll feel fear or anger and react. So to stop me from feeling anything, I stay at home.

[@LauraFitzpatrick-wq5ww]

Have you tried therapy? Unlike other personality disorders, people with BPD can do well in therapy because they truly want to change.

[@dykedelic]

I’m the exact same as you, this video isn’t helping the stigma around the illness. We’re all different just like those on the autism spectrum

[@alicefibers2227]

I totaly support your vision.

[@ADHDmothership]

Maybe just don't tell people you have BPD then, if you feel what they say is untrue?

[@lotusrainflower6313]

we isolate.. completely- to protect ourselves & our love ones from ourselves!! it’s a painful,lonely existence when we know enough about ourselves we care about how we hurt others. best to disappear then to cause more pain.

[@Jess-kn8vl]

A lot of borderlines have narcissistic parents then continue the dynamic in jobs, friends and relationships. BPD is on a spectrum. I have traits but was diagnosed with CPTSD. Narcisissts play games and it messes with peoples minds so bad. So even if we find safe people, if they show any signs of what the narcissist does we are triggered. Thats we can have shifting moods, we are ruminating constantly. I grew up trained to serve and think about others needs and that mine were selfish. We grow up codependent so we dont know what we really like or who we are because we depend on the validation we get for serving others. We get resentful and confused that the world doesnt reciprocate how we feel on such a core level of violating our own needs to help others. When others have healthy boundaries we see it as betrayal or they don't like us and if they are healthy people, that is normal. If you have BPD the good news is that with education you can learn and move past this and it is such a relief!

[@ameidle]

this was worded perfectly

[@MinkaSchlossberger4ever]

I agree....You are so right. Don t be a victim, be better ...God bless!!!

[@andrewsmith3257]

You nailed. I'm a BPD and I firmly believe both of my parents were definitely Narcissists. Definitely my mom. My dad was antisocial not asocial but Anti Social personality. I was the Borderline kid with suicidal ideation and substance use issues and anger issues. Yeah I think you're on to something with the Narcissistic parenting. I think some end up with their parents Narcissistic bent and some end up with Borderline personality but both of these disorders are highly dangerous!

[@CookiesCritterCare]

Are you a dr? If not shut up

[@jadehulley9202]

I have observed these traits - not in a relationship. But it does take trained eye not to misdiagnose as anger issues, PTSD, anti social, narcism...

[@christinelittle7229]

Preach Dr Phil. You are amazing. Im Learning so much.

[@richardjohanson6421]

Exactly splitting Exactly Dr. If it wasn't for Jesus I would be a mess! Thank God for Truth! Tired of the shaming! Disregarded!

[@thefletchlife7837]

I was married to a beautiful woman for 15 years, she was diognosed with BPD post divorce. I wish her no harm, and hope she is able to find peace. That said, she would yell, scream, threaten suicide, speak vulgar and denigrate the kids and myself, we no longer wanted to be around her. She had multiple affairs, lied, and made false allegations post seperation that If not for the intellect of a judge, id be in prison. She would take on the personality of other people, constantly shifted identity, I have empathy and compassion, but I am no longer ignorant. You can't survive it, don't do it. I was an engineer, I'm now 3rd year psychology raising four children full time alone. You do not come out the same as you went in.

[@tinaadams2003]

That sounds more like multiple personality disorder. Just because she got a diagnosis, doesn't mean she was diagnosed correctly or she could have told you she has borderline because multiple personality disorder is much worse.

[@mirandaulmer2379]

Classic out-of-control Borderline. And yet, you compassionately love her- with good strong boundaries in place. I wish the best to you & your children.

[@stevennelson2055]

This was my life for 9 years as well. It was amazing for 1.5-2 years until I was fully supporting her and she was comfortable, and then hell for 7. I was diagnosed with codependency and dissociative empath before i met her, they told me specifically to not get into a relationship with someone like her, but I didn’t listen. I gave everything I had and more to her, and got nothing back, except two amazing children. Finally left after multiple suicide threats infront of the kids, ontop of the ones before the kids, after trying to set some minor boundaries to save my sanity, and my kids future, it was the final straw once I noticed what it was doing to our kids. My empathy and codependency had turned to my kids, and I will do anything for their happiness and future, just like i did for her. They were terrified of her and her instability, their nurturing and love was conditional and inconsistent, which is NOT good for children. That’s how she was raised… I am thoroughly messed up after this relationship and have been back in therapy working through my extreme resentment and toxic shame. She finally agreed go as well, after I left, I begged her for years… now I’m shamed and guilted for “not wanting us to be a family anymore” but I’ve learned not to internalize it, my kids know who loves them unconditionally and who they feel safe with. I got through this once before, and i will again, for me and my kids.

[@AnnaMishel]

“I wonder why a shark keeps. Attacking people”. That shark must be in a lot of pain. GMAB

[@johnnycarson67]

Yep. That's about the gist of it because the therapists make money off of talking to them and prescribing medicine, but they don't have to live with them. If they did. They'd have a whole new view of this mental illness. That is the closest thing that devil possession I have ever seen. There is no cure for this. And you've got to get away from it. And never believe that the reason they're mistreating you is because you don't understand them. Or their anger and rage. It's like being told we need to understand hitler's side of the holocaust

[@nangolfer46]

Thank you very much Dr. Phil for putting this information in simple layman's terms.

[@lf4193]

I grew up with alchoholic mom, she tried twice to commit suicide when I was a child, dad drank a lot too, but was not as crazy as mom. I got married at 18, to leave my crazy house. I see now she may have had this personality disorder. I can remember my sister and I hiding from her when we were young, and even now, she can be terribly mean to people who are all trying to help her. She has disowned me and my sisters all at one time or another. She loves friends then very soon they have done something and she can't be friends with them anymore.

[@heatherwhatever7714]

I’m in a 12th step program so I’m used to sharing in a vulnerable way. I might make a crack about me behaving in an immature way about something. The people in my life I avoid except for infrequent calls hear something like that and see it as an opportunity. I can’t show them what they view as weakness. I’m a cream puff on the other end taking their words to heart. I thought I grieved these relationships but apparently I’m still looking for signs that they actually love like they say. Your words aren’t just meaningful but I need to watch this again and take notes and put them on my phone. Thank you. I knew there were problems forever but my answers were not answers but kept me in it.

[@queenb5357]

Wow… some of the comments are just plain nasty. As you should all know, not to tar all of us with the same brush!!! Not all of us borderlines are just horrible people that deserve the stigma! Some of us (quite a lot of us actually) just want to be loved but feel like we aren’t worthy of it. We have been through so much and have childhood trauma, that comes in all sorts of different forms. Physical and sexual abuse, neglect, ill treatment. Some of us are the most loving people you’d ever meet. Like myself! Where my emotions are so intense you wouldnt be able to get that much love from someone else! BPD doesn’t make us all bad! When I love, I love so hard. Yes I have some issues, but Iv learnt my triggers and I will stay away from them at all cost or try my hardest to. Yes i’ll admit…. I CAN be an extremely scary person, and I have the potential to really hurt someone BUT… that side of me has to be pushed for it to show. Like if someone hurt one of my children, I would literally take that into my own hands, and then I’d hurt myself, as I couldn’t live without them, the pain would be to unbearable for me everyday, it would physically pain me! and that once again is driven by our intense emotions. I’m an extremely empathetic person, very kind and caring especially to animals, I’m definitely not someone to cross but like I say if you get that treatment form me you’ve 100% deserved it. I can be hard to deal with, I need a lot of reassurance, I have psychotic episodes of I get to stressed. I didn’t ask to be like this. I was made like this by people who were meant to love and take care of me. Not all of us are bad people!!!

[@justanotherAA]

People deserve to informed and be protected! You can tell how much all of your thoughts focus on you FIRST I- I - I. Your characterization is just a script you have written for yourself to believe.

[@LC_H]

❤️Sorry, but if your behavior takes away from a person or their character, rather than building them up emotionally, mentally, verbally, etc... then you are not as good as you think you are. The bible says God has not given us the Spirit of Fear... because fear is not made perfect in love. So, if you do acknowledge that you have emotional issues, unresolved trauma, unbalanced behaviors, can be destructive at times, or do have a mental/ "personality disorder" then you should not date or marry anyone until you seek God to properly heal your wounds. It's just not fair for the other person. Remain single until you heal.

[@43CYN]

All the love , another BPD person here

[@Tov-h3v]

The Professor in Psychology Sam Vaknin, who's diagnosed Malignant Narcissist, told in a video that Borderline's has a huge heart and empathy, but when they gets angry, they turns into an secondary Psychopath.He has many video's about it and are married to a Borderline,he has an interwieu with his wife Lydia, too. JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.

[@DanielleMM-ct8ip]

No relationships= loneliness but Life is less chaotic It’s like I forget I have bpd

[@simplelifedays3692]

Isolation = peace The issue is with relationships. Any kind of relationship.

[@simplelifedays3692]

🤣😂🤣😂🤣 15:08 just got there

[@clairesmith7147]

Yes!!!

[@cherylangel1610]

I'm so fucking done I've dealt with this shit my whole life I'd rather be dead

[@blcbsc]

I completely understand the feeling

[@dykedelic]

Don’t listen to the harmful stereotypes portrayed in this video and the comments below it. You’re worthy and not alone

[@troysweere2417]

Im fairly certain my wife has undiagnosed BDP, she struggles with seeing everything through the broken lens of rejection/abandonment. It manifests itself in constant anger flair ups when she perceives rejection, unfortunately this is seen in the slightest variances. The most hurtful part of all of it is the "splitting" which you become all bad to them, quickly forgetting every good trait and every good thing youve done for them.

[@joannecoady8436]

I'm listening so intensely to this information.

[@rainbowzebraunicornpegasus2962]

Add bipolar and narcissism to BPD and you have my mom. But because of her narcissism, she will never seek treatment because it is always someone else's fault (usually mine). I have been dxd with PTSD due to her. Thankfully, I have found a trauma informed therapist and am doing CBT and EMDR.

[@aronscott9698]

You just described my mom that I now have to cut out of my life.

[@charliesmith_]

And BPD morphs in and out of NPD and then .... they start personality splitting. *Provenly.* They're more than annoying. They're dark *Leave.* Grieve (like as not for the dream you lost.) *But LEAVE.*

[@lovenature4805]

I was diagnosed Borderline but I was suffering from ptsd complexe. My toxic family took davantage of that situation in order to continue the abuse. I attempted several time to my life and it was awfull how i was treated in hospital. Borderline most of the time doesn t exists but comes from ptsd complexe. It is such a shame to kill and waste people life like that. I m almost 40 and my narcissists parents and family have slolen half of my life.

[@lynneposada8631]

I’m so sorry. God Bless 🙏🙏

[@kcc2856]

I'm 39 and feel the exact same way and don't know what to do ... positive energy you're way

[@dawnballantyne3928]

I'm 41 only been diagnosed 7yrs it was missed all those times I have a covert narcissist mother so I feel your pain my abuse I'd ongoing as cutting her out going nc is not an option for me I split on her all the time I've also developed medical ptsd from so called help and support I shlda been getting

[@Tov-h3v]

People cut off the contact with Narcissistic parents,when they becomes an adult. Dr Jay Reid has good videos about the Scapegoat child. JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.

[@stephaniepiazzese2602]

They absolutly will put you in the grave,,, but will not look back once you are dead.

[@lynnebucher6537]

My ex seemed to be a hybrid of BPD and NPD. He definitely has malignant behavior, likes to provoke people after he's sucked them into a relationship. He bluntly told me he didn't need to treat me nicely because we're in a relationship now. I do think he destroys his relationships because he feels undeserving of love. He was beyond toxic and I believe he can be dangerous if he's dysregulated enough.

[@MinkaSchlossberger4ever]

Now You left and can heal!!! But Don t throw IT all into one pot, just because it is easy to get confused..

[@Tov-h3v]

There can be some overlap in Cluster B,where they gets traits from each other.I resently heard that it's possible to have Bpd and Bipolar at the same time. JazzyT.

[@karinturkington2455]

Thank you for the very specific explanations throughout this video. I understand much better now my typical responses and what I need to do to not be so reactive. I had an opportunity to put your words into practice - non-reactively. I like the metaphore of the rear view mirror and the windshield.

[@serratus9747]

I never thought I would say Dr Phil has the best BPD video on KZbin, but here I am. Not just a reality TV pundit, but a wise empath. Respect!

[@anayost2371]

Such a good reminder, thank you Dr. Phil ❤

[@Boogie76600]

Excellent, you are exactly right. They do not hear anything but what they want to hear to suit their agenda...

[@EverDreamThisPack]

:/

[@jdoc7627]

Incredible information. I have several of these people in my family. It’s exhausting.

[@Shellanomics]

"tell me what you are hearing me say" 💡 wow! Very insightful

[@queendee8656]

Sadly I was diagnosed with BPD disorder 4 years ago I Just Turn 36 I was 32 but I fell like I had it a long time I hate feeling abandoned 😢,feeling alone😭 & I like changing my hair color💇🏼‍♀️ a lot & my nails💅🏽 also shopping a lot🛍️ & sometimes have suicide thoughts😔I get angry fast and I have bad road rage and I like to drive fast so yeah that’s a Few😏and is hard sometimes ppl that’s don’t have it won’t get it😪😓😏

[@sweetcmd5827]

It's not misery. It's actually suffering . Never able to sustain happiness. Sustain love. Sustain human contact

[@Sally150]

I have "features" of borderline but I live alone and never ask for help. My therapist has told me to set boundaries on others. My sister is constantly trying to do things for me and won't take NO for an answer. She is incredibly annoying and intensely controlling. She NEEDS someone to "FIX." I'm not that person. Finally, with her own therapist, she is learning to focus on her own life, instead of mine.

[@CalmGlassRose-pd5zn]

I know a lot of us aren't willing to work on ourselves but i hope you or someone else is willing to make a video like this for those of us with antisocial traits.

[@gayleshelton3630]

Bless you dr Phil, thank you for your empathy

[@jdoyle4811]

Professional empathy and empathy from an individual abused by a BD sufferer are two different issues.

[@dorkygirl97]

I have bipolar type I and BPD but I don't let my diagnosis define me and I work hard every day to manage my symptoms.

[@drstrangelove4998]

If you are on the receiving end, empathy has it’s limits, a defence mechanism before it ruins you.

[@debbieb5400]

We have given this borderline chance after chance, exercised empathy yet continue to be abused. My health has failed. I am exhausted after nine years of this. I need to learn how to set boundries and protect myself from this passive aggressive abusive....

[@hopeful6157]

GET AWAY AND STAY AWAY, THIS PERSON NEEDS MORE HELP THEN YOU CAN GIVE, SAVE YOURSELF

[@danishaferreira7796]

We live in so much pain, it’s an absolute misery. It’s also quite lonely. 😔 If I’m not at work, I am isolated like nothing else.

[@katyrussell4698]

When i open up to people and start feeling comfortable i get met with comments like: 'you are so peculiar' , 'why are you playing with my kids, youre so childish' , 'why dont you change you fashion sence? Its so frumpy'. Which makes is all sound so negative and so i close off. (Bpd dx for 15 years)

[@sandracaezza7234]

53:13 thank you Dr.Phil. I had so many years of abuse and disrespect,this has validated the way I’m feeling now in my healing process. Seven months away makes so much clear. Alanon speaks the 3 C’s. I’ve heard all that you have said and after 24 yrs married,divorced him twice. I will be a survivor this time ! He was impulsive,addicted, constant need of dopamine in some way or another. Divorce is signed . My healing includes trauma based therapy.

[@Stevens0816]

There's a study that they believe a lack of dopamine causes BPD traits .... I'm not sure if its 100% but believe it's a main factor in play.. So sorry you had to endure all of that pain. I'm praying for you. I'm going through it myself. Healing= Peace!! I'm team healing 100% AMen!!! Stay strong beautiful

[@sandracaezza7234]

I agree with the dopamine response. Yes studies are being researched. In his case it was gay porn,steroids social media. All the addictive behavior. When I surrendered to all that was in front of me & found compassionate inquiries for myself life began anew. 72 yo & blessed & grateful Ty for your response This community is great

[@sandracaezza7234]

@@Stevens0816hope your doing well. I was just reliving Dr P video. Thank you for your positive comment. I realize everyday I have been released from a life I had no business staying in. I stay on track by listening to information through these videos. I am a continuing eduction learner. Best to you😊

[@KayRyntz]

Very well done explanation. I have identified two people in my life as clearly having this disorder. I knew there was a problem but didn't have a name for it. Thank you.

[@lisaratley4858]

As an aside, I was in a relationship with a man whose raised his wife’s granddaughter (raised her together) who had BPD. I noticed he runs away anytime there’s a small disagreement or I tell him what I don’t like and …. Wow, maybe he has some form of PTSD from experiencing the BPD child? Either way, I’ve broken it off because it’s too much drama… etc… but maybe a bit of insight.

[@nikkinorton8310]

So you have a BPD with abandonment issues. Almost every one of the signs are there. Risky behaviors that put other people at risk too. When you have had compassion for years, and they have sucked you dry. They have had suicide attempts. They have strangled you. You get stalked. You get death threats, that by your own admission you take these threats seriously. You move. They find you. They break into your house and your car. You move again. They break into your house and car. You move again. These cycles repeat, just like they were repeating when you lived with them. So now you are considered paranoid, because he never followed through with the death threats and what you are doing is being hyper-vigilant, and you should be. Now you have no appitite, so it looks like you have an eating disorder or possibly involved in drug use, because you are shaking like a tree. Your story sounds ridiculous, on top of your shaking skinny self trying to verbalize what is going on to someone who thinks they are talking to a crazy person. These people have new onset of BPT symptoms. They are stressed to the max. They are gas lit. They don't know truth from fiction. They are searching for truth and help to get the stalking to stop, along with the lies, that they are mentally unhealthy. Along with invalidation from police. Minimizing from friends, and rumors that had been spread by the offender that the person was on drugs, highly emotional (due to frustration, which is completely understandable.) Nobody wants to give answers or be involved in the drama. (You don't want to be in the drama either. That's why you left. ) My classmate Tracy Harmon Rogers was killed this way in 2003 in front of 3 children. She was a paralegal. Her family was telling her to fight for her marriage, not knowing she was fighting for her life. I too have been in the stalking situation with death threats, and rumors that hurt my career. Between the rumors and the sudden have to change of habits and personality, this hurt a lot of relationships. I no longer have any of the relationships I had then. Including children. These BPD people spread pain and destruction. People with PTSD from the abuse that they cause, that get labeled with things like BPD wouldn't hurt a fly, but they are angry for a while, and it does take a while for them to get back on their feet after abuse. I speak out about this, because I was a sexual assault nurse examiner for 8 years out of my 30 year career. I have seen the effects of what these women went through. I finally moved into an RV so that I could move my residence every time I got broke into. I put it in a gated area with a lot of nosy neighbors and got a couple of dogs, and the break ins stopped. The internet and messaging stalking continued for about 2 more years when they finally lost interest. It's been 4 years since I have had a stalking incident. I bought a house. Made new relationships in another town. I'm not the person I used to be. I did like her more. She was happier and healthier, but at least I didn't get killed in the process, like my classmate. If I were to go into therapy and someone minimized, or invalidated that experience, like what that therapy sounds like, I'm not sure how I would react. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be pretty, but I am sure, that isn't what I need to improve anything in my life. Some of the therapy that you are talking about sounds minimizing and invalidating. Accepting ....I accept that what happened to me was wrong. I have no bitterness over it. My issue is the extent of the destruction that these people can cause. They will make you not want another relationship. They can be very dangerous. That is the point I want to make.

[@BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat]

You should tell these experiences to Dr. Ramani, HGTutor, SocietalNarcissism . I have CPSTD, Aniexty, ADHD, Depression, Rejection Sensitivity and attribute most of this to gaslighting and Narc/Bpd abuse. Your examples are so sad but accurate. I am on 2nd therapist and I am glad I do my own research and have join Narc support groups because most therapists really haven't experienced this kind abuse. Learning their manupulations and cognitive distortions have helped me greatly, despite therapist's telling me not to do my own research and only talk to her and my gaslighting spouse. Next therapist was a trauma therapist who said personality disorders are so very rare so has only come across 1 or so in 20 years.. I believe it is a whole lot more than that. 28:00

[@johnnycarson67]

Rest assured Phil never had the joy of trying to escape a BPD. He'd be singing a far different tune. That denigration of the BPD's victim is a hallmark of their behavior mode. They'll tell everyone else how bad you are to them and STILL refuse to leave! I spent 5 years trying to escape a Borderline girl and it was a living hell. I had to change the locks on the house, she threatened and stalked me, threatened to come to my workplace and hand out copies denouncing me, accusing me of all kinds of crimes against her. She eventually lost interest after she could not get any pleasure out of tormenting me when she could no longer be there to see my agony. If you encounter a borderline, run! Never look back and never try to reconnect with them. Ever.

[@billcumming1091]

Crazy , I just decided to stop looking in my rear view mirror when driving. What I was seeing in my rear view mirror, was driving me nuts!

[@jayrenaespence]

I think the key is "WILLING to get the help." what if they aren't? And the relationship is your almost adult child? I am doing all I can here to be bulled, hated and blamed. We can't even have a START of a convo without her blowing up and shutting the whole thing down. IT's pretty smart of her really because she gets my husband to shut me down too and say why do you do this? why do you push people like this? I have had it I've watched 1000 of these and i just don't see a solution if they're not willing.I don't know how to protect myself other than ignore her which seems so sad to me. And if she is talking, which is rare unless she wants something or wants to complain, but if she is, I've found it's 99% of the time a complete lie. THE LYING..not mentioned here...lying about anything and everything to the point a common place convo im like....yeah that didn't happen. None of that is true. smh

[@LoveAlways333]

The real problem lies in a lack of self-insight. These people never seek out help because they refuse to identify they even have a problem to begin with. Hypergamy, impulsivity, and substance abuse are a quick method to detect these people that lack insight... They're obvious tell tale signs and I honestly don't feel compassion for their selfish lack of insight they CHOOSE to have.

[@NTGreekGal]

Disagree-- some Borderlines do have insight. It's a spectrum like anything else.

[@daisy7066]

Actually that lack of insight occurs with many MH issues, incuding Bipolar. It's quite astounding how bipolars completely omit or deny their upbringing as if they're protecting their families. Maybe they're in a bind & don't want to lose their families, who knows. I've seen this with others too.

[@mflipps5249]

This is true from what I've experienced.

[@mflipps5249]

The people who disagree that there is a lack of accountability are probably bpd themselves. I watch another channel and he always says bpd is the only disorder he has to make a disclaimer on because he gets so much denial and hate... from borderlines.

[@mflipps5249]

So from my own experience and clearly others. I think this is a very accurate comment.

[@smithyisarel]

I have intimate knowledge of borderline personality disorder. I have found that the missing link is the one thing that is very difficult for them to obtain. Virtually unconditional love. Love patience and gentle confrontation, with emphasis on gentleness. It can work.

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

Empathy and respect taught from 0 to 5

[@paulahard1200]

Thanx Phil for your inciteful message..I'm bringing through praying for my husband into the now n suggesting this lovingly to my hubby who has these traits..I've asked Jesus to help me have the energy through His strength..mine is exausted n it seems when I get me out of the way then God can do His good workits gently changing his attitude n getting him in the now is such a subtleway to learn also for myself as well as i work on the things i need to see n change😊.😊.GODblz Bsav LivnluvinCHRIST p.h.

[@catmeow333]

Very helpful, thanks Phil.

[@cassielee3265]

I am a survivor of a borderline personality relationship. Sometimes I feel like I haven't actually survived. I am not comfortable in the presence of angry people and avoid them once I have seen them in an agitated state.

[@robbytheartist3997]

I'm with the compassion if they are able to seek the treatment needed to prevent abuse to others. My ex wife did the opposite and it was grounds for divorce. The family was and still is "on fire" from the toxicity my ex wife has caused. After my wife told me she didn't have a problem and I was the problem, that was when I knew my marriage was over. She was diagnosed in marriage and after that, everything made sense to me now! But the devaluing and splitting destroyed my respect and leadership as a man in the family and she even belittled me in front of our kids. I can't let my kids see someone treat me like that or they might think it okay to treat people that way. My stepson has Autism and IM VERY SURE HE IS EMESHED WITH HIS MOTHER AS WELL. My daughter is only 2 so she thinks the way her mother loves her is normal. It's not! Long story short, she took my children away and I'm sure she's going to try for child support. I've been with her for 11 years. What #FearOfAbandonment? When she is the one who left!!! #ChildSupportMyAss, I want my daughter in my life, not to be some "JUST" damn money machine for her!

[@michaelf.2449]

Sorry man. Fear of abandonment has caused me to leave people because I believe it happen so I would just do it impulsively and I agree with your early point people write off all borderlines because they’ve had experience with abusive people and those people might have the condition, but it’s no excuse I’ve done things I wasn’t proud of now never physically abusive but I broke multiple good women’s hearts and did whatever I wanted and looking back after being diagnosed I realize it was untreated borderline but i still made those decisions

[@WeRNthisToGetHer]

I have this and it almost always comes from trauma and narcissistic parenting. Sometimes even brain injury. This is an uncompassionate and irresponsible way of speaking on this topic but considering Dr. Phil isn't a licensed therapist and hasn't been licensed in a long time I don't take it too much to heart. Vilifying people with legitimate mental health disorders they didn't ask for is irresponsible and cruel, in my opinion. I think Dr. Phil has some narcissistic traits because of his celebrity status and because he was raised by them. Sometimes he has a tendency to see things in black and white and all or nothing, which is a common thing for people who are raised by narcissists. He also can't be questioned and gets extremely defensive if you say something to contradict him or disagree. I would take anything he says with a grain of salt and get to know people with this disorder who are aware of it and in recovery. We are delightful, real, and extremely passionate people, but some people are extremely intolerant. Most artist and entertainers have a touch of this madness. Many people with trauma have this issue so you are going to have to live in a bubble to avoid us. It shouldn't be a problem if you are secure with yourself, understand ,and respect boundaries.

[@dykedelic]

Thank you 🩵

[@ToniInSussex]

There is NO WAY my mother would have sought treatment. She was NEVER to blame. I had to leave home early. I moved from Chicago to my friend in Houston. Then all I had to do was hang up on her. Oh, and BTW, I did "not have" depression, anxiety disorder, etc. I could tell she took my mental health problems personally, although she never said it. But she chose to not believe even the doctors who I worked for! When she died, it was the worst time of my life BUT I also knew that she was silenced. The rage episodes (beatings with items on a tiny asthmatic only child) STOPPED with her death.

[@uppercutgrandma4425]

Thank god this is being recognized as what it is, a neurological issue.

[@sandracaezza7234]

It is who they are. After 24 yrs I finally accept all the times of relapse/ recovery,therapy. I now feel he went to therapy bc it was all about him. He had no intention of continuing a healthy life together. When I listen to the videos of Mathew Perry, now gone from us, I hear such a profound example of struggle, & maturation. The maturation in our marriage was non existent. A narcissist child that stayed in that vain. I was his Mommy. Wow big truth for me. I wish him recovery however that would mean a truth to be spoken.??

[@belindahutchinson5333]

Thanks Dr. Phil 👍

[@jennykares9317]

I have the 9 characteristics of BPD that was mentioned. It’s really difficult

[@Tov-h3v]

Dr Fox, Dr Sage,Prof.Sam Vaknin and Dr Ramani has alots about it. Dr Jay Reid has good videos about the Scapegoat child. JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.

[@someguynamedvictor]

Some of them ARE evil people though, so don’t leave that off the list of possibilities. Don’t tell the people like myself who had these people as parents who were abused from day 1 we can’t see these people as evil. To you it’s an intellectual exercise, for us it was and is a fight for survival.

[@DelusionDispeller]

Some of them ARE downright evil, esp untreated ones!!!

[@carlaa3623]

I have it but people just have to know that they can become ignorant as anyone else.

[@That1grI]

How are they different from NPD? Or is there a difference? Can they be intra-related ?

[@sandys2672]

@@That1grIYes thats a good question,I have been wondering if there can be co-morbidity with BPD & NPD.

[@elfelf5810]

Evil????? BPD is a mental illness..... no one with BPD is evil, they just dont know how to react or express themselves .......

[@RebeccaHughes-g3l]

My boyfriend was seeing a borderline personality disorder women when we first started going out. He picked me up for church after taking her out the first time. She asked him to go with us church. As soon as I got into the car and he made the introductions . She begin immediately to say " omg OMG omg omg OMG !" Then she started spraying cologne towards me in the back seat . I shaking all over, Dr phil . Even though after that , my boyfriend told me, this will not last . He kept seeing her, for three more weeks . Only after taking her to Thanksgiving dinner and hearing from his psychologist sister that the woman had borderline, did he break it off. She stalked us for nine months. Since then she's been arrested three times for domestic reasons.

[@Angela-ul9si]

I must admit that I found your channel through a comedian who plays you named Adam that I found funny as heck. I have been listening to your videos and I am finding you are helping me understand so many things about me and my family that I needed explanations on for 48 years on now. Thank you so very much. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼😊🥰🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@YorBarkin]

yup i have a male at work who publicly shared he has BPD. it is possibly the petulant type, 1 minute calm, 5 minutes later everyone is dumb and stupid a piece of s**t, being loud and almost irate, about to throw things off his desk. he talks constantly, complains constantly, irritating.... 6 people have left that office in the past 2 years. it's only me, a colleague and our manager that are still there, 2 are constantly being changed - those 6 that left - because , as he, the BPD person admitted, they cannot take it. therefore, the company is wasting a lot of money hoping to find people who can stand up to him, meaning:: keeping calm and collected, staying focused at their job, and ignoring his passive-aggressive comments. new person starting soon, will see how that goes. not only are our jobs demanding and require concentration, but we have to deal with him as well, 5 days a week, 8h per day. 🥳

[@stefaniemayer2805]

Please let’s never forget: All of those so-called „dis-orders“ do not „exist“ in the way matter does. It‘s merely based on theories, and a whole industry relies on insisting it‘s all evident and „patients“ must be „treated“ in sone specific manner.

[@marciamarkuski4088]

Dr Phil I too have a personal and wonderful relationship with Jesus Christ. I watched your testimony about living with childhood trauma such as an alcoholic parent etc. I too grew up with alcoholism and a broken home… I have also always been a magnet for narcissistic people who prey on empaths for I am just that. Taught after much brokenness that I have “no sense of self” from my childhood trauma I have been fodder for narcissists. I just want to thank you for as I see it a sudden and very refreshing side of you and your newest programs;)Keep walking in the truth! Marcia

[@magdalenawilliams6326]

What about being a parent of a bpd person. I never abused my daughter, I'm devoted to her, but im exhausted and depleted emotionally and financially. Im 70 she is 30, and unable to hold a job or have relationships and friends are routinely walking away from her. She was never abused, showed difficult traits from childhoo. Im so glad Dr.Phil you said not all bpd people were abused

[@mikeblain9973]

in closing comments 59:00 you said bipolar when you meant borderline (along with NPD being the 2 "most predatory")

[@benf1111]

The number one defense is to look at yourself and see if you have codependency issues. If so, get help. I learned the hard way...twice lol. Codependency and BPD are like chocolate and peanut butter.

[@elisacontreras632]

It's soooo sad to learn this now, when it's too late!

[@kathleenrothman]

this makes more sense now... regarding my mom and my boundaries ... thank you ;)

[@charmee4045]

Went down this rabbit hole for 5 years, 3 years out still recovering, he is married to someone else, I hope she has a good therapist. His former wife committed suicide this is serious business, nothing to fool around with. High suicide rate for them as well. An experience I did not need coming out of a 30 year marriage, they do however know how to choose their victims. To me its a crime, emotional violence can be more damaging then physical violence, should be penalties for these people as well, soul destroyers.

[@clairesmith7147]

I just love listening to you Doc. Brilliant. I do have BPD although seem quite balanced when not in a relationship 💛 I do find you quite funny and chuckle away. Thank you please carry on 💛

[@cowboynohorse]

Bi polar, borderline and hoarding. My ex gf was ok sometimes but then would become a monster. I can't believe I miss her.

[@LC_H]

😮😮Anyone that behaves in such a manner (whether covert or overt) that emotionally, mentally, verbally, spiritually or financially takes away/harms another person is wicked. To say, they are "good people" minimizes their behavior. Decent people don't intentionally harm others for personal gain, or just to fulfill some unbalanced desire they have in them to control. Simply, love these people from a distance, and pray for their soul. Because pride ALWAYS comes before destruction ❤

[@bellabambaa]

You're wicked just for claiming we're wicked. Lmao.

[@melissahill8698]

This definition is a narcissist, not someone with BPD. They are very different. Now some traits do overlap. But the key is empathy. NPD lacks Empathy. BPD has plenty of Empathy.

[@LC_H]

@@melissahill8698 These descriptions are man made terms. These behaviors existed before being called Narcissism and BPD. Doesn't matter what you call it... If a person's patterned behavior negatively affects the emotions, well-being and self esteem of another person for the worst, then you are not a "good" person. You're a destructive person who uses titles to justify your behavior. Titles minimizes these behaviors.... call it what it is. Get help, and stop using past traumas to justify practicing ungodly behavior.

[@LC_H]

@@bellabambaa guess you make excuses for hurting people to then huh?

[@deskcat6795]

My bpd ex never told me she had bpd she said autism and adhd so when I looked up reasons why she treated me so bad I couldn’t find similar reasons. It wasn’t until after she left me I saw her post about bpd. We were together a year I gave her everything and ran my body into the ground. She said I was amazing and wanted a child with me and it gave me the strength to continue. She said if I do this or that we’d get married and have a kid but she started to realize all her challenges were easy for me to overcome. So she wanted a iPhone 14 pro and a car and I did that for her too. Then she left me and said she was afraid to commit. Opened my eyes to future faking 😞 I miss her

[@SparkingLife111]

Sounds like shes also a narcissist. Study that watch all the videos that u can. I know the pain of future faking but its a damn good thing u didnt get what u wanted. Thing is the goal post would move for the rest of your life. Find someone who gives to you and feeds your heart w joy that u can enjoy giving too also.

[@deskcat6795]

I’m starting to think that too tbh

[@deskcat6795]

I just hope she’s ok and that her life goes well

[@Goodlk231]

I had to get away from my mother at 13 years of age. I couldn't take anymore. 😔

[@RickyLisa]

Thank you Dr Phil for telling everyone to abandon us 😅 yes, that's what I heard, that's how it will feel because that's what happened. Facts are facts "protect yourself from those people." I'm one of "those people" Be me for a week and bet you'll give different advice.

[@Tov-h3v]

Of course we are enjoying,you are a joy! JazzyT.

[@richardjohanson6421]

Its hard to set boundaries when in my childhood serving I would say no I would get wrath! From 3 older step brothers and 1 younger step sister! Or a Mother with belt! I couldn't say no!

[@richardjohanson6421]

Went to 3 therapists, and each one eventually would tell me... go to church.

[@richardjohanson6421]

Exactly enabling them but because your heart wanted to help them!! Your heart motivates to give them their way! Empathy and sympathy motivates the heart!

[@lida8433]

As a borderline I can say that most of the time we live in hell no matter in what surcomstantis we live. Suffering is often unberable. If hell exsist it is in borderline soul😢 My advise to families: we are not evil monsters,tray to listen to us,tray to pushnus back in reality,help us in everday things. We are people from flesh and blood, we don t know to regulate everything what we feel and that maskes us frustreted and so much sad

[@karenhess619]

1st of all, learn how to spell. 2nd get on the phone and get some help. Start with your health ins plan to get referrals to therapists who have openings. 3rd if you can't get help in the timeline you want, call local PD and have them take you in for a 5150 hold for suicidal ideation and tell the truth to the MH prof who interviews you. Don't lie. They will tsfr you to a good psych hosp that will help you.

[@lida8433]

People like you are the last we need.

[@justanotherAA]

It doesn't matter. People spend YEARS of their lives talking and talking to BPDs, trying and trying, sacrificing themselves. ESPECIALLY children. Do you not hear what you are asking of others??? "Try to push us back to reality" That is not the job of friends, family, or most of all children is. Be real and get into therapy.

[@jessicarose9208]

Hey listen. It’s probably really hard. It’s an incredibly hard mental illness or personality disorder and often times it’s been brought by a really intense lack of validation. People with borderline have empathy they just have trouble regulating it. So sometimes they feel so much, they could collapse into themselves. For instance, Glenn Close in fatal attraction. Probably had something more like antisocial personality disorder. People with borderline don’t boil bunnies. Also just know that there are plenty of other things like there’s comorbidities as well. There’s so many things. I am a sociopath. For me the way I see it is it’s not anything to be ashamed of because I am admitting it and I am doing the right things. I wouldn’t consider myself evil yet. But I’ve done some pretty horrendous things. I don’t know what other people think I have been called evil once or twice but at the same time I really try to work on things because for me, I do not like to be inconvenienced. Also, I do you have an admiration for people a lot of different things and I have a lot of curiosities and also there are people that just stimulate me but sometimes I canjust can sometimes get pretty deceitful and manipulative. I CANT say that it’s something NOT something I’m proud of because I don’t care either way. It is who I am. But when I read these, I still am touched. I’ll forget about it the next second but I am touched right now and it does make me sad in the way that I get sad. Which I don’t really know if it’s the same way that you get sad. I just Hear myself. I just hear myself on both sides. I hear the person affected by the parents who’ve had a mental illness, the people who suffer from borderline who is really going through a lot. that’s really just my two cents.

[@YorBarkin]

@Dr. Phil - In a Workplace environment: How do you put healthy boundaries between you and a BPD person who is always making up stories about you some believe it and act passive-aggressively because of his stories? Meaning: do you actually express boundaries to the BPD person or do you just express these boundaries in your own head and to yourself only?

[@EmAlvatez]

This guy is Saint.

[@michaelf.2449]

I really wish you would’ve used “untreated” before some of these statements it’s all true but it is treatable and therapy helps you make better decisions, and catch yourself and try to talk yourself down or leave the situation

[@AP-nx6xo]

Thanks Dr Phil

[@lewisstreet7266]

Good job