Phil in the Blanks: Toxic Personalities in the Real World P6 -Living With Someone Who Has BPD [EP92]

[@stephanieswisher2604]

I have been married for over 40 years and the whole relationship I was walking on eggshells and always afraid of a blow up. He made me feel that it was my fault. If I didn’t do this or that right then he wouldn’t get mad. He turned to drinking 5 years ago that’s when he got violent. With Dr. Phil’s podcasts I was able to see it wasn’t me it was his illness and my marriage was not normal. Thank you Dr. Phil. Now I need to find a way to leave. He will be more angry at me then he has ever been if I try and leave. Wish me luck

[@wallybingbang4350]

Hope you got out

[@alllifematters]

I spent my entire childhood like that I could never imagine being in a romantic relationship like that which is probably why I am single .. life is too short and it's too easy to get stuck with a demon. I'm so sorry, I hope you can get away from that as quick as possible for you 💜

[@alllifematters]

Also there are lots of other KZbin people who make videos on narcissism and bpd... Listen to as many as you can it will help your inner dialogue .. also look up grey Rock method ... Be careful not to tell your husband your plans they get triggered by abandonment, so you need to find a safe place to jump too by the time he finds out 💜

[@alllifematters]

Look up Lisa romano 💜

[@joycealdrich]

I have BPD, and stay away from romantic relationships and codependent relationships. I leatned DBT at age 58. I'm 69, now, but was diagnosed at 26. Been a hard struggle. DBT helps, but I know I really need not to be in a relationship or live with anyone. It's too scary. For me, treatment came too late. DBT works better, I think, for those who are younger, and haven't spent decades getting entrenched in certain behaviours. I am trying. Just being very careful.

[@auntiefan4202]

Thank you doctor Phil. I was horribly abused by my BPD narcissist parent. I survived!

[@susiewatts1982]

Me too Xx

[@keddy5627]

Me too! 🙏🏽❤️🙏🏽

[@Me-tb8rs]

It was an absolute nightmare. It only lasted 6 months but I wouldn't wish that level of abuse on my worst enemy. It will change you, even with therapy. Its been over year and I finally feel good again. He tried to re establish a connection with me. No no no...

[@motherbear327]

I've discovered I have to have hard boundaries with BPD people. I can see them coming a mile away and I'm already geared up for protection.

[@teddmented]

Don’t have kids with these people then you’re screwed for life

[@meowmom3296]

As a person with bpd this is why I never admit it to ANYONE. Everything I read IS the stigma.

[@therealrantroom]

​@@meowmom3296 exactly ffs. But the ones giving us bad stigma are not trained and actually have no clue how it really is

[@katharinanikol4206]

​@@teddmentedsuch a stupid and uninformed comment🙄

[@breelauren3748]

I’m glad I found this video. I hope I get some good info from it. Loving someone with BPD is hard. Very very hard. The mistreatment, toxicity, and whiplash from loving someone who seems to have both a Jekyll and a Hyde personality is exhausting. It makes you want to cut them out of your life completely in order protect yourself. I feel very sorry for my mentally ill BPD family member, but it is often hard to find empathy due to the resentment that’s been built from years of mistreatment and being on the receiving end of catastrophic blow ups and melt downs. I can not imagine what it is like to live that way, to live with BPD, and I thank God often that I can’t fully understand it. But it can be hard to keep from turning callous and apathetic toward them to protect yourself from the explosive anger, sadness, hurtful words, etc. Them loving you one second, and then literally cursing the day you were born the next. Etc etc etc. It’s hard. One of the hardest boundaries I’ve had to put up was no longer dropping my life and my responsibilities to answer the cries for attention and suicide threats. They will cry for attention and suck you in and pull you down to the point that you will neglect yourself, neglect your marriage, neglect your own kids, neglect your own life - in order to be there for them every single time they have a crisis. Every single time they say they “can’t take it anymore,” which could be daily. You can not neglect your life and abandon your responsibilities to try to force this person to get help or to not hurt themselves. I and a couple other people had to stop responding to every single cry for attention this person made because it was negatively impacting our life in a large way. It sounds awful, but when literally every single night or every other night is spent neglecting your life and marriage to talk this person away from a ledge - only for them to blow up on you and curse the day you were born or even physically attack you - you eventually have to say “I can not come to you. I hope you don’t do anything permanent (like physical mutilation or suicide), but I can no longer neglect my husband/kids/life to come to you.”

[@chrisb.4323]

@ Bree Lauren - I can so relate to what you write here. I’ve lived this with a sibling for many many years. You’ve got to protect your family and marriage for sure! I would suggest that you might want to suggest that they see a professional therapist who might be better suited for helping them. Given they’ve threatened suicide, that seems a reasonable way of expressing your concern. To avoid inviting a massive bow up with them….

[@Andy_1777]

As a person that has BPD, cut off that person if you want to. They need to learn consequences honestly.

[@archiesnownose2117]

@@Andy_1777 thank you. I don’t have bpd but I sure have been on the receiving end of bad treatment. I walked and feel so bad.

[@chrisb.4323]

So true! It is immensely hurtful to be mistreated by someone with BPD who then turns around the next time they see you and behave as if nothing at all happened! They don’t feel sheepish or responsible for attacking you (with words or physically) and act like nothing took place at all. And they NEVER EVER will apologize for their behaviour - EVER! I have 2 siblings who behave this way and I have had to cut them off from having a relationship with me. I will talk with one of them at this time, but even then it tends to be detrimental for me. When people treat you like sh*t and never apologize you start asking yourself why you are perceived as worthless by others. It is very harmful to your own sense of self worth.

[@Michelle_9_27]

How sad . Maybe just learn how handle it & suggest the therapy . You feel bad & tired, the BPD person knows it. They are having to live with it daily. Trust me, when the bad episode is over they feel even worse & that they did this to whomever was around them. Which makes the self hate even worse. It just happens. It’s something they do not know how to control. If the thoughts are all you know , that’s what you continue to live with.

[@shejustlikea5tar]

When I was 18 I was diagnosed with bpd it’s very misunderstood and tiring to deal with. I thank my parents, family and boyfriend for trying to understand me and sticking by my side

[@Thespiritleads777]

You are incredibly lucky to have people like that in your life. 😊

[@nickiiimar]

Have you gotten better? If so, how? What's helped?

[@shejustlikea5tar]

@@nickiiimar yes I’ve gotten very far compared to when I was first diagnosed, I was on a lot of medicine almost 8 pills a day and now I’m down to 3 pills :) I’ve gone to therapy and I’m always talking with my psychiatrist to see what medication really has worked or hasn’t

[@stephanierauba4887]

@@shejustlikea5tar so proud of you!!!!!!! Sending you all the love and support❤️

[@Retro_Disco]

But if the person doesn't want help we can't help them.

[@debbiebelew2938]

I love the "tell me what you heard me say". My x husband who had BPD would tell someone else what I had said and it was absolutely nothing like what I said.🤔 I could have used this video back then. He was actually never diagnosed because he would quit the councilor when things got uncomfortable. My sister became a therapist later in life and she gave me her opinion concerning his issues. He fits perfectly, from childhood trauma to entertaining suicide (and making a few attempts), extremely impulsive, love bombing me, unable to keep a job or friends,etc.

[@keddy5627]

My mother was Borderline and she had two modes of interacting with me: indifference or rage/hatred. I am 65 now and have finally begun to be free after her death six years ago. My mother was funny and friendly in her social circle and vicious and abusive with me, her only daughter. My two younger brothers received preferential treatment and I was a non-person and a servant in the home. I went on to marry a narcissist (which I believe my father was) and a compulsive gambler and I am thankful to be free today and living my own life. What a crooked road and yet God has always been there! 🙏🏽❤️🙏🏽

[@taralilarose1]

Sounds so familiar. Were you also the scapegoat??

[@Corina-dq2my]

They tend to be threatened by daughters, or step daughters.

[@keddy5627]

@@taralilarose1 YES!!!!!

[@ayeshashaikh5039]

Why they r against daughter?

[@ayeshashaikh5039]

What u learn , y ur father got such bpd wife ?

[@ThePowerAndControlWheel]

That compassion can be dangerous .. its our 'compassion' and 'empathy' that was used against us, got us into trouble, broke down our boundaries, used by others when we finally did put boundaries and consequences in place.

[@ryanmcclain1320]

You can have empathy and also boundaries. As a person with BPD, we're taught in therapy how to control all of our emotions including empathy with healthy boundaries.

[@therealrantroom]

​@@ryanmcclain1320 your right but that is also only the ones that can get therapy or treatment. Not every one is as lucky

[@BabylonPatrol]

💯. 2x compassion and forgiveness in one conversation= anger issues. and extreme manipulation. they are trying to disable your defences. true every time. psychologists are these people's stooges who will provide cover for their abuse for 100$ an hour. you want to know the truth talk to people who have lived with them 24/7 in the real world. it's 180⁰ different story. it's not even that i dislike BPDs. but they are evil little bullshitters on the make to take you down if you give them one chance. like a poisonous snake. in truth, the biggest problem is that you think you can handle it. similarly mindfulness and being in the moment = no accountability and justifying life as 5 year old. and btw that is not a Buddhist teaching nor was Jesus gay.

[@katharinanikol4206]

​@@ryanmcclain1320that's a strong mindset, very intelligent having so much inside etc💪👌🤌

[@Corina-dq2my]

I say if they are mistreating you or anyone around you, get away. Many are in denial, and it's not worth it.

[@queenv5082]

I’ve known for years that I had BPD. This series helped me to finally understand what it means to live with this disorder . Listening to Dr. Phil discuss the thought process of someone living with BPD really hit the nail on the head for me. It breaks my heart to realize how I have projected my feelings of inadequacy onto my loved ones and others around me.

[@SuLawn]

I have b.p.d. Still trying to come to terms with it. Beginning to get a handle on it, am still many extreme people in one body. But never boring.

[@queenv5082]

@@SuLawn I’m bored lol

[@carolsisti7203]

Hopefully now that you realized it, you’re doing your best to change it. Best wishes to you and yours. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@mickwood3360]

Thank you for summarizing what it is so well, that it's a projection of one's feelings of inadequacy onto their loved ones and others around them. Because you helped me, by defining what it is. So it's good news/bad news: I see what it is so now I can define it and objectify it. Bad news: I'm noting most experts agree it is or can be as bad as it gets. And that it is incredibly difficult to treat, taking a long, long time for the tiniest improvement. I bet the loved ones who bring BPD up to them are immediately devalued, at best, and badly hurt in all ways at worst. But, I know more. Thanks.

[@trevsedgwick3324]

I’m very aware of their pain! however in my experience they hurt you more!! because they move on after they finish with you and your the one left in turmoil, they will stab you in the back and complain about the blood stains left on the carpet!

[@erichill3378]

That is not true whatsoever.

[@rkymtnlvn]

@@erichill3378what makes you say that?? Maybe some pwBPD don’t do that… but there are others who do. I’m going through it now and it’s hurtful. I did nothing wrong but try to be patient, compassionate, and supportive. Only to get smeared with outrageous lies and called the most horrific names… all by the person I love. They split and now I am all bad. There’s nothing I can do accept remove myself from abusive behavior. So so say that the comment isn’t true is myopic because it can and does happen.

[@erichill3378]

@@rkymtnlvnmost people with BPD will take years to move on from their favorite person. Losing someone so immensely special in their life kills them.

[@rkymtnlvn]

Well that’s not my experience. My pwBPD has been incredibly abusive towards me for months, over delusional thoughts. Split and done… so my experience is not the norm from what you’re saying

[@Yourcomputertutordotnet]

Extremely Arrogant Queer People Do That Exact Same Thing

[@suvoth]

These people will suck out your will to live. Married to one for over a decade and when it finally came down to my will to live, i woke up and chose ME! Choose you! Never choose them or (we)/us! Never!

[@katharinanikol4206]

Yessss Sister, love that you made it out of there, and I don't wanna be unempathetic towards people with BPD, its extremely sad and I feel infinite sorry for them of course, but it's a nightmare for any healthy Soul, to live with an BPD person who doesn't treat its mental health issues, really serious and consistent, so awesome you got that done, strong💪🤌🫶

[@leighatkins22]

I had to leave after 30 years becoz i began to become aware of the number 65 floating around in my psyche and that i would die at that age if i didn't leave... I had 15 yrs left to go, so i acted. That was 7 yrs ago and i haven't had that figure pop up ever since ❤

[@SantanaCampbell]

GOD HATES YOU FOR LEAVING HIM! NO JOY IN PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST!

[@suvoth]

First, I was never married in a church or by a priest. Secondly, "When Paul says, “husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church” (Ephesians 5:25), he is categorically prohibiting every attitude or behaviour that results in a husband devaluing, humiliating, belittling, or emotionally or physically wounding his wife." @@SantanaCampbell

[@LR-yu3mx]

Not easy for me to listen to this. Was married to a BPD husband for 36 years. He passed away. He saw me as his mother. He had full blown grown man tantrum without even a real reason for it.

[@mickifields2389]

I’m sorry for your loss. I have never heard of anyone else that has been with a BPD spouse for that long. It has been exactly 36 years and we are on our 10th separation. Mine is getting worse.

[@laurahennessy2893]

So sorry for your Life of suffering try to enjoy what time you have left to Live your Best Life every day that you have left.

[@laurahennessy2893]

@@mickifields2389 I have been in my horrible marriage for 29 years And I have lost count as to how many times I have left this Maddness, it never will improve, my new way of living is that I have to keep living my Life the very best way I can. Just keep getting support and find your way to a wonderful Life.

[@juliawest5528]

just want you to know I'm still a fan.

[@mickifields2389]

@@laurahennessy2893 thank you. It is absolute madness. Mine is still gone, actually to another state but he still finds a way to the crazy making behavior In communicating through our kids. So much easier to deal with and I can breathe with him out of the house.

[@OnsceneDC]

I grew up with a BPD parent and sibling, and then a romantic partner in which I have a child with. It's been taking me years to understand this disorder. I think in many ways, I'm very sympathetic to the point that I don't enact enough boundaries. I'm still learning, after years of therapy, how being raised in this environment has affected me so profoundly. Not even just in my personal relationships, but work, etc. My coping mechanism has been people pleasing, and it works up to a point, but it can easily wear you out and make others take you for granted. Thank you, Dr. Phil for doing this series. I've listened to all of them, and a few multiple times. Please keep making more content like this. It's enormously helpful!

[@emilyhass7111]

same here. and i can never seem to get along with someone with BPD, it always ends badly. my mom, my ex, my old best friend, an old acquaintance, and my new best friend‘s friend now…. i don’t know how to not get triggered by everything she does and says though… 🤦🏻‍♀️😭

[@dewilew2137]

“With whom I have a child”, not “in which I have a child with”. 😅

[@dewilew2137]

@@emilyhass7111 have all of those people actually been diagnosed, or are you assuming?

[@Denversportsfan1]

@@emilyhass7111 seems like there’s a common thread to all these people you’re triggered by..,

[@emilyhass7111]

@@dewilew2137 they have all been diagnosed by a psychiatrist and are all not in therapy anymore.. i don’t know if it’s just the people i attract or the sh!tty group of friends i used to hang around with..

[@wendi2819]

His voice is so soothing and kind. That alone has healing qualities.

[@idkmanIjustworkhere]

I wish I found this sooner.. I dated two people with BPD and I ended up just accepting their horrid behavior, and for what?? In the end, it just wore me down no matter what I tried to do..

[@Alex-yt5gj]

BPD has to do with trying to express or digest traumatic events. So they seem like a different person but they are trying to tell you something about their pain.

[@AliciaM5555]

Well said, this was the part where I kind of disagreed with Dr. Phill as cluster b personality disorders are usually as a result of ptsd, trauma and abuse and bpd is to me an understandable reaction to that abuse imo. Thank you.

[@loustevens8728]

Thank you for saying this, I’ve been through so much that I believe it is unfair to undermine that. I’m not toxic I’m really trying but sometimes I struggle with my emotions and I mirror people their personality and moods so if they are angry I’ll be angry if they are hurt I’ll hurt etc and when it comes to personality I’ll get excited about their interests but then forget when they leave it’s hard for us to keep several relationships (friendships, family, romantic etc) because we forget which version we are meant to be. We can’t help it. With therapy it can help learn to control it better but that doesn’t make us toxic we just want patients and understanding. I hate the way he is talking in this like we are lab experiments and he is watching through the glass giving a talk to tourists… basically saying “oh they are sensitive… STAY AWAY THEY WILL DESTROY YOU!!!” All so he has got it wrong about keeping a relationship… if someone with bpd finds someone who knows about bpd and understands and is still willing to learn we can… I’ve been with my husband 10 years married for 8 with 3 beautiful kids. Yes I agree with the boundaries as someone with bpd finds it easier to cope with outlines. So many things wrong with what he is saying!!! Sorry for the rant I just get so angry as there is so much stigma around bpd and he is feeding that

[@angelacoleman6580]

problem is... that they are too sick themselves to see the damage that they are doing to others.

[@markhollis6594]

@@loustevens8728 I feel so sorry for you hearing ure sad story. Its so very sad that people nowadays are judged by having disorders and placed in boxes. Its a shame. I also have a grown up daughter who suffers from borderline. I tried so hard to understand her for yrs, but after decades I realised that I can't help her anylonger, cause it ruined my life. The way of behaviour comes from much trauma for chosing the wrong guys for yrs. Me having strong ptsd since my childhood as an adopted child. But my believe in Christ since the age of 6 gaved me hope to carry on. I truly believe if ure seeking Christ in life that He will answer you and comfort you wth hope and strength from above 🙏 Know that you are loved by God. And no one has the right to judge you for being different! Psalm 91: 1-16 John 3:16. God bless you 🙏

[@loustevens8728]

@@markhollis6594 thank you very much. Your daughter probably isn’t ready to accept the help yet. I am not religious but I appreciate the sentiment. Xx

[@angieRN73]

Dr. Phil, I have encountered so many of these types of people. I am like a magnet for toxic people. I am a highly sensitive/Empath. I have to distance and recharge myself frequently. Thank you so much for these educational videos.

[@tommycoyote3258]

If like to know what Dr phil thinks about empaths.

[@amandastein6247]

People with BPD are also highly sensitive and most of us “empaths,” as you call it, except during splitting. There’s actually no such thing as an “empath.” The term is “empathy” which is a different reference.

[@Anna-loves-you]

Borderline personalities like myself are highly empathetic and highly sensitive. That's why we bruise so easily mentally.

[@DALE959595]

In reference to the Splitting and Spitting part. When I’m sitting on a speeding Roller Coaster, I can only split into impulsive B&W scene images. But, when I’m on a slow-mo Merry-go-round, sitting on a pumped up horsey I get to slow down and enjoy the slow motion images that come into my full color range. Repetitive redundancy in UN-distracted engagement with reality is why I like horses.

[@amandastein6247]

@@Anna-loves-you exactly 😘❤️

[@mariemiles7287]

I have Bpd I was diagnosed at 19 I'm 40 now. I was a mess, self harm endless suicide attempt, alcoholic and my poor kids really suffered, especially my son who lived with me and suffered through it all. I went to rehab when I was 30 and then started counselling,( after coming out rehab and relapsing) when I started counselling and cbt therapy everything changed. It's been a journey of healing over the last ten years, my personality changing so much, less and less relapses on alcohol, currently 16 months sober and happy. I never thought I'd say that. I didn't know what happy was. Bpd is caused by childhood trauma and abuse... But you can heal! Xx

[@narelleschulze3959]

So good to hear, your a survivor 🎉

[@lindabarker2175]

I'm not! I'm still suffering from it, I have Autism and special needs, and I suffer from chronic fibromyalgia and chronic CRPS, which leaves me in server pain, and now I'm needing 24 hour care, It's left me needing a wheelchair due to chronic pain and swelling in all of my joints. I also have Bipolar disorder, and I'm on a lot of pain medication, and I also suffer from psychosis. So, I'm on a lot of medication for my mental health illnesses.

[@mariemiles7287]

Linda I know how u feel I too have fibromyalgia, adhd, hypoglycaemia and narcolepsy which affect my life, but you can still recover xx

[@brycepardoe658]

I hope your son is doing fine now. I once dated a BPD woman and the abuse was unbelievably atrocious. It saddens me to think that a boy had to live with that level of abuse. I sincerely hope that he's grown to be a healthy man who knows to look out for women who are abusers.

[@suzannemartin6817]

Then wouldn’t they need trauma counseling??!

[@StrawberryJam806]

Dr. Phil, thank you so much for this video. I have BPD and the amount of stigma I get from friends and family is immense. I feel so much pain 24/7. It also hurts that people label us as “toxic”. It makes me feel like I’m less than human and unworthy of love.

[@tishwitch]

We are toxic. Its not negative. Its factual. Don't take it negatively. Take it as fact. We have toxic traits because we were severely abused. Its about understanding. Don't take it badly ❤️ I have BPD. I used to feel like I was under attack. But now, I hug that little girl inside me. We are deeply hurt. Toxic isn't negative. Its a descriptor.

[@amandastein6247]

I understand ❤️ I have BPD as well, and the stigma hurts so much 😔

[@cherylb_88]

I’d have to agree. As if we don’t go through enough as it is and then I made the mistake of coming to the comments and the first thing I saw was just that “toxic”. Feel worse than I already did now. Over a year ago, maybe 2 now idk, I closed my social media accounts and disconnected from everyone. Seems like that’s the best for everyone according to Dr. Phil and the others commenting.

[@badkitty101]

@@tishwitch i will take it negatively cause it is a negative. Not all people with BPD have the toxic traits. Its taken 12 years of therapy and DBT to be where i am now. Saying that everyone is toxic adds to the stigmatisation of us. It might be true for some but not all.

[@tishwitch]

@@badkitty101 if that helps you sleep tonight, great! But the reality is different.

[@darrynreid4500]

I think compassion for people with various personality disorders, or pronounced tendencies in those directions, must have limits. It has to stop short of enabling violation and abuse and of generally feeding into the system of dysfunction. This is not only for one's own protection; it doesn't help the person to reinforce dysfunctional patterns of behaviour. Who are we to interfere with exposure to due consequences? My compassion has ended at being screamed at, constantly attacked, falsely accused, relentlessly invaded, smashed through walls and having knives pointed at me and threatened with being killed.

[@marywhite3970]

..."never a dull moment" huh!...?.....🤨

[@bomfclan8071]

Any advice I’m have just woke up and realized I have been abused in all forms for years now. And I am taking my life back “as walking on egg shells “ tells me !!

[@therealrantroom]

Damn right. I have no issues with what you said and I have bpd. The ones using the diagnosis as excuse for bad behavior is a big part of the problem

[@therealrantroom]

​@@bomfclan8071 sorry I know it's really delayed reply. But please bare in mind that you can have trauma or ptsd separately if that makes sense. I have bpd and ptsd. I only say this incase ur looking for answers or help just within bpd community. I wish u luck ❤

[@suzannemartin6817]

Oh my! Get out if you haven’t already!

[@terri1455]

I cried when I saw this ! I have bpd and the compassion Doctor Phil had for someone like me was heartwarming ❤️people think I’m this evil person when I’d do anything for anyone 🥺I’m just a miserable human being 😔

[@nerdybirdy420]

You should look up "recovery mum" and "borderliner notes," compared to those channels he's actually quite harsh and even kind of dehumanizing by generalizing/grouping everyone together as opposed to acknowledging the spectrum on which this disorder presents and the nuances therein.

[@therealrantroom]

​@@nerdybirdy420 💯

[@deborahstollman6238]

Yes! I’m so sick of people talking about how evil with BPD are. Not true 😊

[@ArivettTheJett]

You're not alone buddy. I have BPD as well

[@user_abcxyzz]

​@@ArivettTheJetteveryone is on their own journey. Your words of encouragement are fleeting. You've already forgotten you wrote what you wrote here. To support someone means to offer consistency in their support, not fleeting words to make YOU feel good. It's not about YOU.

[@AnAussieinNorway]

Don’t forget to stop researching BPD if you don’t have it. Amazing from Dr Phil. Great stuff. BPD abuse survivor here. My ex devalued, physically attacked, threatened me with suicide. She cut her arm. I had no idea what it was til I left and got help. She topped it off by moving on in 1 week. 9 months after the split I’m still shaken but it gets better.

[@Henort_101]

she didn't move on, don't worry. She's still suffering and the moving on was superficial...

[@annieb8521]

Thankyou Doctor Phil, I've listenned to many videos on Bpd, and this one by far has helped me to understand how to protect myself and understand my husband. Thanks a million times!!!

[@spacemax1744]

I see a lot of these behaviors in myself and in some people in my life. There isn't any reasoning with them. There wasn't any reasoning with me because I couldn't see my own behavior and how it was affecting others. It wasn't until I started looking into it and looking at myself. Now I can see where I can stand to change.

[@lionessjustme3023]

Same here. I'm not extreme, I feel like everyone can learn from this. Just to help get threw life happy. Weather it be within yourself, or if it's dealing w the whole world out there.

[@SuLawn]

I know I'm not wired up right.

[@hanzbananz88]

I’m watching this and literally going: 📈📉📈📉📈📉📈📉📈📉 one minute I think yeah this is a really informative and helpful video and then you say “these people” and that we are toxic and that people with BPD’s children should run away and leave them. It feels like you keep switching between supporting us and stigmatising us. I’m very self aware most of the time and I don’t do things for attention, it’s out of severe distress and pain. I hate attention being on me. Even writing this comment is difficult. Sometimes things appear one way but it’s not true and you can’t understand fully if you aren’t in a person’s head. I have empathy for others and care about others. Not everyone fits into this neat stigmatised version of BPD, I’d argue most of us don’t. My self hatred is so engrained. My self worth so low. But I never take it out on others. “Constant need for attention”, “suck you dry”, “bottomless pit” …and you wonder why we feel so hopeless, depressed and suicidal when professionals think this about us and tell people to leave us?! Hmm…

[@SuLawn]

Welcome to my reality. Others views of me, are as unstable as me. And they don't think that they have a problem. I know I have many issues.

[@jenlee4477]

He said "THEY MIGHT"

[@Tatianathegem13]

I have BPD and those words “bottomless pit” really hurt me. I had to stop watching half way because it hurts to realize I’m taking a toll on other but also hurts because I’m not bad person I’m a sad broken person

[@Jessicamarra1]

I agree with this too. I def understand I have some issues but I do feel like some of the words used are tough to hear. I have been in therapy and consistently work on my explosive outburst. I try to check my self every min of every day and I do my best to internalize all these thoughts so that I do not “hinder those around me or become a bottomless pit”

[@frankG335]

It doesn't matter why you do it when it destroys the people who love you. They do have to get away in order to heal from all that trauma. When you dish out cruelty it doesn't matter why.

[@waitwhat3630]

This is really hard to watch having borderline personality disorder and raising a 6 year old. I hope I am doing good

[@amandastein6247]

I have an 8 year old daughter..me too. I’ve been through DBT, but I still struggle with my reactions of sudden disappointment in expectations not being met, sometimes causing my spitting. I need to focus daily on the “cope ahead” skill.

[@kristle4305]

i’m sure you’re doing just great mamas !!

[@Anna-loves-you]

I have an 8 year old son and I worry about passing my trauma onto him. I'm a single mom and it's not easy. Sometimes I'm too lenient because I'm tired and sometimes I'm too strict because I'm stressed. I'm starting DBT in the new year. I hope it'll help.

[@amandastein6247]

@@Anna-loves-you it will most likely help you a lot! ❤️

[@NevaJWilson25462]

I found my self when I was having some depression, emotional, I caught myself limping just like the guy with the cane infront of me.

[@valelliott2106]

I True wish I had heard this 50 years ago. The primary BPD person in my life died when I was 20 and my sister was 35. What a relief! That person completely ruined my older sister’s life and sense of self. We were part of the split. My saving Grace was my father and his best friends. They showed me what healthy looked like.

[@gracep9433]

“What a relief” wow how incredibly ignorant and insensitive.

[@danabuck8967]

As I watch this podcast in real time, I know it's not live, but it's the first time I've seen it, You're describing my Mother! I'm so glad I found this podcast! Thank You for making it.

[@danabuck8967]

I forgot to mention that I'm an adult and I avoid my Mother as often as possible. I'm getting chills just listening to this!!!

[@tishwitch]

Life is complicated. Love that little boy or girl who suffered ❤️

[@jvc8947]

This works. It also means sacrificing a real connection-possibly always.

[@DebraCollins-fq4jo]

My grandson 😢 Love Him ❤️ much. Has so many diagnosis

[@kellykebo3497]

Catastrophizing is an actual term for this. So right about how horribly someone with BPD talks to themselves. I always keep in mind that nobody wakes up wanting to be this way. If you have a child that has recently been diagnosed with this… this is not anyone’s “fault”. Try asking questions and getting them to talk and go deeper rather than making and voicing judgments in the heat of things.

[@Dragonfly657]

This technique can be applied to everyone even without BPD. It’s called living in the moment and accepting what is… simple! If you fight the feeling your doomed!

[@carlissable]

My narcissistic, PTSD, Bipolar, Schizophrenic ex treated everyone outside his door with decency, but behind closed doors a raging monster. I can't feel sympathy for compassion when he rages and screams in my face, but turn around on the train and run to assist a woman with her baby and a buggy when there were several other men closer to her. It would appear to be chivalry, I know the truth. He is prescribed 14 meds, that he doesn't take anymore. I didn't hesitate to discard him and ne has someone new living with him. Oh well, better her than me. I'm healing each day.

[@elizabethlavicka271]

You dodged a bullet.

[@carlissable]

@@elizabethlavicka271 It took the mental strength of 3 lions, I had no idea what a narcissist was, but I knew my worth and that something wasn't right. I loved him so much but knew deep in my soul..no matter how hard I tried, there would be no change..he's to far gone and I finally left 1 last time. It's totally true that if they love bomb you back....they are going to give it to you worse, then fold cause they get mad that you had the audacity to leave. Get out if you can and no matter what never look back.

[@karenkuske5567]

Too familiar....rage out then run to help the old lady cross the street! Dealt with that. The fake kindness and caring to look good. I couldn't take it anymore...and separated. After violence came fourth towards my children...I was DONE! Very impulsive and bored all the time...cold,, angry and bitter. Know no boundaries.

[@karenkuske5567]

Made that mistake of going back once...fell for the love bombing...after 2 weeks he became much worse and pissed I left once. Felt like living in prison. After I left the second time he started stalking and driving by my place...moved again and he found me again doing the same thing...stalking. From the beginning I knew something was "OFF" but wasn't sure what it was...I didn't know about narcissism... psychopath... sociopaths or BPD. After the violence towards my children...I conjured up the big balls too call his 2exes that had kids with him...the one told me he was BPD and violent....the other didn't want to talk but said he was very mean. After these confirmations...I left. Too scary to live with. I came out of this marriage completely emotionally wrecked...along with my kids. Being single and doing whatever I want whenever I want is nice...not being tracked via debit card, stalked and financially abused..or having to state where I'm going... couldn't live with 24/7 "togetherness"... it was completely insane. Would rather be alone now than in a relationship. Never again with this type... now I know why I became chronically ill...never again....ever.

[@wallybingbang4350]

House Devil Street Angel -

[@all4mopar5]

I had a psychiatrist once discussed something like this with me and she said that I'm reacting out of past trauma. She said that it was the environment that I had to survive in that caused all these maladaptive coping mechanisms. I have had to work through every single one of them and it's been tough. But I did it and I'm still doing it. It's important to continue the hard work so that I can keep moving forward and be a healthier more well-balanced human being. I had to do it on my own because I couldn't find anyone who understood. They would want me to talk for hours and then give no input or solution or help. Or they would over medicate me and put the labels on me without trying to understand me or help me find my way out of this tangled mess of knots I was in. I knew that I wasn't going to survive if I didn't fight for a better life and I don't want to change. It's interesting how when you change that really shakes people up. That's okay I'm not responsible for What other people choose to see. The only thing I can do is just try to keep getting better and to keep doing better and I have to accept that there are times when I will fail. This means I pick me up and I keep going and I keep trying and I don't stop. And when I fail it's not the end of the world nor does it negate all the hard work I have done or will do. It's something that happened that I'll get through and every time I get through it I'll get stronger and better and I'll probably still make mistakes but it will not be the end of the world.

[@dawnmason7111]

I really like Dr Phil just talking to us.

[@Glittertrut]

I got my BPD diagnosed about a year back, and that gave me some understanding why I do how i do. I don't want to be that extreme and I realize that I'm being extreme, but somehow even knowing it is not how I should react.. I still explode.. the selfhatred for doing that, the feeling of guild. then back into fear, then into sadness. It's so much. I am so happy that I got a partner that has extreme patience with me. And that he can see past the extremes and see's my better 'healtier' sides. I honestly wish I could see myself just for 10 second the way he sees me..

[@karenlouisefletcher5719]

My daughter hasn’t spoken to me in 5 years. No idea why this last time. If I didn’t answer the phone because I was in a meeting- she would have a meltdown. She would mock me and criticise me in front of other people. Not even going to discuss the lies and other issues here. As soon as she’s in a relationship - she dumps me. When she is single she wants to do everything with me. This last time she cut me off - is the very last time. I’m not going to make any effort to repair the relationship and I will ignore her if she tries to contact me. A person cannot be expected to put up with abuse just because someone is not willing to take responsibility for their bad behaviour.

[@DrDavidWPendergrass]

Yep.

[@MissCOBHC666]

I feel you. I have a daughter with BPD she is 18. It's been a living nightmare, I have done everything to help her. Therapy, medications, etc but she wasn't able to change. She's a pathological liar, manipulative, aggressive person. I can't deal with her anymore I used to love her, but I love me more and I don't want that she ruins my life. I deserve to live a peaceful and "happy" life but I can't with her near me.

[@sicilialicari6500]

I have isolated myself for years, I was the complete opposite, honestly I was the optimistic person that there’s nothing that can’t be done, to absolutely shutting down completely, I live alone, something that was crazy, now I’m afraid to let anyone in my life

[@meowmom3296]

Me too. I've been isolated 6 years now. I only interact with cashier's. I'm terrified to let anyone in. I know what will happen. I love living alone tho lol I spoil myself. I've gotten used to it, probably agoraphobic by now. It's a terrible disorder.

[@AveryWeinstein]

I have BPD. It was really bad from 18-22. I then started maturing more and went to therapy and finally started to realize that just because somebody can’t hang out, it’s not because of me. I’m 24 next month. I’ve learned to think about my reactions before I react, so I now react normally to things that I used to see as abandonment. It took a while because I was alcohol dependent for 2 years and didn’t remember my awful actions towards people. It pushed some people away, but I have amazing friends that have seen me grow over the years. It still sometimes flares up around my family, unfortunately.

[@SuLawn]

Well done 👏, you give me hope. Thank you 😊

[@AveryWeinstein]

@@SuLawn No problem!!😊

[@heathernikki5734]

I was 32 before I even knew what was wrong with me. I’m happy for people who figure it out early before a whole lot of damage is done

[@GlitterBomb17]

We do recover!

[@MissCOBHC666]

Hi, did you go to therapy when you were 18 to 22 yo?

[@gracep9433]

I love that I am not the only one who talks about BPD as “WE” or “US”. We really are a untied community that cares about each other. ❤️

[@torialbs7290]

I’ve lived with a sister with borderline and I’ve recently started my path to becoming a therapist. I’ve been learning more and more and it’s made me confused on how to deal with her. Because for the longest time we haven’t had a relationship even though we live in the same house. And now that I’m learning how the disorder works I don’t know where I should stand. It’s so hard to try and have a relationship with her because as soon as it is ok then it blows up in my face and it just has been this cycle my entire life. I’m stuck at weather or weather not to even try anymore with her.

[@chrisb.4323]

OMG! I could have written this relationship with a sister identical to you. My advice is to avoid conversations with her and always agree with her and disappear. Honestly, my sister is just waiting for an excuse to explode at me. After she does these very hurtful behaviours - next time she acts like nothing happened! And certainly never ever apologizes. It’s very detrimental to your wellbeing and I don’t think it can help you as a therapist to be interacting with her while trying to be a therapist to others. It’s just expecting way too much from yourself. Plus she will never be able to see herself objectively or you either. Currently I only text with my sibling with BPD. I know she has comorbidity with something else going on as well…possibly narcissist, but I’m still processing it all through the Dr. Phil series here.

[@tundrawomansays694]

Ya know, walking away from your abusive sister completely is an option.

[@smilersmiling]

They need to be into long term therapy and showing obvious committed change to ever consider having a normalised long term relationship or friendship. The one thing they want more than anything is relationship. The biggest problem is a relationship is this biggest trigger of their condition. Keep expectations low and for those untreated please do not start relationships with them for you’re own sanity.

[@susanhalbedel9605]

Wonderful help Dr Phil! You’re encouraging me ( bps, cptsd, and formally clinical depressed diagnosed), to move forward towards healing and reconciliation with my children. God bless you abundantly!!

[@wallybingbang4350]

I read that out of all human emotional suffering that borderlines suffer the most. I have severe chronic anxiety and that is hard and has destroyed my life. I am very empathetic to other people but I would not put up with personality disorder abuse.

[@Kimberly-zv7gr]

I’ve listened to 7 podcasts so far , Dr. Phil and in the 43 years I have sought psychological therapy and insight, your podcasts have told he all the things I’ve needed to hear to understand myself and the people around me! How do you do it🥰

[@SuLawn]

Thank you Dr Phil McGraw 🙏 👍. You help me to fit into the world. I know why I'm like this.

[@cbarnes5519]

This was a great watch. Can be classed as toxic, but understanding can help a lot. As long as they also genuinely want to help/work on themselves, too.

[@AliciaM5555]

I have been diagnosed with BPD and I now know this is extremely fitting for many reasons the biggest of which medications do not usually help personality disorders. I have come a very long way, I am highly self aware so all those garbage behaviors I no longer indulge in thank God. I am super watchful and mindful in my relationships. I finally found medications that do work as well. It has taken me years to get here and now that I can clearly see who I have been I find it shocking tbh and a bit shameful. I also think this may be due to age as these disorders seem to improve with age. Acceptance is key. 💯💯💕💕

[@AveryWeinstein]

Same here. It got better for me after my friends recorded me (I asked them to, they didn’t send it to anybody.) drinking everyday and my behavior was humiliating and awful. I realized that I needed to get help after seeing how I was acting. It took an outside perspective.

[@SuLawn]

You have my 100% 😤 admiration, ps what meds should I be on?

[@AliciaM5555]

@@SuLawn I am not a doctor! I can tell you I still struggle with sleep issues so I take night meds and they also help with depression (seroquel and remuron). All classes of antidepressants seem to have strange side affects for me. Dbt and cbt therapy are amazing. 🌹

[@Courtney-pn5lr]

I grew up with two mother figures who align with BPD and traits of vulnerable narcissism. I align with Complex PTSD and the construct of the highly sensitive person. I'm diagnosed with anxiety. There's overlap with my symptoms and the symptoms of BPD (fear of abandonment, hyper-sensitive to rejection, low self worth, emotional dysregulation, dissociation and paranoid thoughts). My therapist doesn't agree with a diagnosis of BPD and told me that fear of abandonment is seen in patients with childhood trauma, without a diagnosis of BPD. I can empathize and understand what someone with this diagnosis is dealing with because of the overlap with my own traits. However, I was abused by people who align with this diagnosis. They lack insight and haven't been able to take responsibility for their behavior. Family members enable them. Between the abusers and enablers, my feelings weren't validated and my needs weren't met. So it's challenging to hear "think about what they're going through" when that's all I ever did. People weren't thinking about what I was going through when I was being mistreated and neglected. My abusers are high on a spectrum of pathological narcissism, and that may not reflect everyone with this diagnosis since traits are on a spectrum. Strict boundaries have been required for my own mental health. I think successful treatment depends on whether the person with BPD has insight and can take responsibility when needed.

[@therealrantroom]

Hey. It doesn't really matter about q diagnosis, if u feel something and act on it then amazing, im diagnosed but I have a narc mum whos trained in pysc therapy. Il never get answers on her or anyone and it doesn't matter. If you feel or believe then act xxx

[@SusanWinsel-df7xw]

Thank you for these series Dr. Phil. You have a unique ability to really give information in such a clear, understandable way. I've learned so much from you over the many years of watching you.

[@chinnjk]

I feel I have some of these issues within myself. It's really nice to hear it being broken down so we'll. Thank you. Very eye opening.

[@lovelysphynx7396]

You’ve just described my mother to a “T”. I left the house when I was 19 and have been on my own ever since. I’m the bad and hated child. Growing up I was starved. My mother never does anything wrong in her eyes. It’s always someone else’s fault

[@jvc8947]

That’s more like NPD. Watch NPD /Scape Goat vs Golden Child. We all play our assigned roles. It’s survival.

[@auntiefan4202]

@@jvc8947 A lot of these folks have multiple disorders, I think my mom had about 3.

[@jvc8947]

I have several people I lovenly call cluster B-in my head. They meet no criteria for one -yet are dangerous.

[@teddmented]

NPD and BPD overlap in many ways

[@therealrantroom]

Reminds me of my mum who I really think has npd. I have bpd but of course she said it's just an excuse when I was diagnosed. Even though she trained to be a therapist, abused me and used her qualifications to make out I was nuts and lying about abuse. I can't imagine having bpd and npd.

[@cynthiar7350]

I had so much compassion & thought I could make a difference, but the kinder I was, the worse he got. I tried but no thanks, I was the one getting hurt. I was idolized then discarded; idolized then discarded because he just knew I was going to leave him when he was older. I couldn’t win on his 🎢 Once he had me believe he was going to commit suicide, he was “looking at his last sunset” & then wondered why I was crying & so upset when he finally answered my call hours later & was like no, I didn’t mean that, etc. He was way out in his boat so I couldn’t go check. It was also only about him, my feelings & what happened to me were nothing compared to what he was going through. Everything you say is so true, Dr Phil.

[@hobbsfaye]

Also, what if the threats are not against themselves but towards you or your family? I mentioned in my other comment I am pregnant- during a potential breakup argument recently he threatened to "turn into a monster" if I ever kept the child from him (I have never once threatened), including taking custody. He also said "remember I know where your family lives"... before breaking down & begging for forgiveness + wanting therapy once I left for the last several days. I'm so conflicted

[@MissCOBHC666]

Run away from that relationship

[@fribelenesoliven4305]

Observe and focus in the moment, accept it and raise your distress tolerance to cope up with the problem. Thanks Dr Phil.

[@Knoxcicero86]

Having compassion is what made things worse for me dealing with my kids mom. I literally looked up “why my ex always fights with me when nothing happened” and ran into this series. So thank you! I’ve listened to all 10 videos 3 times now.

[@laurasweeney2546]

My respect for Dr. Phil has increased tremendously. This program is helping a lot of people, including myself. Thank you, Dr. Phil.

[@christylewis2154]

I believe my mom has this disorder, but has never been diagnosed. I have always struggled in my professional and personal life feeling good enough. I realize now in my 40s that mom was splitting when we were kids. My brother and I were in the "all bad" category. My sister was in the "all good" category. Now as adults, it is amazing to see the difference in our struggles! I'm finally starting to understand many of my struggles as I now can see they are rooted in a deep insecurity of not having a predictable parent that was able to put her own needs aside and care for us as children. Every day was unpredictable and we were emotionally always "on our own" although there was food on the table and a clean house. Mom has never gotten help. Now in her late 70s, however, she is reading her Bible alot and starting to come to grips with her failures. We all need so much grace. I also listen to her stories from growing up and cringe at her own pain.

[@PoojaChoudhary-kw2on]

Dr Phil You have saved my life At 32,dropped by 5 therepist I was about to give up When finally found about bpd Just overwhelmed Cant thankyou enough Thankyou for saving my life

[@calmkitty2]

I cant do this thing of "tell me what you heard ". That opens up all kinds blamr and my fault and their 'poor me' and victimhood.

[@LordKimbote-472]

I was the "all bad" child. While my older, violent, drug pill addicted brother, who also has BPD, was the "all good chil" still is. I had to get away and I'm vilified by everyone in the family

[@therealrantroom]

Omfg. SAME. I don't mean this badly but im glad I'm not alone ffs. X❤

[@LordKimbote-472]

@@therealrantroom right? Sorry it happened to you too. But I felt a huge relief when I watched this and learned that I'm not evil like she thinks I'm good and she's just messed up in the heas

[@therealrantroom]

@@LordKimbote-472 so crazy how u just said that cz its literally exactly same for me with my sibling. Its crazy how much I can relate to u with wat uv said so far. Never had anyone to relate to in that way. Id been intrigued to compare stories especially when even siblings can also contribute to us having bpd i think

[@LordKimbote-472]

@@therealrantroom yup. Take his advice too. You have to distance yourself, the flip side is that the parent and the "Good" kid, will hate you for it. And constantly say your evil for it. but you'll be a million times better off

[@Corina-dq2my]

I have dealt with several people who have been diagnosed with BPD, and even before I found out about that, I could tell they had a personality disorder. They all were abusive, volatile, and one of them had really intense rages. In the beginning they're really nice towards someone. But they changed. A step relative of mine attacked me after telling me my grandfather died. Even though I hardly talked to her because I lived in the house, she lived in the back apartment. She called me horrible names, because she was jealous that someone died and would be getting more attention. I am not even joking. Also, very possessive of the intimate partner. There is a common misconception that they're just harming themselves. Wrong. Wrong. They are very dangerous. One of them tried to kill someone.

[@DrDavidWPendergrass]

Yep.

[@gracekristiansen7723]

It’s been so hard in my marriage with me having BPD. Everyday has been ups and downs. We’ve only been married a year and we already separated once. He expressed to me that he can’t take much more. It’s like watching everything fall apart before your eyes. I’m currently in therapy and seeing a psychiatrist. It’s a battle, but I’m not giving up. I loved how Dr. Phil explained everything so well.

[@nealiecruz2532]

Daily meditation can really help. Also, a gratitude journal. Meditation gets your own dopamine pumping into your body and brain. It may not happen at first, but it does with consistency. It gets your soul in touch with your brain. Accept the gifts of life. Can you have dinner with your husband and just keep everything light hearted and FUN? Smile, enjoy yourself. Refuse to be offended. Life was meant to enjoyed. Happiness should be a daily practice. Stopping and taking the time to see all the gifts in your life and saying thank you. Giving yourself meditation time. Watch you tube. Anything from Louise Hay Bob Proctor Abraham Hicks Great therapy from these people. Look at the beauty in life instead of the hurt. Keep reaching for good, happy feelings. Let them wash over you!!

[@arcolahester4620]

I am in a similar situation. Can you give me an update on how things are now with you in therapy?

[@gracekristiansen7723]

@@arcolahester4620 sorry for the late reply. I stopped seeing my therapist last September cause I felt like she helped me as much as she could. We still struggle sometimes even today but I’m able to come back from it faster. Seeing the therapist also gave me confidence in myself and made me realize not every argument is my fault just cause I’m the one that has the disorder. If you guys love each other and realize you’re on the same team and not enemies, you can pull through 🙂 just keep pushing

[@Puner54]

Thanks Dr Phil for Freely Giving of your Valuable Time and Knowledge in a Non-Holywood Setting.

[@vikkijames6000]

Answers to many questions.thank you Dr Phil more than we can say and thank God for good parents when in the formative years of growing up....

[@christylake133]

Please keep doing these pod casts dr. Phil....they are what someone like me needs to hear and learn

[@kr1221E]

I'm in the middle of watching this. I was diagnosed with BPD at around 50 years of age. I am Asperger's and was diagnosed with that at 54. I always wanted to be "normal" and I used to be a social chameleon, no taste of my own, although I always had a tiny streak of hippy/boho. I did have abuse, but to be fair, I did invite a lot of bullying and abuse, that is not to say, abuse survivors invited it, that is just a comment on my behaviour. I craved acceptance. I still question my motives, I moved past blaming abusers and people who behaved in a bullying fashion, yet I am guessing my identity disturbance came from "Wanting to be normal and forgetting who I was". I also had no values, no philosophy on life, etc. I want off the emotional roller coaster and the moods, the impatience waiting for replies to messages from people who have lives, who are busy, those last things can draw me to tears. I have been through drugs. It's too intense for me, my hat goes off to fellow borderlines and as for bipolar, my hat goes off to them as well.

[@stevebennett3653]

I was married to a BPD for seven years. It literally drove me crazy.

[@myssadonno2759]

Am in a mariage like that now, but my partner is working hard to do better😊

[@Retro_Disco]

Many refuse to get help.

[@ben-gal8030]

Please have another session on boundaries… examples etc I have a BPD adult daughter and she exhausts me !!!

[@cbarnes5519]

As the daughter in the same scenario, if I am told my mum needs time, she loves me but give her time and she will get back to me, it works. Not straight away but over time it did. But I am a different person to your daughter, it may not work for you both. Hope this helps

[@SuLawn]

I am only just now learning about boundaries. I grew up with none.

[@jayfleming1169]

​@@cbarnes5519 i have a personality disorder to

[@amynock540]

Dr. Phil, thank you. Your voice is very soothing to listen to as you discuss this topic, and very helpful, too. I was diagnosed at 19. I am now 60. BPD is extremely exhausting to deal with. But, I’m still here, and there are good times in my life I can remember. It hasn’t always been horrific. But, it’s not gone either. I guess it’s onward and upward. Thank you again for this very informative discussion.

[@monikamorales4684]

I find these videos so helpful and educational, Thank you Dr.Phil.

[@selenarobinson1493]

BPD is a sign of trauma, of someone whose been wronged, an internalized unresolved misfortune of someone whose been victimized. So labelling someone as Crazy, who are in an unfortunate circumstance, this is the misconduct of a narcassist. A Cold Hearted callous and selfish type of people who like to kick people who are down.

[@alyssakinsman8015]

I am currently working with a therapist on DID and I have mentioned to her that I believe I have BPD. After watching this video I do believe my bio mom and my brother have it as well. But my main concern is for my own daughter. I'm set on stopping the generational trauma here because I never want her to feel the way I do. I really related to a lot that you said and I would like to know how to handle it as a parent struggling with BPD.

[@victoriancrow]

Bpd runs in my family, but I also have DID. I hope therapy goes well for you

[@auntiefan4202]

Just talk and talk and talk and tell your children what's going on. If you have a moment and you're not acting OK you need to tell them what's going on. I'm raising children after being abused. You have to be so mindful of every moment. Tell them the truth.

[@SuLawn]

Somebody else finally speaks 🙌 my language. I was diagnosed with both. Double whammy. God help all of us.

[@a.m.6499]

Dr. Phil, you hit the nail right on the head. I went thru the DBT program and it helped me a lot.

[@joyce6235]

Dr. Phil I am so grateful for you sharing this. I am so glad I discovered you have a KZbin channel. Thru out the year you helped me grow and learn so much. How ever as life went on I became busy and did not get to watch you on t.v. I am glad to have you back in my life.

[@robinmuzik]

I am so glad to hear that you stress the importance of compassion when dealing with folks with BPD. The pain that they experience emotionally and even physically is often unrelenting. DBT certainly brings empirically data to the table but I also believe that Van Kolk’s focus on using yoga and healing in very powerful.

[@heleneholm7059]

OMG !! my friend girl for 30 years has been diagnosed years ago… but said she didn’t think nothing of it. I grew up alone with a Narcissistic father. Now that I’m 53 I have a conflict with my friend because I told her I am tired of her ways. Today is the first day I seek knowledge about BPD and it makes SO much sense ! Now I just worry that I can’t be her friend anymore because of my own wounds… we will see… 😌🙏🏼❤️‍🩹 thank you Dr Phil and greetings from Denmark 🇩🇰💚😊

[@LoveYouBeTrue]

Dr. Phil, thank you for bringing this information in a responsible and grounded manner. Thank you for including the parent-child dynamic. Can you make more videos discussing the parent-child dynamic for the other personality disorders and the impact to the child? Also can you also speak more to: 1- What a comorbidity of BPD and NPD might look like? 2- Distinguishing characteristics and real-life examples Thanks!

[@karadaniel6334]

Dr. Phil, Thank you so much for taking the time to do this. This is truly the best work I’ve seen you do. It shows your compassion, your kindness, your knowledge and/or research and your willingness to help the vast majority of people who are either affected by mental illness, or those living and loving them. Thank you again!

[@tishwitch]

Remember: BPD involves a lot of spontaneous, erratic behavior... We don't often think beyond the pain. So if we want to die, we may actually try in the moment. Take it seriously. Please. I disagree that BPD involves a ploy to get someone to save you. Its more thinking "If anyone cares, they'll stop me" but knowing deep down no one is coming. Its not a ploy. Its a test on our own feelings of abandonment. Just my perspective as a person with BPD who has self harmed. It was never ever for attention. In my mind, it was a finality to prove I was alone. Its really that sad.

[@amandastein6247]

I made a suicide plan when my boyfriend broke up with me, because of my very intense fear of abandonment because of my BPD. it was the *furthest thing* from “a desire for him to save me.” I was in so much pain, I wanted to die.

[@cherylb_88]

Or more so everyone hates me anyway and would rather me be gone and would be much better if I was. One person did save me though and it was a friend. However, after waking up after being on life support for 3 days my mom had me committed. I was there for 4 days. When I got home my grandma kicked me out so I was homeless. Not to mention before doing so she told me to do it right next time. It was a downward spiral after that. I do have a lot of issues and feel those things but usually it’s true. I can always tell when something is wrong and is going to happen before it does. Kinda tired of being right all the time so for the past year or two I’ve disconnected myself from everyone and even closed my social media accounts.

[@Noname-hs5lx]

I agree. Maybe when I was younger but outgrew it

[@tishwitch]

@@Noname-hs5lx thats the normal prognosis. We grow out of it.... In that our hormones go down and we are literally less reactive. Mostly after 50. Cant wait 🤣

[@Noname-hs5lx]

@@tishwitch I’m discussing hysterectomy

[@crxzycxctus2901]

I wonder what your advice would be for dealing with someone who not only has BPD but is also a malignant narcissist.

[@susanv1535]

That mix is really rough. I want to know how you deal with a adult child that is that way too. They do a lot of projection, and the suffering from being their target of choice is horrific. Some can be vindictive for a long time. It can be scary.

[@BeeBeeBell]

I had a friendship with a person with this comorbidity. Because they believe in the validity of the emotions they experience with BPD their need to retaliate, seek vengeance at all costs knows no bounds. Get away if you can. Do not confront them. Move away slowly and detach.

[@princhipessa1969]

@@BeeBeeBell good advice! They are nothing like he is describing. They are evil.

[@iguanamarieigma0787]

To my personal experience. They are extremely cunning. It is the perfect example of Judas. They can be very nice but behind closed doors they are manipulative. If you are the target, they will use all the people around to be against you. The only way to win them is to take back your power. Do not let them fool you. Treat them as if they don't exist at all ( do not show emotions and never let them make you feel like you are the problem ). They know they own the word LIE "A BIG LIE".

[@princhipessa1969]

@@iguanamarieigma0787 I believe you’re correct. I’m currently living it. No one would believe it how giving and friendly she is to outsiders.

[@DanaHaynes]

I've been dealing with a parent that I believe has this and there is no easy way to deal with it. Explosive is an understatement. I suffered the abuse from it. An you do love & care about them but they will try to suck the life right out of you. Im older now an have a lower tolerance for dealing with it: I have my own health to deal with an cant fight off some of these blame attacks finacially. All I can tell you is this: I'm tired of being the adult in me & my parents relationship. An I am sitting here wondering how much of younger ones in our family learned or mimk the behavior or if they have it as well. Its very discouraging to deal with.

[@MT-ne6ge]

I was raised this way. It give me a panic disorder and anxiety attacks as an adult. I seek help in my 30s. And recovered I had to make sure that I would not pass this down to my own children. Like it was passed on down to my parents from my grandparents. I busted that chain for good. And I now can tell the difference from all the different disorders. 🙏✌️❤️

[@jessicarenae5107]

*It really upsets me how our country handles mental health!! We have the technology to check chemicals in the brain yet we go to appointments, tell the doc what symptoms we have and we're prescribed meds to try until we're found something that "might" help! It's sad how difficult it is to get the help needed!! Which also is a huge reason why a lot of ppl turn to drugs and addiction is a huge issue!! It's terribly sad!! Why is this? Is it cost? Bc that certainly seems like the issue!*

[@juliettailor1616]

Talk and cognitive therapy is "expensive" because these things take time and insurance wants people in and out of doctor's offices. Also it is in the interest of the pharmaceutical industry to put people on (harmful) drugs. Really it's often trading one addication for another. This is the plan. The medical establishment doesn't want anyone cured. Sick people are cash cows.

[@jenlee4477]

Meds are not answers. Real healing goes much deeper and involves big changes

[@russellallison26]

All bold typeface and nine exclamation point used in a short paragraph. BPD rage translated through text

[@petermoore5203]

@@russellallison26 Yes. And no gratitude for what is being done either. Someone else is always to blame. Where have I heard that before?

[@PamelaRaya-pl3lj]

You are awesome Dr. Phil in your knowledge and helping people so much.😊

[@jessicakickbush1129]

What powerful information you have given to us. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[@aokASMR]

I have BPD…. I feel so lost so often. I think my mother has BPD too.. but she will never admit it, I want to say she has narcissistic tendencies too. she put my brother and I in so many bad situations and truly traumatized us. She’s black or white , really no in-between … i can’t diagnose her.. but she always made me the villain … even when I was just a child…. I was never enough. And she abandoned us so much but then would gaslight us….. still does to this day.

[@leecotton3242]

So helpful - thank you so much! BTW, just brought home a rescue mastiff and he and I both are enjoying your soothing, kindly tone while I fry up some bacon; have squash from a friend’s garden and will sauté that with some onions and peppers. Thanks again for your generous spirit.

[@victoriancrow]

I didn’t watch it yet, but I want to put this out there. I have BPD and AsPd (diagnosed) my husband also has BPD and ADHD (also diagnosed) yes there can be bad days, but this is a personality disorder. Sometimes we can’t help it. That being said, there’s no excuse when we go out on a rage. There’s a difference between having a personality disorder, and deciding to use it as an excuse. I see three therapist a week to fix my shitty behavior, but not everyone does. This is the same as a depressed person and a suicidal person being compared. We’re not all toxic. Some of us wasn’t to function normally.

[@cannabclaus8036]

Ok watch it then

[@pameladankbar4699]

I was raised by one and walking on egg shells was my entire childhood. My mother raised a text book codependent.

[@kc4699]

this is me and my mum. i've known for a while that these characteristics define both of us, but i've been so scared to talk to my GP about it, even though she really does know. my younger brother thinks i'm horrible, despite everything i've done for him, & has a completely different relationship with mum. he had cancer as an infant & that's when my mum first started rejecting me. i have extreme relationship problems & choose to live reclusively with my animals far away from my family, lest i hurt or be hurt. i don't trust myself to even have friendships bc i always f&ck them up, & a recent violent relationship has really sealed the deal on me better off being alone & crawling back through ptsd. you're right, Dr Phil, this is absolutely miserable. thank god for dogs & cats & nice country neighbours who give me space but are still there for me. i'd be a total goner without all of them. it just seems so much easier to be as alone as possible 😢

[@kristieingland5315]

My last suicide attempt got me put in the hospital amd I FINALLY got the correct diagnosis. Thank God

[@maryt8612]

Amazing videos Dr. Phil. Very therapeutic. These are must watch topics. Thank you for your help and time to help heel and aspire !!!

[@nataliak8102]

Yes, yes, feel empathy for these idiots while they attack and threaten you. They can inflict real physical pain while the victim is supposed to comprehend their ‘emotional’ pain which is nothing but a figment of their imagination, alongside with the myriad other things they perceive. It’s a failure of our society that we don’t lock up individuals with severe mental illnesses who have a propensity for extreme violence.

[@lynhiner4314]

Dr. Phil, I have been diagnosed with BPD and it has been hard at work because my co-workers don't understand it and they don't know how to help me.

[@tishwitch]

They don't have to help you. You have to help you. Have you bought the DBT workbook? Its AMAZING.

[@Anastashya]

It’s your job to help yourself. Not theirs.

[@hpboristo5433]

Thanks Dr Phil. I particularly like you urging us to be more empathetic. Empathy is sadly not so common these days among all the everyday stress, hustle and bustle of fast-paced urban lifestyles

[@Ash-hb9cj]

Mindfulness is probably the hardest part for me. I watched that part of the video more than a few times. I tend to fight it and make it worse. My internal dialogue isn’t that good (better than it use to be) and I tend to look to the past/future a lot. Past reminiscing is mainly for my failures. Sadly I think looking to the future in the way I do is also problematic. I’ve bought artwork and other stuff for a house I “plan” to have in the future. There sitting in a spare room in my current place sitting collecting dust still wrapped in plastic since 2017. When I could be enjoying them now. Which just makes me feel dissatisfied with my current situation. Its a constant reminder my life isn’t where I want it. It’s hard for me to live in the moment. I’m not sure if I have this disorder or if I’ve just been exposed to the behavior. Honestly it could be both. I’m sure narcissism has also played a role, I’m 100% sure I’ve been exposed to that from numerous sources over the course of my life thus far.

[@suzymoroka297]

You’ve just described me down to a tee. My internal dialogue consists of incessant negative chatter, going through my past thing I should have done or said differently, really beating myself up about everything. With future planning, I have bought stuff from GROUPON for the future Daycare Centre I will have in future, mountains of nice clothes in a smaller size that I’m planning to enjoy in future, once my life is in order the way I want to. I started planning for my wedding since I was a teenager, with no boyfriend 😂 and I still have the bridal magazines I’ve accrued over the years in a box somewhere in a big 📦

[@rmw9130]

O9o99 pop

[@elrirust6556]

This was very helpful for someone close to me who went through a divorce recently from a spouse like this. We all understand so much better now. Thank you so much for this.

[@lindasirmeyer3228]

Thank you Dr.Phil.

[@nikkinorton8310]

My mom split. My brother was all good. I was considered all bad. I had to separate for m my parent. The psychological abuse is unreal. I definitely could read the room early. My mother never respected my boundaries. Even since I have an adult. I have wondered what is seen in neuropsychology on PET scan. I don't know what they are telling themselves about themselves. I do know her words are very cruel toward me. There has been a lot of projection that had me confused for a lot of my life. My mom would tell me who I am, but it had no relation to who I am or was. She would tell me how I think or feel, but it would usually I had never had the thoughts or feelings I was accused of. She lied to me about me, and it's always been confusing. I have a question about that therapy. So in the past, they have never been accountable for, and now they are just living in the present. They continue the behaviors yet you can't ever talk about it because they are grounded in the present. Tell me what you hear me say, is definitely a good suggestion if they would answer the question. My mom takes offense to the questions.

[@ashd5889]

You rarely hear the side of bpd sufferers being filled with agony and dread constantly. We hurt. I’m sorry we are hurting and then go and hurt others.

[@jeremytippetts2714]

You are a constant source of greatness, hope,and I dear say angel among men.!!! Never give up Sr!!! We have enjoyed every show since Oprah!!!

[@katesnow8654]

Thank you Dr Phil. I have 3 foster children, who are now adults, who are diagnosed with BPD. This pod cast has been really useful to me and I will watch it again. Very grateful ❤️

[@therealrantroom]

Thank you for being a foster mum that's so needed and also trying to learn about bpd. Ur amazing