Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides reviewed by Mark Kermode

The Pirates of the Caribbean series returns with a fourth instalment, but is there any more story to tell?

[@not_henry_the_fifth]

kermode on pirates' 3: "it started with child hanging and went downhill from there!"

[@chrissonofpear1384]

Eh, took chances though...

[@kylanali9575]

i know it is kind of off topic but does anybody know a good place to stream new series online ?

[@allantorin9307]

@Kylan Ali Flixportal :P

[@kylanali9575]

@Allan Torin Thank you, signed up and it seems like they got a lot of movies there :D Appreciate it !

[@allantorin9307]

@Kylan Ali Glad I could help xD

[@christopherlopes7552]

Kermode: Pirates 3 gets worse after the child hanging. Brilliant.

[@lionofjudah6753]

I like Mark's impression of Jack Sparrow.

[@flyingspaceship1464]

It’s Murdoc from gorrilaz

[@nottomscott6450]

Gris ❤️

[@commieRob]

"There is no story. There is a collection of bits. Here is one of those bits."

[@zoso8thegreat]

I love how sad Mark gets at 8:45, because he really is passionate about cinema, and he realizes how much of a debauchery of cinema this film and franchise is. Telling it like it is, Mark!

[@oldfashionedguy1368]

He talked about it in his book 'The Good, The Bad And The Multiplex'

[@thevaccinator666]

It's literally the embodiment of everything great about cinema. Watch the first four again. With a fresh mind. You'll be amazed.

[@knownpleasures]

mark kermode is a movie intellectual but he is also hilarious

[@fredcollierfinishingtouche6701]

No he’s not and neither are you.

[@pietrpiepir6444]

"its just...nothing at all"

[@knownpleasures]

@@fredcollierfinishingtouche6701 you clearly didn’t see the bit , you know the bit where he impersonates Jack Sparrow

[@evesapple]

as much as i respect kermodes movie knowledge, he was a little bit wrong when he said sparrow wasnt meant to be a good pirate- in the first film, he was described as 'the best pirate I've ever seen' when he stole the navy ship

[@winters0123]

A review cannot be much more scathing than: "it's just nothing at all." Thanks for another great review, Mark!

[@felyxmillicent6538]

At Worlds End was an awesome experience in the theatre the first time I saw it. It was a bit long, but I loved it.

[@Key.Fantasy]

same bro.. its 100x better than on stranger tides.

[@Tez-cg8xc]

Same. Even at it's worst the films are still entertaining because Johnny Depp is hilarious.

[@Maindrian]

"He goes looking for something and somebody else is looking for it as well..." Raiders of the Lost Ark?

[@rw221192]

what saves the pirates of the caribbean sequels for me is the score. of course it never changes but it never gets old

[@trickykid73]

5:35 The David Frost impression was fantastic !!!

[@oldfashionedguy1368]

I like the cold open at the beginning before his review of On Stranger Tides as if to remind us of his genuine hatred of the previous instalment At World's End, that movie probably scarred him for life as far as i'm aware, aside from Inception Mark kinda lost his faith in modern blockbusters because they are more interested in making money than telling stories, he also wrote a book called 'The Good, The Bad And The Multiplex' which for the most part talked about modern blockbusters.

[@JoelRA22]

'He goes looking for something.... And somebody else is looking for it as well.' Lol!

[@morrossey]

8:39 Kermode delivers the lethal hit

[@haggisa]

I love the flappy hands and the looking up seemingly into the distance so much. :D

[@darrylwynwilliams1760]

Brilliant review as always by Dr Mark Kermode ;)

[@MartinandFreddie]

I see Simon got a special pirate T shirt especially for this review. Looking amazingly casual here. Congratulations on the Sony award Simon but Mark should have got one as well if there is any justice. I saw the 1st Pirates OTC film and that was so bad I wouldn't waste my money on the follow ups anyway. Nice to have my decision confirmed by the good Dr !

[@MrSnowy665]

Am I the only person that actually liked the third movie?

[@KSRugby]

+MrSnowy665 i hope so, it was the most boring n confusing n longest bilge i can remember sitting through off the top of my head! Thank god i didnt go to see transformers 4

[@scotty686]

+MrSnowy665 It's like the Shrek sequels - OK to watch at the time if you turn your brain off, but awful compared to the timeless classic that was the original.

[@Raywowomg]

Nope, I enjoyed it. I do have an undying love for the Pirates movies though.

[@Shinoda908]

Yes.

[@fredh1720]

It's really not great as a film but I do genuinely like the story. Can't say the same for this one.

[@KSRugby]

liked this more than the 3rd movie, remember thinking the plot was not as unnecessarily convoluted and confusing, but still can't remember a whole lot about it apart from Penelope Cruz's disguise as jack sparrow when they both meet and the section with the mermaids.

[@maliivan1993]

So the story is basically a giant movie fetch-quest.

[@MartinandFreddie]

I see Simon got a special pirate T shirt especially for this review. Looking amazingly casual here. Congratulations on the Sony award Simon but Mark should have got one!

[@farshnuke]

@Sshelly34213 Midnight was an example of RTD being reigned in, by lack of money, good I concede but its lack of flamboyance has less to do with a stylistic choice and more to do with budget

[@sunnygirly2k4]

I agree with him - it was just one lengthy, futile experience this thing. So perfunctory and trite that it was just dull to watch. The action scenes were so torpid and the tacked on romance was ineffectual. There was no one to route for and even then with these flat, unlikeable people, the 'story' was just dramatically inert. I enjoyed the first but this one sunk like a stone. This year's Indy 4.

[@SureFineWhatever]

I've been looking forward to this Kermodian rant ever since I heard Pirates 4 was being made :')

[@booyahboyuk]

Totally agree, didn't expect to enjoy the first, and was suprised when I did but the sequels were insultingly bad.

[@SureFineWhatever]

@Pepotamo1985 I have vague memories of watching Pirates 3 and being utterly perplexed throughout it. I enjoyed the first film as a simple swash-buckling one-off pirate film (even with the inclusion of Ikea Knightley and Orlundo Bland) but the franchise lost it's way miserably. And people said Cutthroat Island was bad!?

[@ncstaunton]

Which fairground ride lasts ten minutes? :)

[@sinbysin666]

Kermode is so spot in the review!

[@brnleague99]

I liked 4. Saw it on TV late one night and dug it. Thought it was a HELLUVA lot better than 3. But that goes without saying.

[@timothyw98]

Jack Sparrow: I ain't doing that again. You know what Johnny yea your right don't do another, one oh yea you did a fifth one.

[@farshnuke]

Pirates is RTD Doctor Who, lots of stuff happens in it, there's a strange, apparently charismatic, fit bloke in the lead who the stuff revolves around for good or ill but little else. Still better than Love and Monsters though and the Doctor Who Pirates episode come to think of it. And for the record I loved the third film.

[@ash26ace]

@wraithkelso He didn't say "it's a fair ground ride" he said "it's a film based on a fair ground ride" the ride at Disney which the idea was originally based on.

[@Gyropitus]

@OliviaTheGeek Avatar is the exception because it was made partly to highlight how good 3D can be. Since then studios have churned out any old film converted to 3D.

[@theelefantofsurprise]

someone give this man a tv show!

[@David-mg1yj]

It might be time to watch it again.

[@therealkevy]

He's not angry, just disappointed.

[@moeezS]

Holy shit, Toxic Avenger reference! I have really weird nostalgia with that, loved the cartoon.

[@Zenocrate]

Thank the bearded one for Kermode. There are so few intelligent, eloquent, astute and entertaining film critics out there. This review is far more enjoyable than the film itself.

[@HotDogMarchant]

@DontTouchMyVicodin I don't know much about it, but I know that the story for the 4th movie is adapted from the book, it doesn't have anything to do with the previous films.

[@idawson76]

"an active atrocity" ... wonderful!

[@KSRugby]

Pirates of the Caribbean 1: Good film, enjoyable and entertaining adventure and story Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Good funny moments, entertaining, but started to lose it's way a bit towards the end Pirates of the Caribbean 3: 3 hours of complete convoluted boring bilge which stretched out far too long, losing the plot in every sense, but the end battle was ok. Pirates of the Caribbean 4: Better than 3, but can't remember much about it

[@AAS0009]

@RazorSnail absolutely correct, point is - its not 3D its just added layers to the picture, If I want to see that kind of effect, I'll go to a theatre and watch something total crap but it'll still be better than watching crummy movies being putting to 3D.

[@MrE5785]

"it's just nothing" amazing review :D

[@PhantomHoover]

Kermode often gives movies good reviews, even big 'mainstream' Hollywood ones. I guess the negative reviews probably get more attention, but I think he likes films at least as much as he hates them.

[@moviemaker960]

POTC1:A fantastic family-adventure pirate film POTC2:Ok but could've been better. POTC3:boring until the climax came. POTC4:Like the 2nd one.

[@Mickey784cr]

I take offense at calling Disneyland a fairground!

[@danthemango]

Mickey784cr it's a fairground with costumes and puppets. Seriously though, I've never been there. How is it not a fairground?

[@wasteoflifeandinternet9674]

+danthemango because it's a stain upon the face of the planet

[@timothyw98]

Consumerist black hole I think.

[@cycodamo]

I never got the appeal of these movies. I disagree with Kermode on lots of things but he's right about the zero entertainment value repeatedly and cynically proffered in all these films.

[@TrevJ0hn]

It seems they tried to simplify the plot somewhat, maybe a little too much. I thought it was lacking the big CG event like the skeletal pirates of the first or the writhing beard of Davy Jones.

[@blokey8]

I think the summary of the film during the podcast as flat Panda Cola was bang on the mark.

[@EdPlays1997]

Who's Antony Newley?

[@Canhistoryismylife]

what's going on in the reflection at 2:55

[@Shadowman4710]

@jackrandall That sums up my view of the series...

[@cowboifunk]

I thought the whole Barbossa and Blackbeard story had so much potential, I was expecting an epic battle, but he just gave him a cheeky stab

[@TheConciseStatement]

The mass child hanging is actually the best thing about At World's End. It's the only time there's any real sense of danger, and all good adventure films should have moments where things are nasty enough to get under your skin, so there's something genuinely at stake. The rest of that film is a mess though.

[@wardee13]

@wraithkelso I never said you have to take critics' views as gospel, but you don't have to whine when you disagree with them, either. I liked Pirates 4 too, although it was quite messy, but I still like Kermode and enjoyed this review.

[@farshnuke]

@Sshelly34213 That is the best, most even handed comment I think I've ever heard anyone make about Doctor Who

[@666deadman1988]

I enjoyed it. For me, Jack Sparrow is so likeable that it can get me through the movie even if it's a bit rubbish and still enjoy it. Also Lovejoy as Blackbeard was great.

[@ethanwarren8977]

I love calling these kinds of movies roller coaster movies, all the more appropriate here I guess

[@checkoutgirl]

@CallumJStewart He didn't criticise because it had 'that' plot. His point is that there is too much going on plot wise and none of it has any meaning or import whatsoever. Have you never watched a film and thought the various plot strands were cluttered and detracted from the film ? A film can have too much pointless story to it. His main complaint was that he was bored by the film because it wasn't interesting or funny. Leave the film criticism to the professionals. Maltese Falcon indeed.

[@ollywill1657]

I actually love all of the series. There hasn't been one Pirates of the Caribbean movie that I don't like.

[@fredh1720]

I've been rewatching them recently. I found Dead Man's Chest to be awful, but At World's End I weirdly enjoyed a lot. Despite its absurd length, it didn't drag unlike either of the other 2.

[@allaboutdmagic]

I agree with this one, as it's the one POTC movie I don't like. T'others I enjoy on the level they're intended.

[@PauLtus_B]

Exactly,it's nothing.Incredibly boring. Even though: Liked the first,didn't do like there were really things happening. 2nd had some fun ideas,some nice setpieces and lot of nothing stuff. 3rd was kinda the same as the second but with some weird drama. I did enjoy the first 3,they still had an interesting universe(much like star wars prequels really,the world seems interesting). 4th started in London so it took it back to the real world and didn't have any amazing big stuff afterwards.

[@sinbysin666]

@ellbo2 In my first comment, I was trying to prevent a "First!!". I completely agree with Kermode.

[@ChrisDynamo]

1- Very good. 2- Great. 3- Fairly good but a little dull. 4. Completely lost the magic.

[@MattCrawley_Music]

I actually thought the 4th one was the best of all of them. I dont understand the hate.

[@TheHitherto]

Kinda expected him not to rage too much about this one, after the meltdown on the third, heh. "A big empty nothing"? Honestly, I thought the first three were that as well. Even the first one was mediocre at best.

[@SureFineWhatever]

I JUST MIGHT go see a fifth film if Penelope Keith was in it...

[@RoninDave]

1st one was dumb fun 2nd one was so-so 3rd one was incomprehensible crap 4th one was ok but still nonsensical. What was the chalice crap? How did the characters learn about the convoluted ritual with european cups and a fountain of youth that is in America? They were just making shit up as they went along. This is a problem i have with a number of films these days - the plot often makes no sense and is only there as a vehicle for the stars or the special effects

[@sharky1304]

I liked all the POC- movies. 1 was great....and 3 was amidtedly the worst...but they were not that bad!

[@cbak12sg]

I enjoy his reviews, and I'm not interested in these films, so what follows is not Sometimes Kermode a downer on certain people. He hated the first two Harry Potter films and got interested once Chris "bean counter" Columbus stopped directing. Here the previous rants had been against Gore Verbinski, whose absence from the fourth film turned the review into a resigned shrug. What would have been his reaction to a Verbinski directed Potter film?

[@onemorechris]

Is anyone out there kind of happy there's a 5th one coming out, only because we get another rant like this?!

[@MrVice101]

Chris Kelly Yep. Hoping there is another shitty Sex and The City movie, just to see Mark rant.

[@ragnare]

@Pepotamo1985 Hating these obviously terrible films is a surprisingly lonely existence - I even hear serious films buffs rushing to the Pirate's defense. And every time people bring up the box office or try to make it look like I just don't "get" pop culture (

[@handsomebrick]

I liked the first Pirates but if you break it down, even that film didn't have a real plot. I guess the problem is that one of the worst insults you can say about a movie is that "this one's strictly for the most hardcore fans," which may very well apply to the series if Mark Kermode is correct, but perhaps we're nearly all hardcore fans of Johnny Depp.

[@henryc4]

@wraithkelso "So I didn't like Black Swan for its visuals (although the Mila Kuniz/Natalie Portman les scene was decent)" LOL

[@williamhorsman1534]

How did he not mention the $350 million budget...

[@gibbi8]

5:22 hilarious

[@TheHappydead]

never seen a 3d movie, is it as bad as the good doctor proclaims ?

[@SuperBatfreak]

@vibeuk2003 Well i havent seen that one, and it should be quite good i hear, but i liked Trans 1-3, i enjoyed them for what they are lame action movies with huge explosion, really a small and primitive plot.

[@Gyropitus]

3D? Vote with your feet and watch the 2D versions. I've yet to see a film made any better by 3D.

[@kevbee1947]

Come on Mark. Tell us what you really think.

[@randomisraelite]

you must not watch alot of his reviews cause he likes quite a few including twilight.

[@AndreMagalhaesMusic]

I thought Pirates 3 was pretty good....

[@SuperBatfreak]

I didnt drop the ball about Transformers 2, its a good popcornflick nothing more

[@AndreMagalhaesMusic]

The host was really pissed off at him lol

[@pastrychef1985]

The fifth to be directed by a re-animated Sergei Bondarchuk!

[@ash26ace]

@wraithkelso How is that even relevant? It may well be a theme park but it's just a choice of wording, I'm sure he wasn't intending to bash Disneyland.

[@bamboosa]

3 minutes of the Doctor far better than 3 hours (feels like 300) of Pirates. I watched these films online just to see if they were as bad as Mark says. If it's possible, they are worse.

[@Ponty_Paul]

Completely agree with Mark here that PotC 3 is an atrocious film and I'm sure he's right in that part 4 is crap also. I do think this is a terrible review though, he's a bit lost in his style here and not a lot of it makes sense (maybe because the film didn't). Disagree with most comments here - PotC 2 was my favourite.

[@weejockpoopongmcplop]

Maybe you could get to talking about the film in question within a minute? Just a suggestion.

[@bobbydylanio]

He's a film critic, his job is to say what he thinks.

[@elobiretv]

I like his review but Mark is wrong, Jack is supposed to be one of the greatest pirates. thats why he was captain of the perl and how everyone knows his name.

[@fariddamasio7880]

Remember how there was that great legend around Jack about how he escaped the island Barbossa stranded him on and used hair off his back to tie sea turtles together blah blah? It was all just a lie. He got drunk for three days and got lucky that a ship sailed by. Elizabeth saved him the second time by burning the beer barrels and getting the attention of the Navy.

[@w0033944]

@bodieofci5 It was brilliant.

[@w0033944]

@bodieofci5 Impersonation. I haven't seen the film.

[@RockBottomRiser21]

press 6 repeatedly to see somebody on wheels in the background6

[@pacmansays]

I thought the main reason Pirates got such good viewers is because tons of girls had a crush on Johnny Depp in it

[@steveMusicVideoMaker]

"Other views are available, but I'm right."

[@nihad-m]

I loved pirates 3😕😕

[@bobbydylanio]

@RazorSnail cinema is going the same way as music in a popular sense sadly, gimmicks are all that matter to some sadly.

[@JamesKislingbury]

Could have used some Jason Isaacs. . .