Psychologist On Strengthening Your Ability To Be Alone After A Breakup

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Күн бұрын

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@richalexander1138 3 ай бұрын

The most difficult part is forcing yourself to go outside to not be stuck indoors. I went to a concert today by myself and it was BRUTAL seeing happy couples everywhere. Removing the pressure is very very tricky

@dannycolwell8028 3 ай бұрын

Hard to get out of bed 😢

@Lionandlamb 3 ай бұрын

Bro I’m separated and went to see Deadpool vs Wolverine Thursday night and almost cried bro. First time I’ve been to the movies alone in over a decade.

@RHR1991 Ай бұрын

Same for me. Seeing happy couples together when I go out is like pouring salt on a wound.

@MrFilipaguimaraes 4 күн бұрын

You are not alone

@angel-y5z6f 16 күн бұрын

I am nearly 3 months after the break up. We lived together for 6 years and were engaged to be married. I have searched everywhere for help and found this amazing person, Maika! You have been so helpful and seem to understand exactly what is happening. BUT - even though I am trying to close my heart - it is still full of love. I miss him every second of everyday. I dread the end of the working day, weekends, holiday time. I am lost without my soulmate, my best friend. I seem to walk around in a daze, a parallel universe, where everyone else is living and I am just existing. I smile and try and be happy but inside I am broken and my heart aches all the time. I have been to the gym, country walks, cinema and even a dance - but it is all just going through the motions. I feel like I am half a person. Like I lost half of my body. I cry everyday. I just wanted to say that your posts have helped me and I watch them over and over and I just pray that this pain will ease one day. I cannot ever see myself with anyone else. Even though he does not want me - I cannot seem to be able to think negatively about him. Everyone says, time is a healer but it hurts so badly.

@TarisKit 3 ай бұрын

The hardest thing after heartbreaking and moving on is to do it alone :(

@cerico76 3 ай бұрын

It is at the beginning , but if you work on yourself , it is actually better. It is a big occasion to grow and to become a better version of yourself.

@vybinvincent 3 ай бұрын

Yup. I have absolutely no family or friends to rely on. But it’s easy to give and to despair when things seem bleak and hopeless. I have faith things will get improve with time.

@banzaiman1 2 ай бұрын

But how do you live alone? What do you do in the house by yourself? I've always lived with my wife, we rented a flat together after a year of being together, we then bought a house a year later and had a baby. We spent soo much time together and now after 12 years, she's done and is having an affair with a married man. I feel robbed that she never gave me a second chance

@vybinvincent 2 ай бұрын

@@banzaiman1 she robbed herself of a second chance when she had that affair. but, it’s not easy to live alone especially when you partner had been with you for 12 years. you lost apart of you. part of you is dead, and you need to grieve that lost. embrace the grief, cry it out for however many days or weeks you need to. maybe throw a mini funeral for yourself. living on your own isn’t easy at first, but you have to learn how to live with the silence one day at a time. try to enjoy it, not everybody is gifted the tranquility of solitude. but also make plans to fill you life with news hobbies and activities, specifically new things that don’t remind you of her.

@vybinvincent 2 ай бұрын

I’ll add one last thing: You’re stronger than you know. You held onto a relationship for 12 years, and you did what you could with the gifts and skills you had at the time. Take pride in that, not many people can hold onto someone that long.

@Esta-Beed 3 ай бұрын

You must do it alone, I have tried all year to avoid it but ultimately you are just pausing the process no matter what you do to ignore it. You must feel the pain and it's ok, your real self is waiting for you. Am staring to find myself

@cocosung2371 3 ай бұрын

I agree. I am also going it now

@Esta-Beed 3 ай бұрын

@@cocosung2371 Am sorry you have to go through it, there is no set time and no tangible way of confirming you are better but it will make you (us) stronger. I hope the best for you 🙏

@banzaiman1 2 ай бұрын

For me, I just feel like I'm not ready to move on and make important decisions. I need to fall out of love with my wife which so far hasn't gone well, it's been 7 weeks since we separated and it still hurts like hell

@jimjam_games5783 Ай бұрын

Relationship of 18 years (with children), marriage of just 2 years ended abruptly for me via a blindside 3 months ago. We struggled to overcome a betrayal (her betrayal) but I was standing by her and fighting for us. She had other ideas and left me on the spot completely unexpected. 18 years of normality, companionship and love gone in an instant. It really is almost impossible to "find yourself" when so much of you belonged to this other person for so long.

@zloungeact Ай бұрын

Sorry man, I hope you're doing well.

@ChilledOut 3 ай бұрын

I have no problem being alone, I need to learn how to be with someone 😢

@David-nu6kw 3 ай бұрын

Your videos have helped me after a 9 year ending. You seem like a kind person ❤

@ohadellert6319 29 күн бұрын

I'm right there with you. It's all very fresh.

@princessdianaox 3 ай бұрын

Ugh I really needed to see this I am in soooo much pain he’s all I’ve known!!! 4 years

@amelie-db7gu 3 ай бұрын

Love your videos! Absolutely spot on. After 6 years living together, it was a massive grief. No one talks about the massive dip in all the happy hormones like oxytocin so you can truly go into a physiological depression.

@AlbertoSuarezMusic 14 күн бұрын

This video spot to my soul. I’m in the darkest, hardest, saddest moment of my life and I have hope watching this, although I feel so alone, heart broken, lost and soulless.

@alicew87 3 ай бұрын

Thank you. I am going through it currently and I haven’t stopped crying. I feel like I’ve lost my sense of self. Can you please do a video on this?

@DrMaikaSteinborn 2 ай бұрын

I‘ve noted down the request 👍🏻✍️

@cgirlinberlin Ай бұрын

I like it that this video structured itself like a workbook. I like the questions and I took notes to answer them.

@billhosko7723 25 күн бұрын

Bravo. Thank you Maika and to all you sharing on here. Thank you. Feel your loss and sadness, time will heal all wounds if you can allow it.

@KevinMarquez-uk4tt 3 ай бұрын

Wow! I’ve found your channel a few days ago, the previous videos have been so helpful with my process and now this video appears exactly when i needed it! To strengthen my self when i feel lonely. Thank you Dr.

@bossbear1256 3 ай бұрын

I feel that! U not alone I promise. Keep pushing!

@A.Varsakelis Ай бұрын

I was married for 32 years. She passed away and I didn't recover. Then shortly after, too shortly, I got mixed up with a very manipulative and controlling girl. Our six month marriage was me trying to "fix" my problems and please her. When my money ran out, she immediately filed for divorce. Trusting people will not be easy. I want to love and it will destroy me if i cant figure out how to not have to need someone.

@happydays3678 3 ай бұрын

Dear Maika, hello from England. 👋 I can't thank you enough for these amazing videos. You're helping me so much. After my marriage broke down, utterly heartbroken and struggling to function, my close family, siblings, either acted as though nothing has changed, or began putting immense pressure on me to " get over it." This brought the added sorrow of having to detach from my siblings, because I couldn't cope with their comments and expectations. I appreciate your work so much, and the way you have made your help so accessible. Bless you. 🙏❤

@cerico76 3 ай бұрын

The bigger issues I have right now, are living in the present and don't be scare / believe in the future , and also I don't know why , when I go out for a party for example ,or my birthday, it makes me sad instead of happy. It is still hard to forget the past , but I'm getting there.

@bluebubble13 3 ай бұрын

Emotions take time to heal. You will get there, however long it takes. You are doing really well ❤

@cerico76 3 ай бұрын

@@bluebubble13 Thanks for your support. I am really digging as deep as possible into myself to become a better version of myself. It will take time I know, but I've decided to face it instead of trying to avoid it.

@lexystalheim7930 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for this. Still having a hard time after breaking up with my ex. Glad we are still friends. But it is hard.

@Separo1 8 күн бұрын

Being friend with an EX is the hardest and most dangerous thing for us Limerent. I tried and failed.

@Take-yr5hl 22 күн бұрын

I would love more videos of how to cope with breakups!

@DrMaikaSteinborn 19 күн бұрын

I've got more coming :) 👍

@Victory_to_Ukr 3 ай бұрын

Thank you! Already in first 2 min I heard something fundamentally shifting for me

@DrMaikaSteinborn 3 ай бұрын

That’s great ☺️🙏🏻

@Daniel88563 3 ай бұрын

I've just come out of a relationship, we broke up years ago and got back together. We have kids and thought bringing our family unit back together would be great. It wasn't great. I used to live for my ex, everything was on her terms it was me that had to change, i wanted everything back. I was the one who had to make effort. Turns out that's hard after i lived on my own for 18 months. This video is amazing. I wish i could not feel the pain i do. And would love to understand why i compare everyone to my ex. I'm thinking about having therapy to learn to be alone and love myself!

@frokenfingerfardig8108 3 ай бұрын

It's been 1,5 years since the breakup and I'm still struggling. I really think I've tried to get through, to process, to feel the feelings. I understand that I'm a good person and I have a good life, but I feel so sad, abandoned and lonely. Som days I feel so exhausted and desperate, I just don't understand how to get through this and have my life back. I'm most of the time in survivalmode, I'm not living.

@mina77sp 3 ай бұрын

I made the mistake of going to my FA house to ask him why he blocked me when we had promised each other we wouldn’t do that. I have not in the past 3 weeks bombarded him with messages since we broke up I have been implementing the NC rule. But it’s been rough. Really bad. I’m a mess. 😢

@Kumachanchan 3 ай бұрын

don't beat youself up for that move. Don't forget...the heart doesn't listen to logic. Just relax and realize that you did nothing wrong. You seeing them in person makes it hard again but if they aren't ready you can't make someone do something you want them to do. Let go and focus on you. If it's meant to be they will contact you to work it out. When? who knows. But they can't miss you if you are still there. Be strong you are not alone ❤

@thomasandersen2534 3 ай бұрын

You aren’t a mess. Love is crazy and makes you do crazy things. I’ve been there. Trust yourself again do things you like. But removing all reminders of the person helps. DONT look at pictures or reminisce on the past. In time it helps.

@mina77sp 3 ай бұрын

@@Kumachanchan thank you. You gave me hope and made me stop crying at 1 am 😓

@mina77sp 3 ай бұрын

@@thomasandersen2534 thank you I was crying and reading these comments made me feel better

@robertvanderhorst2412 3 ай бұрын

Dear Maika, I really appreciate this post. Its very insightful and came at the exact right time. Please continue your work knowing that you are changing the minds and hearts of people around the world(at least one in the Netherlands 😅). With this you really made a difference for me. My best, Robert

@JonathanRobinson11 3 ай бұрын

Thank you. Very helpful for framing big feelings and emotions.

@jeffcauthen6434 3 ай бұрын

Thank you! Most calming voice and calming advice! Bless you.

@belleiccm9801 3 ай бұрын

Thank you so much Maika for this video! It helped me realize which areas I am making progress in and which ones I need to focus on more and develop intentionally. My break up is turning out to be my transformation and I am enjoying my life more and more.

@richieobura7008 Ай бұрын

My girlfriend of 6 years just broke up with me in the worst way possible. One week before she broke up with me she went quiet abruptly. I just kept trying to reach out to her but she didn't answer any of my calls. So last Sunday after a week of going quiet she decided to break up with me and when I asked why she ghosted me before breaking up she told me all through the week she was with her ex boyfriend. They went out made love and connected and after that she dumped me without even apologizing😢. I feel so lost. I don't know who to talk to. I feel my heart is so heavy.

@Separo1 8 күн бұрын

It is hard and you just need to go through the feelings, and there are a lot of them. The one to avoid is revenge, the revenge will come to her from somebody else. Just take care of you and listen to podcast like this one, listen to book read by someone about dealing with emotions, whatever your age, live YOUR life and slowly forget about them

@Chris-fh2cl 23 күн бұрын

Thank you Dr Maika!

@nicolasvelascoperez7916 2 ай бұрын

This is helping me a lot to heal. Thanks so much

@Laaalt 3 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for your series of videos on the heartbreak topic.It’s really helpful for me and I’m sure thousands of other ppl❤️

@arshitavatsal2385 3 ай бұрын

Exactly what I needed rn, thank you ❤❤

@AndreaLikesMusic 3 ай бұрын

Same. I know this video is about being separate but it helps to know I’m not alone in learning how to be ok with that ❤️❤️

@arshitavatsal2385 2 ай бұрын

I hope both of us get through it soon ❤the most difficult part is feeling like there's something wrong with me for feeling so lonely but not being able to put my finger on what exactly needs fixing... But this video confirmed to me that it's normal to feel this way and it will go away on its own...

@kierlak 3 ай бұрын

What helped me a lot when going through divorce is a book by Richard C. Schwartz: You are The One You've Been Waiting For. I highly recommend it (perhaps reading an introduction to IFS beforehand too).

@LadyRie 3 ай бұрын

Thank you!

@idenshi51 2 ай бұрын

Is it me or your sunflowers are arranged to look like Van Gogh’s? Randomness aside. Thank you Dr Maika, I chanced (KZbin algorithm) upon one of your videos yesterday. Your thoughts/words/knowledge helped me a lot more than you can imagine. I tried many ways and methods. And today might be the day I finally decide to move on after a break up that happened years ago.

@DrMaikaSteinborn 2 ай бұрын

I didn't purposefully arrange them like Van Gogh's, although I really like his paintings 🙂💖. I'm glad my videos resonate with you and helped you so much. Welcome to the channel 🙋

@idenshi51 2 ай бұрын

@@DrMaikaSteinborn it’s an interesting resemblance then, but it’s beautiful. Thank you for the reply. I understand it’s not easy and takes a lot of time and effort to put something together but if ever possible I hope you can do a piece on never having the closure one needed to move on. Thank you once again for your videos.

@DrMaikaSteinborn Ай бұрын

Sure, I can note down this request. ✨ Can you explain a bit more about not having gotten closure - like in the sense that your ex didn't say why they wanted to break up?

@idenshi51 Ай бұрын

Thank you for asking, Dr. Maika. I’ll try to keep it brief. I was in a traumatic? 6-year relationship with a lot of trauma bonding, though we did really love each other. We agreed to take a break so she could find her purpose, and I needed to find mine. We never spoke again. I reached out after 1.5 years but got no reply. It’s been another year, and I believe she’s moved on. I thought she was the one, but maybe my trauma or my projection of what we could have been clouded my judgment. I tried therapy, but, given my self-awareness and life experiences, I didn’t gain much from it. I haven’t dated anyone in almost 3 years (even though there was some people who were clearly interested) because I want to sort myself out and not carry unresolved feelings into something new. I don’t think that would be fair. Still, I feel stuck, unable to move forward with my life.

@DrMaikaSteinborn Ай бұрын

Thanks for elaborating, this helps. I have it on my "next video topics" board!

@palapalak.8907 Ай бұрын

The gym helps me. The pool and the hot tub.

@melvinjperdomo 3 ай бұрын

Are abandonment feelings something everyone deals with? Or are they just a part of the population?

@DrMaikaSteinborn 3 ай бұрын

To a certain extent almost everyone feels it after a breakup, but depending on someone’s past experiences, especially in childhood, some people feel it a lot more intensely.

@scutelnicalina1437 2 ай бұрын

Im 4 months after breaking ( discard) im still very sore and can’t cope with my life……..went to a club last night with 2 friends and i was crying… couldn’t see nobody around… 7 years of relationship just faded away with no Reason… he never even rang to ask how im getting on…..

@TesfamikaelSeleshi 2 ай бұрын

What good would that do to you? Being asked after break up?

@scutelnicalina1437 2 ай бұрын

@@TesfamikaelSeleshi to show that he have something human left in him

@TesfamikaelSeleshi 2 ай бұрын

@@scutelnicalina1437 I'm not trying to be negative or anything but, what if there's nothing human left in him? Because I think after break up, we're on our own, as much as it hurts we should find our way to be okay n heal?