This Could SAVE Your (Future) Marriage | Jordan Peterson Answers on What a Divorce Really Means

Dr. Jordan Peterson could save your marriage, or your future marriage, so, listen carefully.
Spoiler: It's a vow!
#JordanPeterson
#PursuitofMeaning
This is his best book, in my opinion: geni.us/DrJP
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[@PursuitofMeaning]

This is his best book, in my opinion: geni.us/DrJP *HINT: You can get for FREE the audio version narrated by Dr. Peterson himself if you sign up for an Audible Trial.*

[@jacquelinebarlow8843]

i was married but got separated for 3years in my relationship, But After a spell consultation with Dr Wiseone? My relationship was restored...

[@rockerscanies]

lets have it.

[@ajessm]

A happy and lasting marriage to which both partners are committed is one of life's greatest assets.

[@KJ-pu8dw]

Ajessm Aj_and very rare.

[@thecustodian1023]

The thing I don't get is that as men get older their general worth and appeal tend to go up, while women tend not to. Yet today almost every woman pushing 50 or more is well past her prime, too often hate-filled, often grossly fat and out of shape, and yet still think they are hot shit every guy a half or less their age wants a piece of when the guys have made it bluntly clear they want nothing to do with them fo those reasons.

[@Primoh]

@@thecustodian1023 you have to get out of this mindset. get a girl who pushes you just as much as you push her. become better together. there are tons of high-achieving women today along with high-achieving men. there are also many age 50+ men past their primes, hate-filled, fat, and out of shape, as you describe. So don't worry about the people not worth your time and focus on finding someone who motivates and pushes you to become better while you do the same to her. build an amazing life out together. make sure each of you never fall out of shape, never lose ambition, and stay strong through the ups and downs.

[@thecustodian1023]

@@Primoh What mindset? I was just pointing out why so many women cant get good men and nothing more. Sure, there are lots of good women out there and men too. the problem is they are either already taken or they have taken themselves off the market due to the problems that come with my first post.

[@lynnjenkins3663]

This should be compulsory viewing for everyone not yet married!

[@malayrojak]

Maybe for those that are married too

[@jovenalgiangan3522]

And those married

[@noorhamza]

This is why they are opting not to get married, things are heavy and peolle are not willing to heal themselves

[@davidthomspson9771]

EXACTLY

[@andrewlilley3660]

Yeah, so they don't get married! If they've any sense at all, who wants to live their life shackled to someone?

[@Toninho_Marques]

Younger generation is leaving on impulse, whatever they might feel they'll act blindly on it. It's overwhelming the lack of real communication at the moment.

[@dubmcbride5952]

Your spot on.. I may add that people take the word commitment to lightly.

[@marylamb7707]

You're right.

[@ATexasPerson101]

Well my husband is cheating on me and I kinda don’t love that

[@janeteaton3240]

My husband and I agreed that divorce was never an option . We’ve been married for 40yrs . Sadly we got covid and he didn’t survive it . I’m broken hearted . We had to work through a lot of things. I had been abused and that had a lot of baggage to work through . It has been awesome .

[@sharongavin243]

So awful. Very sorry about your husband and all you're going through now.

[@janeteaton3240]

@@sharongavin243 Thank you , it’s been hard, but God is good .

[@nash5844]

This is an inspiring story of marriage. It helped to hear that those marriages exist. The hardest to work through is betrayal and baggage of trauma and abuse that is brought to the relationship but isn’t the new spouses fault. It’s so hard. I am very sorry that your husband has passed away. I can imagine the heartache and loneliness it is causing you. I hope you have a great familial support system at your side. ❤️🙏🏼

[@janeteaton3240]

@@nash5844 Thank you , I have one daughter who is local . She helps me as much as she can. She has her own situations going on right now. I’m trying to support her in that. I do have a loving and supportive church family , they have been wonderful . God is good .. he always has been and I know He will be faithful and continue to walk with me . Our marriage was hard at times , but we determined to live each other even if we didn’t like each other at the time. God worked in us and healed those times . Just so sad to have lost my love , the husband of my youth ... and all the years after that 🙂

[@bufficliff8978]

I'm sorry

[@browmi03]

This was my first marriage. It imploded when both my parents died and I was going to therapy for depression trying to pull myself out of a dark place. Right then I was abandoned. It was horrible.

[@PursuitofMeaning]

I'm sorry to hear that... I hope you're in a much better shape now!

[@Tripple3]

Your ex should have heard this talk...I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Heartbreaking. What happened says a lot about your ex...

[@frankdavf4599]

Then she never loved you

[@browmi03]

@@frankdavf4599 I agree

[@sharongavin243]

So very sorry. I was in a similar situation many years ago with a major loss piled upon previous ones.I do hope you found light in your life again and were able to build strength from within.

[@blendi3825]

This is the only speach of Peterson that I agree 100%. Probably his best speach.

[@atherisgreen1391]

This is 100% accurate. My parents divorced when I was 11. My life went downhill from there...fast. I sometimes daydream about what life might have been like if they tried just a little bit harder and tried really looking far into the future on the effect it would have on their kids in life. I was a very smart kid, talented in almost everything I touched. Through the pain of abandonment and my foundation being pulled from under me, I started drinking. I became a severe alcoholic to deal with my pain, it's cost me nearly everything valuable in my life. I've gone down some very dark paths I probably would never have walked otherwise. I'm almost 40 now, broke and a criminal with 4 kids. It's very hard to carry on some days. But I always think back to how I might have tuned out or what decisions I would have made differently if I wasn't so consumed by pain and let it consume my life. I wonder...

[@johnlarsen7068]

You don't have to wonder. Your past doesn't define your future and if you have the will you can make the changes you need. Check into a detox clinic and get started on being the man your parents weren't.

[@goodshepherd3508]

Past is done brother, don't worry everything is gonna be alright, Actually I also had parents who had divorce when I was 15 years old but I was in hostel at that time I my sister and brother we suffered the trauma and abuse in our family I have been there and experienced that situation and I know how it feels and just wished if things were different. But unfortunately when we went to Christmas holidays and other vacation to our parents from our hostel school we saw how our parents they fought and abused each other and due to which my father became heavy drunker and because of which we became so insecure and now I'm 32 and not yet married but I have learnt many good things in life I have never touched alcohol because it destroyed our family and I have a more compassion towards others I know how it feels and now this year I will get married but I will make sure my children won't go through what I and my siblings went through since childhood.

[@johnstory2760]

Im the opposite. I am glad my parents divorced.

[@TheCrazyCloon]

Nah, this is you blaming others for your choices as well. Sorry but it's not all on them.

[@beethethi7766]

Yes, vowing to stick together “for better or for worse” makes a big difference in feeling free in the relationship. Before I agreed to take those vows, I did put one condition, though: It was that there would be No physical abuse. Thankfully, that was honored.

[@fresiamaldonado3609]

Bee ,excellent !!!⚘ blessings

[@beethethi7766]

@@fresiamaldonado3609 Fresia, Some men don’t understand what “to honor” means-it is in the traditional marriage vows. Maybe vows need to be tweaked a tad bit so they are very specific about No Violence/physical abuse being allowed. Blessings in return 👋

[@jinamerica]

Emotional abuse eventually affects physical health.

[@justinamusyoka4986]

@@jinamerica mind ,body and soul. How i wish all people enter relationships with happiness as their goal.

[@genniferpaulgomez3028]

Most people marry for the wrong reason, & that is why the world is flooded with dysfunctional families all over the globe. True love, never ends.

[@PennySmart]

As a divorced person I totally concur. Much as I never miss my husband of 25 years, I never expected the effect divorce had on children that I wrongly thought were adults.

[@andrewlilley3660]

Well, you know that probably you should have made sure you were an adult before having the kids?

[@bootz0409]

​@andrewlilley3660 That is one of the cruelest comments to someone you don't know I have ever read! Proud of yourself??

[@evaberriman9929]

This attitude kept me in a very unhealthy dynamic for 24 years. People were warning me left, right, and center, and I remained loyal…. Until I was diagnosed with two incurable conditions that severely impact life-span. I was dying from the inside out, and he kept prioritizing himself. Now that I have left, I am much healthier, physically, mentally, emotionally, and a much better mother to my small children. Their trauma from the separation is minimal, because they have only ever known dysfunction. Now they have two homes, of which one is actually healthy where they can be loved children with healthy boundaries.

[@justamom4853]

Well done for getting out. All the best. x

[@angelcdp]

I stayed 5 years too long for those same reasons. I married for life. It took an intervention with my family telling me I’m in an abusive relationship before I even entertained the thought of leaving. I don’t feel guilty for not staying anymore. I feel bad for making the wrong choice in who I married. That’s all. Sad for my kids who don’t get a good father and that they don’t have a two parent household. But we are actually better for getting out. I still think taking marriage vows seriously is right, and so is making sure you marry the right person…& if abuse is a part of it, it’s ok to leave because those vows were broken by the abuse.

[@evaberriman9929]

Angel - I am glad you did. When even his own mother told me that she would support my decision if I were to leave her son, alarm bells went off, but I still worked towards healing what I thought was broken… not even knowing what. The abuse indeed cancelled wedding vows, and it’ll be dangerously irresponsible for me to role-model victimhood to my kids and enabling them to became Narcs and co-dependents, which I am already seeing traits of…

[@angelcdp]

@@evaberriman9929 I’m glad you did too Eva. :) . We learn so much in this life. Sometimes we learn things that end up harmful and have to relearn or unlearn to get to better. He has a good point but that doesn’t mean you stay in those harmful situations.

[@jp783]

Warning you about what? What was the relationship between those warnings and your 2 incurable conditions? What are you actually even talking about? The only thing I can gather from your narrative is that your ex was a selfish person, and even that is a leap.

[@petersutton523]

Don’t always think you know everything Jordan. I lived as you suggest. I was married and I meant it, I was never going to walk away. My wife was unfaithful to me four times. Three times I took her back the fourth time she wouldn’t come back no matter how hard I tried. Obviously I wasn’t giving her all that she felt she wanted I know that but I was doing my very best. Don’t be so judgemental because you don’t know (and can never know) the whole story.

[@GustavoMartinez-op9gs]

I am sorry to hear that Peter, I hope you can find peace and healing.

[@bufficliff8978]

His is just one clip from one lecture. He talks about good reasons for divorce. When he speaks generally he's speaking generally. Normal people in our culture tend to believe they're the exception when they're not--thats who he's speaking to. It was gracious of you to give her a second chance, but he likely would have counseled you to leave before she'd done it the fourth time. I AM sorry for you severe pain. I hope you've pursued counseling in some form

[@S7AN7ON]

JP isn’t being judgmental. What happened to you happened to me also. It takes TWO, and you know as well as I do that if one side won’t, there’s nothing you can say or do to make them. It’s not fair, yes. It sucks, totally. We have to strive to keep our heads screwed on straight for our kid’s sake. Be careful what we allow our minds to focus on. Decide what meaning we want for it in our life, and spend our time with things we can control and not the opposite. Good luck my friend.

[@monicaramirez51015]

Just be honest from the very beginning and transparent genuine authentic. If the person still likes you and accepts you flaws and all then you have a pretty good chance. If you pretend to be someone you are not, six months or years down the road the other may not like the real you that eventually must come out. It works I was happily married for 21 years to a wonderful gentleman, and I just became widowed 5-10-2019 on my 4 year sobriety and today I have 6.5 years sobriety and a lovely sober journey called life.

[@jaydeecee1643]

I would love to have had a normal fighting marriage....I was married 20 years to my children's father...didn't cheat...he came home to happy...clean loving children and spouse..a beautiful clean home and great meals...I was kind..affectionate and available. Took me years to figure out why my love didn't work ...he is a narcissist....saw my kindness as weakness.....his world was about control. I always say .."We had a lot in common..we were both madly in love with him"....living with a narc is tragic...and it doesn't end with divorce..he turned my grown children against me...because they forget..I hope it never happens with my grandkids

[@Adam-xs3ng]

Same here, not all marriages should be saved if you are in a toxic relationship. I'm so sad you had to endure this for 20 years. I'm divorced after 10 years to a covert Narcissist. It almost cost me my mental health. I was accomplished and well liked outside the home but could do nothing right at home. You go from being their everything to being their mental punching bag with no closure or explanation. Once you're out be your best version of yourself, it comes easily, they will try and bring you down but go grey rock and show them no emotion.

[@leaveittothediva]

I agree with him but if you're husband or wife decides that they don't want you anymore, because they are in love with someone else, what then?.

[@andreagrazianodibenedetto1464]

It's certainly true that you need to be committed and not bail out of marriage at the slightest issue. Yet that doesn't mean that you shouldn't divorce ever. When you realize that your spouse is psychologically harmful for your children, a divorce is the lesser evil for sure. Staying married with a toxic/narcissistic/psychopathic person will ruin your children. And if you do, your children will pay a price so high you cannot even imagine. And your children will always resent you for it.

[@amirkoren4407]

Do you think it's more likely you married an actual psychopath or that people will convince themselves of almost anything to justify not doing the hard thing that's admitting your flaws and working thriugh them with your partner

[@Belarus2012]

well you can also ask yourself how did you marry toxic/narcissistic/psychopathic person and decided to have kids with him/her???

[@andreagrazianodibenedetto1464]

@@Belarus2012 That's certainly the right thing to ask. Not talking about myself though, got no point in case ;)

[@Sandromeda.]

@@amirkoren4407 I believe that this is the case often. These days you hear it all of the time: "my partner was a narcissist" It's used like "Idiot", everyone's one except the person talking of course 😉

[@thodan467]

@@Belarus2012 Because they changed or hid it

[@PeterCianci]

...and if the past reveals any clues, we end up exchanging one issue for another... stay put and discover happiness where you are and define why it's making you happy!

[@DonChocolatey]

This guy has an answer for everything. I’m obsessed!

[@elsaberhe9704]

Thanks Jordan P. I totally get what you are saying and agree. When we choose to focus on the egoic world, deny ourselves to use the power within, that's the result. It's a bit difficult subject to conclude what's right or not. Why some works not others. The challenge and divorce reasons vary why people got married,, what their expectations and intentions are. Most importantly where they are in life (looking inwardly or outwardly). Inwardly sees beyond behaviors; just love Outwardly sees behaviors & defensiveness, and wasting time on passing and petty things God bless. Thank you. Love you.

[@elmateo77]

He has some good points, but I'd say the opposite of this is also true. People need to know that if they behave too badly you might leave, otherwise they have no motivation to keep putting effort into the relationship (this is especially true for women, once they know they have you they'll often stop trying).

[@elmateo77]

@@askittenlove13 Not really, because she can always just whisper the word abuse to the police and they'll bury the guy so far under the jail people will wonder if he ever existed at all. Women always have the option to leave (with cash and prizes), but once they say "I do" a man is stuck unless he wants to get raked over the coals in divorce court. Unfortunately there's no law against getting fat and lazy once you're married (I'm also against men who do this, but they usually don't because they know the woman can walk off with half his stuff and find some other guy while he's stuck paying her alimony).

[@KJ-pu8dw]

Elmateo77_true. I have experienced this and witnessed with mates how the woman changes after marriage. Becomes more bratty, demanding, always moody, pulls the pin on the fat grenade. Even more so once there are kids involved. So pleased I did not have kids. I was able to walk away and have my own life.

[@galaxyglitterlatte4664]

I AGREE 100%!!! Goldie Hawn says the reason she and Kurt Russell have lasted so long is because they are NOT married. She said it makes them fight harder for the relationship and not take each other for granted because either one of them could easily walk away at any point.

[@janetfox-petersen2790]

Those are blatant stereotypes. Encouragement, love, openness to listen, to grow, and to change works to preserve relationships. Bad behavior such as threatening to leave when there are difficulties does not foster a healthy relationship.

[@elmateo77]

@@janetfox-petersen2790 I'm not saying to threaten to leave whenever they do something you don't like, that's childish and petty. But the other person needs to know you at least have the option, if they know you're trapped and can't leave no matter what they do then they won't respect you because they basically own you. Stereotypes usually exist for a reason. They're truths that we don't like, but that doesn't make them less true and you ignore them at your peril (or men do anyways, women know that they can leave at any time and divorce courts will side with them in the overwhelming majority of cases).

[@janetfox-petersen2790]

I agree with him and he does mention exceptions. There are always exceptions! Emotional & physical abuse & addiction issues are the exceptions. But when you look at the OVERALL data, how women fare, especially, after divorce, is rough. Too, Professionally and personally, I have seen wonderful step parent situations, but I have seen more professionally awful step parents. We put kids through too much, too much fighting, too much instability. They need constancy, structure, support, & love. After 42 years of marriage, I did divorce, and I am glad I waited. My 3 children needed our marriage. Even the divorce was hard for them when they were full grown adults. My ex and I are friends and we each have great partners for each other now. Our kids deserve that. When Peterson says, why not spend the time working on the issues, I agree! I would have like to have done that! We did not have the skills or tools to work things out. I am a relationship coach now & mediator and definitely learned big time from all my mistakes. Doing okay now, but needed a lot more therapeutic support at the time to continue the marriage.

[@mrquick6775]

How women fare? I can already tell that you haven’t taken the time to see how the opposition is doing.. Tf? Women have it WAY easier after divorce!!

[@karolina8465]

I was in a relationship like that for four years. It was a nightmare.

[@darkcloudsandrainbows3309]

For this to work, both parties have to be LOYAL. Too many men CHEAT and think it’s acceptable since they have no intention of leaving their wives. No one deserves to remain in a marriage with a cheater.

[@jayg.a]

My past started out with my fiancee asking me, if I would do anything he told me to do. He wouldn't tell me what he wanted me to do. I was annoyed and disregarded the red flags. I had been raised in control, I honestly don't beat myself up anymore because I realise I didn't have the skills. He ended up, a violent alcoholic, he said if I ever told anyone, he would divorce me and move and get rich by himself. He kept his word. In the long run I felt free, even though I had asked him to get help, so we could get back together. Now I think of that song That don't impress me much. His rich kick!!!! I was traumatized from that relationship and waited 7 years to get close to a man again. The second time was worse than the first. Dr heckler, jeckler, hyde. I was a scared cat. As soon as we got engaged he would throw off the ring, whenever he was mad.He had hidden drug abuse.I was so nieve. It was a train wreck going down hill, on collision course. I didn't learn how to dream, I only knew how to try and survive. Recently, When youtube decided to put songs with my crushes last name, wedding dances and ads for wedding rings and wedding dresses all I did was cry out the most painful tears.

[@DH-vt3ql]

I used to think that marriage is forever, too. Until my wife cheated on me two months into our marriage. I found out about a year later and we agreed to fix wherever caused this to happen. Fast forward 13 years, i have nothing but contempt for her as with time more lies came about. To give the devil its due. I was not fully invested from that betrayal forward and did things that were detrimental as i felt justified. In the end we are both left hurting and our kids suffer for it. Sometimes, we are just naive. Vetting properly could have saved us all the trouble. Similar values, growing up in healthy families and being honest should be of up most importance.

[@Minsk1973]

I have to respectfully disagree. There is an exception to every rule. We have a right to protect ourselves from evil and harm. We have right for life. And sometimes, there is the situation when divorce is better than stay in. And it is much more difficult to leave the abusive spouse. False hope. False sense of love. Marriage is very important. And we should protect and promote healthy relationships. Be well all! God bless.

[@rey_nemaattori]

Although not addressed in this clip, Jordan is on other snippets quite specific on the fact that some things _are_ a valid reason for divorce, abuse is one of them.

[@danielalovejesus7912]

You can also live separately for a while without being divorced. It's even an explicit option from side of the Church. No need to stay within the reach of the destructive person. This option saved a friend's parents' marriage. He got addicted to alcohol. She told him she would leave but come back if he gets himself together. He went to rehab and after a year they are back together.

[@skylarwright6019]

I agree with you, life is inherently traumatizing. Sometimes staying bound to another person’s dysfunction accompanied with a variety of factors outside of one’s control can take a toll on a person. It’s not inherently noble to endure hardship for the idea of a subjective boundary like a “marriage” or a “relationship”. It’s always sad to leave someone you care about. If you can’t love someone anymore or in the way they deserve you should leave.

[@jp783]

@@skylarwright6019 What?

[@TSCStag]

@@rey_nemaattori could you link the clip he does say it pls?

[@aquarius2284]

Depends on what you are willing to compromise on and what is intolerable. Being polarized on the topic of divorce has never been a good thing, it's harmed a lot of families.

[@djart4866]

It’s one of the greatest struggles in modern times because they are dropping like flies . It is shifting the landscape of Western societies.

[@Cognitofrito]

It's a sad thing when two adults can't be there for their children.

[@raysaspaniol]

Right?

[@GabrielKozsar]

stop the background music thing , thanks

[@jgboys1]

Not only am I leaving, I’m running as fast as I can!

[@brogers1559]

Well, when your spouse is doing whatever and won't talk to you, belittles you for being vulnerable and then pushes you out of the house for the second time... Yeah, I'm out. She'll never change until she addresses her childhood traumas

[@user-dp4bu8jy4b]

We promise to "Love ,honor and cherish"...so when a spouse humiliates, dishonors and puts down their spouse for years...imho the contract is null and void.

[@alonzomosley7]

I said at the beginning of our marriage I was here for the long run.How naive was I,the boxing match for the next 20 years,I couldn't believe the comment abused by her uncle, she was .I was the battering ram for that issue amongst other problems.Divorce destroyed my life emotionally and financially ,in hindsight I would never marry or have children.Sorry to be negative or perhaps realistic

[@alicianicholson2016]

Separation is the only way for some persons. Staying in an unhappy marriage for the children is like a death sentence. You will not be able to be a good parent.

[@christineterpens3136]

I agree you exhaust all measures to prevent a separation, and have no choice in the end.

[@NsShadid]

Marriage is sacred. If one party is to breakaway from the first storm, marriage won't survive the hurricanes that will come. And they will come. Don't waste time with a partner that will negotiate surrender at every difficulty. But there is a catch. And that's where I disagree with JP. - don't live with constant and continuous disrespect/belittling and a gloating partner. -Cannot partner with a cheater/liar -Cannot partner with a physical abuser. And I don't care if kids are involved. I would rather be homeless, cold and hungry rather than living a life without dignity, honor and self-respect.

[@eliromero9322]

Very true, choose carefully before you take the big leap

[@candida1974]

Mr Peterson, I love you.

[@lakshmiGopal-z5y]

My 56 year old husband is planning to leave me once our son goes to university in two years. He is slowly devaluing me now. It is very painful. He says it has nothing to do with me so all hopes of change and reconciliation is shut down. I know that it's more of his need to seek novelty! I don't know what to do. I'm mourning all the positive things we bring into the relationship!!

[@bme7491]

"But if you're at each other's throats, good luck to you." Well, that solved my problem.

[@SuperElkjer]

Well, as we say here in Denmark. Love make you go blind and you have to get married to cure your blindnes 🙂

[@vlorakullashi8934]

So true ...lol

[@ForeverTributesNL]

70 percent of divorces are initiated by women. This is according to a 2015 research study conducted by the American Sociological Association (ASA) which suggests two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women. Among college-educated women, this number jumps up to 90%. Maybe explore why this is and what impact it had and has on society and its future people.

[@justinamusyoka4986]

There are some men traits women dislike.Most men seem to have hidden stuff that a woman fails to understand and due to the uncertainty they opt for their freedom.

[@maylynbayani]

Most non college women are not employed, hence they arebstay at hime wives. If that is the case, divorce is more difficult because they are financially dependent on their spousen

[@jaydeecee1643]

@@maylynbayani you don't need college to be employed

[@maylynbayani]

@@jaydeecee1643 depends on where you live

[@aurograce2983]

@@justinamusyoka4986 what are some of these hidden traits so I could look into it some?

[@lotusmccary9365]

I am for marriage licenses to expire and be renewable if government has to be in charge. Many marriages should end. Even God allows divorce because it is abusive in many cases.

[@hoidoei941]

My gf broke up with me Me: I’m not leaving

[@Void_from_Abyss]

😂 lol

[@Void_from_Abyss]

@@LightningThunder-ip9ol he is not leaving because she is his future wife 😂

[@henriettacharles6465]

I’ve been married for a year with my husband and I made a mistake of not revealing my entire truth before the marriage. I had an arbortion 9 years earlier when I was 16, I told recently and he took his clothes and said he wants a divorce , he says he doesn’t see me the same way and sees no value in me anymore, he doesn’t love me anymore. The Arbotion makes him see me in a different perspective.

[@RKS7642]

I made the mistake of divorcing. I regret it, and will, for the rest of my life.

[@PursuitofMeaning]

Sorry to hear that... Do you think you could've make it work?

[@RKS7642]

@@PursuitofMeaning I just saw this message. After about 2 months of separation, they found someone and said they felt more connected with this other person than they ever felt with me. 15 yrs, that stung, but I only hope they will be happy for many years to come with this other. So, do I think it could have worked? I guess not.. heh. But, such is life. Live and learn, ya know?

[@AlisonChristian-bq4ws]

So then you shouldn’t regret it because the moved on from you so fast which is very telling

[@joelupinacci9900]

Three teens, 17 years of marriage, she took them and left 6 months ago. I have my problems, she does too but nothing that would doom most marriages (infidelity, stealing) I remain committed. I don't want the kids to go through this. I'm gutted. It's been 6 months custody hearing in two weeks. I didn't try this hard for so many years to give up. I must be crazy.

[@jasonbaker4120]

18 years here, she had an emotional affair and when I confront, she wants to leave. Unfortunately I am a successful business man, she makes peanuts. I can’t afford my house that is currently paid and I have to give her a small fortune so she can enjoy her new house and start a relationship with this horrible dude who took advantage of her when she was not well.

[@user-ew8gv6kw5i]

5 love languages, Gary chapmen an amazing book to read together

[@ashleymeyers5675]

This is literally me and my partner, his uncle abused him when he was 5 and every time I do or say something he doesn't like he threatens to leave. We have three kids together and he swears he is over the abuse and has moved on but I see the cracks all the time.

[@catsaresocute650]

Yeah and no, can't you be like we vow to try everything we can to stay thogether, but we also formulate a line we don't want the other to cross? Or something

[@catsaresocute650]

Isn't that part of why a marrige contract is so resonable?

[@catsaresocute650]

Bc it sais we stay thogether, but under x,y,z rules and if we can't or one person breaks it then a,b,c. So both you can break up, bc you set all the necessery things to order and you also know the price.

[@Angrybogan]

Thank you Dr Peterson for providing a counter to modern no-fault divorce. Only middle-class wealthy and stupid fools say, "Well it's better for the parents to be apart and co-operating than together and fighting".

[@johngranata5515]

Pfffft. Every person should be made to watch this video whether you’re marrying or not. I learned more in 5 minutes with this man than if i went to Harvard , Yale and Cambridge for 20 years

[@mariavani8839]

It is the truth that no one wants to hear especially about kids and divorce

[@user-kh1so3wh7k]

Once people start committing for the more true reasons than compulsion to stay with those who are unable or unwilling to love.

[@localopenmicpodcast]

If both stick to their vows, the 'Saturday-night fights' shouldn't occur. The contemporary Christian view of marriage doesn't really understand the genealogy of the classic vows, to love, honor and cherish, until death do us part. They have their clear origins in Old Testament laws about marriage. When one person breaks their vows (don't think adultery here), the other is free to sever the marriage. By the time divorce actually happens most of the non-sexual vows have been shattered. It really does take two to make it all work. Even with vows that lay in pieces at their feet, two people can still pull it back into shape but that is very rare. Many children are saved from a terrible upbringing because their parent moved on from a bad situation.

[@jamesyoung187]

I told my wife this when trying to get her to talk with me about the problems we were having in our marriage. She disappeared with my children a week later. 😢 In retrospect, it was clear that she was making the marriage as miserable for me as she could, so that I would leave and be the "bastard leaving the family". This, after spending a lot of years yelling and screaming and spitting in my face, apparently trying to get me to "touch" her so that I could be framed as the "physically abusive husband".

[@AlisonChristian-bq4ws]

Yuck. I hope you left you need to protect yourself!

[@elkhuntr2816]

This is why Gods plan is best for marriage. No option for divorce except possibly infidelity or abuse. If the option to divorce is not there, the marriage is more likely to succeed.

[@MAMP]

"I'm not leaving, no matter what!". Literally the worst possible thing you can say if you're in a relationship with a narcissist.

[@ARenewedmind]

I think (and I was married for 27 yrs in an unhappy marriage that was non-violent physically but violent emotionally), that the present high divorce rate is actually because of unwise parenting. Children are not taught about commitment, perseverance and taking responsibility for decisions. Too much parenting teach children to be selfish, self-gratifying and constantly happy (the "I don't want my kids to go without" syndrome). Added to that, the "no fault" divorce law, just is wrong. But Jordan is absolutely right! Divorce, unless because of physical abuse, just adds to future troubles

[@PursuitofMeaning]

I couldn't agree more! You are exactly, my thoughts :)

[@josephgabriele4428]

Okay Jordan, So I agree, except I am already divorced with a young adult son. What is your advice to me. Sir. ? Seriously??

[@GrubKiller436]

Of course there are exceptions. But the optimal behavior is to act as if. The attitude you have is what's going to determine your bond. That is what can make the best kind of marriage. Your attitude... to act as if he/she is your long-term partner. Those who don't understand that miss the point of marriage. If "long-term partner" is not your attitude then you shouldn't get married, if you're just gonna bail at any opportunity.

[@jpbart1390]

The only thing wrong with my parents' divorce is that it took way too long to happen!

[@silvietee7447]

Mikhalia seems to be very happy in her second marriage and her daughter it producednseems to be well adjusted with her step father. Now she has gone on to become a mother again in her second marriage and appears to be doing just fine with her channel. Guess she must be the exception to what divorce really means.

[@erendiraolsen4843]

Step parents love the children as they love the spouse and are perceived in a bad light,it is easy to have wonderful laughs and family time together,sometimes it's the blood parent who doesn't bother to communicate and has head in tv or phone .Keep mobiles to a minimum family meals together,and take an interest. Gift they love means a lot to them .Love and care,keeping in touch no excuse these days with technology.

[@danielpayne1597]

I swore to God and before a lot of people that I'd love my wife 'til my dying breath. Year 1 was rough, but instead of splitting, I stayed true by God's grace. We've been married for almost a dozen years now, love each other more than ever, and cherish our lives together with our kids. I'm with her, ride or die.

[@grantarmbruster6591]

Singular problem with this is when one of the partners takes this as a free pass to do whatever they want knowing that you will never leave

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Yep, that was my life for 18 years with four kids… until I seriously started working on trying to leave him last January… then he takes it seriously because now he realizes oh I don’t care about the religious rules we put around ourselves that don’t make sense. There is no way that God wants us to stay with somebody who breaks covenant over and over and over again and selfishly desires themselves, and that causes extra work for the other person, neglect and criticism … Finally had it … I almost walked out again a month ago because he still refuses to listen when he hurts me and defends himself actually fix the problem. I have over a decade of unresolved emotional and mental issues with him, and I finally let him have it … I felt bad about it afterwards, but I realized I have to stop trying to bond with somebody who doesn’t want to do that. Now he is trying to be nice, but the only change that happened when I finally came to my wits end. We should not be changing just because the other person is either gonna leave us or go crazy if we don’t … if we are hurting somebody, we should be willing to listen and work through the issue together so we can be stronger… There are more vows made on the wedding day then just sexual Fidelity…. Rita, stop saying that is the only reason to leave. Bible says the man can only divorce his wife over infidelity … it does not specify what the woman can and cannot do…. There is more about that in the Old Testament. I think because women tend to put up with a lot more are generally emotionally weaker but most of the relationship if the man is not acting right towards her… I’m not sure, but it needs to be looked into instead of just ignored as if we have all the answers . People should not have to put up with the most emotional and verbal abuse and neglect, and the majority of the chores where they’re strung out emotionally, tired, and exhausted with no one giving or caring for them.

[@erendiraolsen4843]

People give up easily these days,but if there is extreme physical violence and mental abuse there are people who will help numbers to call,get out of that relationship as it will be to your and the children's detriment ,divorce online is simple and takes a few weeks if on a low income free

[@markcollins1012]

It sadly only takes one person to want divorce. As an individual you can do all the work, have all the knowledge and have all the will to make marriage last and sustain. But if the other person wants out, there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

[@nelly99100]

Your daughter just posted recently that she’s divorcing. How does that coalesce with your advice and view that you should stay married?

[@PursuitofMeaning]

I thought about that too...

[@lauren8407]

I think people forget they say “for better or for worse”…

[@mabethsteenberg9813]

The worse only comes out when the ring is on the finger

[@mabethsteenberg9813]

Well, I had the worse for 26 years, when is it enough?

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

I think it depends on the personalities of other people the situation. I agree with both stances. Staying together should be the goal … But some men like my husband, think that means they can do whatever they want and whatever they want because you’re not not going anywhere … so they ignore you and neglect you and act like they already have you so why work on the relationship?. And I stupidly allowed him to have that attitude for far too long because I refuse to leave even if it was a temporary thing… Some men need to know that if they pull certain types of things that you’re not going to stick around and break the covenant and the vows you made on your wedding day. There is more to the marriage covenant and breaking it other than infidelity and abuse … there is neglect and self-centered, selfish self-serving behavior; not providing for your family; He was saying anything in and unhealthy manner to cope with your issues… ALL THESE THINGS ALSO BREAK THE MARRIAGE. Now, if you can bring up those issues and discuss them and work through them , there’s no need to leave… yet if that person is not concerned and fights with you and calls you names and attacks you for bringing up something that is a problem to them… this is an endpoint because you can’t improve the marriage if the other person won’t see where the problems are. The course of action you have after trying to resolve things several times is to put up with it continue hurting and risk being hurt over and over or take a leave of absence with the hope that it’s temporary.

[@1user-2023]

decades later the kids still feel the ache of divorce

[@MrIrishscouse]

And the object lesson? To avoid a divorce . . . avoid getting married.

[@hanswoast7]

Or just think about it, talk about it with your partner and make sure both of you understand what kind of decision you are up to. Other people can be hell on earth, but also heaven. You can use a knife to kill someone, or to butter a bread. It's a choice.

[@MrIrishscouse]

@@hanswoast7 Other people are both heaven and hell on earth. Another human being is never a totality of one and a complete absence of the other. Get the proportion wrong, or don't know what it is until it is too late, you're heading for divorce territory, or put simply, you're screwed.

[@englishgrattitude282]

Best advice ever!!! Folks, do not divorce....once you have 2 or more kids do not!

[@aquarius2284]

Partners divorce because they are no longer willing to invest in the relationship, the marriage was never about kids. And a kid would be less traumatized if his or her parents divorce, rather than the parents staying together and fighting incessantly. That's more traumatic.

[@mslazas8355]

I am married to a serious addict. We have a young child and have been living separately for 3 years because I don't want our child growing up around the chaos or seeing his father like that. I don't know what to do. It's either grow up with an addict father or grow up in a fatherless household. I've tried being supportive without enabling but he says he doesn't want to stop drinking or doing drugs. He says he wants to be a family and be an addict, he won't pick one or the other. No matter what I do it never makes a difference. I am going to be waiting for him to get it together forever but I can't move on anyways. I feel so incredibly alone. Any advice would be appreciated

[@eddiehernandez7806]

No need to give you advice.your are being a good and faithful wife.God is please with you.He knows and understand your pain.He has been with you all this time.Give Him your sorrow and offer for your husband conversion.He knows what is in your heart already.You just need to ask and believe it. patience will be your virtue.you are in my prayers.

[@katemiller5990]

Sorry that you are feeling so alone. You are courageous, patient and protective, and your son is blessed to have a mamma like you looking out for him. Are you able to see a professional in your area to help you work through these issues? Not sure where you're located, but where I'm from in Australia, my GP was able to refer me to see a psychologist. A number of sessions per year were covered by Medicare. So grateful for the clarity and confidence I gained during the couple of years I saw him, it really changed my life.

[@geoffreylynnegambrelljr.4132]

To me it's like this: if someone I'm dating has a kid then, there is nothing more important in our relationship than the child/children. It's about the quality of time I spend with the people in my life that matters the most to me. That's just what I want and how I see so, there isn't a conflict to get around in the first place. I don't think a woman having kids reduces their "market value" any lower than it would if they were on their own. In fact, if they have a good relationship with their child then it seems like their appeal is higher because, it shows they are a loving mother. ❤

[@clarkelaidlaw1678]

Someone is really smart when they realise how little they know.This does not apply to Jordon Peterson.

[@jordanravaelayton2903]

This is me but my husband left me. Pray he comes back to me.

[@nataliedulaney8347]

I do hope this is unless the other person becomes abusive. I love my husband dearly, in fact I love him more than I have ever loved another person. He went to jail for strangling me in front of our children. He has never forgiven me. I'm finally leaving because I would rather be broke and unlovable than subject myself or my children to it any longer.

[@gloriatucker9796]

I agreed divorce is not an option all by myself. My husband not so much

[@doortjedartel9009]

This is exactly how I experienced my "relationship" with our stephfather: every single moment with my mother was too much. I never felt welcome anymore. My mother turned into a "mother from hell". They were no grandparents to my sons (in their words), etcetra. Lets do better ourselves.

[@lucky9er567]

I don’t disagree with dr Peterson, I think a 5 minute portion of this lecture is lacking crucial information. “I’ve got you and you’ve got me and I’m not leaving, unless….” That’s where the vows come in. I will honor you, cherish you and keep myself for you until death do us part. You cheat (not keeping yourself for your partner) then you broke the vow and your spouse is free immediately. Not something you should ever be expected to try to work through because you’re not gonna. We all know, that is gonna sit in the back of your mind forever and just eat away at you.

[@kimora7964]

Sometimes I would threaten divorce coz I was scared that he would leave, thankfully he kept saying no or he just ignored me. Deep down I knew i didn't mean it. It also came from a fear of being on my own again but I worked on myself n it helped our marriage. I found out through coming close to God that il be ok single or married. Psalms 83;18 ❤

[@Lightning__Fox]

I screwed up and betrayed my loves trust… but god I just want to fix it.

[@juditbirinyi4898]

This is one of the topics where I don't agree with him. In fact, what he is saying is dangerous and one of the reason why so many people stay in abusive relationships for so long. This only works with two genuine, "normal" people. But what do you do when This is being used against you and you are being treated badly and when you call it out you get an answer along the lines of "yeah, and what are you gonna do about it" if your basic stand is that none of you can leave. People behave much worse if there are no consequences (or the consequences are not as direct and as obvious as splitting up)

[@pawszu]

See your problem is that you listen but you can't hear.

[@joepisacreta3822]

@Judit Birinyi id be very interested in how broadly you’d define “treated badly.” Do you mean a pattern of abuse? Then sure. Anything beyond that then it sounds like you’re not interested in putting in the work to grow in love and focus on your part in the relationship instead of worrying about how things aren’t living up to your expectations.

[@chocomellie]

Who told he was talking about abusive relationsship?😂 being abusive is crossing the bounderies/ law.😂

[@vikinglord11]

My marriage is upside down. Simply put. I want a family. She doesn't and wont even consider adoption. She wont a get job either. I still care about her and don't want to abandon her. Talking about it keeps getting us no where. I don't know what to do.

[@cameronheiser2421]

I hope you find deep compassion for yourself

[@sarahw.mcelyea5655]

Til death so us part. That's the point of marriage.

[@shastaterrace4308]

I found this to be an exceptional conversation. I wonder though, how would Dr. Peterson view adultery? I was married once, to an only child. We were young and didn't really have much of a concept of the greater world. We had our fights but deceit was always a problem with her. We fought about that more than anything else really. I was brought up to be an honest guy and to view loyalty (to friends, family and in romantic relations) as being fundamental to any kind of partnership. So when she cheated and elected to view the events as non-concerns (which lent me to the belief that she didn't really see adultery as wrong or hurtful and so was likely to repeat the behavior) I made the decision to divorce. She wasn't happy about it but didn't fight it. I think she hoped I would cool down after a while and we would get back together. But after years of fighting over constant deceit (and it would be over anything. She just seemed to enjoy lying even though I would catch her in so many of them) Like, how do you remain committed to someone you can't trust? How do you remain committed to someone who is uncommitted to you? Is that something that should be considered?

[@GH-hr5xc]

Swearing doesn’t make your argument strong.

[@PursuitofMeaning]

But sometimes is funny :)

[@chaneymcdonnell5567]

I agree with this. It’s a vow I took before God and I take it seriously. My wife wants a divorce and I told her no. If she needs space then go have some but I’m not going anywhere. I said for better or worse not “ I don’t feel like it” till DEATH (meaning my lifetime) does us part. The courts need to stop enticing and interfering in these types of divorce. I’m not talking about abuse. I’m talking about everything else

[@thecustodian1023]

I did a variation of this with my now ex-wife. No matter how far off the deep end she went trying to push me to pull the plug on us, I never did. In the end, it got so childish and bizarre that when we went in front of the judge he put the whole divorce cost on her because it was so petty, stupid and just uncalled for.

[@mellis1369]

Great video! Praying my wife learns this before it's too late

[@2FollowHim777]

Please tell Mikhaela. She just put up a video on divorce. I got the sense her husband CARES. I said 'SEPARATE but no divorce'. Excellent points, it's a sacred vow. Just as climate has storms, we do, too. They pass. Let's let them pass. I liked what Bill Maher said the 3 most important words in a relationship were. Not 'I love you', no. He said 'Let it go'. Throw out being RIGHT. Thanks !!

[@tanyaclifford9028]

I suppose that this video will cause alot of different opinions and questions. Maybe it is better to view the entire lecture. Can you please post the link? I would love to listen to more

[@ronfender8101]

The concept in thinking you can be miserable in the only relationship in life youll ever have if you pick the wrong person, is really sad, that to me is not an accomplishment its a zero accomplishment. Early religious conditioning , all about suffering.

[@c.a.henderson7957]

Very informative!

[@lisasaathoff2637]

JP God’s blessed with wisdom and the gift to reach people of all ages and walks of life. I forwarded this video to my 28 y old single son and told him to forward to his friends 4 of which are getting married in 2022. My only request as a devout Catholic, could you cut down on the use of Our Lord’s name in ways that aren’t appropriate? It’s tough to hear. God bless you and your family !

[@julebene3897]

Yep ok to get mad just don t leave. I don t think I ever could leave my last love any way😏

[@frankdavf4599]

You cant accomplish that with a narcicist

[@jamajakaarivibes1623]

JBP just perpetually blows my mind. I cannot hear enuf of your wisdom sir, my boet. I needed to hear this coz i promise you today i am primed to leave my shit relationship