Saying Goodbye to Your Roots in 'The Farewell'

[@SirLotzz]

As a chinese american, the scene where billie expressed how she felt when her grandpa passed away to his mom had me balling. I remember specifically when my parents didn't mention a word about my grandfather's illness until that week when he passed. I think they really nailed the dichotomy between eastern and western culture.

[@andrewcheng2852]

That's fucked up...

[@unispeck2853]

I am Swedish, but I grew up in Singapore and attended an American-based international school. I am definitely a third culture kid. My friends have always been people similar to me, kids growing up in another culture foreign to their own. Currently, I also have friends who are 'hidden immigrants'; they are American-born Chinese, but moved to Singapore later in life, where people assume they are Singaporean. They get recognized for being something they are not; I, on the other hand, who has spent most of my life in Singapore, will never be given any credit for my experiences. I will always be 'the foreigner'. While that is something I have come to accept as part of my life, it does not mean it's a painless reality.

[@simonem5890]

i relate greatly to you, being first generation filipino, who is also half white, and raised everywhere and anywhere. ive lived in many places, and each place i took something with me, adding little morsels of variance in my already odd culture. i live in america now, its difficult to feel like a belonging piece in my fathers family and even my mothers, whom i look and feel closer to. i watch this movie and bawled. i feel more belonging knowing that there are others like me, confused, feeling lost, but most of all whole. our pain may not be the same, but our pain rhymes.

[@kaidanalenko5222]

S gab you are sewdish embrace and celebrate it its good being Scandinavian. kaya m you are pagpaglander end 😂🤣

[@alenanela1743]

Hi there! I am Singaporean and I used to go to SAIS (did you go to SAS btw) but I didn’t live in Singapore until I was 8. I was definitely a ‘hidden immigrant’ in the countries I lived in though. The feelings you have are completely valid, and just remember that being a third culture kid is tough. However, you are officially multicultural and have a lot of life experiences.

[@Maya-sv1pz]

this is also a fact that I have come to accept. although with pain, that what I look like is and will always be part of my identity and determine my belongings. doesn't matter my local accent. I just do not look like the stereotype. it's not an easy thing to accept. being born into a family of dying language, dying matriachy and dying cuisine. all of which died with my grandmother because I inherited more of the society I grew up in....

[@xueueux]

Because the thought of "foreigners" integrate into Asian culture is foreign for a lot of Asians...because that is the common thing people see...it's very rare for white people coming to Asia and use their languages and cultures... But once you show you speak the language and has local demeanor usually, asians who know you definitely think you are part of the people...sorry but it's true...for whole my career working with British company in south east asia, I can only find 1 British who learn our local language and try to be more considerate with the locals...the rest? Just speak in English no matter how long they have stayed in here..

[@progressdaily100]

for me, it's kind of sad being asian american, you explained why well. i tell myself pretty much daily "you're not two halves of 2 cultures, you are completely both". but my subconscious feels a bit in limbo, 2 families that see me as a foreigner.

[@sleepyninjarin7971]

having really diverse friends helps make it obvious you are a perfect amount of both

[@Natzeit]

I'm half Asian and for a long time, I struggled with my identity not feeling enough for either culture. I always asked my parents to tell me all about their cultures so I could feel more a part of their communities but never felt enough. One time I talked to my mom (the Asian parent) about this and she told me that sometimes she doesn't feel Asian enough sometimes which is crazy because she lived in China for 40 years before immigrating. I thought if she doesn't feel Asian enough (a fully Chinese person who was born, raised, and lived there for a majority of her life) there's no way I'll ever feel Asian enough if I hold myself to others' standards. I still struggle with my identity a lot but it helps to remind myself that no one is asking me to be one way or another and that I just need to be Asian enough for myself. If I want to become immersed in Chinese culture then I can do that and if I don't, I don't have to do that.

[@dominicw4723]

I think its difficult with any family especially when you have language barriers. Adding more language barriers can make it even more challenging too. I also understand the culture of lies because growing up my mom had a Korean coworker and it was the age old comparing of children AND I WASN'T EVEN ASIAN! I'm hispanic! LOL

[@Evi19th]

I am half Norwegian and half Polish. When people ask me what I feel like being the most Norwegian or Polish. I tell them I feel too Polish to be a Norwegain, and too Norwegian to be Polish. It made me feel bad when I was younger. Today I don't want to be either Norwegian or Polish. I am just myself. It has never bothered me since. I have lived in many different countires all my life and stopped trying too hard to fit it. I do my best to adapt and fit in to which ever country and culture I am in. That is the best I can do. If that does not please people I don't really care anymore.

[@robertbenitez3647]

@@Natzeit you're half asian it's not that deep.

[@sortingoutmyclothes8131]

I'm not a U.S. American and I'm not an immigrant, but this really made me think. I'm from Argentina, a country heavily influenced by immigration, of which I am a result. My grandfather was born in Sofia, Bulgaria, and after he saw his hometown bombarded by the Allies, he moved to Germany, where he learned fluent German and became essentially fully germanized. People used to ask him what region of Germany he was from, his German was so good. But the war was still raging there, so he eventually applied for entry into Canada, Australia or Argentina, and Argentina answered first, so he moved there. There he met my grandmother in the German speaking community in Buenos Aires. His brother was married to a German woman and German culture was part of their every day life... in Argentina. He was a Bulgarian who was a German immigrant in Argentina. On the other hand you have my grandmother. She was not born in Germany, she was born in Paraguay, in a German speaking community. Her father was Swiss and her mother Austrian, and she spoke German at home and Guarani, an indigenous language spoken by most Paraguayans, with the kids from the neighborhood. She didn't learn Spanish until she started school. Her parents died when she was young, and she moved to Argentina, where she had family... in German speaking communities. Eventually she moved to Buenos Aires to look for work, where she frequented... the German speaking community. And that's where she met my grandad. I always think about their identities. What did they consider themselves to be. My grandfather went from country to country, taking bits and pieces but always ready to transform all over again, having a harder time each time the older he got. Eventually he was an honest to god mix of all of his experiences. My grandmother wasn't even born in the old country, but she carried that with her her entire life, never truly becoming of any land she was at, always connected to her heritage. At home, my dad and uncle were spoken to in German, not Bulgarian. They ate Fleishpflänzerlchen and danced around a Tenenbaum on Christmas. But interestingly, as my father started losing the language, they welcomed it fully. My father was more like my other grandfather in that way... My maternal grandfather was born in Argentina, but both his parents were Ukrainian Jews who separately came to Argentina. There are plenty of interesting stories of doubtful accuracy about their ordeal, but very little about what it meant for him to be the children of immigrants reached my ears. As far as I know he only spoke Spanish, and he married my grandmother, who was a devout catholic, so he couldn't have been hugely religious, having no qualms with his children being raised catholic as well. What was his relationship to his Ukrainian Jewish heritage? I don't know. I don't know if he spoke Yiddish or Russian at home. I don't know if he fought with his parents over religion or culture. All I know is that he was a good father to my mother. A good Argentinian father, in every way I know. My grandmother was a more traditional Argentine, her father was Italian, but that's extremely common in Argentina, and her mother was fully Argentine, with ancestors going back to the colonial era, and supposedly related to one of Argentina's founding fathers, Sarmiento. So when my grandmother met my grandfather, he just met another Argentinian man. I wonder what that was like for him. He died when I was three, so I'll never know. My father had a very similar experience. As a young child, he stood out because he was very blonde and German looking, in a neighborhood with no other German immigrants. He used to run around crying out for "Kartoffeln und Fleische! Kartoffeln und Fleische!" (meat and potatoes), which made the men working at home with his father building plastic trinkets laugh at him. He soon forgot all his German. He is one of the most Argentinian people I know, culturally, now. Both of his parents were okay with this. At the time, there was a false belief that bilingualism in childhood meant the kid wouldn't be able to speak either language properly. But I also think it's because they both knew how hard it was to be from elsewhere, to feel an other in your own home. They wished he would just grow up to be comfortable as a member of this new world of his. Even my grandma let it slide, with her love for all that is German. They were probably tired, and wanted a fully non-immigrant experience for my father, I don't know. I guess Aquafina's character shouldn't forget that what she thinks the U.S. is, and what makes it different from her background isn't fully what the U.S. really is, because the U.S. now has her, and lots of other Chinese Americans, changing the U.S. as she goes through it. I don't think I could conceive of what it means to be Argentinian without my ancestors' experience as a part of it. They came and felt the need to change themselves, but they couldn't help but change the place they came to as well. Billy will continue to live in the U.S., and although she may feel alienated from both sides, as she stays there, builds a life, and influences others around her, she is effectively contributing to turning the U.S. more like her. Other Americans without Chinese heritage will have aspects of what she brought to the table because she was there and was herself. Maybe she'll never feel like she truly belongs on either side, but she is unwittingly becoming part of what the U.S. needs in order for it to become something new, where her belonging is just part of the whole. As she loses her heritage, that loss isn't truly complete, because she is creating a new heritage in the U.S. that people after her will cherish and need the way she has cherished and needed her Chinese heritage. I mean, I can't relate to Bulgarian culture, I don't know anything about it. I can't truly say I'm Swiss or Austrian, I'm not really Jewish or Ukrainian... all I am is Argentinian. But I carry those stories with me. My heritage is in that struggle. What my forbearers went through stripped away the purity of their heritage, but that forced them to create something new, which is what they had to give to me, willingly or not, knowingly or not. IDK, just felt like commenting.

[@emilygarloff5373]

first time ive cried at a film essay ty :)

[@ydwang6726]

i thought i'd be safe from crying watching a video on the farewell and lets just say i was so wrong

[@NekoJesusPie]

This speaks to me a lot, and I’m really grateful you’re talking about this film. I’m an immigrant (we’re Mexican), my gramma is the person I love more than anybody on this earth, she’s very old and I haven’t seen her in 5 years. I can’t afford to see her more often, but I genuinely feel like the earth will suffer a loss when she’s gone, like all of humanity is losing her and nor I or the species will ever really recover. I could never express how much I love her. I was raised there though, and to me it feels like my my Mexican-nes is dying, like I’m slowly allowing it to become ill and weak from daily pressures and insecurities around assimilation. I wasn’t raised here, but I’ve “adapted” beyond a point where I’ll ever cease to be American, I left my family, my country has changed and outgrown me and is unrecognizable to me now. My grandmother reminds me of this. Despite being a brilliant, loving, incredible person, despite accomplishing amazing feats, she’s going to die poor, Foreigness feels like an incredible, beautiful, grandmother who loves me, and I’m just helplessly watching her die. I’ve never felt like first or second generation immigrant experiences are very different. You’re too close to America to see home anymore, but you’ll never reach America, you’ll never stop being foreign. (Though not being allowed to vote and losing everything to immigrants, that might be just me, but then again I didn’t have to experience racism as a 4 year old and grew up unquestionably loving my culture.) PS. You have no idea how appreciated you are for making content about foreign experiences. It is such an underrepresented and immense topic. When you start your patreon, I’ll be sure to be there.

[@QualityCulture]

Thanks so much for your comment, we’re definitely planning on touching on these themes more in future videos. And we can very much relate to feeling like your culture is slipping through your fingers, it's a struggle for sure especially when we can't experience our native culture as often as we like, it feels so distant. But regardless, you will always be Mexican, that part of you can never be truly lost and you can always carry it forward. I’m very sorry to hear you haven't seen your grandmother in so long, she sounds like a wonderful person. Call her every day and let her know she's loved!

[@NekoJesusPie]

@@QualityCulture thanks mate :) I was gonna go back to the old country last year, but got postponed. I’m determined to see her this year. Really looking forward to more content! Hope you guys are very proud of the work you’ve done!

[@ЙунгСангРа]

I'm intrigued by your username. Any specific reason for it not being in neither spanish nor english ?

[@animalmania2381]

I'm 100% British and I totally understand the idea of not telling someone they are dying in order make their limited time as happy as possible. I'm not saying if it's good or bad just that I get it

[@JonahNelson7]

Well yeah it totally makes sense, everyone understands. But I think most westerners would think the right to know what's happening in your body would outweigh any other benefits

[@thepinkestpigglet7529]

I dont get it tbh. If someone has a diagnosis of something that will kill them not yelling them isn't going to make their last days withering away anyless painful. They'll be miserable and scared no matter what you tell them about their diagnosis.

[@JonahNelson7]

@@thepinkestpigglet7529 true, it's not like they're totally normal and then oops just die one day

[@charminsi]

@@JonahNelson7 Well, I think it would be impossible to do this in most European countries and North American countries from what I know of their medical systems. Patient autonomy is codified into law so a doctor would have to tell the patient themselves their diagnosis unless they’re unconscious or of unsound mind.

[@NighttimeNubbs]

@@charminsi American here, with HIPAA and such normally restricted between Doctor/patient outside guardianship, children, and maybe caretakers AFAIK. What was jarring to me at first was that was even an option but ignorance is bliss so I can see why the family would want that option. *sidenote for HIPAA is essentially just medical providers can't leak personal or identitifying info without permission.

[@criticalthinkingconcubus]

My mom grew up in a very neglectful household. Her mom was always out partying, and her dad was always working and drinking. She was also the oldest of 5 siblings, so she always had to spend her free time taking care of everyone. The only people who helped her were her aunt (my great) and grandmother (my great grandmother). They taught my mom how to cook, how to ride a bike, gave her history lessons on black musicians, gave her money for new clothes, and were the only ones who motivated her to study hard to get into a good college and move on from the family. When my great-grandmother died of diabetes, and my great aunt had pancreatic cancer, my mom felt like significant parts of her were gone forever. She was the closest to them out of everyone in her family. To this day, she still laments on how much she wished I could’ve met them and how much they would’ve loved me. However, she never forgot the lessons they taught her. Even though I never knew either of them, the way she tells stories about them makes me feel as if I did. She even imparts some of their wisdom onto me, thus carrying on their legacies. This is what people mean when they say just because someone is dead doesn’t mean they’re gone.

[@퀴수스케세수스]

Watching this essay after losing my grandmother 😭 we watched the film together originally, never foreseeing her sudden death , her last moments was cooking dinner for the family, making this all the more poignant

[@nbucwa6621]

I haven't watched this movie, I'm not Asian and I'm not an immigrant or a child of one but, let me tell you, I was sobbing so hard by the end of this video. As a poc straddling two cultures (western and native), as someone who's disconnected from their native tongue and certain aspects of my culture, as someone who is still processing the grief of losing one parent and is constantly anxious about losing the other and what that would mean in terms of connection with my culture . . .just everything about your essay resonated with me. Amazing analysis. Now I'm off to buy a box of tissues so I can actually watch this gem of a movie.

[@sanjanar110]

I remember seeing this movie and feeling seen. I’m not East Asian, but collectivism is something that’s present in my culture too and it’s such a good portrayal of first-generation American children. Love this analysis and love this movie

[@kaneko7501]

i cried this entire movie, it hits so close to home. it’s such a beautiful film, perfect from the script, the photography and direction. nai nai reminds me so much of my own grandma who passed away when i was very young. i wonder how different my life would have been if i she was still alive today, how many things i didn’t have the chance to ask her and the many lessons i could have learnt from her and her migrant story. she was my closest connection to my japanese heritage, a heritage that for a long time i was ashamed for and now regret pushing away. when i lost her, i lost so much of my own identity too. this film touched me deeply and helped me heal the guilt i’ve always felt for not knowing better when i was younger, and falling into western ideas of who i should be. i love how you explained every point in this video, word for word is exactly what i thought while watching the movie, so thank you for that. i just loved this film so much!

[@fhincey]

I relate to this story so much! I'm not Asian American but I'm the child of Bosnian and Hercegovian immigrants in Germany and this is exactly how I feel. I also have such a strong bond with my Grandparents and I go see them whenever I can. I could cry any moment thinking about how little time there could be left but I'm so grateful that they're still here.

[@bloopboop8366]

This video made me cry, and it makes me want to watch this movie and sob to it. Although I can’t relate to being Asian American and feeling that sense of disconnect, I do understand the loss of a grandparent. All of my grandparents were dead by the time I had turned 17, and the pain I feel doesn’t really stem from having lost them at such a young age, it’s the fact that I didn’t have a connection with any of them. My maternal grandmother died before I was even born, my maternal grandfather died when I was about 10, and I lost both of my paternal grandparents during the pandemic, so I wasn’t even able to attend their funerals. The reason why I didn’t have a connection with of my grandparents is because of my parent’s divorce. And it hurts that I couldn’t have the opportunity to have relationships that seem so integral to everyone else in the world but myself, and it wasn’t even my fault. This video is amazingly well done and helped me gain insight into the Asian American struggle, inter-generational issues, and dealing with grief and the loss of a grandparent that I wasn’t able to properly do myself. Thank you.

[@userc-]

as a second generation/mixed person, the farewell lit up my memories of childhood in all the ways i never thought would be possible. especially in the goodbye scene..... my grandmother would tap on the windows of our car every time we left after visiting her. this essay is beautiful :,)

[@Asummersdaydreamer14]

Thank you for making a video about this movie even though it might not be a topic that gets a lot of views. Even if you cannot relate to being culturally adrift/distant, treasuring the ones you love while you can must be a universal feeling.

[@SonoraMochi]

I have never felt more understood and "explained" than after watching this video. It felt like I was in a therapy session if that makes any sense. I am an immigrant myself and have experienced similar occurrences in my family. I will definitely watch this movie and probably cry my heart out too.

[@bettyreads222]

what a great video essay. def teared up at the end of the movie while watching it and even the clips you included here. this movie does such a good job of showing that bond with your grandparents. i really enjoyed the push back by the parents, well her mom, in that dinner scene because it was showing the hypocrisy of what the other family member was saying and then judging folks by. oh gosh the otherness of being seen as american when you go to your parents' country is so real and also feeling like i am still, in my case Dominican but the othering and just not understanding that you can claim both like yes i'm american and dominican and having to grapple with those differing value systems and create my own.

[@amarylily]

MAN i was NOT expecting to cry midway through this but it all just hits SO hard Such an incredibly well-done analysis!!! I really love the topics being addressed here!

[@lizoney]

Thank you for making this, and turning me on to this story. This story is something that I identify with as the daughter of an immigrant, my relationship with that culture, and my relationship with own maternal grandmother and losing her. When I was a teenager and she died it felt like a door to my heritage closed. Also that feeling of being caught between two cultures and not feeling like you are fully accepted by either at times.

[@leelahasan3988]

I loved that you spoke to how there genuinely is this feeling of perpetual foreignness among second generation immigrants. I have no idea what generation of immigrant I would be classified as though. My mom is a mixed race American (white and Indian), and my dad grew up going to American international schools around the world for my grandfather's job. I was born in America to two Americans (one born, one naturalized), but then I grew up in India and the Philippines. I'm now back in the US for college, and I have no idea how to reconcile the different cultures I hold. Am I a first generation immigrant because I did not grow up in America and struggle with American culture? Am I a second generation immigrant because my parents are citizens? Am I further up the generational scale because 1/4 of my family has been in America since the 1700s? I've lived in the Philippines the longest, so that's where I consider home, but I'm not a pinoy. I am only fluent in English. I have Indian food, and meet my extended family in India every few years, but they consider me American because of the language and cultural barrier. Americans don't consider me American though, and that's also true for the Asian Americans I've met. I have no idea how to operate in any of the 3 countries I could be from, and so I'm always worried I'm violating some rule. When I lose my grandparents I will lose the bridge to my home culture that was always there.

[@mackerelle9789]

I'm going through this a bit now especially having moved away from my parents. Luckily Whatsapp exists, and my grandma's first born daughter had always been an awesome auntie and keeps me in the loop of Chinese holidays and such. I didn't remember specifically voicing this concern of culture-loss to her, so I think she realized, and I'm so grateful.

[@Bllue]

I'm 1st gen Mexican American, my parents are the immigrants. The part going over how we want to make our parent's sacrifice worth it hit me. I've always had the need to prove that whatever I'm doing is worthy. And by all accounts my mom brags about me to the point it's embarrassing, but I realized that not being 'successful' was never ever an option. My mom gave up her family to be here. 2nd thought is growing up, the trips to Mexico made me feel really close to not only my family, but understanding what it means to be Mexican. My grandma just passed a few months ago and she was definitely the greatest culture carrier in my life. The food, the way my family functions, the attitudes and humor that are integral to our day to day, it always came back to her. I couldn't go to mexico to say goodbye because of the pandemic, and just watching this video got me crying from 0:02 through the whole review.

[@chromiumjade]

I'm Filipina -- and we do tell these little, daily, necessary lies. I'd always hated it but I cannot change my parents . . . . . so we say what they need to hear. I wish I could stop almost-crying.

[@chineselovefreedom]

好棒的分析。“卡在中间”，是最难受的感觉了吧。泪目。😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@AlesiiTS]

I'm not Asian but my great grandparents were polish, my grandfather was a first generation american and his parents definitely wanted him to be as American as possible. Thanks to that I have no ideas relating to anything of my polish ancestry, I just know it's there and there is this disconnect where I feel a little isolated because I have no culture, there's nothing to unite with others through be it through food, experiences, etc. I am just there.

[@fowleheidi482]

This happened in Ireland too. My father in law was diagnosed terminal, even I was told. His wife told him he was getting better and would be back to the pub in no time. It was easy to keep the secret because he wasn't missing out on anything he was capable of doing. But I was shocked.

[@meliandialogue]

As a first generation Asian American that came at a young age, I definitely feel this. You are considered “other” from a young age because of your distinct physical characteristics like eyes while you can’t really relate to your roots because you’ve lived basically your whole life in America and consider yourself American. For those who are bilingual, what language do you guys think in? I think in English even though to my family I’m always speaking my native tongue. Also the whole thing with feeling guilty about not reaching the high expectations set by your family, it’s nothing like “Tiger Mom” where you’re afraid of your parents anger but it’s more so that you feel immense guilt for letting them down. To all my Asian Americans out there who feel this way, just keep working towards your goal, I believe in you.

[@lamjingningthoujam7156]

I'm from India and have lived in India my whole life. But this video struck a chord with me. India is an amalgation of cultures and each state has its own identity. My father joined the armed forces as a young man and I have moved constantly my entire life (although never going out of my country). I always feel the need to keep in touch with my own culture but I've always struggled with that. I don't speak my mother-tongue fluently, don't know how to read it, or any of my culture's more intricate details. as a North-Easterner, we look and share east asian features, and so I am also always seen as somebody exotic. Whenever I meet someone new they, mostly, immediately either jump to the conclusion of me being a foreigner always making me feel slightly aliented (not helped by the fact that moving meant total shift in cultures as well). This movie seems to encapsulate all of these feelings despite being so foreign in narrative. I need to watch this film.

[@TheDinosaurHead]

Judging from the comments, I think this is a common issue with children of immigrants such as myself from Europe, Asia, Africa and Latin America. I remember growing up being told by my family that I wasn't Portuguese and that I was just an American and would get laughed at when trying to say otherwise. Meanwhile most Americans I knew treated me like a foreigner. It didn't help that my name was a common Spanish name so I was often told to "go back to Mexico", despite being European. I've noticed, now that I live in Japan, westerners especially, are gonna be treated like foreigners no matter what, even if they get Japanese citizenship. However I feel like its worse for Japanese who have gone abroad and come back and for Japanese who were born abroad and come to Japan. It's like "you're Japanese only in name" kind of mentality, and I can feel for them.

[@angelaross9028]

Soo touched by this video, makes me cry a lot. I feel very related because I'm VERY close with my grandma, she is a big part of my childhood, very caring and super nice lady. Love her so much, feel guilty sometimes because I cant keep her company as much I should(I work and live in a faraway city) She is over 80 years old, I hope she can have a heathy and happy life!

[@aspiringbeamoflight7047]

I watched this movie when i lost my granny to lung cancer so it hit a little too close to home. I had tears in my eyes the whole movie

[@Moruss79]

I watched The Farewell before viewing your video, which is wonderfully done. I could relate when I watched it being a 1st generation or so immigrant. I was born and raised in Jamaica, moved to the USA at 12. I've been here most of my life and still feel like an foreigner, yet going back home which is very rare I stand out as being a foreigner. I also went to school for visual art "illustration" to be exact which for most of my family is outside of the realm of reality. I got through on my own with grants, scholarships and kindness. I get judged by family about there being no future, "white" and other things. The last time I went back to Jamaica was for my Grandmothers funeral, I had been there the year before for her 101st birthday and had my final conversation with here. I had not seen her in person for ten years at that point due to matters I wont get into. She encouraged me to keep doing what I do, not because of how well I do it but because she knows how determined I am at my goals. One of the few people in my life who knows me and gets me. She spoke to me directly and not judging me, disappointed I didn't have girlfriend more for me than with me. As she said I need someone to watch my back and my place lol. She and other older family who are all passing or passed taught me about how to carry my self and treat others, how to take care of family. Important lessons especially for living and adapting in the states. So i'm trying to do my own thing while definitely not forgetting where I come from.

[@aylin7409]

This video made me cry, I saw the movie when it came out. Due to covid it has been months since I last saw my grandmother. She went back to her country after being retired, but all of her children and grandchildren stayed here and we still live here now. I feel bad for not seeing her more often.

[@DeadInside-ct6dl]

I have a grandmother exactly like Nai Nai. I was once Indian diaspora but my family came back to India after I turned 10, and I felt (and still feel) this disconnect. But my grandmother really gave me that space to grow, to share my favourite things with her, to connect with my Indian roots more.

[@Jennie-mm5zd]

Even though the contrast of cultures of the west and east isn't an issue for me, I have to say I felt the same as a Mexican American. All my family is in Mexico, my only family in the States are my parents. They were born and raised in Mexico so their point of view is in a way different from mine in some subjects even though my parents were able to assimilate. Some family members in Mexico say I'm just an American and wearing my 🇲🇽 flag next to my bio is wrong cause I'm living in the US, but I don't feel American. I say if I was raised or born in France it doesn't make me French, my roots and history is Mexican. But, at the same time, I'm not Mexican since I don't know much of what it's like being raised in Mexico like my parents and the rest of my family did and experience. It's like I know more about Mexico than the general American pov of Mexican issues and history and culture, but know way less about it too at the same time. I feel like a foreign in both countries

[@johnnyflores5954]

Don’t feel bad, be happy. My advice to you is know your history and culture both pre-Hispanic Meso-American culture and later conquest of Mexico. And as much as you can on American History and Culture: the good the bad and the worse. If you know more than both sides who criticize you, they can never use it against you. You’d be surprised on how ignorant both Mexicans from Mexico and Mexican-Americans are on Mexican Culture and history, especially when it’s your own people who say your not Mexican enough.

[@-l0af-618]

My grandpa had cancer a few years ago and he was never told about it by the doctors my family lied and told him he had a stomach ulcer and thankfully the surgery was a sucess and they were able to get rid of the cancer but it still feels weird about how its normal in our culture to conceal medical information from sick people

[@liftingskies8970]

My grandparents, my last remaining family in Peru, recently moved to the states. I was devastated in a way that no one else in my family could really understand. This film and this video really helped me understand that. My grandparents are still alive, but after they moved away, it felt like a part of me just died. I had lost my culture and my connection to Peru.

[@brucenadonza3655]

This made me cry so much just thinking about my grandmother who was full Chinese but moved to the Philippines. It's a part of her life I never knew and I watched the movie seeing some semblances between her and my grandmother.

[@ritzee13]

My family went through something similar aswell. My grandpa was in the last stages of pancreatic cancer and the doctor gave him 6months to a year to live. My parents knew that my grandpa and the family took even colds as signs that they were getting old and dying. So my mom and dad didn't tell anyone about my grandpas cancer and he actually ended up living for 10 years because he was happy and not worried and also getting treatment disguised as normal check ups. I completely understand that it was insane and unethical but I genuinely believe that my grandpa lived for so long because he and the rest of the family didn't know.

[@thegunslinger1363]

Could you do a video on Underworld? Specifically, how to do female lead correctly.

[@jezebel324]

I loved my grandmother more than anything, but I didn't learn any of her culture, her language...I was eleven when she died and I never stopped grieving. Our family didn't keep the traditions either, and I don't know how much of our family history and culture was lost when she passed, but I do understand that there was so much more to her than I could ever imagine. I grieve more for what I didn't get the chance to learn from her, because I know she would have loved to tell me what she knew. I found some of those feelings, and some closure too, from this video. Very poignant. Thank you.

[@hunchbackproduction]

My parents are from Brazil and moved to England. I was born in England and they raised me speaking only Portuguese, so apparently when I started school I couldn't understand anyone, but I don't remember this haha. They said I would learn English naturally as I lived in England so this was their opportunity to teach me Portuguese, they were right, I think in English and my Portuguese is mediocre. Before the pandemic I went back to Brazil with my mum for 1 month because my grandma was dying of cancer. It was the loneliest experience of my life. The constant feeling of being an outsider and being a perpetual guest with no autonomy was honestly horrible. Idk how my parents felt when they came to England, I guess they had each other. But for me visiting Brazil it felt like my mum was finally home and I was the only outsider. I know she is proud of me but all her showing me off to everyone felt wrong like she was proving to her family that going to England was the right decision and I felt like I was just a item being shown around. They was also a lot of jealousy and assumptions about my quality of life. They think I live a fancy life or something and treat me like I know nothing of the "real" world whereas I feel its the opposite way around. They have only experienced Brazil and only speak one language and know one culture. My grandma is still alive and I joke with her that she's a vampire because she's being dying of cancer for years and the doctors are always surprised haha.

[@thesleepwell]

I fucking miss my grandma so bad. She was the only one who kept checking up on me to make sure I was okay when I was being abused by the males in my family. She was soft, caring and always made sure I was okay. When she died, the family shattered and I ran. I ran and ran and ran and now, i'm where I wanted to be. Alone.

[@Khichira2012]

I gotta watch the movie again, it's so nice to watch a breakdown of it like this though, so thanks!

[@Chillnobody-vn3oh]

As a white American who recently lost a loved one to cancer. I absolutely understand the perspective of the family and can absolutely grasp it as coming from a place of love. The amount of physical and emotional suffering my mother went through was unbearable. At times I wished she had simply never known and would have passed away suddenly without warning. To see a person once filled with light and joy reduced to sickly, hallow, grey husk filled with saddness and regret is an image that will never leave my mind, and forever taint my once happy memories of her.

[@zoo8985]

This is the second qc video I watched today and I cried during both of them.

[@muhdiskandar02]

I experienced something similar to this, where my mom and dad hid my dad’s cancer until he was at stage 4. It was because we were moving and they felt such big changes would affect us, especially me as I was only 13 and puberty was affecting me emotionally. I was glad I knew because I got to spend some quality time with him before he passed.

[@HPFireYT]

I think this movie was the first one that really hit me in the way that makes you go, "Oh, that's me." I didn't hear about this movie until it was almost out of theaters (I had to drive to another theater 30 minutes away since it wasn't showing in my local one) and was so, so glad I did. I cried probably like five times on my first viewing and my siblings probably thought I was crazy haha. I couldn't put into words how much this film meant to me and still can't today, but it's the entire feeling of knowing there's a cultural divide within you as a person and then seeing it fully actualized on screen that hit me hard. I just related so hard to the story as a second gen Chinese American whose parents immigrated to America just before I was born. It's my favorite movie at the moment and it still makes me cry many times. Funny thing is, the last time I watched it was with my mom and dad. I wasn't sure how my dad felt, but after it ended he just walked away quietly. It made him cry haha and I knew he was trying to hide it. I might watch it again now after this video just to get a good cry in. Great video

[@alanOHALAN]

I understand as a kid we want to have friends and be accepted by them, but because of our immigrant background we don't fully receive acceptance as the white Americans, at the same time we also don't receive full acceptance from people from the country that our family came from. But having that experience make our lives much more rich and meaningful, and can gives us the other world experience the non-immigrants can not experience. This becomes more intereesting as grow older and have less friends and pressure to fit in with friends.

[@kbucket]

I'm not asian and my family has been here for quite a few generations but I still related to this movie in so many ways. I have always had a really close relationship with my grandmother and in the last year or so she's really declined, it does feel like she's the glue that holds the past together as well as the extended family. Losing her would feel like losing our family and everything that we came from.

[@olle5745]

my grandma was disgnosed with cancer today... this video rly helped thx

[@QualityCulture]

I’m glad this video could offer some comfort to you. I hope you and your family can come together and let your grandmother feel loved through this rough time

[@jadevanvoss2399]

I identify with this so much.. thank you for shining much needed light on the constant juggling of two distinct and often opposite ways of living/thinking.

[@michaeldyer6378]

I'm not Chinese and this story still made me cry. Family is family... Cultures can be are so different and yet the same. Excellent video essay. :'-)

[@andrewives]

I can relate to this, being a first generation Norwegian-American I have felt belonging to two nations, two cultures. As the immigrant generations died off, I feared that I was loosing my Norwegian heritage. My sister and cousins would still go through the motions of our traditions but they seemed less because of the absence of the previous generations. I used to speak Norwegian all the time around my family, and now its hardly ever, or only to myself. I haven't seen this movie, but the message of it still carries through this essay, that no matter what you're family is always with you.

[@dathmalark]

It's strange for me to look at this and reflect on my own relationship with my grandma which is entirely different as I grew up in China with my grandma and during those years my parents were mostly busy with work that the day to day caring of me fell mostly on my grandma who is both loving and severe in teaching me to be the right sort of person so in a way the image of my grandma in my heart is much more complex and rather than being someone who sees the best of you, she's more like the Materfamilias who molded me into what I am. I don't know if there is anyone sharing the same kind of experience but looking at your video and movie, I felt like I was on the outside looking in and got the feeling that I am not a normal person with a normal relationship with my family....But any way, thanks so much for the heart felt video.

[@KwokChung]

Liked your Essay very much. I only watched this film last night. Quite a fan of Awkwafina and happy to see her act and not goof about for this film. Being second generation British Chinese, I relate alot to the cultural mix that this films portrays. Initially the storyline would seem ridiculous to our "western" minds, but as you watch through it the "Eastern" way is not entirely wrong. We live out these conflicts regularly. Personally I feel I am blessed with both cultures, however there is a constant reminder that I am not Chinese enough and I am never British enough. My chinese language is weak too, similar to Billi's. My grandma passed away suddenly many years ago, and it took that event to actually get all my uncles and aunties together again. So I understand the need to fake a wedding to give NaiNai her last big event, or is it?????? these conflicts in our mixed cultures are really what makes us the hybrid cultural beings that we are. Great film, and great essay, well done

[@nhihoang5434]

I first watched this movie when my grandma was sick... trying to prepare myself of when it would happen. And then she passed away. the scene where the grand ma wave after the girl while she's in the cab looking back is very realistic. As I was her, I remember it clearly. I was in a car driving away to go back to the US and my grandma ran after the car waving crying at the same time. she raised me up and I left her. Watching this now hurts. but also nice as it isn't just me who experience these things.

[@kakumee]

As half inuk (Eskimo) half white born and raised in USA without getting to know my true identity till years later I agree with the struggle....

[@infinitekurosoul]

I'm Polish, raised American. I related so much to this video even if it's a different culture. There's just something about being stuck between two worlds and not completely being a part of just one that is really lonely.

[@thereccher8746]

As a second generation Canadian of Italian descent this film hit me hard. All the beautiful traditions that I grew up with, the food, the language, it all feels like it's deing. Whenever I watch the Sopranos and see how out of touch the Italian-Americans are in Italy, it fills me with a tinge of existential dread. Being "Italian" I feel was part of my identity. But once my last grandmother dies, I know that part of me will be gone.

[@karenlou1278]

I had my childhood in China and came to US for graduate school. This movie is a real bridge for western and eastern culture.

[@johannanguyen9101]

Culture is never an excuse for abuse, I just emigrated to the US from mexico at the age of 24 four years ago, and I always felt that something was wrong with our culture, machismo, cheating culture, etc. I've always felt like a foreign in my oun country because I didn't agree with the bad habits that were very ingrained within most people there. Culture difference is usually the excuse people use to justify their bad behaviors, when in reality is a lack of decency, self improvement and growth.

[@ericktellez7632]

Nah you are wrong.

[@kb-ww1uw]

There is a little bit of truth here but also this is the the type of thing colonizers used to say back then

[@johannanguyen9101]

@@kb-ww1uw Well I'm a mexican woman, not a colonizer. Colonized history or not, everyone should be responsible for their own lack of decency and stop using the "culture" excused.

[@reijinvyskra1759]

@@johannanguyen9101 It's not an excuse. That's because you don't like the culture doesn't mean it's a crime. It's a culture nonetheless. don't force your narrative to some people that has a different upbringing and culture than you. That's how colonizers did with the natives before. Forcing their ideals that their Morals are right and your culture isn't so it should be change and fit their narrative.

[@johannanguyen9101]

@@reijinvyskra1759 "Is just the culture" is the excuse that keeps a narrative alive, the narrative of control of society corruption, what's is most convenient for some people rather what is best for every individual, I say it from the point of view of being born and raised in a third world country with bad culture. Machismo, femicides, crime, sexual assaults, having the most dangerous cities in the world. And they always use the excuse is just the way our culture is, so we have gotten nowhere but worse. If you have been born and raised in a first world country you're gonna be more oblivious and naive to reality. In fact the attitude of accepting everything bad becase "it's the culture" is very tribalistic and non-progressive.

[@whirl8114]

Dang I almost tear up there, I’m not Asian American but I am first generation Hispanic that never felt included with the rest of the family, all the other older kids seemed to find some balance between American and Hispanic culture but not me. I’ve always felt out of place ( like I’m not Hispanic enough ), it doesn’t help that most of the extended family doesn’t interact with me. So when my grandpa passed away in 2020 I felt even more isolated because the connection between American and Peruvian culture was lost, he was happy to tell me things when he visited. Unfortunately because of COVID we could not travel. I want to know about the culture I came from, but my father has no interest , he just wants to get cool pictures.

[@fairybutler1373]

I am a Cuban and Dominican American I was born in America and only know English while the only thing I know from my cultures is the food I feel as if I am an imposter and I feel disconnected and that I am not what I say I am that I am just an American. I know nothing of my culture and every time I try to learn at least the language and it’s every time I try I just can’t I just feel more of an out cast. And I don’t know what to do ? I just keep it pushing and just leave it at that and it grows and grows.

[@Ai-yahUdingus]

When my grandma got breast cancer my family decided to not tell her because they were worried the fear would kill her faster. As far as I know, she died over a year ago without learning about it.

[@Ai-yahUdingus]

And this is gonna sound so bad but my Mandarin sounds more fluent than hers and even I wouldn't have had the vocabulary to tell my grandma about the cancer, even if I wanted to.

[@valeriag9443]

Oh man this hurts, my grandpa recently died of lung cancer and he knew he had it but my parents didn’t tell us until a week before he died. I’m still angry at them

[@andyyang2797]

Thank you for introducing this movie to us!

[@RLBndR]

Second generation american, raised predominantly by my grandparents. My family came to the states due to a cultural diaspora in the wake of ww2. Though many of my family is western, this video helped me understand why I can feel somewhat strange or out of place when I'm with them in Germany or Latvia: like it's a surrealist painting or something in the uncanny valley. Thank you for making this video.

[@sonicluffypucca96]

Same here. The fact I just know the history of these places only makes me feel I don't even belong in the time period let alone society at times

[@Cubannerd]

I struggle to remember places and events from my home country even though I left as a young adult and that bothers me to no end. The worse part is that I can't even go back to visit my hometown. I fear my children will have no connection to my roots but it's something that I expect.

[@ЙунгСангРа]

that's always really sad, I assume from your username q eres cubano ? Lo mejor q podemos hacer es tratar de encontrar actividades para los niños donde ellos pueden vivir en esa cultura. Normalmente lo mas accesible son las communidades de iglesia o cualqier actividad musical o un deporte o hobby q tiene relacion con tu cultura. En estos communidades también a menudo encuentras muchos otros niños de migrantes. La communicacion con ellos ayuda mucho no olvidar su propria cultura.

[@thema1998]

I'm not Chinese but I know what it's like to not feel in touch with my culture identity. I'm a second-generation Puerto Rican American that can't speak Spanish. My only connection to Puerto Rico is through my only surviving grandparent, Violeta. Her English is... broken so we've never been close as we could've been. My mother doesn't know this but I've dreading the day that my grandmother dies. She's diabetic and a breast cancer survivor. She probably won't live to 103 like my great-grandmother did!

[@Anthony-fz9ye]

Such a good movie. Watching this made me tear up again

[@ralphiesarch8980]

I'm half black half indigenous Panamanian and I grew up in white suburbia in America. I've felt so disconnected from both sides my whole life and finally, a large portion of the black community wants mixed people removed from it altogether. I'm culturally lost and missing a community that shares my experiences. This movie hits home for me too.

[@yakamen]

Alienation is a human emotion, not a racial one. You can define yourself on your own terms brother. Or re-define rather. If they won't have you, then become whatever you want.

[@callmecatlord2322]

My mother moved from Belgium to America with my father about 30 years ago. As a child she tried to teach me Flemish, the local dialect for her region. She was the only Belgian in our area growing up and eventually she gave up trying to teach my sister and I. I've always felt a little like I let her down. Especially when we visit my family in Belgium and I can't speak to them in their language.

[@TimothyCHenderson]

Both my great grand parents on my fathers side immigrated to Canada back at the end of the 19th and early 20th centuries from German speaking countries. Once WWI hit and then WW2, they pretty much erased their culture, point blank as one did not want to look, sound, or act German during the wars. There was a lot of trauma that rippled through that side of the family and through the generations after, both as a result of immigrating to a new country and then the wars. There's a sort of strange, disconnect that everyone still has with one another on that side of the family. Immigrating to a new country is one of the bravest things a family can do.

[@disappearintothesea]

As an Asian American, the older I get the harder I realize it is to balance the disconnect between my American upbringing and the traditional values of my aging parents.

[@inesmendezgarcia5898]

I'm spanish but I was raised abroad in a middle eastern country and attended and international and later a french school. I feel spanish when I'm out of spain but whenever I return, I feel like a bit of an outsider or a fraud. I know how to speak the language, but I don't really follow customs from there, don't know all of the history or current events in the country, even national holidays (or if i know them, me and y family dont celebrate them). I have a pretty different mindset from people back home, specially when it comes to future goals or family values. In the country I currently live in, around 80% of the country's inhabitants aren't from there and will eventually leave, so being raised in such an international setting, i never felt like the odd one out, however am 'the foreigner' in spain. I've come to accept it as part of my life, but that doesn't mean I like that, since every year I seem to dread going back there to visit family and friends. Cause I dont really have friends there, only family friends. Cause I left when I was seven! This is something I noticed with Billi, that she didn't really have any connections outside of her family in China. Maybe it was just that she wanted to spend more time with her family, but that's something I picked up on that I related to on some sort of level

[@veryrenchy]

OMG, i am glad i found your channel, loveeeeeeeee it

[@kata.narancic]

This was just as beautiful as the movie itself

[@xpp6276]

This made me cry. Thank you for making this video

[@yiyunzhuo5991]

I kept thinking that her Nainai is like the roots her in China! you hit that point perfectly!!! That is what I assumed. I was crying so much when I thought about it. I just thought she would have nothing to left behind. .. it made me bawl like a baby. Not helps that I know chinese.

[@egg_bun_]

Wow a video where someone finally understands my life experience 🤯

[@yakamen]

This is the internet trolling you.

[@vincentdesun]

As a Chinese living in Canada, this is a film I wouldn't watch right away but most likely will once my kid is old enough to absorb some of its meanings.

[@kangsan2014]

I don't know what it feels like to be East Asian American but I most certainly can related. I am a white guy who speaks Korean ever since 8th grade. I have lived in Korea most of my life and returned back to America in the past year. Despite being born American, living in Korea for the lesser first half of my life, and speaking fluent English, I still feel deeper cultural and language connections with Koreans. I have a bifurcated mind but still leans heavily Korean. I have to acclimate more.

[@jensenkansas567]

I'm not an immigrant, I'm still at the place I grew up in, but why am I bawling my eyes out on this as if it's my story. Hck I've only met 1 grandparent (rest were no longer here when I came to), my father's mother, and I was never really close to her (we're not stranger either as our house is just next to hers) and then she passed away just before I became a teenager and I never really felt the need to grieve much.

[@ЙунгСангРа]

where I grew up, me roots and nation are hated or at least mostly disliked. My parents would often tell me to speak the local language in public. In primary school one day I spoke my own tongue and the teacher asked me not to do that. Their textbooks also marginalized my ancestors. Teachers also didn't even give a second thought that there are representatives of other nations in the class. You always feel like an outsider even though they're always surprised that I spoke their language completely fluently and was fully assimilated. The government also doesn't separate much my people living at home in my ancestor's country and us who live together with them. The two governments don't get along and they don't bother distinguishing between the peoples and the government.

[@swilson5320]

I soon as I heard this- I remember an NPR video about a family not telling their grandma

[@helenso93]

Thank you for this beautiful video essay. It was so meaningful and deep that it brought me to tears. Keep up the good work :)

[@getthatfun]

This hits at so many different levels. wow.

[@dukedematteo1995]

Back in the 1940s for example, Babe Ruth was not told about his terminal throat cancer. This wasn't odd for the time even in the US.

[@glogggggg]

This is such a thoughtfully done video!

[@QualityCulture]

Thanks for the kind words 😊

[@2triedforthis830]

Every time I see an old Person in movies or in real life die I just get really sad idk why. I have a very close relationship with my grandma and she’s the best I love her so much. But every time I think about her not being with us anymore makes me very emotional and sad.

[@zsyhan15]

That brought me to tears.

[@Tony-lq1zp]

what the hell. Let alone this video itself made me cry. I am too scared to watch the actual movie

[@CatwithaKnife12]

As someone with French roots growing up in Mexico I've always had this need to go back to my birth place thinking I would be accepted and welcomed back home. What happened instead is that I was even more shunned and even more set aside than in the country I grew up. Add to that all my grandparents are/weretoxic, abusive and all in all horrendous people I said fuck it to everything and moved to the UK, cutting ties entirely with France. So I can't really understand the grandparent struggle of the film.. Tho the rejection and denial of acceptance from the country you were raised in.. Does it home. Anyways lovely video! Thanks for making it ma man! 👌

[@KanonMulticraft]

My dad's white. We moved to America from Asia when I was just 1 year old. I don't know my mom's native language. I can just barely read Hangul but I don't know what any of the Korean words mean anymore. For work I want to learn Japanese, but I'm not sure I will. I just consider myself "Asian" now. I never got to connect with my mom's family as much as with my white family. My dad loved Japan. My mom was not Japanese. So I grew up on Anime and Western Cartoons. I visited my asian family once during high school on a month long vacation. Everyone was into K-Pop. I go to university in England and get into Buddhism. Hong Kong starts fighting back against Chinese intrusion. My friends and I, from our corner of the world, cheered for the protesters and rioters. Shang-Chi comes out. Chinese heritage is pushed into the forefront. I'm just "Asian."

[@jakel3812]

I'm not even an immigrant. I was born and raised in China till 17 and went to the states for college. I lived in the US for 8 years and now I'm back in China, tho I feel extremely disconnected. It's a weird feeling that not a lot of people know/understand what you are going through and I know this must be even harder for you guys.

[@technojunkie123]

As a 2nd gen son of immigrants this movie hit me in a way few other movies ever could 😭

[@jaspirita]

I also want to add that I can kind of understand how Billi feels. My family and culture is Cajun, but my family moved to Ohio when I was 6, so I grew up as a "Northerner" with very different ideals, morals, food, and even language. I feel 1000% more comfortable in Ohio because I grew up there, but I also still have that longing to remember my culture and family. I feel like an outsider in both places, displaced no matter which state I'm living in; I feel like a tourist when I go back to Louisiana, even though my blood is down there. I have my own family now (I'm married to an Ohioan), so I'm trying to teach my children about their Cajun culture whenever we visit Louisiana, but ultimately they will most likely identify as "Northern" since they will have lived their entire lives here since we are probably going to stay in Ohio until they graduate high school. I'm very lucky that we get to spend long trips visiting my parents (they moved back to Louisiana a few years ago) (we spent 5 weeks this summer with them) so the kids get to not just be tourists to their heritage. I wish there was some way to bridge the gap easier than just visiting once a year, though.